Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | She'll swallow her mouthful then answer the phones

Episode Date: September 8, 2025

Is Australia the top swearing nation? Jess hits us with a conspiracy theory and Ducko recounts his first Fathers Day with Flo.Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Monopoly at Maccas is back. Play only in the app. Ends October 14. For full terms, visit McDonald's.com.com. This is the Jess and Zuckro podcast. Hi, howdy-duty? Howdy, welcome to the podcast. Welcome to the podcast.

How are you all feeling? Fantastic. Big Monday show. Absolutely. Yeah. How are you feeling off the back of a big weekend? Well. A lot of dadding.

First Father's Day. A lot of Celebrating. Yeah. Yeah. First Father's Day. A NFL season started. Chief's game wasn't good. The Knights were not good.

Nikes were not good. Bronco's good though. Bronco's real good. You're one little diamond in the rough thing. Yeah, the Bronx are doing well. Reese has really done well since the toilet drinking saga. Drinking toilet water has really got me good. I love it.

He came out after the game because when he's going to try to drinking toilet water celebration. Yeah, which is just, I mean, how old is he again? He's young. Yeah, he's like 23. Like he never does he seem younger. Yeah, I know. But also.

So he's come out. He said, like, he came on the mic and the sheds after the game. He said, it's my toilet, we install it, no one else installed it, have a plumbing company, it was fresh water, I don't encourage that for kids to do it, like, it's all good. Was he trying to say it hadn't been urinated or pooed in yet? This is the first. Yes, because everyone's like, oh, he doesn't realize Trades would have christened that. You know, everyone was saying that gag.

But he's like, no, no, I was there. For good luck, for good luck they need to, don't they? But even mentally, if that was me, and I knew I put the toilet in, no one else had used it and it was fresh water. I still couldn't do it. It's a toilet. I could not drink out of it. 100%.

I just mentally would be like, do you know what, I am disgusting. I know that, but we stayed at a hotel recently, and I forgot my toothbrush. Just, I don't know how. That is annoying when that happens. It's annoying, particularly because now all hotels are moving in Viro. They don't have a lot of those normal sanitary or toiletry kits in the rooms anymore.

You have to request it, which is fine. But I just didn't want to. It was getting late. I wanted to brush my tea. And Anger said, just use mine, which I didn't think he would. No, I didn't. Because he is much more of a germophobe. Yeah.

But he knows how, like, oral hygiene, it's important. He was obviously about to kiss you. Oh, that's obviously why. But that's what ended up happening. I go, I went, I can't. I can't. I can't doflower. No, that's, but I draw the line there.

I can use Morgans. I don't care. I've done it. She hates it. You don't, you don't poo in front of each other. No. But you'll use each other's toothaches. No, no, no.

I can use her. She will not use mine. It doesn't like me using hers. Okay. I've done it before. Have you ever used it without her knowing? Yeah. And then told her.

No, I never told her. She's worked out sometimes Because we have the same electric toothbrush Her's had like a little pink band around the bottom I had a blue one except one One time for a bit there we both had no band Or something going on I was actually using hers

And we realised after like Oh I've been using yours a bit For how long could it have been? Like you tongue punch each other So why does it matter? I know I don't know why But there was almost an element there Where I went

Ah that's where I draw the line That's interesting So Reese the toilet is not the line for him So for you Check the hemorrhoids toothbrush. That's where you're line is. That's where I'll draw the lie. Whereas taking an absolute duce in front of my husband. What about dumping? What we're having a full convo? What about a bit of chest dump in sex? Where do you... Chest dump? Haven't had the

privilege. I can't get into suck my toes, ducker. You reckon I can get into shit on my chest. You must miss the toe sucking considering it, you know, it's in your wheelhouse. I've had to, I've had to move on. Yeah. Because I'm not going to lament the things I don't have. I'm going to enjoy the things I do. That's my gratitude. That's what I write in my journal every night. Enjoy what you have, not what you don't have. That's so true. You know? That's my Buddhism coming from.

You know how you can buy fake body parts? Could you buy fake toes? Well, you could buy a vibe, like one of those, like flashlights. You've got shagang, and you put it over your toes. It would feel like someone's sucking. Oh, I need the worm. Not that I've seen it, but I need the worm from June. What's the worm?

The villain thing. It looks like a sucker. Yeah, yeah. Is that how it kills people? It sucks them off? I just eat them. Oh, I just got massive teeth. Oh, I thought you were talking about a sex toy.

Sorry. No, no, I literally meant just like a big, big. Suction device. No, that would be quite the... Oh, I need to get Babs' fish that you used to get to suck you. Yeah, they're dead. Damn. Do you remember what sort of fish?

Why do you get Babs' fish in the tank? Actually, yeah, her fish here looks like a hell of a sucker. I don't know if its little mouth could handle my big toe. That's a hell of a big toe. Are you saying my sausage toes? Have you seen that thing? You said, she belongs, eh? Yes.

So, no, I'm, that's fine. He does plenty well. How was that stay in a hotel? hotel room with the dog and the baby. It was amazing. So they actually wanted me to hold fire on, like, social media and stuff. So I will put it up eventually. Nothing's free.

No, absolutely. It was awesome. Yeah. I felt... Was it a big room? Yes, it's a bigger room. And I think it will be the dedicated pop stay room. Yeah, right.

Because your dog's not small. 100%. So when they offered me this, I went straight away, yes, please. Angus was the one to say, make sure you flag how big Gianni is. I went, they asked me on Instagram. I'm pretty sure. They've seen him. Do your due diligence.

But, yeah, standing in the lobby checking in. Yeah, with a dog. Friday night and, you know, the rooftop bar there, it was busy. The looks we were getting. Yeah, I bet. Oh, you put it to the bar? No, as in the lobby. They're all going up to the bar, but we're obviously having to check in right there.

It feels like a place you're not allowed a dog. You could feel the eyes. And we just don't have this dog-friendly pubs, cafes, obviously. It's not really a dog-centric country. I don't think Australia. No. Like, not like Europe. People are bringing their dogs into restaurants.

restaurants and have them on their own chair. Some, like, I was at, I wanted to go to the beach I tell yesterday. And I was like, do you can bring the dog to the bathroom? To the patio beer. Surely, but I felt wrong doing it. I wonder. Not that I've ever seen it. I've not seen them advertised dog friendly.

No, I didn't remember. I didn't know if you could or not. Yeah, yeah. Remember, there was a dog cafe near us. Yep. And they were allowed inside, outside, wherever. It was a dog friendly cafe. They had a complaint put into, like, higher up.

And they got basically shut down. They had to say, we can't have dogs anymore. They're advertised as a dog cafe for Christ. So some pubs in Sydney are dog friendly. It is fucking chaos. When you go in there and dogs go in there because they bark at each other. And then you're at a pub and then dogs are barking. Then there's kids.

And then the kids are crying because the dogs are barking. Is that not where you look at the humans and you go, can your dog handle this? Don't freaking bring your dog. Because, yes, my dog is humongous. He rarely barks. Genuinely rarely bark. So we knew in a hotel. Actually, Pam be fine with people.

Other dogs, though, she'd be like. So you can imagine if there were other dogs on the phone. floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our only issue was when we did get room service, we opened the door. Anger's ordered chicken. I went, bro, don't do that to the dog. They've got their own puppy menu, so he got his steak tartare.

How much was that? It was comp. Oh, yeah. But on the, how much? Oh, you know what, 15. 15 bucks on the puppy menu. Granted, he would have needed three of those. Did he come with you?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, so we, and that's the thing. We had the kid, the dog, and obviously two adults. You'd hope the room was picking up. And then so, because I was, we're, Hotel with partner, he screams of sexy time. Yeah, yeah. No, there was no sexy time.

It was many books. It was coordinating the dog. It was room service, which was amazing. You just outside the bathroom, Angus? Angers had a bath. So, Lucia had a bath. And then he got in, topped up. Oh, yeah.

Her filthy bathwater, top that up. I was going to ask, because I said I'd get in the bath of the flow. And Morgan's like, that's disgusting. And I was like, why? Why? She'll like piss in it. I'm like, yeah, well, that's what I said. But she was worried me shit.

I'm like, well, yeah, it would be a bit unfortunate, wouldn't it? Yeah, but to be honest, ducco, you rinse it off. I didn't realize how much of a freaking clean freak she was until we had a kid. That's funny because, as I said, I've always been a bit on the grosser side. As a parent, you've got to embrace it. I thought you go insane. Pam will lick flow's face and she doesn't care. Like, she's like, oh, don't Pam, but like, doesn't care that much.

But like, other things that we have, we can control. roll? It's like, oh no. But isn't that funny? I guess it's the start of this conversation. Where you draw a line. It doesn't make sense to anyone, but you, that's funny. I know. That's okay. See, I hate, like, vomiting to me, when I do it, I sob. I think vomiting is the most

disgusting, the most awful. I feel horrific. Luchia's thrown up three times in her life, and I don't even blink. I'm like, oh, well, it's just part of it. You know what it is? It is what it is. We had a blowout the other day. We went to the beach yesterday. What do you just chuck that thing? What do you do? Put her in the shower. I was like, you rinse it off. Put the swimmers in the wash

You just make it work What you do what you've got to do It's yours It'd be different than someone else Yeah It's something else's kid That's different Clean up someone else's kid's shit

You're like no Yeah see isn't that That's a great point I've never done that And I've offered now To babysit a couple of times For you ducko Yeah yeah

Imagine And I'm sort of like I want that How would that thing? I think I just call you You've got to come home She does big girl shits Yeah

Well I saw the Father's Day dedication Your wife kids That was months ago I was in the airport I messaged your wife because that is one of Lucia's hand-me-downs. I said, you can keep that one, guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said that to Morgan. I was like, that's pretty sure that's Jess's. And that's fine. That's flows now. She's got that forever. She's got that forever. Yeah, it's pretty rank.

But, yeah, it's funny. Just where you draw the line. Yeah. What's the thing you draw the line? Poohing with the door open. Yeah, I don't really like that. Don't like that. That's also because I spent a lot of time just,

ooh, charing and straighting. Is it the idea of hearing the plop? Or is the idea that she'll see anything you wipe out of you? There's something vulnerable about. about seeing it with your pants around your ankles, like a little, like, alien and just, like, doing a shit. Like, it just, I feel like a little... And particularly a boy, you're dangling down.

Yeah, there's a bit old. Yeah. Now, what do I draw the line, though? Of disgustingness. Yeah. I don't know, actually. Does she ever shit on your chest? No, I've had the pleasure.

God damn. I'll probably draw the line there, yeah. It's with our prudish partners. Yeah, yeah. Do something fun, won't you? Babs, how did you convince Jethro that time? Fuck. You know how I feel about...

Obviously, I'm joking. Where do you draw the line, Babs? It's a huge line. There's a very, it's a very large line. Is he as pretty well as China that line? Is Jethro's like us? I know. I get angry when he farts even.

Like I'm just like, oh, those people. Are you off? You can't. No, because it stinks. And it just makes you really angry. Boy, farts do you? Really? Yeah.

I've been saying like, I think it's funny, but it also just, yeah, I don't know. No, no. I don't like anything that comes from the body. To each their own. Yeah, poop. Hickups. Farts. Hiccups.

Oh, that's right. You did tears anger you? Yes. Nothing. Tears? Like, did tears anger you? No, not tears. Okay, tears, it's all right.

I'm used to it. Yeah, okay. Right, oh. 3pm cried. Yeah, yeah. Tears are okay. But wax and boogies. Yeah, no, I can't.

Nothing. Mm. Oh. Yeah. I taught Lucia how to say boogie. It's very funny. What she said? Because now she just sees any bit of gung.

She's like, boogie? And you're like, yes. Yes, it is a boogie. I was digging out dirt from her toenails. And she was like, boogie, and I was like, I guess. For someone who speaks so much and it asks so many questions, you must get so infuriated with her not being able to fully talk to you yet. But also, not being like an adult.

Yes. But I am so excited for down the line. Because, you know, Angus refuses to play games with me. He doesn't like road trip or car games. Yeah. She will be forced. You hope so. You hope so.

I don't like, no, I hate banana graham. No, mum, you just keep winning. It's not fun. This is how we train our brains. I told you last time I played banana grams with an adult I'd let them win because I was like, I just want to keep playing. And if I beat them too bad, they'll pack up their toys and leave. That's one of the sad.

I'm happy to throw the game just so people play with me. Isn't that sad? Can you start doing that in Wordioke? No, but you keep playing? Or do you not want to play anymore? Well. Okay. All right, all right.

No, no, no. Forget you ask. It'll be like it never happened. Stop what you're doing and listen You know I got the shit that you like There's only one show to wake up here I'm not that easy to tang Jess, Jess

You just go I'm gotta explain I actually haven't seen my dad's button a while Got him going insane Yes I got Your hole was well over Bats Bats

I've never had hemorrho This is Jess and Ducko Right on 6 o'clock Welcome to a new week team Welcome to Monday. Hello. The rave has begun. Absolutely, it has.

You're looking fantastic in your glow paint and not much else. Yeah, well, you know how it is. You know how it is? Bit of glitter, bit of glow paint. For a Monday. Why not just get started? We wouldn't expect anything less. You're looking fantastic on the leather pants.

Thank you so much. What a dumb choice this was. Yeah. We've worked together for five years and I don't know this about you. Yes. You lay your clothes out the night before? Yeah, absolutely. And geez, whatever headspace I was in for a Sunday night, stupid.

You don't do the weather check. I don't do the weather check. See, I'll go, what's it going to be tomorrow? I've got shorts today because I knew today was going to be hot. So freaking smart. And I want to get the show. I want to get the pins out, baby. You know what?

When you popped out of your car today, I went, hello knees. I'm not saying your kneecaps in a while. Have you missed them? Very much so. And I didn't want to push because I knew the day he does, it'll just be so sweet. It's a great day. Whereas if I ask, it's different, you know? It's a bit weird, isn't it?

It's like asking your husband for a present and one he just picks on his own. You go, you might have got it wrong, but I like the thought better. So, no, nice to see your knees. Thank you. Leather pants was dumb. It's going to be a great day regardless. Swampy day, you know? It's going to be a swampy day.

It'll be red hot. That's okay, though. Well, you know the studio at my request, which you're very kind to indulge. It is set to ice cube in here. Yeah, it was cold. We walked in today. So the leather pants, so far, so good, but don't get me too excited. Yeah.

Because it will start steaming up over here. Not good for you ever there, Shaga. I won't be able to get them off. Yeah. Morning to you, good, sir. Morning. You might have to cut them off me later, Sharga. Oh, yeah, that won't be happy.

Get the jaws of life. Babs can do that. Okay. How was your weekend? It was good. It didn't do anything yesterday. Just FaceTime. Dad.

Of course, Father's Day. That was your first. Yeah, it was good. Great. We'll get into it in the show a little bit. Perfect. You know, my daughter obviously going above and beyond. I'm sure you're five-month-old really went above and beyond.

She loved it. I gave Anger. What did I even give Angus? I just a couple of bits and bobs. And I said, look what. God, you got a good memory. But I said to him. I went, look what Licea picked out for you at the Father's Day store.

Like, it's a joke. Remember we used to do that at primary school? And you come home with rock paintings? When did she? When did she do that? I went, I'm joking. He went, oh, I thought maybe I missed something at the daycare. I was like, no, Dahl.

Oh, I picked these. The daycare could have. It's like a rock with googly eyes. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A photo frame made out of twigs. That sort of vibe. Oh, don't worry.

Those gifts will come. Yeah, they'll be on there. You get to that stage in your parenthood career where your father's day or Mother's Day It becomes all of those. Parents must be the best actors. Like, here we are giving Oscars to Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks. We should give them to parents because the feigned love you have to have for the crap they give you.

Oh, no. Wow. Sox again. Wow. A macaroni art. I did wear my wide-brim bunnings hat yesterday, though, that you guys gifted me. That's right. I wore that yesterday in the yard.

How was your son protection? Oh, it was perfect. I looked like a bit of a knob, but it was perfect. Well, that's dad complete. That's it. I did. the Nikki Nunas. Do they fit or do you need the receipt? I'm just putting me to wash. Morgan made sure I washed them before I used them. Yeah, that's probably. She's like, you're all

tied together. What does it matter? No one's used them. She's like, that's not good. No one's tried them on. You're so right. And she said the line, well, maybe it's different for girls to boys. Like, as in girls could catch something. Oh, okay. Well, we're all open. Yeah, well, you're just a spouse. Yeah, unless you circumcise, of course. Oh, that's true. Yeah. To each their own. I'm glad you washed jundies. But we can't exchange them now, so I hope they fit. Speaking of all this, morning, Babs.

Good morning. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Hey, you stayed with mum and dad over the weekend. Oh, yeah, you're at the farm. Did you get Damo breakfast in bed? No, I had a soccer game really early.

Did he come watch? Did he deliver his presents? No, he did not. Oh, geez. There's a lot of negativity coming from back. Yeah, yeah, Dee. But it was a nice day. Oh, you know what I did, guys?

I watched God in 60 seconds on the weekend I saw that because we've been discussing it on the show Where was it? Where can you watch it? Where did I watch it? Was it Apple? Was it on Apple? Oh, Max.

Apple or Max? One of the two. Sure. The Great, if not. Or could have been Prime. Top three. Yeah, yeah. It's on Disney and Netflix.

Cage movies. Was it just as good as you remember? It was worse than I remember in terms of like Oh, it was good, but like in terms of like how bad good it is. Angelina Jolie in that movie has like six lines. She's barely in it. Really?

I remember her being a real key player. She's like... She's just there to kind of have... Get with him. Really? That's all she does. She's like the second main... Not really, no.

I guess just the name. Cass carried that movie. But she's the only female in it. And so we... Is the robbery crew all men? Yeah. Yeah. I was cooked about it too.

Okay. Oh, but I also, this has happened when I watched the Santa Claus again. You know that Tim Allen Christmas movie? Oh, yeah. That is one of my favorite Christmas films. Watch it again as an adult.

and went, oh, this sucks. Like the animatronics of the reindeer. No, see, Goddusty still slapped. Okay, okay. And Nickles Cage is being Nicholas Cage. Absolutely, peak cake. Still brilliant. And the effects are so old school and the credits.

Chagall, you got to watch it. It was on my list. I just forgot. Hell of a weekend. You had dinner at 530 yesterday. You could have watched it then. I could have, but I didn't. Just tuck yourself in for an early Sunday.

Yeah. He's ready for a big week. Hey, we do have a big week on the show. We have a... Co-Fod, yes. An overnight state at the QT and Newcastle plus $100 cash older. Do you know what?

I stayed at the QT on Friday night. Did you? Just to check it out. For the rice cookers, had to make sure everything is tip top. Yep. And I can confirm. Good.

It's tip top. Oh my God. I had a carto of pepper off the room service menu. Jesus Christ. I still don't know what that is. You've said that word every... It's just a fancy cheese and pepper, babe.

It's just a fancy pasta. It's a cheese and pepper. It's really good. So you can enjoy that when you win. You can enjoy that. That's happening every day on the show. So you get involved. 19, 10, 60. That's when you do it. We've got Alphabucks. We've got booktop bops.

We're going to hear about Father's Day. But up next, the most swearing nations in the world have been crowned. Yes. We are on the list. But where did we come? Where do we rank? Will we robbed. Jess and Duckow.

Jess and Duckow. It's all right now. It's been a list done of the most swearing and the least swearing nations on the planet. Okay. This was a study done by Monash and Queensland University in Melbourne and Brisbane. And it also pointed out the creativity of swear words. What kind of swear words people use, right? Oh, I love when we're talking about creative.

Because anyone can just drop an S. Anyone can do that. And we're good at that in this country. But things like trumpet, you know what I mean? Oh, see, that's fantastic. Yeah, yeah. Things like that. It took into account.

Now, when they did this study, over 2 billion words from 1.8 million web pages, they found 597 forms of vulgar words across 20 English-speaking countries. This is a big study. Huge study. Don't by Aussies. We do our things right. And I also wondered to what purpose. Like, why were they doing this?

You know, there's enough people trying to find cancer research. So they're just like, well, should we just look up swear words? What are you guys up to? Oh, this is a swear word unit. Mate. One, good. Because this would have taken time, resources, money, energy. Absolutely.

We're going to focus on who's swearing the most. Who swearing? And the creativity of swear words. Yeah. You pair of lightning glass. Oh, see, surely we've got the gold. Now, we're definitely in the top ten, obviously. We're in the top five.

Okay. But I'll run you through it. So number seven was Ireland. Yeah, I thought they'd be higher. Same, but I'm not surprised. They're obviously in the mix. Yep. Malaysia, number six.

Give me your favourite Malaysian swear, Ducker. I can't. It's too inappropriate. It's too inappropriate. I think you told me delays not working, so you can't dump yourself. Be careful. Babs, when you want to rip out your favorite Filipino swear, just remember, he can't dump you.

I thought he's not working. Okay. She went to speak. She's trying to muzzle herself. I gave you time and then you just pulled away again. Oh, God, we do audio. Number five, New Zealand. Number four, Singapore.

Coming in in the top three, it's between the UK, like Britain, Australia and America. Surely. Oh, the UK, they love a filthy word. And the thing is, remember, they said the types of swear words. So Australia was known. with the UK, where the two countries that say the C swear word, the most out of any country. But we've also co-opted it as a term of endearment.

Yes. You know, we can use mate as a real slap. Call C, mate. Exactly. So surely it's the states coming in the bronze. Coming in at third was Australia. What? Second, Britain.

What? And first, America. I have never spent any time. time in the States. I know you have. I thought I had it in my head. They were kind of anti-swear. That's what I thought too. Is it because there's so much pop culture, like there's so much stuff on the internet from America, it's maybe skewing the results? Exactly. It's saying the United States has the highest rates of vulgarity in online discourse. Okay. Whereas Australia's online, not that bad. That just means they're yappier. It just means

they're yappia behind a keyboard. They actually have noted, when you come to Australia, Australia love vulgarity and swear words, particularly in public, particularly to friends. I'm pretty sure the customs officer's greeter with that. Hey. How's it going, you? Hey, you little. Jesus, I'm going to be carefully. Hey, mate, I ride that beep.

Chugga, you have a go. No. Come on. You're the customs officer, welcoming a tourist. I got you. From overseas, you give him a nice Aussie greeting. Hey. Oh!

I didn't think I've had for that hard. You're just going to go for a nice S. Jesus. Welcome to Australia. But here's the other thing that really kicks it, right? which is what annoys me. They've associated words like ass as swear words. Okay.

So Americans being like, your ass. Oh, your ass is so fine in dem jeans. Or like, you suck. But like, that too, you know what I mean? Yeah, right. You suck ass at this. Oh, watch you. And so that stuff is what's ticked America to the most swearing nation on the planet.

It's definitely got to be us or the UK. I wouldn't have been mad if you said the UK was one and we were two. Maybe just because they have a higher population. But not America. I don't want to question. Monash, but I'm questioning Monash. How's this? Australia's failure to top the Profanity League,

surprised even the researchers. Yes. Because Australia's advertising campaigns, even things like, so where the bloody hell are you? Or the drink, driving slogan, if you drink and drive, you're a bloody idiot. See you in the NT? I mean, the NT. That's the

Northern Territory travel campaign. That's so true. We didn't top it. No, because of things like ass online. Yeah. Alright, guys, quickly say ass a bunch of times. Maybe we'll get the goal next year. I wouldn't even bleep that. Ass is, you know.

Exactly. What's the wrong with ass. All right. I want to isolate that. You can always get involved as well on the text line 04-8-8-1-069. We had one coming from Jonathan. That's right. I was talking about hot chips before Ducko.

How many hot chips we should be eating? Saying I've got news for you about hot chips. I do love hot chips. Jonathan misheard something. He said I was listening to the radio in the cafe. And I thought what Jess said, hot chicks. I got news for you about hot chicks. How many hot chicks you should be eating each?

day. So thanks to Jonathan Chips. In a cafe too, because you'd hear it secondhand. And everyone would be like, what? And even in a food setting, maybe your brain has gone, wait, what? Chicks. I know I met that really hot chick the other day. You are in your exploration phase. Yeah, female phase era. I don't know what you're in. I don't really know how to take this side too, because like... I noticed you kind of stopped there, Daco. Juggled, I very quick to jubing. Exploration. Yeah, you do you. Yes.

Just because you're married to a man. Why? No judgment. Yeah, yeah. Excuse me a child. Hot chips. Hot chips. I can't stop thinking about.

Exploring. Hot chips, ducco. There is hot chips trending online because a woman, her name is Michelle. She's gone viral with a pretty big claim. And people are like, you can't just put that out on the internet, Michelle. But now we've done some extra research, and it seems Michelle is on to something. This is what she had to say while digging into a bucket of hot chip is. Apparently, the correct serving size for chips is 10 chips.

I eat about 10 chips while I'm deciding if I ever want chips. The recommended serving size for hot chips is 10 singular chips. She goes on to say, I eat 10 chips just off my friend's plate when I'm deciding if I want to get my own bowl and chips. Yeah, 100%. Man, if you're getting chips, eating, like, at least 50. 100%. Back in 2018, apparently a Harvard professor came out saying chips are starch bombs.

It'd be nice if your meal came with a side salad and six French fries. Now, he was debunked and he came out being like, stop coming for me. Yeah. All right, maybe it's more than six. But if you go on the Australian-like health websites, New South Wales Health recommends eight to ten chips. Queensland Health has said 12. The federal government on their website,

eatforhealth.gov. You says 12 hot chips is the recommended serving size. Can we Google? Google off. Get ready. How many hot chips come in a, let's say, an average Macca's contained? Oh, okay. Specifically how many?

How many? 25 to 35 in a small, 40 to 50 in a medium and 60 to 75 in a large. 60 to 75 in a large. And these websites are saying we should be having. 12, ducko. If you share a large of four people. Yet, the self-control. No one has that self-control when it comes to a hot chip.

You can't stop. When you start chipping, you can't stop. It's the classic thing. I put pizza in this category as well. Even bad pizza is good. Even a bad hot chip, that's lukewarm, that's soggy, that's over-salted, that's underseason. It's still good. It's still good.

And you're having 25 to 30. That's potato, mate, it's a vegetable. Come on. It's a versatile vegetable. Another quick Google off team. I always wonder. this. Just because we are deep frying it, drowning and in salt, are we

still getting any nutrient from the vegetable potato? I'm going to say no. Do you reckon we're messing with it too much? That we're not getting a benefit. Come, Babs, get off the board. It says it does contain some nutrients. Sorry, mate. Are you eating your chest? Are you just

to see it? I just want to win by my mouthful. I don't even understand what was your answer? What was the answer? Yeah, it does contain some nutrients. Yeah. All right. I'll talk about. Potassium and B vitamins and some fibre.

Oh, it's healthy is what I'm hearing. Potassium. It's what I'm hearing. Everyone always tells me because I don't eat bananas. How do you get your potassium? Now I can say in a hot chip. Yeah. Thank you, Babs.

Doused in salt. But there you go. Feel free to ignore this because it's just not fun information that anyone needs to hear. Who would have 10 chips? 10 to be more of a psycho. If I was on a first date with someone, they said, I'd only have 10 chips. If they picked out 10 and then pushed the rest my way, I'd be equal parts. Great.

more chips for me. Yeah. But equal parts, you deserve to go to prison. That is a sackable offense. Sackable offense. There you go. Ten chips, team. There you go.

Ignore at will. It's early toast for you today, Babs. Geez. I'm hungry. Did you leave Shire Guy out of your toasting? Usually you guys toasts you together. No, I ran out of time. I had to come back.

He ran in to get on air. Ah, someone who takes his job seriously. I do too. I made him his toes. Oh, it's sitting out there. Yeah, it's sitting out there. That's why she was late eating. Turn it up

Jess and Ducko in the morning Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks On hit Alpha Bucks Let's go 30 seconds 10 questions all starting with the same letter I have to take your first answer You cannot use the same answer twice And if you're on true of the question

Say pass We come back of course if there is time We're playing for $10,000 Our player today is Jada Good morning Jada Good morning, how are you? Oh babe, we're great for a Monday The question is, are you ready to win 10 grand?

Oh, yeah. I hope so. Come on. How do you normally go when you play, Jada? What's that sorry? How do you normally go when you play along? Yeah, not too bad when I'm listening, but I'm sure I'll probably freeze up. All right.

I'm hearing a lot of negativity, a lot of uncertainty. You've got this. Yeah, come on. The hardest part is getting through bards. Yeah. You've done that. Queen toast. Queen toast.

Yeah. Queen mouthful. Jada, what do you want to spend? 10 grand on. I want to save up for a house deposit. Okay, I love that. Nice and responsible. Let's do it.

It's a great omen for you, babe. First letter of the week, it's Jay. It's Jay for Jada. Goodness. That feels good. Perfect. All right. Your time will start after the first question.

You're ready? Yep. Starting with letter J, we need you to name. A food. Jam. A country. Jamaica. A clothing item.

Jacket. A perfume brand. A past. A hobby. A dance style. Gads. An animal. Jaguar.

An occupation. A past. A five-letter word. A TV show. Pass. A perfume brand. Ooh. Jeez, we started off well.

We got through all 10. Passed on three ended up with Seven. Mate, that's better than all right. Yeah, better than all right. It's quite good. Above average. A perfume brand.

I chew, chew, Jimmy Choo, you. Oh, yep. Cool, sir. I've never heard of Jimmy Choo. I chute, chew. You know him as shoes, but he also does perky. No, I don't know anything about Jimmy Choo. Or juicy coutier.

Juicy couture. They're the ones that do the velvet tracks suit. That's a juicy on the bum. Big fan of those. I know, I do like those. Babs rocking that in his spare time. Yeah, yeah, yes. In the pink.

Yes. An occupation, judge. A TV show could have been Jane the Virgin. Look, Jada, we didn't get the money. It's annoying. But you don't go away empty-handed. You get a custom phone case. All thanks to KCify.

Visit casefired.com. Those guys are legends. The phone case will slap. Oh, perfect. Thank you so much. Thank you, Jada. Thanks for joining the show. No worries.

Thank you. Thank you. You play again, 8 o'clock for $10,000. And let's not forget we've got a co-fod. We do. You chip in your two cents. Hell, I'll take you a one cent. I'll take a dollar.

And you could win. Come 9 a.m. Up next, Ducco, I've got a conspiracy theory for you. I don't know where we're going with this. Neither do I. Let's just see. You know where we'll go? Fun Town.

Oh, it will be fun. Regardless. I must admit, on the topic we're covering next, I don't know a lot about. Oh, really? Do you not even have a conspiracy theory? No, not at all. Let's flesh it out together back. Jess and Ducco.

On 131060. What have we always said about this program, Ducco? It's a safe place. Educational. And it's funny, just quickly, during Ed there, I was sharing with you something you didn't know about me. Yeah. I'm a massive conspiracy theorist. I don't know that.

I guess it's never really come up on the program before. You and I talk about other things over dinner and drinks. I love conspiracy theories. Never known that. And one that came up over the weekend, I would love the rice cooker to chip in. Are you a bit loony like me? Do you have a conspiracy theory? theory, particularly around the pyramids of Geyser.

Of course, one of the great man-made wonders of the world in Egypt. Everyone knows the pyramids. You know them from history or you know them from not at the museum. I do know the pyramids. The Egypt exhibit. I love to go that hungry jacks just off where you can see the pyramids. Because everyone thinks they're in the middle of the desert. But they're actually quite near Cairo.

I don't think they're that far away from the city centre. But they're 4,000 years old, Ducco, and they're humongous. I've got some quick stats for you. 140 metres high, the biggie. 650 metres deep. A lot of people forget how deep the internal structure is. Crazy. Do you have a conspiracy theory about how they were built?

Because this came up in conversation over the weekend with some mates, Ducko. Don't ask me how. Were you drunk? No. After me. This was Sunday morning. Coffees, eh? Coffees and pyramids.

Ah, the markets? I was having dumplings for breakfast. Maybe it was doing something. Yeah. But one of my friends hit me with a conspiracy theory. I've never heard before when it comes to how they built the pyramids that long ago. Can you even fathom the infrastructure? It would have taken.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did they do it back then? They didn't have the machinery, the technology, the logistics, the transport. Yeah. How did they do it? I've always thought, and this is a popular. one online. Aliens.

They are remnants of an alien culture. They helped. Aliens. But my friend hits me with, you know what they're keeping from us, the history books. Say what? Giants.

Straight face, Ducko, he was trying to say he believes. Are we just doing anything now? I know it's early. Come with me on this journey. No, we are here. You are driving. Oh, yeah, you're in the seat, mate.

I'm just, giants. With no word of a lie, he believes. There were giants back in the day. In Egypt. Yes. Moving the stones. Yes. I mean.

And then they were like eliminated from the history book so that humans could take credit. He's like, how did they pick up those giant stones that were placed in that pyramid form to build them? Giants. Giants. I've never heard that one before. And I've heard some conspiracy theories. I reckon the aliens is more likely than the giants. That's what I believe.

Or they just had some high tech that we didn't realize back then. How could they have had high tech and it not be around today or they'd be remnants of high? We can get fossils from thousands of years ago. There's no remnant of the tech. The giants. I've just never heard that one before. How do you think they did it back in the day? You look at me in the eye and tell me you've never thought once about how they built the pyramids.

What do you think about in your spare time? I don't know, fantasy football? Normal stuff. I don't know. The pyramids are amazing. Don't get me wrong. They're incredible. I've just never thought too hard about the structure like how they did it.

The old stuff back in the day. Yeah. How did they do it? How did they do it? There's got to be more to it. Just because of the sheer size of them. The sheer size and the sheer heft of the actual structures. Yeah.

How did they dig that far down? Oh, going deep is... How did they go that high up with these humongous... But how the giants dig deep? What do you mean? One scoop and they would be done. How many giants are we talking? Like a whole civiliser.

Was Egypt just a giant nation? Oh, these are questions. I didn't ask my friend, Shaga. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, because I feel like can the giants dig the holes? Yeah. You don't reckon they could dig the holes?

Possibly. If they can stack the stones, they could dig the holes. And they'd have to be smart because they were very angular these. They're perky. They're very precise. Yeah. All right. Come with me, Shagga.

All right. I've got you on board finally. I'm trying. Ducco's still got the walls off. No, I don't. There is no supporting evidence whatsoever about giants, according to my Google. Okay. That's what I'm saying.

It's the first time I've heard that conspiracy theory. Yes. I just thought it was interesting and I wondered if anyone else. Has a one about the pyramids. I had a thought about the pyramids. 13, 1060, you've got a conspiracy theory about the pyramids? How do you think? It's a safe place.

Yeah. I'm open. I would have loved this in No Dumb Thought Friday. That's where I would have loved. No, I needed more. That's where I would have rid of. I couldn't have held on to this. You think I could have held on to this till Friday?

You kidding yourself. I must admit, I didn't know which way this was going. I was like, oh, Jess is going to have some actual theories about the period. This is going to be wild. No, I told you, conspiracy theory. Now should we're lucky to get a call. Someone, please support me or I'll never get a phone topic on the board ever again. Jess and Ducko.

Babs, is there something wrong with our phones today? The Gremlin's back. What's going on? There must be something wrong with them. Yeah. All the people who wanted to... They worked for Alphabarks. Conspiracy.

Right now we're doing 13, 1060. Has your friend lost the plot? Duck, I've been in radio. Nine and a half years. I've literally put in my calendar. Ten year anniversary. July next year. Maybe I've missed the mark.

I genuinely thought this would slap. I was so excited to talk to you about it. Yeah, yeah. Because of all the conversations we've had, my friend, we've never touched on conspiracy theories. I didn't realize that. Showing that I didn't know. Specifically, the pyramids.

Because one of me mates came over the other day and he hit me with one. I hadn't heard about the pyramids of Geyser. Yep. That giants had to be involved. I always thought aliens were involved. Yeah. Because they're just too massive.

High, but also depth. 650 metres into that. They're incredible. They're incredible. They're absolutely incredible. They're 4,000 years old, Doc. How did they do that back then? Wheelbarrows and shovels.

I've got no idea. And power. And Giants. And I just never heard giants as a conspiracy theory before. And I just loved it. I loved it. You came all with the big swing of giants. I did.

And I wanted to know, does anyone else have a conspiracy theory about the pyramids? Should I have done it broader? I don't know. Maybe we could have just gone. What do you believe that no one else does? Yeah. But Jesse's called in. When were you made to feel like a loon?

You might have some backup here. Good morning, Jesse. Good morning. How you, Dave? Jesse? I'm fantastic, babe. what's your take? What's your hot take on the Pyramids of Geyser?

Your friends pretty much bang on. Do you're like the Giants? They are giants, yeah. They were giants. Sorry, Jesse, are you speaking under water? My phone's been broken. I've never been radioed but it's on the back to the job. Okay, so you've never been on air,

but you chose this topic to pick up the phone. Can I firstly say thank you very much? Because I was drowning over here on my own. Are you a giant, Jesse? No, no, I'm the opposite of a giant. I'm fairly five foot. Okay. Duckos can't.

How else could that have been done, Jesse? They're in the Bible, and they're about 4,000 years ago, and if you do your history, it's the same time of Noah's Art, which wife. It's in the Bible, baby? This is a Monday I never thought I have. They're not called Giants. They'll start with N. Netflix.

Oh, okay, different word for it. Lisa, text us. I got one other friend, Duckos. 048-8-106-9 also wants to quote the Bible. Yeah. You know the story of David and Goliath. I know it well. Goliath was nine foot, nine inches tall.

Yes. Supplementary text from Lisa, that's 2.74 meters. That's tall. Back in the day, that might have been giant. But how tall are the pyramids? 140 metres high. That's, are we putting giants on top of each other? In a big trench coat so they can speak about this.

Because he, I don't strike, he doesn't strike me as conspiracy theory giants guy. What do you think I had to bring it to you, Duckett? Have you told him that you were going to do this today? Matt also DMed us. I've got three friends. Here we go. I don't know if Matt's taking it seriously, though. That's it, yeah.

Why is no one taking me seriously? We all know Scotty Cam is a well-known, a documented time traveller, and he built the pyramids in the early adaptations of the hit TV show The Block. No one takes me seriously in this room. Is that a joke? Yeah, that was meant to be a gag. Geez, this has not been a good 20 minutes for us. We'll get better.

It can only go up from here as the... Jesse's in the Draughto in the Co-Fod. And if I get my way, he's winning it. Jess and Ducko. Maybe this is a bit of warning for you. The first one can be very romantic and lovely. And yeah, your kids are potato. But obviously your partner tries to hopefully go above and beyond

to commemorate an honour because it is special. But this is my husband's second. Father's Day, and we've really fallen off a cliff, my friend. No. I try, because you know me. I love an event, and I love a celebration. I love gift-giving. Yep.

But I just miss after miss after miss. And for all the work and love and wonderfulness, my husband provides to us, feel like I need to make up for it somehow. But you got him some gifts and stuff? I did get him gifts. But what I really wanted to create was to create a nice morning. So I had spent the night in Lucia's room because we've moved her to the floor bed, and she just can get out too easily.

So I thought, look, he's worked late Saturday night. I'll stay in her room with her so at least, you know, she can't waddle in and wake him up at 5.30 or something. Right. So we get out and trying to keep her very quiet. But I was conscientious. I don't want him walking out to then get breakfast. I want to bring it to him. So I'm trying to time it, all right.

We'll make a coffee and we'll just do some jam on toes, something easy, and we'll take it in. Brecky in bed. Brecky in bed. So it gets to seven. And I went, oh, he's probably minutes away from waking up. I'll just get that done. So we put the coffee on. Coffee machines making a racket.

We're in the apartment now. I thought this is already probably waking up. She's banging spoons and spatulas on the floor. I'll do it. All right, we just got to get this toast. Did she know it was father's day? Like, did you tell her obviously? Oh, I drilled it into it.

But did she like, did she understand at all that something to do with dad today? I don't think so. We worked on happy, happy, father, fata, day, day. But she couldn't really string it together. That's probably the extent. But we put the toast in, we pop the toast, it's probably already gone cold by the time I actually sought her out, the dog out, this and that, jam it up.

And all she has to do is walk down the corridor to get to the bedroom. Me, trying to raise an independent, strong, resilient little girl, say, you can carry it down the corridor, carpeted corridor. Give her the plate. Angus is probably, I can hear him shuffling. I know we've already woken him up. Yeah. She takes two steps, drop both pieces of toes.

The dog snatches. as one. I grabbed the other one, just put it on the plate, rush her to the door, open it, he's already awake. He picks up the toast and goes, oh, how sweet. Did you drop this? I went, no, why do you say that? It's covered in dog hair. And he's a germaphobe, too.

He's a germiphoom. Pits of the carpet. We haven't vacked him in three weeks. I went, happy father's day! It was just a real... And then I threw some pajamas at him. I'm like, here you go, this is what Lucia picked out for you. And then, I think the worst thing, tell everyone what you got him to do that day

that he told us in the message. Oh my God, what, what? You volunteered him to help someone move house. Oh, no. You saw some randoms and you said, Angus is free day. You got right, because in our group chat, he did dob on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We bumped his friend, shy guy, and they happened to be moving house, and this bloke has helped us move three times. So without thinking, I go, oh, well, Angus is free today. He went, no, I'm not. I'm setting up for a wedding this afternoon. I went, yeah, but you've got an hour. You can do it. And then as we walked away, I could just feel the steam emanating.

I fear my wear. You're a secondhand. But you got a Peter Alexander pyjama so you can wear those in the move. Absolutely. Match with his little girl. Worth it. Worth it. Got some hairy carpet toast.

Happy Father's Day. Jess and Duckow. Yes and Ducko. Calling people names in the office, you know, something that's obviously frowned upon. You shouldn't do it. I don't know. There's probably HR guidelines around it. Especially bosses, right?

Oh, yes. I thought you're talking about colleagues, but boss. Boss to subordinate. Oh, my God. Tough one. But there's been a court case over in the UK, which saw a lady win because she called her boss a D-head. Okay. So she got fired, right?

So basically, she worked for a construction company or a scaffolding company, sorry. And she was part of their day-to-day operations, overseeing payroll, arranging meetings. Apparently, she was very bad at paying people on time and arranging meetings. She was not a good person at her job. Probably not great at the admin, and she's employed to do the admin. Kerry Herbert's her name. Kezer. Kerry wasn't doing a great job.

Okay. So because Kerry wasn't doing a great job, the Bross brought her into his office and said, look, you need to pick up your act, Kerry. You're dropping the ball. People want to be paid, Kerry. People want to be paid, Kerry. I think she was on a few warnings.

Essentially, Kerry said, well, anyone else would have quit this job. If it wasn't for you, you'd de-head, running this thing. Okay. So she's going, oh, I've got some feedback for you too. Yep. See you later. The boss has then gone, okay, Kerry, you're out of here. Bye-bye.

See you later. That's the straw that broke the boss's back. Kerry then takes it to the court's unfair dismissal saying that she said D-Head is a jest and a joke and that she can't be kicked out for saying this to her boss. I know we often talk about some swears or insults that you can spin to be a compliment. And vice versa. We've already touched on this morning, mate can be really used as kind of a slap. Very true.

I don't know about D-Head having any positivity. I don't think you can say it with lightness or fun. Tell her to the court though. Okay. Because the court was informed. of this and said, well, actually, under her contracts terms, that she could be sacked over a provocative language or insulting language, only if she'd been given warning first about using the language.

Hang on, if this is her first time calling him a D-head. She's happened once. Play on, Kerry. So then, she won the case for unfair dismissal and was paid $20,000 in compensation and additional $19,000 to help cover her legal expenses. So she got like $39,000 out of it. What I'm hearing, D-Hocke, is we could call the boss right now. I've never called him a D-head.

No, neither. Not to his face. Get him on the phone. We could do it, and he can't fire us. Babs, get Jace on the phone now. He can't, he can't. Of course, we got three, we basically got three cracks at it. Oh, okay.

We got three. So you can do it once, and it's a warning. Yeah. But three cracks. Okay. Then we can do it, you know? The precedent has been set. Now, I want a flag.

Yeah. Did you say this was in the UK? This is in the UK. Are we covered by the same? Surely. Maybe, should. Have you signed your new contract yet? We get shy guy to say it to him.

Ah, that's good. If we get shy guy to say to him. One of the expendables. Obviously, I'm joking. No, no. Babs, he can't be mad at Bads. Actually, that's a good call. No one can be mad at the sweet young one of the team.

We all just said it in unison. Oh, okay. And then his thing, do we say it or we say, like... I think we just put him over and we just say D-head and then we hang up. Okay. Oh, that's good, guys. That is good. Let's hope he picks up, though, because this whole thing will be a waste of time.

Yeah. Sorry, Babbs just having a full chat to it. Yeah, don't talk to him. Don't tell me what we're doing. him. She was like, should I do it? I'm so shocked, I nodded her. Like, yes, do it. Oh, okay.

We got it, we got him there. Morning, boss. Hey, dickheads. So, this has angered me all weekend. I think I came into you guys on Friday morning, right? Yeah, you were fizzing with rage. So Friday morning last week, I've come in and said, someone's parked over our driveway.

Now, we had an issue with this, like probably a year of, a bit of go, but the neighbours have since changed, sharehouse, whatever. We haven't, they've been really good. No one's done it. I came in. You got your wife. You got, Morgan to stick him.

So that's the car parked over our driveway, as you can see. I'm showing you guys a photo. It's brazen. It's like halfway over our driveway. They did that because everyone sort of parks out of their driveways. We park in ours, in our streets, a busy street, lots of share houses, whatever. We come out Friday morning, that's there, thinking, all right, it'll be gone by the end of the day or whatever.

It's a car you haven't seen before. Never seen it. Obviously new. Someone will tap them on the shoulder. Hey, that's a working driveway. Get home Friday. Still there. Friday afternoon.

Still there. So we're like, okay. We'll wait. We'll still wait. I'm like, I did that thing where I put the side windows. I bent them in. I was like, I got you good. You know what I mean?

Like the... Did you put the windscreen wipers up as well? Yeah, put one of them up. What else can you do? I was like, I hate you. I've got to take out my frustration somehow. We left a note on the car saying this is our driveway, don't park. We.

Morgan. Yeah, I can't spell. And she's Anita writer. So did that, right? And then we're like, okay, it's been two days now, Saturday morning. Let's go to the neighbours and just check if it's one of theirs because it's getting ridiculous. Knock on the neighbour's door, knock on the neighbour's door, nothing, nothing, knock on the other neighbour's door. They said, no, not ours.

Eventually, the neighbours who we thought it was come home. And she's like, no, that's not any of ours. We've never seen that car either. It's not a boyfriend. It's not a boyfriend. And we said, okay, so you don't know who it is. No, we'll ask the next house, which is another share house. Oh, no, we've asked them.

It's not theirs either. We don't know who's this car is. Cross the road. Do you ask Kath and Kim? It wasn't Kath and Kim. No, oh, they were obviously across the road, Catherine Kim were a red alert. Like, who's parking over your driveway?

Absolutely. I'm surprised they didn't have the binoculars out. Oh, they did. Which you street goss. I'm now going to go into bunnies. Someone's up at the Allen Duckets. Yeah, who's on it? And I was like, because Pam barks when we walk past.

Every time she barked, I was sprinting out there. Once they just sprinted out of my boxes and my slippers. Oh, get you. Shaking your fists in the sky. Ready to give them. And that I'll have stew it. 100%. But parking over you at someone's driveway is the rudest thing.

blatantly halfway over, right? Yeah, you can't use that. You can't? I couldn't even use it the whole weekend. I went to Bunnings and got some spray paint because I'm going to spray paint the road. Jesus Christ, I'm going to say, you're going to graffiti the car? No, no, no, no, oh, my God, he's really ticked off. I'm that close.

But you know what we dicks? Well, okay, it's none of the neighbours. We don't know whose it is. It's a random car. So got online to the council, took photos sent it to them and registered it for a complaint and a fine. The council, the quickest they've ever moved, were there that afternoon on a weekend. and slapped it with a $340 fine.

And then we're like, oh, good. Like, it's a random, who cares? Yesterday afternoon, I'd then go back out because I thought I heard noise. And I see one of our other neighbours further down. And she's folding her washing. And I said, excuse me, excuse me, do you know whose colour it is? And she goes, oh, my God, yes, I'm so sorry. I do know who that is.

It's my housemate. She's new. She's only been living here for four days or something. And she's parked it there. And she's now gone to Cairns for the weekend. She doesn't get back until this afternoon, Monday afternoon. And I'm like, oh, well. Is the fine still sitting on the windshield?

Yeah, yeah, with the note. And I said, oh, we thought it was none of yours because you guys are being really good. She goes, she's going to come over and apologize. I've called her. I gave her an earful on your behalf. It is so rude and so disrespectful. I was like, oh, look, it's not your fault. Like, you didn't do it.

But I appreciate the acknowledgement. And then all of a sudden, I'm thinking, uh-oh. Like, she's going to know. I had something to do with this. I'm talking you're still going to get your apology. There's a fine and a note sitting on it. She's going to come back. A little like you've tagged the time of the car.

Ducco wars here. I was like, oh, we only got them to find because I thought it was no one in the street. And I know it was a neighbour. And then she goes, no, no, I know who you are. I've seen your branded car park there. And like, I know who you are. Aren't you the happy go lucky guy on the radio? Yeah, not where my driveway's been blocked.

I was like, oh, okay. The red mist comes over. But I need your support. I, surely, parked for four days, that's just worthy of a fine over our driveway. Like, she even said the neighbour who's, like, roommate it was like, oh, it's so rude. Like, I don't know how she didn't. Yeah, but also, learn to drive. Learn to drive.

And don't just leave it there for four days. She goes, I don't even know it was a driveway. It's blatantly a driveway. Yeah, you should just be better at parking. The fine is for parking, really. Yeah. So now she's going to come with a $340 fine. And I think you could, there might be points involved.

I'm not 100% sure. Hang on, hang on. Now I've made street enemies. one who has been on the receiving. Yeah, it stinks. Of some dodgy, neighbouring, community vibe where you got dobed in by someone. Yeah. You know what, you did get points for that one, didn't you?

I did for that. Yeah, there was no stopping, though. So, you know. Oh, that was a bit different. But it stinks. It hurts. But that's why we thought it was a stranger's car. We're like, how rude.

Were you a bit like, I've been punished once before. So this person should be punished too. 100%. But now you have to live opposite this person. As annoying as it. it is, and it's a sackable offense, they should go to jail for it, obviously. I still felt dirty putting the council on someone. Like, I was like, ah.

It doesn't feel like you. But you've never had someone park of your drive away for that long. I actually haven't. Like, how would you feel if that would happen to any, like... Yeah, I mean, if they hadn't gone to cans, you would have sorted out the same day. Exactly. And if it was a neighbor who knew... Would it have made you feel worse?

It was like, oh, she's actually in hospital. She's, um... She's banged up. I'll just take the fine off their car and be like, well, they're not going to know about it. It'll still come to them. But that'll be all in Utah. I don't know I was involved. Babs, back me up here.

I think it's fair enough. Thank you, Babs. Also, what's saying that the council didn't just walk past and find them for seeing it? That's the story. That's the story I'm running with. Hey, remember how the neighbour knew who he wants.

Anyway, 13, 1060, what should be a jail sentence? Better than a fine. Better than a fine. You back me up on this. These little things that people do, and you just go, no, you deserve jail. You deserve for me quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's when you go to get your eyebrows. You've booked in for an eyebrow appointment. Are they go, do you want me to do your mustache while I'm here? Did I book in for my mustache? Thanks for giving me a self-esteem, blow. Did you say yes, though? Obviously. And your monowbrow? Please, please get it.

It's the worst when they say your chin, too. Jail. Jail's with a lot of it. See, good. 13, 10, 60, jail sentences. Make me feel better. Go. Jess and Ducko. Talking sackable offenses. Talking going to jail.

It's not currently law, but it should be. It should be. Parking over someone's driveway. Big stuff in my street. I'm kind of nervous to go home now. Someone parked over my driveway Thursday night. It's not a colour I've seen on you, Ducco. But have you ever...

Getting counselling. Yeah, but if someone parks over your driveway, that is deeply personal. Deeply personal. Four days. Four days? They're still there. What's the brand of car?

It's a Mazda 3, grey one. Mazda 3. I know. So we thought, we asked all the neighbors. The neighbors said, no, we don't know whose car it is. So we thought this is a random car. This has been here for too long. We are with child. How dare you? We are having to walk extra steps to get to our vehicle. So we

got the council involved thinking, I don't know if they'll do anything. After you put the back windscreen up. Obviously. Put the windscarrivers up and side mirrors in. Got you good. And the council came very quickly. Quick and I've never seen the move. Did you feel like a snitch? Or were you like? No, because it was a random. I thought stuff you. It's out. I thought it was a random. That's the key.

I want that to be the key. I never thought it was anyone on the street because we asked all our neighbours and they said it wasn't. However, it turns out it was someone new to the street who was living like two houses down who didn't know. And then eventually... Away for the weekend. Only found out yesterday afternoon. She'd apologised. She had the keys with her.

She was up north. But we've already issued the fine. The fine's already there. So I'm like, well, you know... Hope you had a nice time up north. Yeah, yeah. Because now you broke. Yeah, I hope the trip wasn't too expensive because it is now.

Well, she'll never do it again. Surely won't like me either. This... And then the neighbour's like, I know who you are. I know your car. Yeah, that's the icky part. But at the same time... And you got the big branded car.

I... The same time, four days, over a driveway. This time next year, she could serve jail sentence. Like, if Ducco has his way, and this becomes jailable, you watch out. New neighbour. So 13, 1060. What should be a jail sentence?

Nick has called in. Hello, Nick. How are we? Good, Nick. Fantastic. Nick, what? What should be a jail sentence? Okay, so all my fellow truckies are listening to you guys.

I understand 100%. But slowing down or flushing someone with your highbeats to let the middle lane in front of you and you don't get a fake you wave back. Oh, that is. That's life in prison. Do you know what, Nick? Life in prison, Nick. It's funny because sometimes, you know, some of these fancy, more expensive cars?

The tint is so dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I can't see if you're waving or not, but I'm going to assume you didn't. The thank you waiver's gone, Nick. People don't do it as much anymore. I will roll down my window and put a thumb out. Absolutely. You're the best.

You're the best. That's a hundred percent. Even if she has a twice or twice. Yes. The ripple effect of positivity or negativity is huge. Massive. That's why I don't use the horn, ducco. Yeah.

I think that should be a suckable offence. It's a great one, Nick. Holy hello. Hi, how you're going? Great, babe. What should be a jail sentence? Well, going for Queens. when you live in New South Wales

should absolutely be one. Or just going for the Broncos in general. That's big. They're big climbs. Who would I do the show with Holly? Maybe drinking toilet water. That could be one as well. She's gone for the triple.

Hey, Holly, come on. Something's in the toilet water, though, because it's got us to this far. Yeah, look, you know what? No comment. That's a good one. Yeah, fair enough, hoie. Man, if you're going to call the council on someone,

then you also have to serve your time. Don't go. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. Alfa Bucks. 30 seconds, 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. I have to take your first answer. You cannot use the same answer twice.

And if you're unsure of the question, you just say past. We come back, of course, if there's time. Now, we are playing for $10,000. Our player for this Monday is. Chris. Hello, Chris. How we going? Oh, Chris, we're fantastic.

What do you want to spend $10,000 on for this fine Monday? Oh, it's a wife's birthday coming up this Friday, so... That'll give me a bit of brownie points. Here's 10K, honey. Have a good one. Jeez, we're talking holidays and fine jewelry. So much you can get... Hell of an experience.

An alpaca? Yeah, why not, why not. How much would an alpaca set you back? I guess you've got to get an enclosure. Yeah, you do. You need the proper parameters. If you're getting an alpaca, we'll take it seriously. If you're going to do it.

If you're going to do it. Just bring out the backyard, it'll be all good. Yeah, that's it. I almost feel like you need more than one. Who's going to be friends with? You need a pair of alpacca. It's just cruel to get one. Yeah.

I got $3.50 for a male. Sorry. A couple of kids for $50. Oh, three. Let's get a show alpaca. That's a gum tree. $350. That is way cheaper than I see you.

That's great. We could put it next to the fish. Sorry, a used alpacca. A used alpac. A second-hand alpaca. Anyway, Chris, the point is you can get a few. Absolutely. Chris, the letter we're going to work with to get your wife something special is I.

I for, I believe in you, Chris. Okay? Cheers. Very good. Your time will start after the first question. You're ready? Right, yeah. Starting with the letter I, my friend.

We need you to name a country. India. Something sweet. Ice cream. An actor. Pass. A nursery rhyme. Oh, pass.

A boy's name. Uh, Isaac. A horror movie. Pass. A cold beverage. Uh, ice. A sport. A periodic element.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. A cold beverage. Ice? That's on me. I didn't know how long to weigh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I didn't know what was coming. Oh, yeah, there you go. That's what I'm going for. Yeah, sure. We got ourselves three there. Three of the best. An actor, Idris Elba, nurse your arm,

Mitsibitzi Spider, a horror movie. It. I know what you did last summer. There's too much pressure. Yeah, I know. Because you seem like a cool customer in the pre-chat and then it gets a cold beverage, ice coffee, a sport, ice hockey, a periodic element, iron.

Look, we didn't get the money. The wife is getting nothing for the birthday. And what about these? Could he give it? Well, actually, yeah, you give her a custom phone case. All thanks to Legends at Casify. These things are great. Awesome.

Thank you very much. Thank you, Chris. Thanks for joining the show. Cheers, thank you. Happy birthday to the Misso for Friday. Oh, yeah, get her something good. Happy Father's Day yesterday, all the Dad's out there. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to run you through my very first one. First Dad Day for the new Daddy. Oh, yeah, I'm special. I imagine Florence, your five-month-old did plenty. So much. Jess and Ducko. Happy Father's Day. Oh, thank you.

So special. Yes. It was a nice day. And I know you and Morgan, you're not particularly sentimental and all that, but truly, was it nice? It was nice. It was a good moment. Also, she's a bit more awake now. For Mother's Day, I think she was only three or four weeks old.

Oh, totally. She didn't even give Morgan a smile. Yeah, yeah. She's now who smiles and laughs and stuff. So it was nice. She came in the morning, Morgan made me a coffee in bed and brought Flo in. They come in and Flo, like, is like sitting up, leaning against my knees and smiling at me, doing whatever.

And then I was holding my little. little like cup of like a long black and she kicks it and it just goes all over me. Oh my God. The hottest coffee known to man. All over me and all over the pillow, all over the bed. Better you than her? Yeah, but then she started crying because she got a fright from me going, ah! So she's crying and she's lost it.

She's crying over the wasted coffee and she knows what a crime that is. Morgan's outside in the kitchen, mate. And Morgan's like, what's wrong? What's happened? And I'm like, Flos. We then come out, clean that up. Pam's come in. It's like Pam.

Your first born. My first born, who got me some slippers. Thank you, Pam. Which she'll probably chew up by the end of the day. Probably. She's come and looking real sheepish. Like, really like, what's wrong, Pam? What's something happened?

What's going on? You know, anything can happen with this dog. She's had an issue where she couldn't snip off the poop. She couldn't do the cigar cutter. It's always the worst. Sorry, has she dragged that? There's like a little bit of dangleberry flown around and she's come in, right? We're like looking at because we couldn't see.

And then she's done the dog thing on the can. pouch, put her legs up. No, no, the scoot. And down the butt crawl. Oh. And we're like, what do you do? What do you? Oh, Pam, no, Pam, no!

No, please. The equivalent of us using toilet paper. I know. She's like, I don't have opposed to thumbs. Daddy, I'm going to have to use your camera. All over it. This is like the first two things to happen today. It's been half an hour of each other.

This dog and her pipes downstairs. It's never ending. So then we had to go and like get it off the cats. and also, like, get a poo bag and, like, pull it out. Yeah, you have to pull it out. You got to pull it out, it gets sucked to hair, doesn't it? Morgan pulled it out, I think. And, yeah, yeah, we both had to clean a couch.

She's medical. Yeah, yeah. I was like, honey, you deal with that. See, if that was me, I would have gone, honey, it's father's day. I'll take care of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was a bit like that. But I think, like, she was trying to help the flow clean.

Then she was like, I'll stuff it. Like, now it was too. We need all hands on death. The flow was crying, and it was just, you know, one of the great starts to a day. Well, you go, this is what being a parent's all about. Absolutely. They have no idea. But Floy did get me a Rufus record, so.

Sure, she picked it out, save up. Great style. Her hard earned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, happy dad. It's only going to get worse from here. I know. Somehow, Pam will just keep ruining it.

Absolutely. Attention back on me. Thank you for me. Jess and ducco. Yes and ducco. Come on baby, let me grab a book from my shell. Let me sing all the lines. Or you, you know you gotta pick the melody

So you could score a point or two Book Top box! If you're still with us, thank you for sticking through. That was the short, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't turn your radios off? I thought we were, were we not working on the smoothing. That's great.

Oh, sorry, I tell you, Michael. That's on me. Sorry. Sorry, Bud's her. No. You thought she was on because she sang. Yeah, yeah, sorry. You go.

No. Good Babs? No, that's great. No, we love it. We love it. It's book top box. Babs takes a book off her personal bookshelf. Yeah, bookshelf.

Last week, we ran dry so she had to do the workshelf. Oh, yeah, that was bad. They're off and naughty. Yeah, they are. And she'll sing us a passage from the book in a melody of a song we should all know. Yep. And we'll try and guess. You can play along.

04-8-181069. Yeah, well, today's book is called Once Upon a Broken Heart by Stephanie Garva. Is it a love story? Yeah, it is. It's a bit of a rom-com. Yeah, this one's a bit, you know, young adult, so it's not as naughty, you know. Okay. It's still fun.

All right. All right. Here we go. Fast song. No one appeared afraid of him the way they should have been no one to win. Brimtime, dance joy. Good job. Well done.

Big Vancey Vance. Got some exciting news about the big V-Dowl coming up. Don't go anywhere. Oh, keep it locked. Nice work, Ducco. Thank you so much. And nice work to you, Bab. Thank you.

All right. Next one. Is that a good thing? Or a bad thing. These days, pat a finger. Sunsets. Yes. Jesus.

Damn, sunsets. Good year, Charlotte. Good one. Well done again, Babs. You got this, Jess. Come on. You do so well. I just don't know the name.

No, the next two. You'll now. All right. Okay. Next one. You sure it will make your job So much easier Since Apollo

Is the first person Did you been gone, Kelly Clarkson? No In one of his spin Naturally quick Keep going Jack's dropped her wrist pulled up To a dagger from his foot

Oh, it's there Oh my God Dark red blood glittered with the impossible flex of gold Yeah, it's there I'll do the verse, that's the chorus Start again, start again, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait. Yeah.

In one of his pre-inational... Oh, we found love in a hoax. Oh, yeah. Carlin Brown. Yeah, good get. Yeah, that was there for the taking from the get-go. Nice, jar go. Jeez.

They're very good. Keep going. I really enjoy it. Also, the book sounds interesting. Yeah, it is quite good. Okay, this one's for you, Jess. Come on. J-Lo. Don't. Because the day it happens, you'll...

You did it last week, yeah. We got it. You got it. I don't think you got it. No, no, you got this one. Something sick twisted in a vanjolid's stomach. Oh, oh. Vanama.

Making up this morning. Damn it. Oh, what is it? Catch a child, tip-tock! Yeah. Because he sang the lyric. I did. I nearly sang the lyric that has been banned.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's pivoted that, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there you got that one. Yeah, there you got. Anyway, now all one a piece, but is it a tiebreaker. Yeah. Oh, I don't have another one. No, you got two. Oh, Dugo!

Yay! Jess and Ducco. I made a new friend recently, Ducco. You're making friends live for on the center. Oh, yeah. I barely got time to see my old friends. You are making new friends. Hopefully your book club's okay with this.

This friendship cheating. Well, I might not have time for them if I keep making these new pals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I connected with this woman and I was invited over to her house, okay. Oh, this is it? I don't know if I've talked to you about this friend. Oh, okay. And I don't want to give...

This isn't a sexy friend. No, this is a different friend. No, we're going for cocktails. She hasn't invited me to her house yet. This is a different friend. Okay. She's a mum And I was invited to her house

And there was just a very funny moment Where I went, oh jeez, boys Doesn't matter what age you are I think mothers of boys You've all got the same concerns Now my child, she's nearly two She's not quite doing the toilet thing yet We're not doing potty

Right Yeah, yeah But I see a lot of funny videos And rhetoric from parents who do have Potty training children When you have people come over to your house and they say, oh, can I use the bathroom? It is very common to go, oh, let me just quickly go check

that the kid has left everything. Yeah. Okay, maybe we haven't quite cleaned up after the last incident. Maybe they've gone on their own. I'm just going to go look at it myself. Yeah. As I said, never experienced this in real life, only seen funny videos and heard anecdotes.

So I go to my new friend's house. It'd been a bit of a drive. And I say, can I quickly use the bathroom, please? She went, let me just go check it. And I thought, oh, she's got potty training toddlers. I went, oh, how old are your kids? She goes, no, I've just got a son living at home. He's 22, but I just can't trust.

He's left the toilet, presentable for guests. They'd be wee on that seat. Seats 100% up. It's not going down. She was in there for two minutes or so. She's having to get the duck or the de mestos or something out. But I just thought, even with a 20, 22-year-old boy in the house,

she still was concerned for the same thing my friends with toddlers were concerned about. Yeah, you don't, you never learn. You never learn. Doesn't matter how old you are. Mommy will clean up after you. Yeah, and it's something about having doodle where you're just like, you know, the seats there,

it just happens, it just, you know. And then even when you sometimes you clean it, you know, you don't. Man, I went in there and I was like, did you have to wipe the walls down? She goes, yeah, boys will be boys. But if you give us something to aim on, like if you give us something to aim for,

Like, those toilets, there's urinals that have the bee in them. What's a bee? Like, it's like a little picture of a bee on the urinal. Okay. Is that like a freshener thing? A target, yeah, yeah. Like the cake. The cake, yeah, you can put a cake in there.

Even an old, I imagine an old cake don't stain or something. Yeah, exactly. Just something to go for. That's actually a good lesson then. For the parents of boys out there. We get, yeah, we get, yeah. And for something that should be so straightforward, it can be, you know, problematic. It can be complicated, can't it?

Even at 22. I made a new friend, went to her home, asked to use the bathroom, and she said, let me just quickly check it's all good for you. I assumed she had toddlers in the house who had maybe not cleaned up or gone to potty very well. I said, oh, how old's your kid? She went 22, just my son who still lives at home. Son still can't go potty very well.

Son still can't go potty very well. She gave it a quick wipe down. I think she had to do the walls. Yeah. She was in there for a little too long. Yeah, yeah. And I just thought, wow, I thought you grew out of that at three. No, no, that never.

22, is still an issue. Steve's called her no on that discussion, Steve. Good morning. Good morning, guys. How are we? Oh, Steve, I love the fact we were talking about boys go pee and you went, I've got to contribute. What are you got for us?

I have to do, Jess. I was giggling to myself and I was just telling babes, on Saturday morning, I'm at work, my wife calls me, she goes, you've got to teach our boys how to go to the toilet again. I've got a four and a five-year-old. Yeah. I went, okay, she said, why? She said, it's everywhere.

I went, okay, no worry. So we've tried the ping-pong ball with the smiley face in the toilet, all that. Oh, yeah. So on Sunday for Father's Day, I can hear him in the toilet, and they're giggling. And here they are, both of them, just aiming up over the top of the toilet and trying to hit the wall behind the system. Who's got the more powerful stream? Who won?

Surely the five-year-old. The youngest, no, the youngest one did. Oh, the youngest has a stream of him. And they've just looked at me, they've just looked at me with this right grin on their face, and they just started giggling. They're just looking and went, ah, that's my boys. Steve, because I can imagine your partner's going,

well, where did they learn that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steve's like, wow. You must have been proud of them, though, because I want to now try that. That sounds like a fun game. Well, you wait until I start teaching her write their name. Oh, yeah.

Oh, the possibilities are endless, Steve. Oh, Steve, well, happy Father's Day to you. I'm sure you enjoyed cleaning that up afterwards, of course. As if I cleaned that up, Ted, please. Come on. Steve joined. You've got a two. He went out there and got his one out to do.

You know what? Shout out to all the boy moms out there who have to deal with that sort of stuff. Doodle down. Thank you, Steve. Yeah, that's funny. See, we never learn. We never learn. We don't learn.

Oh, that's great. We're always the same. Ah, a hell of a show. If you missed any of it, grab it on the listener, wherever you have a podcast. We do have a co-fold, though. A night's accommodation at the beautiful, the elegant QT plus $100 cash ola. That's right. You just had to get involved at some point before nine.

I mean, Steve, technically, he's, with a chance. Yeah. But we really love the contribution earlier this morning. You asked what should be a jailable offence after you've had a neighbour. Parkover, my driveway for four nights. Do you dirty? Nick called up and said, when I let people in on the highway, on the street, whatever it might be,

and I do not get a thank you wave. And they high beam here. He high beams him to let him in. He's making a whole thing of it. And they don't do anything. No acknowledgement. Jail sentence. Jail.

Are we living in a society? Or what? Come on. How could you do that? Let's be better. More of those co-fods, of course, tomorrow, every day this week. What else we got tomorrow? It's Tuesday. Oh, geez, after 9 o'clock, the boarding lounge to see Vance Joy and Rano about Niagara Falls.

That's right. Shire Guy is preparing all his equipment. Yep. That little shaker. Oh, yeah. The strainer. Yeah. The stirrer.

He's got everything going. He's making Cosmos. He takes out more seriously that he does this job. Absolutely. Also, I don't want to get him in trouble, but just revealed RSA has expired. I don't know how you get away with this. Oh, they're like to do that. International laws of life.

Oh, it's international. Yeah, yeah, it's all gravy. Absolutely. So you listen out for Vance. Yep. Any time from 9. Yeah, cool. 1060.

Back tomorrow, it's Tuesday. Acting class. Oh, we're stepping into the theatre. Inside the actors' studio. I'm about to deliver a blog. Oh, yeah. I'm looking forward to that. Fantastic.

She was on the farm over the weekend. Oh, that's right. Spending a bit of time with her parents. Yeah. She's been a godmother for a wife. week. I haven't seen a real change in her, but I wonder if that'll manifest in the blog. Yeah. I haven't seen her be a bit more holy or anything like that.

I haven't seen any of that stuff yet. Hopefully tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow. Anything else you want to add anyone? I reckon that was solid. I'm looking forward to doing it all again tomorrow. Right. Same time tomorrow.

Yes. See you then. Bye-bye. What's wrong with us? All right. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Take a trip to McDonald's today and try the new McDonald's meal.

with one of six collectible souvenirs.