Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | I was gonna discuss penicls

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

We recap Duckos surprise farewell dinner, Jess decides to go round 2 with Gaga and the producers wrap up the week that was in their diary!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new macho range is here at the cafe. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Podcast, fuck yeah. Recall to poll. Re-living the day yet. Podcast, fuck yeah! Credit where credit's due.

We've all done all right today. Yeah, look, you'll hear it in our tone, especially early on, but it's not our finest hour because we're all running on fumes. We had my surprise party last night, which we do unpack heavily in this show. Absolutely. But you had a late night Wednesday, having seen Kendrick Lamar. Oh, yeah. Last night was your farewell.

Yeah. So Wednesday night. You're doing the biggest your moment to match. Like a lion roaring. Wednesday night I had three hours sleep. Last night I reckon I had five max, maybe four and four and a half. We left at 10.30. Yeah.

I woke up this morning. Shy guy had texted me at quarter past 11. Did you guys stay? We were there. Quite a bit later. I didn't get. Depend to 11. Okay.

Yeah. But I live like 20 minutes out. Yeah. Did you text me once you'd gotten home? I just assumed you were like in the car. I think I was on the toilet actually. Fantastic. I love that.

I was. I was super tight and I was like I'm not going to go out. Like few of them went out after or whatever. And it just had to be up with it. I know. But she also, I knew I had to work this weekend as well. Yeah.

A bit going on. I was like, I don't think I'll go out. But I got home and then I got really like kind of awake. Yep. Just like, oh, thinking about it and everything.

and just sort of lying there and, you know, reminiscing and, you know, got kind of sad and solo and then just fell asleep and woke up and here we are. Did you go into your mother-in-law, just, Robin, I need a cuddle? And I just stumbled out of my room and, but hey, that's life. It's ups and downs, peaks and troughs. You know what I actually, this would cheer you guys up. You don't happen to me just then? What?

I was going to do an air, but I think this is probably more appropriate based off what our boss said to you guys. Here we go. Did you do a pippy? Yeah, party. Do you know how many farts I did last night And I'm so glad the restaurant was so vibey I was You know I've gotten

Because I think I've lost control So when I laugh It just, they just come out They just leak Some of them feel so loud Vibrating So this one right just then I didn't mean to slip it out

So it was Are you lost control too Well I need to pee really bad And so I ran out of the room And Babbs is a routine age She had to there I was like at the fuck in the room Babbs I got to pee

Oh sorry Well you should have said that She just went off to you, and I was like, oh, thank you. What a gentleman. Anyway, so I'm right at the room. As I'm turning the apex of the corner to go here, hit a hard right to the tour. I always like to brush shoulders with the corner just so I can take it as sharp as I can. Speed demon.

As I turn, as I turn, it was literally like, it was like, on the turn. Games have a boost. It was like, you hit the nose. I hit Noss. I actually felt a little bit quicker. Did you feel like Vin Diesel? Yeah, a little bit. And then I turned around and realized the door for our tech was open.

I'm like, if I just heard that. Oh, was it audible? Yeah, it was so loud. It was audible, and also, like, I had to check myself a bit. Like, it went from a jog into, like, a, just a quick walk. And then I'd go into the tour, and our boss was out. And I was like, I know there's one also sitting back left. So I know when I start whinging, it's going to happen again.

So I was like, hey, man, hi, thanks for last night. Just like, try. And he put the tap on. Do you do the cough over a fart or if you need to plop? Do you just go, yeah. But then it's hard to cough and at the same time. Ah, two exhalations. It is hard.

It's really. You always miss time it, too. It's almost funny, aren't just because he did that? Uh-huh. Yeah. Can you just draw attention to it? Babs, isn't that? Yeah, it's funny when you do that?

Yeah. Good gear. Have you ever turned a corner really fast and let one go? Of course, every day. What do you think I'm doing out there? See why I didn't do it on there. Babs is a row out there. It's a no support.

Babs is what? Babs is on her own out there while wearing her doing the hook. She could be fighting for three hours a day. She could be. Yeah, you never know. Yeah. Lifting. It is musty out there often.

It's not. It is. Well, it's because the aircon doesn't work half the time. It's not a big. It's an other word for your ass. That ain't my ears? It's on high. It's on high.

Fan, full force. Yo ass. I don't clean, gobble me, swan, me. I don't clean, but let me tell you I got this ring. Gobble me swallow me drip down the side of me. Who is that, Megan? No, that's Cuddy B. No, Megan is that.

Megan. You're right. Megan. I love her voice. That is a V. The. The. H-H-E.

Yeah, Megan Z. But anyway, a bit of fun. Anyway, that's fantastic. I love that you got Noss. You gnaust yourself. And then the other weird thing is, yeah, you're about to go for a second photo shoot with the new me. Do you know how many people have asked me? So those photos did we do with Dago, that was as a waste?

And I was like, well, it's not a waste because we got cute picks and we shared them still. And a lot of people going, did he know then? Like, was he just, was he in the turmoil? I went, no, we literally found out days later. Days later. But now I've got to do it all again. Imagine if I did know then, I just said it's smiling like, could you imagine?

Maybe I'm going to zoom in on your pupil and being like, can I actually see it in his eyes. He knew right there. He knew. There it is. Days later. But I know it's weird. It does. I've got to go brush my teeth because of.

Are you going? Are you all going? No, we'll be. Yeah. It's been a big week for everyone. It's been a big week for everyone. Shy Guy and Babs were like, do you want to come support? And I was like, well, last time we got team shots.

Yeah, we wanted some BTS because also we were doing some promo for. for the wonderful people who'd helped us out. We're not doing that this time. So I was like, stand down. And last time Babs ordered Guzman and I was like, no, no thanks. I'll order my own catering. Well, you also got you a big chakudery board, that whole cheeseboard thing. I forgot about that.

No one ate it. I took it home. That was just for you. Yeah, it was just for you. Shorthy, shorty got his mitts over it. He loves a corny chomp. He just loves a free feed old chute. Oh, yeah, Babs, no shakoutherry today.

No, I didn't get told to order anything. No, because they ran out of money after the first time. And after my farewell. Yeah, legit. No, that's all right. We're making up for that. But anyway, quite weekend. Have a good weekend, everyone.

Enjoy, enjoy the show. When I wake up, wake up, When you wake up, it's Jess and Taco. Stop what you're doing and listen. You know, I got the shit that you like. There's only one show to wake up for you. I'm not that easy to tell. Jess.

You didn't clean up now. I'm got to explain to Ducko. That's what a ho is. Everything's been a lot. I better leave us with money. You go and going insane. Monkey Berry. B-A-R-I-N-G.

Is it barring? B-A-R-A-R-A-B. This one's called maggot. Fuck yeah, talk it. This is Jess and Taco. Right on 6 o'clock team. Welcome to Friday. We're a bit wounded in the studio today, aren't we?

I think you already had a bullet hole. Yeah. And then we all put a bullet hole in each other. Yeah, yeah. We all just shot each other. So now, I don't even think we're on your letter. because you were already starting in a deficit. So we tried to get on your level at a detriment to us all

by throwing you a surprise farewell party with all your pals. Yes. You and Morgan collectively last night, very fancy farewell. It was brilliant. Our wonderful friends at the Crystalbrook Kingsley said... Oh, thank you so much at Christopher King's. They killed it.

It was amazing. Darko needs to really just dig in what he's missing. Five-star meal. Five-star company. Can we just say five-star cocky cheese? Oh, the cocktails were great. Oh, Ducko. Oh, they were good.

The dinners were great. The meal was good. The company. It was awesome. Thank you guys. It was wonderful. But, yeah. Very nice of you guys to do that.

A little later than I anticipated for booking everyone in on a Thursday. There was a couple of kids there who I can't imagine to go on a school today. No, I don't think so. I hope not. Yeah, yeah. What a great excuse those kids have. Oh, I know. I had to go to Ducko's farewell.

That's a pretty good excuse. I can't go to school now. How about. Wouldn't you rather go to school to brag? If I was eight, if I was eight, I'd be going in to be like, guess what I did last night? Had a three-course fancy dinner at a farewell for ducco. But anyway, it was lovely, wasn't it? It was great.

But then what comes with that is drinking and a late night. So we all had a late night, not just one of us. We all had a few drinks. So now we're all operating subpar. Fantastic. So you know, in great relationships, if you can't bring, you know, your 100% best self, that's okay. The other person can lift. Yeah.

Who's lifting today? Who's, jeez. Who is it? Yeah, yeah. We're all here. Yeah, we're all here. Hey, we'll do it together. Don't turn on each other.

No, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Babs, good morning. Good morning. Yep, she's here. She's here. She's feeling good. Shiloh, are you feeling good?

Yeah, I feel like Babs is the most normal. Today? Yeah. She just scrunched up her face at you. She does a compliment. No, as in, I don't think she feels the most normal. Okay, well, you're looking well. Thank you so much.

Look at his start we're off too. You are looking well. But we need to be well, Ducko. Yes. We need to be well. Yes. Because there be only six shows left. Let's see.

Six plus six plus six plus six plus six plus six. That's really cut off this show. Sorry, that's it. That's the end of that one. Six to go. Six to go. I know. Wild, isn't it?

It is pretty wild. Did you feel in limbo last night? I know I certainly did it. It wasn't my farewell. People obviously talking about what the end of the year will look like for you, maybe Christmas plans, new years. But then also you're looking ahead to the new chapter, to the new adventure.

That must have felt weird. It did. Yeah, it does. It's very, very bit of sweet, as I said last night. But so many, like, chats with people and, you know, you're saying the same thing, but you're like, oh, man. It still doesn't feel fully real. Yeah, what wig me out the most,

Oh, are we talking about what's going on next year? Yeah, if you want. Yeah, so you won't be called Ducko anymore with your new family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are going to call you Nick. Which is a weird thing. And it wigged me out hearing someone toast to Nick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I know they were having a bit of joking around, but that wigged me out. I didn't even respond to it. Yeah. It's such a confusing thing. Truly, that'll take you the longest to assimilate, I reckon. Yeah, it will. That was funny. He toasted his, um,

mango margarita over that drink. You guys were all enjoying. Wasn't that delicious? All the boys had fancier drinks and the girls, but we missed out. The boys started the cocktail train.

Yeah. It just happened that way, isn't it? As you should. What did we learn last night, Ducko? You only leave once. You only leave once, shy guy. That's right.

Unless I can come back and do it again. Oh, well, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Do you have a big show that, of course, Alpharkchia chance of 10K, of course, we draw the call of fame, tickets to Dream World, accommodations, spending money.

Unbelievable. You can get involved any chance. Yep, even next. 131060. We've got no dumb thought Friday. That's who I'd love to give it to, someone who gives us a dumb thought. Yeah, really good one. But we're going to need them. Yeah. 131060. Jess and ducco. Jess and ducco.

There's no such thing as a dumb thought. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If anything's going to ease us into the bath, that is a Friday. Feeling a little worse for where. Oh, yeah. It's no dumb thought. It's not always. Because this is the safest place we know.

This is the only place you can come where you don't get judged on Friday morning, you know what I mean? Absolutely. And on 13, 1060, if you'd like to join us in this safe space, share a dumb thought. Yep. Could be in your family past a dream world. We go to Brooke who's called in and done just that. Good morning, Brooke. Morning.

How are you? Brookie? I mean... We're good. We're all right. Yeah, we're okay. How are you? I'm very, very tired, but I'm well.

Fantastic. Been a big week. You're in good. company. It's been a big year, Brooke. Yes, it has. It has actually been a big year. How's your dumb thoughts rolling around in that little head of yours? Oh, my goodness.

At what point do we say seafood is seafood? Is, how I explain this, my partner and I were talking about it last night. I love it. Is a duck technically seafood? What makes you think a duck because it... Because it can swim on the water? If we talk about, like, we've got ocean fish and lake fish. If we would say anything in a lake is seafood, then is a duck then technically seafood?

No. And in the same breath, and in the same breath, then, is polar bear a seafood? Like I see, now, polar bear's closer for me. Yeah, because, yeah, they like swimming. So what's a ducking a bird? So, Brooke, how do you define what seafood is? anything that touches the water? Well, like I'm thinking,

this is how we got to it, transitional animals that spend majority of their time in water. Yes. Seafood, yeah. Like a lobster, an octopus. Like a penguin.

Well, no, transitional. So not exclusively. Like a turtle. It's a turtle seafood. Yeah, penguin, I said you saying. Yeah, yeah. So it's a turtle seafood. I would put turtle up there

a seafood for some reason? I would put turtle up there. Absolutely. But a bird, I would not. But duck? A bird? I don't think it's enough time. No.

Like if you look at its day, does it have to be five eighths of the day? You spent on or in water. Like you can get your Instagram stats where you spend how much time on Instagram. You need to see the ducks water stats. I need to say the analytics. The ducks are wrapped. Yeah. So Brooke, where did you land?

Did you land on? I'm with you. I don't think the duck is a seafood. But your partner was saying I think duck is seafood. Oh, yeah. And he's. a champion debater from like primary school. Loves a debate.

So, Brooke's like, I need some people to support my argument. I need somebody to talk this out. And I've never actually listened to this early in the morning on the radio. I got in the car and it was like dumb thoughts. I got on. This is for me. I call these morons. Now it could win your bloody family past the dream world.

You never know. Brooke, thank you. I don't even hear that part. See, you just, you just, yeah. You didn't even have to dangle the carrot for brooky. You tell your boyfriend, you tell your boyfriend that, you know, turtles, yes. Ducks and no. No, we're going to be the ruling body on this.

Penguins? I just don't feel like they are because I spend too much time outside all huddled together sleeping. And I'd also argue, Brooke, I also don't want to call into question. You know, some cultures might eat seafood, but food is also very important in this. You're going to eat a penguin? Who's eating a penguin? People do eat duck, though.

Maybe people eat penguin. This is my limited view and knowledge. Sure you could, I suppose. I don't think it'd be very nice. I guess maybe the cultures that live, you know, the Arctic and stuff, They'll be catching penguins. Oh, Brooke, you've given us a lot to think about it. Some of us think about Brooke.

Thank you so much. Bye. Thank you, Brooke. Oh, geez, that got me going. I really did. May I share one with you? Of course you can't. I thought of this the other day because I went for a wee in my husband's wedding venue.

What a sentence. You know, when you go to a venue like that, or even you check into a hotel room ducco? And the toilet roll always clearly looks brand new, at least full. Yes. You never walk into these places and it's a little. the half-used roll. It stands to reason, though, the last guest or the last event, there were some half-rolls left over.

Right. What happens to those half-rolls? What does the holiday inn do when you check out, but I'm checking in? And they leave me a full roll. Where did your half-y go? Do you reckon they take it home? Do you reckon the people who are playing and go, well, I want to take this one? Or does it go to the staff toilet?

Or the toilet in like the lobby? But it's funny because I'd almost argue Housekeeping at a hotel is not the one cleaning the staff amenities. That would be a cleaner or something. Is it like here, though? We've got the big fruit bowl. Someone brings in a bunch of lemons from their tree.

So housekeeping does put them in a big bowl in the staff room and go, Here's the half rolls. There have to be. Because I never see. No, you never know where the half rolls go. Where do the half rolls live? The previous guest.

And it always comes back in perfectly folded in a triangle. In a triangle. You can't do a triangle. triangle with a, you know, a little half roll. Now, every time I go to a toilet, in a hotel. You're going to know,

this is brand new. Where is this? But where did the old one go? Spare a roll, spare a moment for the half rolls. Spare a moment for the half rolls. I think that's fun today. I think it's good. I was going to discuss pencils, but I...

I really think we've run out of time. No, but listen, careful. One of the great sentences from you. But now, you know what to understand? Next Friday. It's the last one. So you want to leave on pencils? Well, you know.

They're going to carry it over? I just have this innate feeling of sorriness for pensers. Because they get sharpened. Oh, no, I didn't even think about that. Because of the pens. Oh. Do you think they know a pen? They're inferior.

So we're doing into it. Do you think they know, we may as well. I would love to. Do you think they know back in the day, like they thought the pens were ever coming? It's kind of like AI, right, for us now. And then the pens came. And look at the iPod. Yeah.

All these things that they go, I am the peak. Of my tech. No one's going to stop me. But see, it's been done since the dawn of time, Tucko. What was the first thing humans wrote with? Rock, bark, mud. It's always evolved. It's always evolved.

So the pencil was once a dominator. It was once a dinosaur. How the... The lead has fallen. Yeah, that's good. But I meant something how the something becomes the hunter. Becomes the hunted. That's right.

And then the hunter gets eaten. There's the grey lead thinking, I am king shit. And then... And then Bick invents the four-colour pen. Oh, geez. To end all pens. Do you make the pencil looking out, going, I can't compete with that?

I'm great. If you sharp me, I'll get sharper. But also, you know what happens? I'll get sharper, but also diminish. You keep sharpening a pencil, what happens? It gets smaller. Whereas the pen, it lasts for a lot longer. Eventually, the ink will run out.

You'll throw it out. It will too run out. I'm glad we had this chat. I agree. Thank you for not leaving me hanging. I haven't been thinking about that for a week. You know, I thought of it. I saw a shaggo in the car last night.

I was like, he's so long and thin. I have pencils. Jess and Ducco. My daughter's just learnt the word together. It's very sweet. I'm like, that's a great way to approach life, sweet angel. Everything together. Everything together.

We don't have to walk this path alone. You're not solo. Absolutely. Look for people. Speaking of someone who is single, though. Speaking of solo. Speaking of someone who's forever solo. He's got us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for so long and, you know. I mean, it won't have you for much longer. Six more days, I know. Anyway, guys, we're doing wrapped stuff all week. So today I present the Porn Hub rap. Finally. Oh, you have been teasing this thing.

I know. I've been waiting for this one. It came a week later than it usually does. Don't say came. Oh, it's so true. A week you said. Yeah, a whole week. That must have been bad.

Let's start. Yeah, blue balls all week. So we'll start with the average amount of time users spent. on the website. How long do you think it was? So knowing you, probably, you get home at about 11, so then you could spend it till 11 p.m. Is this like going on for one of viewing?

So it's like, oh. I think this is per session, the average. The T.S.L, as we would call it. Like 20 minutes? I was going to say, it wouldn't be long, would it? It was revealing something about myself. I've never watched a full movie in its entirety. Like, how long do they go for?

A production. It just depends. It depends. It depends. What are you into? It depends on everything. You need links and girth. Yeah, I would think it's short.

20 minutes, 25? I would have thought that too, yeah. 9 minutes and 30. Wow. Which is 7 seconds less than last year. Oh, we're getting quicker. Yeah. Australia ranks fourth for the longest average,

which is 10 minutes, 23 seconds, which is 41 seconds higher. Ah, there you go. A couple of 10 minutes. Yeah, it's all we need. What do you reckon the favourite, or the most popular time of data watch said? It'd have to be 9pm-ish, wouldn't it?

Or is it... I was going to say maybe 11pm. 11pm is nailed on the head. Look at you in your viewings. I know what's that. What day of the week do you think is the most popular day? Tuesday. Yeah, I reckon it's a mid-weeker as well.

Or a Thursday night. Tuesday or Thursday? Quite wrong. Sunday night, 11pm. Sunday? The Lord's Day. But we need to be getting up for work on Monday. Well, these people don't seem to mind...

Well, the Saturday week right, you know? Oh, so good. Take a load off. Pause it, literally. The least popular time for traffic on the website is Wednesday at 4 a.m. Oh, yeah. The a. And they have the least amount of...

If it's the first thing in the morning getting up and doing that... Wait a minute, but Wednesday at 4 a.m. is good, but Wednesday at 4 a.m. is not. There's a spike. How bizarre. It's interesting. These are just the stats when you go on the heart. This is what they reveal. This is what Chaga gets.

Hey, man, you're going to have to field the questions. You're the expert. Yep. The third most popular category of the year was Mill. The second most popular was trans, and the first was lesbian. The way he says it. Nothing wrong with saying what I said. Not at all.

This is the way you said it. You're just the way. You're so welcome. As I scroll on, there is so much information. It's such a dense document. Don't you love. This is how you know you're at the end of the year, Daco. Hasn't highlighted anything.

Hasn't even bothered to print it out. He's just scrolling in real time. You've got a formal warning from IT. This is again new fifth warning for visiting me. It's research. Come on. Let's all grow on. What percentage of men do you think are on the hub, Australian men,

and what percentage of Australian women do you think are on the hub? That's an interesting one. I think the average Aussie man is on there, so over 50%. Yeah, I reckon 70%. Well, you'd love this. It's actually 69% of the men. Shut up. They made that up.

Ozzy is well done. No, we're the only one with the stat of 69. Oh, us and Spain. They are. Yeah, too sexy nation. What percentage of women do you think? I think just stereotypically it would be a little. Less, 35.

I reckon maybe a little higher. 40s? You're actually closer. It's 31% of women, which is 1% higher than last year. Yeah, because you know why shy guy? Bab's going to attest to this. We don't get our smut from Porn Hub. Oh, you get it from the books.

We get it from books, baby. So I reckon maybe in recent years, that's probably dwindle. Babs gets it from book talk bops every Monday. Absolutely. We don't need. It'd be hard to do it wrapped off the books. Yeah, we don't need a video anymore. We just need some nice prose.

Something I'm going to dream of. What do you think the average age of the hub visitor? The average age. 21. Higher. 29? Higher. Oh, 32.

Higher. 45. Lower. Okay. 38. 38 years old. Let's keep going. 38.

38. I thought it would be younger too, but I thought it would be much younger. But again, different platforms. I reckon they're getting their things from Onlyfans. It's really diluted. So true. I've got two more categories I want to go through. with everyone and then we'll end it.

Okay. What do you think the most popular category is for Gen Z? That's 18 to 24 years old. Now, these are people who like Hot Girl walks, they like raw dogging boredom, marches at sunrise. Is it like health and wellness?

Yeah, yeah. It's actually party videos. I don't know what that means, but the category is party. It's up 385% on last year. You know why? Because they don't go out actually physically. Oh, yes.

So they want to see someone else. We want to see it. Millennial? What do you reckon? Millennial is? That's us stucco. That's Milf, right? It's your top category.

It's not milf, it's fetish. Ah, yeah. Gen X is, I don't think I can say that. And then boomers is brunettes, which is up 143% on last year. That is bizarre. Yeah, and the final stat I want to run you through as we review the hub of 2025. What percentage of people are using this website on their phone versus their computer? 90% phone.

87% are on their phone. Wow. Leaving 11% on a desktop and 2% on an iPad. Sorry, desktop. Oh, yeah. Who's getting out to the desktop? I don't know. He's still got the windows.

Granddad. Yeah, yeah, he's connected. Still serves me well that I make things like they used to. Jess and Duckow. Just sometimes the stars align. Wouldn't you say? Sometimes the universe plops something in your lap and you'd be a fool to ignore it.

I was getting my hair done yesterday ahead of your party. Your farewell party. Eating a burrito while getting it done. I was eating a burrito. Zambrero burrito. I wanted on the record. And my algorithm, Ducko, my algorithm, since I went to Gaga last week, is now purely Garga. Different points of view, people from different angles, people from her crew, the dancers' posting.

It is, I'm in undated. And I'm sitting there. It was a longer appointment because I was getting the extensions redone. And I started getting a bit. I think I'd like to go again. I think I would like to go see her again. Oh, I think I'd have another kid. I was like, wow.

What? No, go to Gar-Gar again. I just, the videos aren't satisfying me in a reminiscing me in a reminiscing way. They're just making me itchy again. And I text my husband. How wild would it be to get a solo ticket? Yeah.

And go see Gar-Gar again. Solar show. Have you ever done that before? Never. I've been to a movie on my own. I've eaten dinner on my own at a restaurant. Never done a concert on my own. And he went, sis, live your best life, but surely you can find a friend. I text one of my girlfriends. Hey, how wild would it be to go to Gaga on my own? She goes, that'd be amazing, but I'll come with you. So I start looking at resale things because she's sold out of you. Yeah, yeah. And while my hairdresser is doing my hair, he randomly, randomly says, you fan of Delta Goodrum?

I was like, I mean, I don't hate her, but not really. You were born to try. So I pivot and go, are you a fan of Gaga? He goes, oh, not really. I'm actually trying to get rid of two tickets to her Saturday show. That is just the stars just opening up, isn't it? So these things were happening simultaneously, me texting Angus and my girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And him bringing up Delta, which pivoted to Gaga. He's given me two tickets to Gaga on Saturday night. So you're going again. So me and my best friend, Ash. She's coming down this weekend anyway. She already, Asher already saw it. Yeah, so you've both seen it. So she's like, I'd love to have another bite at the cherry.

Wow, so you're both going. Yeah. Are you going to? So this shirt I have worn for eight days straight now? Yeah, yeah. She's going back again. It's going to get another rinsing. To the mosh pit this time.

Oh, you're going to be deep in it. They were front GA standing, whatever. You don't have to get there early. That thing fills up. Oh, with pleasure. And you'll be standing there early. Another box. I've never done this before, seeing the same artist twice.

in the same run. You'll see different things and you'll start comparing what show is better and what she did there. Because now all the reels, I'm like, oh, I want to see the guy who operates

the mechanical skirt and ooh, I want to see when she throws the cane and all these things that now I'll know are coming. Yes. So anyway.

Spoiler. All the rice cookers we sent there. Well, look out for Jess in the Mosh this weekend. Oh, God forbid. They find out there's a guy operating the skirt. They might not be as excited as you.

I'll be there. So you know, we gave away tickets. Yeah, we did. I'll be there. You'll be there. You'll be there again. You don't. Maybe get a different shirt so next week you can wear a new one.

Well, I'll have to get my friend to buy this one because, again, don't want to break the nose fan. But, you know, mumble at this one. I'll transfer you the moment. Just for the sake of the studio hygiene. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. That's what I do. Anyway, so that's, while the tank is empty, because obviously a couple of late nights this week, I'm really riding high, man.

Well, this is beautiful. We go again. All right, 13, 10, 60, give us a score. If you play Alphabox, we'll play 10K. Alphobx with you next. Ducco 30 seconds to answer 10K alphabats On hit, Alphabugs

30 seconds to answer 10 questions All starting with the same letter Have to take your first answer Cannot use the same answer twice And if you're unsure of the question Say pass, we come back of course If there is time, we are playing for 10K Our player today is Carly

Good morning, Carly Good morning Carly, Carly, Carly How you're feeling for a Friday, girlfriend? I'm feeling really good Last day of school, for the week. Oh, for the week? For the week.

For the week. Yeah. You're a glass half full kind of person, aren't you, Carly? Yeah, I am. What do you want to do with 10 grand? Definitely go towards Christmas and then we've got a wedding coming up next year as well. So, yeah, we'll go a long way. All righty.

Well, is this our most winning letter in the park? Or is that K? K's up there. Yeah, they're both sort of up there. Yeah. you're working with our second most successful letter. It's P, P for presents. All right, no, right.

Just in time for Christmas. Come on. Are you ready to rock? I am. I'm ready. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter P, we need you to name. A type of coffee.

Piccolo. A male singer. Pete Davidson. A salad ingredient. Potato. An adjective. Um, praying. A country.

Um, Peru. Something in the bathroom. Um, paper. A cartoon character. Um, pepper pig. A star sign? A pipey. A bird.

Um, penguin. Something. Shet. Take penguin there. We'll take penguin there. To give you seven, maybe eight. Not an advocate. Not an act.

You know what you did. Yeah. Yeah, we could have had powerful or playful or proud, not praying. That's okay. I'm happy with that. Yeah, you did well. You're the best player we've probably had in the last couple of weeks. Absolutely.

That's better than 10 grand. He's Pete Davidson, the singer. He's a comedian. He's probably done sketchies. On SNL. Yeah, okay, on SNL. Yeah, the eight stands. Something in the shed we missed out, ran out of time.

Padlock or a pallet. Yeah, anything like that. Hey, look, Carly, you don't get the money. You get $100 suspended pillow talk, though. Oh, excellent. Thank you so much. Pee for Pillow Talk. You very welcome, Carly. Merry Christmas. You too, guys. Thank you. Ho, ho, ho, carly.

That's the correct response. One of these days. My mate got himself into trouble in the group message we have together. So it's basically him, his wife, me and my wife, right? There's four of us in it. A couple friends. The chat's called Not Ducco. They're just trying to.

It's a Kardashian. joke, you know. Group chat names just tickle me pink because I have no idea what that reference is, but I know it'll mean something for you. It's like when they have one without Courtney in it and they go, not Courtney. Oh, hilarious.

And so they all know. But you are, but you're in. Yeah, that's the joke. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I obviously didn't make it. Thank you for getting me in on the joke. He, obviously, my daughter's called Florence, right? He sends, he's one of my good mates. He sends a photo of his computer with a post-it note.

And on the post-it note, it's got Florence with a love heart and he goes there's another flow in my life and then sends that to me my wife and his wife and the being my wife like hmm that's a weird thing to send that is a weird to your wife and to us and no one replied for a while it's almost like he's pitting your seven-month-old daughter against his other Florence but also like the love heart too on the thing yeah and we're like why is he and then so then no one replied for a while and then Morgan goes who who's that and then his wife's like yes I didn't worry the same thing. Who is that? Because

it is almost like this woman named Florence who's written her name. And she wrote Florence her full name and on a post-it left on his desk at work. But is that all the post-it said? Yes. That's all it says with a little love heart. Florence and it's got a love heart. Was it almost like it was left with a candy cane or like a gift of sorts?

But he's kept... It looks like it was just left on his desk. Like Florence was here, like obviously I got a bit of banter. Oh, like a Florence was he understood. I just don't understand why someone would leave a post-it note with their name and a love heart. We're all trying to like work it out. That is workwife. Well, then I was like, oh, oh, I replied, oh, God, the big boy's been hit on and he doesn't even know it.

Like, we're thinking maybe he's been hit on. Yeah, and he's just stoked to get any sort of like, you know, attention. And he didn't reply for ages and we're like, oh, God, they must be fighting, you know. So this, and this was overnight. They've broken out of the group chat just in their chat. There's a separate thread. And Morgan, I wonder what's happened. I want to follow up.

Then we get a text the next day. And he goes, sorry, guys, I can see how this looked. That's my boss's daughter. She was in at the office. She's like, fine. I was about to say, sorry, could we not tell from the handwriting that it may have been a child? Very neat handwriting, very neat handwriting. Well, she's obviously practised her handwriting.

Jess and Ducko. One, two, three, three, three. Jess and Duckos. What's the threesome? You're going to miss this game, Ducko? I just realized that threesome has a moaning sound effect in it. Sorry, we've played that every Friday for about a year. But the part on the game, like, what's the third?

threesome. It just sounds so like hectic and then you actually hear this game and it's just, you know. It's shy guy anise. It's deciphering. The three things shy guy gives us what they have in common. Yep. First one. Super Bowl, FIFA, World Cup and the Olympics. Sporting events? More. The sporting events in the Olympics. They're broadcast nationally. Internationally is what I was looking at. Well, I said internationally. So I think that's half a point each. We finished each other. So what were you at? What What did you write down for that? Global broadcast event.

Oh, well, geez, we're all wrong. Badger closes, if she said Internet. Imagine if anyone came out and said global broadcast events. Well, they are. Anyway, Aladdin's lamp, a monkey port, and holy grail. Magical things that you make wishes on? Yes. Yes, they are, Ducco.

Bav's commitment to just finishing her sentence, even though the point's already been aware of that, I respect that, sis. The train has left the station. Without you on it I missed it I'm trying I'll still run after it Hey none of us are operating well to you

because we've all had my farewell last night I know Babs didn't bring hash browns I have no money I'll always pay It's okay The Edge of Tomorrow Groundhog Day Lady Gaga

Oh no Tom Cruise movies Slow down They're like apocalypse movies With natural disasters And the purge Not what I'm looking for Oh the purge

Edge of tomorrow He comes back alive maybe like a genesis, regenerating. They come back from the dead. They get another goal at life. Yeah, I'll give that to me. What did you have? Time loop slash rent, like a resurrection sort of movies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give that to his game. I'll give that to it. I'm kind of liking it more as we play. My very thing is hearing what he wrote down after he gives it to us. Yeah, I don't want. And it just goes, Gaga! I just heard edge off and not glory.

You hear things you want to hear, don't you? You do. Waiting for a Gaga mention. All right. FIFA World Cup trophy, the Stanley Cup and the Wimbledon Trophy. They're all... Gold. They're all trophies.

They're all... They're all... They're all... They're all... They're all large. They're all... The FIFA World Cup trophy. It's got a ball on it at the top.

The Wimbledon Trophy has a pineapple on the top. Is it made of a certain material? No. The size of it? No. The weight of it. Sorry, say them again. It's actually...

This one's more of a fun fact about those three trophies. Of course. We all the... The FIFA World Cup trophy. The Stanley Cup's a plate. Oh, no. It's like a... a big thing.

It's like a Wimbledon. Is Wimbledon a big plate? No. I'll just hear it. Are they all made by the same person? Oh yeah. They're not made by the same person.

But they're all championship trophies that aren't allowed to be owned. Oh, goody. That's what I thought. If you'd said Melbourne Cup trophy, I thought that was a fun fact. Anyway, keep going. I don't think any trophies like that you can own.

Like, I don't think you can ever own. You know what I mean? It gets to take any of them home. The radio awards, you take them home. Oh, sorry. He didn't take the accuracy. So true, mate. They're now defunded.

I know, and they go bankrupt. Anyway. Gotham Knights, the Avengers, the X-Men. They're all squads, superhero squads. It's a good one. All right, next point, wins, guys. We're one a piece. One of a piece.

Next one wins. You can't write this stuff. Jesus is exciting. I'm not ready to leave this game. You know, next Friday's your last ever show. Oh, I can't wait. You know we get to end on a what's the three. I can't wait.

I cannot wait. I cannot wait. Hermione Grainier, Catness Everdeen and 11. They are main. Female Leeds. Hey, let me. He's going. Female leads in series?

With powers. In dystopian. Nah, Katnaz doesn't have power. Fantasy. Not with powers, but you're getting close. I don't know what you think about 11. 11, yeah, she's got powers. They punch.

They punch. They punch someone. They, who was the first one again? Hermione. Hermione Granger. Katna's 17 and 11. They've all got brown hair. Oldest daughters.

Are they all the same star sign? Yeah, that's how deep we want to get. No. They might be. I don't know, but that's what they're not trios. Yeah, all I can think is like female lead characters in an adventure series. You're so close. Female leads.

In a book series? Book series turn a movie. On Netflix. No. We might have to end on a tie team. No, no, no, we'll just write another question. Here we go. What was it?

They're all protagonists with supernatural arcs in their story. Oh, of course. Jesus Christ. Come on guys. Sorry, what's supernatural in the Hunger Games? It's humans. Yeah. There's no supernatural element.

In The Hunger Games. I got this from a list. You got it from chat, JBT, and you didn't check. Last one for the point, guys, this is easy. The Toyota Highlux, the Ford Ranger, and the Nissan Navarra, Arroy. They're Ute. Yes, Babs wins off the point. Oh, you win on that.

Not cars with something very specific. With supernatural arts. Jess and Ducko. I think it's a pretty fair summation that being late to an event can be considered rude. I think there's a point where you dip over fashionably late into just, You don't think my time is important as yours. Late is not a great quality. We like people to be on time.

Maybe a grace of what? 10, 15 at most. I think there's something worse your friends can do. I reckon being early is worse. You reckon being too early is worse. I reckon being early is worse. I'm having this experience with a maid of mine. We're working on a project together.

So we've got regular sort of appointments and catch-ups meetings. every time she is 15 to 20 minutes early. It's too early. Bro. And so then you'd know leading up to the appointment that she's going to be early. So really 6.30 means it's actually 6. Yes. And my issue is every time I go, maybe she won't be this time.

So I take the dog for a walk. I go quickly get a juice. And I'm never there. If it's at my house, I feel bad. She's waiting. It looks like I don't. But does she wait outside your house 10, 15 early? Because you know, I'm in an apartment now.

So she's just got to stand literally out the front of the gates. And I'm going, I'm a walk away. I'm not even coming down. And I don't know how to say to her, stop being early. Yeah, early is a weird one. Punctuality is being right on time. I think being early is worse than being away. Right on time or within five minutes late.

Technically. Five minutes late. I think he's like right on time. Because I even five minutes early, I'm working towards your arrival as 11 a.m. Particularly if it's at a house. If it's at a house, I haven't brushed my teeth. Maybe there's a quick tidy up I can do. If I'm getting a text or the buzz going, I'm here.

Yeah. Oh, God. I've now lost the ability to do those two, three last minute jobs. Absolutely. Okay, you agree. I think at a house, definitely don't rock up too early. Don't be early. If it's like, for example, yesterday you got through me a surprise party, you needed people there to be early.

Ah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And I must say, the only person who was late. Shy guy. Shy guy. Which we will unpack next. We will unpack, and there is a caveat to that. But yes, surprises.

Yeah. That is the one time. And that is on the host, I think, to say, this is what time I need you there. Yeah. Because guest of honour arriving at this time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Asterix, that's the only time you're allowed to be early, gang,

but can we have a blanket ruling? Yeah. Early is worse. Like, if you're going to a coffee that you're meeting in a cafe, were you rocking up to that cafe 10 minutes early and just sitting there like an idiot by yourself? Because as your friend, now I feel guilty, like I've kept you, waiting. When really, we were meant to meet at a designated time.

It's on you. It's also the ultimate of power plays, isn't it? Like, you're always there early. You get to pick where you want to sit. You get to maybe order a coffee or a water. And I get to have my arms folded going, I've been waiting for you. I've been waiting long, so I've been here for 10 minutes. I've already just answered a few emails.

Yes. I'm already on the go. I'm put together. We're behind. You just freaking started before me. You know what happens when you go early in a race at the Olympics? False start. you get disqualified.

Two of those. You're out of there. See you later. So in society, I think we need to have the same rules apply. False start. Early to anything, you're done. You're done. You're out of there.

Yeah. Thank you very much. I feel good about that. Good. I'm glad. Got some support. Jess and Duckow. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alfa Bucks on here.

Alfa Bucks. 30 seconds answer. All starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the questions, say pass. We come back. Of course, if there is time.

We are playing for 10K. our player today. Kylie. Good morning, Kylie. Hello. Kylie, happy Friday, babe. What are we spending 10 grand on? So my 12-year-old and one of his mates got picked to go play in London, UK, Paris and that next year for football.

Oh, my God. Congratulations. Yeah, like a little bit of a tour. So it would definitely help to get him. and the family over there. I don't want to send him over by himself. I've got to be there to cheer him on. Of course.

Absolutely. That is bloody epic, Kylie. Good motivation. What's your boy's name? Billy. Okay, if you had said Oliver or Oscar, that would have been some great synergy. I thought Billy like Babs.

Oh, there you go. But unfortunately, let us not be. Oh, it's not be. Your letters, oh. That's okay. Is it okay? You feel good about that? Oh, I'm hoping.

I'm hoping, like, the money won't go. Australia. Absolutely. Let's do it, Kylie. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter O, we need you to name a lunchbox snack. Oval teenies. A comedy film.

Pass. A shape. Oval. A brand. Pass. An animal. Pass. A verb.

Pass. A international city. Pass? A music group? One Direction? A condiment. Pass. Something you'd find in the shed.

Oh, my God, damn. That was terrible. Yeah, look, we got three. Let's go through all ten. That's a lot of passes. That's an achievement in itself. Ah, right? So a comedy film could have been old school or overboard.

A brand could have been Oakley, an animal, the orangutan, or an Now, a verb, observe, or open. An international city of soccer, Oslo's up there. Condiment, olive oil, something in the shed. Could have been oil or, you know, Oliver could have been in the shed as well. Oh, you could have absolutely said Oliver there. Oh, look. Kylie.

Oh, no. You don't get the money. You do get $100 to spend at Pillow Talk, though, so that'd be nice to rest your head. Oh, good. Billy can have some new sheets, perhaps. Yes, or nice. He loves these cool pillows. Oh, there you go.

There you go. Nice. Well, Kylie, thanks for planning we say, Ho, ho, ho. Thank you. Well done, Kyle. Jess and Ducko. Next Friday, it is the series finale of Jess and Ducko, as you know it.

Oh, all the feels will come there. The New Year's going to look different. Yeah, it will. Look very different. So I know your social calendar has been chocker block. It's been busy. You're ticking a lot of admin, logistical, items off, but also the heart saying goodbye.

I know. I'm going to say the family you've made here. But we wanted to send you off in style. Yeah. And you did. You did do just that. We'll preface that by saying. Thank you.

And you can see, yes, Crystal Book. A roundhouse restaurant, fantastic. A three-course sumptuous meal. It was awesome. With accompanying wine and cocky teas. Last night. You guys did it. But it was a surprise, right?

Well, it was meant to be. It was meant to be. And that's why we want to discuss this, because the surprise was ruined for me on a few fronts. And we wanted to do on 13-1060. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How was the surprise ruined? Were you a ducco in this situation? Yeah. Maybe you'll identify yourself in the characters at play.

Maybe you're a shy guy. We were talking about doing a team dinner for my farewell at some stage, trying to get it done. You were desperate to have a meal with the boss. One final last supper with the boss. Yeah, you know. And we were like, leave it to us. We'll sort it out. Leave it to us.

Okay, all right. So we put our heads together, or at least, shy guy and I did, and we were like, you know, something a little bougier maybe than just a pub dinner that we've done multiple times. And thankfully, the Crystal Brook were very keen to give you an epic knife.

The issue is shy guy. Yeah, I know. I can't keep a secret. I know. The issue is, even if we had this idea, I was like, I know you said it's a surprise, but it won't be. Because you're full disclosure at our Christmas party, I'm saying with Jess,

I'm like, okay, we're just and I had a few sherbits and we were, you know, and I was like, okay. You're partly to blame. I was like, yeah, but I was just like... You were peppering me. I was like, we need to organise something. I'll organise something if you haven't. I pick a restaurant.

We should go in with the team. I'm conscious. Is that not peppering, shy guys? And it just goes, I can't keep a secret. I'm throwing a surprise party for you. Don't tell your wife. He kept up. When are we doing it?

Where can we do it? I know. I was getting the same questions. I was like, we're looking after it. Don't want it. Well, because I also did it. He kept peppering me and he knew my defences were down because of said. She told me so quick.

Because of said. There's no waterboarding required. I know it wasn't part of that competition, but I know exactly how it would have been. Because I've said Sherbetts. Defense is down. He asked me three times the same question, and I'm cracked. I would be a terrible spy. Horrible.

If I got captured by the enemy, I'd be telling the state secrets faster than they could waterboard me. And that was, I reckon that was two weeks ago. So I've known for two weeks. But then he starts, but we're the same. We're cut from the same fricking cloth. He goes, can you make sure a bell and are there? Can you make sure Chris did. I was already added them to the group.

I was like, if you were doing a surprise list, what if you forget people? I had it, I know all your friends. And if you looked around the room, the only people weren't there were, apologies, they couldn't come. It wasn't anyone. And if you weren't invited, it's because I didn't think you're in the inner service. I didn't. Straight up, yeah, good caveat, that. So then that happens, and she's like, don't tell your wife.

And then Morgan can at least be surprised for one of you? And then Morgan's getting a message from one of her good friends, Hannah, being like, I want to take you out to dinner on Thursday. Morgan's like, aren't you going to a team dinner on Thursday? I'm like, yeah. And then Hannah's tried of like being on co-eastern. I can tell Morgan's like, is something happening? I was like, don't ask questions. Very good of you.

Because if there's one person, I definitely can't do surprises or secrets with, it's my husband. Yeah, yeah. So that's very good of you. You kept your defences up. Hannah was exceptional because she even flagged an early issue. You guys had Kendrick Lamar the night before. Yeah, that was the other big piece of this puzzle.

How am I going to get her to dress up? Yeah. Because we knew it was fancy. And we didn't have a couple of hours sleep between us. How am I going to convince her to put heels on? back it up a following night. She's going to want to stay home. I said, well, Hannah, that's on you, sis.

I'm on ducco, you're on Morgan. And credit where credits due, apparently Hannah rocked up to your house. Morgan was in flats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Hannah had to say, nope. I said to Morgan, hey, wear the heels. The hills are great on you. And she's like, yeah, but the sneakers are comfy.

I want to send a sneakers. I was like, just because I said that, she went. Even with a guy on the inside. Anyway, Hannah came, got Morgan. Then I was like, all right, bye, guys. Enjoy your dinner. And then Shago sends me a text. Shago rolls in.

He's a bit late. He picks me up with Babbs. They pick me up. Hey bitch. Get him. We're going shopping. I get in the car and Shagga is driving. Like Babs, how slow is the man driving?

Like, and he's just ambling. I didn't know where to go. Yeah, but he didn't even have it in maps. And he's like, and he's going. And Shagga's like, no. I'm like, I couldn't get in the car and be like, Siri, let's go to Crystal Brook. I could have pre-put it in.

I could have done that. I didn't do that. And was that not sitting at the front? Yep, she was. Like there could have been a distraction. There was not much talk. That was her job to do direction. And then we get there, right?

So then we drive past the place there is, Christopher. And I see Morgan get out of the car with her friend. And I go, there's Morgan going to the same place we're going. The show goes, are we going there? We drove around. Are we going there? We drove around for 15 minutes. So then you're getting the message from Hannah saying they've arrived.

So you're getting everyone upstairs ready. Because the instruction was, let's let Morgan and Ducco have a moment in the lobby and then they can walk up together. Oh, without anyone. Without anyone. We thought, well, more just like, let's make sure Morgan hasn't walked up. And five minutes later you look up. It's been nice to experience that moment together.

Totally. The issue was, I get a text from Hannah. We are in the lobby, assuming she means all of you. Everyone in position, they're coming. I'd also like to put the caveat. We were not the only people at the restaurant. There were multiple other. 50 other people there.

Christmas parties, work celebrations, families. We were so obnoxious and I want to apologize to those people. Because I've got everyone 30-something of your friends in position. Two minutes go past. I'm like, the elevator, it's nine floors. It's not like you're going up 38 floors. Five minutes go past. 12 minutes go past.

People are murmuring. I've been filming this long. It's waiting longer. The crowd's getting restless. Then I get a text from Shai guy. Just finding a park. He could not. Honestly, we have to do so many lags.

We don't have ducco in the house. We arrived to the restaurant at 650-ish. I reckon we looked for a park until 10 past 7. It got to the point where I was like, shy guy. It's a busy time. Park in the hotel. So he goes down to the valet park in the hotel. And we even amble up.

He doesn't line up at the lobby. We're all waiting, and we're like, oh, this age, I'm getting a bit, like, can we just go up sense to the surprise party? Our friends are all there. Like, I just want to go now. And then Morgan's there, like, anxious is all hell. And then she goes, oh, I better line up. He lines up for ages.

He comes and goes, I can't park there. They're not letting me. You guys just go up. I'm like, oh, we could have gone ages ago. Then we go up. And then we go up. And then we get there. And we're like, where do we go?

And then Babs and Hannah, we're just freaking out. Did he know what to do? And we went to the wrong place and went to this, like, guy. Did you go to the other Christmas party? Yeah, yeah. And the guy who was working there goes, um, sorry,

what's your booking under? And then Bass was like, surprise or something like that. And he's like, oh, yes, the surprise this way. No,

no, these are the surprise. And then I saw Tui from the gym staring at him. And he goes, he's coming. Because we had had about 15 minutes of false starts,

Tui made himself look out. Unfortunately, he's six foot five, very obvious to see, turns around and goes, oh, he's clocked me. Oh, he's seen me. When I looked in,

I'm like, Oh, hey. And they'll go, there's 50 other people staring at me. I'm like, who are they? Are they, are they, are they Christmas? Shout out to Alex and Katie, who you met, Big Rice Cookers. Oh, funny. But it was just a comedy.

It was. Of errors to get you up there. Yeah. To get to that point. Surprise party fails. Did you notice we'd always didn't even yell surprise. I didn't know what to yell and I just went, roland! Yeah, yeah.

Kids hugging me. There was things going on. I know what to do. Surprise parties fails. Were you not surprised? Yeah. Or did you ruin it? Did you ruin?

Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. Welcome to Friday team. Producers Direct coming up. We do draw that call of fame as well before nine. The family passed to Dream World on the Gold Coast, plus accommodation, plus $500 spending money. We are talking about ruining the surprise. Whether you were the Duckwin Morgan in the instance of at least last night's example, or maybe you were the Jess, the...

I can't even call myself the organiser, because I was the one who spoiled the surprise. surprise, I can't keep a freaking secret. Did you tell Shagai and Babs that you'd ruin the surprise for me a couple of weeks ago? So it kind of came up. Because I could tell you a sheepish about it. Then I brought up with you again, like, hey, remember you talking about the thing? And you're like, don't talk to me about that.

I was like, uh, we're pretending it didn't happen. To be honest with you, I thought, he's not going to remember. Yeah, yeah. And then you brought it up and I went, oh, no, he remembers. You know how I only remembered? Because I got home that day and, oh, I said to Morgan, I think Jess has got something going for us. Because by the stage, it was still, you know, and I was pretty drunk. Now I was talking about it with everyone.

And then I worked at the next day. I said Jess had something. Oh, yeah. Did you wait? Oh, I was backtrack. I was like, oh, let me just. Do you understand? I got a little bit too big for my bootstock.

I remember a couple of months ago, I threw my parents a surprise 40th anniversary, 140 of their friends. Yeah. And I kept that a surprise. I know. How could I not do one little dinner for you? Give her a couple of rosé's shy going. I blame you.

She'll spit out anything. You twisted my arm. You asked too many questions. Sounds like a did. You didn't need that much twisting. No, I didn't. Make sure Jake and Lily are there. I've already included Jake and Lily in the group chat.

And they weren't even there. I think, you know what it is? It's my ego. I wanted credit for having known all the things about you, not just listening to instruction. I see. So you saying X, Y, Z, I already included them. Actually, you played a game last night, too. It was almost like a hens game.

Yes, that's where I got the idea. My cousin played it at her hands years ago. You go around. It's actually a very fun. We'll just say team building. I don't know. That makes it sound lame. I think you did that to me.

We're going to do a team building. You were like, I'd rather not. We're about to do trust falls as well. Oh, that would have been fun. But you go around all the invitees and get a memory. Yeah, it was fun. And then someone anonymously sort of shares them. So I was that conduit and you had to link the memory.

To the person. To the person. Morgan didn't do great. You slayed at your memories. Unfortunately, some of the headlines I got from Morgan's friends were obviously a little too niche or vague, particularly her bestie. I know. Didn't make sense.

Which turned. I felt sorry for you, because then her bestie was like, I told her the wrong thing to say. Then she asked me if that was right, and I told her it was. I put my whole back, soul, heart into telling that story. Yeah, I know. And Morgan didn't even get it. And you're trying to talk over the entire restaurant.

I was fed the wrong information. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, it's hard to do surprises. It is hard. Well done, Jess. Well done. Well done. Jess.

I must say, you also need to email the boss because he really got a lot of things over the line for us. I mean, he'd rock up, but he got a lot over the lines for us. That's why he was hating on me last week. He had to do a lot of work behind the scene. Okay. As did Sygai, I think Babs was on an email chain. So yes. Thank you, team.

You're welcome, down. Even though surprise was ruined from all of you at some point in time and Shygoe drives like a grandma, never let that guy pick you up for a surprise party. Jess and Ducko. Shy guys just said, great diary. He did say that. He and Babs collaborate every week.

Cherry-picking moments. Yeah, they co-lab, man. To look back on. I was here yesterday. I was here deep into the day. And they were still here. It was like 12 o'clock. You got to see a bit of the magic happened. God, it was exciting. Minimal talking between these two. Oh, really? Is it all telepathy?

No, it's all on teams. They're just teamsing each other next to each other. I'm like, they're so in zinc. Oh, no, no. They just don't want to use their words. They're just teams. And then every now they'd be like a, mm-hmm. And they keep going. They're too close to it. Yeah. Yeah. Lucky we get to listen to it now. Laugh along.

Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Duckow. All week, Ducko's been ho-ho-hoing the Alpha Box players. The poor guy's yet to get a ho, ho, ho, ho back. Thank you, Haley. Have a great Christmas. You too, bye. See, babe. Oh, ho, ho.

Well, it's coming. Hey, ha, ho, ho, Lisa. Thanks so much. No worries. It's really not. It's not catching it. See it's a couple of months. Hit him with the head of me.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Ho, ho, ho. Maddie, ho, ho. What? Oh, Merry Christmas. Yeah, nice, nice, nice, Matt. Thank you, legend. The silence is the best.

Merry Christmas, Kate. Thanks so much for joining the show. Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas, guys, thank you. Merry Christmas, to be fair, I'm not sure what people are meant to do back, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Do you right?

Ho-ho, ho, ho, to you, Kate. All the best. Thank you. Just stopped the show for a brief moment after getting quite the dopamine hit from a PT. I've just had such a dopamine hit. My trainer, just gave me a high-five on my workout this morning. I just got the notification.

What you mean? Gave you a high-five. I just got a little bing. Steph gave you a virtual hyph. No. Like poking on face. What is it? Yeah, it's like a poke?

I don't know. It just said, Steph gave you a high-five for your workout. Was it on an app? Yeah, it on that. A virtual high-five seems... You know, I love a high-five. Nothing seems lameer than a virtual high-five shot, guys. But she's not here.

You're just leaving her hanging because you haven't high-fived back. How do you do it back? But I don't know. Send her a message or something. You've got to do something because otherwise she's going to be like, wow, I just complimented her and that. Okay, high-five back. But I've just written it now. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.

Thank you. A real dopey in here. We've said it all week. We are your education station. Just don't come to Shagai for any spelling. Monkey bearing. Monkey bearing. You're not misreading monkey barring.

Maybe it's monkey barring. Maybe it is it barring? B-A-R-N-G. I think it's not my strong suit. It's bar. It's monkey barring. You love something. It's monkey barring.

I was like, what's a bearer? Monkey, so swinging. Swinging. So you date someone in order to then swing to the next person. So you're like moving up the ladder. Yeah, connection to connection. Multiple dates. Monkey barring.

Monkey bearing is a whole other thing. What's the technical term for armpit-licking? I think it's mass changelina. It's definitely. That sounded right. Hold we go one more time. I can't say it, guys, it gives me so much joy. What did you say?

Not easy read articles, is it, mate? No, it's so hard. Ducco discovered a mysterious liquid on the back of his shorts after his morning shit. Obviously, we had to stop everything and get to the bottom of this. This is producer Babs with your local news briefing. Nick Ducko Alan Duckett is the victim of a suspected pissing pants accident. This is what Nick had to say. It is 100% way.

I've got someone in this is off. This is urine on my pants and my underpants right now and my back of my legs, and it is disgusting. I haven't peed in that bathroom today. No, no, I don't use that bathroom anyway. So it's not the three. I can't. Are you going to be, do you need to go? How do you recover from this?

I get bullied for life if I was at school right now. And it's not even my fault. It's cool to be your best. Oh, Doug Opipo Pee. Ducco Pee. This is like a kid. This is a kink. I don't want to do the rest of this show with wee on my...

And it's starting to really smell. I mean, like, I've got my Gaga shirt, but that's... Oh, man. I actually don't know how to help. Luckily, Shy Guy was here to save the day for Pissy Pants, P-boy. Yes, you've got shorts. I can do one better. You got undies as well?

Yeah, right now, yeah. I've got underwear for you, clean. Oh, I actually do. Are these clean? Oh, my God. They are now yours. Are these clean? Yeah, clean.

Why would you have spare undies? Because I remember I keep a spare pair. In case this happens? Well, mate, I'm listening to you from now on. I never know when you need. Shai, what I would now like to clarify. Wonderful, you've saved the day. He doesn't need to go home early.

What do you mean you have a spare pair of undies? If you go to the beach or whatever, you just... I mean, I'm not going to fit these undies. These things are extra large. That wasn't the only heavy drama this week on the show. Jess is I was a victim of something way more serious than Ducko's pissed stained pants. She thought she was going blind. Something happened to my eyes that was so severe.

I had to, I'm not being dramatic, as I called my husband, ask him to come home from work. To help me to the point that then I couldn't drive to pick up Lucia from daycare. I was basically blinded. Sunscreen. I had taken cheer on me. Oh my God.

That was worth it. I'm glad we did that. Genuinely. Blind about the sunscreen. I like it. Did your mom never teach you not put sunscreen in your eyes? Dude, I'm 34. Dude!

I've never had this issue before. Genuately, I thought I was blinded. I had to ask, I thought my eye... I thought my eyeball was melting. Duck Edge, what's your name? Shy guy. I was that rattled. See you next week, Rice Cookers.

Hoor. Means yes and ducco. Cornerfeet Coal off a fake Go to fame Win the price No one can accuse us For taking our foot off the gas

Hell no Maybe today Today it was a bit of half half Well not when it comes to prizes Yeah so true You know what I'm saying Yeah Well that's because you and I don't organise them

But our team has put together Something unbelievable A humdinger A family past a Dream World Australia's best rated theme park A four-night state of location of your choice on the Goldie All thanks to Mantra Hotels plus $500 cash.

Just for calling. Just for getting involved. Just for ringing us. Yeah. Telling us a tidbit. A little tail. Giving us your opinion. Yep.

You could bloody win a trip to Dray Wild. Jeez, they didn't disappoint this week as well. Oh, Honorable mentions to everyone who got in touch. I'd also like to Honorable mention just this morning, Brookie Chook. Brooky Chook. Who had a dumb thought about seafood and whether a duck. It was very dumb. Because it's ocean adjacent.

Safe space, though, you know. But. Someone we've been giggling about for a couple of days. We asked the question, what did you leave behind? You ran us through things that Australians have left in. Cabs? Yep. Begged the question.

Where'd you leave behind? Mella told us this. Well, Jess, you might relate to this one. So when I was a new mama, I basically was running around. You know, you get everyone else ready before yourself. Jumped in the car. We're getting ready to go to a party. My husband's in there.

Babies in there. We've got all of our shit together. And, well, we're getting halfway to this location, which was two hours away. And I've realised that I do not have a shirt on. No, hang on, Bella. I give you complete brace. I'm just rocking around in my bra. I give you complete bra.

What? Did you say your partner was in the car with you? He was in the car with you. He's just supporting her look. He's like, whatever you want, honey. I love this. He's like, he's like, he's probably going, a bra's just a thing now, no shirts. I think fashion changes very far.

Pretty much. We love the image. We love that she bloody had a spare shirt in the car because she's prepared. She's organized. She's going to head screwed on in other regards. Mella, it's one of you the call of fame. Yes, thank you so much.

You're going to dream well, but you've got to wear a shirt to dream well. Yeah, we don't want you to get kicked out. I promise they will. Okay. I think that's going to land. And as someone who told my wife what to wear Lassah when she gave me like the choice and she didn't take it, I understand Melah's husband and it's just going, you know. I'm not saying anything.

No, I'm not saying there's no point. Yeah, absolutely. You do you, Mela. You do you, Mela. And you do it all the way to Dream World on the Gold Coast. Thank you. Merry Christmas, Mella. Ho, ho, ho, mella.

Bye. She's like, give me my ticket. She's like, I want to get me off with these weirdos. Damn it, no one. I'll go again next week. That is a full week of rejection. A negative ho-ho-hoes. Geez, it feels bad too.

Oh, my God. It hurts me. Oh, hey, last week next week, guys. Not just of 2025. I know. of Jess and Darko. With J.D. forever as we know it. It's the end of the road as you know it.

Oh, jeez. End of the world. That's not the lyric. You pulled the music then. I'm not sure what this happened. You pulled the media just then. That's something I would do. Hey, it is our last week.

We do have a thousand dollars cash for our best caller. And we're going to reminisce on some of the great callers over the year that's been of the rice cookers. We'll definitely play What's the Threesome again. We'll play what's the threesome. We'll play maybe last year of the song. Oh, my God. Well, you get to. pick, you know, a couple of games.

Yeah, a couple of games. I'll bring up all my faves. All right. Quiz with a twist. I freaking love Quizmitted a twist. Yeah, let's bring that back. That would be fun. Wow.

So do make sure you join us, whatever you are up to this weekend. Just have that in the back of your mind. Last week. Come Monday, five shows. Oh, geez, it's getting real now, isn't it? You know, what's weird? Do you want a photo shoot with the new bloke this afternoon?

Oh, geez. It's a weird time. After my farewell, I know. You're dancing on my grave? I made sure it was after. I was like, I can't do that. It's a wig out, man. Tell them all the memories that, oh, God,

Ducco would stand like this. Ducco would hold me just there. Not to make you feel bad, but he won't need a box. Won't he, though? That was a great point. Oh, I don't, I'm just, I'm just hurting. Yeah, I know. We're all hoping, jeet.

Yeah, I know. It's all good. I get it. You only hurt the ones you love, guys. Yeah. I've only got five more days to do it. Fine. I'm out of here, we're out of here

Had the best weekend Enjoy yourselves I'll be on the today show this weekend Oh okay, where will you be? Doing the weather in Sydney Oh wonderful Oh my God, I'll be in Sydney Oh yeah, you'll be seeing Lady Gaga

Twice Someone just called Babbs and said Can Jess stop spoiling what's happening At the Gaga concert She's ruining it for everyone She's killing it, yeah My apologies I know, little monsters will come after you

Little monsters are not happy It's a fine line between being Waller and against them You know? Very true Ah, so true for so many things in 2025 You do not know who your allies are. Anyway, Shai go, what are you up to?

I got a, I don't know. Sorry, I asked. Yeah, yeah. There's things, but. Yeah, yeah. Barbara, you're up to much? Ah, no, never mind. Don't worry about it.

Never mind. We'll see you Monday. We'll see it, and bye-bye. Bye. I was going to discuss pencils, but I really think we've run out of time. Jess and Ducco. That was the Jess and Ducco podcast. The new matcherange is here at McAfee.