Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Don't put your fingers where they don't belong...

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

We find out chimps are putting things up their ass for fashion, we ask what happened to your fingers and we play an Ibiza themed round of Year of the Song!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Delicious Maccas breakfast is available till 10.30 a.m. Frecky comes first. Jess and Ducco. This is the Jess and Ducco podcast. Hi everyone, welcome to the podcast. We asked one of the great questions on today's show. What happened to your finger? Yep.

But then we had a buggered system so we couldn't take phone calls. And I must say, blessing in disguise, Ducco. Yeah. I almost want to survey the hundred people who text us and ask, would you have called? Because I think having the text opportunity opened it up for so many more people. I agree. We understand it can be nerve wracking to pick up the phone.

Yeah. And more effort. The more effort. Texting is just like, why not, let's do it right now. Totally. Because you're probably thinking, oh, hang on, I have to hang around for the ads and the songs till they come back. Text, we'll just shoot it through.

And we were inundated. We didn't get to so many of them. Brody dislocated my thumb after dacking my brother. Trying to be mean, we were kids. I fell, instant karma, got my thumb caught under the lounge and had to go to the doctor to get my thumb put back into place. Oh, that would hurt.

Your brother's going, see what happens when you dack me. Can't dack me, old iron pants. Haley, oh, Cheeseman, good friend Yeah cheese man. I was bashing steaks with a mallet, caught me thumb. Oh you would have flattened, a lot of flattened thumbs I noticed today on the show. Absolutely, flattened thumbs, flattened fingers. We did the headrest one already didn't we? Yep. Breville moving their button. That was great. Oh what about this one, I was working at a lumber yard and cut all ten

fingers off with a saw. Oh no! When I got to the hospital, the doctor asked why I didn't bring my fingers with me. Oh no! I said, it's because I couldn't pick them up. Did he not have a friend? Was there no friend there? Tongs? How do you drive to the hospital?

Chop, chop. How could he have used tongs with no fingers? You can't do that with your palm. Chopper from curry, Chopper, how do you do all 10 fingers at once? That's hard. Surely one. Yeah, unless he did one, he went, I'm so good. Then went to the other one. He's in shock and just kept,

I'm picturing what's those round saws, you know, like where you- Band saw. Band saw where you're pushing the- I know that's the round one. Plank of wood. Oh, Chopper, you know what my question is to Chopper? How did he text? Oh yeah, how did he text? Siri.

Surely, surely. Oh, you can use Siri now for that. Can't you? Yes. Hey Siri, text Jess and Ducco. Someone said Lucas window frame I was putting together. Guillotined my little finger wasn't enough meat to stick. They had to cut the blood flow and use all the glue to hold it together.

And you've said Lucas window frame. Is that his type of window frame? Or is that Lucas? Is that Lucas? I was putting a window frame. Yeah, is that his type of window frame? Or is that Lucas? Is that Lucas? I was putting a window frame here. Is that meant to be a collar? Or is his surname window frame? I don't know.

Sean, can you do... See what happens when you read text live on air. We've got Hayley Cheese Man. Do you have Lucas window frame? If your last name, surely it's not Lucas window frame. I mean, they're stranger surnames. That's an amazing name. Well, their names not, they didn't.

Oh, how's this? My cousins and I were young playing in the backyard. The wind blew the gate shut, chopped his finger off. He got rushed to hospital, and another family member went to look for the finger and it was stuck to the gate. Oh! I've wedged, wedged in the hinge.

I think his name is Lucas. There's no such thing as a Lucas window frame as far as I can tell. Okay, so it's Lucas. Is his surname Window Frame? That's amazing. Oh, that's another phoner. Is your name an object? No, I think it's like Lucas, comma, a window frame I was putting together.

Oh, sorry, gotcha. Someone said I was 10 years old cutting a frozen orange. Why are you cutting a frozen orange? Slipped and sliced my thumb. Who's freezing orange? Morning guys, I was cutting open a packet a frozen orange. Why are you cutting a frozen orange? Slipped and sliced my thumb. Who's freezing orange? Morning guys, I was cutting open a packet of bacon. Morning. Got distracted.

Morning. Got distracted talking to a friend, looked down wondering what was already sizzling when I hadn't emptied the bacon to realise it was half of the tip of my left pointy finger. Then I looked at my hands and blood started flowing. I didn't even realise, ran to the sink and called, um, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Imagine smelling your own finger cooking. Oh, yuck. You thought it was bacon. No, it's your finkey. Yuck. Yeah, someone got their hand caught in a cotton press and was squashed. I'm learning a lot about tools in this segment as well.

We thought electric eel was an electric eel in a pond. Turns out, Shy Guy said it's some sort of. It's like a high pressure hose. Makes sense. Makes sense. Yeah, makes more sense. Kirsty said keep up the great work, thank you. Someone said my son was 11 and fell off his bike, his finger got caught in the metal brake cord and cut the top of his finger off. Ugh, he needed surgery. Olivia has said, hey Jess and Duck, I was 12, cutting up all my school letters so my parents couldn't find them. I cut the tip of my finger off and still have the scar.

What was in the letters? Oh geez. Someone said on the nail polish saga, my toddler decided he would paint his eyes with my white nail polish. We did talk about my wife's spilling nail polish every hit out in the show today because you said the cure, which wasn't exactly completely effective, was obviously getting the acetone nail polish remover. How do you do that on an eye?

On a toddler eye too. Oh my god. My wife ever puts lids on things properly. I'm constantly spilling milk all over the kitchen because the lid isn't on. I shaked the milk before. So it goes everywhere all the time. Why do they never put lids on things? Amen whoever said that.

Morgan doesn't like putting lids back on things? I'm notorious for it too. How many sauce bottles and water bottles. I'd like to just drill down a little bit more on that. I shake the milk before I open it. Tell people to do that. Give the milk a shake up and then they pour it. But there's no sediment in milk.

So what do you shake it? I don't know why people, I mean, I'm not a milk drinker, so I don't do it. But I've definitely seen people do it. Shake the milk up. Should you be doing it? It does go lumpy towards its end of. Ew, if it's already lumpy, I can't imagine it, but I've definitely seen people do it. Shake the milk up. Should you be doing it? Should I? It does go lumpy towards its end of life.

Ew, if it's already lumpy, I can't imagine you should drink it. But if there's like tiny little lumps, maybe shaking just like gets rid of those little lumps. But milk going lumpy, wouldn't that suggest that's bad bits of milk and now you're just dispersing it? It depends on how lumpy,

but if you just quickly shake it, it'll just get rid of the lumps. I had buttermilk in my fridge for about two weeks before you should have seen that go down the sink Basically in the regular whole milk three or five percent fat the cream floats to the top and you might get a thick gooey plug of cream Oh, yeah, do you know what that is curds and white? Yes. Yeah, so that's but I think it's just a non homogenized milk Like I don't think this happens in the full cream milk like in Australia. Yeah Look at that first one if it's homogenised, no. If it's fresh, yes. Okay. So wait, what's our milk?

We can get both, you can get either, but the pool stuff is non-homogenised. So like- Yes, this is what they talk about pregnant women with cheese and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Non-homogenised milk is meant to be better for you, but I'm not 100% sure why. Right. I don't like milk regardless. Is it less tampered with? I think so. It's a bit more from the cow. But is tampering with it meant to be safer to consume? Yeah, I don't know. Because I think that was the thing with soft cheese. It's like pretty much every cheese in Australia, not all, is homogenized so it's actually safe but as a blanket rule they go just avoid

soft cheese. Well this one, this is good. So I'm a farm kid here, this is just on Reddit. The practice of shaking milk comes from when you would get milk straight from the cow. The fats or the cream rise to the top creating a skin of sorts. That's why you'd shake it. So really by the time it goes to woolies or coals and comes to us... Norco has done the shaking. Yeah you don't need to shake. I don't need to shake. But people just still do it. That would be so annoying for this bloke who texts us though every time he's just in the habit of shaking and the wife's left the lid half off. Well is it kind of his fault now you know you don't need to be

shaking it she knows. Mate play the player not the game. Is that a scene though? You know your wife's not putting the lid back on. Are you a serial lid loosener? Are you shaking milk? Freaks everywhere you know. What are you doing at home? Hey we're not Keith Aventing, just call us. Text us, call us. Shy Guy what your job is today is to go through all the text messages and come up with 15 extensions from all these contributions because there's gotta be something. And reply. We did what bit about a month ago. I like the cow thing though. Yeah, there was a couple of people getting involved with cow specific. Yeah. Is it like? What animal do you reckon gets brought up on this show the most? Would it be cow? Cows too. I mean, dogs because we've got dogs. I meant more what did you say? We talked about monkeys.

Monkeys get a good lunch. To be fair we've had a bit of a fish. We've got weights in fish. Yeah fish epidemic. Shy Guy keeps bringing a lot of bug gear to the show. He does love bugs. He's very concerned about flies. Huge cricket guy. Getting on a plane. Yeah yeah yeah flies travel. Yeah cows, monkeys. Birds we talk about all the time, duck. Oh yeah. You're right. I'd say birds about all the time, duck, duck. Oh yeah. You're right.

I'd say birds would be the biggest one. We do cover animals and Christianity a fair bit on this show. Yes, we do. What are the pillars of this program? I learned that at Psalms. Nick Cage. Yeah, Nick Cage. Christianity.

Christianity and animals. And animals. That's good pillars. I feel solid on those three pillars. That's what we base ourselves on. Or a pop back. Or sit down next board meeting and go. Well, basically. That's good pillars. I feel solid on those three pillars. That's what we base ourselves on. Or a pop back. Or a pop back. Or a board meeting and go.

Well basically the show covers three pillars. We'll go to a PowerPoint presentation. First Christ. And we are, we come to the table of the Lord. I want to do a church hymns round two. One, oh church hymns round? Round two. Like yeah we did the first one, chorus of the hymns.

Absolutely. I'd love to do a round two. Yes please. Well after Glastonbury did their whole stage and had to lock the field because it was in One, oh, church hymns round? Round two, like yeah, we did the first one, chorus with the hymns. Absolutely. I'd love to do a round two. Yes, please. Well, after Glastonbury did their whole stage, they had to lock the field because it was inundated. I think we're onto something. Yeah, it's so fun.

It's fun when people come on and sing. I told you, I'll get my mate, Jess LaFontaine, she auditioned for Australian Idol with a church hymn. Yeah, get her, get her, get her. She's gonna sing the full song on that. Mark Holden did not give her a touchdown, but still she did it. We'll give her a touchdown if she comes on our show.

I wonder what she's doing now. Can she still sing? We'll take it. She had a hell of a voice. Hell of a voice. Cause right now the best singer on the team is Babs. And for some reason our audio producer made her sound horrific. She sounds better when she's acapella live reading Smutpawn.

She should do her own opener live each time. Because that auto-tuned nonsense is crap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I like that. Yeah, I like that. Hey, Babs usually comes in for the pod. How come she stayed outside? Someone replied back saying,

you wouldn't believe, but my rude finger. Oh no, that was Tara, who's the cow. I said to Tara. So Tara replied back. That's all I replied. So I replied and said, which finger was it, babe? And she said, my rude finger. Ugh. There you go. There you go.

Oh welcome. Welcome Babs. We're just getting your work done because we're off to film something today. Yes. Okay great. And I knew that if I didn't do it now that it wouldn't get done. Alright well thanks for coming in and enjoy the show. Music Music Music

Welcome to our favourite day of the week team Tuesday. Hell yeah. What a pleasure, a privilege. It's a glorious day. And honor to be with you. Always. So, so good. How you feeling?

How you feeling? I don't know how you're in a t-shirt right now. I'm freezing. It is cold. I'm okay. I spent... Are you just thinking it's cold in here? I spent so much of last night shivering, Duggo.

Right. You know, we are packing up our house. We're about to move out. We're starting our renovation soon. There are holes in the floor. There are holes in the wall. Angus deconstructed our bed yesterday. So we slept on a mattress on a floor.

That takes you back to like share house days. 100%. Angus got his phone out and was starting to take video and photo. I went, what are you doing? He's like, memes. I don't think this is a time we're going to want to look back on, but oh my God, it's just made the house so cold. I mean, exactly.

There's no buffers for anything. So this temp in here, oh my God, stop it. You're cooking. I'm cooking. You're absolutely glowing in here. Okay. Well, you must be, uh, you must be gearing up there for the big move. I am.

And I keep trying to change my narrative from nerves to what an adventure. Yeah. So, yeah. It's not for now. It's forever. Not for, you know, no, it's just for now. Not forever. There we go.

You got it. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. I just, it's going to be so challenging and in the grand scheme of challenges, I understand what a first world problem. Yeah. But yes, trying to flip the narrative, flip the head noise.

Have you explained to the child that she's moving into a new place? Show what she understands. The kid is one thing, Ducco, but we got, we didn't get dumped by our dog walker, but she now has another career opportunity. She's abandoning the dog walking. So we actually sat Gianni down yesterday, Angus and I both kneeling in front of him. Angus patting the head. I was rubbing the chest.

One of you is just going to have to walk him, right? Well, the issue is she doesn't just walk him. She takes him to the dog park and that's his socialization and he's running around. I cannot do that with the kid in tow. So she was offering him this aspect of socializing. Yeah. He doesn't get that anymore. So it was very much like, it's genuinely, unless you can babysit my human kid, the fur kid is- Well, there's always babs. You know, come on. Babs could get some money being a dog walker. That actually could. Would you rather dog walk or babysit? Because I'm going to need you to fill

one of the positions. Hmm that's a good question. Maybe, I mean dog walking's fun. I do like dogs. And it's hardly walking. Like you just need to drive into the park and supervise, pick up the puppy. I'd rather dog walk. And bring him home. Would she? But if Morgan's like, do you want me to walk Pam or you take Flo? I'm like, I'll take Pam. Just keep you relaxed. No wonder Pam thinks you're her Pam. When you keep choosing her. I best run her. You best run her. We'll be gone for a very long time.

Hey, why am I going to Babs? Braz, are you happy to take a second chunky dog on your run? He ain't going to do 10K. And she's not going to be able to keep up with us. Could you just run two blocks? Pam will get annoyed that she's bringing her splits down. Or will she feel like the trainer? Do you know like PTs don't get annoyed at their clients.

They're on the journey with them. Yeah, Pam might be like, um, Shelly Bridges. Michelle Bridges. I love you're on nickname basis. Why do they call her Shelly? I guess if your name's Michelle, your nickname could be Shelly. That's the most me thing ever. 100%. Pam is Shelly Bridges and that makes you Shannon.

Yeah I'm Shannon. Shannon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah we can do that. Why don't you take the dog or you can take the baby, whichever you choose. I've also got my own baby so I'll just tap out of this. So when Morgan's walking Pam, could she take Lucille? Yeah stuff it.

We'll put on Morgan. May as well. One of you help me please. Shy Guy's been getting out of the scot-free over there. Actually, you're right. The man with the most time on his hands. Babs has got chocoblock afternoons sobbing into her pillows. Shy Guy, would you rather babysit or dog sit?

Yeah, what do you want to do? Either or is the same for me. You trust what you would rather do. It is not the same. But I'm not experienced, so it's the same devil. In your head. You'll be able to pick up the dog a lot easier than baby. I think I will pick up the dog.

It's both, let's be real, it's both entertaining. It's both cleaning up poo. It's both maybe singing songs and driving around. It's pretty much the same task. The skills are adaptable. The skills are adaptable. Last time I had to scratch poo out of the bum crack because it was so, it was so-

So, pan or floor? Floor, yeah, not for pan, but I love that you had to check because I've also had to help clean pans poo before as well. A girlfriend of mine was late to brunch because she had to do the anal gland thing for her dog. The anal glands. Did you do it for you or for the dog? We had a colleague who used to milk anal glands weekly and we're like, all right, mate.

I'd never heard of that process. But always let us know, just milking any anal glands again. Why are you telling everyone? It feels like you're trying to cover up. My dog is double the age of yours. I've never once done it. Why are you doing it so often? I went home to Pam, I was like, should I?

Nah. Stuck. Pam can't handle that. Miscellaneously squeezing parts of her bum. Pam would do a goat sue and she would just freeze and fall over. Stiff legs. Rigor mortis. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm dead. Well, I'm sorry. You were scratching poo. I was trying to get it out and it was like right in between the crack. Yeah, yeah. Had it sort of been missed maybe the past couple and now it's baked on. Yeah, it was baked on. It was one of those moments where you go, what happened?

I chose to have this. Yeah, yeah. I paid a it's baked on. Yeah, it's baked on. Ah, it's one of those moments where you go, what happened? I chose to have this. Yeah, yeah. I paid a lot of money for this little thing. She's the most expensive kid in the state. Oh goodness. It's coming out of her bank account. Don't you worry about that. Sis ain't going to college.

Hey, big show for a Tuesday. We got Alfvac. You should start flow on Hex, but it's just back into you. Obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything she earns comes back to me. I'm open to modeling arrangements for her. Daddy take all money.

Hey, when are we putting her for the bonds? We got Alfvark. You should start flow on Hex, but it's just back into you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything she earns goes back to me. I'm open to modeling arrangements for her. Daddy take all money. Hey, when are we putting her for the Bonds Baby Search? Yeah. It's probably open. I should do that. Submit her.

How old they need to be? There's categories, there's age categories. So she would obviously do infant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we could get that. Make sure when you submit the photo though, she's wearing Bonds. Oh yeah. Because I think that's a good easy leg submit the photo though, she's wearing bonds. Oh yeah.

Cause I think that's a good easy leg up. She has a lot of country road. Oh well. People always gift us country road baby things. Because I think country road baby stuff, gorgeous, exy. So they go, you'll never buy this for yourself. Yeah, true. Look what a good auntie I am.

Yeah, it is expensive. That and seed. Yeah, but the seed. Gorgeous stuff. I'm not paying 60 bucks for onesies. Mate, you can spend some money on kids clothes for clothes. My goodness. We should get into the kids fashion line. Cause you could just measure them on me. Bro. That is not a dumb idea. That is action. Circle back to this. I feel like we're drunk. This is sort of these things that come up when you're having a Sunday session.

Shall I go make that happen? Yeah. Yeah. Start a business. Start a business. Yeah. Let's start a business. Start a business. Yeah, you can be involved. You can be the admin. NYOB? Well, Contrero did close a lot of stores yesterday, so. Why did they do that?

I did say, you know why? Because they're so expensive. Yeah, yeah. No. But they do it right. It's sad for a fashion retailer. Are they not doing it right? They're not doing great.

Bring down your frigging prices. I think bricks and mortar stores are just not doing it. I'm like a walking billboard to that shop. You're the reason they're bringing, being brought down. You can't get the disc out. Thanks Mitch. You haven't paid full price in five years. But yes, watch this space.

JD Babyweather. Work on the name. You can work on the name. It could be like, yeah. Patent pending. We'll do something. We'll do something. Babs's blog's coming up next though. Oh, we're be like, yeah. We'll do something.

Babs' blog's coming up next though. Oh, we're starting Rasta and Ellie with this. And Babs, have you decided what song you need yet? Nope, stand by. You don't have long. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. Hey, it's Babs.

And this is my blog. Commence Operation Superstar Brat Slay! She's in studio. Here she is. Early! Early for a Tuesday, your least favourite day of the week. I know. Famously has a mug on her desk. F Tuesdays. Yeah, love it. Yes, well, I am here. And you're thrilled with her? How are you feeling one day? Oh, is this not about, we're not talking boyfriend? We're not talking boyfriend. I'll do it later. But I mean if you want to check in, that's fine. Well, how are you feeling? Because it's one day, or is this not about, we're not talking boyfriend, boyfriend, I'll do it later. But I mean if you want to check in that's fine. Well how are you feeling because it's one day, he's landed I presume, he's over there, he's left you for a month.

Yeah he's over there. Oh my god did you see the news yesterday there was a medical plane that crashed in London and they cancelled all the flights in because of the airspace. Oh I didn't see that. I was thinking of your boyfriend. So he landed okay. He landed fine yeah. Messaged you you and everything Yeah, I miss you having a bad time. Okay Was he straight to the pub? No, well they landed at like 5 a.m. So that doesn't stop you in London. Yeah, just seeing everything. Yeah Okay. All right. So now that they said you don't feel as jove yesterday you were running a bit of that like slay I'm an independent woman energy and today is a bit more like

What do you got for us can I have to start doing a rotation duck you chicken and I'm my name Friday I'll do Tuesday Thursday. Shaggy. You're the weekend. You want to come over for dinner babs? Yeah. Anyway, Body and Soul has come out with a new list for you guys. Just for us. Just for you. Yeah, love it. And it's asking if you were cool or not. So they've identified key features of what makes people cool. And so I thought I would bring you those features and you guys can tell me if you think you, you fall under those categories. I could probably answer without hearing the thing. Do you think so?

To be honest though, I saw these and I was like, well, maybe, you know, you guys could possibly. Really? Yes. Oh, you've given me great confidence. All right. Oh, thanks. No, no, she didn't, she didn't confirm that she wanted it.

Oh, she didn't want it? You didn't want it? Sorry, I thought you wanted it. No, she will want didn't. She didn't confirm that she wanted it. Oh, she didn't want it? You didn't want it? Sorry, I thought you wanted it. No, she will want the Jonas Brothers version. Or Cool for the Summer by Demi Lovato. Oh, let's not get the biggest company choosers now. The six perceived traits of someone that is cool are extraversion, power, independence, hedonism, adventure and openness. Gonna need a dictionary definition of hedonism. Yeah, hedonism, adventure and openness.

Gonna need a dictionary definition of hedonism. Yeah, hedonism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go through them with a fine-tooth comb. So you got extraversion, so obviously someone that's, you know, woo, yes. Like extra, you mean like, is that like extrovert? Yes, yeah, so someone that's very, yeah.

So, sorry, what was their description? Woo. Woo. Yeah, yeah. Someone that has power. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, autonomy, which is obviously independence. Yeah. Hedonism is pleasure seeking. Okay. Okay. Like, in what regard? Like you... I think that we bow down to cravings, to desire. When I want... Toe sucking? Is that what you're going with?

Not necessarily sexual though. Could be culinary, could be an experience. Oh, I see. Seeking a good time. Seeking a good time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've gone straight for toe sucking and I appreciate that. But I think we're both headed in this. That is absolutely... As a venture? You've got a bit more self-control, but you like it. I wonder about the doing better times than we're doing together. No, pleasure.

Good pleasure. Yeah. Sorry. Get your mind out of the top of your side. Adventure and openness. Geez, this is what body and soul have defined as cool. Yes. Nothing to do with fashion or aloofness. It can correlate with fashion and what's going on in society at the time But those are the key features that they found in those people Oh my god, I love it

Now, you've gone through this, you know all of us and you know yourself Who have you dubbed in the team cool and not cool, including yourself? I think I'm leaning towards Jess more so Just because she covers the, you know, the extraversion The adventure, yeah, autonomy and everything She wants to have a good show. Shaggy not so much. I'm joking. Shaggy not so much, yeah, because you don't cover any of the extraversion or openness,

you know, you don't actually seek pleasure seeking adventure or have any power. So does he take any of the boxes? He's got a bit of power, he plans the board. That's right. Oh, but she's Lord of the board. Oh yeah. She has final fingerprints on it. And Ducco, yeah, you do fit into some of those categories I suppose as well.

Bit of toe sucking. Yeah, extraversion, power, autonomy. That was a tough one to have. What does power mean? I don't know. Do you need money for power? I assume so. I guess influence maybe?

Yeah. Could be deemed as powerful. Yeah, I mean you guys have microphones, you know? Wow, there you go! Absolutely. Alright, I see. But so do you! Yeah, look at you go.

Yeah, but I wouldn't consider myself extroverted, I don't think. Ah, okay. Do you need to tick all the boxes? I think so, yeah. For body and soul to deem you cool? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So to fill this, you have to tick all the boxes of these. But you're cool in like a different way, like, you know what I mean?

I'll find a different article that'll say, you know... three-quarter gene cool. Absolutely. Bloodshot eyes cool. Our lactose intolerance cool. And such. Jess and Ducco. By now having a problem with our phones. So we can't play Alpha Bucks next, but hopefully by seven o'clock we can do it. Absolutely. Usually we'd be like five minutes time. Yeah. Can't do that. So hopefully it's finished by fixed by seven and then we can play Alphabux at seven. Keep it locked. Keep it locked though, you never know. Which means that hey gives us a new time of Alphabux. Seven o'clock. Oh this is on your toes. Yeah. Gotta be on your toes listening. Seven and eight, that'd be fun. That could be fun. Could this be the way of the future? Could be, Well you never know. I mean we are going on holiday

as of next week but hey, it could be the way of the future for the rest of the week. Yeah, for this part. Or it might never get fixed. You never know. You never know. The gremlins man. Yeah. In the system, right now we need to chat with our friends. Primates. Our relations. Yeah, yeah chimpanzees, monkeys. There's a new thing that they're doing. Chimpanzees in Zambia have resurrected this thing, which apparently used to be around in monkeys 30 years ago and it's happening again, right? Okay, so they identified it a couple decades ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Died off. Died off. They're doing it again. Exactly. The trend is back. The trend is back and the trend is sticking blades of grass into their ears or into various orifices. Okay, so I'm thinking down south.

Exactly, they're going ear, nose, mouth and then they're anus. And south mouth. Yes, south mouth, exactly. Apparently, people who work in the zoos and stuff like that or work with these monkeys are shocked this is happening. So not in the wild, these are the monkeys in captivity? I believe so. Okay.

A psychologist and great apes researcher has said, we're more shocked that they were doing this on their own and interested that they're sticking, sticking grass into different orifices. I want to drill down on that. They're doing it on their own as opposed to humans doing it to them. Well, no. So they've learned it from humans. So this is the, they're like, they're doing it on their own, separate to knowing each other. So the apes from 30 years ago are doing it separate to the apes now.

I see. And they have no connection or don't know each other. They haven't texted each other. They haven't texted each other. Hey, we used to do this back in the day. Exactly. So they've witnessed their handlers, zookeepers. Humans, exactly.

Or putting matchsticks in their ear or in their nose to get rid of, say, boogers or to get rid of earwax. What are they doing up the butt? Well exactly, that's what I wanted to drill down on. So the chips of learning the behaviour from people like okay I can accept the putting the, you know, getting the earwax out and doing all that. Sure they've seen a cotton tip, they've seen tooth brushing, even a human picking a nose. Exactly.

But the butt stuff. But the butt stuff. Is there just one rogue caretaker who's just like, oh I'm just going to put this in here. Obviously he's on night shift and he thinks no one's around. This is the classic, you don't think the monkey is going to dob on you. Neck minute, they're copying your behaviour. Exactly. Questions are being asked.

Who's done this? Timothy. Timothy, are you sticking grass up your anus again? I just didn't think they'd notice. Monkey see, monkey do, duck. Exactly. Exactly. Apparently though, now the female monkeys are doing this to themselves to make themselves more attractive to potential mates. To display a swelling on their rear end to indicate when they're ready to go and ready

for some hanky panky. Do you like a lady with some grass over her arse? It's like, it's the equivalent of someone walking out of the toilet paper and hanging out of their pants. Hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guess we're going. Jess and Ducko in the morning.

Jess and Ducko. Welcome to Tuesday morning. AlphaBikes, your chance at $10,000 coming up either at 7 or at 7.30, then again at 8 when we get our phone lines fixed. Yes, we do apologize. The $10,000 is sitting warm under Shy Guy's bus. It will be given to you as soon as the gremlins piss off. He keeps lifting one cheek just to let wind out. That's right. Take a deep breath when you get that cash because of the scent of Shy Guy.

I've noticed how much I do that now since you brought that up. Like now when I'm sitting on a seat, I'm like, oh yeah, I do do that. Do I just like escape? I know because it's so involuntary. Yeah. Isn't it? Uh, right now, Darko, serious business to attend to. Couple of weeks ago, a drunk rice cooker came to me with an idea.

I brought it to you. We brought it to the team. It's actually coming to fruition. Someone in our team heard it and said, well, we can actually make this happen because we know the legends of Gatto. And we're like, well, hang on a minute. Gatto does diggers. Gatto does diggers. And we didn't know that. I mean, we obviously knew that, but like, we didn't

know we had a relationship with them. No, neither. Particularly because Gatto is like sales and repairs, you know? So we were like, we don't want to bug them. They're busy. They're doing stuff. With their beautiful Cabalco diggers. Oh, look at you go. Beautiful teal green. Just like you, knowing and sorry, now identifying you do lift a butt cheek. I'm seeing Cabalcos everywhere.

You're seeing them all the time. That's a Gatto, that's a Gatto. Blue, look at it go. But Tracy the drunk rice cooker said, you know what I'd love to see? A bunch of diggers do a choreographed dance. You guys have some power. Please make it happen. Well, we sort of went, haha, nah.

Gatto said, haha, yeah. We can do it. We can do it. So we'll be at their, which is like a massive site anyway, ha ha. Nah. Yeah. Gatto said, ha ha. Yeah. Yeah, we can do it. We can do it. So we'll be at their, which is like a massive site anyway, what they've got. Totally. We had Dylan, you know, one of the big, big, big wigs. Yesterday call up and say, guys, come on down, pick a day. Yeah.

The question is, Ducco, it's a dance. Yeah. What song are we dancing to? We need to pick a song. And we put some suggestions out on Jess and Darko on Insta. And we had a few people get back to us with some doozies. We've shortlisted them down. People taking it seriously.

Absolutely. Some silly, silly suggestions. These are cream of the crop. These are the good ones. Chloe got in touch. Aaron Tippen, I'll be honest, I hadn't heard this song. He has a song, Big Boys Toys. And you know I hadn't heard neither, but it works.

It works. That's some like haven't heard neither that it works. It works. That's some like good country. Oh we can be boot scooting. I see you in your Daisy Dukes. And your Steel Cat boots. I can see that. I'll be wearing arseless chaps. Oh I was going to say no nothing but a hard hat.

Yeah I like that. In the scoop of the digger. So that's an option. Shane, good friend of the show, you know me mate Hooligan? He came back with Kanye's Gold Digger. Oh yeah, diggers, it works. It's a bit of fun. Shane, he's worked overtime,

came up with a second suggestion. No diggity. Oh, he came up with no diggity as well. He really sat down and went, what can the guys do? What song has digg in the title? See, this is just too slow for me, I think. I think we need something a bit more go-go.

And I'd also argue these guys are saying no diggity. Yeah, we want diggity. The diggity is... We want big diggity. I think the diggits are all about diggity. We want big diggity. So it's confusing. Ah, damn, that's not gonna work.

We need big diggity energy. Yep. What about Courtney? She's gone to the 60s. Possibly the 70s. I haven't looked it up. Village people. That works.

She wants to see Shy Guy as the Indian. Yes. Get himself cancelled for cultural appropriation. 78. Are we? 78. Can we film this? Is Shy Guy Babs in the film clip?

I assumed so. I wanna see Shy Guy there. No shirt on possibly, high vis. He can be the cop. I want to see Babs with a stop go sign. She's letting in the diggers. You're letting us in. That's hot. We need someone at the start of the film clip, you know, before the music hits. Because there's always a story in film clips, you know, they go for 10 minutes if Taylor Swift's to be believed. You've got to have a narrative.

Yeah. Maybe it's about Babs who's just finished a long day at work being a stop-go gal. Yeah. And she's dreaming of dancing with the Diggers. Oh my God. That's where her real passion lies. And to you and me dancing promiscuously with Diggers. It doesn't make much sense.

For some reason we have no pants on. Yeah, I like it. There was one more suggestion from Jade. Yeah, what do we got? I don't hate it. There was one more suggestion from Jade. Yeah, what do we got? I don't hate it. Lil Jon get low. Oooh, that's good.

That's strong. That's very good. Gados. It works because you can do movement with the diggers. They can get low, they can go to the window and the wall. They can go side to side. They can crawl. Oh.

They can do some fancy tricks. Because you can imagine, you get sweaty operating a digger. Oh yeah. I don't know if those cabs are air-conditioned. I thought they might be they look pretty But even with it hey man if I am to be believed even with aircon girl can still get sweaty Yeah, so you're telling me yes, that's true these operatorsger operators, they're probably getting sweaty in there. Yeah, you're not sweating. Three, six, nine. Damn that digger fine. We're not allowed to be in the things, are we?

I was going to call them a tray. Should we ask for, I mean we ask for forgiveness or permission on this show, don't we? On paper, no. Okay. Throw out the paper. You never know. If I happen to be naked in one, eww. Yeah, you know.

What's the point of doing this if we're not gonna get the views, Ducco? That's exactly right, we need clickbait. We need clickbait! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if we promise the people, look out for Ducco's butt in a digger scoop. I'll get my butt out at the start of it, just at the very start. Which song gets you hottest? I think Get Low for me is the song that...

Get Low feels good from J. It just feels like there's already, we've got direction, we've got movement. And it feels subversive, you know, gold digger, big boys toys, they're a bit obvious, even macho men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Feel a bit obvious. This is fun. And if worse comes to worse we can all just gyrate. Yeah, there it is. I'd argue for the speed at which the diggers can dance, probably could just overlay anything. Any two would work. But, but, Lil Jon. No one wanted Benson Boone? Interesting. Wait a minute.

That was the catalyst. Is Lil Jon coming for Friday's Live? He is isn't he? Is he? He's on the line up. There was so many people on that line up. Mariah Pipple, Lil Jon with Khalifa. Guys, he's gonna be in Australia soon.

Are the Eastside boys coming? He doesn't travel anywhere without the Eastside boys. Oh this works. And then we can play it to Lil Jon when he's here. That's how I'll get our interview. How's that? Jess and Ducco. We are, well, we had to have an opener for this, do we? Oh gosh. That's okay because you know we're bouncing around so quickly. It's best we just land in each destination each day,

don't you reckon? Babs' partner abandoned her, went on a four week contiki with DuBois. With DuBois, even though she had expressed, love to travel with you honey, all these destinations are on my bucket list. And he went, nah, sucks to be you. See ya.

See ya, bye. Landed overseas yesterday, starts the contiki today and we thought we can't leave our girl to wallow. She's going to go on a Contiki too. She's going on a Contiki too, a Jess and Ducco Express. Oh God, budget cuts have hit us hard in Jess and Ducco headquarters today. Yesterday, yesterday we were in the city of Laos, Paris and it felt good. There was plentiful food, beautiful outfits.

She felt like she was there. Today as we pop over to Mickey Mouse Bab would you like to describe what you're? Well, everyone's wearing a fitted she Got us a fitted single sheet like I've got the crease marks over my shoulder I don't know how to wear this to him get us togas and gold marks over my shoulder, I don't know how to wear this. I said to him, get us togas and gold leaf headbands. And I told you, we have no money.

Have you never been to a toga party? Are fitted sheets cheaper than normal sheets? Why'd you get fitted sheets? I thought it was six dollars. What are the fitted sheets? I have a child's fitted sheet draped over me. Wouldn't the standard sheet also have been six dollars then? No, that was 16.

And we've got flowers on our heads. Yeah, I don't know what these are meant to be. It looks like we're like... The thing that you put on your head. I said gold leaf headbands. Yeah, again. Like Olympics. It looks like we're at a boho party in the backyard. Yeah, it does.

That's what we were channeling. Ye olde, Greek Olympiad. Yeah. We look like we're field... Shy Guy, I'm worried that we look like idiots. You shouldn't be. You look great. Thanks, man.

We're in Mykonos. Mykonos. Because that is a very, very common party destination. Oh yeah. On Kintiki we know Jethro will be days away from landing there himself but we've got some Greek delicacies. We do, what have we got? We've got domades.

I can't do a domade but Babs you go, please. What is it? Oh that's good, you'll love it. It's the rice wrapped in a vine leaf. Yeah. People love them, you're the love and hate of my thing. Yeah. And then there's baklava. Oh yum, leaf. Yeah. People love them. You're the love and the hate of my thing. Yeah.

And then there's baklava. And a baklava. Oh yum, that's yummy. I know that. Do you like a bit of baklava? It's like you're a mickenose. It's like you're a mickenose. Yes, it is.

So we're taking you every day to a new location, just so you feel a part of the Contiki. Which I do. We've got two Euro, euros. Oh euros! Coming in, don't worry. I love euros. And mythos.

The beers and mythos. Bro, we're wearing a fitted shirt and we're have Euros being a lip-sync. Do you think we have Euros coming? It's the happiest I've actually seen her all morning. You're going to have to get a Euros. She's happy because we look like idiots. No! Does it make you feel like you're a part of it?

Yeah, it does. You've had great memories in Mykonos. Oh, I've been nice to Mr. Bob Sinclair in Mykonos. Hey, awake for four days straight in Mykonos. You know who's also made his way into the Greek holiday? I forgot. Oh, he's here. He's coming, here he comes, look at him.

Hola, señorita baby. Pablo. What is up? It's me, it's Pablo, you know. Thank you for popping back. Gosh, you were just in Paris. Yeah, we, we. Promising to keep an eye on Babs' boyfriend. Problem with Paris? Too many French people.

Where did we leave you last night? You were gonna tail Jethro all evening? I spy on your boyfriend Jethro. He's a very good looking guy, you know. Yeah, what's he doing? Don't know about the three quarter gene, but that's your vibe, no, not for me. He was good, he was busking in the street, singing some song about cheeks. But- He's already out of money, Pablo,

he needs to start earning. He was trying, you know, but he told me today, Pablo, he said, Pablo, stop following me, I know you're friends with Babs. I meet you in Mykonos. So Pablo come to Mykonos early to scout out place. Yes. Pablo's voice is changing a bit.

Have you got any Greek cousins that you can introduce us to? I do. Pablo does have Greek cousins. Good. Pablo has Gablo. Got spies everywhere in Mykonos. Ah, Pablo has Gablo. Gablo, he'd be here for a while. They call him the Elephant Man. Or Sasa. He very well endowed. He's the opposite of a dolmares, would you say Pablo?

Yeah, he's not chipolata. You know hot sausage? Yeah. Okay. Pablo don't know why you get so uncomfortable speaking to Uncle Pablo. I'm just like your uncle. I'm friend, you know?

I'm ally. Friend to all. Friend to all. Except possibly. Except. Chating boyfriend. Yeah. So you're the one keeping your finger on the pulse is anything you want from Pablo to look out for Jethro in

holiday and Mickey nurse you know you want me to do anything I you know I scare away women I jump out of tree I ride quad bike into ditch what you need what you need no I think you're doing good now okay I want to introduce him to Gablodon. Gablodon is very wild. Oh? Gablodog is too wild, you know, and the things Gablodog do, he gets very crazy. Very few people are from Mykonos, except Gablodog. Except for Gablodog. He was born and bred in the clubs. But Pablo wants to go now, Pablo wants to party, you know, haven't been to Mykonos for a long time.

He's catching the vibes, Pablo. Why are you three dressed in fitted sheets? Budget cuts to quote Shy Guy Pablo. Jess and Ducco. Apologies, we've had some technical issues there. We absolutely have. We were given the green light. The Alphys' green light. Hence why we asked you to call on 13 10 60, you would have heard that. Yeah. We appreciate, we see you standing by wanting to play. We can't answer the phone. I know, it's very annoying. Is this even on? It's very annoying. We're working, it's just the phones. You can call in, we just can't pick it up. Babs can pick, and this is the issue, Babs, do we go out there and play on Babs's phone? But that doesn't actually go to where. I know, we need the sound effects and

everything like that. Of course. So anyway, Alphabux is not working currently, the phone's not working. The minute the phones are up and running, we'll say call us for Alfbox and we'll play with you. Absolutely. This has been a false start. We were given the green light, I think prematurely. Yeah. Shy Guy's Tech Wizards gave him the premature go. Why are we even going to the Tech Wizards when we've got the Tech Guy? I don't know. Shy Guy, what's going on with our mainframe? You had a whole segment, Shy Guy's Tech Tips. Let's go with the database. Oh yeah. Why can't you fix this? That's what we should have brought back out. We should have brought out Shy Guy, what's going on with our mainframe? You had a whole segment, Shy Guy's Tech Tips. Oh yeah! Why can't you fix this? That's what we should have brought back out. We should have brought out Shy Guy's Tech Tips.

Technologic. Yeah, it's a... Shy Guy's Tech Tips. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Shy guy, we got a problem with our phones, what's good? Nothing's good. The phones are not working. Duggo's still got his Greek They gave us an ETA I'm sitting Nick and Oze baby You got Bob Sinclair Oh yeah It died overnight, we don't know what time

Maybe midnight Are they with Vodafone? No, where would Telstra be? Hey man, Vodafone got you tickets to Kendrick You know bad about Vodafone got you tickets to Kendrick? Yeah yeah yeah, I love Vodafone Ah okay, so it's being worked on. They said 7 o'clock as a thing, but it's clearly sort of half water back. And yeah, it's across the country. You can't do half.

It's probably the only show affected, it's all shows. You can't do half a resuscitation. Yeah you can't. You're either unconscious or you're conscious. You're the dead or alive. You're dead or alive. I think we just need to restart the computer and not this one, the one in the mainframe room. Oh, a bit of turn off, turn on.

That's where tech support Shaga's gone. I think they call it the Death Star in this building. Do you want me to go to the mainframe? Because my pass gets me in there. Yeah, it's in Melbourne. Fly me up, guys. Fly me down. I picture you like, well, at risk of you playing the stings.

You know, um, ah, what's the movie with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Sean Connery? Oh yeah, Entrapment. Entra-BRO, you know! And she has to do the cool blazer thing. That's you trying to get into the main thing. Hell yeah. Yeah, acrobatics. Sexy AF.

Bring your deodorant can. Show the laser lines. Yes! You guys know. Good job. Anyway, um, stick around because- We're meant to call someone next to us. We can't do our guests, we have coming up.

We'll do something after, Alex. We'll have a bit of fun. Jess and Ducko. I love that in this generation we've got a name for everything. Yeah. You know, for Gen Z who I think hate labels, we've got a label for everything. Don't you reckon? Yeah, that's very true.

And this is one I haven't seen before, but I love it. Cause I actually, whilst it's being accused, um, of targeting Gen Z, I think I have a little bit of this and I'm working on it. Telephobia. It's a name that they have denoted for people who are scared to answer the phone. noted for people who are scared to answer the phone. Hey, I just met you and this is crazy. See ya, J. Well.

That song needs to get in the bin. Do not call me maybe. Yeah. Cause I panic. You do panic. Every time my phone rings, Ducker, you can attest. You called me just yesterday. I know, and you picked up.

And I picked up. Took six rings, Sharguai, and I thought, oh, she's not gonna pick up. And then she picked up. She's like, hey. And I was like, oh. Cause you, and I've told you this. she picked up. She's like, Hey, and I was like, oh, because you, I don't have told you this. Yeah.

I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to pick it up. I'm trying to shake my telephobia and you're good because you are a caller. You're like, I don't have time for these. Let me just pick up the phone. Yeah. But I will put my hand up. I have screened you in the past.

Yeah. And then I messaged you going, Hey, what's up? Hey, sorry, just doing something. What's good. And I know if me mate's calling me, you probably do need either an urgent answer or it's something important. Yeah. But still I go, just text me.

Even with good mates, I just have this deep seated connection to phone calls equals bad news. Yeah. And it's really hard to shake. Boss Jase, he's never fired me on the phone, but every time I see his name, I think, today's the day. It's the end. It's the end.

Yeah, yeah. The only one I think I don't panic with is Angus, like my husband. It's always something relatively mundane. Yeah, it's normal stuff. And now I'm exposed to it, like exposure therapy. But Gen Z, apparently, they have got telephobia hard. So much so that the stats found 67% of office workers under the age of 34, they avoid answering work calls, whether it's their desk phone on their mobile. Someone's ringing their desk phone, they're just not picking it up.

And they're, and they're blaming it on anxiety. They're just so not used to. Yes. I was going to say face to face. It's the closest thing, I guess. Yeah. Phone to phone conversations. They're just so not used to. Yes. I was going to say face to face. It's the closest thing, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Phone to phone conversations. They're avoiding it. Send me a DM.

Britain's Office for National Statistics actually tried to do some surveys, but no one answered their phone, so they couldn't actually do the data. No one's picking up a private number. But even when we call people back here from a private number, if they're going to win a prize, they don't answer it, which I understand the private number thing because there's so many scams now. Totally but I'd even argue I get calls and you know the iPhone's very clever now and it'll have the string of numbers and underneath tell you the country. Yeah. Why is someone from the Netherlands calling me?

They won't have a good deal. They might have a good deal. There's a Dutch prince that needs saving. Oh unless it looks like a local and even then I send it to voicemail and they never check the voicemail because who leaves voicemails? Just text me. You know what, and Babs I'll be able to clarify this, but what they're doing now is a lot,

is the young people are sending just video messages of themselves giving an update. So it's like, here's a minute and a half of me filming myself in selfie mode, whether it's like- So not FaceTime, they record a video. No, no, but it's like, hey guys, just thought I'd jump on here, It's been a busy week for me. You know, this is just what happened last week, about to go overseas doing this.

And then send it to group chat and then everyone can then react to that. Is that true, Babs? I do that. Yes. And my friends do that as well. So you'd rather do that than jump on a phone call. I guess you can't have six of your girlfriends. Well, no one can talk back when you're talking to yourself.

Was that the root? I guess I think it's just, for me, it's easier. I don't know why. You just kind of like take a video, then they can listen to it when they want to. And react. And do they reply in video form? They can, yeah. Or just text, whatever. Let's start doing it in our group threads. Oh, I love that. I'd pay a bit of money to get Shy Guy's updates. Just in the backyard. We need to check in with him more. Well, what's Shy Guy doing right now? Yeah, what's he up to? Yeah? That's what you're up to.

Yeah. Just him with his robo back. Yeah. He's all swaddled and he's going down for his big Arvo nap. He's wrapped himself in his fitted sheet toga. That's why he wanted three fitted sheets. That's why he bought it for us. Have you noticed he's already smuggled them back under his desk?

Jess and Daco. Jess and Daco. I'm getting, I want to get everyone's reaction on this on the team because there's one body feature or body part of my daughter that everyone keeps saying she's got from me and it's bizarre. And it's not like, yes, she's got my nose or we both have blue eyes or you know, like something a bit more specific. Yeah. Distinguishable facial features that people normally say.

We've literally had this now, I reckon five people have said this. Geez, and she's only three months, like, this is no disrespect to your daughter, she's still very potatio-y. She'll change heaps. But people have said this from the get-go. They've said, oh, she's got daddy's ears. I'm like, is ears a feature in which people distinguish and also like, I've never ever had anyone come up to me in life before and say anything about my ears. Like your ears are that, um, identifiable. Exactly. Exactly.

We don't really see your ears because they're covered by the headband. You're absolutely right. I'm going to have to do... I'm now going to have to show you a photo of her to see her ears. Yeah. Has there been a headband or something that draws attention? The first one we just sort of like laughed and we're like, oh people are weird and then the next one we're like, okay, why do they keep saying it and it kept going and now it's become a running joke like, oh she's got daddy's ears. And sorry, the four people preceding the first person who mentioned that didn't hear the first person say it and then agreed. It's all been very independent.

Daddy's ears, but they're just tiny baby ears. Exactly right. I'm not the right person to ask for this ducko because even to this day when people talk about a teenager going oh she looks exactly like mummy I can't see that. No I'm showing you some photos of her ears now. I'm seeing an ear. I'm seeing an ear right. But also like to me it was such a weird like when you someone says the nose or the eyes they're right on the face so I sort of get it. I'm seeing an ear right? But also like to me it was such a weird like when someone says the nose or the eyes they're right on the face so I sort of get it. The ears I was kind of like are you an ear specialist?

Have people said nose though? Cause I even know People have said nose. I think I said nose. Yeah yeah yeah nose. What do you mean she's got a baby nose and he's got a man nose? Yeah but like the button and like the eyes But then Morgan and I both have blue eyes so it's like you know there's clutching at straws but the ears was just the funniest thing because it's come up so many times now to the point

where I'm like, okay, what is, I've never had a distinguishable ear recognition. Ears, quick, ready to Google. Here we go, here we go, the Google. Unlike eyes or like eyes and nose and even mouth shape maybe? Is ears a genetic trait? Ah, ears. Yes, they are. Oh, welcome! Give us the answer first before we give you a point.

Yes, ear shape and features are indeed influenced by genetics. Okay. There you go. Babs is on the board. I guess like eyes, nose, mouth, you can have many different shapes and ears, but your ears aren't that... That's what I'm saying. It's not like they're massive or tiny. They're just ears, right?

Exactly. They're not particularly sticky outy or... It just feels like ears is something where you're like, okay. I know. Is it a compliment? I don't know because I've got daddy's ears. I'm like, does daddy have big ears? What's daddy got? To be fair, like my daughter came out looking exactly like my husband and there was a part of me that went, I didn't get a look in at all. But apparently that is quite a genetic common trait where the first born daughter or even the first born kid starts looking like the man. So the man doesn't leave. I don't know if this is true, but it's like, so you feel connected to your offspring.

You've heard that. That's why she's got my ears. That's why she got your ears. I'll get her and I'm like, oh. I'll never leave you, sweetheart. Jess and Ducco. It's all about the text line. Toe Fod.

Toe Fod. Text off, fan mob day. 0488881069. You text in with, on that line. I was going to solicit again. On that line. You can't say the number enough. 0488881069.

What happened to your finger? What happened to your finger? We're on the 4th of July, Ducco. So we are going back about a week, obviously big celebration over in the States. We know it's their independence day. A rapper slash podcaster. I am unfamiliar with him until today. His name is four extra.

Okay. He takes to his social media on July 4th to say, Hey, I'm having a big celebration at mine. I've got these bad boys to let off. Hey, I'm having a big celebration at mine. I've got these bad boys to let off. And what he held in his hand in this video posted to X was two fireworks. Now upon further investigation, these are not just your standard everyday fireworks. These are hectic, very dangerous little fireworks that he got his hands on.

Now in the video, which we can't play because it is quite explicit. He goes on to say, who wants to get blown up today? I'm gonna blow your ass up. I'm blowing somebody up today. Okay. He's really leaning in. These are gonna be quite spectacular. Unfortunately, his co-host on the podcast he's on and a couple of friends posted later that day asking for donations and prayers because he'd blown two of his fingers off. Oh no. Now I don't have specifics. Did he light them in his hand?

Yeah. M80 fireworks, oh they're illegal. It's the equivalent to a quarter stick of dynamite. Oh jeez, these are big things. This is a big Fourth of July party. That's a bomb. That's unbelievable. Very high explosive power. He must have had them in his hand or he was too close when he let them off.

Rumours started circulating that he'd actually blown his whole hand off, but a representative said, no, no, just two fingers. Still horrific. It's still horrific. I once let fireworks off in Bali, in Cuda. Really? So you obviously bought them and then went down to the beach. Luckily there was a Balinese man who just happened to be by the beach at sort of 1am who was like, do you want me to do this for you? He knew what was up. He knew what was up. He did them and we all had a party.

Have you seen those videos that circulate? People let them off at playgrounds on New Year's Eve and they go to the left instead of up. And they just go through it. Oh my god they're very dangerous. We let something off at a Bucks party once, this was my brother-in-law's Bucks party years ago and put it in his bed, it was a firecracker or something and it gave him third degree burns. Tell me it was on his fingers it would have been perfect for this story. It was all over his leg unfortunately, he had to leave the island that we were on for the Bucks. We'll take both, what happened to your finger? Or have you let something off in someone's bed? That's a good one.

What did you let off in the bed? What did you let off in the bed? Shall I guys call them? So, text the text line 04888, 08106, and we're getting a few come through. You could win that double pass to Keith Urban for getting involved on the text line. It's a toe-fod. What happened to your finger like this poor bloke who blew him off with an M85 work? Rachel said my son got my eyebrows. Okay. Dana said my two-year-old right not much what happened to the finger but where it goes he got really nasty ear

infection on the regular this dirty little sucker fingers in both ears scoops out the gunk and eats it. Oh yuck! I mean the interpretation of what happened to your finger, Dana. I know, it's going everywhere. Well, take it. We do have a double pass to Keith Urban up for grab, so keep them coming through. 0488881069. Had my finger crushed by a five ton forklift. Finger was paper flat when I got it out. Had x-rays and amazingly had no damage at all. How could it be paper flat and your bone not be broken? You can't inflate it back up. It's like me trying to get the last bit of toothpaste out. You really squeeze it out You put your finger right in there. Are you? Oh, well no squeeze it out

That's what this guy's finger would look like. Oh like flattened out. I see what you're saying Cory said got my fingers caught in a winch Out four-wheel driving one and a half hours out of town. Super fun. I can't imagine it was Cory. Someone said I got my fingers stuck in a cricket pitch roller and completely flattened three fingers. Wow. Again, a flattened finger.

That was from Nathan. Thank you, Nathan. Thank you, Nathan. Do they come good? What happens after your finger gets flat? Well, I like that first person saying it was actually fine once they'd X-rayed it. Oh, this reminds me of me in the backyard with my hatchet. Wendy said my friend was chopping firewood and chopped off his little finger.

Jeez. You think you could sew it back on? No, a kookaburra swooped down and took it. No, that did not happen. A kookaburra took the finger, Wendy. I mean, the kookaburra's seen it and gone, that's a little worm. There's my breakfast. There is so many messages coming through for fingers. It's hilarious.

0488881069. Mower blades chopping off the fingers. A cow bit off the tip of me finger. Oh, Tara. Oh, jeez, I want to dig down more on some of these so bad. All right, when we get the phones fixed, whether it's today or tomorrow, we're calling back. But should we take some more?

Yeah, keep coming in. Yeah, keep coming in. We'll go to that. We'll read the best out, because there's a fair few. We're calling back. Or should we take some more? Yeah, keep coming in. Yeah, keep coming in. We'll go to that. We'll read the best out, because there's a fair for you now. This is fantastic. Yeah. Keep urban up for grabs.

Absolutely. We've got a Tofod. Tofod. Jess and Daco. Are we playing Alpha Bucks next, or are we still, we don't know yet? Yeah, we don't know yet. I don't know yet.

Okay, that's cross-life to our tech guy. Good to clarify. Shy guys, tech tips. I don't trust it is my opinion. Okay, we'll try. We'll see. The number of texts we're getting, could we play by text? It would be so fun to.

04888106 is the text line. We're asking, what happened to your finger? It's popping off, Tucker. And yes, we've got that double pass to Keith Urban. We are opening it up to accept texts because yes, we have got gremlins in the system today. But a rapper slash podcasterlins in the system today. But a rapper slash podcaster over in the States trying to celebrate July 4, we know that he's a big celebration in America.

He did post, it's one of those subtle foreshadowing, he posted on X a video of him holding two M80 firecrackers. They are illegal explosives, equivalent to a quarter stick of dynamite. He said, who wants to get blown up today? I don't think he meant to blow up his own hand and thus knock off two of his own fingers, but that's what happened. Can a rabbit rap without his fingers? You know? A friend named Emily made a statement.

Risan, who, 4X was his real name, is someone who lights up every room with his humour and energy. He certainly lit up that room, Ducko, when he blew those M80 fireworks. Begs the question though, how many finger? Daddy bit me. Lots of texts coming through. Someone said, my dad's friend jumped over a fence, got his wedding ring stuck and was hanging by his wedding ring and dropped to the ground, looked up and there was his finger.

Oh my god, he degloved himself. I've heard that so much. You've got to be really careful, particularly when you work in trades, right? Not wearing your wetter ring because this, that sort of stuff happens. Even in the gym, like with a barbell and stuff like that. There's a few degloving stories we've got here. How's this one? Both my auntie and pop lost their fingers trying to clear a stick from the lawnmower. Two different accidents you'd think you'd learn from the first family member. My pop used to, oh, kids that he'd lost them trying to steal Nan's lollies and that the Nan had thrown them off.

Guys, proofread your texts, we are reading them on the fly. It's so good trying to proofread text lines. It's a bit of fun. My 80 year old granny was putting her ice cube tray back in the freezer but still had wet hands so got herself stuck in the freezer for two hours until someone came home to rescue her. What do you mean? Because her hands were wet, she got stuck to the door.

It just got stuck in there. She didn't pull them out in time. How's this? About 10 years ago, my husband was bitten on the knuckle by his monitor. I'm assuming lace monitor, the big lizard. Yeah, not his computer. And still has a tooth in his finger. Surely you get that removed.

It clicks when he bangs his finger. Donna. Thanks Donna. This is a, I think I could get the gong out for this life lesson we've got from Bo who's texted in. The best advice my dad ever gave me. If you wouldn't put your pecker there, don't put your fingers where it doesn't belong. It's a great bit of advice.

That could win you two tickets to cut your thirds. That's a great bit of advice. That could win you two tickets to cut your third. That is a great bit of advice. Um, someone said, Had my wedding ring on and got my finger stuck in an electric eel, broke my knuckle and now I can't wear a wedding ring anymore as my knuckle is much larger than it

used to be. What are you doing fingering an electric eel? Yeah, but where do you find an electric eel in the wild? What, what pond or swamp are you swimming in? What creek are you in? An electric eel?

I got my finger stuck in an electric eel. I don't think that happens by accident. We've got to call that person back, Babs. Well, someone's called in for a different phone topic. What happened to your pop? But set off fireworks in the backyard for a 21st birthday and nicked my pop's ear. Cheers, Emily. An electric eel is like a tool that plumbers use.

Obviously we know that. We know tool stuff. Well, pardon me. It's used to clear clogged drains. Kind of like a high pressure hose. I've watched too many David Attenborough docks. An electric eel is genuinely a creature. You think it's gone to the aquarium. I thought it... That's what I always thought too. I assumed it was a lady. Oh, isn't that funny? Whatever. Each to their own. Yeah, sorry, Emily. We're not asking you about what happened to your pops ear. We're talking about what happened to your family.

I mean your finger. People slamming doors. A lot of fingers getting flattened indoors, cricket rollers. I need my fingers. Yeah. Thank you for these contributions. There's some great ones here. I think we'll go through them with a fine tooth comb.

When I was a hairdresser, I cut my knuckle off whilst doing a haircut. Had to get it glued back together. Beck, three crying laughing emojis. I don't know if I'm trusting my hairdresser after that if she's cut her own finger off. No, absolutely. How good was the haircut? Yeah, I know. You definitely can't trust that. Do you want to read the Breville one? Yeah, where's the Breville one? I've scrolled too far. They're coming in too fast. They're coming in hot and heavy. Oh, is that about the blender? Yeah, where's the Breville? I've scrolled too far. They're coming in too fast. They're coming in hot and heavy. Oh, is that about the blender?

Yeah, the blender. Oh, so yes, someone's nicked their finger in the blender and then said Breville actually changed where they put the on-off button because so many people were injuring their fingers. Way to respond to consumer demand, Breville. That's actually really impressive. And we've got this one, which is also another phone topic which we're doing tomorrow. You smell different when you sleep, shy guy. That's what someone's message do.

I don't know what that's in reference to. Oh, do you not? Have we talked about what he smells like? What does he smell like? I don't think we've ever. I don't think we've mentioned that today. I don't think we've mentioned what he smells like when he sleeps. Has that person broken into your house and smelled you?

Someone said I got my fingers caught up my bum. Okay, now you're just being silly. You're not winning the key, though. Yes, finally. 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We'll come back to you, of course, if there is time. We are playing for $10,000.

We've had gremlins in the phone system but I think we're back. Ethan have you got us? Yes sir. Yeah! Ethan you must be our good luck charm. The phone lines have opened to let Ethan through which means you're going to take this 10 grand off us doesn't it? Well I was listening through your technical difficulties and then I went and had some breakfast and then went back to the car rang you here I am Here I am. Look at this guy. We just needed Ethan all along. We did. Ethan was the guy. Let's save Ethan's number for next time we have gremlins. Yeah. He will banish them boys. He's our new tech guy. Absolutely. Shy Guy's been demoted. It's fine by me. Ethan do you work in tech by any chance? I'm an auto electrician. Same thing. Hello! That's the tech of the car.

Ethan what do you want to spend ten grand on? Well I did save bills but I think I changed my mind I want to get heaps more tattoos. Yes! What are you running on full body stuff? Well I want to attack my throat because I've done my arms. Okay. I mean, is that the last bit of bare skin on your body, Ethan? No, no, that's just where I want to go to next. The throat would hurt, right on the voice box? Oh yeah, absolutely.

That would hurt. I've had my chest done so nothing can be much worse than that. That hurts a bit, does it? I was about to say, what's the worst body part? I've heard foot is very painful because it's very bony. I have my feet too. And spine isn't it? My sternum was worse than my feet.

Okay. Okay, all right. I have a number seven with black bean sauce down my back. Yeah, down the back. But that's the only one I can really comment on. It's meant to hurt though on the spine. It wasn't great.

Passed out twice. Realistically it hurts everywhere, just to different degrees. This is the voice of reason. See my little outline I got of a duck on my tricep did not hurt at all. I was so brave. You were so brave.

Such a big boy. Ethan, one thing stands between you and getting the neck tatted up. Yeah. It's the most controversial letter. It's H or H. Okay. H for hurt. Hurt. Hurt- tattoo. Hurty tat. All right. Okay. All right. Let's do it. Your time will start after the first question. Good luck. Starting with the letter H, we need you to name a beer brand. Han. A sauce. Hot sauce. A famous Australian.

Hugh Jackman. A five-letter word. High. High, hives. An animated TV series. Uh, animated TV series. Oh, I don't know, class. A food. Hot dog. An item in the office.

Uh, Home phone, no. A musical instrument. Oh, hi, hi. Hi, hi. Hi, hi. That's what threw you. That's what threw you.

Hives did have five, but you sort of said hi first. I know, and what's one of those rules? Yeah, we gotta take your first answer. Gotta take your first answer. First time playing, first time playing. You're good though, an anime TV series has a tough one. Hey Arnold. No one remembers football head. Hey football head! I'm remembering now. Yeah, an office item could have been a highlighter or a hard drive. I mean really drilling down on home phones. Home phone.

You had a crack phone in the office. Well it depends if you work at home. That's true, you can have a home phone in the office. He's playing the work from home. Well then I guess we can allow that, I suppose I didn't think about that one. Not that many people have home phones anymore, but I'll give it to you just for creativity. Hey landline, wow! Look, Ethan, you don't get the 10k, but you do get 3 months coffee subscription thanks to Lords, the legends at Lords and Braids the Chaos with Lords Supply. So you get caffeinated my friend. Perfect, love that.

You're a delight Ethan, thank you very much. Thanks for joining the show. So you get caffeinated, my friend. Perfect, love that. You're a delight, Ethan. Thank you very much. Thanks for joining the show. No worries. Thank you. Adios. All the best with the neck tats. Thank you.

We play again tomorrow at 6.30 and eight for $10,000. It appears we're back up and running, smooth sailing. This is gorgeous. I was really enjoying the text line contribution. Toe-pod. However, you can still do that. Yeah, I think so. 048881069 or get involved next.

Those Keith Urban tickets, they are up for grabs. However you choose to communicate with us, today only. That goes out the window tomorrow. Absolutely. Up next, my wife's had another magical Morgan moment. Oh, fantastic. It's been a while. It has been a while.

Motherhood really put like a sensible hat on her. I laid off her for a bit because, you know, Labor, postpartum, et cetera, et cetera. But now, baby's three months old. We've ticked over three months. Open catalogue of Morgan fails. Jess and Ducco. She's had another one guys. Oh, damn. That's on me, that's on me. That actually wasn't a tech system. You could have really just blamed the system there. I never do that, so you can always tell it's never me. But. It's another magical Morgan moment. she's had a magical Morgan moment. She's had a doozy guys.

Um, yesterday, it was a bit of a bad day with the child in terms of just, you know, crying and sleeping and just child things up against it, put up against it. And the Morgan's rusted. You know what would make it better? What's that? I'm going to shame my wife on the radio. She's not listening. And she's on mat leave. So her colleagues can't tell her anything.

Free rain, free rain. I hear this, I'm like outside with Flo and I hear this, oh no, oh no, oh. And I didn't want to ask what's happened because I knew it was gonna be bad. Come into the bathroom to see black nail polish, a full thing of black nail polish, nearly shattered on the floor, but it has sprayed up our wall, it has sprayed over the tiles, it has sprayed in the bathtub, and I had clothes laid out for work the next day.

Yes, all over the clothes. All over my clothes. Nail polish went everywhere. Black! Black nail polish. I've never. Black! Black nail polish. I've never seen her with black nail polish. I honestly think she's going through an emo goth phase. Maybe, she's been hanging out with babs too much.

This kid's really getting her down. She's smiling. She's shattered it. And I must say, I can't imagine you're particularly well versed with nail polish bottles. No. They're tiny, right? They're tiny, but it's also thick glass. Like, I'm so sure I've dropped them before.

Yeah, I don't know how it happened. She had the lid like half on, so she just grabbed it by the lid. polish bottles. No. They're tiny right? They're tiny but it's also thick glass like I'm so sure I've dropped them before. She had the lid like half on so she just grabbed it by the lid not the body of the polish. So it's compromised already. It's hit on the right angle. Yup bang it hit the wall then hit the ground, shattered and just sprayed everywhere and we have nail polish everywhere. Like a crime scene. And it stunk because then what do you have? You can't just wipe nail polish off you need to get nail polish remover we can't get some you can't get dishwashing detergent spray and wipe you need nail polish remover which is acetone it is sting the nostril it did a little bit so on our tiles it

worked in the granite in between the tile in the grout black yeah that stuff's like just black the bathtub still hasn't come off yet, which I'm a bit like... Oh, porcelain, you're right. Because I was, I was trying not to, I was like, what happened there? Did you have the lid on? She's like, no, I just grabbed it by the lid and I wanted to be like, all right, did you do that? But I was like, okay, we'll just, so I got a cloth and I'm trying, I'm just smudging it. She's like, no, you need nail polish remover. Yes.

And for anyone who's had a green whistle in their life, because I've had an injury or something, nail polish remover just smells like the green whistle. Does it? It made me instantly want to vomit, because I've had a few of in their life because I've had an injury or something. Nail polish remover just smells like the green whistle. It made me instantly want to vomit because I've had a few of those in my shoulder. Your association with that smell. It made me instantly feel sick and so I couldn't be in the bathroom. Oh my god and what were you using? Were you using like cotton swabs or something? Yes cotton swabs. Like what she would have used on her nails. Exactly because there's nail polish now everywhere. Had to go through a whole packet of those I imagine. Whole packet of those, a whole thing of nail polish, but we finished it and they're still up the side of the wall,

they're still nail polish and in the bathtub. You know I'm a big fan of Sard. I don't even know if that's getting nail polish out of clothes. How do you get it out of fabric? It's done, my clothes, she's like, oh sorry, your top's ruined. And I'm like. This is now your work clothes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you need to go to the gardening or whatever. No, no, like I was gonna wear to work today. Yes, sorry, as in you are now going to repurpose these nice clothes. It's exactly what she said. To just these are your gardening or your garage. And while that's happening, baby's crying and all this stuff. But I just thought 13, 10, 60, you spilt what, where?

That is a very annoying thing to spill. It was horrible. It was the way you can't clean it with anything else other than nail polish remover. All the bathtub, the bath, the wall. I'm trying to raise my child very Montessori, you know, very, um, practical skills, even though she's little, I'll hand her a cup of water and I go, carry this, let's work it out. What's the worst that can happen? We wipe up some water, but I gave her a tub of hummus yesterday. Why did you do that?

She likes it. She likes it. I thought, good learning. Let's practice carrying the hummus yesterday. Why did you do that? She likes it. She likes it. I thought, good learning. Let's practice carrying the hummus over to the mat. We can sit down, have some bickies. Nah, tipped it straight upside down. What an idiot. Spilt the hummus everywhere.

But I've told you about my crappy old floorboards. The gaps. I've got hummus in me gaps now. So you've got Angus's pee in there and the hummus. It's all right. You're moving out tomorrow. Yeah, you're knocking it out. The pee dried up though. Hummus, very hard. Yeah, hummus sticks. And me D right, you're moving out tomorrow. Yeah, you're knocking it out. That's right. The pee dried up though.

Hummus, very hard. Yeah, hummus sticks. And me Dyson, whilst the suction is good, it's knocking a hummus up between floorboards. You're never gonna fully clean that. Another annoying thing to spill. Yeah, that is, the hummus is an annoying thing to spill. Hummus is annoying.

Okay, then. Also, waste of hummus. Will you be honest, what you looking about? I was getting a thin cracker. Scoop it out. Come on, scoop it out. Jess and? I was getting a thin crack at it. Scoop it out. Come on, scoop it out. Jess and Ducco.

Jess and Ducco. You spilled what? Where? On scales of annoying things to spill, black nail polish would have to be up there, Ducco. Yeah, and she just recently had her, my wife spilled nail polish all through the bathroom, bathtub, wall, on some clothes I had laying over the bathtub. Yes.

She recently had her nails done. That, what's that one where you build them from the ground up? You told me you had to chuff off the other day, pretty quick smart, cause she had the appointment booked in. It took four hours. So was she getting her nail polish out? I actually don't know, I didn't ask. Toes maybe.

In the heat of the moment, the baby was crying, the nail polish had happened. That's probably not a time to interrogate your wife. So you didn't put the lid on? Okay. Why didn't you put the lid on anyway? That's not important. You spent four hours getting your nails done the other day. What's the nail polish doing out? Yeah. Now I need to know. Don't tell me she's already chipped it.

No. So the nail polish also spilled on some of it on her nails as well. On her nails? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like she's like I've ruined my nails. I just spent good money on this. I was like, oh, goodness. Because yes, removing the spilled nail polish possibly will remove the bi-app nail polish. Exactly, exactly. You know what that means, she's got to go back and get under a point. I know, yeah I know because we need the nails done.

It's another magical Morgan's moment. For all these adventures you're having with a three month old in the depths of winter, gotta make sure the nails are dead. Obviously. Hey no disrespect, she can do whatever she wants. Just don't spill black nail polish Morgan. We got a Mel on 13 1060, Mel, you spilt what, where? Same thing, can very sympathise with Docco.

My twin girls were fighting over some very dark purple black nail polish and he went all over the carpet, all up to the painted wall. And yes, I had to get that acetone nail polish out and scrub the carpet to try and get it off. Did it work? Did it take it out of the fabric? After around about four or five hours. What do you mean you were scrubbing for that long?

Yeah, it was like a paint splatter, a Picasso. It just goes everywhere in such a big, for such a little bottle, it makes such a big mess. At what point do you go, this is the rug now, this is Arsh, we bought it like this, we'll lean in and then get them to do more. Yeah, yeah. Cover it out. I think the fumes were just to, yeah, to do it for me.

Oh, horrible. And then when you get that nail polish remover out, it just reeks. Exactly. It's the worst smell. Oh God, she'll never be trusted with an open canister again. Obviously not. Add it to the list. Brittany, good morning.

Hey, how are you going? Yeah, pretty good, babe. You spilt what, where? I was actually doing some washing in the laundry and I accidentally pipped over the whole bucket of the washing powder. And then as I got the vacuum down, we were painting my girl's room at the moment and there was like a big cupboard, bright pink paint. powder. And then as I got the vacuum down we were painting my girls room at the moment and there was like a big cupboard bright pink paint and I accidentally knocked that down and then the washing

liquid and it went everywhere and then my two-year-old thought she was helping and she walked from the laundry all through the house with bright pink paint. Oh so Navey's got a nice little footprint trail all the way probably to her bedroom. Yeah, our carpet is just pink and it's like, I'm not even going to bother replacing it until they're old enough. Absolutely. Why would you? And it's just like that's so many things going wrong in the one moment.

Your brain just can't comprehend it. I know. Had you broken a mirror that morning or stepped on a crack? I don't know what happened, but like, I must have had some bad things. That's some bad juju going on there. That's some bad karma from Brittany. That's horrible. That's annoying.

Melissa, it's making me feel better though. Just one thing fell for you. You spilt what ware, Mel? It was a whole hot chocolate, a large hot chocolate in my car. Okay, anything in the car? Because it doesn't matter how much you clean it to the naked eye. Something's gone into that black hole of death. See you later.

Something's under the seat properly. Oh, it's milk too. It'll go off and go, it'll smell of rank. Seep into the seat, deep, deep into the seat. Yuck. Yeah, love that, Mel. That's a little fun. You need a professional clean for that one.

You do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Surely. Uh, Chloe, what did you spill? I spilled a whole tub of oil-based paint on my parents' new carpets. Are you a kid at the time, Chloe? I was, yes. I was like 10 and we were helping paint the house right after we got new carpets and I

was mixing the paint and it spilled over all on the carpet. I'm blaming your parents for that one. I mean, who gets carpet before they paint the house? But also then let's their kids help them paint with the new carpet down. Yeah, I don't think it was the best idea but luckily we had extra carpets but they had to replace the whole patch of carpet. Not cheap. Not a cheap exercise. These are fantastic. Thank you for sharing everyone. Katie, you spilt what? Where? Um, morning guys. Good morning. I spilt, it's a bit of a long story, but my parents don't even know this.

So they had a pork wine barrel on their white carpet on a dresser. And I was in my drinking phase and I'd been on a bit of a bender and thought, you know, let's try and try their pork. And the tap got stuck on, so the glass filled up. And then I bent down and put my mouth under it. And then my mouth filled up. And so it was going everywhere. I didn't think to turn the barrel upside down. Yes.

So after that, there was port everywhere and I was scrubbing. But the thing is with white carpet, it keeps coming to the surface over time. Also, even though you might clean it once it's almost like it brings it up again. Exactly right. So for years after I'm trying to steal. What the fuck is that like a blood stain? They don't know this. They don't know it. They still don't know it. How did you explain away this random patch of deep deep red port? Oh no I did a really good job

of cleaning it up and I just didn't mention it and I think mum at one stage went oh I put this on the carpet and I got out the cleaners again and you know cleaned it down when they weren't there. Just kept going. Oh my god. It's like mold that just keeps showing up. Geez and these sound like serious drinkers like to have a barrel of port there that's obviously probably fancy stuff. Katie got it from somewhere. Just picturing Katie underneath with her mouth. Oh no I best get it this way. Jess and Ducco. Year of the song. We are taking Babs on tour to make her feel better that she was abandoned by her boyfriend who's gone on his own Kentucky. So Shy Guy's taking us to Ibiza. And what is it? Artists who have had a residency in Ibiza nightclubs. I love it. Ushuaia. Ushuaia. That's the other one. There's another big one over there.

Amnesia. Ooh. You've had some nights there. I've had Amnesia after Amnesia. That's for sure. This is David Guetta, Windigaminai. Oh, this is D-Gets. Geez, I did not know that. I like, hey mama.

What's it called? Hey mama. Geez, I don't know. David Guetta, hey mama, what's her call? Hey mama. Jeez, I don't know. David Guetta, I only know his memories album, you know, in terms of his release. Hell of an album. Yeah. That would have been a hell of a residency to have gone over then. Yeah. Well, you know, we had the choice between Calvin or David Guetta and we chose... You chose Calvin.

We chose Calvin, yeah. I've seen David Guetta at Tomorrowland. Oh, there you go. Hell, hell of a DJ. So David Guetta's still DJing at that... Ushuaia. Ushuaia. Club since the early 2000s.

Nah, he just lives over there now. That place is wild. Still has a residency today. Hell yeah. I wonder what it's worth. I've no idea when this is. I'm gonna take a stab. I'm gonna say 17.

Oh god, I was writing 16. Oh, here we go. You're both incorrect. 2014. Ooh, earlier. 2014. Calvin Harris. Oh, here he is. Both incorrect. Whoa. 2014. Ooh, earlier. 2014. Calvin Harris.

Oh, here he is! Saw this one live. Did he push play, perhaps? Same nightclub as Evagator from 2010 to... Say Ushuaia. Feel So Close was one of his bangers. I'm actually gonna say this was 2010. Who's the vocals?

Uh... Great vocals. I think it's Calvin, isn't it? Shut up. Does he sing too? On this one. Yeah, on some of them he does. He did earlier music. You know he dated Taylor Swift for a bit. Calvin and Tay Tay? She writes about it.

Does she? 2010. Oh sorry. I think she cheated on him didn't she babes? No. The Golden Girl? I don't think so. Was that like the unconfirmed? Have I just made something up? I think you've made something up. Is that what you thought about Hiddleston? Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought there was some crossover.

That's just the media. Well I can't go for it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Kygo. With Miguel this one, this will remind me to forget. We played this a lot. Does Kygo have a residency in Ibiza? Oh dear. Really? I like that song he did Bloodstone. I remember that with Conrad Sewell. That was a good song.

This was after that, right? Yes. I'm pretty sure this was after that. I think Conrad put Kygo on the map. What happened to Conrad? I don't know. He's probably writing new music, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. But we're talking about Kygo on the map. What happened to Conrad? I don't know. He's probably writing new music, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

But we're talking about Kygo now. We're talking about Kygo, obviously. Let's get back to business. And Miguel. And Miguel. I've got no idea. Neither. It's been so long since I've been to Ibiza. Yeah.

I've got no frame of reference. You've got amnesia. Did you back announce it? No, I don't think so. I'm like, I think this was earlier. I think this is like, I'm gonna say, I don't think so. I think this was earlier. I think this is like... I'm gonna say...

I don't think I'm gonna have to go 17 again. I went 16 again! Oh, here we go. Correct answer, 2017. Oh yeah! He knows his club shoes. Somebody doesn't remember much of IB, part. Here, have a baklava, you deserve it.

Swedish House Mafia with Tiny Tempah. We've popped back over to Korea. I love Swedish House. This is my only two Ibiza. Yeah, it's good so. I saw Swedish House Mafia live too. Did you? Not in Ibiza though, in the Sydney Mire Music Bowl.

In Melbourne, weirdly enough. Weird. Weird name. Don't call your thing Sydney in Melbourne. Sydney Mire Music Bowl. Yeah. You wanna know how I know that's definitely that? Because I did the weather from there, my mum sent me texts going,

honey, you're saying the wrong thing on TV. Because she was, because I'll say I'm at the Sydney Myer Music Bowl in Melbourne. She didn't know. I think Sydney Myer is a person. Yeah. Is that correct? Yeah, spelled differently to Sydney. Not that I know anything about Sydney Myer.

What he's made me think. Nope. Myer? I don't know when this song came out. God damn it. Did they play this in Australia? I reckon this is like a 10 era. You reckon?

I'm gonna go 11. Ducko's Correct. God he's killing it! He made his money today. Dom Dollar. This was bloody yesterday. Yeah on say 24. Jess is correct. And it was the first song we played on this version of Jess and Ducco. Yeah on this show. It's the first song you've played on. I think so, because you were in the toilet. Yeah, that's right. Hey man, I was three months postpartum.

Jess and Ducco. Jess and Ducco's 10k alpha bucks on hit. This feels naughty. Feels gnawy. And I like it. Oh yeah. We were meant to play at 6.30, of course we play at 6.30 every day, but we had gremlins. Yeah. So we could not take your calls and we thought, we have time. That's not going to do. We need to play for the people. We absolutely do.

We failed to give it away at 8 o'clock. Yep. So, at 8.53, for the first time ever, Isabel, good morning. How good. How good is this? How good. Were you awake at 6.30? Like could you have played earlier this morning? No. There you go, there you go. See Isabel's always in the car at this time and never gets to playing. Here she is. Here she is. Izzy, what do you want

to spend $10,000 on? I don't know, probably a holiday or shopping free? She hasn't even had time to work it out because this is is so mind boggling. This could actually mean the pressure is so off you Isabel because it's so unexpected. You said that you might perform. Maybe. She feels pretty relaxed to me. I'll give you the rules, 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter.

Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. If you're unsure of the question, say pass, we come back if there is time. Alright, you're unsure of the question say pass we come back if there is time All right, you good to go What's the letter? Well, well we're getting there. We're getting there. Just make sure you got the rules. Yeah We've got to make sure you've taken that all in. Yeah. Yeah. Oh Isabelle is what you will be playing with today

Oh, oh, oh for oh my god. Isabel can book that holiday. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Alrighty, are you ready to rock? Yeah. Your time will start after the first question. Here we go. Starting with the letter O, we need you to name a month. A tree. An actor.

A zoo animal. A beauty brand. A Actor Owen Wilson Zoo animal Octopore Beauty brand Par Shape Octagon Brad Pitt movie

Par Musical instrument Par Periodic element A musical instrument. A periodic element. Octogex? Ah, you're there after the buzzer. Look, we got ourselves four in the end. It was a shaky start passing on Mum. I couldn't hear!

I think I missed it. We were looking for October. I was going to say, how did she get tree and not Mum? Yeah, then you got oak tree and Owen Wilson and an octopus. I was like, are we going to play it? Okay, what's the show you started? I was like, hopefully we can get back to month. She'll know, mum.

Yeah, you'll definitely know, mum. I couldn't hear. Okay, it doesn't matter either way. It wouldn't have mattered. A beauty brand could have been Olay. You know what OPI listed there, Ducko, is? Yeah, what's that? Nail polish.

We hate nail polish on this show now. Yes, we do. We're against it. Leave that off the list for next time, but. A Brad Pitt movie could have been Ocean's Eleven or Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. A musical instrument could have been The Oboe and a periodic element you got after the Barzai was oxygen. Yeah.

You don't go away empty handed though. Three months coffee subscription coming your way thanks to the absolute legends at Lourdes. How exciting. Thanks for getting involved, Isabel. I don't think it'll ever happen again at this time. No, I think so. It was a one time only. No, it was a big surprise.

I mean, I eat my words, the phones will probably break tomorrow. Yeah, you never know. Isabel, thanks for joining the show. Thank you. Thanks, babe. We do play again tomorrow, hopefully 6.30 and 8. But either way, I think what we've proved is we play regardless. We've got $20,000 a day It's just up to you to one get involved in the show and win it. Yep. Simple as that

Geez, what a show today guys. Well done performing under pressure all of you. Yeah. How are you going? Shaw guy you've been back and forth with tech over there. Yeah Into that control room kick and monitor Well, we do have to give those Keith Urban tickets away plus the accommodation. And because we did have to pivot, again, unprecedented times on this show, we opened it up to the text line. Toefod. Toefod!

Text of fame of day, if you got involved in that way, if you got involved on the phone, you were up to win double pass to Keith Urban. And a nice accommodation. When we talked about what happened to your finger earlier. God, we got some texts. We're still getting texts about that. I think we'll go through more of them in the podcast. What do you say, Ducko? Yeah, that's a bit of fun. Because they deserve a moment in the sun.

And also very hard to read live on the fly because half of them are misspelled and there's words. People then sending other texts following up with their spelling. And our system doesn't quite collate. So, you know, Andrew, Belinda, Tara have sent through, but then Andrew replies to his own message and you go, oh. I can't. Where's that? It's a little hard. Yeah, yeah, yeahinda, Tara have sent through, but then Andrew replies to his own message and you go, oh. Where's that? It's a little hard. But Tara, she sent one of the great texts, Ducko, and I'm just all correct spelling. That also worked in her favour. That's a huge win for us. A cow bit off the tip of my finger. I mean. Tara, you and your four little fingies are going to keep them. I really want to unpack that

story more too. Like was she trying to feed the cow obviously? Babs has said she's gone straight to voicemail but hey again we could follow up with Tara. We can follow up tomorrow. You tried to call Tara did you Babs? Do we? Yeah we should have texted her. This is clearly a woman who likes to text. Yeah she's a texter. Should we do tomorrow what animal bit ya? We could do that. Have you been bitten by an animal? What bit ya? What bit ya?

I like the focus on the cow too, but we've drilled down on cows a lot on this program as well. We are a big cow friendly show, obviously. You know how we've done Are You Dumb? Versions 1, 2, 3, I think we're up to phase 4. Yeah, yeah. We could keep talking about fingers I reckon. Yeah, fingers, fingers, I'm surprised how much that hummed.

The poor little digits, I mean I guess there is ten of them. Of all the body parts, you've got fingers to spare. Things are gonna happen to your fingers. You have to lose one. Which one are you choosing? I think I'm going pinky. Nah. See, I feel pinky plays a vital role in grabbing things. To be honest, Oregon Ring is not doing much.

You're gonna drop your index finger. Your index finger's like the most important finger. That is a vital finger. Thumb prints getting to the C-I-A. C-I-A, you're done. Thumb and index are the two main ones. Ring is the weakest, right? Yeah, maybe. I reckon my pinky has more strength than my ring. Yeah. I don't have any rings on another finger I know surely has a Google in that Google? The most useless finger. Yeah, what is the most if you had to lose a finger what finger is to be honest? I don't really flip people off that much maybe my index. No, what there is no truly useless finger. Oh

Index is often cited as the most functionally replaceable. So if you had to choose it would be the index. No, but you know what they say, if a gentleman loses his Johnson, I'm pretty sure they take the index and put it down there. Is that a thing? I've heard one story at least. That sounds like a uni letter actually if I've ever heard one. Google it! Google it!

Is there a case of someone's index finger being used to replace their Johnson? Yeah. I did not dream that. If you didn't... That's weird if I've pulled that out of nothing. Tell me one medical case where that was the case. Phallus reconstruction using the third finger transplant method. Thank you. Finger transplant. Finger transplant for the phallus. Yeah. I'm not saying it was functional, but in terms of...

Well they just aesthetically put one in. Yeah, well the gentleman wanted to have an appendage, as is his right. A bulge? Well, I think he wanted to feel like he still had it. But it wouldn't have any plumbing or anything. No, well, he didn't say he needed it functional, he just wanted it down there. There's different things online about which finger to lose if you had to chop one off. Okay, what are you... are you getting in the Google off?

Yeah, I'm getting... yeah, well it says thumb actually is involved in 40 to 50 percent of the hands function It's it's the more functional important of the digits So you don't know what they say separates us from the animals. Yeah, the ring finger being the least important There you go ring finger because even so weak. I can't even get it up, right? Yeah. Yeah I mean you could lose the ring try something down. Keep your ring finger off it People say ring finger and pinky are being voted as the most of the useless you know what we'll serve out the rice cookers I'll put it on the JD if you're gonna lose a finger so now we need to ask Tara yeah the cow bit off oh jeez I can't believe Shaka wants to

just get rid of you could you imagine I think I'd be fine how can we test that can we strap that down somehow? When you wipe your butt, there's always one finger that really works it. You know? And that would be your index. How would you point to Babs? When you play wordy-oke, you've got this habit of pointing at Babs and nailing him? You'd be like, we're nubby. We've been calling you nub guy. It's just a finger. He's a nub guy.

Nub guys. Alright, we'll be back tomorrow. It's Wednesday. Charguide dips amongst the Alpha Box. More tickets to Keith Urban. More tickets. Yes indeed. Enjoy your Tuesdays.

Yes please do. Bye bye. Bye. Pablo don't know why you get so uncomfortable speaking to Uncle Pablo. I'm just like your uncle. I'm friend, you know. I'm Ala. Jess and Ducko.

That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. The rumours are true. I'm not like your uncle, I'm friends, you know? I'm Ella. Jess and Ducko! That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. The rumors are true. Macca's new McGriddles is finally on the Brekkie menu.