Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | How's pissy pants!?

Episode Date: December 9, 2025

Producer Babs asks for a day off, Ducko wets his pants and Jess has a dilemma at the gym!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new macho range is here at the cafe. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Podcast, fuck yeah. Recall the poll. Re-living the day yet. Podcast, fuck yeah. Big show today, guys.

Nine shows. Oh, don't. It's making me sad. To the series finale, Ducco. It's making me sad. I'm getting more sad now. Don't even. Ten was bad for me because I just could think ahead.

Yeah. Yeah. We started the countdown at 24. Yeah. We should have started it earlier. Why are we 24? Because I just remember saying, like looking at the time. And then we referenced 24 the show because we love it.

So it just felt really poignant each time. Poignant. We've ticked off nine now. Which means... Six seven. It's on the way. We're getting to six seven. Yeah.

Do we play that for both seven days and seven? Just a six. And then you'll trim the seven. It's sad, isn't it? I was not having to think about this the other day. I'm like, oh, it's going to be so different. So weird. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't have to be that. We're probably pretty different for you guys as well, I guess. Absolutely. More different probably in my end, but, you know. Oh, well, you're the only individual. Yeah. And you're going into a complete new nest.

Yeah. Whereas we're staying and our structural nest. You're structurally to stay with the burden. But I helped you guys build this nest. Absolutely. So when you look around. This is the thing. I look around structurally and I go,

those signs we print it to remind us to some things. We've got artwork, obviously. We've got references to things we've built over six years. That'll go. Yeah, it's all going to have to go. I'm being blunt. Yeah. Like, it's really interesting.

Like, are you going to take the megaphone? Yeah. I was going to say, like, stuff that gets left. Yep, I'm taking everything. I'm fucking taking his desk. Taking the eyeliders. I'm taking the whiteboard. I'm taking my pants.

You wish you could take the desk. Yeah. I'm taking the slide. I'm taking the slide. I'm taking it. I'm not. even seen this on this side of the desk. This was a great rice cooker who loves the show.

Everlasting elegance. This has been in the studio for years. I didn't know. That was there. I like to look at it. I'm taking Babs. Norringy Fabs. I told you about that.

You Fas just sent you guys. I've been taken. I've moved. Can we talk about it now? I've moved to Brisbane. I'm now living in Brizzie. Yeah. I'm just in the boot on the way.

Let me out. And then it's me calling Babbs. I will find you. And I go. Good luck. I have a special set of skills. That's my Liam Neeson impression. It's pretty good.

I will find you. It leans on Roids. You don't know me. But I have a special. I wish I knew the quote. Yeah, that's a great quote. I have a special set of skills.

Is it special? Neat. Unique? I don't know. I can't remember. I have a unique set of skills. And I will find you. I don't will kill you.

And then I yell to Babs, yell out things. And she goes, he's feeding me, Gousman. It's ducco. I'm like, oh, okay. I can find a dog. I'm fine. I want to go.

He's feeding me, Guzman. That's how you lure her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like a trap, you leave, a trail of tacos. Yeah. And she goes, ooh, taco, ooh, taco. Do you ever be up to moving to Brisbane, Babs? What are you reckon?

I don't know. I've had this conversation with people before, actually. About Brisbane? Not necessarily Brisbane, but just moving in general. Like Sydney, I can imagine. Yeah. I can't imagine you to go. What's the cost of living in Brisbane as a whole?

Like, we know Sydney is insane. unless you're earning $2 million. Property prices are expensive everywhere. But not even property. Like just generally? I mean, you haven't been there yourself for a year. I haven't been there for six years. So I really don't know.

I couldn't tell you. And you're not going to rent straight up. You obviously live with the in-laws. So it's not, I guess you can't answer that. Yeah, I don't know. Like if you were going to start again, which city in Australia do you start in? Like Melbourne and Sydney, just generally very expensive.

I don't think, yeah. It's so depressing. You need such a big salary. Truly. See, I would prefer to move to Melbourne than Sydney. Yeah, you would fit the Melbourne sort of vibe, the culture, the nightlife. I think you would very much thrive there. Yeah.

And they're all depressed down there. So you'd really just meld into it. COVID just did a number on them. It fucking did a number. Yeah, yeah, it did. The collective psychosis of everyone. Ooh, they're sad. Not good.

They're sad. Oh, goody. But you would fit for a long time. You would fit in. But I think you will love it. Like slipping into a warm bar. Oh, good. One of them.

Can't you just see a living in a ramshackle unit in Brunswick? Hell yeah. Just being cool. Yeah, what, mate, it's all old properties in Brunswick. I like old things. Hello? Why do you think I gave that example? Yeah.

Shy guy, you? For living in a city? Um, I don't know. I've done. I don't know where you would fit. Thanks. Adelaide. That's offensive.

Gee, I don't think I can live in Adelaide. I don't think I could do that. I'd rather live anywhere else. I wouldn't do it was too far away, but Perth would probably be really nice. Oh, my God. You visited since you were born? No. Perth is awesome.

Yeah. I actually don't know where I would fit anymore either. Because like the culture in Melbourne is just not for me anymore. Up north too hot for this sweaty lady. To realize, I'm probably leaning towards an Adelaide too. Wine country, a bit slower. Yeah. A bit more chill.

Hobart, perhaps. Hobart, chilly and naturally very beautiful. Where would you actually want? I don't, I think where, well, you're about to leave, so you don't need to hear this, but where we are, I think, is the train. It is good, yeah. We're about internationally if you had to pick one city. I don't know, I don't know where I'd go. Like, honestly, I don't know what region.

Bologna is very high up on my list after visiting. We're only there for four days, but holy shit, I can genuinely see myself living there. I can just get frustrated with how slow they move. Yeah, which I like. Yeah, yeah. Because there's no priority. No. God forbid you need it to.

Express post something. Forget about it. Forget about it. But I think you would then change your own attitude to time. Can you see yourself in the States? Honestly. Maybe 20 years ago. Yes, I could.

For sure. For like the entertainment industry slash sport and I probably would have suited it a lot. But now... Now it's terrifying. Yeah, I don't know if I'd like it now. I'd actually know if I'll visit in my lifetime. Ah, no, it's so sad. Canada?

Yeah, I could live in Canada, for sure. I've never actually been, but I feel like I could. Maybe just, maybe I go South America. You know what I mean? New Zealand, obviously. Yeah, you could go to New Zealand. But, like, I like New Zealand. It's beautiful.

It's so nice. But I just always feel like it's just a Shelbyville, Australia. That's, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, we're the same but different. And they're beautiful. They have a great culture and stuff. Absolutely, they do.

But, like, you know. I don't know if I'd go to Europe. I don't know if I'd go to Europe. I can't see it. You'd be Ecuador because you'd fit in there with a big peens. No, no. Because then, nah, but the same issue with her in Melbourne. But to the negative, he wouldn't be special.

Oh, yeah. He needs to go to what was the smallest, South Korea or something. Yeah. Actually, I know where I'd live. But then he'd probably get put in a zoo. I'd live in Japan because I'd be a giant. It's Godzilla! Godzilla!

Godzilla! And I'd be walking around, it should be your crossing. And you could just eat your body weight in ramen. Oh, God. You would love that. Be so fun. I can't speak a little bit of Japanese, but I can count to ten. Itchy knee.

Sanchi. Go Rocco. Oh, there you go. You guys moving a bloody Tokyo together. I'll take you to Japan with me, Babs. I know you want to come to Bologna? We'll do Raman FM. Raman FM.

It's Babs in Darko on Raman Fah Raman FM, no understands anything we say. What's your favorite lulli? Nah, what's favorite ramen flavor? Yeah, obviously. You've got to adapt culturally back. Oh, okay. I bet we'd kill it.

Egan Raman, question mark. Every time we have a call, I'd be like, thank you so much, Shibuya. What would we do in Bologna? What would we do in Bologna? I'd just eat on the air, Dale. Yeah, yeah. We get kicked out of the country. This is the audio of you guys in Bologna.

Try God. But you know what the issue is? Shire guy can't get raisin toast in Bologna. He'd be having to have, they eat sweets. breakfast so we'd be eating a bloody donut or something. That won't be healthy. Chocolate croissant or something like that. Anyway, good fun.

Tomorrow, eight. Yep. Was that more? No. I just want us to all sit in that. How many tears do you reckon they'll be on the last day? The issue is I don't know if we'll be delirious. Yeah, we could be.

Because I think there'll be an element of, I still feel like it's not real. Even though you've announced things, there's newspaper articles. There's still an element for me. That feels a bit limbo. Yeah, I agree. I don't think until I see someone else across from me, I'll believe it. It's weird. It's genuinely, I feel really out of the book.

Seeing the videos on the Jess and Ducko Instagram, which will then obviously the name will change. I'll still have the password. If you've got that written down or you know it off the... Well, now we have to check it out. That's not the actual password. Shut up. I'll beep it.

Yeah, beep it. Yeah, beep that. Babs, can you remind me to beat it when I was. And how do I remember that password, but not my own? Legit! That's so good. Anyway. But anyway, enjoy this.

When I wake, I wake up, wake up. The morning career. When you wake up, it's Jess and Taco. Stop what you're doing and listen. You know, I got the shit that you like. There's only one show to wake up for you. I'm not that easy to take. Jess.

Ducko, you didn't clean up. No, I'm got to explain. That's what a ho is. Everything's been a lot. I better leave us with money. You got to go insane. Yeah. Monkey Bear.

B-A-R-I-N-G. Is it barring? B-A-R-A-R-A-B. This one's called maggot. This is Jess and Taco. Yes, it is right on 6 o'clock. Welcome to a new day team. Welcome to Tuesday.

Smoky Tuesdays. It is smoking. Yeah, yeah. Is that what you're crying? Because of the smoke in your eyes? No. And obviously our thoughts go out to everyone dealing with that. Yes.

The back-burning, I believe, from the Bull of Dillify has swept all this smoke. Absolutely. And I think the wind. The wind is not being our friend. And what have you famously said about the wind? I hate the wind. It's the worst element. The wind is not our friend, particularly in this hot season we're currently.

Yeah, as you said, we are thinking of everyone affected by the fires matter. Where you are along the beautiful state. Absolutely. I'm very selfishly crying for myself. Oh, yes. Because yesterday was the last time we've got a double digit in our countdown. Oh, goodness. No, no!

Nine! Nine! Nine! Nine! 9. 9, we're almost in for 18, but it's not. It's just 9. 9. 9. 9 shows to go. You're Amy, I'm Jake. That's Captain Raymond Holt. Oh my God, that is. Does that make her Diaz?

Yeah, I guess it does. It's bad as Diaz. Yeah. We are all a little bit scared of her, and they're all a little bit scared of Diaz. Yeah, yeah. We don't really know everything about it. Oh, no, she's boiled. If you know, you know. I was like, well, she's not Gina. No, God, no.

She's boiled. She's boile. Yeah, she's boil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're obsessed with me. Oh, she's hating it. You should see her eyes right now. Has she seen Brooklyn Nine-N-N-N-9?

No, that's why I'm looking up. Oh, my God, that dude. It's nothing to do with looks. It's about energy. And hijinks. Yeah, yeah, hijinks. Definitely. Oh, my God, we're actually, obviously, Amy Santiago I get off the doppelganger.

You get the doppelganger a lot. You've got that larric and energy of Jakey boy. This guy's a robot Like Holt Oh my gosh We could be that team How have we only just come up with this now Oh god

I'll be nine to go We should have used 9-9 for 18 shows Yes But it's nine Until the series finale Series finale I know I've had people start to message me Being like we're going to miss you in the morning

We're going to miss you You know Getting some comments on videos we're posting That have nothing to do with you leaving But just writing Who's replacing Ducko Oh yeah don't want to know Well, when does that get announced?

New Year. Oh, New Year. This is about our time together. Yeah, this is about the Duck Man. That's right. There's no bat and change. We're going to do that here. It's just we're going to celebrate and enjoy.

You have done a baton change. It's interesting. It shall never be mentioned on these microphones. Yeah, we have nine left. It'll be fun. Nine left. We're going to jam pack them. We're going to jam pack.

You know what we're going to do? Ah, yeah. We're going to get excited, baby. Hell yeah, hit with her. Ah, yeah. All right, Jess. Is that me? That was you yesterday.

I just grabbed that. What were we talking? I grabbed that yesterday. I thought I'm going to keep that one for a lot. That is shocking. Oh, yeah. That was you going, I want to Gaga. Ah, yeah.

Also, just to note, everyone, she's still in her Gaga shirt. I don't think that thing has been watched. No, I told you. It's starting to palm. Shalda, I'll give her a whiff. Not yet. No, no, no. It's not as bad as I thought.

It's because of the smoke in the air. Yeah, the smoke in the studio. Ah, yeah. I'm never taking it off. I know. You really kept up. I'm a little bit upset, though, and I feel like I've disrespected Mother Monster.

Got crinkled in my gym bag. She deserves an iron shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, I think the steam is going to criss. Can you wear it all week, please? That's my entire. I'm never taking it off. Okay.

All right. We're that into it. Oh, she's hugging her. Yeah, we just played Lady Gaga, which we do every day. And then Jess now listens to it and goes, respect. Does a salute? Yeah, does a... Ah, yeah!

That is... I lose myself in this. You know, people go, who writes your script and oh, it's all an act? Nah, man, we lose ourselves in the moment. That's how you get moments like this. That's how you get that.

Hey, and we're going to have some fun together too. Dude! There's been a dude action yesterday. How are you today, Shaga? You seem like you're in a bit of a joyful mood. I'm good. I'm good. The day started grim because I got five minutes away from home

and I realized I forgot my laptop. Yeah. But everything is. It's fine. That's right. We're back on track. That's your one boo-boo for the day. You got it out early.

Yeah, we're going. Boyle, how you going? Boyle? Well, Boyle, Lauren, told me in Chicago one of the great depressing lines before. Would you say, Boyle? I said I was listening to Gracie Abrams on the way to work before giving the day a chance. And I was like grim. Hang on a minute.

She told me the first thing I saw when I, first thing she said to me when I saw I was, ooh, I'm wearing a scort for the first time today. What's a scort? It is when a pair of shorts and a skirt has a baby. So it looks like a skirt Yeah, it looks like a skirt from the outside But she's got the shorts I think you're just wearing a skirt

Yeah Show them inside Are they pants? Oh They're like an inbuilt thing Oh Good on your boil She's coming at this day

From a couple of different acts She has Classic Boyle Classic Boyle gear Pick a lane Hey it's gonna be fun We have Alphax for 10K Babbs is or Boyle's blog

Yes, we're changing it to Boyle's blog on the board. And we got that one after seven. We have more chances for you in that call of fame. Family Pastor Dreamwell, $500 cash plus accommodation. It is a humdinger of a prize. It's incredible. You just got to get involved in the show any chance you can. Ah, yeah.

Next, though. That is so good, eh? Yes, I was like, I want to have that. Can you, I know we don't do it anymore. I remember the last time you had your phone on loud. I certainly don't remember. Can you make that your ringtone? So next year, if I do call you, yeah, text tone, yeah, because you don't call.

I don't call. I'm trying to get better, but I just, yeah. Anyway, what's up next slide? We're talking, there's something that women do that apparently is more stinky than the men. Shy guy's already smell checked me. It's obviously not our pit odor. Yeah, yeah. What could it be?

Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. She's looking. Husband watch. Has she found one yet? Where are we at with Ray's relationship status? Has she updated anything on Facebook? Not that I'm aware of.

Do you still do statuses on Facebook? Is that still a thing? I think it's still a thing. I don't remember the last time I went on Facebook, to be honest. I've got a couple of girl groups who refused to get out of the group chat on Messenger. And they have to message me on a text going, hey, please check the chat. I'm like, ladies, not to be a non-exam. I know I'm clearly the minority because seven of you are checking it.

I can't. I can't do Facebook Messenger. I don't mind a bit of messenger action, but I certainly don't really go on Facebook. Do you know how many events I've missed because people are still making Facebook events? I nearly miss my friend's baby shower. Lucky one of her best mates was like, hey, Jess, like, you know, so-and-so gave me your number. Can you go check the event? You've clicked maybe or not even looked at it. Events are hard these days. How do you do them?

I think you've got to make. You've got to make an invite everyone. You've got to make an invite on Canva and text people. Text people, that. Text people, that's what everyone's doing. Right now, there's been a study that was done in 1998, but it's resurfacing today on Unilad, and we need to unpack it.

I would love it. As long as the data holds up, I'm happy to revisit. This is basically looking at women's farts versus men's farts and seeing who is smellier. Well, sorry, it's obviously there. Well, this is a bonkers test, and science is to blame, but you shall be surprised. Okay.

So, did you know, on average, humans fart, 23 times a day? I reckon I'm more 40. I'd be, I'd be like 70. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? One of the great joys. Yeah. No disrespect to Mother Monster.

Yeah. But we'd had a very creamy dinner, my mom and I. Of course, what's new? Just to do-ton the whole time. You and your mom. But no one can here. Well, I don't know. I don't know.

In a stadium. In a stadium. Yeah. My issue was. My issue was, I'm standing up to dance, but the girl next to me stayed sitting. I went, oh, my butt is right at her nose level. Not holding it in a gar-gar. No, you can't.

I don't want to be uncomfortable. Anyway, research shows that apparently women's gas smells more than men's. I'll unpack it with you. Please do, because I just, stereotypically speaking, dad's farts. Well, dad number two, often, you know, is like a nuke in a toilet.

That's maybe what I'm thinking of. If you went in after your dad went to the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. It's because he sits in there so on permeate. It's because he's escaping life. for the family. That's right. Dad, why I'm taking the paper in there with you? Just leave me alone. I'm going to have to get a good whiff of my wife's one, you know? I just haven't had one for a while, but I'll see. She's a lady. So back in 1998, Dr Michael Levitt, a gastroenterologist

and prolific researcher known as, swear to God, the king of farts, the cough, the big coffee boy, that's what you want. He set out to figure out which gases give farts a significant funk and from which gender. Yeah, okay. He got 16. healthy adults with no history of gastro issues. He had each of them strap on a flatuous collection system, which was essentially a rectal tube connected to a bag. So, so, pipe in-doot. Pipe-ind-doot?

Connected to bag. It's like when you were a kid, you'd fart in a jar and then put the lid on. And they'd go, smell this. But this is the medical, scientific way. Piping do it. And, how's this? They chowed down on pinto beans and took laxatives. Oh, my God, you'd be worried. You'd be worried you'd trust that far too much.

I don't know if you need the laxatives there. We just have the right food. Anyway, researchers collected the farts. He then got his colleagues. The bag of farts. And they label the bag of farts with the numbers. The colleagues who then sniffed them and put them into a sniff test, didn't know who was who, male, female, yami-a-di-a-di-a.

On a scale of 0 to 8, 8, being very offensive as a smell. How good is this is a turn offensive? And why not 10? Yeah, why not 10? Because that makes too higher. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, they didn't know who was who, right? The researchers found that the main gas is responsible for the odor of human farts,

just smelling that. rotten egg smell is the sulphur containing compounds hydrogen sulfide, right? The study found that female flatulins contain significantly higher hydrogen sulphide, which is why that they do smell more. So it's almost like we're eating the same thing, but the female body expels that component more, making it stinkier. And each woman was rated higher and more smellier than the men in this test. I mean, it was 1998 and they shoved chooze up their ass and it's now 2025, but I think

this is real. How's this, though? You'll like this. Talk to me. Hydrogen sulfide is highly toxic in large amounts and small doses. However, it's obviously in women's gas. It helps protect brain cells against Alzheimer's. So women have high concentration of it. Apparently, it helps you against things like that. But it's being expelled in a fart. So are you telling me I should be squeezing and keeping them in to keep that component in? Because if I'm getting it out of my body, is it then I'm losing? It says, you know, it says the sulphate levels decline within a age. Oh, and that's what can be linked to Alzheimer's.

It's even more pronounced with patients with Alzheimer's. So next time you break, win, breathe deep. The stinky scent might just be a secret brain booster. Oh, hang on a minute. So he is leaving the body, but they're going, sniff your own. Everybody loves their own brand. This is magic. Oh, I eat because I'm on half it.

I'm unhappard because I eat. So you guys are smelier, but if you waft in your own brand. Babs get in here. Let me breathe you in. I'm scared of Alzheimer's. You know, it's in my family. I know, I get it. I don't eat oily fish.

I've got to do something else to protect. I saw Babs out there and she just lifted one leg and went, and just really took it in. And it's a trapped in the scores. Jess and Docco. Welcome to Tuesday morning. Very smoky out there. A lot of fires about everywhere, pretty much.

Some back burning as well as a windy day yesterday. So stay safe out there. Don't take unnecessary. Yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And what's the app that you're using, Babs? Is that the New South Wales Fire and Rescue app? The RRFS app. That keeps you updated on the fires where they are.

That's a great resource. And you can see how big they are, where they're going, and it gives you updates and warnings all the time. I take it to me and take my eyes, I'm just like, oh, there's smoke. I didn't realize. I thought, I know I went to a concert, but I wasn't screaming. I was trying to be very conscientious of my voice. And I think that's exactly what's affecting me.

as well. So we do, as we say, thoughts with everyone absolutely in the in the front lines there. And we will try and provide a little bit of respite for you here on the program. Shaga? Oh, me now. Sorry. Usually you leave me in. Oh, sorry. It feels.

Hang on a minute. We need to wrap up the year with Grindr. It's a grinder. So you gave us Spotify wrapped. Yesterday you gave us Google Rapp. How are you doing grind to wrap? It's the end of the year. You know, we'll do the Arnets Wrap tomorrow.

Oh, yes. I love on it. You are the biscuit king. Grindr has taken data from 15 million users. See, now that is a sample size I can get around. And it's done a bunch of categories for things based on people's chats, what's in their profiles and stuff like that. So the, I'll just go through the list. The mother of the year, lady guy. The Supplementary Award, the mother-in-training of the year is Siparina Carpenter.

Okay, mother-in-training. She should be the daughter of the year. Yeah. They should have gone with that. I can't see Sabrina as a mother of the year. Also, isn't Grindr a day dating app? So how they give awarding Lady Gaga mother of the year? Because it's based on...

Like gay icon? Yeah, I think... But also it's based on people's chats, the songs on their profiles. Oh, they have songs on profiles. Oh my God, like MySpace. Remember that? That was a good time. That was the good time.

That should have been Shago. Oh, yeah, so. Of course it should have been the Shirelo. Best Bulge went to Bad Bunny. He's Calvin Klein ad. Oh, Robert Irwin will be upset at that. He did the famous, obviously, Bonn's undie campaigns. Yeah, he did, which Badd still has on her desk.

Daddy. There it is. That's all the way for it. The best sound of the year was... Daddy. Oh, sorry. Yeah, you're right. Nothing beats.

Oh, wait, oh, you were... Ah, yeah. It's the best sound of the year? Nothing beats a jetty holiday. And right now, you can say... This was a fun. sound. I did enjoy like all like the really bad holidays and someone falls over as too

drunk and gets him to fight. It's like nothing beats it. Yeah. People falling on boats. Yeah, yeah. That was phenomenal. I saw a clip. It was clearly not stage, but they bumped into the voice actress. Like on the street and oh my God. She's just like, I recorded that ad years ago.

Years ago. I don't know why it blew up in 2025. I hope she got more for it. Some more stats around people's actual messages now. Here we go. So Finland is the top Country for sending nudes. South Korea leads with the most open relationships. Switzerland has the highest percentage of twinks.

I think that means they're under 25-year-old. I'm sorry, I'm not well-versed. Are you sure that's not a sort of derogatory term? No, no, no, it's like a young. Oh, okay. What's a twink, Babs? You can help us out with that one. It is, it's a young. It just means a young.

Guy, anyway. I've been called one from time to time. Have you? Because I look young. Gotcha. Yeah. Italy is the number one nation most into feat. That checks out, doesn't it?

I'm huge. That guy who asked me to craft cockroaches for good, good money. I think it was Italian. What do you reckon the most common time of day for a hookup is on Grindr? I'll give you a hint at night. Yeah. 9 p.m.? 1 a.m.

Close. 10 p.m. was the most common hookup. time. That's when they just gave it free. They've had a few glasses. They've had a few glasses. Dinner's digested. I'm ready to go. Yeah, let's do that. And how many messages or, sorry, how many taps do you think there were on Grindr this year? Pardon? Taps, like double taps, like likes? Is that like swaps? Oh, geez. Really? With 15 million users, did you say? Yeah. Like a billion? Yeah. More. Oh, geez. Oh, wow. Eight billion. One trittal. Not quite that many. 12.8 billion taps.

Wow. This year alone. So they call swipes tabs. Like, we know how to work grinder. I don't know how to work, Rinder. I don't know how to work Rinder. Did the twink conversation not fill you in? I don't know anything.

You're reading this, mate. The United States is the highest percentage of daddies. How did you move over there? And Hung was the most searched word. Daddy. Hung was it? What to see if people have written in their pro. Are they playing Heng?

What's, I'm confused. I'll tell you in the ads. There you go. Grind a rap. 2025. Thanks, Chagas. Jess and Ducco. Nine shows left to go in this season finale.

Not to go to... India. Out of India and China. Where do you like visiting more? Ooh, India, I think. Yeah, I'm a huge butter chicken guy. I keep having the street food as well and just getting sick. Absolutely.

But you're a sucker for a samosa. We know this about you. I do love a good samosa. You know me. You're like, Ducco, not again. Can't say no to a curry. apart for this guy. Three days.

Three days will be on the toilet. I always share a room with Shal guy when we go over and he's like, why? He's like, I told you. Three max. Yeah, yeah. Buy one and get one from three. I'll take four. Yeah.

Anyway, we're here for an interesting story, interesting reason. There was a man who was relieving himself on some train tracks. Oh, when you've got to go, you've got to go. It was like a weird, weird place to do it because these train tracks are also known to be quite dangerous. It's the Vandi Baratat. train. I'm familiar with it. Obviously you are.

I think that's the overnight sleeper I took where I couldn't sleep because I was like, someone's going to steal my passport. I would not sleep on that either. Apparently this Vandhi Barat train is known. It is notorious for colliding with cattle. Hey, cow! So the tracks go through the fields. Yes.

And the cows don't get out the way. Who's that fault here? Do we move the tracks or do we need to educate the cows? Well, the cows were first and they built the train tracks through them. Apparently, so much so that when they, within days of this train's launched, the express train suffered, damage after colliding with cattle the next day the same train sustained minor damage after nosing with a cow apparently it happens pretty regularly where this train hits a cow

to be fair to the train driver yeah hard to slow down a train quickly if that cows is wandering across the tracks what do you do i don't know who's at fault here it's like twister there's a cow there's another cow it's the same cow it's the same cow is that niche or can well i would imagine you should niche yourself sorry jess That's just far too niche. The issue with that analogy, though, Daco, once a train hits the cow, it's not going to be the same cow. Surely you've blown up the cow.

Well, funny if you say that. So Shivdil Sharma was the one urinating on the tracks. That's the bloke. Shivdil was the bloke. He was there just taking a little tinkle, you know, relieving himself. All of a sudden, this train, he's on the other side of the train tracks, right? The train hits the cow. He's like, I'm not an idiot.

I know the 1240's coming through. I'll go on the other side. I know that train over there. Yeah. That hits cows a lot time. So I'm going to wee on this track. I'm so smart. As he's doing that, this train comes steaming through, okay, hits a cow at that exact moment.

The cow gets propelled into the air, flies 30 metres across the tracks, and hits Shivdal Sharma as he's urinating on the tracks, plummeting him to his death. Oh, my God. Right? He got crushed by a cow. Got crushed by, oh, there's the phone topic. Well, or what happened while you were peeing. Oh, there's multiple avenues we could. There's plenty ways.

I guess, have you been crushed by a cow? Bit niche. Not many people. I've got no issue with niche. Probably haven't lived to then call. If you have, though. God, I'd love to hear from him. If you survived being crushed by a cow.

Yep. That's unbelievable. The cow's body fell 30 metres away on him as he was relieving himself on the track. Like a shot put. Like a shot put out. And the cow, big, big creatures to fly. The train was apparently fine. Stayed on time and everything was all good for people catching trains that day.

So they've arm at the train. They were like too many dints in our train. from these cattle. Yep. They've now reinforced them. Yep. But that's pushed a cow mid-air. How's this, though?

The Union Railway Minister, Ashwin Vichard, he said collisions on this track are unavoidable and there's nothing we can do about it. Meanwhile, the Western Railway has decided to put up metal fencing along the track. Are we working on keeping the cows out or the piers? Which one are they actually trying to work on? It does feel dumb from the human to go in there

and we on the track knowing that it's dangerous. Just knowing, but I would argue, Not even from the cow element. Why are you peeing near a train track? You can't be doing that. Do you know what I mean? You can't be doing that. Please, you don't have to go find a bathroom.

Go find a tree. Go find a tree. You're a corner. Yeah. And also, the track is fairly open. Like, everyone can look down and see. We can't speak ill of them. No, we can't.

All the cow for that matter. Oh, the cow didn't walk away from this either. Let's remember that. There was a cow harmed. There are two victims here. 620 kilometres long this track is and they've got to now put up fencing along that. And apparently the government is not happy that they've now got to put up A lot of fencing.

But like... And also now we're impacting the cow's ability to move freely through the paddocks. If there is a fence basically tunneling the train. Oh, it'd be like the wall. Daisy's going, hang on a minute. I used to be able to go over that side. See Mark. Now Mark's on the other side and Daisy's on one side.

Well, the cow's better coordinated, hey? Which side are we all going to bunker down on so we can be together? Did you imagine that decision process with the two cows? Like, we don't know on this side or that side? What do you want to do? No, this is the issue. Daisy and Mark have been dating for a while. Yeah, yeah.

But now the fence is coming. Who's moving in where? Oh, Mark, I've got a pool. You should come on my side. No, but I've got the view. You should come on my side. I get hit by trains on this side. Come on my side.

Yeah. Like the COVID bubble you had to pick. Are we going to be each other's person? Oh, yeah, that's right. This is what the issue for the cows is now. So, it really is. The cows will finally be able to relate to us. Jess and Ducko.

In case you missed it, guys. Yes, yes. The Queen Oprah Winfrey is down under. What's that? This is the theme to the Oprah Winfrey show. What? I swear I watched Oprah back in the day. When you pulled a sickie back in the day, did you watch Oprah?

Oh yeah, it was always on daytime TV. I don't remember the thief's song. Neither do I. Well, there you go. She was on TV for many, many years, of course. Let's play a quick net worth game. Obviously, she's not been on TV for ages, but we know she's got a finger in a lot of pies. Were you silent?

Or were you silent? She does exclusive interviews with like the Royals. But she's doing this speaking to her now. She's already been in Melbourne and Sydney. She did Brisbane last night. It sounds like the most cheesy game show music. It does. How much do you reckon Oprah Winfrey at 71 years old is worth?

Ooh. Two billion? Billions? It's billions? Yeah, yeah. More than two billion, ducko. Seven. Okay, you've gone to high.

Three point one. Three point two. Take that. Close us without going over. That's 4.8 billion Australian. Anyway, she's doing these tours. And an insider, whatever that means, has come out and said, when you're worth that much,

does travel look like for you? Oh, yeah. She's staying at Sydney's Crown Towers, at least when she was in Sydney, $46,000 a night. Wow. It's a two-level penthouse. Taylor Swift stayed there. Drake stayed there. This is where Drake through the shoe.

Yeah, the drone. Yes, yeah, yeah, that's a very good. 46 grand a night. She has a full glam team of her own crew for hair and makeup, which doesn't really surprise me. She would trust people and obviously want to do that. She has a driver on 24-hour. a call to take around these cities. That would be the best part about being rich, I think, is having a full driver.

Absolutely. Whenever you want, wherever you want. I like that element too, but this one got my attention. Masuse. She travels with a personal masseuse. The other thing I wanted to drill down on is her team of assistance will research the best restaurants in whatever city they're staying in. Make multiple reservations for, let's say, Thursday night at different cuisines.

And then just before dinner, they say, Oprah, what do you feel like? You know what, tonight, I do feel like Malaysian. And they'll cancel all the other reservations. Mansubin, the other restaurant's like, Oprah's coming tonight. Get the good coloury out. Oh, she bailed. Because, you know, this day and age, you've got to leave your credit card with every reservation. If you don't show up, you get 50 bucks, 80 bucks.

I don't think Oprah cares. So they cancel the nine bookings and they just go to the one that then she's deemed, I would like to eat that tonight. Do you reckon she just. I just want the Grinchmeal at Mac is? Sometimes I reckon she does. And then the driver on call, which you just go through the drive-through. No, she's dining in.

She's dining in. Have a goal on the playground. She's going to the playground, absolutely. And I just thought we could quickly go around with $3.2 billion. If you woke up tomorrow and that was in your bank account, what are you spending it on? Are you wasting it on a $46,000 a night two-level penthouse suites? I mean, I definitely would put some money into that for sure. You'd stay in nice places, obviously.

Absolutely. For me, I never want to fill petrol again. The driver would be nice, but if I ever had to zip around, someone has to be in charge of petrol. Yeah. Hold it. Hold up. never doing that job again. I would personally get a hype person.

So basically wherever I went, I'd have someone and like if I'm going to the bathroom and coming out, how am I looking? Ah, yeah! Thank you so much. Thank you for my hype person. Do you want them to also do kind of like old school royals? Gosh, I think they still do it.

They announce you. Yeah. So, you know, if your last one in the studio. Coming in, the third of his name at 5 foot seven. Shut up. Oh, okay. They're a hype person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The holiest of his, it is, it is Docco. I'm feeling like there needs to be some trumpets. Yeah, and I roll out every round, just like Lord Farquard coming out. Scores, what would you spend $3.2 billion on? I would chuck out all my clothes. Start again. Donate all my clothes, and then I would...

All right. You've got to donate what you're currently having. And I'm thinking about the people, so I donate. I donate. I donate. I take it up with my clothes. The scort? Are you keeping the score?

No, keep the scot. Okay. And then I would get one of those really cool, like, mechanical, like, wardrobes where you, like, go to an iPad and pick what you're going to wear for the day. Someone's seen clueless recently. Yeah, I don't want to know. And then you just can, like, match your outfit and stuff. That's a bit of fun.

What's going to be more fun is shy guys. Yeah, I've really given this a lot of thought. I'd buy an island, big enough for an airport. I'd have a private jet, obviously. Like Oprah. I'd be spending no money on charity. It would all just be for me. And if people could just come to my island and I'll pick them up in the jet.

I was about to say, you'll give us the jet. Shy Guy Island. It gets you right, shy guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be a tropical paradise. Oh, that'd be fun. That's nice. And this reason's just playing non-stop.

Do you live on the island? I want to drink out of the coconut. Feels lonely this dream. Yeah, no, there'll be people around. It'd be like a holiday house, holiday island. Holiday Island again. Oh, we're on Shark Guys Island again. Love Island season 23.

It's on Shy Guys Island. Jess and Duckow. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on here, Alpha Bugs. 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the season. same letter. I have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back if there is time. They're the rules. We are planning for $10,000. Our player is Amanda. Hello, Amanda.

Hello. How are you guys? Amanda, we're fantastic. It's the 9th of December. We have nine shows left. It's all coming up nine. Nine, nine. But what we need from you is a 10. Are you going to do it? Yes. I hope so. All right. What do you want to spend the money on? I'd like to eventually take the kids to Disneyland. They're three and five little girls, and they're obsessed with Disney princesses, as all little girls are, so I'd like to try and get to Disneyland for them. Amanda, Amanda. They'd love that. Guess what your letter is?

Oh, D. It's D for Disneyland! Oh, this feels like a good omen to be. This feels like a good omen. All righty, you're ready to rock? I am. All right, your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter D, we need you to name a country.

Denmark. A celebrity. Demi Moore. A dog breed. Dane. A school subject. A dance. A cartoon character.

Duffy duck. Duffy duck. A six-letter word. Drought. A condiment. A dressing. Something in the shed. Door. A shoe brand.

Dolchy. Denem. Good player. Unreal player! I think you got yourself. Eight question mark. Oh, Amanda. We've got five more seconds.

I know. And actually, is it the Duffy Duffy Duffie Duffie? Yeah, I know. I was like, is it Daffy Dug. What did you say? I thought you said it right initially. Oh, did I. I didn't know if I heard Duffy Duck.

I thought you said Daffy Duck. And I marked it. Then you kept correcting yourself. And I was like, stop. I don't know. Move on. So anyway, let's go through them. So a dog breed, Dane, that's a dog breed.

Yeah, is it a Great Dane. To be honest, I don't know that one. Yeah, Great Dane is what I know. Look, could have been a Dalmatian or a Dashan. We'll check that. I marked it as correct, but I thought maybe it had to be. Great Dane. I gave you a Daffy, Duk, a six-letter word.

Now, did you say... Drought. Seven letters. Yeah, after I said it, that was like that. Yeah, that's seven letters. Amanda, you can hold your head up high, sis. Yeah, everything else you got correct. So that would probably give you about seven if we take the Dane one.

which we are looking into right now. But look, Amanda, you don't get the cash. You do get $100 to spend a pillow talk for the love of comfort. That is all yours. Thank you so much, guys. Merry Christmas, Amanda. Thank you so much.

Thank you very much. Ho, ho. Now that's how you play the bloody game. That's how you do. Is Dane? Shogai? It is not, unfortunately. Oh, is it great Dane.

Are they like good Danes and mediocre Dane? Could be? No. Good Dane to you. No, I don't think so. Anyway, it's still fun. They're all great. Up next we've got Boyle-slash Babs' blog.

Get in here, Boyle. Jess and Ducco. Hey, it's... Boyle. And this is my blog. Boil. Boyle. Boil.

Slaid Boyle. Slaid Boyle's blog. Boils Blow. We're calling it Boyle for Brooklyn. No, no. We've just all established that we have characters, similarities. I can't believe it's taken us two years working together in your final episodes. I know.

To work out... We're in the presence of greatness. Yeah, yeah. Charles Boyle in the form of... I just don't get it. Just Google in if you see it. You need to watch the show. I don't like sitcoms.

Oh, yeah, you don't like that. See, I think... Classic Boyle. Just hates to laugh. What do you got for us today? I have a favour to ask of the team. Oh, shit. What day do you need off?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have nine shows left. You sharp are taking any. Is that seriously you want a day off? No. Not a whole day. Shog I knew this was coming. I did.

I've already got permission, but that's okay. I just thought I would ask anyway. No, I said you've got permission from me, ask the team. I've got nine shows to go. You're going to cut this short? Can I explain myself? Okay. So, I want to go to Samba tonight in Sydney.

Okay. Which means I'll be getting home rather late. What time does Samba play, Bab? 9pm. Yeah. And I'm in that time where I'm saying yes to everything because, you know. Slay. Because you boil and you live in your bed.

Yeah, I'm trying to live my best. So I wasn't going to go because I was, you know, my. might interrupt my work the next day. But I'm like, I really like Somba, so I want to go. You do like Samba. We know that. Yes. We do. And that's not like it's new information to us.

No. Hold on me trying to hear you. Unbelievable. It would be great life. Here's what I'll tell you. Next week, I'm going to Kendrick on Wednesday, who comes on stage at 8.30. And I will not be leaving Sydney till 11.

I won't be getting home until that 1.1.30. Wait, so what are you asking for? Babs? Come in late tomorrow. Can I come in at, like, And Ducco, what was your point you were about to make? You're going to come in at 6 a.m the day after Kendrick because it will be... Yeah, my, whatever that is, left show.

Seventh or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's in... Oh, geez, that's not to run the next day. My goodness. The next day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So... Can I just circle back to the beginning of this, the root of this toxic tree? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You? Yeah, yeah. Can I have the day off because I need to get the removalist to come at seven. Ever since you did that on air And you've all taken advantage of it

Well Excuse me You watch what you You watch what comes out of your damn mouth It Dangerous precinct It might not have been I'm about you can take a kid

Chuck with his farewell Are you sleeping Are you sleeping in Sydney or you're driving back? No I'm driving back But I'm driver Oh you're driver yeah So I'll be tired So what time do you think your head will hit the pillow

Probably like well One or two Yeah Yeah You're 24 I know I'm tired I'm joking.

So I'm coming in straight after Kendrick, but you after Somba. Yeah. You be careful, because you took the whole day off after Rufus. Yeah, exactly. You be careful. You be careful. I took that off months in advance. And Jess and Ducco.

Ducco needs to be here. Babs doesn't. Wow. Wait to diminish your role. I know. I'm trying to get your pay rights here. It's not going to happen anyway. So, you know, let's be real.

Oh. I don't know. I mean And so the current telly is One yes from Shiger Like one note from Jess Ducker You're the deciding factor

What time do you want to come in to my Like I'll be here for AlphaBuck So 10 to 7 So you'll be here at 7 Yeah So you miss that first hour Yeah Of the show

Yes Hmm What can you do for us In your turn You've got to come in and bring us Coffies When you come in Yeah

So that means that I'm actually Getting here at 630 No I know It's just getting early on No No just on your way Yeah, but I'll have to get out of the car. I just want you to know that.

You'll be eating an hour into our time together, Babs. That's the issue, Ducco? If it's that big of a deal, I'll come in at six. Fantastic. No, you can do it. You do it of your need, sister. You know? Thanks so much.

You've had a month. That's so true. Jess and Ducco. We've had an emergency in the situation. We've had a real boo-boo. That's we? Well, I've had an issue. I've had a bathroom issue and it has ruined my pants and the day.

Explain what happened that's resulted in your bum looking like it's leaking. It's all wet. You have a white linen. You're basically doing a wet t-shirt competition down south. And now they're so, and I don't know what the water is. I just went to the unisex bathroom we have here to go toilet. It was obviously it number two. You had to sit down.

I didn't expect this to be coming on air. I had to sit down. I take my pants down, do my thing. As I put them back up, my back and my legs are all wet. I'm like, what is that? There's water all over the floor in front of the toilet. And I don't know if the toilet's leaking because I didn't notice it when I went in. Because the first thing I thought, I think someone's done a wee on the floor.

Yeah, but then I'm trying. Because the basin is relatively far. I know obviously the bathroom you're talking about. It's not like the taps overflow. No, it doesn't feel like that. It's two, one of two options. The toilet is either leaking. And it's toilet water.

Or it's a wee wee. Or it's a puddle of wee. And I, then I had to give it the smell. smell test and it didn't smell the urination-wise. It smells, but anyway. Shy guys refusing to double check that. Now my pants are wet and I don't have, do they don't have spare pants? No.

Babs, you got a spare score. I can cut the top layer of my scorn off. So you stay, you keep the skirt. But now I'm wigging out because I don't know if I've just got toilet water on my pants or if that's weak. What would you actually rather? Probably toilet water. You would rather toilet water. Rather than the week.

But, and then Babs goes to me, but don't you, hang on a minute, why do your pants go all the way to the ground? Why were your shorts sitting? on the ground in the first place. And I said that's how you, as a boy, you go toilet. When you do a number two and sit down. I pull my pants down. Yep.

And so they're at my hand. And even though they're obviously elasticated. Yeah. Yeah. They just slide down. They slide down to the ground. I think some of my pants or shorts, if they were tied enough, would sort of bunch around the shin.

But if they're a bit bigger, they would drop to the ground. Yeah. Or but like pull on your feet sort of thing. Yeah. They sit on my feet, right? Yeah. sit on my shoes, I guess. I guess.

Whereas Babs, you're saying pants or shorts should not touch the ground. No, that's dirty. So how do you do it? So I just had to think about it. When I wear jeans, I don't let him go past the top of my knee. But are you holding them. But jeans are bunch, though, jeans or like shorts like this or you're screwed. Yeah, I just wouldn't let him go past my knees or I let them sit at my shin.

So you're like sitting on it sort of thing? No, like just pull it down. You're putting your legs out. So it sort of hold them. Yeah, are you spreading your shins. Maybe. Sprint. I just know that my pants never go on the ground because.

You ever have to, like, I've got a pair, you know, I've lost a little bit of weight that are a bit big for me now. They're belted. I would have to literally hold them up my shins. If need be. If they don't go past your knee, then they would stay, right? Don't go past your knee. What are you only exposing your thigh?

Yeah. That feels so uncomfortable. You don't have much room to maneuver. Yeah, no, I think I need to be freer than that. 04-8-1069. Are you on pants all the way to the ground on number two? When you go poo-poo, at what point? Do you let your shorts or pants

rest. Babs' theory is clearly safer because that wouldn't have happened right now. Now I don't know if I've got someone's wee on me. It's like little boys. I know when little boys go wee and they're learning, they will drop their pants all the way to the ground. But when you get grown, you know you can just sort of get yourself out. Yeah, exactly.

And basically your pants stay, even your bum's covered, right? Whereas toilet for number two. This just feels, now it's just wet. I can't sit down. Like everything behind me is wet. You should have just pulled the pants down to the top of your knee or your shin. Yeah, well, now I kind of. I'm going to think twice before I...

It feels weird to have them at your knees, bag. It does. She needs one thing, but knee. You don't know what's been on the toilet ground? Kate's texted in and said, I'm with Babs, waistband at the knee. At the knee. But how do you hold that? Don't you have to feel more pressure?

Yeah, I wouldn't be as relaxed. I wouldn't be as relaxed. I wouldn't be ucharing. And your knees would be a bit stiff. Yeah. And also, we're squatty-potty people, so our knees are also elevated. Someone said... That's better because then it won't slip.

Please text in. I really want to know where everyone sits, because I will happily go forth and take this moving forward but it just feels weird to me. This is interesting from Brittany. My husband takes his entire bottoms off when he's at home, undy's pants. It's a beautiful thing to see. He's basically almost like getting ready for a half shower and then having to redress. Someone else said, I'm 100% with Babs, no pants on the ground. Why are you taking your pants all the way off? Well, it's all the way up at your feet. Yeah, see, jeans would bunch so you

wouldn't have that issue. But for these, like, living... See, I almost disagree. I think jeans would fall because of the weight of the denim. Like, it's going to be gravity, man. Because these are shorts and they're open. See, I've moved away from skinny jeans. These are shorts and these are open. Yeah. Geez, bunch of people saying, I'm with Babs.

Pairs are the ladies are with bad? But how do you do that? Are the dudes out there? 04-8-106-9? They go full nude. What are you doing? Yeah, there's one that goes full nude. I just, that has blown my mind.

Because the right, but it's not like I need the freedom. Like, why does my whole legs need to be out? But I think I want them out. Also, you'd then have to bend over all the way down to your feet and pull them up. If they're just at your need, there's something quite funny about that where you're like,

you try to bend over. I reckon that's why mine are going to the ground because as we established a couple of weeks ago, stand to wipe. That's why mine come. I'm like, yeah, they go down. So that's another relevant. Funny, no one teaches you this stuff,

but you just do it. It's what you think is right. It's just what comes natural. Anyway, the point of my story is, I've got we or toilet water on my pants right now and I don't know if I can finish the show. You're not getting half pass.

She's not coming in tomorrow. I'm leaving. Babs, you're on the buttons. You're on the buttons. Cut the scort. Give him the short component. Jess and Ducko. I've got a real issue. So I came on before and just spoke about how I went to the toilet here, the unisex toilet,

and I took my pants down to go number two. So I everything, I pull my pants back up and there is water all over the back of my pants. Water now has an asterisk. I looked down. I thought it was a leak. There's a syriage, like a leak from the toilet water. It's really wet. My undies are now wet.

the back of my legs wet. It went into a full conversation about do you pull your pants all the way down to your shoes? Or do you leave them your knees and hovering? I've since gone and given it a further smell. It is 100% way. Yuck. It is, I've got someone in this office's urine on my pants and my underpants right now and my back of my legs and it is disgusting.

I haven't peed in that bathroom today. Shagai have you? No, I don't use that bathroom anyway. So it's not the three of us. I can't do this show without pants. I've just text my husband. Yeah, I'm trying to call my... I said, can you bring some shorts for ducco?

His response was, what's a little bit of piss among mates? But the issue is, it's not your maize. It would be different. I said, Angus, it's not one of us. We don't know whose it is. He goes, Lucia's still asleep, but the grandparents are on their way. So as soon as he tagged teams, he'll bring you some shorts. Do we have no shorts in this office at all?

Do we have any pants? Why would we have pants? I don't think so. You can have the top layer of my scort. Why wouldn't you give him the short and you kick the score? My shorts aren't even the worst. It's my undies now because it's seat through because I sat down. I guess we're going to need a pair of undies as well.

And now it's like on the, oh, and I just smelled it. Are you going to be, do you need to go? This is. I know, I just gave Babs a lot of schick for wanting to come in late tomorrow. How do you recover from this? But as she pointed out. Remember me as P-Pant boy. So did I.

I'll get bullied for life if I'm. I was at school right now. And it's not even my fault. It's cool to be your best. The only one you do is. Ducco P.P. This is like a kink. This is a kink.

We did the grind I wrapped before. This was not on the list. Do you think that someone did this like yesterday or last night and it's just stayed on the tiles? Could it have stayed on the tiles that long? Yeah, would you rather old wee or fresh we? I'm on the precipice of tears. I might have shots in my car. I'll be back.

Are you serious? Are you serious? If you save the day with shorts, mate. I'll be back. Because honestly, I don't want to do the rest of this show with Wii on my... And it's starting to really smell. Oh, Chagai, you shouldn't have said that because now his hopes are going to be out. I'm actually on the...

This sucks. What is this office? I mean, I've got my gar-gah shirt, but that's... That's mine. Oh, man. I actually don't know how to help. You know what? Why don't we fashion you?

a skirt out of toilet paper or paper towel. We have hit jumpers. Oh, why don't you tie jumper around you? Or step into the jumper. Oh, yes. Make it like a skirt. Oh, yes. So you step through the neck hole.

That'd be weird when I'm making my oats in the kitchen. Better than pee-pee pants. Oh, man. The fact that it's just- Don't you can catch anything. Oh, don't put that in my head. You can't. No!

You can't. People pee on each other all the time. Huh? By accident. Oh, we're going to go to a song. Jess and Ducco It's your breakfast, Jess and Ducco with you at 747. We're dealing with a little bit of a crisis with nine shows to go

before the series end of the Jess and Ducco program. We promised good times, hilarity, nonsense, fun. Unfortunately, someone peed on the floor of the toilet. Ducco. Oh my God. Does he have shorts? I went to the toilet, someone weed on the short. Yes, you've got shorts.

I can do one better. Oh, what are you? You got undies as well? Are we on? Yeah, right now, yeah. I've got underwear for you, clean. Oh, I actually do. Are these clean?

Oh my God. They are now yours. Are these clean? Yeah, clean, yeah. Why would they... Why just their undies? Because I remember I keep a spare pair. In case this happens?

You never know when you need. Well, mate, I'm listening to you from now on. You never know when you need them. Now we need to get into this. Okay, because, okay, to recap, you're just joining us. I went to the toilet. It's a unisex bathroom, so we don't know who did it, but I feel like it's got to be a dude.

I've pulled my pants down, too much information. As I've pulled them up after going to the toilet, there was, like, I felt the back of my legs were wet, my undies are now wet, and it was water. I thought there was a leak from the toilet. We've come and talked about it. I've gone to a song. As I've smelt, and I'm now smelling more,

it is definitely urine of someone in this office. It's marinated a little bit as it's right, and you can now confirm. You know, you smell urine after a while, I'm starting to stink like that. He literally, his eyes were watering, and he was looking at me like, I'm going to have to go.

Your wife didn't answer the phone And then Shoggo's got a spare pair of undies Which I'm going to feel uncomfortable wearing But I'm going to do it You can free ball it in the show Are these clean? These undies? Yeah, they're all clean, yeah, 100%.

And pants, man, you have saved my babbs just went into the toilet to investigate I did So there is a big pool of water on the bottom And it's also dripping from the seat It's as if someone's peed on the seat And then put the toilet seat down Or something and it's like all dribble

So you've said water Do you think it's Europe? Well, I didn't stick my finger in it I wasn't going to say I wanted to taste it But that's the next step. It could be a bit of both. Shy guy, what I would now like to clarify,

wonderful, you've saved the day. He doesn't need to go home early. What do you mean you have a spare pair of undies? If you go to the beach or whatever, just in case. I don't want to sit and wet under it. Yeah, but you're saying, you're saying you didn't plan to go to the beach yesterday and I've left them. They're always in your car.

Well, no, I just haven't took them out of the car. Fantastic. Because I'm not saying after work, I might go to the beach or whatever. The fact that he's got under this as well. I mean, I'm not going to fit these undies. These things are extra large. I'll try. You'll have bigger issues than just peeping pants.

Oh, it's because everything is just like... Do you want to go? Go get changed. I've got to go get changed because honestly I was about to leave. That's fair. Smelling like someone's urine in this office is not fun. And we know we have early start. So there's only a few people it could be.

I know. I'm already pointing the blind. Some extra gravy to the roast. There'll be an email today. We also need to, we also need to pivot. How do you send in all stuff? I'll show you. You literally type in all stuff.

We also need to take a minute to pivot because you're not going to believe my story was about toilets. So it's too much. I feel like it's the day for it. Oh. This is is, is there any phone topic off of this? 131060. Who's pee? Did you sit in? I'd be surprised. I mean, we might

have missed the boat for the time on that one. Shy guy. We've got a very own water gate in the show. What is going on with us and fluids? I know. If you miss it, the last 40 minutes have been sorry, I apologize, taken up. I went to the bathroom, seemingly just to do my own business and not talk about it as I pull my pants down.

You don't usually declare when you go number two. No. But for some reason this time, you needed to. I went to, it was a unisex bathroom here. So could be anyone, as I take my pants and we've also established down, as I do, and some people do, down to the ankles like resting on the shoes. Which then... Which means fabric is touching floor. Fabric touched floor.

Floor was wet, pulled pants up, pants are wet, undies got wet. I was like, what's that? It's a lot of liquid. I know, thinking it was toilet leak. as I smelt it and it permeated more, realized it is definitely urine of someone in this office that has probably urinated on the floor. Babs did further inspections.

I just took our GM mic in. He's like, I've been listening. I'll call a plumber. I said, I don't think we need one. I think you need to pull all the men. Yeah. Not to make it a sex issue. Yeah, yeah.

But no lady has peed on the floor. I don't think so. Particularly when we look at the time of the crime. Yeah. There's only a handful of people in the office when we are here. Yeah. Which makes it less. I know.

And then I just went back in. Um, I also, shy guy saved the day. Shagai saved the day. He came in with... Ducco had one foot out the door. He had his car keys in his hand because his wife wasn't answering. He's like,

I've got to go. I do not know if I can continue. You can say, I've just got a photo. I've got a photo of it. It's wee wee. Yeah. It's got a yellow tinge.

Yeah, well, now I'm seeing it. Now you're seeing it in a different angle. I was trying to see through a different lens. But your wife couldn't help you. So that I couldn't persevere. My husband has the kid. I was funny. Shy guy comes in,

saves me. But my wife says, first thing she says, why did you put your pants to your ankles when you did number two? And I was like, that's what Bab said. You guys have been together for over a decade. I know. Never witnessed this within each other.

I don't really do that in front of each other slash talk about it. But then she said, she said, that's like something little kids do in movies. Like, what are you doing? No, that's something little kids do in movies when they go we, we. Yeah, exactly. We've talked about that before you learn as a little boy. We had texts sort of come in and they were split. They were split.

And one person made a great point. pants to the ground, unlike Bab's doing it to the knee, sometimes you need some bloody leverage. Sometimes you need to feel free and easy to do your best work. Jason called though, Ducco, and we do have a great call of fame prize. If this wins Jason, if this wins Jason a family past the Dream World, won't he be laughing? Jace, good morning. Good morning.

What's your hot take on the situation, babe? My question is, did Ducco do a number one whilst doing a number two or after doing a number two? and then they're leaving the pressure. If there was urination on the porcelain in between the seat, I'm suggesting it's his own euro. Oh, hang on a minute. Darko, you've been so focused on the back end. The front end was working and you mis-aimed.

But if I'm doing that, that's all going into the bowl, though. Jason, I think you're sitting on it. But also, Jason, I think you're giving him a little bit too much credit in the length department, Jason. It's not like a spout hanging over the bowl. He wouldn't have missed it. If his turtle's gone back inside and he's urinated between the seat and the porcelain, I'm thinking it's him. Jason is pointing the finger back at you.

You know what? And you know what, Jason, I hope it is me. That makes it better. I just have my own urine on me. I really do, because if it was someone else's, I feel sick. Jason, I mean, an interesting point. You know, sometimes when you do, when you're free and easy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Both ends can go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get this. Yeah, this has happened to you before. Once again, don't give me. But you've never not noticed. No. And also, if it was coming out and going down the pulse of the front, I would have noticed. You wouldn't notice that. Even if you are scrolling, you notice.

And I wasn't even, because I knew I only had Thomas of the essence. So it was... You didn't even have your phone on you? No. There you go. It was a short trip. An excellent theory, Jason. A lot of theories. I'm in Charga's undies right now, and they're quite comfortable.

Oh, you did... You went for that? Yeah. Well, you gave them to me. No, I didn't think you were going to go with it. But that's fine. It's so funny, you had them in the car. I cannot believe that.

I know, a spare set of undies. I also love it took you that long to remember because he was really... And he came and he goes, his undies, he's pants. And I'll put the under his on. He goes, oh, you've worn my undies. Do you want them? I'll wash them. Nah, you're kidding.

Now, they're yours. Jess and Duckow's 10K Alfa Bucks on hit. 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back if there is time. Now we are playing for $10,000.

Our player today is Haley. Hello, Haley. How are you going? Haley, very well, thank you. We had an 8 at 7. Can we get a 10 at 8? I'm hoping so. Very good, Hayley.

What would you like to spend the money on? My brother lives in Western Australia and he's had two kids whom me or my kids have never met, so I'd love to fly over there and meet them. Oh, absolutely. Get the cousins connected. Yeah. Very nice. $10,000 will obviously go a long way just in time for Christmas as well.

The letter you're going to work with, babe, it's towards the back end of the alphabet. I don't want you to freak out when you hear it. But it's V. V for Victory. God, hopefully. Okay, that's what we're aiming for, Haley. You're ready to rock? Yep.

All right, your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter V, and we need you to name, a boy's name. Victor. A non-alcoholic drink. Veggie juice. A clothing brand. Victory. Something in the pantry.

Vegamite. An occupation. Vet. An Australian music artist. Pass. A five-letter word. Victor. A supernatural creature.

Oh, pass. A star sign. A musical instrument. Violin. An Australian music artist. Oh. Okay. That was hard.

It was hard, but you came out of the gate's flying, got the first five. We got ourselves six. A clothing brand, Victor, that's a clothing brand, isn't it? I don't actually know. Yeah, Haley's like, it is. An Australian music artist could have advanced joy. A five-letter word you said, Victor, that's six. We could have had visit or value, a supernatural creature, vampire, a star sign, Virgo,

and then your violin and everything else you answered, you did get correct. Look, you don't get the cash, unfortunately. You did well. You do get $100 suspended pillow talk, though. Great. Thank you. Thank you, Haley. Have a great Christmas. You too, bye.

See you, babe. Ho-ho-ho. Ho! Ho! It's coming. One of these days, I get a ho-ho-ho-ho-back. Sorry, we didn't even touch on it. At seven, I ho-hoed you back? I was like, I was just so in the flow.

I was like, oh, no, he wanted a ho from the chip. I'm wearing her. You served her hoe. I'll never know. You'll always guarantee a ho from me. I know that. But I don't know about the rice cookers. We'll keep trying.

She should also just say, as well, shout to our GM, who. who's gone in and cleaned the toilets. He's mopped it. He's mopped the urine stain toilet where my pants fell in. He's like the father of the office, right? He is. GM, he's the boss. And in lieu of the cleaners coming tonight, I guess it's on his shoulders.

He just went in there. I heard him in the kitchen telling them their receptionist Sally, and they both went in there, and he just mopped it. So I reckon they drew straws? Because I would have thought he has the power to go, hey, Recepo, do this job. That is, you know what that is? That is a fearless leader going to battle with his troops on the front line. Not to get philosophical.

Yeah. I read a book. about the All Blacks recently and how they're the winner mentality. Oh, no. It was picked for Book Club. Cawley picked it. Anyway, sweep the sheds. Do you know this philosophy? See why the All Blacks are the best. Because even the captain, the best players,

the MVP's. They're in after the game and they sweep the bloody sheds. They don't get too big for their boots. Yeah. See? That's the Mike philosophy. Sweep it out urine. This one goes out to you, Mike. One of your favorite songs, it's Taylor Swift and the fate of Ophelia. Hey, hey. And I'm going to throw my pants in

a bin. You should. I haven't thought this through very much, Ducco. I'm actually getting a little bit nervous because I haven't temperature checked this with my girlfriends and it only happened this morning and I'm worried I'm going to say it and it'll be like, are you dumb? Excellent. What's wrong with you? How out of touch could you be?

Ah, you've come to the right space. Safe space. Yeah, yeah. And on 131060, I think I need my ladies because I need your perspective on this. I don't clean, but let me tell you. And that's what I'm worried I'm lacking, Ducko. I'm worried I'm lacking perspective. At the gym this morning, I often see this couple.

She goes upstairs to do a class. He comes into the downstairs bit where I am do the free weight stuff. Seeing them a bit, we always say good morning. It'll never get normal hearing you at the gym. I know, right. I started a program as well. What the hell? Guess what I have a meeting with today?

Nutritionist. Who am I? They'll say, Cut up. Seven bowls of parsley you have a day week. Sorry, let's finish this. I'm out of here. But anyway, we're doing it, doing our thing.

Yep. But I, we always say good morning. And then I, I've told you, I look around the gym to get inspiration for other exercise I can do. From other people doing it. From other people. Because I've got a limited knowledge and I've started this program, thankfully. But I'm always like, ooh, how's he working that? That looks like it could be fun.

Oh, that looks like I work for the bum. And I watched this guy doing something I've never seen before, this great movement on the machine and it looked like it was working his back and his bum simultaneously. What machine? Cables. Okay. And he's like on all fours. And he's pulling with one hand.

Yeah. At the same time he's extending a leg. Oh, yeah. So then it was almost like a crunch in the middle. Like opposite hand, opposite leg. Because you know how I feel about a donkey kick. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I do that exercise. He's a fit bloke. Yeah, yeah. And I was just kind of look at him for a while and I went, I'm going to go tell his wife. He, her husband has got it going on. Oh. And literally, okay, okay, yeah.

Because I was watching him for a while, not only taking inspo, but I went, God, look at his back and look at his legs, and the bum looks good. And so I've made my way up the stairs, because I was then finishing up. And you know these two are together just from seeing them at the gym? I see the mentor all the time. Right. That could be brother-sister. Could be housemates.

No, I'll go romance. Okay, right. So I've entered the space, and she's now doing the class. So I went to just quickly duck over and then stopped myself and thought, Do women want to hear that other women think your partner's hot? Ooh, that's a question. Do they want to hear that, Ducco? Because I'm actually struggling.

I think I'm a quite empathetic person, but I can't put myself in the shoes. If I'm honest with you, it's never happened to me. I've never had someone like Babs go, I guess it's looking fit as. And so I can't appreciate it. I can't imagine Bab's ever saying that. Okay, that was maybe a bad example. Stranger as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A stranger in the gym going, I'll just look at your partner doing X-A. She's booty, he's legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do women want to hear that you think their partner's hot? I'm going to say. Or fit, or ripped or strong. I'm going to say no. And I'm trying to think rolls reversible as me.

If a guy came up to me and said, hey, man, I've been looking at your partner in the gym and she's looking hot, I'd be like, I'm sorry what? Yeah, he's hot the wrong word. Yeah, I mean, fit. It's always, it's always fraught with danger even saying the fit thing. I think it is different. Guy to girl, girl, the guy. It is, and let's be real, it is. Yeah, yeah.

It is. Because I truly, intention, it's a compliment. Yeah. I'm just trying to say, gee, see, he was doing this thing, and I was very impressed. Were you just staring at him, gawking at the gym? Truly, I think I was probably a bit lucky he was facing the cable machine. He couldn't see me looking at him, but people probably looking at me, looking at him.

And then I wanted to compliment them. But stop myself. So, ladies, maybe you've been in this situation. Yeah. Someone has tapped you on the shoulder going, Is that your... Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do.

It feels fraught with disaster. 13, 1060, if A, this has happened to you or B, how you'd feel about this. Do you have any advice? Because I feel as though it would be bad, particularly someone you don't know. If it's a friend of yours and your friends are both of them, maybe, you've known them for a while.

See, I almost think that's worse. It's like when your hall pass is actually attainable. You know what I'm saying? Stranger, it's like, okay, six degrees of separation. Whereas if you're in the circle, Babs, if someone came up to you and said, oh, geez, you know, the guy you've been seeing or the guy you've been with for ages, your husband, whatever it might be,

do you think you'd be jealous and angry? Or would you be like, yes, it's a compliment, and I'm killing it. That's my man. I don't know. I think I would just be like random, but, yep, sure. You reckon? I don't think you would be taking it back that someone would be that. And you'd then think about it the whole time ago.

And then if you'd think he's hot. So it stands to reason other people think he's got it going on? Let's pretend it was Jess, right? And you're kind of whatever. And if you then saw her in the gym the next day when you came with your boyfriend, you'd be like... You'd be like...

She's looking at him. Oh, true. I don't want to leave her with him down here. I don't do my class up there. I kind of want to be hovering. What am I going to do? I know, nothing. But exactly, that's the point, isn't it?

You'd be thinking about it. You would be. Do you want to hear other people think your partner's hot? Hmm. Let's be real. Okay, Duccoe, if a dude does just straight up say, Morgan is gorgeous. I don't, like, do you want to hear?

Not really. It's weird. Not particularly. Maybe it's the way that you say it. It's a right adjective. Yeah. Gorgeous. Strong?

Do you like strong? Could I have said to this lady, I was watching. I was watching. It's the watching in the gym doing exercise and he looks strong. I just think it's a no-go zone all around. I think it's a leave-it. But I'd love to see you try it. I want to test this theory out.

Yeah, absolutely. Because I've watched him before and nothing has ever sparked me before. Whereas this time, I don't know. Stop saying you what. Sorry. No, sorry. Because how weird. Yes.

It rolls a reverse if I'm not at the gym watching this chick. Exactly, it's weird. But I truly was watching, Fuzah, I was inspired by the movement. I can say that hand on heart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I want to... Have you asked Angus about it? No, it's the first he's hearing about it.

I want to really know what he thinks about it. Yeah, see, how does... How would he take it? I know, you're in a gym in the middle of day, but I stand by... That's not what stopping me. There are other factors. Oh, yeah, the cables. Yeah, I...

I appreciate it that makes me feel really. But have you actually thought about it? 13, 1060. Would you do it? Have you done it? Do you want to hear it? Do you want to hear it? Yeah, where do you stand on it?

Because I reckon no. But let's see. See, I don't think I'm leaning towards no one. Doesn't feel right, does it? Jess and Duckow. I genuinely want to learn because I haven't found myself in this situation. I hope you're not out there going, oh my God, she's an idiot. What did our boss just walk past and yell?

Oh, no. What did he just yell? He said, how's pissy pants? That's me. Well, they're not pissy pants anymore, Jays. Yeah, I'm not sure guys pants and he's on. Hey, Jay, Abbott, how about someone in this office weed on the floor and I put my pants in? And I reckon it's a short list of about three names today, so I think we get everyone in for an interrogation.

My all-staff email is on the way. But we're not discussing that right now, boss. One thought per break. Thank you. Don't distract us, please. We're very easily distractible. I want to know if women want to know if women want. to hear from other women

that their partner's hot that their partner's got it going on that their partners fit, strong, doing good stuff because I found myself in this situation just this morning. In the gym. A couple that I know to be a couple.

She wasn't there at the time. She was upset at the class, but I watched her husband just do a great movement and he looked fantastic doing it. The strength, the control looked like it worked a few body parts I'm interested in working. And I wanted to tell her.

But I stopped. I think my mouth was agape. And she was like, you're right? I went, good morning? Continue your workout. I have a good day. And pivoted because I went. Do women actually, I was going to, it was just going to be a drive-by compliment.

I wasn't going to be like, hey, I've got to tell you something. What would you have said in that drive-by? Genuinely, I don't even think I would have stopped. I would have been like, hey, babe, geez, old mate downstairs. He is looking fantastic. Yeah, nah. Nah, that felt creepy coming out. It just doesn't feel right.

Taylor, good friend of the show. Paul, day. Hey, good morning. Good morning. Do women want to hear from other women that they think their partner's hot? Yes, absolutely. I'm all for it. Okay.

Has this happened to you, Taylor? Yes. All right. Give us the scenario. I think it's definitely a gamble, though, for how other people will respond. So I'm not sure if I'm, like, a great example. But I just need a life's too short to keep, like, a kind word to yourself. And we need to spread more positivity.

So, like, what's the worst that can happen? They think you're a great. Yeah, they hate it. And they never let you downstairs alone with their partner again in the gym. She gets me kicked out. understand what you're saying, Taylor, and just meant it, like, as a nice compliment. However, if you don't know the person, you just don't know. Taylor, it almost sounds like you've been me in this scenario wanting to give the compliments.

Has anyone ever come up to you, are you with a partner? Has anyone ever come up to you being like, Tay, Tay, Tay, Tay, Tay, I was watching, you know, old mate on the dance. Obviously, dance law would be a big one. Have you ever been on the receiving end of that? A few times, yeah. Okay. And you don't mind it. No, I love it.

I think it's great. I'm like, hell, yeah, he is. Yeah. See, I like that, but she's right. You just don't know. You don't know. How it's going to be received. We've got to Sarah on 13, 1060.

What's your take on this, Sarah? I'm a no. I have had my now best friend, but I first met her, say to me that she wished she was with my husband. Okay, well, that's a little different. Sarah, that feels different. So I probably would have known him two months. And she's like, I think your husband is that whole.

partner at the time, is that hot. And I was like, oh, thanks. But also it's kind of strange, you know, you're just always, I don't know. So you're just like boyfriend and girlfriend at that point. Did you say now, husband? Yeah. Is she still in your life? Yes, she's one of my best friends now.

And even our children get us confused because we do look similar. Oh, that's weird. That's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is layers. Yeah, and I've also had my husband's best friend who's 10 years older than us when I first met him in the same, like we're in a club together, like a sports club, used to say to him all the time, oh, I find her so attractive. And, you know, I used to rub my back and I used to find that really all right. Yeah, okay, Sarah. Yeah, yeah.

Even all I can see, he's pretty black and white. Wow, the kids getting you mixed up. So, like, a different kid has run up to you, clutched your leg and gone, mommy. Yeah, all the time. So we play sports together still and her kids will be hugging my leg and they look up and go, wrong woman. You're not, mum. Yeah.

Text rolled in on the text line. I put AA, 2008-106 line. They said it all comes down to context and how your partner feels about it. For instance, my partner lost a ton of weight and have had someone come and tell me how good he looks. And I'm like, awesome, thanks, because I know at the end of the day, I'm going home with him, not anyone else. Amen. Absolutely. So that's like acknowledging, obviously, they look great.

Yeah, I still do. What we've established is is just uncomfortable. There's no right way to do it even if your intentions are pure. Exactly. You know? Whether it's a stranger or your best friend, like in Sarah's. Yeah. All right, well, they might have heard this.

Do it tomorrow? I want you to go tomorrow and just try it. I'll be very specific about the machine. Do they know what you do? Like, do they know who you are? I think they're not. I was just going to see me on an event before. Try it tomorrow.

Go up to her and go, hey, old mate, Derek's looking pretty good down there on the cable. Yeah, okay. Is that how I should say it? And then, like, elbow her and the ribs? Is that how you do it? Just to make a jovial, you know? Jess and Ducko. It's been a great show so far.

Absolutely. Make sure you're following us on Instagram. Jess and Ducko for some behind scenes. Exclusive action. I just saw the video of my pants. Mainly of Ducko's wet bomb. They were so wet. They were so wet.

They were so. The white linen does not. What a pool. And the fact, the fact your linen shorts would have sopped up a lot of it. But there was still enough that. that our GM had to pull out a mop. Yeah, and clean it. God, it's just...

I walked around past sales and I hear people like, did you hear about it? He put his pants in it. I'm like, oh, now I'm that guy. I must say, though, of the three suspects, we will be doing a line-up shy guy. Yeah, yeah.

That is a well-hydrated racehorse. They were clear. Why was there so, but so much of it as well? Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. I think that eliminates shy guy from the suspect cool, because all his water bottle ends up on the desk, short-circuiting it. Yeah, yeah.

None of it actually goes in his body. Can't be shy guy. Rib off Lavin. He's out. I'm out. Goodbye. It's a news reader or down the hall. It's an interesting investigation.

How do you ask someone? Hey, mate, just quick one. I do it all the time. Did you have a little dribble and miss the toilet? No, no. I think what you say is, where do you like to pee? There'll be some boys who don't go to that bathroom. I reckon we can eliminate them without bearing the lead.

I've got Babs going through the security footage. Oh, fantastic. Yeah, to just a look this morning. Imagine if I was the only one who went in there this morning. Jason, who called earlier being like, Daco, are you sure it wasn't you? Geez, that would be... While you were back in one out,

you didn't dribble down the front. That'd be a good hard look at myself, wouldn't it? I'd be, I'm glad that I'm leaving. We're always trying to evolve as human beings. Sometimes we need to have a good hard look in the mirror. I did have to do that yesterday. So I was at the gym yesterday, funnily enough, another gym story.

But... We're just two gym junkies. I know, just a couple gym junkies. Quotzilla and old... Donkey Quick, Kick Queen. Donkey Quick, King, Queen. Let me try that again. Old Quadzilla and the donkey kick queen.

Yeah, donkey kick queen, that's hard to say. That's hard to say. Donkey kick queen. Anyway, I was at the gym and as I went in there, they'd had had a sports team come in there that had done all this training. It was actually when the swans were there. Oh, cool. And the swans had got a bunch of our favorite deli Arnos. And they'd had like the little platters of Arnos.

Oh, my God. And I walked in there just after they left. And Dave, the gym owner, there at 98, he was like, oh, mate, you want some of these? I was like, there was two full platters. And I'm like... Hang on a minute. Just everyone stop. Yeah.

Last time you ate leftover food. Well, it was... Bro. I know. I got the... This is sounding like the start of the other story that knocked you out for 24 hours. I know. I said to him, how long has this been sitting here?

He said, it was only just here. I go, you're going to put in the fridge? You guys, can he put his fingers on this? Who touched this? He goes, I want to whack him in the fridge. Feel free to take some. I said, okay. Okay.

He puts him in the fridge. I'll do my session, right? I finished my session. I was training on my own. I'm leaving. I'm so excited. Text Morgan. Hey, don't eat lunch. We've got Arna's.

We've got free lunch, baby. You've got free lunch. It's left over from the swans. That's basically like a superfood. Exactly. Also, yeah, not the kind of thing I really wanted after training, but it's still good. I then leave. And then there's the gym manager who I don't know that well.

And he's sitting on sort of the couch. And he's like, oh, all right, see, mate. I was like, oh, I'm just going to take some of these sandwiches. By this stage, they were glad wrapped in this thing in the fridge. I said, oh, yeah, Dave said it's fine. He's like, oh, go for it. Then I realized, because they're like the little half ones, I'm going to need a few. And I need something to carry these.

Oh, you're a growing boy, and you've just done a big workout. So I go, oh, I'll come back. I'm just going to get something. I go to the car, get a wool, woolly shopping bag. He's doing his groceries from the free offer of gym food. I come in. Tell me you're talking all. I reckon I took 10 from one plate, and I was like, I better check the other

place if there's other flavors. So that's essentially five full ones. Okay. Then I go to the other plate, I'm like, oh, there's different flavors. So I take another. I reckon, honestly, took 17. How much was left over? Did the swans eat any?

Well, they must have had bulk planners. I don't know. And there was probably still 20 left or whatever. Wow, so there was, wow. And I put them back. And then I realized this guy's been watching me individually put these sandwiches. You're touching them all, but you're like, oh, egg salad. No, thank you.

Oh, but this one with the brush old thing. Yeah, that came out. I was just loading them into my woolly's bag and I get home. Wait a minute, but like an open, they're like open sandwiches. So the sandwiches are all individually wrapped as well. Yeah, yeah. But all like, you know, in there like paper. So not like, so they're held together, right?

So then I put the man up to get home to Morgan. I go, hey, Christmas is on me. You just open a bag, it's just like deconstructed sandwiched. Oh, ho, ho. And she's like, have you been a good girl? How nice do you get? So then I ended up. She's like, I'd kind of already eaten.

So she had one. I had about eight. I felt so crook. Okay, that's obviously on quantity now. This is the issue. You came to this. Yeah, yeah. By saying, I don't know if anyone else will applaud.

I can you get a woolly shop? I cannot believe, firstly, you did go back for another bite of the cherry after your last failed. I'm an idiot. Unfortunate left out food. As long as it didn't give you a bloody diarrhea like I did last time, that is an absolute win in my book. So when you get offered food like that, is it play on to bring a woolly's bag in and load them all out? You know my philosophy. Someone offers you something.

No, oh, what are you sure? Oh, you don't want it. No. Take it. Take it. Say, yes, thank you. I did feel very much like you. I was like, this is what feels like to be jealous.

Because you know what would have happened? Four more hours would have been ended up in the bin. Exactly. Which is a crime. Thank you. Because I know how good those sandwiches are. They were delicious. I'm actually just annoyed.

I didn't bring you ready. Jess and daco. Bye, yeah. The reason. Barbara Babs boil is not coming to work tomorrow. Somba, 12 to 12. I am coming to work tomorrow. Look, if you're going to come at 6.50, you may not come at all.

No, no. No, you're coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we still need fines. I need the help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on, Jess, that'll. Come on, well, let's pipe down. Unless Jess wants to pick up the flat.

As my mother would say, when my brother and I would empty the dishwasher, but, you know, not put the stuff away. Half a freaking job. And that's what Barbara is doing for us tomorrow. Oh, absolutely. Don't get me wrong. I get, she's funny in.

She's 24. I'm going. Are they meant to be able to bounce back easier? Daddy's going to Kendrick on Wednesday and still rolling in early Thursday. He's coming at 530 as he's expected to. She's just shaking her eyes. I wish you guys could see her eyes. Like, I get the full, the full Babbs experience.

I think I need a rearview mirror here. It'll distract you. It'll distract you. One of those baby things. Like a baby thing in the car so I can see her face. We can organise. Actually, you're right. I think it'll be too demoralising.

When you're looking, she'll stop doing it. Yeah. She knows your leaving, so she's happy to give you the full brunt of her sats. Well, Babs, I'll miss you. I mean, you're a pivotal leg of this table. We're going to be wobbly as all hell. Well, I said I was coming in at like seven, so I'll still be here. It was like $6.50.

Yeah, but our show starts at 6. It's fine. It's shy guy's fault. He started this month ago when he took the day off to move house. We're dipping tomorrow as well. We're sort of say we're licking. We're licking. We've got a T-Fel-Dolchy ice cream maker to give away. Yep.

More chances at the call of fame. Family passed to Dream World. Money, accommodation. That's unbelievable. Yep. We didn't get to a lot that was on our run sheet today, Ducco, because we had an absolute, well, you had an absolute. absolute mayor in the bathroom. Yeah, oh yeah.

Pee-Pants. Which has now earned you a nickname for the next eight shows. Everyone in the office is calling me wee pants. Even though it wasn't my urine. I put my pants down to her toilet in a bathroom and someone had weed on the floor, I believe, and my pants soaked it up and then everything was wet. There's been one vote for you were the one to wee on the floor and you just were not paying attention. Yeah, that would be. Which I don't know if it's better or worse.

But we'll get to a lot that was left over today. What's he lurking about there, Barbara? What does he want? Nothing. All good out here. Okay. Has he been gone through the video footage? Oh, no, you know what?

Jay's just heard she's not coming in at 5.30 as she's contracted to do. No, he said he doesn't care. Oh. What's he saying? It's our boss, Jay, is out there with that. You haven't helped any of you work a full day in a full week. You watch yourself. Oh, he's recoiling.

She's returning. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, goodness me. But we'll be back. We'll be back tomorrow. And I speak for you and I only. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in tomorrow.

Shaga, you in tomorrow? Let's find out. It seems to be optional. Shagga, this is a quick question for you. So today you save the day by happening to have a spare pair of undies and shorts. You could gift to Ducco. You've already said you don't want them back. He can have it.

Yeah, yeah. You'll give you the shorts back. You better enjoy for sick of Santa. Will you go home today and replenish the car stock? Yeah, I will. I think you're sure just in case it happens again. I think so. I'm now going to replenish my car stock.

I'm going to start a car stock. I will start a car stock also. Let this be a lesson. Go always have undies and pants in your car. Yep. I'm going to add a t-shirt. Yeah, add a t-shirt. Just have a whole other outfit.

If this happens to Babs, not tomorrow because I'm going to be here, at some point, I would love to be able to help her out. She'll be not, she'll be sober at somber. Do you know what the issue is, though? She'll go, I don't like your clothes. I don't want to wear them. I'd rather be in pee-pie pants. Are you guys the same size?

What size, hip are you? Here we go. I don't really know. I feel like we'll be similar. I think we'd be similar. I oscillate between a 10 and a 14 given the brand. Oh, good. Something will fit you.

This is great radio. Isn't it? You asked. Shy guys large undies fit me very nice. I'm eating. Hey, we're out of here. Your balls finally don't feel as strangled as they do in your tiny whitties. That's why they had so many issues.

They can breathe now. Oh my God. This is what it's like to live a normal life. It's like Babs coming out of the therapy tonight. It's been so long. It's like an asthma sufferer, just finally getting a puff of venter. That's your testicles. The boss wants us to wrap it up.

We're doing gear, boss. We're doing gear, boss. Jump on in. Asthma gear up. All right, boss, you play my left one. I'll play my right one. Okay, ready and go. Get off the air.

Bye. I've got someone in this office is urine on my pants and my underpants right now. and my back of my legs, and it is disgusting. Jess and Ducko! That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. The new Machete is here at McCaffee.