Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | I can fit my whole fist in my mouth...

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

We talk hidden talents, why Jess can't goto her favorite restaurant anymore thanks to Producer Shy Guy and the producers go through the week that was in the dairy!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new macho range is here at the cafe. Jess and Douggo! This is the Jess and Douggo podcast. Podcast, fuck yeah. Recall the poll. Reliving the day yet. Podcasts, fuck yeah. Welcome, podcasters.

Welcome. Welcome to the show. We love a Friday. We do love a Friday. Not my favorite day of the week, though. Tuesday's my favorite day of the week. What is wrong with you? Nah, I like the Tuesday.

I think it's set it. It's seated in. Are we half-arvin? Quick, quick, quick. Oh, God. Yes. And I think it's rooted in because in my high school, Tuesdays were shorter periods.

They're only 40 minutes long, and we've got to go at 2 o'clock. Yes. Do you want to know why Tuesday's my favorite day of the week? Seinfeld. There is an episode where they are camping out, Jerry Newman and Kramer. And Kramer asked Newman, what day is it today?

And Newman's like, it's a Thursday. And he goes, it doesn't feel like a Thursday. It feels like a Tuesday. And they get into this whole thing about Tuesdays are going to have a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel, Monday has a feel. And Kramer goes, I feels Tuesdays and Wednesdays. And I, that is, I think I must have watched that as such a pivotal pop culture absorption time

that I went, yeah, Tuesdays have a feel. I thought you were going to say that's because when Seinfeld was on TV. No. Back when you had to watch it on weekly. I don't even remember if I did watch Seinfeld on TV on the reg. Oh, you were a later streamer. It started becoming like a rerun thing for me and my family. But yeah, it's from that pop culture reference, I've got a love for Tuesdays,

which I've had to double down on because Babs and Ducker were so anti-Tuesday that I feel like I've got to overcompensate. Why are you anti-Tuesday? Because it's literally just the worst day. Monday's kind of, you wake up early, it's like, whatever, like it's Monday, your body's still kind of in shock. Do you feel like it's too cliche to quote my boy, MGK? It's too cliche to hate a Monday.

Because it's kind of like, I actually don't, I feel more tired on Tuesdays than Mondays. And I don't know if it's because Monday it's kind of just like... But that's your shit self-talk. I don't think so, though. I think it is. Because Tuesday's just so like a blot day. I don't know. know.

Yeah, that's your shit self-talk. But I like Fridays, because now I always listen to Pop Mix on Spotify, and I'm like, woo. When I'm driving to work. Why can't you apply the same logic to a Tuesday then? You are in control of these feelings. I know, but like it's what's then, what comes after Tuesday? Wednesday?

Yeah. Wednesday. Like, boring. You understand that yet? Oh, I'm aware. So every seven days on a Tuesday, you go, well, I'm at the bottom of the well. When really, you could be like, I'm going to apply the same logic. No, it's not.

That's not. Like, I'm just like, oh, it's Tuesday. Like, nothing, blah. It's not that I'm like, I don't know, yeah You're in control of your own destiny, sweet art That's so true I just don't like Tuesdays Okay, careful that

And I don't like the doc is not here to back me up He hates Tuesdays too, I know that he does But he's not here, so it's a mug on my desk That says fuck Tuesdays Yeah, see, that doesn't help And how funny is it to say to someone See you next Tuesday? That is great

That was the whole campaign for travel Northern Territory Yeah, yeah, I still see No, sorry, it was CU and T Which is just fantastic I have a funny story about that Oh, here we go. Let's stop everything. No, it's not that funny.

When my sister was like... Don't be a rat. Yeah, you're a rat. When my sister was like five, she was just learning to read and like spell and stop in the car. And she saw one of those... See you in the NT? And she's like, what does that spell? Mum and she's like...

Oh, so it literally said the C word. Well, it does because it says, Indy is in small letters. No, no, are you talking about she saw the travel ad or she saw the word. You know, some bumper stickers. The word is like on the back of someone's like spare tire or something. And she's going like, her, oh, and like going through it. She's doing the phonetic thing. And then she fully said it and we all just kind of went like, we were in the car.

And mum's like, looking at it's like, don't laugh, don't laugh. And mom's like, you can't say that word. That's a naughty word. And she's like, what? And then just kept saying it. And we're just all in the car. Like, oh my God. I actually can't wait to get to that stage of parenting because it's so funny and cute.

But at what point do you try and educate in like good word, bad word, private word, public words. And that's so good. Because if you laugh and your kid sees it bring joy, they're going to keep doing it, right? Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's like my little cousin that's now learnt to say like shit and stuff. Yeah.

And like everyone just laughs. And then he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, that's funny shit. And then keeps doing it. It's like, don't do that. It's my two-year-old isn't great with L's. So we're learning the word clock. But if you can't do the L.

It's just cock. It's just cock. She's not, she's not great with ch' sounds either. So when she sees her dad having chocolate, she goes, you know what I want to want some chocolate. That's not great. Well, that's daddy. You know what is a fruit and nut? I went, that's fruit and nut cocklet is daddy's.

How long did it take you? Like, what age were you when you started swearing around your parents? Because I don't think I was, I was like, I reckon I was 20s. I still don't, shy guy. My father especially, very anti-swear. If I swear on my Instagram story and I'm passionate, my dad will message me. Was that necessary, Jessica? Okay.

So, no, I still don't. Because I swear a lot, I think. Do your parents swear themselves? No, they don't. It took me to my later 20s, and I think my sister, who's two years younger than me, started before me. And because she was doing it, I was like, well, I'm going to get away with her, too. Oh, no. See, my parents, I reckon my dad would still smack my bum if I swore, yeah.

Okay, well, at Lucia's party a couple weeks here, me and I and Rob were talking about us next to me. Was I swearing? I don't remember. Because I do just swear in normal talk a lot, and I don't realize I do it. And now I'm done. See, it's funny, I've tried to curb my own because I think to make up for my lack of in my family, I've now overdone at the seesaw is the way the other way. And I catch myself just swearing like a sailor to people. I go, rain it in, Jess.

Use it for effect, for goodness sake. Not just like, what fucking good is this? Yes. So if you stub your toe, you're going to be like, oh, fuck. Well, now with the two-year-old in the house trying to be much more conscientious. So now we're starting to do the very, very cool thing of sugar. Fudge. Can't soren it.

Cold. On that note, enjoy the show. There you go. When I wake, wake up, wake up In the morning career When you wake up, it's Jess and Taco Stop what you're doing And listen

You know I got the shit that you like There's only one show to wake up for you I'm not that easy to tend Jess Anyway, oh yeah, poor butthole I'm gotta explain Ducko What do they look at me when I'm in the nude

And they go Oh the room's archery, he is tired Got him going insane Yeah But all that he called C, C, C, C, C, C. Um, yeah, good show Morning rice cookers. It is Shagai here. Not Duccoe because he's doing some professional development, as he put it. But Jess is here and of course Bats is here. Good morning.

Good morning. Thank you for being with us. Unlike Ducco, Shagai, you make an excellent point. With what should have been 21 shows to go today, he decided, nah. For my next venture, I better get my professional development started early. So he's taken the day. I believe a lot of that developing happening at the Rufus concert last night his Instagram stories are to be believed. I actually haven't seen his Instagram stories. Okay, you know when you take the day off because you've laid the pipe for your boss or whatever, but then you forget that social media exists and you forget that your colleagues or your boss

can see what you're up to, he really should have posted those over the weekend. But no. There it is. There it is. Sorry. But we are here We are thriving We're going to have a great show

I walked in dancing You did You were really You were like the hype man Before the gig I don't know if it's because You know Without me little mate

Huh I I feel the need to To compensate Or it's because I actively chose To do burpees this morning Shy Guy

Yeah And I'm patting myself On the back Thank you so much That's a hard thing to do all we can control are our own actions shy guy can't control other people can't control outcome but what we can control is how we get up in the morning how we attack the day yep i gave myself a little sleep in this morning 10 minutes sleep in and that's your prerogative

that's your choice was that the right choice for you today i think so i had a restless sleep i had one of those moments where you uh leave the house and then think i've stayed some yesterday and i left and i was like oh did i shut the back door Oh God. Not even locked. Like, did you literally close the back door? The fly screen would have been closed. Was that locked? I don't know. Okay. Okay. I hate. I'm sure it would have been locked. The number of times I have driven home. Yeah. I contemplated about one thing. I was like, do I drive home?

Adding half hour, hour to the journey, because you can't go about your day. Similar, did I turn the straightener off? Yeah. Did I turn the iron? The oven. It's all those things. Because, you know, every recipe wants you to pre-heat, but sometimes I pivot. I go, actually, I won't do that. I go, wait, did I turn the oven? the oven off. Do you do that? Because I just turn the oven on to whatever temperature and then put the food in. No, you've got to preheat. I don't wait.

No, there is some... I just add, you know, five, 10 minutes onto the, whatever the cooking time was. No, no, there is some science to the pre-heat. I think, oh, maybe that's what it is. If the box of chicken tenders says these take 20 to 22 minutes, that is at the temperature. So if you put it in at zero degrees, you need to add possibly five to ten extra minutes.

Everything. Because I give it extra time because I'm like, well, it's basically in the fridge right now. No, just give it five to ten. The question is how fast does it get up to the temperature? I never timed it. My mum's fancy oven. My mum's fancy oven tells you, beep, beep, I'm at the temperature you wanted. Put the lamb rack in, Lisa.

But you don't preheat an air fry, do you? I don't abide by their fires. You're an air fry girl. Yeah, no, I don't preheat an air fryer. So when you press go, does that immediately get up to 220? It gets up pretty quick. They're pretty fast. It's like the Superman ride at Bloody Dream World or movie world.

Straight zero to 60, you know? Like zero to 100. I think it goes faster than 60. You're right. I think it was touted as the fastest ride for a bit. It's got to be faster than 60 days. Anyway, we are firing on all cylinders. We are.

We're going to have a great show. Husey's joining us later. Oh, that's what I wanted to tell you. We're auditioning, Husey. We are shy guys. So yesterday, in front of Ducco, I said, stuff you, you're abandoning us,

not just for 2026, but tomorrow, i.e. today, we are going to audition Husey. When we talk about hardworking, when we talk about talent, when we talk about Aussie, I can't think of a better one to tick, tick, tick than Dave Hughes. And Huisy, he gets it done.

He gets it done. He can get multiple things done. He's the anti-man. He's a great multitasker. But I went to Zambrero, got myself a burrito, walked past Guzman, flipped it off, and went, you babbs, Zambrero is superior.

And we made, Karina, who we know each other now because I frequent, she goes, is Husey locked in for 2026? And I was like, she's trying to get the gosh. Well, let's see, Karina. He's coming on today. Okay. Let's see the chemistry. Okay.

I want honest feedback from your show. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Now I know I went there. They gave me the tips. They gave me the tips. Okay. Oh, no, it was Mad Max.

He gave me the freebies. It wasn't GYG. Wasn't GYG. Anyone but D-Y-G for me. But you're right. Husey is on the show. We're going to audition him. Love the feedback.

048-88-106-9. Do you think Husey and I have good chemistry? Yeah. Would you like to see him in Ducko's chair in the new year? Yeah. We'll find out. We'll ask Husey the question. Well, let's see.

He's available. Well, we also need to mind to talk to his people. There's a whole thing about that. I don't know what salary expectations would be from Husey, but like what else is he doing? Probably a lot. Besides during. What else is he doing? Well, he's coming on for the tour, but he doesn't.

He doesn't know he's auditioning yet, so anyway, he'll find that out live. Yeah, Babs, don't tell him. With everyone else. When you call him. But we do have alpha bucks on the show. Yep. Oh, let's really stick it to Ducko. Let's give away $10,000 when he's not here.

Should we do a letter now for 7 o'clock? Or is that dangerous? Oh, I love that energy. No. Okay, I love that energy from you, Shire. Well, I don't know what the letters are. So. Okay.

No, Babs is the boss today. I can't do it. You're the grease monkey on the buttons. I mean, I can tell you if you want me to. No, no, you make the call. Yeah, go on, Babs. It's an hour from now. If they're still listening, they deserve the letter.

Okay, well, if you're still listening at 7am, the first letter is F for Friday. Okay, we're not going to say that again? Friday. Oh, that's it. That's it. So Alfa Bucks is on the show twice this morning. We are going to draw the Oprah ticket.

With that night's accommodation at the Park Royal, it's our call of fame, get involved in the show. For your chance to win that, and you have a chance next to pick up the phone, 131060. We're going to do no dumb thought. Yeah, we are. Or if you have a dumb thought, 04AA88-1069 and we'll read it out.

Oh, that's right. You can text us. We can do that medium too. We can. We can. Jess and ducco. There's no such thing as a dumb thought. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

We have two tickets to Oprah Winfrey. She's coming at the start of December, down under for a live show. Yeah. With Mel Doyle. from Sunrise fame. Love that. Oh, they do in a sort of...

Q&A vibe. Oh, that would be fantastic. She's on a Thursday night, too. Oh, how convenient. How convenient. We'll also give you a night's accommodation. Yeah. Stunning Park Royal.

That's a fancy one. Like, we do the Ridges and we love the Ridges, but the Park Royal. When we talk about Oprah. Yeah. You got to level it up. Amen. If you would like to be there,

get involved in the show now, 13, 1060, or you can send us a cheeky text 4-88-18-1069. We'd love your dumb thoughts. This one occurred to me yesterday, shy guy. Now, you and I, been in radio a long time. Do you actually know the genesis of commercial FM radio? Do you know where the seed of the idea was planted? Because you need a little bit of history, a little bit of radio law.

No, I don't, actually. I'm pretty sure this is accurate, and I didn't need this up. Nah, let's hear it. I'm talking back in the day. AM was already a thing, the talk back and the sort of communication system. But there were some, you know, intelligent blokes, business people who were in like an old school diner with the jukebox. And they witnessed over about an hour, 90 minutes, young people constantly going to the jukebox, putting their bloody 20p into the jukebox and just playing the same songs over and over. It was the biggest songs at the time.

That sounds familiar. We might be talking bloody Elvis time or whatever it might be. But these guys are going, oh God, these kids just like the same. say music over and over. They're not getting sick of the music. And thus, the current model of commercial radio was born. CHI is what we call it. Play the hits.

The kids love the big artists. Just play them on rotation. We're still kind of doing that model. But we've got heaps and heaps of artists, but we get accused of it all the time, right? And I wondered, I've got a two-year-old in my life now, Shagai. For example, it's an 11-minute journey from the daycare back to our house yet. And all she wants to hear is the same song over and over. Right now, she's in this phase.

This is Aria winner Emma Mema doing Crocodile Snap. But literally, we get through Crocodile Snap and she goes, again, again. I'm like, does our addiction to the same songs start from childhood? I mean, I don't think we'll add this one on here. I'm not this particular one. MMM is for children. Can you imagine if we're doing an hour of us? To be fair, she's got one called jellyfish blob, which slaps.

Bazz, why didn't you get us jellyfish blog? No, because Lucia wanted to accurately give you the one. Luchuan's on repeat, repeat, repeat. But I thought, do these models of us just wanting to listen to Taylor Swift on repeat? Does all this start from childhood? I guess so. But where do the ads come into it? Isn't that how we started this conversation?

No. I don't have nothing to have the ads. I was talking about the model of playing the same music. You know how we always get accused of, oh my God, God, can you stop playing Taylor Swift? You know why? Because people like to hear familiarity. And when they like a song, play it till you're sick of it.

Yeah, we're sick of it. But I think it starts from as young as two. I don't mind this. After a third listen. Because then the crocodile walks And then the crocodile rolls Oh it's got music for you Oh jeez

Then the verse is just like Oh there's a crocodile walk There you go Okay And you're also having some deep thoughts Yeah clearly I've got one for you Is clapping your hands

Just giving yourself a high five Of the time's over See I gave you all this history About radio We went back in time for you. I spent a lot of time this morning thinking about that one on the way in. Is it? Just clapping your hands.

Let's just giving yourself a high five multiple times. Do you ever do something that you think warrants a high five? You don't get it from the people in the room with you, so you'll high five yourself. I don't, I might think to myself, that's a good high-fivable moment, but I'm not going to. But you don't, you don't put your hand up, get left hanging and go, all right. See, I do that a lot. Oh, dude, that's really sad. I,

I quite enjoy a high-five. A solo high-five. You are not, no. We high-five. What I'm saying is I enjoy that with my fellow human being. You've given me, I think, three. Three, I think in total. And they have been the highlight of my youth.

I said, no, that's not high-fivable. Put that down. Yeah, yeah, so you know what I did? Did you high-five yourself under the table? Did you high-fived? You hit it. I, the idea of an unfinished high-five. We talk about blue balls on this program quite a bit. Yeah.

I cannot leave a high-five lingering. So I'll finish it off myself. Okay. So yes, I do believe... No, because clapping isn't clapping yourself. Well, if you did something cool, would you applaud yourself as the same realm. Ah, patting yourself on the back, essentially...

No one pats himself on the back. Really, like, if you did a good job, oh, good work, me. Oh, you're saying the physical act. Yeah. I was going to say, I pat myself on back in my head. Oh, you can metaphorically do that. That's okay.

Why don't we actually do it then? I don't know. Where did that saying? come from if we're not actually doing the act. I don't know. Babs, can you Google that one? Sure. I was going to say when I do good things, I usually say out loud, like, good job, girl. Like, go off. That was great. Yes. Babs, if we're not going to be our own cheerleaders, how can we expect anyone else to be?

That's so true. Slate Queen. Slate Queen. Jess and Ducko. Jonathan has texts through 048-8-1069. 2026 announcement, Jess and Shy Guy, Australia's newest breakfast radio. Australia's newest. I love that as well. What I don't love, is that the, is that the silly face emoji?

That's the tongue out. Oh, tongue out. What does tongue out mean? Is that like, whey? Like, bleh. And what does, and what does that mean? What does winking face with tongue? What does winking face with tongue mean?

This is the most out of touch with the use. It means playful teasing, according to Google. It says it's a fun way to joke with someone implying you're being cheeky or silly. It also could be influrting. So does Jonathan want it or not? Is he being silly? Jonathan, can you text this? Is this something you really want?

Yeah, what does the winking, because I love what the words you've used, and now the winking tongue out is thrown some confusion. No, I think that's like, oh, Jess and Shigerger's doing some breakfast show. Blah. That's what I think of me. The fact you keep, bling. With your fingers up, like, bleh. Babs, can you translate that?

I'm understanding what Jonathan's saying. Yeah. Is it a positive thing? Like, he wants it. Yeah, it's just like a cheeky, like, yeah, that would be fun. Like, it's a joke. I don't think he's, I don't know, yeah. What is a joke?

What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, I don't know. He's just been fun. Emojis, man. I hate emojis so much. I do not understand. I only use the laughing crying face emoji.

That's it. That one's quite understandable. Having said that, I have seen some young people go, oh my God, my mom keeps putting the laughing crying emoji on her friend's funeral announcements because she thinks it's crying. Yeah, or they might say LOL. Lots of love. Not laugh out loud, but she's dead.

The generational divide man. It's getting thicker and thicker. I want to talk about Kim Kardashian. All right, we're ready. No, no, no. We're right here. The wind, you guys, is necessary. One of the great themes.

It is. The whistle is fantastic. Let's play a quick follower game, shy guy. Obviously, one of the most recognizable, one of the most famous, one of the most successful women in the world in the current era. How many followers do you think Kim Kardashian has on TikTok? Oh, on TikTok?

Yes, because that's where this latest, Ooh, I'm going to say rant has taken place. I feel like it should be mainstay would be Instagram. You're absolutely right there. So I'm going to say to be less on TikTok. Well, do you know what is on Instagram? I would have said 100 million. It's 354 million on Instagram.

Maybe the TikTok's 100 million then. It's 10. Oh, is that all? 10.4 million followers on TikTok. That is not a lot. For like one of the queens of social media. Maybe her child has more. Northwood 100%.

and have more on TikTok. If you could quickly look that up, Babs. But she's taken to TikTok for this one, shy guy. She's absolutely put a group, a community group on blast. We all know that Kim, for a couple of years now, has been working towards becoming a lawyer. Starting very hard following the footsteps of her dad, Robert Cardash. She's actually been involved in a little bit of prison reform already.

Back in 2020, she worked to get a woman serving a life sentence out. And she did successfully. She won that case. So she's been on the journey, okay? Now she's currently starring in a new show that has had some mixed reviews. Mixed reviews. Very boring. I fell asleep about 10 minutes in, but if you like it, that's your prerogative?

Zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes, which has only made me more intrigued, where she plays a divorce lawyer. So it's really in a lot of facets of her life. But she's not actually a lawyer yet. You have to pass something called the bar. It's basically like the final exam where the board goes, you can now represent people. is your license. Exactly. Unfortunately, she'd visited a few psychics who gave her a bit of confidence, shy guy,

that 2025 up a ties. That 2025 would be the year she passes the bar. To her 10.4 million followers, Kim had this to say. I'm just letting you guys know that all of the psychics that we have met with and that we're obsessed with are all full of shit. They all collectively, maybe four of them, have told me I was going to pass the bar. So they're all full pathological life. I don't believe anything they say.

Now. She's clearly mad. She didn't pass the bar. Four shy guy. So hang on. If you see more than one psychic, isn't that like cheating? Shouldn't you just have the one? Well, see, I think it's similar to a doctor.

If you get news that maybe is sitting a little bit too intensely with you, what do they always say? Get a second opinion. Well, she got four. She got four opinions and all the psychics told her, sis, you are going to pass the bar. But also, if you're the psychic to Kim Kardashian, you're going to be like, no, that's not going to happen. who's going to tell her that. Do you think Kim's too intimidating to tell the truth too? Maybe.

But now the issue is you've lied to her. If you actually can see in your ball of fortune, Kim Kardashian. They all have the ball. They all have the ball. Well, that's a great question. They could have done the tarot. Maybe that's what she did.

She did one tarot, one ball. One that just closes their eyes and touches their forehead. One tea leaves and one imagination. They all saw it in their way. They've all told her she's going to pass. and now she is livid, and she's basically put all psychics on blast. Or did they all say no, and she kept trying to find one that would say yes. And now she's madded all of them for being right.

There was one psychic who did say, Kim, 2025 is not your year. I've seen a psychic before, Shrike. I'm sure it's not surprising too. I did it at a school fair ones. I think I was 12, but anyway, it wasn't real. Do you remember if anything came true? No. Did they see radio in your future?

No, no one did. My psychic didn't tell me anything. Like prediction-wise, but what she told me was things I needed to start enacting. And she told me that I needed to connect with the diva kingdom, which is another way. Fairies. She said I needed to be going outside and grounding barefoot in the earth to connect with the fairies. She wanted you to be off with the fairies. I was taking life a little too seriously, Shiger.

So that's why I'm such a coo-in now. Did you bring that up with the psychic or did the psychic tell you that? No, no. I was trying to be very conscientious, not give him any scraps, any nuggets. info. Okay. And how long ago was it? This would have been maybe four or five years ago, but I remember wearing a green jumper.

I was my favorite jumper at the time. And she said, I'm getting a sense. Green is your favorite color. And I was like, well, it's yellow, but I happened to be wearing it green. Great. You've got a great start with this circuit so far. Jess and Ducko. Jess, outside in the kitchen, we just made some toast and you made a coffee.

And then I noticed that you took your coffee to the bathroom. Oh, yeah. What's with that? I do that. That's weird, man. That's not new. I don't think I don't have a note. You take, you don't take your toast.

If I'm mid-apple, I'll take that with me. So you just, number one or number two? Whatever comes out. Whatever needs to happen. I'm not, like, and this is the issue. I know we can get into semantics here. I will prop it up on the basin area and then make my way to the cubicle. The apple is a different story because that comes with me.

Not a coffee. Okay. Because sometimes I need two hands. Sometimes it's a two-hander. Wait. But if it's an apple, I'll have that in my mouth. While you're just going. Yeah, whereas a cup, I'm happy to just perch on a, on the bench.

I'll take water bottles in there. This happened at the shopping. Water bottles, okay, because you can seal that off. Sure. Like open. Open vessel. Yeah. And it's so funny because I'm a hypocrite.

Don't try and work me out, shy guy. I'm a woman of many layers and levels. I am a big believer that you should put the toilet lid down to flush. And then flush. That's what they say. Have you seen one of those cameras? that, like, watch people sneeze or... Oh, like the infrared.

Yeah, they've done it with a flushing the toilet, and it shoots up to, like, the ceiling. The particles genuinely go flying. Yeah. Same as a sneeze. That's why you should have an apple in your mouth. Absolutely, but I am a big staunch believer in you put the lid down to flush, and yet I will bring open beverage and food items into the bathroom.

Where else am I meant to put it? Leave it outside. On the ground, that is a tripping hazard where you're asking for a spill. You can leave it with one of us. Say, hey, take my coffee into the studio. I'm going to go to a number two. Because already people think I'm a diva, and now I'm going to get you to start ferrying my coffees in and out.

The next step is just go make the coffee. No, I can look after myself. Babs, do you do this? Do you take food into the bathroom with you? No. Sorry, I didn't realize you had a mouthful of toast. Anyway, Babbs got a mouthful of a toast. She's taking your calls for Alphabucks now.

Jess and Ducko. Half a bucks. Yes, 10 questions, 30 seconds. You get all 10 right. We'll give you $10,000. You can pass. And if there's time at the end, we'll come back to it. Jess, we'll give you your letter.

I'm really trying not to get the rules wrong. I'm really trying, and I thought I did all right there. You didn't. Yeah, you have a gone too bad. Thanks, thanks. I just can't do it. Anyway, Jordan, good morning, Jordan. Why don't you just read off the piece of paper?

Dislexia, man. Anyway, it doesn't mind. Morning, Jordan. Good morning, guys. How are you? Could it be better, Jordan? No ducco today, so we'd really like to stick it to him. Not only is he abandoning us for 2026, but he's abandoned us today. So can you win the $10,000 so we can really rub it in that he missed this amazing moment?

Yeah, that would be really cool. Okay, great. Now, Jordan, we gave out the letter at the start of the show. Were you listening an hour ago? Yes, I believe the letter is F. Okay. Okay, oh wow, okay. Everyone sit up a bit straighter.

Okay. Now, firstly, what do you want to spend 10 grand on? A pool. Beautiful. Okay. All right. You can do that. So she's locked in what she wants.

Yep. She knows the letter. Yep. All that's left is to play the game. Jordan, are you ready? Yes, I am. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter F, we need you to name.

Something in the bedroom. A fan. An instrument. Flute. A flower. French, Japan. An Italian food. Pass.

A comedy film. Freaky Friday. An international city. France. A noun. Fun. A technology brand. Fuji.

An animal. Frog. A drink. Banta. A Italian food. She was good. You were very good, Jordan. But not 10 out of 10 good.

I got seven. Seven of the best, Jordan. Maybe six. You can hold your head up high. What have you got a question mark on? I had a question mark on the noun. Fun? Fun.

That's an adjective? No. I think you're absolutely right. Okay. Well, anyway. Run through the other thing. So yeah. Italian food, Fetuccini, Faccia,

international city. I think you went to say France, but then realise that wasn't the city. Florence or Frank Bres, what we're looking for there. Fugee, I'll give you that one. They make their little cameras. Absolutely, they do.

And actually, shy guy, let's bump it up to seven. Fun also and now. Oh, there you go. When you talk about amusement or lighthearted pleasure, that would technically be fun as a noun. There you go, Jordan. It's not the 10 grand for that pool, but we will give you 100 bucks at Pillow Talk.

They've got their Black Friday sale on now. I saw that out of it. on my Instagram this morning. So there you go. That's all yours. Awesome. Thanks, guys. Thanks for joining the show, Jordan.

Have a great Friday. You too. Bye. Thanks, babe. Now, actually, Jordan did a great segue there. Unfortunately, the question was city, not country, but she mentioned France. And up next, we are going to France.

Shy guy. I've had a bone to pick with you for about a week. For about a week. I thought I'd get over it. I thought I could meditate, ruminate. journal. Unfortunately, this little kernel of toxicity has sat with me and I'd like to clear the air next.

Oh, well, I'm sorry that you've held on to this for so long. I'm mad at you. I can't wait to hear it. Let's go to France together. All right, after Olivia Dean, this is men I need. Yes and Ducko. Shy guy. Okay. On 04-8-8-1069, that is our text line.

I would love to get a temperature check. You need a bit of a jury. I would love a jury because I've got the judge in, sweet babes. I need you to get off the fence, or you're very very. Very comfortable. All right. I need you to pick aside. I need you to have the wig and the robe on and a little gavel.

Who was in the wrong here? Okay. Or more accurately, how should we punish shy guy? Because I'll be honest, I'm obviously very biased being one party coming to this scenario. Okay. I'm going to set the scene for everyone. I took you both out for dinner about nine days ago. Oh, yep.

We went to a fabulous French restaurant. It was a vibe and a half. It's one of my favorite French songs. Francoise. Me too. We had a show to go to, but obviously, we need to fill our bellies. And I said, I want to take you to one of my favorite restaurants. I know that there's maybe a bit of month left before payday.

And I went, look, I'm picking the place. I know it's a little exe. So, guys, this is on me. And thank you for that, too, by the way. That's a very good dinner. I'm trying to suck up now, because I think you know what you did. Now, the penny has your old. Partly, it was a bit petty for me.

I wanted to stick it to ducco because he's obviously leaving in 2026. I'm like, I'm taking these guys out who are sticking with me for the new year. I'm going to treat you to a nice meal and then we'll go to a comedy show. But we're sitting there. I was catching the vibes, you know, glass of bubbles, the food start. It was a great vibe. We were the only people in the restaurant, which I love. We had to do the only booking.

It felt very private. It felt very bougie. And this is the sort of playlist. So I was feeling my best French self. And I made the comment. Oh, don't you feel like you're in Ratatouille? Oh, I'm detecting nuttiness. Because obviously, that's one of the great French movies set in Paris.

If you're not familiar, it's an animated movie about a rat in France who... One can get too familiar with vegetables, you know. Can cook. And it's a movie that Sargai and I have kind of bonded over when I recommended... Yeah, I watched it a couple months ago. After I had insisted. Multiple times. Yeah, you didn't love it.

Didn't love it. But just this music and the vibe of Paris, I made the comment, Babs. Don't you feel like you're in Rattahooie? Yeah. At this moment, a waitress has walked over. I've remembered what I've done now. I think to top up our carafe of wine. Yes.

Shy guy says, in not a quiet voice. Do you want me to say what I said? Let's go. So I've said, don't you feel like you're in Rattatooie? And I said, what? You're saying there's a rat in the kitchen doing the cooking? Did the waiter look at me? Yes.

Okay, because I was thinking at you. Insulted. Yes, and I'm saying that there's a rat in the kitchen. Rats in the kitchen is possibly the... But isn't that a compliment? Because in the movie, unless I remember it wrong, everyone loved the rat's food. Yes, but my issue is, shy guy, your timing was terrible. I don't think she heard me start the combo about Ratatooie.

So I've just gone... Hey, you reckon there's a rat in the kitchen? Yeah, literally. she did you not see her wine no the pouring the wine hover over babes as she was struck mid-pour going oh my god these people think there's rats this is horrific what are you me i was mortified i love that place i don't think i can show my face again you have ruined just not with me babes what say you

when he did say that i remember being like rano mate shut up yeah literally not a brookie get too familiar with vegetables you know It's one of my favourite movies, but I don't think we should be talking about it in a restaurant and accusing the kitchen of having rats in there. Have you ever been out? Rat, one rat, not plural, rat, one. With a movie, there's also hundreds of rats at one point. That's true.

In the end, there was a whole heap of them. That's true. I didn't go that far. They also killed it. They absolutely slayed the dinner. What the hell was the police? They wrapped him up and was the health inspector. But anyway, I just, I'm never taking him out for dinner again.

That's the end of our dining room. All right. Well, I'm glad the one meal we have was one of those really. expensive ones. Thanks for that. Jess and Ducko. We've got a very special guest. Yes. Now, Ducko has chosen with only weeks to go of our tenure together. We know he's

finishing up at the end of the year. He has chosen with 20-something shows to go he was going to take a day off. He needed to do some quote-unquote professional development. He was absconding deserting us for the day and I went, well, I'm going to use this opportunity to audition someone. Maybe someone

who could fill the metaphorically big shoes because we know the man is tiny. I can't think of a better candidate, someone with more experience in radio, nearly two decades, one of the funniest, sharpest voices in this country, if not the world, and someone who has story upon story upon story with which we could bring to the radio show. Yeah, sure. Who have you got in mind, Jess? Dave Husey Hughes, who joins us this morning.

Hughesy. I'm very, very, very nervous. Not to put you on the spot, mate. but this is an audition. I would love to test you, demo you, as we would say in the industry, to replace Ducko in 2026. Are you up for the challenge? Oh, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so anxious, Jess.

I mean, it's ducko, he's the man, you know, so, and that's not a gender sort of thing. He can be the woman, you can be whatever he wants to be, but, yeah, no, this is big for me. But I don't know, Jeff. I don't know if I want to jump back in, even though if I was going to jump back in, What a better place. There's no better place to jump if you can, you know, you know, to that's starting to sound weird now. No, I'm saying.

I'm waiting for a compliment for me, Hughes. If you were going to jump back in with anyone, obviously Kate Langbrook, your long time, you know, a partner in crime, but Jay Farch, I mean, I reckon we could make some magic. Look, I don't have any denying that. So, but my, and, yeah, it's like, I mean, if Kate doesn't hear this,

and let's, if you can make sure he doesn't, definitely, yes, sure, number one. It's number one, number one, number one. But, guys, you don't understand. I mean, I haven't been doing radio for probably 18 months now, and a survey came out recently, and my popularity on radio has gone up. I'm now apparently the second most popular radio presenter in the country,

and people must really love the fact I'm not on radio. Your contributions, obviously, when you are doing interviews, all that are really cutting through for you to still be the second most popular. He does beg the question, who pipped you at the post? You sound like my son, you know, so who's bloody, you know, he's a dad, if you're not number one, you're last. Don't quote, you know, Toledoaguer nights to me, all right?

So I showed you that movie. So, look, apparently Amanda Keller, but whatever. You know, I knew you were going to say, Amanda. She would be hard to beat. I'm not talking to me. So, yeah, so. And the survey also said I was the second most popular comedian in the country. And I'm going, go, well, who was number one?

I said, you don't know. Don't worry. They're an up and comer. Well, Husey, I did, like, Rafi's onto something because I have heard bronze medal winners at the Olympics are actually happier than silver medalists because the bronze go, oh, my God, at least I got something. Whereas the silver medalists go, oh, God, I was this close to getting the gold. So it's actually better almost to come third. You're right. If not first.

James Magnus and the, what they call him, the magnet. No, not the magnet. The missile. The missile. Whatever, James Magna. The missile, yes, thank you. Not the magnet, that would be weird. But he stowed on a gold medal by 0.01 back in the day when he was meant to be the fastest in the 100 metre of freestyle, which is a blue ribbon event at the Olympics.

And now he's in the bloody enhanced game. That's right, doing the juice. He wants to become Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently now. So I'm thinking I'm about getting on the juice, actually. Why not? How do you think, I mean, you on steroids user, you are obviously. we're about to talk about your 36 stop national tour kicking off in the new year. It's called Cooked.

You are already the hardest working person. You're calling this the funniest show you've ever done. I just saw your caption on Instagram. And this is coming off the back of a near-death experience. I can't imagine what you could do if you actually started pumping steroids. I don't know. I don't know what I could do either, but maybe lift more than two kilos or something. But I found that misery is probably my safe space.

So the more times I injure myself and put on my Instagram photos from me in hospital on life support, there's a more likes I get, you know. So the photo where I'm, there's a photo if you've got on my Instagram a little while back after this injury and this footy game where I look like I'm basically on a life support system. And my wife, I was asleep. My wife took the photo because she knew that I would want to be broadcast. And when I woke up, and it wasn't, it was like a CPAT machine. I think they thought I was snoring, I was like, but she showed me the photo.

I said, you are the best wife in the world. I put that photo on Instagram and it's got like $8 million, you know. And then I presented another video the other day of me saying, I've got a clean bill of house and just no one cares. I don't know if you're doing a 36-stop national tour of that content, but I love that you have been able to find it. I was quite a way into my comedy career. Mum was still saying, why don't you go back and finish it? through accounting. You're like, come on, Mom.

Come on. I'm doing all right. I swear, Mom, I can provide for my family. I eventually bought her a new, a brand new Toyota Corolla. Go, there you go, Mom. That shut her up, the new Corolla. Yeah.

Oh, well, you know, and her will, she gave it to my bloody sister. I bought that car, Mom. Well, she can't re-gu- I mean, I guess what's worse giving you back of the car or re-gifting it on? She's like paying it forward. She's paying it forward, yes.

But, you know, anyway, my sister drives that car now, and good. You know, I've got no issue with her. You're doing all right. You buy yourself a Corolla, okay? Oh, well, Husey, I mean, I think Shiger, you've been listening in on that. What did you feel, our chemistry? Husey and I.

I mean, you want me to give you guys feedback? I would love to live air check quick. I mean, Husey knows what he's doing. You know what you're doing, Jess. I think it's a great show. Do you want to sign now or do you want to sign in the ads? We'll talk to your people. Yeah, you talk to my people.

But they're going to want to cut. Don't talk to my people. Just talk to me. All right, we'll slide into your DMs. As soon as we've gone. to www.com.com.a.u. The tickets are on sale today. Hughesy's show cooked. I've seen you live a bunch of times, mate. You are so good. You are so sharp. But if you're saying this is the funniest show ever, I cannot wait to be in that crowd. So thank you for your time. And I mean, we'll circle back in the

new year. Carve out some time for your pal, Jess. I'm going to say, there is a world. There's a world after breakfast radio. And it's a good world, mate. We're still here, Hughes. Yeah, we're still here. I like this. Ducco. Jess and Ducco's 10K Alfa Bucks on it. Alphabucks. Yes, that's right. Alfa Bucks time.

The big time, last time of the week. Don't do it off by heart. Just read the freaking thing. 30 seconds answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. If you get all 10 questions, correct, you will score $10,000. We must take your first answer, and you can't use the same answer twice. If you're unsure of a question, you can pass and we'll come back to it if there's time. You know why that works because I highlighted a blue, which helps my life.

When you say you highlighted, it's not like there's a whole page for you to read. It's the four dot points, which are the four rules. Yeah, but I think the blue. Just read the dot point. We've played this game. I've played this game just as much as you have. And yet? I still didn't get the rules.

Jade, did you get the rules? Hi, Jane. Did you get the rules? Good job, Jade. That's all you need to do. Actually, no, you need to listen to the answers. I'm going to read the best. I've actually got a lot on.

You still have to do a lot. Jay, good morning. Thank you for joining the show. So what's brought you to us this morning? Why do you want our $10,000? Well, me and the kiddies were in the car, and my son always pressures me to do it. And I was like, all right, we'll do it.

And I would love to go on a holiday after doing full-time uni all year. Oh, I think you finished now? I'm finished at the end of next year, but finished for the year. You deserve a little treat. Let's get your 10 grand so you can take the family away on a holiday. I love that your son's been pressuring you.

Today's the day. You've gotten through. Yeah. Well, let's see how I go. I can't tell you if the stakes are higher or lower. Like, Ducco's not here, which I love the idea of giving you the money and then we rub it in on Monday. He missed the moment. Oh, I love that.

But let's see how leany and shy guy's going to be because he's on the ticking or the crossing. Jay, the letter you're working with, babe, it's A. A for Alpha Bucks, it's solid. We've seen winners before. Are you ready to go? I'm ready to go. All right. Your time will start after the first question.

Okay. Starting with the letter A, we need you to name. Something in the bedroom. A, path. A horror movie. Oh, I don't know. Path. An international city.

Um, oh my God. Why am I blanking? Um, path. A reality TV show? Oh my God. Oh, my God. I don't know. An animal?

Um, oh my God, I'm the worst player, I pass. Bro, musical. Oh, my God. It's the opposite of 10 grand, shy guy. Oh, my God. Um, Jay, Ducko's going to be just as sad. He missed this. You've, you've clocked a score of zero,

which means the punishment is, congratulations. You got zero correct answers. And run yourself a nudie run. Remove pants in five, four, three, two, one. Jay! We have had more nudie runs this year than $10,000 winners. I'm not mad about it, but you've scored yourself the nudie run.

I can't do a nudie run, no one's receiver. I'm sorry, they're the rules. There's them the rules, Gay. You have to get out. Are you in the car? I'm in the car. I'm like, fuck you. He doesn't want to see it.

Tell him to close his eyes. Well, maybe he can do it for you. One of you is doing a new... Jade, I mean... Oh, how embarrassing. That is not great. Do we still go through it? I think learnings are in order, shall I go?

Let's start at the top. Something in the bedroom. Alarm, clock, air conditioner or artwork, a horror movie alien in Central City, Amsterdam, Athens, Auckland, a reality TV show, Australian Idol, American Idol, American Ninja Warrior, an animal, the alligator, albatross, anaconda, a musical, Aladdin or Annie, then the ones we didn't get to. I mean, all right, thank you guys. You're welcome.

Look, you don't deserve it, but we won't let you leave empty-handed. Pull your pants back up. You are walking away with $100 to spend at Pillow Talk. For the love of comfort. There you go, sweet up. Okay, great. Jade, your son was wrong to believe in your ability. Yeah.

I bloody know. I'm back. You're going to go away. I'm going to give you 12 months. Can you call back? November 21, 2026, and we'll try again. Yeah, I knew I would never be good at the trivia. I love that your son, that's wonderful, you know?

And it just shows you're human. Yeah, thank you so much. Oh, what a legend. Thanks for joining the show. Jade. Have a great rest of your Friday. Up next, more chances. Well, actually the last chance.

Yeah. To get your name in the pool for the call of fame, we're going to draw that double pass to Oprah Winfrey and that night's accommodation at the Park Royal. Next. shy guy, what do you want to do here? Well, I discovered something earlier this week, and I thought, I could bring this up with the team, or I know that I'm going to be working on Friday, I'll give myself a segment

and even a phone up. I love this. I'll get some support from the rice cookers. What are you looking for? Well, I want to know if you've got a hidden talent, because I discovered that I can do something that I think's pretty cool. So you're 30. Thank you.

You did not know you had this. No. What does hidden talent mean? Other people... Well, I discovered that I can do... Yeah, it's almost like hidden from yourself, right? Yeah. So it's taking you three decades to unlock this skill.

Yeah, it's something I've been doing, but I didn't really clock that I was doing it. And I was like, hang on, this is a bit of a skill. Yeah, not many others can do it. So what I do in the morning, I wake up, I fill up my water bottle. Not this water bottle, I have another water bottle. It stays in the car. Okay? Just stay with me on the train.

You know, I'm very, very popular for taking things off the rails babs. Yeah. I have that many holes I want to poke, but I won't. Oh, I've got holes to poke too. Let's let him finish and then we'll poke. Okay, go. Leave my holes alone, okay? I'm the hierarchy of this room.

I'll poke where I want to poke. Come with me on this journey. So I have a water bottle that I usually take it to the gym after work. That's why it's a separate water bottle. I know it's full and ready to go. Oh, God, I have so many things. Okay, anyway. So I grab this water bottle and I fill it up every morning.

In my kitchen, it's pitch black. I can fill it up without the light. I can tell by the noise. Shut up. Everyone can do that. I can do that. I disagree. No, that's bullcrap.

I was so excited for this. And I went, I'm so embarrassed. I don't actually have one to share. My hidden talent. I can fill up the water bottle in the dark and not overflow. Sorry, your ears work. Is that you're saying your hidden talent?

When it goes like, he can feel like. Yeah, I can know exactly when to stop it. Everyone can do that. Everyone is not a hidden talent, you big fat loser. That's so embarrassing. Also, your drink bottle is definitely hot. by the time you get back in the car and take it to the gym. No, I don't think you should be leaving water in your car.

I think that's a whole thing about that. It stays cold. It's not even about the temperature. I like room temperature anyway. It's the fact that you've got multiple drink bottles throughout the day. I know, but I've never seen it take one sip of water in my entire life. Say, oh, can everyone do this? He doesn't leave the studio.

It's sound. If you are paying attention, it's just listening to the sound. That's so funny. That's not a talent. I really thought I had a hidden talent and now you've just poo-pooed it. But what's terrifying for Babs now is she said, like, oh, yeah, let's see what you've got. You've got a hidden talent. Here we go, Babs.

You've got the floor. This is not a supportive environment. Yeah, here we go. It's like a little party trick that I found out I can do. So 24 years old. Yeah, I figured it out a few years back, but I don't do it very often because it's quite hard work, but, you know, I can fit my whole fist in my mouth. Shut.

Now, that's a challenge. Go on. I'm not doing it right now. No, you have to. No, babe, sorry, if you're going to make a claim. No, because it makes you feel sick. I don't need to see it. trump me in your head and talent, but I need to

see it. Sorry, you know, it's like me when I used to work at the good guys, I'd be like, oh yeah, I'm the one back flipping on the ad and people go, oh, can you do a backflick? I'm like, not in this environment. No, because it makes me like chokes. So it's very easy to just say words, bags. I don't think you can do it. I can do it. I can do it. We're going to need proof. I'm not doing it right now. Sorry, but you don't have the talent. I'm the winner. Well, you're as bad as him.

No, you're not. I can actually do it. Like, I can forfeit my fist in my mouth. I'm filming. No, because my mouth is... Why would you bring this up? I'm trying to do it. I can't do it, man. Oh, hang on a minute. I reckon I might be able to...

Oh, then I've got locked, chocolate. Is that... It is gag central, but sorry, Babs, you cannot say something like that. And not prove it. That's absolute crap. Stand by. I'll do it another day. I can't do it today.

My hand's dirty. Your hand is dirty. Okay, we've got stuff for that. We're going to need to see all the rings are coming off. All right, 13, 10, 60. What's your hearing? hidden talent. I'm sure Oprah would love to hear.

No, I don't want to do it today. Don't make me do it. No, well, sorry. Okay, then that doesn't count. But I can do it. I can do it, I swear. I don't believe you. 13, 1060, that's a caveat actually, shy guy.

You need to be able to prove it somehow. If your skill, someone's just hung up. They're like, well, I'm not, I don't want to prove it. If you're not willing to prove it, don't bother. I'm not giving Oprah tickets to someone who just talks. No. Words out their mouth like bad. Like Babs.

13, 1060. Do we just forget the whole drink bottle saga? Yeah, that's still lame. Yeah, but at least. It's still lame, but at least I can do it. I have people that have seen me do it and can attest that I've done it. Mom ring. All right.

All right. If Simone. Simone is trustworthy. I'll believe. I'll even send Simone to Oprah. But is she unbiased enough? Like, my mum would back me up anything I said too. Maybe we need demo to call.

Actually, I don't want a relative. You know what? The whole family. Call in. 131060 I don't even really understand what hidden talent means it's like almost something you didn't realize

Something you keep in the dark Something you keep secret Yeah like you don't tell other people Yeah in the dark Even though I've never seen you take a sip of water What's your hidden talent? 131060 We could be setting it over

The bar couldn't be lower So you could absolutely be winning these Oprah tickets Because maybe you can tell the sound As Bab storms out of what colour highlighter You're using without looking at it Oh I love that like the synesthesia Something like that Whatever that word is

That's awesome Jess and Ducko Jess and Ducko Shy Guy put himself on our run sheet He said Jess without Ducko here I know I need to lift I said thank you brother Don't make me do all the heavy lifting

Without my little buddy here You said I want to talk hidden talents I went oh Another layer will be peeled back from Shiger because you're an elusive mysterious man What you're revealing today will be so interesting You've tried to come on air

and say your hidden talent is knowing when your water bottle is getting full just by sound alone. Which I thought I was unique in that. Turns out everyone knows how to do it. It's not that impressive. I wouldn't even say it's talentful. Well, on 131060, I wanted to ask you.

But it couldn't be worse than Babs who tried to say, I can fit my whole fist in my mouth, which I would pay money to see. I know she's skinned. I know 50 bucks would go a long way. If I give you 50 bucks right now, would you do it, Babs? She's pretending to answer calls.

I appreciate people are ringing. So the phones are blown up. So we're going to do a little bit of Got Talent. Am I Simon Cowell? You can be Simon Cowell. Who do you want to be? Paula Abdul. I would have wanted to be Simon Cow, to be honest with you.

Anna, Anna, let's go to Anna. Good morning to you. Anna. Oh, hi. Hello, welcome to Rice Cookers Got Talent. What's yours? I can sing the alphabet backwards. Yes.

Now, Anna, are you going to be like Babs and go, this is my talent, but I'm not showing you. Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? Yeah, yeah. Let's go. Let's go. Go for it, Anna. Okay. Z-Y-X, W-V-U-T-S-R-Q-P, O-N-M-L-K-J, I-G, F-E-D-C-A.

Oh, my God. Well done, Anna. What a useless little talent, Anna, but I am so impressed by that. Exactly what we want on 13-16. Anna, you are in the draw to win the Oprah tickets, and if you win, I hope you have the opportunity to show Oprah that. I don't think Oprah could do that. I don't reckon she could.

Shea, good morning. Good morning. Welcome to Rice Cookers Got Talent. What's yours? I can find four leaf clover's very easily. Sorry, you can use your eyes. Is that what you're saying? Yep, just walking along, yes, but they jump out at me.

How many have you found, Shea? Oh, hundreds. Sorry, Jay, are they rare? Like, isn't it? It's a pretty common phenomenon in nature? Yeah, they are. I'm with you. I'm not poo-pooing it like, Jess.

That's good. That's awarding that. That's selling a awarding that. That's selling a award. You are in with a chance to win the Oprah tickets. Thank you. Oh, the phones have broken. Here we go.

Let's go with Jeff. Good morning. How is going? Yeah, fantastic. You're on. Rice cooker's got talent. What have you got? I can fart out my mouth.

Now, is this something you need to, like, have eaten to create. the experience, or can you give us one right now with no warning? Look, I'm just driving. I think I could, but there's a danger that it might reverse on me. It might, what, reverse on you? And what does that mean? It comes out your butt. It does, yeah.

We'll go on then. I'm going to need you to try. Is it safe, firstly, for you to do that? No. Oh, that was him thinking. I thought that was the noise. All right, well, Jeff, you're in Babs' pool so far because you can't prove it. Oh, my God, Jeff.

Well, thank you. Thanks for your contribution. No golden buzzer, though. No golden buzzer. No way, no god buzzer. Effort. Andy, morning, Andy. Hi.

Andy, welcome to rice cookers got talent. Blow us away. I can make a flower with my tongue. Oh, damn it. It's an audio medium. That's okay. I believe in you, Andy, though. When you say flower, can you describe that?

Because I've seen people who almost, yeah, it's funny, like Jamie, make a four-leaf clover sort of. situation. Me and my whole family can actually do this and I'm actually teaching my kids to do this now. You know when you like make a little bucket with your tongue? A bucket? Yeah.

So if you, yeah, if you like, just imagine it, okay? You make a bucket with your tongue. So I can then bring in the sides of my tongue and then it makes like a little flower. Oh, Andy, I'm going to need to see. I don't see how it turns out to a flower. I would love to see that. When you have an opportunity to take, will you DM us a photo? Yes, I will definitely do that.

Thank you. I have her tongue stuff is almost genetic. If your whole family can do it, your kids should be able to do it, right, Andy? Yeah, they, like, it takes some time because you have to show it to them quite a lot. Yes. I mean, they have to practice it because obviously your tongue is a muscle and, you know, whatever. Yes. So it does take some practice, but me, my whole family, we can all do it. My son almost has it, so just a little bit more practice.

It's going to be a proud moment when the sun nails it. Andy, you're in Babs's camp so far. Can't prove it. Can't prove it. But I believe, for some reason, I believe Andy more than. I believe Babs. Send us a DM and we'll put you in the bull, but... Thank you, Andy.

This is a talent and bunch of rice cookers. Cassie, wrap this up for us. I'd like it noted as well. Babs has yet to call any of her family members who allegedly can vouch about the fist in mouth. But Cassie, good morning. Good morning. Welcome to Rice Cookers Got Talent.

Blow us away. Okay, so I've got to set the scene first. You're in your bath, room. You're having a bath, absolutely relax, having a gorgeous time. You pull out the plug. And there it is. This is my talent. That's excellent.

Sound effects with your mouth. She's still going. That is a... Can you do any other sounds, Cassie? Have you just nailed draining bath? Yeah, I'd be pretty proud to stay on that talent and leave it there. Absolutely. A one-hit wonder.

Yeah, she's a one-hit wonder. She's the Carly Ray Jepson of mouth sound effects when it comes to... Hey, Carly's had a couple other hits. Is she? I think so. Okay, wrong analogy then. I can't think of one other. She had good time.

And we don't have time for this. Cassie, congratulations. That's epic. You are in with a chance to win the Oprah tickets. Babs, you are not because you're a big fat liar. Babs, can you? I'm not lying. All right, well, we're going to call Simone.

I'm going to call it because you won't. Why call her? We have cameras. Make her. I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Simone, if you're listening, I'm going to call you in about 20 seconds while we go to the news. We'll get you one after this. Jess and Duccoe.

We've got the diary coming up in a few minutes, Jess. It's been a hell of a week. Ducco's actually been here Monday to Thursday. So when we look back at the week that was, you will hear some wonderful moments from across the week. But he was professionally developing overnight that he said, oh, I'm going to be wiped. I'm going to need Friday off.

Even though we are obviously on a very fast downhill run to the end of our tenure together. So I'm not bitter about it. You have been exceptional today. Thank you. Well, I just, you made the grand claim that Kali Ra Jepsen was a one-hit wonder with Call Me Maybe. I thought I quickly roll off a few other Carly hits.

She's not a one here, I apologize. She's got a few more. Do you remember this one? I really like you. I mean, not her best, but of course it was a song. There was also Beach House. This was a bit of an each one. Never heard it.

But then do you remember this one with Our City? Good time. Hang on a minute. Isn't this Our City song? Because what defines a one hit, one dashaga, it doesn't mean they don't have other songs, it means they have one hit. It's not like one song, and then they go, I'm never recording again, because I tell you what, if they actually had a hit, they'd keep making it.

That's true. It's whether they were popular enough. Well, I think I really like you was the theme for the Netflix revamp of Queer Eye for the Australian guy, I think. If you are getting a theme song, that is more than one hit. more than one hit, right? I'd like it on the record. I apologize to Carly Ray. Cassie, who called and said she can make the sound effect of a bathtub draining.

One of my favorite contributions this week. She admitted to being a one hit one, does she can't do other sounds. But it was an unfair comparison to CRJ. Thank you. God, I love learning on this program. We have a musication. People think we're idiots and so silly.

No, no, you can really learn something. I'm happy to be an idiot. That's fine. Let's take a look back when old, oh, I'm going to take it. day off, even though I've got three weeks left of work with you guys. That's Duckow I'm talking about. I haven't got to like this down because I had a day off just because I moved to house, but...

Yeah, but you're here today. I came back. You did come back and you're locked in. You're locked in for 2026, I am. Yeah, I'm keeping locked on here. Let's look back at the week that was. Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Ducko? Jess started Monday a little bit upset with her husband, Angus for not booking her and Lucia on a business class flight to Melbourne last weekend. She starts kicking

off. Wasn't interested in Bluey, wasn't interested in the... The toys I'd brought, but hey. And what do you do? We had a good time. I was like... Obviously, you're in business, so, you know. Oh, you weren't?

Oh, my God. I don't know what I've done. How did it feel flying with the common folk? I didn't think seeing it on Instagram. I was like, I thought the business things were bigger than that. I didn't say anything. I'll be honest with you. I was like, maybe you're just flying a different airline.

I don't know. I'll be honest with you. When I saw the seat number, it was still relatively high. And I was like, all good. And then I had to keep walking. And I went, whoa, whoa, whoa. What am I doing here? What am I doing here?

People are coughing and stuff Excuse me, there's a bit of mistake Yeah, yeah People are begging for money Why, no meal? No meal? I want a meal Oh yeah

I'm hungry And I like plain food Did she eat the airport? You ate at the airport though Very much So Mugin Muggin

Ducco's wife Morgan Makes her own matcher at home Naturally the guys Then there was some confusion About what Cooch Gooch and Hootchah Morgan does her own Mature at home

So like she's got like The Marcher thing She, like, blends it. She goes out, snips the grass, put in a blender. Yeah, yeah, I just give her some of my Sir Walter Buffalo. And I just, my cooch. Yeah, me cooch. I give us some me cooch.

We just put it in and this will do, honey. I had a double take the other day. There's a bloke who drives around. He's obviously a landscaper. Yeah. And it says like, the cooch doctor. But I was like, what a name?

Yeah, I went. The cooch doctor. Yeah, because cooch is. Yeah, yeah. It's another one. No, hooch, you're thinking of. And then hooch is the other one you're thinking of. Yeah.

another word for a woman's genitalia. Is it? Yeah, that's what I thought. C-O-O-C-H. I don't know. C-O-C-H. I don't know Kooch. It was actually a... But he's rolling around and then I was like, why is there a little lawnmower? I was like, oh, because he's the turf kind. Jeez, what a name. What a name. Dude, take his business. Take his business. I want to get the kooch-t. I don't know his number. I'll look him up. Don't leave your wife at home with him, man.

Now we know Ducco isn't coming back in 2026, but after hearing this, I think it's to say he won't be joining the army either. Do you reckon I could do it? Look, there's no question you could. Thank you. It's whether you should. Yeah, yeah, yeah, God, I'd get born. Could you imagine that? I don't think you have the...

What do you mean? We're camping out. The discipline. Where is it? I can't get that. What did the Taliban get in? Oh, Dukko got distracted. Actually, they're really nice guys.

I was just chatting to them and they assured me no violence. Oh, they've blown something up. Oh, well, that's the end of that. They gave me a game, boy. It was distracted. Look at this game. Oh, this is a detonator. Oopsie.

Oh, I blew it up. Hey, guys, we want to leave. I don't think I'm good at this. Can someone give me a lift back to base? Jess had an incident at the shops and wish someone was there to help her. We've been walking maybe halfway through the centre and I catch a glimpse of myself in the window. My dress was tucked up into the backpack.

Ah, so you had your cheeks out. Well, I had a full brief on, time of the month, period, on his one. But whatever, the full butt is out. Right, why you're walking around? Because obviously in my haste to scoop up her backpack and her. So you're walking around with you with your granny briefs on. My grand... Your child squirming and a backpack on.

As I'm marching through the set. Everyone's probably looking at you like, not one person. Yeah, but what are you expecting that? Yeah, what are you saying? You know, as a male, I'd go nowhere near that. You want a random to come up to you? Absolutely.

I would never... As a dude, I wouldn't do it to a girl. You need another... Yeah, it's on the lady. It's like a sweet old man or something. No way. Maybe pass that. If I can't come down and goes?

There is. Your dress, does I happen? There's nothing. It would have been an absolute indication that you're a good person, not one person. What? So the girls didn't help you out? No one, Ducco. Yeah, I've played the woman.

Yeah, yeah. We're loving Ray's latest one. Where is my husband? And Ducco's already written the follow-up single. Perius. For my husband, he was in Woolworths, looking at the cleaning products, here he is. Right, you've got to write this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chuck, I write that. Have you been trying to batz? Are you writing what I'm saying? I'm just sitting balls here. That was. You're like disassociated just then. You're hobbling on. His name is Gary.

Hi, I'm Gary. I found my husband. I'm a celebrant. Yeah. I'm a celebrant. One that I can afford. Not Jessica. Don't waste my time.

Not even Ray can afford it. No. See you next week, grass co-cookers. Peru. Jess and Ducko. Call of Fame. Call of Fame. Win the prize.

We have had an unbelievable run of Call of Fame prizes. Ricky Martin, Kendrick Lamar. This week, no different. A superstar of a different kind. She won't be singing and dancing. But my God, you will walk away. enriched. She might surprise you on stage. You're absolutely right. I saw her live

possibly going back about 10, 11 years ago, and I still hold on to the lessons and messages that I picked up that long ago. Of course, it's the one and only Oprah Winfrey. We're also going to hook you up with the night's accommodation at the Park Royal Darling Harbour. My favourite park. It is

unbelievable. It is your gateway to vibrant locales. A lot of honourable mentions this week. We had unbelievable contributions. We thank you for taking the time to engage with us, to call, to pick up the phone. Someone we have been laughing about, though, since he rung. We asked the question, what did you want to be, but what did you end up doing after

Ducko talking about his colonoscopy? Yeah. Was connecting with his gastroenterologist, saw that he was a radio host, and she went, oh my gosh, I started on the path to be a radio host. Unfortunately, didn't get into radio school, pivoted. To colonoscopy school. Now look up. People's butts.

Yeah. A very big pivot. When we asked Owen the same question, he gave us this. Much like himself, Duck, I wanted to be a vet. He's going to specialise in lines at Toronto Zoo. Oh, how good is that? Cool. Yep.

Doreen's a 10-year-old. Didn't quite make it. I, uh, oh, it's hard to say. I now work in HR. Oh, no. Oh, boom. Lock him in the tent. I'm sorry.

Owen, you're firing people and reprimanding them for poor grooming habits and what, I assume that's what HR does. That's what I get told off for HR now. It gets worse. I manage the workers' compensation claims. Owen, you were such a good sport. We've been giggling about your phone call ever since you called. You have won the call of fame.

Thanks, guys. You are very welcome. Who are you going to take with you to Oprah? I might have to parley it into her. invite to the Christmas party, I think. Oh, okay, very cool. Okay. Well, your secret Santa recipient's going to be very, very happy.

Wait a curry favour with the employees. Oh, and thanks so much for getting involved, mate. You enjoy the show. Thanks, guys, very much. I'll let you know how it goes. Yes, please do. But as we said, thank you to everyone who got involved this week. A huge thank you to Shy Guy and Babs for absolutely stepping up.

Big shoes to fill when Ducko, this is not his first Friday off. We're well versed here. No, we are. We are, and the Friday shows are a fun one to do. They absolutely are. The vibe has been incredible. If you missed us talking about hidden talents about an hour ago, I think I've developed abs from laughing so hard.

Oh, really? Some of the claims from Shy Guy, but then supplementary claims from Babs, make sure you catch the podcast. It lives on the listener app. Should we say next week's call a thing? That is a wonderful idea. Shy guy. I absolutely do.

It is not a double pass. It's you and three friends. to arguably one of the biggest superstars of our time. It's Mr. Ed Sheeran. You and three mates. He's the only song that would work in this system. This is drunk. Maybe he'll perform this.

It's not on the new album, but hey, that's fine. I mean, why wouldn't Castle on the Hill or any of the other ones work, you know? He does play the hits. Castle on the Hill's shape of you usually gets a run. He's bringing the loop tour down under. You and three friends. That's almost a row of tickets. A very small row.

It's an unreal prize. That is our call of fame next week. Yeah. We will be here. Absolutely will be here. Same can't be said for Duggo, so I'm not going to put words in his mouth. It might be in Jess again,

and then who knows? Maybe we will finally get Babbs to display her hidden talent. Yeah, we had Husey call into the show before. He did an audition for 2026. If you want to hear that, check out the podcast on listener. Oh, maybe we'll have some more auditions next week. Should I go? Maybe.

Well, this kind of was a bit of your audition. Wasn't it? I'm giving you a double thumbs up. I really. Thank you. I really enjoyed. I'm really hard on myself, but yeah, thank you. You are hard on yourself.

But you keep yourself humble. I still can't do the damn alpha bucks rules. I don't know what it is. I know them. I've played out of bucks. I can't do the rules and the questions, man. I've probably a thousand times in my life. Do you want to do the questions?

No. It's a much harder job. No, no, I don't want that responsibility. It's way too many. That would mean you have to do the timer. I don't do the buttons, man. That's above my pay grade. Anyway, we thank you for getting involved today across the week.

Catch up on the podcast, as we said. but we will see you on Monday. Bye. I can fit my whole fist in my mouth. Shut! All right, go on. Mum ring. Jess and ducco.

That was the Jess and ducco podcast. The new macho range is here at McCaffee.