Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - BONUS | Shy Guys YEAR in review!

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

Producer Shy Guy takes a look back at the year that was with Jess & Ducko!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Which is fitting that we have a look back at the year that's been. Usually Shy Guy's diary encapsulates the week that's gone. You know, some great moments. Some wonderful contributions are usually in there. And this week has been a standout. Some of the contributions from the cookers. My goodness. My goodness indeed.

But Shy Guy went, guys, no, no, no. What I've done is sat down with the whole diary. He said, hold my lava lamp. He said, hold my lava lamp. Well, the lava lamp's still heating up. You're very generous. Secret Santa gift to Shy Guy. Yeah, yeah.

Which is so fitting. It's just so fitting. And he's one for me, which we can't now talk about. No, no. A bit naughty. You can wear it, though. Mate, you're very keen for me to wear this thing and think of you. It is nice to know.

Like, when people give the baby gifts, I always, whenever I remember, I go, hey, she's wearing the hat you bought her. You're going to have to do that. Oh, I don't need a photo. It's okay. I'm wearing the ring you got me. It's nice to know the gifts appreciate. Like, I bought Babs a T-shirt.

If she doesn't wear that in my sight, I'd like to know. Yeah. You know, the money went somewhere good. Exactly. But back to the diary. Oh, yes. It's the year that was. He's looked, I'd like to know. Yeah. You know, the money went somewhere good. Exactly. But back to the diary. Oh, yes. It's the year that was. Please look back at the whole freaking year.

Yep. So settle in. Yep. Sit back, relax. Let's enjoy. And enjoy, yep. Well, what a year it's been with Jess and Ducko. Myself and producer Babs were new to the show

and hasn't it been a wild ride? We've learned a lot about the guys over the last 12 months and you rice cookers have joined us on the journey. I dropped my baby. I looked down and the kitten is sucking on my nipples. Good morning. How are you? I can't believe we've been having these conversations.

I knew it from the start that, honey, he's rich. He sneezed and popped a nut. So let's look back at 2024. Now, without getting too technical, we broadcast this show on a 10-second delay across the state, so in case we go rogue, we can chop something out that we don't want broadcasted. It works really well, like, when a caller accidentally says,

fuck or shit, and Ducko's usually pretty quick to get rid of it. But when it comes to dumping himself, he missed this one. How are you? Ah. Ah. Ah. Stayed up late? Well, yeah, really late. Heart rate was about 110 through that origin. Yeah, that's unbelievable.

The majority of it. Was your little watch going, hey, hey, hey, heart rate was about 110 through that origin. Yeah, that's unbelievable. The majority of it. Was your little watch going, hey, hey, hey, do I need to call someone? It didn't say workout, but when we put it on resting heart rate, genuinely, it was 110 the first half. And you've got to think, like, I'm sure they're a relatively accurate device, but, you know, it's not right on your pulse sort of thing. Maybe it was bloody a little less than it actually was. What do you mean?

Could it have been higher in reality? Do you know what I mean? It's not like a medical piece of equipment. 110's pretty high. I reckon you might have been even higher. 110's pretty high to be sitting on your couch. Absolutely. That's like watching the telly.

That's some bad territory right there. That is. How do you feel today? Are you exhausted? I'm just... Oops, my bad. My bad. There you can tell.

I think you've just captured... There you go. I didn't even dump it. Yeah. I'm tired. I'm tired, yeah. You're tired? And I'd argue...

I couldn't sleep till like 1am. I'd argue emotionally. I was adrenaline... I was jacked. Emotionally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you weren't jacked up on Mountain Dew. And you were jacked up on...

Apologies for letting that one slide, everyone. Jess isn't known as the cleanest one on the team. She doesn't even wear deodorant, and we discovered she had some worms inside of her. Or were they? My husband isn't particularly happy with me this morning. I had to get him out of bed, and it turned out I probably should have just left him sleeping and handled it myself like a big girl. Head to the living room to do some pumping.

I do my Duolingo, trying to teach myself Italian. While you're pumping in the morning. While I'm pumping, I steam as well. I'm trying to get my vocal cords ready for a big morning of chitter-chatter. This morning, I had to run back into the room saying, Angus, help me. There's a worm on Lucia's play mat. They are horrific creatures.

How big was the worm? Oh, how big's that? Like, what, you're talking like 20, 30 centimetres? Yeah. Oh, yeah, let's go 20. It was a decent worm. So I've seen it in this sort of, you know, dim light, and I'm like, I'm not dealing with that.

It's too early. So Angus gets up and he's like, oh, my God, okay. But he loves me, so of course he gets up. Yeah. Goes to the cupboard to get a bowl, because he believes me that there's a worm. Comes over and he goes, Jess, I'm going to bed. And I was like, no, but the worm. It was a frigging pad see you noodle that I dropped.

Because remember I told you I'm trying to transition us to eating at the table? That's why you're better off eating in bed. Because when he sees the pad see you in bed, at least he knows. It was a pad see you or pad thai. Whatever. It was a noodle. It was a big long noodle. It was a long noodle.

It was a noodle. But in my early stage. You didn't even put a torch on it and check to see if it was a worm? No, it was the dim light. You just freaked out, woke him up to pick up your spilt pad see you noodles. I just saw in the dim light a worm-like shape. I thought, it's too early to deal with this crap. My husband, for better or worse, in sickness and in health,

worms or noodles, you have to deal with that. That's why you've got that tattoo on your back. Number 12 of the black bean sauce. It was just that. Speaking of food, Jess told us she flies in fresh pasta from Adelaide once a quarter. Yes, you heard right. Flies fresh pasta from Adelaide once a quarter. Yes, you heard right. Flies fresh pasta from Adelaide every quarter. The bulk order raised concerns at their headquarters,

which prompted a call from the company's owner to her husband, Angus. He gets a call about an hour later after placing this order and he can see it's from a South Australian number and he goes, oh, could this be that distributor? Better pick up the call. And they say, hi. He goes, hello, Angus speaking. They say, hi, Angus.

It's Maria from blah, blah distributor. We just wanted to confirm your order because we've never seen an order of this size. This must be for a giant restaurant. Surely this is for a giant restaurant. Yeah, maybe we can get your wholesale rate. Back her up, boys. Here they come.

First issue was they have a flat shipping rate, which is very nice to see, $25. And they went, look, it's a 20-kilo parcel. It's going to be a little more than $25. 20 kilos of pasta. It's going to be a bit more than $25. Holy hell. Set shipping. It's going to be $80 more than $25. Holy hell. Set shipping.

It's going to be $80. I want to know the price of this order. Don't worry about it. No, I want to. Don't worry about it. It's going to last us until the end of the year. I'm going to turn the mics off. Are you going to tell me the price?

Oh, my God. Jess. It's a lot. I mean, not a lot of money. It's a lot of food. It's a lot of pasta mean, not a lot of money. It's a lot of food. It's a lot of pasta. Plus shipping. Plus shipping.

I feel like at that point they're going to throw it in the shipping. Hayley Watch broke the internet earlier this year. If you don't remember her, this might jog your memory. Oh, you got to give him that hock tour. Of course, we got you, our wonderful rice cookers, to call in and give us your best hock tour. Good morning, Steve. Good morning. Hey, mate, give us your best hock tour. Good morning, Steve. Good morning.

Hey, mate, give us your best hock tour. Spit on that thing. You've got to give them that hock tour. Spit on that thing. Oh, there was a bit of phlegm in that. Steve, your tour is better than Hayley's tour. Can you give me that one more time? Hock tour.

You sound like a sound effect on an animated film. I'm going to get that. You should do sound effects for a living. I'm going to get that sound effect on my arm. Button bar now forever, Steve. That's better than the original. Lockie, have you seen this clip? Have I ever?

Have I ever? He loves it. All right, Lockie, give us your best hock two and spit on that thing. Oh, you've got to give him that hock two and spit on that thing. That was actually really good. Jesus.

I mean, it's Lockie or Steve for me. Yeah, Lockie or Steve have been the front runners. This is unbelievable. Oh, Mitch, wrap us up here. Mitchie, steer us home. Land us in the Hudson. Give us your best. Spit on that thing.

All right. You ready? Yeah, I'm ready. All right. You got to give it that. Spit on that thing. Did you actually spit just at me? Yeah, well, you got to commit.

The commitment from Mitch. You could hear the lurgy, like you could hear it coming out of his throat. That was unbelievable. Charlie XCX took over the world with their Brat album this year, which really brought in our vocabulary. Vocabulary. Vocabulary. Vocabulary.

Vocabulary. No. Okay. Thank God we have producer Babs, our resident Gen Z on this show, keeping us in check. Babs, our resident Gen Z on the show, keeping us in check. Babs, what is brat, first of all? Well, Charlie XCX has just put out an album called Brat, and basically it's like the album of the summer.

Everyone's loving it, and the kind of vibe it's giving off, it's just brat. As in, like, the literal definition of brat? Like, you're naughty, you don't play by the rules? Yeah, kind of, yeah. Okay. Kind of giving that vibe, like, the fun, silly. It's very silly, yeah. This has been Charlie.

What the heck is this? Charlie. Brat. This is Charlie and Billish. Is this giving brat? Yeah. And, like, there's been some really cool... So you want to be brat,

because usually when my mum calls me a brat, she's not happy with me. You want to be brat. But now if my mum calls me brat, she's actually complimenting me. We used to be brat, it was bad. Yeah, now brat. Have we reclaimed the word brat? We're spinning it. She's actually complimenting me. We used to be Brat, it was bad. Yeah, now Brat. Have we reclaimed

the word Brat? We're spinning it. Ah, okay. Dap. When you dap someone up, a handshake. So dap something up is like handshake.

Yeah, so you like go and dap someone up. D-A-P for Peter. Yes. Not D-A-B for Brat. Can I lock in D-A-P for Peter? Dap.

And how do you use it in a sentence? I know, just dap someone up. Would I say that to the person? I'm it in a sentence? I know, just dap someone up. Would I say that to the person? I'm about to get ready. I'm about to dap you up. Me and my homies, we dap up.

Dap. Yeah. We've played a lot of games on this show, like Wavelength, Wordioki, Year of the Song, just to name a few, but none compared to the time we snuck Ducko's baby announcement into a special edition of Quiz with a Twist, featuring his wife, Morgan.

Jess had no idea what was about to happen while we played the game. Very special guest in studio. My wife is in the studio. Morgan, good morning. Good morning. Morgan's never been on the show before. Playing Quiz with a Twist. That's right.

Each question has a twist. Someone who's pregnant starting with the letter M. Morgan. Surprise. We're having a baby. Oh, my God. Congratulations, guys. That's unbelievable.

How do you feel? It doesn't feel real. It doesn't. No way. So it's like a relief mixed with, like, fear, I think. Yeah. I am gobsmacked. We do know the gender.

We are having a girl. Oh, yeah, baby! Guys! Having a little girl. Congratulations! Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing better. Baby bump.

My baby, baby bump. We've held a few events this year where we got to meet you lovely rice cookers and unfortunately, Daku and I showed up at one of these events in the same shirt, which I got scold for from the duck man. You copy my fashion. He does. And unfortunately, Ducco and I showed up at one of these events in the same shirt, which I got sculled for from the duck man. You copy my fashion.

He does. I said, I know I have. Bro, how have we not talked about the knit? The knit. That's what I was just about to say. Why did you say it was a knit? On Friday, I said, don't wear a knit. He goes, I don't even think I own a knit.

I get into the car. I was like, motherfucker, that's a knit. That's what I'm selling. And you know what he said to me? Because I went, bro, Ducco literally said, don't wear a knit. Because he was going shopping. He goes, I don't know what he said to me? Because I went, bro, Ducko literally said don't wear a knit because he was going shopping. He goes, I don't know what a knit is. I went, whatever.

It's linen. He used to work in fashion. He knows what materials are and he knows how to check tags. Not true. You worked at f***ing Cotton On. I don't have to keep reminding you. Yeah, but I didn't actually do anything at Cotton On. But you know what he said to me?

He goes, hang on a minute. Ducko's has buttons. Mine doesn't have buttons. Mine didn't have buttons. Yeah, it did. Mine, v-neck goes, hang on a minute. Duckos has buttons. Mine doesn't have buttons. Mine didn't have buttons. Yeah, it did. Mine, v-neck button. No, it doesn't have buttons. Yeah, it doesn't have buttons.

No, it didn't. I'm going to look at the photo. The video is on the Instagram now. And not like shirt buttons, like a decorative button. Oh, but it did not even have a button. Okay, you didn't have buttons, I apologize.

That was incompetence. Yes, it did. I know what you were wearing. Well, that's it from us for 2024. We'll be back next year. And if you plan on going away this summer, remember, it's never a cheap trip with Jess. So I was on a flight down to Melbourne.

Was going to surprise my parents. Had the small baby with me. Now, my husband does all my life. I mean, he booked the flight. He put me on a window. Now, when it's him and I, that's fine. Window and middle, we're, you know, power. Why are you laughing?

He put me on a window. Do you know what the issue was? He placed me here. Do you know what the issue was? Freaking virgin. The flight was full. No business class seats available. I'm so sorry.

So I had to sit in economy. Oh, shut up. You're not that person. He should have charged you seats available. I'm so sorry. So I had to sit in economy. Oh, shut up. You're not that person. He should have charged you a flight. I agree. After this, after this incident, I'm like, never again. Yeah. See you in 2025, Rice Cookers. Jess and Ducko That was the Jess and Ducko podcast Gather your little helpers

because the elf on the shelf happy meal has arrived at Macca's