Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Here if you need!

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

You'll never guess what Jess' mum can't travel without, we are days away from Morgan giving birth to baby Ducko, we ask what did they steal and Producer Shy Guy wraps up the week that was in his diary!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hot Honey has stopped at Macca's for a limited time only. Embrace the drift. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Welcome to the podcast, everybody. What a show. Great show. What a show.

Unbelievable highs and lows. I think we were fuelled. We've been really fuelled this week by those church hymns, that slap. Yeah, that was great. I went to Andrea Bocelli last night, felt like I had this religious experience, but I reckon it's off the back of we come to the table of the Lord. And I did realise, someone commented that no one did This Little Lotta Mine. I was one of the greats.

I know. This little lotta mine. No one said, Mary said yes, yes, yes. I know. Yeah. Some new ones in there though. Oh my God. The woman who said the Lord of the Dance,

when I was making that video and trying to write the captions appropriately, I had to Google the lyrics. Hilarious. Mate, the lyrics slap. It is fantastic. Catchy songs, aren't they? Because when she started, I'm like, are you just singing a song about dance? Are you just making one up?

Are you just making one up? But no, it genuinely is about the Lord. You know, he made the sun and the moon and the stars, but he also made the dance. Jeez, you make everything. Leave something for someone else. Did he invent the wheel as well? And time? He didn't invent light, though.

I know that much. Who made that? Albert Einstein. Yep. Checks out. Yep, it's all good. What's the one thing that you actually remember from school? It doesn't need to be like maths or anything.

Anything you were taught that you actually remember. Like, ah, that's a light bulb moment. Bod mass. Oh, bod mass. Like when you're doing, again, I know you said not math, but isn't it funny? Those, I really struggled at math. So that has taken up a bit of brain space.

Math was tough. I remember learning about discourse and juxtapositioning. Juxtapositioning. You know what? And red herrings. Paradoxically. Oh, my God. What a word. Oh, my God. I don't know ifrings Paradoxically Oh my god What a word

Oh my god Don't know if I ever used it correctly No What a word Some of the words you'd use in that Fucking in English Jesus I know

Did you enjoy English though? I was good at it Yes So I did enjoy it But I was more good at like the orals And the assignments And the creative stuff Obviously I'd always get marked down

For spelling in exams Yep But assignments I was good Yes Yeah yeah I was in the top 10% of my Well school in English There you go Yeah yeah Gosh I assignments I was good with. Yes. I was in the top 10% of my school in English. There you go.

Yeah, yeah. Gosh, I think I was too. Did I ducks English? No, I ducks English. That's a huge brag. Ducks English. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the school, for the school.

Not for the state. I'd be in the bottom 2% for spelling and then everybody else is in the top. So it was really. I ducks my school or my year level for one subject. It was business studies. Shut up. Yep. Oh, because I ducks film and or my year level for one subject. It was business studies. Shut up. Yep. Oh, because I ducks film and drama.

Did you? Yeah. That fits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That really does fit. Film and TV is one of the best studies ever. We didn't offer that. Oh, it was the greatest.

You make videos and then you watch iconic movies and your exams are about the films. Holy shit. What a subject. Oh, it was awesome. Did every kid do that? No, it was an elective, 11 and 12. No, but I'm saying, did every kid pick that? No, because some people were like, oh, that's lame.

I don't want to do that, whatever. I guess if you want to be a doctor, you're like, well, I best go do physics. My friends read like maths B and C and chemistry and physics. And I'm like, I'm going to drama, then film, then PE. I'm going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh, my God. And I will write about Barbossa's beard. Like, I'll have things to say.

It was fun. And in year 11, you did commercials, 30-second commercials. And by year 12, you made your own six-minute short film. Wow. But the funniest thing was you had to use each other to act in it. And, fuck, there were some poor actors. It's always the worst. Oh, man.

Any group activity, group assignments. Group assignments are the pits. Yeah, yeah. The worst. There's always someone that doesn't do anything. Someone that wants to help but doesn't know how to help. And then a control freak who's just like, just let me do it all. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's always like that doesn't do anything someone that wants to help but doesn't know how to help and then a control freak who's just like

just let me do it all yeah yeah yeah it's always like that I hated group assignments yeah electives Shy Guy what did you pick

I dropped one so I could have free periods okay but what was I think the other one was art visual arts oh you did visual arts

are you an artist no I kept fighting my art teacher because I was like oh is this the dot story yeah yeah. I kept fighting my art teacher because I was like. Oh, is this the dot story? Yeah, yeah. I love the dot story. This is like.

I was like, that's my art. Yep. Of course you were doing it. And she'd be like, that's not art. And I'd be like, well, here's four different artists who are very successful and do this exact thing in museums and stuff. And that would be the class. Can you imagine.

And she'd be like, all right. You're so hard to teach. Is this in your year 11 or 12? 11, yeah. So were you 17? Yeah. Can you imagine a 17-year-old shy guy sassing his teachers? You'd be, yeah, yeah.

And the other thing was like digital media, so like photography, Photoshop, manipulating. So you were argumentative with your teachers about things? No, it was respectful arguing. But you always had a point. I also think she liked it. She liked the challenge. Yeah.

Oh, did she? It's like the challenge of the board every day. If we're like, oh, I'm shy, I don't know about that. He's like, well. Well. As long as you justify it, then we can move forward. Don't be doing like this, TJ. Just blanket.

No. We had to make these things. I can't remember what they were called. Out of clay. And you put them in the kiln. But if you didn't put a hole in it, it would explode. I didn't put a hole in mine. It would explode.

When we did our ceramics course and made mugs, I don't remember having to put a hole in them. No, because it's got the... You still got that thing. Oh, yes, yes. Morgan still drinks from her mug daily. Shy guys and mine live in studio. Yours is in use as is Babs.

Do you still drink from yours? It's on my desk. I just couldn't taste. I just didn't like the taste. Morgan doesn't mind it. I liked it. It felt rewarding. Yeah, that's nice.

Do you know there's a bit of a movement, correct me if I'm wrong, Babs, but people are like... I've had some friends say it and some of the discourse I'm seeing online, no longer are we asking our friends, do you want to just go out for dinner and catch up? Do you want to go get a drink and catch up? It's all about doing activities now and making memories with your friends

the way we used to. You know, if Ducker would have a birthday party, it's like, let's go bowling. Yeah, I love an activity thing. And you make a memory through an activity. Because even if it's like, let's go bowling. Yeah, I love an activity thing. Because even if it's shit, it's kind of fun. You're all in it together. Like when we made the mugs. Like none of the mugs, okay, pardon me, Babs.

Babs didn't go all in. None of the mugs turned out particularly amazing. Someone took their time with it. They did. We're like, Babs, time's up. We've been here for three and a half hours. We've got teachers to go home. I wanted to put love hearts on it.

You did, and they came out beautifully. But I really like that shift. I'm like, let's go find a random activity and do it. So Babs, maybe we all go paintballing to tick that off the bucket list. Well, yeah, it's like clay or a lot of paintings in at the moment. Like going for like going over and doing. The paint and sip things. Yeah, paint and sip and stuff like that.

I like that. Paint and sip's cool, yeah. What else? No more hot girl walks and dinner. We could do axe throwing. Oh, even ten pin bowling. A lot of bowling. Darts. Darts.

Darts is fun. If you go to a good darts place. Like just a local pub or something? No, I mean, they don't have one where we live, but they have electronic dart spots in some of the capital cities and it plays all different kinds of games. It's fun. We should go go-karting. Go go-karting.

Yeah, they've got one right near McDonald Jones Stadium. Do you know what I walked past yesterday in Sydney? Laser tag. Oh, that's always fun too. I've not done laser tag in forever. It's like paintball. We did this thing at a formal radio station. I was on the street team.

This was years and years ago in Sydney. They did a bonding day where laser tag was one of the activities. We booked out all day. And me and this other streetie, we were stationed to laser tag. It was basically us two versus the groups that came in. And we got a record for the amount of kills because we got so good at it. We played all day. So it wasn't an accumulation through the day, but your skills got so good at it. We played all day. So it wasn't an accumulation through the day

but your skills got so good. So in one session. Yeah, we got a record for the most kills. That's so fun. I was like 24 or something like, you know. That's so fun. Yeah, it was fun. But we should do laser tag. How do you feel about escape rooms?

I always think escape rooms are funny because you see how people's brains work. Yeah, see I quite like that element. Who's logical and who's creative. It's a group assignment, essentially, isn't it? I'll be in the corner. I don't think I've ever made it out of one. I just love puzzles. No.

I love puzzles and I love riddles. I quite like escape rooms. You need someone who can do, like, Sudoku in there, too. Yeah, and, like, lateral thinking and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, here's a bucket list of a few things to do. Guys, let's do some activities. Let's do some activities.

Because we hang out on the weekend together so much. So much. And all we do is drink and eat. Oh, well, here's a bucket list of a few things to do. Guys, let's do some activities. Let's do some activities. Because we hang out on the weekend together so much. So much. And all we do is drink and eat. Oh, my God. Boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still just keen to get drunk with the team, but that's pretty hard. If Babs would respond to a text, maybe we could.

That's true. You've been particularly licky today. Have I? Yeah. It's, um. Spraying. I can't say it. It's, um.

I need to clip her. Do you? Yeah, I need to trim. Yeah, yeah. I need to clipper it. Yeah, I need to trim. Yeah, I've been thinking that too. Yeah, I've just noticed just in this chat. Did the barber say anything yesterday about it? He said he loved it. He just said it looks good. He didn't trim.

No, I didn't touch it. I'll use a little comb and I just snip it. But I do have to trim it. Sort that out before the baby comes. I know. Well, yeah, it's going to be here for the baby now. That's the decision that's been made. It's locked in.

I think. For all the photos. I know. This is an exclusive. For the podcast. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be here for the baby now. That's the decision that's been made. It's logged in. I think. Yeah. For all the photos. I know. This is an exclusive. For the podcast. Yeah, yeah. For the podcast, guys. This is it.

My mo's staying. So anyway, hey, if this is my last podcasting, good luck next week. Thank you. I don't think it will be. I have anticipation I'll be here. Oh, okay. So have you gone off that she'll go early? Well, she's saying, though, she's got early signs of pregnancy.

So bowel movement changes, it's sitting lower. So she's actually, she's starting to tick boxes, but no God, what's the main one? I can't think of the name. Contraction. Contraction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep saying cramps. No contractions yet, but she's starting to have some like light pains.

But she's also got a high pain threshold and doesn't ever get period pain, so I'm like. Has she experienced sciatica? Oh, what's that? Sciatica is like lightning bolt pain. This has nothing to do with contractions, labor. I'm now just asking. Like hard pain?

Which it's like a flash through your ligaments and nerves and joints. She's getting it in the hips. Yeah. You know what they call that? Lightning crotch. Yeah. And lower back pain. Lower back. She's getting some bad lower. So like it's all wheels are inotch. Yeah. And her... That's... And lower back pain. Lower back.

She's getting some bad... So, like, it's all... Wheels are in motion. Yeah. But you can be in this stage for a week or so. So, we don't know. Absolutely. Oh, my God.

I know. So, wheels are... Every day I wake up, we're like... Very exciting. Okay. Well, you know my mum's here this weekend and next weekend, so we'll get some lasagnas ready for you. Oh, yes.

Don't worry. I'll let you know when the mucus pops out. I'll give you one of my mum's and one... Very good. I never had that. Well, that's okay, because Morgan said she thinks it might have already, but she doesn't know. And I'm like, it could have. See, one of my girlfriends said to me when she was around this stage, she goes, oh, you know. Because I was like, oh, I'm waiting for the mucus plug, and she went, you'll know. But you never did? Nah. She made it seem that

it would be quite the moment. Yeah, right. Because I'm picturing like, and pops out, you're like, oh. Yeah. Like, what was that? What I do now is. What's this jellyfish?

One of my special skills is I voice the sound of Morgan's vagina. So I like have the voice down pat. And so right now. For some reason, I thought you were pivoting to like, yeah, I know you're the Powerball. Why are you bringing that up? I'm Oz. Oz Lotto the ball.

This jackpot is $10 million. Holy shit. That's that guy. I've got range, man. Sorry for the voice of the vagina. Yeah, so right now, I call her vagina. I've named hers, and I name it because Rosie is her name. And Rosie's very sick right now, because obviously she's got things coming out of it.

So I'm always like. Is this involved in your foreplay? I'd like to go, hold on, I'm just going to talk to Rosie. How are you? It's like she's got emphysema. I'm like, oh, sweetie, hold in there. Poor Morgan. Hang on, Rosie. It's good gear though, right?

Morgan's probably asleep. This is just him having a laugh. I can voice yours if you want. Give me Shy Guy's right nut. What is he? Hello, I'm Shy Guy's right testicle. I'm British. Hello.

Hello. I believe we got the girth and size from me, isn't it? Right nut's large. Yeah, right nut's large. Right nut's a bit low on the left. I had the measured ones because I thought I had a cyst. That's right. isn't it? Oh, you reckon right nuts largey, left nut smally. I had the measured ones because I thought I had a cyst.

That's right. Yeah, yeah. And did you have a cyst? No. Great. I had something, but it went away. Take me into the mind

of the left nut. I thought you wanted me to do your batch because I'm not ready. I'm still on the next. Take me into the left nut who thinks he has a cyst. The concern of the left nut.

Because the left nut's shy. I've got guys in a monologue. It's like, oh, I'm so scared. What if I have a cyst? Ah, everything's scary. I've never done a dump in public. I've been trying to tell you. No, it's fine.

Okay, we've done that. Now do mine. Go. And if I swear to God it sounds like fat bastard, I will spray you in the face. I'm ready. I'm ready. Everyone close your eyes. Oh.

Is that a go? I'm so fucking hungry. For dick. Goddamn warning. Goddamn warning. I'll do Babs's now. Oh, shut up. We've been looking forward to it.

It's muzzled. It's muzzled. Can't hear her. Underneath the chastity belt. It's like the book in Harry Potter, very niche. And then when you open it, it's like... Restricted session. That's all we have time for.

Enjoy the show. Jess and Tucker in the morning. There's only one show to wake up with. Jess and Ducko! The only pop show I listen to. The rest are rubbish. Broadcasting live. I'm running, tuning out.

All I want is a noise. Turn it up, turn it up. It's about to go off. Jess. This delivery driver just giving my puss a little pat. Pat it off. Before he heads on his day. Ducko.

Do you want to see my butt? Nope. You know, it's hard, you know. Producer Shy Guy. I've got a cereal. Producer Babs. Duh, duh. Big shows and big vibes in 2025.

This is Jess and Ducko. Great camera action. Howdy, howdy, let's get rowdy. Oh, it is time to get rowdy indeed. It's Friday, baby. Welcome to it. I'm very happy to be here, Ducko. Yeah.

God, you must be tired. You have the one and only. Andrea. Do we have any Andrea? Yeah. In the system? No. Sorry, sorry.

I always do it like that. I don't know why I keep doing that. This is also not Andrea. It's the closest thing I've got. You know? Do we have any time to say goodbye? Surely. Is that his song?

That is his song, Time to Say Goodbye. It's one of his best. You can imagine, obviously, closing with this because it makes sense. You've written God there. Yeah, nah, good. Time to. Getting it. Sorting it out.

I mean, I'd give you a rendition, but I don't want to. You saw Andrea last night. Andrea Bocelli played at the Sydney Cricket Ground last night. I flew my mum in. Crazy. So we could experience it together. I can't believe we don't have Andrea's version. We don't have any on the road.

We should have got some for the show. We should have. That's okay. So I've rolled in very late. Does he sing in it? Yeah. What do you mean? I've mucked late. Does he sing in it? Yeah. What do you mean? I've mucked up all my beds over here now.

Sorry. There's a lot going on. It's a bit odd on this one. For anyone who doesn't know, Italian opera singer. He's blind. He's un-freaking-believable. I really thought that was just instrumental. No, no, no.

You know who you're thinking of? Andre Rieu. Oh, that's who I'm thinking of. Andre Rieu. The French violinist. Bro, not everything's French. Some stuff's Italian. Okay.

Like pasta and pizza, French. Andrea brought out Tina Arena. Did he? Your mum would have frothed. Bit of sweet Sorrento moon. Jeez, that's good. Yeah, it was really good. But I'm very happy to be here.

Yeah, so you must be. How much sleep did you get? Not much. You must be operating on none. My mum actually said, can't we stay in Sydney and you do an OB, she said, from Sydney. I went, ma, I've only got so much goodwill

with, um. And also an OB is like when we do a full broadcast from outside. There it is. Time to say goodbye. Sarah Brightman and Andrea. Are you going to put this on? I love you. Thank you. This is beautiful to start the show. I'm going to try to. Oh, my God.

Oh, this is Andre. This is fantastic. Skip ahead. There's a big build-up. Oh, yeah. This is playing my granddad's funeral. Shut up. Oh, it's a beautiful funeral song, isn't it?

R.I.P. Pop. Pop what? Pop who? Granddaddy. Granddad who? Paul. Paul. Poppy Paul. Shut up. Oh, it's a beautiful funeral song, isn't it? All right, me, pop. Pop what? Pop who? Granddaddy. Granddad who? Paul. Paul. Poppy Paul?

Poppy Paul. Skip a bit more. I want to hear Andrea's one. It's also in Blades of Glory. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're so right. It's a great film.

All right, Sarah, we get it. You can sing. Where's Andrea? She does. There he is. Oh, this is magical. Babe. Did you and your mum just sit there and cry, get your lighters out? Last time mum and I went to a thing. Oh, this is magical. Babe. Did you and your mum just sit there and cry, get your lighters out?

Last time mum and I went to a thing. Oh, this is nice. I thought you were seeing the violinist. You thought I was seeing the violinist. And I was like, so weird, but I don't want to yucky yum, but this is way better. Thank you, because you've not said anything. This is Andrea. Oh, this is magic.

This is milk and honey. Here we go. Oh, I want to cry. Here we go. Time to say goodbye. Oh, I want to cry. The dude's blind. Is he? Unbelievable. Oh. This is magic.

You're talking about Ray Charles. No. 66. Flying all the way from Italy, one show only, Ducco. Did he bring his son? Matteo, of course. They travelled together and the granddaughter is a singer too. What?

You know where? One show in Australia, so sorry if you missed it. You know where he's off to today? Where? Taiwan. Taiwan? He, one show in Australia. Are we on air?

He's come all the way from Italy. One show. Let's pop on off to Taiwan. Huge inside page. This is giving me lead in Australia. Are we on air? It's come all the way from Italy. One show. Let's pop on off to Taiwan. Huge inside page. This is giving me lead and pencil. Bro, 60 piece orchestra behind him. Why wasn't I there? And the gospel choir.

Why weren't me and Shago there hugging? So I know you've missed out on this, but mum and I, now in November, because now we've got the good juju flying with music, want to come see Ricky Martin. No. I draw the line there. This would have been magical. But, Ricky, I can't believe I thought you were talking about the violinist

this entire time. And I was like, she's so weird. How dare you confuse Andre Rieu with Andrea Bocelli. Celine Dion, your girl Celine. I love Celine, too. My favourite quote from Celine is, Andrea Bocelli is the closest we will ever come in our generation to hearing the voice of God. Magic.

That is magic. It's very true. That's a hell of a review. That is. Okay. Here's the big one. Oh, big show today. 10K Alphalux.

My last gift baby registry worth $1,000. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we've got brand new Ed Sheeran. It's a first play, baby. This is actually perfect. Andrea and Ed do a version of Perfect together. They've worked together. Come on. So Ed would have loved that segue.

Yeah. This is a new one. It's called Azizem. Oh, is that right? Azizem. Azizem. I've just Googled it. Azizem.

It means my dear, my beloved in Persian. Okay. So I can't wait to hear Ed explain what the motivation for the song was. I'll push play on this. We've got No Dumb Thought Friday next. Happy Friday, team. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko.

There's no such thing as a dumb thought. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It's a safe place with which to dissect, discuss any lingering dumb thoughts. Yep. Can I offer you one, Ducker? Absolutely you can. That's an early dumb thought. Chuck it to me.

I'm going to chuck it to you. You're not going to like the premise, but bear with me. Yeah. The other night after dinner, I was eating a bag of twisties. And I got to... I don't like twisties. I just can't do them. What's your after dinner, I was eating a bag of Twisties. And I got to... I don't like Twisties. I just can't do them. What's your after dinner treat?

After dinner? After dinner. See, pre-dinner would be Chippies. Oh, a little entree of Chippies. Yeah, always. Spoil your appetite. Oh, I punch chips before dinner. After dinner, oh, man.

Piece of chocolate. Maybe some Greek yogurt with raspberries and honey. Oh, if I'm being naughty, I'll add some dark chocolate to it. God, look out. That's really naughty. We're living very different lives. Angus, he's a fiend for fruit and nut because he's an 85-year-old man. And whenever he says, can you get me a fresh block of fruit and nut,

I get myself a little treat. Yeah, nice. But I'm a chip fan myself. Okay, chips post-dinner's wild. Yeah, got them back, twisties. But I'm a fancy bitch and I put them in a bowl. Oh, nice. Don't eat them out of the bag.

You've got to do that. But this time, I was feeling lazy. This is just the other night. And I went straight to bag. Do you think it's dumb to open the chips from the bottom of the bag? Yes. And almost flip it upside down? Because I have found the last couple of bags of chips I've eaten,

the dregs are the best part. That's interesting. In the twisties, the dregs are, like, tiny. They're crispy. They're capturing the cheesy dust so much better. They've got all the flavors at the bottom. But then when you flip it. Like Cheezels, you know when you have a Cheez chisel or shapes and your fingers end up covered in the dust.

You lick out the bag. Yes. I want to start with those. When you flip it though, does it not just pour it all down to the other end? You're absolutely right because they're tiny, they're filtering through. Unless you were to open it on the side from what is traditionally the bottom and flatten it out. It's like my dad having McDonald's. He'll get the bag, rip the bag open and make almost like a placemat and then pour all the chips on.

Yeah. Out of the bucket so we can eat them. Really? Yeah. That is strange. But the dregs of chips I think are the best part. Interesting. I want to start with them.

I like a full chip though. I don't love a dreg, but I'll eat it. But I don't love it. Your first Red Rock Deli. Is that your best Red Rock Deli? I love the big full chippy. Yeah. But I don't think it. Your first Red Rock Deli. Is that your best Red Rock Deli? I love the big full chippy. Yeah. But I don't think it's dumb to open it from the bottom.

I think it would be dumb if you didn't do it flat, though. You're right, because it's just going to filter. To the new bottom. Yeah. Okay, I'll workshop that. Have you been thinking some dumb thoughts? Always. I want to go into the parking space for the team today.

Got me thinking around. We have indicators when we want to go into the parking space for the team today. You've got me thinking around. We have indicators when we want to turn. But when someone is going, like, dangerously slow to find a park and you don't know that. And then you're up there, but. And then they go, put their indicator on, then you realise they're trying to reverse park, then you're in the way, then they're backed up behind you.

Why don't we have an indicator on a car that is a parking indicator? Like, I am searching. So you put it on and it's like the P starts flashing. So you go, oh, okay, they're looking for a park in front of me. I'll give them some space. That's not bad. Why not have that? We have an indicator for going left and right.

Parking is just the same. I'd like to remove the horn and add that in. Well, that'd be put with danger a little bit. I think we kind of need the horn. I hate the horn. The horn is aggressive and it sends out negative ripples into society. Can we remove one device or make the horn? Yeah, here we go.

Can we change the meaning of the horn? Oh, I see what you're saying. We don't have to change our cows. Horn, if you were just constantly on your horn, it just means... I'm going slow. I'm just going... I think I've made your dumb thought dumber. I apologise.

I just wanted to know, can we get a parking indicator? Team, where do we stand on that? Is that your hazards, basically? Can you chuck your hazards on? But then that means people think that it could be an issue. There's no issue. I'm breaking down, I'm breaking down. I'm just looking for a parking indicator.

It also only works if everyone does it. I don't think many people indicate going into a car space as it is. But they only indicate if then there's one open. Yeah, if there's one late. Oh, you definitely should do that. If there's one, no, I don't mean in like a Westfield, usually in a Westfield there's people behind, but if you're on a street where there's only, and then they stop. Yeah, if there's one late. Oh, you definitely should do that. Yeah, if there's one... No, I don't mean in like a Westfield. Usually in a Westfield there's people behind. But if you're on a street where there's only...

Yes. And then they stop. Oh, on a street you indicate. Exactly. They stop because they're trying to get in that park but then you realise you're next to the car they're trying to get in or something like that. Could you not just put your indicator on

so the car behind you thinks, oh, they must be trying to get into a park. Oh, wait a minute. No, they won't. Or even just for the pre-lurk. Like when they're going really slow. We need a lurking indicator. Whack the indicator that the P thing's flashing because you know, okay, they're trying to

park their car. I know that's coming. But you wouldn't put your hazards on for that. No, that's weird. No, because I feel like hazards is issue. Hazards is like you're breaking down and something's going wrong. I don't know how to turn my hazards on. You just press the triangle.

Is that red triangle? I'm telling you. I can't see the red triangle. I guarantee it'll be pretty obvious. It's somewhere there. It's probably usually in the middle of the dash. I'll show you later. God.

You're an ambassador for who? Chicago. No, it's like a legal thing. It's a red triangle. All right, do you have a dumb thought, Mr. Legal? Yeah, I do actually, yeah. I have two actually, but I'll save the other one for next week. Why is a pizza round but comes in a square box?

Who said a pizza had to be round? Because, oh, I thought you were going to say the issue of not having round boxes. Making a round box from a manufacturing point of view feels more expensive. Feels harder, doesn't it? Curving glass or material. Curving cardboard.

Cardboard would be really difficult. I feel like that would be tougher. Equally then, why did they make a pizza not square? All right, I'm going to hit you with this as well. Have you ever tried to roll out dough? No. It's freaking hard to make a shape other than a circle. Yeah, that's true, actually.

But then what are you doing with that excess dough? The waste did you put in it? You roll it into more dough. No, you'd be more waste. I think rolling a circle is easy. It's rolling and then the waste did. And then splitting a pizza eight ways feels not... I mean, you could cut it if it was a square, even if two.

Because you could then argue. Then we're in a triangle. Yeah. That's an interesting one. Like, how do you cut a cake? Do you do the wedge? Because that's, again, a circle. You know, some people will cut through the whole thing and then try and make a rectangle.

Yeah, I do the half and then make two. But then you've got weird little end bits. I know, but, like, I can't do it anyway. Yeah, fair. So it's just like, perhaps we'll just do it this way. You know, people go, just a small piece. I don't know how to make. I'm like, you'll get what you're given.

Yeah, exactly. It's like being a quarter of the cake. Yeah, just giving half cakes out to people. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's interesting, though, the square box for the round pizza, because it works. It fits in. It feels like it works with the materials involved.

Yeah. But is it just the way we've now accepted it to be? I guess so. Yeah, I think so. I don't want to change it. I like the pizza coming in the square box. So do I. I can't fathom trying to shove a round pizza box in my recycling bin.

I feel like Domino's had a circular box for some of their things. Really? As like a little campaign. I remember that. Can I pivot really fast? Yeah. Domino's and the pizza shops who do the garlic bread in the foil? Yes.

I always thought that sucked. And it was so much better when it was like from a restaurant or even in your own oven and it's crispy. I got a foil one the other day. Good, isn't it? Holy shit. It's so soft. It's so much better when it was from a restaurant or even in your own oven and it's crispy. I got a foil one the other day. Good, isn't it? Holy shit. It's so soft. It's so soft.

It's soggy, but it's kind of good sog. What have I always said about sog? You said everyone loves a sog. You've got to love the sog, baby. You've got to love the sog, baby. That's why Jess comes in every day and goes, hey, baby, love the sog. I say, sog on, sister. People are queuing up in front of my favorite nightclub and I go, y'all love the sog.

They're just dripping with sog. And I give them vouchers to get a garlic bread. A great round, Ted. Great round, everyone. Work on the parking. Free fuel for us all. Jess and Ducco. Right now. Are you wearing socks today? Yeah. Prepare to be blown out of them.

Oh, goodness. Okay. Because I have got... Yeah. Shy Guy sent this in our group chat and I went, shotgun telling that story. Oh, I want it. I want people to credit Jay Farch and buy Association Shy Guy. I almost wasn't going to send it because I was like, this is a bit not good. Yeah. Embarrassing to the others, but I'm glad you latched on.

I read it and went, there's not a chance I'm telling that. You read it? Yeah, yeah. No, I want to blow you out of your socks. No, you can't because I didn't really look. I got halfway through and I went, this is boring. Oh, no. So you tell me. Wow, that's not. But it't read it all. I got halfway through and I went, this is boring. Oh, no. So you tell me.

Wow, that's not. But it's how our brains work. You know what? It'll be about my delivery. Yeah, it will be. And then I've got supplementary gear that wasn't in the article. I did extra research. Stop pointing.

Yeah, she's a hero. What do you mean? I almost reckon the listeners can hear when she's pointing. Yeah, and stands up. That could be a fun game. Did you hear it there? There it was. Write that down.

Yes. People are mind blown after discovering something they probably did not know about strawberries. That's on me. I didn't say that to the Dutchman. Why are we not playing Nicky Webster in other news? Well, because Jess said, do you have any fruits or veggies? And I said, hot pie and tomatoes. Yes, I do., do you have any fruits or veggies? And I said, hot pie and tomatoes.

Yes, I do. I've got tomato. I've got mango. I've got avocado, baby. To be fair, I didn't want to give it away and tell him the strawberry thing, even though he did obviously know about it.

Strawberry kisses. You were in the meeting. This is going to be way better. I even have, oh, anyway. We've all been on a journey with this story. I hope the rice cookers, it wasn't in their feeds as well. Because when Shy Guy sent...

I don't think it would have been. Where'd you find this? Was this the Mumbai Times? It was Ladbible. Ah, it was a Reddit. Oh, Reddit, yeah. When I saw the headline that Shy Guy sent, have you ever wondered what, and he used the phrase,

white dots on strawberries are, I went, what a moron. Everyone knows they're seeds. But I went, I'll do my due diligence. I've been accused of not actually reading articles before till they become in front of me. Clicked it and my socks were blown off. Here we go. And this is what I wanted to do for you too.

The dots or what I thought were seeds. Is this going to be another fan situation again? What's the fan situation? Your winter fan and summer fan. We did this same time last week. Well, let's find out. You said it was boring, but did you know

the dots slash seeds are arcane. I've had to Google the pronunciation. Good. A-C-H-E-N-E. Arcane. They're fruit.

The dots. The strawberry. Oh, the dots were on the strawberry. Yes, it's not seeds or dots. So it's a fruit within a fruit. It's a fruit within a fruit. It's fruit-ception.

Technically, the fruit, the berry that we're calling the strawberry, the red bit, is like a flowering species, and those little archenes are the fruit. How wild is that? So are we eating the arcane or the strawberry? Technically, we're eating the strawberry, which includes the arcane. So it's a two for one. The fruit. How's this?

You know we love these ones. You know how I taught you bananas aren't actually a fruit? They're more of a herb? Yes. Terms of classification. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Strawberry isn't even a berry. What is it though?

I was waiting for the kicker. What is it? What's a strawberry? Strawberry is not even the fruit of the plant, nor even a berry. Even more of us have been stumped as to what they actually are. But tell me what it is, Mumbai Times. Mumbai Times. Mumbai Times. You know what I think they're saying?

It's technically a flower. It's an aggregate fruit. Aggregate fruit. Yeah. Aggregate was fine. I'm just going to make it up. I think they're flowers. Yeah.

And the arcane is technically the fruit. There you go. But what I wanted to do. Here we go. Because you said it was dull. Yeah. 11 weird facts about fruit. I don't know if we've got time.

Vegetables. We've 11 weird facts about fruit. I don't know if we've got time. No. Vegetables. We've got fruit. Kiwi. Hot pie and tomato sauce. Now we've got hot pie. Kiwis. Yeah, kiwi fruits.

One of your favourites. Yeah, great for IBS. Babs, listen up. Not originally from New Zealand. Really? Not even from Australia. From China. Really?

You never would have guessed that. I would have thought kiwi's in the name, right? Absolutely. Oh, I should have led with this one would have thought Kiwi's in the name, right? Absolutely. Oh, I should have led with this one because it's about strawberries. How's this delivery going? Hey, man, I was up late at Andrea Bocelli. I know you were. Bear with me.

Where I were on the subject of strawberries, did you know that ounce for ounce they contain more vitamin C than oranges? Strawberries do. Yep. Really? You need to eat a hell of a lot. That's a good fact. I've got him on board.

No, how many do you need? Is it one orange and you need 55 strawberries? It'd be something like that. Hang on. Passion fruit? Yeah. Nah, let me rephrase that. Which fruit do you reckon has the most fibre?

Oh, I don't know. Is it passion fruit? Ding, ding, ding. You're a genius. I got it. I got it. How's this one? What do we know?

I should have done a quiz. What do we know bananas are famous for? Don't say being a herb. Or grandstaffine. You can rub them on your skin for eczema and stuff. What do they have in them that everyone's like, they're so good for? It's so good for your, not serotonin, your potassium. That's it.

Other fruits have more potassium than bananas, but get none of the credit. What are they? Apricots, watermelon, and even, cue the guacamole song, avocados. More potassium than bananas. Really? But they've run with the marketing campaign. We're the ones with the potassium. Sorry, I just can't hear you over the avocado.

It's just getting louder. We should continue this show. It's about grapefruit. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabugs on here. Alphabugs. Wouldn't this be great for the weekend? 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter.

Have to take your first answer. You cannot use the same answer twice. If you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back, of course, if there is time. We are playing for $10,000 in our player today. Look at this. We've got Alison. Hello, Alison. Hello. Good

morning. Alison, why have you kept us waiting so long? We've been waiting for you. We've been pining for you. Every day. Alison, is there anyone out there? Alison! Every day looking for you, Alison. And today, she's put us out of our misery. Yep. Hopefully.

Hopefully. What's motivating you today? What do you want to spend $10,000 on? Well, I've lost a little bit of weight recently, and I just actually want to get a boo job. Hell yeah. Are we talking enlargement or reduction? What are we talking, yeah?

More of a... Enlargement. Kind of like a lift. Oh, the lift. Yeah, yeah? More of a... Enlargement. Kind of like a lift. Oh, the lift. Yeah, a little bit of a socks and rocks situation. Socks in rocks situation. That's so... Rocks and socks.

That makes sense. Because you've lost the weight, now the boobies are not... Just dangle. Gravity takes control, baby. Gravity takes control because the boobie tissue is pretty much all fine. So if you're going to lose the fun, the puppies are going to tuck those up. Perk them out. All right.

Is that called, yeah, a little lift? Maybe a little nipple realignment? That could be fun. Okay. Alison, the most controversial letter we see. How is it pronounced? Is it H or is it H? Either way, that's the one you're working with.

Oh, okay. All right. That's a good letter. It's solid. It is solid. You ready to rock, Al? Yeah. Okay.

Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter H. We need you to name something you'd find at a circus. Hat. A TV show. Harry's practice. A McDonald's menu item. Happy meal.

An instrument. Heart. A McDonald's menu item. Happy meal. An instrument. Heart. A school subject. Path. A cartoon character. Harry Hype it. A flower. Hibiscus.

A farm animal. Hawk. An accessory. Hairband. Something sweet. Oh. Got through them. Got through them.

Now, I love Harry Highpants. You used to get called that if you had high pants when you were a kid as an insult. Is that a real cartoon character? Can we do it? I have no idea. I'd like to know. Shy guy on the goog. Is it just like a classic?

It's a book with a character. Is there a character in it? Is it cartoon? Harry Highpants? Surely. You know a cartoon? Harry Hyde Pants? Surely. You know who's written Harry Hyde Pants? Who? Kodolka Cartoons.

I'm going to give it. I'm going to pay it. I think you've got to pay it. You got eight there and you taught me something. Awesome. You're going to kick yourself. A school subject. History.

Home economics. HPE. And something sweet could have been hot chocolate or honey. And that was it. Apart from that, you would have won $10,000. Mate, some of the great answers. Harry's Practice. Harry's Practice.

Are you joking? One of the best shows. That with his little flat cap. Dr. H. Oh, my God. Look, you don't go by empty-handed. Just for fun, you get yourself $100 cash. Oh, thank you.

What was his theme song? Da-na-na-na-na-na. Harry's Practice. Yeah, it was. Ah, good times. Oh, thanks you. What was his theme song? Da-na-na-na-na-na, Harry's practice. Yeah, it was. Ah, good times. Oh, thanks, Alison. Thank you, Harry. Thank you.

Good luck getting the girls lifted. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll have to save a bit more. Thank you. The $100 won't cut it. Let's go into the bathroom. I do prefer it when you take me into the bedroom. Yeah, that's true. You know, sometimes you have to go to the bathroom too. Sometimes you go to the bathroom to get to the bathroom. I do prefer it when you take me into the bedroom. Yeah, that's true.

But, you know, sometimes you have to go to the bathroom too. Sometimes you go to the bathroom to get to the bedroom. You just played that toilet flush and 15 people have called. That wasn't the crying baby, guys. That was a toilet flush. That was the toilet flush. That was the golden flush. That's a different competition.

That's different. You're too early. That's for Darko's last week. That's what we're doing next week. So a bathroom supply store, QS Supplies, have surveyed 1,000 Australians and travellers on their thoughts about using public bathrooms, holding it in in public, letting things rip in public.

Whether we make contact with public seats. Exactly. So the data noted that 29% of travellers, mainly the Generation Zuma. Yep. Youngies. That's the youngies. Feel like they should be compensated for sitting next to someone who farts on a train or a plane now how would that

work is it an immediate on the spot because who's gonna who's gonna say i did that i'm next to you so you should get money is it like a citizen's arrest so i fart and you sitting next to me can go hey give me five bucks yeah yeah i won't anyone, but you need to give me the money. I don't have cash. So what, you have to give me your BSB and account number. You put a little white tile square thing. Tap it, tap it. That's not a fart.

That's my BO. Ha ha, gotcha. 23% of young participants reveal that they think passengers with smelly farts should be removed from flights or trains. How often is this happening? Apparently it's something to do with being up in the air with the altitude as well. It can make the guts do some stuff. It does things to our bowels.

There is nothing worse than being on a plane and someone stinks. Someone's letting them go. But to be fair, you know when you're on a plane, you get so used to the smell because you're trapped in there. It's like being in the bathroom for too long. You were climatised. Yeah. So I didn't think, God, they must be really bad if a new smell is punching through. I went to a change room yesterday after a teenage boy thought of you.

My God, the BO was horrible. Like, I went in there and I was like, blech. BO is, there is nothing worse than teenage boy BO. There isn't. Not even mine. I'm wearing what I wore to Andrea last night because I couldn't go into the bedroom with my clothes on. My mum's asleep.

So I had to wear this. So I was nervous. You were going to say. Same outfit. Should I give her a sniff? No. I mean, it was all pride. I didn't get that hot and bothered.

But, oh, yeah. There's nothing worse. But it did make me go. That's his mum and dad. Or guardian. Needing to have a conversation. Your body's changing. His mum was outside watching him try the clothes on, too.

And I was like, you tell Franklin. He needs to use Lynx Africa. Oh, hang on. So he's trying on clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has to buy those clothes now. Oh, mate. The poor retailer who now has to go, I can't put this back on the rack.

Serves me right for shopping in cotton on. Yeah. I'm joking. Okay, the Lynx people will go to avoid public bathrooms. 40% of travellers admit to peeing in bottles when they can't find a toilet. Bit of fun. I think that's mainly for the dudes.

I've definitely done that. Isn't that so funny? It does feel like more of a dude thing but you also can just pop behind a tree. I know but I think it's more like

if you're in a moving space. Oh fair. Like I've done one in a car before but you need a Gatorade bottle or a Powerade. Big open lid. Yes.

Getting the Mount Franklin bottle. My goodness. That's a skill. My knee cops a lot of that. Is that in the Guinness World Record? Let's find out. I could never do it in a car. 35%, that's a tough carry. That's a skill. My knee cops a lot of that. Is that in the Guinness World Record? Let's find out. Shark, I could never do it enough.

No. 35%. He just needs a saucepan. He needs a real wide. He needs a deep saucepan and pot. A stock pot. I want to make my big stocking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Slow cooker. 35% of people would rather hold it than use an unfamiliar toilet. That's Mr. Guy, isn't it? For a number two, yeah. For a number two. Well, one in five travellers have held it for longer than two hours just so they don't need to use a toilet, and they're willing to hold poo for up to 83 minutes on average. I'm sorry.

When you've got to go, you've got to go. The clench on these people. Well, Babs out there, you don't go here, Babs. No, I do now. Oh, you've opened up. You've loosened up. You've really, really loosened up. I mean, just in your attitudes, not on your...

Not on your powers. I want to do a campaign to get the whole workplace squatty potties. Oh, my God. Because that would be fun. How many cubicles are in the men's? Three. There's four in the women's. That's just seven.

Or we can just share. Just slide it under the seats. Just one squatty potty. You done with that? Yep. Chuck it under. I'm next. Slide it along.

Great for the movements. Cleanliness was a big concern. So were bad smells. Lack of toilet paper. 44% of people were brave enough to admit that they have skipped washing their hands after using the bathroom. But the issue in a public is there's not always soap. Yeah.

Or towels. Or towels. Or running water. And even touching the tap sometimes is just as gross. I know. Or the door. Yeah, the doors. Then you're touching it after the people that didn't wipe their hands.

Yeah. The worst when you go to airports and stuff like that. There's no doors, but it's dirty, it smells. There's always someone in the end cubicle just letting it rain. Yes, yes. You'd rather they do it there than on your plane bathroom, I guess. Yes. I guess. And two out of 12 employees have never, ever done number two at work.

I've never. You've never done it in your working career? You haven't lived until you've done that. We need to get you to do it. You're getting a parking fine next week. I've never. You've never done it in your working career? You haven't lived until you've done that. We need to get you to do it. You're getting a parking fine next week. I have driven home.

What? What was the length of the journey? We would have noticed if you had to go. He's got the cheeks of God. Wow. I drive from Sydney.

Would you do it in like an airplane toilet or anything like that? Nah, I've flown to LAX and held it in. For an entire flight? Yeah. What's that, 18?

The best thing is when I get to my hotel room and then I just go to the bathroom. First thing I do. Wait, hang on. You won't even go at the airport. You will get to the hotel. I'll do a wee.

I won't do a poo though. Have you ever done number two in any public space? Never. At a friend's house? Would you go to a friend's house? If I stayed the night, sure. But only sleepover? Yeah.

Wow. Oh my God. I'm good. You need to do it here at work and we need to record the moment. I would love that. Yeah, that would be so good. I don't think I would mentally do it here at work, and we need to record the moment. I would love that. Yeah, that would be so good. I don't think I'll mentally be able to go, though.

Let's cross live to Shaga. Oh, yeah. He'd have not stage fright, but now a block. Oh, you'd have a blockage. I just think I'll be able to go. Oh, wow. I'll see a laxative. Where was that when we did 131060?

You haven't lived until. Lived until. Yeah, that's crazy. Do you want your poo to Westfield? Yes. Yep. I've touched on it already, and thank you for bearing with me this morning. I feel like I'm operating maybe 85% capacity as opposed to my usual hundo.

Thank you very much. Very late evening down at the Sydney Cricket Ground last night to see a bit of Italian opera. Andrea Bocelli. Andrea! If God had a singing voice. In Australia for one night only, I flew my mum up. She is a massive, well, one, Andrea fan, but loves a bit of live music,

loves a little bit of Italian opera. Yes. So mum and I had a night last night, but as we're driving home, she was saying, I said, you know, ma, as soon as we get in, I'm straight to bed. Don't try and talk to me. I'm not making you a cup of tea. Help yourself. I've got to try and get some sleep.

I'm on the clock. The alarm is set. She went, that's okay, but I've only got carry-on, so I'm going to need a few things. I brought the bare minimum. I went, that's fine. She goes, I'm going to need face wash. I went, yep, it's going to be, you'll find it in the shower.

I've got two for you to choose from. Right, I'm going to need this. I'm going to need this. Can I borrow, yep, it's going to be, you'll find it in the shower. I've got two for you to choose from. Right, I'm going to need this. I'm going to need this. Can I borrow a dressing gown? Can I borrow? I went, no worries. I said, do you need anything for the shower? Have you got products?

She went, it's all good. I brought my, and this is the thing, the one thing she said, I cannot travel without. So happy to borrow dressing gowns, clothes, other products. I've got my own loofah, so I'll be okay for the shower. She BYO'd loofah. The loofah is the one thing she will never leave home without. What?

That and a toothbrush. But everyone obviously struggles with their own toothbrush. Because she didn't want to use your loofah or put the soap in her hand and put it on her body? That was my thing. Because to be fair, I don't have a loofah. Well, that makes sense. You have 15 second showers. So she knows my daughter doesn't have a loofah, I'll put the soap in her hand and put it on her body. That was my thing because, to be fair, I don't have a loofah. Well, that makes sense. You have 15-second showers. So she knows my daughter doesn't have a loofah.

I don't have a loofah nor a spare loofah for my mother to borrow. I don't know if she knows that, but surely she's only coming for three nights. Do you need to travel with your own loofah when you could just suds up the hands and have a little wash of the pitties? And then is she having a bag to put the loofah when you could just suds up the hands and have a little wash of the pitties. And then is she having a bag to put the loofah in? Because I feel like the loofah would get dirty travelling. The loofah certainly doesn't air dry very quickly. It retains

You get a bit moist and damp. You can fact check me here, shy guy, but years ago we talked about loofahs and someone called up saying they grow. As in like they get bigger? It's almost like it's a vegetable. No, like that feels. That can't be wrong.

I don't recall this. I don't recall this on the show. 13, 10, 60 or 04, double eight, double eight on a 69. I swear someone said I grow luffas. No. God, that sounds dumb. There is a vine called a luffa, but that's not the same thing. Oh, okay.

Someone maybe was having a go. Is it they grow like mold and bacteria? No, I swear this person said I grow luffa, but that's not the same thing. Oh, okay. Someone maybe was having those. Is it they grow like mold and bacteria? No, I swear this person said, I grow luffas. You know how I said I'm not operating at 100%? Yeah, I'm seeing it now. It's coming out in real time. But I just thought that was so funny because then she went on to say, she's actually coming again next week because it's closer to my birthday.

My parents are going to come celebrate with us. She said, I've brought a few things to leave behind so I don't have to bring them up next time we come up. She's really thought ahead. But of all the things, you couldn't pack face wash, but you had to pack a loofah. That is interesting. And you're right. She's clean, your mum, though.

That's what she said. I do not feel clean after a shower unless I've used my loofah. Good on her. My issue is we're getting home at about 1am. I said, are you going to have a shower before bed? She went, absolutely not. I shower in the morning. I went, you filthy woman.

So you're obsessed with cleanliness. After a concert or a show, I have to shower. If it's been that kind of night, like I'd have to shower to get into bed. I'd feel dirty. We've all gotten all sweaty watching Italian opera. I'm throwing my panties up at Andrea Bocelli. Mate, he did the prayer with Tina Arena. You should have seen. Your mum's up there chucking loofahs ati. Mate, he did the prayer with Tina Arena. You should have seen.

Your mom's up there chucking loofahs at him. Take my loofah. It's fresh. Andrea, sign my loofah. But yeah, as you know, obviously we're close now. Any day, really. The bag is packed. The bag is packed.

Not mine. Hers is. I need to pack mine. But I don't really need much. You don't need much. But also, you don't want to be ducking home. You can, obviously. But you'll want to be there. Yes, you said.

So just pack your things. I asked her if I could pack my boomerang pillow, my cuddle pillow, and she's like, it's a bit ridiculous. I'm like, I'll just pretend it's for you. Well, it depends what sort of room you get, right? If you get, if you jag one of the few double bed rooms. Yeah, hopefully. You could be comfy. Apparently, like, it's better if I sleep on a separate thing.

It's more comfortable. Well, you know what? We, yes, we were lucky to get the double room. So we had the double bed. Well, apparently it's better if I sleep on a separate thing. It's more comfortable. Well, you know what? Yes, we were lucky to get the double room, so we had the double bed. But with Angus' back, he's like, I think I would have preferred the bench. Because, yes, it's uncomfortable. I've asked you. I've got to set me up a little tent.

I love that. I've packed my fairy lights for you. I was going to bring them in so you could string them up and have some ambience. I'll definitely be doing that. It'll be in my tent, though, not so she can't even see it. I'm under my TV. Where's the father? He's in his fort. Let me know when the baby's coming.

I run up when she's coming. Well, you've got to do your hands on hands, darling. I do. It's time. I should do a Bruce Buffer when I come in. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time. Yes. Oh, my God.

The undisputed baby. But last night, I'm trying to sleep. I'm trying to drift off. You know, we get up early, so routine is key in this gig. And it's about to be thrown out the window. So I'm trying to sleep. I'm reading, but I've just sort of finished. I'm dozing off.

Then I hit Morgan's. She's sitting up, and her boobs are out, which is not uncommon at this stage in the pregnancy. She's just cruising around home wearing next to nothing. She won't like me asking this question. Doubled in size? Tripled? I reckon tripled.

Wow. We were trying to weigh them the other day. I was like, I reckon these things, I reckon these puppies are putting a couple of kilos. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely heavier. It's a hell of a time. Sometimes I hold them up for her. Yeah, that's nice.

So she can breathe. Have you done that thing where you stand behind her, actually, and sort of lift the belly? Oh, no. That is an unbelievable. Just go up behind her today. Oh. Put your hands low. Gently.

Like Carrie. Raise it. I don't want to hurt the child. No, no. Very gently you raise it. So it's almost like you're taking the weight. Oh. She will.

I really like that. Yeah, do that. It's like support. It's literally like support. And it's almost like her body has that relief of, oh, my God. Yeah, right. Thank you. Well, she was out last night.

She had the girls out. Yes. And I'm falling asleep, and I hear this, oh, my God, look, look, I got some. And I'm like, what? What's happening? What's, oh, my God? What a wake if you're hearing something like that. I look over, and she's massaging the teeth.

She's just massaging it, trying to get the colostrum, which is the stuff, the liquid gall that comes out that the baby needs in the early days. That's right. The early weeks, whatever it is. Does she have the little syringe? Syringes. I know she's a medical professional.

Was she doing it all on her own? She was. That's skillful. I know. And then I was like, that doesn't look like, it's dripping. You're going to miss it. Here, let me use the syringe. And she didn't trust me to use the syringe, obviously.

Well, they don't make left-handed syringes. They don't. These are leftists. So she's there doing it. I'm like, it looks really hot. Can I do something? Like, just trying to, like, hold the, hold the buzzy. Like, just trying to hold it.

You're going to get a tupperware? I'll catch the drip. What's that called? The letdown. Let me catch that. And so she was, and then I watched it happen. Because by then I was awake and you're sort of watching a unique thing. Yes.

15 minutes or something. She was going, massaging those things. Wow. Was she getting a bit? She was so excited with herself. It's a very individual journey that. Yeah. I got bupkis.

Well, she got, I don't know, like only a couple of mil or whatever it is, but she was so excited by it. Yeah. And then puts it in the little waste bag and stuff. She's like, well, do it again tomorrow. I was like, okay, do you need my help with this? Do you want to, I feel like this is a two-person. Yeah, because one of you massaging, one of you syringing.

Well, that's how we did it. But she's so probably adept with medical instruments. My job is to now just hold the syringe. I hold it. Oh, ready for her to do the extraction. She does it all, and I still stand there. Well, you're involved. I love that she's involving you.

I'm the wing attack in netball. Here if you need. Here if you need. Here if you need. 30 seconds stands up. Question. Sorry, Robert Irwin's done a bare nude shoot. Bonds. He's got bonds on.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. Because it's Forbes Bonds. I just didn't see that coming from the Irwin family. Did you see? It's everywhere now. Hey, man, you've got to make hay while the sun shines. Yeah. He's like, I'm a hot ticket item right now.

Yeah. Bonds wants me. I will strip down in a backyard with a python. And he was a water dragon. Yeah. He was hugging on. That's very scratchy. Does it make you want to buy Bonds?

Sure. It's one of those things. Those sort of ad campaigns, Ducker. It's a man in men's underwear. Yeah, looking ripped. But looking very sex appeal, right? Is that appealing to the men or the women? Who's it selling?

Yeah, the women go, oh, the men go, uh. Is it because the women are buying the underwear for the man? Am I meant to buy the undies from a man? Maybe, yeah. Because that is obviously for me. But on the flip side, if it was a very unattractive or a larger gentleman, people go, oh, I don't want bonds then because it's associated with big. You're right.

It's like using the sexy lady to sell the car. It's like she's got nothing to do with it, but it's the appeal of the whole package. Yeah. Marketing, man. Anyway, we've got to play Half Box. 30 seconds, 10 questions. We'll start with the same letter. Have package. Marketing, man. Anyway, we've got to play Half-Lux. 30 seconds, 10 questions. We'll start with the same letter.

Have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same one twice. If you're unsure of the question, save past. We come back. If there is time, today's player, Sarah. Good morning, Sarah. Hey, guys. How are you this morning?

Sarah. Sarah, we're fantastic. We're good today, Sarah. You sound like you have energy. Yeah, you're running out. Yeah, you seem like you have some great energy, Sarah. Are you excited for the weekend to come? I am, but I'm definitely nervous right now. Oh, don't be nervous.

Get it? How do you go when you play along in the car usually? I go absolutely amazingly when I'm on my way to work. Okay. Okay. Now, we were doing screams before at 7.50, just because Shaga said he couldn't scream. Can you give us your scream, Sarah?

I don't know. That's a good scream. That wasn't bad. Not too high, not too low. It was very ladylike, wasn't it? Very restrained. Restrained, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's nervous.

I'd love to actually see Sarah in a fight or flight. This is now. Oh, you're so right. I think it's all context screens. Yeah, that's true. You've got to be in the correct context to screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let's see if we can get Sarah $10,000 and hear what sort of scream comes out of her then.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? That would be good. Sarah, what is motivating you today? What would you like to spend $10,000 on? I would love to buy a new car or put money towards buying a new car. Okay. Okay.

Let's get her some wheels. Maybe, maybe put money towards buying a new car. Okay. Okay. Let's get her some wheels. Maybe, maybe you could get yourself a G-Wagon. Why, yeah. Because that starts with the letter G. You might need more than $10,000. But your letter's G, okay? Okay.

Let's do it. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter G, we need you to name a bird. A goose. A movie. Guardians of the Galaxy. A country. Germany. A verb. Grow. A non-alcoholic drink. Ginger beer. A clothing shop. Gucci. A car part. A part. A dip. Oh, gosh.

Ginger. A periodic element. I wonder if you can have a ginger dip. I mean, I suppose... I don't know. I suppose you could. I don't know, it'd be very nice. It's one of the things, like, you could, but does it exist? Yeah, I don't know.

Look, that's seven, borderlining eight kind of vibe. God, you were good, Sarah. Yeah, great player. You were unbelievable. First seven out of the gates, I was like, I was getting my $10,000 winter bed ready. 100%. I'm ticking, ticking, ticking.

Yeah, yeah, I thought we were on that. I really thought car park could have been a gasket, but it could have been a gear stick. That's terrible. I'm going to get picked on at work for that now. Do you work in cars, Sarah? I do. I work at Thomas Brothers.

Oh, no. You're Sarah. Oh, no. They're all listening going, Sarah, gear stick. Is that a sackable offence? You could be fired today. Sarah, that is. Oh, that's poor from you back there.

Oh, no. And a dip. All we're looking for was guacamole. Guacamole. Periodic element gold. If you cut Babs open, I'm pretty sure inside it's guacamole. It would bleed guacamole. And then a bit of Guzman in there.

Yeah. All the Mexican she eats. Oh, yeah. Sarah, you are an elite player, though, girlfriend. You can hold your hen up high. You don't go away empty-handed. $100 cash coming your way, Sarah. Oh, thank you so much.

You might need it after you get fired today. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Put that in a high interest savings account. Make it work for you. Do you work with Sarah? She's coming in red hot soon.

Thanks for playing, Sarah. Thank you so much, guys. Jess and Ducco, they stole. What? Because controversy has absolutely rocked the studio. Would you say the past 48 hours, Ducco? I couldn't sleep. Don't know about you guys.

Neither could I. I had to go to Andrea Pacelli last night just to get out of my own head. When he was singing goodbye or time to say goodbye, you were thinking of the trampoline that got stolen from our studio. My personal trampoline. Yeah, your trampopoline. That was painful with my hard-earned cash. And when I say my hard-earned, I mean the joint account that my husband and I shared.

Because your husband always say, everyone loves to bounce, baby. He saw something. Oh, but it could be the bounce, girl. Do you do this, dude? You go, oh, I read somewhere. And really, you just saw it on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. And you don't know if it's true or not.

He tried to pitch to me that he read somewhere, starting your day with a bounce is good for the mind, body, and soul. Now, he's not happy that I brought that to the radio. He said, hey, baby, everyone start your day with a bounce. You've got to start your day with a bounce. So I, knowing that the vibes of this room are important to the three hours that proceed. Totally. You know, the best compliment I think we get from rice cookers is,

oh, God, you make my drive to work fun. Yeah. So we've got to make sure we're operating at full capacity. High energy. So if I know a trampoline, a little bounce can get us all operating at a higher level, I brought it in. I took it away from my husband, took it away from my daughter, who was also enjoying it. We come in Wednesday morning. Gone.

The day after April Fool's, someone's pinched it. And it wasn't an April Fool's joke. And we thought, oh, someone's trying to have a laugh. But if you do a prank after midday on April Fool's, you be the fool. So we thought, it's not that. Who's stolen our trampoline? Someone has pinched our tramapoline. Trabapoline.

Trampapoline. So we have been bounceless the past 48 hours. And I think it's shown. And I think yesterday's show was average as a result. Couldn't agree more. You always have a go at about our Tuesdays being flat. Yeah, jeez. Tuesday and Thursday, second most flat.

Really took a hit because we were bounceless. I can't believe someone stole a trampoline. And then we come in this morning and the trampoline's returned. You know why? Because Babs made those wanted posters. Yeah, we put them around the office. Stuck them all over the office and on the milk like a missing child. We put out an amber alert.

It's very dramatic looking. It was so good though. It was an amber alert. So someone feels bad in the It was so good though. It was an Amber alert. So someone feels bad in the office, whoever it was, but we got it on 13. I'm getting CSI Miami. I'm dusting for fingerprints. Someone needs to be held accountable.

Why are we doing CSI now? Just because you kidnap someone and bring them back doesn't mean you don't get punished. You know what I mean? I know what you mean. Is that Jethro? It's more in order, but whatever. That's all I had.

Oh, actually. I'd love Benson on the case. I think I do. I think I might have CSI music here. Is it? Yeah, that's... Wow! Is that Jethro?

I don't know. 13, 10... I love Shy Guy's mouthing, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. You have a microphone. Had enough TV show. 13, 10, 60. We want to know what they steal.

I couldn't believe... The more unique, the better. And I actually would love specifically in the office. Horatio, not Jethro. I'm getting Babs' boyfriend and Horatio mixed up. What they steal. 131060. We want to know what they stole.

Brazen theft. Someone stole our trampoline. And, like, even though it's a mini tramp, we've got a double door here in the studio because obviously soundproofing all that jazz. I thought it was just to keep the peasants out. I thought you were going to say the B-O-N, the peasants out. Oh, yeah, it does that too.

But what I'm saying to you, Ducko, that would be hard to open both doors and take the trampoline. It would be. This is a minimum two-person job. Oh, of course. I want skulls. I want vindication. Of course.

I didn't think about that. You're right. It is a two-person job. It's a minimum two-person job. I want justice. I want justice to be served, too. Where's Horatio? I want it to be sacked.

It's a sackable offence. It is a sackable offence. You can't... Have you been looking for that this whole time? Yeah, there it is, baby. I've finally got it. Your commitment to the beer. You know what the difference is? This is CSI Miami. I had CSI Original. I said Miami. Oh, sorry. It was pretty hard

to listen, talk and type, okay? There's only one of me. What are we going to do when you go on paternity leave, man? This is the shoes you've got to fill, man. First break, we'll do a test. I'm going to throw when you go on paternity leave, man? Shy guy. These are the shoes you've got to fill, man. First break, we'll do a test. I'm going to throw things. Anyway. Sorry, back to the point. They stole what?

Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. You think you know a group of people? You think you can be a part of an email group called All Staff, and yet... Humble All Staff email. I can tell you what day our GM's working and what office,

but I can't tell you who stole our trampoline. It's because Horatio hasn't arrived yet from Miami. He's on the red eye. He's on the red eye. To fingerprint our Tramopoline. Yeah, because someone stole our trampoline! I want it on record, I took this thing off my family. Yeah, you did. a trampoline. I want it on record. I took this thing off my family.

Yeah, you did. My daughter was enjoying it. Well, we are your family. They're your second family. You see more of us. I've known you longer than I've known Lucia. Sorry. I'm going to hold that over her forever.

If you ever cancel on me to do something with your kid, I'm going to throw that in your face. And how long have you known her? I've known you since 2020. She's the third string woman in your life. Was she at your wedding? Did she introduce you at your own wedding? No, that was me.

Fair points. So everyone know I'm 13, 10, 16. What did they steal? That's right. Because how are we going to look these people in the eye today? Yeah, it's hard to. For 48 hours, someone just walked out of our studio. Two-person job we've established too.

It's got to be a two-person job. We've got double doors here in the studio. And it's a heavy trampoline. I only learnt it folds myself, and I've had it for a year at home, so they couldn't have known that. We've got Andrea on 131060. Good morning, Andrea. Good morning.

How are you? So good. I'm right on, Andrea. But to you, we ask. They stole. What? So I work at a school and someone had broken in in the night. So my office happens to be in the back of one of the classrooms and they stole my jar of lollies.

No way. All right, Andrea. That has to be a student or a past student who knows Andrea or Miss Andrea has a good jar of jelly beans. Or is it a rival teacher? Because Miss Andrea sounds like the favourite. She's doing the jar of lollies as treats for the children. I didn't think about that.

Do we have any suspicions on the perpetrator, Andrea? Oh, no. There were no suspects. Was anything else stolen? Nope, just my doll. That's so strange. Oh, my God. You know why?

You know how they discontinued fan tales? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe word got out. Miss Andrea has fan tales. They're hard to come by these days. We're going to have to go in and get it. It's hard on the feelings as well. That is.

That is bizarre. Do we get the cops involved with something like that, Andrea, or do we just chalk it up as hygiene? No, the police were involved, and when the cop walked into my office, he's like, so what did they steal? And I went, my lollies. He's like, all right, I'm leaving. I've got to go.

Did he take you seriously? Like, did he dust for fingerprints and stuff? Oh, I know, they dusted for fingerprints and stuff because they'd obviously broken into a classroom. But, yeah, he found it. He laughed at me because it's a jar of lollies. And were the lollies ever returned or ever found? Were the culprit ever arrested? Nope, they walked away with all my lollies.

No vindication. Sometimes crime does pay, kids. Oh, my God. Well, I hope that person's fillings were ripped clean out of their mouth. Miss Andrea, that is... Sorry to hear that, Miss Andrea. I'm not going to be able to sleep. No justice served.

No justice served. We go to Tammy on 131060. Tammy, they stole. What? Hello. Hello. Take this very seriously, please, Tammy. Tammy, come on.

Oh, sorry. I used to work with a lady and she was a bit of a larger lady. And if she didn't pack her lunch for the day, she would just open the fridge, have a look around, see what looked the best. And that became her lunch for the day. And how did you find out it was this particular lady? Was she caught red-handed? Well, you would often see your Tupperware container in her office.

She didn't even try and hide it. No, no. She didn't even try and hide it. Was she management or anything like that, Tammy, or just a straight-up colleague? Oh, she was a manager. Because I was going to say, why aren't you calling her out on it? But if the boss is doing it.

You cut to her room. Yeah, so you never packed good lunches. Baby back ribs, chili, baby back ribs. doing it. You cut to her room? Yeah, so you never packed good lunches. Chili! Baby back ribs. Tammy, did you and your other colleagues ever think we need a decoy fridge? Like if we have a decoy fridge, we'll put the crappy leftovers and then we can

have a fake one where we keep all the good stuff. So she doesn't know. You probably should have. So Tammy, were you just left hungry most lunch times? all the good stuff. So she doesn't know. You probably should have. Oh, that's so naughty. So, Tammy, were you just left hungry most lunch times? Yes, and then we would have to spend our money and buy lunch. Get in my belly! No.

Nothing worse than when you were looking forward to your leftovers and then you come home and your brother's eating it. Tammy's dealing with the boss. Just the teacher eating everyone's lunch when they know who it is. I eat because I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy. No. I'm unhappy because I eat.

Hey, we go to Darren. Sorry, Darren. Darren. They stole what? I had some bad tenants I had to terminate their lease and they stole the racks out of my oven. That's so annoying. Where do you even get replaced?

Oven racks? Yeah. You can buy a whole new oven. Start me on that. Straight out for another new oven as well. Oh. And then I was going to make the lasagna and I don't know what else I was cooking in it, but I suspect it wasn't stuff to eat.

Oh my God, Darren's breaking bad. I didn't think about the side of owning a house and the tenants. Wow. Oh, that is so annoying. Stealing the oven trays is, it's a funny crime, but a frustrating crime. And I love that because Darren's saying he had to kick him out for other indiscretions. So it was vindication. They've gone, stuff you, landlord.

I'm taking it. So how bad were they before? Well, they're cooking in there. Oh, God. Thank you. What's cooking in that oven? That's right. I'm going to replace that oven just to make sure.

Trudy, one of my favourite names. Trudy. Thanks. How are you guys? How are you going? Good, Trudy. Couldn't be better. What'd they steal?

Well, being a general manager, I'm always up for a prank. Everyone loves to prank the general manager. So I got an adult toy for Christmas. What, like a Secret Santa? A bunny rabbit. And after the laughs and everything

I put it on the shelf and I thought, you know, it can sit there right on my shelf. And the next day I came back and it was gone. Oh, my God. So someone watching in the Secret Santa opening has gone, hmm, Trudy got a good gift. Look at that thing.

She's obviously not taken it home to use. I'm not going to let it sit idle there. I want to take a bite of it. Let go of the penetrator. Trudy, now, as general manager, you would have access to CCTV. Oh, yes. Maybe one-on-one interrogations. What was the investigation that followed?

Well, my suspicion is maybe cleaners, but who knows? It's always the cleaners, isn't it? Oh, contractors. It's always the cleaners. That is funny. Clean up the mess. But how do they know that you hadn't used it? Let's just say they cleaned up the mess. Oh, I see. How do they know you hadn't used it? That's the other weird thing with a toy like that, you know? You never know. She's the general manager. She can just close? That's the other weird thing with a toy like that, you know?

You never know. She's the general manager. She can just close her door and have a one-on-one meeting, if you know what I'm saying. Why is Tree's Afternoon always booked out on a Tuesday? Tuesday Arvo from Toodle 5. Trudy is booked out. Toodle 5?

Jesus. She's having a crack. Mackenzie, hello. Hi. They stole what? My mum's beagle. Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Oh, no, that's not funny. We can't go from a vib mum's beagle. Oh, sorry. Oh, no, that's not funny.

We can't go from a vibrator to a beagle. I know. Babs ending on a beagle. Sorry, Mackenzie, tell us the story. So it was back when I was in school. We had two beagles at the time. And we came home from school and there was only one in the backyard. And we thought, oh, you know, the other one, you know,

Sheena's just around the side, you know, whatever. Went out the back and there was only Tipsy, our other beagle. Oh, nice. Where's Sheena? Yeah, exactly. So there's a twist, though. A few days later, she was returned. Oh, stop it. Hang on a minute.

Just appeared back in your backyard? Yep. What could you want with a beagle for two days? I don't know, but I'm thinking she was, we think she was cross something because she wasn't your standard, like, tricolour. She was kind of a yellowy. Like, she kind of, almost kind of looked like a puppy Labrador.

Sure. So what, do you reckon someone pinched her thinking it's a Labrador and then realised, hang on, this is a beagle, I don't want a beagle? Yeah, or something like that. Because she was returned, she was washed, it was absolutely bizarre. Oh, so she looked not... Oh, they've used her for a dog show. They've used her for an absolute dog show. And then realised, this is the wrong breed, I'm going to return her.

Well, they won their money and they gave the dog back, you know? Yeah, so we were obviously very thankful and glad, but my mum now has security cameras and she's actually blocked off the side of her yard so they don't have access to the front gate. And also, my heart goes out to the other beagle who didn't get stolen. Oh, Tipsy. She must be ugly. Tipsy's looking at Sheena getting pinched big like,

what about me? Jess and Ducko. Customise your dream family home with award-winning Baxco homes. Ducko's Baby Registry. Yes, indeed. Hey, this is the last day we're doing this, listening out for the crying baby. The prizes have been incredible, all thanks to Baxco Homes.

Customise your dream family home with award-winning Baxco homes today. It is cold, hard cash. This has been such a dream to be able to, one, punish Ducko for putting a PS5 on the registry for the first place. Yeah, that's pretty much the only reason we did this. But for three weeks to have been giving these incredible gifts to the rice cookers, we thank you so much. Everyone who's gotten involved.

Babs has worked overtime out there. She's been going nuts out there. Been going nuts out there. But, yes, today's $1,000 cash. So good. To do with whatever you please. So we go to... Shell, you got us there?

Yep. You won $1,000! Oh, my goodness! Thank you so much! Yay! How good. Shell, what will $1,000 do for you and your family? We have been wanting to take the kids to the Royal East to show for years.

So we're going to go to Sydney and finally take them to the show. Oh, that's right. How old are your kiddies? 11 and 12. Oh, over a decade in the making. Nice. This will go towards maybe a nice weekend with the family. Yep.

Oh, fun. Get some show bags on us. Get some show bags. Chip on a stick. I know. That's a show bag overdrive. Oh, fun. Get some show bags on us. Get some show bags. Chip on a stick. Oh, no. That's show bag overdrive. Oh, yeah. Get the Wonka bag.

Always good. Oh, thank you. Have you tried to call other days, Shell? Or is this your first time going, I'm going to go for the cash? No, we've been trying every day. Shell wanted the PS5. Shell wanted the TV and PS5. Well, Shell, congratulations.

Take the kids and make sure you enjoy it on us. Amazing. Thank you, guys. Before we let you go, Shell, for the last time with the registry, I've been asking parents who have joined the show for one piece of advice or some words of wisdom for the duck man and Morgan as they expect the arrival of their little girl. Gosh, in any time from now, really, have you got something for him?

Just enjoy the ride, Ducco. Yeah. The ride it is. The ride it is. Not the ride of the Easter show. The ride that is Parenthood. Yeah, great. Thank you, Shell.

Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. No more of that. Thanks to Back to Your Homes. That was fantastic. But up next week, we do have a co-fight. Erday.

Girl of Fame of the day. Yes. We'll have some more information on our Instagram story, actually, about that, because we're going to need some audience participation. Certainly will. Can we talk about what it is yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Two tickets to see the Tony Award-winning MJ the Musical.

Meant to be fantastic. Plus accommodation. So, you know, Shell wanting to take the family down for a weekend, that's what we're going to do. But for MJ the Musical, it's going to be epic. Yep. But that's every day next week. And we've still got our own call of fame,

$500 budget coming up in 15 minutes' time. Jess and Ducko. Now we need to take a look at the week that was. It's been a hell of a week, Ducko. The contributions from the rice cookers, shy guy, Babs, lifting. Were they? You decide after this. Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Ducko.

It's no secret on this show that Jess doesn't use deodorant and she's looking for alternatives that will work well with her eczema. We got a recommendation from a rice cooker, but it caused a bit of tension between me and Babs when we were Googling for more information. Good friend of the show, Nerida, got involved on the Jess Justin Ducko socials. Yes.

Her mum makes alpaca soap. What is that? I didn't know alpacas could produce soap. I didn't know you could milk, well, I'm assuming you milk the alpaca. Can you milk an alpaca soap?

You need to Google that. What is the teat situation? There you go. She said, do you want me to send you some? Oh, absolutely we do. I want some alpaca soap. Can Ducko have some

alpaca soap as well, Nerida? I want some. Babs, you want some alpaca soap? Sure.o have some alpaca soap as well, Nerida? I want some. Babs, you want some alpaca soap? Sure. Not that you smell, just... Yeah, I'll take some. It's a cool take. Can you milk alpacas?

How are you going with that search? I'm going to Google image it. You milk them like a cow from Babs. Quicker on the Google, Babs. Someone knows how to Google. Yeah, well, I'm factoring. No, but she grew up on property. Me, me, me, me.

We found some stats on the most common fines New South Wales drivers got last year, but before we revealed the stats, we had to assign a car horn to each of us on the team. Right now, though, let's discuss. That's a bit of a hectic one. That's Shah guy coming up behind me because I'm taking too long to reverse past.

That's me. Oh, guys, I'm here too. Yours will be much more high-pitched. Here comes Babs. Babs is doing gear with us. She is obsessed with music. Music is her identity. What's mine?

That would be yours. You've got to make sure everyone can hear it and get out of the way. You know why? I'm just trying to be friendly. Because've got to make sure everyone can hear it and get out of the way. You know why? Just trying to be friendly. Because I don't like car horns. So mine, I would want to have a little twist of whimsy. Yes, Sean. Did you just fluke that?

Because that was very good. It's all pilot plan, baby. There was a real moment on the show this week where we went from your number one hit music station to your number one Christian rock station. Church Hymns at Slap. Church Hymns at Slap. Come on. You've got to sing for us, though. Don't be coming on and just

saying. You've got to commit. Commit to the bit. And hey, we'll join in if we know it. Craig, can you give us your best rendition of a church hymn that slaps? The Lord is my shepherd. It went something like this. The Lord is my shepherd and I want to follow wherever he leads me, wherever he goes. Yeah, great. Trish, peace be with you.

Oh, and also with you. Ah, there it is. Getting up. What have you got for us, Trish? Which one? The one that always brings the tear to the eyes is Amazing Grace. Ah. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me.

Yes. Oh, Trisha's got a point. Lucy on 131060, welcome. It's a bit modern, but it's called Come to the Table. Are you ready? Ready. Ready. We come to the table of the Lord

As one body formed in your love In your love We come to the table of the Lord Of the Lord As one body formed in your love. Well done. Oh, my God. Another single.

Broken and shattered. She's doing the whole thing. I can keep going. She's doing verse two. Peace be with you. Praise Jebus. Darko had a run-in with his neighbour that left him red-faced, but I'll let him explain what happened.

We get out of the car yesterday and there's a removals van and we're like, oh, someone's moving in. And we see this girl that I did not recognise and she's getting stuff out of the car or, you know, moving her. And I was like, oh, me and I said to Morgan, we're in the car at this stage, we better be nice to her. Morgan's like, why do you care? I'm like, we've got to be nice to our neighbours, Morgan, you never know.

We go, hey, how are you? And she's like, good. And I was like, welcome to the street. Oh, you did not. Are you 75? I she's like, good. And I was like, welcome to the street. Oh, you did not. Are you 75? I don't know, man. I don't know why I said it. I think she's like 22.

I was like, welcome to the street. And she's like, I've been here for two years. I'm moving out. I was like, oh, all the best with your future endeavors. It was a pleasure to live next to you. I have face blindness. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm really good with...

I don't know who you are. I've got many strengths, but remembering names and faces is not... Morgan just pissed herself and went inside, and I was just, like, sat in my own filth. Like, I was just like, oh, my God. You wallow in that. Oh, serves you right. That's when good neighbours become ducos.

Welcome to the street. And she's like, I've been here for two years, I'm moving out. Well, that's it for this week. And remember, it's always a good idea to Google new words before you start using them day to day. Angus and I have started calling nipples, I don't know why, gerbils. Gerbils? Gerbils.

Where'd that come from? I couldn't tell you and that's why I wondered. Gerb. What have you got to do, Babs? Oh, you guys teasing each other. Babs just sent me

the Urban Dictionary for gerbil and I want Babs to read it out on the mic. No, come on. You've done the research. Read it.

You've done the research. Take credit. Yeah, this is not when you type something into the box that you know is naughty and you want us to say it. You have to read it out, Babs. It's the rule. No, it's really inappropriate. It type something into the box that you know is naughty. No, it's really inappropriate.

How bad is it? Content dumped. Not suitable for broadcast. Well, I'm never using that word again. That's a gerbil. That's what you and your husband are calling each other's nipples. Doing a screenshot of this and just send Gussie that. You will sit in front of someone who's a real dirty kinky bastard. You guys gerbil as well? your husband are calling each other's nipples. Do you want to screenshot this and just send Gus a hat?

You will sit in front of someone who's a real dirty, kinky bastard when they've never gone. You guys gerbil as well? You too. Do you guys like to gerbil? See you next week, Rice Cookers. Jess and Daco. Corner of faith.

Corner of faith. Corner of faith. We're the brothers. What were we dangling this week, Ducker? And I use the word dangling purposefully. Oh, yeah. Some dangling lower than others. $500 to spend at Budgie Smuggler, Australian made and proudly cheeky. You can head to budgiesmuggler.com.au or you just had to get involved.

That's right. We had stellar, stellar contributions this week. The church hymns. Shout out to everyone. Honorary mention to everyone week. The church hymns? Shout out to everyone. Honorary mention to everyone who sung us church hymns that slapped. They did walk away with the secondary blood of Christ being free fuel.

So, you know, they'd already won something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were all too good. They were so wonderful. I've had all of those in my head. We come to the table of the Lord. That was a. We come to the table of the... That was a great one. And the Lord of the Dance one.

Yeah. Fantastic. Anyway, earlier in the week, Ducker, you wanted to put it out to the people because, you know, sometimes you just like to hit me below the belt. Well, I mean... Talking about me stink.

Me and Shy Guy, just because, you know, we sit in a room with you and then luckily your husband, when we didn't ask him to do this, he just said to you, he said, honey, you smell, I think you need... It's getting bad. We need to do something with your deodorant situation.

Because I had tried to say, I bought the Moogoo roll on, but it exacerbated the eczema. And he went, there are other things to try. Yeah. So you thought we could extend that out. Do you have a partner that smells? Yeah. What are you dealing with in your relationship? Yeah, a stinky partner.

How do you get rid of the stink on your partner? How do you get rid of the stink? And sweet Rob. Rob called up, told us this. My wife is basically Jess, minus the eczema. Oh, she doesn't even have eczema as an excuse. No, but the personality is the same, down to the point I was telling Babs that she's even obsessed with trying to suck my toes.

No way, Rob. I'm going to need, I'm going to need, what's your wife's name, Rob? Stacey. I'm going to need Stacey's details. This is my girl. We should start a club. You guys are queens. It's scary.

Hilarious. So what do you do, Rob, when Stacey's smelling a bit, does she not use any deodorant? How are we navigating? She just forgets. She just forgets, you know. Like, she's borderline ADD, and I just say, did you forget again? Because we train at the gym a lot, and, yeah, two-second showers. I'm like, that wasn't long enough.

That's so funny. Oh, my God. Oh, Rob, my thoughts go out to you. There's my people. Yeah. Really felt like I was looking in the mirror there. Yeah, yeah. To a lovely Stacey.

I can hear the pain in Rob's voice. Rob deserves a present. He does. Rob, you got us? Hello, guys. Good morning. Morning. You got the budgie smoker, 500 bucks.

Yeah. Yeah, beauty, Rob. Thanks for getting involved in the show. How did Stacey feel about you coming on and sharing that with us? Oh, absolutely stoked about it. Can I just say, guys, can I just say quickly, today is actually our wedding anniversary. Oh, wow.

Matching budgies for Rob and Stacey. That's what I'm thinking. How many years are you celebrating, Rob? This is our first year. And you can get Mr. and Mrs. Stinky or you can get I'm with Stinky and she can have I'm Stinky. Yeah, suck my toes and Rob can say no. Yeah, something like that.

First wedding anniversary. That's a special one, Rob. Congratulations. Thank you so much. We're heading to Thailand next weekend, so this is perfect for us to grab some new stuff. New swimmers, absolutely. Watch out for tsunamis.

You sting yourself, you bugger. That's so... Nah, Babs liked it. Oh, wow. Not even a Wallace Watt Lotus. Rob, no. You stinged me for School of Rock, but you won't sing yourself a Watt Lotus. It was a back catalogue, School of Rock.

How dare you. Anyway, Rob, congratulations. We love you. Enjoy Thailand. Hey, while you're in Thailand, it's a sexy place, Rob. Let her suck your toes. Bit of bintang and a toe suck. That's Bali.

Oh, Singha. Singha. Yeah, it's a good beer. I'll say it's from Jess and Darko. Yeah. Come up for breath. This is from Jess and Darko. Rob's going to the full moon party.

Be careful. You're very drunk at those. You're the buckets. Yeah, the buckets. That's insane. Take stuff off. Guys, hell of a week, team. Well done to everyone involved.

Absolutely. Next week on the show, we have a Cofod Call of Fame of the Day. Be looking at our Instagram story for your chance to get involved to win tickets to Michael Jackson, the musical, MJ, the musical, and accommodation in Sydney. That's right. Usually when we do the CofD, the Call of Fame, all you need to do is get involved in the show. Now, there's a little hoop you have to jump through with this one.

The audio. Obviously, Michael Jackson. We want to hear your best. That's right. So film yourself. Your best. Michael Jackson just. Your best.

Oh, good one. That was a really good one. Your best. Oh, God. Michael Jackson just... Your best. Hee hee. Oh, good one. That was a really good one. Your best. Hee hee. Oh, nice. You need to film yourself doing that and then send it to us via Instagram. Don't do it on the text line because we don't know how to open the videos. Yeah, we can't do it on there.

Please do it via Instagram. We're going to compile a couple a day and the best one... Wins. Like Babs, I reckon, will win two tickets plus accommodation. Because you're filming yourself, bonus points if you do the crotch grab. Absolutely. We understand your audio will be judged,

but put a bit of flair. Go for it. Hey, you want to wear the hat? Yeah. The white socks? I'll give you bonus points if you give me a... Here I am, blanket. You can do a whole scene.

But no, this thing has won multiple Tonys. It looks like an excellent, excellent production. My mum's going to, my parents are going to London in the middle of the year and my mum's like, I've booked tickets to MJ the Musical in March. Come on to Australia. She's just sitting here. She could have sent us. Can you record your mum giving you

a hee-hee because she's here? She's here for the weekend. Please do that. She's here for the weekend. Definitely get that. And then we can have that on here for the weekend. Yeah, definitely get that. And then we can have that on my button bar forever. Oh, I love that. Great idea. Yeah, great. We are on the countdown for Ducko and Morgan to have their baby,

so I hope to see you on Monday, brother. Hopefully I'm here. If not, cool. All the best. You do you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we won't say anything until you tell us. Remember, I'll be going live on Instagram. Shaka will be there. Double pass. You'll be on your own. Yeah, it'll just be And we won't say anything until you tell us. Remember, I'll be going live on Instagram. Shy Guy will be there, double pass.

Yeah, you'll be on your own. Yeah, it'll just be you. Yeah, just me and Babs. No, Babs is DJing. Oh, that's right. You're on the decks in the birthing suite. You're on the yop score. Shy Guy's vibe.

What makes you think I can do the buttons and talk? You'll be right. You'll be sweet. Talk back. Hang on, but no one will be here to say, hey, where are you? No, the problem is they'll be here to wrap you up. You'll just keep going.

You know what? I'll just be doing School of Rock quotes and Everybody Loves Raymond. It'll be my dream show. When I'm away, you can just do quite a niche movie, you know? See, you and I at least, you know, you sometimes have some fun, but you know what I'm talking about some of the time. Shy Guy doesn't know what I'm talking about ever. Yeah.

It's going to be... I'll still niche sting you, though. Yeah, hit it with a niche sting. I know you will, that's what I'm saying. And still hit it with a my doesn't know what I'm talking about ever. Yeah. It's going to be. I'll still niche sting you though. Yeah, hit her with a niche sting. I know you will. That's what I'm saying. And still hit her with the my not niche sting when I'm not here. When I do a good one. Yeah.

We've got to work on getting me a button. We can't afford it. Anyway, thank you. Yes, we're out of here. Hopefully back Monday for me. Otherwise, we'll be in touch. I'll be here, guys. Don't worry.

Yeah, yeah. Have a great weekend, team. Bye-bye. See you Monday. Bye. She's milking herself. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast.

Hot honey has dropped at Macca's for a limited time only. Embrace the drip.