Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | No matter how different you are, we're all ok!

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

Duckos algorithm has changed thanks to Producer Babs, we wanna know what ruined your day and we play Proud or POV!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new spicy Frank's red-hot sauce range has arrived at Maccas. This is the Jess and Douggo podcast. Podcast, fuck yeah. Recall to Paul. We live in the day yet. Podcast, fuck yeah. Hey, party people. Party people.

A lot of messages coming through. One, about your leaving, Ducco, but two, about your asshole. I know, a lot of... Are they coming through on the Jess and Ducko Instagram? On the Jess and Ducko Instagram. About my colonoscopy. Yes. Emma.

I'm getting that to the tomorrow, everyone is listening to this. Yeah, but you've had the sort of the elimination diet up until now. And you're looking down the barrel of a liquid only day. Emma got in touch. Oh, I'm just reading her message. Yep. She goes, Duck, I've had a few colonoscopy. Yes.

My last one was on Friday and got the call Friday morning to say they pushed it back until 5 p.m. And I still didn't get it done until 8 p.m. I hope you had an early one and enjoy the sandwich and juice after. Oh my God. So what does that mean? Because you told us that they'll call you and say, you're a tonight. So they say, hey, come in, let's say at 7 a.m. We're expecting you at 10 or coming at midday.

We're expecting yours to be at 5. So then I'd take the juice at 11.30, go in there, do it. And this is me not understanding anything medical. But like, if it is a time-based thing, you've done now like four days of prep, can't they kind of work backwards being like, We're going to book you in for the Friday at 5, which means your last drink needs to be at 12, which means your liquid diet needs to be 24 hours. What you learn about the health system when you get surgery or do a few things like that is it's just fucking chaos.

Because it's too many people. Yeah, even though it's just private. Some people become urgent maybe the day before. It's like someone goes. And knock out the rotation. Yeah, knock me back. But I'm still going private because I've got health insurance and stuff. Yes.

Which is the only reason I probably got in so quickly. Yes. But in terms of like an Emma situation where you go, you have now, I've not only done, what, 72, 96 hours of prayer. Yeah, yeah, I've done the seeds and nuts, no seeds and nuts. Yeah, which I've done the right diet. Like diet, then liquid. Yeah, and then, and then today's liquid.

So it would be the hard if I'm already hungry. But for someone like Emma, that adds on almost 14 hours. It's like a famine. You're doing a famine. I may as well raise money for Africa. It was 40 hour famine. Jesus. I'm leaving you alone on that.

But that's what they raise money for the 40 hour famine. That actually was a very good. If I'm going to diet, I may as well do it. It's a reference. I've never done a famine, so this will be my first one. You're going to love this. In year nine, I did the 40-hour famine, but I did, I did, no talking. Because I was like, I'm not not eating.

I'll do no talking. And no-talking's probably just as hard for you. It was hard. And then I had a big fight after the 40 hours because one of the girls I went to school with went, no, no, you said hello to me yesterday. I went, no, I fucking didn't. I still remember her, Emma. She tried to discount all the hard work I'd done.

Screw you, Emma. Not talking. Yeah, yeah. So you didn't talk, even at school? I truly believe I stuck to the 40-hour famine. I truly believe is the key there. But she went... I believe that I stuck to the famine.

It's my word versus hers. And you've got to be on my side here. But I've done the 40-hour famine. It's hard. It's hard, isn't it? But yeah, you could have raised money. I could have raised money. Well, it's shark.

I'll get something up. Will you do a dance at the end of it? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I'll do a little TikTok dance. Oh. But anyway, oh, yeah. Poor butthole. I know, my bit.

Yeah, it's going to be, yeah. And yes, didn't he say some... Actually, I need to go to the pharmacy today to get the actual poo potion. Yep. But I need to get what you guys said. Can you just buy the poo potion or is it a prescription? Yeah, I believe so. I can tell you the name of it.

So shy guy could just get it. Yeah. Because he wants to. Yeah, if you just want to have an afternoon. Of resetting your boughs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how you can reset your algorithm these days. You're going to reset your boughs at the same time.

Go get the potion. Pico prep. Orange. Oh, I don't know if I want orange flavor. I thought you went to like to have calories. Yeah, you motherfucker. I'm surprised it's not lemonade flavor. Yeah, Pico, Pico Prep.

So, yes, once you go get that, also get the nice wipes that are flushable. Because you're a nurse is going to be red raw. This is your time to try the flusiness. It's got sodium sulfate, magnesium carbonate, hydrate and citric acid. It's like a hydrolyte. It's all it is. Okay. I wonder what that is that just pumps you out.

I know. Part of me wants to try it too bad. What people are forgetting about me in my butt hole is that I, have taken some suppositories in my time and when you have a suppository, you got to wait. Not even when you were ill. No, it's just one as a true. It was content, obviously. We got it back on tax.

I'd like to claim $400 in dry cleaning and $10,000 in suppositories. Thank you accountant. So that is $9,990 too much. Sal and Duckett, you've been flagged by the government. We're going to need proof of all the times you talked about. Suppository.

So, when you put a suppository in, you have to wait 15 minutes. to get its full effect. Now, I've never done one, Ducco. Can you please be honest with me? How far up do you have to go? You've got to put lube on it. Like wrist?

You've got to put lube on it. And they say you've got to go like, I think second indent of your finger. And you're on your back. You've got to lie down. So they say to lie down on your side and you put your legs up like in a baby position. Yep. Happy baby. Yeah.

Or if you get someone who's, you know, willing to put it in for you. And then you just, you slide it in and you feel it go up. And then like it feels really wrong. Do you feel your body almost like take it? Yeah. Or take it. Yes, it like slips in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, it's almost like your butt's swallowing it. Yes, exactly. In the same way you're throwing. If anyone's had anal sex out there, I imagine it'd be a similar feeling. Unfortunately. Yeah, yeah, never trust. Babs, no, I can't answer that. Oh, I'm joking.

So it goes up, apparently. Yes, and your body goes, yes. And then within a minute, literally a minute or two, you start to feel like, oh, no, I need to go. And then by about five minutes, you're like, it feels like a volcano. You know, you're like, I need to go, but you have to wait 15 in order for it to fully affect. Oh, my God. Because it dissolves. For it dissolves and goes up.

But if you go, I've gone early a few times. It doesn't, like, it half comes up, but not the other half. Oh, no. So you've got to fully wait. And like, man, there is nothing harder than, oh, that way. Than clenching when you got to go. Oh, it's the worst feeling. So I imagine this will be similar, but it's just no clenching.

Absolutely. You're just open. What a disgusting podcast. I don't look forward to having to do that. What was that bad? Do we have to fart after a colonoscopy? I don't know. Oh, my God, you're going to be scared to fart.

Do you? Oh, do you mean? That's like the health check. Yeah, I think they make you fart. Oh, I'm really good. No, I think you're right. Yeah. I've not heard that, but I think, I think they do to make sure that.

Is it like, after you've had an epidural, you have to be able to, like, walk and have a shower and have gone to the bathroom or something. That's a thing. Yeah, well, just to make sure it's all good down there and you're not still numb and, you know, you've got proper function. Yeah. So I've not heard that. I don't know that either. Well, I mean, I guess you haven't been given the aftercare at this point. How long till you can do it up the butt.

Oh, geez. Oh, that's the first question I'll ask. Now's the time. Let me know. Put the seat back on your bike. Yes, passing gas after colonoscopy is completely expected. Well, why? No, it's just saying it's expected.

It doesn't say force. No, you don't need to. I think that might be a, I think it might be a myth. What a great prank that nurse can't let you leave it to it. You know what I mean? I like, yes, my fine. I'll produce one straight away. Yeah, but then there's a prank that.

Like possibly shallow. A bit of lube left over from the camera. There's the rest of the suppository. My Morgan used to, when she first got into nursing, her first in, she always wants to do cardiac and theory and whatever. Her first in though, she'd go into colonoscopies and endoscopies. And she fucking hated it. Is it just sort of like you've got to pay your dues?

Yeah, a little bit. And she did that for, luckily only like a couple of months. But she said the worst thing in the world is when they do all the prep, they get the patient on. And then they think they've done the prep. And they put it in the patient, hasn't done the proper prep. And there's shit in there. And then it's like, it's awkward for them.

They've all got to clean it. They've got to wait the person up and say, So you can do your prep, we couldn't do anything. You need to go home and you need to come back and re-book and do it all over again. From the get-go. From the get-go. And she's like, it's the most disgusting thing ever because then they put the camera up. They think, okay, they've done their job.

And then it's just. Because you can imagine, and obviously you are an open person, but a lot of people aren't. So people would be going, I don't want to do this. I can't do this. I don't know how to ask for time off for this. So they just don't do it thinking, I'll go away with it. It's like the people who present to ER being like, I slipped and the fish went up my ass.

It's like, you are now lying to medical professionals. It was raining. Whereas the colonoscopy, you can't get away with that. You can't get away with it. Because that literal camera is going in there. Yeah, I know. You can't hide these things. No, you can't.

And what a waste of five days. Oh, my God. Because, yeah, it's like the no nuts, seed things, whatever. Whatever. The white diet is annoying. Like, it's actually not too bad. You can get through it. Like, it's a bit annoying.

You might feel a bit yucky in the tummy. Yeah, I feel a bit gross. I think today. It's going to be the real, you know. Just liquids. I know. I'm actually, like, think about that. It's right now, we're recording this at 9.15, like, 3 o'clock this afternoon.

Mount Fusuvius erupts. I tried to do one of those three-day juice detoxes. Genuinely lasted three hours. Like, I couldn't do it and you have to do it. Otherwise, everything is for nothing. No, I know. You don't have to do it again. Oh, I know.

Hey, you should all get this done at one stage, Babs. You probably need to do this in a couple of years, I'd say, no. Knowing your guts? With your guts. Yeah. Please, I'll be skinny. I love it I don't know that's what you're taking out of it

There's nothing about this is to do with Wakebox I'd be so hot I'm taking it up Turn in the morning Stop what you're doing And listen You know I got the shit that you like

There's only one show to wake up with you I'm not that easy to take Jess Here we go Allay, allie I ain't got to explain Ducko Step into an Uncle Ducko's

Sniff test Got him going insane Oh, no, that's a Muppet. Sorry, wrong franchise. Fast. Yeah, probably. I like, boys, they're good. This is Jess and Dunker.

Right on 6 o'clock, it sure is team. Hey, welcome to Thursday. Didn't know if you'd be here. It started. Oh, it started. I announced yesterday on the show. If you missed it, if you missed any of the socials yesterday, and thank you to everyone who's messaged me,

who's de-mned, who's commented on my post, on your post that you made, Jess. that I announced that I'm leaving the show at the end of the year. If he's just joining us now, and that's early, for the first time you heard it. And he sounds so not sad about it. He was sad yesterday. Got a lot out yesterday. Go listen absolutely to that podcast episode.

We've got, had many DMs of people who did miss your announcement live, who then said, oh my God, I was sent the podcast link, or my dad told me to go listen. Very, very devastating news for the program. Incredible news for Ducko and his family. We won't get into detail. You can't share just yet. No.

But yes, God, the love. The love. People must have been coming out of the woodwork as well, Ducco. There's been a lot of messages from people, a lot of DMs. And it was one of those things, like, you'd reply to everything, then you'd look back down 10 minutes later, and there was like heaps more. It was really nice. Absolutely.

And everyone was super nice and understanding the family decision and, you know, what I had to do. So, look, it's very bittersweet, as I said yesterday. But it leaves us with five weeks of good times. Amen. And, my God, if you thought there was silly. before. Oh, yeah. Now the shackles are coming off.

Why are we getting loose? Because not only... Not only is Ducko, you know? It's like light at the end of the tunnel. That makes this part feel like the bad part. No, it's like... There's, um... It's a restraint period.

We'll work on our analogy. But the boss is also off for 10 days. Yeah. So we have free reign. He's off, isn't he? We've got full free reign. He's at a conference, allegedly. Oh, I'll still be on comms.

I'll be on comms. I'll be on cons. No way. Oh, just don't. because he doesn't see he's leaving, I'm out of here. He's doing his own mourning, his own grieving. He was very sad. He's been very nice, old boss, Jace.

He's very good. He's good. He's good. But no, absolutely, the shackles have come off. I will be bringing it up a lot. Yeah, yeah. It's my coping mechanism. Fair enough. And you can't begrudge me that.

How shy guy processes, how Babbs processes. It's going to be very different from all of us, I think. Babs, how do you process? Get a few messages last night from, obviously, the gals from the brat pack? Yep. I actually am sad about it I just, yeah Nothing sounded less sincere

I actually am sad about it But I just, yeah Okay Babs has been the one who's been fielding all the resumes That started coming in How do I apply for Taco's job? Babs has been dealing with all that So she's had a bit on her plate

I see, moving on Yeah, Shiger, how did you process yesterday? It was a lot to read the comments and stuff A lot of nice words were said. Some people message me, obviously, and they were very complimentary of the show and for us as a whole. Yeah.

That's the most rattled I've heard, yeah, I know, wow. Thank you for sharing. That was actually some nice vulnerability from you. Yeah, yeah, I thought you were saying, it's fine. Same. And I liked your comment.

I miss playing Sabrina Carpenter opposite you. Staring into your eyes. It was just beautiful as Taylor Swift off the back of my announcements yesterday that we went into it. Wasn't it a nice moment? It was perfect. It did call me that.

Like, the gold of you going, into Taylor Swift and not caring. I was like, well, you know, we've got to move on. No, you care. You, mate, I looked over there. You were well and up. You were looking down. It was the kind words for you about your time space.

I know when you get emotional because you just look down. You're sitting down. At the clock on my computer. He's like the turtle. He's like the long neck turtle. When they start getting a little bit agitated, the neck recedes into the shell. Yeah, the galapagos.

Yeah. Could be the Galapical. You are that turtle. You're the Galapagos. Yeah. I'll take that. And you were getting, someone actually did ask me like, Because they could see the video as you and me, Jess.

And then you cut to you when you're like sobbing and it cuts back to me. I'm like sobbing. So I was like, what was Shaw guy doing? I strategically turned my mic off because I know the cameras go rogue. And I was like, it's going to look at me either not looking at him or not looking sad. Heightened emotional moments in this show. No, you never think it was the saddest I've seen you look. Like, I was like, yeah.

It's okay, show emotion, buddy. It's okay. We've got five weeks to get it all out. Yeah, we'll have fun now five weeks. Absolutely, we will. We're going to rip in. He calls me every night. Absolutely.

You know, like my daughter's grandparents live interstate, my parents, and I get my mum sometimes to record herself on camera reading stories so I can play those to Lucia, just so they can build that bond still and she can see her face. That's what we need you to do to Shy Guy. Just do some times and some songs, and we can play that for Shy Guy in the future so he doesn't feel disconnected from you. I'll do that for you, buddy. That's nice.

Yeah. And in other news, today's my liquid-only diet day, because I got my choliloski tomorrow. I know. I was like, nothing like taking that sachets I'm going to take tonight or I'm just going to soil myself all evening. Leak out the butt. Yep. No one said you had to soil yourself.

We go to the toilet. But apparently, some people are like, you're in bed trying to sleep and then it comes on so quick. Like, you have no time to get there. Yeah, yeah. And saying that, people who do get it usually 40s, mid-40s, I don't know. Different bales. control to start with? I'm also like, do I just start with the toilet and I just never leave.

Like I just lie in front of it, like a separate little toilet bed. Yeah, you've got your squatty potty now. We'll get you something, like a TV tray. You know, like the Americans that watch TV. Yeah, I can set the laptop up. You can have that set up. Put that there. Would you, I know you wee in the bath? Would you just go in the bath? Just, oh. I mean, that won't be great when we sell the house soon. Yeah, we can take that off the record. No, I will not do that. I'll just wear one Flows water nappies and just hope for the best. That's a great idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get those wipes, Andy.

Yeah, here we go. Did you not buying those wipes that you can flush? I didn't end up knowing it. Maybe today's the day. They did actually recommend it because you're going to do so much wiping. You don't want to be using the one fly. Yeah, when you have a cold, your nose and your nose goes reds, your dot's going to go red. I'm picturing wearing DTs and I'm just going to be on the toilet into the shower.

On the toilet into the shower. Yes. And I'm just going to be doing that. Oh, my God. How are your energy levels? Because you've been steadily going through these restrictions. Okay, for now. I'm black coffee still as well.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, I'm like black coffee. So, you know. Black coffee, I've got me Chinese broth that I'm having for lunch and dinner. Tonight will be really hard because it'll be, I'll be so hungry. I'm already getting hungry. My dad called me yesterday. Obviously wanted to check in.

He heard the big news. My mum messaged you. No, actually. She must be mad. I think, well, she pissed off. But my dad was asking, you know, how's ducco? I said, oh, he's up against it in multiple ways. Dad, he's got to get a colonoscopy.

He had that many questions about your ass. I was like, why don't you just ask him? Like, why is he getting it done? He's only young. This and that. Has he started the diet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The restrictions.

Have you warned him about the liquid? I went, Dad, you're very well versed in this. Yeah, yeah. Because he's off the age, you know? Yeah, yeah. So I'll also send my dad your way. Good. Yeah, yeah.

Great. Thank you. I'll tell him anything else to know about me, do it. But I get a lot of people who are in there, like, who haven't had it yet, who are in their 40s and like, why are you doing it? I feel bad. I need to do it. I'm like, no, no, no, no, it's all good.

It's all right. I'm doing this for me. Everything's fine. You do what you want to do for your bum. Your mum just message me. Oh, what'd she say? What's your address? What you're moving to? Oh, Lisa, come on.

Come on. Wow. She's still just planning ahead. She's just planning ahead. You know? Hey, speaking of planning ahead, we have a big show ahead for you. Alpha bucks, your chance of 10K, 7 and 8. What else we got today?

Oh, Pratt or Pov on the show. Oh, we love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get involved. We got those Kendrick Lamar tickets. Yes, we do. But up next, We've got an NFL player that's like Shire Guy

Oh Who's been offered good money to do something No it hey Jess and Ducco Jess and Ducko To live You saved my heart I believe

The Fate of Aphili is her longest running Number One song now on the charts It's just a clip shake it off I was about to say What would have had it shake it off Absolutely Like even love story maybe back in the day Would have had some sort of record

Yeah yeah Well congratulations Taylor Well, you know, always breaking her own records. She's so impressive. Can you imagine her trophy cabinet at home? It'd have to be a room. Hers and Travis's. Oh, goodness.

He's got a couple of rings, doesn't he? He sure does. Right now, though, speaking of NFL players, Travis, there's another... I hate Segway. Thank you. That was really good. He hasn't phoned it in for the departure, has he? Just because he's leaving us does not mean he's taking his foot off the gas.

I'm going to leave a plaque in the studio, Segway King. Hey? That's nice. You know what I don't have? Sharga is going to come for that title. Be careful. Nah, you can have it. I know, mate. I can also hit a post as well, like, no man.

That's two plaques. We're going to need a bigger studio. You know what Sharga has that? I don't. That's right. Massive peon. That's right. No one calls you the python. They don't.

They call me the chip of latter. Because you're all girt. Because I'm all, yeah. I know what you want. You're wider. You need length and gorse. Yeah, you need length, but you're good for girt. You know, jeez, you look down and you go, whoa.

How is it more wide than it is long? That's a feat of physics. I'm just impressed. See? Anyway, what do you want to talk about? Are you going to miss this? No. I hope we have a, yeah.

Do you know what's going to happen? Is the him having a big peen joke going to finish, going to end when I am? These are questions I have been pondering for the past 48 hours. The person who takes your seat. Yeah. Am I going to accidentally say something about you? They're tiny. And they're going to be like,

Whoa! Hang on. I go, wrong guy. My bad, sorry. Let's reestablish. And people who get really defensive, often are small. That's a lose, lose to that person.

Matt Khalil is this NFL player's name. He finished NFL in 2022. Him and his wife have opened up about their divorce. And by him and his wife, I mean, Haley, his wife, came out during a stream because she's an influencer. And she said the biggest factor in their divorce, the main factor that they physically could not get around.

irreconcilable differences. Exactly what they've said is because of his massive package. They couldn't be intimate. They could not be in it. They tried therapists. They tried doctors. They tried lotions and potions. They tried stretches.

What's the opposite of the penis pump? The penis deflate up. Just a pinprick. Just take it out. Really? Her ex-husband apparently was in the, like the shire guy, the 0.01% of the population when it came to the issue. And then I realized...

What's the opposite of micro? Mega. Mega. Mega. Macro? A macropine. And then I realised that's why Shaga doesn't have a partner. It's apparently... You can't hold them down.

Apparently, this guy's so embarrassed about it. So this adult website called Cam Soda has taken interest. They're an adult web camsite. I didn't know they still existed. Oh, that feels so dodgy. But they're doing their campaign that celebrates men who laugh at themselves called the Big Confidence Campaign, saying no matter how different you are, we're all okay. Oh my God, that's you.

You should be part of this campaign. We could stand next to each other. And you both are the outliers. Yeah. Both ends of the spectrum. Tall and short. It says that they're offering him $459,000 Australian equivalent, so 300 US. And sorry, he's a retired NFL place.

He's obviously not earned a bank anymore. To come on, embrace it, show it and talk about it. Not actually. Not even do anything. Just go, hey, I'm here. It's not like the hub. TMZ says it's two Coke cans on top of each other. In terms of

Lens. Two-co- Shy guy's going I'm not impressive. That doesn't feel that, you know. I can't talk to it. What, is that about... Mine's like a 300-mills?

Mine's a you cook can. You're going to miss this, Babs? Come on. Come on, Babs, give us something out there. Come on, give us something out there. Come on, give on something. You're called. Come on, Babs.

Come on. Just anything. Leave me out of it. Hey, man, last time we brought up a brand name associated with anything, we got in trouble. So you take your cool name out. And that's why I said TMZ said it was like two co-cats. That's right.

TMZ also said, I'm like, you're killed. Benson Boone. Beautiful things it is. Hit breakfast, Jess and Ducko with you. It's beautiful things that I've got. A couple beautiful things in this room, you know what I mean? 623. He's talking about you, Shaga?

Obviously. Sorry, I wasn't. Man, I said you're beautiful. Oh, thank you. You're being very cold today. I'm just getting a lot of audio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's just busy. He's a busy little boy.

I'm just going to leave my head first put it into so many holes. Zing. Well, perhaps it's out there. She can pop some audio in, can't she? What do you do out there besides what people are called? He's getting sheep. Oh, yes. I feed the fish.

I saw shog I feed the fish yesterday. I fed the most days this week. Oh. Look what you've done. This is your fault. You're losing the lynch pin. We promised that the next five weeks would be fun and hilarious. Let's see.

I'm having fun. I'm having a great time. I bet you are, mate. Talking about holes and things. And you know what? Babs has done her job. Got me a sheet. Yeah, yeah.

I had mine before too. It was on time. And the fish are fed. I do more than just the sheets, guys. I know. I know. And the phones. All right.

We don't have time to get into all the things you do. Daco, take us to Japan. Oh, it would be my pleasure. We're here because car giant Toyota I've released some new tech at the Japanese mobility show in Tokyo. Oh, oh, oh, what a feeling toy don't know. Do I still say that in the ads now?

Well, they definitely write it in the ads. And people still do Toyota jump and the freeze frame. They really, yeah, I put a stringhole. I don't know if it's still like a jingle. Like, I've not heard that. They do have the jingle in the ad. It just goes like da-na-na-na-na-na-na-da. It's like they know their marketing team went,

everyone knows. This is bedded in. We don't need to pay for a vocalist anymore. Yeah. Because you're right, that was a bang-on impression. Babs. That's what she does out there. That's what she does.

But we need live impressions. They want drivers to have more fun in cars. Avoid accidents and become better drivers. And part of the new technology that they showcased at the Japan Mobility Show. Love that. Was a drone. that will fly out of your car,

drive ahead, look for traffic jams or issues ahead, maybe even pedestrians, fly back to your car, go all clear, bro, so you can have a great time driving. Not necessarily speed. The guy, the head of this technology,

wanted you to really understand. This isn't about you loon and around. But it's about looking ahead and having basically a feedback system, to you, to your car, saying, all clear or slow down. Or, there's an issue ahead. Or, there's a speed camera coming up. Now, he wanted to make that also a point.

Toyota executive Akira Serrata. He's the president of the manufacturer's software development center. Yes. He's saying, listen, I'm not going to talk about cops. I'm not saying anything about that. Okay. So he's made a point of literally bringing up police. There's no, your drone will come back and you'll go, Alfred, is there traffic?

There's no traffic. Is there police? to be like, there's no traffic. Exactly. Wink. Right now it's safe. It could give you that sort of information. Even to the point where it could give you features,

like unlock features where it is, high performance brands working on features such as augmented reality to help drivers experience thrills. I don't know what that means. Shagha, you're a car, guys. It's basically being like, you can pretend you'll Landau Norris. Here we go. Well, it's just putting your scene in somewhere else.

So it's like changing the scenery around you. What do you mean while I'm in the car? In the future, the car will be driving itself. So it's like, oh, I can't make this fun and pretend I'm on a train now or I'm on a plane. If you're, oh, do you want to be on a train when you're in a car? You're having a rainforest, perhaps? Yeah, just change your scenery. Like, if you're driving in the seagued buildings around, you can make that a rainforest.

Oh, my God. So the windows and maybe the windscreen actually are almost like a TV. No, the car will drive us. We'll fire our drone off to go check for traffic. You'll then tell us, what if it tells us as a breakdown that we can get. get off that road while we're driving through a rainforest and not even driving. It puts our traffic chopper out of commish

because basically you don't have the eye in the sky. The eye in the sky because instead of waiting every half hour for a traffic update, you'll send your drone ahead. Oh, M1's looking pretty chocker block. I would recommend taking the back streets. Everyone's got drones. Yeah, they'll all crash into each other. They'll all fight each other.

There'll be drone traffic. They'll be drone fights. My drone's going to have a knife. What if my drone gets confused, let's be real, not great with directions myself. so this answer is that my drone also get muddled lands back in your car.

What if my drone does like a homing beacon? It's like drone cheating. Yes, what if my drone dogs? And then I give you a little cuddle and then it goes back to you and you're like, what the hell? What the hell? Where if you, like when you know

you've been patting another dog and you come home and your dog looks at you who you've been cheating. Because like Toyota, you know, parent company of Lexus, there's even like Porsche 9-11 that's going to be using this sort of technology allegedly in the future.

The people who drive Lexuses will not be able to use this. That'll be. Too old. That'll be way too old. Ferrari's working on tech in this sort of realm. Some all these luxury cards. It's crazy, isn't it?

Yes. The future of driving looks really, really different to the way we know it now. You don't need to worry about reverse parking ever again, Jess. You're all sort of. So my car can do the thing. There's a button. Assisted park. I'm too scared.

I'm too scared. Even then you still crash it. Because everywhere I park, work and home is next to a pillar. And how do I explain? You think the car knows that? Work at home. Everywhere I park is next to a pillar. It's the two places.

I drive to work. I know. I said it like a proverb. As the future says, watch out for the pillow. Jess and Ducko. Tell you what, I'm excited for this next guest. He's one of my favorite sports broadcasters and presenters.

When you hear the great man's voice, you know the summer of cricket is upon us. Now, Ducker, I don't want to get how we offside before we've even finished his intro. You know how I feel about cricket. You like Minas, love to show. I love Marnas. Yeah.

But Marnas is. isn't one of his co-hosts for this new mini-series, which will be my first question. Yes. So some hard-hitting journalism straight out of the gates. Howie? Why couldn't you get Manus Labashang? So, Jess Duck, I love it to speak to you both.

Manus appears. We're about seven episodes in. Manus appears in episode four for an extended period. So you are okay. Okay. Because I know you're doing it with Mitch Stark and Alex Carey. I would have loved to have seen Manus across the whole thing. But I know he's a big Manus fan, Howard, if you can't tell.

I'm only a Manus fan. I'm a massive Marnas fan as well, but the theory behind the Ashes Diaries is the boys record on their phone what they're up to day to day from 100 days out. Going through Mitch Starr, you hear his doctor talk about the fact he needs cortisone injections in his ankle, and Alex is working with his sports site. So they send me all these messages, and then I respond sending them back. So it's like an audio diary. I love Marnas, but I reckon if we got Marnas, the 10 episodes we're rolling out could have been 75 episodes. That's what I've heard about Marnas.

There is no one as passionate as into it as the great name. He loves it. He loves it. He just loves to talk about cricket. So we were literally, I was speaking to Alex in Brisbane on my phone walking along, and Marnas appeared and started just taking over the whole show. He just takes everything. That's my guy.

Maybe next time. I love him too. So this is really cool. So it is the mini series that Howie Darius is we were just discussing. Yeah, Starkey's on Alex Kerry. So it literally follows them, you were saying, a hundred days leading into the ashes, and then will you get some stuff during the ashes? Yeah, absolutely. So the last episode will be recording, them recording their thoughts, feelings, and experiences during the first test.

So it'll be a summary of the first test. But I think what it hopefully shows people is, one, how hard these guys prepare behind the scenes that you have no idea about, but two, that they have lives outside of cricket, and they have ups and downs, like, without dwelling on it, in this process, Alex lost his father and he's sending me voice memos and he's about to go to New Zealand while he's working on preparations for his father's service. So if anything people take away from it that even though we see these guys and girls that representers as bulletproof, they have real lives and families and ups and downs like we all do.

So hopefully people get the indication of that as well as all the hard work that these guys do to prepare for what is going to be one of the great cricket series of all time. Howie, that's my favourite thing about sport. It's not the sport itself. It is the human element. For all you might think about, Nick Curios, for example, the human behind the actual execution of the game. I don't care less how we acts on the court.

On the court. On the green. I think that's a great point. And that's our job of sports broadcast. Tell these people's stories. So you think I want to turn on and I want to watch this guy or girl do their thing because I understand their back. back story and where they've come from.

Yes. Case important, Jess Fox. I'm following Jess Fox, obviously, our champion canoeist on social media. The rehab she's going through at the moment after having this really intensive surgery, these are the things I want to connect with her over. So stuff you don't see. Exactly. The person behind the performance and you're able to do this through this series, Howie.

It's epic. Well, let's hope so. Let's hope so. But it does. I had Jess on the podcast on the Howie Games for probably three years ago. And what ended up happening is you follow so many athletes around the world Because you have this connection to them So I was watching the Melbourne Cup the other day

And we had the bloke that won last year on two weeks ago Robbie Dolan, the Irish singing jockey And I'm cheering for Robbie And then up comes the outside Jamie Mellum Who when she came on the show with Jamie Carr And had been through all sorts of stuff So I couldn't win either way for either of those two ones Because you have connections

Like you look at sports results all around the world hoping that the people you've been lucky enough to speak to have done well. And the Howie Games is great. I've over 50 million downloads. Howie does so many. There's obviously sports stars, but he also does artists as well. There's like a full artist series.

I'm loving your one. You're doing Howie right now as well on the NFL college. Yes. That's been really great. But can I say, your podcast is the only podcast me and my father-in-law have bonded over because he's quite a, he likes sport, but he's an end ofontist, Howie's quite logical.

I'm obviously radio, a bit more creative. I got him onto the Howie games. And now he'll always message me and go, hey, have you heard this episode on Howie games? Oh, my God. What a great thing to connect over? You brought us closer, Howie. There you go. What's his name?

Ward is his name. Shout out to Ward. And when people tell me things like that, that fills me with joy because there's a lot of time and effort goes in, we've been running for 10 years. And when people say they've connected with someone like you're talking about Ward or they've played it to their kid who's, you know, just had a disappointing result in sport or school or life and they hear someone's story that came back. from difficulties.

That's the best part when people come up and say, oh, the interview you did with Alyssa Healy made my sister-in-law realize that she could go and run her first marathon, things like that. That's the best part of the show. Yeah. It's great. It's so much bigger. It is.

It really is. Just a scoreboard or a gold medal. Absolutely. And how he does an outstanding job interviewing. And you do a great job as well made on the summer of cricket broadcasting. I love hearing your voice come on Fox cricket or come on listener or wherever he hear you because it gets me excited. It makes me feel like summer's here.

crack a 4X, sit back, relax, enjoy the cricket, Howie. Cheer on Marnas. Yes, minus to get 100. Manus, I'll DM him. You're going to need to lift this season, baby. Marcos will dominate. Me, wow. We'll be right.

Mark Howie Howard. Thanks so much, mate. You can listen to that. On, listen to the Howie Games. Mate, love your work. Thanks for your time. Cheers. Thanks have me on, guys.

Have a great day. Appreciate it. Jess and Ducco. Rules in the workplace, not about behaviour per se, but about how you engage with potential customers, clients, that sort of thing. I remember working at the international airport in Melbourne. And we were not allowed to say, Hi, how are you today for any passenger coming through Judy Free

who maybe was looking at the alcohol specials or looking at some makeup? We had to say, hi, where are you travelling to? Because the logic was, once they tell you Bali, Indonesia, we could launch into it, well, did you know that you can take two litres of alcohol and we've got the spice rum on special. Yeah, right.

Hi, how are you? They almost put as that's closed. See you later. See you later. It does not engage the person. And you really want to get those duty-free people, those suckers. Do you know how annoyed people would get? People either want your help or they don't want your help.

You trying to crowbar or force conversation does not work. No, it doesn't. Have you ever had anything like that at one of your retail jobs or hospo jobs or anything like that? Well, I never worked in retail. I never worked in hospice. What would you call the oyster shucking? Oistair shucking, I did. So oyster shucking was a weird one.

So that's retail of oysters. I suppose I guess I helped, I packaged the first. freshly shucked oysters. Yes. And it was a big Polynesian sort of community that worked there, shucking them. Because it was like Threm, you do it. This place would stink of oysters, right? Of course.

That's tough work. I remember the boss coming to me saying, hey, if you want to connect with the people here, you've got to bring in a guitar because they can all sing and stuff. Of course. So I brought in, I had a guitar at home. I can't play a guitar, but I have one. I think I tried and whatever. I want to bond with my colleagues.

I was like, hey, look at this thing I just found. You guys want to, anyway, it worked, sat around. they would sing playing it literally like somewhere over the rainbow and stuff like that would be awesome and then they took my guitar I never saw the guitar again they were like this guy can't play guitar he's out of the band oh thanks Nick well this it's my knowing we both I think we both can relate to then this new initiative that target is trying to force on their employees if a customer gets within 10 feet of you I'm not great with distance so I'd have to really guess About you and me.

You must smile. You must make eye contact. You must get your Bruno Mars on. Yeah. You must wave or greet the shopper. If they are within four feet, again, don't know distance, I'd have to guess. A bit closer. You must ask them, can I help you today?

Or how is your day going? Because they think their decline in retail sales is because employees aren't smiling at people. Fair enough. And sometimes in those places, I'm not specifically saying just Tarje, but sometimes in, you know, Like even bunnings or various places, you can't find anyone. And when you do, it's like they're running from you. It's too extreme. Sometimes I go into shops like, you know, women's clothing.

And they literally follow me around, what are you shopping for today? Can I help you put an outfit together? I'm like, sis. And that's too much. I'm actually just trying to get my retail fixed without spending money because I'm doing no spend. But I'm not going to explain that to this 16 year old. And then the other end of the spectrum, you can't actually get anyone. When you need someone.

What's the middle of around? When you're trying to find the matching paint for your deck and you're like, Where is, how do I do this? What do I end up stopping anyone in car key and they go, I don't work here. I'm like, ah, Sos, man, sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. Can I jump on the PA, please? Yeah, yeah.

Someone to the paint department. Help me. And then I go into, like, someone like industry, for example. And I just feel so judged. A bit too cool. A bit too cool. I don't go in there. And they look at me and they're kind of like, uh, you're good.

And you're like, yeah, man, I'm good. Even though you're wearing industry, just want more industry. It's the same. I just get the same color T-shirts. Good morning. Jess and ducco's 10K alpha bucks on here, top of the bucks. Yes, it is. 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter.

I have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of that question, of course, you can say pass and we come back if there is time. Now, we are playing for $10,000. Our player today is Ellie. Good morning, Ellie. Good morning. Ellie, we've got $10,000 for this gorgeous Thursday.

The question is, are you going to take a? at office? I hope so. Yeah, okay. I don't like when they hope. Ellie, you've gotten through. That's one of the hardest things to get through Babs. 500 people are calling.

You're the chosen one. I'll ask you again. Yep. Are you going to take it office? Yeah. Yeah. That's the energy we want. What do you want to spend the money on?

Our house deposit. Very good. I'll tell you what, it would not go a long way. You're going to have to tip in a little bit of your own. Touch more. But 10, grand. That's a great, it helps. Great start.

Ellie, the letter you're going to work with? She's solid. I think we've seen some success with this letter in the past. It's P. Yeah. P for proud homeowner. Okay? Yep.

You ready to rock? Yep. Your time will start after the first question, starting with the letter P. We need you to know. A shoe brand. Platterpus. A periodic element. Pass.

Something in the bedroom. A path. An occupation. Painter. A rom-com. A... A Harry Potter character. Pinterest.

A flower. A... A path. An adjective. Dah! Damn it. We got ourselves two. Two of the best.

Two of the greatest. element, you could have said potassium. Big fan, nan, nah, nah. Oh, yeah, you're going to put bananas. Something in the bedroom, pillow, you could have said, you could have said, Pam. I would accept that. You could have said anything. You could have said anything.

Harry Potter character, did you say, Pedric? Like Cedric and, what did you say? I don't even know. You know what I reckon? She combined Peter Petty Group and Cedric. That's what you did, Dairley. Pedric. We could have had Petunia, Percy Weasley.

A flower could have been a pansy, an adjective, patient or polite. It's a tough one, though. Look, Ellie, I think we clearly do not get the money, but we do get $100 of fuel, thanks to O'Brien. That is all yours. Thank you so much. Thanks for playing, Ellie. Thanks for joining the show.

Thank you. You're welcome. Thanks, Ellie. Hey, we do play again late. $10,000 up for grabs. I'd love it to see it go off before I leave. Oh, we've got five weeks, though. Come on.

Like one winner this year. Yeah. I've had a couple. Hey, up next, talking about my Instagram algorithm and what I keep sending to Babs. That she keeps ignoring. Jess and Ducko Right now Sweet Babbs walked in and goes

Do you need me for this? It literally says Ducko has an issue with Babs The algorithm for Babs Yeah yeah yeah We might need you for this Yeah I think we do I just don't think you want to be in here

Maybe you don't want to have a right of reply Yeah We're giving you one That's fine Okay Silence speaks volumes Babes So anyway I don't even know how this came up

But you guys know We spoke about a few times I'll send Babs What I think is fire meme Let's be real Got upset Shaga I know we're bonding And you're like

Well I'm going to bond you're like I'm going to bond with Babbs then. So you've tried to speak her language. Yeah, you guys went out to like a meal or whatever in Shiger. Yeah, we've got a sandwich. You made Shiga look at your billboard and film content. That's right. We had a great time doing it.

You went, well, Babs and I may you should level up. In fact, the whole team's going out to dinner tonight without me, which is also, that really has eaten me up alive a bit. Who dumb to? Come on. Who done to? Yeah, we can't start that. You also can't eat tonight.

Yeah, but that makes it even worse. I'm getting a colonoscopy tomorrow. I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm so excited. So I'll be on the toilet. It's even funny because Babbs turned you down initially. Then Shagga said, I'll go.

Then you'd be playing the middle. Babbs goes, I would have come. Hang on. I said, I'll go if you have no other friends to go with. That's correct. And I didn't. Now she does. Now, yeah.

So wait, are you saying you don't want to come? Because Babs is coming. No, no, no, no. We're going. But I said, I'll go with you. But if you find a new friend, happy to be subbed out. So do you want to come on? Now I'm confused.

The relationship seems strong. I'm locked in. I'm locked in. That's not a huge. It's an about her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, I don't know, for some reason, I've said Babbs a few memes, and then Bab's, like, reply to realise it doesn't really reply to many.

No, you showed before unread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't realize at the time. In 2025, that is brutal. I know. I think I said one. It was about, like, being young in the workplace, me or whatever, and she's like, how, relatable.

And I was like, okay. And I started five hours. I've opened the door. We're on. For some reason, my Instagram is batting me up the craziest videos. There's so many AI videos now. You see the ones of, like, Stephen Hawkins, like, on his, like, you know, wheelchair and stuff.

It's on the skate ramp falling off things and there's heaps of steep walking's ones. Sorry, that's AI. AI. There's one where Michael Jackson steals some kids food at KFC. He's like,

I like this chicken. Yeah, like there's just rogue things, right? And I laughed at one and looked at one of a, of like, there's just a collection of grandmas, like, old ladies going to chiropractors

and the chiropractor is like, I'm just going to, oh, here we go. And then they like, jump on them, stand on them, drop a rock on them. And then the grandma gets up

like after being crushed at the bed collapses. and is like, I feel great. Like, here's the audio, right? Oh, wow. I feel better already. Again, confirming AI. It's not guy rights.

Jumping on grannies. And so, Grandma, getting, like, absolutely total. I'm being like, I feel better. And I just summary the thought of Babs. See, she's laughing, right? And so I said, ah, funny. So this is the stuff you're sending. I sent that to Babs.

And now I've realized, like, I've sent, like, four variations of grandmas getting totaled by Kara practice to Babs. That's all I send her. So. Now does your algorithm think, this guy likes grandma's getting hurt. What I'm getting is, his grandma's getting hurt. I'm like, oh, no. You know, this is the, it's a smart thing, the algorithm.

They know what you like. This is why everyone says, we live in Echo Chambers. This is the guy who likes to see Granny's getting crushed. See, Babs is laughing, right? I like AI videos. How come you've never opened it? No, I don't reply. I just sit there and laugh and then go, that's funny.

No, I just keep sending it. What a relationship. But I do enjoy them. I just don't know what. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. I've realized I've started doing something in my early gym sessions, Ducko, which I wonder as if it's got people questioning me, wondering what I'm all about. So you know I've started just in recent months, finding the energy to get up before the show.

Setting the alarm a little bit earlier. Very admirable from afar. I didn't think it would laugh. Neither did I, but I found my thing. I obviously am a morning person, have been struggling to find any love or connection with physical activity. And let's be real. Start your day with it. Get the endorphins running.

You tick it off. You feel like you're achieving a lot. Absolutely. I could come up with any excuse under the sun for an afternoon or evening workout, whereas morning, there's no buried entry. No. Husband is obviously still in bed. The baby is looked after and cared for. I'm getting up anyway.

May as well do it early. But a situation I find myself in, because, obviously, Obviously, not that many people need to go that early. Sometimes I am on my own. Sometimes there's one or two people, and they trickle in a little bit later. You were saying it's getting busier as it's getting brighter and warmer. And you did warn me about that. I said, geez, I'm like the only one or there's one other woman usually.

But now I'm noticing, oh, daylight savings. We're getting into beach season, baby. There are a few other people. But the gym that I go to, it's a couple of levels. On the bottom level, it's, you know, your free weights, that situation. and on the top is classes. Yeah. I haven't quite worked out what times the class has happened,

but on that level is a great, it's a better bathroom. So that's where I'll go to get ready. Sometimes the class has already started, but sometimes it hasn't. And if I'm getting ready and I hear people start arriving for the class that's about to happen, I get anxious that they're going to come and either try and get into the bathroom.

It's just a bit of a pissy lock. Not a good lock, yeah. They never are at gyms. Or they'll be sick. scared if then I pop out of nowhere. Like, if it's just a trainer, setting up, I don't want to frighten anyone. They think they're on their own.

Exactly. Because I'm not listening to music or anything in the shower. You know, I have 45 second showers. It's not like the taps running. But like, do that person even use the shower? Yeah, what's going on in there? So what I've started doing, if I do hear someone, there obviously is someone out there,

I'll start coughing really violently or like slamming my products down, drop the brush. Like, I literally missed 100%. Civilian in here. Which I often find myself doing in public bathrooms. Again, if I think the lock might be dicky, I'll either start coughing or trying to, one time I tried to scratch. I went, that's not making any freaking sound.

Just where your body, your mind goes in that situation. Rustling zips, like going up and down. Just any sounds you can make without actually saying something. Yes. Without just calling out, hello. Yeah, hello. Someone's in the bathroom. There's a lady in here.

I bought the big, you know, Stanley Cup knockoff drink bottle. When this thing hits the tiles, oh my God, it clashes. Yeah, yeah, just throw that at the door and knock someone out. But I realised today doing this exact routine, like, they must think I'm either constantly ill, coughing up my lungs. Yeah, coughing's a bad one since COVID. I know, I shouldn't be doing that. No one really, no one loves it anymore. Not that they did.

Hocking up a lugee after my workout. Yeah, I do like, I know what you mean. Like, I don't have that exact center in the gym, but sometimes like, if, you know. You're trying to make your presence on. I do the but then you don't want to be rude and you're like I do that in shops

God then you end up doing like a real fake cough like ah if the chick I I sigh you know sometimes I go to a shop and she's like her backs to me I'm not dingin the bell because she's right there but I

I don't know why I find it so awkward to go excuse me I'm here so I'll go I just hope they did what happened to that person between the coughing the dropping the huge drink bottle. They must think you're the weirdest human being. What is going on with that? You do your booty band

exercises. It's always booty band. And then you just go and cough in the toilet for five minutes. And constantly drop my dry drink bottle. I've probably cracked their tiles. How much I dropped the drink bottle. They're going to cancel your membership. They are. Or at least up my rates to replace the tiles. But God, you're looking fit. Thank you so much. Jess and Docco. Proud. Oh, though.

Jess and Ducko's proud for Pops. Docco's going to give us a couple of categories. Oh yeah. We get to just. side if it's proud or pov and buy me when I say we I do mean you 0488-18181069 Text in

Let's get a temperature check Temperature check You can always text in need fast text though Just saying proud or pov-o whatever you want Very first one going around the room To get a temperature check from everyone Bringing your own snacks Into the cinema

I mean it's not a lot of people go to the movies these days But I mean I went the other day to the movies And I brought a full grilled burger And chips in Now see this is what I wanted to clarify You said snacks. I said food, food, anything. I think it's Pov.

Oh, see, I... I'm sorry. I like, I don't disagree with you, but I do it. So I'm going to have to be in the proud camp. And I appreciate candy bar and maybe the menus. You know, some of the fancy cinemas. Whether it's gold class or not, you can get, like, meals. You know, the golf food's not going to go.

I think it's Pov. I think if you're going to go to the movies, you've got to go all in. You've got to save up for your bloody chock top. I love going to grilled, get my burger, putting in and get the chips, and then walk into movies and it goes dark. eat it. It's hard to eat. It sounds like you're ashamed of it. Obviously, you want to hide. I'm putting it in a

And I also think, also contentious anything with, not that grilled smells bad, but anything that does have a fragrance. Remember that time I went in and someone who pulled out of full cheeseboard? Yeah. And put the seat in the middle. That was a bit much. See, I think that's all right because of no smell. Not hurting anyone. They took up a whole seat for their

cheese player. My brother used to work at a Hoyt's and he goes the number of bags of rotissory chicken carcasses he would have to clean up. The smells is too many competing smells. to me. I'm going to say proud. You're saying Pove? I am.

Babs? I'm going to say Pov. Sorry. I didn't see that coming from you. I very much lean into cinema food. I'm like big popcorn, massive frozen drink. Sometimes I'll still get the popcorn and Maltises, but I'll also bring in dinner. All right.

Shall I go. Pab. Someone said Proud on the text line. $10 for a bag of Maltese is no way proud. Pov, proud. Oh, a lot of people on the text line saying proud. There you go. Hey, there you go.

Proud. It's a quick pivot. What about this one. Owning a pet snake. Proud. I think it's proud. That's cool. No, man, I think it's weird.

I think pets snakes are the strangest thing to own. A reptile people. They are, they don't care what anyone else is about. No, they don't. They really don't. And that's the proud part for me. They look for their people. They're happy with their people.

And then they can get out and kill or hurt you or your other pets in the house. What a way to go though. Was strangled in his sleep by his boa constrictor. Hot. Is it? Hot. I'm changing that to Pohl. Oh.

New techs rolling in, pov, pov, pov. All right, where me snake people are. They're out there. But they've just changed channels. On the show for you. It's okay. Taking home toiletries from a hotel. Oh, proud.

Yeah, the little bottles of shampoo finishing up. However, very rare now. A lot of hotels moving more eco-conscious sustainable. They are not as prolific as they used to be. No, or it's just the reusable things. Exactly. That are bolted to the walls. Yeah.

You don't know what's really in them, though. That's pov. Yeah. So I think taking home is proud, but I don't do it anymore because I'm not going to take those little circular soaps home. I know you guys probably don't care about this. Yeah, here we go. But in business class, you get quite the nice little array of toiletries. So you should.

They encourage you to take it. They encourage you to take it. You have a little shower bag, too. Yes, nice. Proud, baby. I would say proud. I don't really stay in hotels, though. That's so true.

If I could, if I could, I would take them home. So Rachel said, Pov, buy your own. Well, I will, but at least I could get more use out of mine because I'll use the hotel one for a week or two. Jody just messaged in saying, Jody, thanks Jody. A fair few people, about six messages coming in the proud.

I got one more for you. This will be an interesting one. Having your Wi-Fi password stuck to the fridge. I have that. I've got the magnet. I don't think there's anything pop about that. You don't think it's a pretty proud. No, when friends come over, I did so much easier to say, here it is.

Go log in yourself. But fridge magnets get people really offside for some reason. They do. You're absolutely right. Should I change that to fridge magnets? Yeah, but I love a fridge magnet. I love a fridge magnet too. Proud.

I'm saying proud for that. Yeah, there he is. You'd even take your sticker up, your energy rating sticker off. No, I'd take that off. Yeah, but I have one magnet and there's a Wi-Fi basket, but it's on the side, up against the wall. So if you need it, it's there. It's not even on the front display. Yeah, okay, interesting.

A lot of people saying proud coming in for that one. People love a fridge magnet. A lot more proud to do. How will you know I've been to Budapest Unless you can see the fridge magnet on my fridge Next to my Wi-Fi I've got one of Pope Francis, the people's Pope You're a big Pope Francis guy

I got one of Jess and Ducco Oh Good answer Jess and Ducco Still a big show to come But it's a big day for me today Off the back of an announce yesterday That'll be departing the show at the end of the year

Can I try? Sorry, just before We gave you an award for great segue Can I just try one? Here we go. Okay, so you said yesterday, you announced that you're departing the show. I'm deplying the show. And today, or at least tomorrow, everything inside you will be departing out your butt. Thanks so much.

Can I have that award now? Yes, you can. You get the segue. You are the Segway queen now. When I leave, you get to Segway. We just keep passing the baton at Shagai. Feel free to. Hit us with the Segway, Shagai.

I'm departing the show at the end of the year. And now you're departing your bow. That wasn't You should have left A big Kelly holiday in there Here we go Babs I'm departing the show At the end of the year

But not our hearts What had nothing to do with Swans That was just a dig at me Not our heart No no that was nice You're not departing our hearts I thought we're linking it back to your boat We were meant to she missed this on

But it was still sweet There's a reason she sits out there No I'm joking babes love you Two years strong Gotta miss you But today in More important use. You should have left it with me.

I did a killer segue talking about, yeah. Colonoscopy coming up. I've got a colonoscopy tomorrow. So yes, I was on the white diet. Man, I had four bits of just pure white, dirty bread. When's the last time you had white bread? I don't remember. In your youth.

Years and years, like a long time ago. I just had fish with rice and plain chicken with rice. See, that's pretty normal. Chicken rice was actually pretty good. I didn't mind that. But you can't have any colored vegetables. Because we learned together that colored things actually impact how visible your internals are, which obviously is the whole point of a colonoscopy.

And then today is the water-only diet. So I'm having broth for lunch and broth for dinner. And then at 3 o'clock and then again at 6 o'clock, I'm going to take anyone who's done it will know. The sachets that basically are thick and gooey and yuck and they are like draino for your guts. It's essentially like a fire alarm will go off and everything must exist. Everything must go. It's a flash sail of my body. So everything goes out so the camera can go in.

Yes, correct. Oh my gosh. I was thinking about you this morning. And I was like, God, if there's anything left in him, when the camera goes up, because it's like push it up, like up your esophagus. I think they've just got to abandon test if they feel anything. Oh, because otherwise it's like, imagine it's like a South Park episode. It comes up my mouth.

I don't know if it works that way. Maybe it does. Hey, man. Asophagus is connected to your starmic, stomach connected to your boughs. So the reverse must be true. Hey, it could be. It's how the song go. So that's how we base all our body facts.

Exactly. So I've got it tomorrow at some stage. I find out tonight when I have it. Basically, I've got to do the two sachets, one at 3 p.m., one at 6, and then another one, four to five hours before I go. But you don't know when the appointment is. So if they say, oh, it's at 9 a.m. or 10 am. Whatever, you've got to then set your alarm and wake up to make sure your timings are all correct.

This is brutal. I've never heard of anything more in the lead-up to a screening. And this is just a general health check. There's nothing actually wrong or anything. I don't alarm me on. My dad was very concerned. When I said you were getting a colonoscopy, he went, whoa, whoa, he's young. Is everything okay?

Yeah, no, this is just me when going to my GP saying, hey, I want to get this done. And they're like, okay, fine. But I tell you what, after the announce yesterday, the emotional toll, and then me being on a toilet all night tonight, apparently I was speaking of my mate who had one done. He's like, man, you will not leave that bathroom. Like, he's like, it is just not fun.

I don't even, it's 7.59. People might be getting their breakfast, but he's just leaking. Like, you just don't have the control because it's mass evacuation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is full. It is full of ventilation. I know. Don't close your eyes. I know.

It's like, do I set up a pillow and like a little blanket next to the toilet? I forgot to bring in the tar. I'll drop it at your house. Yeah, drop it. I need the tap. You're going to need the tar. I definitely need the tap. Something easy to rinse on.

Yeah. I'll leave that gurney. Luckily, shot you guys got me a good at my birthday. So that works. But yeah, so anyway, I've got that. You're staring down the barrel of a pretty hectic. I can't eat anything. And then three o'clock I take my sashet.

And it's just like, I'm already hungry. Absolutely. All I can have is, all I can have is broth and coffee. And this is the easy part The camera hasn't even gone in yet I know I know I know

I don't know That's the fun part You've just testing it There's live at the end of the Test box I'm bailed out I was going to say a naughty word Talking about testing

Next up Alpha Box Are you wrapping a czar? I want to be the sedquequequeen. Pass the crown. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alfa Bucks on here. 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. I have to take your first answer.

Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're untrue of the questions, say pass. Of course, we come back to you if there is time. We are playing for $10,000. Our player today is Shelley. Hello, Shelly. Good morning. Good morning, Shelley. For a beautiful Thursday, thank you for joining the program.

We would like to know, what do you have in mind for $10,000? To get an air con before summer comes. Oh, that would be fantastic. What are you rolling with at the moment, Shell, just a fan or something? Yeah, just fans. You don't know yourself if you get that aircon in. We need to get Shelly some aircon. Yeah, oh yeah.

All right, Shelley. Well, one thing stands between you and a nice cool breeze in your living room. It's the letter G. G for great. Okay? Yep. Come on. Your time will start after the first question.

Starting with the letter G, we need you to name. A type of flower. Geronium. A TV show. Good goes. A country. A beauty. A beauty brand.

Sorry. Georgia. A verb. Good. A school subject. Geography. A thriller film. A ghost.

An occupation. Very measured from jelly. Very, very no sense of urgency. from Shelley, just not in a rush, old Shelley was like, I know you told me 30 seconds, I don't care. I think after TV show with Good Guy, she was like, oh, I'm not getting 10K, so I'm just going to really

pat this one out. That's all. I want to take my time here and let this 30 seconds run for an hour. TV show, good guys, I appreciated the sentiment. It wasn't Gilmore Girls or Grey's Anatomy, a country, Germany or Greece, a beauty brand. I don't know what you said, Georgio. Have you said Georgio, Armani?

Yeah. I don't think you can pay just half of it. Gun, yeah, is what we're looking for. A thriller film, you said ghost. Is ghost a thriller? I think it's more of a romance, but I mean, it's got a ghost in it. So is that scary to some people? That's what I thought. If you get scared by it, you get scared by it.

Gone Girls, what we could have also had there. Look, two, maybe three, you don't get yourself the money or the aircon, but you do get 100 bucks of fuel thanks to O'Brien. Oh, hoorah, thank you. Hey, Shelley, there you go. Fill up your petrol tank, sit in your car. There's an aircon in your car. How good's that, Shell?

There you go. Yeah, there you. Always look on the brides. I don't know. Brian, Monty Python. Hurrah, Shell. Thank you. All the best.

Thanks, Sally. The most measured least stress player we've ever had on. That was a master class in keeping you cool. Not in the game, but in keeping your cool. When it all goes belly up, just be like Shell. I met some people the other day, big Alpha Bucks fans. And they were like, so do we have to have the timer going in the background? I went, yeah.

Yeah, that's kind of the game. That's a big part. Yeah, yeah, you take the time rate, it's quite easy. They're like, and that's the stress. I went, well, yeah, 10 grand up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Practice at home with your home timer. Absolutely.

Otherwise, if they didn't be had time, they'd be shy a guy counting down like this. 30. Oh, sorry. 30. 29. 28. I'm not doing.

What's more off pudding? You know? I would weirdly love to test it. Yeah, 29. We can try it tomorrow. 27, ha, ha. Oh, man, I trust the counts. You'd actually get like 90 seconds if the counts.

Shelly would have slayed then. She'll have been chained to the count. Hey up next, we're asking on 13, 1060, who ruined your day? Yeah. Not looking at anyone. Someone running a few bills days yesterday. We'll unpack it after a raise. Jess and Ducco.

Ducco, I'm really looking forward to asking this question because if the answer to it is just consistently you. This could be funny. I'm not going to be mad. 13, 1060, who ruined your day? This time yesterday, I announced that I will be departing this show at the end of the year, for a family and another opportunity. It was very hard. We all got very emotional, lots of messages of support.

DMs, thank you to everyone who's reached out to us. Someone commented on the socials, on the video. That's up on Jess and Ducko. If you did miss the full statement, the podcast, there's a bonus clip up there, but otherwise, Jess and Ducko on Instagram, you can see the video. I had a lot of great DMs and a lot of people saying, like, oh, my God, this absolutely ruined it. Oh, you've ruined Christmas.

How could you do this? But I have one woman say, like, I blame you for crashing my car today. Jesus. And I was like, what do you mean? She goes, I was so sad when I heard your announce and hearing you and Jess get emotional that I started crying. I then went to work and my makeup had run. My mascara had run.

She wasn't wearing her waterproof. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, you kind of panned her eyes. She was going to need waterproof one that morning. That's fair enough. She probably looked at both and went, why would I need waterproof? It's just a normal Wednesday. Exactly.

Bada bing, bada boom. Ducco breaks all our hearts. So then I break her heart. She then goes to work, realizes that she looks like a mess and goes, I'm just going to go home to fix it up. Oh, I love that from her. There's no way I could possibly go on with my day. I can't do this.

She must have a customer service-facing job or something. You know, she can't hide behind a computer. Gets in the car, drives home and has an accident. Like a slight accident, everything's fine. Just ran out the back of someone, but like everything's okay. I made sure. Oh, my God. And then she's like, I was frazzled because I had to leave work and do stuff.

And I blame you for telling me that you were leaving and making me emotional. We do. And they are my favorite messages where people go, I nearly crashed the car because I was laughing so much, you know, doubled over or whatever. But this is a woman who actually has crashed the car. Crashed the car because of my news. Because she got, she wasn't meant to be on the road at that time. She wasn't meant to leave work.

She wasn't meant to have that in the sky running. That's on me. This is a sliding doors moment. It is. You know what I mean? She should have just been going about her business. But because she had to go back on the road, the universe has put something in her path. Yeah.

She's bloody hit it. I felt like, I thought it was hilarious, but I felt bad. but I was just like, well, content. That is, thank you to that woman for sharing. Yes, yes, yes. If we had a surplus of jiz bits, I'd say let's send her a jiz bit, but we've only got two. They're collecters items now.

We're going to work out who we give those last giz bits and free payments too. Not even crashing your car, we'll get you a free jizpid. But I love the question. Yeah. 13, 1060, who ruined your day? I would like to just add a bonus on if Duck had ruined your day. If I ruined your day. Babs let them all through. Yeah, 13, 1060.

Because we'll put you in the drawer for those. drink tickets. Yeah. Which Ducco is going to that gig. So you can tell it to his face. You ruin it for me. But yeah, who ruined your day? What happened?

How'd they ruin it? Not necessarily yesterday. Yeah, it doesn't be it. It could be any day of the week. But yeah, if I ruin it. Jess and Ducco. Who ruined your day? Not necessarily yesterday.

Yeah. Any day that you can point the finger and go, that was Bruce's fault. Yesterday. God damn you, Bruce. Damn, you, Bruce. Yesterday, for one, very gorgeous rice cooker. People we have vowed to uplift and support and encourage and love, you ruined her day. I ruined her day.

I announced that I was leaving. She got emotional, cried. There was a few tears yesterday from a few people, myself included. Not Shagga. Oh, he cried. He's made of stone. Shagga's mom cried. Anyway, she cried, got to work.

Her makeup had run. Her mascaraed run. She was so embarrassed and sad that she got back in the car to go home to just fix it. and then she had a crash on the way home. No one carries my cellar water with them. That's at home to tidy up a running mascara. She had to go. She was not meant to be on the road.

And the universe went, mm-mm, you're going to crash your back. So you told me you're leaving, made me cry, then I crashed my car. It's your fault. And I did feel quite like, I was like, oh, geez, I do feel responsible. I would chalk that up. Another person's day you've ruined. You must feel. You deserve the colonoscopy.

Jackie, on 13, 1060. Who ruined your day? What happened? Good morning, guys. Sorry to hear that you leave. Thank you. It's very sad. I think everyone's sad, but you didn't ruin my day. I'm glad. Jackie's like, it was sad, but I just kept moving. Jackie's got bigger fish to fry.

It was my delightful children. So I've got a boy and a girl, six and eight. Mornings, as you know, as school children are super, super busy in our household, had the iron on, getting ready, ducked up to the bathroom to get myself ready for work. The kids had a football inside. I constantly say, don't. kick the footy, something, you know, something will break. Heard a big bang in a crack. Everything went off. They'd kick the footy, knocked the iron off the wall and shorted out the whole house. Oh, no.

As you're trying to get ready for your day for school, that's when you need the most power. And then just the shock of the, like, you know, and like, thank goodness, nothing worse happened to them. But, yeah, we had a very serious talk after that. Yeah, absolutely. Don't kick the footy inside. Oh, my God. Yeah, for the age old things. Jackie did say a couple of weeks ago, 100% they've kicked the footy again.

Oh, yeah. Shannon on 13, 10, 60, who ruined your day? Well, I sort of ruined it myself. Okay. Let's look inwards, Shannon. So a couple years ago, I got T-boned and my car went away to get fixed. So it looks like really good, come back. And then a couple of days later, my partner came home from work at night time

and sort of parked a bit behind me, like on a diagonal. way, I just put the kids in the car to go to school and I reversed straight into his car and smashed in the back of my car. Shannon, what I'm hearing is that's not your fault, that's his. What was he thinking parking diagonally behind your car?

Usually he's not parked behind me because he's not there at a daytime, but this time he worked through the night and yeah, I just completely jumped in, reverse. You just weren't ready. And like, obviously it's your fault but it's kind of morally his fault. Absolutely, what's his car doing? No, that's not meant to happen.

Exactly. It shouldn't have been there? No way. Again, another story where it's happened in the morning. That is just setting you up for a full for the rest of the day. You can never come back from that. No way. Sharnie on 131060, good morning. Hi.

So I'm pretty sure it was you guys that rule my day. Sorry, Shani. I'm going to get my defence lawyer first. Last year I rang up to win R&B Friday live tickets. And the first round was Jason Derulo's song, which I absolutely aced. Got so excited, thought I'd won the tickets, told all my friends about it. And then the next day you guys rang me and go, all right, well, are you ready for round two? Oh, carry over champ, Charlie.

Oh, okay. Caught me so off guard. And it was a David Getter song that I knew about off the back of my hair, but I sang the words so wrong. And my friends all still tease me to this day about it. Every time it's gone. Oh, she's gone early. She's celebrated too early. Yeah, do you remember what it was?

Just to relive the trauma, Sharnie, do you remember? Oh, I don't remember. And I'm scared to sing it wrong again. Yeah, you never went back up. I'm seriously traumatized by it. But I remember I still went to the festival, and when the song came on, they all sang it the wrong way I did. That's your song now.

Again, I think I'm just getting a word from our criminal defense attorney here. That is not on us. That is on shy guys for not explaining. It's not explaining the game well enough. So, Sharnie, you can take your negative. Are you going for Kendrick Lamar tickets now, are you, Sharnie? You're hoping to win the Kendrick tickets? Yeah, I hope so.

I think I deserve it for collateral. Let's just make it really clear. Sharnie, you haven't won the Kendrick tickets yet. All right, don't tell anyone you've won anything yet. All right, fingers crossed. 8.55. It's Justin Ducco, Jess Ann, your cult boy. That's a great.

Let's go back to 607 this morning, Jess. What do you mean? People don't listen for the whole three hours. What are you talking about? Ducco made a reference to his own anatomy in relation to your cult. And it's made me giggle since 607. So pardon me from enjoying your gags. Pardon me.

I'm trying to bring the people across otherwise they wouldn't get it. And be like, is he a spokesman for you? He hates that stuff. Which I do hate it. Hey, man. Money talks. If your cult want to come knocking. Everyone's got a prize.

Everyone's got a prize. In this economy, you'd tell you. Take your kult money. Oh, mate. You've got a daughter. Kids are expensive. Hi, I'm Ducco, and I love your cult, me drinking. Like, ugh.

Yeah. That little foil cap. Oh, I don't think I would say yes to that. I think my parents are the only one still buying your cult. Probably. Are they still drinking in their age? They love your cool. And they put it in.

It really annoys me. You know, the fridge door. So obviously, that's where you would keep, maybe some beverages, maybe the eggs. That's where they keep the yacult. They don't stack the eggs in the egg compartment. They just put their 12 pack of yacult. They get in 12... What are they smashing one a day each?

Ray, one a day. Why do they drink that? Why, they're regular. Are they children? Is it for your gut? Your cult is with probiotics. It's good for the gut health. You actually should have to...

It says it is. I don't know if it is. A lot of stuff says it's good for stuff. Everything says probiotic nowadays or it's good for you or it's grain fed or whatever it is. Oh, yeah. Let's not get into that. There's no...

It's a deep and dark debate. Yeah, it is. You know, but, hey, it's a great show today. We really stepped it up a notch. We did. Feel a bit lighter. Now that I've announced everything that I'm leaving. Absolutely.

We had a secret we were keeping, which was very sad. But now that it's out in the light, we can have a laugh. We can poke fun because the next five weeks, as we farewell the duckman on his journey. What we do with my farewell to it? What's happening? What did we got playing, Shaw guy? Nothing. What?

Do I mean nothing? We only just found out, yes. Do I mean nothing to you? You found out a week ago. A lot of people are asking, Shy Guy. When's the party? And I just don't know Are we, what are we doing?

I think he's got to come to my house. Are we, are we? Maybe you're cool. You made the apartment. Yeah, yeah. That's what I meant. The apartment. Hey, if we'll get that cop back

because of the noise complaint. Oh, would you like a stripper at your fair? We're now referencing podcast tops, are we? Okay, great. Maybe you're breaking the show tomorrow. Is everyone very across everything we do? I hope so. I'll reach out to your calls.

Maybe they can sponsor your farewell party. Yeah, me. It's like, are you called on a rival? I just need 15 pictures of you in a bathtub full of your course. And they'll... Swimming in your course. They'll pay for the farewell. But no, leave it with us.

I mean, leave it with us. At least a package from Colons or something, you know? Oh, of course. Of course. Don't worry, he's been working on that for a good little while. It's like when he's got the valet packages, mine's next. He knows. He knows.

No, it's been a fun show, team. It has, it has. Big week. Tomorrow's going to be a big show as well. Absolutely. Friday, we're drawing the Kendrick Lamar tickets. We've got the producers diary. a look back at the week that was, and even though we had that heavy news,

we've also had a lot of laughs. But I don't know if I'll be in. I've got a colonoscopy. I'm doing tomorrow at some stage. I find out the salvo. I've got to take me poo juice this afternoon from 3 o'clock. Oh, I wanted to read this too. And you guys are all going out for dinner, which is really kind of a kick to them.

We're doing my farewell dinner without me, which is all kind of kicking the nuts. It absolutely is. And we all know how sensitive your nuts are. Keep talking, Ducko. I need to read you something. Yeah. Thanks everyone who got involved in the text line as well. Appreciate you.

We can always see you. Babs, anything you want to add for today's show? Yeah, good show. Yeah, here you go. Kira reached out. She heard that you've got a colonoscopy booked and that tonight is the juice that is going to absolutely flush your system. Someone said it will change your life.

Kira said, Ducko, get the puppy pads ready. Now, for anyone who's never had a dog, when you first get a puppy, you get almost absorbent pads that you can put around. So when they go wee, you just clean those up. You roll those up and throw them away. she said my uncle had to get a colonoscopy and pooed himself on the lounge after taking those sachets. You have no control.

Oh my God. I've been told my mate, so that's me. People go to bed thinking they can sleep and they can't. So thank you for that word of warning, Kira. And I keep telling this to my wife, who I can I say is the least sympathetic person on the planet. We know that because she's a healthcare professional.

And she's like, you'll be fine. You'd be okay. I'm like, how would you know? I know. She's young. I know. Has never had lost control of her bells. I'm like, all right, I'm going to go to bed with you at night.

And let's see what happens in that bed, huh? She wakes up. You wake up in a bloody swamp. Better or worse, honey. What are you doing in my swamp? Well, we'll be thinking of you. Well, we have our delicious meal. Babs came in being like,

I think I'm going to order a glass of wine. So we'll toast to your butthole. Oh, thank you so much. Without you there. As you, I'm proud of you for taking the reins on your health. What are you doing in my swan? One! One! One! One! Swat time! If anyone else is getting a colonoscopy tomorrow, Ducco's going to start a group chat.

Yeah. Swikas! Sweak! Shout to my wife tonight. Can't wait, honey. I'll drop that tarp round, brother. I look forward to it. See you tomorrow. Bye! Bye!

Just busy, he's a busy little boy. I'm just doing my job. Jess and Ducco. That was the Jess and Ducco podcast. The new spicy Frank's red hot sauce range has arrived at Macas.