Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Itsy Bitsy Spider

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Whats the ickiest thing someone can do? Jess plays nurse at home and we talk haunted houses!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new spicy Frank's red hot sauce range has arrived at Maccas. Jess and Ducco! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Podcast, fuck yeah. Recall to power. We live in the day yet. Podcast, fuck yeah. What do you make of this, daco?

Yep. I didn't know if we should do it on air. It might be a bit of NFB. Ooh. So I've told you that my husband and daughter aren't well. Yeah, it's it. So last night, Angus usually is the last one to take Gianni, the dog, for his wee, we're talking maybe 8.30, 9.30, God, it could even be later if we've forgotten. Because you're in the apartment now, so you're going to take him down.

Exactly. And even though we're in a nice end of town, it's scary at night time. So Angus, any time I have offered, he always goes, no, I'll do it. So, you know, it's old school chivalrous like that. But because he's unwell, he basically passed out relatively early and I went, I'm taking the dog. I'll do this. I've got to make sure he's not, you know, uncomfortable. comfortable all night.

Don't want to get an STI or something. No. So I go STI. I was like, where's my dog getting chlamydia from? I don't know the difference. Actually, to STD? STD. Yes.

I mean, my dog can't. True. But that wasn't sexually transmitted. That was just downstead. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so it's probably 845, right? Yeah. So it's dark.

Yeah. I go down, encourage him to go in the bloody shrubbery. Yeah. notice that there's a police car parked in front of the apartment, but it's kind of a car parking area. I've just never seen a cop car there. And I was like, you clock them because obviously they stand out. And I kind of went, nothing's open.

It's like there's restaurants. I wonder. Yeah, yeah, what's going on? Just an interesting thing I noted. I probably was downstairs for all of 10 minutes, if that. Yeah. Come back up. And as the doors open on my level,

cop standing there to get in. the lift. So he's been on my level for however long. I didn't see him when I got in the lift 10 minutes prior. Either he was already there

or he's come up and left within that space of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What could a cop be doing in an apartment building? Booty call? Now, when I told Angus,

he goes, well, you sure it was a cop and not a stripper? Oh, yeah. I was like, well, but I saw the car. Also, Monday night's not a great night for strippers. It's not a great night. And also I was like, that's commitment to the act

if you've also got a cop car. Yeah, cop cars bit much. But that was the next question. Angus goes, was he on his own? Because I thought cops always travelled in pairs, like power in numbers. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I was very confused. He could have had a partner that lived there and he was going to visit them.

And isn't it funny? How sad of an environment we live in. There are only six apartments on my level. Right. I've only met three of the other apartment. So I'm obviously the fourth. Yeah. Two of the other apartment.

I've never seen people. I assume they were empty. Like, how have I never bumped into you? What if this? What if the cop was actually a dirty crooked cop and he was cooking drugs on the same level? That's all you've never met him. This is his hide out. This is his height.

Because it's a relatively quiet. As I said, only six apartments. Cooking meth is quiet famously. Shaka's always said that. So maybe he's there cooking up meth. He could be the crooked one. Or he's the one facilitating getting on a street. And at 845 on a Monday, he thinks it's safe.

with which to visit the lab. You'd be careful, that, because he's seeing you. He might have to kill you. If I die, you're going to feel real bad. I will, but I'll blow who did it, won't I? Oh, there you go. You could be a listener of this show. 8.45, 10th of November yesterday.

That's when I saw him, so there should be footage. Unless he's been... Did you say anything to him? So the doors have opened, and Gianni's right there, and everyone gets a fright when the big dog is right in their face. And he just sort of went, oh, and I was like, oh, hello. And he went, evening. Evening. Evening's weird. Very formal, isn't it? And I wonder. Evening commissioner.

If I didn't have the dog, I always wonder that. Jess isn't the cop. Yeah. No, that's Jess saying it back. Oh, that's how I should have responded. But I was so weirded out. What's a cop doing? Because if you in a house call Triple Zero, you know, it's sort of like very easy for them to either get to you or get to your neighbor.

Apartment, you need to be buzzed up. Yeah. So who buzzed him up? And what does he say? Oh, we've had a complaint? It could have been a domestic complaint. Could have been a domestic complaint. But there was no noise.

Like, I didn't hear anything. It's not like people were playing musical. And if it was a domestic complaint, he'd come up in a pair because they'd be on shift. Exactly. Or he's on a break. You make a good point. If it was something very sinister, he shouldn't have been on his own. Oh, well, in his holster, he did shy guy?

Taser, you know, like, yeah, yeah. I reckon that either he was on a booty call visiting his partner or he's cooking meth. It's one or the two. I don't need to be anything else. So now, because you know what's funny, because the way the shape of the corridor, we're sort of three tucked in a corner and three tucked around another corner. So it's not like you can see the whole corridor. Yeah.

Lucia runs around the corridor. Like as soon as we get out of the lift, she just takes off. Sometimes she runs to the other end. Maybe I, under the guise of chasing Lucia. Oh, what are you doing? Just hang around. And then just like knock on the door a bit in here. Well, that's thing she slams into doors.

Oh, yeah. Probably sounds like a knock from the, I'm like, please don't do that. I don't want to interact with people. Did you see bubbling? Hey, go away. Imagineably she was just like, meth, mummy, meth. And you're like, her words are getting very good. How did you weren't that word? She knows from the cop.

Interesting. That is suss. I'll watch how its pace. Maybe you need to go down at a similar time tonight and wait and see if you see him again. If not tonight, next Tuesday, next Monday again, maybe it's an 845 on a Monday thing. And so Angus has never seen him? No, never seen him. Ah, that's a good point.

He has never told me. I feel like that's something you tell you. Yeah, yeah. You know, there was a cop. You're also right. Cop by himself screams. He's in a finish shift, before shift. In apartment. Yeah.

And because if he lived there as if I've not seen him before. Yeah. You know what I mean? You have to have seen him. That bloke who gives me a hard time, I fucking see him twice a day. And yet I've never seen the cop before. Yeah. And a youngish cop.

Yeah. You don't see that too often. No. I feel like cops are just cops when they're old. Like it's like, where were you a young cop? I never saw that. I drove past. They were army.

They must have been army reserves. mate, they all looked 17. And they were practicing their formations at a park. Oh, yeah. And I was like, you're too young to be in the Army? What is this? Because I've locked it in my brain. They're all seasoned warriors.

17-year-olds. Couldn't imagine listing in the Army at a young age or doing the Army Reserve or something like that. That's it. You've got to be, that's your personality. Yeah, you got to be into that. Do you reckon I could do it? Look, there's no question you could do it.

It's whether you should do it. Yeah, God, I'd get bored. Could you imagine that? I don't think you have the... What do you mean? We're camping out. The discipline. I can't eat that food.

My guts will go nuts. Hey, how did the Taliban get in? Oh, Dukko got distracted. Actually, they're really nice guys. I was just chatting to them and they assured me no violence. Oh, they've blown something up. Oh, well, that's the end of that. They gave me a game boy.

I was distracted. Look at this game, but this is a detonator. Oopsie. Oh, I blew it up. Hey, guys, I'm going to leave. I don't think I'm good at this. Can someone give me a lift back to base? They assured me

They were nice people No man they're Dukkah Dukkah Mahomet You Dugger Matt Damon We're Take it up Turing up Jess and Ducco in the morning

Stop what you're doing And listen You know I got that shit that you're like There's only one show to wake up for you I'm not that easy to take Jess Here we go Allay, allay

I'm got to explain Ducco Step into Uncle Ducko's sniff test. Got him going insane. Shy guy. Oh, no, that's a Muppet. Sorry, wrong franchise. Fast.

Yeah, probably. I like, boys, they're good. Oh, yeah, talk it. This is Jess and Ducko. You better believe it. Right on 6 o'clock. Hey, welcome to the best day of the week, Tuesday. Oh, my God.

Great energy. Oh, yeah. Great attitude. You have done a 180 when it comes to Tuesday. And I am here for it. Love it nowadays. In the depths of November. He's on board with a Tuesday.

I wake up and I go, ah, what a great day it's going to be. Yes. Be as you wish to seem. Oh, yes. Thank you so that you make it. We've got to do that. You've got to do it. I love it.

You hop out of bed. Yay Tuesday. Here it is. You know, that's my backtap means. Yeah, yes. It's yay Tuesday. You always make jokes about, oh, number 47 beef and black bean. I know.

Yay Tuesday. It's a yay Tuesday. Imagine if you had a Tibetan monk walk past you and just go like one day like, oh, yay Tuesday and point at you. That was my Tibetan monk accent. I saw. In real time. The life, don't leave my eyes.

I was like, it wasn't a Tibetan problematic. You saw your career. Big fluff. I feel like Tibetan accent is fine. Because what even is it? I don't know if you're allowed to say that. Who knows? But imagine he sat behind you.

He's cruising through Westfield or something. Yeah, absolutely. As he does. Yeah, yeah. And I'm wearing backless top, obviously on a Tuesday. And then it's going, oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they go. They're floating. Yes. Obviously, elevating. And he said, yeah, do you say. And I said, absolutely, because that's what it means. Then you bow at each other. A rice cooker sent me a DM yesterday.

There is a Chinese woman who is very well versed in English. She's obviously bilingual. She's doing a thing on TikTok or Instagram where she's, people are sending her screenshots of like their friends tattoos. And she's revealing what they actually mean in like Mandarin or whatever. Oh, that's funny. It's like, my friend thinks this means courage. Oh, that's funny. Does it actually mean courage?

She goes, no. The one she sent. me, someone had a tattoo on their ankle, meant rice cooker. I went, what are the actual chances of that? What a letdown for a tattoo? I thought it meant strength and courage. No, no, they've tattooed rice cooker. Don't tell anyone that.

In the symbols. Oh, that's funny. So I'll no one ever, no one's in my back tat. I know. We've been trying to get a Tibetan monk on for years. Because who even knows if it is Tibetan? I don't even know. What country are you in again? As in, when I did Australia? I got it in Australia, but I'd done an Indian Buddhist meditation

retreat. Oh, it all works. Dude, you hear the words. Oh, you know, we hear them. Because like Buddhism. So you're in India. I'm in India. Doing a Buddhist meditation retreat.

Good time. Buddhism, obviously, originating from Tibet. Yeah. I think. Mate, I don't know. It's exhausted my knowledge. I got it off Google Images, which is obviously a great place to get imagery.

And I took it into a parlor. And they went, okay. And then I passed out twice because I hadn't eaten. You also, it's on your verse. vertebrae. Yeah, I know, and I was on the 5-2 diet. It was one of my two days. What a phase.

I wish I knew you at this phase. How old were you? My brother refused to call an ambulance because my parents didn't know we were getting it done and he didn't want to get in trouble. What did he get? He wouldn't have got something that dumb. Oh, because I'm a stupid man. He got this tribal thing, which meant nothing to him.

Where did he get that on his arm or something? A classic, like a tribal symbol. He had drawn something very impactful. It was a bit lame, but he'd drawn it. like an arrow and it went, you know, the direction he wanted to go in. There was an ode to our grandfather who'd passed away. But then he chickened out, felt self-conscious about the drawing he'd done and went, oh, I'll take that and pointed at a book and got this tribal.

Where did he get it? Pelvis, on the hip phone. That's where he got it. But I passed out twice before him and he went, I don't know if I want to get mine now. I said, you have to. So when we get in trouble, we get in trouble together. You get number 12 of black bean sauce when you're back passing. And then the tattoo artist force feeding me frozen yoga to get my blood sugar up.

It was a whole thing. Oh, the joys. How many times did you pass out getting the... My little fine line tattoos. My little fight. I'm like, oh, I didn't feel anything. It was just a little prick. Yeah, mine are so little and light.

I showed someone the other day my new ones and I showed them the... I got Pam's ears. They didn't like it. I showed them the flow. They didn't like it. And I showed them the flow thing and they're like, oh. And then I showed them bang. And they're like, why did you get bang?

I'm like... Sorry, this is. not a friend of yours. Why did you get more tattoos? I was like, stuff, yeah. That's not your person. You're no friend of mine. Yeah, you're no friend of mine.

But whatever. I showed my mum and my mom's like, oh, that's cute. Mom hates them. So be fair, your mom would tell you straight, though. So actually saying it's cute, she does think they're cute. She's not a fan of tats in general. She's that old school, clean skin. My whole family.

Exactly the same. My dad didn't talk to me for three days. I was like, Dad, but it's our favorite Chinese dish. Don't come on. We share it together. Mongolian land. Obviously. It means whatever you want it to mean. Exactly.

It's open to interpretation, as all good tattoos should be. Anyway, so we're buzzing for this Tuesday. Absolutely. I love to hear it. Shigar, you're buzzing. How about you, Willie Mammoth? Buzzing. Why am I woolly Mammoth? Long hair, mate. Yeah.

No product. Wooly shy. I like it long. It looks soft. It looks grabable. I was just thinking that. I want to run my hands through it. Let's both run our hands through it.

Oh, you go from the front. I'll go from the back. We'll meet. That are you than me? No. I'm not going to cut today No, I like it Grow longer

No, you just need product Oh no, don't It's too long for products I think it looks good I don't know if I like it A few of the rice cooks have been DMing me Saying yeah it looks good Absolutely lean in

My DMs have been saying I need a hair card Yeah, I can't mate People are so nice in the DMs aren't they Still waiting to hear back from hair care products Someone else who ran out a hair care product Sweet Babs, you've gone the slick back bun And we all know in lady language

That means I haven't washed my hair Yeah Yeah, I ran out of dry shamper Oh, God. We don't want that. Guys, we're meant to be excited about Tuesday. You two? You too, letting us down. We're doing haunted house gear on the show later.

That got Babes' rocks going. I know, I'm so excited. Yeah, I've never heard her that invested in anything we've ever done, ever. She's actually going to get on the road now because we want to cross live from Australia's most haunted house. In Juney, it's on the market, and Babbs has, I've never seen her more invested. You better have left about two hours ago, Babbsman. For it. And you still wouldn't have made it.

Anyway, we've got correspondents in June E. Yeah, we do. The cookers will live there. That can call in. Absolutely. But are any of them as excited as Babs are? No, no one. I don't know if they are.

Not one person. But we do have a big show though, team, so we must press on. We do. Alfa Bucks, your chance at 10K, 7 and 8, of course, happening every day there. We've got Babs's blog on the show. We've got more chances at Kendrick Lamar tickets. We're going to throw an accommodation for that. That's our call of fame.

You've got to get your voice on the air. Up next, though. There's a new trend, and I don't hate it. And I want to get the team's temperature check on it. It's called dark showers. Oh. Yeah. Not champagne showers.

Dark showers. Dark showers. And not chocolate, like not a chocolate fountain shower either, you know? I've just got a fondue. I'm going to have a shower in that. Oh, that would be so problematic for so many. They do that on The Bachelor. Can't fondue and your parts would not be good.

Oh, no. They do a bar. Remember that? You don't remember Richie's season where him and Alex were in the bath tub of chocolate solmers? My Bachelor following captain. Oh, no, I remember Richie now. Remember cool bananas? Yeah, yeah.

Why is that taking up space in my bath? They had a bathtub of chocolate. I do remember now. Yeah, yeah. It's similar, but not. Jess and ducco. Got a new trend. Now, this is doing the rounds on social media.

Thus, it has taken flame. And apparently very good for you. It's a new wellness trend, and it is called dark showering. Dark showering. It sounds like intense. Like, champagne showers. Well, no, it sounds like dark showers. Shire, you're meant to do that audio.

Hold on. Can we do it live? Shall I go? Wait, what am I doing? Darker shout. Ready? Ready and go? Well, obviously.

Darker showers. This is hard. My budget cuts. It gets everyone. You're not a DJ, Dale. You don't respect the beat mix. I've never claimed to be either. If we had Adobe or something like that.

That's a really soft point. Yeah, it would be better. Adobe, if you're listening, sponsor me. So he wants to be sponsored for hair product? God, he's been asking for some stuff this week. And to do my job. Big ass, shy. Who do you think?

Who do you think? I'm down, mate. Anyway, a light is a powerful influence on the brain says Dr. Daniel Amman, a psychiatrist and brain image specialist, also founder of Ammon Clinics, obviously. Obviously, shout out. He says, I'm going to get this wrong. The retinohyperhthalmallac tract is a pathway that connects your eyes to the brain's master body clock. Yeah, I know that one. You get it.

Lock that one away for alpha box. Body parts starting with H. Retno-hypo-thalamic tact, tract. It sounds like something brain and retina, obviously. I'm saying big words because it's smart, right? Bright light and blue light, obviously tell the body to wake up by rising the cortisol levels and lowering melatonin. However, when the lights go out, no lights, it signals the body's going to rest and repair mode. That's why they always talk about putting the devices away before bedtime.

All of us doom scrolling before bed. That is wreaking havoc. Saying 60 to 90 minutes before bed, you've got to put your devices away. Turn off bright lights. Maybe if you have a red light or like a dimmed or different colors or tonal light, put that on. I like to put red cellophane over my bulbs. Oh, yeah, do that. It's nice.

A little hookery, but, you know, it's fine. Have we met? Angus comes up. He's like, ugh, not again. She's on one again. Anyway, it says what you then need to do, why, once you lower all the lights, you go into your bathroom, you have a shower in the dark, because then it relaxes your body with the cool temperature in a cool room, maybe gets them in lavender.

I don't know if Armin has this information. Yeah. Like pitch black. Well, because I feel like that's dangerous. That's problematic on other levels. How am I meant to wash my face and not get my lotions and potions in my eye? Yeah.

You have about 15 seconds hours anyway. It's the damage that can still occur. Yeah, yeah. One misstep, Tucker. I know. Slippozy. Exactly. Basically, it's saying like if you have like either like a red light that you can put in there,

maybe humidifier or something. Where does he stand on a candle? Candle's fine. Candlelight, very romantic, very calming. That could work. So it says to do that 60 minutes before bed, and then you want a 20-minute sort of wind down where you go, you have your shower, you get changed, you do all that process,

and that will help you sleep better at night. Now, this is not new information. Everyone knows all of this stuff. But Armand gave it a sexy title. Dark showers. Dark shower and come nice. So tonight I encourage you to, when you go home, let's all have a team dark shower,

individually, obviously. But then we can't text about it because we've had to put our phones away. But write a mental note, old school. A pen and paper. A pen and paper in your mind. And then tomorrow we'll come back at this time. By candlelight. Very, very icy.

And then tomorrow will come in at this time. We'll all talk about our dark shower. Oh, that's nice. Don't do it. Will we survive? Oh, perhaps it's going to slip. She'll probably try and shave her legs or do something stupid. Oh, my God.

In my old place, we've got the bath shower. I can't be getting out of that unless it's bright light, duck. That is, you're asking to break in it. You need a step ladder to get out. Yes. All right. Everyone, be careful. Be careful tonight.

Slippy, grippy mats? Oh, yeah. And dark showering. Yes, exactly right, okay. Watch this space, shardite. I'm watching. How rested and relaxed will be. You'd be naked at home majority of the time.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am. Anyway, anyway. Watch this space team. Absolutely. I look forward to it.

Jeff and Ducko. Finally, some real journalism, Ducko. Oh, yes. Finally, we're bringing some real professional journalism to these programs. Yes. Not more of this nonsense. Oh, it was a TikTok thing. or whatever.

Classic. Anyone who will write an article about anything these days. Yeah, article. British Vogue. Ooh! Comes from British Vogue. It's hard to getting Vogue. And a woman called...

Is that hard? I think it's hard. Is that one you're in? I do. But not as a writer. No, no, but like that's why I thought you were joking as hard because you had to pay a lot of money if you'd have a big wedding to get in.

Like that was just as a... It was like a little subfoil. Now I sound real wankering up. No, this is like to be published in... No, it still sounds like I'm big... No, I meant like as a writer. Oh, copy. I'm getting that from Sex and the City.

Carrie Bradshaw was a big deal for her to be published in Vogue. Babs, is that true? It was true, yeah. She gets it. She's just watched the whole thing. So to be featured is one thing, but to actually be a journalist, a writer and to have your stuff printed in Vogue. It's tough. That's a big deal.

But people reading Vogue for its big, hitting stories? Isn't it just like, look at this beautiful interior of a home? Great question, Ducco? Yes. And that's what sets Vogue apart. Because it brings together the worlds of high fashion and journalism. And Chantay Joseph, she is one of these journalists in British Vogue. The headline reads, having a boyfriend is embarrassing.

She's called upon dating expert, relationship experts. And she's basically saying the time of going on and on and on about your partner, it's over. Because having a boyfriend is, it's over. Because having a boyfriend is embarrassing. She said gone at the days where women, obviously in particular, that's who British Volga talking to, where you would post carousel upon carousel, picture upon picture of your partner. Now you're lucky to get an elbow of a soft launch of, oh yeah,

maybe a love heart in the caption. Yeah, of course. You know what I'm saying? We're moving away from that. That's my whole identity. Because having a boyfriend is embarrassing. It sort of started when Taylor Swift got Travis Kelsey and they got married. Everyone's like, all her single fans were like, damn.

She was the, oh, not the spokesperson per se, but she was, she was, she was. And now everyone, even calling it to question how good her music is. Oh, happy women don't make good music. Chaga's famously said that, you know, the breakup album will be her best album. Yeah. So now that she's having no faith in the Kelsey Swift relationship lasting the test of time. But she goes on to say, being obsessed with your boyfriend can come a qualifier. as quite culturally loser-ish.

So stand on your own two feet, lady. She goes, nothing wrong with being happy. But don't make it your whole identity. Basically, don't let anyone know that you're so happy. And don't, don't, it is, it's almost boyfriendist. If you come to me and talk about your boyfriend, I don't have one. Don't write a whole album. She's saying, and Taylor Swift's not even mentioned,

but it's funny because obviously being one of the icons. But she's saying, don't make it your whole identity, ladies, because it's embarrassing. And then obviously people have jumped on TikTok being like, Yes, Queen. I'm single and I don't want to be made to feel bad. I actually want to feel the empowered version of myself. But are people with boyfriends being like, oh, you should get one, this is the best? Or they just being like, I'm so happy.

It's so funny because I really don't have many people in the throes of a new relationship who are rubbing it in anyone's face. But I don't know, Shantay Joseph has picked up on something. If that's what you're all about, maybe just rain it in. I only know one person who, she's a bit younger, a family friend of ours. Is she 27? seven, she got a new boyfriend, and every sentence, it's like, oh, and when me and such and such, and I mean, and then when he does this, and oh my God, he does this, and you're going to love him.

And I think we all know someone like that. And I'm sure she did when you, when you caught up, maybe he wasn't there. Let me get a good picture. And then she spends 20 minutes, wait, no, no, that's not a great one. I'm going to find a better one. I even did that. Do you have a boyfriend, like half at the chat? And then she didn't get it. She's like, yeah. I've been talking about it. I'm like, oh, you're so deep in it. Yeah. So that's who Shantae Jones. Joseph's talking to. Don't make it your whole.

Send her the link to the British Vogue article. Just send her that. Just send her that. Then you can send her the link to my profile as well. Jess and Junko. So obviously, Flo, she's, ooh, seven months soon. I love that you checked your watch.

I'll check the count. I check the date. No, no, the day. We've got the date on. It's the Apple Watch, mate. It's everything on. I got the weather on this. My bad.

Not my 17. I was like, oh, jeez. And my heart rate variability is through the roof. She'll be seven months at 645. We're not quite there yet. It's only 641. But yes. So we now, it's not, it's gone past the sh-sh, to get to bed stage, the shushing.

It's now very much nursery rhymes and singing, sing whatever you want. They're just like hearing the tone of your voice. Yes. I think she likes, because I've obviously had a deeper voice than Morgan. I think she likes the deep sort of tone because we're now doing this thing. We leave the room if she's crying. I jump on the baby monitor outside because you can talk and record into it and sing through that. Oh, it's a two way.

It's like a walkie-talkie. Yeah. She looks through the door, realizes I'm not there. And then she's like, puts herself into her sleep in position, just kind of calms down and relaxes just from me singing in the kitchen. Well, that's a bloody hack right there. Save you from having to walk back in. It's so good.

Just jump on the mic. Just jump on the mic. But the song I'm singing is I call it Incy Wincy Spider. Shaga's got in the audio of Itsy Bitsy. Itsy Bitsy. And Bab's called it. Incy Bitsy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone calls it something different. I think there's like an American and a British. I would have thought we copied the British, but I guess it's just what you grow up with, right? I think it's what you grow up with. And I'd probably change it every time. What do you call it? Incy Wincey Wincy. I just think it flows better.

I like, anyway. But so it's an upbeat, you know, everyone knows this. Everyone knows this. It's quite jovial, even though the spider gets into a bit of strife. A bit of strife. But it's a, it's a come good story, you know? It's a comeback story. He gets back up that spout.

The sun came out and he goes, he'll look at that drain pipe and goes, I'll have another crack. Which is what I love about the story. Because so often when I'm reading kids books and stuff now, the messages are so bad. Like, there's one I'm reading her at night. And it's like, it's essentially basically saying that all these, all these uglier dragons wanted the Good Dragon scales, and if the Good Dragon didn't give her the scales, and she would have no friends.

Is this like a 2025 rainbowfish? Yeah, it is the rainbow fish. Rainbow Fish got cancelled. It's a horrible story. In 2025, Rainbow Fish got cancelled because of that exact analysis. Hang on a minute. So just give your stuff to people, otherwise you have no friends? What do we always say, Babs?

Do I try and dim my light? Yeah, don't dim my light? Keep my light glowing. Whereas the rainbow fish from what, 50 years ago, was all about, okay, now take that chick's life. Totally. I'm glad you said that. Yes.

Get that out of your own. Repert up. Get out of the bathtub flow, and no more bath rainbow fish. But anyway, so I like Itsy Bitsy. Yes, it is a redemption story. It's a redemption story. And I once audition for a kids TV show called We're a Wye. It was on Channel 10 for years. It was a trash show where I got into the top two.

I nearly got it. Where I had to play, my audition song, because it was a kids was Incy, Wincy Spider. So, wait, were you, like, going to be a presenter on his kids show? It was like, it was like, I think I was a mouse thing. And I was going to be a presenter. And it had to be my action. to be a mouse.

I always had to be a mouse. Yeah, yeah, but I had like fake whiskers. I was like a human mouse thing. But that was my audition song. Oh, so it has deep, bloated connection. And that was the song that I did, but they're like, oh, he can sing when I couldn't. It was just like an insie, wincy. Anyway.

You just got to find in your vocal range. Exactly right. Incy wincy. So I'm singing to flow now. I'm doing this now for a couple of weeks. But as I have different versions, like during the daytime when I'm seeing her if I wanted to go to sleep, it's a bit wincy wincy spot. And then when it's dot time and I'm feeling a bit somber and stuff, I start singing

Like, you know when you hear, Americans sing their anthem at baseball games, and it's like, they just take the piss with how much their... Oh, like, Fergie, fully going for it. Like the, I start doing that with Insieuette. Oh, hello, is that Ducko or Christina Aguilera? So, I'm more going to be listening to me, like, from the bedroom, and then I'm doing it from the kitchen as well via the monitor. I'm going to need a rendition, Ducko.

So, like, okay, but you can't, we've got to lean into this, or I'll give you the first first. So if I'm feeling like somber, um, spider climbed up the water spout down came the rain

oh, washed poor incy out out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain insie wincy spider

climbed up the spout again it's like John Litchf was in here I was going to say seal much better I should let you guys

The gag. Kiss my rose. Oh. And I see it. And that works? And I'll only nodded off it. And I start and I start really, reed.

And then I have to do it in a loop sometimes. I'm really proud of you. That were all the lyrics. Well done. Thank you so much. Yes and Ducco. Hey, it's Bats. And this is my book.

Ments Operation Superstar Bratsley. She's out of dry shampoo, but that does not mean she doesn't have things to say. That's here. Oh, sorry. I don't have your microphone. Oh, that's a bad. Duccoe, I said she has things to say. You didn't even turn her microphone.

She was talking to her microphone. She was talking to an empty mic. That's nothing more sad. That's so embarrassing. Sorry, that's on me. That's on me. Hey, to give you some credit, your first blog.

It's not like you've ever done this before. Yeah, every week. That's okay. So I went to Oasis on the weekend. Like many people did. And I noticed something that someone in front of me did. And I wanted to unpack it with you guys. That's what we're here for.

Yeah. So last week, Jess went to Ricky Martin and she bought that standing. Hang on, I'm just watching, far out, what are doing? Jess went to Ricky Martin. It's what I got left, mate. I don't have anything else. No.

Olae, oh, lay. Sorry, you went to Rick A? No, I went to a ways. I know, yeah. Keep telling you story. You can do it. And Jess shared that she has opinions about people standing at concerts. That's right.

I think it should be allowed. Even if you have a seat, you are at a concert. It is for dancing. It is for celebrating physically. And I got a temperature check at the rice school because most of them agreed. If you're at a concert, it is about dancing. All right. So how do you feel about this?

So for me to go to a concert, I think one of the most exciting things about it is that you don't know what song the artist is going to play. Would you agree? But didn't you look up a set list of OAS before? No, I did not. Would you agree? Yes. Absolutely.

Okay. And also taking bets with the people you're there. What are they going to open with? What are they going to close with? Yes. That's what's coming next. Yes, well, a person in front of me at the Oasis concert pulled up the set list halfway through the concert. Oh, during?

During the concert and zoomed in so everyone behind him could see what songs were coming up next. Okay. So he essentially ruined the concert for a lot of people because obviously, like, he's zooming in, looking at it. And I could say, yeah, Wonderwall was in four songs. So that's just wrecks, you know, where their concert heading. Watching that mid-show, because you're taking away from watching the show. Well, that's what I thought, too. but I just wanted to see if you guys think that that's wrong

because I thought it was wrong and I think it's rude. Now, as a person who loves the spoiler, not mad about it, because I, I'm not an oasis fan, but I know Wonderwall is the biggie, right? Yes. If they hadn't played Wonderwall within 20 minutes, I'd be going, where is it? And then the anticipation of knowing,

I'm four songs away, that would actually enhance my experience. No, I'm with you, Babs. I would not want to know. If I'm already there and I'm in it, I wouldn't want to see someone in front of me doing it because then I'd be distracted because I couldn't help it looking. I know, that's what it was. And it would take you away from it.

And then all of a sudden, now you're thinking about what's coming up next. I know, I'm like, now I know what songs are playing next. But what if you need to go wee-wee. Well, they didn't, though. They didn't leave their seat. I think that they were only there to listen to Wonderwall. So they were waiting for Wonderwall. They were fake oasis fans.

They weren't like you. Well, who's there. Sorry, look away. Like, you have autonomy over your own eyeballs. No, but, like, when his phone's, like, all the way he's zooming in front of me. Hey, look at this. Yeah, to his, like, partner. Look away.

I'm like, bro. You should be enjoying Liam and Noel, not looking at other people. You should be wrapped up in the moment. I'm pretty sure it's illegal looking at other people's devices. Don't make me seem like a weirdo when it's, like, in my face. This is on you. No, this is on you. No, real people's phones.

You've been quiet during this. How do you feel about it? We're bringing him in. I don't care, man. If you see it, you see it, don't look. Do you, I mean, you don't really go to concerts or festivals, but if you do, because I thought you looked up set list before you went to shows. No.

Was that you saying that? Well, sometimes I do, but this one I didn't want to. Yeah, okay, fair. Like, I have, for example, I'm going to Rufus next week. Yes. And I haven't done it recently, but I looked up their set list when they were playing in America, and it's the same show. Right.

But I haven't done it now in a couple of months. Because you want the surprise? Because she's like, why are you ruining that surprise? They don't you want to know, but yeah, it's a weird one, isn't it? It's weird, especially when it's happening during the concert. Like, I don't think... I mean, like, you can look it up before, that's fine. But then what if old mate next to me saw the set list too?

And then he's like, damn it, like, Wonderwall. To them, I say, look away. You looked at their phone. Yeah, you're in the wrong. They're holding it up and zooming it. And it's like a light in a dark room. Yeah, yeah. How high were they holding it up?

I suppose you were sitting above them, looking at us. Yeah, it must have been that boring of a concert. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It was more interesting to you. Did anyone at your...

Wow, I hope Noel Gallag is not listening. He's a big fan of the show. He's a ice cooker. What do you think he's been doing? Did anyone at Ricky Martin go like, oh, she bangs is coming up? And you went, oh, no. People were filming a lot, but I didn't see anyone Googling.

You know why? Because Ricky's a hell of a performer, and everyone was in the moment. And they don't know what he sucks up. And also everyone at Ricky Martin had the covers that they were flipping down off their phone. They were filming horizontally. And then they zoomed in anyway.

And they were zooming in anyway. And then they were filming themselves up all the time. Judge the middle-aged women. Jess and Ducco in the morning. Jess and Ducco's 10K Alphabugs on hit Alphabugs. 30 seconds to answer, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice.

And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back, of course, if there is time. We are planning for $10,000. Our player today is Lee. Hello, Lee. Good day, mate, how you going? Lee, we couldn't be better because it's a Tuesday and we have the opportunity to make you,

$10,000 richar, the question is, are you ready to execute? Yes, yes, I am. Let's go with that. Come on, confident. Come on. Yes, Lee. No, no dilly dallying here with Lee.

No, I hope so. He's to business. He's good his business pants on. Do you have your business pants on, Lee? I got shorts on, but yeah, they're right. Business shorts. It depends what business you do, mate. It could be a landscaper.

It's like when you see a police officer in shorts, I'm like, it's just less authoritarian. But it would be easier to change. people. Less friction. Yeah, way easy to chase people and get the knees out. But it's also lame. Still means business though.

Yeah, yeah. It's like police on bikes. Still mean business, but I can't take you seriously in your helmet. Lee, what do you want to spend $10 grand on? Well, we've just done a renovation. I've got a new deck and this is on some outdoor furniture. So I said to if we go any good, we can upgrade from Bunnings to, uh, what's, you guys know, the temple and something she didn't.

Temple and Webster, baby. The Temple and said, I didn't know, Lee. I didn't know. Let's take Leigh of Temple. Hey, I got a beautiful mosaic outdoor setting from Temple and Webster. Lee sounds like he's a mosaic guy. Mosaics starts with M and that's what you're working with Lee.

Oh, okay. Fair enough. There was a point to me telling you about my mosaic, I swear. Magnificent. Yeah, marvelous. Oh, here we go. Oh, someone knows describing words. Lee, are you ready to rock? I'm ready, mate.

Your time will start after the first question. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Starting with the letter M, we need you to name. A cocktail. Mahito. An adverb. Magistically.

An actor. Mel Streep. A periodic element. Magnesium. An action film. Pass. A type of cheese. Pass.

A technology brand. Microsoft. A country. Marley. A musical. Where did we say for country? Marley. Marley.

Okay. Had you not had Marley? Very good. That got you. Small nation. That got you six. And you're off to a flyer. First four out of the gates.

Looks good. Magnificantly. He got adverb, man. Yeah, he nailed advert. Unbelievably. An action film, Mission Impossible. Oh, there you go. Mad Max, the type of cheese.

One of the big ones. A Mazzette. The most consumed cheese in the world. Everything else you answered, you got correct, which is a disappointment, because I thought you were a real play, Lee. I thought we were going all the way. You don't get the money, but you do get $100 of fuel, thanks to the Legends at O'Brien.

Thank you very much, guys. You're welcome, Lee. Good luck getting the nice outdoor furniture. You will just have to pay for that yourself. Stick with Bunnings, I guess. You have a great day, too. We do play again. 8 o'clock for $10,000 every day we play.

7-8. I'm quite excited for Lee. Yeah, me too. He was a player. He was a player. He was a bit of fun. Yeah, absolutely. Still delightful.

It's business shaltone. Yes. Up next, though, we're talking the ickyest thing people can do. I have a doozy of a list I came across. The Kendrick Lamar tickets. Do it after Somba. Jess and Duccoe. 131060.

We're talking like the ickyest, lamest things people can do. You'll see what I mean. I came across this list the other day and I just thought it was funny. Because all these things, to me, when someone does it, I do cringe. Okay, gives you the ick. It gives you the ick. Like if it was your partner, you start doubting. Should I be with you?

I'd have words. I'd have words. Like, if it happened to barbecue, my partner did it, I'd pull her aside afterwards and go, Hey, you're embarrassing us. Yeah, we can't do that again. You're representing the family in the role way. You took my name when we got married and thus you represent me. You represent me.

So I'll start soft and work my out. So obviously speaking in baby voices to your partner. That's obviously a big one. Everyone knows that. Like, oh, baby darling. Well, is it? Oh, come on. We don't do it in public.

In public is a big. In public is another thing. Public is what I'm talking about here. I slipped up in front of you guys once, and I revealed the nickname, Angus, and I... Which was? Juicy and Goosey. I didn't think that was a slip. How often do you speak normally at home at all?

Is it just all... Juicy or goosey or goosey? Yeah. Where the Maloosey isn't. Oh, goodness. Juicy Malozy, Goosey. Jujic. What did I say about not doing it in public?

My apologies, I guess. What about this one? Now, this one gets me. If you're ever out, I suppose it's particularly a thing for male DJs. Okay. But if the DJ fades down the music. music and tells people, make some noise. I don't care for that.

It's so lame. We didn't come to hear you. I came to hear David Getter having remixed John Legend or whatever. I don't need to make some noise. Make some noise. Give it up. I want to say the name of the venue. Do you know what I'm very careful?

Make some noise for yourselves. Sometimes even at concerts people do that. It's like, no. I'm not applauding myself. It's weird. She'll always applaud yourself. No, I don't. I don't care for that.

I'm here for you. Ricky didn't do that. Ricky didn't do that. Who did it last time? He was too busy thinking he was in Sydney, but he was in Melbourne. Ricky did a lot in Spanish. So maybe he did, and I didn't understand it. What about this one?

When you see someone jump into a pool, but they hold their nose before they jump in. Lean in if you're going to do it. What a loser! Why bother? Why bother jumping in? You may as well get out of those little nose covers that people put on. There's always someone in a head.

thing as well. Yeah, like the swimming cap. Swimming cap. How do you feel about, now I am a proud member of the Edy Bitty Titty Committee, but I, if I am going to bomb,

will hold the bosoms because I'm worried about the bikini top flying off. That's fine. That feels similar though. It's like you're not leaning fully in. You're just going to go all the way. But then you're worried about your top coming up.

The nose is just like, it's something's so lame. It's like it's not going to hurt you that bad. What about, now everyone does this. I have done this before, but it's funny when you see someone do it. You're on a beach walking. And then the wave comes up

and you, you run away from the wave because you don't want it to touch your bare toes. But similarly, you underestimate the velocity with the wave, which the wave is coming at you. Yes. And you get here. And it goes way too much. It just goes up your leg. Yeah, there's something worse than that.

Nothing worse than a wet pant leg is there, shy guy. Honestly, no, you're walking on a beach and there's waves and you're walking near the ocean, but you still don't expect it. I know. Shygo rolls the jeans because he always wears jeans on the beach. Just like halfway up the car. It's like, what are you expecting? to happen. Now this is my

favorite. This one got me so good because I've seen people do it and you just do instantly cringe when someone gets something out of the fridge and obviously they're holding something maybe with two hands. They've got two different items and then they shut the fridge door with their hips.

That is so specific. I do that all the time. Shutting a fridge door with the hips like because you feel like you're living in a soul alive. Yeah. That's how I do the car door. You look at your partner and you're just like, oh, hey, babe, I've just got the two cans of Diet Coke.

How do you close the car door if you've got bags full of, hands full of groceries? You've got to give it a hip. And then if you haven't given enough force, you've got to bum yourself into it. Oh, no, that's it. I've been rubbing my ass up against my car for weeks. You're just grinding on your car. Car door I have not seen too much. How else do you close the door?

One of the hands of the groceries, I'll just push that hand against it. I'm not risking the bag into the... I don't want to scratch the paint job. Maybe I don't have good enough hips, but the fridge still with the hips is just up there with one. Because the fridge is so light. So you can just give it a quick and it will die. You probably could go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also I'm pretty sure, well, at least my fridge closes on its own.

Like, it won't stay open. Oh, it's usually on like a little lean. Mine does. Mine just stays out. Oh, we'll stay open. Oh, there you go. Maybe I don't have a nice enough fridge. I don't even think mine beeps.

Oh, no, you. Oh, yours, you bet you got it. No one's asking you back. Come on, you don't have electricity. But 13, 1060, you get my tears. Yes, those things that you see, whether it's in public, hey, maybe your partner is guilty of doing that. You just go, oh, what are you doing?

Or if you just want to call him talk, baby talk, I'll allow it. I'll get you on next. Jess and ducco. Jesse and ducco. Saddy cats. Tears. Hit breakfast, Jess and ducco. If I say, tell tips, maybe bridesmaid.

She wouldn't be made of honor, would she? Oh, geez. They're pretty tight. Obviously, Sabrina opening for her across the eras to her. And they were papped recently, her and Gigi Hedith's supermodel, having cocky teas. Cocky teas. Question, Babs, would you then not like Taylor because she makes Sabrina, her maid of honour? No, I would still like her, but I would be questioning her choices. I would also question her choices.

Not that you can judge your friendships based on height. I mean, look at you and I. Are you trying to say the aesthetics of Taylor Swift having, Sabrina. She's short. High test! High test! She's not 6.11, but next to Sabrina. Taylor is tall.

Taylor looks gigantic. Because Travis Kelsey's tall and she stands next to Travis Kelsey. That's a great point. They're only like a head. They're tall. Can we get a height on Taylor Swift, please? Yeah, I'm getting both Sabrina Carpenter and Taylor Swift. Just standby.

Taylor is... Stand by just. You just hit Enter. I'm pretty sure it doesn't need to load. We just fire up, man. We're just firing up. up the spaceship. Just stand by. Just firing up the modem. I didn't realize

we're on dial-up. Here it comes. Here we go. Do we have lift-offs? 5-10 is Sabrina Carpenter? Thank you. That can't be right. 5-10 is Taylor. Taylor's 5-11, 180 centimetres tall.

That's smaller than me. 5-11. 175. Yeah, I'm 183. 175. Wait, stop. You're not 183. I'm 184.

Who are we talking about? Taylor Swift. So Taylor Swift is 5.11. Maybe I'm 5.8. Babe, you've been lying about your height. Taylor is 511. So what's that in centimetre? Let's not do feet.

That says 180 centimetres. That doesn't feel right. So Taylor's 180 centimetres. I feel like Taylor's all that me. How tall is Sabrina? She's 150. 411. 411.

See, that's tiny. That's you. No. I'm at least in the five. No, mate, you're Sabrina. And when I said, hang on. Five 11. That's because of your high hair.

511 and 4. 4.11. I'm sorry for the aesthetics. She can't have made of one of that much short. You'd see Taylor and there would be like a giant dip. Like, who is that child next to her? You can't take photos together unless they're full body because they'll cut Sabrina. She won't be in the frame. It's funny, you say it, because I've been a best man for some of my friends before. And like all the grooms and my mate are tall in me. So it'll go like him dip to me and then it'll go up to all of them in a hike. Like who let that kid up there? But like, you know, people didn't realize the groom had a son and he made him his mind. I just doing 2025 we were past that guy.

I just thought, you know, I just thought we were past that. So are you advocating for, Sabrina, to be M-O-H? She's a short queen, yes, queen. I think maid of honour is when you're a single, a matron is when you're married. Sabrina's not married. It's a maid of honour. Watch this space, man. Yeah, yeah.

So did you have an update, Shaga? You had something else to add? No, I just googled how Tocco is. Did it come up? It said there's no reliable information. Oh, we should add you a Wikipedia. I like that. I like that.

No one knows what I am. I depends which acting I can tell you, 4-11. Jess and Jucko. Update you what's going on in my house, health-wise. I'm tip-top, babe. I eat that much garlic. I am impenetrable.

Your bowels are working overtime. I got a press release in my inbox the other day. It wasn't directed at me. It was obviously a mass one. But they're looking for people who never tested positive for COVID to do some sort of testing. And I was like, well, that was me? Yeah, was you? But I also don't want to undergo anything like that.

It feels to be freaky. God, you never got COVID. Never got COVID. Like, who's to say I didn't have it and just didn't have outward symptoms? But I am impenetrable. I am a picture of health. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for my husband and two-year-old. Well, this is the first time they've gone down and you haven't.

As in, like, normally you all three of you go down. This is the thing, exactly. And this is preaching to the choir, but you had daycare elements. You know, things start getting a little contagious. Snottie kids. Exactly. But yes. And Angus is a hard one to knock down.

Like, he genuinely is usually very well or plows through. I can look at you in the eye and say he's never done the man flu thing where he's putting it on. However, yesterday, he bloody took the day off. That's how, yeah, which is very... Flu-white? Like it was like a flu-y... It was an all-encompassing thing. I don't think it's influenza per se, but yeah, he was not well.

Neither was the little one. So, Jay Farch, straight into action. Nurse Farch. Let's go, baby. I'll start getting the, you know, the Italian soup on. That's called Italian penicillin. What's in that? Colloquially.

It's just onion, carrot and celery and garlic. Right. really boiled down in like a chicken stock or whatever, you blitz that up. But because it's got that healing property of garlic in that jazz. That'd be nice. And you have it with some pasta, cooked pasta. Beautiful.

Oh, we're hungry. Which here calls it pasta. It's stunning. Oh, yeah. But we get that. Cool. How they add pasta? You've got to healing a property.

Otherwise. I'm chucking in it a pasta. It's just a liquid. I'm not going to do anything for you. I've got to have some pasta. I had soup for lunch yesterday. I just, I always get disappointed after it. No.

I'm like, oh, that makes me sad. But, you know, you should never fill up. See, soup sucks. Yeah. suit, but there's a time and a place. Yes. And when you're feeling under the weather, of course. You make a good chicken noodle.

We love a chicken noodle. But where I think maybe I fell down a little bit is, you know, I've been getting up early for the gym. Yeah, you know, I'm a bit tired. You're training, man. I'm training, man. But Angus and Lucia, we're like, why don't you guys go have a lie down? But, you know, when she's unwell, mummy, mummy, mummy.

So I lie down with them. We've got the lullabies playing, the white noise underneath that. We've made the room pitch black. Well, mummy falls asleep as well. Mommy falls asleep before they fall asleep. I woke up three hours later. I go, no baby or husband in the room. He had...

Three hours. He had taken... He had taken... Not just Lutea out, but then the dog has been inside for eight hours. So he goes, well, the dog probably needs to we. So he has to take the baby and the dog because he doesn't want to disturb me. They're all in the street.

He left a kid with me. You're in a little slumber after your bloody pasta soup, coma. I'd eaten more than both of them combined. But I woke up in, like, such a days going, where is everyone? What a beautiful nap. Is everyone feeling rested? Who's ready for dinner? And that is the world of Jess.

And it's funny because Angus goes, all right, you're right? Because I've booked in a sauna to dry and sweat it all out. I was like, cool, while you're out, could you pick up things for dinner? See, when we first started doing a show together, like years ago, before you were, obviously, with child, even engaged, you used to have three-hour naps in a day. I did. What else did I have going on? You'd go home at 11 and you'd sleep. You'd sleep till 3.

And then Angus would poke me awake being like, hey, you said you wanted to come to the gym, the afternoon session and I'd roll in. But yes, that was my life. It's happened again. I went, oh, no, you're the sick one. And you fell asleep. And I fell asleep at 3 hours. Well, how do you then go to bed at night?

Because I'd be so rested. Very easily. I could sleep for Australia, man. You need to be studied. Jess and daco. Outwash! Oh, no. There's a reason.

Okay, I'm eating. It'll get into it. $10,000 up for grabs. Thank you. Oh, good story. Inside the next 10. Okay. Thanks so much.

Oh, Jesus. So I am on Friday. I announced it yesterday on air. I'm calling public about me colonoscopy. I said what, what in the bike. You're a big one for breaking stick marks. Absolutely, mate. Have you heard my ads I've been doing for incompetence?

Not incompetence. Incontinence. That's two very different things, bro. I wouldn't get those mixed up. I do both. I do both. You know me. You know me.

I'm the voice of incompetence And incontinence So I'm getting a Connoisseur just because I want to get one Nothing's wrong, just want to get checked up You know, you know Can take young people, obviously I've got family history about stuff So I just want to make sure the pipes are clear However with that

And I was explaining this to you guys yesterday Anyone who's over the age of 40 and had one Or regular routine checkout one We'll know this And I've had a lot of people reach out to me saying Oh no, it sucks So there's a three day process You need to follow and that kicks off today

So today is no I can't eat any nuts, seeds or grains. And did we land on why? I actually don't know why today. I actually don't know why. You're just accepting? I'm just accepting. That's the direction.

So it means I can't have me oats. Basically, anything's sort of nice and healthy, I sort of can't have. So we're in the kitchen just saying, I can have white bread but not high fiber bread. I put four pieces in the toasted ducco, should I go, two for me, two for duck. That's why he came back and then he realized you can't have the particular one we have. So that's why I have four in front of me, which I've debated. And Jessica goes, I'll eat four. You made like a bird's nest out of the crust, too.

Well, I was like, if I eliminate crust, I can get more in. Yeah, that's a good call from you. Thank you. I don't want to waste the toast. And she did. She ate it. She was like stuff and I'll have four. Did you even hesitate.

Four pieces of cheese. You did offer. That was very nice. Great team work. I knew you wouldn't hate. So that's today, right? Not as bad. Obviously, there's plenty of things I can eat. But then we go on to tomorrow, two days out.

I have to follow what's called the white diet. Now the white diet is essentially you can only have foods that are white or white foods. It must be through with the color. Like, no colour can go in or whatever. You love broccoli. Vegetables are off the cards, yes. You can have potatoes. Could you have cauliflower?

That's a white thing. Yeah, I guess you can have cauliflower. Yeah, okay. So you can have like milk, plain yogurt, butter, plain cream cheese, egg white, mayo. But listen to a suggested diet they've given me for tomorrow. Does this come from your gastroenterologist? Correct. Yeah, I can have ice cream baths.

Thanks for chipping that one in. Yeah, because when you think duck, you think he really wants the ice cream. This is torture. Breakfast. rice bubbles or plain white toast low fiber, okay? That's the last time you had rice bubbles? It's a kid. It'll make me sick, okay?

Morning tea, plain rice crackers. Lunch, I can have sliced chicken breast or turkey. I can have a white bread but nothing on it. It's a white bread butter, but you can't have like any, you know. I'm surprised you can have butter even. Like, if you can't have an egg yolk, like the butter here is yellow. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah.

How's this afternoon tea, plain yogurt or vanilla. milkshake. What am I a child? I love a vanilla milk shake. Yes, because you have the diet of a child. It is a vanilla milkshake. I was like, are they joking? I reckon there are a bunch of parents because you know kids go through very picky, finicky stages with food. I don't want to eat any colours. Yeah. This is probably what a lot of parents feel

they're going, yeah, this is our stock standard. Dinner, grilled white fish or boiled white rice or pasta or I can have just chicken. With nothing on it. With nothing. Chicken and rice, no veggie. Can you have an olive oil? Like oils and stuff? That's a great question. How has any of this got flavour?

And then a dessert, vanilla ice cream or a white chocolate fredo. You can have white chocolate, but you can't have anything coloured. Bizarre, right? You also can't have tofu. I'm not sure. That's white. So, like, there's, you know, basically. Soy, maybe soy will do something to you.

It was sick in the guts. A coconut. I can't have porridge. Anyway. So have you eaten, what, did you just have a banana? I can have a banana. Sure. But I didn't have that high fibrous food.

Then I'll go home and have, I can have eggs and stuff. when I go home. You'll have a deep breath for lunch and a glass of water for dinner. And then on the Thursday, when you see me, I can't have any solid so I can have like white broth, like Chinese broth. Yep. If anyone has a good recipe, send a ducko's way for a white broth. Be sipping me broth and hot water.

And then I can have clear Gatorades or powerades like exercise drinks to get electrolytes in, but clear ones, which I don't really have one. I've got so many questions about the color affecting your camera up, your butt. And then just water. And then I've got to take the sachets on Thursday night and then just, you know, and just leak. Open up. Exactly right.

And just spend that night on the toilet. God. You're looking at Flo's napies going, can I figure what those on me? Can I borrow what? Blue cheese are a bit bigger. Can you bring hers in? It'll probably fit me.

I'm going to be so skinny. Thanks, Babs. That is not the takeaway. Maybe you should do this with me, Babs. Yeah, you won't even be able to see me coming to work. I'll be that thin. You go on, you go side frame. Where'd she go?

She disappeared. She disappeared. Yeah. Oh, there she is, eating some ice cream. Jess and Ducko in the morning Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hits Alpa bucks

30 seconds to answer 10 questions all starting with the same letter have to take your first answer you cannot use the same answer twice and if you're unsure of the question just say pass we'll come back to you of course if there's time they are the rules of engagement we're playing for $10,000

our player today is Lisa hello Lisa Good morning Lisa Lisa what's motivating you today babe, what do you want 10 grand for? You know what?

A Gold Coast holiday would be fantastic because that's where you can take all your stress away. Oh, I love that. Are we thinking families, some girlfriends, solo trip, Lease? Family. Family. Okay.

Yay. I love that. Well, Lisa, you're not going to believe what the letter is today. What's she got? She's got out. That's going to be your favorite letter, Liz. It's got to be my favorite letter. Yeah, very good. This just feels like a good omen.

Lisa, are you ready to rock? Ready to rock. All right, your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter L. We need you to name. A type of pasta. Linguini. An adjective.

Pass. A technology brand. Lenovo. An occupation. Pass. A periodic element. Something in the shed Level

A boy's name Leo A Marvel TV show A insect An insect We're not off to the gold cuss with the family We've got ourselves Four, maybe three and a half

We'll go through The Magic to have been lovely Or lucky An occupation, a lawyer Periodic element, lithium. Something in the shed, you said level. Like, I'll take that. Yeah, I'll level.

Yeah, I'll take it. A boy's name you got. A Marvel TV show, Loki, Luke Cage. Everyone obviously loves Luke Cage. An insect could have been a ladybug or a ladybird or even some lice. We've taken lice. There's a couple. Lisa.

Yeah. Oh, you were delightful. I really wanted to get you to the Goldie. I know. Look, you don't get to the Goldie, but thanks to the absolute legends at O'Brien, you do get $100 of fuel. Oh my God, that's excellent. Fantastic, isn't it?

What a great attitude, Lisa. It is great. They're filling you up, you know? We'll fill you up in the giggle tank. Yeah, yeah. And O'Brien will fill your literal tank up with petrol. How much is a cost of giggle tank per litre? Mate, for us?

Free, baby. We are giving it out. You get a giggle. You get a giggle. You get a giggle. You just got to tune in. That's all we are. Lisa, thanks for being a part of the show, Dahl.

It's fun. Thank you. Have a great one. You too. We do play again tomorrow at 7 o'clock and 8 o'clock for $10,000. Now there is a house in Juney. Juney. See, Lisa had the giggles, but now we've got to get it a little bit more serious. We've got to get a bit spooky.

It's up for sale, this house. Anyone knows what we're talking about in the Juni area. Give us call. Paking headlines this house. For being very haunted house. Haunted house. Babs has become our. unofficial expert on real estate.

Well, all things haunted real estate. She'll give us the rundown on this particular home. Yep. And then we'll ask you. Haunted stuff. Are you dealing with... Oh, perfect. Jess and Ducko.

Welcome to Tuesday. We have Kendrick Lamar tickets. Is it here, Mario. And accommodation. This is a spooky. It's our call of fame. Yes, it is. draw at Friday.

Kendrick is great artist too. Most nominated Grammy artist going round, so it'd be great tickets to get involved. That's right. 13, 10, 60. Is your house haunted? Because Babs is very excited. Slightly creeped out.

Resident haunties stepped into the old studio. She's running tours. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's all sight-assel. Tell us about the house in June. Sorry, don't want to stop that. Shy guy, can you show? up.

She needs to focus. Stop chiming in, Shire. Give me something more haunted, okay? Oh, this is no much better. Sorry, I'll just, no music. This feels sci-fi. Anyway. A carnival ride.

Off you pop. All right. Australia's most haunted house is on the market. Yes. Yeah, so this is the Monte Cristo that's in Juni. So I think, so Juni is in the Riverina area. It's been operating as a museum and tourist attraction now so people can stay there.

Well, I should have a rice cooker message will be on Instagram saying I've been there so many times I can't find a price guard online. I took the family there. I would say it will go for 10 million. Wow, because it is a humongous property. How many bedrooms did you say, Babs? It was 18. Let alone the acreage. It's on stables.

Five bathrooms, several kitchens. So up until this point, it hasn't been a private residence. Is that what you're saying? People haven't lived in it. It's been a tourist attraction. It's been a tourist attraction. But the two owners, I think it was Olive and what was his name? maybe Roy or Ron or something, they have lived in the residence as well.

Okay. Yes, at the same time. So were they living in it and operating the tours? Yes, they were, yeah. Look how haunted our houses. They lived there for 50 years. 50 years. So it's just hit the market because obviously the estate of these two people.

Yes, so they have unfortunately passed away these homeowners. And now the family has put the house on the market for the first time. Was it something spooky that they passed away from? I don't think so. No, I think it was old age. Okay. There has been several deaths in the house. Beyond these two owners.

Yes, yes. So apparently the original owners, Christopher and Elizabeth, have been believed to have been haunting the house since their deaths in 1910. 1910. That's old ghosts. Yeah, old ghost stories. Apparently, there's been a lot of weird things that have happened. Yeah, what are some of the weird things that have led people to believe this is?

Because as you said, Australia's most haunted. Yeah, so when you say weird things that have happened in the house, apparently there was a child that was dropped from a stairs. case because someone was claimed that she got pushed when there was no one there. So now is there a child ghost? Because nothing scary than a child ghost. Probably.

Apparently something happened on the balcony. Someone died on the balcony. So people often hear footsteps outside on the balcony. And you can imagine because when was the house built? Obviously they're 1800s or something. It looks like a manor. It had already be creaky. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it would be old.

You know what I'm saying? We saw some photos for the inside. It's very old school. It looks And what was the little tidbit you shared about all the furnishings and furniture. Oh, yes. So when you buy this house, you actually get everything inside. So they're calling it in a walk-in, walk-out. So if you buy the house, you get all the doll.

That's the carriages. Sorry, sorry. One more time. Or the dolls. Yeah, no. There's a doll collection. All this creepy furniture, like all the original, yeah, things that are in there. Interesting.

When you purchase the home. Australia's Most Haunted house. And why would you want to buy that? What do you do with it? You can't knock it down. But you know, people, this is like the people who love horror movies, Ducko. there are people who love this stuff. Well, Babs included.

Well, to be fair, it would be kind of fun to own a house that is haunted, I think. What would you do with it? Would you sleep in it? I would definitely get rid of everything inside of it. I think I would gut it and then, at all nice kind of job. Even then, no, that child ghost is still going to haunt you. Well, that's the thing. You can get rid of the cot. I used to sleep in, but that doesn't mean the ghost leaves.

Apparently people hear their names being said when there's no one home. I reckon I have contention for Australia's most haunted. Here we go. Remember, I told you, the woman who came over with like a five-month-old baby. That's right. As soon as she stepped through the door, the baby cried, her first question. Yep. Is your house haunted?

Not that her child was just a baby that's crying. She goes, have you got a ghost? Because my baby is very perceptive. I'm going to use that as an excuse when my child goes anywhere in Christ. Taunted. It made me feel awful, but I created such a bad space for this child to enter. And her mother, of course. So I think I've got a ghost.

Okay. Which will be really annoying if we're spending all this money on. the renovation and the house is freaking haunted. It's going to lower the cost and the value. And all the babies cry when they come to the house. So what do we want to do? 13, 10, 60 is your house haunted? Do you have a haunted house?

Have you been to one? Yeah, maybe what's your experience? Maybe your workplace is haunted. Remember, our old station was built above a morgue. People used to say there you could hear the ghost in the... You could smell the bodies. Where the morgue used to be. Yeah.

Haunted. Hauntings. Yes. What have you got for us? Well, we are speaking haunted. Speaking of mystical and magical. Oh, perfect. It's a good segue.

Babs was just in here. She's our haunted correspondent. It's taken her fancy this story. Australia's most haunted house in our Fair Riverina, Ducker. Yeah, yeah. Everyone who lives out that way obviously knows it. The manor of Monte Cristo is up for sale. Now, unfortunately, we can't give you a price guide.

Maybe we can send an email, pretend like we are interested. Yeah. Because I'd love to know how much. It's like 18 bedrooms. bathroom's huge acreage. It's on a property, yeah. People saying 10 mil, but I don't know. I don't know what you'd want that for. In this economy. Yeah, true. 10 mil, but then maybe you keep running the ghost tours, because it has been operating. Ghost tours and stuff. I don't understand ghost tours. It's never been a fan. Don't want to do them.

No, no, no. Thank you. It was exactly the same. I don't do horror movies. I don't even want to go on the ghost train. What's the thing that's the fair? Ghost train? Ghost ride. Ghost ride. You know what I'm talking about? Or like a carnivals and stuff. Haunted train. It's basically, it's Basically just carnies who are dressed in masks, scaring you? Nothing scary than that, mate. No, thanks. That's the stuff of nightmares. Trina has called through because we want to know what's your experience,

maybe with a haunted house, maybe, God forbid, it is your house. That has a poltergeist. I don't know if I use that word correctly. Trina, hello. Hello, how are you? Yeah, Trina, I'm spooked out, man. What is your story? Well, I couldn't help that call up because as,

As I was listening to this, Monti Cristo was actually my great, great, great grandparents' house. Shut up as in like OG, Trina. Like, did they build it or live in it originally? Yeah, so Christopher Crawley was the builder of the house. I just rang my mum when I heard it. And I said, did you hear Monte Cristo's for sale? And I always grew up telling my grandmother who used to live there that I would buy the house back one day when I was rich. And put it back in the family.

But now's the time, but I'm not rich. Oh, Trina, can you actually contact the real estate agent? Because if anyone should be expressing interest, it's you because it's in your family legacy. I know. So my grandmother lived there and she had her wedding there and her wedding pictures on the wall. And my parents were married there and their wedding pictures on the wall. and there's a little blur in the picture of my parents' wedding picture, and everyone says that's the ghost,

but it was really just a bit of light coming out. So, Trina, what I'm hearing is you don't believe that Monte Cristo is Australia's most haunted house. Oh, I'm sorry, I don't believe. No, you've got too many positive family memories there. Oh, my grandma never said anything, nothing kept her up at night. Tell me your parents. No, no.

But I believe if there are ghosts there, they're going to be nice ghosts. Oh, I see what, this is Trina's of the ancestors. That's great to the ghost. It's my great-grandfather. He's going to be a nice-go. No one comes at them from a good angle. Every presumes ghosts and mean. The word haunted has such a negative connotation.

But that just could mean, I was here first. I'm a ghost. I'm not here to scare you. I just live here too. I walk around this house naked as well. We can cohabitate. Such a nice house. Why would you want to leave?

Trina. Thank you, Trina. Find out the price for us, please. Thank you very much. Catherine. Now, I like this. You have actually visited Montecristo. Catherine. Hello. Hello. What did you feel when you walked through the doors?

It was very eerie. And the owner, the old lady, was actually sitting there in a rocking chair as you walked in. And I didn't see her. I assumed it was a mannequin until the kid sent her the lady there. And I was like, oh, it's really. I feel like she's really playing the role there, Viona. Welcome to my house. It really was. She was an old grey-headed lady sitting there. Did she just point at you and just...

It's creepier than a rocking chair. Yeah, an old lady. It was like she was there, but not there. She didn't talk. She just sat there. She just made like... Oh, my God. Just crocheting.

Something for her doll collection. Oh, yeah. Catherine. So do you think it's haunted? Catherine? You can definitely feel something. The doll room you were talking about, it was extremely eerie.

I used to collect Paulson dolls when I was a kid, but that extent is freaky. It was a full room, full room of dolls. And you know, Catherine, if you buy the house, you inherit everything in the house, including the doll collection. Yes, I heard. Yeah.

I'd be burning those. No, thank you. I don't want the dolls. No, but then you've got a hundred more ghosts haunting you. Oh, you don't want that either. Because the kid goes, obviously play with the dolls. We go to Chris. Are you speaking about this house, Chris, or your own?

One place that I used to live in, I actually grew up in that area, a couple hours near Juney, in the snow mountains. Yeah. And I was living in this unit, and the taps keep turning on, fridge would open, toilet would flash shower,

would turn on, I'd have to turn them all off. I'd have the heater running in the cook bedroom all day, and it'll still be staying cold in the bedroom. I end up sleeping in the lounge room. Chris. Did you look into the history of the unit? Like had something sinister gone down? I was going to do it.

My uncle actually lived in the same unit for me and he rocked up one day and he's like, have you still got the ghost here? I'm like, yes, I was here when you were here too. Yes. Well, he was here first. The ghost is like, I'm not moving out just because Chris is moving in. Yeah, yeah.

I was first ten and keep it within the family. Absolutely. Thank you, Chris. I couldn't do that. Tap turning on, let alone. No way. Water crisis. No.

Don't be wasting water ghost. Come on, ghost. Do you know? We're always in a drought, man. Emily, on 13, 1060, do you have a haunted house? Hi, guys. Yes, I do. So when I was younger, my family lived in an old small country town, and we actually lived

in an old railway station. Oh, my God. So it had been converted into a home. So the platform was the open plan sort of kitchen, dining, living area. And the old waiting rooms were the bedroom. Oh, my God. This is so creepy. Yeah.

So we can assume that lots of deaths would have happened back in those days without safety. Yes. But I remember heavy breathing on my neck whilst trying to sleep. The duna covers lifting up. And the lights turning on and off. Forget about it, Emily. That's not what you want. Yuck.

Did you move out real quick? We were only there for about six months, and I can't say I'd ever live in an old railway station again. She's talking about a train, train railways. Imagine hearing this in the middle of the night. Oh, that would get you. Does that just trigger you, Emily? That's terrifying.

It did. Sorry, Emily. Just that little, that little chit-choo train. It's scary. Thomas. Where is my husband? Here's my husband? Here's breakfast. Jess and ducco 8.54. Well, your metaphorical husbands are right here.

J.D. Have we listened to the lyrics properly of that song? She sings so fast. It's quick, isn't it? Is she saying literally, where is my husband? He was meant to be home 10 minutes ago? Or is she saying, where is my soulmate? I haven't met him yet.

Haven't seen him so long I can't catch what her actual because the verse is so quick Tell me if you see I'm taking it as she hasn't found him yet Okay see I keep taking it as He said he was going to Bunnings and would come straight home I reckon he's gone to the pub

He's pulled a runner She's in high waiting for the bread He's bumped into Brandon And Brandon's bad news And Brandon's gone Let's just quickly have a cheeky May as well, go get a skewy You can't trust Brandon

Babs, do you know Because you've listened to the song And maybe even looked up the lyrics I believe it is that she hasn't found her husband yet So he's not at the pub with Brandon He is just not existing She's saying like she's getting older Like where the hell is a guy

She wants to get married Thank you for clarifying Because every time I'm loving the song I'm glad to end on it But I've not been able to catch the meaning They need someone like a Teddy Swims or, you know, even a, you know, a Benson Boone to come and go, where the hell is my wife bringing out a... Or go, hey, Ray, I'm here.

Yeah, yeah, Ray, I am your husband. You know what, I don't know. Have we seen that enough in pop music? No, rebuttals? We saw it in that song, stuff you, you, I don't want you back. Amon? Was that Aiman? I was going to say, there has been an example.

It was the couple that they had a breakup and then, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is Benson single? Is Benson heterosexual? I don't know. I believe he's single now. I think he recently broke up with his partner. Who was a lady? I know he's a lady.

I know he does backlips. She was like an actress or something. Yeah. Yeah, okay, okay. I would love that, Ducco. Can you tweet Benson? I'll use my Twitter that I don't have. Please make a call.

What a power move. What a flex. That's how you met, you misso. That's how you did it. I answered the song, where is my husband? I'm right here, sweet art. Do I reckon we can just do it? Like, we can make a little parody song.

Oh, I like that. Oh, Sharga could be your husband. You should go, Ray. Ray's hot as hell. Would you be interested in Ray? Oh, you like Ray. Oh, you like Ray. Oh, my God.

Hey, Ray. Your husband's here. He's run out of product. That's what he's hair's so long. Long and fluffy. He's got such a long hair right now. Hey, Ray. Shy guys are looking.

Okay, that's enough. Oh, yeah. It's all beautiful. And we know Babs can sing. Oh, yeah. So maybe she can hold the note. Yeah, booktop bops. You don't hear in the opener, but you do hear it in the opener.

Yeah, exactly. The opener does her no favour. No favours. Okay, okay. Leave it with us. Chog, I was going to write a song to Ray. Yes. This could be the start of something magical.

Yeah, beautiful. Cut Benson Boone's grass. Hook up with Ray. Imagine that. When Ray comes here and we get an interview with her presumably in studio, like we do. Obviously. I can't wait to bring that up. God, hopefully he's bought some product by then because this floppy mop.

Yeah, yeah. You're not liking it? But my issue is I like it. He has to like it. He keeps complaining. He does. He's just saying he does it. I don't know what.

He just knows he's looking a bit sexy. Every on then, when the girls don't message him as much, and he goes, oh, geez, I want something. Actually, he does something different. I'm going to put a pole. Yeah. The guy dragged all his hair in front of his. It's giving Justin Bieber at 16.

Yeah, yeah, it is a bit. But don't act like you didn't do that on purpose. Are you busking on the street? No. Oh, the wind. Bad, does he say it? Does he say any too? Does you guys work a lot throughout the day?

Is he mentioned it to you at all? Not really, but we all know that he's lying. He does like it. Yeah, he loves it. It's his new, look, you got a new vibe, man. Flopsy, Mopsie and Cotton Tail. Everyone's allowed to have a rebrand. What's that?

It's Peter Rabbit's little sisters. I just thought Flopsy Mopsie and Contal work. Sorry, Jess. Are you not reading Peter Rabbit to Flores? I thought that would be in your wheelhouse. No one's reading Peter Rabbit. Flo eats the books. He's a classic man.

Flo, it just eats books right now. Oh, okay. So you've not gotten on to Peter, the adventures of Peter. Oh, yeah. Not yet. Anyway, you're flopsy, Mopssy, And Cotton Tail. Sure.

Get us out of here. Okay, please get us out of here. Are we retired? Okay. Well, we're back on here tomorrow. It's Wednesday. I'm quoting Peter Rabbit. You've got to get me out of here.

You've quoted more niche things. Jeez, that's a testament to my quote. Hey, we're out of here. We're back tomorrow. That's going to be a big Wednesday show. Shy Guy dips. We've got Alpha bucks. More chances at the Kendricki Lamar?

Yeah. Not enough good people calling in for Kendrick. I want better. Ducko gave me such quick. crap, we're being so excited about Ricky Martin and we've got the best callers of our year. Maybe I need more passion. Kendry's the best. That was me being you excited about Kendrick.

No, what I did was sing a little bit of Ricky. I can't sing Karen. Very problematic. Swearing in the lyrics and, you know. Well, they're not like us. You can't do that every time. I get it, I get it. Anyway, more chances.

Tell your friend. If you know your friend likes Kendrick, we're the show for them. Yeah, we are. We're the Kendrick show. We're the Kendrick show. We're out of him. You see it. Grab it on the podcast on listener or wherever you get your podcast. We will. See you tomorrow. Bye-bye.

Bye. How came the sun's shining dried up all the rain? Incy, wincy spider climbed up this bow again. Jess and Ducko! That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. The new spicy Frank's red hot sauce range has arrived at Maccas.