Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | I'll teach him the ways of the honk

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

Its Duckos birthday and Morgans left him alone with Flo, we talk lying kids and Producer Shy Guy wraps up the week that was in his diary!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Monopoly at Maccas is back. Play only in the app. Ends October 14. For full terms, visit McDonald's.com.com. This is the Jess and Douggo podcast. Welcome, everyone, to the podcast. I said at the end of the show, Ducko, one more present. Oh, yeah, well, there's another, I forgot.

I don't even know what they're doing. Two presents. It's just more stuff. But I was like, it's not on airworthy. You gave me bamboo toilet paper, my ass thanks you. You're welcome. You got me a gurney team. My ass will also thank you.

My ass will actually also take me. A ninja creamie, my ass will not thank you. That's why I need the hyperbole. But the other things will compliment that. Yeah, actually, there's a real trend here. We should have come as turds. Oh, that's a great idea. Remember that for next year.

We've got you the biggest honey we could find. So you don't have to worry about... Should I leave that at work? In your death? Yeah, my death. I'd actually like to remember. So it'll be easy. It'll be the day before your birthday.

Let's see how long it lasts. A couple of extra things for you. Look at that, Kandas, a prize. A good one to a proper... I'm going to have this tonight. A proper one. I'll have this for dessert. And then a couple of chippies.

So I messaged your wife. So was she telling you I was texting. She said, oh, yeah, Jess is messaging me about what to get you from Woolies. Because I had in my basket sour, I think I had sour squirms. And you got me sour-a-a-a-a-a-sand I said to her, does he prefer sour-patch kids? I think I don't even got you straps. And I think last time you got straps, you were like, I've got too many straps. I'm like, all right, well, we'll squirm it or kid it.

And she said, I think he's over that. And I said, what else should I get? I'd already had these in my basket, but she got. goes, he's a chip guy. I said, I know he's a chip guy. So we've got Thai chili and lime, one of the greats. Red Rock. Honestly, that's becoming one of my favourite flavours. Great. It's really good. You haven't mentioned this one. You've probably had it. Yeah, yeah. Had them all. Yeah, I'm a chip. I'm a chip. Char-grilled spiced chicken. Yes, I have had that recently. You like it? It's good. It's one of those

ones that you don't get all the time. It's good to have. Unfortunately, our local woolies, not a huge range of the quirky flavors. They've got your honey, soy, chicken, your balsamic vinegar. Sour cream, chili. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they didn't have that cheese one, you like. I do like that cheese one, except that one is the only one. Only Red Rodele, it really makes you feel sick.

Okay, they didn't have that one and this is the only kind of those odd ones. Yeah, yeah. The left of centre? Have you had that lime one before? Oh, the lime, no. It's really good. Okay, I've only had the old school, you know, black pepper and line. It's better than that.

I thought it would be. It looks fend. Have you had it, Shorthy? No. Oh, trust me. Do yourselves a favour and get it. You know, you know I'm good in the chip world. I endorse that one.

A recommendation from someone who knows what they're talking about. I reckon your husband will like that lime one. Ooh, really? Yeah. See, he's so much more of a sweet tooth, but you put something a chippy in front of him, he'll have a go. Yeah, you'll have an absolute go. Chips are my kryptonite.

They're my absolute. Oh, my God. Hot chips, pack of chips. You know what I really like to do, though, because I'm a bougie, fancy lady. I like to put chips in a bowl. Yeah. It does make them feel nice. And you can portion control.

You can portion control what you need to do. I'll put half a pack in. I'm not going to eat that. All of a sudden, it's gone. I get really upset. You know when you go to a party and they've got a bowl of chips, but it's clearly a salad bowl. I went, no, there's a certain vessel.

What's the kind of chip bowl you have? I like to have, like, a ceramic. Like something I'd have swoopy. You know what I mean? I don't like when I see it in a stainless. Interesting, I would have gone the salad bowl. Ah, okay, yeah, I don't like that. Interesting.

Because it alters the taste. I've just realized through this bloke is. So the char-grilled spice chicken with citrus, it says in collaboration with Andy Cooks, that's a TikTok famous. TikTok guy. Yeah. Do you know him?

No. So he got famous, and he went viral for a series. Every video starts, hey, babe, what do you want for dinner? And he asks, obviously they've pre-thought it because he has all the ingredients. But she'll go, mm-chicken luxer. And then he makes the dish. He's now got a collaboration with breadbox. This is the world we live in where TikTok people are now getting chip collapse.

You know that that's bullshit on so many levels. Because, A, if you're a chef, you're never coming home to make dinner because you'd never want to. And B, if your wife's like, just a chicken laksar. You wouldn't be like, oh, you'd be like, oh, go fuck your stuff. A chicken... It's four o'clock. Who has coconut milk just lying around? Where am I going to do this?

But you raise an interesting point because if I married a chef, you best believe I'd be expecting him to make all the meals. You're my cousin's chef. He now's his chef on big... He's the head chef on a cruise ship. Oh, shit. He's cooking for thousands of people. He used to be a chef at the Bistro C restaurant in Nusa on the beach and stuff.

Is that a fancy one? He never cooks anything for himself or for us. Like, I... He's like, I'm all cooked out. It's the last thing he wants to do. Absolutely. This is probably a dumb question. Doesn't he love it, though?

Doesn't he love to cook? He loves the pressure environment of cooking and being a chef in a kitchen. Right. But he hates, he hates like doing it at home. And can you imagine for a guy who knows how to portion control for a thousand serves? Yeah, yeah. Trying to do it for six or four, whatever you go.

But the way I put it. It's like you and me getting asked to emcee a wedding. Don't you love it? You're good at it. Oh, you're so right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You know. See, food to me, like if I had my time again, I'd actually, one, pay more attention when my mom was cooking. Yeah, me too. I could have got some fucking skills.

Or two, maybe go to culinary school. You know the problem with... And just be able to do something magic every day for my everyday life. I do, I'm very basic in the kitchen now and I, I struggle to read recipes. I can watch them. Okay. Instagram, TikTok, I can watch them and if I, because I'm a visual learner. So if I see it, I'm like, oh, do this.

If I read it, I kind of can't translate. Yeah. Okay, see, I'm the opposite. I try and follow these amazing people like Andy Cooks on TikTok. They go so fast. Yeah, I do. And it makes me anxious that I should be obviously. they're edited because it's 90 seconds for a four-hour cook time.

Because people like Babs won't sit through the 90. Exactly. So I've gone back to cookbooks and it sits there. I can't do cookbook. That way your phone doesn't fucking lock halfway through. You're trying to remember the order. I get a more laptop. Okay, that's smart. Someone would have a like on the Instagram link to their website.

So like what's his name, Christian Petraca, the AFL player, who's a great chef. I use all his because it's like healthy but pretty easy. Yes. So I go to, he has a website now and you go to that. You know, recipe 108's the very famous chef cook. She had a, I made one of hers yesterday. She's got a little toggle on her website, cook mode, and it doesn't lock your screen. Oh, that's great.

So, freaking screen. That's smart. It's the first time I've ever seen that on a website or certainly social media. It'll just close. When you get your fish sauce on your fingers and it's hard to unlock. So I know. Oh, okay, the next step, I can look down and it's there. That's great.

But no, I've gone back to books because I'm like, ah, it's at my own pace. Yeah, yeah. It stays there and it's old school. I think I like it. You a chef, Shortsy, you cook or? Ash is the chef. Ash is the cook. Yeah, yeah.

Do you ever? Or are you a bit more like... Sometimes. I'm the eater. Yeah. I'm the eater. I'm the eat. And clean, right?

Like, I actually enjoy doing the dishes after a big meal when I can because it's like, oh, you know, but now with flow sleeping, I can't. So how's it happened the next day? You know? Angus gets annoyed. I do more of the cooking just because of our schedules or whatever. Yeah. But I am a notorious.

I will use every bowl, every knife. Because I'm a big, chop the garlic, chuck the herbs, chop the onion. And they all have to go in their own little ramekin. For then me to put it in the panicle. pan. So it ends up with 15 vessels. He's like, why? That was yum.

What the fuck is all this washing? Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. Just chucking a sauce. And you went without a dishwasher for so long. Oh, man. I don't know how you did that. That's why.

Because then obviously I leave early in the morning, so he's left to put the dishes away in the AM. There's nothing more to press the wake out the next day and the kitchen's messy from the food than up for you. You're like a bottle of wines out. Because even though everything's cleaned, it's stuff everywhere. It makes you feel dirty. Absolutely. Yeah.

But there you go. You've got your chippies there. Thank you. You eat them at your will. I will. We've got a big weekend ahead, team. Kind of surprising chippies. Absolutely.

I can't wait to see what toy you got. Me too. Tis and ducco in the morning. Stop what you're doing and listen. You know I got that shit that you like. There's only one show to wake up with you. I'm not that easy to hang. Jess.

You just go, you go, I got to explain. I actually have a little. I actually have a little. I didn't see my dad's button a while. Got him going insane. Yes, I got.

Your hole was well over. Babs. Babs. I've never had hemorrhoies. Oh, yeah, talk it. This is Jess and Ducko. Yes, it is. Right on 6 o'clock.

Hey, welcome to Friday, team. We did it. We made it. Welcome to the day before our good friend's birthday. Yeah. Ducko celebrating 34 years around the sun. 34 laps tomorrow. We unfortunately don't.

have a weekend show yet. That's not a tease for anything. Could be. So we're going to celebrate today, brother. There's some balloons. There's some colour. We've got some grid iron. There's a giant balloons which is fantastic.

But also, a giant penis balloon that Babs got me. Well, Babs pick that one out, personally, Ducko. It is a peen with hell of a bicep situation in a leopard thong. And she thought, whilst she's away today, she's chuffed off to Melbourne to go support her boyfriend doing a gig. She thought, how am I going to make sure Ducko doesn't forget? I too am celebrating him. Yeah, I want to be here. The big penis balloon.

Thank you, team. The balloons look lovely. And you guys are in your active wear today. Shagai rolled out. I shared a lift with him and I saw his legs and I was like, what the hell? What an honour. So our plan was to lunge into the studio together to chant it. Ducco.

Oh, that's good. But shy guy in your honour. I forgot my pass. Oh, I was the whole thing. I had to wait for you to arrive. I should have to let him in. I should have to let him in. So shy guy in your honour will do lungers the whole three.

hours this morning. Just celebrate your birthday. I love it. And you know, it's annoying. I would normally wear active wears on a Friday. That's what we thought. We wouldn't have to tell him. Yeah, I will.

He'll probably wear it. But my wife's going away this weekend. I've got flow, so I've got a tag team where as soon as I get home. I've got no time to go to the gym anymore. There's no time to go to the gym. What there might be time to do, though, Ducko, this weekend, while you are solo parenting, is take a poo. Earlier this week, we were talking about toilet paper.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you say, you have the who gives the crap. It's great for the environment, but you don't love how it feels on your butthole. It's bad for the noose. I said, I pay the extra three bucks to get the bamboo. Oh, you got that bamboo stuff. Your first gift, a roll of bamboo toilet paper. Is that your bamboo stuff? That's the bamboo bag. I'm keen to try it. Because your husband said it was slippery. He doesn't love it because it's slippery. He'd prefer the normal with the grit. I'm very keen to try this.

So we got our pack of 64 yesterday. I went, one of these is going to the duck, man. Hell yeah. I'm keen to try this. Do you have the time Morgan accidentally ordered two lots in one? So we got like 120 rolls. Where do you put it? Where do you put it in the linen cupboard? And then she forgot to cancel it. It sounded like whatever it was a couple months later. You got a double-y?

Yeah. All so we were like, we were never running out of tour. We're still going through that. 100%. I'm on a three-monthly. I'm going, this is too many. This is too many. I need to.

But the bamboo, I can't, I'll give you a text tonight. If I send you guys a text saying slip-week. Well, if the coffee hits you during the show, feel free. I'd love a live. We'll call you from the bathroom. Yeah, please do. Actually, we'll do a live cross. No, it doesn't work, remember?

Oh, yeah. You'll have to poo in the sink like bright days. Crossing live, I'm wiping now, guys. Oh, it was great. What radio? Exactly how it will go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the newsroom still went about Nile.

No, thank you, team. I'm very small. Yes, no, it's going to be a wonderful show. It's going to be a great weekend for you. Because last time my wife said, Oh, I keep forgetting to your birthday tomorrow because she's going away to her hens this weekend. Her priority is on your sister's hands that she's attending up normal.

Nice of my sister who's become a bit. of a bridesilla to organise her hands on my birthday weekend when we have a child? Nothing says I'm not thinking about anyone but myself. September 13 is the weekend. Is it? Thanks so much. Yeah. Mori am seeing your wedding. All right, no worse.

Now you're taking my wife away from me on my birthday. Anyway, we love family. It's all gravy. Absolutely, and it's going to be a hell of a wedding. And a hell of a weekend for Morgan. She deserves it. It's her first weekend really on the source. Like, wow. Yeah, she's nervous.

I can't wait to hear how she goes. She's going to hate it. She's going to miss flow. She's going to be like, She's going to get drunk and be like, what have they done? Her boobies will feel funny. Oh, they're already so sore. I'm on a no-touch policy right now, I think, because they're sore. You know, like, she's, because she's fully weaned off now.

She's putting barbed wire around them, just to give you a little shock. It's amazing how many times I naturally just touch them randomly throughout the day. Are you a honker? Yeah, and I keep forgetting. And she's like, stop it. I'm like, oh, geez, you know. Funny, I wish Angus was more of a honker. Oh, you know, I'll teach him the ways of the honk.

Please do. He's not a honker. He should always hon. I can barely get him to tap me on the shoulder. He won't say hi in public. Oh, but he'll unstack the dishwash up. Oh, great, honk me tits, would you? Some dudes out there like, what?

I stopped wearing bras purposely so I can feel it better. Honk, honk me. You're just wanting to be honk. You're listening, Angus, get home and honk. I beg of you. Won't wrong play, won't honk. Oh, gee, won't toe suck. What will he do?

You got a dud. He's like a, you need to upgrade your version. Does he come with an iOS update? Yeah, but you know what he's good for, okay? Yeah, yeah. Getting the points for the flights. This is class flights. You know what?

That probably surpasses hulking. I'll take less honging. I wish, I'm, see, I'm a great honger. The horrible, horrible admin guy, so this is what you'd get. Could you, do you fall into two categories as a man? You're either a honger or you know how to work points to get upgrades. That is, I think, the two. Yeah.

Shagga, where are you sitting? It's your black or white. I mean, I wish I knew how to hack for points. Maybe I just need it. You're a honker? Does that mean you're a honker? Honk on, baby. He's just got to find some titties to honk.

Yeah, I just don't have anything to honk. The robot back doesn't cut it. Hey, big show team. We're all here, fire. We've got no done for it Friday next. We've got Alpha Bucks. Shagas diary bangers and there is a landslide. I'm not mad about it.

Oh, my God. There's time to vote, but I don't even think it'd make a difference. What's the point? What's the point? But yeah, no dump for Friday next. Hey, you get involved. Chance to win the co-Fod. 13, 1060, we'll take your dumb thoughts next.

Jess and Ducko. There's no such thing as a dumb thought. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I was accused of using a dumb thought on Monday. Well, that, yes. No, if you drop that here, I would have been so excited. It's funny you say that, Ducco, because consulting my notes, my dumb thoughts that I've acquired, I did have.

Giants had to have built the pyramids. So I don't know where. Where did you flip into doing that as Monday content? Obviously, there was a moment in my brain. I went, it's better than a dumb thought. Yeah. It's going to slap. No, you know what I think it was?

It's going to slap. I can't hold on to this till Friday. I must do it Monday. That's what it was. So I'll tick that one off because I'll discuss giants being involved in building the pyramids. You can also text the text letter. Yes. Double 8, 108, 106.

If you got one and you just want to be a little bit anonymous or you just want to text it in, do that. But this is a safe space. Always. Where's some of the dumbest people you'll meet? Oh, yeah. Would you like to prove that factor? Sure. I actually don't.

I think this is a good one. I think this is red hot. I don't think this is super dumb. Okay. Wait, hang on. I didn't think the giants were dumb and you said it should have been in. Maybe I'm wrong. Do you want it for Monday?

Save it. Put me out 610. Crabbs. So. Different kind of crap. Different kind of crab. So I've been thinking a lot about our fish because we got fish tank, right? And I thought about them yesterday.

And we had bottom feet of fish, but they're not quite fully always on the bottom. And I thought about the ecosystem of the ocean. And I thought about the ecosystem over the ocean. thought, do you think crabs that live on the bottom of the ocean think fish can fly? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Like, they would look up. And it's like, I'm looking at birds.

It's like I'm looking at birds. But crabs, also being land dwellers, have seen birds. You would assume they've seen seagulls. Is there a type of crab that doesn't go land? You know what I mean? Sure. That are fully aquatic. Yes.

I don't think so. But this is me having limited crab knowledge, Do you know much more about the other crabs. You were talking about. Yeah, you know more about that. It's why I got later. Obviously, I'm joking. That's why this isn't a honker. It's all making sense.

I think they are putton. I don't even know, Ducko, if they're particularly swimmers. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think they're more land dwellers and they'll dip into the ocean. It's only 1,500, there's 7,000 species of crabs. I could name one. Sebastian from the little mermaid. I don't know any type of crap.

1,500 of these are freshwater crabs and the remainder live in the ocean. They live in the ocean. Okay, there you go. Have you ever seen a crab just floating around? They're always like on the shore. There is a little shore. Dancing around the waves. And they pop out of the sand.

I'm not actually seen one swimming. So I guess they think fish are birds of the sea. They're birds of the sea. They're birds of the sea. But there's a great Jessica Simpson's quote. Yeah. Simpson quote. She's one of the great quotas.

One of the great. Remember that show she had with her husband, Nick Lachay? No. You didn't watch that? No. She talked about the can of tuna she was eating. It said chicken of the sea. And she was like, wait a minute, is this is tuna or chicken?

And her husband was going, no, it's tuna. They just call it the chicken of the sea. She goes, so is it chicken? He's like, no. It's got the nickname Chicken of the Sea. But it's tuna. Because it's so accessible and readily available. It's that kind of meat.

Yeah. And she couldn't wrap her brain around. No, it's the chicken of the sea. So similarly. Ah, the bird of the sea. The bird of the sea. Without a text coming on the text line. Good friend of the show.

Sophia, great friend of the show, Sophia. We love Sophia. She said, if a fart leaves your body and you smell it, does it mean the fart is back into your body? Like you're just inhaling it back. And you've smelled a fair bit of mind with guess my fart. So clearly... So that means a bit of you.

I have not been able to return servant. It's one of my great, great sadnesses. I guess when you, what is the gas of a fart? You know, like cows, it's methane. Oh, yeah. Which is the hole in the ozone. Beans for you, I'd presume. Yes, but when it's coming out, is that like carbon dioxide?

Like, you know, when you breathe out, it's carbon dioxide? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Breathing is oxygen. Yeah. When I fart, what is that chemical gas? Should I go Google that? I'm not really sure. I don't know, but there would be something, you know?

You know what I mean? What component is it? What is it on the periodic table? Oh, yes. It's not oxygen. No, well, certainly not. That thing kills you. Exactly.

Yeah. I'm not sure. What is the gas? It's a mix of hydrogen, methane and sulfur. Oh, but a sulfur in there. There's trivia for you. Okay. Sulfur.

Sulfur and the gas. Sulfur, methane and hydrogen. The components of a far. It comes from the gases that you. So then it's coming out. It's going to be. Flavoured with a bit of... With a bit of whatever he'd eaten for lunch.

Whatever's passed through. What do you got for us? I got a quick one. Yeah. I'm 34. You'll be 34 tomorrow. Will I? I thought off's 31.

It's how old you feel. Yeah, that's it. But I've got a two-year-old in my family, and I've noticed she's starting to develop a little bit of sleep. You know, the gunk in your eyes after you wake up. It's so weird that guy. I cannot tell you, Ducko. This isn't a weird flex.

the last time I had sleep in my eyes. Yeah. Do you grow out of that? I don't know. When's the last time you had to wipe sleep or, like, pick sleep out of your eye? When I last had conjunctitis. Yeah, which is a medical thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not just your regular. I don't remember having sleep in my eye recently at all. Same. I don't know if I just, because I touch my eye and wipe it naturally. Like, I look at the first thing I do in the morning, turn the onsuit light on, wash my face. But I look at myself. Yeah, yeah. There's no sleep there.

I'm just doing it as a splash. Yeah, I don't ever see sleep. Maybe you do grow out of sleep. We don't talk about growing out of it. But also, it's sort of like cute and funny on a kid. If you see growing up with sleep, you're like, grow up. It also upsets me that it only is called sleep. Yeah.

It should have a different name. I hate the word gunk. But you can't call that crusty stuff, the activity, sleep. No, all I'm, is I gunk normal. To adults get sleep in their eye. Everyone at some point finds sleep in their eye upon waking. It's a healthy and natural part of eye function. It's called sleep crossed, eye gunk, eye goop or anything else.

It's generally harmless. I just can't. Maybe it is a flex. We just don't do sleep. Should you remove your eye boogers, use a washcloth. Eye boogers is way better. Eyebuggers makes it sound fun. Shogai, you're a couple of years younger than us.

Yeah. Have you had sleep recently? Yeah, I've got sleep. I think I had some this morning that I walked up actually. Well, he's just actually typed in the box there. Oh. You never stop getting eye discharged. Discharge makes it sound so much more.

I don't care. a discharge. The discharge is just gross. You don't stop it. Okay, so it is a flex. It's a flex. If you get sleep, next time you have sleep in your,

I save that little speck of sleep. No, I like not having it. Make a wish. Do you make wishes on them? Yeah. Isn't that eyelash or is that fall out? I think that's earwax. Who's wishing?

Who's wishing? You freak. What we've just established is our families all do different things. We love when science dedicate themselves to massive, really important things like physical attraction. Absolutely. With all the issues in the world, let's carve out some of the smart brains to work on this.

A new study in the British Journal of Psychology shows that attraction goes far beyond just physical features. They had 64 scientists work on this team. That's a lot of people. A lot of scientists. They got a group of 60 volunteers as well to share all kinds of stuff such as photos, videos, voice recordings, even body odour samples. They will sweat pads while working out so they could then monitor the sweat and get it. Oh, see, I like, I like pheromone stuff. It makes me feel like an animal.

Okay, well, there you go, because we are a primal, right? Yeah, we are. The top three things, and it wasn't, the attractiveness wasn't looks as number one, two or three. Okay, not even in the top three. The top three that came back of what other people find attractive inhuman beings. Number one, because I think three is funny, number one was the person's voice. Yep, I can say that. A person's voice is the biggest takeaway you find attractive, something that you can recall straightaway,

the distinct nasalness to it. I think there's also an element, I go, you know, beauty's in the eye of the beholder. Yeah. But an annoying voice is an annoying voice. It is. A squeaky voice. A squeaky voice. If you might not really like the deep baritone or the, there's something for everyone.

And you can't help that. Your voice is your voice. You can't turn your ear off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So voice is up there. Number two, how they move, like quite physically how they walk.

Okay, this is actually, this is actually interesting. Yeah. Like if they've got swagger, if they've got to swagger, if they've got presents. If they take short steps, long steps. Wow. If they got to be stride in them. And then number three, going straight to the animalistic is how a person's smell.

Yep. The scent and the smell is paired heavily with their looks and attraction. We are chimps at the end of the day. Yeah, we're animals. Yeah, so a person's odour is more important to whether we'll find them hot or not than genuinely their face or body. Yep. There you go.

This is why when you... How I jagged a husband is a miracle book. This is why when your mate's got a two or something like that, and you know, what happened there, it's like, oh, mate, the way they walk. The way they walk. The way they talk. Turn it up Jess and Ducko in the morning

Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks On hit Alpha Bucks 30 seconds to answer 10 questions all starting with the same letter I have to take your first answer You cannot use the same answer twice

If you're unsure of the question Just say pass Of course we come back If there's time We're playing for 10,000 Our player today Look at this One of these are honker

We got Angus Let's a find out This is Angus Hello Angus Hello how are we Angus The greatest boy's name to ever live.

How are you, sir? Sensational. How are we? We're fantastic. We love a Gus on this show. Yeah, yeah. Don't have too many of them. No.

What brings you to the program, Angus? What do you want to spend $10,000 on? A great weekend. Wants to spend it on a great weekend. That is good. On the boys. I love it. On the puns.

Yeah, all right. I'm very pleased to say we've got a solid letter for you, Gusy. S. S for success. Beautiful. You like that? Come on, Gus. I love it.

I can work with S. You can work with S. Yeah, you can. If anyone can. It's Angus. Angus can. Hell yeah. Your time.

We'll start after the first question. You're ready to rock? Ready to go. Here we go. Starting with letter S. We need you to name a hobby. Sport. A beer brand.

Singer. An international city. Shanghai. A ball sport. Soccer. An adverb. A past. A dog breed.

A shit too. An airline. A Singapore airline. A board game. Scrabble. A periodic element. A thoffer. A five better word.

Ah, hey mate. You and whoever's with you. I'm guessing his name's Hamish. Angerson Hamish. Cush. Anguson Hamish crushed it. You got yourselves eight there. That's pretty good.

Eight. Eight. Eight. Team effort. An adverb. An adverb. Can you think of one? Oh, no, not off my head.

It's anything ending with L.Y. Softly, slowly, sharply. Are you out in the site right now, I guess? Where are you? Like, the answer is slowly. Sorry, what was that? Where are you? Yeah, just to work, ready to kick the mower over, you know?

Yeah. Kick the mower over. Are you sorry, were you having a goal of the person for not answering quick enough? No, it's all in my head, but they're just trying to try me off course. Oh, so rude How dare they Well, look, mate, you do get a custom phone case

Thanks to Kisify, okay? Oh, how good I need one of those Thanks for joining the show, Gussie. It's all worked out perfect It's all worked out for the gas How it was meant to be? You enjoy that, we do play at 10 8 o'clock

He didn't need 10 grand What he needed was a phone case He needed the boys to just You know Just just shut up They're all annoying And try to tell him different things He added on speaker

Ah, it was the whole thing Mate, the guy who came in with Shanghai though, very fast Jess and Ducco I'm sick of it, Ducco What are you sick of? Small dogs We always said

What's the point of them? I'm a dog person You know that But I wholeheartedly agree And what I wanted to bring to this program I know we usually discuss these things off air To make sure we're aligned Actually we have a small dog person now in the team

And I understand he's just arrived And I'm happy I like his small dog though There's some small dogs This is the issue I'm putting them all in the camp You know what shorts get in here because I think we're going to need a representative.

Shorties, I'm filling in for Babs today. Absolutely. And he's coming in his Brisbane line slash Hawthorne. Top. Sorry, he's Brisbane Broncos, I meant to say. The issue I have, Ducko. And we can't say, oh, summer or right. I'm blanketing them all.

Little yappy things. Because it's easier for me. Yeah, yeah. This is a show about dogs. If you're a cat person, you're not welcome here. Sorry to tell you. But now I think I need to put another line in the sand. I don't even want to welcome small dogs.

We're losing listening. as fast. We are hemorrhaging listeners. I'm chopping them, left, right and centre. But I think the big dog people, more than make up for it. I have a 50 kilo dog. He's a Rhodesian Ridgeback. I understand he is in the upper echelon of big.

He's a big boy. The only issues I ever have out on the street with him are against little dogs. I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle it anymore. Now, Shorts is in studio. You have a... Mini dash-hounds. And he dash-hounds.

Already a small dog. He's got a mini version. Tim yours is a long-haired dash-hand, which is way cuter. But dash-hound's notoriously a little devils. They are. The only dog to ever attack my giant boy. Yes. Was a dash-out.

Yeah, yeah. Was a small dog? Was a dash-out. In fact, in the apartment, you're living in the previous owner. Perry. Yeah, Pez. Shout out to Pears. Yesterday, Duck, I'm trying to walk my giant dog with my small child.

Yep. There is a small, I don't know what it was. I might have been a French freaking bulldog. They might have been one of the worst. Those little, yeah. He's yapping at my, they've all got that small dog energy. He's yapping, yapping, yappen at my dog. And the owner is sort of getting a bit, you know, she's a bit older.

She can't quite control him. I don't care to when there's small dogs yapping. Oh, he's not going to do anything, but it's like still annoying. It's still annoying. And also, if my dog reacts to this, your dog's going to come off second best. But then I look like the bad person and my dog looks like the bad guy. So why I say to this woman, I'll go around. It's okay.

So I'm frantically trying to get Gianni back to me, spin him around. He spins quickly enough, knocks the kid over. Lucky I freaking caught her head before she smashed her head on the brick pathway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And all I'm thinking is a stupid freaking dog. If that was any other creature, could have just walked on past. 100%. What say you?

Besides my own? Yeah. Small dog suck. He speaks for him. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko But we are celebrating your birthday today, Ducco, some great, great texts coming through for you.

Yeah, Aaron, happy birthday, Big Wheels. Cheers, Aaron. A lot of people supporting Rufus Dussol that I played at 640 boss when you're listening to that scene. It put me in the perfect Friday mood. I saw the sun and I was instantly smiling hearing that song. Fantastic. What we're here to do is set a bit of a vibe for a Friday,

carry that energy through the weekend. And that's what we're trying to achieve. Tali, though, sent us with a great text. Based off the diary, my friend as a teen, received a phone call from the federal police to her home phone time to stop using LimeWire as their computer was a virus spreader to all of Australia. My, super spreader. I've not heard that phrase since COVID times, but the LimeWire days of getting the cheeky downloads affecting the rest of the country.

Oh yeah. Anything you download. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Anything can happen on this show. We always love your involvement. 04-8-18-1069. Quickly, Ducco. Yes.

Another gift for you as we are celebrating you turning 34 tomorrow. Producer Shorts. he's going to walk in with the gift. Now, as we mentioned yesterday, a little bit of a tease, we had to go to Bunnings for this gift. And you were confused. What the hell could I want from Bunnings? I have still got shy guys currently at home.

That was a great idea. Is that why you got it for me? Because you want yours back? Now you never have to borrow it again. You have your own Gurney, 3300. What you see is what you get high pressure. This is the same one as your shy guy. It's higher power with the mine.

Yeah. Yours is yellow. Mine's green. That's correct. We can gurney together. Boys who caner together, stay together. You were borrowing mine. You were borrowing shy guys.

Yours broke. And when I say mine. Yeah, your husband's broke. So I've been borrowing shy guys. I've still got it at home. I've had it for like a week. And I was, jeez, I've got to give that back. So I don't need it.

It's okay. But now you've got your own. So I guy's been desperate to high pressure hose his driveway. He's like, you know what? Let's get the big, big, big high pressure hose. You know you're over there. You know you're getting old when you get a gurney and Oreos for your birthday. To be fair, never seen you more excited.

Jess and Ducko. One, two, three, three, three. Jess and Duckos. What's the threesome? I'm a bit of a sausage party in here today. I know, I'm feeling very enough. Because Babs is the way. We've got producer shorts in who's joining it on What's a Threesome.

Because I feel like the more minds on this game, the better. Because no one understands it. It wouldn't make sense just for two of us to play. What's the threesome? Yeah. That actually works on so many levels. Three of us play three. I did appreciate shorts coming in going,

what's the game? What's the rules? We still don't know shorts. I'm across it. I give you three things. They all have one thing in common. You tell me that one thing that I have written down. All the closest to it.

I'll be generous today. That's the key shorts. You might say something correct to link those three things. You've got to get inside that guy's head. Shy guy's head. No, don't be generous. You just play your normal game. Yeah, all right.

I'll do me. Good, buddy. Good, buddy. That's what you can do. City of Angels. Conair. Born in 60 seconds. That was easy.

That was easy. We've been talking about the cage a bit this week. We have. A compass, an Atlas, and a map. Directions, things that give you directions. Navigation systems. Yes, thank you. What did you have?

Navigation tools. Anyway. Glad I'm playing. Glad I'm playing. You're glad you're here. Get in there shorts. You'll get this one shorts. A violin, a trumpet and a drum.

Music. Instruments. Music that would be... Wait, violin. Orchestra. Yes. Orchestral instruments. Yes.

Oh, really nitty-gritty. All right. I'm going to mess up the pronunciation here, but bear with me. Yeah. Kufu, Khafre, and Mikori. Do you mean Kofu? Maybe. Greek islands.

No. Oh, I thought. That was good. Kufu Kaffay and me Kori. And we don't know if any of that's pronounced right. Is it anything to do with Greece? Yeah. No.

Okay, we've talked about this earlier Monday, there's a clue. Something about the pyramids. They're all the three big pyramids in Egypt. Oh, you butcher the pronunciation. That's why. I'm sorry. That's why. I apologize to the Egyptian.

They're listening. We've got a lot of Egypt listeners too. Now, now be you. Big on a listen to rap in Egypt. Yeah, yeah, huge numbers. Yeah. I've got a billboard in, Kaira. Score update. Jess and Tucker one, too.

Get that feeling. It's just you. What is, what is, who's kids? breakfast with Jess and Ducco. What is that? It's in Irocliffics. It's obviously not in English. I'm coming out of a coffin.

Sorry, I'm too. It's called a sarcophagus. Oh, Jesus, you're going to get them all offside, you bit. You've got toilet paper all over you like you're a mummy? Do you know, one of my favourite dress-ups? I went as a mummy one time. There you go. I'll find your picture.

I'm good. Jessen duck on two. Shorts, you had to get a point. Come on, here we go. Either you two get this. It's over. It's over. It's over.

We need you. We need your. All right. A blue whale, an orca and a dolphin. Whales. No, it's a dolphin. So you've got to go, things in the... Things in the ocean. Deep sea creatures. Mammals. In the ocean.

Marine. Suck it shorts. You've had your first taste of threesome. Do you want to try this one, shorts? Yeah, here we go. Hi. Mariah Carey, Pitball, Little John. Arby Friday's live artists. They are. Yes and Ducko. Jess and Ducko.

So, it's my birthday tomorrow, which is fine. It's not a milestone birthday or anything like that. But my sister, who is getting married in a couple of weeks, as you know, I'm also, I'm seeing that wedding, and I'm also in the groomsman. No, surprise. Well, she added an extra bridesmaid, so he had to add an extra groomsman. He's basically like... Oh, were you not in the original lineup?

No, that was five, and she added a six because she just felt like she had two. And then he's like, hey, I need to add someone else. I really want to... It was a sign of respect. It was a nice thing. But now I'm like... Was it? You weren't in the original lineup.

Now I'm... No, but to like, to like, add me to this one was a sign of respect. But, like, now I'm like, I'm a groomsman and I'm MC. I'm like, God, damn it. You cannot go to a wedding and not work. Ridiculous. Anyway, so my point is, I'm really busy with that. I'm already doing a lot for them.

She made her Hens weekend, this weekend, which is my birthday weekend. Could have been last weekend. Could have been next weekend. Could have been the same weekend that the box happened. Like, it could have been any other time, but she went, stuff yeah. It's going to be September 13th. Oh, that's your birthday. Is that okay?

And we're like, oh, yeah. Initially. What are you meant to say? No. It's her wedding. I don't care that much, but initially I was going to fly back because it's up in Queensland. So Morgan's going to go to Queensland today. So initially, I was going to fly back with Flo and Morgan.

I was going to maybe see some mates up there, have Flo, whatever. Sure. But Flo is in such a good routine right now with sleep and wake windows and in the cot that we're like, if we break this routine this week by going to Brisbane this weekend, we're screwed for a week. It'll be great to have the help because all sets of grandparents are up there, obviously. But for the safety of. the routine moving forward considering because the wedding's coming up it's in baron we're driving up there like it's going to throw her for a while and and also like expensive find her back

it's it's harder so you know what i'll just stay in bruce i'll just stay i'll just stay here stay home i won't go up there and now it has dawned on me that it's coming up in hours for this entire weekend solo daddying we just weaned flow off breastfeeding so morgan literally like three days ago yeah squeezed herself dry she's like so sore and now rung herself now Flo is just on bottles and it's the first time Flo and Morgan have been away from each other for longer than like, I don't know, four hours. That's what I was going to ask.

Up until this point, what is the longest you've been on your own? Probably four hours. Four hours. Was that a nail appointment? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, they go for a long time. Which? Yeah, that was your pick crew that time.

Yeah, and God he held the baby awkwardly. I don't know how the whole baby, man. He's going to support the neck. So he's going to fall. It was such a long hands as well. It was just so old. Salad fingers were here. I know, legit.

So anyway. But yes, I appreciate. And look, I'll be honest with you, I'll go, it is hard to empathise. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm not the dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

And I can't even remember when Angus first did something like this. I'm really excited more than get to go and party and enjoy yourself and have some time away. I think it's very important. And I'm stoked. I just wish it was time away in the same city. Yeah. So it'll be fine.

I'm home obviously a lot during the day with my big 40-hour weeks and I do with what I do. So I'm obviously at home a lot. So it's not as if I don't do the wrong. routine and know what's up. It's more just not having the backup and support on this weekend of all. Like tomorrow, I blank that it's my birthday. It's like, no, no, tomorrow I'm just in the zone of when to put her down and when to feed her. It's so funny, Shagga, I said to Ducco, you know, what are we doing? Can I bring you a, I know, I knew this was happening. I'll bring you a lunch. Angus and I'll come over. We'll bring a lunch at least.

Douga was like, right, you've got a 45 minute week. You can bring me a kebab. Don't muck with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going out anyway. That's fair. Angus did say, goes, what time are we going over? I went, I'm going to confirm with the app, I've asked Morgan to give me access. So I know. So I know where I can tell you. Because also, I was going to like take her out and about and I was like, I could do that. And she'd probably be fine.

But just this first weekend when I got my training wheels on, I just want to keep it I just want to keep it safe. And I appreciate I've tried to say like, look, do you want to go have a beer? Yeah, yeah. With Gussie, whoever, I'll take the girls, but the idea that your first time you've outsourced does also feel

like, well, Morgan, go, you're one time. You've outsourced to a baby sitter. wrenches and show her that I can do it. Absolutely. Because you can. You can. But I also appreciate it's like, you're one time stepping up.

You're outsourced. I know. I know. We can't let her have that over here. We can't let me a list of things. Like, like, you know, like, obviously I know everything, but it's like just to clarify, here's the sleep, here's the bottles. Make sure you get everything sorted.

When she has a bath, you need to have everything ready for bed. And like, I'm like, oh, this. Could you imagine me as solo parent? It's like, you've been, like, the backstage crew this whole time. Exactly. You've been the understudy. I've been the understudy. I've been Scotty Pippen.

She's been Michael Jordan. And I've said that to her. And so Michael Jordan is now on her hands. Yeah, Michael, Michael Jordan's got an Achilles injury and he's out. And it's Scotty Pippin's team. And Scotty is nervous as all hell. And it's Scotty's birthday. And Scotty hates his sister.

Anyway. Make sure you take this big penis balloon home. I'm an entertainer. Jess and Ducco. Fabs, who's currently well and truly at the airport for her flight at 10 a.m. That's right. I think I've passed on my airport. anxiety to sweet babbs. I will go to the airport three hours early for a domestic flight,

even if it is just carry on. Mate, hearing Babs yesterday, talking about she's going to Melbourne for the weekend for a girl's weekend or something. Support the cheeks, right? Support the cheeks, yeah. But hearing her talk about what she needed to wear, and then what she didn't want to wear, and then what she had to get to the airport, and then what she, I was like, oh my goodness. Let's be real. I grew up in Melbourne. It is a judgmental pretentious place. I'm happy to say it. So I appreciate she was nervous. She was going to go buy a new pair of shoes just for this weekend.

She goes, do I need a kitten heel? I went, you better be taken. a kitten heel, or people will look at you funny. She can't rock up in her docks and her quick silver shirt that she was... Her advice yesterday to her was, don't wear what you wear to work. Bro, she'll get bullied. They won't let her in.

Yeah, I didn't. You know, I was just trying to help her, shy girl. I was trying to help her. It's not being. It's not being beach culture down in Melbourne, and she wears her rusties and her rocks. She's just not going to fit in. She's not cool there.

Yeah. It's not cool there, ma'am. Yeah. We are celebrating. It's a great vibe in the studio. It's been a fun morning. It's been fantastic. It was celebrating Ducko's birthday

a bit early because it is tomorrow, and you'll be in the trenches of solo parenting as your wife chufs off. Love to pepper a few gifts here and there, just to prove how well we know you. That's the only reason you buy gifts. It's not to really bring light to their life. It's just to show, I know you, my friend. I know you. Because that's the greatest gift of all. I see you.

And I also know you wouldn't want to spend your own money on this. That's the greatest gift of all. Yeah, where'd you get me? Something you lament often in the workplace is the lack of honey. Well, when the honey runs out, the duckman gets frustrated. Available for your morning oats. You're not in a good mood if you cannot hannify. Do how many times do I come in here if the honey's out and be like, there's no honey?

There's no honey. You're upset about it. So my friend, we bought you the biggest honey known to man. My goodness. What is that? Is that a kilo of honey? That is one kilo. That could go off before I finish it.

Babe, 100% pure honey. Oh, that's never going off. That's never going off. The bees, no what's up. That looks like good honey. How much was that? Don't worry about how much is. That would have cost you like 40 bucks.

This I had to take. take out of the group thing because shy guy went, you've tipped it over now. Hang on a minute. So this is, you know, this is from Angus and I. To you. Oh, no, we got me out when you're through it at me. That's a lot.

I'm hiding this in my desk. I'm not sharing this with anyone. No, don't put that in the kitchen. We know you, we see you, and we just want you to know that. Appreciate you guys. You're very welcome. Gernie and toilet paper. What a day.

Happy birthday. Babs also just text us, yes. Oh, what did she have to say? Ha, ha, ha. They full thought I had a bomb in my bad because I packed my Dyson air wrap. Has she never flown before? It doesn't sound like it.

Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. Alper Bucks. 30 seconds. Ten questions all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass.

Of course, we come back to you if there is time. We're playing for 10K and Gs for a Friday. This would be fantastic. to go off. Wouldn't it? At 6.30, our player said, I just want to spend it on a hell of a weekend. Let's find out what Mia wants to spend it on.

Good morning. Hello. Where's $10,000 going for you, babe? So my baby brain flooded the bathroom and it went down into our carpet, woolen carpet, and yeah, so it needs replacing. What do you mean your baby brain?

Like, were you filling the tub and you forgot to turn it off? I felt the tub, forgot to turn it off. Um, yeah, like, yeah. I was going to say, me, the best of us. A couple of hours worth of war. A couple of hours. Oh, my God. Did you go out? Did you go out?

Yeah, maybe. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Me, I was going to say, the best of us sometimes have turned the jets on before it's been full and flooded hotel rooms. I heard about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least you hid behind the door and called security.

Babs, I have to sleep in your room. Why, never mind. Mia, you went out to, to. My partner wasn't impressed. I bet he wasn't. What bill are we looking at here? I don't know. I don't know.

Because the carpet's not replaceable anymore because it's just a couple of years old and they don't make that one anymore. Oh, God. Where's that? Who knows? Okay. You need this. Yeah, I need this. I need it.

Okay. All right. I need it. Let's hope the baby brain doesn't attack, though, for this. Yeah. Surely it's expired on that, Mr. Mina? Yeah. I'm good.

I'm feeling it today. All right, good. All right. The letter you're going to work. work with today, Mia. It's V. V for victory. No, no, no. Everyone freaks out with the back end of the alphabet. There's only so many words.

I'd almost rather have V than like an S or something like that. Exactly because it's a smaller pool of which to play with words. It's actually a good thing, Mia. Yep, I got it. You do. Good attitude. Your time. We'll start after the first question. Are you ready? Yeah. Starting with the letter V, we need you to name a type of

diet um vegan a movie um vampires a boy's name um viny a five-letter word uh video an occupation vet an Australian musician um past a supernatural creature a vampire A movie villain? Um, um, um, some sort of vampire. Hey, man. We ourselves six. Vampires, I'm pretty sure is a movie. I did put a few question marks.

I don't know. Surely it's a movie. Well, we'll check that one out anyway. And because you said plural, vampires, I think we can accept vampire. Yes. For the other answer. I think we can. So you get yourself to favour there.

You got yourself six, if that is correct. An Australian musician, we have talked about him a lot on this show. Vancey Joy. Ah, yeah. After nine, you get in the boarding lounge to see him at Niagara Falls this week. Yep. Vanessa Amorossey, another one, a movie villain. Can you pick it?

It's a great impression, Mia. No. Give her a bit more. No. No, no, ducker. She's still working for me. You put your head in me. I have no idea what you are.

Maid, it's Voldemort. I don't get you either, me, it's fine. Sorry. You guys should feel so silly. That was bad off. Maybe it was bad. I'll keep going if you need. Go for it, whatever you need to do.

Do the laugh, do the laugh. Anyway, vampires was a movie. Vampires was a movie 1998. There you go. Hey, look, me, you don't get the money as we've established, but you didn't get a custom phone case. Thanks to Casify. Great.

Thank you. You can get a little picture of Voldemort on the back of your. Yeah, get a little Valdi Pete, Mia. Have you seen Harry Potter? I don't like Harry Potter. I really don't. I'm sorry to everybody that does. Just like Harry Potter.

I just don't. It's not my thing. Yeah, and I fair enough. Hey, she's a sleepless in Seattle kind of girl. She's a vampire kind of guy. I really am. Have a good one, Mia. All the best.

Thank you, bye. Good luck with your moldy car. Jess and Ducco. 13, 1060, producer shorts will take your calls. Don't freak out. It won't be Babs. It'll be shorts. Yeah.

131060. When was your kid crying wolf? But they won't. Nailed it. Is that my hand writing? It's pretty. Because Babbs isn't here. She writes on our board.

Shagga's our left hand on a white woman here. God, it's absolute trash. I can't say it might be any better. It's chickens. But Jess probably should have done it. I should have had a pre-empt. You're absolutely right. I'm going to rephrase.

13-10-60. When didn't you believe what your kid was going on about? There you go. But it turns out they were telling the truth. When was your kid crying wolf? But they weren't. You know what it is? When did you think your kid was crying wolf?

That's what's got me. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Otherwise, that's just a double negative and it's confusing. When did you think your kid was crying wolf? Turns out they weren't. Yesterday at this time, we did creepy, crawly stories. Tell us about that snail in bravest.

Yeah, there was a place in Germany, Bavaria. There was a snail that these couple were terrified of this snail. Well, really, they thought someone was ding-dong ditching them. Or claimant strike in German. Thank you so much. I nailed that way. How did I nail that? Not Bavaria.

So they called the police. The police came and said, you have a snail and its juices have gone over your sensor and it's non-stop bringing the doorbell. Hence the question, what's your creepy, crawly story? Yeah. And got involved. Now, we can't stop thinking about what Anne had to say. This is her talking about her son, allegedly, crying wolf. When my son was younger, who was laying in bed, and then one night he complained.

And he goes, Mom, something's crawling on me. And I went, well, it must be just like a spider or a cockroach. Don't worry about it. You'll be fine. And he goes, no, it weighs more than, you know, weighs about five kilos, mom. And I went, no, it doesn't, mate. You're delusional. My husband come home from night shift and we're telling him about.

this, it was a rat. So the tail was moving around on my son's face. She thought her 12-year-old son was crying, Wolf. Dismissed him, dismissed him, dismiss him, until they investigated. I don't think they called the cops, like these wusses over in Germany. They investigated, turns out he was telling the truth. Her rat tail on his face in bed. That is all kinds of rank.

So Anne does feel bad. But it begged the question. question, when did you think your kid was crying wolf? Turns out, they were 100% telling the truth. Yeah. Mine was a classic case, grade four. I remember I broke my wrist playing backyard footy with my neighbours. It was obviously very painful, broke it, but I might have been a bit of a

wolf cry when I was younger. Might have been an exaggerator, perhaps. I don't know. That doesn't. You've obviously changed a lot since then. I've grown up a lot since then. So it's hard to blame my mom for this. But I remember saying, I think my wrist is really sore.

No, you're fine, you're fine. Went to school the next day. Couldn't write because it was my left hand. He's a cup of concrete, son. Yeah, you'll be right. It's just classic you. Two days later, when he got an x-ray, and they're like, you know, he's broken his wrist.

He's absolutely broken his wrist. He needs a full cast for six weeks. Trying to walk this off. Not going to work. Walk out, son. He was telling the truth. You'll be right. So 13, 1060, it's not our proudest parenting moments

when we don't believe our kids. But like you said, Ducco, maybe a kid is, you know, famous for telling Porky Poets. That's it. But this one time happened to be telling the truth. It was real. Jess and Duccoe. Yes and Ducko.

He's a kid crying wolf. But they weren't. You thought they were? Because maybe they had form in this space. Like Little Ducko. Big fat liar as a kid. Pants constantly on fire. A liar.

Just an exaggerator. You know what I mean? You had a GST. Yeah. A bit of Mayo. A lot of Mayo. We met Ann yesterday talking creepy, crawly story. She had a 12-year-old.

Apparently had a bit of form in this area. A bit of a fibber. A bit of Mayo. He said, Ma, there's something in my bed. There's something in my bed. She went, whatever. I love the phrase. It's probably just a spider.

Just get over it. You'll be right, son. Turns out. It's the most Australian thing ever. It was a freaking rat. A rat tail. He was telling the truth. She thought crying wolf or crying rat.

Yeah. Turns out actual rat. He could have got a disease, man. Rats are so dirty. Oh my God, a little nibble. And a rat tail on your face. Oh my God. And they're so hefty.

Yeah. They are. They are. If Rattatatoo, he used to be believed. Mary, hello. Hello. Hello. How are you? Good, Mary.

Great, babe. The question we're asking, when did you think your kid was crying wolf? but turns out they were not. Well, my son back when he was at school, he loved his sport and he was a prolific diver. He would dive for touch football, dive for football all the time and he was always hurting his shoulder. Anyway, this one day he was playing sport and hurt his shoulder and I'm like, yeah, yeah, here we go again. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. So he went to school, it was hurting all day.

You know, a couple of days later, he just kept saying, Mom, it's really hurting. Okay, I'll get you into the doctor. Did that. Doctor sent him for X-Ros. And it was like, he came out and he's like, there's nothing there. I went, see, I told you. You're whinging about nothing. So, you know, off we went.

Week later, still hurting. So I took him back to the doctor. The doctor sent him for CT scans. And yeah, he'd broken his collarbone. Oh, Jesus. But even that first X-ray. I know. The x-ray doesn't show it.

No. Geez, that's painful. Oh, my God, for two weeks to have that going on. You felt like, mum of the year. Yeah, Mary. At least she had that first X-ray to go, oh, he agreed with me too. Rebecca, on 13-1060.

He was your kid crying wolf? Yeah, no. My daughter had been complaining. You good, Beck? She's listening to herself. Yeah, she's hearing herself back. We'll come back to it. Yeah, okay.

We'll come back to Ben. All we know, complaining daughter. Kat, good morning. Good morning. When did you think your kid was crying wolf, but it turns out they weren't? Well, he's 34 now, so child protection won't be involved, so I can tell you. Oh, great, sure. Great.

So my son played, who was a very talented day, Belpire, and at 30, he was six-foot, weight 100 kilos, played senior A-grade football. We were living in Canada, we had to travel to him for El, had a smashing game, got on the bus to come home, we've done an airbag on the bus, so we get thrown around the bus the whole trip and he's saying, Mum, my side turd and my side turned and I said, oh, you just saw it from today, he had a good game. You went back to the pub because we had a big win,

everyone's cheering, having a few drinks, and he's thinking of the corner crying, I'm going, oh, what the hell's wrong with you now? He said, my side, my side hurt me. So I found someone that didn't have alcohol on their body and we went up in the hospital and got a broken rib. Oh, Jesus, my side, mum, the side. Hard to breathe.

Apparently broken ribs are up there with one of the most painful things you can do. It's like, let me just finish my schooner. Then we can go. Whimp! You scored four goals. Stop crying. We'll go back to Beck here. Beck, your phone line's all good.

What's the story? So my daughter would just complain when I asked her to do, like, the dishes or clean a room or something like that. She had a sore stomach. So I didn't really believe her for a few days. And then finally took her to the doctors. And her appendix had actually ruptured and you need a clean-up surgery. Oh, Jesus. Wow.

Yeah, awesome parents. So it wasn't even on the verge of bursting. It already had ruptured. Yeah, and she needed clean up surgery. But she only complained when I asked her to do something. Yeah, that's very funny. Watching TV, it doesn't hurt, Ma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all good.

Oh, you want to unsack the dishwasher. Gemma, on 13, 10, 6, he was your kid crying wolf. What happened? Yeah, well, we thought he was crying wolf and so did the hospital. So I got a phone call from his school and they said, oh, look, he's had a big. fall off nearly a two-meter structure at school and he's come down on his wrist and i was like okay so i went there checked him out didn't seem to be having broken wrist or anything took him to the hospital the doctor checked him out and said oh no like he's not presenting with anything but we'll do

an x-ray to make sure anyway they did an x-ray and i was in there with him at the time and the lady at the x-ray just said oh yep he's done a good job and i happened to look up at the screen and it actually snapped both his wrists. Both are a double. Oh, a double snappy. A double. How tough is your king?

Yeah, that is. He's pretty tough. Yeah. It wouldn't be able to do any school work at all. Let alone wipe your bum. I didn't even think about that. How did he wipe his bum, Gemma? He could not wipe his bum.

He couldn't shower. He couldn't feed himself. So you had to do everything. It had to do everything. It was very interesting a couple of weeks. How old was he sorry? He was 11. at the time.

So, yeah. That's old enough to haunt you when your mum wiped your bar. Absolutely. Because, you know, toddlers on the potter will go, finished. Hearing an 11-year-old do that, Jim is going, okay, here we go. Oh, goodness. I didn't sign up for this.

And our last one here, this has been great. Kirsten, you thought your kid was crying wolf, but they were. What happened? Good morning, guys. So when my eldest daughter was three, she was having a big tantrum,

trying to get her out of the door for daycare. And anyway, we got out of the door, and I've closed the wooden door, and I'm trying to close the screen door, and in doing that, I'm looking down at her, and she's still screaming, crying, and I'm saying, God, she's turning it up, like, doesn't want to go, but I didn't realize that the reason why I couldn't close the screen door is because I was jamming her fingers in it.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. It's one thing if they've fallen off the playground, you're not at fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't believe him, but, Kirsten, you're actually showing her. Oh, you are fault. Oh, goodness. So we do have one more, but this is a good story.

Okay. We go to Laura. Good morning, Laura. Good morning. Laura, bring it home for us, babe. When did you think the kid was crying, Wolf? But it turns out they weren't. So I was actually the kid.

I went up about 18 years old. I'd gone to a party, but I was designated for us. So everyone else is drinking and having a good time. And I got a very severe pain in my stomach and started sweating profusely and shaking a lot. And my dad came to pick me up. So he just assumed that I decided to drink and had done some illicit substances.

Um, bear in mind, this man is a doctor. Oh, okay, fine. About a year goes on, and I was still getting this cane on and off, and he got me an ultrasound. Turns out I had gallstones and had to go in for an emergency, called a mastectomy. Sorry, a year. A year, no one believed you.

Yeah, a year. It might have been a bit more. It was on and off, because it comes and goes, and I had a couple of small fits, like mini, mini, mini, mini, just like a few calls. I just thought Laura was just an addict. Oh, God. She's done it again.

Wow. Wow. A year. But now Laura can turn to her dad and be like, you have to buy me and do anything I say. Jess and Ducco. Hell of a week. Great week. It helps having a co-fot, I think, because everyone scrambles for it. Yeah.

Where there may have been hesitation to contribute. Or just DM or text. They go, nah. I'll call in. I want that QT stay. So thank you for everyone who's gotten involved. Great opportunity to look back the week that was. Yeah.

Shagai's Diary now. He did this one yesterday when Babs was here. That's right. It's a team effort. Team effort. That's how they clock up their 40-hour weeks. Most of it happens on a Thursday. That's so true.

It's a heavy day. It's like a 12 hour. Yesterday they went to the balloon shop to get my penis birthday balloon and had Guzman. And stopped in for a burrito. Did you enjoy your Gusman feed? Yeah, we did. What did you get a bowl? I got a nachose.

Broke. Added lettuce, which is a bit of a game changer. Good chats, guys. You ask. Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Ducko? We were all surprised to learn Jess was a big conspiracist. She brought us this theory regarding the pyramids in Egypt. This came up in conversation over the weekend with some mates, Ducko.

Don't ask me how. Were you drunk? No. After me. This was Sunday morning. Coffies, hey? Coffies and pyramids. How did they do it? I've always thought, and this is a popular one online.

Aliens. But my friend hits me with, you know what they're keeping from us, the history books. I'll say what? Giants. Are we just doing anything now? I know it's early. Come with me on this journey. With no word of a lie, he believes

there were giants back in the day. In Egypt? Yes. Yes. I mean. And then they were like eliminated from the history book so that humans could take credit. I've never heard that one before.

And I have heard some conspiracy theories. You look at me in the eye and time. You've never thought once about how they built the pyramids. What do you think about in your spare time? I don't know, fantasy football. Won't like an Egyptian. Fibre full farm. Let's be honest here.

None of us on this team are cracking a 40-hour work week. But it's fair to say that some of us on the show are closer to it than others. How are we all surviving a 40-hour work week, guys? Like, what are your hacks? Preach. And I don't just... Tell us, Jess. Tell us how you're surviving it.

Hey, shagai, shut up We can tell you. You guys that I can tell you. Oh, you guys aren't cracking 40. Listen to me. Well, me, none of us in this. None of us in this. Did I admit.

Way close. Sorry, did I say I run a fore. I'm trying to help everyone. Pardon me. You're putting myself in other people's shoes. I'm, yeah, because we do what? We do a solid, like, 25. Let's not break down the numbers.

Hey, hey, we're bookending. When I saw this. Content never sleeps. Nor do I. Thank you. Every conversation I'm having outside of this could be content. That's why I claim everything. Oh, tax return.

Work, work, work, work, work. It's a me of you. Work, work, work. New legislation coming in from next year will require all Australians to show their ID before accessing porn. It got us thinking, what's Albo going to do? Albo's going to have to put his ID down too.

He loves a good guy. Every politician must be shaking. Does he? Allegedly. Next time we get it on the show. I feel like you're going to say allegedly there. You're forgetting. The next time we get involved.

Hey, you can't say he doesn't. Hey, man, he played once with our elbow bucks. He did play elbow bucks. And he had a great time. It was one of the questions. Your favourite website, beginning with Pee. He's like, Paul and Huff. Like, all right, elbow.

None of this happened, okay? I don't want to get cancelled. None of this happened. Speaking of the Hub, this took Docco back to his LimeWire days when he fried the family computer. You'd literally go on LimeWire as a, you know, as a teen, young, dumb, whatever. And you try, and you try and you try and find it. That's the one you gave me.

And you try and find like 30 second teaser trailers to like online stuff. And then they would come, it would be like a 20 or a 30 second trailer. And it would just riddle your computer with viruses. And the family only had one computer. And all of a sudden you got viruses galore. I'm trying to download Holly Valance on my line, boy. A bit of kiss, kiss. There's little ducko.

He's there. Legs dangling in the chair. You've had to hoist yourself up on the dead. Check. Roll yourself in it. And I may be the only one to admit it. But there's a lot of guys out there right now who destroyed family PCs. Okay? Virus galore.

Well, this might help that too, maybe. I don't know. There was a core case in the UK that ruled unfair dismissal after an employee caught her boss a dickhead. Now, not only did she get her job back, but she also got a 40 grand payout. So we thought, let's call our boss Jace and see what happens. Get him on the phone. We could do it. And he can't fire us.

Babs. Get Jace on the phone now. He can't. Of course, we got three, we basically got three cracks at it. Oh, okay. We got three. So you can do it once, and it's a warning. Yeah.

But three cracks. Okay. Then we can do it, you know? The precedent has been set. Now, I want a flag. Yeah. Did you say this was in the UK? This is in the UK.

Are we covered by the same? Surely, yeah. Sorry, about just having a full chat to it. Don't talk. She also hesitated to call him. She was like, should I do it? I'm so shocked, I nodded her. Like, yes, you do it.

Oh, we got it. We got him there. Morning boss. Hey, b' kids. Hang on. No, we were meant to do it to you. Damn you, damn you. What is that to be?

I've told him too much. See you next week, Rice Cookers. Jess and Ducko. A bit of fantastic show. You missed any of it. Make sure you grab it on listener or wherever you get podcasts. It's also some behind-the-scenes footage of the studio today on the Jess and Ducko Instagram page. We are celebrating Ducko's birthday.

Look, a day early. Yeah. We're not together on Saturdays. No. Trying to crowbar, just chucking a kebab at your window to say, Happy birthday, but you are solo parenting. Solo parenting. Your wife has decided,

nah, you'll be fine. Yeah. You're not big, sentimental, nostalgic celebratory people. So she was like, I will go to your sister's hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll see ya. Well, she can't not go to the hands, I suppose. She can't not.

It's really my sister's fault. That's right. We hate your sister. Yeah, she's where off her. And brides a lot. She always louis. Anyway. No, it's going to be wonderful, I'm sure.

Flo, you're five-month-old. We'll be absolutely perfect. She's all, yeah. Dream. First weekend away from Mummy, first time fully being bottle fed as well from Formula for two full days. I wonder who's going to take charge of your birthday breaky, your fur baby or your skin baby. The problem with Pam is because I had a good word to Pam my dog last night about how she's got to step up and be the big sister this weekend. And I need a help, help.

But I know she'll get a bit jealous and then she'll just, while I'm trying to bottle feed flow, I think I'm getting only attention. Then she comes and starts pouring me and it's just going to be tough times. You're going to be up against it. Just the ladies of my household this weekend are going to be demanding, you know? Anyway, it's a spare a thought for me. Absolutely. We'll send you some birthday wishes. Thank you so much.

You've got some beautiful bamboo toilet paper from the team. I've got a gurney. And a high-pressure hose, so you can stop borrowing shy guys. Return it finally. And a ninja creamy. Shout out to you, Sophia. Thank you. But we do need to give the co-fault before we get out of here.

Oh, God, you're so right. The overnight state, the Q-T and Newcastle, immerse yourself in otherworldly luxury where new age possibilities to like, plus $100 cash. Earlier this morning, we asked, when'd you think your kid was crying wolf? Yeah. But it turns out they were telling the truth. Cat got involved. We love Kat. She talked about her son.

Had a hell of a game. Yeah, yeah, big footy game. A hundred kilos, six foot tall AFL player. Was complaining about, oh, my side's a bit sore mar. She went, ah, have a cup of concrete. What having, Scooy, son? Celebrating at the pub later. Found him crying in the corner.

And she still went, what is your problem? What's the matter were you? Got someone sober to take him to the hospital. Turns out, had broken a rib. She stayed there, obviously, punching to his new. Could not be bothered. she was celebrating the team's win. And if I know anything about Kat, she's a team player.

My son kick four! She's not going to let her son's broken rib impact her celebrations. Absolutely. And she can continue that celebration at the QT, at her leisure. So Kat now has it. Kat has it. My mum's also just messaged then.

She's listening to show. She said, it's not your sister's fault. It's your cousin's fault. She got home from London. So we had to do it then. You know. Either way, mum. Hang on.

So the cousins come back for the wedding, obviously. And so they wanted her to be involved in the hens because she's a bridesma. but this was the closer she could come back to the wedding in two weeks. This is why they've made it now. So over you, the family has chosen the cousin, essentially, in a battle of... It would appear that way, Jessica. It would appear that way. Kay, I don't think you've helped the situation there.

I reckon that makes it worse. This must be one hell of a cousin. Why isn't she emceeing? She's had a rough trot lately, this cousin. Okay, I apologize. Is she okay? Oh, she's fine. Okay.

She'll be fine. Does she need a night out? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I reckon there'll be tears at this hens on this weekend. Well, I hope your wife has a great time. First weekend on the sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good luck, good luck. There's going to be a lot of D&Ms, I imagine, at these hands.

Oh, yes. In amongst all the penis straws. Absolutely. No penis straws in my household, though. Just good times and daddy daycare. Absolutely. I'm around. I can drop something.

You know what? It's good to know you're near. I'll drop a donor with a candle in it. Yeah, like that. Just don't let the kid or the dog near it. Yeah, okay. Yeah, me and Pam can share it. Okay.

Shaga, are you around for if I need support? I'm away in Sydney this weekend. Your dad is... Visiting the alleged friends. Oh, the dad. The late father's date because he was working last week. Well, your dad would mind you just ditch him and hang with us? Your dad raised two kids.

You and your sister? That'd be great expertise to have on hand for Ducko's support career. You did all right, I think you did. Do you get along with your sister? Yeah, well, she's in work now, so... She left us. Absence makes the hard profile. She did for work, he's fine.

Let's all talk about our siblings in debt. No, you know, I'm not allowed to. It's been a great week. Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes. I do appreciate it. A lot of fun. Thank you, team, for my presence. You're absolutely welcome.

Fantastic. We've got a few more things here for you, but they're not on airworthy. Thank you, Shorthy, for feeling today. It's chips. I do love chips. Well done. We're out of here. We are back Monday.

Have a great weekend. See ya. Bye. Funny, I wish Angus was more of a honker. Oh, you know, I'll teach him the ways of the honk. Please do. He's not a honker. He should.

He should always hon. I can barely get him to tap me on the shoulder. Jason Docko. and ducco podcast take a trip to mcdonald land today and try the new mcdonald land meal with one of six collectible souvenirs