Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Keep the witch in the back pocket

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

Gen Z want to have sex at work, Jess tells us about a morbid game she plays in the traffic and we talk worst songs to play on the dancefloor!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trying the cafe's new blend today. Smoother, bolder, better. I'm loving it. Jess and Daco! This is the Jess and Daco podcast. Welcome everyone to the podcast. Now this is high stakes here because I've been dragged into something. What's going on?

I can't even say I'm an impartial witness because I've taken a side. Oh goodness. Shy Guy V Babs, court is in session. Yes. Shy Guy, as the, court is in session. Yes. Shy Guy, as the defamed injured party, please tell the court what has happened. Well we learn on the show that you'll hear soon that Babs doesn't have any of us on our close friends list.

Guilty! Close friends, yes, on Instagram. And she didn't even go, oh I like you now, she would never have us. So I just quizzed Babs off air and I was like, hey, what are you putting on your close friends that we're missing out on? No, you have the floor. No, you have the floor. No, you have the floor.

Defendant will stay quiet. You'll have your chance. You'll get the talk and stick in a minute. Yeah, yeah. So then Babs is just running me through her archive of close friends stuff. Yeah, it sounded like that. And then she's just flicking through and I'm like, this is good gear, this can go on your thing.

And you're private by the way on Instagram. Yeah, you are very proud 300 followers don't really care I'll turn your mic off in a second Yeah, because of how private you have these settings it already is a close friends. Okay So then Babs pulls up a photo. Yeah, and it's of me. Oh, I was on her close friend. Shut the fuck up What does it say? It says mmm breakfast. Yes from our Thursday Shut the fuck up, what does it say? It says, mmm, breakfast. Yes.

From our Thursday breakfast date. From breakfast club. Yeah. I don't even know what I'm doing. Is that what that meme? Breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. So I made-

I've made The Close Friends. You are content. And I didn't even know it. You are content. Because you're looking not great in it too. I still made it. Can you be content on Close Friends and not be a close friend? Here's the thing, here's the thing.

Here's what I will add to this. If you are content on someone's close friends without being close friends, I think it means that they're taking the piss out of you. Absolut- they're bullying. They're bull- But that's fine with me. I'm not offended by that. Alright Babs, over to you. What's saying to you?

I walked in and the first thing Shy Guy said was, oh, could you please add me to your close friend? Oh, I said add me because they'll hate it And then I said well it is kind of weird Like I feel like you guys will judge me. But also I can't let everyone know I'm really fucking funny. Oh see? How will we know? This is not a great case. Do you actually think we would judge you? No but I heard the shit we say. Yeah yeah. But the stuff on there is so like even I just showed a shock. Show them the gardening one. I did a whole gardening series the other day. But it might show us your personality. I think it does. It might help us get to know you. Well I'll show you guys what's on there and then you can make a decision. If you're embarrassed of your own activities, that's all you, not on us.

No, I'm not embarrassed. I just think it's like from like you guys as... It's a different language, you're speaking to different people. But also I feel like you guys are not my bosses because you're not, but like you guys will just kind of like look at it and be like... We could get you fired. Like this is what you do in your spare time. Do you really think that we would judge you? Or that I would judge you? She does! No, she does!

I wouldn't judge you! I wouldn't care! But I actually do post some kind of funny stuff on there. Okay, show us. So what kind of stuff? Can I see? It's a series, I have to show you. She wants to pick what she's showing you. No, no, it's a series.

It's actually a series. Can you hold it up? How the fuck do these things work? And she's like trying to start a whippersnip, huh? That's funny. that is funny. That's your housemate? And like she looks so confused. So I had to, that's just another girl looking back out, Lottie.

Is that your other housemate? Yeah, that's Lucy. See, I've never seen your backyard either. So this is great to see. I don't actually know if I knew what the girls look like. To be honest. This is an insight to a girl's knew what the girls look like. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha will see that that's like my personality. So you are worried about judgment? I actually worry about judgment, but I actually post more of my close story

than my normal story. Interesting. Because I just find that like the people that understand it and like that are my friends and see it will be like, that's just, you know, that's something Billy would do. But then other people would just be like, ugh, like what is she doing? I don't know what you are guilty of, but you are guilty.

Yeah. It's, it's, I feel like I don't know what the crime is. If I saw that on Babs' like close friends and so on, I would actually like react laughing. I'll be like, oh, that's cool. I'm seeing a bit more of Babs. Could I have gone when I saw that? Like this morning-

You hear a lot about our lives. And have you noticed she wasn't the star of any of those? Yeah. She's a big film from the sideline. She's a watch. She likes to watch and not partake. She likes to watch and film. Well, I mean, I put this photo up this morning. this morning, which was me this morning, and it just says

had to make a get ready video with me, wait, had to make a get ready with me video for work this morning, bye. Get off my dick Jess and Dukkow, I don't want to do it. You're speaking a different language on that to what Babs that we see is, and I want to see the other language. She's compartmentalising. Yeah, see it's funny, I would not judge you at all. I don't think any of us in this team would. I think it's good for you. Well, now we've had that conversation, I can add you. This is a, I'd like another question.

But now I feel dirtying at it. But also, like, would you? Like we've asked now, it's not the same. For some reason I have this thing that yous are gonna like, dob me in for something that I do. To who, to who? I don't know.

Who would we tell? I don't know. Who would I possibly tell? The only people we're gonna bitch about you two are each other, and it'll be in front of you. Yeah. Okay, you. Yeah, okay So okay, I don't know who we'd possibly telling you. I mean Like you know about us to your friends

Just says in fucking gYG drive through again someone please help me. I'm gonna tell the boss I'm telling the ball would tell Jethro cuz you know, you're on a diet Those on the Close Friends. Yeah. Oh, you hope so? That's the only thing that would have made me feel better. Yeah, yeah. The question is, you've posted Shy Guy without his knowledge.

Have you ever posted... Yeah, us. Jess and Ducko? No, I haven't. Oh, well now I'm even insulted again. Yeah. Why haven't you insulted us? Me listening to the Twilight soundtrack.

It's not that exciting. Who cares about that? That's funny. Maybe, that's just not my close friend story. Man. I don't even wanna be on it, don't worry about it. Why? Do you know what?

You know what, stuff, yeah. Hang on, am I on yours? I don't even use close friends, you know why? Because anything I was gonna put on story, I'm like. Everyone. I'm not that brave. But how do you actually get, have you ever noticed you are on someone's close friends?

Like you see the green. Yes, see the green. Do you ever get a bit like, oh. you are on someone's close friends like you say yes Yeah, and you'll ever get a bit like oh, you're mine because for friends you have to go and select you do yes Yeah, like to bring you on the inside here. I just saw Millie Elliot I'm on her close friends like she did a thing for her pregnancy. Yeah. Yeah Thank you. It's weird like we went out of you. We've never even have a close friends. No, I've never even I've never even I've got one. I just don't use it. No, I might have started it like curated one when I first got Instagram, but I don't use it. I would love to see Shaggy do a bit of close friends gear. I'll add you to it. Oh, you've got one. Well, I do now. You don't post on Instagram. Do you have it? No, I just made one.

You just made one. Let's all at each other. Okay. Oh God. No, no, cause you'll judge us. Yeah, yeah, don't judge my close friends. And possibly dob on us to someone we're not sure who. I love that though, it still just shows the divide between us and Bap. It does. Because she, you know, she still thinks of us as that like-

No, I feel like you guys are all sophisticated and utterly, and then in my spare time I'm - Have you heard the show? Yeah, have you? No, have you? Have you heard No Dumbo Fort Friday? Have you heard No Dumb Thought Friday? Have you heard every segment with anything we do? You know, you sit out there and roll your... Actually, if anything, you charge more than anyone in the team.

Oh, that's so true. Have a look in the mirror, Babs. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the judgiest of us all? See? Babs. That's educational. Jesus Christ. Hit you with a snow white fucking quad. We do, we are a team that does take offence at things quite easily.

Yeah, I know. For a team that hangs shit on each other all the time, we all- But that's the thing, we hang shit on each other all the time. Yeah, we do. But now we've just found out someone's been hanging shit privately. Like how would you describe Babs to someone now? Like, oh, she's like the young girl at work who likes us but doesn't really like us. Oh my god.

No, no, you know how I describe it? She's paid to like us. That's not true, because I'm barely paid. Hey, we're trying to fix that! But you know what, Jess? This year, maybe we shan't fix it. You know what? All this fucking mentoring advice I'm trying to give her. Hey Babs, you've gone above and beyond. If you've written that down when you're doing contract negotiations, Ducker and I will come in and we'll strong arm the boss.

You know what? All off the table. Oh God! I'm gonna find another young woo girl. Oh, Matt, feel that. That's what I've said. A woo boy. Welcome to Tuesday, beautiful people. Good morning.

Ah, how are we? Yeah, feeling pretty good. Feeling pretty good. It's fresh today. My goodness. I pulled out my big sherpa leg, goes down to the floor. It's basically a blanket. Yeah, you're woolen jacket on.

I can't make fun of people who leave the house in Woody's anymore because it's essentially the same thing. It is, yeah. Honestly, you do what you got to do. I reckon Woody would be like matcha to you. The minute you try it, you're like, oh, I like it. I actually really like it. Probably. Yeah, it is comfy. If anything in recent weeks has told me, Jess, shut your mouth until you've tried the thing. Let's do a week of Jess trying things that she never said she would, guys.

I'm so- Let's do a week of Jess trying things that she never said she would guys. Eggs, ham. I'm gearing up. I've tried eggs. I have tried eggs. Okay. Remember when I was pregnant I was trying to put good things in my body. Oh yeah, that's right. Um, I just don't like them. Not a fan of the eggs. I'm just not a fan of them. Granted, I've only tried scrambled. I've never tried another type of egg. Hmm, poached is pretty good.

Oh, see that's what freaks me out the most. With the egg popping. That yokey- Maybe we should go boiled and we'll hard boil them. Hard boil. That's the one I actually can see myself enjoying. Put it on toast. But only if I can have a decorative egg cup. Yeah absolutely. Good because I really. Egg soldiers. Egg soldiers and you um. Yeah. Tap tap tap. Oh I love that. Except you need the yolk to be runny if you want to have egg soldiers. Otherwise you've got nothing to dip. Oh no I don I don't want that. Let's work up to that maybe. But I know 34, I'm so close minded.

Even my daughter's obsessed with passion fruit. She can eat six in one go. And I remember, I was talking to her yesterday, not that she knows what the hell I'm saying, but we had a passion fruit vine growing up and I used to think passion fruit looked so gross, never tried one. So just did not- Did you tell her that? I told her that.

I'm so proud of you for trying things like this, literally because mommy was an idiot when she was little. Did she just stare at you? She went, rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah I, uh, yeah, I tell, we're reading to flow a lot, like kids books, but then I will like tell fake kids books like based off, like just I'm making it up characters. I get really dark with them. Like there's a picture of a salmon. I talk about how the salmon wanted to be freed. And there's a picture in the owl.

I've said the owl free the salmon, but then the owl eats the salmon becomes part of John West salmon and Morgan's listening. Like, what book is this? I was like the book of daddy. Do you know what? Because once they get to an age where they can just keep handing you the same book over and over, you need these skills, bit of creativity, if only for your own sanity. Yeah.

So good on you. Thank you. Don't worry what book it's from Morgan. She doesn't know what's going on just yet. Morgan took it so literally. She's like, wow, what book is this? Very, very intense. This is really real. Is this from Serena? Morgan took it so literally. She's like, wow, all bookies. This is very- Who gave us that one? Very intense. This is really real.

Is this from Serena? Like is it an anti-John West? I did enjoy, who, was it you that got me the Left-Handed's book? My mum. Oh yes, we read that the other day. That was very good. I love all the lefties in there.

Yes, absolute, the celebrities. Yes, yeah. All the iconic people that are left-handed. There's some big names. I was shook, Shaggy, you'll find this as well. And I found out that Leonardo da Vinci was left handed. Here I am saying I can't write on a whiteboard because I'm left handed. I'm too messy.

One of the greatest artists. We're going to the Mona Lisa. I'm left handed too. So that, yeah. We can't write on whiteboards. There you go. Well, has he inspired you? Yeah, a little bit. It made me go like, no, no, mate, come on. You can do it. You've put your own glass ceiling above yourself and your left hand.

Punch through like Leonardo would want you to. Huzzah. Huzzah. How are you Mr Guy? Good. Just got a new jumper today. I do have a new jumper. What is it?

A little white number. A little Tommy Hill figure. Oh, TH baby. Do you like a little hilly? I do. Where do you shop from? Online or? Yeah, online, Tommy Hill figure website. Are you the kind of boy who's gone, this brand works for me, I'm pretty

much just going to buy from this brand. Yeah, because I know my pricing. And I know I get on the emails and I get like, oh, it's half price today. I'm like, okay, well I'll buy that then. Yes, yep. I'm about to do something that's, I've had the same like cut of jeans now for like five years because they fit, but I'm now about to go to like a looser fit. Hello, very in. Very in, the Babs fit, you know, and I don't, and I don't know where that will be or where I can find that. I find it very daunting going into those cool shops that sell like the wall of your universals, your glues. They're too young and cool to say of the system. And also, yeah, 100%. But also, I don't know if men's jeans are the same, Women, it's all small, medium, large, or 8, 10, 12, and everything else.

Jeans for some reason, 28, 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the? What is that? And also then I find my waist is smaller than my quads. So you've got to get over your quads, but then your waist isn't holding up. It's a whole thing. And I'm not long enough, so it's like, yeah.

You have to get jeans tailored. I do. Yeah. So I probably will have to. It's a whole thing. And I'm not long enough, so it's like, yeah. So you have to get jeans tailored? I do, yes. I probably will have to. You need a bigger size to get over the quads. Over the quads. But then my poor groin, I mean my poor hips. Hips? Too thin.

Oh no. Are you a belt man? Nah, I don't really like belts. You can't wear a belt with jeans. That's a bit too dad. I try and avoid wearing a belt at all costs. Like I got a wedding suit tailored now to the point where it doesn't need a belt. Great. It's just one of those ones that I hate belts. I try and avoid wearing a belt at all costs. Like I got a wedding suit tailored now to the point where it doesn't need a belt.

Great. It's just one of those ones that I hate belts. I think Angus only wears belts for the fashion of it, not for the function of it. And I'm sort of like, is that so annoying when you need to go wee wee and- Yeah, it just annoys me. Just sitting in the car. Yeah, sitting down on it. Yeah.

Are belts in fashion, Babs? Are they cool now or is it like whatever? Yeah, chunky belts in fashion. Hang on a chunky belt. So not going through the belt loop, sitting over the belt loop just on the hips? No, no, as in like, through the belt loop, but have like a chunky.

Oh, a chunky detail. Yeah. Oh. Okay. Cause back in my day, Babs, oh, you're too young for this, doll, the big chunky belt that would just, oh, you would have had girlfriends do it.

Yeah, yeah. That would just wrap around your hips. Yeah, yeah. Purely for fashion. Fashion. A lot of girls are wearing those festivals at the moment, actually. Oh, okay. They've come back as festival wear.

So is me big RM Williams belt going to be awesome? I mean, if you think it's going to be awesome, then yeah, it will be. You can't win. Do you need that with Babs' Yellowstone jacket? Really lean into your Texan roof. Yee-haw! Get you in a Kubra. Yeah.

That's a whole look. Yeah, Kubra. Yeah, big state of Texas. Just near your belly button. Yee-haw! Get you in a Coo-bra. Yeah. That's a whole look. Yeah, Coo-bra. Yeah, big state of Texas. Just near your belly button. Yee-haw! Hey, big show for the, for the Rice Cookers today. We got Alfbox, your chance at $10,000, 6.30 and 8 o'clock.

We got Babs's blog. She's taking down Sabrina Carpenter today, apparently. I said, is it a hot take? She goes, it's not a hot take, it's fax. I went, oh damn. It's a factual, evidential take. We got Year of the Song, no theme yet. Shaggo's going to be pretty absent for the first hour of the show working on that.

Don't ask him a question. And our cool fam, 500 bucks to spend at LSKD. Absolutely. Just get involved in the show. You never need an invitation, just pick up the phone. Have a crack. Have a crack. Up next though, Gen Zers, speaking of fashion and young fashion, have come out saying they want to have more sex in the

office. Okay. There's been a study done, Babs's people, and we're gonna unpack it. Sure, Babs's people. Why not? Nothing else to do this early. Jess and Ducco. Jess and Ducco. Ah, roll one. Hold on, hold on. There we go. Hang on, I'm not on jet lag now. You took me to England. Yeah. Really fast, you've taken me to the bourgeois. Hang on, I need to acclimatise.

I'm all over the shop. I apologise. We're here because Babs' mates, the Jen's ears, and obviously she'll speak on behalf of them for this. She's the voice of the generation. There was a survey done over 800 staffers across 200 managers across various age groups and various professions, but mainly people who either work from home or now being forced to go back into the office. Because as we're seeing, it is being forced, office mandates returning all around the country, you've got to go back in.

Too many people playing funny buggers, taking the piss with the WFH, just moving the mouse at intervals. Just holding the Z button down. Exactly, going for Marcha when they should be doing their eight hours. So those born between 1997 and 2012 were surveyed for this, okay? 2012? Are they of working age? What year were you born, Babs? 2001. Jesus Christ.

So what year would it make it 2012 on Earth?'t know. How old are you if you're... My sister's 17, she was born in 2008. Yeah, that doesn't count for me. That can't be right. Makes you 13. I guess maybe you've got your first job. Yeah, casual jobs. But still doesn't that freak you out? 2012, you're 13. That feels weird. That feels very weird, Gen Zs, as we know, we've covered this before, less sexually active. Yes. More than other age groups. More sober curious. More sober curious.

Like the complete opposite of our generation. Babs, would you concur to that? Sure. Okay. Even I read a thing the other day, they're not interested in romance as much. Like, not in terms of the genre, like literal romance. They love their fairy peon, but they just don't like doing romantic things. In real life, person to person.

So 29% of them believe that working in an office improves their sex life because they're away from their significant other, so it'll make them miss them more, thus wanting to have more sex. Okay. However, 38% of Gen Zers would love a private space in the office for getting it on either with a co-worker or by themselves. Looking for ways to keep things spicy and keep motivated in the office if they have to go back. Doesn't this just reek of a generation who's like oh what would sound cool alright I'll save it. A sex room. You don't even know what you want. But could you imagine we have a sex room here at work and then

you shy guys just come out and your schedule's in for the 220 and he's had the 210? That's what I was gonna ask you, is it like the boarding rooms here in this office? You gotta book them in. Has to be. Because all our calendars work-wise are synced. So I can say, oh, Maddie has booked the board room. Oh yeah. She's booked, you know, the harbour room from 10.30 to 11.45. Do I book in 11.45 to 2.00 but wait out the front.

And just watch them. And give her the evil eye going, wrap it up. The frosted glass unfrosts after 10 minutes and you're like, ah. I was going to say, well, it unfrosts but it's still steamy. Yeah. Now someone who's had to jizz into a fair few cups, I will tell you right now. I thought that end of that sentence was gonna be, as someone who's jizzed a bit of work. No I've never done that. But in a fair few cups, fertility stuff. I'll tell you right now, those rooms that you go in, albeit they're clean, is not a room that makes you feel in the mood.

Absolutely. Whether it's with a partner or on your own. The worst is when you see someone come out of there with a partner and you're going to go in next and you're like, oh my god. We've talked a lot about my adventures at The Good Guys. Yeah. Has the Duck Man ever... Have I? You've had some various jobs in different industries. Lot of radio, like...

Lot of radio, but the oyster job? Nah, Shuckin' Oysters didn't get any else Shucked. That's an aphrodisiac in different industries. A lot of radio, like street TV jobs. A lot of radio, but the oyster job? Nah, shucking oysters didn't get any else shucked. That's an aphrodisiac and oyster job. Yeah, but not at five in the morning. With just 25 big blobes shucking oysters. With me and 25 Samoans, it didn't really get me going. No, fair enough. The golf job? No, I got kicked out. They delivered the snacks? I got kicked out of that one pretty early. I'm trying to think what else, in the radio have I done it in the streetcar? You've been in Hollywood, theatre, you've never done it in a dressing room? Maybe. I'm trying to think of a memorable way for you. Now I don't know, now I feel like I'm missing out. I feel like you've had the opportunity. I'm going to call

my wife up and tell her to come into the office later today, bring the baby, we'll put her on the bouncer. Babs, Babs is on deck. I'm testing her as a nanny. I want to see how she goes with Flo. Babs, you good to stay in the studio with Flo while I use a boardroom? What's the sexiest room in this office, Ducco? Ooh, the harbour room. The view. The view, you'd see the view. Nice view.

Either that or the boss's office. Just because it's the most passionate, like... Even... do you mean... Which boss? I was about to say, because the GM... We've got two. I'd do it in either. the boss's office? Just cause it's the most passionate. It's hot. Even, do you mean- Which boss? I was about to say, cause the GM- I'd do it in either. The GM's office, but it's more spacious.

He's got a lounge. Yeah, he does have a lounge. Oh yeah. And I think he's got a plant in the corner, doesn't he? But also, how fun would it be doing it in Jason's office? Oh, on his desk. On his desk. And then leaving a sticker saying, had sex here.

Did you just have those stickers in your pocket? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disappointed and gushed. Sex was here. There's a bit of me on your keyboard. All the best. Good luck using the Q game. Anyway, yeah.

So Gen Zers want this to happen. I think we do too. It sounds like. Jess and Daco. I'm looking for some. Oh, here we go. Yeah, you got this. Some game you were playing with yourself in the backyard.

No. In public. Oh, in public. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. And I just caught myself doing it yesterday, maybe because I had Lucia in my arms at the time, that it felt weird. Well, whenever something is slightly awry, I don't come to my husband and I talk to my mum, come to my mate, the duck man. Come on over.

Cause you know I'm weird too, so it'll be like kind of normal. Exactly. So you either will do it. Yeah. You might do this exact thing or there might be something similar that we've just never talked about. Right. Every time I cross the road, ducko, every time as a pedestrian, I'm on foot. All right.

And I'll give you a specific example. This happened yesterday. Uh, two lanes of traffic, you know, one incoming, one outgoing, just crossing a normal suburban road, relatively busy though. And this game kind of only works if there is traffic, you know, if there's not traffic, if there's cars, because if it's just empty, the cars are what makes the game, the game. I'm crossing the road. Yeah. Is it a zebra crossing? No, no, I'm just, I just want to get game the game. Okay. I'm crossing the road. Yeah. Is it a zebra crossing?

No, no. I'm just, I just want to get to the shops. Yeah. I just got to pop on over the, over the road. Yep. You obviously look left and right, but as I step onto the road, you can see the car coming that potentially could hit you from either way. Yeah.

So as I'm going, I play this game. I have to reach the other side of the road before the car in the lane I've left. Like, I actually don't want to get hit by the car, but let's say I've crossed lane one and now I'm in lane two, but a car's coming lane one, coming from the east to the west, whatever. If I'm not at the footpath by the time that car has sort of crossed where I would have been, I died. It's like the floor is lava, but it's like you've got to get across. I do do that. I do that sometimes if I'm walking on a footpath and someone comes next to me and it's like, there's like the square footpaths and it's like, I've

got to be two squares away. Otherwise they've got me. Yeah. Otherwise they've got me by the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I've done this for as long as I can remember. Yeah, I do know what you're saying. Particularly where, cause this, as I said, it's two lanes of traffic, but there is also car parking, you know, along the side of the road, the whole length. So you could almost argue it's almost four lanes, really. Yeah, I see. So there's actually a bit of distance to get across.

Are you allowed to increase your pace or do you have to keep the same pace? No, I have to have timed it well. So you can't look like you're running. Exactly. Granted, sometimes I have to get a jog on because a car is coming. I go, oh, I'm going to get hit now. Way too slow. And I think yesterday was the first time I sort of took stock of it because I grabbed

Lucia. She was walking into the shops. You left her behind. You're like, I'm going to go, mommy's going to die. I can't lose the game. The metaphorical car that has crossed out exactly crossed our sort of angle. Yeah. But because I scooped her up and trotted across with her, the car did hit us.

Hit, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The one that would have in our area. And I went, oh no. Oh, we lost. We've lost. Did you explain to her that she let you down? Well, yeah, kind of.

I was like, we've got to pick up our feces. Sweetheart. That was a, it was like a big ute too're going to pick up our feces. Sweetheart. That was like a big ute too. That would have taken, would have wiped us out. So have you been playing this ever since you were a kid? I reckon since I was a kid, yet probably ever since my mum and dad let me cross roads on my own or maybe walk. I never really walked home from school, but you know, when you develop beyond, I have to hold your hand crossing the road. And you can have a bit more autonomy. I think I went, I think I would have died there if I had been a bit slower.

I do know what you mean. I don't know if I played that exact game, but I've certainly played similar, you know, or you think the car's going to die if you don't get to a certain period or get past something. Which I actually think, is that just because we're playful people, we make games? Well, Shy Guy, do you play a game like that? No. Okay. Ever? You're like, no, like a real like frogger sort of thing. Yeah, kinda. Kinda, exactly.

Or like any form of like, do you have your own like, you know. How do you make an everyday task a bit more fun, a bit more whimsical? Yeah. Um, here we go. Nah. Babs, do you play a game on that or anything like that? Anything similar? The only thing I do sometimes when I'm on my walk is I have to like walk in every square. You can't step on the lines.

Step on a crack, you break your back. I do that when I'm jogging. Yeah, do what I'm jogging to. And then all of a sudden your strides get too big. I'm like, oh god. Okay. Yeah. I have to count stairs. That's funny. Yeah. I'm always like 12. Interesting. Why do they put 12? I wonder if there's anything off that. I wonder if people play more games. We gotta get to Alphabox. But I would kind of like to know if there's like what games people play with each other.

It is with themselves. It is genuinely just to make a boring, mundane, everyday thing a little bit more fun, hey? Yeah, yeah. You gotta, why not? Why not? You have to do it. Shy Guy, we need to put a bit more joy in your life, don't we?

Yeah, no joy. Bit more whimsy. Pretend you're gonna get hit by a car. Hilarious. How fun. Check it out, turn it up, turn it up. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10k alpha bucks on Hit Alpha Bucks.

30 seconds, 10 questions all started with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. You cannot use the same answer twice. If you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We'll come back of course if there's time. We're playing for $10,000 our player today. This player's fast. We got Jett. G'day Jettie. Hello, how's it going? Jett, we are fantastic. Is it Jett with two T's or is there a H in there? No, two T's. I like the name Jet. That is a great name. Yep.

We love a great name on this show. The question is Jet, how are you going to spend $10,000 when you win in about 30 seconds time? Going to Japan in two days for my 30th. Oh, dang. So lots of spending money. There you go. So the troops already booked and now we're supercharging.

Yep, exactly. How good is that? Fantastic. We're going to Val Town for you Jet. You're gonna be working with the letter O Oh my god Jet just won $10,000 Let's do it or O for O'Brien. Oh, are you getting the fuel? $100 of fuel thanks to O'Brien. Legends at O'Brien Let's do it Jet. Your time will start after the first question. Here we go. Starting with the letter O. We need you to name a clothing item.

Pass. A hobby. Origami. A flower. Octet. A flower. Octa. A verb. Pass. A lunchbox snack.

Orange. A shape. Octagon. A celebrity. Oprah. A TV show. Pass. A household item.

Pass. Nah, we ran out of time. We did. Look, we got ourselves half. We passed, Ma. We got five. Five are the best. Five absolute humdingers. Look, a clothing item could have been overalls or a onesie. Oh yeah, I should know that. A verb could have been open.

A TV show, One Tree Hill, Orange is the New Black, and a household item, the Humble Oven. Oh yeah. You don't kill a mate if you're handed out a jet. You do get $100 of fuel, all thanks to the ledger. You get a a TV show, One Tree Hill, Orange is the New Black, and a household item, the Humble Oven. You don't go by De Hennadoe, Jett, you do get $100 of fuel, all thanks to the legends at O'Brien. That is yours. Well, they'll get me to the airport. Yes, it will. That's what you need. That's a great attitude. Is konnichiwa, hello, or goodbye? Konnichiwa, hello. Oh, how do you say goodbye?

Um, janay. Janay to you, Jett. I know, arigato is thank you. Oh, ah, Jarnay and arigato for being a part of the show. You gonna go see the cherry blossoms, Jett? No, that's March. Nah. So, it's monsoon season. Oh, that's... Well, it's cheap blights then, I guess.

Stay safe. Well, you know... It'll be wet. It will be wet? Like a raincoat. Ah, there'll be some robots. Oh, yeah. Tech. be like a raincoat. It'll be some robots. Tech. Don't go to the cat cafe in Tokyo though. I went there, hated it. You're not a cat guy. Why'd you go?

The minute I got there I was like, this is just a cafe full of cats. This is horrible. Sorry. What did you think it was going to be? I thought it'd be funny and it wasn't. It just was overrated. Jett's like, well that was number one on my bucket list. Anyway, Jett. I'm not a cat person. Good, good. So. Jett's like, well, that was number one on my bucket list. Anyway, Jett. I'm not a cat person. Nah, it's fine. Good, good, all right.

No dog cafe? I didn't see one. Aw, rude. That'd be chaos though. That would be. Aw, the smells. Thanks, Jett. Thanks, Jett.

Thank you. Johnny. Joy, we have our thoughts again. Your chance at $10,000, eight o'clock. Babs' blog up next. Take him down the one and only Sabby Cat. Here she is right now with Man Child. Jess and Ducko. Hey, it's Babs's blog up next, taking down the one and only Sabby Cat. Here she is right now with Man Child. Jess and Ducko.

Hey, it's Babs. And this is my blog. Commence Operation Superstar Pratt. Babs kicked the door in and said, do I have a blog for you guys today? Oh, yeah. It's about the one, the only Sabrina Carpenter. It is.

You have thoughts? Yeah, I do. I don't usually like speaking about it because have thoughts? Yeah I do I don't usually like speaking about it. You don't like her. I don't really like her. You don't like her fakeness, her fake hair. Sounds really mean but I just I don't get the whole. She's an interesting one Sabrina Carpenter for me because she is full of sexual innuendos in her tunes and how she acts on stage when people are like why she's so cute and fun. Well yeah. I've read too much now dissecting her and I'm like is she just trying to make fun pop music or is she trying to be radical and subversive like Madonna was for the 80s and everyone's going no you know her

lyrics aren't... Wait, wait, wait. Sorry have I... These two... Have I buried the blog? No, no, no, no, not at all. Babs has three sheets in front of her. And I'm just like good work. Are we doing the full investigation here? Yeah, well, we know how quick the internet turns, right? Luke Bateman. Here we go. The TikTok author. They're very quick. They're very quick.

Reform judgement. Benson Boone's doing backflips, what an idiot. Oh yeah. Oh my god. That's next week. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Does Babs' vlog become Babs' takedowns?

Oh yeah. It could be. That might look a bit mean if I start doing that. Anyway, they're coming for SabiCat. The internet is divided. So she is about to release a new album in the coming months and has just released the album cover. And people are looking at it and going, oh, that's the album cover.

I'm going to show you what it looks like. Exhibit A. This is the album cover. So she's bending over, short skirt. Yep, she's in a short dress and heels, and she's pouring at the leg of a man. Yes. And he's pulling on her hair like a leash.

And the title of the album? Is Man's Best Friend. Yes. So people have come out and gone, oh, this is embarrassing. This is actually kind of disgusting. Right. And so that's obviously not the reaction she wanted.

It's going viral on TikTok at the moment. So I put together a little, some people reacting. So this is what people are saying about it. I hate to say it because I love Sabrina, but this cover, it gets to a point. I find it to be a little too salacious, a little too, and I hate to say it, male gazey. I believe that Sabrina Carpenter is one of the best artists who is so in tune with her aesthetic, but I can't say that I really love

what she's doing with the new album. I completely understand what she's going for. I get that it's satire, I understand that it's supposed to be irony, but that is gonna go over a lot of people's heads, unfortunately. I think the album cover could have been so much funnier if it was the man on the ground being dragged and she was up there

but i do think it's everyone's opinion. Opinion. Has Sabrina come out and- This is why the internet sucks these days. Exactly. The thing is, she's doing it for a piss-take. Well- That's the idea, right? That's, well, that's debatable. People are saying that it might look like that, but it's not really the right political climate and place to be doing that at the moment. Right.

Has she come out and said what it is? No, she- I've not heard from Sabrina at all. There's been no celebrity endorsements either, and she has not made a comment on it. Sorry, what do you mean celebrity endorsements? Like no one has come and backed her up and been like this is a great album cover or anything. Everyone's just, it's all these people coming for her. Was she open for Taylor Swift when Taylor was in Australia and stuff? Yes. Are they still close or are they, is Taylor like girl you're getting too far, you're blurring the lines?

Well yeah, no one's come out and said anything. It's very strange. It's all just TikTok and social media flooding in and going hey this is not cool. Any publicity, good publicity. Well, that's also what people are saying that it could be like a publicity thing. And that's, and then when you zoom out of the album cover, it might actually be a female holding her by the hair, but they don't know. Or her own hands. Can I see a photo again? Yes. I get very like in 2025, you can do whatever you want, can't you? Do you know what I mean?

Oh, I don't know actually. It's baggy. It might be a good... 25 you can do whatever you want can't you do you know what I mean? We live in such a world where we dissect everything with an inch of its life No one's allowed to do anything unless it fits into my framework of what I've deemed Acceptable 100% and we put all this meaning without actually talking to the person preach Yeah, well people are actually comparing her to Britney Spears in this regard. Okay. Same idea you know young person that's kind of coming out and he's quite you know overtly sexualised. I'd say Britney was over sexualised by the industry whereas Sabrina's doing it off her own back. Well that's also what people are saying but they're also comparing it too. People are saying a lot. People are saying a lot of things. This is the thing there's so many different opinions. I know. And isn't that what it is that exactly use opinions?

But it takes five TikTok videos for someone to get canned. It does. It's called chai. They just jump on it and then they just hate it for the sake of hating it. I mean, Babs, case in point, you hate her. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, I can't. But you hated her before. I know, this is why I'm bringing it up. I'm not saying I love her music or anything like that, but I'm just saying, at least she's doing something different with the album cover.

And it's funny because Miley Cyrus brought out Bangers in 2013 or whatever, and she was a Disney star as well, like Sabrina. And then everyone kind of went, oh my god, don't lick a sledgehammer, gross, whatever. Miley's doing really well now, and everyone's flipped around and likes her again. I thought we were in the era of you do you. No that's the thing everyone pretends we are and they'll pretend they're so nice and caring and supportive but everyone just wants to hate. And like particularly women embracing their sexuality and living their truth and living their best lives but you're right all we want to do is tear everyone down. Yeah yeah it's a lose-lose. It is a lose-lose and I love

conversation and people talking about it but when it becomes she's this and she's that you don't know her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd laugh if it does zoom out at Elizabeth woman I'd be like oh my god. I think so too. I reckon she's a lot smarter than we give her credit for and she'd be surrounded by smart people. And even if that wasn't the goal I think now that it's kind of blown up and people are suggesting it she might flip it and make it that way. Yeah yeah but like Jess said she has such a big team around her. Sure they're not gonna sit there and go as if not one person said hey we could get bad backlash for this. Totally. But to your point like it's publicity and the news cycle will move so fast that tomorrow, if not next week, we'll be talking about something else and someone else.

It only takes one banger on that album for everyone to go, Ah! You know, I don't mind it. Girl, she's actually living with the new tickets. So, just in opinion, Sabrina Carpenter's doing what she wants. I said that! Jess and Ducco. It's wet week!

Wet week! We are throwing Ducco a wedding of the baby's head Yeah, and we want to put it out there Morgan and flow were invited. They're not coming They're not coming. It was just gonna be a touch too hard changing her little routine coming to and that's very But this is not that old school stereotypical just duck on two boys You know gonna get pissed don't boys under girls under girl and we're staying the night at the beautiful Chateau We learn fantastic. We've got some wine tastings happening And we're staying the night at the beautiful Chateau Ylan. Fantastic.

We've got some wine tastings happening. There's going to be a session on the driving range. Ducco Gotti's made the goal for pro to help us, those who have never picked up a club. Yeah, so it'll be like a big lesson for everyone while you're sipping pinos. You know what I mean? Do you think the pino would aid in maybe relaxing us all? You know what we call alcohol on the course? Talk to me.

Swing lube. Just loosens you up, baby. Greases the wheels. I'm going to need a bit of that because I've only played pop pot. the course? Talk to me. Swing lube. Just loosens you up, baby. Greases the wheels. I'm gonna need a bit of that, cause I've only played Pop-Up. Like I'm gonna need- You might surprise yourself. It only takes one good shot to keep you coming back.

Trust me. Oh, you get addicted. Trust me. But it is work week, that is happening Thursday. We get to stay the night. I think everyone should have been contacted by now. But Ducco. Yes.

This information crossed my desk and I thought, let's have this in our back pocket maybe for the event on Thursday. Do you have, being my weather guru, obviously today show moonlighting as the weatherman? Yep, chance of showers. Is it chance of showers on Thursday? Thursday is great. Where we're going for this, for the weather baby's head, it's going to be 17 degrees, no rain. Oh clear skies. Okay. No rain before or after either.

All right. Well I'll tell you about this and let's just, as I said, keep it in our back pocket. We don't need to maybe use it up too soon if that's what the forecast is or do we double protect ourselves? People are going on Etsy and paying for witches to cast weather spells. The search for spells. What's Etsy again? Etsy is like the sort of hippy-dippy eBay. Right. So creators, makers, you'd see a lot of McCrame, you'd see a lot of dream catchers and bespoke things. You got a festival, you go to Etsy because you'll get a feather bra.

Oh, I see, I see, I see. So it's a little bit more bespoke, a little bit more handmade. That's where Shia got his nipple tassels. At 100%, you know why? He likes to support small makers. He's not going teamu and giving his money to some faceless corporation in China. He's supporting a local person out of her bedroom. He pays good money for those tassels. Yes.

So Etsy has witches who are offering their service. I thought Etsy was just for goods. It's also for services. How good? Bit airtaskery. Yep. You can pay for them to cast good weather. Now a lot of people are doing that for their wedding day. Some influencer sort of put this onto the

spectrum because she did it for her wedding last weekend. So how much does it cost to get a witch to get a witch? Well this is one woman's account. Yes. She paid $12 to get a witch to create a custom spell requesting no rain. Yes. And? And it mostly worked. I was going to say, do you get a refund if it doesn't? She said on her TikTok, it rained a bit, but only at good times.

And that's what she told me. It would happen. The ceremony, wow, 12 bucks. That feels cheap, man. The ceremony was already indoors and that's when it rained. So then their reception cocktail hour was outdoors. The rain had stopped. But this other influencer, Jazz Smith, she's a big content creator on TikTok.

She also talked about an Etsy witch and she had great weather. So, I mean, take with that what you will say. I don't reckon we waste it for wedding of the baby's head. Cause you've just told me. We've got good weather. It's clear. Or do we test if this is real and we get the witch and we say, make it rain on Thursday.

Oh, hang on a minute. Flip it. Flip it, witchy. Do you want to take that risk, Ducco? No, because it'd be really annoying. Because you don't want to do driving range. I know you're sceptical about this stuff, but that would be bad. Yeah.

We can't play golf in the rain, can we? Are you giving the witch a postcode? Yes, you've got to give them specifics. They can't cut us off for the world. Well, you've got to tell them where you need it. We tried to use a witch before for something, haven't we? Yeah, remember one of our Knights, our friends, was having a bad run and she tried to de-hex his shoes. Yes, we had to get some of his clothes and stuff and put them in the field. She wanted us to go into the forest. Naked. With him and the jersey.

And a cauldron. It was full on. I was down for it. Like truly. This is just online. Yeah. This is less in-base. Okay.

Well, should we- And between $12 and $33. That's not bad. Should we all, you know, times are tough. Should we all be witches on Etsy? That's not bad. Oh, no, but this lady, Mary, yo, Mary works, Mary on top. They've got good reviews. We won't get good reviews. Is that what her name is? Her Etsy

name? Yeah, Mary. Who could you imagine if, like, truly this is what Babs does in her spare time? Like, this is- Is she Mary? She's one of the witches. Are you witch Mary? Yeah, you would do it, Babs. Are you the reason there's good weather on Thursday? Have you already cast a spell? Have you used my little potions at home? Eye of Newt? Just a little thrush. She gets it done. Anyway, I'll just keep this.

Should we test it tomorrow? Hey, Ducko, your wedding, I know, 2021, it was wet. It was like clonic wind. Yeah, it was. You would have paid good money. I would have done this actually. So the next big event team that we're worried about. Yeah. We'll just keep kissing. Keep it in the back pocket. Keep the witch in the back pocket, hey? That's right. We've always said on this actually. So the next big event team that we're worried about. Yeah. We'll just keep this in the back pocket. Keep it in the back pocket. Keep the witch in the back pocket.

We've always said on this show, keep the witch in the back pocket. That's the motto. Jess and Ducco. Don't forget to get involved in the show any chance you could win 500 bucks to spend at LSKD and inspire you to be 1% better every day. That's fantastic active wear. Let's be real, you never need an invitation. If the mood strikes, 13 10 60. Speaking of getting in the mood, Ducko. Yeah. Year of the song. Yotus! Shy Guy had a little panic where his laptop capitulated. Oh yeah, is it back? Yeah, did the blue screen of death, which is never a good sign, but we're back with it. Oh okay, just a little reset, a little reboot. Yeah. We know how hard you work on this, particularly coming

up with the theme. Oh yeah, really overcooked this one. It is Global Garbage Man Day, so we are doing trash songs as voted for by Rolling Stone. Wow. You know what? You've got to pay the points for creativity. Couldn't agree more. We did Jet inspire you, our player at 6.30am Alphabox. Garbage Run Babs had written. Is that what inspired you?

In conjunction with the global event. What is it? Global Garbage Man Day and also celebrates the women in the garbage industry. Garbage person day if you will. Thank you. Shout out to our friend Micaia. Yeah, Micaia's a garbo. Yeah, absolutely. Do you know what I like being called garbos? It's an Australian thing. It's like a nickname though. Good question. Is that the, you know, the chippy, the spark? Yeah, yeah. Is that the equivalent? When you see a garbo operate that truck and maneuver getting the claw out there

in between cars and putting it in. I've always wanted to ask, have they got some sort of sensor going, oh no, inch up a little bit more, okay, now I'm good. It looks hectic. It does look hectic. And don't they drive on the other side of the road? I think they've got two steering wheels, right?

They can... My daughter's obsessed with trucks and our local Garbo always gives her a wave. Great people. I think being a Garbo pays pretty well too, from what I remember. I think so too, yes. I don't know if it's a high, it's not a high risk, but maybe it's... I mean it's stinky, I guess, and you deserve to be compensated for it.

You are a full... Well today's your day also, National Garbage Person Day. Global. Global. Jess and Ducco. Just found out that none of us are on Babs' close friends on social media. Why am I hurt? I shouldn't be surprised. Yeah, it's like having your parents on social media. I know, does she see us as mum and dad?

Does she see us as, you know, I don't want to say boss, but... How do you see us that you were not invited to your close friends? It just feels a bit weird if you're on there. I don't know why. What are you putting on? Colleagues. Certainly colleagues. Superiors, is that what it is? I'm you were going to judge me for some of the stuff I put on there. We're not going to tell your mum and dad. Are they on it? No, it's not even like that. It's not inappropriate

stuff. I'm just an idiot. It's sort of like, yeah, low-key OnlyFans sort of vibe. That's what I'm picking up on. Do you have your parents on it? No, you would know. Do you have your sisters? No, not my sisters, no. Oh, wow. Wow. You don't have your sisters. That makes not my sisters. Oh, wow. You even have your sisters. That makes me feel better. She says it's a family.

Yeah, it does make you feel better. That's what a family is. We're family, are we? Yeah. Crazy like, oh, it's an uncle vibe. Let's get loose. Year of the Song We've just heard Edie's global garbage person day.

And so Shy Guy's found some trash songs. Thanks to Rolling Stone, they did a list of the top trashiest songs. Teenage Dirtbags gotta be on there. Well we'll find out. Oh, Wham. You mean like lame trashy? Well, subjective. Not trashy in garbage. Trash is in annoying, gross, people don't like it, overplayed. Oh, Valet George is rude to start with Wham. I don't know who voted Rolling Stones, so whatever they are. They are the music authority. Jeez, read this, it was the 80s.

It's gotta be 80s, right? Yeah, yeah. Go, go. Michael, George Michael's feathered hair. Yeah, yeah. It's gotta be early 80s, right? Yeah, I would have thought so. I'm gonna go 83.

I'm gonna, I was gonna go 81. Oh, 83. 81 for Jess, 83 for Ducka, the correct answer is 84, so Ducka gets closest to... Well done. Aqa? I will not hear a bad word about Aqa. The correct answer is 84, so Duckerfield gets closest to... Well done. Aqua? I will not hear a bad word about Aqua. This is one of the great trash songs.

Isn't it? It's no Dr. Jones, but it is good. That was also on the list. This wasn't naughty, was it? Like, I remember this coming out. Was this like Blue Light Disco when we were in primary school? Yeah, this was just like, everyone had flip phones. Oh god, I don't reckon I have phones. Is this early O's? No.

I'm gonna go 2001. Oh you've rattled me now I was gonna go 95. Geez okay. The correct answer is 97. Oh okay it was a lot earlier than my thought. Baha Men. Crack. One Hit Wonder? Yes. The Baha Men. Isn't it like Baha Men? I'm not sure. It depends where you're from. Absolutely. I don't want to culturally appropriate. I just want to respect. Baha Men. One of the great songs. This should be, I don't know either. This is a really. I'm gonna lock in your last guess, I'm gonna go 0-1 for this. Is this 90s? Oh no way. I'm trying to think about the dogs out. God it could be Barbie Girl era. Actually you know what, I know what I'm doing. 0-4. All right, Doug is in 0-4, Jess in 0-1, the correct answer is 2000. Whoa! Oh my god, I've been flirting with this. Jeez, 2000. Hey Macarena! Lost our Rio.

Yeah. Yeah, this is a crappy song. Are you joking? What's a more iconic group dance? Nothing is lamer than seeing a group of people do the Macarena. I'm sorry. Do you know why? I would rather not. Which would you, if you had to do one, Nutbush or Macarena? At least the Nutbush has a bit of hip movement going on And are you wiggle yeah, I don't know I don't like my friend name is nigger enough You know this is just like I'm not putting it on I know I'm raffling a few feathers out there really people know that But hey, I'm not afraid to have an opinion People know that but hey I'm not afraid to have an opinion

What year do you think this song was released? We're doing trash gist songs for global garbage man Could this be the 80s as well? Oh wow you think? Jeez I was gonna say 2000s I have no idea I can picture the film clip It's two larger Spanish blokes And they're in suits

And then the girl comes in with the verse. Oh jeez, I don't know. I'm going 90s because I've got zero clue. 93 for me. Oh! Okay, 93 for Ducker. Because you rattled me. I had no idea. I'm going to go 98.

What were you, Ducker? 93. Correct. Oh! I love the macaroon! You love the macaroon! Never hated it! I mean everyone loves the trash on the back.

Yeah baby. There's two things this show stands for. It's Nicolas Cage and Nicol Bac. Hell yeah. I think Nicolas Cage's new movie where he's in Australia playing a surfer. My god I can't wait for it. It's on stand. Is it out?

It's out. I know what I'm doing. Should we do a team watching at the Web of Babies Head? Stan, is it out? It's out. I know what I'm doing tonight. I did the ad for it last night. It looks so good. Should we do a team watching at the Web the Babies Head? Let's all go to Babs's room and watch the Surfer and then we'll play Nickelback. Oh my god, I have to get off the floor. Cheese, mate. Yeah.

When did Nickelback... In the scoreboard, not actually sitting in my chair. When did Nickelback release this? No. But surely I'm in high school. Such a When did Nickelback release this? No. But surely I'm in high school. Such a good song. Can we play this next? Sure, why not?

Can I just tell you my favourite meme? We're gonna play Sonny Fedora's new one, but let's play Nickelback instead. It's a picture of Chad Kroger holding a pie chart and someone's clipped the audio saying, look at this grass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going 0-5.

Alright, Ducko's in. You bugger, I was gonna go 0-4. Alright, Duckukkos win. You buggered, I was going to go 0-4. Alright, Dukkos won the game. Oh, he's got it! Well done, Dukkos. The boy knows he's got a badge. Jess and Dukkos. Jess and Dukkos.

Hey team, quickly, I want to run this through the team. Run this by the team, not through. Definitely running it by. Take it through, it's fine. All aboard. As you know, I'm a new farmer. Shaka, not through. Definitely running a by. Take it through. All aboard. As you know, I'm a new father. Shaggy old Steve. As you know, I'm a new father. Little Flo, nine weeks old.

What? Where's the time gone? Nine. Still a blob, but very getting animated. I wake a lot more. Yes. Yeah, not sleeping as much. I know when you text going, uh oh, I know.

Morgan's up against it. Yeah, yeah. Bad night last night and this morning, but that's not what I'm talking about. They're not sleeping as much. I know when you text going, uh oh, I know. Morgan's up against it. Yeah, yeah. Bad night last night and this morning. But that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is the fact that when people see Morgan now, and I want to preface this by saying I understand how hard labour is for ladies and women and what they go through in the fourth trimester and everything like that.

I want to preface that. Good, good. I love what you're doing. But. But there's things people are saying to her and there's's things people saying to me now that we've had a child Sure, when they see Morgan, I'm talking whether it's people I work with Randoms like family friends, whoever it may be they're like jeez Morgan looks good and like postpartum She does look very good. But that aside as a mum

Geez Morgan looks like Morgan's looking good, like bit of milf energy, you know? 100%. We're getting that. And like, I agree. I wholeheartedly agree. You know, they usually say, but you know, they usually say, pregnant ladies get the glow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't often hear about the glow once you've pushed the kid out because that's when the, that's when the real work begins. Yes. She's maintained that glow brother. She looks very good and motherhood suits her. It fits like a glove. Like she, and everyone's like, Morgan's so good.

She hit the groundwork. Yeah, yeah. Everyone just bang and I'm all about it. Yeah, yeah. She's awesome. Yeah, she's perfect. Yeah. But, and then people say to me like, oh, you're a dad now.

Like they see the pants I'm wearing. I'm like, oh, you got your daggy dad pants. When they were meant to be the trendy oversized pants. And I go, I'm just trying. Okay. Oh, you're a dad. TikTok made me buy it. I say one thing that is like not as funny and people are like, oh, dad joke.

You're like, hang on. Do you reckon you're literally saying the same stuff you would have said? Absolutely. But under the lens of you're a dad, you lame now. So we both had a child. We've both had this child and Morgan's hot and I've become this daggy, lame person. You're a loser man. I'm like, how's this happening? You've got a hot young wife. Yeah. We've both had this child and Morgan's hot and I've become this daggy Who is just taking that young wife of yours you're dating

Yeah, I'm gonna start calling you. Where did this happen? Like a duck to water. Yeah She is taken to this. I people messaged me saying you look like alfalfa on the news your pants are daggy you're saying dad jokes Are they wrong? I'm just waiting I'm not saying they're wrong, but I'm just waiting for the Dilf moment. I'm waiting for something to go Yeah, you're a good-looking young dad, dude. I go. Thanks so much. I don't know who I'm waiting for it from but yeah Well, is it from other men? You know how Babs and I were talking about the other day when we put you know These full face and makeup on or buy new shoes what we really want is a compliment from other women because

they're the ones who will respect and care. It is probably other women who make the most comments about it too. Oh but what I was gonna say is do you want to hear this from other dudes? Yes, possibly, maybe. Just a couple of words. Shia, give him a compliment. He's down. He's been kicked too much being a new dad. Pump his tires, go! I don't know what to say. Come on man, just say something. It won't mean as much coming from me or dad, it's got to come from another blow.

It's got to come from you. But it's not... I don't know what to say. It's really... you can just lie brother. Your hair looks great today. I'll take it! I'm actually scheduling for a haircut on Wednesday because it's a bit scruffy, but thank you so much. Your classic dad letting himself go, hey! This is the question.

Here we go. Or do I phrase it? Nah, that'll hurt too much. When's the dad bod gonna come into effect? Hopefully never for me, but... Actually, lean in brother! Why are you fighting the inevitable? Someone did say to me, I see you already got the dad bot on one, like for something I posted, I was like, I mean, no. But it is a thing. That person doesn't know you obviously.

When you become a dad, you become daggy, dorky and dad-like. Yep, and lame. And lame. Yep. It's just like, just, you know. When did this happen?

What were you saying about your VO2 masses? Nine weeks ago is when it happened. Yeah, no, exactly. Hey, you said that pretty quick, didn't you? You didn't give me a freaking compliment. Babs, give me a compliment. Come on, Babs, give me something. He's got a new jumper on today, Babs.

Yeah, your outfit looks pretty cool today. The emphasis on cool. I know, I know. Oh, God. Yeah. That's alright. Jess and Ducco. Tried something yesterday, Ducco, and I was met with, not anger per se from the sales assistant I was dealing with, but almost like, don't be so rude, him to me.

When I am at a restaurant- Did you click at him again? I'm here. Hello? That's only waiters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I am at a restaurant, for context, you know I don't eat seafood, you know I'm a fussy eater. When the waiter comes at some of the fancier restaurants and they say, and the specials

today, the seafood special, I always feel guilty letting them go on and on and on knowing you're not gonna have it I'm not ordering that and there's an element where I feel guilt of wasting their time and my own You gotta let them go yeah, however yesterday I went to upgrade my phone Apple was doing a trading deal I wasn't eligible for that But anyway, I went in to have a conversation anyway when I could get out of my plan. And as I'm talking to the bloke, I got into the, all right, I will get that one and I will upgrade and I'm happy to pay the one month left on the contract. He started, Ducko being like, well, some of your options, the plan that comes with an Apple watch.

Oh yes. And I couldn't care less. I'm not an Apple watch. Oh, you should have got one. Well, it's extra. You could have given it to Gussie. Oh, how. And I couldn't care less. I'm not an Apple Watch. You should've got one. Well, it's extra. You could have given it to Gussie. Oh, how much is it? Do you know what? I thought that for a split second and then I went, but it's on my plan.

Like would that work? Yeah, it would just be. Do you have to sync with your phone? You can sync it with his. You can sync it with his. Yeah, you just get your pay for on your plan. Funny. Maybe I should have asked more questions.

Because of all the guilt I've had about wasting waiters' time, I thought I'm going to try something. have asked more questions because of all the guilt I've had about wasting waiters time I thought I'm gonna try something he has said the words plan with Apple watch clearly taken a breath to now go into how good the Apple watch is the details of plan and I went I'm gonna stop you there not interested I don't care and he didn't say anything but the vibe did you say did you say be honest I'm gonna stop you there, championi. I didn't say. Not interested.

Now you've taught me no one likes championi except my brother and dad and we keep it in the family. No, I just said I'll stop you there tiger. Not interested. I don't hate tiger. No, don't do that. Can I use tiger? No, absolutely not.

You bet. Not to anyone. You don't think Lockie would have liked it at all did he? And opti stores are as hard to go to. I mean any phone store. I know and they're up against it. I get it. Because you see every species of person when you work at a tech store.

I get that. And no one's happy. I thought I was helping him out, save your breath, but I could just feel the vibe. I could see you doing it too. And I almost launched into, oh I, no, please don't be offended. I just waste all these waiters' times when they talk about fish. Did you go into it? Yeah.

Oh no, please, seriously, if you knew me, you knew what I was doing right now is actually okay. Do you want to call my friend? They can explain. I thought I was making the right call. Yeah. It's like. And he would appreciate not having to waste his breath, his energy. He's probably just lost commission there.

His kids aren't eating. Thanks a lot. Well, it's funny. I thought they were on commission, but his colleague was arguing with his old bloke. And I heard her say, I don't work on commission. So I knew that for a fact. Okay, good. It's no skin off his nose.

He can't get the Apple watch. So you're trying to save him some time. Save him some time, save his breath, save his energy, not feel silly. There was an element and I get that vibe from waiters where they've talked how great the John Dory's going to be and I go no thanks I'm having the Carbonara and it's like why'd you let me go into all that thing if you were never going to get it. What a waste of time. I could see you doing it too because sometimes you do it at restaurants where even though you're doing it to save time you're with a big group of people you go all right okay here's what I'm ordering. Bang, you run on your phone,

the waiter comes over the table and goes, what are we getting? Over here, thank you. Okay, we're gonna get five of this. I do the one finger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just lure them over with the one finger wiggle. You remember Shaggy and Baz

when we all first went out to dinner together. They were scared of you. When was that? It was a lunch, it was lunch. It was the lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but how efficient was it? You appreciate the efficiency.

Yeah, I was here for it, because I just order, I just look at the menu and I just wait for the when the wait is here Then I'll just pick something. Oh, that's horrible. See that's who I'm trying to eliminate And I also hate when people point at their menu and hold that up to the waiter Just tell me I can tell them. If there's like some it's like a wine you're getting you know how to pronounce it or some Form of like you're at a French restaurant, you're trying to get something, and you don't know how to say, and you're like, I'm gonna nail this, I'm gonna nail this. They rock up, you're like, can I get one of the,

oh, the, the, j'vore le boire. And you start getting nervous, it's like, it's a little bailout, bailout, bailout. Tune in up, tune in up, tune in up. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10k alpha box on hit. Alpha box. 30 seconds to answer.

10 questions all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. If you're unsure of the question, say pass. We'll come back of course. If there is time we're playing for 10k, everybody knows that. And our player today is Jasmine. Good morning Jasmine.

Good morning. How are you? We couldn't be better, J better jazz what's motivating you today what do you want to spend ten thousand dollars on I really like to buy my first car oh okay what do you got your eyes on I'm not too sure probably like a Mitsubishi or a Commodore I'm not too sure yeah okay they making new Commodore's anymore no it would have to be an oldie. An oldie! Might be expensive then.

Yeah, retro. Yeah. Well, this is a Holden Commodore, Jasmine. Your letters H, that feels like a good omen. That's a great omen. Okay, I'm so nervous. Don't be nervous, Jazz. We're just having a chat.

Just a couple of pals where two of those pals are quizzing one of the pals and could potentially get her the ability to buy a new car. It's casual. It's good. It's all good. You ready? Okay. It doesn't sound confident.

You ready? Yep. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter H. We need you to name a beer brand. A movie genre, a famous Australian, a country, an animated TV series,

a food, TV series. A food. An office item. A musical instrument. Congratulations. You got zero correct answers. And run yourself a nudie run remove pants and five Come on Jaleigh! Get nude baby! Woo! Welcome to the illustrious nudie run crew you got yourself zero The pressure got me Yeah it definitely did

Alright beer brand made, be a famous Australian, a food A movie genre A horror Famous Aussie Heath Ledger, beer brand Heineineken a country hungry animated TV series that might be hard Hey Arnold a food hamburger office item high-lifes Hey, I don't even know if I should give you a hundred dollars fuel thanks to a Brian Oh would I Brian like that I don't know if they want to be associated with zero But jazz you're in a lustrous group though if you can't get 10 you may as well get zero

Because they're you part of the Nudie Run crew. Oh no, that's not good. Everyone remembers zeros. Everyone does remember zeros. You know what's insulting though, Ducko? She wanted a new car and we've just given her fuel. Where are you now, Jazz? I'm at work actually. I'm laughing with my co-worker because we both call but she usually calls and I just do it for like shits and gigs.

But I got in and see you. And you got zero. Yeah and I got zero. She probably did things better than I did. This is the third nudie run of the year, Jazz. So you know, enjoying around there at work, getting naked, and having a run around getting zero. Yep. The pants are not allowed to come back on until midday.

You tell your coworker, that's the rules. Yeah, I will tell her. Thank you for joining the show, Jasmine. Thank you. Oh, wowza. Good times. How many $10,000 winners have we had? She hang up, didn't even take the fuel,

because she doesn't have a car. She knows she doesn't deserve it. Have we had three $10,000 winners as well? I don't think we have this year. Oh no, not even. So we've got more nudie wins here. We possibly could have. Ah, you'll love it.

Oh god. Up next we're talking cringey songs to come on the deep floor. We'll do it after Miley Cyrus on hit. Jess and Daco. We need a deep dive Miley Cyrus on hit. Jess and Ducco. We need a deep dive into a comment that was made about an hour ago on this very program. Yep. We're playing Year of the Song.

One of the great games. One of the great games. The theme was trashy songs, trashiest songs as voted by Rolling Stone. And one of the options was the Macarena. Mm. Hey, my girl in the eye, and I said, you had some thoughts? I said this is the lamest song ever. Whenever you see a group of people doing the Macarena, there is nothing more daggy. There is nothing more lame than that.

And I came back with a retort. Yes, you did. Not Bush's Worse. And you know what? And this is me saying that massive Tina Turner fan. Yeah, you do. Nutbush is worse. And you know what? And this is me saying that. Massive Tina Turner fan. Yeah, you do like Tina Turner. But, I think Australians put the Nutbush dance to this song.

Tina did not. It's not like it was part of the film clip. When I saw Tina Turner in the musical, they weren't doing no Nutbush. Yeah, look, I'm also with you. I find the Nutbush a bit lame too. You know why it's fresh in my mind, Bucko? At the 40th wedding anniversary party I threw my parents a few weeks ago. Shut up, I didn't nutbush. The nutbush came up. Granted, the average age was 65, so the DJ obviously went, what are the 60 year olds like to do?

Play the audience. Play the nutbush. Now, I've got a vision of, you know, what was it, 110 people? None of them smiling. No, because you're concentrating on the move so much He's like, how do I do it? None of them are having a good time. I'm like, why do we still play this? Yeah, it's it's beyond a joke now. Yeah, it's just a chore. If not, it'll clear the dance floor Yeah, it definitely will clear the dance floor. Yes So we thought we'd put it out to the rice cookers. This is just our opinion Wait, so if you come on board now, Nutbush is worse?

Or you stick it with Macarena? I still don't like the Macarena. I'm really not a Macarena fan. Your vote for the worst thing to come on a D-Floor? Yes, this. When you hear this, oh. Yeah, that's my vote. Well, we'd like to get yours on 13 1060, that amazing Call of Fame prize, the year 500 at LSKD. Some great new athleisure. Sweet Babs.

Now, different generation, Ducko. So it'd be interesting to see last time you're at a wedding or a family christening, wherever there's a communal dance floor, Babs, what's the worst thing to come on? I hate the song Mumbo number five. This is the Bob the Builder edition Not the Lubego edition I've never heard that Okay, how's the Bob the Builder edition in my system?

Why is that in the system? There we go! A little timber with a sword Okay, yeah, I'm with you on this too Babsy I'm a little insulted Not the Bob the Builder edition, I like the Bob the Builder edition I'm a little insulted though No other song references the name Jessica.

So I actually do not hate Mamboka. Of course you don't. Yeah, I agree. Mamba number five is a bit lame. It is a bit daggy. Shy Lord? Yeah. Crazy Frog.

Is that coming on? I put it out as a banger a couple weeks ago and I was like, no. When's the last time you heard that on a dance floor? I had a wedding about four months ago. Oh, no way. Oh, that's no good. It's a joke song. It's a joke song floor? I had a wedding about four months ago. Oh, no way! Oh, that's no good. It's a joke song. It's a joke song.

It's up there with a Gangnam Style. Yeah, Gangnam Style's a bad one to come on. Alright, 13, 10, 60. It comes on the worst song to come on when you hear it. What's clearing you from the dance floor? I can't do it. Whether it's a group dance, like our nominations, the Macarena's your nutbushes. Because when everyone cleans for the Macarena, the nutbbushes, you're like, oh my god.

I know. But have you ever seen someone just try and dance to the macarons? Like they're not doing the dance, but they're just trying to do their own thing. It doesn't look right. I'm not doing the coordinated moves. You look like an idiot. Jess and Daco. Jess and Daco. 13, 10, 60. We're asking what is the worst thing to come on the dance floor after we're

doing Year of the Song? And arguing over the Macarena, which I'm a big fan of. This came on and I went, nope, no sir! And I counted with the Nutbush is worst when we think about those group dances that everyone just knows. I don't remember being taught the Nutbush. I think we're born as Australians. The Nutbush is, I agree though, the Nutbush is lame.

It's too stiff. It isbush is- I agree though. The nutbush is lame. It's too stiff. It is wooden. It's also- It's wooden. The macaroon is an easier dance to know. Did you ever do the bus stop, Ducko? Oh.

I didn't hate the bus stop. What's that? Bus stop. Do the bus stop. No. I never did the bus stop. Are you ready? And there's like a come to the front, come to the back. Anyway, I'll teach you the bus stop up here. ready? And there's like a come to the front, come to the back, bum, bum. Anyway, I'll teach you the bus stop up there.

But they're not the only songs that can clear a dance floor. No, there's plenty out there. There's plenty, whether they're the group dance ones or just a pop song, a mix, anything like that. There's a lot of people to get through here, Ducco. Let's go to Chloe. Good morning, Chloe. Good morning.

What's clearing the dance floor for you? Oh, Old Town Road by Lil Nas X. It came out a few years ago. Yep, Old Town Road. I think it's like the biggest song. Probably the biggest tunes, I believe. Yeah. Yeah.

It was way too popular for the song that it was. Chloe and I appreciate, like, I don't hate this song, but how do you dance? It's a bit too slow isn't it? I don't even know but my little brother had an obsession with it and that just turned me off it I can't stand it because he had it on 24-7. Yeah yeah yeah I think it was probably too popular for what the song was. Yeah didn't it knock like Mariah Carey off the number one most streamed or whatever it was? I think so. I haven't heard from Lil Nas X in a long time.

We go to Beth on 13 10 60. Good morning Beth. Hey, how you going? Excellent. What's your nomination for the worst song to come on on a dance floor? The Eagle Rock. The Pants Down. You educated me to be stucco.

Yeah, this is um, I thought this was a thing from just up north, from where I hail from, but yeah, if you get the pants down when this comes on, everyone on the default has got to do it. Why? Like why is that a thing? You know what Beth, I don't know, and it's also never good when you do it, like I don't do it anymore, but if you do it and take your pants down, you get that like, there's like four dudes doing it, and everyone else is like-

And the song goes for three minutes, and you're all just what, shuffling around. It's just so awkward. It's so awkward. And. Nobody needs to see that. Yeah, nah. It's always the drunk single guys. Just like, ah! It still slaps! It's like the ladies get the bouquet toss, we get in the rock! Ah, Sarah on 13, 10, 60. Worst thing to come on the D-Floor. Ah, hi guys. Um, Grease Megamix.

Everyone can shut up about the nutbush and the macarena. Sarah couldn't agree more. Oh, that's funny. You're not a fan of Grease? No, those last couple of notes where everyone thinks that they can hit those high notes. Yeah. Very effective from a DJ though, Sarah, playing this towards the end of the night because everyone starts leaving the dance floor. Let's wrap this night up shall we? It is, that's up there with the uh the lame sort of factor isn't it? Totally. Yeah it definitely is. Oh Sarah that's an excellent nomination. We go to Jasmine. Good morning Jasmine. Good morning. What's your nomination here? What does the fox say? This is like crazy frog for me. Who's playing this on a dance floor?

What does the fox say? I can't stand it. No, it's shocking. When it comes on, it's a hard listen. That's got to be the one where the DJ sends the list to the couple or whoever's having the wedding. What songs need to be banned? That's got to be on your list. That's got to be up there. Ivy, hi.

Hi. Hello, how are you? Yeah, couldn't be better, babe. We're talking about songs that should be banned from dance floors. What's your nomination? Low by Flowrider. Oh, you're not a Flowrider gal.

Controversial. No, it's not my vibe. Wow, that is controversial. Have you got bad knees Ivy? Can you not get low, low, low and you feel left out? Maybe. These are all lame though. They are, they are.

What have we got here? Kylie on 13 10 60. Kylie, good morning. Morning, how are you? Babe, we're talking about songs that are just the worst when they come onto the dance floor. What's your nomination? The worst song for a group dance is the chicken dance. Oh, can't be the humble chicken dance. We've got a bird aficionado here in the room, Kylie, in Ducko.

How do you feel about Kylie's claims? I love myself my chicken. I'm trying to find my chicken dance song, but I can't find it. No, that's fair. I mean, everyone knows it. Everyone knows the chicken dance song. Kylie, when this comes on, are you just like, cool, bathroom break, time to fill up my drink? Oh, I'm afraid that I... All daggy, all of those songs, but I still like to participate.

Oh, so you're... Wait, you're saying it's the worst song, but you still enjoy it. I'm just 50th day. Death and Taco. Let's talk a bit of death. But I will go down with it To quote Babs, he's just left the room. But as Sabrina was wrapping up, she said,

I try to avoid all conversations regarding death and funerals. Aww, Babsie. So she's gonna get sad in this chat. Well Babs, you wouldn't like these two girls, Alexis and Jasmine. Now Alexis, she's gone viral because she works in a funeral home. She has done for six years. So obviously she sees death day in day out. You see funerals.

Now having been to a couple of funerals, there's nothing worse than a really wooden, stiff funeral. Couldn't agree more. Like you want funerals to be a celebration of life, right? Couldn't agree more. To be fair, I think you want them to be a reflection of the person. Yep. Yes. I haven't known too many stiff, morbid people. So yes, the ones I've been to, I think it has been captured really beautifully. The last few I've been to, the invitation, the announcement, please don't wear black. Yeah, wear coloured stuff. Wear coloured stuff.

Let's have a good vibe, let's have a good soundtracks playing. Yes. Let's enjoy this moment to send off our person. Yes. This is what Alexis wanted to do when she got her friend Jasmine over. She thought she was just coming over for a gals night sleepover bitch about my man type thing. When she showed up and she had a 24 minute funeral montage that she'd made for herself

including video messages to everyone. And then people- Hang on. So Alexis is alive, alive and well. Yeah, yeah. And she's gone, hey, when I die, this is what I want you to play. And it's 24 minutes of her going, hey guys, if you're watching this, I'm dead. A message from beyond.

Correct. And then all these people commenting saying, I would do this, I would do this. And I must admit to you, I kind of agree. I would like, not 24 minutes. 24 minutes, that's like an episode of the Big Bang Theory. That's too long. I'm talking like a two minute video. But 24 minutes that's like an episode of the Big Bang Theory that's too long I'm talking like a two minute video But also it's your funeral

Could you match that? You go for as long as you frickin want And now I'm going to play the recorder You just get out there and start playing the recorder We've got to keep it entertaining If it's 24 entertaining minutes that's fine So is it sort of messages to leave your loved ones with? Yes so this is a new thing that's apparently happening that people who are older are starting to think

about doing even younger people who are well off because you can leave a different message from a different like right now, Darko's message at 33, 34 would be different. Lock one in now. Would be different to me at 50. So it's like you can sort of do one for every decade of your life if you want. Because I'll be honest, one of the most boring parts of funerals. Is eulogy? No, I like eulogies.

My bad. Granted, if they're... Depends who's saying it. No, the photo montage. Oh, you don't like those? Well, it's just a bit stale. If I could have... You just play this and you look at photos?

If I could have that person... Yeah, saying it. ...doing a message at 33. Yeah, you can... Well, that's gotta be low, because I want to hear what they're saying. But... Hey guys, Duckman here. If you're watching this, I've saying it. Doing a message at 33. Yeah, you can, well that's gotta be low, cause I wanna hear what they're saying. But. Hey guys, Duckman here.

If you're watching this, I've kicked it. If you could do five year intervals. Don't laugh, it's my funeral. But also, mourn me. Ten year intervals. Morgan, never move on. Oh, absolutely, I'll haunt you. Yeah, yeah.

Ten year intervals, I'd much rather that. Yeah, that's fun. I like, I think it's a great idea. Wow. You were saying your dad's killing this. Yeah, my dad said for, I don't know, 10 years, that's fun. I like, I think it's a great idea. Wow. You were saying your dad's killing this. Dad said for 10 years now that he wants to do it and he wants to update it every single year. That's great.

And when you say update it, do you mean he wants to play every version? I think he wants to do a little, a quick piece to camera, not like a full produced piece. He definitely should. He still hasn't done it every year. I'm like, you want to do it? You don't know. One of the best things for Valet Uncle Fernando,

when he passed away, Angus put together the montage, but my dad was able to give him some old VHS tapes. Oh, that's great. So Angus interspersed some vision of Uncle. So when Fernando's playing. ["Fanando"] Well, obviously Abba. Can you hear the drums, Fernando?

But I know you don't love Abba. But it was interspersed with actual footage. Yeah, right. It's so much better. It is nice. I think it's one. It makes the funeral like we said, a celebration. A celebration and capturing that per- Oh, Alexis, you're onto something. I think so. Not 24 minutes. That's taking the mickey a little bit too much. No, but then you just cut down your eulogy. You know, Jasmine gets up and be like, well, she spoke for 24 minutes. I'll cut mine down to two.

Could you do your own eulogy at your own funeral? I don't trust anyone of my friends. I'm going to do this myself. I was a great guy. I brought a lot of... Where to start on, Ducker? Everyone lit up when I walked into the room. The world was a better place with me in it. And now it's not.

I wonder if all the funeral home people are freaking out though, being like, oh crap, we've got to upgrade our tech now. 100% People want to play videos, Wi-Fi connectivity. Tech is always bad at a funeral. White lady funerals is getting stale, you know what I mean? Mate 100% now they've got to do videos. I said to my mum because my mum's a wedding planner, I said to her I'm like there's money to be made in funeral planning, she's called mother of weddings, I'm like be mother of funerals. So I did the wedding ceremony for some good friends and the auntie came up to me afterwards

being like I used to be a celebrant, I went awesome what do you do with yourself now she goes oh I've pivoted to funerals yeah way more money in it yeah because no one argues you because they're mourning absolutely horrific and I went it's a celebration celebration why you make them good funerals and everyone goes make them good we got Jamie Lee on the phone on 13 1060. Good morning Jamie Lee. Good morning. How are you both? Mate, pretty good.

For a grim topic, we're finding some joy and excitement in it, but you've seen something, a trend in this space. Yes, on TikTok there is a man being lowered into the ground, obviously in his casket because he's dead, and the family have a recording of him knocking saying let me out let me out what are you doing and everyone starts laughing aww that's fun I want when I go

when I go make my like coffin real little so you think it's like ah look at me he's not he's it's a sub six foot coffin look at him go down there yes Jess and Ducco jeez Jess I'm excited for this man to come down under. I know, it's been too long between drinks, Ducco. It has been too long, hasn't it?

Jimmy Carr is bringing his tour, laugh's funny, to Australia in 2026. You can check out tickets at jimmycarr, that's with a double R, dot com. But we cross now live to the UK. Good morning, Jimmy. Thanks for your time. I mean, what a pleasure. Thanks very much for having me. I'm not, now obviously I'm not in Britain.

I'm in Norway. I'm not just in Norway. My apologies. I'm right in the, I'm in the top of Norway. I'm in a place called Trondheim where it's refusing to get dark. It's just, this would be, this would be the worst place to be a vampire. Like they get like two hours of night. What time is it there, Jimmy?

Is it like really late, obviously, in Australia? We're in the morning here. You are in the depths of night, but it's bright. It's 12.30 at night, but this is why I wanted to speak to you, because I figured we'd all be the same level of drunk if I put it in. It's like, it's the subtext of this show when you listen. I mean, I'm sure the listeners will be aware but you guys are kind of you're a lush you've always been a lush haven't you? Yeah like you're not drunk you just you

get a buzz on and you kind of keep it there you never get properly loaded but irresponsible. I'd imagine that's how you approach a few of your shows right? Yeah sure sure no I can't imagine anything worse than being even slightly tipsy on stage would be terrifying to me. It's like, it's the one time where you really literally need your wits about you. I was going to say, cause Jimmy, you invite and sometimes not even invite audience participation, like just going through your Instagram page. Heckler's come to Jimmy Carr left, right and centre.

So you need to have your wits about you to shut these, I'm not going to say idiots, participants down, I imagine. Well, listen, I actively encourage it. I think if you come out to a comedy show, you've got, you're buying into it. Right. And my shows are self-selecting. No one that gets offended by jokes comes to my show. Yes.

No one that doesn't share a dark sense of humor, they just don't come to the shows. And really, I would make a very strong argument to say this dark sense of humor that I've got is the best sense of humor. Because functionally, when does the sense of humor pay off? Well, it pays off on the worst days of your life, right? You get the diagnosis, a close friend dies. When life is brutal, I feel sorry for the people clutching their pearls easily offended. They've just got a white knuckle through the worst days of life, right? At least on our bad days, we get to have a laugh as well. That's true, that's true. I like that. I do like that.

Have you ever been at a funeral and started doing some gear, trying to crack the widow up or anything? Instead of a eulogy? Of course I have, yeah. I mean, have you never been to a funeral and started doing some gear, trying to crack the widow up or anything? Instead of a eulogy? Of course I have, yeah. I mean, have you never been to a funeral? It's like the tension is so extreme that like, of course, the more tragic, the more funny. Of course anything's going to be hilarious at a funeral. It's like, it's, it's, of course man, like if you haven't, it's just like, Jesus, who are you messing around? It's also, it feels to me like laughter is the death is the, it's the certainty. You know

it's coming, right? So it's that thing of going, yeah, if you can laugh in the face of that, great. Jimmy goes to funerals looking to the light. Yeah, he does. You're a funeral crusher. There's a whole series we've done recently. So Prime Video, which is kind of Amazon's thing, right? And it's in Australia. We made a show called Last One Laughing UK. I know there was an Australian version hosted by Rebel Wilson.

I hosted a UK version. I would recommend it to your listeners because we took 10 comics and we said, you're not allowed to laugh. Go into this room. The last one to laugh wins. And it's so simple. It's like being back at school. Even watching it makes you feel like you're back at school or at a funeral or listening to something important at work. And you just, you get the giggles. You are absolutely right. Our two producers, Jimmy just had to sit through three hours of training,

like a workplace thing the other day, and got separated for that exact reason. You two are going to make each other laugh. You can't be trusted next to each other. It does bring you back to that child. I'm 10 years old. Yes. Getting in trouble again. Sorry, you've buried, you guys have buried the lead on this story.

So hang on, your producers had to do three hours with HR. Yeah. It sounds like there's been a sexual assault. No! I mean all... Well, and they got separated Jimmy too. And they got separated. And they came and pitched a battle on air the next day.

To be fair, all of sales was there too. Ducko and I were the only ones who didn't get the Outlook invite. So we got off scot-free. Well well done. You can't bother the talent. Jimmy, you get it! You get it. I've got the stuff to do. You understand.

Now, Jimmy, can you tell us, obviously, you've been a while since you've been down here, but when you come to Australia, what are our heckling standards like? What are our audiences like for you? Oh, I mean, it's exactly the same. It's a wonderful mix because stand-up is an American medium, right? Stand-up is like the Mount Rushmore of comedy is going to be Richard Pryor and George Carlin and Louis C.K. and Chris Rock. Whatever. It's going to be, those are great, right? Stanhope is like, the Mount Rushmore of comedy is going to be Richard Pryor and George Carlin and Louis C.K. and Chris Rock. Whatever, it's going to be, those are great, right?

And then Australia's got this wonderful mix of like, it's half American, half British culture and a big dollop of your own Aussie stuff on top. And the thing that you have in common with the British is the worst thing you could say about an Australian, oh, he can't take a joke. Everyone is primed to be able to take a joke, to join in and they want to test that you can take a joke as well. Like if someone says something mean about you, great, let's all get involved. As long as it's funny, and even if it's not funny, you sort of think, listen, swing and a miss, man, you tried.

Yeah, yeah. You had a crack. Yeah, I had a crack. Jimmy Carr applauds you for just taking a swing. Yep. That's a great indictment. Yeah. Jimmy Carr, we love you, mate.

Looking forward to you coming down here. You're getting your tickets. jimmycarr2hours.com. Happening here next year, tickets on sale now. Thank you for joining us. Always a pleasure. My absolute, of course, of course. It's an honor and a privilege for you. Can't believe your luck. Jess and Ducco.

We're just about done here. We are. Thank you for your contributions today. Absolutely phenomenal. Good lame songs on the dance floor people don't like, always great suggestions. We need to just put a blanket ban on some of these songs. Yeah. I'm sorry, no more royalties. Mumbo number five in the bin. Mubaga. Mubaga. See you later, Crazy Frog. But yes, if you missed any of the show, our podcast lives on the listener app and don't forget we've always got an exclusive, I was going to say little bit at the top. It's a big bit.

They're never little. Big chunk of Jess and Ducco. Big chunk. You see a side of Shy Guy and Babs, because let's be real, you and I open books 24-7. Yeah. You see a side of Mr. Guy ands, cause let's be real, you and I open books 24-7. You see a side of Mr Guy and Young Babs that... It just comes out. You do not see 6-9. No you don't.

You really don't. And after 9 they get a bit frisky. They do. Is it delirium? Could be. Is it excitement? Never excited with Shy Guy. Babs' chastity belt comes off.

Oh yeah, she... She gets that giant key. That giant key. Woo! Let's go. Let's do the podcast. It's air out. It's hard in winter cause you know, the weather kind of rusts when it's wet.

Yeah. Cold. Ah, very cold. Um, it was a good show though. It was a good show. It went quick. Oh, you enjoyed yourself today? I think it did.

Yeah. What a wonderful compliment What a wonderful compliment. You never diso- How starved are we for affection from a shy guy that I'm like oh my god tell me off Maybe because I feel like I've done so much today because we did- What did you do? Year of the Song? Just do we think? We all did pre-show things that we- No. Do we think? No you're wrong. Call it. Call it. Do we think? No. You get some of us, I think. You have been in a great mood today. I just feel confused because we did something that would make sense when you see the video

later. Yeah. Is that what put you in a good mood? No. Filming yourself in the morning. It made me feel like I've done more than I usually do. GRWM. Get ready with Shylock.

I'm gonna. So everyone has filmed their morning routine. I feel like I've done more than I usually do. GRWM. Get ready with Shy Guy. I'm gonna. So everyone has filmed their morning routine. A lot of the questions we get asked in this industry, what time do you wake up? What's your morning routine? Because how do you need to get in so early? How do you manage it? I'll cut you, me and Babs out and it'll just be get ready with Shy Guy.

It's just him next to me. But we also need to get Babs on there because she's so embarrassed. Did you guys just get added to Babs's close friends? I did. Oh what? Oh Babs. You got me out. Ducco.

Babs, did you just only add me? That is rude to the terry. You're not meant to say anything. My bad, that's on me. Nah, I'm not. So I go, you and I will start our own close friends. It's obviously a joke, I didn't add any of you. Nah, nah, it's fine.

It's fine. It's Ducco and on Babs V, Jess and Shy Guy. She doesn't have me, she'd never have me. Are you kidding? You know what we should do? Start a, we're not on Babs' close friends group. So all the people in her life who have just found out they're also not on her close friends, we'll start our own. What if we do it on the Jess and Ducco Insta, we make our own close friends, we just don't add her to it. I love that idea.

We can just hide Babs. Joke's on you guys, I have access to the Instagram. I can change the password. Let's change it. We're going to change it. No don't, I'll just remember it. Please don't. What a change is it?

It logs me out. I get very confused. I know, then you need to text and code. Who's phone does it go to? It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. Anyway, you missed it. Yeah, grab it on the list and we're back tomorrow.

Hey, it's Wednesday tomorrow, State of Origin day. It's one day off, wet day. Plus we We're back tomorrow. Hey, it's Wednesday tomorrow. State of origin day. It's it's uh One day off wet day. Plus we've got I was gonna say cereal day. Shaga dips Yes I'm looking forward to that. Which one? No, I don't. Anyone in New South Wales who knows? I went back down the biscuit aisle yesterday and well he's up there. God the biscuits were good fun And we learned so much about biscuits. Remember when we did TikTok? The clock ones.

Yeah, the clock biscuits, Monte Carlos. Yeah, the Royal Wings. Do you reckon Arn, I think it's an Arn, it's TikTok. Yeah. Do you reckon they had an issue when the app TikTok took over in popularity? Oh, absolutely. Well, the biscuits went downhill. The biscuits have gone downhill.

I think so. If you're in the mood for a biscuit, buy yourself a packet of TikToks. Biscuits are great. They are. They're just underrated. Anyway, Shaga dips cereals tomorrow. What else we got on for a Wednesday? Any else exciting?

500 bucks LSKD, Alpha bucks. Absolutely. We had a nudie run today. Jasmine will be pantsless until midday. She will be at her office. So give her a nod. Or don't, actually shun her. Yeah, shun her a bit.

She didn't even stay on the phone to get her free fuel. Poor thing doesn't have a car, that's why she was playing. She passed on genre, movie genre starting with H. Food, starting with H, Jess. Food starting with H. Come on, let's lift. Be better. Hey, we're out of here, but we will.

See you tomorrow. Bye. Bye. And then leaving a sticker saying, had sex here. Jess and Ducko! That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Pink chicken is upon us with the new McWings at Maccas.