Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Now me nickname's lefty

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Ducko's dad is coming over to help him sand the deck, Jess wants to know your wedgie horror stories and Shy Guy presents a Christmas edition of Year of the SongSubscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Gather your little helpers, because the Elf on the Shelf Happy Meal has arrived at Macca's. Jess and Ducco! This is the Jess and Ducco Podcast. Yeah, welcome to the podcast everyone. Great to have your company with us. Thank you for being here with us. Vibes are high. Good show. It was a good Tuesday show. Good worst day of the week show. Absolutely. The contribution. We should get shirts next year made up saying, no bad Tuesdays. I love that.

Yeah. And on the back, see you next Tuesday. That's fantastic. Maybe we get sponsored by the Times of the Northern Territory. Are they the ones that did that ad campaign? Yeah, it's the NT. Or like travel NT. See you in the NT.

See you in the NT. Babs, what does that spell? No one walked into it. No, one of the great shows. The Contributions. Mate. I will never get over it because you and I expect very high things from one another. But we're always just, what are people going to play with us here?

When I say, what's your wedgie story? Are they going to have one? Are they going to get it? Are they going to have fun? And yet every time, they do. The varied age range of people calling you, I think, is the funniest. I couldn't agree more. Kids to someone maybe in his 80s.

I don't know. The first part of him greeting us, he did feel, I was like, ooh, you sound maybe 70 plus. And then never forget this guy. Good morning. Yep, yep. Even the lady you use for the goodbye. Oh, yeah.

Di, I think her name was. Bye. Yeah, Di, she was pretty old. She was an angry older lady, I think. And you'll hear Scott today. Bye. Yeah, she was pretty old. She was an angry older lady, I think. And you'll hear Scott today. Testicles falling out, but it was still attached by a bit of sinew at that stage. I'm trying to bug it back in.

The fact he called his nuts old, mate, gave old a generation for me. And I was so intrigued to ask him about fertility questions, but he said it works. He said it works. Having said that, he didn't say he went on to have 15 kids. No, he didn't. And I didn't want to make it a downer segment if he's like, no, I now can't have children. I was like, oh, that would suck. But hey, one ball will make sperm, right? It does. You don't need both to make them. No, you only need one. You only need one. You only need one of everything. Like a kidney. That's true. That's what you can operate on. You know, I've always wondered, you know when you're well, you guys probably won't know, but come along for this journey. When you have your testicles in the sack

and there's two of them there, if you only have one, will the ball sit in the middle of the sack or does it still sit on its side? Can you call Scott back? The fact that he was saying it was attached by a bit of sinew. Yeah, because it's attached by something. So it does. What's sinew?

Sinew is almost like a little bit of tendon or a little bit of a ligament. Sinew would be almost cartilage. Kind of like chicken where you've got that white bit. You mean when you have a breast fillet or something? Like a stringy bit? It's more like an umbilical cord, but a thin one, a little one, holding onto the testicle. The sinew is sort of an umbrella. So it must sit on that side that it's on.

It would naturally sit on that side. Because I thought they were free agent's balls, but no, they are attached. My mates had twisted testicles, very painful. You've got to go get them released. Is that what's twisting? They twist. The ligament in your tendon. The sinews cross.

Yeah. I don't know how you guys walk around with those things. You know what? For things that do dangle between your legs and we're constantly doing things like riding a bike or whatever, or running even, they really should get more trouble than they do. Because it's funny, isn't it? The human body is an unbelievable machine. It is weird.

It truly is a miracle, a miracle of nature. But the design of the balls for the procreation of the species does feel weird to be so vulnerable. Yeah, it's such a weak point. Don't think. Maybe it's like males are like big, strong stuff, but they have the easiest weak point. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes.

It's like there's the chink in the armor right there. If you look at every male mammal, the balls are just out, aren't they? Yeah, they are. Bulls, horses, dogs. But I don't know if it hurts. That's another great question. Oh, kick a dog in the nuts today, Doco. Kick a dog in the nuts, does it hurt them?

That's a no-dumb thought Friday. That is a no-dumb thought Friday. Put me down for that one. If you kick an animal in the nuts that has big showing testes, does it hurt them? Quick Google. Like, would that hurt them? I'm not going to try it. No, you're not going to go kick a bear, are you?

Well, I could fight a bear. But I'm certainly not going to do it to a dog. You could also land a plane in an emergency, couldn't you? Obviously. No, yeah, kicking a dog doesn't feel right. I wonder if that horse would take your fucking head off if you kicked it in the nuts. Oh, I wouldn't dare. You wouldn't dare.

You don't want to stand behind a horse. But as we've learned, only it's like humans, dolphins and rabbits who bang for pleasure. Rabbits, is it? Or maybe it's just a procreation. I don't know, they bang a lot. The fact they bang so much, and rabbits who bang for pleasure Rabbits is it? Or is that just for procreation? I don't know, they bang a lot The fact they bang so much, I thought it was for pleasure Petplace.com says that like humans, dogs will feel pain if something hits the testicles Maybe they feel so bad about de-sexing the dog

It also says that the scrotum is a tougher Shell Yeah On animalsum is a tougher. Shell. Yeah. On animals. There's a tougher skin around the nuts. Some dogs don't even look like they have a scrotum. It just looks like two frigging nuts just sitting right there. I know.

You remember Gianni's? That one mangos. Do you still have them? In the freezer? Yeah. Angus made me throw them away. Oh no. Oh no.

That was such a good day. It was such. Because you know they were in the fridge for a long time. Yeah. And that got weird. And then we put them in the freezer. And then just sitting next to like Lucia's coconut fish fingers felt weird. Yeah, serving her.

What if you mix it up one day and actually heat up Gianni's nuts? In my sleep defrients. She loves them. What is this, a lamb kofta? Yeah. Or a dog ball? Whoopsie. Is this a meatball in my pasta or Gianni's nuts?

I try and give her meatballs. Good for the eye. Well, try chucking one of Gianni's testes in there. That's so sad. I know. It is sad. It was a sad day. It's like a pot of hymns gone.

I should have buried them. That would have been good for the garden. You know, one thing I often do think about now with all fertility stuff is I don't need to get the snip, which is fantastic. Oh, babe. Famous last words, though. Yeah. Famous last words.

Have I told you about my girlfriend? Why would I have? Her son was born about a week before Lucia. So we sort of had this parallel pregnancy. She had I think, I might be getting it wrong, six rounds of IVF or six transfers. I don't know if you're teaching me the lingo correctly. At her six week obstetrician appointment, postpartum, you go and have a chat and make sure you're okay. And he said to her, how's this sentence?

Are you just going to rely on your infertility for contraception? I.e., you know, you struggled so much. You don't need the pill or the Mirena. And she went, all right, if you think three months later. That is so unlucky. Pregnant again. She's going to have two under two. It's wildly, wildly rare.

But also, it also strangely common. The number of people I've heard of going through IVF and then their second is, I don't want to use the word natural, it happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro. I wouldn't, I wouldn't. If I'm shooting for that work, right, out of like whatever. What do you always say?

It only takes one. It only takes one. If I was, if it did work from that, I'd be like, I'm proud of that guy. We're going to have to have it. You know what I mean? That kid, that kid is going to go on to cure something. Oh, yeah. Or win something.

That's the, all my other kids, I wouldn't care about them. That's the one I care about. Like your first kid, you had to work so hard. Paid for you, you little brat. Look at this guy. He just popped through. Second one's just popped through. Oh, yeah.

So I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't risk it. Yeah. I wouldn't risk. That's what I tell people to say. It's like a good thing about my fertility stuff. Like, well, I never need to get. Contraception. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I wouldn't. I wouldn't risk it. I wouldn't risk it. That's what I tell people to say. It's like a good thing about my fertility stuff. I'm like, well, I never need to get. Contraception. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Knowing your luck, you'd freaking get two under two. So true. Yeah. Imagine that. And they're twins? That's what you. And they're Irish. Mate.

Balls, man. Balls. Interesting thing. They are. Yeah. You know, people are trying to go into space to explore. Let's understand the balls a bit more. Shall I go?

Come over here. No. Do you want kids, Babs? Yeah. Okay. Okay, that sounded like not a common. Yeah, yeah. Not for ages.

Not for a while. The cheeks still got some growing to do, you know? You're going to tour. That's right. You're going to see the world first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As for a while. The cheeks still got some growing to do, you know. You're going to tour. That's right. You're going to see the world first. As a groupie. Yeah. No, okay.

That's the end of this chat. You're the only supportive girlfriend I've ever met. No, I am supportive. No, you're not. You roll your eyes every time we try and bring them up. Hey, hey, we've only got three days left. When are they coming in to record a special cover? They can record it from home and we can take the copy. They'll take that.

Alright. Hello, three days. You've had since last Thursday. Do something about it, Babs. Produce. Please don't make me DM them myself. That's so embarrassing. But I will. They're busy at the moment, though. I got the big gig coming up. Was it a Christmas carol we wanted?

I think we wanted Candy Shop. Well then, do you want me to say it until we come back? Was it a Christmas carol we wanted? I think we wanted Candy Shop. Well, then did I make that up? Until we come back? Yes. Oh, you've just given yourself too much. Why? I'm just saying, just in case it falls through. Because they've got their big gig this week.

But this is the issue. If it falls through because you never asked, that's unacceptable. If it falls through because you asked and they went, no, that's okay. Okay. Now she's going to tell me she did ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeff, don't cover for me. What if we did it on our first week back and we can tease it?

Yeah. I like that. First week back's good. Are we doing candy shop? No, but see, my issue is they're going to play this festival and then become super popular. We want to claim them. We were the ones who found the chance. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We want to get in on the ground level, not the bandwagon once their stock price is $25. You know what I mean? And then maybe when eventually, if we do do this, then Jess and I can go to a show and get on stage with them. Oh my God, I love this. What's up? You're fucking listening to the chicks.

Yes. And then Shy Guy and I come and do our thing. And we'll come out in arseless chaps with our cheeks out. The whole thing. Can we all wear arseless chaps one day just because? Yes. I really just want to see Shy Guy. And then.

I don't really want to. Why don't we wear whale tails and do a morning long comb? Oh, mate. Who can wear it here? That won't make sense to you now unless you know that meaning. You'll hear it in the show. And that was the greatest line I've ever heard. I'm going to steal it so much.

It's so good. Get your whale tails out, ladies. It's so good. Your neighbour's Catherine out, ladies. It's so good. Your neighbour's Catherine Kim. Keep an eye out if Kim ever comes out with a whale towel. She wears it around me sometimes and she's like, do you want to come see the plants? I'm like, um, are you hitting on me?

And Shy Guy's in the corner going, and possibly Benjo. Shy Guy's always with me. So I'm like, she'll be like, do you want to come see my plants? And possibly Benjo over. She's like, actually, want to come see my plants? She's like, actually, fuck off, duck. I'll take him. That'll also make sense later in the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's part of the show. These are all Easter eggs. Anyway, as we always like to say, jingle, jingle, jingle. Welcome to another day. Tuesday, team. Good morning. Here we are. Here we are. Here we are.

The last, this is our last worst day of the week of the year. Hey, what have we talked about? We love Tuesdays. We love Tuesdays. No bad Tuesdays. People come to us for a boost. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Come on. It's always a tough carry on a Tuesday, but I'm here. Giddy up. Giddy up. Giddy up, baby. We're on. Giddy up. We're on.

I'm going to trademark giddy up. I know. Yeah. People are hearing that more than I am, and I sit across from you every day. I didn't even know I was saying it. It's permeated through to the rice cookers, and we love it. It's going to be a fantastic Tuesday show. Amen.

Amen, because it is our last week on air, so vibes are high. How many times do you reckon we've said that already? The issue is the rules of radio are resetting every what? Four? Five minutes? You know? You've just got to keep telling them. You've got to keep telling them. Like what you always say, you know, my dog Pam. I'll say my daughter Lucia.

Just got to really make sure if you're hearing it for the first time, you know what's up. Our producer Shy Guy. Speak on the mic, big guy. Morning. Oh, hello. You even did a reset off air yesterday. You did. It's my husband Angus. We're all like, yeah, we know. I don hello. You even did a reset off air yesterday. You did. You said, my husband Angus. And we're all like, yeah, we know. I don't think we need to say that anymore about Angus and Morgan. Do you know, one of the greatest text messages we

ever received, 048881069. Text in any time. Was someone messaging me, and to be fair, we're having a go, saying, Jess, can you shut up with the, my husband Angus, we know who he is. We get why you were bragging. And I'm like, well, this is radio school coming out, but I love that it's now you get it.

You know what I mean? I don't have to do it. Hey, speaking of the text line though, 0400 001069, yesterday we did what's the saddest sight after a new study had been done in Germany and they said that people feel sorry for bananas that sit by themselves that have been debunched. That's right. I only want four bananas, but that's a hand to five.

Eh, I'll just leave that guy on his own. High food waste age. They did a new thing saying, I'm a lonely banana. Take me home. And lots of people did. Well, someone texted in yesterday. We missed it yesterday. Jeez, Babs, get on that text line.

Babs, this is not a good case for you. Get on that text line. Text line's Babs' thing. It is. Look, at 8.27, this person messaged deep in the show. Megan said, it makes me really sad when I see a really old person mowing their lawn. Where is their family? I've stopped to offer, and they always say, no, thank you.

I agree with that. See, but Megan, this is the issue. And I see this sometimes when you offer elderly people your seats on the bus. Yeah, I am. But when nice people do that. Are you talking about buses or what? I am talking about buses. And they go.

Someone hasn't gone since 07. They go, don't be so condescending. Don't act like I'm frail and old. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In a similar regard. Yeah. If they're out there mowing the lawn, it's because they can mow the lawn. I've often.

So I'd be very careful. I offered to the old guy across from our street. And he's like, no, I'm all good. He died months later. From a lawnmower accident? Don't know. But I just saw the paramedics and I saw his family. They're grieving.. He died months later. From a lawnmower accident? I don't know, but I just saw the paramedics and I saw his family there grieving. But, you know. And just a lawnmower?

I don't like to think about it, but if I'd maybe mowed that lawn, it could have had an extra week. No, but see, those last few months, he was able to stand confident in his own shoes looking after himself. Yeah, true. You know? That's true. That's the real fast rate of decline.

Yeah, you don't want to do that. When you think, oh, I can't do anything for myself anymore. I'm actually mowing the lawn. So I reckon you did a service. Thank you. Not mowing his lawn. I do feel sorry for them. When you sit them out and about doing that stuff, you're like, oh, I just want to help.

But you're right. Don't be condescending. I have pulled over for an old lady who was walking up a hill. She had some grocery bags. And I was like, oh, I just, oh, God. Did a U-turn, pulled over, and felt like such a creeper rolling down my window, like luring a child in the candy. Said, excuse me, can I offer you a lift anywhere?

She went, oh, my God, yes. Oh, really? She got in? And she did get in. She lived literally a block away. But it was a hot day, up a hill. Oh, that's nice of you. Shopping bags.

But it was one of those things where I went, this could go either way. Yeah. Because I don't want to be condescending to our elders. What happened to that lady who used to take shopping in the grocery store? She just stopped contacting you. So COVID hit. Yeah. Did you hear that, Shag?

I don't think you were hearing. Jess used to take an old lady shopping to supermarket. And the old lady didn't vibe with Jess that much. She was 97. Her name was Peggy. And Jess would be really upbeat and try and talk to her and stuff. And Peggy's like, shut up and get my grapes. We were finished.

But not even. Peggy would go and get the sack of potatoes. And Peggy's like, shut up and get my grapes. But not even. Peggy would go and get the sack of potatoes. And I'd be like, let me get it, Peggy. She'd be like, I can. That's where I think I got it from. She'd yell at me, I can do it. So all I did was push the trolley. It was like taking a nan out.

She wouldn't even talk to me. And I got really like, Peggy, tell me about the war. Was she aware of what was going on? She knew because it was through a charity organisation. We thought maybe Jess was ripping Peggy, tell me about the war. Was she aware of what was going on? She knew because it was through a charity organisation. We thought maybe Jess was ripping Peggy off. We said there's a deeper, darker secret. I was trying to get in her will. But I would call her every Tuesday.

I'd go shopping on a Wednesday. I'd call her and say, hey, Peggy, just confirming tomorrow. One time she said, you don't have to call me. And do you know what happened the next week? I fricking forgot to go get her. So the charity people called me in the afternoon and went, Peggy's called us and said, you haven't rocked up.

The reminder was more for me, Peg. You should get to the car. She's like, you forgot me, you asshole. COVID happened. And I'm like, if I don't take her shopping, she has got no food. COVID happened and I couldn't do it anymore. Maybe she didn't make it. I've got to protect the elderly. She had AstraZeneca and that was the end of that.

Then I tried to call the people again. I said, can I start with Peggy? And they said no. I was like, I think. Oh, Peggy Bruce. Or Peggy put in a complaint. Maybe. And then I said, can I have someone else?

Like, I've got so many hours in the day. This is pre-kids. You were rejected by Peggy in her 90s. So rejected. Yeah. And it's so funny because I've got no grandparents left. So I had said to my husband at the time

before, while fiancé, our wedding was around the corner, can I invite Peggy? I want an old person on my side. Hilarious. And he said, no. No, you can't.

Peggy would probably go, I'm not going to your freaking wedding. Are you joking? You forgot to pick me up that time. Angus has a grandma left and I don't. I wanted Peggy, but she did not like me.

I want one too. You forgot her? Yeah. That's like leaving your child at soccer practice. No, she already didn't like me. She didn't. And then I forgot her. How do we get on to Peggy?

Old people. Don't be condescending. Don't be condescending old people. And don't forget them. And don't forget them. And let them pick up their own potatoes. So you should also not forget 25 minutes time when we played 10K Alpha Bucks. Hell yeah.

Or you can play for 1K. Maybe do that. Everyone's kind of in bad lately. Yesterday we had two goes at the 10K, and I think our max score was three. Yep. So... So, come on. Be better.

Be better. Our Call of Fame, $1,000 cash thanks to Maccas. We will also look back at the year that was. The Call of Fame of the year nominations. We hear one a day leading into Friday. They get an amazing prize too. That's right. 10K Alpha Bucks coming back at 8.

We've got Year of the Song Christmas edition. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Surely they're all from the one album, The Bublo. Absolutely. It's all the same. Up next, though, Shark Guy sent this article out yesterday. I read it, and I studied it, and I showed it to my wife.

And you shotgun it. Yeah. It's why we should be having more dirty sexy time. Sorry, I shouldn't have believed. Dirty wasn't necessary in that. I was going to say dirty. I was going to say. You don't know what I was going to say and I don't want to say it.

In front of a mirror. Mirror time. Why we need to be in front. Have a bath, you dirty pig. Let me start again. Let me start again. Why we need to be using a mirror in the bedroom more. That's the one I needed.

God damn it. What were you going to say, dirty? Oh, no, I was going to say a specific position. Anyway. Sanchez. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. Got to put an Amber Alert out next for B1 and B2.

The bananas in pyjamas have been compromised. They have, yes, some years ago. Oh, is it old, is it? I just read the headline. Oh, is it? Yeah. Did no one read the story? No, I saw the headline.

Yeah, well, I mean. Kidnapped. They were kidnapped, and that's why the guy went on an interview and talked about what happened. Now he's talked about what happened. Now he's talking about what happened a while ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. That's all right.

Good gear, guys. I thought it was just, you know when, like, Ladbubble recitals the same thing every three months? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at Daco having read the whole thing. Good on you, son. Does no one read the stuff we send out every night? I read the headline and go, that sounds fun. Yeah, and then I saw the guy on the project and I was like, oh, cool.

That's why sometimes you send headlines and I'm like, there's four sentences in this article. I can't talk about this. Yeah, that's good on you. Thanks, guys. I'm the only one here doing the job. Anyway, I can't believe I'm the only one that reads the articles. It's not in my wheelhouse. The dyslexic guy's reading the whole article.

It takes me so long. And I'm like, oh, I just got through that. You know what you should do? You should just read the headline. Just like this one. Are you having mirror sex? I read this article too. Dirty, dirty.

Because sometimes when Sharky sends these things, I'm like, oh, I'll take it to my wife and see if I can experiment. You know what I mean? Just like, oh, we're doing this on the show. Okay, so hang on a minute. When's our contracts up? Because you have got one hell of a case study here. Thank you so much. You're reading all the articles properly all the way through.

Yeah. And doing extra work experimenting with what you're learning. Thank you so much. I'm very... That is more than I'm doing. Well, I'm just going to start showing up like you idiots. Hey, I read them. I just get AI to summarise it for me.

Well, you didn't read the next one coming up, did you? Well, they can't summarise video. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Can you summarise the Mirror summarize it for me. Well, you didn't read the next one coming up, did you? Well, they can't summarize video. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Can you summarize the mirror sex article for me? Oh, I'd love to hear it from Shy Guys. I thought you could do it off by... Anyway, Body and Soul has done this study and done this research. I love Body and Soul.

When sex therapists get in and say, look, have you been in a relationship for a long time and maybe you need to spice it up in the boudoir? It's getting a bit stagnant. And you don't like whips and chains. And let's say either you're not a toy person or you've done toys for a while. They say that the new rage is doing it in front of a mirror. Okay.

Now, my mind has gone straight to, you know, the funny movies with the mirror on the ceiling. Yeah, and the bed that spins in circles. No, this is what... Any old mirror. Any old mirror. So people say they stumble upon it usually when they're at Airbnbs or hotel rooms with their partner, and they're getting a bit frisky, and there's a mirror in the bedroom that normally wouldn't be

in their one at home. Okay. And all of a sudden, you're seeing things you haven't seen. Not just, like, your position, but you're also seeing your partner. Yes. You're seeing their enjoyment levels. You're seeing maybe different facial expressions. God, this could be very dangerous, though,

because when we talk about facial expressions, Ducco, some of them in the throws are the hottest things. There goes Jess. Oh, there's Angus. We starfishing again, are we? I'll put the mirror on the roof then so you can see yourself. Oh, is there an angle you haven't seen? I'll give you the hot tip.

Don't put it under my chin. I'll give you the hot tip. It't put it under my chin. I'll give you the hot tip. It doesn't look much better in a mirror. At least if he's staring into my eyes, hopefully, everything else doesn't matter. What are you drooling? Just repainted such a great picture of your boudoir sessions. I think he always always listening to girls.

God, I sound humongous. It's like we make me sound like a Christmas elf. You know what I sound like? You know when you have those balls of slime and you throw it against a window and it splatters out? That's what it sounds like. I fall back on the bed and it just like... It just goes everywhere.

Take me. I pancake out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it's like, all right, okay, we'll do this again, hey? Well, that's what I wanted to discuss if you'd ever actually looked in front of a mirror. Yeah, we have mirrors. Mirrors can be very, very good, but also very funny. It is funny.

You're absolutely right. Because when you see yourself doing things that in your brain you look like it's awesome, and then you look at it and you're like... Because without seeing myself, it's all feeling, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And I feel fantastic. But then I'm seeing it, I go, Christ almighty! Oh, yeah.

Goodness! That ain't hot. Oh, jeez. When you're doing the rusty wheelbarrow and you see the flexibility and the position you need to be in, it's tough going. You know, not to quote Babs in a scenario she definitely wouldn't want to be quoted. Please do. The pudgy.

That wasn't even the quote. You just said a word. This is the quote. Look at my little pudgy hair. But that's, you know, the pudgy. Not to quote Buzz, and she wouldn't want to be quoted, but. I don't hate you, but I don't really want to see your vagina. So you definitely, yeah.

Anyway, so that's what body and soul. Mirror sex is on the rise. So if you want to do it, if you want to experience something, if you want to experiment, apparently... My problem is when I work out, when I exercise really hard, I do this thing, my PT tool always pays me out about it. I get my teeth out. I go like this.

I get a bit Bugs Bunny. Oh, yes. You're like Grishing. Yeah, my top lip gets caught and my teeth... It disappears. Yes. That's hot. That's really hot.

So when I'm in the throes sometimes, I look in the mirror, I'm just there going. Just the teeth out. Yeah, Morgan, you'll be my elliptical. We've gotten to the bottom. Yes, yes. I think of this story about the bananas in pyjamas. It's been a hot minute.

What we haven't got to the bottom of is why the actor, Kenneth Radley, who played B1, he was the man, for more than 10 years in the 90s when the bananas in pyjamas were absolutely flying, they were at their peak, why he is currently doing press. So he was on a podcast called The Final Encore Podcast. Maybe they just get people who have done interesting jobs. Is it still going, the show? Are they making it?

It is, but it's animated. It's animated, isn't it? So they've got rid of the men in suits, which is an important point, actually. So Kenneth Radley has done this podcast, and people have absolutely gone ballistic for this story that he's told. It's all over Australian press. I've just seen it on the New York Post. Like, this story has gone global.

Because the tidbit he told. The tidbit he told is unreal. Can you take us to Russia, please, Ducko? It's been a while. You know, I don't like to come here often, but, jeez, every time we get here, we get sloshed. There's unbelievable tales out of Moscow. So B1 has told this podcast, which is, as I said, getting circulated everywhere, an unbelievable story.

He's not even at the heart of the story. He's just sharing. Now, unfortunately, we're having issues getting the audio from the podcast, so do bear with me. I'm going to do my best. Kenneth Radley. Tell me. He's talking about the marketing boss at the ABC.

Obviously, the ABC was the ones who produced Bananas in Pyjamas. Yeah. Afternoon TV, the best. The best. They wanted to do a bit of the ones who produced Bananas in Pyjamas. Yeah. Afternoon TV, the best. The best. They wanted to do a bit of a promotional tour for Bananas in Pyjamas and get some photos of those iconic suits, maybe just get some randoms, dressed up in the suits at famous landmarks around the world. Well, I'd hope they flew Kenneth over, or the actor.

Well, no. Kenneth wasn't involved. It was just... Just the suits and randoms. Just this guy, Graham Graspy. Graspy. Graspy. He's the head of marketing. This is a big PR opportunity.

ABC has no money as it is, and they're like, let's fly you to London, get a photo in front of Big Ben. Get some randos in front of Big Ben. Get some randos in front of the White House. Maybe go to the Coliseum. Have your fight in a gladiator. Oh, so they could use this in their episodes as well, the Bananas Go Global?

Oh, maybe. So it's just saying marketing and franchising. Maybe it was going to be like, we're doing a global, you know, tour or something, but really it was just the costumes and people wearing them. They go to Moscow because maybe they want a photo in front of the Kremlin, you know, those interesting buildings, very Russian, very, you know, bucket list sort of stuff.

They're in the Red Square. The suits get stolen. Graham's on his own and the suits get stolen. How do they get stolen? Russian, very, you know, bucket list sort of stuff. They're in Red Square. They're in the Red Square. The suits get stolen. Graham's on his own and the suits get stolen. How do they get stolen? They're so big. You would think they're big and why did he leave the suits unattended? Very true.

Maybe he's gone out for some vodka and caviar and left them. The Russian mafia have got word, hang on a minute, the Australian Bananas in Pyjamas suits are in our city. I wonder if Bananas in Pyjamas was played on Russian afternoon TV. I highly doubt it, but... It wouldn't surprise me. I was shocked to learn that Neighbours, Australian Neighbours, is bigger in the UK than it is in Australia. So you know what?

You never know. Maybe Australian Bananas in Pyjamas, someone dubs the voices over. That sounds so aggressive. And do it in Russian. The suits get stolen. In their place is a ransom note for $100,000 Australian dollars, allegedly from the Russian mafia. So funny.

If you want these suits back without being chopped up, you must give us $100,000. It's funny because it's a lot of money, but it's not that much money. And it's also banana suits. For the ABC, that's a lot of money. And it's not that much money. And it's also banana suits. For the ABC, that's a lot of money. And yeah, for banana costumes. Banana costumes. So Graham, the guy head of marketing, he's freaking out.

Imagine doing that on a work trip. You've lost the banana suits. So he calls the ABC HQ in Sydney. He goes, what do I do? The suits have been stolen. They won $100,000. The head of the ABC goes, well, what are they worth? Are they worth $100,000? Graham goes, nah, we've got them made for $100,000. The head of the ABC goes, well, what are they worth? Are they worth $100,000?

Graham goes, nah, we got them made for $20,000. Which already, as a costume... It's a lot. Did you see the detail on them? They're fantastic costumes. They were pretty good and stiff. They weren't floppy bananas. The integrity of the banana was fantastic. Always ripe too. Always ripe. Perfect ripeness.

So the head of the ABC goes, if they're worth $20,000, offer the mafia $20,000. Because it's not the most 90s story you've ever heard. It is. Just pay them $20,000. We'll get it back. So they wire Graham $20,000. Hilarious. And he sets up a meeting with the Russian mafia.

Yeah. He goes on to say, there I am, walking through the Red Square, trying to find the cafe to meet the Russian mafia with a briefcase. With $20,000. $20,000. For banana suits. He stops, thinks to himself, what the hell am I doing? This is way above my-

Because he could get killed. This is way above my pay grade. So he turns around, legs it straight for the Moscow airport and flies back home. So just remake the suits for $20,000. We'll just remake the suits for $20,000. Why pay the mafia when you just remake it suits for $20,000. We'll just remake the suits for $20,000. Why pay the mafia? We'll just remake it. Do we know?

Like, he doesn't go on to say he returned the $20,000 back to the ABC. Like, is Graham now just living in his bed? He's gone straight to Vegas. But what the takeout is, he goes, so the bananas are probably sitting in some gulag in Russia, in a freezing cold jail. No. Probably all limp and going brown now.

Probably. What do you reckon the Russian mafia is like, this will be a good one. We'll steal the Australian banana suits. This will get them boss. You know what it reeks of? They've got a new guy in sales and they're like, how are we going to spice things up for the Russian mafia?

I've got it. The mafia sales team. No ideas, a dumb idea. All right, you go, Gary. What do you got? We steal ze bananas. Classic Russian name there. Yes.

Yes. Classic Russian name there. Gas! Tickle up, tickle up, turning up. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Apple, apple. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabucks on hit. 30 seconds to answer. 10 questions all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice.

And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back to you, of course, if there is time. We are playing for either $10,000 or $1,000. The choice is yours, Peter. Good morning. Good morning. How are we? Peter, we couldn't be better.

But actually, we could. If we gave you some money right now because you get 10 out of 10, that would make our day. That would be good. The question is, do you want to play for $1,000 with kids' questions or $10,000 with grown-up questions? I've got to go grown-up. I don't know.

Any Taylor Swift songs? See, Peter's worked it out. That's good. Peter has worked it out. Yeah, there he is. You don't know Charlie XCX's album? Yeah, he doesn't. Peter's not listening to Apple Monday to Friday.

All right, Peter. I love this. On you, Pete. It feels like a silly question. We're obviously weeks away from Christmas, but what do you want to spend $10,000 on? It'll be bills and Christmas, yes. this. On you, Pete. It feels like a silly question. We're obviously weeks away from Christmas, but what do you want to spend $10,000 on? It'll be bills and Christmas, yes.

Bills and Christmas, baby. It's such an expensive time of year. Oh, my God. I sat down to try and start thinking about my parents and my brother and stuff, but before I'd blinked and I spent, you know, $500. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. All right, Peter, solid letter for you, my friend.

It's the letter N. N for nuggets. You got nuggets on the mind, huh? I got nuggets on the mind friend. It's the letter N. N for nuggets. You got nuggets on the mind, hey? I got nuggets on the mind. Nuggets on the brain. I'm hungry. All right, Peter, N for nugs. You good?

Yes. All right, come on. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter N, we need you to name a country. Norway. An occupation. Nurse. A rom-com.

Pass. A space term. Neptune. An NRL player. Nathan Blacklock. Something sharp. Needle. Something you find on a car.

Pass. An ice cream flavour. Neapolitan. A periodic element. Pass. Pass. Ah, no, no, no. We didn't quite get there. We got ourselves six. Six of the best. Six of the best.

Six of the best. A few good gets there, though. Neptune, one of the great gets. Very good. A rom-com could have been Notting Hill, Peter. Ah, yes. Yes. It's one gets there, though. Neptune, one of the great gets. Very good. A rom-com could have been Notting Hill, Peter. Yes. It's one of my worst favourites.

Yep. Never Been Kissed as well. Something fun in a car could have been Numberplate or the Nissan badge. If you were to get the Nissan badge, I'd have just given you the 10K. Periodic element could have been nitrogen or neon. Look, everything else you answered. You've got $100 to spend. It comes your way at MySoda. It's a MySoda gift box. Australian made. That is all for nitrogen or neon. Look, everything else you answered. You've got $100 to spend. It comes your way at MySoda. It's a MySoda gift box. Australian made.

That is all for you, mate. Lovely. Thank you very much, guys. Thank you, Peter. Thanks for joining the show. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, you too. You too. We will play again, of course, 8 o'clock. Jess and Ducko. Can you take us to the North Pole, please? Jingle, jingle, jingle. It's a baby.

So hurry down the journey tonight. A bit of Kylie. I hate this Christmas song. It's way too sexy, isn't it? This is lovely. Santa, why is it so breathy, Kylie? Sometimes Santa needs to see some sex appeal.

Santa wants to know that he's wanted, you know? I think that's... It's really nice. Santa's got a good woman at home and 5,000 elf children. We did this chat the other day where you didn't care a thing about Mrs Claus. No, I told you that Santa, that target in America, is now portraying, obviously, one of Santa's helpers. He's divorced. He's divorced.

That's Santa that Kylie's singing about. Happily jolly Santa with Mrs Claus at home. I hope so. But there's Kylie singing about hurrying down Jolly Santa with Mrs. Claus at home. I hope so. But there's Kylie singing about hurrying down her chimney. What's Kylie? Is she waiting for the presents? Anyway, we're talking about it. Yeah.

Obviously because Christmas is around the corner. But how's this study that's been done on the modern day Advent calendar, Ducko? Now, the Advent calendar, you know, the countdown to Christmas, you know, windows 25 through to 1 with the little chalk behind. And I don't think anyone is expecting that chocolate to blow your mind, be particularly wonderful. It's never a nice chalk. It's the fun.

I think it's teaching kids especially, you know, patience one at a time. It's a countdown. The number of people who do just eat all 25, you know. Oops. Oops. Oh, whatever. Tis the countdown. The number of people who do just eat all 25, you know. Oops. Oops. Oh, whatever. Tis the season. Calories don't count.

But someone has compiled, if maybe you're a bit bougier than just your standard advent calendar from Woolworths. Here we go. Maybe you're interested in Lindt's option. Lindt is doing their own advent calendar. We know Lindt is on the bougier side of chocolate. Are they the Lint Ball advent calendar? I think it's all different sort of Lint.

There's chalk behind each window, but the calendar is five foot, it's about your height, for $350. That's the only reason you want to do this story. You just want to get that. No, I just want to start with that. A five-foot advent calendar set you back $350. Wow. It's a big one. What are we doing with a ducko-sized advent calendar set you back $350. Wow. It's a big one.

What are we doing with a duck-sized advent calendar, though? How big are these squares? I'm guessing the whole family gets to have a bite of that block of chocolate that comes out from those windows. But it's not just chocolate. People are expanding out. You can get a Lego advent calendar, Harry Potter, Star Wars. That'll set you back $60.

I'm assuming behind each window is a little figurine or a little brick, and then you can build something. Lego's so expensive. It's surely not giving you figurines in that. It'd be a brick. Yeah, for only $60, it'd be a brick. National Geographic, this has got Shy Guy written all over it. For $35, a gemstone a day.

That could be a bit of fun. Shy Guy used to love going to the National Geographic store and kicking that thing that pumps up the rocket into the air and hanging that bird on his finger, the one that can hang. Perfectly balanced. Perfect balance, yes. And then practising his bird calls on the kazoo. Or the frog when you walk past it ribbits.

Love that. He sets that for his mum. Oh, the motion-sensitive frog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, that was a good store. For my beauty lovers out there, Mecca's got an advent calendar for $100 behind each window. Lip gloss, eyeliner.

Oh, there we go. A little face mask. That's cute. What about this one? Jo Malone, very fancy fragrance brand. That sounds like a made-up name. Jo Malone. Jo Malone.

Jo Malone. Yeah. Just for a cheeky $795, Ducco. Oh, bargain. You get a perfume behind each window. How good's that? Just one spray, too. There's one spray.

Should we get Jess or Joe Malone, guys? Oh, no, it's a bit old lady for me, Joe Malone. It would still smell better. There's top shelf whiskey advent calendars.

Tiffany & Co, here we go. Yeah. Babs, you pulled me for Secret Santa, right? Yeah, good luck, Babs. Tiffany & Co have got an advent calendar

just for a cheeky $200,000 with a piece of jewellery behind each window. Babs is going to set up a GoFundMe for Jess. Yeah, I was going to say, I'd have to get a loan. Yeah, yeah. And then for those people in your life who are a little bit kooky, a little bit wacky. Yeah, the Gorman wearers.

Yeah. There's ones with beard oil, cheese, instant noodles, seeds. Get an advent calendar. Oh, to plant like a herb garden. Yeah, so you get different seeds behind each window. Oh, that's fun. I like that. This one's for you. Rubber calendar. Oh, to plant like a herb garden. Yeah, so you get different seeds behind each window. Oh, that's fun. I like that. This one's for you.

Rubber ducks. Oh, yeah. Pork crackling. Sexual wellness. Oh, there we go. Behind each window is a new device. That's what child guys got. And then you can get calendars specifically for cats and dogs.

It's unbelievable. So don't just stay traditional, guys. You can do whatever you want. Let's get creative this Christmas. Anyone with like beers in there and stuff as well. Oh, that's fun. I can see the top shelf whiskey calendar, but surely there's a beer one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Love that for you. Advent calendar at your house? No, we don't advent. I'm not a huge chocolate fan. Yeah. But now that I'm learning, there's one with instant noodles behind a window. You should do a cheese one. That wouldn't be good.

You'd be the cheese one. I assume. Progressively more often. But my issue is I would absolutely just eat all that. You'd jump ahead. Which is probably best for the cheese advent calendar. Probably. I know you're sitting there in the fridge for 25 days. Yeah, I don't know what you're doing there. The question is

are you opening window 1 like it's December 1? Oh yes. Or are you opening window 25 like it's a countdown to Christmas? Window 1, December 1. That's how you get to the 25th. That's how everyone does it. Now I've got a girlfriend who does 25 countdown to Christmas. That's opposite to the days of the...

I know, but one day till Christmas. It's exciting. But then you're going back to the first. That makes no sense in my brain. Well, there you go. To each their own when it comes to Advent calendars. And Saint Nick. And Saint Nick.

Yeah. Whether he's divorced or not, we don't know. So we had our Christmas party on Friday, just gone. Good day. Relatively well behaved. Everyone was pretty good. Sorry, I didn't realise I was working with the office stud. Sorry, yeah, I did win that award, didn't I?

It's on my fridge. My wife sees it daily. Still got it, baby. And it's funny the amount of other dudes who got a bit jealous of that award. Of course they would. Of course. I see you, Dave Dolan. I see you, Dave Dolan. I see you, David.

But no, I was speaking to two older fathers in the office. I think they both got two kids, Liam and Gabe. They'd been dads for a while. They'd been working here for ages. Great dudes. But they'd obviously had a few drinks. The honesties were flowing. And I'd had a few drinks.

That's what Christmas parties with colleagues are for. Just really levelling up. Because it's a real idea. Let's hang out with people we don't hang out with, you know, in the office. Let's DNM. And I went over to them and I thought, I'll have a chat. I haven't chatted with these two for a while. I was having a good chat.

And then they're like, it's classic. They looked at me and they're both like, so, you ready to be a dad? So we've got all the nice, we've talked about golf, talked about the new Wicked movie. Yeah, I don't even think we talked about much. It was just straight away. It was like swigging their gym and coke. You ready to be a dad?

It's the war, the soldiers that have seen war. Exactly. Bringing in the new recruits. Exactly. And I'm there, I'm just signing up. I still think war's fun and great. I'm just about to sign up like, wow, I get to go overseas and see the world. You're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Uncle Sam wants

me. I'm in. That's right. And they were just like, they were like, you're not ready. I said, yeah, I think I'm ready. I'm excited. Just taking it day by day, whatever. And they're like, you're not ready. You won't be ready. You see this confidence you've got? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all displaced.

That's literally what they said. They're like, look how enthusiastic and passionate. They looked at each other. They're like, look away from me. Look how passionate and enthusiastic he is. He's going to be jaded soon. What are they doing? No.

He's not ready. But then they'd keep doing that, oscillate right between doing that, getting really dark and going to these dark places, then going, but it's great. But it's fantastic. Oh, the love. There's nothing wrong. But you're not ready.

You are going to be one of us soon. But it's so, oh, when they walk for the first time and they hold their arms out so good. And then I was like, oh, I've even got little golf club attachments for the pram. They both go, the fact that you think you'll have a hobby. Guys, he is still like four months away. Can you let him be in his happy bubble?

Yeah, yeah. It started getting really scary and really dark. It's one thing to be prepared and there's one thing to just be freaked out. You'll just be a doormat for your wife and child. You'll be useless for the first few months. You've just got to do whatever they need and how they need it. You'll be sleep deprived. It's going to be tough.

Nothing can prepare you. I'm not saying they're wrong, but like, sure, sure. And I was just sitting there going, oh, yeah, I know all that. Like, my sister's got kids. I've seen them. Yeah. And you do breakfast radio and the sleep. One of you needs to make sure you're getting sleep.

And they're both looking at each other, swapping lack of sleep stories, how they sleep for like two hours a week and how they look so tired. Oh, but the love, Ducko, the love. The love and the joy. It's not all bad. Yeah, the love, love. But it look so tired. Oh, but the love, Ducko, the love. The love and the joy. It's not all bad. Yeah, the love, love. But it's so tough. This is before or after you won Office Stud Award.

It was after. It was after. Oh, God. Now I see that award. You're not going to be a stud next year. Jess and Ducko. 13, 10, 6, you're right now. Get involved.

We're asking, how soon after Christmas are you getting rid of the Christmas tree? Christmas tree, Christmas tree. And I guess subsequently the decorations. Maybe if you're a lights family, you're taking them down. Sweet Babs joins us in studio. Good morning, Babsy. Good morning. Yesterday at the top of the podcast, we always do exclusive content on our podcast.

If you've ever missed it or enjoyed that, you're welcome. But you revealed something your dad does around Christmas, specifically the Christmas tree. Can you tell us what's going on in your house? Yeah, so we put the Christmas tree up on December 1st usually and it comes down on December 25th, which is Christmas Day. Thank you for clarifying. Ah, that's the day.

So how does it work? What time on the 25th, on Christmas Day, is it coming down? Usually it's the afternoon. So you've had a wonderful day. Presents, eating. Yeah. And at what point does your dad go, that's it? We're done.

Once everyone clears out, he gets the saw out and starts chopping it down. Because it's a real tree. It's a real tree, yeah. And what does he put it? Does he burn it? He cuts it up with the saw and then puts it in the green bin. Oh, so not even firewood or anything like that. He just wants to get a saw out on Christmas Day.

The joy, I thought, I am a fake tree household. I would love to be a real tree, but God, it seems like a bit of effort. The pine needles. The pine needles. They smell nice. It looks way better, for sure. I've heard the smell is lovely. But isn't the joy of having the real tree that they do last a little bit

and you get that festive spirit? What's Damo's problem? Dad just doesn't like when stuff's lying around the house. What about all the wrapping paper and stuff and all the leftover plates and stuff for the Christmas lunch? Yeah, that all goes in the bin. He's like, right, it's 12.30. We've done presents.

Santa's come. We've had all the food. Get out. We're done. Like lunch is over. One of the great joys is having dinner at like five o'clock. You just pull all the lunch stuff out again. Yeah, yeah.

Five, six o'clock. All the wrapping paper sits on the floor. I remember the dogs start eating a little bit. Does he kick guests out? No, no. He doesn't kick anyone out. He's just quick to just pack up Christmas. He puts his headphones on?

Yeah. He just starts packing up the Christmas tree. And no more Christmas carols. There's no more Mariah Boogaloo. It's done. It's done. What about lights on the house? Do they come down on Christmas tree?

Sometimes, yes. Well, sometimes he doesn't even allow lights to be put up. He doesn't like doing it. Yeah, fair. Because he's the one who's going to take it down. Lights is a funny one on the house because it looks so good. But the minute Christmas is over, there's nothing more depressing than having to take it all down. It looks dumb.

My dad went through a phase where he did Christmas lights on the outside of the house and he staple-gunned them in to the awning, which I don't think feels correct. Looked great. It looked awesome. And then went, well, these live here now, so we just had Christmas lights permanently, but just weren't turned on from January to November. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense, but it's also ugly in the daylight.

So 13, 10, 60, how soon after Christmas are you getting rid of the tree? Can we top day mode? Are you doing it that day? Are you doing that? Do you not put one up? I told you my husband really seriously said to me, do we just not put one up this year? Because we're not here for Christmas. Shy Guy's mates at Good Housekeeping have weighed in.

Oh, yeah. You know, they're the authority on stuff like this. Oh, yeah. Shy Guys Mates at Good Housekeeping have weighed in. They're the authority on stuff like this. They have said there's a bit of a thing around the Christmas season called the Eve of the Epiphany. I think it's got something to do with Christianity. And they are saying on the 12th night after Christmas, so that would be like Jan 5 or 6, depending on whether you count Christmas as day one,

that's when the tree should come down. That is old school tradition. Our tree will just stay up all of December, all of January. Deep into, okay. And then you look at it, you're like, oh, we've got to take that down. See, I like this one, and Good Housekeeping has touched on it. If you don't have big New Year's Eve plans, consider taking it down New Year's Eve because some superstitious people

like me believe if you've got your tree up, it's like you're dragging 2024's baggage into the new year. We need a clean slate. Completely clean. Let's have a good year then, you know. Come for the ride. Very true. And now with the baby, like New Year's Eve is not a real thing in our house.

So it's like, what else am I doing? I may as well take the tree down. If you take your tree down on New Year's Eve, I'm going to FaceTime you from where I'm at. Yeah, what are you doing on New Year's Eve? I haven't got a little boiler room set up. You've got a kid on the way. It's my last one, mate. This is my last one.

Hey, 131060, how soon after Christmas are you getting rid of the tree? Yeah, we'd love to. Is Damo on his own or is this a thing? Grinch Damo. I thought Damo was better than that, but he's got real Grinch energy. I know, because he's such a joyful, jolly man. We love Damo on this show. He's kicking everyone out of the house.

Girls, you're done. It's because he's a girl dad. You've got no brothers, right? No, I've got no brothers. And he just wants to get the sore out on Christmas Day. He wants to do some manly things. Oh, I love that. He's not passing the footy with Babs, so he's like,

I'm just going to chop the sore. I was looking for a way to crowbar this into the show, but you know Australia just won the fifth lumberjack tournament, fifth in a row. So Damo's like inspired. I did know that. Good on them as well. Good on them.

We don't talk about them enough. Maybe Damo's a lumberjack at heart. Oh, yeah. I'm sore on this tree. 13, 10, 60. Can you beat Damo? When's it coming down? We'll get you on next.

Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. How soon after Christmas are you getting rid of the tree? Rocking around the Christmas tree. You might be thinking, hang on a minute. Jess and Ducko. How soon after Christmas are you getting rid of the tree? You might be thinking, hang on a minute, I just put it up. Sunday was December 1. What do you mean? I put mine up mid-November.

You did. You've gotten a lot of joy out of your tree this year. We're talking about it because good housekeeping. There's a bit of debate. Some people are saying New Year's Eve. Some people are saying Jan 5 or 6. That's specifically 12 days after Christmas. But Sweet Babs goes, nah, my dad Damo's taking it down on the 25th. Yep. In the afternoon, once we've done presents and everyone's had a nice feed, he goes, righto. He comes in hot and heavy.

Comes in hot and heavy with his saw. He just gets it out. Chops up the tree. To bits in the living room as well. In the crib. Everyone's like, Dad, stop. No. He hates mess. He hates stuff. And I quote, just lying around.

I would have thought the Christmas tree brings a lot of joy. But no, for Damo, it's just bringing clutter and pine needles. For Damo, he thinks it's overrated. It's overrated, my mate. Thanks, Damo. I asked Shy Guy to get us the quote from The Omen, the woman screaming, Damn!

What happened to that quote? That would have worked really well here, but Shy Guy's done half a job. Old half a job Shy Guy. He said he couldn't find it. Oh, bull crap. Bull crap. He didn't even try. We've got a Liz on 131060.

Hey, Liz, how's it going after Christmas? Are you getting rid of the Christmas tree? Hey, I take mine down on Christmas Eve, sorry. What? What do you mean, Liz? The night before. What happens on Christmas Day? So my Christmas Day is pretty hectic.

I've always had, like, broken family, so we don't really spend it at my house. So I like the whole celebratory thing. I like to have the Christmas presents under there and everything. But then over night time after I've baked and whatever and I'm ready to go for tomorrow, I pack it all up and put it away. I put all my presents in my washing basket and I pack my car. Wow, Lizzie's efficient. If you're not having it at your house, it kind of makes sense.

And you can come home after Christmas and it's not there the next day. No, but Boxing Day, I still feel the vibes. It would feel sad being like, all right, well, I'm going to put this down and tomorrow it's the big day. Because it's almost like marking the end of the season. Yeah. And then Liz rocks up to her, you know, step-mom's house and it's like, oh, no, no, it's still on.

We're still doing it. We're still doing it. Boo-Blaze on the player. And it's like, wait, what? On the player. Boo-Blaze. But Buble's on the player. And it's like, wait, what? On the player. On Buble. I was going to say CD player and my brain dropped CD. But also CD player.

Put your dials on Buble. I'm thinking of Liz's stepmom. Your family all sitting around the wireless on Christmas Day listening to the carols. Hey, man, remember we did that conversation the other day, what old tech you're still running with? Yeah. Someone sent me the old school radio player. What's that called? Radio player? Yeah, I think so.

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. With the CD deck and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything. Riley, hello. How's it going? Mate, so good.

Good, Riley. I'm a little bit nervous to hear your answer to how soon you're taking the Christmas tree down. Take it down on Boxing Day. Yeah. Boxing. There's no mucking around. No mucking around.

Do you do it while watching the cricket or something, Riley, or do you do it that morning? I don't watch cricket. That's boring, isn't it? Good chat, my bad. That's not me. I like watching tennis. It is like watching tennis.

You don't like watching tennis either? So you're not afraid of the Oz Open? Yeah, it's just what my parents have always done. Boxing Day. Ah, there you go. Christmas is over. Christmas is done. It's done. Ah, there you go. Christmas is over. Christmas is done. It's done.

We look to the new year. Christy, hello. Hi. Christy, do you watch the cricket? No. No. I'd rather watch the grass grow. Do you watch the tennis, Christy?

Again, I'd rather watch the grass grow. Yeah, yeah. I was just trying to find your friend there, Ducco. Yeah, we'll get one. I tried. Let's talk Christmas trees, Christy. How long are you taking? Me, personally, I would love to have my Christmas tree up all year round,

along with the porch lights and the fairy lights and all of that. But my sister, on the other hand, for the last 21 years, since her children were born, every year it's down as soon as the presents are done. Literally, you do the present giving and then, all right, clear out. I've got to clean up the Christmas tree, move out of the living room. Yep. Even if she's hosting Christmas. Yep.

That's so bizarre. It's so Grinchy. It doesn't take away from it in the moment? Well, that's how she got the nickname Grinchy. That makes sense. That makes sense. We'll wrap it up here with Miley. We go to Miley.

Hey, Miley, do you like watching the cricket? Might be Millie. Sorry, Millie. Sorry, Millie. Millie. No, is that a no to the cricket? Yeah, Millie, do you like watching the cricket? No, I think that's boring.

Yeah. You think it's boring. How soon is your mum taking down the Christmas tree? Never. She likes to keep it up for you and just redecorate it. Oh. Wait, what? Yeah, so we've got like an Easter tree, a New Year's tree.

Every birthday we have it up for a whole month with like pictures of their faces. I don't mind that. So what else do you decorate? Yeah, what's the decorating when it's not Easter or it's not an occasion? What are you doing with it? It's just a pot plant. Yeah. No, every month there's a theme when it's not Easter or it's not an occasion? What are you doing with it? It's just a pot plant. Yeah.

No, every month there's a theme. Like Father's Day, you've got Mother's Day, you've got Halloween. Okay, hang on a minute. That's fun. There are some months where there's nothing. Like, what's February? Valentine's Day. Oh, my God. Is it Valentine's Day?

Yeah, it's Love Tree. Do we have time? Jan would be. Well, what's January then? Well. New Year's. Oh, my God. So, New Year's Tree, Valentine's Tree. What's March? Yeah, what's January then? Well. New Year's. Oh, my God. So New Year's tree, Valentine's tree.

What's March? Yeah, what's March? Oh, God, I couldn't say off the top of my head, but we've got something for every month or so. Can you go talk to your mum? I want to know what every month is. That's amazing. That's the most festive woman I've ever heard of.

But then you're putting in a lot of work and a lot of admin with having the new decorations and putting new decorations back on. But I'll either have printing out like if it's Millie's birthday, Millie's face. Oh, there you go. lot of work and a lot of admin with having the new decorations and putting new decorations back on. Yeah. But I'll either have printing out like if it's Millie's birthday, Millie's face. Oh, there you go. That's fun. June. June's got nothing. That's good.

Maybe that's Millie's birthday. Millie, can we sneak a Jess and Ducko face on your mum's Christmas tree at some stage throughout the year? I reckon we can do that. Yeah. We'll get some baubles. One of the dull months. Oh, yeah, yeah.

One of the quiet months. Yeah. Millie, yeah, DM us. I want to know what your mum's doing every month. That's amazing. And can you send us some pictures? Yeah, I'll send you through the photos. Please do.

Good on you, Millie's mum. It's turning lazy into creative. Truly. Yeah, yeah. What a way to rebrand. Laziness. Absolutely. There you go.

Thank you, Millie. Thank you, Millie. And good to know not many people are watching the cricket. Just you, baby. Just me. Jess and Daco. not many people are watching the cricket. Just you, baby. Just me. The great man's on the way. Big C-O-D. Chris Allen from A Current Affair is heading in.

He's flying in. Target is inbound. The eagle has left the nest. The eagle's left the nest. He's en route. Morgan's going to go pick him up because Dad and I are doing something that I spoke about it briefly a few weeks ago, but Dad and I are doing something that Dad and I have never done before.

Describe your father-son relationship up until this point. Movies, like we're both into the arts. He's on TV, obviously, I do radio and TV, so we're both very, you know, that way. Shopping. We go shopping on the company credit card. Enjoy a flat white at a ice cafe. People watching. Read the paper. Enjoy a flat white.

Have a good chinwag. Yeah, yeah. Dad's not super sporty. I don't know where I picked that up from. It certainly wasn't Dad. But we bonded. Also, he won't watch the cricket with you or the tennis. No, Dad will get into it.

He'll watch it and stuff. I just don't think he grew up playing much of it. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. But we, as you know, have been doing renos on our lawn and stuff. And we've got all the in-laws coming for Christmas, and we've got people coming. So we're hosting because why not? We have a pregnant – Morgan's pregnant.

Let's just host and make it all fun. Let's put more on our plate. We love torture. Uh-huh. And spending money. Isn't that going out? I'm bleeding coins. Yesterday I went to, like, Kmart Garden World and put a bunch of plants.

Went to Bunnings, Ken Ard's hire. Oh, my God. Oh, mate. I was like, what? And you know your father-in-law is still going to have so many issues. I've got a new fridge, because last time my father-in-law was here, he was like, your fridge isn't cold enough, Darko. I've got a new frigging fridge.

You're going to see if this is cold enough. I bet you this one will be too cold. Oh, yeah. My yogurt has icicles in it. Oh, God. That's not good enough. So anyway, the one part that we need to fix is the deck. We have this old deck.

It's chipped and stuff. And we're not going to fully redo the deck because I'm not that rich. So we're going to sand it back and we're going to paint it again. You're going to give it a little DIY. DIY, just Dad and I. And I called Dad and I said, would you fly down to Newey? And will you, because he's in Queensland, I was like, will you come in and help me do my deck? He must have been so chuffed you asked him to help you with this project.

I was like, Chris, go. Make sure you go. Go. Just go and do it. He's going, what the hell do I know about sanding a deck? Because the funny thing is the blind leading the blind here. And so I went out, I got a big industrial sander and stuff. And like some of the questions I was asking.

Be honest. Did you know you needed a sander? Or did someone tell you, you should start with a sander? Someone's like, you should definitely get a sander. So we borrowed a sander from one of Morgan's work friends. And I showed it to Bunnings and they're like, ah, that's a sander. That's way too small for your deck. Like that will take you days.

You need an industrial one. And I was like, oh yeah. And where would I find that? Yeah. One of those, please. And even like the sandpaper, I was like, so how do And where would I find that? Yeah, one of those, please. And even like the sandpaper, I was like, so how do I put the sandpaper on the sander? And the chick looks at me and she's like, it's Velcro. I was like, oh yeah, good to know. But to be fair, why would you know that? Like, unless you've done YouTube tutorials.

I don't pretend to be a guy who knows all that stuff. That's not my wheelhouse. Exactly. I speak on microphones in front of cameras. That's what I do. You're not wearing the red shirt and trawling the Isles of Bunnings, are you? Oh, the anxiety I had even just asking where the sanders were yesterday. Anyway, so Dad's flying in today, and we've got everything ready. It's a pretty big deck, and it's a big job, and it's hot too, and we've got to strip it all back soon.

Isn't there like a, you know, I'm meant to work on job sites if it's over 33 degrees or something? I like where your head's at, Jess. It's 31 today. Where do we call it? No stop work. Oh, Sh it's over 33 degrees or something. I like where your head's at, Jess. It's 31 today. Where do we call it? No-stop work. Oh, Shago's our foreman. He'll be the foreman.

He's like, you can. You can wear a high hat if you're busy. You can come and sit there. I want a clipboard. You can proceed. It's not a no H&S issue. Because I said to Morgan, I was like, do you think Dad and I could go maybe see Gladiator? She's like, no.

And I was like, do you think we could play golf while he's here? She's like, no. I was like, yeah, but I won't get to play golf all week when Dad comes. She's like, shut up. Yeah, he's coming to do a job. He's coming to sand the deck with you. Sand it and paint it. And I was like, maybe it'll rain one day and we won't be able to work.

Isn't there forecast rain tomorrow? Tomorrow a bit of rain. Can't be painting in the rain, Ducco. I can do it. Can't hit a golf ball, though. Anyway, I'm going to keep you updated with it daily. Please do. Because I'm super nervous because I know Dad won't have the answers I need

and I don't have the answers he needs and we're going to be blind leading the blind here. Absolutely. You need to have your laptop on and open to YouTube and just be YouTube tutorialing everything. But I'm kind of keen to just rip into it and not look up anything and just see how we go. Are you happy to then get a tradie in next week who's got to fix all your mistakes? Any tradies listening, send me your number. Shaga and I did a rap song. Now, the origins of this came up from the Zuckerberg song.

Correct. So a few weeks ago, Mark Zuckerberg, yes, the founder, billionaire behind Meta, Facebook, Instagram, all that, released a song, a strip-back version. Three, six, nine. Damn, you're fine. Hoping you can sock it to me, baby, one more time. I'll get low.

It was horrible. He roped in his mate, T-Pain. I'm pretty sure it was him and his wife Priscilla's anniversary, and he thought, we met, and this song was playing at the club, so I'm going to do a strip- back version, like serenade her basically. Ducko and Shy Guy thought, well, if he can do it, why can't we? Took a couple of weeks, obviously, to get us sorted. That's a resourcing problem.

Yes. Resourcing or talent. Do the schedules and stuff. But anyway, Duckman and Shy Guy got together for Shy Duck's first collaboration. And only. I reckon ladies will want more of this. together for Shy Duck's first collaboration. Yep. And only. Whoa! I reckon ladies will want more after this.

So this is Smack That. Which is already a relatively slow-paced song. And then we slowed it down more. We got our audio producer, Doogie, to slow it down more. And then he's auto-tuned us possibly too much and slowed us down. We'll be the judges. So ladies and gentlemen, but ladies, here you go. Tough man.

Shy guy. Let's do it. Let's do it. Outro Music Smack that till you get sore Smack that, give me some more Smack that, oh Smack that, all on the floor Smack that till you get sore Smack that, give me some more Smack that, oh

Up front style ready to attack now Pulling the parking lot slow with the lockdown Convicts got the Whole thing packed now Step in the club the wardrobe intact now I feel a dawn And cracked now oh I see It dull and back now

Look back and watch me Smack that all on the Floor smack that Till you get sore smack that Give All on the floor. Smash that. Till you get sore. Smash that. Give me some more. Smash that. Oh.

Smash that. All on the floor. Smash that. Till you get sore. Smash that. Give me some more. Smash that. Oh.

That's what's up. Alpha Bucks next. How good is hearing shy guys say oh? That's what's up Half a buck's next How good is hearing shy guys say all on the floor? My favourite line is till you get sore Look, A plus for effort And we even harmonised, the boys were harmonising That was the best part I do agree with you, I'd like a couple of layers of autotune removed

Yeah, just strip it back again I don't think that'll fix it I do agree with you. I'd like a couple of layers of autotune removed. Yeah, yeah, just strip it back again. I don't think that'll fix it. I reckon we send that to Zuckerberg and go, now this is how it's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how it's done. Hey, now be honest. Yep. You getting the flutters?

That's what you want to call them? Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabucks on hit. Yep, 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back, of course, if there is time.

They're the rules of engagement. We go to Gail. Good morning, Gail. Good morning, Gail. You had the flutters already this morning, Gail, after you heard that song? Very much. Very, very big flutters. Was it this part? And possibly bend you

over. No. You don't have to answer, Gail. It's okay. Gail, have you seen the video on Instagram yet? Jess and Ducko Instagram? No, there's a video. There's a video.

So once we've given you $10,000 after you win Alpha Bucks, which I know is a sure thing, you're going to go on Instagram and that's really going to make your day. Let me watch it when Hubby's out of the room. Okay. I know Christmas is around the corner, but anything specific you want to spend $10,000 on? I do.

We're actually running away for a white Christmas and I really want a carriage ride in the snow. So if I win this today, that's what's happening. Beautiful. So where are we going? The States or Europe? We are going to Canada. Oh, nice. We're going to Banff and Whistler.

Oh. Yeah. I'm so jealous. I've always wanted a white Christmas there. That sounds like a dream holiday, Gail. Yes. And your letter is D. Oh. D for dream.

Okay. Okay. Let's get Gail a carriage ride in the snow. In Canada, too. In Canada. Amazing. Go Blue Jays. Go Blue Jays.

We're big in the Canadian. We've got a couple of listeners in Canada, too. So, you know. And I'm sure once Canadians meet Gail and they find out, oh, I'm over here because I won 10 grand with a radio station. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. Yeah.

Go JD. We'll get more listeners. Canucks. What? Canucks. That's the team, the hockey team. Anyway, just keep playing. Hockey, yeah.

I only know baseball, bro. Gail, are you ready? Ready. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter D, we need you to name something you'd find in the bedroom. Doona. A celebrity. Path. A dog breed. A fashion brand. Path. A DJ.

Dom dollar. An instrument. Drum. A TV show. Dharma and Greg. An animal. Dog. An ice cream. Double choc chip.

A fabric. Denim. A celebrity. Delta good. Hey, came round, came round. It was after the buzzer. It was after the buzzer, but that would have got you nine. Oh, sis. Look, it came round. It came round. It was after the buzzer. It was after the buzzer, but that would have got you nine. Oh, sis.

Look, it was eight, but a good run came round. Delta Goodrum would have got you nine, and then all you missed out on was a fashion brand. Can you think of anything now? It's going to haunt me forever. Dolce & Gabbana, Dior, Dunlop, I guess. Okay. Yeah, that's a tough one.

I'm sorry, but who has Dharma and Greg top of mind? Hilarious. That is amazing. Yep. Yep, very good. That was an old one. That's fantastic. Yeah, very good.

Hey, don't go out with your hand at a $100 suspended MySoda gift box. That one's all yours, okay? You can enjoy that before you get to the snow. Perfect. Thank you very much. Thank you, Gail. Thanks for joining the show. Going down, we're going to Dom Dollar. I mean.

Gail's breadth of knowledge. I know. Why? You're going to play again in 2025, Gail, because I reckon you would. Yeah. You're a good player. You got this. You're a good player.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, we do play again tomorrow at 6.30 and 8 for 10K or 1K. The choice is yours. Want to give this away before we go on holidays. I know. Friday will be our last show for the year.

That means there's only six opportunities. Look at my quick map. Right now we're talking wedgies. Because we're children. Yeah, yeah. Because it's certainly not the end of the year. Hey, man, I would have brought this up. Yep, any time.

At any point of the year, I only just found out about this story over the weekend. So, you know, we had that beautiful wedding and the next day after the recovery, we invited some friends back to our accommodation, our Airbnb. We're sitting around having Chinese, you know, debriefing, having a great conversation. I can't tell you how the conversation turned to wedgies, but it did. I think we'd started talking about when's the last time you got dacked. And from dacking, obviously, naturally progresses to wedgies. Wedgies, yeah. Which I'd argue.

We were talking about being dacked on air the other day, remember? Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's how it came up. And I said, what if you dack me? Because you were going to try and dack me. I know, when I saw you in the supermarket and you were trying to work out which tomatoes to buy. And I said, what if my little guy comes out and you dack me and everyone sees it? And you're like, oh, that's on you. That's on you.

Yeah, yeah. Wear undies. Because dacking's a weird thing to do when you're past the age of, I don't know, eight, nine. Which, similarly to wedgies, don't you think? Yeah. It feels very primary, if not high. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, we're talking about wedgies and our girlfriend, Kate, who is a very well put together woman, she went, oh my God, I once got wedgied so bad in school I broke a body part. Went, what do you mean? Because obviously the body part you think straight away is obviously the nethers. You got wedgied that bad, something broke down there. She went, no, no. She was a dancer back in the day and so had a lot of flexibility, had a lot of skill particularly around her feet. She could do that thing ballet dancers do where they go up on tippy toes.

Which means her toes are always sort of flip-flopping around. They're very bendy. She got wedgied so bad and pulled up so much that she went up onto her tippy toes like a ballet dancer, always trying to lean into it a bit, like give herself some height to counteract the pain of the wedgie. But she's rolled forward so hard and with such pace onto her big toe, she snapped her big toe.

She's gone and got wedgie. As she sort of dropped into it and panicked, her toe was rolled forward and she broke her big toe. How bad's that? It's an extreme, it's an extreme wedgie. It's an extreme wedgie. That is a very extreme wedgie. And that's the story.

13, 10, 16. We are late. How bad was the wedgie? Do you ever, I'm trying to think of a wedgie story. I can't think of wedgies, but I can remember, guys, you said that thing where you did the sack whack. What's that? Whoa. It's one of the worst.

It's pretty self-explanatory. It's where someone goes bang into the groin. Just with their head? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cruel. Open, yeah. That's cruel. Open, yeah. Oh, my God. I don't know who invented it, but I remember at a former radio station I was at, like,

maybe 2015. Like, we're adults. That's way too recent. A colleague at the time came up to me, who was also an adult, and he went, and hit me. And I looked at him, and I was like, I lost it. Like, I was like, you have no business touching that. What are you doing?

Why did you do that? I have heard pain down there is immediate nausea. Oh, if you get right on one of the, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Terrible. So, I mean, it's in the same realm. It's not a wedgie.

It's a, and at least Kate's story came out of school. Yeah. This is coming out of school. I'd love to hear about older wedgies. Like, if you're wedging your family member and they're older. Have you ever tried to do an atomic? What's that?

Where you rip them so high up and put the waistband over their head. An atomic. You always see that in movies and TV shows. Yeah.

Can it be done? It can be done. I think wedgies are worse for dudes with what you've got going on down there. You know? I see what you're saying, but for the ladies.

It's just like wearing a G-string. Which is not good. We've established. I don't know why they were invented in the first place. But anyway, 13, 10, 16. We're talking wedgies. Thank God people are calling because I looked through for a second. Because you know what was coming up.

Sorry, Jess. You've already played that once. It's just too niche. Wedgies. Everyone's experienced a wedgie. When was yours? I grew up with a little brother. I'm pretty sure we wedgied each other.

Yeah, yeah. But not to the point that I broke anything. Do you have a wedgie thing, Shaga, anyone? No, I don't think so. Okay. Have you ever been the victim of a wedgie? Sure, you do. Not that I can remember.

I'd wedgie you if we went to the same school. Isn't wedgie just the funniest one? It's like Alphamore. Not that I can recall. I'd wedgie you if we went to the same school. Isn't wedgie just the funniest word? Not that I can remember. I definitely have not had an atomic wedgie. Yeah, when you have to get two hands involved. Yeah, really go for it. You need some baggy undies, though.

Yeah, I know. You need some loose elastic. There's a slight hole in that elastic. The whole thing's coming. Oh, absolutely, which is probably a good thing. It's almost like a safety, don't you reckon? If they're compromised and they just fall off. Just rip. Designed for it. Rip apart like Velcro pants. All right, well a safety, don't you reckon? Yeah. If they're compromised and they just fall off. Just rip.

Designed for you. Rip apart like Velcro pants. All right. Well, 13, 10, 60 wedgies. Give us a call. We'll get you on next. We're discussing in-depth wedgies. That's right.

Just the big hitting stuff in December. We're not 33-year-old adults. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard-hitting news stories in December. Wedgies got brought up over the weekend, and a girlfriend of mine said, I was once wedgied so bad I broke a bone. She was a dancer, and when she was wedgied,

you know, the shock of it all sort of sent her up on her tippy toes and then rolled forward and she snapped her big toe. What an embarrassing trip to the doctor that is. Yeah. It's surely a person who gives you the wedgie feels bad. Oh, you would hope so. Another of our mates, Mo, who went to boarding school, he talked about wedgying the boys so bad that they would, like,

launch forward and over. It's like they're flipping over. That's a broken neck if ever I've heard one. To be young again, you know. To be young again. To be young and just witness a good old wedgie. When you see the opportunity. Oh, yeah.

Now, I was looking at wedgies in other countries. Do they have wedgies in other countries? Because it feels very Australian, doesn't it? Yeah, well, Swedish, they call it the kalsongig. In Spanish, it's called calzonchino. I love calzonchino. Germans call it the hosenheiser. Oh, like later hosen.

It's like pants wedgie. Yeah, hosenheiser. And then this is the best. The French, a tire slip. What does that mean? Tyre slip. Does it translate to wedgie or is it like... It means to pull the underwear.

Okay. Tyre, like you're slipping a tyre. There you go. So it's not just an Aussie, Aussie, Aussie thing. No, everyone's got them. Ours are just called wedgies. Ours probably have the best name. What a great way to connect with people around the world.

Just give them a wedgie. You've got a Hosenheiser. The German guy just looks at you at the train station. Why did you do that to me? Are we best friends now? Christy, good morning. Good morning. I wanted to know how bad the wedgie was.

Tell me you've got a story. Look, I didn't have someone wedgie me, but when I was a little girl, I was at a girlfriend's house playing hide-and-go-seek, and I decided to jump the fence to go out the front to hide. But it was one of them pointy fences. Yeah. And as I was jumping over the fence, my knickers got stuck on the fence and I was left hanging there until someone found me.

From the waistband of your knickers. Oh, that would have hurt. And the underies didn't even break. That says something about the type of underwear. They don't make stuff like they used to. No. So you were literally just hanging there. Yes, I was hanging there until my friend's little sister walked around the corner

and she got a full moon view because I'm hanging there by my knickers. Oh, did you do any damage? No, I didn't actually. It just took a bit to get me down. Yes. Oh, my God. I got a hooker. Yeah.

From the friends. That's fantastic. Rebecca, good morning. Good morning. We're talking wedgies for a beautiful Tuesday morning. What's your story? Well, bigger girl in a nightclub, one of my friends, and had the little skirts on and the big whale tail from the G-string at the back. Yep. Was it a reg?

First of all, whale tail is the greatest thing I've ever heard, and I've never heard that before, and I'm going to use that. I'm picturing Kim from Kath & Kim straight away. Yeah, Minigaloo's popping the tail out. So, Beck, did your friend know the boy who did this to her, or was he just a random? No, she knew him. He was a bit of a prankster, but, yeah,

I didn't expect to get that one. Oh, the whale tail is snap. There's not much fabric to a G-string. There's not. With enough force, it would snap. Oh, the whale tail is snapped. There's not much fabric to a G-string. There's not. With enough force, it would snap. Oh, that's your night ruined. Oh, my goodness. The whale tail just got snapped.

Let's go to 10-year-old Levi. Hi, Levi. Hi. You sound like a wedgier, Levi. Yeah, are you a wedgier? No, my dad wedgied me. Oh, no, Levi, what happened? So we were outside and we had friends over.

And me and my brothers and our friends were playing on the trampoline, right? And then my dad and his friends, he comes outside and my dad just comes right up to me and he gives me the fattest wedgie ever. Why? In front of all your mates. Were your undies hanging out, Levi? Were your pants riding too low? Yeah, and also it hurt the next day because it ripped.

Yeah, I bet it did. What do you say to dad? What do you say to dad when he does that in front of all the boys? How could you, Dad? You've let me down. You've betrayed my trust. Now, Levi, be honest. Have you had an opportunity to give him one back, or is that vengeance still to come?

Yes, I have. Oh, you have. How'd that go? Um, bad. Okay. That's the thing, you know, once the student becomes the master. How good is wedging your son in front of his friends? Mate, the phrase fattest wedgie.

Hey, Scott, Scott on 131060 says here you have a wedgie and possibly another story. Yes, hello. Hello, Scott. What happened? Yeah, back in the old football days, one of the front rowers decided to try an atomic wedgie. My right one got separated from my body and it almost dropped out.

Wow. What do you mean? Scott, back it up, back it up, back it up. He has wedged you so hard that what, a testicle came out? Yeah. Like out of came out? Yeah. Like out of the bag? Yes. The bag got ripped off me body.

The old testicle's fallen out, but it was still attached by a bit of sinew at that stage. I'm trying to bug it back in. I didn't see the other front row come up behind me. He goes, no, do it properly. Pulled even harder. What? Broke his tissue and then I had to go crawl around the floor and pick old matey up.

No, you didn't. No, that can't be true. Like a marble, like a lost marble. Okay, and what happened? Did you get them back in? Did the ambulance come? Did you put it on ice? Yeah.

I've taken it. I put it on ice, took it up to the hospital. They couldn't reattach it. Now my nickname's Lefty. Are you doing gear? This isn't real. Scott, is this real? This is a joke.

No, I've had that nickname ever since football, Dave. That is unbelievable. And this was a team, mate. Yeah, two of them. Two front rowers. Are you still friends with them now? Yeah. Yeah, why not?

We hang out at the pub. Lefty. Lefty. Oh, my God. Did that have any issues towards your manhood in any other ways in the future or you just lost one and that was that? One's good to go. Mate.

Scott's all man, baby. Call us in. Call us in. Call us in. We're the Braves. That's right. We have got one hell of a way to thank everyone for getting involved in this show. But we are having a look back at some of our favourite callers from across the year. Oh, yeah. Yesterday, we caught back up with Rhys. Yep.

That is the origin story of why we call all our listeners rice cookers. Yep. Because Rhys once told us a great story about a rice cooker. But today, we look back, gosh, shy guy, when did we meet Debbie? That was a question without notice. That was a question without notice. Yeah, a couple months ago. We were talking about what did the ex take.

I told you a story about a girlfriend of mine whose boyfriend broke up with her. She was devastated, ran to the bedroom crying in the apartment they shared, only to come out a few hours later when she'd sort of composed herself to find he'd taken the fridge and had just left some food in an esky for her. Bizarre. It was on September 11th. September. Okay, there you go.

But Debbie called us. Yeah. And you can see why Debbie has really stood out to us ever since. 13, 10, 60. What did the ex take? Debbie, your sister's ex has taken something. What happened to Debbie? We're high all alive today. Well, it's another fridge story. They had this fridge.

It was brand new on HP. So he f***ed off with the doors. He took the doors off. He took the doors off. He took the doors. He took the doors off the fridge. He left the fridge behind. She still had to pay it off.

Debbie, are you on happy gas at the dentist? What is happening to you? Okay, wait. I don't even know what she's saying. He took the door off the fridge. Both of them. Both of them. There was a double door. It was a big hate speech. Yeah, yeah the fridge. Both of them. Both of them.

It was a double door. It was a big HP. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. And the sisters left still paying off the fridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the HP. Oh, Debbie, you're fantastic.

Oh, Debbie, thanks for calling in, Deb. Fantastic. That's a good one. I'm glad you like it. I mean, it was a great story, of course. But Debbie's energy. She was saying higher product. That's what HP meant.

That's right, HP. But she's saying the brand. That's right. They call it in New Zealand HP. She was still paying it off. Exactly. So the sisters left paying off. It wasn't a well-told story.

It was just a fantastic good time. We just loved Debbie. We loved her energy. Yeah, yeah. So that was one of our favourites from across the year. So she's in with a chance as well to win that Call of Fame of the Year prize. We do this every day. We're going to hear from another one every day.

It's great to look back at the year that was. Oh, we've had just such stellar contributions. We always get stellar contributions. We do. We do. Thank you, Debbie. Thank you, Debbie. Thank you, everyone who gets involved.

And he gives me the fattest wedgie ever. From 10-year-olds to older. Tampons and lad you, Debbie. Thank you, Debbie. Thank you, everyone who gets involved. And he gives me the fattest wedgie ever. From 10-year-olds to older. Tampons and ladders, man. Jeff and Ducco. Year of the song. We love this game, and you can get involved on the text line 0488881069. Play along. Shy Guy's going to give us a song,

and we are going to tell him what year it was released. Each week we've had a theme. Yeah. What's this week's theme, Shy Guy's going to give us a song and we are going to tell him what year it was released. Each week we've had a theme. Yeah. What's this week's theme, Shy Guy? Christmas. First song, Michael Bublé. Oh, this is just milk and honey, baby. You love this song. I love this song. It comes on, like I told you, full wood. When

was it released? Some of these are covers. I want whatever one you hear. Okay, fair. So this is a legit one. When was this released? When did he first come out of his cave and make this? This has got to be his debut in the Christmas world, right? Yeah, that album.

But he'd obviously been around for a while. You know, it's definitely... It's definitely after the Christmas. I reckon it's definitely post-05. I don't know. I think I'm going to go... This is more here. Okay. I'm going to go, there's just more here. Okay.

I'm going further back. All right. 2010 for Ducko. 2002 for Jeff. The correct answer is 2011. Oh! The man knows his bubbly. I love the bubbly.

There you go. 1994. Wait, I said the answer. 1994! 1994! I said the answer. Why did I do 94? I looked at it and I went through. Whatever, we won't count that one. Mariah. I would have said 94.

I was going to say that. No, you threw because you got no points then. Way to ruin it. You said 2010. Yeah, closest without going on. You got over. He said 2010 and you said it was from 2011. Yeah, I got that.

I don't know what I'm doing. You want me to keep score, Dale? We've been doing this game for how long now? I've lost it. You invented this game. So I'm on a point because I'm a closer guy. You've got one. No, no, we're both on.

You're on two and I'm on one because we both were going to say 94. We don't count that one. This is song three. Justin Bieber. What year is this one? Mistletoe. I can't tell you that. Justin Bieber, Mistletoe.

This is Shy Guy's pick of the Christmas songs. Yeah, this is what he likes. It was an early Bieber album. He's young. Now, don't tell you that. Justin Bieber mistletoe. This is Shy Guy's pick of the Christmas songs. Yeah, this is what he likes. It was an early Bieber album. He's young. Now, don't turn it up. Let me hear his voice because you can really hear the moment it all went off the rails. Have his lefties drop. This has got to be early.

It's early days. It's before he was corrupted, before he was smashing his Porsche into stuff. Yeah. Before he had the shock of his life. This is when he was still Canadian. I think this is when he was still sweet and innocent. But when was that? He's This is when he was still Canadian. I think this is when he was still sweet and innocent. But when was that? He's been around since he was 16.

He's actually been on the scene for like 15 years. I'm going to say this. I'm coming in. I'm coming in at 06. Oh, I've gone away. Darko's in 06, Jessina. Wait, the correct answer is 2011. Oh.

Wait, same year as Buble. Same year as Buble. Wow. Wham. Wham. Babs' favourite. This is Babs' favourite. Now, same year as Buble. Same year as Buble. Wow. Wow. Bam. Babs' favourite. This is Babs' favourite. Now, this is early.

You requested this one. It's got to be 80s, right? I was thinking 80s. George Michael's hair. Yeah, yeah. What year do you think this is? And they've got the piano ties. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. I reckon this was... Crap. This is... I'm just taking a stab here. How many people have covered this? I'm going I'm going in

Sorry I went in early No you 88 I've gone 84 Alright the correct answer is 84 Oh On the nose I did that for you Babs

Yeah I'm proud of you Did you know it Babs? No Kelly Clarkson Kelly Clarkson What a voice Underneath the tree

I didn't know this was Kelly This is a great one. What would have happened to Kelly? She does a talk show now. Does she? Mm-hmm. She won Oz Idol over there, didn't she? American.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Same thing. They copied off Oz. She's the OG Idol. Yes, that's what I thought. She's their Guy Sebastian. She is their Guy Sebastian.

Does that mean Guy has a TV daytime talk show in his future? Probably, yeah. Yep. Better than some of the other hosts we have. Alright. What year do you think this came out? I'm trying to think when she was on Idol. When?

Yeah. Considering I didn't know she had a TV show, I don't know when to get that. I reckon. Can't sing, Kelly. Yeah, she has a good voice. I reckon. Nah, I've got this. I've actually got this on the nose. Crap. I don't, I've got this. I've actually got this on the nose.

Crap. I'm not confident. Jess is in at 08. Daku in at 07. The correct answer is 19. 2019. She took a long time to release a Christmas album. Oh, track.

Ariana Grande. Playing Glinda in Wicked, obviously. Of course. Is this an OG or is this a remake from Ari? I don't know. It's giving remakes. Yeah, it does remake, yeah. Ariana Grande.

When did she release the Christmas album? I reckon this is later than I think as well because she wasn't holding the scene for a while. If Kelly Clarkson was 2019, that's thrown everything out of whack for me. Yeah, I'm going to go. Yeah, I'm going much later. It can't be in the 20s. Oh, God.

I don't know. No, I don't think it's in the 20s because the 20s was like her thank you next era where she was getting all sexy. Having said that, I've got no idea. All right, I'm going. Oh. No, you were in first. Thank you.

I'll go nine. That's a nine. Okay. All right. 2019. Yes. And I'm 2017. Justin, 2017.

Yes. Correct answer is 2014. Ooh. Okay. Oh. For the win. Yeah. Who's this?

Jackson 5. Thank you. Oh, my God. Is that MJ? That's MJ. When he's a kid. Is that a hint? Oh, is this 70s?

I don't, yeah. When was the Jackson 5? I don't know. Maybe it was at late 70s. Because when was MJ on his, when did he have the big surgery? That's got to be 90s, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think this is the album they discovered

he had a better singing voice than his brother, who actually was the singer. His parents were. And I think Michael needs to sing. He's the lead. Yeah. Is Janet around? No.

I don't think the girls were invited. Janet and Latoya are off to the side doing their own thing. Yeah, they're selling merch. Everyone digs. Yeah, they're selling merch. Everyone digs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeez, this is going to be a complete punt. Yeah, me too. Can you give us a time frame?

Can you give us a consideration for the win? Is it sevens? Yeah, decade. Give us a decade. Seventies. Okay, all right, okay. You've gone 79. I'm going 79.

What will you go? You know what? I'm going to swing a bit here. Okay, 76 for Ducca, 79 for Jess. The correct answer is 1970. What will you go? You know what? I'm going to swing a bit here. Okay. 76 for Ducco, 79 for Jess. The correct answer is 1970. Holy hell! 1970!

Wow, I did not see that. How old is he here? Like 11? He's young. I don't know. Maybe younger. There you go. The last ever year of the song.

How cute, Ducco. We've tied. I think we'll bring it back next year. I've enjoyed this. Yeah, it's been fun. And maybe even Year of the Movie or something. And just a new Quizmaster, maybe. Yeah, maybe Babs takes over again.

Hey, I had a real moment, okay? Yeah, we all have moments every now and then. 1994, Mariah. Jess and Ducco. Been a humdinger of a show. Look, I thought the wheels fell off when I tried to talk about wedgies. But then they came back on. But my God, between Levi, Kirstie and Scott.

Yeah, oh yeah. Thank you. You really rescued that for me. Yeah. And I'll never, ever forget it. Well, if you missed any of it, grab it on Listener. But here's a little sneak peek. The testicle's fallen out, but it was still attached by a bit of sinew at that stage.

I'm trying to bug it back in. Could you feel that story, Ducco? I'm still feeling pain down there. I could feel it, and I don't have any. How do you plug it back in anyway? So many questions. And you know what we didn't ask, but I can already tell the answer. That was in the middle of a footy game.

A teammate did that to Scott. I know he finished the game. Oh, yeah. And then packed his nuts up and went to hospital. Scott kept going. Two big props to him. He's already a – yeah, he's already a, what's a really important position? Lock?

No, half back. Half back. Fly half. There you go. I bet you he was one of those. He's like, the team need me. Yeah, team. I'll deal with it.

Scott is getting out there. Yeah. Scott probably was. He was probably reserved. And they're like, let's get Scott. Scott's like, I've got my eyes on one ball. And it's the game ball. I'll deal with the other balls later.

And he got them stitched in. So thank you to Lefty. You cannot play footy with one hanging out. I mean, they don't build them like duct tape on it, he'll be right. They don't build them like they used to. The Russification of the nation, am I right, babs? Amen. What do we do these days?

No points. Everyone gets a participation medal. Scott, back in his day, you got a nut hanging out, you finish the freaking game. You keep going. You can learn a thing or two from Scott, Babs. It's a lesson for the kids out there, Scott. I mean, Babs. All right, thanks, Scott.

Take that home with you. Put that on TikTok, Babs. Babs is like the oldest in the team, even though she's the youngest. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Big Show, if you did miss it, make sure you grab it on the podcast. There's extra bit in there for you. Just a reminder. Oh, God.

We didn't even mention your song. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about your song. Duckman and Shaga had a song. You can hear the full song in the podcast. We've got a video clip up now as well. Absolutely. Jess and Duck are on Instagram.

It's one of the great first tracks. I still wouldn't mind a little black and white clip going up. Sure. Just of the chorus. Done. That'll go up today. Yeah. And then people can just see.

I'm going to put a brand. It's NSFW. It is not safe for work. And also, ladies, I don't want you to round your hubbies. You know what I mean? Yeah, he'll get jealous. Because... You know how people make nice romantic playlists for their romantic sessions?

Yeah, yeah. We should get that on Spotify. Imagine this coming on. What are you up to this weekend, show guy? All right, mate. God. Hey, Shari. Hi, Nettie.

Did you have fun doing that with me? Yeah, it was a good time. Someone commented. You were like gyrating on me while we were talking. Yeah, heai, did you have fun doing that with me? Yeah, it was a good time. Someone commented. You were like gyrating on me while we were talking. He was getting into it. Someone commented saying, lovely couple, ex. I reckon I got seven followers from dudes who want one thing from me. Yep, they followed me too.

Oh, God. Someone's thirst trap, Shai. It is what it is. Babs, someone commented. Oh, our mate Diego commented, how did Jess and Babs get anything done at work is beyond me. And like the sweaty, breathy emoji. How do you guys do with such studs?

I don't know. We're just professionals. Yeah. No? Okay. Babs is hidden under a computer. Anyway. Lovely couple got me.

That's so funny. That's very funny. We're out of here. Back tomorrow, though. More chances at call fame. Oh, my God. It's last got me. That's so funny. That's very funny. We're out of here. Back tomorrow, though. More chances at call fame. Oh, my God. It's last dip day. Dip for the year.

This is the last ever show I go dip. We've run out of biscuits. We might do something different next year. Like, we'll dip something. I still want him to dip dips. Yes. Yeah. But it's not getting a lot of support.

No. Everyone's sort of not. Everyone's on the fence. I want to see him dip baba ganoush. Okay. That'll be a very end. Can we do two weeks of it? We'll do one week of goulash. For my birthday. Not goulash dip baba ganoush. Okay. That'll be a very... Can we do two weeks of it? We'll do one week of goulash.

For my birthday. Not goulash, baba ganoush. We're working on it behind the scenes, okay? Goulash is a Polish tip. Are you actually a doc? It'll be back in a form. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

Behind the scenes. Yeah, yeah. I want one week of dips. We haven't briefed you yet, but we will when there's time to brief you. Don't act like you work hard behind the scenes. We haven't briefed you yet. You're on a need-to-know basis, and right now, you don't need to know. Exactly. Yeah like you work hard behind the scenes. We haven't briefed you yet. You're on a need-to-know basis, and right now you don't need to know. Yeah, you don't need to know.

Yeah, see, thank you, Babs. Anyway, but tomorrow? Tomorrow, Shagai dips. We've got $10,000, we've got more chance of the call, if I'm $1,000 cash. You'll hear how me and my daddy went sanding. Well, his flight's already been delayed. Which means we're already off to a slower start than I anticipated.

Are you going to get started without him? I'm going to go to the gym. Hey, we're out of here, though. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Smack that till you get sore.

Smack that, give me some more. Smack that, oh. And he gives me the fattest wedgie ever. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast Gather your little helpers Because the Elf on the Shelf Happy Meal has arrived at Macca's