Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - BONUS | Shy Guys Diary!

Episode Date: April 12, 2025

Producer Shy Guy takes a look back on the week that was with Jess & Ducko! Follow on the socials @jessandducko for more!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jess and Ducco. I'm not about to go on paternity leave. Yeah. Well, kind of. You sort of are getting a good run of this as well. You've been so generous sharing that leave across the whole team. Yeah. Actually, yeah, you are all welcome.

It'll only be Shy Guy Babs and I for four days next week because obviously it's Easter. And then there's the holiday period. Then we have a two-week break and then I come back and, you know, we get to swap stories, swap war stories. Absolutely. You guys will all come back so rested and all come back so wounded. I know. It's like that time when we had a holiday middle of last year.

I had to get my son to surgery. And I was just two weeks on. Oh, that's right. Two weeks of stints up my nose on the couch. I came back just baffled. Is that when I went to New Zealand? Yep. Yeah, you went to New Zealand.

I said you were goody bag. No, you guys all did. But, jeez, that was a long two weeks. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I keep telling everyone, like, yeah, I'm out to go on holidays. I'm like, no, it's not a holiday. It's actually going to be really difficult. This is the real work, brother. Yeah, this is. Yeah, yeah. But I keep telling everyone, like, yeah, I'm about to go on holidays. I'm like, no, it's not a holiday. It's actually going to be really difficult.

This is the real work, brother. Yeah, this is where the journey begins. Anyway. What are we doing? Oh, Shark Eyes Diary. That's right. Last, you know, kidless week on air. So let's take a look back at the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Ducko. We started with half of the team struck down with injury. I've got a back spasm. I rolled in covered in DP. As youthful as you project, that body is a 33-year-old body. She's a bit sore. She's a bit sore. I've got rib cartilage issues.

That's not good a week out from DJ. I know. No, no, no, no. I was like crumpling in the bathroom this morning. Yeah. I might have to go see the car. And Shaka, you've come in. You're under the weather today, mate.

Yeah, my legs are sore from last week. Oh, no. That was my first question. What have you done, Duff? What's wrong? What did you say? The gym. Leg day.

No, no. Not specifically calf raises. I think it was the calf raises. I did more than my own body weight. Shaka's got sore calves today. Yeah. You know we love a Macca's run on this show, but I'm not too sure we'd do very well

if we worked under the Golden Arches. Shaga's the store manager. I feel like he should be on the grill because he's meticulous. What do you see yourself doing? Nothing. Cleaning the toilets. I'm the store manager.

I'm doing rosters all day. Yeah, I can see you doing rosters as well. I see you on the drive-thru, Ducko. I'd be drive-thru guy. I feel like you'd be drive-thru. Welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you? Hold there for me, sir.

The danger of putting me anywhere. Was that two Big Macs? The danger of fatty? We'd roster you in the playground on playground duty, even though that doesn't exist. We'd be like, Jess, you're on playground duty. I'll be the lifeguard or whatever. You're the lifeguard of the Ronald McDonald playground.

That feels good to me. And Babs is front counter. She gives huge front counter energy. She's the most pleasant demeanour. Yell the face of it. She takes the calls every day. And she's good at multitasking, you know? She'd be calling out the numbers for the orders to be collected.

Oh, that could be my job. Number 69. Oh, 64. And then you just fill up the shake or something like that in the bricks. Yeah, I love that. I'll be the one trying to fix the McFlurry machine. Oh, and everyone's angry at you. Of all the technical people in the team, it's me. We'll come to you.

Yeah, we'll definitely come to you. I'm calling Angus. Can you come fix the McFlurry machine, please? Ducko's found a new way to motivate Pam to do her business outside. And I'm not going to lie, it's a little bit creepy. So when she's going to the toilet, just before her toilet. So she gets into that hunch, crouch position. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It looks like Pam looks like she's pulled down her pants and she's looking at you. And she's like doing that poo and she always looks so sad and she's just, like, clenching. I go, a gift? You're giving Daddy a gift? It's a gift. And I go, a gift? And then she starts trying to shake her towel.

Is it Christmas? She gets so excited that she's doing it, she starts trying to shake her towel. And I'm like, look, Mummy, it's a gift. A gift for all. Oh, my God, and then Morgan from the back corner, yes, a gift. A gift. A gift.

And then she feels so proud of what she's done. And it just makes it a bit like a... And then you pick up the hot gift and it's just sitting in your hand. And then the funniest thing is now... A gift. When you come out in the morning and there's, like, two fresh turds on the lawn. I'm like, oh, Morgan, we've got gifts.

Presents. There's presents. Overnight, someone's come to visit us. We learned on the show that I can't scream, so naturally we had to work out who on the team had the best scream. Can you give us your best screaming go? Remember that one that went viral many years ago? I can't scream.

Come on, just close your eyes. Three, two, one. I can't scream. I genuinely can't scream. Everyone try and scream now. Hang on, I've been told off a lot by Boss J. Don't be too loud. Yeah, too loud.

Here you go, go for it. Ah! Babs, you give us a scream. Isn't that a scream? Someone out here is going to think I'm in trouble if I scream. Oh, that's fun though. Ah! She was hurt.

Shaga, come on. Close your eyes and put your scream on. Not a high-pitched squeal. Yeah, no, just like a scream. Ah! Oh, there we go. That was better than whatever the hell you did. It's actually really hard. I'll try and go as high as I can. You try and do the screaming guy. Ah! Oh, there we go. That was better than whatever the hell you did. It's actually really hard.

I'll try and go as high as I can. You try and do the screaming guy. Ah! See, I can't do that. That I can't do. Now, you need to be careful. You're going to do another, not hemorrhoid, what's that called? Hemorrhage.

Am I Andrea Bocelli? I don't know. It's hard. Since I've had the surgery, I can sing so well. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Well, that's it for this week. And remember, make sure you put your underwear on the right way or else what happened to Babs

could happen to you. Having a rough trot today, she is. What else is going on? Would you like to? Well, I've been feeling uncomfortable all morning. I just went to the toilet and realised I've put my undies on backwards, but because I've been adjusting them because they felt weird, I've ripped them. So now you've got ripped backwards undies. Are you going commander?

No, no, no, no. Did you spin them back around? No, because I have to take my shoes off and my jeans. And you've got Doc Martens on and jeans. Hang on, so where did they rip? Not the waistband. No, like up my arm. Yeah, because she's pulling it so tight.

How hard were you yanking? I don't know. See you next week, Rust Cookers. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Hot honey has stopped at Macca's for a limited time only. Embrace the drip.