Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | It was the boobies wasn't it?

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

We debut a new segment, Jess gets told off after blowing bubbles in public and did Ducko take his cuddle pillow with him to the bucks party in Queensland...Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Take a trip to McDonald's today and try the new McDonald's meal with one of six collectible souvenirs. This is the Jess and Ducco podcast. Hi everyone, happy podcast. Happy podcast. Now, well done to you. Thank you.

You made it. I made it. I came here. Good. Babs is putting the penis back up where it needs to go. Thank you. Our squidgy penis and the... We need to give it a name, actually.

I can't believe it's been this long and we haven't. Can you show me its face? Because I only see the back of the dick. I reckon it looks like a little. Norm. Oh, it does look like a norm. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Norm's good.

Now, this is the question. Does the penis look like his name would be norm or that the penis belongs to a man called norm? No, he looks like a norm. Yeah, he looks like a norm. Yeah, he's a little face. He's like, a norm. Yeah. And because he's only a little pocket.

His balls haven't dropped on. He's a little pocket rocket, you know? He's a pocket rocket. Yeah. Quite the pronounced head on norm, isn't it? Huge pink. Look at that. Look at that.

I'd say it's a swollen head. Ah, you reckon? Yeah, yeah. I'm reading a cowboy erotica at the moment and there's a lot of throbbing dick Oh Content flooding! And that's what I imagine

like a pulsating that Yeah When they say Throbbing Throbbing In books it's always throbbing cock And you're like, Jesus They do say that

In half the books Babs in I read Cowboy Sex books Sex book would be a bit weird What are they lassoing you? No, there's a lot of assless chaps Oh yeah

And there's a lot of leather I didn't either but when a, you know me, you give me a passionate recommendation. That's what they're doing their book club. Yeah, that's so true. That's right. And my friend Sophie, she went, I'm reading a different book to the book club book. She'd finish that one.

She goes, I'm reading Cowboy. Just read any book that says throbbing cock. 100%. You know, there'd be heaps. And now, so this is the first one. Oh, my God, there's like 15 more. It's kind of like your fairy book. Oh, yeah.

I've entered the realm now. Is it like the Wild Love series? Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Yeah. Yes, it is. I read flawless. I've been seeing those advertisers.

It's been recommended to me. Of course it has. Yeah, because that's all you read. So they're good. Bro, a lot of throbbing cock, if you're into it. But yes. Does it get you going when you read a sexual passage in a book? If it's well done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Funny, 50 Shades of Grey did not do it for me. Right. And I went through a BDSM phase, which is surprising. A little toast, yeah. But that didn't do it for me. Whereas some of these, I think because they are surprising. And you know, I love me a bit of role play.

Cowboy, holy moly. You got a journey. Oh, yeah, they're going to say, is he going to be doing the, Well, if he freaking agree to it. No, it really does. Such a prude. I could see him in assless chaps. Yeah.

Me too. Yeah, do it. He's got a nice bum. I didn't realize what chaps were. Yeah. I had to look it up when I read him a cowboy porn. Right. Because it's a classic, the cowboy, you know, rugged, manly, he's got his demons and skeletons.

Yeah. And then they're sort of tooty, toyty, toy agent, you know, very buttoned up. She's got her own demons, whatever. But they go to some rodeo show. and she tries on a pair of chaps in front of him. And I was like, and they're arseless. What do you mean?

Well, no, chaps would go over jeans. It's over the top. Yeah. Total tools sell them. We should all get some. Not arsless, regular chats. Yeah. I just Google to Chaps.

Total tools. Are you on the shopping tab? Yeah, they're not cheap. See, the way they were describing, I was confused. Jess has already looked it up together for any of this. Absolutely. So, yes, he'll have to wear jeans and then put the chaps over the jeans. Because I guess it's essentially if you are going to ride a bull

or do any sort of lassoeing, you need that extra level of protection. Yeah, right. Like our motorcyclists wear leathers and stuff if they come off. Do they do any, like, actual cowboy stuff in this book? So this book, he is a bull rider. Oh. So it's not like an old school book. It's not ranch.

It's not Yellowstone vibe. It's set like now. It's set now. Exactly. Wrett is a bull rider. Oh, yeah. And this is why I think you like the longest ride, the movie. It's got cowboys in it.

Because you know what? The longest ride. Isn't that a double entendre? Mm-hmm. It's like the longest set. You know what I mean Yeah, longest Who's in that one?

That's not Miley and Liam Clint Eastwood's son What's his name? Scott Eastwood Yeah, I have seen that. You would like it You would like it.

Yeah, I've seen that. Is that good? You'll think of the last song. I think of the last song. Very different movies. I like Scott Eastwood. You do like Scotty Eastwood? What's he been up to lately?

Great question. Has he tried his hand directing himself or something? I don't know. I don't know. I think he's been in a few movies. He was in the Taylor Swift Wildest Dreams music video. I remember that.

Was he? Yes, he was. Did not know that. I'm so Iron Pilgrim. I am Pilgrim. Say, yes, a passionate recommendation from you, actually. That's a good book. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm getting there. I'm plugging away through. Not a lot of sex in that one? No, no sex. Actually, I think no sex. Yeah, I don't think any. No, no. Yeah, it's okay, though.

It's good. It's good. Very different to me arsler's chat. Yeah, a bit different. But you're light and shade with books. Absolutely, it's good. Because I think if you read, if I read all 15 of these cowboy sex books, it's going to fizzle out.

So maybe you've got to interspers. You do. Did you find that with the fairy porn books? Did you have to break them up? I punched them all out back to back. Yeah, I was going to say I didn't have to break them up. I chained them out. And then when I tried to read like a normal book, I was in such a slump.

I couldn't do it. Because there wasn't enough. There wasn't enough hot going on. No, there was just like no. Not throbbing cocks. No. Just like no. You know what this book needs?

More throbbing cock. Why has the author not said throbbing cock? I do like Control F and when I'm doing trying to try and find throbbing cock. It's David Attenborough's bio. It's not enough throbbing cock. I must be trying. I'm trying to put throbbing cock into this book somehow. That's the note back from the editor, the publisher.

Yeah, you're one editor away. Yeah, you're close. Get it in there. Yeah. Good times. Shagga, you don't read here. No, I read an Audi catalogue on the weekend. That's about here.

You're looking at getting one. I get catalog. No, no. The shop. Oh, Aldi. You said Audi. It sounded Audi. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Any good different buys? You hate Aldi, though. I don't mind Audi. I just don't, it's just... We bought the chocolate from there yesterday. Oh, it's so good. Coconut Rough. Oh my God, that's my favorite.

It is good. It's very, um, it's a lot, though. Kind of. Yeah, it's in a block though. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it is good. People love it. One of my girlfriends, every week, she posts about the pretzel chocolate.

It's like a block of chocolate with bits of pretzel throughout the block. And so I went and bought it. I'm like, what are you going on about? Yeah. To which they're right. See, I like chocolate. You know what LD do good now? Narn.

Yes, they do. They do great Narn. Do you put that in the air fryer. How do you have? You put it in the oven. In the oven? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Narn is good from there.

Yeah, it's really good. And what, as in you buy your own butter chicken or you make a butter chicken? No, you make it. And then you can add the Narn. It really does add to it, though. I do like a Narn. Mm. They do good Narn there.

And now where we're living, we're very far away from that easy Indian we used to be very close to. So I'm like. Jeez. What's your Indian order? I can't tell us. It's not as long as my britt. You'll hear that. You'll hear that.

You'll hear that. I meant like chicken or like whatever. And you said the meat at the start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because, to me, burrito orders aren't, like, when you said he had the same burrito as me, you'll hear that in the show. I was just like, but there's not that many burrito combos. See, but that's why I think they're exactly.

My interpretation was there is, because you're building burritos left, right and center. There's only so many things you can build with, right? Like, oh, my God, but this is like a maths thing. Yeah, you change one, one element. There's one variable. Then you can change another and then, you know, the exponential growth. Yes. It's going to get a bit too complicated.

I just love how you still. last thing I know. He was giving me vibes, man. I was like, oh, I'm doing something right here. He loves what I am putting together. It's because you're the only customers, Amber's ever had. Can I put a, good a correction? Yeah. I didn't say guacamole. I feel really weird about it. So glad you corrected that. How soon after you did your big burrito order, did you regret and miss that? To be honest, I didn't realize in the moment you replayed it and I realized in the replay, having heard it back, I didn't say guacamole and I feel weird that it's out on the record, like I'm some freak

who doesn't put guacamole on their burrito. Oh, God, dry. Yeah. Because without sour cream, you need some sort of lubricant. You do. Yeah, really? Wouldn't you agree? I agree.

All right. Yeah. Old throbbing cock over there, is agree? No. Just saying, you need, like, sour cream and chapol and mayonnaise and guacamole. See, I don't like sour cream. Put sour cream in your burrito?

I just get a bowl, to be honest. Oh, you're not doing a bowl. Yeah, sometimes I would. Yeah. Yeah. I like spicy now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, really.

A bit of spice to it, yeah. I, um, like a jalapino or a spicy sauce? Sauce. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I don't mind a jalapeno. Oh, no, jalapeno. Halapeno. Like, I remember to say jalapeno, but not guacamole.

Oh, what's wrong with me? I don't know. Maybe I'm not at 100% either. Did you have the bucks on the weekend? I don't know, I had the book of Mormon. What different weekends we all led. All the children's like, Shagga, how's your weekend? We're in the student.

I was like, oh, I got into a fight with Amat. Which, phase two of the fight continues today. I look forward to you getting your money back. You were going to fire with Amar. You were going to Zamburros watching The Book of a Moment. I was on a 48-hour drinking binge. Babs got quite a watch conclave. Very religious in many aspects.

I'm turning into you guys. I enjoy the show. Jess and Ducko in the morning. There's only one show to wake up with. The rest are rubbish. Tuning out, all I want is noise. Turn it up, turn a laugh. It's about to go out.

Jess. No issue with length. I just look like I'm having sex with it all. I'm just like, wrong thrust. Wrong way. Producer shy guy. Leave me alone. I'm lonely alone.

I'm lonely. Oh my pink. Producer Babs. Yeah. I feel like I've heard of big. Like dude. Big shows and big vibes in 2025. This is Jess and Docco.

Great. Camera action. It's up, let's get up. Oh, right at 6 o'clock. Welcome to Monday team. I'm very happy to see you. Yeah, I made it. I didn't think you'd be here.

I was at short odds to be here. Four out of five mornings a week. Yeah. You are ahead of me in the car park. Oh, yes. I see the big old Ford. Yeah. My man's here.

Huge Ford guy. Monday's usually one of those days. When your car wasn't there, I went, oh-oh. Post barks. Oh, oh. Yeah. But no. No, I was hit.

You're not fine? Yeah. You haven't hemorrhaged your vocal chords again, like last box? No, I haven't done that. I was very conscious about it. Yesterday I was very lots of vocal rest. Wonderful. I picture you like deep, deep into the box.

It's, you know, Sunday morning, 2 a.m. vibes. And you're going, guys, sorry, I've just got to get the voice. I've got to bring the tempo down. Let's just talk softly. Can we turn the music down? Would anyone like a chamomile tea? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to listen to my rain sound effects and go to bed.

Who's interested? Rest, rest, rest. Movie night. anyone? Yeah, it was a bit of that. That was good. Who wants to watch Part 2 Mocking Jay Hunger Games? Actually, we all sat down and watched that.

Great movies. Yeah, great movies. Just the boys on a box watching it. But I think it just takes one brave voice to go, does anyone want to do that? They go, yes, actually. Yeah, no. I would love to. No, it was, look, it was good.

I'm probably not running 100% today. That's okay. But I'm here. You're here? The flight home yesterday was rugby. It's always tough. You made it? I made it.

And I'm sure your wife and four-month-old daughter, an anxious dog, gave you a very calm, gentle night off. I just rest. Here you go, take her. Good luck. It was good to cuddle her, though, you know. Absolutely. There's a long as I've been away from Flo. It was a long as I've been away from Float.

Pretty crazy. Yeah, it's wild. And it was like, what do I do for those 48 hours? I'm like, I drunk in a house with a bunch of guys who I don't really know that well. Cool, cool, cool. That was like me. I was away this weekend, seeing a theatre show

down in Sydney with a girlfriend. And it does get a bit like that. Upon my return yesterday, I'm asking Angus, you know, give me a rundown of everything. And oh my God, 15 meltdowns whilst I was away. Sorry, honey.

I had a pretty average time too. I didn't have a good time at all. It was bad. He got the parents around though, didn't he? Yes, for the Saturday night. But in the lead up to that, oh, didn't she make him work for it? Yeah, okay.

How do you feel? I don't know where I stand. And I want to be in solidarity with him. If shit's going down, tell me, of course. He sent me three pictures of her in three different locations of her on the floor tantruming. One was at Woolworth's, one was at Big W, and one was on the street. And there's a part of me that goes, oh, I'll see that. Yeah, I don't know.

I just feel guilty. Yeah. I just feel worse. But I know he needs the pressure release and the, hey, this is what I'm up against. You send back like a thumbs up. Yeah. What do you do? There's a lose, Lou.

Yeah, that's hard. You never want that. No. Yeah, just don't send anything. But he's away in a couple weeks and I'll be sending the exact same photos to him. Yeah, the tantrums will be tough. Yes, yeah. Flows obviously not there yet.

Oh, she'll get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all in good time. All in good time. Can't wait for those good days. Uh, how are you, Mr. Shilord? Good, good, good. Had a good weekend.

Most of the house has fully moved in. Oh, yeah, he's in. It's good weekend. Settled. Yeah. And are our fish alive, Babs. They're alive. Okay.

Their first weekend on their first weekend on their own and you didn't pop in like we thought would be a good idea. You left them on their own in the dark. I did, but they're okay. Okay. Good, because I had a few people ask me about them. I'll get into it in the show a little bit later too. Oh my God, okay.

There was still some fish chat. They've only been a part of the family for like a week. People love them. People want more fish, baby. Okay, more fish chat. More fish gear. No, well. Not everyone.

We'll get the fish cam back up. Yeah, live fish cam. Yes. Shogar's still setting that up. Please, good. It's got Gopros. We've got a big week coming up, though. Yes.

Cool of fame. You can win tickets to the Spiegel tent. And at night, accommodation, Christopher Kingsley. You just get involved any chance you can. 13-1060 is our number. Plus, alpha bucks, 10K. Plus we'll be having a good time. Absolutely.

We were. Jess and Duckow. Had the brother-in-law's box on the weekend. Yes. And I know you're a little bit trepidious, a little bit nervous. Where do I fit into this being, obviously, it's my little sister. In this ecosystem of the box. Getting hitched to this guy, that's what it is.

Yeah, truly. It was, it was good fun. But there was definitely, so the first night, because I was like, my goal is to go and lean in, right? Like, just, whatever, it's fun. And they were a really good guy, it's got along with him well. But the first night, we don't do this on Bucks as much, but the guy organized it did the game,

whereas the classic game of like, everyone's got to answer a question. And if you get, don't get it right, you've got a shot, but if you do, it's about him, it's about the buck, whatever. Yes. And then it was like, what's his favorite sex position? what's his favorite body part of Laura, like my sister. And, like, there was that first, like, everyone looked at me.

And I'm like, this is tricky. Because if I laugh and, like, reckon it's hilarious, everyone's like, what a weirdo. If I don't laugh and act a bit, like, shitty, everyone's like, what a bad sport. Yes. And also, in terms of engagement and actually partaking, you are so competitive. You'd be like, tits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew it was going to be that.

And he was next to me. And he was like, oh, oh. And I was like, just fucking. Content dumped. Not suitable for broadcast. Oh dear. Piss, someone was naughty. That's okay, though.

The show is back in three, two, one. There's one. I said it. That's my first, that's my first live swear. Second. For the morning. For the day. Second in total.

I forgot the run here. Like the last one. Last time you did that. Yeah. Was after origin, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. I was tired, tired. Do you want to, do you want to amend?

I accidentally said, he said, he was going to say boobs. And I was next to me, and I said to him, just say it. I accidentally said it swear word before. I forgot where we were. You came in and you said, I'm going to be honest, guys. I'm running at about 65. Yeah. Would you like to amend that?

Yeah, we're 45. I'm running at 45% today. Anyway. You were very quick on the button, though. I dumped it. You were very quick on the dump button. I swore my, I had to dump myself for swearing today, team. What a time to be alive.

It's 6.10. Anyway, he, uh, so those moments. Just say it. But I just, I just did that. The answer, her boobies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, now I just did like the classic laugh and just shrug it off. And I was like, I just don't care.

That's what you got it. You weren't. Whatever. We're in it now. It's fine. And I think he appreciated it. Yeah. Um, but no, it was a good weekend.

It was, it was also funny going on a buck with like, not my mates. Yeah. Seeing how the different, like, friendship. Work? Absolutely. Do you have this idea? It's like, my friendships would be similar to everyone's friendships in a way. Like how many variants were there. It was very similar group of guys. Yes, yes. But also, there's those times in the night where everyone just goes and chats to people that they're really close with. And you look around and be like, huh, where should I, where should I go? Yeah, do you sidle up? It's like a networking event. Hey guys, can I join your

conversation please? You just, it's like that. You sort of just walk in. You're tugging on Alex, your brother and more sleeping like Alex, include me. It was the boobies, wasn't it? Jess and Ducko. You know how much I care about oral hygiene. Favorite toothpaste brand? Like, are you an oral bee gal? I'm a Colgate lady, and it's so funny you bring this up.

Started a new tube today. Purple. Oh, I don't know about that. It's the Colgate optic purple. I don't know. Purple toothpaste just feels like I'm putting lollies in my mouth. Fair. Yeah.

What do you think? It looks good to me. I only had one brush. But it says remove surface stains, which to be fair, I think they all say. Yeah, they all say. But I was like, ooh, why is it purple? Tell you what, my tongue was stained from the weekend from so many vodka cruises.

What colour? What colour, your guava, boy, aren't you? They stain your mouth. What's in them? I don't know, but I was like... It ain't no natural colours and... I was getting around with pink teeth. This is obviously not the start of the night.

This is well into the deep depth of the night. That's day two. Anyway, fluoride and toothpaste has been shown to strengthen tooth an animal. We know that. Yeah. However, King's College in London has done a... a brand new study you're right

never identified a substance that can protect against decay and repair early stages of damaged tooth because fluoride doesn't repair it can just like prevent it I thought once we'd damaged we were stuffed old chalky teeth out there can attest to that root canal at 22 unbelievable on Rudy Canal Babs

can you attest to that Babs what's going on you weren't listening were you are you not talking about it? Press the button. I didn't actually have your mic on. Sorry, go again. I said I wasn't listening.

Well, great. Glad we just did that. Did you have a Bucks, too? What's your excuse? Are you a busy thing to fish all weekend? Getting caught in the rain. The King's College in London have identified substance that can protect it against decaying and repair in early stages.

And it is your hair. Toothpaste with hair in it. Now, my friend, Hannie Lou Lash, when we were in school. That's a fake name. Real. Isn't it fantastic? Lebanese? She used to floss her teeth with her hair. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. After lunch at school, it was pretty wild. She'd, like, pluck a string out. She wouldn't even pluck it.

She had really long hair. But you're telling me that it's not just using your hair in your oral hygiene. It's literally... The hair compounds and stuff like that would be put into toothpaste to help it. So, keratin, a protein in human hair, skin, nails, and wool of sheep, forms a... Which is, well, they use sheep wool for this study. That's how they found out. Okay.

They didn't use human hair straight away. All right. Forms a dense mineral coating that mimics the structure and function of natural and animal protecting the teeth. But you know when you get like a fibrous bit of apple or something stuck in your teeth? Yeah. It's the most horrible feeling. It feels like it's the size of a boulder because anything that your tongue is sort of fondling with just it wigs you out so much. Hair within the toothpaste.

In the toothpaste. Obviously you won't feel it. It won't be like clumps of hair going in your teeth. Yeah. See, I'm really picturing clumps of hair. Yeah, it would be like belts. Like a hay bale. It would be like, you wouldn't even know it was there.

I don't think it would even change the taste. Right. But apparently that... But on like a microscopic level. Yeah. Uh, tooth an animal lacks living cells, which means it cannot be regrown by the body. Once it's lost, it's gone.

But apparently, uh, this hair can help that. It can help prevent that and can help regrowth. Oh my God. Yeah. Who thought to do this? Well, obviously, the King's College people, but... Weird, right? Weird, right?

Weird. So sorry, it started with the sheep's wool. Yep. Is it now going to move to human hair? I reckon in two years it'll be on the shelves. Oh, my God. With human hair. So forget about your Colgate optic white.

Yeah. Or purple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can now get Colgate hair. And they'll have to tell you on the box. Colgate hair. Colgate hair. Anyway, I asked Chatchapete some weird body parts with hidden benefits just so we could do it.

Hello. Did you know eyebrows? They're not just for expression or fashion. They're like little rain gutters, diverting sweat and rain from your eyes. Do you know what? I have heard that before. Unbelievable. Ear wax.

Everyone thinks it's dirty, but it's antibacterial and traps dust and pollen before it gets there. Now that I didn't know. I didn't know the purpose of you wax. Yeah, and you're like because it looks so gross. Exactly. Uh, nose hair is your body's natural air filter catching particles. Yes. And belly button lint.

Oh, no. So apparently, believe it or not, it's, uh, it's in your shirt, fibres and dead skin being cleaned up and collected in one convenient place. It's your body's low-tech rumba. Oh, my God. So it's like your body cleaning up, putting in your belly bun, you can just peel it out. As opposed to it being scattered all over your body. Yeah. It's sort of all, like a drain.

Exactly. It's all. It's all. Why it's so, unless you had an outy, but when you have any belly buttons, that's why it all goes in. It's a drain. Oh, my God. It's literally your body's drain. So you can clean her out.

Crazy. The human body, hey? Yeah. What? I just clean her out. You need to dump her again. Turn it up. Jess and Ducko in the morning.

Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabet on it's upper bucks. 30 seconds. All starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. use the same answer twice. And if you're untrue the question, just say pass. We come back, of course, if there is time. We're playing for $10,000.

Our player today is Kev. Gidee, Kev. Hey, you guys. Justin Daco, how are you? Kev. Good, Kev. Mate, I'll answer for myself. I'm fantastic.

Top of the world. I'm running at about 45%, Kev. I'm running low. It's a Monday morning. So, yeah, it's not all working too well at the moment. No. Ray, did you have a Bucks party as well over the week? Ken, Kev, what's not working well for you?

No, just the, just the, no, it was a big weekend. Saturday night was pretty big. Yep, okay. Yeah, yeah. Just a classic Monday, just a classic Monday, you know. We're in it together, Kev. That's the beautiful thing about it. That's it, that's it.

What do you want to spend 10 grand on, Kev? Well, I got married earlier in the year and I loved to put the money towards a honeymoon. So obviously, you know, big weddings, so that costs a bit. But I need a save again for the honeymoon. Okay. Well, congratulations, firstly. I'm sure you're all loved up, and it's bliss. Thank you.

It's the best, thank you. Wonderful. All right. Well, the letter you're going to work with to get you and your partner off on a gorgeous honeymoon. Towards the back end of the alphabet for you, Kev. We're working with W.

Oh, okay, no worries. Let's give it a crack, eh? That's all we can ask. I love it. For a Monday morning, first cab off the rain. Here comes Kev, baby. Here comes Kev. Get out of his way.

Yeah. He's going to take that W and run with it. Your time will start after the first question, let's do it. Starting with the letter W, need you to name. An animal. Whale. A video game.

Oh, pass. A phone app. Watch. A music group. Westlife. A fabric. Wool. An adjective.

Worry. A car part. Wheel. A supernatural creature. A sports film. Do you. He picked up some pace. Do you have some momentum at the end there.

Ended up with six, Kev. No worries God. Video game could have been World of Warcraft. An adjective could have been warm wise all week. Yeah, Worry is a verb. Yeah. Doing. Did think about it for a long time

And then we all looked at each other in the room Like, no, that's a tough one. And then a sports film, one of the great's Wimbledon Oh, hello. Paul Bettney. Your mate. Oh, yeah. Of course.

And Kirsten. Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst. One of the great tennis films. Look, you don't get the money, Kemp, but you love this. Had it all cash. All thanks to the legends at O'Brien. Oh, put that in the honeymoon fund.

There you go. Oh, nice. Let's do that. 100%. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. Thank you, Kev. Good to have you on, mate.

Enjoy your Monday. We'll do. You got you two. Yeah, I want to try. Got a DM from my dad last night, Ducko. Oh yeah? He slivered into your DMs. Slithered in? With an apology. It's not like him.

He said, sorry about this, Chief. Oh, no. You'll pop a big wheels in there, too. Swear to go. I got a DM from Rob Farch last night. What's he up to? My darling father. My dad would have to be the most active person on my Instagram feed.

My DM's from my dad. 15 a day. What are they just sending you funny reels? Funny reels. Interesting tidbits. Parenting hacks. Oh, goodness. He sent me,

just before we went to the Motherland, before we went to Italy, a way to hike between the five towns of the Cinque Terra. I went, Dad, I've got a two-year-old. I'm not hiking. They're not all hitting the mark. I'll be honest with you. But this one tickled me last night

because it was accompanied by an apology. Yeah. And I swear to you, it says, sorry about this chief. See, doesn't that feel like he's just, He's alphaing you. Is he trying to be condescending there? Is he trying to be nice?

No, because you know Champ and Championi are part of our lexicon in the Farcioni family. Chief, I think he's genuinely. It's a term of respect. Your dad is calling you Chief. It's just strange. Yeah, because I call him turbo. So it's all thing. No, he's going to slide into yours today.

He's going to get to with the big wheel. But this is the study he sent me. Study says kids actually get their beauty features from their fathers. Oh, I've seen that article. Have you? Because I sent it to Morgan. Oh, about your daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He is obviously being like, ah, sorry, your beauty is all coming from me. Sorry about this, Chief. But I think he hasn't actually clicked in. He's been suck it in by the title. He's not actually clicked in because at the end of the day, it's a very flattering positive article for all the dads out there. Whether you've got male or female children,

what it's saying is a recent study into the stereotypical things that in Western society at least we deem attractive, strong jawline, angled cheekbones. These sort of structural features are stereotypically considered that's hot, all right, if you have these things. This study

has put all that stuff, facial symmetry, facial symmetry, sorry, spacing of the eyes. That does not come from your mum. It comes from your dad. Really in every child or is it just different? As a sort of generalisation. As a

sort of generalisation. Right. Apparently, mothers have often been credited for passing down soft facial traits, which people have sort of lent in, oh, that's what makes someone attractive or unattractive. Whereas this study is saying, no, no, no, it's all about your bone structure. And bone structure comes from papa. So it's actually quite a positive thing. So to be honest, I'm like, Dad, you don't need to apologise for anything. Yeah.

Unless he's saying, oh, you're ugly because... That's all I got from it. He's saying, sorry, Chief, you're ugly because you got me. Sorry, you look like a smash crab chief All the best, Dad, you know? Yeah, as we're saying this out loud I just realized maybe what he's... And the chief makes it so much worse.

No, I was like, oh, Dad, you haven't actually read it. No, it probably hasn't. I think I'm so gorgeous. And how funny that you took it like, oh my God, I'm hot. Thanks, Dad. I'm so hot. And your dad's like, I'm ugly, you're ugly. Oh, how we spin things, hey?

How we see things. I'd rather go back to three minutes ago before I'd brought this to you when I still thought I was hot and my dad thought I was hot. One thing that did happen on Friday when I had to go to the airport to fly out for the sparks was obviously up at the Gold Coast. Went to the airport and I could tell one of the guys

who worked at the airport was like, looking at me and I heard him go, oh, that's from the radio. And I was like, oh, okay, thinking. And he goes, excuse me, are you on the radio? And I said, yeah, I am. And he goes, how are the fish? It's the first thing he said.

The fish have cut through after one week. He didn't say anything about it. How the fish? He actually doesn't use your name at this point. Is shy guy's fish still trying to get with your fish? I was like, yep, shy guy's fish are still trying to belest to me. Did you direct them to fish camp? Yes and Ducko, Instagram story?

Fish camp. But they were very interested about the fish? Oh, I love that. Are the fish real? The fish out of the fish out of as I was explaining it. And he said, I heard you guys. Oh, the fish real. We're not that good of actors.

I could have made all this up about the fish. If you missed it last week, we got show fish. And they're great. Babs's fish hides behind rocks and gets scared. I haven't. I haven't laid eyes on Babs' fish this morning. No. Ducco, your fish is under a rock. I reckon it's had a big weekend in the tank.

Well, you know, what's shy guy's fish done to me in the dark? That's all I want to know. Because we know shy guy's fish is up and about. He's bouncing around that day. Yeah, you've had a good time. Anyway, he told me about this block because we said, oh, Babes is going to have to come in and feed them over weekends and when we're away for periods of time.

And he said, no, you can get this block. You put it in the top of the fish tank and it slowly seeps out food. So it feeds them over a long period of time. Okay. Is it like an automated feeder or something? or is it just a hunk of food? I think it's a hunk of food and it just... That'll dissipate.

Yes. Over a period, like over a couple of days. So Babs, we need to get blocks for the fish so we can slowly feed them. She's out there looking at her own fish. Did you find yourself? Are you listening? Are you paying attention? I did find myself, yeah.

Okay. I was hiding. Yeah, good. But you know, one thing he did tell me, though, side note from the fish. He goes, I got some stuff I could tell you about airports and airport security for on air. And I was like, all right, hit me. We're like in the security line. Obviously, it wasn't busy.

Yes. And he goes, so, you know, I want people. People bring, like, sex toys when they travel. You can bring them in your carry-on. However, you're not allowed, like, batteries and stuff like that. Your charging ones are good. Of course. And he goes, what we do is if we see a sex toy go through the airport scanner, like, in

someone's bag. In Carri-on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, through that security. So you're seeing Shy Guys' toys go through the bag. What they'll do to stitch up their staff, you know when the bag gets to the top and it waits before either slides down to you or it moves to the left lane where it's going to get checked? It needs to further inspection. Correct.

He said they leave it up there for a bit. you can see the people sweating, they'll move it to get checked just because the person at the end hasn't seen what's in there. Exactly. And they're just the checker. They just want to stitch up the checker. Oh my God. So they have to get the people's sex toys out.

So they have to say to these have batteries in it. Oh my God, because it's genuinely a security concern. They're not just having, they're not sure. But most of the time these days that they don't. Oh, okay. And so they just basically like, oh, is this your vibrator? Does it have a battery? Oh, you can't do that.

Or, okay, this is all good to go. And they do it. If it does have a battery, do you have a battery. Do you have to forfeit it? Do you have to hand it over? I don't know. Do they have to get the batteries? It's just the battery component.

Every time I try with mine, I take batteries out. You know that. It's not your first radio. Obviously not. I've upgraded to chargeable ones. But I just thought it's so funny. They don't do it to stitch up the person. They do it to stitch up the staff.

They don't care about the passenger. Wouldn't that be fun? That's so fun. A little bit later on the show, Duck, I want to talk about what can you do at your job like that, the customer can't. There you go. A little bit of hijinks with your colleagues. It would have been funny for that moment.

had a toy in there, just, you know. I'm surprised you didn't. Was it already? It was already, yeah. Yeah, on my way to the box, it was just, yeah, here I go. Morgan's at home going, oh, I'm thinking about him, the blue two. I just collapsed. Jess and Duckow.

We're launching a new segment. That's right. We live in a judgey world, Ducko. Don't we just? And, you know, we've all got our preferences and our specific tastes. If you've ever received judgment for a choice you have made, Well, we're going to break it down for you with a segment we're calling what your blank says about you. So it can be anything.

Anything we're going to get an expert in that field. And from their perspective, break down. Well, when you order, when you ask for, when you present to the world a certain way, this is what it says about you. And we're kicking off our first one. It's a doozy. It's an absolute doozy. It's an absolute doozy. Well, most people, anyway.

I know. Everyone except Shagai. Yeah. Coffee. 99.9% of the population. particularly in this country, coffee drinkers. What your coffee order says about you? Because there's plenty different ways to have the calf.

Absolutely. A different ways to have that bean. And it is a very judgmental space, isn't it? Oh, yeah. I mean, not even being trained. I judge people when I hear the three-quarter strength, half-caffeinated, oat milk. Can I get a strawberry matcher? Oh, but let's find out.

Jess and Ducco. Coffee order. Tell me what your coffee order. What's your coffee order And what it says about you We'll work on that We'll work on it I thought our harmony was pretty good

But today it's one of the big ones Your coffee order says about you Because people can be staunch About their coffee order And I think it's revealing So we've got A very good friend of the show

The Lord himself From Lord's coffee Yeah he's here Brownie Good morning Oh and get up off your knees get off your knees. It's enough.

It's enough. We're bowing down. The last time we had the pleasure of basking in your aura was when we were caffeinating the John Hunter Hospital. You very kindly helped us caffeinate the wonderful team there of medical professionals. And it's still happening. And it's still happening. It's still dying.

Yeah. Thank you. Still supplying the bean to the healthcare workers. So, whilst that was very kind and generous, wouldn't you say, Ducco. We might be seeing a side of the Lord here. That feels maybe a little, we'll have. harsh. We need some cold harsh truths, brownie.

Yeah. Let's do it. We're going to run you through some coffee orders and you're going to tell us what it says about the person who comes into your shop and orders. Because you'd see all sorts of coffee orders. The regular ones, the whack ones. Yeah, the alternative milks and all that jazz. In and out of the cafe, I've seen it all.

All right, let's start strong. Yeah. I think this would be a pretty common order. So we might be blanketing a lot of people in this. What does it say if I am a large, flat white orderer? mate okay I hate to be stereotypical here but if you're

straighty 180 and you're old you're pretty much guaranteed I'll already be steaming the milk and have a shot on for a large flat water I'll do it a little bit hotter than usual so they don't bring it back and say can you heat this up they normally bring it back and complain

yeah I was always confused my mum is a, I need an extra hot, so and so. My coffee is hot. It's hot. The older you get, I think the taste buds start getting a bit more immune to temp, so we need it scalding. Yeah. And like, I think they think latte, oh, that's a bit metrosanxual too.

So these guys are just saying, listen here, mate, I'm as straight as a rate. A flat white. A flat white. Yes. Surely cappuccino's as straight as you can get. I don't even care if there's head on it and it's a latte. Just call it a flat water. Yes.

Ducker will dip in and out of maybe. a flat white, but we both pretty commonly of a morning long black drinkers. That's core coffee, surely. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. That's like you know you're being. Yeah, you've pretty much, there's nowhere to hide in a long black. Like, if you go to a cafe and order a long black, you'll soon enough find out if it's a good

coffee or not. Yeah. Straight up. What about this? Espresos. They're thinking about what they have to do. They're completely not present. when they drink it, they just need that hit because they're strung out.

They've got that much to do that the coffee could be average. They're just in it for the hit. Yes. They want the jacks because they are snowed under. Yeah, right. Usually like, I'm not going to say successful, but like a lot, you know. A lot on the plate. Yeah.

They've got a bit going on. Very good. All right. Let's get into the alternative milk territory. Yeah. If I'm coming in saying, I want an oat milk or a macadamia milk or a goat milk or a breast milk. Breast milk. Jim bros, Fitzposed.

I'm just going to say it. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if they, I don't know, they think that dairy-free milks are going to, you know. Be better. Be better. Give them better abs or better biceps or something. How about you just do a few more reps and stay on the cows milk?

Brownie's having to order all these alternatives. They're taking up real estate at his shop. Just drink the normal milk. Too ridiculous. To finish us off, what about the macchiato? I used to be, when I was first entering coffee town, I thought macchiato. It felt it ethnic. It felt European.

So what is a macchiato? And it makes the barista think you know a lot about coffee. Oh, can you explain from the law? What is a macchiato? It's a... Yeah, it's a shot of coffee with dollop a froth. Yes. Okay.

Yeah, basically, you've just moved off the vanilla lattes and you think, you know, a thing or two about coffee. Yeah, okay. It's fun to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, even long mac, short mac. Yeah, I see. You saw flights on special to Melbourne. You hopped off and went to a few restaurants and a few cafes and you think you know a thing or two about a thing or two.

I see. Okay. Yeah. I've once given someone a mokker when they asked for a macchiata. and they still drank it thinking it was a macchiato. Idiots. It's all in our heads then. If we think we know.

Before we let you go, what is the most annoying coffee order you've ever been given or the worst coffee order to make or, you know? Mate, the Lord in the end doesn't judge. Yeah, yeah. Of course, but if you can't discriminate or get annoyed. Sure. He honours each individual order for the individual who ordered it.

But if I was going to. a, um, you know, half decaf, half, uh, half normal string. Actually, that's a good one. People who come in and take and I have a deep cap. Come on, mate. We've all done worse. Like, a lot worse. The Lord has spoken.

Lord's coffee. Maybe you want to change your coffee order moving on from here because it's saying something you don't want it to say about you. Lord Brownie, you're a legend. We love you on the show anytime. Any aspiring bruce is out there. Throw an ice cube in the long black salt. It's not so hot so they can drink it straight away.

Love you lots. Jess and Ducko Ducko I threatened you with a challenge that I had sort of thrown in the face of my husband when he failed to answer a question about me I was upset and I was looking to hurt him

and I used the phrase Ducko could do it and at this time on our board I said well that's coming up Ducko but you've come off your brother-in-law's box You said you're not operating on all cylinders. No. You're at about a 45.

I'm pivoting. You're off the hook, brother. Oh, yeah, because you want me to get it so bad. At this time tomorrow, I need to prove to Angus. What if I don't get? Then you're going to be angry at me. Then both of you're in the dog house. Yeah, yeah, this is a lose, lose.

He had to sleep on the couch. So now you're going to sleep on the metaphorical couch of our relation. Okay. This time tomorrow, you've got 24 hours to sharpen up. All right. Okay. So instead, I'm going to tell you different story. to get your take on this.

You've been a dad for four and a bit months now. I'm going on two years as a parent. And I think one of the biggest learnings and introspective reflections for me is how hypocritical you are from moment to moment. You're just, you're just got to do what you've got to do. So if that sort of goes against what you did yesterday or even an hour ago, whatever, you just do what you've got to do. With my little girl at the moment,

the only way to sort of get from point A to point B is to keep her entertained. And we're trying to be anti-phone, anti-screen to the best of our ability. The only solution we found is singing, singing a lot, singing kids' songs that she has obviously been exposed to her whole life. She's exposed to a daycare.

Your itsy-bitsy-spiders, your Wiggles Back catalogue. You just sing to get a moving? while you walk? Yep, because she's sort of then I guess it's like us driving. You know, it's nice to have a bit of background noise. If we're in the pram, we sing to her. If we're walking with her, we sing to her.

Just almost snaps her out of any meltdown. Yeah. And we can get moving. ABCs. We're doing the alphabet just on repeat. Oh, you're right. Okay. But one song she quite likes,

and I want to put a caveat here. If you've got a small child in the car, maybe you want to turn off because this is an earworm and I know a lot of parents hate this. Okay. But Baby Shark. She doesn't. Mine, a bit of Baby Shark?

Yeah. So I'm always very conscientious. If I am singing Baby Shark in public, just to entertain my kid, I do it on low. I make sure my voice is very loud. So only Lucia can hear and no other parent or kid that I could possibly annoy. Right. I don't want to upset anyone else by getting them on the Baby Shark train. I know it's an annoying song.

But an hour later, I find myself at dinner. with the little girl. And we were sitting at an outdoor table. It's important, you know that, because another thing she seems to like is bubbles. Kids love bubbles, hey. It's just the bubbles are mesmerizing. Like, even as an adult, I'm like, man, look at those bubbles.

So we actually in the nappy bag always have a mini bottle of bubbles. That's good. So whilst one hour ago, I'm being very conscientious. Make sure I don't sing Baby Shark too loud because that might annoy people. At dinner, though, I'm blowing bubbles left right and center. And Angus actually had to tap me on the shoulder being like, I think you need to put the bubbles away. I didn't realize the slight gust of wind

was taking the bubbles away from us and just straight into the face of the couple sitting behind. I'm blowing them. What I thought was right at Lucia. She's giggling. But a soft gust, the next table's getting in. The next table.

They were obviously just copping bubbles where they're trying to eat their. Well, they're just so excited about the bubbles. Just like, oh, look at these bubbles. Well, I've turned around to apologize and that, Dagger's, man. They were not impressed. And I just caught in that moment, ah, so conscientious in one aspect of my parenting.

Whereas if that was you from years ago on a date with your partner and then tell one I was buying bubbles in your face, you'd be like, that's just so disrespectful. It's so rude. What are they doing? Is that that that girl from the radio going bubbles in my face? Yes. Oh, baby, let me grab a book from my shell.

Let me sing all the lines for you. You know you've got to pick the melody. So you could score a point oh two Book top boss Well, the shortened version Where's the rest of it? Yeah, we shortened it because the boss got angry. Is it getting worse?

Is another layer of auditors? It does feel like every week the singing is worse than that. Your singing live is better than it was when you were auto-tuned. I agree! I think I've been stitched up there. Yeah, I think you have been too. Anyway, yeah. It's awful, isn't it?

The game where Babs will read one of her dirty smut novels in the tone of a song, and we've got to guess the song, song. That's right. Now, Darko's only on about 45% this morning after a big weekend. Yeah, yeah. You've been very good at this game. Yeah. Maybe it is my turn to swooping. To step up. Come on.

Well, my brain is not firing. What have you taken off your bookshelf today, sweet babs? This book is called Powerless by Lauren Roberts. Okay. And the little blab on the front says, hunted. Hunter, destined for each other. Oh, okay. It's actually quite good. You like this one. Fantasy? Yeah, it's fantasy, but

it's not fairies and stuff. Okay. You know, assassins and whatnot. Yeah, a bit fun. All right. We'll do book blurbs soon. It's a natural extension. Then book recommendations, yeah. Babs is book club. Oh, workshop that.

All right. First song. Are you ready? Here we go. What the Plagues happened. Adina's vigorously shaking. My shoulder's making. Oh, I know it.

I know it. As soon as I get back to the foot. confused by the events of the day I can't think of the name Why, how do you? I'm stumbling over my work I know it, you're doing it well, I just can't

Is that the chorus? No, it's the start of the song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, can you go to the chorus? Yeah. She cuts me off As wide with excitement And answered questions Oh my God

Everyone's talking about I know. I just don't know what it's called. I can't think of the name. I know what it's called. I know what's called. I know the song. You're doing a good job of it. I just, I can't think of the name of it. You reckon? What is it? Played the song. Oh, man. You did, you did nail that. Okay, thank you. Oh, it's definitely not on that. It's on us.

I knew it. I just couldn't get it. I couldn't get it. I was thinking of every other blackout piece song. If you'd done the muzzle tough bit, I would have got it. Oh, yeah. Damn it. Right, that's fine. It's a little practice one. Okay. All right. Next one.

Nothing better than when we can't get it. Babs just dwindles off. She just has to keep going. I'm like, please. The book sounds interesting though, doesn't it? Edina. Yeah. Quite nice.

All right. I don't hear one word of what you're saying. No, I don't even. That's my problem. I'm listening to the story. Don't listen to the words. Don't listen to the words. All right.

I know a tea. I almost don't dodge in time. Only years of fighting. Allow my relatives to react. Oh, hey there, July. What's it like in New York City? Damn it. Oh, I was there.

Yeah, that's a depressing song, isn't it? Oh, no, yeah. That's a good song, though. You don't need a defender, Badd. All right, next one. Badd's listened to that when her partner is overseas. Moving on. All right, next one.

To be accepted and free. I realize it then how badly. I want to be part of. of this how badly I want to help nothing's coming and make it really no not yet is that the start or the chorus

that's the chorus I'll do the start if you want okay let's go back to the start no no no what about the bull I blurt out why attack at the bull reminded of how unprepared the fumatance

And there's a little town I'm trying to find a way on What is it? Up there! Oh, God, it's right there. My gaze is floods to Finn. Come on. And it's precious.

What is that? What is that? What is that? Yeah, yeah. And it's all good. I know. Oh, my God. This is killing me.

Straight lines. Oh, yes. Yes, Joe. Oh, my God. Out of the shadows. Silver chair. Yeah. I have to block you two out.

Yeah. Yeah. We're all sussing over each other and it just gets a bit much. Because you're just trying to catch the thread. I know. I need to drive you out so I can hear bad. Yeah. Silver chair.

Straight lines. How embarrassing. Yeah, great song. Last one. Oh, my God. Jess, this one's for you. Come on. Come on.

Is it J-Lo? Is it Westlite? You don't have a point, I'm trying. Oh, sure. Okay. Come on, step up. I never figured that salvation would be in the dungeons. Uh-huh.

Kipp pushes through a large door. Connected to one of the corridors before we're stomping down. Uh-huh. He nod to the gods scattered in the damn dungeon. Oh. Did I not make the turn? This is the same as every song today It's there, but my...

Peace always bring Lady friends Another touch, I'm out of time I never want to serve in love What's that song called? I'm at touch You kick on out of time You'll pick me up and pull you up down

And I don't you better now And I love you better than I'm out of... Oh, Ed Sheeran! Yep I'm out of touch I'm out of love What's it called?

Yeah, what's it called? Wait, wait. And out of all these things. I love you better than that? You'll be a cheering X-I-I-I-N-I-N-E-N-E-T-Ean. I am. Is this an 18-not-an-18? No, this is Lego House.

Oh, I mean, give it to us. You've been doing Ed Sheer and songs all week, last week. Jeez. I got nothing. That's unbelievable. You were probably the best you've been on the songs today, but they were all so hard to get the name. She, again, I'm like a broken record. You are incredible.

This is such a hard thing to do what you're doing. And our hesitation is not, is not off. No, they were good today. I mean, I wasn't firing, which is probably why the team didn't get them all. That's all right. There's always next week. Wow. Well done.

Thank you. Well done, everyone. Ed Shear and I apologize. Now, I don't know if you guys have noticed, but the last couple of days I've been fairly stressed. There's a bit going on in my world. You know that. Like, if I was to have a blurb about me, it would be,

great guy, good attitude, fantasy manager of three NFL teams. GM of one. Definitely would be ahead of anything about loving husband. 100%, no way. Because I think if people see that you're a fantasy manager of three teams,

like, well, he's got all these ducks in a row. He's got all these eggs in order. Do you know what? I apologize for being such a bad friend. How is all that going? I haven't checked in. There was huge drama with you having to be in charge of

The draft order. And then getting ranked number one to do it. Which could have capitular. That could have been the end of you as a manager because, you know, shade around, a chat around corruption. You know what keeps me up at night, Jess, is selections I make for this team and what's happened. So I made, so in two different leagues, right, I've got these two players, okay? And...

The same dude across two of your... No, two different players. Oh, sure, yeah, okay. And I drafted them both thinking, this is their year. Well, in the off-season, I mean, they did some low-key, like, I think one was drink driving, and one was... Oh, some local stuff. Evading police with drugs in his car and stuff. And now both my players are looking at high-time bans.

Again, so part of my ignorance. Dougherst dynasty is crippled. When you do fantasy, it's real players in the real NFL, like Travis Kelsey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure. It's real players. Real players. So when they do their illegal stuff in the off-season, I have to get fans.

It affects your dream stuff. It affects my fantasy team. Sam, well, I was looking like a six to eight game ban. And I'm like, well, hang on a minute. Because he's in jail? No, he didn't go to jail. It's taken a long time to get these legal proceedings. But it was low key.

It was, I think he had drugs in his car and he was driving. And he ran away from cops. Yeah, it's eight, but apparently he's apologised. He's done community service since then. Come on. So the real dude, what's his name? Rishie Rice. So Rishie has done that in the real world.

And now it's affecting my fantasy. It's affecting little ducco. Yeah, yeah. And then my backup player for Rishi in the same team has also done some drink driving. and now he's getting a ban. So I'm going to be losing two of my good players to get a ban. Have we de-empt them? Have you tweeted them?

Yeah, this is not good. Boys, do you consider your impact in the fantasy realm when you're stuffing up in the real? I lay in bed last night. I went, and Morgan's like, what's wrong? Is everything okay? I was like, Rishie Ross is getting a ban. What do I do?

But my backup of Rishie is also getting a ban. What do I do? So does that mean you have a gap in your same? Yeah, I got a gap in the market. I need to go out and do a big trade. Are you allowed to do that in fantasy? Yeah, you can do a trade, but no one's going to want the player. trade for someone's going to

Well, you can still trade him It should be who would be dumb enough to want to take him So no one's going to take him Exactly But what's the alternative If this dude can't play in your little fantasy Are you one man down? Yeah, you still have reserves

But I'll just have a lesser player in there You know? This is tough stuff This is what I mean by, it's hard You know, I got my eggs in a row I got my ducks in a line You thought you did Yeah, well

You thought you did I know And now these bloke's in the real world Truly The amount of brain space this takes up and any partner out there who's a hubby or whatever does NFL fantasy would know this.

Are you a widow to NFL fantasy? Oh my God. It is ridiculous how much time it takes up, you know? And that's only one. Sorry, did you say this across two of your leagues? Yeah, I've been three now. And you've got three. I know.

See? So it's all hinging on your third one that doesn't have Rishi and the other dude. Do you respect me a bit more now that you know? I appreciate why sometimes you're operating on 45, 50% and not a Hyundai. Always distracted. He's got a lot going on under the service, shy guy. in your three different leagues?

No, you can't do that. I wish you could do that, but you can't do that. I don't know why that would have held, but I'm just thinking. Yeah, sorry, I spare a thought. Spare a thought for me today. One life, one prayer for the Duckman. Jess and Duckin'all in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K alpha bucks on hit.

Alper bucks. 30 seconds. 10 questions all started with the same letter. I have to take your first answer. You cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back. If there is time, we're planning for $10,000.

Our player is Sarah. Good morning, Sarah. Good morning, Death and Ducko. Sarah, what percentage do you think you're operating on today? Are you at 100? Are you well-rested and ready to go? Maybe like 80%. 85?

Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. I mean, Ducko here in 45. Yeah, about 40. I'm probably only 39 now. Oh, you're depleting. Yeah, I'm depleting. Yeah, you had a good me in 6 o'clock, but now, see you later.

Well, Sarah, 80-85, that puts you in good stead. Get it. What do you want to spend 10 grand on? Just to pay some bills, renovating. So hopefully to pay off all that. Renating's all the rage right now, isn't it? It is. What are we talking to the whole house or a bathroom?

Kitchen. No, just a kitchen. Ah, geez. And they're not cheap kitchens. No. No, they're not. If you've got your eye on a fancy splashback tile, there goes your 10 grand.

But one thing stands between you and that $10,000 payday, Sarah, is the letter C. C, C for cash C for cash. See? From back. He's back. 42%. You ready to rock, say?

So let's get it. All right, your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter C, we need you to name. A four letter word. Cool. An ocean animal. Cod. An Aussie athlete.

A type of cheese. Kudah. A vegetable. Parrot. A horror movie? A school subject. Cass. A periodic element.

A fabric? Button. Fabric, I'll give it to you. Just have the buzzer there. Look, I have a few question marks. Yeah. I had five pet, maybe six, maybe seven. Top of cheese, you said kuda.

I don't know the kuda cheese, but you're a cheese expert. Yeah, I don't... Cheez which? Kuta cheese. Is Kuta a brand? Well, they changed that. Did you know, Sarah? Chea is the brand.

Kuda. Kuda. We're looking it up. I'm not saying something. Did you mean Gouda? Oh, she must have been up. A Gouda. Yeah.

Because it did sound like it was something. I was like cottage. You're looking for cheddar cheese, kind of there. And what did you say for a school subject? Tass. What's that? Family Studies. Oh.

Geez, the sea really does not... It doesn't hit on the phone line. Well, then you've got yourself six. An Aussie athlete could have been Kathy Freeman or Cameron Smith. Periodic element could have been carbon. Everything else you answered. You nailed.

Carbon's one of the great elements. One of the great elements. When I think of elements, I think of carbon. 100%. Hydrogen's over there being like, come on. Look at me. Sarah, you don't get the money, but you do get $100. Cash.

Thanks to O'Brien, the absolute legends there. That's all yours. Amazing. Thank you so much. Thanks for joining the show, Sarah. Up next, you have a chance to join the show. Oh, yeah. Get your name in the ring. Throw it in.

Chuck it in. For the call of fame. It's, of course, a VIP double to the Spiegel tent plus accommodation. Yeah, we'll get you here. Night State, the Crystal Brook Kingsley. It's amazing, man. See, for Crystal Brook. I want to talk about your workplace perks.

I had an interaction, Ducko. Not only did I really enjoy the interaction. It took place at a Mexican takeaway restaurant. Not the one Babbs likes, and we threw shade at Babbs whilst, it just tickled me in a lot of ways. I want to bring it to you next. What happened? 13, 1060, you can get involved now. I want to talk about the perks of your job.

Maybe something you can do as an employee that the customers can't. Maybe it's something that justifies a not amazing salary. You're like, well, I don't get this, but I get to do this. I was getting myself a burrito the other day, Ducco. You weren't going to the sponsor of this show that we love. Love you. We'll sponsor at Babs. I don't want a car shade, but I realize I'm about to.

That's not my Mexican takeaway of choice. Shocked. I'm going to have to name names here for the purpose of this chat. I'm a Zambrero girl. GYG, too stingy with their sauce, in my personal opinion. Zambrero, very, very generous. particularly the one I go to. So I go get myself a burrito the other day,

and the young bloke making my burrito as you go along the stations, right? And he asks you each thing, do you want this or this? I want that, that. We get to almost the lettuce, tomato, onion phase. And I say lettuce and tomato no onion. And he's sort of giving me, he's given me nods, a little smirk. And I was picking up a vibe. Yeah.

And I thought, am I making the exact same burrito that this bloke make? I just got this sense. He felt a sense of kinship with the order. How many different burritos can you make that? That's what I'm saying. A million. There are a million different ways, but I felt a sense of kinship. What were you getting on it? So I like a barbacawa beef.

I like the rice with the beans. I like cheese but not sour cream. Lettuce tomato, but no onion. Halipinos, a bit of lime. You are. Yeah, I meant, like, yeah, just like brief. like, I didn't need your full shopping list. You asked.

That's on me. You ask. That is absolutely on me. But you see why it's obviously the number of variance are humongous. So to get someone who is doing it exactly like you, I thought that's a one in a million. Yeah. And I just had a sense. So I asked him.

I went, have you ever had someone make a burrito and while you're building it think, geez, this is exactly how I make my burrito? Should we be best friends? And he went, nah, never happened. I went, oh, okay, fair, because there's obviously so many options. He went, no, because as an employee, we can do things you can't. Oh. I said, well, talk to me, brother.

Oh, color me intrigued. Everyone's in the line like, oh, my God, hurry up. Jesus. There was no one behind me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't have. I probably still would have. No, there was no one there, I swear.

And I went, wait a minute, what can you do that I can't do? He went, well, for start, as I do a bowl. But what I do is I start my bowl And whatever my base layer is Put the cheese on top Melt the cheese in the little grill That's not an offer And no one apparently asks for that

So I'm able to melt my cheese on my bowl And then I bring it back And then I load it up on top So in the middle of my bowl Is this delicious layer of cheese I said you're a genius What a power play I love what he's just telling you the detail

Of what he can do that you can't Totally and then his colleague Who was also free She wasn't serving anyone She piped in Everyone was at Guzman Well then she piped in and told me what she does And then she goes

Sorry, can I also just ask Are you just from the radio? I said, yeah She goes, well, I'm surprised to see you in here I thought you guys all liked Guzman You should do on Monday How do you take your burrito? What they wanted was a shout out

I was like, well we don't often do that But because you guys have been awesome Max and Carina, shout out to you. Oh, there it is. You wanted the 8-10 for that reason I paid full process for the burritos I'll go in up there. Now you won't.

Now you won't. But Max, I was like, I just thought that was, he was getting off on this, stucco, that he could do this thing, that customers can't. I went, I love that for you. Yeah. You can do something your customers can't. And what a perk. He was so into it.

He loved it. And I just thought we could ask, what can you do at your job that may be your customers can't? What's the perk that you're doing behind the scenes that keeps you, you know, loving your job? It's like you hear at Maccas that there's a, hidden underground, like, order. Yes. A menu, full menu that, like, only staff know about and stuff. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're having this conversation together. Who was telling us there's something about, maybe someone's going to be annoyed, we reveal this. But you know how breakfast ends at 10.30? Yeah. Well, that means you can't order any of those products after that point. You want to hash brown.

Sorry, you can't do that after 1030. So what I've heard some employees do, put a whole batch on at about 1029, come 1030. Well, we can't sell these now. we've got to eat them. Bad, it's use your mind. That's a hell of a perk. I used to do that when I worked at GYG.

What a perk! Here you go, we got a perky. I said, oh no, I'm going to have to eat these hash browns and I might as well put guacamole and chapolet mayonnaise on them now. Customers can't do that. Jeez, your poor guts. How'd the goosey toilet go when you work there? Oh my God, it was fine.

It wasn't. Blocked all the time. See, maybe with a perk, private employee toilet. So we're looking for work perks that are like dodgy little work perks. Like really average perks. I'm not saying this has changed in this kid's life. But what I'm saying is he was very excited about it. And as a customer, I can't do that.

When you're working a casual job like that, you've really got to look at the positives. You've really got to find something. You've got to look at the glass half full. Before I got fired from being a buggy boy to golf course in my first ever job, I used to get free Snickers. I stole them as I worked there, but... I'm going to count that as a perk. Wait, Snickers on the back night.

I'll thank you very much. I love that for you. 13, 10, 60. This is like when I worked at the fruit shop, Vince's fruit shop. Yeah, what did Vince give you? Mate. Papayas. Watermelons for the price of the apples.

Oh, man. Workpaste. So call us with a work pot or your burrito order. I'll take either. Like, what's your burrito water? Yeah, well, duck a lass. I'm going to judge you for telling him exactly what you want. What is your burrito order?

And then Max told me he's going to try and do an enchilada. I'm like, an enchilada is not on the menu. He goes, yeah, but I can do it. What an experience you had. GYG have enchiladas. Oh, shut up. Work packs. Do it next.

Jess and Ducco. 131060. We're discussing dodgy little work perks. That's right. We want to be glass half full people. No matter what your job, your career, your salary. How have you found the little perk in your workday to put a smile on your dial? To get through.

To get through. Young kid at Zambrero was giving me good vibes. I thought, I reckon I'm making the exact same burrito he makes. We're going to be best friends. When I asked him that question, he went, nah. It had never happened because I, I can do things that you cannot as a customer. Or at least you wouldn't have thought of.

He puts a layer of cheese and his burrito bowl melts it and then loads it up. Cheeky. He's a genius. Very cheeky. So we want to know, yes, the dodgy little work perk. I wonder if they get free food too when you work there at a place like that? Probably not. It's like saying we get free concerts, we don't.

We get nothing. Jake, DM, Dostocko. Jakey. I got a cheeky little work perk as a truck driver. Two lunch breaks. Take a lunch break on the road. but by the time I go back to the depot, I say, well, it's time for my lunch. Oh, that's good.

Because he's on his own. That is very good. No one's micromanaging Jake. He's his own boss. Yeah. Thank you, Jake. Just Jake in the open road, baby. That's a dodgy little work perk, and I love it.

Lorin, on 131060. What's your dodgy little work perk? I work in travel, so I get to do what we call for mill holidays, and that is you get to go on trips and try them out so you can sell them to your clients. Shut up, because how are you going to sell me, Fijian? Learine, if you've not been to Fiji. Exactly. That's exactly right.

Is it fully comp, like fully free? Some are. Some are. You've got to pay a participation fee, but it's a small, like, fraction of what it would normally cost. Oh, wow. But there are reward trips that are fully, yeah, F-O-C. Oh, how good is that? Oh, God, that's amazing.

Because you're right. Like, in terms of genuinely, Larin being able to do her job, well, I best have experienced it. I've got to go there. I've got, you know what, it's been three years since I went back to Rome. Yeah, may as well check it out. I've got to top up my local knowledge. That's a great.

That's a great work perk. Jody, on 13, 1060, what's your little work perk? So I'm a support worker and I can get into, like, the movies or whatever for free if my client has a companion card. Oh, like, you're needed there as their companion. Yeah. So if they want to go see the movies and they want me to take them, they just have to show the companion card and they pay the eye game for free. Oh, so they're paying. Yeah.

Be honest, are you ever with your client? You're like, you want to go to the movies. I really want to see that new one. I don't want to do that today. You do? No, no. You want to see Jamergy. She just takes them to the movies.

Like, please, Jody, no. Please, I've seen it three times. Give me a chop top as well. It's all free. It's all come. Good job, Jody. And we love our support workers. They deserve a free movie.

You do deserve a free movie. Emma, on 13, 10, 60. What's your work, Perk? I work for a drug testing company, so I have access to drug testing and alcohol testing. I've got access to the drugs. No, so what do you mean, Emma? So can you do your own little breathalyzer or something to make sure? Yes.

So the drug testing doesn't, that's never going to happen with me. But the alcohol testing comes in very active. Yeah. Let's get on the record, Emma. She doesn't even know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm feeling you're really digging down off. Yeah, it's a fake name. So, yeah, when you have a few rosés at the pub or whatever,

you can just test yourself before you go, before you drive home to make sure you're not over. Absolutely, and I can test my husband, and that's probably more important to see that he can drive me home. Yeah, who's going to be Dezo? That's a cool little device, yeah. Lily on 131060, what's your dodgy little work perp? So I used to work at Hungry Jacks back in the day

And we had a timer on how long we could have a product in the warmer for And once that 30 minutes or so went out We would put the nuggets in our pockets And walk into the freezer And have a little snack on our nuggets Our pocket nuggets Well, Lily, what's the alternative? They end up in the trash

Exactly, you don't want to waste them Better to end up in your pocket How often, Lily, did you leave things in the warmer for like 31 minutes? Ah, damn, can't have this. Exactly, I've got to put it in my pocket. But then it starts getting like 25 minutes. No one's going to order them,

I better just put him in my pocket now. It just cuts it early. Was it just the nugs, Lily, in the pocket, or did you put some whoppers in there and stuff too? Like, we're on the full hog. The whoppers were a little, that's a little bit too much. I don't want to meet Patty in my pocket Yeah, oh, sorry, you've got standards, do you?

Is that a whopper in your pocket? Jess and Ducko. Admit it, how many of you, did you three think I'd make it today? No. Oh, no, I thought. I did. I thought you'd be here? Yeah, just wouldn't be here.

I didn't know. Shadow of yourself, maybe. What my voice would be, or that situation would be. I've learned from my wrongs. Yes. But the bucks on the weekend, I spoke about it all last week. Brother-in-law's bucks, new group of friends, had to lean in. I'm the brother of the sister, so it's, you know, where is that outsider?

They're really great guys. But I really wanted to bring my Boomerang Cuddle Pillar because you know I can't sleep. My lower back gets very sore without it. Between your back and your shoulder and being a side sleeper, the Cuddle Pillow has changed your sleep experience. Yep. And you do usually travel with it. Yeah, normally. But with this group of boys in the setting of a box, I appreciate your hesitation.

Didn't want to bring it. And everyone was messaging me and replying to my stories. Did you bring the pillow? How's the pillow? What's the pillow situation? What I did, I didn't bring my pillow, but I was strategic. So I got on there early, took a top bunk, and I went, I know, there's only one pillow on a bed.

I hate that. And crappy pillows. Crappy. In an Airbnb. I need at least three. So I was like, what I'll do is I'll go to the other boys' beds on other levels before they're in there. And it's because some of the double beds had double pillow, and I would just take one

of theirs. Now, when you say double bed had double pillow? Yeah. Just two? No, like two on each side. Okay. So I'd be like, so I'd go up there and I'd take. take one of their pillows and then I'd go to the

next level. And then re-arranged. Yeah, take another pillow. So then I had three and what I did is I hid them under my duna. So it looks like you're sleeping in there. So it looks like I've got one pillow. There's nothing there. It's just my one pillow. And one of the guys, one of the days goes, oh, how's this weird a double bed?

Once I'd had two and one didn't. And I was like, ah, that's criminal. Who would do that? Leave him a bad review when upon checkout. So you've gone and pilfered the other pillows. And I used them. which was very good, help me get to sleep. But the next day on the day two...

Were you nervous someone was going to catch you? I was. And it felt like I was being really naughty. Like, I'd go up, well, I was going to go to the bathroom. I'd go up and take a pillow and come down and put it under my dune. I did it like twice. Like, what am I doing? And because, again, you were relatively new to everyone here.

It's not like you can convide in even one person. You've just got this little secret squirrel on Michelle. I felt so naughty. Anyway, the next day, it was dress up. It's Miami Vice theme. The floral button up tucked into these suit pants with my fringe down. wearing, like, what looked like Jeffrey Dahmer glasses. Yeah.

That's what they all said. I wouldn't wear those again. I was vibing. I thought I was killing it. Anyway, we're obviously day two into it. There's a few drinks, have, whatever. We're a big group of guys. There's like 20 of us.

And this table behind me of ladies. And one of them goes, I know you. And I turn around. And like, a few of the other boys were listening and turn around too. And she's like, you're ducker. And I was like, oh, yeah, I am. And the boys were kind of like, what's going on here? And she goes,

Yeah, yeah, I'm from Newcastle. I'm here on a girl's weekend. I'm like, okay, cool. And then she goes, did you bring the cuddle pillow? In front of the boys. Oh, I'm trying to be cool. I'm trying to be cool.

I'm trying to be cool. Did you bring the pillow with you? And I was like, and the boys were like, what she talking? Who is this person? What is she talking about? And I was like, no, no, didn't bring the pillow. But it's all good. Let's go have a chat over here.

Yeah, yeah. She's like, I have a cuddle pillow too. We're like, what was she talking out with the pillow? I was like, oh, I spoke about the bucks during the week on the show. and how I can't sleep without a boomerang pillow. Please tell me at that moment one of the boys is gone, bro. Yes, yes. They're like, oh, I need that too.

I wanted to bring mine. I was like, we should have all brought our pillows. Let's remove the taboo, the stigma. Remove the pillow stigma. A box a little while ago where you're all bonding over your polyps and your anal fissures and things like that. They're talking about getting checked because we're getting a bit old and colonoscopies. Once one person had ripped the Band-Aid off, you all realized how.

We're in our mid-30s. We're dealing with different stuff to our 21-year-old selves. Once you actually broached, well, this lady at least broached it for you, that, hey, you need a little support at bedtime. Exactly. I'm sure you endeared yourself and they would have felt, yes. I was like, why was that group of girls talking? I was like, ah, I just wanted to know if I brought my Cuddle Pillar.

Jess and Ducko. Just about done here. Thank you for everyone who contributed today. Don't forget, our call of fame, VIP double to the Spiegel 10. You can see an amazing show there. And, of course, overnight accommodation at the gorgeous Crystalbrook Kingsley. Make it a little staycation, vacation, take your mum, take your dad, take your sibling. You could take a partner.

You can stay in a hotel room with your dad. You can get a twin chair. I'd share with him. King size bed, me and dad, we get lost in there. Absolutely. We just disappeared. Because you're both little. Absolutely.

My sub-sixes. But so, that's on for all week. Yep, we're doing that all week. Tomorrow's Tuesday as well. great line-up on the show, Chago. What do we got? Tomorrow, we got a new game that Jess is going to bring to the table. Yes, Babs and I have been workshopping a game for you too. Okay.

I can't wait for, hopefully Bab sings in the opener. It's got something to do with Friday's Live. Oh, topical. You'll keep it a hit related. Good on you. And our other favourite thing to talk about on this show. Tampos and ladders. Jesus Christ.

Wait, it's got something with Friday's live. and Jesus Christ. Yeah. You don't even know this, but you were the inspiration. I do know that. For this game. I was at my nieces and nephews yesterday

before I flew home and they were... I love that you've called it your nieces and nephews and not your sisters. Yeah, it's their house. There's four of them. They run that house. They are outnumbering their parents. She was going to her communion class

or something like that. What do you mean? In preparation for the communion? Yeah. Wow. You've got to do lessons or whatever? Oh my God. You have to practice how to hold your hands.

I don't know what you do. But I said, well, I've done it. I mean, I said to her, you know, Uncle Ducko is the most holy of the family. I'm a Eucharistic minister. She said, no, you're not. I said, I've met the Pope. She goes, what, the dead Pope? And I was like, yeah, well.

Well, you guys only have been in office for two minutes. I haven't met Leo yet, but I will. Yeah. I think I was actually two popes ago, but, you know, that is. Two popes, great film. One of the greats. Anyway, so it involves Friday's live and Jesus Christ. Our Lord and Save it.

Yep. I'm intrigued. Shaga, what do you reckon for this game? I don't know anything about it. No, no, he doesn't know what either. Babbs and I worked on it. This could go to. And you'll love this even more.

Boss, not a fan. But I was like, stuff you're doing it anyway. Shock horror. That's got to be great. Babs, you'll back me up. We were brainstorming and we were vibing. You know, we had all these ideas. And I'm writing them down to send off to the wider team to help.

Yeah. And then he did try and shut it down. I went, yeah, okay. So is it like a, we're testing for Morris E if it'll stay? Ooh. Is it a one-off? To be honest, I thought it was going to be a one-off. Oh, it's a one-off.

But if you like it, is it stayable? I think it could. Babs, what do you reckon? Is it stayable? Yeah. I think so. Oh, the confidence oozing out of her. Duckers also got a new game that were going to debut this week as well.

On Wednesday. Wednesday. Okay, great. I don't have it over anything, though, because I don't, you know, I don't want to put effort in if it's not going to stay. Oh, see, I put effort in even just for a flash in the pan. Yeah, okay. Maybe I'll make you something. Yeah, but mine's got to do with the big guy.

Well, I mean, you've got to put effort in with the big man. Exactly. We've also got, perhaps his blog tomorrow. Yes, we do. Oh, yeah, that's bad. Oh, my God. Are we going to do any... And you're going to test Ducco on something.

Oh, yeah, you're testing me on something. You get a good night's rest. I will. I'll recover. Because I said to my husband after he failed to answer a question about me, Yep. Docco could do it. So I want you to prove me right.

My husband will. Pitting us against each other. I'm not even there. My husband will. Wait, hold on. Hold on, boss is here. Here we go. Brack it up, quick.

Here we go. Hey, it wasn't the game. It was the name, babe. It didn't flow well, so don't throw me under the bus. Yeah, babe. Listen, the name's the whole thing. Can I, okay, give me the name. Bull or Bible.

Good name. I should don't mind that. Thank you. Oh, is it like, you don't guess if it's from. the Bible for its BS. No. If it's pit bull. See why the name's rubbish?

Definitely a one-off. Definitely a one-off. This game's got legs. Do you remember? What about Mr. Worldwide or Mr. Christ? It's Bull or Bible, alright? She's already had the opener made. I made the opener.

Listen, do you remember weeks ago, you brought us your trivia and you give us trivia before you go. present the trivia? We have a little pre-triff. Yeah, I remember doing Taylor Swift or Bible? Yeah, Taylor Swift or Bible. You planted a seat. Oh, that's fun.

I said, well, we've already down Taylor Swift and Bible. Sue, Pitbull or Bible? This could be pretty fun. Thank you, Doc. Thanks for believing in me, unlike Jace. Bull or Bible. Anyway, he's blown up tomorrow, 640. He wanted to do something about exonis.

I was like, that's too complicated. I don't know what you're saying. Is it palms or pitball? Sam. That's for God. All right, we're out of here. We'll see tomorrow. Bye-bye.

I like a barbacawa beef. I like the rice with the beans. I like cheese but not sour cream, lettuce, tomato, but no onion. Halapinos, a bit of lime. Jess and ducco. That was the Jess and ducco podcast. Take a trip to McDonald's today and try the new McDonald's meal with one of six collectible souvenirs.