Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Its a gaping hole

Episode Date: August 29, 2025

Ducko got a 6 minute voicemail, Jess mistakes another kid for Lucia and Producer Shy Guy wraps up the week that was in his diary!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Take a trip to McDonald's land today and try the new McDonald's meal with one of six collectible souvenirs. Jess and Ducko. This is the Jess and Duckro podcast. Rachel. Rachel. Jess and Ducko, welcome to the podcast. I sent a funny meme, actually. Speaking of Rachel and Batman.

I sent the meme of, I sent it to Morgan's mom and dad and Morgan in a group. They loved it. I love that you led with Morgan's mom and dad and Morgan. Well, it's for them, really. I understood. They loved it. She hated it and actually got angry at me for it. And it goes, he was like Batman talking to, what's the cop's name in Batman?

The good cop, like the one that helps him. Yeah, that, that character. He's like a character in the Batman. Yeah, yeah, what is he's name? I can't remember. Lieutenant, Captain. What's the cop's name in Batman, the lieutenant? Played by Gary Oldman.

I don't remember. Anyway, it was like. No, I'm not going to be able to quickly. Not James Gordon. Gordon, Gordon. Gordon. Anyway, it was like, it was like when you take over your crazy, when you speak to your father-in-law and you take over his crazy daughter and take the burden or something. And it goes, and Lieutenant Gordon's like, hey, I never thanked you.

He goes, you never have to. And you never will. Yes, and then he jumps up to the building. And Morgan's parents loved it. They frothed it because I think Morgan's crazy. And then Morgan's like, why did you do that? You're just feeding into that narrative. How could you do that?

I'm like, the gear was good, honey. Isn't it so funny? Like, I've met your in-laws enough times now. Yeah. And I'll obviously know your wife very well. They think she's crazy. They think, like, Morgan is, like, super stubborn. They think, like, Morgan is, um, uh...

She's a wild child. Yeah, just like, just, you know, yeah, can get, yeah. Isn't it so funny because she's so stoic and sensible and smart and well put together? It's hilarious. But her parents, who are more of that times 20. She gets an unfair rap from her family. That's so, like, is she the black sheep? No, not really, but, like, she's the one who just probably, like, Morgan's little sister

it just flies under the radar. Morgan will speak her, like, you know, speak up a bit. Oh, okay. So there was more attention on it. Morgan will stand up for what Morgan thinks is right no matter who it is. And if that's a fight to the death. Yeah, it could be my parents, and Morgan will question them. Right. Why do you think, like, you know, she will always do that.

That's amazing. Yeah, well, sometimes. I wish I had the Cajones. Oh, man. I can't correct my mother-in-law, not correcting my daughter calling her mama. Yeah. I wish I had a bit of Morgan's balls. I know, yeah.

She got some massive testy. Massive. You must feel like. I look at them and I go, are they... You must feel like such a lady. How do I get those? Like, am I the girl? Are you fucking me?

This is why you're the little spoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. God, we paint a picture of me on here, don't we? This is me getting girded up the do-it. You're the bike rider, speaking of your do-it. You're the bike rider, and she's the bike pole without a seat. Yeah, yeah, and I'm just straight up. And she just plonks me on.

And I'm just like, oh. I'll tell you where we're going. My asshole features on this show more often than you'd explain. Cut it, hoodie. Ah, asshole stuff's fine. Oh, is it? I picture your asshole. Yeah, yeah.

Just massive. It's a gaping hole. Like, you can put your full finger in there, a full fist. It should be. It should be a world heritage site. Sometimes. Because it's as big as the Grand Canyon. I was like, why is the Grand Canyon gets so much attention.

I have, Dougos mud button. I have Asian tourists come and take photos in front of my mud button. Like, it's the Grand Canyon. They do the peace sign. And I'm just there like, you know, a couple of tourists. They're pretending to like fall in. They do on the leaning tower of Pisa. but in the...

Maybe they can do something where they like hold their fingers like that because of the perspective. It's all that looks tiny. Sometimes when I bend over it off I can put my top

my head in there. It's craziness. It is craziness. Echo! Oh! You know like when you're bundling socks so you put them together and you have to fold it over itself

to keep them together that's you to yourself through your own asshole. And it's amazing I still can get constipated. I don't understand it. I don't get it. You'd think it would just fall out. You think it would just open.

No, because asshole and schvink does nothing to with the colon and rectum. Well, the minute it gets below that area, it just punches out. Yeah, it'll make your farts louder, too, because it'd be like a megaphone. Why do you think I'm so good at guess the fart? You know, why do you think I'm so good at that game? Babs, any minute, chip the fuck in. What do you want to say?

Come on, add into my butthole here. I don't want to talk about your butthow. Come on, it's but a fun. Would it help if you got it out? Just a couple of minutes. Trust me, this room's not big enough. Well, speaking of buttholes. Oh, here we go.

I have a question for you too. Segway. Oh, great. No, Babbs knows it's good because I teams messaged her I was going to look up exactly what's up.

Also, I got fucking invited to a team's group or something, I was like, who the fuck invited me to that? Like a work? Yeah, Oh, that's called Viva.

It's like a... I don't know what that is. I got scared and deleted it. It's like a dumb thing where like you're supposed to wish you co-workers happy birthday and shit on. It doesn't matter.

You know I hate everyone this building. I think that's enough. It's called Viva. It's like a social media for the... For the losers. Oh, cute. Anyway, butt holes.

A powdown day. 8.13 a.m. There was a really bad stedge in here, and it seems bad as I said, it stinks like fart in here, and it wasn't me. I don't think. 813. 813. Sometimes if duck omens me, we just, actually, I think that was me.

It's stacking. No, it was a bad one, too. Sometimes what I do guess my fart, and I get, I get the wheels in motion. I find a few times. It's like the gate open. I usually don't notice. Yeah, because you guys are over there. Or it goes away.

It must be pretty cool. And I was like, oh, that was a bad one. Because I thought it was just by default. I say, I've got a fucking reputation. You do. I know. Oh, mate, I'm the silent trooper. Mate, you have three hours a day, but your asshole does not quit. I know.

I just went about 8.13 a.m. Studio stinks. Trust me, yeah. Do you? Just must have farted. When Babbs goes, does it smell like fart? I wrote, yes. It was Jess. That's why Babbs didn't come in after eight.

She was such great, just gossip behind my back. I love that. I love that. You're the smelly rep. And I can just sit here and let them rip. I know. You're off a hook now. My tie hair, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's so clean.

What did you say the other day, roses and daisies? But you know what the problem is? You have an air vent under the jet, so if you fart, that's going to push right over to me and jazz. Next time I'm going to fight into that vent and just... First you... Oh, guess my fart, of course. I wonder if I can...

Oh, I can. Guess my fire, guess my fire, guess my fire. Quick, quick. It's so gross. Sorry. Sorry. I always spent the past three hours. We had issues with this studio.

He goes, People fucking touch him on our buttons. Everyone needs to fuck off my buttons as he shits onto the wife. You know, we share the studio. It was a real fun. That's a fucking punishment for everyone who touches our buttons. Pay that shit. Ben's going to get pink light.

Ben doesn't need to know unless he listens to the podcast. Let's talk. Hey, Babs, give me a mic sock. No, please off. Where's the Fibreze? Oh. That was, wait. That's commitment to the bit.

Hey. Can we get a video of that? Absolutely. It was fantastic. I nearly followed through there too. Everyone was making eye contact with your arthole. It's not hard too bad, it's gigantic. It's like the sun.

They say two things. Don't look at the sun. Don't look at Ducker's arseye. When you stare at them, you get lost. I can't see. Mama, popcorn. Wow, that was. I hope that sounded as good as it felt.

And looked. There's only one show to wake up with. Jess and Taco! The only pop show I listen to. The rest are rubbish. Broadcasting live. I'm doing it out. All I want is noise.

Turn it up, turn it love. It's about to go off. Jess. Please prove I'm Italian. Here's my stool. But her look was a bit delulu. Producer shy guy. It's not Hague FM.

They're elsewhere. Producer Babs. People don't listen to me. Big shows and big vibes in 2025. This is Jess and Ducko. Lights camera action. Heads up, hits up, let's get up. Yes, it is.

Finally with you, having a few technical issues this morning. I know it's like seven past six, Ducco. I know. What do you call this time? But no, we are here. I know. We've got a couple of gremlins playing funny buggers. There's demons in the system.

So we've muscled our way to the surface, but we're not sure for how long. We don't know how long this will last. We don't know. Right now our desk essentially is completely broken. So we're having to do a few other. the things to talk to you. Not that you need to know about it, not that you care. Shy guy is running around like a headless chook.

There are phone calls being made. There are wires being pulled out. Babs has got a soldering kit and she's trying to connect this green wire to this blue output. She's working overtime. I've got my HDMI. I don't know what I'm just walking around with that. You got a USBC cable.

I'm running around, but I've got the new iPhone. It doesn't fit into anything. Not everything is upgraded. God damn. I hate that iPhone did that, by the way. I have so many dumb thoughts to share. with you, Ducco, but we'll get to it when we can. We will do dumb thoughts on the show today at some stage.

We've got the diary to get to. We've got what's the threesome to get to. Let alone this call of fame, we're drawing at the end of the show. We want to get as many voices on the air to put you in with the chance. I know, heading to the Hunter Valley, stay at the ridges. Exactly. So don't worry. The tech team is rallying.

Yeah, we're trying our hardest. You should see how fast shy guys fingers are moving. He's tweeting someone. He can't even talk right now. He's stressed. He's stressed. We cross live to Shire Guy. Oh!

He's just trying to relieve a bit of that stress so he can focus. Shy Guy gets on it. Anyway, we'll let him do his thing. Does that help you when you're stress? Absolutely. Just being milved. Doesn't help anyone? Anyway, look, we're going to come back eventually No Dunfield Friday.

You might hear a few more songs. Hey, I've got good news for you. What's that? You get a bit more Tate McCray. You might not have got Tate McCray, but now you're going to get a bit of Tate McCray. You might hear no. bro boys again. We just came off tape, McRae.

Oh, dear. Have a bit more tape. So, you know, you'll hear a few other things. You might hear a bit of the killers, Mr. Bright. So how about I push play on that? That came on in me gym this morning, I've got to tell you. That's a great pump-up song for a Friday. Anyway, bear with us.

We're trying our best. In the meantime, why don't you go vote on our bangers? Yeah, do that. Do that. Do that. And hopefully, yeah, stick with us. We'll be back. And when we are back on, it's going to be glorious.

Amen, buddy. It's Jess and Ducko. Welcome to Friday. Jess and Ducco. Jess and Ducco. There's no such thing as a dumb thought. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. We don't want to get blue balls from bottling up our dumb thoughts, do we?

Well, I've got that because I was in last week. Oh, my God. Do you have about 15 to share? So many dumb thoughts. I'm so dumb. Oh, my God. I was spittling to my, I was spitballing them to my wife last night. Oh, no, was she judging you?

Yeah, she was like, you can't say that. No, it's so dumb. What are you talking about? Not a safe space. I'm sorry to hear that your living room not a safe space. I live with a monster, mate. You know.

I think about that often. When you leave me to go to live your life after nine, 11. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 12. I worry for you. Yeah, thank you. Because I know what you're up against.

Yeah, it's like. Doesn't even listen to the show. Oh, it doesn't. It doesn't know anything going on. Yeah. See, you get it. You know what I mean? I got home. Ah, don't hurt me.

You put that muzzle on. Yeah. Just whips and chains. Can I share my dumb foot with you that I share with her? Please, relieve yourself. I look forward to all of your reactions. I was doing the vacuum cleaning the other day, because I'm, you know, I'm just that kind of guy.

And as I, the vacuum cleaner, classic Dyson, got a bit clogged and you had to clean it. I started cleaning it. I realized, when you clean the vacuum, you become the vacuum cleaner. I've never heard a more deserving. Thank you so much. Think about it.

The vacuum cleaner, you then become the vacuum cleaner. This is the same predicament I often think about when you bend down to pick up your dog's poop. Yeah. When the aliens are watching us, they go, oh, that four-legged creature must be the superior being. Similarly, look at this flesh bag. Look at this idiot.

Cleaning that device. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That must be the superior being, he's the cleaner. So you'd be grabbing me by the feet and I'll be hoovering things, you know? You've got great suck. Yes, I do. I've had that surgery, so everything's all good. Run him along the cornices.

Anyway, I thought, shag I rate that? That's an eight, I reckon. Ooh, that's pretty bad. That's, I don't know if we've had higher. I don't know if we have for the dumb thought. All right, check this one out. Yeah, what do you got? We're all wearing our team jumpers today.

Except for Babs. Except for Babs. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. They are blue. Yep, yeah. Have you ever thought, though, what you see as blue? might not be what I see as blue

but for this colour we've just called it blue yeah we've blanketed at blue but through your eyeballs like a different shade of blue what you see as blue I might actually see as red but we know it as blue in our own brains

like people who are colourblind sort of but more just the way we've interpreted information through the lens of our own eyeballs I see I see you know what I'm saying yeah yeah like just because you're colour blind You've told it's that thing. You think it's that, but it might not be that. Exactly.

I can't, I can try and walk in your shoes, Daco, but I can't see through your eyes. No, no one can. So the way you see the world, we might have the same name for it, but actually be seeing different things. And different shades of it too. Yes. I do think about that a little bit. Yeah, good. Like the sunrise, you know?

What if you don't think it's the same color I think it is? Exactly. Shuggar, you've been done this week? I was thinking about cloud. That's good, mate. I'm glad you were. And you know when the cloud's like merged? Yeah. Do they know they're merging with another cloud?

That's cloud sex. Yeah, that's cloud sex. That's how they make love. And then it forms a massive trough. And that's how we get thunderstorms. Is that same? Good morning, Tim. Hey, you're the Today Show weather guy.

I was believing you. There's a chance that that was right. It's called Cloud Orch. We've got a crossing line to duck. We have a cloud orgy. We've got a cloud orgy moving out of peak weather trough. What's his name on the day show? Tim.

Yeah. It doesn't matter. Tim, I actually can't remember. I can't remember. Anyway, yeah. We've got Tim in the studio. We're having torebly. Davies.

There you go. Thank you, Tim Davies. I don't mind a voice memo because it's easy to reply to. I don't mind obviously talking a microphone. My wife hates it, right? Her friend yesterday, get this. And I want to get everyone's take on this. Because what is too long of a voice memo to send minutes-wise?

Okay. My issue is more than one point. point or question is too long. Because when I'm listening to a two-minute thing and you've asked 15 things and told me about your week, I don't remember everything you've said. So when I try and reply, I can't address everything that you've put out there. So that's why text is better. So I'd argue anything over one question or anything over 20 seconds?

Okay. Shaga? Well, it translates. It gives you a... A transcript, I know. It does give you a transcript. It's not always accurate, yeah. I'd say a minute, Matt.

Babs. Oh, no, you're not coming through. Oh, no, wait. Hold on, I can fix that. I can fix that. Well, let me get home here. Okay. Because you reckon the young ones are a bit more lenient?

Go again. Go again. You're speaking? Try again the same way you were doing it before. Okay, damn. Oh, yeah, you go. You're on. You're on.

You're on. Sorry. I've had friends voice memo me like three minute clips. No, unacceptable. I wouldn't listen to it. Get this. Six minutes. Unacceptable.

Six minutes. it came in for and Morgan's like what do I even do to this how do I and it was chaotic it was her talking to her child then talking to Morgan then talking and moving her in the house saying everything she was doing and Morgan's like I don't like a running commentary of what she was generally doing in that moment how can you even reply to a six minute monologue unless we're in the same room I don't need to see what you're doing in the exact moment that we're talking no don't doubt stop okay anyway so then today I'm going to go and blah blah blah blah they stopped doing that and then we're doing that how

you asked a question or anything or was this This is the first interaction. She had battered that up. Two texts before, then she'd sent this. I'm trying to send you this because it's way easier. No, unacceptable. Would you cop that, Bab? It's a six-minute voice memo?

Probably, you know. Wow. Yeah, but what else? I find that. Yeah, yeah. No, that's right. Too much. To be honest.

She replied with a two-sentence text back. As she should have. She doesn't ever reply the voice memo. That's why I don't like phone calls even, because you don't know what the other person is doing in that moment. Do you know what I mean? And not many people go, hey, you got a sec or you're free? Is this a good time?

They just call. They just call and you think, oh, my God, I've got something on the stove. I've got the kid running around. I was on my way somewhere. The voicemember was the same. Walking around, getting ready. I know. Six minutes.

I could not believe it. I didn't even write the text. That would be a long transcript. It was huge. It was massive. I don't even know if it carried at all, but it was big. Six minutes. Where would you cap it out?

What do you think is in an example? A minute and a half, a minute and a half-ish. I'd cop a minute or a half, two minutes. But, yeah, six was a long time. That is way too long. I think I want to start doing it. The voice memo train. I think that's where I live now.

Okay, well, good luck at ever getting a reply. Jess and Ducko. What do we got? Because we're a high-brae program that doesn't do dodgy things. What do we have? What's the best chocolate? Oh, that's a good one. How do we think of this stuff?

When you were off last week, Ducko, when you were dealing with that syndrome downstairs? Yeah, yeah. Well, I still am, but anyway. I tried to do something on the air, and shy guy goes, hey, we're not hack FM. You know, get your hack content out of here. But this made the board.

Well, we'll talk about this. Yesterday, what we're discussing with you, oh, the chocolate where you, they've invented a song that is really nice to eat chocolate too. That's right. It's meant to elevate the eating experience of chocolate. So I brought in the worst chocolate known to man because I thought if the song's actually going to work, it should be able to make Cadbury fruit and nut taste good. Yeah. Now, it actually worked on Babs. I did.

She liked the fruit and nut, but we were all in agreeance. She went home and got a block and she's like, oh, and she pissed off my house. husband angers because he went, hey, I'm the only one who buys fruit and nut. I always want it stocked in my local supermarket. But we made a blanket call only people 75 plus like fruit and nut, which is dangerous for them because the fruit could rip out your dentures. We got inundated on the text line, people defending fruit and nut. A lot of young people.

I'm 30 and I like fruit and nut. I'm 40 and I like fruit and nut. All right. So we thought Jesus Christ is fruit and nut, the chocolate of choice of the rice cooker community. We need to find out. It cannot be. It can't be.

We need to find out. So 131060, or you can text a 109-0-4-8-8-106 line. The voice is on the air for the call of fame. What is the superior, choppy? You can't be fruit-knock. This was like when we did the Robin Williams movie, an RV. Technically got up because three people said it. But that was the overwhelming majority.

That was a tough carry. That was a tough day. What have you got your nomination for? Because I know, you're more of a, you know, a savoury boy when it comes to a treat. I do love Kinder, though. Oh, I love a good Kinder. And not so much the Kinder Surprise, even though the toys are so fantastic. It's the Little Kinder Bar.

That you can get with the little... Not the Buino. No, not Boino. I don't like Boino, but with the little boy on the front. And then they've got the... It's like little Kinder pieces. It's a little German kid. I presume he's German.

I think Kinder's Italian, isn't it? Is it? His whole time... Nah, I can't be Kinder. That's not the right word. Oh, this kid. Yeah, a little... Not a tonky.

No, Kinder blocks. Trunkie. Anyway, I think Kinder's mine. I do like it. This kid. Oh, no, he's got brown hair. But anyway... Is your kid blonde?

Yeah. Well, I thought he was. Kinder, I've never had one of those. Go get a full bar of Kinder chocolate. It's just like an Easter drink, but all in one. What's inside that? Just the white stuff. I don't know, the kindery goodness.

It's delicious. Oh, the same white coating in an egg is it in that. Quick Google, shy guy. Where is Kinder from? Yeah, I don't know why I suspected Germany. No, that may be it does track. Alba, Italy. There is Italian.

Well, thank you to your people. You're very welcome. Prego. The name Kinder is German. for children. See, that's what I knew, I knew German, uh, Kinda. So what's this Italian company doing? I'm not going to play around.

The Kinda. Well, I guess maybe would you like a Kinder egg as much if it was called a Bambino egg? No, I probably wouldn't. It feels a bit childish, doesn't it? Yeah. So they went, we'll call it Kinder. Yeah.

What are you going for? So you've gone egg slash bar shape. Yeah, yeah. Fruit nuts are block. Yeah. I mean, will you accept a mince slice, like a chalky bicky? No, we now blurring the line. I don't go bicky world.

So not Bicky. I'm not bicky, but we can go... Block or bar. Yeah, block or bar. I love a Twix. Oh, Twix is good. I fricking love a Twix. I don't get a Twix much, but when I do, I'm satisfied.

And it's so funny because I don't like caramel. I don't like Nougar. Interesting. But the Twix has all of that. Oh, my God. It is nice, isn't it? I think it's the ratio of cookie crunch to biscuit, to chocolate coating. Yeah, it's good.

To minimal. It's light. It's light. Yeah, yeah. You can eat a king-sized twix and not feel like sad with yourself. Totally. You know what I mean? Shogga, what do you got?

You've been curly-whorley, don't you? Polywuffle? Nah, it's a Kit-Kat Chunky. Oh, yunky boy. I like Kit-Kat. The chunky's too much. I'm with you. I love it.

It's too aggressive. Two for five, okay. It's too aggressive. The kick cat is a beautiful thing on its own. The two-for-five, I don't hate getting a chunky and a twigs. Yeah, it's always like. Have you got the wheels car? Do you want 45 Kit Katz for 80 cents?

What? Yes, I do. Do you want a bubble-o bill? No. Just let me pay for my fuel. Now, Babs, as someone who cries every Tuesday at 3pm, without fail, what's your chocolate accompaniment of choice? I love Marvellous creations.

Oh, they are good. Say that again. Marvel's Creations. Like, Matt. Chocolate from Aldi. The coconut rough chocolate from Aldi. Yeah, they're good. Marvel's creations is great.

It's aggressive. Like, there's a lot on in your mouth. Is that the with the pop rocks? Pop rocks. You can get some. There's multiple flavors of it. Now, so you get into fruit and nut territory now. Keep your crap out of me chocolate.

What's all that stuff? It's a party in the mouth, and you're invited. It is because it like pops and stuff. It does. It's all squishy and just like, it's so good. I don't need that pop and I go out on my mouth and listen to my pop. And you can listen to the pop. What do you do?

Anyway, 13, 10, 60, it's a Friday. Superior Chockey. What do you got? If you want to call and say fruit and nut, like you can come on. You can do it. But we will judge you. And you can also text the text line. Someone said peanut slab.

Oh, that you've got to be 85. Sure. Jess and Ducco. 131060. What's the superior chocolate? We got slammed yesterday as we all bad-mouthed Cadbury fruit and nut. I genuinely thought my husband was the only one buying it. Well, me by extension, because if he's been a good boy, I buy him a block of chocolate. Oh, that's his little treat, is it?

And he always wants the fruit and up. It's been a good boy. Here you go. Do you feed him piece by piece? Absolutely. Obviously. Yeah, yeah. It's the closest I get to wrong play. And then you just give him your toes. And you're like, please. He's like, no. But a lot of people texting on the text on. No foot double eight. 6-9-1-6-9. Sophia said fruit-nut, fruit-nut, fruit and nut.

Thank you, Sophie. It is not the superior chocolate. Emily said snack chocky. I don't know what that is. Snack chocky. Is that a type of chocolate? I don't know. I'm not sure.

God, there's a lot out there. Anything made by Whitaker's red-hot. It's my favourite, someone said. But we go to the great man himself. Paul. Good morning, Paul. Good morning. How are you?

Paul, we couldn't be better, babe. What is the superior chocolate? I'd have to say it's the dark chocolate from Audi. Okay. See, there's been a couple of nominations for Aldi chocolate. They're doing something special over there. It is better than Easter egg chocolate, and I'm a chocoholic, and I'll pay 30 bucks a week for me chocolate.

Oh, just from the ALDI. Do you get bold? I get about six blocks a week, and that'll do me until I go next week. So how many blocks a day you're pumping out, Paul? One block? It's eight squares. Oh, I see what you're saying. The big, thick.

Are they a thin boy chalky? Yeah, they're a thick. They're a thick block. Oh, okay. But I only have it at night time just to relax while I'm watching telly. Hell yeah. Oh, I love that for you. Yeah.

So as a chocoholic, I think your vote counts for a little bit more. Do you know what I mean? I think so. And that fruit and nut? Yeah. Nah, that's not good. Crash it. Can you say, I'm Paul, and I do not endorse fruit and nut?

No, it's crap. It's crap, says Paul. Thank you for your contribution. I heard it. I don't know if we landed on whether his chalk is thick or thin. but I love his opinion either way. He eats a block a day. I am concerned.

Rebecca, good morning. Hey, how are you going? Good, Beck, couldn't be better. Firstly, what's your stance on fruit and nut? Oh, yeah. I love it. Is that your vote for the best? No, I do love fruit nut,

but the best of the best would have to be M&Ms. Ooh, I did not even think about. Now, which flavor M&M? Are we going crispy? We've got on peanut? Not just plain old M&Ms. Even the minis, and my ultimate would be mixing them in with coffee ice cream. Oh, my God.

She's running her own race here. That's that cold rock diet. Mate, if I never had another Eminem in my life, I'd be happy. Oh, see, I love a good crispy or peanut Eminem. A little snack on the couch. No. You know? Yeah.

Oh, they are good. What's your stance on Smarties? Nah, no. No, they've got a different oil in it, so they just don't taste the same. Oh, the oil. Who knows what the bloody oils are used? When I went to kids parties, it's been a long time. But if I'm going to, if I get, okay, when I went to a kid's parties a couple of weeks ago, when I get the, you're the entertainment, aren't you, you go in and do the...

Dance for me, Cloud! You juggling M&Ms. Hey, times are tough. You do what you can do to get by. I can play the ukulele kids. I get kicked in the shins. I come in with the jug. Do something, radio boy.

Anyway, what's your point? When I see a box of smarties, I go straight to the parents and I say, Slap them. That is a Pov gear. Do you hate your children? I don't know I do. I put the red smile in my mouth and go, and spit it off them.

Like a bullet. Yeah, yeah. Those things, it hurt. Yeah, yeah. I still take the party back and leave. Obviously, you'll have a whiz, fizz. Hello, Nick. Good morning, guys.

How are we? Oh, good, good. Firstly, how much do you hate fruit and nut? Absolutely cannot stand it. Yes. It would be the worst chocolate ever. Smart man. Where do you sit?

What's your favorite? Um, Jess might have a bit of a mixed opinion on this, but white chocolate is superior. White's chocolate, Nick, sorry, see you later. Are we going dare, or are we going, uh, what, what, a dream? Uh, I think a Milky Way, especially the cookies and cream one. Oh, the cookies and cream Milky Way is rich. Oh, God, you're crazy. Who let this guy on the air?

I do like a good, I do like a good Milky Way. Yeah, but the OG, that nice fluffy internal, don't be ruining it with your white chocolate, Nick. Amanda, Superior Chocolate? It's got to be the Ferrara Chair. Amanda's bogey. Amanda is a fancy lady. I forgot about the Ferreira share. Yeah, they are good.

I'm pretty bogan, really, but when it comes to chocolate. What's your take on Smarties? Nah, not a fan of Smarties. Good. And what about fruit and nut? No, fruit and nuts. Not, fruit and nuts, not good either. Amanda's welcome back any time.

Hang on, so if we actually had a double-up vote? If Rob comes on now and says a double up, that wins. That wins. God, it all hangs with you, Rob. Superior chocolate. Rees's pink butter cup. Ah, we didn't get one. Yes!

That is, oh, they are excellent, Rob. Have you had the mini ones in the little packet? I've had the minis. I've had the big caramel cup one. They are just the best. If you were to ask me a month ago, I'd never tried Reese's. I would have said Snickers today, but Reese's. Rees are good.

Rees are good. You get the mini, Reese's? and you can just keep, oh, they're so moorish. It's making me a little bit concerned, Ducko. We're just getting some more text for Fruit and Nut. I've never seen more passion. What, Rob? Fruit nut is brilliant.

Rob. I think that's tipped over. Okay, where do you stand on Smarties? They don't exist. Good. Jess and Ducko. One, two, three, three, three. Jess and Duckos.

What's the threesome? Everybody loves all. Shaga's going to give us three things. We're going to tell him what those three things have in common. Yes, we are. Babs is in studio to play. Shy guy's getting the scoreboard ready. And this can be anything.

You've got to get your brain into shy guy mode. Because whilst you might bat up a thing that those three things do have in common, it's what he has denoted. What he thinks. What he thinks. Yep. Your first one. What do you got, baby?

The Smith's Joy Division, New Order. New Wave Bands. From the 80s? What's Joy Division? New Orleans. British boys bands? Boy bands. British boy bands.

Did up boy band. No, Jess. closer. British music groups. Bands that have recorded Abby Row. 80s? They're from the UK. British.

Nisha. From the Liverpool. From Liverpool. Manchester. Manchester bands. Jesus. Every week we play this game, I find new ways to get annoyed. Babs coming in with new wave bands.

Again, we reiterate. Getting the mind of shy guy. I don't know two of those bands. Oh, really? Yeah, I didn't know that were bands. All right, next one. Poker, Blackjack. Ruleette.

Card games. Things you play, casino. Casino games. Damn, yes. I like the game again. I don't. You're hot and you're calling. Mike 11.

Dustin. Oh, Stranger Things characters. Oh, good one. Good one. I like this game now, too. You know what I was about to say? GMs. Because ours is Mike.

Dustin? If your name is Dustin and you're a GM, get out. I don't think you're commanding much authority. He's our GM, Dustin. Yeah, absolutely right. Yeah. Fog, mist, haze. Oh, weather things.

Ooh, condensation. Cloud things. Weather events. Mists. Mists events. Weather... Be close. Jeez, I feel like I should get this.

Precipitation. Weather systems? Moist. Yeah. Ducker's closest. Okay, weather things. He's the weather guy. Yeah, I am.

Come on, Tim. Well, there's a trough moving down south, as you can see. Low lying, something? Yeah, low-lying cloud. Need to put your headlights on. Yeah, too. What is it? I think it's a lot.

gone on long enough. Reduced visibility weather. Oh, so you do need to put your hand lights on. No one was getting reduced. I reckon that's a half point for ducko and a half for baths. No one was getting reduced visibility or weather. Again, guys, I look to us. We've got to get in the mind of this guy.

But I've never even heard him say the words reduced visibility. That's not in his vocabulary. To be fair, have you heard him say everything. How about how else would you describe it? We've got to get our minds. Whether the way you have to put your headlights on, you wouldn't have said that. We've got to get our minds in, in Shy Guys Chat, Chat, GPT. That's what we've got to go.

A dreadnought, a jumbo, a parlour. Types of plane. No. Jumbo jet. Jets. No. A dreadnought. I know what that is.

One more time? A dreadnought. Military. No. Ice cream. No. Dreadnought? A dreadnought.

A jumbo and a parlor. A parlor? Types of rocket? No. Nothing to do with space. Oh, nothing to do with transport? Anything to do with planes or like? Nope.

Okay. Um, a place you eat food. Something to do with instruments. Oh, Babs, this is you, don't. They're all types of... Drum. Oh, they're all types of the guitar. Acoustic guitar.

Really? Shapes of the... Obviously, I used to have a dreadnought, which is how I know that. Oh, really? Yeah, I used to rock the dreadnought man. Babs only cares about bass guitar. So true. Yeah.

Are you a two-finger bass player? So do you use the one? You have to use it. Okay. She uses her whole feast. Yeah, just stramming it. Yeah, yeah. Do you ever just play bass on your own at home?

Sometimes. God, you'll lose a ducco, he hates your game. He's going on. He shouldn't because he's winning. Sorry, I like this game. Keep going. Ab crunch, back extension, rotary torso. Gym exercises.

They are. You get them off the TV. Jim thinks you buy off the TV. Like my grandma would have bought the Adp Crunch Pro. You'd see them on the, daytime TV advertised, Jim things. Dan, I was direct. No, the best was closest. Jim exercises?

Then involve your abs? Cardio. No, ab. Not cardio. A. CORE, core. Their core machinery. My grandma had the ad bust at 3,000.

She bought it off the TV. For four low payments of 99.99. Yeah. She gave it to me when she died. They're in the bin. She left it in the wheel. It was a sugar mama. Yeah.

Oh, father. She gave me that and a troll. Anyway. What's a troll? Like a little figurine. The troll doll. Neptune, Poseidon, Varuna. Roman gods, Greek gods.

God to the ocean. The man knows the game, boy. The key is not caring. That's the key. The key is to just have a conversation in between. Yes and Ducko. Quickly, Ducko had an amusing incident that occurred yesterday. Went out for a birthday dinner, good mate of ours.

A bit of a celebration, you know, 10 of us out for a meal. A little cheeky Thursday night. Little cheeky Thursday night. But, you know, that classic thing. whilst we have a table for 10, everyone arriving just sort of after each other. So everyone's up out of their chairs. We're grabbing a drink from the bar.

We're mingling. We're catching up. Because you can, Thursday's danger because you can tip into, I only got one day of work. And you kind of forget a bit. When you catch the vibe a little bit, you look at the time, you go, Jesus Christ, it's 8 o'clock.

The kid was meant to be in bed an hour ago. Yeah. Let's wrap it up. But it was wonderful to see some of our mates we haven't seen in a while. Our daughter, who's nearly two, the other good thing about going with a big group of people you love and trust, she's running around. You know, I know someone's always watching her if Angus and I don't exactly have eyes on her or have a holding her hand. It's like, ah, she'll be okay. So she was sort of running around.

Angus was after her at one point. Our mate Bonnie's after her at one point. So I know she's in motion while I'm there standing to a group of friends. Yeah. And all of a sudden, a kid wraps there. arms around my leg, has just barreled into my legs and given me a big hug. I obviously assume it's Lucia. And I kind of pat her on the head while I continue talking to the birthday boy or whatever.

But then I look down and I go, oh, that's not my child. And the next words out of my mouth were, oh, that's not my child. Lucia is not wearing green because I knew I had dressed Lucia in a pink cardigan. And one of my girlfriends goes, yeah, your kid also doesn't have black hair. Yeah, yeah. It just doesn't look anything like your child. And then Angus goes, yeah, our kid's also not Chinese.

It was a little girl. Staring up in me. And he went, of all the things that didn't sit right with you, that's your... There's a little Chinese girl hugging you. And then you're going, oh, no, she's not in green. That's all good. Chinese lady has run over.

That's so funny. Sorry, sorry. and ripped the kid off my legs. She's got any of your mum in Chinese? You're like, no, Lucia? No, it's, you know what it is? It's the outfit. It's the outfit.

Oh, hang on a minute. She can't have gotten changed. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabucks on hit. Oh yeah, you have 30 seconds to answer 10 questions all starting with the same letter. I have to take your first answer. You cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, you're free to say pass.

But we only come back if there's time at the end, okay? That's right. So don't muck around. Do not muck around. Today, someone who won't muck around for the 10k is Linda. Good morning, Linda. Good morning. Hi, Linda.

What brings you to the show today? What do you want to spend $10,000 on? So my partner has to go to the UK for work, and we have a little 12-month-old, and I think he's got a little bit of FOMO. So I would love to be like, hey, therefore, like, pull my bags out and be like, I'm going with you. Oh, that would be so fun. Yeah.

Okay, but we need a cash injection, obviously, to make this happen. Yeah, we've passed sports, but we'd love to get some good tickets. Okay. All right. Well, one thing stands between you and getting over there. It's the letter J. Oh, okay. Okay.

Jay's a great letter. Jay's solid. Save for chess. Thank you. Are you ready to rock, Linda? Yes, let's do that. Come on, Linda. Your time.

It's Friday, Linda. get aggressive. I know, and it's sun, sunny. The sun is shining. Here we go. Your time will start up to the first question, starting with letter. J. We need you to name a lolly.

Pass. An animal. Jack Robert? A musical. Jackson 5. A board game. Jumparoo. An adverb.

A fuss. A five-letter word. Jumps. A car brand? Jeep. A rom-com. Just go with it. A celebrity.

Jackson Pollock. A perfume brand. Man, I had some question marks on that sheet. Look, you got yourself maybe five, maybe six, maybe seven. Now, a musical, Jackson Five. Is that a musical? No, it's a group they do. We have to check if they made a musical about it.

And a board game. Jumping Jacks? Is what you said? Yeah. You know where they like, you put the... I've heard jumping jacks, but is it a board game? I don't think there's a boarding game. There's those little token things, yeah. Which would mean you got five. But hey, look, you know, I still love that you had a crack. A lolly could have been a jelly bean, a musical jersey boys or Jesus Christ, superstar. A board game. Jamunji. An adverb, anything L. Y. So joyfully. And everything else you answered, you got, look, you don't get the money, but you do get $100. all suspended at Woolworths.

Amazing. Thanks so much, guys. Thank you, Linda. Good luck with the move for your partner. Oh, thank you so much. Come today, guys. You too. You too.

We do play again Monday. 6.308 for $10,000. But hot off the press. It's fruit and your album. Man's best friend is out there right now, guys. This is the very controversial album cover where it looked like a dude was pulling her by the hair when she was on all fours. It was.

She said, wait till the whole thing drops. It'll make sense. What drops today? It drops today. This is the second song on the album. It's called Tears. It's a first play, baby, here on hit. And I guarantee we'll play it for most.

Jess and Ducko. Sabrina Carpandard, new one from her new album, Drops Today. It's called Tears on Hit Breakfast. Jess and Duck with you. What do we think? How do we feel about that one? Might be a grower, not a shower. Okay, Grofee.

Shog, I liked it. He was bopping around it. Yeah, he was bopping. Bob and she, Babs? We're not allowed to... Oh, gosh. So Babs loved it. It was really good.

Hey, you know, it was really good. You really need to separate your ears from your jealousy of her hair, Babs. No, I am. Trust me, I am. Okay. I don't know if you are. Okay. But let's get down to business, Daco.

Shall we just. We've got a call of fame. We've been putting in, putting people in with a chance to win it all week. Yeah. Today's the day. And 9 a.m. We're going to give. someone a dining experience at the Hunter Valley's

best restaurant, E-XP, plus a night's accommodation of the beautiful ridges out there. This might be a last chance to get on the phone. 13-1060. The grandparents said, What? Love your grandparents. It can be your in-laws.

It can be your parents. They're now grandparents. It can even be just your grandparents. But the rules change. They do change. One, you become a grandparent. Everything goes out the window. They can say cooked things and just sort of get away with it.

Exactly. The goalposts move. Yes. Yes, they do. So yesterday on the show, this comes off the back of that. I was telling you a story about how my mum said the strangest thing to me. Now, mum, she's Grammy. You know, she wanted to be Tootie as her grandparent name, but that's Hawaiian.

She read Michelle Obama's book and thought that was cool. And we're like, no, mum. And you said that's cultural appropriation. And also, like, it sounds like a fart. Like, we're not doing that. That's just not going to work. Did she want to be that for your daughter, Flo? Or did she try and get that happening for your sisters?

The older sister. And then I was laughing at it. Then my sister said, you know, if that happens for me, that happens for you. And that's when I had to come in. Yeah. I'd be able to take one for the 10 and put her foot down. Yes. So Grammy.

Grammy is. And your mom now semi-retired, live in her best. Yeah. She's getting more and more peculiar. She is. And she's pushing the envelope. She's pushing the boundaries a little bit. Now, Flo, as we all know, she was an IVF child.

She was a bit of a journey to come into the world, right? So, whatever, Miracle baby. Morgan and I are standing there, and mom comes in the middle. And here is what happened. And I said this yesterday. Mom comes in the middle and puts one arm over Morgan and puts one arm over me. And if we're all smiling, having a moment. And then she goes, we made her.

We swear to God. She goes, we made her. And me and Morgan are like, ah, what? Mom's like, well, we did. I prayed and I made you and I made you, Nick. And then you made Flo. It's just odd. It's odd.

We made her. We got a message about it, Ducko. Alison said I wanted to comment on what Ducko's mum said about we made her, about your baby. When a woman is pregnant with their daughter, all girls are born with all the eggs that they'll ever have in their lifetime that the mum technically carrying her grandchildren, like it's sort of all linked.

Your mum isn't Morgan's mum. Do you know what I mean? Maybe we could have gotten away with it if Robin said it. Yeah, yeah. The mum just said that she made me. Therefore, made flow. She's taking credit for the semen. It was just like...

Yeah, she is. It was just like the way she popped her head in between our heads and we're really close. We're all having a nice bonding moment. We made her. I was just, it was cooked. I'm very, very, very grateful for all the help I get from the grandparents. There we go, yes.

But... But... My mother-in-law revealed something to me the other day, and it's sort of been ticking over in my mind, like, how long has this been going on for? We were all together the other day. day, and Lucia was trying to get Gigi's attention. Yeah. Gigi is her name.

Yeah. Lucia can say Gigi. She says Gigi and Poppy very confidently. Yeah. But she's trying to get Gigi's attention and sort of like tugging on her pant, like going, Mama, Mama. And I was in the kitchen. And I sort of went, Lucia, I'm over here.

That's Gigi. And my mother-in-law turned around and said, oh, she calls me Mama. And I casually was like, oh. And how long has she been calling your mama? And also, are we correcting that? Yeah, we're going to, because that's not who, she knows that's not who you are, right? You're Gigi. And what did she say?

Well, to be honest, I don't have a backbone and I don't want to annoy my in-law. So I just whispered to myself, well, are we correct? You know her and not, I think she heard me. She picks her up. Come to mummy. Yeah, well, there's a mama. Oh, that's bizarre. Yeah, I know.

I was a bit. Oh, that's so funny. Nipping that a bit. The grandparents have really come in and they take pride when the, grandchild, like, loves, you know what I mean? I don't think my mum's listening. You should see when I visit my mum. She'll, like, spin her back to me,

blocking me physically from Lucia. She's carrying her. And she goes, do you want to go to mummy? But, like, not give her a chance to come to me. I'm like, Ma, she loves you. Don't pit me against you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hoping she picks you.

Yeah, that's what they want. You'll lose that battle nine times out of ten. And then you'll have to deal with me. You've got to come with me. But she's got three mums, by the sounds of it. Evidently. Mama, mama. Okay, great.

13, 1060, you get the vibe. The grandparents said, What? The weird or the better. And we love them. The grandparents. They can get away with it. Sometimes you need a pressure valve.

Jess and Ducko. The grandparents said, What? There's something that comes with the age and the status of being a grandparent. You just start shooting from the hip. You get a right, don't you? I think so. To want a passage.

Exactly. So both of us have stories. is this, but my mum, coming between Morgan and I, having a real nice moment, we're all looking at Flo, my daughter, having a smile, and mum says, we made her in Benow he is. Real emphasis on the we. I really had to

think about it. I was like, well, she was made in a lab technically, and no, hang on a minute. This is weird. Dr. Hedges did more than you did, ma'am. You don't see him putting an arm over IV. I remember the sample that day, so no, you weren't there. That nurse who collected that paper bag, she had a bit more to do. That was the best she's ever seen. Alana.

As text a stucco, 04-8-8-1069. My boyfriend's Nan had two of her husbands pass away. She's a widower, you know, twice over. Oh, that's not lucky. The other day we were talking to her about finding someone special, someone knew, and she replied, God, no, I'd just kill him again. Has Nat just admitted to offing both her husband? And also, no one knows what to severance?

Like, just let that go under the rug. I think Grandma can't. kill both her husbands. Oh, well, can you pass the cheese? Thank you for that contribution. Emma, it was your mum to your kids. What did they say? Good morning. It was my mum to me. And she said to me, I don't think I ever loved you as much as I love him. Oh, about your kid. About my son, yeah. Oh, wow. Again, they do say, that's a bit of a cliche, but a cliche for a reason, Emma, like the grandparents

getting another go at a little kid without the, you know, pressure of being their parents. Being a grandparent is probably more fun than being a parent. Yes, you hand them back at the end. You hand it back when it gets too hard. Oh, Emma, you don't need to hit it to your face, though. Oh, well, when I looked at her and I was like, pardon? She goes, and she tried to backtrack. She's like, oh, no, I mean, because, you know, it's a total different love and whatever, Mom.

My mom does that do, Emma. She's, I'm like, you never would have let me get away with that. And she's like, yeah, but it's different. I mean, what? What's a different? Do you love me? Oh, Haley, on 13, 1060, the grandparents said, What?

Morning. I was so excited. I just had my first baby. It was 4 o'clock in the morning. I rang my mom, and I said, Mom, I've just had a baby boy. He's named Xander. And she goes, oh, do you like that name?

Well, I've chosen it for my kid. Yes. Just making you question it, oh, do you like that name? Haley, now I assume you didn't change Zander's name. He is Zander. Does she call him Zanda or is it always a pet name because she can't bring herself to say it? No, she actually loves it now. He's a favourite grandchild, I swear.

Oh, there you go. She's come around. They always come round. Jay, good morning to you. Hey, mate. How you going? Good. The grandparents said, what?

We went to visit my husband's grandmother and she said, oh, I went to a wedding on the weekend and you should have seen the bride. She had a VB tinny in one hand, a durry in the other. was stepping all over the dress. I said, Gracie, dull, that was me. She's got dementia bless her. Oh, no, Jay. She said, well, why don't you bloody wake up to yourself? I mean.

Can you paint that picture? She were in your wedding dress with a durry and a VB and you were just kicking and screaming on the deep floor. It's my day. It's your day. You do whatever you want. Oh, that was me. Wake up to yourself.

Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, that's so good. Jay, thank you. Because you can't be mad at her. You can't have a go at her. I should have seen this wedding. I said, I'm a weed joke. Like she was at a wedding that wasn't a family one when she's like in her 90s.

Oh, Nicole, good morning. Good morning. Oh, babe. The grandparents. It's all grandmas, isn't it? I know. It's hilarious. Is yours a grandma?

Yes. All right. The grandma said, what? I went to visit her out of the nursing home and I took my daughter, who was a toddler, and she's sitting there and I said, oh, this is my daughter, Nan. And she said, oh, she said, do you know who the father is?

And I said, yeah, I said, you came to the wedding and you also came to the christening. So, yes. She wasn't sure if I knew who the father was. You got a bit of her reputation in grand's eyes, obviously, in her college. Jess and Ducco. We need to take a look back at the week that was.

The only way we're going to learn and grow. Yeah. And develop. And develop. Keep on learning. We're always learning. You can't keep going to New Zealand. I can't keep going to Italy for professional development.

Sometimes what we need to do is go through Shy Guy's diary and really pick it apart. And just meet our heroes, which is us in the future. You know what I mean? We're never going to catch them. Our enemies are us of the past. But our heroes are us of the future. I don't look in the rearview mirror. Famously, even when I drive.

It's horrible for reverse parking, but I just never do it. I don't know how you passed your driver's supposed. I need to do I. God. And on that rescue remedy I was on too. Oh, God, it was a tough break. But I'm only a forwards guy. You know that.

So are you. I know, then. That kind of goes against what the diary is, though. Yeah, because I'm the one going in reverse. Yeah, he's the one going back. We let him go. Classic show I die. We let him go backwards.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. I was doing live sound effects. Set it up again. Yeah, yeah. We won't talk about it. Yeah, go. I flick it through it.

Oh, that's a thick boy diary. Isn't it? There's a lot to cover. What are you gotten there? Not everything gets the cut, unfortunately, because our audio producers doesn't have enough time in the day to get through everything. What's with the SG loves Ducko? You wrote that, I think.

That's not my hand writing. Shy guy Alan Duckett and love her. Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Ducko? Taylor Swift announced her engagement to NFL player Travis Kelsey. It didn't take Jess and Ducko long to start planning how they can make a quick buck out of this news. Do you reckon they need a celebrant? How do I?

You should jump in. I reckon you'd be top of a list. I reckon I can afford you The only people who can Yeah, yeah Tay, I'll do your discount I'm in, send her a DM I reckon she'll see it

I'll send her my packages Grande or piccolo She just wants to do an elopement What are they going to get to MC? All the job I'm in Do we do a do a package deal? Little old Jess and Ducko

From Australia Are you happy To cover your own travel? Yeah, I'll cover my travel I'll do that Here we go We'll just let her into their DMs It'll work

Actually, Shago, can you get on to them? Yeah, maybe it'll look better if we had a manager. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a manager. Why don't we take the show? We'll do the show from the wedding. I like that. I like it a lot.

Except perhaps it's going to have to stay here to answer phones. That's so annoying. We won't need phones. There's just be water-to-war wedding cover. No phone is necessary. I love that. We're at the Royal Wedding. Let's get the show on the road for the wedding.

There's something here, guys. There's something here. I recommend we're the only ones who have thought of it, too. It's a love story. Baby, just say, yeah. Darko has bought himself a PlayStation. And he's a real nubon line on the gaming world. He wasn't ready for his first troll from some kid over in the United States.

He goes, you're so dumb if your brain was in a bird, it would fly backwards. That's good gear. I know, and I was like, what? He's also probably 11. He's preempted it. I think he's typed in insults. Absolutely. If your brain was in a bird, he would fly backwards.

And I was like, what is he even saying? And he's like, what if I want to go backwards? And he kept saying, bruh, bro. I feel sorry for you, bruh. I feel sorry for you, bruh, because I was so bad. I think I'm laughing. And it's like, what are you doing? Who are you playing? I don't know.

This little kid's getting me. It's hitting me right in the fields. This is hurting. He's in my head, man. He's in my head. It was an experience, you know? Wow. But by the end of it, I think I wasn't, like, I wasn't, you know, retaliating.

So I think by the end of his, he was actually genuinely feeling sorry for me. He's like, I've hurt this boy's feeling. Remember a few years ago when water restrictions were at an all-time high, and we're all-time high, and we're all told, have minute-long showers? Turns out Jess is still living with this anxiety. We're in a drought, man. Are we?

I think we've been in a drug for 15 years. I've read the most I've read. Have you seen the East Coast downpour? I am stuck in the early 2000s. Now, I know you grew up up north and I grew up down south, but there was a period in the early 2000. Don't blame that you were stuck in the early...

Are you going to say that it was a drought? I genuinely think it changed my brain chemistry. No. I cannot, Ducko, have a longer than one minute shower, even when I'm washing my hair. But even the water, you used to have the two-minute egg timers. I remember when we were in a heavy drought, there was a two-minute egg timer. Now, we put the sauce

spin in the shower to capture it all. You just, your dad's bashing on the door going, wrap it up, Jess. I just, I just. What era were you growing up here? I genuinely. I think it was like 2002. Were you getting it from the well? We've done some rogue topics

for you rice cookers to get involved in. Here's one I didn't think would make the show, but it did. When I opened the dishwasher after it's been on. Oh, that's what you're calling it. The worst thing to come on your face is that puff of egg. Oh, steam. You know that steam? When I, yeah, yeah, I do know that.

It's hot. It's hot. And it smells funny. It does smell funny, doesn't it? Hence. For something that should be clean, it's like, it's like, I imagine. You leave this. You leave this.

I'd imagine hosties would say the flight from L.A. to Australia when I opened the door. Oh, we got another Jess. Who loves this segment? Jess, worse thing to come on your face? Yeah, hey guys. I'm going to top you one and say,

what's the worst thing to come on your face and in your mouth? I work in health, and we call it granny glitter when you have to assess someone's foot and you take off their sock and all the dead skin cells come out on your face

and you swallow it. Oh, that is rank. Granny glitter. Yes, you took tomorrow's... You can taste it. You took tomorrow's boot topping. What's the worst thing to come in your mouth? That's face and mouth.

We all know Jess quotes movies all the time. Then sometimes it backfires. Here's the weird way she closed out Thursday's show, which left us scratching our heads. You promised us light and shade. Yeah. I think it was all light and zero shade. It was zero shade.

And that's the way we like it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. All right. You're wrapping yourself up now? What's that from? I don't know why I'm trying to think that? I can't. That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yeah, what is that from? That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh. I like it. I think it's just a song, isn't it? Uh-huh, uh-huh. Sorry. It's a quote, I'll get it. It's just the song.

Madagascar or something? No, I think it's, I like to move it. No, that's right. And that's the way I like it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, God, it's going to annoy me. I'll leave me on my own. Okay, we'll just let you sit there.

That's the way. Uh-huh, uh-huh. We like it. Uh-huh. See you next week, rice cookers Yes and ducco Cornucin Colophane

Gollafin With the Brackens EXP would have to be The Hunter Valley's most exciting dining experience It's got two hats, guys Geez, that's good It's got

It's better than one hat It's way better than one hat It's unbelievable Frank Faulkner Head chef, he's incredible Yeah You can have that experience to dine at EXP.

Yep. And then head on over to the ridges in the Hunter Valley to rest your head. That would be nice. Make a whole thing of it. Oh, it's a great accommodation there. All you needed to do was get involved this week. We had some doozies. Oh my God, honourable mention to Jay just an hour ago.

Yeah, it was funny hours. Talked about grandma, a little bit of dementia. Bitching about a wedding she just attended. The bride being, you know, tinny in one had dorry and another. Casting a lot of judgment. It was her. Jay said, that's me, then. Oopsie.

Anyway, some grey ones. Some unbelievable contributions. Thank you very much. Everyone who chipped in about superior chocolate. Thanks for coming with us on that journey. That was great times. We all hate smarties. We all collectively hate smarties.

Fruit and nuts, still divisive. What were we talking about? What did you come on your face? What's the worst thing you come in your face? It was yours. I opened that corridor to set this up and completely forgot. I hate when you open the dishwasher. just after it's finished and you get that puff of disgusting dishwasher steam.

It's the worst thing to come on your face. It's smelly. I thought, I said rain, I said hair gel in the rain. I thought all of those were horrible until we heard Jess's contribution. I work in health and we call it Granny Glitter when you have to assess someone's foot and you take off their sock and all the dead skin cells come out on your face and you swallow it. Oh, that is rank. Granny Glitter.

Yeah, we don't get paid enough, let me tell you. No, you do not. Yes. Oh, my God. In the face, that's a double whammy. We've got a two for one. Yep. Yes.

Yeah. You can taste it. You took tomorrow's... You took tomorrow's book topic. What's always if to come in your mouth? That's face and mouth. Oh, just give her the call of fame now. She needs a dinner out.

Oh, there you go. We sent it back then. Jess, you won it. Well done. Wow, thanks so much, guys. Who knew that just an everyday carrot for me could bring so much joy? So much joy. We've not stopped thinking about it and not in a good way, Jess.

No. People message me saying they were guys. gagging driving to work. Absolutely. But get the granny glitter out of your mouth and get a bit of EXP food in your mouth. A much better option. That's really exciting. Thank you so much, guys. You're welcome.

You're very welcome. Enjoy that. Little larger at Ridges. Ridgesort Hunter Valley. That is all yours, Jess. And, geez, the good times don't stop next week. What do you mean? Well, we've got a co-fod. Call of Fame a Day. Call the Fame of the Day. That means 9 a.m. every day. Someone's going to walk away with a double pass to see the very funny fella.

Who's that? Tommy Little. Mr Pickler But on top of that Yes You can stay at the beautiful Noah's on the beach Unbelievable views Fantastic

Oh my God That's going to be incredible So we do that every day next week Are we catching up We tell me little Like if we're giving away tickets to a show Surely we're going to have a little chat ski We can yep

We'll be on the show next week Good shy guy That was good from shy guy We're going to get Travis Kelsey's dad You know where that ended We try We'll give you a credit card And then I'll be

How much does he want How much you got? Do we know how much Ed Kelsey is doing? He's only done a couple of interviews. Is he charging a pretty penny? You wouldn't be just doing, yeah, interviews for nothing. Is he on the level of Chris Jenner? He's getting there.

They're getting that mummajah sort of vibe. Don't you reckon? Dad did you? Yes, yeah. They're very much getting there, for sure. The new royal family. You know who we should try and get in that world? Kylie Kelsey, Jason Kelsey's wife.

Oh, yeah. She's a podcaster, got a lot of commentary. She seems like a dead set legend. No one seems to be talking to Kylie. I'd try and get Kylie. Would you take Kylie? I'd take Kylie. Are it going to be hard to get Jason?

Yeah, be tough to get Jason or Travis. That's the direct link to TRAV. Whereas Kylie, we could do that. You never know. Got three million followers. Yeah, she got a podcast or not following. How many does Ed Kelsey have? Not as many as you think.

I think about 80,000. Oh, is Kylie a harder get? I thought she might be able to get. I think Kyle would get a bit. I think Ed's more get-a-ball. What if we say? We'll promote your podcast. How big is she in the Australian?

Australian podcasting landscape, we could offer her that. That might be it. Just chuck her a DM. Dude, that slither in. You're so charming on DM. Yeah. How do you word your DMs and you try and do that? Hey, I'm a shy guy here.

No, I say my real name. I say I'm the executive producer of this wonderful radio show. Yeah. We've got a massive audience and a great following. Huge audience. That might be slightly blurted out that way. Oh, mate. You do what you need to do to get in my own.

If you've got the listener app, we're global. We are global. What's our reach? We know we've got listeners. the UK. Seven point something billion. I know those two Indian listeners as well. They like us.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So stream us anyway. We'll work on that. We will. And you can get the podcast. Great show today. It was a soft launch.

A soft launch. See if you can hear it. I bet you'll know. We had a lot of fun today. The most fun did happen off air. Lucky we captured it on camera. Jess and Ducko on Instagram story. If you're not following us,

well, you're missing out on the best game ever, ever invented. Yeah. Guess my fart. Babs loves it. She lives for it. She always happens to be filming when we do it, you know? You're so, I've been trying to brew since about 6.45. I've got nothing.

Is that any of your super power of mine being able to do it on Q? You know what I'll bring in on Monday? Can a bollotti bean? Please don't. That'll do me. Just because the video won't be worth a tragedy shagher and I go through in this room. Yeah, but also me. Oh, where, where?

Call ambulance. You're in the room, though, see? Yeah, but I'm not coming on Monday, then. I'm that a threat. Oh, okay. Oh, God. Will we be able to do it without her? You know what Babs is up to you tonight?

She's going home to watch 10 things I hate about you. Oh, my God. That's like vintage for her. Hey, for lulls. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Sorry. You can take the floor, mate.

Yeah. She's listening now. We'll cancel her pass today. So Monday. Doesn't work. That's a bit of thinking we're going to come anyway. Ah, that's funny. What would you do if that didn't work, Babs?

Not coming? No, you're here. You're waiting. Yeah. Anyway, well, we've expired. It's right on 9 o'clock. Hey, the boarding lounge is open. Babs, enjoy it.

Oh, my God. Listen out for Ed Shiran. Ooh. Oh, she's putting a hostie hat on. Good on you. Oh, nice neck scarf. Oh, we're out of here. We will.

See you Monday. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Say nada. Do something, radio boy. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Take a trip to McDonald's today and try the new McDonald's meal.

with one of six collectible souvenirs.