Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Its a jizzbit blitz!

Episode Date: February 23, 2025

The slutty new trend, we find out gross traits from our rice cookers and Ducko and Morgan performed at a wedding at the weekend!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Macca's delicious new Brekkie McGrath is even more reason for a pre-work Macca's run. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Hi everyone, welcome to the podcast. Hey! Can I compliment you? You are getting really good at having a massive weekend and not being cactus on a Monday. No, that's true. I've come a long way. You've come a long way. I don't know, it just struck me...

From blowing out my vocal cords and having a hemorrhage and missing a month. It just struck me right at this moment. Maybe I should have complimented you earlier. But maybe I wanted to see how you were going. I actually feel like I was flying up until about 7.30 and my brain stopped working around 7.30 to 8 o'clock. I was like slow. You were still able to list a lot of body parts in the game after 7.30.

Because I feel like with that gross thing people do, I feel like you were just vibing and I was there just like trying to keep up. No, I didn't get that. Okay, good. I didn't get that. You know when you notice it yourself. Listen, our boss always tries to force us to go back and listen to our work. So I'll go and air check us.

Do you want to go in the meeting room actually now? Let's go listen in. You can point out all the things I'm doing wrong. No, truly, it just struck me now. You had your best friend's wedding. Yeah. But you weren't just a passenger. You did so much work.

I was MC Best Man, big three days. Actually, is that what it was? Because you couldn't drink as much because you had so much on your to-do list? I probably, because everyone was drinking from, let's say, one o'clock. I think the groomsmen all started drinking. And I reckon by the time I was finished and I could start ripping in was 8.30. Yeah, so you didn't have as long. I reckon I had four drinks from 1 to 8.30. They would have had like 10.

Yep. And then the wedding's over at 11. 11. So then I had two hours, but I was like drinking, but it wasn't going to get as. You're not just drinking for the sake of drinking. No, yeah. You're probably just having a good time.

Yeah. So all right, maybe that actually tempered you. It sort of did help, but I was certainly tired because our flight got delayed. We left Toowoomba, which is an hour and a half west of Brisbane. We left there at 12.30. I didn't get home until 10 p.m. last night. So you had to drive from Toowoomba to Brisbane?

Yep. See my parents. What, did you borrow your parents' car or something? Yeah, yep. Then saw my sister's kids and their family, and then went to the airport and had to sit there for two hours because it was delayed, and then flew back and had to get the car and come back here. Then we had to stop in at the server on the way home because we had no dinner.

We hadn't eaten since 4pm. What, did you get a microwave meal or something? Yep, the microwave meal. Had to have that. And then we came home and then Morgan ends up going, I'm just going to have Milo cereal. So she had Milo cereal. I had a satay chicken microwave meal from the servo.

And when I think a Sunday hasn't gone to the best of its ability, it freaks me out the week ahead is going to be a bust. Oh, yeah, yeah. My Sunday needs to be perfect. I said to Morgan, like, to the best of its ability. It freaks me out. The week ahead is going to be a bust. Oh, yeah, yeah. I said to Morgan. My Sunday needs to be. I said to Morgan, like, well, the week's fucked. It's a complete riot. We're starting off on the wrong foot.

Yeah. Well, kudos to you, my friend. It deserves to be acknowledged. I'm getting better at big weekends and coming on a Monday. You're growing up. You're maturing. You know what I did? I'm proud of my voice.

Because I emceed and I sung a song. Do we need to give a shout out to your surgeon? Yeah, my ENT. Dr. Kelvin Kong, thank you, sir. Kelvin Kong, you've revolutionized the young man because not last year. Was it 2023? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You blew out for a month. But even the first half of last year before I got the surgery, it was like, so, you know, it's a lot stronger. Kelvin is a miracle worker. So that feels good. But no, thank you. You don't need to look to the heavens for angels.

Oh, no. They walk amongst us in the shape of ENT surgeons. On to ENT. Funny place, ENT. To dedicate your life to the ear, the nose, and the throat. Because it's very rude that society decided we don't need just ear specialists. You're not going to just have a nose. You're not going to just have a throat.

That can be a trio. A trio. That's still a lot of responsibility. So much. And yet he's been able to do it and change lives. And you'd be surprised how much the ear, nose and throat affects everything. Yes, it's all pipes. Like, I don't get heartburn or reflux anymore.

That's amazing. I was getting it so regularly. You were keeping Gaviscon afloat. Yeah, I was. And now I don't get it at all. Mylanta, forget about it. Oh, God. My goodness.

Morgan's now getting bad reflux because she's pregnant, obviously. Yes. So she's on the Gaviscon. You know, they say, have you heard that old wives tale? It means your little girl has a lot of hair. Oh. Apparently when the baby has a lot of hair, it causes reflux. I had really bad reflux, but before I was even pregnant.

And then you got pregnant and you didn't. And then, to be fair, Lucia came out with a lot of hair. She does have a lot of hair. Morgan's family, lots of hair. My family, strong hair. So I feel like she's going to be pretty solid. Yes. She's going to have a lot of hair. Morgan's family, lots of hair. My family, strong hair. So I feel like she's going to be pretty solid. Yes. She's going to have a lot of hair.

It is hard, though, because when a toddler has as much hair, at least I'm finding this with Lucia, people think she's older than she is. So now she doesn't talk and doesn't use a fork. People go, what's wrong with that kid? I'm like, nothing. She's actually a baby. She just looks a lot older because she's got really long hair. She's above her age, okay?

Yeah, she actually is. Yeah, right. Keep your opinions to yourself. Losers. But it was exciting because at the wedding I was seeing a lot of friends and they're like, next time we see you, you'll have a kid. Yes. My family, my sister, so you're part of her and my nieces and nephews. Next time you see Morgan, we're going to have a baby.

We'll have the bloody travel bassinet and a bunch of swaddles. It's getting close now. I've been talking about it for a while, but now it's like, oh shit, this is happening. Truly. It's getting close now. I've been talking about it for a while, but now it's like, oh, shit, this is happening. Truly. It's so funny because your baby shower is in a couple of weeks. Yes, yeah. I've got a baby shower this weekend for a kid who is due after yours, and it's wigging

me out. I'm like, no, no, no. It's the order of babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is wrong. It's wigging me out. But yeah, yours around the corner. It's crazy.

Oh, my God. Little teen baby. Yeah. Are you guys going to come visit in the hospital? That is a Morgan crazy. Oh, my God. Little teen baby. Yep. Are you guys going to come visit in the hospital? That is a Morgan question. Yeah, I know. I just want to see what Shotgun Babs would do. I want Shotgun Babs to rock up just with like a can basket

and just awkwardly be in the hallway. Yep, the nappy cake. People like a nappy cake. Nappy cake? What's a nappy cake? Yeah. It's a three-tier construction, like, you know, an old school wedding cake, but it's made out of nappies.

Oh, that's fun. Nappy cake. Can you get on that, babe? If you... I'll pay, but I'm not. My baby's born on the same day as Jess's birthday. So big day for the team. I feel what's going on.

And then a couple of days later, duck into the hospital. If you need food, we are there for you. We don't have to come in. We'll come to Receppo. You're giving birth the same place I did. I know the layout. Yeah come in. We'll come to Receppo. You're giving birth the same place I did. I know the layout. Yeah, great. We'll come.

I'm hoping Morgan wants visitors, like in the hospital when we're there. I mean, it's overwhelming. It is a really nice bubble. Yeah, yeah. And I know people have probably talked to you about it. As in, like, don't have anyone come? As in to not have anyone. Oh, okay.

Oh, fuck off then. Don't come. That might be different for you guys. I actually really liked this barrier to entry. See, my parents and Morgan's parents are coming up a couple of days before due date. Yep. And they don't have anyone else in Newcastle,

so they're going to be coming and going. Do you need me to preoccupy them? Maybe. I can preoccupy them for you. I can play, what's that called? Is it? Scavenger Hunt. No, no.

You know where some, I can run interference. I can run interference just to keep them occupied. They just won't let us up. They won't let us – but it is. Parents may be different. Did yours and Angus's go? They did. So my mum came up a couple of days, maybe the day before the birth,

to bulk make lasagna and stock it in our freezer. Oh, great, great. I gave birth on a Thursday. They came the Friday. Right. But I was really well. I was lucky. We'll see how I'm all you guys.

You see how you go. You might not be in any shape or form to deal with visitors. I could be horribly sick. I could be overwhelmed. Well, you've got shoulder issues. I know. You've got back issues. You're going to have to sleep on a bench, bro.

Yeah, I know. There's no bed for the, unless you nab one of the four, I think there's only four double rooms. Oh. Which my husband with his back surgery actually wanted the bench room because he went, this bed is awful. Too soft. It's, well, it's not even any.

Yeah, right. It's just a cramped hospital bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it depends, you know, you're going to be up against it obviously with a newborn, but in so many other ways. How do you bring a swag or something? Yes. Roll it depends. You're going to be up against it, obviously, with a newborn, but in so many other ways. How do you bring a swag or something? Yes. Roll it out.

That's not about a little inflatable mattress situation. I've got an inflatable double mattress. Have we talked about the ambience? What are we doing? Fairy lights? What are we doing? Tea lights? What do you need?

You know what's funny? So I told Morgan about all the ideas you told me about. She didn't like the single bead idea at all. But you know what? She kind of liked. What did she like't like the single bead idea at all. But you know what she kind of liked? What did she like? Not the affirmations. The candles.

Like, the beacons of Minas Tirith are lit. She got my Lord of the Rings reference, obviously. Of all the options. Yeah, she liked the candles. She's like, that's kind of funny and it's kind of cool. And like, you could just send a group text out and everyone gets it. Light up, baby. Like, she thought it was quite funny.

Oh, I love that. So maybe we could arrange candles, you know? We can get you a candle sponsorship. What's your name? Shy Guy. I nearly called you Angus. Who's the people that gave us candles not long ago? Oh, my God.

You're right. Harbour and Hunter. Yeah. Let's reach out. Just only be little ones. Only need to be little ones. And they could be all different. And they need to have something funny on them.

Yes, some sort of engraving. All she needs to do is stamp the wax at the time that she's moulding them. Push candles or like... Yes, push Morgan, push. Yeah, yeah, for Morgan's vag. Yes, yes. Something like that. In spirit, we stand with Morgan's vag.

Yeah. And we all stand around our candle and light them. So when do we light it? I'll send you a text. At the moment contractions start So when do we light it? I'll send you a text. At the moment, contractions start. Should we have contractions? Duckman sends you a text. Hey, guys, it's happening.

Light the candles. Light up. And I want you all to send a photo back of the candle. Yes, yes. You can be on candle duty. So you'll have your phones on loud. At all times. We're not meant to have open flame in the studio.

Stuff that. Oh, it's happening. We're doing it. For Morgan's Vag, we must. Yes. Okay, so we're going to need to source. What sort of group would you like? Like 30 people?

Does 30 strong feel good? Yeah, 30 feels good. 30 feels good. 30 feels solid. 30 candles. 30 candles. But sorry, back to the ambience. Maybe we'll give away a few to listeners.

Do you want? That would be nice. On the text line. On the text line. They get a jizz bit and a vag candle. Should we mold her vag? Yeah. We definitely should.

That's a great idea. And if she doesn't want to, we could always do your anus. Yeah, may as well. You know people do have a Valentine's Day chocolate? Yeah, you can do that. Why didn't we cover that last time? You can mold your anus. Obviously, that's old news for Daku and I.

We can bring it up again. We've been doing that for years. But the ambience in the room. Do you want me to give you some fairy lights and tea lights. That honestly changed my experience. Okay. Because the nurses are coming in. Everyone goes, you won't get any sleep.

You know why you won't get any sleep? Because the nurses are going to come in every 30 freaking minutes. Yeah. To check on you, as they should. Yeah. Turning on the freaking hospital fluro. Horrific. Yeah.

Have a little ambience. Okay. Have a nice little tea light. Can I take Shia guys' lava lamp? Oh, that's cool. And put it on and just think of the team. Because you can't have open flame, but you can plug stuff in. You can have a light.

All right, I'm going to bring you fairy lights and the battery tea lights. Shy Guy's going to unplug the lava lamp. Great. Just close your ears for a second, Ducco. Let's do a care package. You know, a hospital go bag. Morgan will have her go bag. We'll do a Jess and Ducco go bag.

We'll do a Jess and Ducco go bag We'll do a Jess and Ducko go bag. So Ducko can create the space. I like that. Wait till I tell you, I'll do this on air, but the one instruction Morgan has given me about the delivery suite. Oh my God. That you're going to piss yourself. Oh no.

As in your role of support person? Yeah, yeah. What I'm not allowed to do. That list can't be one dot point. That's going to be a long. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Oh, I can't wait for that. Yeah, it's pretty funny.

Anyway, great. I like the care package. Thank you, team. Absolutely. Your daddy needs a go bag too. He always needs a go bag. Snacks and such. Oh, I'm keen on some snacks.

I hate hospitals too. They make me feel... Have we talked about the placenta? What's happening with the placenta? We haven't discussed it. I think we're just chucking it. Do you need musk more esky? I don't think we want to put it in pills.

You don't want pills? I was thinking about cooking it on the barbie. You could do that. Yeah, shy guys webber. Invite us all around for steaks. Oh, that's funny. It's placenta roulette. Four steaks.

Oh, yeah. I mean, three steaks, one placenta, and you don't know who gets, just gets served it up. You won't be able to tell, Babs. You won't know. Dumb bum. Yes. Dumb bum. Taco.

That ain't looking us. That's me, Buckage. Producer Shy Guy. That is a seven fish on the game Minecraft for those things. Oh, gee. Producer Babs. I'm cancelling UK's Sexiest Man, aka Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear. Peak shows and peak vibes in 2025. This is Jess and Darko.

Lights, camera, ocean. Good morning. Welcome to Monday Team. Oh, good morning. Good morning. For a fresh little week. Oh, a new week. How are we all coming off the back of your best mate's wedding?

Yes, I'm good. Love filled. Love filled. And a lot of fun, I imagine wedding. Yes, I'm good. Love filled. Love filled. And a lot of fun, I imagine. A lot of fun, a lot of work. A lot of work being both best man and MC. Basically cat wrangler. Yeah, I'm doing everything.

I've been messaged me like, mate, can you just cook the dinners at my wedding too? Yeah. It was good. It was good. We flew in late last night. Good fun though. Fantastic weekend.

Wonderful. Beautiful getaway. Great. Yeah, yeah. How was your weekend? Had the parents here? Had the parents here visiting from late last week. Jam-packed.

Yeah. Jam-packed. Exhausted. It looked busy. Exhausted in a different way. Okay. You know, I was a little bit nervous, and we'll get into it a little bit later, but I thought if we keep busy, less chance for blow-ups.

Ah. So that's what I was like. Perfect. Right. No sitting down. Up. Let's go. Let chance for blow-ups. So that's what I was like, right, no sitting down. Let's go. Let's go find an activity. Because I messaged you pretty early on and you said we pretty much had a blow-up in the car

trip on the way home from the airport. Because there was a factor I didn't consider when I was telling you about my safe word. Yes. There was a factor I didn't consider, which we'll get into a bit later. We'll unpack it. But we're here. We're here. We're here.

And I haven't been cut out of the will, I don't think. You look rested. You sound pretty rested. My daughter was playing funny buggers all weekend, except last night. She went, all right, Mama, you've had a gutful. I'll sleep through the night. Does she recognize the grandparents now? Like, she knows who they are?

I was really nervous about that because obviously she sees my in-laws a couple times a week. I thought, oh, my God, how are we going to go? I was really nervous about that because obviously she sees my in-laws a couple times a week. I thought, oh, my God, how are we going to go? Because if she doesn't react nicely, particularly to my mum, my mum's heart's going to break and then we're going to have to deal with that. She ran into their arms, ran into their arms, so happy, so joyful. And then she actually leaned out of my arms to reach for my mum and my mum thought she'd won the jackpot. Oh, wow.

Okay. Ticks all round. Lucia turned it on. She turned it on. Everyone turned it on. Everyone was on their best freaking behaviour. Oh, that's good. What a relief. Speaking of best behaviour, someone's coming off a Bucks party.

Oh, yeah. Very quiet this morning. Yeah, new haircut. New haircut. A lot of sins. How many titties did you see over the weekend? How many booties did you see? Come on.

None. It wasn't that kind of Bucks. Oh, no nipples for a shy guy. Here, do you want to click? What did you see over the weekend? How many booties did you see? Come on. None. It wasn't that kind of buck. No nipples for a shy guy. What did you do? What did you do? I went paintballing on Saturday. That was fun. Oh, you have any bruises?

I got a couple. They're not bad and I wasn't the worst. You'd be the kind of guy who'd hide in the one spot the entire time. I was hiding a lot of the time. He'd be a sniper. I ran out a few times. Yeah, you wouldn't go out much. Did you make the buck up?

No, it hurt, man. Did you tell me about't go out much. Did you make the buck run? No, man. Did you tell me about it? The buck run? Yeah, we made the buck run and we just piffed him. We all stood on his aerial platform. I piffed him. He had a little shield, but it was like a plate. Is this an indoor paintball place?

This is indoor, yeah. I've been to the exact one. I did that one on a bucks too. Yeah, so you know it. It's got a bus inside that you can hide. Yeah, cool. Fun. Yeah, then we went to a couple bars.

Went to a really nice restaurant for dinner, went to the casinos. It was... Did you get some money? You win some? I was up and then I was down and then I was up and then I was down and I... Blackjack? Yeah.

Yeah. Did you break even? What's the real one? Roulette. Roulette. Yeah. Yeah, a bit of roulette. Roulette's always fun.

I lost like 30 bucks in the end, but I... That's not too bad. I doubled it then. He had a grand and he lost it all. Oh, okay. I don't actually know what I had at the end because it fluctuated. Did you have a few apple ciders? Yeah, I had some cocktails and stuff.

Stop it. Hello, just a shy guy getting around with a porn star martini. You and two porn stars is anyone's. This round on me, fellas. All right, boys, let's put it all on black. All right, we've lost it. We've lost everything. All right, show me your tits.

Let's go. Where are the titties at again? I've got to get something out of this. We did some golf yesterday and that capped it off. Bit of golf? I've been trying to get you to golf for months. Yeah, I don't like it. It's too slow. How'd you go swinging a club? Not great.

What did you do? Mini golf? Do you want to go do mini golf? That's faster. I'm alright at that. I'm sorry. It's way faster. Can you picture Shy Guy playing paintball, seeing titties and playing golf? With a porn star martini in hand. I can't picture any of that. That is the busiest weekend you've ever had. Maybe we need Shy Guy's blog this week, not Babs'.

No, you just had it. Babs can do the diary at the end of the week and we'll get a Shy Guy's blog. Yeah. Shy Guy's Tumblr. Old school. Real old school. Shy Guy's. Yeah. Shy Guys Tumblr. Old school. Real old school. Shy Guys mood board.

Sweet, sweet. Sweet Babs, good morning to you. Good morning. Babs came with straightened hair today. I know. She's looking lovely. What did you do to yourself? Put a bit of effort in.

Yeah. Thanks, guys. They're looking good. Thanks. How many titties did you see on the way here? Did you see a couple? None. Oh.

Not even your own? Do you just sometimes look at your own? Oh, yeah. I saw my own. Check yourself out. No one else? Did you see a couple? None. Oh. Not even your own? Do you just sometimes look at your own? Oh, yeah. I saw my own. Check yourself out. Yeah, no one else's. Fair. Hey, we have a big week of shows, though, team.

Glad everyone's well rested. Yep. Well, the boys aren't. The girls are. No, that's right. That's right. The boys have had big weekends. We've got Alphaparks, Your Chance, 10K, 6.30 and 8.

We've got Biddy Biddy Bang Bang on the show today as well, plus our call. We're back to just a regular call of fame. That's right. We've exhausted the co-fods for a hot second. Yes. I don't know. I gave away Nelly tickets, obviously, every day last week. But this week, you could score $500 to spend online at Mesa.

Mesa. Nope. Mesa. Mesa. Mesa. Organic skincare. The pronunciation's too small. That font's too small.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I missed it. I'm sorry. Mesa. Mesa. Great skincare. Great skincare. Thanks for it. I'm sorry. Misa. Misa, great skincare. Great skincare. Thanks for getting involved in the show.

You get involved. Come Friday, 500 coming your way. Up next, though, we're ducking over to China. Oh, you know, I always love an early visit to China. It's going to be good. Get myself some Mongolian lamb. Thank you very much. We're going to a college dorm, so it might just be more some noodles, I'd say.

Oh, yeah, okay. Do they have ramen noodles? No, it's Japanese. What would they have? Let's not do this again. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. Right now, though, we're ducking over China.

Mmm. Good to be here early on. Mm-hmm. We're specifically at the Hefe University of Technology. The Hefe University? Yeah, I've definitely pronounced that wrong. In the Anhui Province in central China. Yes.

Something has happened in this student college dorm. I don't know much about college in China. You don't hear about it too much. You really don't. It feels like it would be very high standards. Very strict. When you hear this story, a bit of hijinks. Okay.

So there's a Chinese student who sparked a fire in his dormitory. The fire brigade had to come. They had to put the fire out. It nearly set the entire place alight. But it set his whole room on fire. a fire in his dormitory. The fire brigade had to come. They had to put the fire out. It nearly set the entire place alight. But it set his whole room on fire. Okay? What did he have?

A toaster oven plugged in? Worse. He pulled the shower guy. He was trying to hide his inflatable girlfriend from his roommate, and he set it on fire. Where was he trying to hide her? In the oven? Where was he trying to hide her?

He's obviously in the throes of passion with Penelope. Oh. You know, the inflatable doll. Of course, has she started to lose a bit of firmness? She's doing that thing she does where she has that mouth wide open and doesn't do anything else. And the unblinking stare. The unblinking stare, which is just what you want. Close your eyes, Penelope.

Well, you know what they say, for romance, eye contact is a big thing. It's okay. So they need to draw eyelids on her. God, she can hold it. You know like Baby Bones, how the eyelids terrifyingly close on their own because they're not really attached to anything. Yes. So if you tip its head, you don't want that on a barbed wire doll.

It's scary. That would be a bit, yeah. It's weird. With the movement too, the eyes are just flickering. Oh, I should be blinking the whole time. Oh, she should be blinking. There's too much blinking now. Trying to hypnotise me?

What are you doing? Whoa, whoa. Then you're blinking. Everyone's blinking. That's hot. That's hot. So he's in the throes. Yeah.

And then he hears his roommate coming back. And he's like, what am I going to do? How do I get rid of the sex doll? Because it's obviously two beds in the one room. Oh my God, two single beds probably. And he's there probably going to town, maybe in his roommate's bed, unconfirmed. Did he not have a sock on the door handle, a tie, you know?

I don't know how this works in the Chinese dormitory. Maybe it's like... Don't come in. Maybe it's an all boys thing or there's no... Who knows? So his best thing is he gets the lighter and he sets her on fire. Oh, he literally purposefully set her on fire. He lit her on fire to go, I've got to get rid of her.

Get rid of the evidence. Oh, get rid of her. She'll go and he'll never know what's happening. What did he think? It'd be like a magic trick. She'd just go up in flames and disappear. Obviously, someone who's having sex with a sex doll in a dormitory isn't thinking too hard about much else.

At 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon. Yeah, you're right. We're just meant to be studying. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Gary, I'm coming back with our noodles. Are you in there? Gary's just lighting Penelope on fire. All these Chinese names are really slapping.

Well done to you. This province I know so well. The fire department had to come. I cannot believe you thought she would go up in flames. She's latex. It's just going to melt. I know. It's just going to melt.

And it went off everywhere. And it was just combustible, like, to light the whole room on fire. Ridiculous. He's obviously then panicked and maybe put it on the bed sheet, maybe put it on the books next to her, trying to chuck her under the bed. It slipped the majority of the room on fire, but the rest of the building was fine. The fire department came, had to extinguish it.

Then the UD had to send out a letter to all staff. An all-staff memo. All-student memo. Please do not use open flames to handle silicon items or other flammable materials in the building. Was that on the packaging? Does he have cause to sue? Oh, he could. Was it on the packaging? Remember we did that story of the woman who had her butt plug ripped through her body?

Yes, yes. Because on the package it said all silicon. Yes. Didn't say anything about metal. Had a bit of metal. And we had the lawyer on. We had the lawyer on who all silicon. Yes. Didn't say anything about metal. Had a bit of metal. And we had the lawyer on. We had the lawyer on who said she has corn. She has a case.

So these people didn't say flammable on the packaging. You look just behind the open eyes. How does the sex dolls come? Do they come in packages? Yeah, how do you know? Yeah, they come like a raincoat. You know that plastic with the cardboard sabre on the top? It comes out, yeah.

So what happened when you lit yours on fire? That's a guess, by the way. No, it's not. When you lit yours on fire, what happened? Yeah, what happened? Did you burn down your house? I haven't lit it on fire, but I'll let you know. He treats his ladies better than that.

Oh, he treats her right. Jess and Zucko. I just wanted to allay the fears of any rice cookers who have been holding their breath for me. Onion rings. Over the weekend. Yes. I told you late last week my wonderful, chill, go with the flow parents

were coming to visit. And I nearly went to say they're coming to visit me. I want it on the record. I know they ain't interested in me anymore. They are here purely to see my 15-month-old daughter, Lucia. The willy. Okay. Bad timing, wasn't it?

She doesn't have one of those. Trying to find a gap. Didn't find it. Could have used this one. Boogie, boogie, boogie. Yeah, that's better. Literally every time they call, anytime I do see them, it's, where's Lucia? How is Lucia?

I don't think they ask me how I am anymore. And that's fine. They get her more Christmas presents than you. They get her more Christmas presents. It's her world and we're just living in it. It's their first grandchild. And it's actually really nice to see the care and love they have for her. But I've told you in the past, I don't like who I become around them. Something is unlocked. Maybe some teenage

trauma. I don't know. But I become a real yucky version of myself and all the self-work I've done out the window and I crack so easily. So that's why my husband and I instilled a safe word where he who knows me the best on this planet could ascertain he could judge, temperature's heating up a bit and he would say this safe word and it would snap me out of my silliness and I would go forth and be an alright decent person. I had probably a dozen rice cookers over the weekend.

I was sharing them on my Instagram story. Yeah, there were a lot. We had to go to a shopping center, do some content actually, so my parents were with me. So it was a few stories. Mum, don't come film this content with me. Yeah, I needed. Lucky they were there.

I needed someone to help me wrangle the kid. Like, it actually worked out well. Because they can't be filming. They would be framing it wrong. No, no. They need to be in it to hold the kid, and then I can film them. It's fine.

But I had a dozen or so people message me, have you had any onion rings yet? How are those onion rings going? Because even I'd message you saying, onion rings yet? Question, question. And to your point, you messaged me early. You knew they were flying in Thursday afternoon. What I didn't factor in is, you know, Angus's role of saying the onion rings, of keeping

me in line, basically having me on the leash. He wasn't around half the time, Ducko, more than half the time. When I picked them up from the airport, my dad was on one. In his old age, he's become such a grumpy bum. He's criticizing everything. Angus wasn't in the car. I was white duckling. Had he filled his weekend out with other things?

Bro, he, on Saturday, had like three events back to back to back. I went, no, mate, you're my guardian. You're my keeper. What is this? So on the way from the airport, obviously not in the car, I'm white knuckling the steering wheel thinking, they've been here for less than an hour. I can't be losing it yet.

We're going to markets. We're going to the beach. We're doing this. We're doing that. He was working all freaking weekend. Who's going to onion ring you? Who's going to onion ring me? So I had to do it all on my own.

I did snap a couple of times. You just say to yourself, onion rings, onion rings. Lucia's not going to say it. My mum, oh, so wrongfully of her, is so concerned about Lucia toppling off ledgers and getting her fingers stuck in fans that she just helicopters her and I get really annoyed about it. She just hovers over her. Just let her live her life. Then I had to, we went to her third birthday and she was really worried about her falling

off stairs. I'm like, she's got to learn. So then I look like a psychotic parent just letting my daughter flee herself. You do just start yelling at each other. Everyone's like, what's going on? Who invited them? So no one could yell onion rings at you because Angus wasn't there. He wasn't there.

Oh, no. But it was funny because we did go somewhere and someone said it to me in person. It might have been we went to the shops going, oh, had any onion rings? I'm like, shut up. But they're right here. Shut up. My dad's going, what are you hungry? I'm like, yeah, I'm starving.

Yes. Let's go get fish and chips. 30 seconds to answer. 10 questions all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We'll come back, of course, if there's time.

We're playing for $10,000, stepping up today. We have Zach. Good morning, Zach. How are you? Zachy, we are fantastic for a Monday. We'd love to give you $10,000. Are you ready to take it off our hands? Yeah, I'm going to try to. All right.

That's all we can ask, I guess. You normally go pretty well at this game, Zach? Yeah, usually. I play on the way to work every morning. All right. That's all we can ask, I guess. You normally go pretty well at this game, Zach? Yeah, usually. I play on the way to work every morning. Very good. And what do you want to spend the money on? Either a new car or put it towards a house. Oh, I love that.

All practical things. Very practical. Zach, maybe you've had your eye on an iZooZoo for a new vehicle because that starts with the letter I and that's what you'll be working with today. Sweet. Okay. Sweet.

He's dialed in. He's happy. Yeah. Let's go, Zach. Your time will start after the first question. You ready? Yep. Okay.

Starting with the letter I. We need you to name a drink. Pass. A drink. Pass. A flower. Pass. A piece of technology. Ipad. A Marvel character.

Iron Man. A body part. Intestine. An Australian animal. Pass. A country. India. A Australian animal. Pass. A country. India. A five-letter word. Pass.

A girl's name. India. A movie. Oh, no, no, no. I mean, look, I on a Monday morning at 6.30. Tough. It's a tough carry. It is a tough carry.

Well, we ended up with four. Four of the best. Four of the best. Four of the best. Four of the greatest, though. A drink could have been iced coffee or iced tea, a flower, an iris, a mother character. You got an Australian animal, the humble ibis. The bin chicken. The bin chook.

And then a girl's name. You just said it twice already with another answer. It could have been Isabel or Isla. Look, you don't go empty-handed. $100 to spend at People Haircare, though. That's all yours. Great. Thank you.

You're welcome, Zach. Thanks for joining the show. Zach loving the haircare. Zach's like, I am going to do some great hairstyles with that. Yes, I am. Zach's like, I'm bald. I'll make a great gift come Christmas. That was tough, Zach.

Thanks for playing, mate. No, that's all right. Thank you for that. Thank you, Zach. We do have another one, of course, another crack at 8 o'clock this morning. Yes. Hey, I've got news. Yes.

For people like you. Yes. People like Zach. Yes. Even people like Shy Guy. Surely not people like, no one's like Shy Guy. What do you three have in common? Johnson's.

It's a new trend. Well, hang on. No one's is as big as Shy Guy's. No one's had a length with similar. Sorry. Okay. Just we have one. I one says it's as big a show, guys. No one said your length was similar. Sorry. Okay. Just we have one. I'm not going to comment on girth, am I?

Yeah. He's had a box this weekend, too. He's been up to all sorts of high-jewels. I know. Up to his eyeballs in Mariola. Nah, there's a new trend. The internet wants to see all men. It's a new trend.

You're trying to make that little slug on your upper lip happen, but there's a new trend. Can you imagine Shy Guy after his eyeballs? I picture him in some sort of bathtub, like a deep jacuzzi. I'm just looking. Yeah. He's not denying it. Thanks.

Jess and Ducco. Now, I want to get you, Shy Guy guy and any gentleman in the rice cooker community, the latest trend. Get the dudes out. That the internet wants to see you all adopt. Okay. What is it? Elle magazine is calling the straight woman equivalent of men who always say,

my girlfriend is perfect with no makeup. I love the no makeup. I want her to look natural. They're saying this is the female equivalent of what we want to see blokes doing. This sort of effortlessly chic, there's something extra going on. Is it a moustache? No. Okay.

I know you're trying to make that work. Hey, I got a lot of compliments on this on the weekend. We should write into Elle magazine. Yeah. You've done this new trend. What about what I've got going on on my upper lip? Look at this slug. These are slutty little glasses.

Is that what they're called? That's what they're called. And slutty little glasses are trending so much they have a dedicated Instagram page. It's only been up for a couple of weeks. Already has nearly 15,000 followers. The ladies are going nuts. No, it's surpassed me already. It surpassed the show already.

Come on. For a man with slutty little glasses. So when you say slutty little glasses, is it genuinely really little like frames of the glasses? So it's not so much. Yes, the frames are thin, but they're not necessarily a small lens. Okay. It's like the wire frame.

So it doesn't look like there's too much going on. Would you like to have a look at some slutty little glasses there? I need to articulate this to the male rice cookers out there. Absolutely. So the example that Elle magazine wants you to really focus on. Oh, it's kind of like Clark Kent glasses. Oh. These are all very different. Some are circular, some are square. Yeah. Basically, it's kind of like Clark Kent glasses. Oh. These are all very different.

Some are circular, some are square. Yeah. Basically, it's just glasses. Basically glasses. Some are thicker. They're not even little. They're just glasses. Okay, basically, the trend is dudes wearing glasses.

It's just OPSA. Yeah, that's all this is. Who they're saying is sort of the poster boy for this. Here we go. Jonathan Bailey in the new Jurassic Park. So Jonathan Bailey, we all got hot and bothered for in Bridgerton. We all got hot and bothered in Bridgerton. Then we got hot and bothered for him in Wicked,

and now he's the new paleontologist in the new Jurassic Park, and he's wearing these circular wire frames. It's kind of giving Harry Potter a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's this other bloke who I didn't know, someone named Drew Starkey, who Babs just came in and slipped off the chair over. Babs, can you

confirm how you feel about slutty little glasses? I'm on it. Get it. What are you on? Okay. Interesting. These spectacles have a prescription look to them. So even though they might tell the world... Whoa, should I go?

I opened up one of the. What was that? It had toxic Britney Spears on one of the glasses photos. Even though. Sound, I didn't realize. They have a prescription look to them. What the ladies are collectively saying is we don't care that your vision's not 20-20. The glasses are doing something for us.

I like this sort of summation. I have a photo of me wearing little glasses. Oh, we're going to have to put that on Instagram. I need this sort of summation. I have a photo of me wearing little glasses. Oh, we're going to have to put that on Instagram. Find it, though. Pair them with a cable knit jumper or the perfect tight white T-shirt, and you have a person who's a little careless about fashion, slightly odd, seemingly is hiding a nerdy exterior over a buff interior. So it's like, what's under that cable knit sweater and glasses?

Right. And as a result, it's very, very sexy. This is probably a stage up from Rat Hot, I guess. Oh, I couldn't agree more. When we're all going nuts for your Barry Keegan's looking rat hot. Yeah, Timothee Chalamet. I don't hate a man in a glasses. I've told you, when Angus puts his blue light glasses on to better help his eyeballs when

he watches his Yellowstone or NRL 360 of the evening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's giving sexy librarian and I'm here for it. I had some glasses. I tried my, some of my family had glasses. I put them on the other day and they were circular as well.

Not your mum's because she's got a bold frame. Nah, not them. Not those big blue librarian frames. Like Dame Edna-esque. I tried them on and I looked like Sven, like an exchange student instantly from somewhere Nordic. Yes. Also, we love Nordic.

We love Scandinavian. I've always wanted to wear the glasses. Yes. Not that I need them. Yes. Well, this is the thing. Because they're just a clear lens, they're not necessarily prescription. We could probably get you a pair that's more costume than anything.

Decorative. Yeah, you can buy decorative accessories. We've got a mate who we've known him, been to school with him, who rocked up to the wedding on the weekend in slutty little glasses. Really? And we're like, whatever, mate. Is he on the trend already? We're like, you don't wear glasses.

He goes, yeah, I do. I need them. I need them. You put them on. You go, these are not doing anything for your eyes. He's just jumped on board the trend. We ended up calling him Franklin the Turtle, like that little character. Did you get a nickname with the mo?

No. No, no. No, I didn't actually get a mo nickname. We'll focus on Franklin. Yeah, we'll focus on Franklin with the mo? No. No, no. No, I didn't actually get a mo nickname. All focus on Franklin. Yeah, all focus on Franklin. So there you go, guys. If you're looking to update your look a little bit. Wear your glasses.

Get yourself some SLGs. Okay. And the ladies will go nuts. Get some going. Get some going. Okay, you might see the Mr. Guy and Mr. Duck with the glasses on tomorrow. I love that. Jess and Ducko.

So we need to discuss something as a team collectively. Because on, oh, geez, when was it? Thursday or Wednesday last week? We got given some new merch. We know we have these iconic Jess and Ducko fridge magnets that are so big. The size of your fridge door. They're everywhere now. People are loving them. People always want them.

Yeah. Then we decided to get some Jess and Ducko exclusive jizz bits, also known as jivets. That's right, because your wife crossed over to the dark side. Yeah, she wears Crocs. Became a Croc wearer. I'm still not. You've assured us you're not going to go that way, but you put them on your feet to just run and get the post the other day, and you went, look, they're pretty comfy.

They're comfortable. But I'm not going to buy a pair. Couldn't do it. We appreciate to each their own. We're not going to yuck anyone's yum too much. Yeah. People do love a crock. They do.

And they love to embellish them with these little jizz bits. So we got Jess and Ducko jizz bits. We got given them, Nick and our promotions team. Little rice cooker jizz bits. And they look great. They look like a rice cooker. They look really good. I don't love that we're enabling people.

I feel like a pusher, you know? It does feel against the grain for us, but, you know, so if you can't beat them, join them. That's exactly the philosophy. I put them on Morgan's crock, and then I took a photo of it, and I just put it on the story, right? I reckon I had 35 messages of people going, how do I get that? And that was to your personal.

To my personal. Because we also shared that on the Jess and Ducko page. And again, inundated. So many. Whoa, you guys have jizz bits? Yep. People are calling them jizz bits. It's a jizz bit.

See, I had everyone call them jizz bits to me, which was great. If you play along, I'll leave it. Maybe that's, if you call it a jizz bit, you get one. This is what I want to discuss with the team, because everyone's like, how can I win them? People want them. They are not for sale. I don't know how everyone's like, that's when I win them. People want them. They are not for sale. I don't know how to give them away.

They're not for sale. They're not. You have to be involved in the show in some capacity. We had a couple play Alpha Bucks the week of Valentine's Day. Sky came on and said, I don't even care about the 10 grand. I just want to walk away with a magnet. Fresh magnet. People are very passionate about these little bits and pieces.

Old school merch. Old school radio merch. And then you're new with the jizz bits. But I want to discuss with the team collectively, how are we giving this away? Because are we giving away now like the fridge magnets, together with the fridge magnets, or separate? It almost feels like we're diluting them if we just start bundling.

I know. Doesn't it? It feels like too good a price to give a fridge magnet and a jizz bit. Do you know what makes me nervous? Nick and our promo team, who did create these, along with a wonderful local organisation, he gave me one, Ducko. Oh, yes. Obviously, I am the Jess of Jess and Ducko.

Yeah. It's not going to see the light of day because I don't wear Crocs. I hate the idea they will sit dormant in someone's collection, top drawer, God forbid the bin, if we're just coupling them with the fridge magnet. Do you know what I mean? They need to go to homes for people who love them. It feels like if you want it, you've got to express that desire because then we know it's gone to a good home.

We don't want to contribute to landfill. We're very eco-friendly, you and I. Yeah. So it makes me nervous if they're just part of something. Yeah. So how are we giving away? I don't know, though. I don't have a solution.

I have more problems than solutions. Do we open the phones and do a jizz bit blitz? You know what I mean? I love a jizz bit blitz. A biz blitz. It's jizz bit blitz. It's jizz bit blitz. Come on, Shaga.

It's jizz bit blitz. Shaga, come on. It's jizz bit blitz. There's only one song that has blitz in the title, and we could use it. Come on, Shaga. It's jizz bit blitz. Hit it. It's jizz bit blitz.

Try again. I'll take it. It's a jizz bit blitz. Yeah! That's very good. But it's 5, 6, 7, 8. It's jizz bit blitz. It's a jizz bit blitz. Hit it. It's a Jizz Bit Blitz. Try again. I'll take it. It's a Jizz Bit Blitz. Yeah! That's very good. Babs! It's 5, 6, 7, 8. It's Jizz Bit Blitz. It's a Jizz Bit Blitz. It's a Jizz. Do you mean right now? Well, we could. 13, 10, 60? Get a temperature

check on the Jizz Bit Blitz. Alright. Okay. I mean, you've not run this past the team. No, we're not going to get calls on. Oh, you want to get... Oh, oh! You want the passion, don't you? Oh, sorry. What's the point? You're absolutely right. I do want the passion. Yeah. Oh, because I would be happy if people are calling. We'll take one now, Babs. 13, 10, 60. We get... Oh, oh. You want the passion, don't you? Oh, sorry. What's the point? You're absolutely right. I do want the passion. Yeah, okay. Because I would be happy if people are calling. We'll take one now, Babs.

Just quickly. We'll quickly take some now. Jizzbit Blitz, if you want to give us a call. Because I would like a temperature check. Yeah, yeah. I want to see people... We love to always gauge the rice cookers on these sort of conundrums. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you were just handed a jizzbit with a magnet, would it just sit in... We've also got to have a pair of Crocs, too. Well, you do. That's exactly... Are we giving people a bill? You've just sit in? We've also got to have a pair of Crocs, too. Well, you do. That's exactly. Are we giving people a bill? You've got a Croc, you've got a chance. If you get a jizz bit before you own a pair of Crocs, do you then have to go out and buy a pair of Crocs for $60?

It's tough. In this climate, I don't know if we can force people to do that. I want the fridge magnets to go to homes of good people. I don't want the jizz bits to go to homes of good people. You know what I mean? The feet of good people. The feet of good people. If you're a bad dude.

If you're a bad dude. Or a bad lady. Yeah. We don't want our jizz bits on your feet. Imagine they commit a crime and what's left of the scene is a Jess and I go jizz bit. I don't want to be inundated. We'd practically go to jail. Indicted in anything like that. We'd practically be done for it.

Absolutely. Our DNA. Oh, see, Babs is saying lots of people are calling because they want the jizz bits, but half the people don't own Crocs. See, this is getting tricky now. What do you do with a jizzet if you don't own a Croc? Can you put it through your ear like an earring? Oh, yeah.

You could if you have one that's stretchy. Doesn't feel, it'd stretch your lobe. Yeah, okay. I think we need to, we do need to workshop. We do because I want them to go to the right homes. Lots of people, like we had a full bank of calls, but everyone's calling through. But the fact people are calling and saying they don't even own Crocs,

but they want them. Who are we to deny them? Steph's called through on 131060 saying they don't even own Crocs, but they want them, who are we to deny that? Steph's called through on 131060. Steph, do you own Crocs? You know what, guys? No, I do not. I'm the only person in my house that doesn't, but I swear I will buy some if I get some jizz bits.

You're telling me, Steph, you'll start with the jizz bit and then get the Croc, not the other way around. Why not? Who said it had to be the other way around? I like that. But now we're enabling crocs, which we love. Now it's a gateway drug. Now we need to get Jess and Duck a crocs.

Oh, crap. Oh, Jesus, the whole thing. Okay, well, let's give Steph one. Steph, you've got the first ever jizz bit. First ever jizz bit. Thanks, guys. No, I'm really... You could have screamed, Steph.

That would have been good for the promo. Come on, Steph, you've got the first ever jizz bit. Woo! Yeah! Jess and Ducko. 13, 10, 60. I love my dad, but what did dad do? So we went back, had a wedding, my best mate's wedding over the weekend,

and we went back first night. I was at home with mum and dad. I got to catch up with them. They'd been overseas in India and whatever. My sister and her fiancé came over too. Had a nice dinner. Mum cooked a roast chicken. Dad made his gravy.

Beautiful with a dollop of Vegemite. Oh, yeah. Life was good. I didn't do a thing. Wholesome as all hell. And then Dad goes, do you want some red wine? I said, yeah, actually, let's have some red wine. May as well.

And he goes, I've got a bottle I got given as a gift from someone. I can't remember who. And I go, oh, okay. Like, I've been sitting on it for ages. It's just been sitting here. I go, what are we talking here gift-wise, Dad? Are we talking like $20 bottle, $30, north of $50? He goes, no, I think about $50.

I was like, cool. Let's do it. Let's crack it open. That's a decent drop, yes. I find this bottle, this bottle of Barossa Shiraz. It has a cork in it. I'm like, oh, that's a good start. We pull it out, me and Dad.

My sister's fiancécé sitting at the table with my mum and my sister and Morgan, and we come out. I'm like, I'm going to crack this up. I want a glass. And my sister's fiancé goes, oh, that's the bottle I got you, Chris, to my dad. Like a birthday present? He got it for my parents when he was asking for Laura,

my sister's hand in marriage. That feels like a special bottle. And he was like, you could see him go, oh, you can open that now. And then dad was just going to crack it for me and him. He's like, do you want some? Mate, we looked this bottle up because it's Rockford Shiraz Barossa. It's not 50 bucks? $300.

So he's bought dad a $300 bottle of wine and gone, here dad, here Chris, I want to, you know, marry your daughter, yada, yada. This is feeling like a dowry. I'll give you this bottle if you give me your daughter's hand. But it was like a beautiful respect thing. But as a gesture. And then Dad just put it away and gone, I can't remember who I got it from. Whose is this?

Here, Nick, let's crack it. But you know who I want to share it with? My boy. I'm going to share it with my boy because he's come to visit. You should have seen my future brother-in-law's face like, oh, you're opening that bottle. That's the one I got you. And then dad just tried to pretend that he knew that. He was like, oh, yeah. That feels like that was meant to be saved for maybe a one-year wedding anniversary. We'll have it together as a family. And I had, I'm going to say I had more than half of that bottle.

Well, you were the recipient of it, basically. Your dad offered it to you. My future brother-in-law did get a glass too and stuff. Then Laura was like, is there any glasses for me? I'm like, no, we've run out. It was so delicious. Wow, of course. $300 bottle. It was so good.

Like, really nice. That's a hell of a gesture. Very good gesture. Wow. He was obviously really trying to impress them when he brought it over. And he said he was so nervous and stuff. He was hoping they'd remember. And dad's just whacked it down, forgotten, not even looked at it.

That's just a few. I think maybe some from Aldi. He didn't know. He doesn't even have any bottles of wine. He's not like a wine connoisseur. He just had it just sitting there. He's like, oh, let's just crack this one out now. It's not like it's got lost in his cellar and the post-it note or who it was gifted

from was dropped off. Just sitting there. The look on my, oh, my brother, future brother-in-law's face when he was like, that's the wine I got you. And it was that awkward moment where I had the cork in. I was like, do I stop? Nah. We're too far gone.

Hey, I'm a big believer. Eat off the fancy plates. Drink the fancy wine. Get hit by a bus tomorrow. That's it. What am I sitting on it for? That's it. That's it.

Don't worry about maybe his bucks party or the night of their wedding. No, no. Come on. It's not bonding from him and your dad. It's about you enjoying. But just seeing dad trying to squirm his way out of it and pretend that, oh, yeah, this is a great time to do it. This is a family bottle for a family moment.

I love that. 13, 10, 60. I love my dad. But. They try. They try. They try. They've got hearts of gold.

They have dad moments. They do. They put got hearts of gold. They have dad moments. They do. They put their foot in it. Give us a call. We have that skincare up for grabs. We'll get you on there. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko.

I love my dad, but. You know, you grow up and you think, my dad's a superhero. Yeah. He is infallible. He is invincible. Yep. And then as you get a bit older, you go, he's just human. He is just human.

He's just a dork. Yeah, yeah. My dad went back on the weekend and he said, do you want some red wine? He said he had like an average sort of bottle. He got given as a gift. Been sitting on it now for a while. It's a bit insulting to you, actually. Like, you want to just get rid of this bottle with me?

It's a bit of meh. Put this one away? Well, it turned out to be not insulting because as he whips out this, what he didn't know, $300 bottle of wine that my future brother-in-law to be had got him to say, hey, I want to ask your daughter to marry me. Here's a nice bottle of red for my token of appreciation. Here's a token of my love for you, the Alan Duckett family, and of course, your little sister.

And your dad was like, ah, cool. Sick. I've saved your glass. $300. It was delicious. Me and dad mainly polished it. My future brother-in-law had half a glass and my sister didn't get any. Do you know what?

This is just because you've gotten the gift doesn't mean you're entitled to any of it. So to your future brother-in-law. It was just awkward at the dinner table when he was like, that's what I got you. Oh, man. Please love me. He was being so polite to it. I was like, oh, that would hurt. That would sting. Babs, has something happened with your sweet dad? Has, man. Please love me. He was being so polite to it. I was like, oh, that would hurt. That would sting.

Babs, has something happened with your sweet dad? Has, yes. I love my dad, but he forgot Jethro's name at speeches at my mum's birthday six months ago. Hang on, you've been together for a decent amount of time. Yep. Not your boyfriend's name. How did he get around it? Was he like, and?

Old mate? Pal? Buddy? He like stumbled over it and the crowd had to tell him. Oh. And then he just like, everyone just started laughing. It wasn't funny. Oh, that's so, oh, that's.

Oh, that's a good one. And that's a running joke forever. Because you know what? He probably didn't forget his name. He's just like, I'm just going to reassert my dominance. Power play. Power play. Robbie, good morning to you.

Good morning. Finish the sentence for us, babe. I love my dad, but. I love my dad, but. I love my dad, God rest his soul, but the knucklehead was a carpenter. And he built us a little, when we redid our kitchen, he built a little like an alcove for our fridge and freezer to sit in. So it looked great. All you'll see is the front of the fridge and freezer.

Yeah, Dad, but he builds it a certain height. And I said, can we go higher? No, no, it'll be right. And 20 years later, we can't buy a frigging fridge and freezer to sit in that frigging alcove because he built the bloody thing too short. Oh, he just wanted you to always have a constant reminder about him. Yep, here he is. Oh.

Dad, should we go hot? Nah, should be all right. That's the first thing, trying to tell your dad, hey, should we do it this way? I know best. Yeah, you can't tell him. I'm going to talk to him. You can't tell him. You can't.

Jazz, I love my dad, but. I love my dad, but he's just such a cheapskate. Like, every time something's on special, he buys, like, 20 of them. Yep. Just because he doesn't know when it's going to be on special again. He's like, oh, yeah, we might need this. And you go into his pantry, he's got, like, 20 packets of pasta. There's nothing wrong with having 20 packets of pasta.

Yeah, yeah. He's thrifty, Jess. The worst thing is he has food that's from, like, my sister and I found, condensed milk can from 1980. He's bought that much of it. He can't actually get through it. Oh, that thing's going off at some stage. You better not go to Costco when, like,

coffins are on sale and stuff. You don't need 15 of them, Dad. I've got you and your sister a coffin. I understand they're on special. We don't need 15 of them, Dad. I've got you and your sister a coffin. I understand they're on special. We don't need them. May's called through. Good morning, May. Hi, good morning.

I love my dad, but. I love my dad, but he will scratch his back with a cooking utensil and then put it back in the drawer. How germy can a back be, May? It's not like he's scratching downstairs. A potato masher is the personal favourite. That would be nice. That would be nice.

The angle on that thing, that would really get in. Yes, because the wider head on the mashing part with the good solid handle. That's a good dad hack. I think your dad's a genius. I'm picturing your dad, Mae, with a rug on his back. Like really hairy. Hairy boy. No, he's actually not that hairy, but he must, I don't know,

he must get itchy. It's almost to the point where he has so many annoying little traits that when my sisters were teenagers, they made a video, 10 Things We Hate About Dad, and just mocked him the entire time. Jesus. All right, maybe just let the man scratch his back. He's obviously up against it. He can make mashed potato.

Shine Guy is going to give us a topic. Daku and I are going to outbid each other how many subjects within that topic we can list. Oh, yeah. And we've just decided, pushing it to the extreme today, none of these pissy four, five, six bids, nah, nah. Well, it depends what it is. We're going hard.

Madonna songs? He's going to hit you with a Madonna song. A one? We have a 20-second timer to do it in as well. When you hear that timer, just like Alphabucks, the pressure's on. This game isn't trending on TikTok. We invented it. It's called Biddy Biddy Bang Bang Let's Go.

All right. First category today is body parts. Oh. Oh, jeez. See, now the issue is I can hit you with 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But can I do it in 20 seconds? In 20 seconds.

And what do you classify a body part? Like a nose, an ear, like that? Yeah. Careful, careful. Don't give me it. I mean, there's a lot, but how many can you get away in 20? That's right. I'm going to go 20.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go 23. That's more than one a second. It's a lot, isn't it? Are we going to be able to count this? We're going to have to go fast. Don't strike because, you know.

Baz, can you count too? 24. Do it. Bang. Okay. Toes, ears, eyes, head, nose, penis, boobies, leg, shin, calf, buttocks, abdomen, pec, nipples, wrists, index finger, elbow, funny bone, femur. How old is that? 19, brother. Jeez, I was going. You were doing, funny bone, femur. How old is that?

19, brother. Jeez, and I was going. You were doing, and you didn't repeat. No. That's what I was sort of listening to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to work my way up the body. And you weren't even, I thought, if I do this, I'm going to smack each part of my body and

work my way down. You didn't even do that. Yeah. Jeez, I thought. Valiant effort. Thank you. I thought I was going to. Oh, wait.

To get the point. You need to name one that I didn't name. Rectum. You think about the whole time, yeah? Yeah. This is the first spotting part that came to mind. Jeez, 19 and 20 seconds. Okay.

That's pretty good. That was pushing it to the limits. How much faster could you have gone? I don't think I really could have. Maybe we'll follow up in the podcast or something. Good effort. Thank you. Very good.

But rectum has got me the point. But rectum wins it, as always. As rectum should. The rectum wins. All right. Good effort. Thank you. Very good. But rectum has got me the points. But rectum wins it, as always. As rectum should. The rectum wins. All right. Next category, biscuits. Ooh. So you did, ooh.

I mean, we went through nearly 40 weeks of biscuits last year with Shy Guy Dips, obviously. You should know a few. I should know a few, and I do love a bicky. You do love a bicky. You're a chip boy. Would you like to put in the first bid? Ten. Thirteen.

Crap. Thirteen biscuits? Unless you want to do more. See, this is... Could you name... It's enough time for you to name thirteen biscuits. Absolutely. It's more than one second per bicky. I've got to walk

my way down aisle four at Woolies. If I was to come in with 14, would you come in with 15? You know what I mean? That's a risk you're going to have to take, brother. Nah, I'm going to let you do it. I want to see the 13. Good luck. Oreo, Wagon Wheel, Ice Vovo, Monte Carlo,

Crown, Kingston, Caram... Oh, crap. Royal, Milk Arrow Root. Oh, God. My midlife! It's hard, hey. That was nine. That was nowhere near 13.

It's hard when that 20-second timer goes. For the point, I need a biscuit that I did not name. Wagon Wheel? I don't remember if I. Oh, yeah. I need a biscuit that I did not name. Wagon Wheel? I don't remember if I said Wagon Wheel. I don't remember either. I don't think you did. Damn it! Okay, tiebreaker, tiebreaker.

This hasn't happened in this game yet. All right, here we go. How did I not say freaking Wagon Wheel? That got brought up every week with Shy Guy Dips. Oh, last week I had Taylor Swift songs I couldn't name three. So, you know. Wow. That's true.

Yeah. Anne Hathaway movies. Babs lit up just there. Can I find a friend? Yeah, I don't know. I can name. I'll accept sequels as well. Five.

Five Anne Hathaway movies. I'm trying to think of other Anne Hathaway films. Oh, God. Yeah, I don't even know if I could get five. What else has she been in? I can only think of her in one thing. I can't think of her in anything else now. I'm getting her confused.

Yeah. Oh, God. You want to go six? Jess is in at five. Okay. I'm going to let you have fun with this. Oceans 8. The Princess Diaries 1. Jess is in at five. Okay. I'm going to let you have fun with this. Ocean's eight. The Princess Diaries one.

The Intern. Love and Other Drugs. Is there a Princess Diaries two? There is! Princess Diaries two! Yeah, that's five. Oh, yeah? That's a point.

Great. That was hard. Devil Wears Prada. Oh, my God That's a point. Great. That was hard. Devil Wears Prada. Oh, my God. The Hustle. Get Smart. Technically, though.

Oh, my God. Batman? Isn't she one of the Batmans? That's what I was going to say. I was going to say Batman. Was that going to be your... That was going to be my Batman. I can't...

She's been in heaps. And also, how do we feel about Shargai helping during the 22nd timer? You know? I said I'll accept sequels. No, but did you say that you'd go, yes? Oh. Well, I didn't think it was that much of a help. Yeah.

Anyway. Yeah. Done? Yeah, good get. Thank you, thank you. Well done. Anne Hathaway. She's done a lot more than five.

I could think of nothing but Batman, the second and the third. The intern is Angus's hangover movie. We watch it a lot. Exciting announcement. We're doing another long lunch. That's right. We love these opportunities to feed you. Feed you and ply you with alcohol.

That's right. I was going to say drink you. I was like, that doesn't. I was going to say, and hydrate you isn't really what we're doing when there's limoncello spritz and espresso martinis on the agenda. Dehydrating you, aren't we? But it is another Jess and Ducko long lunch. We would love to see you there at Martha.

It's coming up mid-March. Yep. So if you'd like to be there, hit.com.au. Leave us your name and number. Yes. Tell us about the mate you want to bring. Yep. You always bring a plus one.

You can always bring a plus one. We always lure them. If they're not listeners, we always lure them in to become a rice cooker. More often than not, we find the plus ones are not rice cookers. And then by the end of it, they're our biggest, you know, biggest advocates. It's fantastic. We usually do this thing on a Friday. You can maybe get a half day, get a day off work, work from home. Get a babysitter, do whatever you need to do.

Yep. Have a few drinks. Enjoy. It's a great venue. It's going to be great food. Good times. It's happening at Martha. It's going to be B-A, how doT-A-F-O-R-E.

I've already had a limoncello spritz this morning. Can you tell? Yeah, yeah. It'll be good, though. Hit.com.au if you want to be there. You know what? I'll make it really easy. I'll put a link on the Jess and Ducko story as well.

We might be giving away jizz bits too, as well as some other things. On the website, it'll say, why do you want to come? Yeah. Feel free to write. I'm only coming. Yes. To meet Shy Guy, one. Obviously.

And two. To see if it's real. To pick myself up a jizz bit. Jizz bit. Get it. Do not wear your Crocs, Samantha, though. It's too fancy a place. Can't be doing that.

It's very nice. Even if you dress them up with a Jess and Ducky jizz bit, I just don't think that's it. My girlfriend has the jizz bits that are like jewelry. They're diamante. They sparkle in the sun. I'm like, sis, they're still Crocs. Hit.com.au if you want to be there. But right now, we need to play Alpha Bucks.

That's right. We've got $10,000 to give away. And hey, you can do with that money whatever you wish. If you want to buy a pair of Crocs. Yep. All the jizz bits in the world. Or at least 100 jizz bits. Gold-plated jizz bits.

Oh, that'd be nice. Heavy, though, when you're walking around. Diamond-encrusted. Oh, yeah. Take it out, take it out. Turn it up. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Out for the bunch.

Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabucks on you. 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back if there's time. Of course, we're playing for $10,000. And our player today is Alan.

Hello, Alan. Hey, how are you? Alan, we're fantastic. We are ready to give you $10,000 if you are ready to receive it. Yay or nay? I was born ready. Oh, yes. He was born ready. What do you want to do with the money? I was born ready. Oh, yes. Okay. He was born ready.

What do you want to do with the money? I'd like to buy an engagement ring. Oh, okay. All right. We love to facilitate love. Love's the best motivator. Okay. Love is the best motivator.

Alan, if you don't win, would you still go out and buy a ring, or is this proposal hinging on you winning today? I think it would speed up the process. Okay. Yeah, right. Okay. We would love that. All right.

For Alan and Alan's partner. We could be responsible for an engagement. I love that. We could be involved perhaps. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about that once he wins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alan, it's a great letter for you.

It is our most successful Alphabucks letter. It's K. K. K for killing it. Which is what you'll need to do in 30 seconds time to walk away with this 10 grand, okay? Okay. Your time will start after the first

question. Starting with the letter K, we need you to name a fruit. A girl's name. A band. Kay, we need you to name a fruit. Pass. A girl's name. Karen. A band. The Killers.

A four-letter word. Pass. A kid's toy. Pass. A body part. Knuckle. An animal. Pass. An instrument. Pass. An instrument.

Pass. A politician. Kevin Rudd. A country. Test stand. In after the buzzer there for that one, which would have got you four, but you ended off with three. Three of the greatest.

A fruit could have been kiwi. A band, you said The Killers, so couldn't have taken it. We could have taken Kiss or Kings of Leon. A four-letter word, kick. Kids toy could have been a kazoo. An animal could have been a humble koala. An instrument, keyboard, a country. You said it, Kazakhstan, just after the buzz, though.

You don't go away empty-handed, though, Alan. It's not an engagement ring, but... It's pretty good. You can spruce yourself up to look, though, Alan. It's not an engagement ring, but... It's pretty good. You can spruce yourself up to look good for the proposal. $100 to spend at People Hair Care. Oh, fantastic. Who said you need to propose with a ring? Yeah.

Propose with $100 worth of People Hair Care. That's what... What is this? Will you hair care me? Sorry? Are you saying I have bad hair? Here's some hairspray. Yeah, come on.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You know, it's not about the jewellery, Alan. It's not about life with you. You know, it's not about the jewellery, Alan. It's not about the jewellery. Yeah, it's not about the jewellery, Alan. Try it. Let us know how you go. I'll let you know. Okay.

What a legend. Thanks for joining the show. Jess and Ducco. 131060, what's something gross you do that no one really admits to? Now, hey, I get it. We are now asking you to admit to it. Yes. On the radio. But, hey, I get it. We are now asking you to admit to it on the radio. But hey, safe space. Ducko and I will get involved.

I'm one of the most disgusting people a lot of my friends know. I am not going to judge you. No, we're not going to judge. But we can always leave you as anonymous. Don't worry. We can do what needs to be done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too hard to put the voice changer thing on.

So just hold your nose or something. 131060, what's a gross thing you do that no one really admits to? This is trending online. Yep. People are sharing. People are going for it. Someone has said, the amount of times I've seen people not washing their hands in the bathrooms at work, that is child's play.

Yeah, I mean, that's not, even like, yeah, public toilets, people walk out. I see it for the guys. You see people going there to a urinal and walk out all the time. Not washing their hands. That's fine. You know what I mean, that's not, even like, yeah, public toilets, people walk out. I see it for the guys. You see people go in there, do a urinal and walk out all the time. Not washing their hands. That's fine. It depends what you've got going on downstairs, but. Absolutely. Someone has said, I don't understand how people don't pick their nose all the time.

Sometimes no amount of blowing will dislodge what's going on up there. And you've got to get your fingers involved. I don't understand people who eat it. That is fair. I had a neighbor. Oh, my God. It just made me think when you said eat it. Paul used to eat his scabs.

Oh, scabby Paul. Yuck. That's a thing, isn't it? To be fair, he wasn't openly talking about it, but he was openly eating it. And all of us were too stunned, the neighborhood kids. Old scab ball. So I'll admit him to it now. Yeah. Someone has said, I like this one.

I've never even thought of doing this. After you've used the bread knife, just giving it a little wipe with the tea towel and putting it back. Why waste time washing it? Oh, yeah. It's not actually dirty. I do that. I'd argue. Yeah. Even butter. Just wipe it off. Why do I need to get soap and water it? Oh, yeah. It's not actually dirty. I do that. I'd argue. Yeah. Even butter. Butter. Just wipe it off. Why do I need to get soap and water involved? Yeah, exactly. Because you know what I'm going to use it for next?

Butter again. Yeah, exactly. Who cares? That's a good one. There are two types of people in the world, this next contributor says. Those who pee in the shower and liars. I'd argue again, child's play. I mean, there's water coming down anyway. It's drained. What else are you doing? It's all pipes. I mean, if you're waffle stomping, that's a different story.

That is what I want to hear. Yeah, I want to hear that stuff. Someone has said, scratch and sniff the old downstairs. Yeah. Someone has said, they've added in private, of course. Yeah, yeah. As a gentleman who needs to readjust every now and then, do you use that opportunity to smell?

I don't. No, I don't sniff, but you do, you do scratch and readjust. What I do, you know, what I can admit to is smelling the armpits every now and then. Oh, that's fantastic. Just, you know, you're going to check how they're going, how bad you are. I love that. You've got to do it every now and then. The issue is, is it like farts in a way that you start to enjoy your own brand?

No one hates their own smell of their armpit. Unless you're really pogging after a gym session or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Or a really hectic radio show. Yeah, yeah. Come 9am sometimes, I have to apologise to you. But everyone likes their own armpit scent, I think. Speaking of armpit, something that I'm pretty disgusted at myself.

Yeah. It only got brought up yesterday because I felt the glare from my husband and I went, is he going to talk about this? And he didn't say anything and he proceeded to eat what I made. But you know, I've got an issue with eczema under my arms. So I was going to town. I was just so irritated. Scratching, scratching, scratching, scratching.

And then I just kept cooking. Just like scratching and cooking. Just scratching and cooking. And your husband's a germaphobe as well. Not that it's contagious. No. Do I actually know of it? No, I don't think it's contagious.

I don't think you're, are you scratching skin flakes into your cooking? Maybe. Yeah. I was making a salad. It was all exposed. It was a bit of every, a bit of parmesan? Nope. That's me eczema.

The other thing I do is I like a lip balm, like a lip gloss that I apply with my finger. Yeah. And I'll just wipe that excess on any surface. Car seat. Oh, yeah, I do that. Chairs. Car seats are a big one for it. Car seats are a big one.

I mean, no, we don't do it on the car seat. We wouldn't. Not in our cars. Because we're car ambassadors. We don't. We can't. You should have a look at the little filing cabinet drawers next to my desk here at work. Oh, my God.

Just a bunch of gunk and stuff. All the colors of the rainbow. It's just a cesspool of me having wiped stuff off. I will do that sometimes on socks. If I'm wearing a high sock or something, no one's going to see it. Yep. I've sacrificed socks before when I've had a TP. 100%.

And you agreed before I finished my test. Wait a minute, you said TP. Oh, it's not just me. Hang on. No one's agreeing to that. You filthy bird. I didn't realise you were. 13, 10, 60.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's something gross you do that no one really admits to? Yeah. Fly the flag. Fly the freak flag with us. Fly the freak flag. Could win you some skin care. See if we can, you know, endorse you for this.

Oh, I love that. Yeah. I love that. See if we do it as well this. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I love that. See if we do it as well. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. 13, 10, 60. The gross thing that you do that you won't admit to, but you will now.

You will now because this is a safe space. We are disgusting in our own right. Oh, yeah. And we want to meet other grubby buggers. I've been licking my mow a lot lately. You have. Is it to taste the remnants of the last thing you ate? Starting to get itchy and annoying.

Is the tongue the best scratching implement you have? You can't help it. My tongue just wanders. You know what you haven't done yet, which I'm thrilled, and I don't want to put this idea in your head, where you lick your index finger and your thumb and then give it a little smooth down. Oh, no.

That's coming. I don't love it. But to each their own. 131060, what's a gross thing you do that no one really admits to? We've had a great list going around on the internet. Scratching and sniffing downstairs. Scratching and sniffing armpits. Yes.

People talking about not really washing kitchen utensils and just wiping them down, putting them back in the drawer. If you're the only one using them, who's it hurting? What about showering every two days? I had a mate I was with on the weekend, and it was literally the wedding morning. We were there for a friend's wedding, and he's like, I showered yesterday.

I'm good. Didn't shower the entire day for the wedding. And I was like, that's disgusting. Does he believe he is not physically dirty or smelly? Yeah, but he is. he is a smelly boy. Okay. I don't know why. It was gross.

I was like, you showered yesterday? What sentence is that? There's a level of self-awareness you need. Oh, yeah. Because you know I'm not a huge fan of a shower. Yeah. I take 35 to 40 second showers. Oh, we know.

But it's to do. It does enough. Yeah. Angus has told me, get back in. Yeah, honestly. So that time we didn't do enough. We're all gross. We're all gross. We're all gross in our own ways.

And this is a safe space to admit it. We go to Anonymous. Hello. How are you going? Yeah, excellent. How gross are you? What are you doing? We are all pooping out the back.

Wait, wait. Pardon? Wait, sorry. I'm sorry. In your backyard. Renovations. Renovations. Camping toilet.

And what is that? Like a drop toilet situation? Or you dig in a hole. Yeah, you dig in a hole. We have to empty that. Oh, so you just poo in a bucket? More financially savvy than actually hiring a portal. Yes.

And where are you emptying it into? The bin? The campground. Oh. Just dumping it in the paddock? Just plopping it out? Who's on this one? She's just fertilising the backyard.

Are you talking about your, like, is it a family anonymous that you're all doing this? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, a couple of kids involved. They would think that's an adventure. Hopefully you're getting some toilet paper to wipe the seat of the bucket or wipe the rim. Wipe that rim down. Get some Harpic, some duck.

Yeah, yeah. Enjoy it. Thank you. And on we go to Nat on 131060. Oh, happy to put her name to it. She is. I love it. Nat, what's the gross thing you do that you wouldn't normally admit to?

Good morning. Good morning. I cut the dead skin off my feet with a knife. How much dead skin, Nat? It's not too much. It just builds up over time. All of a sudden, it just gets a bit too sore, so I go, I've got to get that knife

out of the drawer and chop it off. Hang on, Nat. So it's not flapping in the wind. It's still technically a part of your heel and are you sawing it off? Pretty much, yeah. Just go hacking at it. Wow. I'm thinking you've pulled a off? Pretty much, yeah. Just go and get hacking at it. Wow. She loves the pain.

I'm thinking, you know, you've pulled a bit off and it's loose. And I would get scissors to do that. Yeah, me too. Because if you pull, sometimes it gets too much. The flappy bits. She's just nuts. Just get the kitchen knife out and go for it. Go and help the lever.

And then please tell me you're washing the knife after that, Nat. Yeah, of course, definitely. Okay, okay. We have standards. We have standards. We've got a Lucas here on 131060. Lucas, what's something gross you're doing that you don't normally admit to?

Well, my boogie and wiping on the fire on the lounge. Do you have a dedicated spot, Lucas? Like, is it just building up on the one, you know, armrest, or are you spreading it across the whole lounge? Behind the lounge. Behind the lounge.

Yeah, I mean, behind the lounge, nothing's real. It doesn't exist. Have you ever been busted? Have your parents ever caught you doing that, or a sibling? Yeah, when we got a new lounge. It's always the way. I'm a dad who tried to sell the lounge, for God's sake. When you lift the lounge up, what is all that behind there?

Fingernails and boogers. Fingernails and boogers. Thank you, Lucas. We go to another Jess on 131060. Jess, what's the gross thing you're doing? Hey, guys. Hi, Jess. So, I would meet two sticking my finger in my belly button.

Oh, no. Yeah, give it a good jiggle, jiggle around, and sniff it. I hate you so much. You'll never welcome on the show again. Does it smell like anything? You know what? I reckon there's so many people doing it, and they're just too shy to mention it. Oh, no.

Don't touch. Oh, my God. It doesn't smell like anything. It's so good. It does. You have a morning shower, right? Yeah, I shower before, yeah. Oh, are you doing this after a big day at work or something, Jess?

No. No, I think I shower morning and night, but it's just there's this smell to it. Okay. I can't really notice when you stick your finger in your belly button, you're going to go inside yourself. Like, push it in, in, and just take a little bit out. I'm giving it some, Jess. Oh, stop it.

You're going to hit your own reset button. I don't know if it's the same for men. I don't smell anything on mine. No? Yeah. Well, someone out there does. Okay. I reckon there'll be heaps of people pulling their shirts up, giving it a go.

Sorry, Jess, does it smell bad or smell good? It's got a funky smell. Funky? It's bad, but I like it. You like your own. Like Godzilla. Yeah. You know, it's a strong smell, but some people enjoy that.

Like your own armpits, like all that sort of gear. Everyone loves their own brand. This is magic. Thank you, Jess. We go to Lily now on 131060. Lily, what's something you're doing that you don't normally admit to? Sometimes I use like Lysolav to slick back my hair. It's like when I'm at school.

Now that is odd. It doesn't work, Lily? You need a lot of hair. It's not like a muck or a hairspray. I know, but like I'm at school and there's not really nothing to slick it back with. Are you licking the palm of your hand or are you spitting into your hand? Yeah, you've got to... No, just lick it.

Lick it. Give it a lot of licks. That's a lot of saliva going. That's a lot of saliva going. That's a tough thing. Have you ever been called to the principal's office because they saw you licking your hands and flattening out your hair? No. It's coming, though.

Everyone keep an eye on... I had a girlfriend who would floss her own teeth after school lunch with her own hair. No, that's... She was a Lebanese girl, honey. Thick, thick hair. And she would use it as floss. Strong hair. Yeah.

She could use it as floss. Jeez. Laura, hello. Oh, hello. Hello, hello. How gross are you? What are you not usually admitting to? I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, but I chew my toenails.

Oh, toenails is a level worse than fingernails. When they're still attached to your toes or you're breaking them off and then chewing? Yeah, and you know sometimes you get like dirt under it, but hear me out. It's given me a very particular set of skills. I've been doing it my whole life and because of that, my hips are really flexible and I can fit both of my legs over my head. I was about to say you can do the pretzel, Ducko. You were just having a good belly button poke around.

Can you try and bite your own? You don't have to do it, but can you even get your foot to your mouth? I'd need to remove a rib, I reckon. Absolutely. Can you get my foot to my mouth? Can you get your foot to your mouth? I could lick my toe. I reckon I can lick it.

I reckon I can give it a lick. But you could nibble. I don't think I can nibble. Laura, that is actually an impressive flexibility. Your hip mobility is unbelievable. Thank you. Thank you very much. You've got to do it from a young age, you know? Yeah, you can't just start at 33. You'll do an impressive flexibility. Your hip mobility is unbelievable. Thank you. Thank you very much. You've got to do it from a young age, you know?

Yeah, you can't start at 33. You'll do an injury. Chewing the toenails, that is... To get the dirt out from under them as well. I'll tell you what, I win that healthcare package, I buy myself some toenails. Yep. You shopping?

Yeah, you can do that. Jess and Daco. Do not fret. Yeah. We have a podcast that lives on the listener app. Never fear. Never fear. The podcast is near.

Our boss just came in and said, I haven't heard any of the show today. And we told him, never fear. Never fear. It's been fantastic. Tell him to go get the listener. Yeah, go listen. Yeah, so I had the big wedding on the weekend. It was the high controversy wedding because I spoke about it a few times last week.

I was best man and MC. I got a new jacket from Rundles and I got a velvet jacket, right? That's right, which as a groomsman, you are often told, this is what I want you guys to wear. There's pretty strict parameters. You all got to look the same. You know what I found out? Because I messaged the bride and said, can I wear this?

And I messaged the bride and groom. He said yes. She didn't reply. Then I had a phone call with her about all my jobs and what was required. She never brought it up. And I asked again. Nothing. When I rocked up, my mate said to me, oh, she didn't want you to wear it.

Oh, the groom told you yes. She didn't want you to wear it. But she's like, well, he is doing a lot for us. So I'll allow it. I was like, yes. Sucker! For anyone planning a wedding, the term bridezilla is known for a reason. So you could appreciate maybe her going off her nut at you.

Yeah. The fact she was able to stay composed. She just went, he is doing a lot for us. And that was before they saw the effort you actually put into your emceeing gig. So the emceeing did a few things for them, but one of the big surprise cameos, I did a parody song to Shannon Knowles, What About Me? And her name's Emily, so I called it What About Emily? And I just did their love story with a bit of a joke because she always thinks, woe is me, what about me?

And he's always doing things for her, and I sort of wove it into the song. Very good. I woke up this morning with What About Emily in my head. So catchy, right? Freaking catchy as. Everyone after the wedding was singing it and stuff, but I'd done a parody song at a wedding before for this sort of set group of people. So they'd seen me do it.

It needed to be bigger, right? Enter Morgan, my wife. Now, Morgan, she's been on the radio like once when we announced that we were pregnant. Yes, and even that, she did not do calmly. It was under a lot of duress. Yes. She doesn't, she'd never spoken on a microphone before at an event. She has never given a speech.

We take it for granted, don't we? Because you and I, I think both are asked to do that sort of thing a lot for our friends, for our family. It's part and parcel now. When I go to an event and I don't get on a mic, I feel weird. Yes, me too. But for 98% of the population, it's probably pretty common. I guess you wouldn't.

No, she's never given a speech or anything and never spoken on a mic. So she was really nervous. And I got her, because she's also very good friends with the couple, I got her to be in the song with me for like the last couple of choruses when it's really getting big. What about? And she popped up in the middle of the tables. Nobody in the room, bar the wedding planner, knew she was doing it.

At 31 weeks pregnant, mind you. Yep. She had a microphone set there, ready to go. Now, I want to stress, we had practiced this. Because I said to Morgan, I was like, you can't ruin my swagger. You can't ruin the style. I've done this once before, and the standard has been set. We need to do it well.

And I've emceed about eight weddings now, and the standard keeps going up. And it's with this group of people who are just getting to the point where they're like, yeah, it's just him. He's just doing his thing. I need an awe moment, right? So we practiced at home. I'd move the couch furniture. What did you even think to ask her?

She said something to me one day and said, oh, if you had anything to involve me, I would do it for them. Oh, she opened the door? Yeah, and I said- You wouldn't even be thinking to involve her because she's an auntie. She's very much. But I was like, I'm going to hold you to that. And I need to come up with a song where I can get you into it.

And I think I did perfectly. And we practiced at home. We moved the furniture because I got the seating plan early. I knew what the table configuration was going to be. So I put her down. This is why people keep asking you to be in the studio. Because look at the effort. We're reconfiguring the house just to practice.

Oh, yeah. I was getting her up. I was showing her mic technique. I made her wear the dress she was going to wear in the wedding at home to practice so she could feel comfortable. Oh, my God, dress rehearsal. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Went to the venue early, like all this stuff.

Wow. People are going, hmm, I've asked my mate to be emcee. I might ask Ducko now because they are definitely not going to put in this much effort. People were at this wedding from like Sydney and other parts of like London. People came from South Africa. They were like, we want you to emcee our wedding. I was like, firstly, no. Secondly, it's expensive.

So this is the song, right? I'll only play it. It'll be about 20, 30 seconds of me doing it. You're obviously not going to understand the in-jokes of it, but then you can hear Morgan come in, and you know what? Nails it, too. My last bit of advice was just have fun. If you're having fun and owning it, everyone will have fun.

Yes. And she lent in so hard. So here it is. I'm moving in to get a second of my own praise. What's every way to make me pay for everything? It's so silly. My mind is blue. My head is askew. They believe in me.

I need you. I'm the tale of my life. And she comes up. How's the reaction from the crowd? Because this group of mates would know Morgan's personality. Oh, they were shocked. Where's that voice coming from? And Morgan's walking down the aisle, strutting, singing. And there was a moment where we looked up and I was singing next to Morgan doing a duet. And I was like, this is so cool.

This is great. For how long you guys have been together, it would have been a, we're rekindled the passion here. I'm seeing a new side. And then we got a standing ovation. Everyone went nuts. Has she, has she got the bug now? That's what I said to her. I was like, did you feel that?

It's a drug. Did you feel that drug? There's nothing like live applause. Yeah, yeah. See that standing ovation for us? Did you feel it? Yeah. And she's like, no, I wanted to get off straight away.

Jess and Ducco. Welcome to Monday, team. We're just about done here, hey? Absolutely. Spend 60 seconds today heading to Monday, team. We're just about done here, hey? Absolutely. Spend 60 seconds today heading to hit.com.au or the Jess and Ducko Instagram story. You can register for our next long lunge. It's going to be so exciting.

Three course feed, bottomless drinky poos, including bespoke cocktails named after yours truly. Yes. And some good times. And you get a little go-go bag as well. Yes, you do. Maybe you get some jizz bits, maybe a magnet. I've just posted, speaking of the story,

we did a jizz bits blitz to one person earlier. Jizz bits blitz. It's a pretty lacklustre blitz. Only one person has walked away with a jizz bit. And they didn't even have the Crocs. Steph doesn't even own Crocs, and then she's DM'd us, and Ducco's saying, I don't even own Crocs. There's so many colours.

How do I choose? If you would like to have your say, there's a poll currently on Instagram. Go and choose. We can dictate the future of Steph's feet. Oh, that's good. The colour of the Crocs she will then go out and buy. You've got to go black, don't you?

Or do you get some, I could see you rocking camo. You know what she has sent us as options? Hot pink. Oh, yeah. Light lavender. Oh, yeah. A nice blue. And what looks like a torp or a bone.

I think my wife has light lavender. Ooh, ooh. I think that's what she's got. Okay, light lavender might be trending. Yeah. Anyway, I can't believe we started with a jizz bit before we even had the crock. But hey, who's making up these rules? You know.

You do you. Fast and loose. Amen. If you're listening to the show, grab it ever get your podcast or on the listener app. Some great stuff in there today. You can hear early in the show about how Shaka went on a Bucks party. Oh, my God. Two day off.

Lucy, Goosey, Shaka. How's the hangy today, mate? No hangy. Didn't drink enough for that. Are you a hydrolite, man? Huge hydrolite guy. Really make sure you... No, I just don't drink a lot.

I had a couple cocktails. I had water and Coke in between. Did you get a little bit giddy and went, I've got to cut back? Remember last time we went out together? It was the Radio Awards last year. And at about 11.30, Shy Guy went, I've had enough. I'm leaving. He then puts in our group chat, 4.45, rolling back into the hotel.

Outlasted all of us. He just wanted to shake us, obviously. Did you outlast the rest of the Bucks as well? Were you the last one back into bed? No, I was one of the first to go back to the accommodation. Yeah, yeah. Did you outlast the rest of the Bucs as well? Were you the last one back into bed? No, I was one of the first to go back to the... Accommodation. Yeah, the room, yeah. But actually, because that's what you said was going to happen.

No, no, legit. He needed his alone time. Yeah. Well, you know, our last long lunch we did, Shago was the last one there with me. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right, just with a mineral water in hand.

Some great conversation. I drove, didn't I? You did drive. Yeah, I was like... You drove me home. He great conversation. I drove, didn't I? You did drive. Yeah, I was like, You drove me home. He was there because I was still there. That was the famous knit saga. Oh, yeah.

There'll be another one at the next Lugline. Do you just both wear knits now? We'll just have to pair it. You guys should just go shopping together. We should. We should rock up and patch in our clothes. Cute. That would be cute, wouldn't it?

Cute. We should get an industry sponsorship. And we could be models for tall and thin and small. Oh, I'd love that. You know what I mean? Is that the shop name? It's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tall and thin and small. Thin, tall and small. It's got a ring. It's got a ring. It's got a ring. Yeah, it works. There's a lid for every pot. Oh, yeah, there is.

Someone will need that shop. Hey, if you're still here, I was going to say get on the podcast back tomorrow. More chances of that call of fame, which would be fantastic. Tomorrow's a Tuesday. That's right, year of the song. Oh, Yotus.

Have you thought about the theme yet? I have not, but I've got 24 hours. Whoa. Well, less, because we don't play at 9am. I've got 22 hours. 22 hours. 7, 10 tomorrow. Look out.

TikTok. Here we go. Maybe that's the theme, TikTok. The rice cookers are wondering. Yes, they are. Anything else we need to add, guys? You good? That feels good to me, brother.

Feeling nice? Let's wrap this up. All right, we're out of here. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. He pulled the shy guy. He was trying to hide his inflatable girlfriend from his roommate

and he set it on fire. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Macca's fiery new spicy chicken McRap is even more reason for a Macca's run.