Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Maggots after being maggot

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

Jess made a fool of herself, Ducko made a will and Producer Babs finds maggots!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new macho range is here at the cafe. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Podcast, fuck yeah. Recall the power. Re-living the day yet. Podcast, fuck yeah. That didn't work yesterday.

No, because my buttons weren't working. I had to do a live version. I hope you enjoyed that. I think you would have, yeah. But the buttons are back on today. Here we go. Daddy's back. Our tech just came in saying,

e, how's this new update going? And you said, yeah, it's great. Also, have a spare moment for me to notice the update before anyone did. That's a Zeta Power user, if I've ever seen one. What did you say, sorry? To notice the update. You didn't notice. No, I did.

Oh, you did notice. I was the only one who did notice. Right. And then there's no update. And then I actually was an update overnight. And anyway, just, yeah. There you go. Zeta points, man.

Absolutely. That's our play out system. This really means nothing to no one except for maybe Shagai. We could have left it at a tech update, but I like that you noticed. Yeah, people might know. Yeah, people might know. There's some radio kids out there. The next generation.

Most radio stations use this. So it's, you know. Yeah, they do. It's all around the world. Absolutely. If you would like to talk about Zeta, start a group chat with Shagai and Ducco. We're always welcome. We'll add you to it.

I'm always keen to chat, man. We're talking hot keys. Stacks. Babs has been begging to learn the system. Can you put her in chat? I have told Babs that many times I will teach her and she can. You can sit here in shadow. Yeah, see, where's this falling down?

Because Babs has been going on about this for a while. Is it you not being proactive enough? Or does Ducco need to open his arms? I don't know if you actually do want to do one of them. No, I do. I want to have this as another skill because I'm building a case. And then what's this skill going to get you? Apparently not my idea.

We know how that case is going to go. I know Zeta. So what do we actually do? Come on. You've got 14 after today, Ducco. You can sit right behind me and watch it play. Yeah, why don't you do that? I'll do that.

I can answer the phone. Do you have a basic knowledge of it, though, because you've had to seg and stuff. Yeah. And, like, I have a phone. I have used old version. It's not the same, but I have used stuff like that before. Yeah, you're old station. Yeah, it's pretty much the same.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know how to turn microphones up. God, he might let you. He's let Lucia press a button. Maybe you can press a button tomorrow. Come over here, little one. Press a button. Hey, I'm not going to be in studio tomorrow.

Maybe you can spend the whole time in studio and then go over there and press a button. Ooh. Come on, push a button. What a day. What a day. That's an exciting day, isn't it? I know, Wednesday. Woo!

Yeah, maybe even you can... Oh, I won't get to see the lick in real line. Oh. Oh, I'll have to do. We'll be on Zoom. Oh, thank goodness. I really explain it to you. Yeah, please.

Close your eyes. So you can be like a listener. And I'm like, okay, okay, yeah. His tongue is out. He's salivating. Oh, there's lots of saliva. Jesus. How much tongue is out?

Yeah, yeah. Full tongue. Full girth tongue. It's actually long and thin, shy guy's tongue. Thin, I don't care for thin. I know. You want nice wide and flat. Yeah, well, this one, yeah.

Like a pad C.U. No, this one, this one is more like a, this one is more like a magi noodle. Oh, a thin, like a two minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's given it a great lick. Yeah. Has he licked the length of it? Yeah, all the way out.

Oh, he's got stuck on the top. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, he's got a bit of a brain free. He's doing a shiver. You know, if you lick the inside of a freezer door, is it true that you'd stick? I don't know.

Try it. Try it this afternoon. No. I don't reckon. No, it's a TV. Is it like when you should ice cube? Might have been dumb and dumber. You mean like an ice cube sometimes they stick?

I have not licked an ice cube in a recent memory. It's a little bit of a stick, but like it. It'll melt pretty quick. How come then, if you lick an ice cube, that'll happen. But if I just put an ice cube in my mouth, it wouldn't happen. Because it's warm in there. I'm not Dr. Carl, I don't know. It's melting.

It's melting in real time. Yeah, yeah. It's hot in your mouth. Yeah. I've got the freezer, like the stacked fridge freezer. My freezer's below. So I don't want to get down on my knees to lick the freezer. My freezer is below too.

Mine's too as well. Yeah, if it was up, maybe I'd consider it. But because I'd have to get on my knees. That's just normal, isn't it? Podcast. He left me, you just alley-hoop that to me. He did. This is the beautiful dance.

Yeah, the beautiful dance we did. Allie hoop. Is that what it's called? Allie-up. All-up, yeah, yeah. I've never heard that word before. It's because you're not a basketball fan. You're not a baller, baby.

You're not a baller. Not a baller. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Cox who we did today? I remember I was like, is it a dick? Is it a bulls? Is it a, what is it?

A wang? Degrading name of a physician. It's also like you're the guy who sits there and talks and steers. Everyone's like, what is that? What are you doing? Stroke. You know what? The only way I can say what a cox is like, a cox is like a producer. No one quite understands their role.

But when you're in it, you know it. But vital. Exactly. When you're in it, you know it. I think only vital in terms of understanding how vital when you're in it. Yes. Whereas explaining it, do you find that shy guy? the last person you met that you said, I'm a radio producer.

Did they know what that meant? Or did you have to go into, I teams people a lot and get grabs for the show. Not really, not really. It's like TV producers, I don't really understand. It's like movie producers, I don't really understand. I never understand why a show needs more than one executive producer. Yeah. Be it TV, movie, radio podcast.

Executive producers are money. I was about to say, are they usually, there's not usually more than one. You're executive for the whole purpose. You can have a couple, but it depends on the funding of it all. What's the point of saying executive then? I thought executive meant... It's a name thing, right? Like, it's like George Clooney executive.

It's just funded it, right? Yeah, you can have plenty of executives who fund it, then you can have one who sort of... That's really diluting... It's diluting the power of the word executive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You don't have more than one CEO.

You have one, executive. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what the start of every movie? It's like, executive producer, this person, this person. They never go, the lighting guy at that point in the movie. No, it was at the end of the line. The lighting guys aren't paying them.

I'd rather see their name, though, at the start of the movie. Well, they're not paying them. They're not getting the film off and running. They're just, they're working hard, though. They're the money people. Well, that guy holding the boom, Mike. Oh, the boom is important. What's he doing?

How are you getting the sound without the boom mic? There's no movie without sound. Oh, my God. Oh, sound is vital, you know. It's genuine. Oh, she's going to be the golden bachelorette. Hang on. Maybe.

Well, this is a podcast. It's we're watching the promo for the golden bachelor. Why would she be back on? Who is she? of the contestants on the Golden Bachelor. I thought she was the favourite, Jan. Did you watch it? I watched the first episode.

Because I always do this with reality TV shows. I like to watch the first one. Get all their names and faces. So then when I see the subsequent million articles, I can blink them back. So Simile, I did that with that one. Go off, Queen. Go off. But she came like fourth or fifth.

So what's she doing on the TV still? She's showing ways to be healthy. Ah, rock on. She was fit and healthy. Yeah, she does look fit and healthy. Look at that glow. I know. Green Gers, I work done.

Yeah, a little bit of lighting's doing a lot of work. Shiloh. Sing, sing, car, zing, zing. You don't want to see Jan as the Golden Bachelorette? No, I don't. Didn't watch the first series. Are you still watching Big Brother? You watched Episode 1? Yeah, it wasn't great.

Sorry, Docco? You watch Big Brother still? I'm really into Big Brother. Yeah, no, I like it a lot. That was really polite. Why did you say that? Why was I polite? Sorry, Doco? No, because I'm really enjoying me.

I tap into the live streams throughout the day and I see what's going on in the house. I like it. I feel like I'm seeing a lot of evictions. Is there anyone left? Well, it finishes next Monday, and there's nine of them in the house. So they're going to start doing some doubles very soon. That's a quick little run? Yeah.

Was this your little dip in the toe in the water? Big Brother is popular still. Yeah, I think it's pretty popular. The lifestyle is pretty popular. There's lots of clips on TikTok around, but that could just be my algorithm. No, I'm seeing them. Oh, yeah. It's great.

Holly, she left. Well, she got victed out. She was the hot one. Yeah. Yeah. The model one. Yeah. Yeah, really she's out of there.

How's your butt off? Not good. Yeah, I can feel you fidgeting. Yeah, yeah, I need to go to a toilet. All right, enjoy the show. When I wake, I wake up, wake up in the morning career. When you wake up, it's Jess and ducco. Stop what you're doing and listen.

You know I got the shit that you like. There's only one show to wake up for you. I'm not that easy to tang. Yes. And the truth is, I put my pets. I trust that a fart and I should not have. I ain't got to explain. You either spit or you swallow, but in life you need to make a decision.

Got him going insane. Yeah, I can. Do you pray. Too proud and too stubborn. I was actually going to wear a little heel. Isn't that funny? I'm funny of you, I don't know. Oh, yeah, talk it.

This is Jess and Taco. Right on 6 o'clock. Yes, it is. Welcome to Tuesday, team. Don't want to talk about it? I'll talk about it. Um, well. Can we talk about the text that you sent the team at 321 this morning?

Well, otherwise, I didn't think you'd believe me. That had happened. I said to Babs, this is either he's up against it. Yeah, yeah. Or best commitment to a sickie. He set an alarm. for the middle of the night shot off a text

just to be like I scheduled I realized you can schedule text when I did that but no no I wanted to do it because I wanted I just wanted

you guys feel my pain and also I wanted you to know that if I was late this morning or if anything went really wrong that I was not lying there was a real reason yeah yeah so I said it text verbatim

yeah to our Bonnie boy chat yeah shall I go Babs and Jess F I have been sing my guts up for an hour I don't know what's going on I think it's something

thing I ate. I was up against it. At 3.20. Like, did it start at 3.20? Or had you been up already for ages? I literally, so I went to bed, fine. I woke up at, like, literally quarter past three. And I was like, oh, what is that?

Just like a, like a... Sorry, I woke up at quarter past two, and I was like, what is that? And then I got up, and then by 2.30, I was just like, I was like, I'm not doing a colonel of me today. What's happening? Well, you still on the two, an hour on that call? Yeah. So I was on for about half an hour and I had to go.

I couldn't go back to bed. I was lying on the couch with the dog. And I was like rolling And then I went back to the toilet And then I went back to the bed That's when I texted you guys I was gonna say At what point did you text us

Like mid sit Or lying down I got back and I was like Morgan Morgan I think I've got diarrhea And she didn't care I was like I'll text the team The team will care

So I texted the team So I got straight on it An hour and a half later Oh no Are you coming in today? I was like well He's gashing in his sick days I should

You don't get paid out Your sick days do you Honestly If I wasn't finishing I wouldn't be here Truly I was up for like two hours, and I was like, I felt so crook. Well, I'm glad you came because it's another momentous milestone in our countdown

to the end of the J.D. era. 14, there's just so much you can't do and you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots. It's the best one, yeah. She's the leapiest also. That's called Never Grow Up. You didn't have to tell me, I'm not. How did you find 14? Did you read all the lyrics of Taylor Swift and find 14?

Good good, good boy. Yeah, no, I knew we were only 14 to go, and I was like, if I don't go today, because then I was like up... You would have missed that? I would have missed that, and that would have been not worth it. No, no. Because I think I was up from 2.30 till about four. And then my alarm went off at, like, just four five. And I woke up and I feel like I've been hit by a bus.

So what's in you now, a cork? Yeah, I got Babbs to give me a cork back because she had it for up to the weekends. You rinse it off? Yeah. Oh, actually, it wasn't rinsed, but I, you know... You didn't have time. We're all friends here. You're leaving.

Yeah, I'm leaving. It's all gravy. Wow. I think it was actually food poisoning. So what I did yesterday, I took it to Sydney for something, and there was like a salad that had been sitting out since midday until six, and we're doing like this shoot. And I was like, I'm going to drive back.

I need something to eat, so I had this salad. Hang on, you knew it had been sitting out for six hours. Yeah, well, I didn't know what time it came. I'm presuming it was midday, but it was certainly, it tampered with old, had been there for a while. And I thought it was just like a cuss-couis and tibouli and lettuce kind of vibe. So there was vegetarian? Yeah, yeah.

But then I realized there was like shredded chicken in it. Right. Yeah, and I reckon... You might have Listeria. That might be Listeria. You know, that's why they say to pregnant women... You just hate something bad. What's Listeria?

It's like the food poisoning thing that they advise pregnant women not to eat soft cheese and cold meats and stuff that's been seething out for a long time because stuff that should almost be refrigerated that's been out. Yeah. You can catch Listeria.

Lucky I got my colonoscopy one I did because I would be stressing. So that might be what it is. It could be. Or Salmanella, if it was... They're like little buns. Yeah, little bugs. Honestly, that's what it felt like, though.

It just felt like I woke up and I was like, oh God, and then I had to purge my sins. But I still feel a bit uneasy. So let's see how the black coffee goes down when I have that shortly. That feels like the smart choice. I'll still be having my coffee. Why not, you know? Well, I'm feeling fantastic. My kid slept through the night.

I am fresh as a freaking daisy. I'll need you to live, carry me today. So what do you reckon you're running on? 25. Okay, I got you. I'm not lying when I say. If I wasn't 14 shows left, I would not be here. Well, firstly, you don't even like Tuesdays.

I hate Tuesdays. You're on the run to the end. Oh, my God. Did you guys actually think I was being legit when I sent that text? No, I thought he's cashing in sick days. No, I thought you were legit. Yeah, no, I wouldn't do that. No, it's like he's worked out how to schedule a text.

Because you can't, you can't argue with that. No. Do I get paid out sick days when I leave? No, no, you don't get paid out sick days. You only get, that's why I'm saying. I've only got 10 days left. You only have, and you'll leave payouts, and I'm pretty sure you've maxed. Yeah, probably, yeah.

And you don't get paid sick. Oh, Jess. You and me have a few sick days coming up. Hey, I'm not leaving. I will be here. Am I here? Am I here? You are.

Yeah, you know me. I'm always good with that. I never try and bail. A concert. Oh, sorry, only when there's a Rufus concert on a business. I booked that in months advance. I did book that in months in advance. Before you knew, you were ditching us.

To be fair to me again, to my credit, I'm going to Kendrew Amar on a Tuesday in a couple weeks and driving back. Cool. I think, I'm pretty sure it's a Wednesday, so just make sure you go on the right day. Because I have a party coming up. Stop asking question. Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Yeah, I would never miss it. I hope you can make it through.

I hope the Listeria doesn't kick in second wave. Me too. Otherwise, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Yeah, yeah. Big show, a lot of fun to be had on this the 2nd of December. Yeah, we've got our fucks your chance at $10,000. Babs's blog, Lady Gaga tickets. But up next, the Japanese man, they've done it.

Yep. Human washing machines. They're going to be available to purchase. We'll give Christmas wish list. Oh, there we go. Here we go. I'm worried about new sneakers. You need the human washing machine.

Yes and daco. Yes and daco. Welcome to Tokyo, Japan. Where Yamada, the home electronic. Retailer, they've done it, Ducco. That is an LG machine. They do play like sounds. What have you got at home?

You got an LJ? What are you on? No, not anymore. My mum does. And the LG is very confusing. We've got a bosh. And the tone when it's finished is so obnoxious. It's like, all right, you've told me, thank you.

If I don't immediately go and open the door and then obviously start removing the clothes, oh my God, every three minutes. I said I was done. Yeah, yeah. I'm ready. I said I was done. I'm good to go. I'm ready.

Yeah, yeah, just keeps beeping. I'm trying to watch the rookies. Yeah, yeah. Don't wake the child. Yes, yeah. That's the other one. But these guys, Yamada Holdings, after the massive popularity at the Osaka Expo, which was on display, all the future of tech in the home world, the popularity of their huge.

the popularity of their human washing machine, which basically looks like an old-school celerium bed. Remember the tanning beds that they got outlawed? Looks like one of those. So it's this huge pod that you as a human lie down in naked and it'll wash you like you are an item of clothing. So you lie in it? Does it like fully drown you?

Surely you can breathe. It's funny when I'm looking at it because it's obviously got the lid. It's like a full pod because you don't want the water sloshing around. Yeah. I'm picturing a lot of gyration and a lot of jets. I can't see how your face isn't getting wet or possibly submerged. Yeah, you have to. But over 40,000 applications were submitted at the Osaka Expo, people wanting to give it a go.

Okay. And people loving it. They are saying... This is the human washing machine. It used micro-bubbles and a fine mist shower. The whole process included drying. So then the jets come on and dry. you, takes about 15 minutes.

People were that into it, they're now going to be available for purchase. I assume you can put them on your Christmas wish list. Tell your secret Santa, what I want is the human washing machine. So, well, I didn't know showers were so taboo. Apparently, people, as someone who sits in the shower every so often, is that because you like to just prolong your showering? I just like the feeling of it. But standing up is strenuous.

Yeah. So this way, you can lie down. I'd be worried about breathing in there. Absolutely, but it's the Japanese. They've got it right. They've got it right. This isn't some, you know, hokey contraption. Okay.

The question is, how much would you like to pay for the human washing machine? Because you think, well, this is regardless of installation, docoe. Oh, right. You think my budget for Secret Santa's high. Oh, yeah. How much would you like to pay for a human washing machine where you can lie down to shower? Geez, I reckon how much do I think it would be? I'd like it in a yen as well.

Because obviously it's Japanese. I reckon it would be like 3,000 Australian dollars equivalent. It's 60 million yen. What's that? Which is 559,000 Australian. Who is buying that? When you have a shower and a bathtub. The pack is?

Well, I just don't understand the purpose of it. I think it's meant to be efficiency because even though 15 minutes for a shower for me is way too long. But in terms of combining the relaxation of a bath but the efficacy of a shower, where you get cleaned, 15 minutes is actually pretty good. Yeah. So you can have the nice relaxing and come out clean and dry for 15 minutes. Okay. And a cool $559,000.

You wouldn't last 15 minutes. No, you last 15 seconds. Firstly, it's giving coffin. Yeah, it does look a bit. Like, that is claustrophobia. And also, you then trusting the text, I'm going to lock you in there. 100%. The machine could go rogue.

It could. And I'm assuming there's got to be an internal plug mechanism as a fail safe, right? Yeah. Because if that thing just kept filling up, that's a watery tomb. Yeah. So they'd have to be an element of... Imagine this was the plan of the Japanese government, right? AI takeover.

Everyone buys one or they start giving them out to families that are big enough and they're just one by one drown you. This is not the thing from the human side. It's not from the government, Dukkah. This could happen. It's the robots. The robots. It's bloody LG.

Unless... It's not LG because if they advertise with us, they're fantastic. It's Yamada. It's Yamada. Oh, it's Yamada. I've never done a live read for Yamana. Neither have I. The Moray Human Washing Machine.

Oh, it's going to be displayed at the... the store starting Christmas Day. Ah, that's, that's a late gift. It's a boxing day sale by maybe $5 million. This is something I could see, you go to Shagai's house, and he's just got it in there. Yeah, but in his bar, he's like, there's my sauna, there's my human washing machine, and there's my toaster. And as if you won't want to get in.

Yeah, I'll try it, for sure. Chagga, can I have 15 minutes to try out your Moray human washing machine? Of course you can. Great. Yeah, great. Thank you so much. Jess and Ducco. Coming up just before 7 o'clock, Ducco.

Just a word of warning to the magicians out there. One of your cohort has made a little bit of a boo-boo. We've got to think before we implant. I think that's the takeaway. Huh? I guess that could be applied to anyone. Anything. Think before you implant.

Think before you implant, guys. Where are we? We've gone to it. You brought me here two days in a row. Yeah, it's good to be here. And I must say, pleased about it. I've got some Pope news for you. It was a the book.

How is Leo going? Leo, I believe, is going pretty well. The People's Pope. I see a lot of positive headlines about him. Ah, yeah, they always start that way. Yeah, that's true. Pope Leo opened a virtual meeting with the American Catholic young people on Friday just gone. How's this?

He revealed a closely held secret. Oh, about the Catholic Church? Trust us, we know it all. We get it. It's been exposed. He plays Wordle and uses a different wordal start each day. Okay, so now that's interesting. See, I don't understand Word.

I don't want to ask you. I don't get that. The fact that Pope plays Wordle is not. not that mind-boggling to me. I think it is still very, very much loved. If you're not familiar, the New York Times. I did like it for a hot second. People really like it, not just for a little way to start your day. Brain training. Don't your wife and her mum have a little. Yeah, they play. A lot of people are in rivalries or competitions with family members, colleagues. But it is a good little brain trainer. You got five chances to guess the word? Correct. So it is five squares. It is

obviously going to be a word with five letters. Yeah. And basically you get five attempts. to answer that word. People love it also for the streak factor. So some people are on, you know, day 612 of their word or streak. You don't want to break that. You don't want to break that. But the fact he uses a different word to start the guesses each time, that says a lot about it. Well, a lot of people have sort of their hack words.

So maybe something that has a lot of vowels. I know a lot of people use the word adieu, which is French, obviously. You get all the vows almost in that. Yeah, right, so you can see what exists. Exactly. Some people even ignore that if their first word, let's say, is stale. Oh, it's told me that the T is in the right spot, but I'm going to use another prompt word to see if I can get more correct elements.

Right. So people have got all these hacks. Okay, well, he said he divulged his strategy for the popular New York Times online game. It was a video conference about artificial intelligence, social media, and the future of the Catholic Church. You know who's taking one on that, obviously the Pope. Obviously, he's got great updates. He hooked up, how's this, they had a Zoom.

live from the Vatican because he was talking to American kids in New York. Okay. Did they do some screen sharing so they could see his Wordle? Yeah, yeah. And he was up there and they said It was a pub! And he said, yes. After his election in May, his brother was the one who revealed to the world that he plays Wordle

every single day. Then he came clean to the kids and said, yes, I do. However, he said he thinks social media was a great way to stay connected and to even deepen one's faith, but warned it can never replace human relations. and urge young people to follow the example of, of course, your favourite, Jess, sent Carlo Octis, a teenage Catholic influencer. Yeah, yeah, that's the guy, the 15-year-old who got canonised most recently.

Yeah, what before? Became a saint, remember he? How can he become a saint so young? No 15-year-old is a saint. And relatively recently, because he was using the internet, correct if I'm wrong, shrague, to, like, spread the message of the Lord. I bet he was. And the pot, but then he passed away, I think he was ill. He was spread the message of the law, all right?

He was 15. He was very... He was very in touch with the Lord. Yeah, of course. And using the internet to spread... Show you, show you. I think there's a category for it. Yeah.

I think, I said I think there's a category for it. What do you mean a category? You know what I'm? Don't make me get blocked on me in there again. But what do you mean? Like, all sort of stuff. Really? I don't know what the category is bad.

Is nothing sacred? No, goodness me. Is nothing? That's what I mean. Careful, don't get St. Carlo offside, because he's up there now. You're going to haunt you. Wait, is St. Colin not here anymore? No, that's what I'm saying.

Carlo, the 15-year-old, died and became a saint. Oh, geez, that changes things. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I don't know what canonise means. Did you swallow a dictionary this morning? Canonize means when you die, the Pope goes, you know what? You know, well, you did good work.

I'm going to make you a saint. This kid just recently. Well, you know what I've said? Because you both have the sheep. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you need less information. Yeah, this is happened. No, we both read it.

We talked. about the 15-year-old. God, you guys have got the memory of a goldfish. No, I do remember that. The 15-year-old. Yeah, but I remember. I remember. I remember that. Yeah, yeah. I should know Canaanized men. You died and the Pope did something. Do you know where I learned that? I'll see, okay. How am I supposed to know that? Where do you learn that? You should have learned it. Where? Angels and Demons, the movie with Tom Haines.

See, you could have learned it if you paid attention. You put it in a sentence like we should all know what canonized meant. I was like, haven't you seen that. The Vinci Code. I would have thought you saw Angels and demons is a good one. A long time. man. Oh, all right. From Angels and Demon?

Yeah, I was thinking about the Da Vinci Code. Yeah, thank you. Different, different thing, though. Still, Tom Hanks. Absolutely. But different. I didn't say canonised in the Da Vinci coat. But she saw the secret.

She didn't know what it meant. So anyway, I say, oh, he's not here. Yeah, no, how he's a saint? That sounds wonderful. How did he become a saint alive at 15, but turns out he's not. No, that's the thing, because he did good work in his life. Right. That when he died, the Pope went, you know what?

He deserves to be a saint. He might be one of the youngest. Yeah, I think he is. Certainly the most recent. Oh, yeah. So you keep on the path you're on, Ducco, maybe. I think after this, I'm definitely... Keep spreading the message of the Lord.

Canonisation is en route. Jess and Ducco. So, you know, we had our Christmas party. Absolutely. I'm well versed. I'm surprised you remember. We've discussed it a fair bit on this show. But on the Saturday, like I thought, you know, I got no plans.

Everything would be fine. I don't need to do anything. And then, like, mid-morning, like, you say, yes, you've got the baby and you're being a parent stuff, Morgan decides it's a good time to do our wills. Okay. But did you die?

And I'm like... To be fair to her. She saw what a state you were in and went, he's not as young as he used to be. He might die. He put me on a drip. Was this after you got in a car with The Stranger? Yeah, it was. Yeah, yeah. She was like, I think I'm going to do our will for our child. And for me.

This guy's going to get chopped up. We don't know where all these assets are. You're losing horse. Just in case you die, honey. This is so smart from her. Well, because... You've got to. It's very important.

The way it came around is because we're currently moving and we're selling our house. And then the people who, oh, geez, I can't remember their name, but they offer, they offer essentially free. The person you need to do that really pointless deal when you sell a house. What is that called? Surveyor? Yes. Or conveyancer? Conveillance.

Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. You and I know stuff. Yeah, we get it. We're in charge of our families, admin. My conveyance is lovely, though. She's great. But they also offer the... Not surveyor.

Conveillance, yes. They also offer free wills if you do the conveyancing with them for the house. So we're like, what a bonus. Let's get the truthful one. When I used to work at the good guys, if you bought a washing machine, you'd get like 50 kilos of Omo. See? This is the same. And the Omo's expensive.

Omo, it got a lot of washing machines over the line. It does. So for this conveyancing business, they go, how can we stand out above our competitors? We know. Let's talk about when they. die free wills where the house goes

and then they go very in depth like who we'll leave flow with that was the main question and it was like okay not my older sister she's got four

not either of flow will get lost we want her to feel special yeah not either of our parents because I feel like they'll be too old and I kind of

just don't want flow in that environment oh okay this is interesting so we went with my little sister right did you tell Laura we told Laura

we told Laura I call her I don't Morgan's like you need to call her and tell her I'm like hey Laura if we died

you want Flo Not your getting phone. Do you want her? That's very kind. She's like, oh my God, I'm so honoured. I'll tell Alex. I was like, yeah, cool. Sweet.

All right, bye. Have you told your older sister? Nah, haven't told me. Yeah. Now, that's the conversation I want to hear about when Abby finds out. Haven't told her parents either. You know, my dad still brings it up. Oh, does he?

Because, yeah, I said it on air that we're giving her to a friend, our kid. He doesn't like it. He's not impressed. I felt like Laura's the best because I was like, she'll still be fun and young enough. But like, I don't think she's fantastic. with kids yet, but it'll come. Hopefully she brushes up by the time Flora gets to it.

And then it was like, if Laura dies, who looks after her there? I'm like, oh, I was like, well, not Morgan's brother. He's useless. And then I was like, I guess we're going to have to be a Morgan's sister. Like, she's a bit younger, but like, I think she'll be, you know, hopefully. By that stage, you hope she's matured a bit, you know. So we go to Morgan's sister. And then this will, like, if there is a...

Wait, how many deaths do you have to consider? If there is a disaster and everyone gets wiped out bar flow, don't know what she's up to, but we all get wiped out. Who then? Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, it was like this detailed. Like every Alan Duckett and Rutley is wiped off the... It's gone.

It's gone. And like, so who then? And we'll... We don't know. We haven't decided. I was like... It was at this point where I was like, Pete coming over. I was like, what are we talking about here?

Are we talking about a mass extinction? It's... Flows popped up to space for a bit. She's done the Virgin Galactic flight. We're all dead. She wasn't weird. What was she up to? How did a comet hit the earth, wipe out our entire family both sides?

but flow was not with one of you or any of the other guardians. She was in her cot and she was all good. Wow. We haven't decided on the, on the, so maybe you could be aligned. We've only done the one if Angus and I get white. It was this company. There was very lots of questions and very thorough things. The money, obviously, where does it go?

What do we do? I'm always asking all these questions. I'll put my head up for that as well. Our state. I'm like, oh my God. Oh my gosh. All I could think it was to kill shots, Babs made me do. The whole time I'm going to try like, I guess if I died.

I know in the wheel is Babbs gets nothing. Jess and Ducko. You might want to get your own RFID chip implanted in your hand. Oh yeah? Some 50,000 people have already done this, Ducko. It is literally a tiny microchip that they've had inserted into their hand. So they can do things like point at their car and it'll unlock. Point at the coffee machine and it turns on.

Point at their friend's phone and it sends a meme without them ever having press to button. That's allegedly what people are getting them for. The technology isn't good enough yet for that and there's going to need updates. I'll need to take the chips out and put it back in or update the chip. Well, this is the thing, not so much taking the chip out, but you can update the software because it's obviously all linked to the cloud and to the tech system. Gee, so you become tech.

You become tech. You become a cyborg. Apparently, that's the community, what they call themselves, cyborgs. One dude, cyborg. You know, borg is what, I don't know why I'm hitting borg. You're really going inside. Borg is what I call my brother. I know it is.

My mum's maiden name. It's very common Maltese. They must be confusing all the Maltese because Borg is like the third most popular surname in Malta. I didn't actually know where that came from. I never asked. I always just presumed it was a nickname. My mum's maiden name and growing up, people used to say my brother was very much like my uncle on my Maltese side. And I went, well, you're more Borg than Fanchione.

So I started calling you Borg and 20 years later, I still call him Borg. Let's do the family tree while we are. Shall I get a pen and paper? Do you get it? So he's very much like my uncle Fred, who's a Borg, son of Mary and John Borg. But one magician thought, I'm going to use this cyborg technology, implant the chip in my hand and do magic tricks. So he would point at stuff and unlock it, he pointed, you know, an audience's phone and be like, check your phone. And they'd have a meme.

Just appear on their phone. phone. Interesting. Unfortunately, he went to update the tech ducco, forgot the bloody password. So now he... Surely you can just do like save password for this and it just always remembers. Unfortunately, no. So Z...

Was it just not cyborg, one, two, three? It is unfortunate. Has he tried it? Has he tried Louvre, Louvre with a cat with a little L? Throwback to obviously the Louvre heist. Is everyone up to date with all our pop culture references? Put another one. on in there. What else do you got?

Yeah, you put me on the spot now. They're just going to come organically. Z, the mentalists. Yes. Mentalist, unfortunately, he now can no longer perform his tricks. That's funny. A mentalist can't remember. A mentalist can't remember it.

He said, I'm living my own cyberpunk dystopia life right now, locked out of the technology inside my own body and it's my own damn fault. I can honestly say that I forgot the password to my own hand. would be the worst one to forget. Like, it's annoying, but then you can just reset or you can send an email, send a code. Absolutely.

You got your backup email. You go see your dad and you call your dad. You're like, man, can you just check me account. But it's hard with the cyborg situation. The cyborg did not give another email address, which to send the forgot password link. So now he's stuck with a redundant chip. He's got techie friends who are saying the technology is actually really simple. So we can't even hack it.

It's that baseline. It's unhackable. It's very secure and safe in that regard. The only way to now fix it would be to take the implant out, which requires surgery. He's sure he's got to do that. He's got to do that. Well, at this point, he's just basically living with a dead ship in his hand. No one wants a dead chip.

No one wants a dead chip, but just a word of warning. Word of warning to all the cyborgs. You want to turn your coffee machine on without actually touching it? Well, ride the bloody passwork down. And do these appliances all need to be up to date with the tech being able to do this? I guess it's all Wi-Fi, isn't it? When you get a new car, you're like, oh, geez, I can only unlock my old Suzuki. God. These are all great questions. Do you want to try and get Zee the mentalist on?

Let's do it. I can't imagine he's busy. I don't think he's got much on. Z, Tang Wang, tri-guy. What did you call? That's his name. Just look up Zee, the mentalist. Zee the mentalist. We'll get him on. We'll get him on.

He's not busy. He's getable for us. I think he would be. Actually, he might be able to hear us through the chip. Do we... That doesn't matter. It's a back-end problem. Don't worry. Okay, you deal with your own tech issues. Are we all good? I don't know that he's...

Are we ready to play Alphibus? If anyone would get a chip implanted. Yeah, it's Shy Guy. Our own sideboard. 100% shy guy will get a chip implanted. I could see that happening. I can see it happening. I wonder if he already has one.

I don't. Okay. Would you though? No. I see it in your future. I'm doing my mentalist powers. I see it in your future. Jess and Duckow's 10K Alphabugs on hit.

You have 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. I have to take your first. Last answer cannot use the same answer to us. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back, of course, if there is time we are playing for 10K, our player. Oh, look at this. It's another Jess. Hello, Jess.

Hello, great name, Jess. Great name, sis. Thank you for joining the show. I did say I'd love to play with someone this morning who wants to get a chip in their hand, one of these ar-fid chips. That means you can turn on the coffee machine without actually touching it. Is that what you want to do with $10,000? Oh, look, I recently got a hip replacement.

I've already got some sort of medal in me. Why not? You'd be a nightmare at Air Force, Jess. Goodness me. Jess is a cyborg herself. Yes, Cyborg. Welcome to the show, Cyborg. How is the hit replacement recovery?

I hear it's horrific. Yeah, I thought I'd smash through it being 31, but it's a lot harder than I expected. Absolutely. A lot of physio, a lot of exercises. A lot of maintenance, Jess. That's a big operation to have at 31. That's a big one. Yeah.

I don't know how people in their 60s or 70s do this. Yes. Yeah. Well, let's spare a thought. What great empathy from you, Jess. Like, let's spare a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, whatever your motivation actually is, you know, I always tell people this, say something

interesting so we can actually have a chat, but then do whatever you want with the money. It becomes your money. Yeah. Jess, the letter you're going to work with today. How's this? It's M for money. Money, money. Oh, okay.

All righty. Are you ready to rock? Oh, I hope so. Come on, Jess. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter M, we need you to name a cocktail. Oh, past. An adverb.

Fast. A female actress? Pass. A periodic element. Magnetium? An action film. Marvel? A flower.

Magnolia. An international city. Mexico. A food brand. A board game. Monopoly. Something in the bathroom. Oh, I don't know.

Give it up pretty early there. Oh, I know. Oh, Jess. We got ourselves three. Three of the best. Three of the best. Cocktail, margarita, a mojito. Two of the big ones.

An adverb, anything ill why. So madly, mindfully, there's a female actress. Merrill Streep or Margo. Robbie, yep. An action film, you just said Marvel. Probably after Mission of Possible, men in black. What's the Marvel? Is it Madam Marvel, Miss Marvel?

Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel. Never mind. In international city, you said Mexico. There's a country or after Madrid or Moscow. And then a food brand could have been Magi. I haven't had it, Magi in a while. Two minutes.

Two men and noodles. And then something in the bathroom, anything. Mirror, mum, whatever you want to say. Look, you don't get the money. I'm sorry, but you do get a hundred dollars to spend at Minks. Adult Boutique, hey? How about that? Oh, nice. Thank you, guys.

You're very welcome, Jess. Thanks for joining the show. Right, thank you. Thank you. We do play again. 8 o'clock, 10,000 dollars. That's inside the hour team. Up next, though.

Bloggy, bloggy, bloggy. We're blogging. She had a big weekend. Yeah, she did. So I wonder which element we're going to tease apart in the blog. She said she did something worse than having to raise a child hung over. That's right. That's what Babel told me.

Spoken like a true 24-year-old. One packet. Next. I'd be Death and Ducko. Hey, it's Bats, and this is my blog. Commence Operation Superstar Brat Slay. The Queen of Slay. Morning.

She is in studio. Yes. And she had a massive weekend, and I was a little concerned, Ducko. Maybe she'd bottleneck and go, I'll just do a trending, something trending in Jersey. But she's brought in no paperwork. Here we go. No. We've got a personal.

Yeah. This one's called maggots after being maggot. How good's the phrase maggot. No other nation would have something like that. It is the most Australian way to describe a big night on the source. Yes. So do you say maggot individual? I thought it was maggoted.

I say maggot. Oh, so I thought it was a word. Yeah, I was maggot. Yeah, all right. So maggot. Maggotid. After being maggot. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so talk us through it. So I woke up quite early the day after our Christmas party because I went to bed at 8 p.m. And your body clock's set for breakfast, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you woke up, go, where am I? I did. What if I died?

I actually did. Make it, weren't you nude? Yeah, I don't know why. Anyway, that's... But you're taking your makeup off, which is a plus. Yes, I did. And my fan was on, so it was nice and cool. In autopilot, you were still doing some good things.

So you lost your undies, but you did your skin care routine and set your temperature. I mean, part of your brain was working. Yeah, and it's like I just walked in and thrown a bunch of stuff around my room. It was really weird. Yeah, right. That's not to the point. My housemate Ducey gets up quite early for work on Saturdays too So I could hear a little bit of movement going on in the house

But I could also hear Grotty, my other housemate And I was like, what is going on? That's so strange And then all these text messages start coming through on my phone And I'm just like, oh, I need to pee So I'll just get up And I get up and Grotty is standing in the kitchen Well, first of all, I step on something squishy

But then Grotty is standing in the kitchen Or you've walked out now. to the kitchen. Grotty's standing in there, like, pouring hot water all over the ground. And I'm like, I'm just standing there, like, what's going on? Am I still drunk? I'm watching my housemate pour the kettle on the ground. I'm like, this is really weird.

She's got, like, the mop out. And, you know, like, she looks kind of cranky. And I'm like, what's going on? She's like, we have a maggot infestation. Oh, I was like, what do you mean? Apparently, Ducey woke up to go to work and there was just maggots everywhere, like all over the kitchen, all over the living room. And they were just plopping out of the bin going, like,

Plop, plop, plop. Like just coming out in the pot. Did someone leave something out? Well, we think that there was a fly that's just... Isn't that how that works? Yeah, but I'm pretty sure they chew somewhere maybe like a rotting piece of meat. Yeah.

Or a rat in the roof. Yeah. Oh, there could be a carcass somewhere. Well, yeah, they were everywhere. And then I had to spend like an hour with grotty killing the maggots while I was like... That's obviously the squishy thing you'd step down. which I realised as I look back

while you're hungover about to vomit. Yeah, and then I'm, so I'm vacuuming the maggots off and then like having to clean the vacuum because they don't die. They don't die. Yeah, they're hard to kill, are they? They're really hard to kill. And then Grotty's got the bleach.

And so I'm just like smelling all these smells. And I'm like, ugh. He's still nude at this point? No, I'm not. I'd imagine how stark is. She's just rolled out being like, can you guys shut up? I'm hungover.

What? There's maggots ever sliding on maggots like banana peal? Also, do we love that she stepped on something squishy and just kept going? If anything underfoot to me goes, that could have been a lot of one. It was very overstimulating. You've seen her house. Have seen her house. Nothing new there.

Yeah, you've sent us videos. Oh, yeah, it's cute. You just said one of your housemates is called grotty. I mean, come on. It's a share house. We get it. We've all been there. No, it is very clean.

We had rats living, cockroaches living in mine. Well, then that kind of set off. Everyone was very cross because we haven't had, like, working functioning for ice greens for ages. And it's like, now we've got maggots. To be honest, Babs, I think we need to do a bit more of an investigation. I don't think it's some rogue flight of their babies. There is something dead somewhere. I reckon grotty's left something in somewhere.

Well, I clean out the bin all the time. Like, I hose out the thing when it starts to get a bit, you know, stanky. But, like, they were coming out at the bin. See, I don't think I've ever had maggots in my beer. Like, I don't have to hose it out and stuff like that. It's so disgusting. It's so disgusting. It's so disgusting.

It's so disgusting. Yeah, yeah. because you go, all right, we maybe threw out the Roche chook carcass, and it's been four days in the sun that's going to happen. But inside bin, yeah, I don't know, foul. It was really weird.

It was really gross. And then for the rest of the day, you'd be sitting on the couch, and you'd be like, there's another one. And then you'd have to, like, now you're moving. Kill it. Yeah. That's the end of that house.

Well, not really. Do you fumigate for maggots? No, he's have to do a declaim. Well, we did have to fumigate because we've been bleaching the whole house. It was very stinky. I'm talking about putting the tent up and just putting some sort of, Yeah, just getting the house on fire. Did you tell the real estate agent?

Well, we sent to quite a not, not a very stern email because we're like, we've been chasing up for fly screens. You know, there's bugs everywhere. There's just moths everywhere and, you know, help. I'm just trying to look up why maggots would appear in the bin. It says flyers lay eggs on food waste, especially meat fruit or anything. Yeah, I don't think they just do it on any surface. The bin isn't sealed tightly enough, warm weather, speeds up the egg hatching.

Eggs can turn to maggots in under 24 hours. Oh, my God. So they've gone from the kitchen, through the living room. Yeah. Spills or residue. No, I'm lucky because my room is the furthest away, but they're starting to go into Brody's room.

And, yeah. Quick little wigglers. They are quick little bit. And they're like, they just don't die. They just, yeah. Well, if you have any advice on handling a maggot infestation, uh,

hit babs up on Instagram. I don't want to deal with that on the show page. 13, 1060, what's your maggot story? Oh, I don't know about that. Where'd you have the maggot? How many maggots you have? Maggots. Come on, truly there's a good one.

Have you been, have you had to deal with maggots while maggot? Oh. Oh, maggots or a maggot. Yeah, see, I don't have kids, but I've got maggots. Yes, yeah, I would say that is bad. You've got two million kids in the plumb of maggots. Jess and Ducko. I feel like I made a bit of a fool of myself at a wedding.

I was a celebrant for on the weekend, Ducko. Oh, yes. So it was your last one of the year. Correct, my last one of the year. And it was an interesting situation because the stepmom of the groom was running the ceremony. She was the celebrant. I was just sort of swooping into the legal component. So she isn't officially registered

But she can obviously do the beautiful story She knows the couple very well I was just in the wings To walk in do the Hi, I'm officially registered by the government of Australia To legalise marriages and do the paperwork So all in all I'm up there for two minutes, right? But obviously you're there for the whole time

You want to be a part of the magic here The vows, get a real sense of the couple But during the ceremony They invited a friend up to do a reading And I was blown away He had people just feeling things, laughing. I went, that was a beautiful reading. And these were some of the lines I took from it

because it was, I thought, quite powerful, but being humorous as well. Marry someone who looks sexy, disappointed. The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations. If you get pulled over for speeding, tell the cop your spouse has diarrhea. Watch a sunrise, at least once a day.

Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail. When life gives you lemons, when life gives your lemonade, make lemons. Life will be like, what? You can tell a lot about a person from their biography. Take a lesson from parakeets. If you're ever feeling lonely, just eat in front of a mirror. And I was like, some, like, good messages about relationships and marriage, but also humor and lightheartedness. Yeah, yeah.

And after the ceremony, he was chatting to the bride and groom, but I had to, I was compelled. I went over. I said, mate, that was fantastic. I've never heard a reading like that before. Did you write that? And he looked at me, the bride and groom are looking at me like, are you serious? I went, sorry, is that quite a famous passage or how, you know, I've only been a cell. Yeah, yeah.

I'm explaining myself going, sorry, I've only been a seller. That old testament? Where was that? I've been a celebrant for five minutes. I haven't read every reading to do with relationships. And he goes, it's from modern family. It's a philosophy from the main character, Phil Dunby. He says a lot, does he?

And obviously everyone, you know, their core circle of friends, a big modern family friends. But I was like, about to give this guy all this credit for writing this amazing speech. I went, he was quoting the modern family speech. Correct. Because they're only on it. Apparently, their little tidbits that are scattered through. a lot of episodes and he's compiled

them all. And I came home and told my husband, I went, oh, how's this? The kid, he goes, before I'd finished it, I started saying things like, you know, if you get pulled over for speeding, tell the cop your spouse's diary, he goes, oh, modern family, I went, am I the only one? I haven't seen it. I didn't pick up on it. I mean, I've seen

one of family sporadically. See, I have two, but I didn't know any of those. Yeah, that's funny. You've got to play the player and whilst I thought it was really deep and romantic and humor was beautiful. And he's like, I was quoting Phil Dumfey. And you use that in my next celebrancy ceremony. Yes and daco.

Hi, hi, it's Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga! I'm from the dog, will love me and be and me and be and me. Jazz and docos, one second song game. You've waited long enough. Oh, you have. It's been a hot minute since she was down under,

but Lady Gaga presents the Mayhem Ball. AICOR Stadium, December 12 and 13, tickets and info at live nation. com.com. or you keep it locked on Jess and Ducco because we have a double pass every day. We are playing the one second song game. Damo, do you consider yourself a little monster? Oh, a little bit of a monster.

Not a huge monster. I think Damo's a little monster in it, yeah. In maybe the monster cave. Damo, can you take two steps to the left or take us off speaker? It's a bad line there. All right. Damo, work that out. We'll send you back to the ads.

We'll go to Linda. Good morning, Linda. Good morning. That's better. You're a monster, Linda, aren't you? Yeah. Sorry? You're a little monster.

What about me that my daughter might be? Oh, okay. That's we're doing it for the daughter. Linda, here is one second of a Lady Gaga song. Tell us the name and you and your daughter get to go. Are you ready? Right, right, let's give it a go. Gee, that's quick, is it?

That's that one second, baby. That's that old one second. You can have it again. I'll give it to you again. All right, now you've had two seconds. Two seconds. That's two seconds. That's two seconds.

I'm for one second. I still don't know. Let's just go. I've got no idea. Let's go. I don't know. Telephone. Oh, telephone.

I love that you. You had a crack. Shoot your shot. You had to. to have a go. And we can knock out telephone at least for everyone else. Amanda, good morning. Hi, how are you going?

Very good. Thank you. Let's play you the one second. Listen up. What are you reckon, Amanda? Is it shallow? Oh, you know, that is spot on. It does sound like shallow.

It's not spot on though. No, but it's not. It's a good guess. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, spot on guess. No, Amanda, sorry. Let's knock out telephone and shallow. Julie, good morning.

Hi, how are you? You're pretty good. You want to see Lady Gaga live? I would love to. Tell us what this is then. Alejandro. Ah, Alejandro. Nah, not Alejandro.

We've got the little monster stunt. I freaking love that song, Julie. That is not today's. Melissa, good morning. Good morning. Are you the little monster who's going to identify this one second? Hopefully. Is it always remember us this way?

Not heard of that one. I don't know. I don't know either. 13, 1060, if you think you know, we're getting through the little monsters now. This one stumped them a bit more today, hasn't it? Yesterday, it was first cab off the rank one second now. I've had about six seconds. Yep. Monique, good morning.

Hello, how are you? Really good. We are going to play you the one second. I certainly do know. It's one of my favorite songs. What is it? Million reasons. Yeah.

Power ballad. Oh my goodness. This one. Oh, yeah. This will be wonderful live. And Monique, you're going to sing it. No. No, I.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Monique, can you give us your best? Gar-ga-ga-ram-ma-ma. Rara-rah-ma-ma-a-a-la-la-la. Yeah, Mon-Nee. Well done. Congratulations. We're sending those tickets away. Thank you so much.

You're very welcome. Oh, that's good. Oh, there you go. That was a toughie. We got more tomorrow doing it every day this week. Jess and Ducko. Yesterday we had one of the great contributions, Ducko. We met the wonderful rice cooker Shannon. Wonderful but awkward. We had a little hiccup in the conversation. Was the love a two-way street or was it not? You wanted to bring up Well, it obviously is natural that we're talking about a lot You're leaving But this is the conversation

And how it went with Shannon this time yesterday Because Shannon's so sad I'm leaving, aren't you Shannon? It's just hard to speak. Look, my kids are counting down the days until you're leaving actually Not for the fact that you're leaving The counting down the days Because they were going to meet you

Oh, see, you worded that really That sounded so brutal You can redeem yourself there It was a weird way to put it It was a weird way to put it I felt like she doubled down After the quiz as well There's a video on the Jess and Ducker

Instagram where I said You know, are your kids excited? I'm staying and she continued on basically like not answering Anyway, as I said The video lives on the Jess and Ducker Instagram Shannon messaged Oh did she message

She said I wanted to apologise for this This is me, this is that Shannon She goes at this time I've literally picked up the phone Sorry Babs has picked up the phone I'm getting ready to play I'm obviously nervous, alpha bucks, 10 grand at stake. She goes, and my daughter randomly started spewing.

So I was trying to play the game and talk to you guys, while my kids. Shannon, I reckon if that happens again, well, Shannon can't play now for a little bit. But if that does happen, we're human, we're both parents, we'll appreciate that. We'll get it. We'll give you a bit of leniency. We're not giving you 10 grand, but at least we'll understand when you throw grenades at us. Yeah, yeah, I won't feel as a tax. You don't mean them to be as paid.

So I message back. I said, Shannon, don't apologise. That was our favourite part of the morning. It was great. Hope your daughter's okay. And also, impressive that you played Alpha Bucks and managed to get three out of ten while your kid's vomiting next to you. And not just hang up the phone.

You can hold your head up high with that, Shan. Jeez. So what's going to happen this edition, Ducko? Let's find someone. Let's find someone. What's going wrong in your life? 13, 10, 60. What's happening right now?

You've got a sick kid? Give us a call. We won't ask if you'll miss us. It's fine. Play with your name. Jess and Ducco Jesse and Ducco's 10K alpha bucks

On the end Alfa bucks 30 seconds to answer 10 questions All starting with the same letter I have to take your first answer Can't use the same answer twice And if you're unsure of the question

Just say pass We come back if there's time We are playing for 10,000 dollars Our player Emily Good morning Emily Hi how you going Emily

We couldn't be better for a chute I speak for myself I'm pretty good for a Tuesday How you doing over there on? I'm struggling A bit of food poisoning Emily, you know. I ate an old salad that had been sitting there for about six hours

with a bit of chicken in it yesterday. And it's been a night. It's been a night. How are you, Emily? How are you in the guts? In the heart? In the head. Oh, the heart's going a little bit. Yeah, a bit nervous. You'd be racing. That's okay. Use that nervous energy as fuel, Emily.

It's only 30 seconds on the clock. What do you want to spend 10 grand on? I'd like to buy my daughter a horse. Fantastic. Are you out on property? Is she just getting into equestrian stuff. She's been riding for a while, but yeah. Okay.

Expensive hobby horse riding, isn't Emily? It is. How much does a horse go for? Depends how many hands they are. Oh, God. It can range. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

Will 10 grand get you a horse or does that get you like a hoof? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get all four legs. And the rest of it, I assume. And the tail on the main. So maybe you will name the horse

Something starting with L. Maybe Lisa. Lisa would be fun. Maybe the saddle club. Oh, you're just naming Saddle Club. Oh, my daughter's name starts with L. What? London.

London is a cool name. We're doing it for London with the letter L, Emily. That's some synergy, man. God, this song gets me. I think that's Lisa there. I do know that song. Yeah. Are you a horse girl yourself as well, Em?

Or is it just London? I am. You are. Like mother like daughter. We are we. Get it, Babs. This is me. Oh, Babs wasn't into it.

All right. She's too young. The amount of eye rolls I've had from her today. I'm surprised you can still see forward and they haven't just permanently looking at the back of her head. Emily L. Are you ready? Ready. Your time will start after the first question.

Starting with the letter L, we need you to name. A type of past. Linguini An adjective A Pass A sportswear brand Lululemon

An occupation A lab tech A country Lebanon Something in the shed Laser A fruit Lemon

A reality TV show A path An insect A leaf insect A girl group. Damn. Damn. A girl group.

We had some answers there. We had some great answers. Finished off with six, maybe seven. An adjective could have been anything lovely, lucky or loyal. Sorry. I know you're up against it. A reality TV show could have been Love Island. An insect you've got, will you actually...

An insect, I put a question mark over. I know there are some that look like leaves because they camouflage. I don't know if they're technically called. Yeah. I know there's a stick insect. No, my son's about to get a spiny leaf insect. Spiny leaf. So you, are you self-correcting there, Emily?

Spiny leaf's what we need it. Okay. Ladybug would have done. Hang on a minute. So, sorry, Emily. Your daughter gets a horse and your son gets a spiny leaf insects. He rides motorbikes, so he gets, he's all right as well. That's the different hobbies.

I thought, geez, tell me who's your favorite without telling me who's your favorite. You never know, maybe the spiny leaf insect, he just loves that much. Hey, if you want a spiny leaf, who are my to say, it's not as good as a horse? Exactly. If you love a bug, you love a bug, show. Shico's a bug guy. It's a bug guy. You know what I mean?

Grasshoppers, etc. Hey, Emily, you don't get money for the horse, but you do get $100 suspended minks adult boutique. You know what I mean? You get a cat. That's just for mummy. Cat of Nine Tales or something. Thank you. Thanks for being a part of the show, Emily.

Awesome. Thanks so much. You've been delightful. Thanks, Ed. Great to chat. We do play again. tomorrow, $7,000 and $8, $10,000. That was probably the best round we've had in the last couple of days.

Was you saying something? I know. Still only six. I know. Ducco. Speaking of pets. I'm shooting a shot here. Yeah.

I'm shooting a shot. What do we got? I don't know how it's going to go. I hope there's a safety net underneath. I've given you prime time with this. So, you know, we're on that downward ramp to the end of the year anyway. Let's have some fun. This beat is sick.

Lady Gaga. That's fantastic. Thanks so much. We're pulling out all the stops. You know, if something got left on the whiteboard back in June, we're running out of time to do it. Let's do it. So we're doing it. Talking about if someone's tried to steal your pet,

because I had a real-life scenario. No one's taking Gianni. It's too big. He's way too big. A friend of mine. Okay. Someone tried to steal the cat. Go on.

Come on. Go on. Get up and letting it go. We want you to get involved right now on 13, 1060. What are we doing, Duck? Well, we're doing. Did someone steal your pet? Or try to.

Or did they try to? Try to his key? Gosh, I'd hate for them to actually have followed through and now you're petless. Oh, you don't know that. Having said that, that's kind of where my story does go. Oh, geez. So I was getting my makeup done the other day. Yeah.

And I've not had this makeup artist before. Absolute legend of a chick. So we get to know each other. Yeah. A lot of chit-chat. Yeah. We land on pets, obviously. She goes, I have a cat.

Puzz! Well, I used to have a cat. I went, oh, sorry. She's going to say, it's dying. I said, I said, oh, sorry to hear that. She goes, no, it's still alive. Don't worry, it's not dead. I went, sorry, what happened to the cat?

She goes, my neighbour has spent the past year or so luring it to his house. What? What's he just doing going like, poohs? Well, beyond the puss-b-b-b-b-b-s. Yeah, what else do you do? How else do you lure a cat, sardines? Food. Whiskers

Well, no Quite elevated seafood Seafood offerings So she had this cat And she's like Where's the cat gone? Like the cat's been I've not seen the cat for five days

And then eventually it would like pop over the fence And she's like where are you been Where you been? Obviously the cat The cat's like I've been just at the neighbours I've been at Graham's house But then one time she's walking past And she sees this guy

Leave out a bunch of prawns In like a little dish In a cat dish. Appealed? Surely they're peeled. The cat can't have a cat can't have a one peeled. Now, that is the most jess-farty, only question I've ever heard. I did not ask. I'm not a prawn eater.

I'm surprised. Oh, that's why. So I don't know the intimacies of prawns. I don't know if the cat's going to eat the prawn. Maybe they can. I don't know. I mean, they are wild animals. Maybe they're just like, rip up my part.

Yeah, but she watched this guy thinking, that's a bit weird. He's leaving prawns in a little dish. Yeah. The cat comes out of nowhere starts eating out of the dish. They make eyes because now she's busted him. And he goes, can I keep her? Can I have it? I feel like she likes me more.

Yes. This was now a few years ago. I'm pretty sure she was like I was 13 or 14 at the time. And she's obviously going, well, I don't know how to, how do I say? No, I love the cat, but... The thing is, cats show affection to whoever feeds them. We've always said this about cats. Exactly.

So she sees her cat, you know, winding herself around this guy's legs, and clearly enjoying the prawns. And he just has the audacity to go, can I just keep her? Yeah. Can she just be mine? A little 13-year-old goes... Or every bit of cat share. What's the harm in cat share?

Well, this is the thing. I feel like all cats are kind of cat share because they roam freely. They do roam. All the neighbourhood cats. And if a cat knows, it can get food from somewhere, it'll go back daily. 100%. My brother-in-law, they got a cat flap. Came downstairs, different cat eating out of his cat's bowl.

What's if you run a dog flap and a cat flap? Same thing, but they only have cats at their house. I guess a cat can be smaller. Dogflats probably a little bit, depending on the dog you've got. Someone in our reno, one of the builders was like, do you want us to put a dog flap in for Gianni? That's a whole door. That's a door. Because that is a man.

That'd be a ducco-sized flap. You might as well just put me in. That means you could come in and steal my stuff. So no dog flap. So, yeah, cat, I think is a bit smaller, but they've got a cat. Hence, cat flap. So, yes, lewd. Louered the cat away.

By nice seafood. Nice seafood. And then had the audacity to look a 13-year-old on the eye, go, can't I just have her? Because how old is this guy when she's 13? They're older? Like a man. And as a 13-year-old, she think, you know, just an older man. He could have been in his 30s or 40s.

Yeah, yeah. But she was intimidated enough to go. go, okay. But maybe this guy, if we flip rolls, maybe this guy had nothing going for him and this cat got him hot. Sounds like it, man. If you're luring a teenager's cat,

because the issue is, he obviously knew it was hers. Yeah, yeah. For this kid to be walking past and then him to say, can't I just have her? Yeah. He knows it's hers.

It's a cat theft. It's a cat theft. It's a cat burglary. It's a catnapping. But I guess if you went to the police, can you say catnapping? Because technically, lured it and it's come of its own free will.

Yeah, it hasn't done anything. And I appreciate, not everyone may have dastardly neighbours. But it begs the question. Someone tried to steal your pet. Puzz! Maybe you're at the dog park and someone just put their lead on your dog and walked off. Dog theft was at an all-time high as well. I know people try to steal puppies and stuff.

Yes, particularly staffies. Yeah. The blue staffies. The rare ones. One of my friend has a blue staffie and it got really kind of hectic. Like couldn't let him outside on his own. Even in the backyard, they were worried. Someone will know there's a staffie who lives here.

I was often worried people would try and steal Pam when she was. young, but, you know, didn't happen. Don't worry. You, you crushed any chance of her being stolen with all the openness around her issues. Yeah, yeah, she's too anxious. No one's going to want it. She's still beautiful, but goodness. The bills that this chick has racked up.

You can steal it. I hope you have pet insurance. 13, 1060. Yeah, here we go. What are we doing? Has someone tried to steal your pet? What do you anticipate? We'll get here.

I'm hoping someone calls and says, yes, someone tried to steal my pet. What if it's a sad story, though? And they did steal the pet. I'd still like to hear that story. Because maybe we can learn from it. If nothing, we could learn. That's what we can ask for, you know? That's what we can ask for.

13, 1060. Someone trying to ruin the pet in. Or maybe it's not happened to anyone else. And that also will be a learning. Pet nappings. Someone's calling. If you build it, they will come. They will come.

Two people, thank God. We'll do it next. And did someone try and kidnap your pet? Because. Make-up artist I met over the weekend, okay. She told me when she was 13, her neighbour essentially kidnapped her cat, lured it to his house with some great seafood. Brons.

In particular. To the point, it was gone for days at a time. Yeah. She eventually caught him in the act. Locked eyes on the street, and he just brazenly asked her, can I just keep her? Can I have it? No, that's my cat.

That's my cat. It was my Christmas present. Jody text us. What's Jody said? I had a fish. So did my sister. Some of my fish went missing. Okay.

Sorry, that went off. That went off rogue. I was just so excited about the fish going missing. Sorry, continue. As you were. Don't interrupt Jody. Sorry. I had a fish.

my sister some of my fish went missing and I blamed my sister for stealing my fish fought her black and blue turns out my fish just ate each other it's the bab's fish all over it's like your fish he goes I still have not apologised to my sister Jody thank you very much she's about to drop her kids off so she can't call now remarkably people have called I know which I am thrilled I thought Jody was my only friend Claudia hello Hi. Babe, has someone tried to steal your pet? So, at the beginning of last year, my dog got out.

She was an American staffie. The story I heard was she got out and someone tried to chase her a family or something picked her up and I haven't seen her since. What? Oh, my God, actually. But the worst part is my kids still a year and a half, two years later, I haven't asked where she is. Oh, I haven't even cared. What?

No, do they not come home and say, like, where's bubbles? No, I don't think, no one talks about her, so she just... Oh, my God, Claudia, so sorry, were they witnesses? Like, your neighbours saw this family pull up alongside the dog, scoop her up and leg it. Yeah, well, apparently a car stopped. She got in the car and then she was quite a friendly girl. I was going to say she got in the couple. And then off she went, and I haven't seen her since.

And Staffies, man. As I said earlier, they are one of the very, like, sealable breeds. Well, they like, people like them, don't they? Do you miss? But she was ugly. Oh, is that why you guys don't seem to care too much that she's, she's, you want her? Did she get kidnapped or did she run away? My family doesn't love me.

Hey, guys, Bubbles is gone. No one cares, Mom. She's ugly. No one cares. That thing was hideous. Well, it's not all about looks, kids. Did it have a collar? Yeah, she had a collar.

She was chipped. Her chip is marked as stolen. Oh, so they're never going to take... Well, if I take it over it. Can't I find her with the chip? I'll get a notification, but... No, it's not like a GPS, just not an air tag. I was like, just said.

I realized what I just said. Someone needs to track the chip. Claudia, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about bubbles. I hope bubbles comes home one day. Yeah, same. Jamie, you know, you hear those stories. It's been like 24 years and the cat like wanders in.

I'm back for dinner. Exactly. Jamie Lee on 131060s called in, what will happen with your pet napping? Good morning, guys. Well, it wasn't actually me that was pet napping. It was my best friend. She stole her neighbour's cat. Oh, my God.

Hey, hang on a minute. Is this the bloke from the 13-year-old story? Or another? No, no. She's very much a lady. So she was living in an apartment building, and her next-door neighbor had a cat that she said chose her. So she stole the cat.

She gave it a luxurious life, even made an Instagram for it. Oh, that is risky. That's brazen. But also, how do you... Did she stay in the same house next to the neighbour whose cat it was? A partner building. Yeah, so for a few years they did. And then in the end, the actual, the real owner started dropping off bags of food because

the cat wasn't coming back. So the real owner knew. The real owner was like, I can. So is that a thing amongst the cat community? Like, it chose me. me. So people do actually accept that and go, all right. Look, I'm not a cat person.

Yeah. It must be, though. It's like, okay, I thought I gave, you know, a sphinxie a nice life. False sphinxie. Sphinxie. It doesn't roll off the tongue, but it chose her and the owner has gone,

yes, you are the chosen wife. Sphincy purrs up to them, so may as well. I may as well, here's the rest of me whiskers. Enjoy. Hey, this is interesting. CJ's called in. CJ is the pet stealer. Hello, CJ.

Hey, guys. Yes, I have a bit of a pet thief confession to make. I had a neighbour who had a cat that was clearly neglected, and I'm a lover of all animals, so I felt very sorry for this cat. I was left at home, meowed all the time, was always hungry, so I started to feed it, and yeah, it chose me, similarly to the last caller, started hanging out with me, and we loved each other. The neighbour didn't seem to notice at all

that it was hardly at home and then a few months later I moved into state and the cat came with me. Wow. So sorry, CJ, no conversation ever happened with the human involved. You just packed her up. What's her name? The cat's name was burger.

Good name. Burger. Named after burger from Sex and the City. I was deep into Sex and the City. Hang on a name, CJ. Did it obviously have a name from the previous owner? You've renamed it. named it. I did. Yeah. And Burger lived with me for about eight years until he passed away.

So we had a really love a little friendship. Oh, my God. Well, I feel like you almost emancipated Burger from a terrible, well, whatever his previous name was. Like, you gave it the, not that I think we should advocate for. I don't think that pets. Well, we moved to house once when we were kids. Our household cat didn't come with us. Like, we couldn't find it and we moved and it never came back. And it stayed with the house. Stayed with the house. Yeah. Isn't that funny? So you're selling your house now. How could you throw Pam in? Last time we moved houses, Pam went blind.

So let's just see how she handles this. I just said her back. Get up. Swims. And I. Gone, gone, gone. How'd he say tones? I, I guess.

What's her full name? Yeah, what is her full name? It's Tony something. Yeah. Babs would know. Tones and I's full. All-name? Is it Tony?

Elizabeth Watson. None of us saw that colour. Her name is Elizabeth Watson. Tony Elizabeth Watson. There you go. There you go. So try it again. Getter swims.

Watson. Go on, go on. Hit breakfast. It's Justin Darko. Watson, this new artist. Another name. You should know, Stephanie German Otter.

Yep. Lady Gaga's real name. Oh, I know that. I was like, yes. I love it. I'm like, nope. Stephanie German honor. Oh, yes.

You want to see her, do her thang? You can. As Lady Gaga, we've got more double passes tomorrow. Tomorrow, one second song game, the Gaga edition. We have Alfa Bucks back tomorrow for 10K. Shagai Licks. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

I'm so excited. Why are you going to look tomorrow? Dang. Yeah, that boy, yeah. I know, I want you to look at. Oh. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. That's fun. Get the four pack. Listen, you take it easy, all right? You just watch what you put in that gob Because you're already... I got salmonella.

What did you say? I think you've got hysteria. In my medical diagnosis from eating chicken salad They'd been out for six hours. Vomiting out the dirt pipe is what I'd describe it as. It has been a rough overnight and day for me. I'm running a fumes.

If you missed any of the show, I really implore you to listen to the podcast and just see where you can hear Ducco straining, squeezing up against you. Oh, there, there, I think. I reckon we've gone to the bathroom after that break. It has been, it has been a tougher. It's been a tougher of mornings, but, you know, it's, you know what got me through,

hanging out with you guys. Oh, a lot of laughs. So much fun. A lot of great stuff. Shout out to everyone who just messaged me then about the, where my daughter goes in the wheel chat when we die. Yep. My mum sent me a text and goes, you know that your, your older sister, Abby, who has four

kids, has left her four kids with your younger sister, Laura, who we said we'd live flow with, if they die. So I'm like, well, I'm like, so if you and Abby are traveling with your partners, but without the children and you all get wiped out, Laura goes from being newly married to inheriting five children. Wouldn't that suck?

Lucky your partner's well off. I tell you what. I think anyone's well equipped to handle five. I think mum is just a overnight five. You know what I mean? Yeah. Be tough. Are you reassessing? Or is the well process too annoying to now? The wheel's done now. That's not all I can do about it.

Just make sure you go first. Yeah. So Flo can really. get enamored with Laura before Abby's four kids get to her. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so true. I didn't even know that. Anyway, Wills, man.

It's important. Have you finished yours yet? Nah. Yeah, you've just been thinking about it. No, we've just been having the conversations, that's right. Yeah, I'm just trying to get my parents off my back when they found out we're going a friend. Oh, yeah, no. Family.

Well, I think mum's upset now, but anyway. That's right. Deal with that. She just found that out. It's the best way for our parents to find out information, I think. Love on the air, babe. Yeah, we are back tomorrow. We do have a lot of stuff we just mentioned.

And the ice cream maker, of course, after grabs. It's going to be a great Wednesday. Absolutely. You'll be down the line. I will be down the line. I'm doing something very cool, which is embargo, ducco, so I'll tell you about it tomorrow. I love an embargo. We love an embargo.

We do love a good embargo. Wait until you hear why it's embargoed. Okay. We'll get to it, but I'm doing something very exciting tonight. To be honest, I think it is the pinnacle of my professional career. Wow. And I'm so excited. The last embargo we had was

Kaelan Pong's bowtie that squirt mayonnaise. And the one before that was that interview we did about the food product of the year. That's a fried shalots being the product of the year. Did that interview see the lot of day? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did we play that? Oh, God.

Sharon? Sarah? She was like, Sarah. Sarah's like, why am I on? What's going on? Someone said yes. What do you want to do? If you do want to go back and listen to that,

have a listen. Have a listen. I reckon her accent changed. I reckon she was putting on an accent. accent. I'm still maintain that. She may not be legit. We don't know. We don't know. But this one you're doing is legit. My concerns for you is you normally when you go away and have to set up the, we call it the black box, you normally get Angus to do it. How are you going to go doing it?

You're right. Yeah. That's the only thing I thought about. He's not coming. No. I already took a photo of what you have to do. It's fine. A static photo? Maybe you could shoot video it from get-go. A statue photo. Is it alive so I can see where you've got? I mean. Just do it again for it. I don't want to stay around here. You just video and send it to me.

Oh, gosh. It's boring. Anyway, so if I can't join you, I guess you could call me on the phone, but that might be annoying for three hours. Jess is on the phone. It's delayed. I'm here. I am here.

But anyway, I'm really excited about that. I think you're excited about drying up and not having anything left to a back-to-out. I'm hoping this passes soon. What a day. If anyone has dealt with Listeria before, can you send Ducco some tips? I've got plans. I've got things I need to do. Can I still heavily back squat with Listeria?

Are you going to go to the gym? I wanted to. Oh, my God. I wouldn't. I think upper body. I think upper body. It's leg day. Yeah, but if you bend and everything opens, I don't know if you're in control.

Yeah. We want a flows now. Anyway, we're out of here. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye. Maggots. After being maggot. Jess and Ducko.

That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. The new macho range is here at McCabe.