Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Lets just pick the cheapest one...

Episode Date: September 26, 2025

The cost of Jess' reno blows out, we play Whats The Threesome and Producer Shy Guy wraps up the week that was in his diary!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Monopoly at Maccas is back. Play only in the app. Ends October 14. For full terms, visit McDonald's.com.com. This is the Jess and Ducco podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Welcome. Welcome. Well, Duck always says so, so he goes, welcome.

Sometimes I think he's hit record already. You know, we could be talking out all manner of issues, and then he just very swiftly goes, welcome to the podcast. And I always freak out. You've been recording this whole time? I sometimes leave that stuff in. I check it first. Thank you.

Sometimes I do listen to our podcast. You know, how are we going to get better if you don't air check yourself? And I've never heard anything that I've gone, oh, Jesus, shy guy. You know, sometimes. Yeah, I'm protecting you. Don't worry. Thank you. You know, when we record things, if there's a slip up or, you know, maybe a little bit of gossip, you just worry.

Was it recording? Well, fun fact, it's always recording in this room. It is always recording. You know what I have heard. Even if they're off. The walls have ears. The walls of ears. Wait, what?

So be careful what you're bitching and who you're bitching to, Babs. Yeah. How can they hear it if the microphone is. I don't know how it works. You think these are the only microphone, the ones directly in front of our face? No. Where are the other one? Yeah, that's the thing I don't know.

We don't know. That's how to keep tabs. Because an engineer told me. They're just lying. Nah, I don't. Well, actually, I think they are like, because I think I've caught them out a few times. There's this thing in the computer room. where all the nerd stuff lives

that keeps us on air. They call it an iPort. I port. An iPort. And apparently it's what, like, ingests all of the audio out of this room, this studio, sends it... Great use of the word ingest.

Yeah, yeah. And then it goes into this iPort, and then that iPort then pushes it out to other things. And whenever there was a problem, when I worked in operations for the other radio stations of this network, and there was a problem, I have to go to the engineers,

be like, guys, can we diagnose this, what happened? And they'd be like, oh, the iPort failed. And I cottoned on that maybe the iPort doesn't exist. And it's just what the engineers say. When they don't know what the problem is, they just blame the iPort. Okay. It's a made-up entity to confuse us, idiots, because we don't know any of the tech side.

I asked another engineer who worked at another network. Hey, what's this iPort? Because ours sucks. And he was like, I don't know what that is. What's an eye? And how different could they be? Yeah. So I'm like, hmm.

If the engineers don't, it's like that off and on trick. Absolutely. That's their cure-all. Have you tried turning it off and on? And then you say, yes, they come. They do the exact same thing. And then I always feel like, such an idiot. I swear I just did exactly what you did. It's like when I asked my mum, can I please have your French onion soup recipe?

She writes it down. I make it. It's different. It's never the same. You are telling me porky pies. So you always reign superior and more powerful. Yeah. You don't want to bring people in on it.

Similarly, rendering yourself obsolete. In my new house, The oven, 180 degrees is 180 degrees. A degrees of degrees. Yeah. It's like a kilo's a kilo. Yeah. But why is my oven taking longer to cook things?

And then why am I burning them? Because I'm leaving it in for an extra 10 minutes and I have to compensate. It's the same temperature. It's the same time. Why is it different? There is different power when it comes to an oven, isn't it? Oh, yeah. But it's same.

But still, 180 is 180. No, no, exactly. I agree. But I'm the same. We're living out of home at the moment. The oven I'm working with won't turn on unless you set a timer. Oh, that's annoying.

What the shitties that? That's annoying. Is that a safety thing? Great question. Maybe that's a mechanism because it's an apartment. That's an interesting point. Now I've got a bit of forgiveness for this oven because I remember the first time we moved in, sorry, the first week we moved in, trying to cook something going,

how come my pizza's not warming out? What have I done wrong? You know, all the symbols are really weird? Yeah. There are eight different symbols on this oven. You only have any one. have used one and I'm like am I is my lasagna not getting to its

superior cooking because I'm not potentially understanding the other logo's. I only have hit start and then plus 30 seconds. I've never once used the keypad or the presets. What are you made? Is it one of these fancy microbes that literally says fish or potato or cheese? The mine says it. I just go 30 30 30 30 30

30 30 30 30 30 same. So do I but it's the same but it's the same with the air fryer so the air fryer has different settings too. And I saw Doocy, my housemate, the other day. This is the podcast. It's okay. No, no, you continue. You never know. She makes with my mate, Mofi. Ducey was cooking chips in the air fire and pressed the chips selector. And I said, what are you doing? And she was like cooking chips. And I was like, that's weird. Why don't just press like, dog? Cook. Because it only takes, yeah. Unbelievable. I'm the same. So sometimes we get Gianni, our dogs, food in bulk once a week

frozen. If we forget to leave it out to de-frost, Angus puts it in the microwave, hits de-frost. I'm like, just put it in for two minutes. He goes, no, but then you're cooking it? I went, what's the difference? What is the setting of de-frost differing to cook? Isn't it just getting hot? Is it the amount of time? Is that a dumb thought? Or is it? Is it like the heat? Is it like

the heat? But you can't change the heat in the microwave. It's zapping. Yeah, what's de-frost if not heating? Yeah. Unless it just like cuts it off when it should be defrosted, but how do you know it's defrosted? So these real estate videos I've been doing, one of the real estate agents tried to tell me in this house, do you need to go? Oh, I don't know. I was just going to ask, but I was going to do it subtly.

No, that's right. You did that well. We'll bring them behind the scenes, the rice cookers who are listening to the pod. To the song? It's all right, rice cookers. It's currently 850 on the Friday, 26th of September. We are in the ad break. The second last one of the show.

And Babs needs to call who we've selected. There's three minutes 36, 35 now on the ad break. and then we're going to play Alex Warren. You know, you've made me nervous. Sorry, no, I've got three minutes. No, I've got three minutes. Bro, you've got six and a half. I just wanted to check.

I appreciate that because if, oh my gosh, say her name ahead of time, if the person wasn't there, I'd absolutely bite her head off. So I appreciate, she's like, I need to make sure. I can't see any monitors. My priorities is not microwave,

defrost chat. It's getting the call of fame wheel. But back to that, how does the microwave even work? So one of these ovens in these, this like $6 million house that I had to go through. The other.

has a censor sensor, not a button. It's not like you tell it. It has a sensor works out what you're cooking. He told me. But not even just like, that's a hunker meat or that's a potato. That's a lamb. And that will require this temp for this long.

And I'm going to stop it when it's at peak tenderness. That's very cool. Which will differ if it was a roast chook. Does that mean it's a camera? Camera with AI? He said thermal. sensor. I don't know what that means. I don't want no camera in my oven, judging how

I've marinated my piece of meat. That makes you feel so poor. I don't. Gas oven. Oh, bro. I was like walking through these house to do social pose and I'm going, who's who's buying this? Who can afford it? Do you know how I have to start my oven? Because you know what? The owner

came home. Sorry, just quickly. The owner came home and she goes, oh, Jess, big fan. I went unbelievable. Thank you for having me in your home. I felt really weird. I said, can I swim in your pool? Can I use your oven? Anyway, how do you have to start your oven. Well, I have to get a lighter and... Oh, you're old school, man. Yeah, it's a gas oven

and I have to stick the lighter in the little Are you joking? And I have to press like the ignition at the same time and light it. Are you fucking joking? Yeah, I feel povaz. That's not your fault. That's your rental of us. Does that freak you out? That scares me having to do that. Yeah, because I left the oven on overnight once. Got a three minute warning by the way.

Oh, okay. Great. Um, and yeah, it just dries all my food out. Oh my God. And I haven't worked out how to bake in it. Is there anything in that shy guy for next week? Are you living in the dark ages. Babs is 24 in a rental and has to start her oven with a match. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty polled. Let's write that down. We'll do that next week. Are you living in the dark? Was it this melee pure line clean steel? I reckon it's the miler. $15,000. Well, $16,000. Um, shy guy. Yeah. She had four of them.

What? Okay. That's a whole other thing. Sorry, how much were they? 15. It's not even 15.8. It's closer to $16,000. It's on sale at the Bingley. It's actually 18, 699. It's 18699. She had four of them. Why do you need four? You're only ever going to cook one big ones? No, but this house was the most unbelievable entertaining house.

So they obviously have heaps of parties. But then you're going to get a caterer? Well, she clearly likes to cook. Well, these ovens in the other room? Or are they on the show? No, they're in the kitchen. They're in the kitchen. What do you mean?

On the show? No, they're in the butler's ovens. Oh, the butler's pantry. No, no. There was no butler's pantry at this multimillion dollar house. Are you living in the dark ages? Are you living in the dark ages? We'll do a Tuesday.

Enjoy the show today. Go call the person perhaps Yeah, we'll go. I put it up. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Stop what you're doing and listen. You know I got that shit that you like. There's only one show to wake up with you.

I'm not that easy to tang. Jess. I put something in my mouth the other day that have not been in there for a long time. I ain't got to explain. Don't eat your sister's poo. Stop pooing on the day. I got him going insane.

Shy guy. More like when you buy a fanned your entire land. Can you only get it in a bag? Not brought Corrid sausages Fuck yeah Talk it This is Jess and Ducco

Yes it is 6 o'clock Good morning, Rice Cookers This is Friday Whose voice is that My voice, shy guy That's shy guy Because Ducco He's at the royal wedding

His little sister's getting married today And here's about 50 jobs to do Which started yesterday As soon as we got off air with him He went right, well I'm on duty to fulfill every one of my little sister's wishes ahead of her amazing wedding today

so he is off living his best. Yeah, we should have got a copy of his like, at 10, so we're going to be like, oh, it's 7.30, here's what he's doing. So we could have just been kind of like at the wedding ourselves. Yeah, like on the journey with him. Do you know, I could have been at this wedding, shy guy.

Yeah, you're close with the family. Well, yeah, I think I am. Certainly very close with his parents. Laura's probably the sister I've spent the least amount of time with. But Ducko did tell me many ways. moons ago, she was asking about me in terms of my celebrancy. Oh.

Because obviously I am a civil celebrant. To hire me, it obviously didn't eventuate. I'm assuming it's because Nucco said, don't worry about it. You couldn't afford her. But we both couldn't have been at the royal wedding today. And it would have been me and Babs. It would have been you and Babs holding down the fort. I would tune into that podcast, my friend.

Podcasts, not radio show. Big difference. I would let you work out the kinks. I just feel like there might be a few things to iron out. on, you know, our holiday breaks, he's like, why don't you and Babbs just do it? And I'm like, nah. Do you know, my husband has also said the same thing. When we do have a holiday break or if we need a cheeky day off, you and Babs sort of top, like,

the best of, to get your behind-the-scenes perspective. So you come off and go, you know, Jess and Ducker are away today. You've got Babs and shy guy. Hey, we're going to have a look back a couple of weeks ago. Jess tried to tell us this ridiculous story. And we get your little two cents ahead of hearing that conversation. It's like a diary for three hours. It's like a diary three hours.

It's like a long diary. Because that way we get a little peek inside your mind and how you see things unfolding from your side of the desk. I mean, it might happen. It's very meta. It's very layered. Probably we'll happen next year actually. Yes.

We'll see how we go. No days off for anyone. No days off for anyone. But how are you feeling today? You're in the chair. Yeah, good. In the chair. Everything's cool.

It's about 15 minutes working out my thing here. But it's cool. Your thing. Your buttons. I was going to give her the brand name, but no one knows what it's called. So what's the point. No, that's, why don't you throw it out there for the one? Zeta.

By RCS software. Hey, man, for the two radio kids out there who are learning the craft, they might have really appreciated going. The one everyone uses. Exactly. How are you? I'm feeling fantastic, thank you. Gym this morning? I did go to the gym. Thank you so much for asking.

And noticing. I'm feeling like I'm not getting the validation unless someone asks because the physical results aren't manifesting. It's so early that you go too. Like, no one's like, we're not even awake when you're at the gym. No, exactly. Sometimes I do respond to text or send DM. when I first wake up, just so people know, hang on a minute, she sent this at 4.05 a.m.,

what must she be doing? About to go work out. Yeah, see, I get text messages after I go to sleep sometimes, but I don't reply in the morning because I don't want to wake them up. And then it gets to the end of the day, and I'm like, I never replied to them. On what planet does whoever's on the receiving end of that text not have, do not disturb on?

And I would argue it's on them for not. You can reply whenever you want. We are only in control of our devices. Put D&D on. It couldn't be easier. Yeah, but I think of a reply. And I think I won't send that now. I should just do the send later feature.

You can send that. You know, I've noticed our work emails, if I'm sending emails from the work computer, I don't notice it on my home computer, it'll say, you know, if it's 7pm at night, which isn't ridiculously late, but it'll say, would you like to hold this and have it send in business hours? I'm like, no, I want people to know I'm working around the clock. I hear the same message. I'm like, no, this needs to go now. Absolutely.

But there was an incident at the gym this morning, shy guy. Fresh content, baby, fresh out of the oven. Okay. So now? Like, well, you... No, we'll do it. We'll do it inside the next 20. Okay, cool.

Great. Something happened, which brought me to belly laughs. At the gym. Mid squat. Okay. And I just want to run you pass it. You tell me if... Maybe I'm delirious.

Okay, you want to see if I thought this was funny as well. And how you would have handled maybe a fit of the giggles. Okay. Mid workout. Okay. But there's someone we haven't said hello to. Good morning, Babs. Good morning.

How are you this morning? morning? I'm good. You're feeling good? You're ready to lift? Ready to lift. Very good. Because what's 100 divided by 4? 25. If we all bring... My brain really just went... Can I just... I don't know. I didn't even... I was like, oh... It's too early for math, man. That was... Actually, speaking of math. I'm going to pat myself on the back.

It's very good for me. What I was going to say, though, shy guy, is usually with Ducko here, we all bring 25%. Yeah? Without him, well, we've got to up that to 33.3333.33. That's some more math. One of us has to do the extra 1% and we just bring 33. I'm happy to do the extra one. It is my name on the show. I appreciate that.

My phone this morning actually, and I was telling Babs about this, it's not keeping time. What do you mean keeping time? So last night, I looked at it. That sounds like you've got one of those old school pocket watches like in the 50s. He's not keeping time. So I was just like laying on the lounge and I like kind of was in a, I don't know, just lazy state. I looked at it. It said 7.53.

Mm-hmm. And I looked at it five minutes later and it said 8. Oh, what's going on there? Half an hour didn't just blip. But it also could. When you're being lazy, half an hour can't. I don't think it did. When you're TikTok doom scrolling, you look down and you go,

I've been here for two hours 45. What am I doing with my life? I was watching Shark Tank and there was only one segment in between the ads and that's not half an hour's length. Australian Shark Tank? No, American one. Okay. What was the pitch that got you excited?

Did you see anything that you went, yeah, please, you got to buy that? Mark Rubio? They had like some sponge that goes on your fan. I don't know. Mark Cuban bought it for a million dollars. I don't know anyway. Who's Rubio? He doesn't exist.

He did. He did buy it. He bought it. Oh, there you know. But one of my favorite things to do is to Google the company. Because obviously these episodes are like 10 years old. Yes, and see how they've done. More often than not, they've folded.

Even with Cubans backing. Cuban's got a million dollars, sucker. Well, big show. It's not a million dollars we've got on the show, but it is $10,000 twice. bucks, of course. It is your last day to get involved. God, it's bad when that bed runs out, isn't it? It feels so dry. I can't play it again. I can't loop it.

Just play something underneath me. Okay. We've also got the last chance to win the call of fame today. Double-fired. All I had, ready to go. Sorry. To the NRA. I'm going to rush up. Double pass to the NRL grand final up for grabs. We're going to do don't, no dumb thought next.

Yep. There's still time to vote for the bangers. But let's get, what have you got here for us at the top shy, guys? at the AFL grand final this weekend. So to celebrate that, we've got a little mash-up thanks to DJ Konski. From Russia to the MCG. This is here.

Justin Ducko. We have no dumb thought after this. 30-1060 if you've got one. Yeah. Seamless for a dish. It'll be a morning rice cookers. Thank you. Jess and Ducko.

Jess and Ducko. Good goal. Roe Williams, Dray. Thanks for Mr. Masha. Of course, Snoop will be performing at the AFL grand final this week. again, you can watch it on 7 and 7 plus. Thank you very much. Credit wasn't necessary there, but I thought I'd do it anyway.

Why not? You're a Channel 7 kind of guy. Is that where you watch Shark Tank? Just an audition, you know? Yeah, it was on 7 Bravo. Or Flicks. One of the sub-channel. Well, it's not going to be on Flicks.

Isn't Flicks all movies? I don't know. Isn't that why it's called Flix? I don't know. See, I've just ruined my audition. Thanks. There's no such thing as a dumb. Thought?

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I've been listening to a lot of inspiring, motivational podcasts, a shy guy. And one of the big things in business, in life, it's like, you've got to know your subject. So if you're going to go on about Channel 7, sorry, I'm still talking about Channel 7, this is my note, that's all right.

You got to know everything. So when I put you on the spot like that, you got a lift, man. I mean, it is in the name Flicks movies. Duh. I swear I saw the Big Bang Theory on their ones. I feel like that's on every channel, though. Maybe they ran out of midday movies.

All right, reruns off the book. Big Bang Theory. I'm not mad about it. I love Sheldon. Right now, Shagga. My dumb thought. Yes. I'm not going to take credit for it.

I saw this one on the internet, but now I can't stop thinking about it. I'd love to dissect it with you. Yeah, let's dive in. That's what this segment's before. If you've got one, 13, 1060. Or 048-8-1069. If you don't want to put a voice to your dumb thought,

the text line is there. Babs, I'd love your two cents as well because I'm pretty sure this character comes from Shrek. It might be in a fairy tale or a nursery rhyme, but I know him famously from Shrek. The muffin man. Oh, yeah.

Do you picture the muffin man as a man who sells muffins or a muffin with a face? A man that sells muffins. He's a baker, yeah. Because I can't stop thinking now. The muffin man is a, A man made out of muffin.

No, don't thought. You know the one he lives on Drury Lane? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The muffin man. Like if I was going to say the fish man, do you picture a man who sells fish or like a part man part fish? Do you know the muffin man? The muffin man?

God, he's good. The muffin man. I think of Kyle that installed our fish tank, to be honest. But you know what I'm saying? In other situations, might think, oh, that's a man made out of said food staff or said item, whereas muffin man, now I can't stop thinking, it's a man made out. The tin man in Wizard of Oz is made of tin, right? Now, that's a great example, shy guy. That's what I needed over fish man.

Okay. The tin man was made of tin. Why the muffin man selling muffins and not made of muffin. Let that one sit with. Okay, mine. When you go to the toilet and you do a number two, if you do more than one log, let's just say, does that count as going to the toilet once or twice? Possibly three. Now this is the issue.

This is the issue. How solid you are impacts, I guess, how we break it down. Yeah, what if you have squirty bum? Well, that doesn't count. Do you call it squirty bum? I call it spitty bum. Yeah, squirty bum. Now that's a great question.

Because you said it very classily there, went to the bathroom. Yeah. So if you push out two logs, let's just say they're half size of a regular log. Is that going twice? Because when you came out and you say, did you do a poo? Well, in fact, I need three. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

We don't know. These are the things we don't know. Supplementary dumb thought Oh God Staying in the bathroom Yeah Before we get to the bathroom as where we're on Oh so we're getting the fuel in

We're eating dinner You should have started with this one Now I'm out of whack Anyway Come with me Out of the bathroom Back to the dinner table We're still hungry

You know what There's going to be a meal again eventually Anyway Do you ever like hold the plate With your full meal on it And go This is heavy And then that is now going to be inside me

Obviously you're not eating the plate too. Well, it depends if it's a soup in a bread bowl. Right. Well, yeah. But then do you think, do I put on that weight instantly? I have never in my life. There you go. Thought about that.

Then ending up in me. Yeah, obviously your body breaks it down, but does that get way less? It's, what do you mean, way less? It's the same. If you ate, I don't know, 200 grams of chicken, does that put 200 grams of weight on you if you ate that whole 200 grams of chicken? Well, not weight, but that 200 grams is then going from the plate inside you.

So, yes, 200 grams is being inserted in you. Yeah, but do you weigh 200 grams more? In that very moment? Because your bile would start working very fast to break it down. But how does it subtract the weight? So you're telling me, if you got on the scale... With no scientific facts, yes, I'm telling you that. You're getting on the scale pre-200-gram chicken dinner.

And then you're on the scale as you're eating it. That last bite does your weight tip up 200 gram? Yeah, yeah. Now, this is an experiment. we're going to need to conduct. Okay, fabs? Do we have scales here? Do we have 200 grams of chicken here?

No. We don't even have bread here, so we have no chicken. Maybe next week we can weigh a burrito, weigh you, and then weigh a burrito. Yes. And then weigh you after? I reckon we just keep her on the scales while she's eating. Oh, I just watch it tipple? Are you a fast enough eater?

Because if she's too slow, her body's going to start breaking it down. True. I'm a slow eater. Yeah, see, I'm a fast eater. I volunteer myself as tribute. Okay. I'd be happy to do it. No burrito for you, Babs.

You can have a burrito, but you don't have to do the experiment. Okay, thank you. You're up the hook. You can't dangle a burrito in front of her and not give her one. That's so true. A lot to think about Shy Guy. Yeah, I didn't gong myself for that one. It's a double gong day for Shaga.

It is. Thank you for everyone. Jess and Ducko. Right now, Shagai, I had an incident at the gym. You know that for the past month I've challenged myself to get up an hour earlier than I already do, which you can attest. Commendable, yep. Thank you very much.

It's an early alarm, but I was sick of. of making excuses for myself about not having the time, obviously being on deck with the baby, having other priorities and commitments, I went, well, the only time I have no excuse would be in the depths of the morning. So I have been, I've been going to the gym, but I'll be honest with you, I am finding it a little boring. I'm on my own. Obviously, no classes start that early.

I have to run my own program. Ducco has encouraged me to actually pay for someone to write a program, but I'm a tired ass and don't want to do that. So I'm trying to find different ways to entertain myself, have tried different music, and different playlists. And the other day we were talking about, do you listen to podcasts while you try and work out? I think we talked about that on our podcast.

That's right. I think the sort of resounding opinion was, no, you need sort of something to pump you up. A beat. A beat. But I kept thinking about it and I went, I'm just going to try. I need to shake things up.

So I found a comedy podcast called Off Menu. It's presented by two British comedians, James A. Caster and Ed Gamble. I'm a huge James A. Castor fan. And the whole premise, Shiger, you tell me why you think I resonated with the premise. They get a guest in each week, whether it's a Hollywood actor, a fellow comedian, a musician. And they basically ask them for their dream menu. Their ideal starter, main course, dessert, side dish and drink.

And then they obviously go off on tangents based around these meal choices. This morning, I just happened to choose Noel Fieldings. He is a British comedian. You might know him from the Mighty Boosh. But I don't even think you need the context of he's a very funny man. Sure. You don't need to know his comedy. Cool.

Okay. Something was talked about in his episode this morning. I nearly dropped the freaking bar on my foot. Oh, you lost it on the gym floor. I was doing some squat thing. I had to drop the, I was laughing so much with these dumbbells in my hand. Okay. It's actually, now I'm saying this as a PSA, be careful of laughing.

the gym because you could be in danger. But I wanted to know if you too found it as funny or in the early wee hours when I am working out am I just delirious. Here's Noel talking about something he was dealing with in his childhood home. Okay.

When I was a little kid, my mum had this really big cheese plant and it was sort of it was over by one wall but in time it sort of got so big that it was kind of half over the door and I was just the right height so that every time I walked past It was like it just touched my bum.

Yeah, it's weird. And then we moved it, and it just died. It was like we'd had it for 10 years. It was amazing. We moved it to a different part of the house, and it just went right. Your butt was keeping it alive. Yeah.

Oh, no. If I can't touch that child, that 12-year-old's butt. I'm out. Life's not worth living anymore, man, without that 12-year-old's butt. Yeah, it's more. I think about that cheese plant quite a lot.

It was my first relationship. Not as much that used to think about you, I imagine. When you were at school, just sitting there? Yeah. I can't wait until we get back. I wonder if what he's going to be wearing. Is it the Liverpool shorts? The feel of a track suit.

Well, every track is a feeler track suit for that cheeseclad. Okay, I'll pay that. That's pretty funny. Every track suit is a feeler track suit. Come on. That's funny. Do they even make trucksuits anymore? I don't, you know, I think I saw them in Target, restocked in Target.

They're having a resurgence. I dropped the freaking dumbbell. It was this close to crushing my little toe. Imagine if I had to call you and say, sorry, you and Babs are going to have to do the show on your own. I've dropped a dumbbell on me, toe. I have to go to that emergency room. I've laughed too hard in my workout. So you giggled.

I giggled. It was funny. It was funny. Oh, my God. And obviously, that's 30 minutes in. So I've warmed up with the hilarity of Noel Fielding and the boys. But it's a PSA. If you aren't doing a workout, be careful choosing a comedy podcast.

Yeah. Do you ever like, here's something really funny and then click like the 30 back? Yep, the rewind. And you laugh again? I do that all the time. I used to do it with VHS when you'd watch videos. My brother and I would go, that was funny. You'd hear it scrub.

Absolutely. We'd have to go back and watch it again, watch it again, watch it again. Absolutely. You'd hear like this, like. Yeah. Thank God when Foxtail brought in IQ and you could. Rewind live TV. That was unbelievable.

What a game change. All right. Jess and ducco in the morning. Jess and ducco's 10K alpha bucks on here. Topper bucks. All right. Ten questions. 30 seconds.

You get all 10 right. We'll give you that $10,000, okay? Is that it? There's more. The passing. The running out of time. They're saying the same answer. There's a piece of paper in front.

don't like reading it. 30 seconds answer all 10 questions, all starting with the same letter that Jess will give you. If you get all 10 questions, correct, you score $10,000. We must take your first answer and you can't use the same message twice. If you're unsure of a question,

you can pass, and we'll come back to it at the end, if there's time. Good morning, Scott. Hi, how is you? Scott. We're good, Scott. I'll speak for myself. I'm fantastic.

Shagai has one job while Ducko is away at his little sister's wedding, and it was to make sure you are across Alpha Buck's rules. do you feel confident in the knowledge of how to play this game? I think he did a good job. I'm pretty confident. Thanks, Scott.

You're very kind. That's a nice guy. I would have put the backup player on. Scott, what is motivating you today? What do you want to spend $10,000 on? Oh, I just got a little puppy on the weekend. So lots of toys. Nice.

And maybe some new furniture Wednesday chooses. I love it. I love it. What breed did you get, Scott? A little beagle. A big, oh, gorgeous. Well, I was really hoping you were going to say a Rhodesian Ridgeback, maybe a Rotweiler, because those dog breeds start with R, and that is what you're going to work with today.

Thank you. I mean, that's a solid letter. Solid letter. Are you ready to rock? I am. All righty, let's do it. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter R, Scott, we need you to name a drink.

Pass. An athlete? A TV show. A cartoon character. Roger Rabbit. A beauty brand. Remlon. A car part.

Retire. Something a baby uses. Raddle. An international city. Right. I mean, it was a slow start. It was a slow start. We came back.

I got a couple. We got a couple. We got, I got four. Four of the best. Four of the best. Let's go to the top. You passed on a drink. Could have had Red Bull, red wine or rum.

An athlete, Georgia Federer, TV show, Riverdale. Carton character, God, the rest of the United Garden. International City, we didn't get to Rome. We didn't get to Rome. Yeah. And a tool, we're looking for a rat ship. My friends are in Rome at the moment. Oh, Scott.

Scott. I mean, one of the great cities. It's all right. You don't go away empty-handed, Scott. You get 100 bucks to spend with our mates at Crocs. And very, very special. We're going to throw in a Jess and Ducko Giz bit so you can adorn those new Crocs with our faces.

Yeah, don't miss the brand new limited edition. Christmas Advent calendar dropping October 7th at crox.com. You shop fast. They won't last. Fabulous. Thanks for playing, Scott. Thank you, Scott. And you know what?

At the end of the day, Scott wanted to spend the 10 grand on dog toys, she could chew up the crocs. You don't encourage that. I mean, I don't particularly, you know, care what his little puppy does if she wants to chew up something. She deserves it. It's her world. And we're just living in it. Yolo, Marsha, right, Scott?

Yep. Thanks, Scott. Thanks for joining the show. Cheers. Jess and Ducko. What's the threesome? Shygo's going to give us three things. Babs and I are going to try and tell us.

him what those three things have in common. Yeah, we'll just get right into it because we're late. We're so late. The Taj Mahal, the Great War, Machu Picchu. Great wonders of the world. Yeah, I'll give that to you, Jess. That's the right. Right answer.

So I'll give it to you. So you have to give it. That's right. That's how the game works. One of my dream, I know you said we're late, but we're you now. What are my dream trips? Yeah. I don't know how you'd ever coordinate it is to do all eight wonders of the world in one trip.

So go from the Great Wall, go to Matsu Picchu, go to Chichen It's, uh... Stone Hedge? Stone Hedge. Is that a great... Did it wonder? Do they de-classify that? Ooh, I think they might have got you searched. All right, next one.

Babs, your mic working? Yeah. All right, cool, just checking. It's only been the first one. Yeah, back off. Canary, finch, sparrow. Small birds. Small birds, yes, it's exactly what I was after.

Thank you. Next one. Babs, quick test? Yes, it's on. Okay. Mercury, zinc, nickel. Periodic elements. Not what I'm looking for.

In? Sunscreen. Mercury, nickel and zinc. Zinc are all in. Coins. No. Copper wires? No.

Mercury. Anything to do with thermometers? No. Zinc and what? Mercury, zinc and nickel. Did you already say coins? Yeah, I did say coins. Building materials?

No. Can we have a clue? Ah. Uh, they're little. Coins. Screws? Knots and bolts. They're all elements in batteries.

Of course. Well, don't say of course. You did like 20 wrong answers. Next one. You guys are right? Yeah, apparently not. I'm guise. Reptiles.

Repets of lizards of lizard. Lizards. I had to get that one. I am the lizard coin. Jess is on three. Babs, zero. Again, Babs zero. I won this game last week.

Shut up. Denim, corduroy, linen. They're all pants. Materials you can make pants from. Fabrics, you can make pants from. Thank you. He wanted pants. I said pants. You know what?

You get this one. Okay, thanks. Magma, lava, ash. Hot elements in a volcano. Yeah, Jess. Is she the volcano girl? I thought I've tried. Why am I the volcano girl?

I don't know. Because you're hot. And erupting. Olive oil, sunflower oil, canola oil. Cooking oils. I'm tired of one. Just give me a point, please. No oil, I also, that should be my wheelhouse.

Eraser, pencil, sharpener. Stationary items. Yeah, they are. Sorry, Babs, was your microphone? Your headphones working? Do you speak English? Do you want to go out and come back in? See?

No, I don't know. Well, Jess is one, but we'll do one more for. Sure, this one is worth 50. Okay. Here you go, Babs. This one's for you. Spades, hearts, clubs. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-a-car deck.

No, what's the... Suits for a car. Yeah, suits in a playing card. Yes, he's won her. By about 60. Yes. Jess and Duckow. I'm very excited to have seen what Duckow's up to in this very moment.

Can you describe the picture I've just forwarded to you from Chris Allen, obviously famous from A Current Affair, of course. He is... He's got an exclusive. He's putting foil Tin foil. Tin foil. It looks like shiny side out.

Yes. On the above the door frame, I think that is. That's right. So the accommodation they're staying in, and Ducko did reveal this yesterday, has an issue for the room they've chosen for baby Florence. Too much light is getting in. What did we learn on this very program?

You can use tin foil as long as it's shiny side out to block out light. Also. For a kid's room. Chris Allen has snapped. in the moment. But I enjoy this. Chris also had a message for me. Talk about conspiracy theories.

Ducko's using alfoyle on the Airbnb to ward off something. It's to ward off messages from the aliens. Two other things that I've noticed on this. I know we said it's got to be quick, but we're going to have to pack down on this. He's using what looks to be band-aids to tape this up. If you zoom in on the lower right corner, I believe that is Morgan holding band-aids to use as sticky tape.

What? That is unacceptable. What an unbelievable eye. And... For detail you have. Speaking of detail, can we talk about the underwear he's wearing? Have they got... Is that a dog?

I reckon there is pyjama shorts. But he's got pants on. What's going on there? Oh, you are noticing some things. I was really focused on the tin foil conspiracy. Okay, so just to recap, if you're just joining us, Docos hanging foil on the window. To block out the light for his baby's room.

With band-aids while wearing underwear with pictures of dogs on them. The underwear is the least important. It doesn't matter. He's MacGyvering. Without tape, a Band-Aid. I actually don't think that's that bad. Yeah, I mean, I knew... It's wasteful of a band-aid.

God forbid he gets a blister later today when the wedding happens. He won't have any Band-Aid. I knew the run sheet was going to be detailed. I didn't know it was going to be this detail. Jess and Duckow. We've got the 15-minute increment run sheet. I think he's allowed to, let me just check. Oh, 744.

Scratch his bum. Oh, good. But they've only allocated about 30 seconds for that. I feel like that's an appropriate amount of time. It probably should have been scratching for more than that. You need to see a doctor at that point. You know. Or you've got to take that worming chocolate.

You don't have children in your life. But you know. Is that what it's called? Why do you know that? Because we talked about it a couple weeks ago on the show. Okay, good memory. But not just the kids. If the kid has to have it, everyone has to have it.

Yeah. No fun. Worms don't discriminate. Itchy bum across the family. Can you hold a torch to your butt holocity? Yeah. Apparently they only poke out in the dark. So if you want to check, you poke a, you shine a light.

And you use your fibre. phone. How fun's having kids. Anyway, I've been really lazy and I want to know how lazy you are. You're looking for lazy friends. Yeah, lazy friends. 131060 if you're a lazy friend. I have an electric toothbrush, Jess.

If you say what I think you're going to say, I'm going to come over there and kneecap you. It ran out of batch. I reckon three months ago. just haven't charged it. The worst part is... Have you been using your electric toothbrush as a manual? I even changed the head on it the other week. How is that harder than finding your...

Hang on, is the issue you lost the charger? No, the charger is next to it. I just haven't docked it. Every night, I think I'll put it on the dock. No, don't. Let's put in the little cup. How lazy are you? 13, 10, 60.

But that's not laziness, Shire. That's stupidity. No, no, it's just lazy because I forgot. I thought it's my... No, no, but you've changed the head. That's a harder thing to do than just pop him back on his dog. My argument is I'm still brushing. It's still functioning as a toothbrush.

It's just not spinning. Nothing wigs me out more. I dropped mine a few too many times. So it got a little wonky and it would conk out. Like, I'd leave him on charge for the whole night. Go to brush my teeth in the a.m. I die in my mouth. Nothing is worse.

It is, I don't know if it's just your brain wigging out, but using that tiny round head as a manual, it's like it knows this is not meant to be. And all my rods and cones are firing going, something's wrong, something's wrong, alarm bells are going off. It feels awful. It feels slower than a manual would be.

I think I've just gotten used to it. Three months. Three months, I reckon. Two and a half of them. And not even because you've lost a charge. No, the charge is sitting right there. Right on the left side of the... This is not a good look for you.

Yeah. How lazy are you on 131060? I am... Can you be more lazy than that? I don't... I think you've found the... The most lazy thing ever. I was going to say the peak.

That's a positive thing. I think you found the pit of laziness. 131060 for NRL Grand Finals. Oh, Jays, I don't want to award an unbelievable price. We could send you to the NRL Grand Final because you were lazy. Because you were lazy. Instead of waiting in line, saving up, working out how to get tickets. which is something, you know, hardworking people too.

You can just call up a radio show and win. That actually fits the lazy mindset. Yeah, it does. 13, 1060, how lazy are you? Or just call to berate shy guy. I'm happy to take those calls as well. I'll take that. Jess and ducco.

We're talking laziness. Because I haven't charged my toothbrush for going on three months now. Bruno Mars said, today I don't feel like doing anything. But for shy guides, for the past three months, I've been too lazy. And every night, I still push the button. Nothing happens. And the issue is, it's not like it lost the charger. It's right.

It's right there. Plugged into the wall and everything. I just don't dock it. Nothing's weirder to me than using. Angus will do that, my husband. If the thing dies in his mouth, he'll just continue to, no, I'll switch to the manual. You can't use an electric toothbrush without it going, The oscillation is what makes it superior.

Nice, a regular brush. No wonder you hate it. See, now it's all falling into place. No wonder you hate the dentist because you don't even respect your teeth and aftercharge your freaking electric toothbrush. Well, I'm keeping the dentist happy. Let's see if you've got some lazy friends here. Jasmine, good morning.

Good morning. How are you? Yeah, good. How lazy are you? Look, I'm sure I'm not the only one that does this, but I'll quite often text or phone my partner from the lounge room when they're in another room of the house just to ask. them like a question or ask them where I put something or remind them of something.

How does that go down? Like if you're in the living room, he's in the bedroom, which I'm assuming is what, kilometers away, God forbid you get off your house. How does that go down when he does answer your call? Generally, the response is, you know I'm in the house, right? That's perfect, Jasmine. That's exactly what we want. There's a lazy friend for you, shy guy.

Thank you, Jasmine. You're in the running for those NRL tickets. Absolutely. Nina, your husband. could be a lazy friend of shy guys. Absolutely. So he went to bed or he'll go to bed. Forget to turn the bedroom light off.

So instead of getting up and turning a light off, he gets up, goes to the cupboard, gets football socks and ties them around his head so he can't see the light. Okay. Obviously the first question is, Nina, if he's getting out of bed to get the socks. Why can't you walk to the other side of the room?

Is it fewer? Is he just my... fewer steps to get socks. It is fewer steps to get socks. But also, socks on a light switch. No, no. Did you say wrap them around his face? Oh, I thought he was pivot.

I thought he's throwing him at the line. Sorry, Nina. He's too lazy to even listen to your story. No, no, that's ultimate lazy. No, no. He will wrap them and tie them around his head. Like a mask. Yes, like a mask.

So when I walk in, he's got night socks tied around his face. Nina, you married this person. I did. Oh, my God. I would be looking at, I'd be looking at the relationship as a whole. No, that's right. That's fine. Alana, good morning.

Good morning. How are you guys? Good, babe. Your ex could have been a lazy friend of shy guy. I think so. Yeah, what, what did they do? So this was about five years ago. I was having surgery.

I had my auntie coming up to visit from Sydney. I was to live with my parents at this time. We both were. Anyway, I was in getting surgery She thought it would be a really nice idea to dead clean my room So I had a really nice fresh bed to cut Mm-hmm Anyway, she pulls the bed out to clean out

Whatever is laying beside my bed and my wall And lifts up a bottle, well, apple juice bottle Of what she thinks is full of apple juice It was full of urine Okay, that's... Hang on, that's gross So your ex had been weeing in the night In a bottle?

In a bottle. In a bottle. In a bottle. have been going on? I had zero idea. For how long do you reckon? Like, was this one bottle of many? Or what is it, a recent phenomenon that they just started peeing in a bottle because

they're too lazy to go to the toilet in the night? Is this like a Gatorade bottle? I think it was a whole apple juice bottle, like the massive, massive one. Oh, like the big two-liter at Coles. Yeah, the big one. That's full to the brim. That stands to reason. This is not the first one, you know.

He just hadn't gotten around to pouring this one out. Is this why they're an X now, Alana? Honestly, I should have taken it as a massive red flag when I did. I was about three years too late. Oh, okay. It took you three years to open your eyes. Copy that. Jess and Duckow in the morning.

That's right. 30 seconds answered 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. If you get all 10, correct, you will score 10. $1,000. We must take your first answer and you can't use the same answer twice if you're unsure of a question you can pass and we'll come back to it if there is time. Good morning, Ellie. Good morning. I nailed that, Ellie, didn't I? This has got to be a great omen for you. Shy guy, look, the handful of times Ducko has been away and he's had to step into his shoes, read the rules of Alpha Bucks. He has fumbled the ball every time except today. That's got to be a

great sign for you, Ellie? Hopefully. Oh my God. The wheels are in motion. The vibe is high. Wow. Oh, we could be on here. Purely because Ellie knows how to play the game now.

Yes. You haven't withheld anything from her. No. Babe, what do you want to spend 10 grand on? I'm going to go on a solo trip to Japan. Just leave everyone at home. I'm just going to go. I love it.

Ten grand will go a lot further if you're just looking after yourself. I know, exactly. That is right. Maybe a bit longer. Yep. I don't know Japan that well. I wish I could give you somewhere in Japan starting with this letter. So instead, what I'm going to do is say sushi, because that starts with S.

Oh, awesome. Okay. And I'm sure you'll get a lot of it for 10 grand when you're over there, okay? Definitely. Solid letter. Are you ready to rock? Ready to rock. Let's do this.

Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter, S. We need you to name a beer brand. Pass. A zodiac sign. Scorpio. A ball sport. Soccer.

A verb. Pass. A dog breed. Snowser. A beauty brand. Sephora. A board game. Scatigories.

A condiment. Salt. A tennis player. Serena Williams. A musical. Yeah. You are good. What was that, shy guy?

I got seven. Seven or eight. Oh, my God. Having a look at what you pass a verb. Sing, swim, sleep. The rest of you got. A musical will go. A musical.

Oh, yeah. Another one, a beer brand was Stone and Wood or Stella Artois. Oh, gosh. My husband will kill me for that one. Oh, well, he wasn't invited to your solo trip anyway, so it's not a business. No, he wasn't. Anyway, that's right. Hey, Ellie, you are still going home with $100 to spend at Crox.

Don't miss the brand new limited edition Christmas. Advent calendar dropping October 7th at crox.com.com. com. You shop fast. They won't last. And... A Jess and Ducko Jizbit, Ellie. You can't get your hands on these any other way except by contributing.

So thank you for getting involved. Thanks so much, guys. Have a good one. You too. Oh, she was good. But shy guy, to business. Up next is your last chance to get involved in the show. show 131060 you want to chip in your two cents for those NRL grand final tickets we're

drawing them at 9 a.m. today just before 8 we found some lazy friends for you so up next we're going to find some friends for me yep looking for tight asses yes and ducco 131060 when did being a tight ass not pay off it's not about the money money money we don't You know me, shy guy. I'm a woman of many shades. Sometimes I can be quite lavish, particularly when it comes to gift giving. I love to spoil people. Sometimes that person's myself.

But other ways, I'm a massive tidal. See, I didn't know this about you. Yes, I am all or nothing, okay? Now, obviously I've kept you up to date with my renovation. We are currently living in my in-laws apartment because our house has been gutted. We are trying to make it just, you know, with the growing fence. family. There's a few things that needed to be done. So one thing we probably didn't count on is stupidly, things blowing out.

I've never done a Renault before. Pardon me. I'm learning as we go. But we got our first bill, like our instalment bill. The fact that it's in installments. Bro. Angus had to have a real sit down and it was terrifying. But anyway. I'm tempted to ask, but I don't think you'd tell us anyway. Don't even. I'll tell you off it.

Okay. What if I turn the mics off? You might look at me funny. What if I turn the mics off? You can. All right, hang on. We'll be back in a second, Christ, quick. Oh, my God.

That's the first of eight installments. Jesus Christ. So you see why I freaked out. You see why I freaked out. I'm freaking out. I don't have to pay the bill. Unfortunately, that bill came in as we were driving to look at toilets. So Angus and I.

Just look at an outhouse. You can't afford a toilet No, you're going to have to come over with your shovel And just dig a hole Wait, wait, I want to know Chaga, can you text me the number? You should have to text you? No, I've got to tell the story.

All right. Babs, I'll just try and sign language. Kay. Anyway. So we're driving to go look at the toilet shop And we get up off the ground. So bad. Yeah, you're at the toilet shop.

We're just going to be sick. We're driving to the toilet shop to look at toilets because we're at that level. I told you yesterday. You're looking at fixtures and dimensions and size of things. So for the bathroom, you need wastage points. So you need to know what toilets so they can work that into the foundations. So we see that.

We go into the toilet shop and I'm like, well, I need, we can't get the fancy toilet. I didn't realize how expensive. Hang on. Do you mean fancy toilet like as if it squirts you and hits up and stuff? No, I don't like those. They freak me out. I don't, no, literally just the very. standard toilet shop, but I'm looking at

the range. And the first one I see that my eye was attracted to 680 bucks. And I went, well stuff that. No, no. And I'm looking for the cheapest. I went, hang on. Why is this guy $3.85? Let's just get him.

Angus, my darling husband, love of my life, the man who's chosen me to be his life partner turns to me and he goes, for what you do in the bathroom? We can't buy the cheapest. I need you, darling. He knows me well enough And also we have an open door policy

He thinks if we go tight-ass on the toilet It won't pay off in the long run Well, you do spend a lot of time on the throne I do It's what's the time, 820 I've been twice this morning for number two Like my metabolism is insane So my husband turned to me and said

No no no It won't pay off being a tired-ass In this arena And then he tried to say We'll pick a cheaper tile And I said no no, the tiles are not negotiable But that's why I wanted to ask, for, I guess, advice in this realm. When did being a tie-dust not pay off?

Maybe you tried to scrimp and be frugal. And then a week later, a year later, maybe moments later, you turned around and went, I should have just spent the money. Because classically, like, you think you spend more, you'll get more out of it, which usually is the case. Yes. He's going, he's looking at the $680 toilet, dollar toilet, which was on the higher end going, yeah, but cost per use, we'll get that down.

It doesn't matter. That's nothing. It's not like, you know, women all spend bloody hundreds of dollars on a dress they wear once. It's like, well, that's something you should spend on something you wear every day. Yeah, I never understood that, but that's a whole other thing. It's a whole other thing. So 131060, when did being a tired ass not pay off?

Yeah. NRL tickets up for grabs. Maybe you skimped on a toilet and it couldn't handle you. Hopefully it didn't backfire on you. Jeez. I'm still trying to work out that number. I don't think about it. It'll give you headache.

Oh, my God. I threw up. Anyway, 13, 10, 60. Give us a call. Jess and ducco. Obviously, we're in the throes of a renovation. Yesterday, on the way to the toilet shop, we got our first installment bill from the builder.

And I threw up in my mouth and then went to the toilet shop and tried to say to my husband, let's just pick the cheapest one. Who cares about a toilet? Like, it eats your purse. Like, it's, who cares? Quick question. Do you sit on them in the toilet shop? So I did.

I did. And then I got up and went, oh, God, there's a sign that says, please do not sit on me. But you got, you got, you got a, because they're all going to have a little bit of a different rim groove. It's funny. So my keys were in my back pocket. And as I went to pull my keys out, Angus goes, don't take your pants off.

Of course. I wasn't going to take my, I was pulling something out of me back pocket. But the issue is I went to pick the cheapest. I genuinely went, oh, we need to have a bit more self-cour. control, just where can we scrimp and save? He looked at me in the eye and said, with what you do in the bathroom,

we can't afford the cheapest. We have to go expensive. It won't pay off in the long run. I actually said to him, I went, should I start looking at feet picks? Trying to sell them. Do only fans or something.

So I got to pay for the nice toilet. I don't know how that will go for ratings. It might be good for the show. It could be. There's multiple. We're not there yet. We might be there. Let's see how the next instalment goes.

If you see on my Instagram, links to footpicks, it's because we need to pay for $680. Or toilets. Ellie, morning, Ellie. Morning, Ellie. How are you? Ellie, we're so good, thanks, babe. When did being a tired-ass for your mum not pay off?

Yeah, when I was a kid, she used to want to get the most out of our jumpers. Like, obviously we were always growing, especially with school and sport and all of that fun stuff. And so she would just burn the ends of the, draw strings on our jumpers and usually it would work but one time she did it and I put it on too quickly and I had it on when she did it and it actually burnt the jumper so I ended up having to throw the jumper out anyway and it was my favourite so she's burning your clothes to try and get more life out of them

yeah that doesn't make sense in my brain but see the way the tight-ass brain works shy guy you'll do anything you'll try anything even potentially burn your kid. Hey, morning, Abby. Your dad's the tired ass. Yes. So he was doing a bathroom renovation as well, and they had decided to go on the cheapest toilet. Anyway, they installed it. It looked all right. And we ended up having a party a couple of days later. I think it was like three or four days later. And we ended up having about 60, maybe 70 people at this party. Gave it a workout.

Yeah. What a baptism by fire. It bached fired so bad. They had to call an emergency plumber because it was like clogs. It couldn't handle the load. No, it could not. It leaked everywhere all over the bathroom tiles. And they were freshly installed as well probably a week prior.

Abby is case and point. That's a great lesson because I'm probably 60 or 70 people's worth. It's in one day. Hey, Kim, when were you that died asked? Did it pay off? Did it not pay off? Did it not pay off? My apologies, Kim.

Hello, Kim. Hi, so we used to have a lot of chickens, and when you have a lot of hawks and things around, we have to try and keep them safe. And we found old rabbit hutchers and things like that were coming in handy for them to be able to get in at night. And even during the day if there's hawks around. So when you go around to council pickup and you see things like that, you know, you don't have to pay for them and it's recycling. So we're like, oh, this would be good.

Yes. So it worked well for a while until we picked up one that we didn't realize had termites. Oh, no. So you've installed that at your place? Yeah, we put it in the yard and the termites went through, not just it, but the other ones, including one of the big trees that ended up actually coming down and taking out a lot of the chicken coop, including half the shed. And the shed.

Oh my God. Case in point sometimes. Spend the extra money. That's why those people were throwing out the bloody chicken coop. They were trying to get, they should put a sign. If you're throwing out something that you know is termite riddled, put a piece of paper. Hey, Kim, question. Did you save on eggs purchases with these chickens?

Sorry? Did you get the chickens to save on eggs as well? Well, we were breeding them. to be able to breed egg hens for shows. Egg hens for shows. These were award-winning champion chooks and you couldn't even get him a nice house.

Jess and Ducco here with you. Ducco is off at the Royal Wedding, doing Royal Duty. That's right. His little sister is getting married and he has about a thousand things to do before the ceremony being MC groomsman.

He's the conduit to the celebrant. I think he's the runner as well. If people need batteries, they're going to come to him. So he better have a kit full of stuff. Yeah, I'm sure he's well prepared. Quickly, Jess, I did all right with the Alpha Bucks rules at 8 o'clock, but I have famously stumbled every other time.

You know what? That's the first time I applauded you. You did really well. I just want to highlight a moment that everyone stumbles, you know, including this Fox News reporter from Dallas. Her name is Peyton Yeager. Okay. And she struggled with 250.

$250,000 to say that work, because that was the bail of a fine for whatever story she was covering. Have a listen, okay. Okay. She's on the Dallas County Jail this evening with a 250,000, 250,000, a quarter of a million thousand dollars, I'm sorry, a quarter of a million bond. Okay. She's on the American World Stage, Fox News Reporter.

Do you know what's funny? She got her right the first time, but her brain went, no, you didn't. Yeah, no, you could do that again. And it kept doing on a repeated cycle. All right, you and Peyton can get in the bin or at least just read off a piece of paper. Stop trying to go. We both need to lift. It's been a hell of a week.

It has. Do you know why, mainly? I think because we've had a great call of fame. And when we dangle the juiciest carrot of all time, double pass to the NRL grand final, we do draw it at the end of the day today. I think we all lift. A rising tide lifts all ships. You've heard that saying, Shiger.

Yeah. And so when the rice cook is cook, we also have to lift. Yeah, we've had some good contenders this week. We absolutely have. And maybe you could be in the running and piff it from all those other people. But before we get to that, let's look back at the week that was. Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Ducko? I made the grand claim that Fanta tastes better in a bag because I saw that it was done in Thailand once.

So I thought we'd put it to the test. So what I've got for you, Duck, I'll come around and bring it to you. Okay. A regular Fanta in a glass. Fantastic. It's warm. That's because it wasn't in the fridge. And then a phanta in a bag.

You're going to tell me which one's better, okay? How did you go? I've done this bag. Look how pop that is? That is, you just made Babbs do that. How did you? That is okay. How did you just swap it in?

To explain what he's done here. What do you mean you need to explain? It's fanta in a bag. The fanta in a bag normally would be like you'd walk around this giant bag, but he's clearly worried about it, so he's put the bag in a cup. They taste the exact same to me. Exactly. They are absolutely identical.

And you tried to tell us that the bag. Ag was better for the environment, even though it feels like more freaking plastic. That's what the Thailand authorities said. Or the authorities that you contacted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm glad we did this on air. Like, I already feel safe from that one super fan. That was rank.

You couldn't have put it in the fridge. That was warm, fair to just start out fresh week. He was stressing. We did it at 6.10. He's like, I'm going to get the audio. I'll get a fan. Babs disappeared during the two minutes. He's got to get the audio that we've explained ourselves.

Darko took us through an acting class where the three of us act out a well-known movie scene. This week, it was The Little Rascals. I played Dala, producer Babs played Spanky, and Jess played Alfalfa. It went pretty well, and two, we all started doing some southern accents. Faf was breaking every rule on the he, man, woman,

how you just put... He's from the deep cell. He's a 40-year-old man from the south. Falfa pulls out a flower from the basket to woo Darla. Darla, this flower pales in comparison to your beauty. Oh, alfalfa, you're so funny. Why, you southern mouth? Because I'm picking it up.

It's contagious. Go, go, go. Well, I think about you all the time, Darla. Like when I'm eating oatmeal or tying my shoes. I'm going to sing it. You are so beautiful to me. Oh, yuck This is worse than I thought

We need a big plan to break this up Alfalfa, what's the smoke? Is something burning? Oh no, the clubhouse My whole life's in there Come on, Dalla Wait, alfalfa, what's going on? You're shocked now

Good friend, alfalfa What's he talking about? Why are we all doing actions? Oh, alfalfa You're a sweet poop Jess tried to use her two-year-old to catch out her husband, Angus, in a lie. It's safe to say, it backfired pretty quick. I said, you're lying straight to my face.

Just admit it, you bought her an ice cream too. He's looking at me going, I swear! I went, no, no. See this Cheshire grin you've got? Yeah. I don't believe you. He goes, I swear, I swear. I said, Lucia, come here, please.

He said, Luci, did Daddy get you an ice cream today? She goes, yes. I nearly hit the roof I bet And he quick as a whip ducker Go go Luci, did daddy let you drop acid at the table as well?

She goes, yes! I'm like, okay. Maybe not as reliable a witness. Just can't believe Yeah, yeah, he didn't do it. That he didn't get her an ice cream. He is a sweet tooth himself. Yes.

When we're in Italy, every night they shared an ice cream. She would walk past, you know, the gelatereas going comb, cone, cone, cone. So this is now there. Like a ice cream I know he did We can't bring up acid and coal

This is your kid, mate Guess I'm a bad liar Bonnie Blue's documentary A Thousand Men and Me premiered on Stan earlier this week I thought for the sake of the show I'd give it a watch Of course the guys got fixated on this

Out of everyone in this room to come and say If you guys watched the Bonnie Blue docker I had to turn it down I did not expect it to be the show My neighbours thought I was watching porn Well you kind of were You were A documentary

Mate you learn a bit Pretty interesting. She's a business woman. Yeah, you kept coming in saying she's savvy. Oh, are you on the Boney Blue Bandw? He's on the Bang Bus, baby. I'm not not on the Bonny Blue Bay. She's very clever. Check it out if you have Stan. I will now. I'll take your recommendation, good sir. 3 p.m. today, Ducco?

I will be telling my wife, like, hey, Shagga said, for the show, Ducco. Shaka said I've got to watch this doco for the show. Yeah. Well, I'm in. You got me. Again. You can't tell me twice. Really twisted your arm there, didn't he, Duggo? Only murders in the building is taking a hike tonight.

I shall be watching the Bonnie Blue dog. Merle, get in the bin. It's going to be a change, Morgan, but here we go. It's only 50 minutes, he said. It's a quickie. I come in tomorrow. Gosh, she's smart. Have you heard of Bonnie Blue?

She's an incredible businesswoman. I'm also on the bang past. She's Shy Guy. Um, Shy Guy, are we not going to talk about you malfunctioning when we were getting a coffee the other day and being a giant purve? Hey. I see this girl walking past wearing skimpy active wear.

I'm glad you defined it as that I turned to Shiger and go there's no way you just started malfunctioning because you just saw a girl wearing active wear and he went oh I didn't mean to all just like all these warning bells went off in my head and all I saw was like

blue blue blue because she was wearing blue active wear as in I shouldn't be staring like I'm staring I need to not stare He got caught out staring staring at him no no no no hang on one at a time

And he went home and watched the Monty Blue Docky yesterday. I said, you're not a robot? Like, what? No more burrito walks for you guys of an afternoon. Are you planning on now trying to catch this girl every day at the same time? Because we know her for a shame. Well, we can figure out what time it was. We could try again.

I know Babs won't say no to another burrito. You buy her the burrito. Obviously. Is she good looking enough to just have a swing here, to go back and find? I really look at her face, which sounds terrible. The truth of it. See you next week, Rice Cookers. Jess and Ducco

We're just looking at Ducco's run sheet That he was given by his little sister She is getting married today And he has about a thousand jobs About a thousand responsibilities To make sure this is the best day of her life Obviously And I think if I look at the time

Shiger 857 He can pick out a wedgy But if he doesn't have one What a waste of two minutes You know Again She's thought of everything though She's 30 seconds to scratch his ass last time

Two minutes to pull out of wedgy. That's... You don't know how deep it is. I don't. He's got to get in there. I saw what he was wearing that. Maybe Morgan had to get involved. You don't know.

Well, that's cuts into Morgan's schedule. That's a whole other thing. She's got her own schedule because she's a bridesmaid. Oh, my God. Maybe in her schedule it says check ducko. You know what I shouldn't know that she's starting makeup in three minutes. But that's how well we know this run sheet. Well, what we do on a Friday on our run sheet is this.

an absolute ripper this week. A double pass to the NRL grand final. Yes, you heard that correct. NRL grand final. Plus accommodation. Refreshingly local, Ridges Darling Square. It's your home away from home, and that's where you get to rest your head.

Oh, my God. Breakfast for two and overnight parking. I haven't read that out all week. That's fantastic. Imagine all the people who... Wouldn't they get? We're just going to send you to the game and not put you up.

No, no. Or pay for your parking. The breakfast for two. I know, you get very excited about breakfast. I'm not even a breakfast fan. But you know what? I like a hotel breakfast because they'll have like the Asian station and it's noodles. And those mini croissons, you can't buy anywhere else.

Warm those up. And I love them. Noodles for breakfast. Hang on, let's rewind for a second. That's my favourite part of a buffet. Having things at all hours of the day, you wouldn't usually. Because I'm not a breakfast fan. I don't want an omelet. I want some noodles.

And usually at a breakfast buffet because they cater to an international guest client. and tell, I can get noodles. I've had Gioza once. Okay, well, you might be able to have Gioza for breakfast at the ridges. We don't know that for sure if they have that on-tap, but you will be there and you're going to let us know. We do want to thank everyone for their contributions this week. A rising tide lifts all ships and when you play, we play, when you cook, we cook even better.

Honourable mentions to everyone who got involved. But there's someone I personally, Shag, I haven't been able to stop thinking about. I've texted daco and he went, oh, I'm the same. she needs to be rewarded for something she had to endure. Earlier this week, we talked about what went in your mouth. Ash got in touch and she told us this. Unfortunately, one of our beautiful residents passed away and we had the family outside the room.

So once someone passes away, you've got a really short time of frame before Rigamortis sets in. So sometimes the family, we like to address and present them really nice and whirl and everything. Clean the mark, clean their face because I don't know if you know, but when someone's passing away, all the muscles relax, their mouths open, the fluids and everything. Comes out.

Yeah, so we cleaned him up nice. And as I've grabbed, I've leaned over to grab, and my partner gives a little bit of a push just so we could get the other arm in. Instead of it coming down where it normally exits at the bowels, I was the lucky one to cop it where it came up and out of his mouth, and it all came into my mouth. All the purge fluids. Perge fluids on this show will win you the call of fame.

Ash, congratulations. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. You deserve it. We love our, if you couldn't work it out. She's an aged care worker. But we so respect and appreciate how you look after people. And the least we can do is send you to the NRL grand final with beautiful overnight accommodation at the Ridges.

Congratulations. Oh, my God, guys. Thank you so much. who would have thought one of the moments that I thought I'd never tell anyone has now won me this. There you go. Now, obviously, I think there's a couple of games to go to decide who's in the grand final, but are you a footy fan?

Who are you following? Guys, I don't have one to say it. You've gone for the vibes? No, I don't know. I go for it. Oh, you know, is your team? I don't know what I want to say it. Oh, yeah, okay.

Do you cop a lot of crap for barricing for these people? Yeah, I do. And are they in contention to play in the grand final? Yeah, Broncos. Oh, it's a Bronco. Okay, well, we didn't even know that. Ducco is going to be over the moon. Ash, you know Ducco is a Bronco?

Yes, yes, I do. Oh, this is junk. In honor of Ducco not being here today, we have inadvertently given the prize to a Bronco supporter. Well, no, that doesn't take away from it at all. Thank you for your honesty. but also you enjoy it. We can't wait to see picks and videos from the game.

Guys, I really appreciate this. Thank you so, so much. Thank you for getting involved, Ash. What a delight. See, she, I would never have pictures of Bronco supporter. There you go. You know what I mean? The Bronco supporter we had during the week

who absolutely capitulated at Alfa Bucks, he was not a great indictment. Yeah, well. For the cohort. But Ash, I think she's got it back on track. Bab is keeping tatters of all the rice cookers teams. Oh. So eventually we'll have a little.

We'll have it. We can... A little alarm, what you call it? Sorry, there's a fire alarm going up in this year. And I had a panic attack last time this happened. So, I got, you might have to come over and pull my... It's a test. It's all right.

It's just very dramatic, isn't it? It's so dramatic. Anyway, if you missed any of the show today, go to the podcast. It's on the listener app or any other app where you get your podcast from. Absolutely. I thought it's a really good show today. I couldn't agree more. You were phenomenal, but it's exceptional.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's us. Now you give me a compliment. Do you don't need a compliment? This happens every time I give you guys compliments and I get nothing. You don't need a compliment. Everyone knows you great.

But this is my issue. I am seeing a wedding and no one gives me feedback. And then I go, was I all right? They go, you're amazing. I'm like, no one tells me anything. You were amazing today. Thank you so much. I am so needy.

I keep forgetting that you're so needy. How do you not know this? I'm too busy realizing that you're a tired ass and that you have into conspiracy theories. I'm learning so much about you in the last fortnight. I'm also really good with lizards and snakes. There you go. Babs, do you want to compliment, Jess? Yeah, you did really well without Taco.

He did really well. Isn't that compliment to me? Pardon? Who you'd compliment? That actually was a compliment to both of us, I guess. No, to Jess, because she didn't have her other half, so she lifted. Babs, it always just hits a little bit, a bit better with you. Thank you so much.

I think a compliment from her means more to me. It's because she's the young, cool one. Thank you, Babs. No worries. Anytime. Anyway, we'll go back Monday. Call of Fame. Double past to see Teddy Swims. That's right. He's performing. He's performing at the NRL grandfinal. So if you'd like

to be there, obviously Alpha Bucks will be back. Ducco will be back on board. I can't wait to hear about the wedding. Have a great weekend and we'll see you Monday. See you next week. Bye. Jensen Ducco. That was the Jess and Ducco podcast. Monopoly at Maccas is back. Play only in the air. Ends October 14. For full terms, visit McDonald's.com.com.com.