Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Slim reaper / Slim Limper

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

We go through the most searched sex positions, Ducko does a daddy course and Jess has a problem with a random leaning against her car at the weekend!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hot Honey has stopped at Macca's for a limited time only. Embrace the journey of Jess and Duggo. This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Welcome to the podcast, everybody. What's up? What's up? Welcome to it. Wonderful show.

Yep. You know, start the week off right, ease into the week. Absolutely. Yeah. How you feeling, man? I am a little bit scattered, I will not lie. Yeah. I feel a bit distracted.

Yeah? Just because I'm like, keep thinking my phone every time my watch vibrates. Yeah. I keep thinking it's Morgan or something's happening. Absolutely. I really want to go back and talk to Angus if he can remember this time because obviously you only know it from your own perspective so I can totally relate to how Morgan would be feeling

this week. And like the baby's now bigger and kicking her like the ribs and stuff and she's like, ah! Like I'm getting really uncomfortable. So it's like bad for her. But we're also getting a buttload of solar installed today. That's a lot of solar, a buttload. Oh, yeah. They asked how much, what package?

I said the butt package. The butt package. And obviously I got it. Yeah, you know, if your name wasn't Ducko on this show, it was going to be the butt man. But, you know, we thought it's commercial radio. It wants to be family friendly. The butt man. Butt boy, you know. Jess and the butt man. Hey, butt man. But, you know, we thought it's commercial radio. It wants to be family friendly. The butt man.

Butt boy, you know. Jess and the butt man. Hey, butt man. Hey, guys. How you going? 13, 10, 16. Butt man. Let's just bring it down a notch.

I've got a serious conversation I need to have with you about my mental health. Butt man. Here, here. We don't take things too seriously. Would you be butter? Oh, butter. Butt daddy? Jess and the butt man in the morning.

As if I like Big Butts isn't playing too when I come on. Yeah, who's up? Absolutely. It's Jess. I like Big Butts. Here he is. He's the butt man. Everyone's going nuts.

Well, it's your last week, babe. What are we talking about? I feel like this is weird. You're dying. It does feel a bit that way. I really do feel like this has gone for a while. It's like last week, babe. What are you talking about? I feel like this is weird. You're dying. It does feel a bit that way. I really do feel like this has gone for a while. It's like a bucket list thing. I want to tick off anything.

Would you like a day of being called the butt man? No. All right, tick that off, Shark. He doesn't want that. We won't do that. What else? No, but we are getting a butt load. We've done that.

Yeah, no, that was a joke. We just did it. We are getting a butt load of solar intake, though. Oh, yeah. Do you need to go? Yeah, and Morgan, she's so classic. I was like, you're going to have tradies coming over this morning at 7.30. I'll be home like 9.30-ish. And she's like, oh, okay, yeah, that's fine, no worries.

And then three tradies rock up and another three comes. There's like six. Oh, God. And she's like, no, I can't do it. I'm leaving the house until you get home. She just took the dog out. She just left the house open. They don't need, oh, she left it open. They need access inside. She can't deal with human I'm leaving the house until you get home. She just took the dog out. She just left the house open. They don't need.

Oh, she left it open. They need access inside. She can't deal with human beings. That's very fair. That's very fair. So I'm going to come back and deal with it. Okay. Film some videos all day.

But all day I'll be filming. The problem is Maude will be inside, but I'll still be distracted. Yes. What if she pops? Oh my God. I'm just distracted is the best way to put it. Yes. And fair enough.

Fair enough. Yeah. Because my friend was even asking me about it the other day. And he's like, how are you feeling? Because I couldn't fathom your, like, you've been in this for like two and a half years. Yeah. And the way it's all so public and how it's come out, like, this must feel strange. Like, I'm like, yeah, it does.

It feels like the end is in sight, but the end is just the beginning. But the goal. What a great way to put it. But the goal is, we're achieving the goal, but like, yeah, it's odd. Can we have an on-air meeting real quick? Bring the rice cookers in on this. Would you like to have a look back? Like, I was going to sit down over the weekend.

And then, if I'm honest with you, I was like, I'm not going to waste my time. If Eddie's going to go, I don't want to. I would like to hear back. Would you like, like, Shy Guy and I, I'm sure Babs can help. Would you want us to look? Babs can't do shit. She would like to hear back. Would you like, like, Shy Guy and I, I'm sure Babs can help. I mean. Would you want us to look? Babs can't do shit. She can't even print my trivia. Yeah, I can't fucking do anything.

Admin, I just, no. I genuinely went to sit down and I started scrolling on our listener app for the podcast from two and a half years ago, which was actually before Young Shy Guy. Babs was part of the team. That's why I didn't put it on you guys. It felt like it was a different time. We had another co-host as well. I was then curious if that's something you would like to do because it was such a tumultuous and emotional time.

I didn't know if that's something you did want to reflect on. I mean, it would be cool to go back and hear me again in that phase and how different I sound and how hard it was and stuff. I remember you sharing at our last beautiful listener lunch, a woman who happened to be in an event we were all at together, which was in the thick of things. Yep.

And she said to you, what, three weeks ago, you seem like a different guy. Yeah, you seem lighter. The guy I met two years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To the guy today. a different guy. Yeah, you seemed lighter. The guy I met two years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To the guy today. And fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's sort of what put the seed in my head. Like, I wonder if you'd like a trip down memory lane, or if I'm honest, it would be too painful. No, I mean, it wouldn't be like a long, long journey, but I think it's all part of it. A lot of the listeners have been on the journey from the get-go. So, yeah, it would be kind of cool. But I reckon a lot might not. Yeah, totally. Some of. So yeah, it would be kind of cool. But I reckon a lot might not.

Yeah, totally. Some of the new ones. It would be kind of cool to go back. But I mean, you guys have probably done enough. So don't make extra work of yourselves. It truly was. I honestly wanted to really hear that. Just that little arc where we found out and then me having a discussion with you about it.

Because then you got pregnant and there was that whole thing going on. You know what I mean? That I thought would also be a very interesting discussion. And it's not something that, one, I've been a consumer of radio for my whole life. I've never heard really people talk about. Yeah. From the get-go. From the get-go, the reflection.

And hey, let's be real. A lot of people don't get to look back positively like you and Morgan will now. Yes, that's true. So that element, our element, there's so much. I just got goosebumps. Like, I think it's really, but only if you're happy and comfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. All right, Babs, clear schedule.

I need you to scroll back two and a half years. Babs and Shai are just going far. But it is also that thing. If Morgan goes tonight, well, whatever. We'll talk about it when you get back. Still a journey to play, you know. Absolutely. Still a journey to play back. It truly is. And journey is the only word. It's cliche. And I feel about it when you get back. Still a journey to play. Absolutely. Still a journey to play back.

It truly is. And journey is the only word. It's cliche. And I feel like maths has ruined that word, but it has been a journey. Yeah. Because there's a couple of key clips that would be easy to find and play and stuff like that. A hundred percent. And there was still some fun.

I mean, I spoke a lot about jizzing in a car. Spoke a lot about that. Your headspace through the whole thing and how open you've been has just been phenomenal and rare and very special. So I think it would be in your final kidless week to look back at this. Because, yeah, as we've said, you and Morgan weren't talking about it, but it wasn't on the agenda. So then to be thrust into it, it's pretty incredible. Strange.

Very strange. Very strange for this is how your journey played out. Yeah, totally. And when your little girl is old enough to understand this, how wild from her perspective to go, wow, that's my origin story. Yeah, yeah. You guys tried this hard and it all played out this much. It was this public.

Totally. Okay, great. I mean, I do feel a level, like a sense of like, and I don't know if this is just me because I'm in it, or maybe everyone feels this when they do it. I don't really know it's normal, but I do feel a level of people genuinely excited.

And I'm like, I can't tell if you're just saying that, but it feels really real. It feels real because people feel so involved. Absolutely. As I said to you on the show today, people ask me, the first thing they say, oh, Ducco, how's he going? How's Morgan? Any news? Any news?

You know, if you don't post for 24 hours, people go, any news? Morgan and I were on the beach on Saturday morning walking the dog, and a lady saw me and smiled and said hi. I was like, that was weird. Maybe she knows who I am. And then went up to Morgan and was like, I've been listening to your journey. Good luck. I can't wait for you to have your daughter.

And then Morgan's like, who's that? I was like, I thought you knew her. But like, yeah, yeah. Just like completely like. Yes. Yeah. It is. You've led us into, yeah. Just like completely like. Yes. Yeah. It is. You've led us into your family.

Yeah. So people. Yeah. Feel involved. This isn't my child, really. It's everyone's. It's the people's child. Do you all want to raise her?

Yeah. Yeah. That's why I think we should all have naming rights. She can have the longest name in history. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So many hyphens. So many hyphens. Oh, jeez.

It's already Ellen Duncan. It's already hyphenated. Checking into her virgin flights when she's older. My goodness. I'm going to need 15 custom cards because I can't put my name onto one. But no, it is. And it's just pretty amazing to look back. And that's me saying it as a relative outsider.

Do you know, to your family. Yeah, totally. Yeah, interesting. So it's, oh my God, so exciting. I know. But yes, distracted is a little bit of a way I feel. That's a great way to put it. It's going to be a fun week, guys. Yeah. Let's have some fun. Let's rip and tear.

Today's show was fun. It was a good time. Even though Slim Reaper was operating it. Dusty, wasn't he? Yeah. Not 100% capacity with your injury. Limping around. Limping around.

Hell, your calves all right? Yeah, it's fine. Right legs are sore. Okay. It's fine. Is that, if you fall or trip, which leg would you put out to balance yourself? Or if you, I was going to say,

if you kick a ball, what foot do you plant? Do you kick left footed or right footed? Oh, so yeah, your right leg's your planting foot. So you'd have more.

Yeah. Yes. Planting foot. Like you plant down to kick with your other foot. So it's your stability foot. Yeah, wood.

So that's taking the load, really. Taking the load. I haven't kicked that many balls, to be honest. That's why I didn't really, that's why I was saying. I don't actually know what the answer is to that question. What equivalent example can I give?

Yeah, I was trying to think what else I could do. You know, if I push you, you know what it's like when you're a push test? You know when you kick dogs in your suburb, which I know you're famous for? I do this right. I don't tell people I do that. I don't do that. If you do the shy guy and you fall forward, like, which leg? Oh, which catches you?

Which leg do you put? Oh, it'll probably be my right. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's your stabilizing. Yeah. Yeah, it's your stabilizing. Yeah.

Now you know. Do you know what you'd skate or surf? Because you're left-handed. Do I do it too fast? Yeah, I'm left. I step on my left always. You're right-footed. I skated. No, I didn't skate. I had a skateboard. He was a

skater, boy! I wasn't very good at it. Were you goofy or were you regular? Did you have your left foot at the back? So stand on a skateboard right now for me. Stand on a skateboard right now. Which way were you regular? Did you have your left foot at the back? Stand on a skateboard right now for me. It would have been at the back. Stand on a skateboard right now. Which way are you going? The left would have been first.

That means you're natural. It means you're right-footed. If your left is first. Do you know what I mean? No. Are you skating? Which way are you facing right now? If you're skating, which way is forward?

Which way is forward? Which way are you going? It would be my right. Wouldn't it? It's what naturally feels comfortable to you. There's no right or wrong. You just naturally stand on a skateboard. He's worried it's going to be incorrect.

You just stand. We need to get a skateboard in here. All I've got is a trampoline, Darl. I'm sorry. I'm going to skateboard it up my ass to pull out right now. Have you ever snowboarded? No. Surfed? Skied?

No, I haven't surfed. I mean, when I was a kid. Babs, could you please source a skateboard? And a surfboard. And a surfboard. And a snowboard. Let's take the surfboard off the wall. If you jump to your side, put your hands out like that, which way do you want to jump to?

Ready? Three. Don't think about it. Three, two, one. He's literally landed exactly. Did you hear my ankles crack though? Oh my God. Okay.

Let's just never. Let's just never learn. I thought we were getting really deep and emotive there. And now we've landed. You've ruined it with my legs. Who cares? Sorry. Yeah.

Sorry. We should have ended it. That's our show in a nutshell, isn't it? It really is. Don't put us in a box. Oh, sorry. Babs is distracted because Bob Irwin's on the TV again with no shirt on. That's our show in a nutshell, isn't it? It really is. Don't put us in a box. Oh, sorry. Babs is distracted because Bob Irwin's on the TV again with no shirt on. Oh, that's right.

You like a little path and action. You do. You got a bit hot under the collar with that. No, she liked the one with the lizard. Yeah, you did. That got you going, didn't it? Yeah. The go on. Oh, yeah.

What noise does a go on make, Babs? Go. Does it even make noise? Perfect, Babs. That's exactly what it makes. Sounds shockingly like your never mind. Enjoy the show. No. There's only one show to wake up with. Jason Ducker! He's the only pop show I listen to.

The rest are rubbish. Broadcasting live. Tuning in, tuning out, all I want is noise. Turn it up, turn it up, it's about to go off. Jess. Angus and I have started calling nipples, I don't know why, gerbils. Ducker. Why's Johnny got a dick on his head?

It's like, oh, you got duck man. Producer Shy Guy. That's horny. Yes. Me, me, me, me. Howdy, howdy. Let's get ready. Right on six o'clock.

Welcome to a new week, team. Welcome to Monday. Hello. Hello. You were five minutes later than usual today, Django. Yeah, yeah. And, I mean, Babs and Shai go, we're cool, but I'm... You were freaking out?

I just didn't tell you guys. Freaking out from excitement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Babs goes, wouldn't he text us? I went, sweet Babs, if Morgan has gone into spontaneous labour, I don't think he's texting, nor should he. Yeah. We'll find out come 6am if he's not here.

Shy Guy's like, I'll give him five before I call him. You're rolled in. Yeah. Turns out I'm just putting on my shoelaces and my back went, I got a back spasm. I'm rolled in, covered in deep heat. As youthful as you project, that body is a 33-year-old body. She's a bit sore. She's a bit sore.

I've got rib cartilage issues. That's not good a week out from D-Day. I know. No, no, no, no. I was like crumpling in the bathroom this morning. How are you going to be doing the hands-on hands with a bad back? That's a big hunched motion. I can't be in that leaning position.

Yeah. I might have to go see the chiro. Please get that sorted. I've got to get some things needled out. I know you've had a haircut. We've trimmed the mow. Yeah. Have you seen it?

It's shorter on the sides. It's shorter on the sides. It's shorter on the sides. How do you feel? How do you feel? You know what's so funny? Now I feel like I was used to the handlebar. Oh my God. You've just slapped it with a whole new thing.

Yeah, it looks a bit, it's subtle, but it's shorter. It is shorter. It is more subtle. I told you last week you should do that. Yeah, yeah. And then a few people said it. And I was like, all right, I'll do it. And I did it.

And now. Shy Guy seems to be enjoying it. You like it? It looks good. Look at that small smirk. I haven't taken a good look at it yet this morning. Come take a look. And now. Shy Guy seems to be enjoying it. You like it? It looks good. Look at that small smirk. I haven't taken a good look at it yet this morning. Come take a look at me lip. No, it looks good.

Yeah, you like it? Yeah. Yeah, it looks a bit better. Morgan says she thinks it looks better, but she still doesn't want me to keep it for the baby. It looks cleaner. You look less. Yeah, less. What work can I say?

Beaugen. Yeah, yeah. Less choppery. Yeah, and a few people were FaceTiming Morgan's sister who lives in London. She's like, oh, you've got handlebars. Hi, Sarah. I missed you too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, I really let myself go. It's been a tough couple of months. But no, we are on. We're here. We're still waiting. We're on the countdown. For any time. I mean, I did leave Morgan this morning.

I think she was okay. She was, you know, rolling around and doing what she does. Puffing and puffing. Puffing and puffing, but still waiting. Wow. All weekend, it's just like, you know what it's like. You're just in a limbo now. You can't make too many plans. You can't do anything.

Absolutely. And people ask you to do stuff and like, I couldn't do any yesterday. And you're just sort of waiting. I can't leave Morgan and we can't go anywhere. Yes. Even last night, I went out late for a Sunday on a school night, but with a girlfriend. She's not as far along as Morgan. But I remember just looking at her going, I don't know what

time along the pregnancy I went, I don't leave the house after 12. I can do things in the morning, but then I want to be chill and quiet and also conserving energy. That's it. If you go into spontaneous labour at 9pm and you've had a massive day, what fuel is in the

tank to get you through it? I didn't even think about that. You know what I mean? Yeah. But to each their own. You know, life doesn't stop just because you're 38 weeks or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I mean, this is it. This is last week. Either it's coming on the weekend or it's coming any time now.

Oh, my God. This is my last Monday without a child. This is your last kidless, kidless. Kidless, yeah. Kidless Monday. We kept saying that that everything we were doing on the weekend oh my god

wild scenes it is wild scenes but we're here my back is sore I'm going to get that looked into how are you going? I'm excellent thank you

massive weekend had mama farts I saw that she was looking good as always she bro the woman looks after herself

it's actually very inspiring, but it also makes me feel like just a lump of lard. Like, she is wearing these things and doing these things and she's so active. Is she like walking faster than you when you guys run a walk and stuff? Come on, Jessica, keep up. She was talking about wanting to book a holiday with some friends, do a bit of a couples thing

later in the year and do a hike like maybe around Spain or something like that. But she said, none of my friends like to walk with me because they all want to chat. When I'm here to walk, I'm here to walk. So she wants to speed walk through Spain. And she was doing it to me. We're trying to have a nice stroll. The baby is still learning to freaking walk.

My mom's three blocks ahead. She's gone. Mom! I thought you were here to catch up. So walking's her new thing, is it? A little fast walk. She's just a power walker. So I think it's burning the calories.

She's fantastic. It's just exhausting, you know, trying to keep someone entertained. Yeah, for sure. They're there the whole weekend. She's not a downtime kind of lady. She's a what are we doing now? What are we doing now? I was going to pop in with a wee spa.

I drove past your house a few times on the weekend. I wish you had. Just give me a break. I'm entertaining her. Between her and the kid, I few times on the weekend. I wish you had. Just give me a break. I'm entertaining her. Between her and the kid, I needed a break. Yeah, I bet you did. So yeah, maybe a little bit later I'll share how the universe stepped in, Ducko. I look forward to it.

To help me out with mother-daughter relations. I look forward to it. And Sharka, you've come in. You're under the weather today, mate. Yeah, my legs are sore from last week. Oh, no. That was my first question. What have you done, Duff?

What's wrong? What did you say? The gym. Leg day. No, no. Not specifically calf raises. I think it was the calf raises. I did more than my own body weight.

Sharka's got sore calves today. Yeah, very sore. I can barely walk. Can you take a walk around the studio? I need to see it. No, I can't. Come on. He wants to see your calves. I just want to see your feet. Oh, wait. This is a badge of honour. You're gym sore, baby can barely walk. Can you take a walk around the studio? I need to see it. No, I can't. Flex, he wants to see you. I just want to see your feet. Oh, this is a badge of honour. You're gym

sore, baby. Dom's. Dom's. He's walking so sore. He then backs it up. He goes, oh, and then it didn't help. I had a wedding on Saturday. On my feet all day. On my feet all day. Those photos. It started with a thing in golf and then it was like, oh. Oh, no.

14 hours of being on my feet. You can't follow up leg day with a wedding. No. I shouldn't have gone to the gym. I agree, Jess. You're tough. I agree. No, I'm not. We should do, like, when did the gym get in the way, or, like, gym pains.

Gym pain. Can you sympathise with shy guys? What were you limping from? There he is. Thank you. Even though he's got one foot out the door, just in case his wife's water breaks, the cogs never stop turning. And don't call him and say, Dirty Mike.

You can, but I'm not Babs will put you through. I'll take it. Dirty Mike and the boys. All right, it was a super kitchen, was it? Thank you, Debbie. Didn't ask for specifics, as long as we do it before a certain time. What are we living from?

And Babs, you're good? You're fine? Yeah, I'm fine. Okay, good. She's the only one operating at 100% capacity. Yeah. Even though she had a big weekend being groupie to her boyfriend's band, The Cheeks. Oh, you go to live shows and stuff?

Cheeks were playing main stage at a thing. I did go, yes. Surely you got side stage or backstage? No, I didn't. What? Are they too good for that? You're too good for that? Not cool enough.

You know why? The idea the boys want to be they, you know, too good for that? You're too good for that. Not cool enough. You know why? The idea the boys want to be like, you know, we're sex symbols. We can't be seen to be tied down. Don't have any eyes. Is that what it is, Babs? I'm not sure, I guess. They'd like to hope so. That's why Harry Styles always keeps his relationships under wraps.

You know, I want to be a sex symbol accessible to anyone. Yeah. I could see them doing like a big show and they're like, oh, we nailed that Babs. What do you think? She's like, yeah, I mean, it was fine. It was okay. It's all right. Hey, big week.

We have the Alphabox. Your chance of $10,000 coming up. That's happening every day. Plus, we have a co-fod. That's right. It's two tickets to see MJ the Musical Tony Award winning biggest entertainment event of the year. Yeah.

Plus accommodation at the Novotel Sydney on Darling Harbour. Oh, how do you get involved? Mate, you get involved by sending us a video of you giving us your best. We're going to do a compilation. Best per day gets to go to the musical and have the weekend in Sydney. DM us right now at Jessandaco. Send it to us. We can get it up there.

We play the audio. We pick it. Up next, though, to kick off the week, there's been a new search done. Shotguns sends to me. He said, mate, we've got to cover this on the show. I love this. It's a sexy start to the show. I said, all right, limpy guy guy.

Ouchy, ouchy, limpy guy. It's not a thing. It's not a thing. Ooh, my legs, guy. Slim reaper, slim limper. He is slim and he is limping. It fits. Anyway, it's my self-exposition.

Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. It's nice to have a sexy start to the show under the cover of darkness. Yeah, it feels like, yeah. It was getting dark till like 7.15, though. It was ridiculous. Now I feel like we're seeing the run clubs in full daylight. Yeah, yeah.

People walking dogs. I'm seeing the mammals out there getting around real early. How was your transition over the weekend? The daylight savings? The dog? How did everything? Oh, fine. Yeah, slept in.

Good. Yeah, it was good. Oh, my God. My household was out of whack. Oh, were they? Out of whack. Your husband's looking in the oven going, the oven's a different timing to the clock on the wall.

Bro, I tried to set the oven clock, you know, for one thing I can do around the house. I set the timer so it went off at 3 a.m. Just beeping like we thought it was the fire alarm. And my brain went, Jess, you were mucking with the oven. Could that be the oven timer? I had it set the clock. Did you put the timer on?

Oh, my bad. Oh mucking with the oven. Could that be the oven timer? I hadn't set the clock. Did you put the timer on? Oh, my bad. Oh, that's so annoying. So, Daylight Savings has been a rocky transition for us. Okay. Well, maybe you might need some of these. Okay, talk to me. To relax and ease into it. Yes.

Because Fetish Finder has examined Australians' Google search patterns to find out which sex position people are most interested in this year, 2025. I know you're the admin of Came Up Mums Who Cook and Claim. Absolutely. Also the admin of this, or is this more Slim Limpa territory? This is Slim Limpa, Shy Guy's territory. Fair, fair. Yeah, this is what he does.

Fetishfinder.com. This is his info. Any positions, we can ask him. Obviously, there's some old faithful positions on there. The butt churner, the butterfly, the pill driver, the straddle. They're all in there. They're all in there. Obviously, we know that. T positions on there. The butt churner, the butterfly, the pill driver, the straddle. They're all in there. They're all in there. Obviously, we know that.

Tried and true. We know that. They've stood the test of time. Butterfly, honey, absolutely. That's right. Like the zipper. You know, there's no way to make it any better. It is what it is.

It's great. But I'll give you the top four. Please do. Coming in at number four, most searched position, having a rise, the full Nelson. The full Nelson. The full Nelson. Now, my mind's gone straight to Nelson Munce. Yes. It has a bit, hasn't it?

But has it got anything to do with the Nelson? No, it's all that dominance, apparently. The receiving partner has their arms pinned above their head in this position. That's the full Nelson. That's the full Nelson. Bit of pinnage. Oh, that's very sexy, like up against a wall.

Yeah, I think so. Number three was the anvil. Oh, that sounds heavy. Yeah, features partner lying on their back with legs lifted over other partner and kneeling, and then you can sort of do the rest. Okay, okay. That feels tough on the old hip flexors, doesn't it? It does, doesn't it?

I mean, this is a young person's game. Man. Babs knows the anvil, but jeez. That's right. If you or I were to do the anvil with our respective partners, I'd need a week of prep. I just did my back putting my shoes on. So God forbid I try the anvil on the butterfly. We would genuinely need to train for it,

like we were taking on a marathon. Let me just roll this trigger roller. What are you going to do? The 21K? Nah, I'm just going to try the anvil for our anniversary. One of your favourites is up there, though. Talk to me. Number two, the filthy Sanchez.

Finally getting the recognition it deserves. For those that don't know, it involves smearing body fluids on a person's upper lip. I thought you'd walk into that door. Oh, no, I... I can see you like that. It's easy. You know, I love... It takes no time.

Sanchez. Would that be Mexican? Yeah, it's like the mo. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, Sanchez. Would that be Mexican? Yeah, it's like the mo. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, Sanchez. I wonder when that'll get cancelled for a cultural appropriation. It's you and your partner, so yeah. Truly.

You can't be doing anything like that. Truly, Sanchez. Your urine or mine. And the number one, which had a 623 spike in searches, was the bear. The bear? The bear hug, which involves, how do you do this? Hugging like a bear while standing up. Oh, damn.

And then, so I'm presuming. That's one partner doing a lot of the work, it would appear. Oh, goodness me. Yeah. That'd be tough. The bear. I wouldn't want to be the bear. Can I be the cub today?

No, can I be the prey? Oh, I see. The bear going for the prey? Oh, I see. Yeah, true. The cub's a bit weird, isn't it? Imagine you're just the slim limper over here, just trying to research that TV show that everyone went nuts for, The Bear, you know, with Jeremy Allen White. Yes, the cooking one.

The cooking one. And all of a sudden. All of a sudden. This is the recipe you found. That's actually how Shy Guy's got sawed cast. Him and the bear. He had his robo back. It would be.

No, that's back at the good guys. It's gone. I got my money back for that thing. Wow, money back guarantee. Yeah, how good's the warranty in this country? Did you work at the good guys? Yes, we all know. Jess and Ducko.

I'm nervous to bring you this story, Ducko, because we are a show where I think people come for a giggle, a little bit of light and mainly positivity. Yeah. I'm worried about sharing this new research out of the medical world People come for a giggle, a little bit of light, and mainly positivity. I'm worried about sharing this new research out of the medical world. It's going to scare some people. Okay, what have we got? And have people rushing to book in with a GP. Okay.

The headline, doctors reveal how many times you should be able to swallow in 30 seconds in order to be deemed healthy. Ah. Now. Like just straight up. No food, no water, just swallow it. to swallow in 30 seconds in order to be deemed healthy. Like just straight up? No food, no water, just swallowing. So when I first read that, I went, how hard could that be? I constantly, I'm one of these people constantly walking around with the two-litre bottle. I've got the Kmart Pov option of the straw.

It's a bit of a Frank Green knockoff. But I'm one of these proud, very hydrated ladies. It's hard to swallow regularly, though, without any help. I guess I haven't thought about it very much because I'm always maybe having a sip. I feel like I swallow a lot in a 30-second period. When we look at the repetitive saliva swallow test, it says without any help, we should be able to do a certain amount of swallows for our age group. Right.

So this is a good one to determine elderly, like an 80-year-old should be able to do just over four swallows within 30 seconds, which feels very doable. But as we go down the list, let's get to people in their 50s should be able to complete seven swallows. That's multiple seconds per swallow. Yeah, you've got some time. 40s, you should be able to swallow eight times.

Okay. If you are aged between 20 to 39, where you and I both fall. And Shy Guy and Babs. Shy Guy and Babs both fall. We're all landing in this swallow bracket. We should be able to swallow 8.5 times in 30 seconds. And I repeat, without the assistance of food or liquid. If I think about it without having to try, once you swallow maybe twice, isn't your saliva

done? It's hard. It's hard to keep going. You need to regenerate. Because Shaga sent this yesterday, so I did this test yesterday, and you get to four, and then you're like, oh, that's pretty easy, and all of a sudden you're like. Which makes sense. It's so hard to conjure it. I understand saliva, you're constantly, oh, that's pretty easy. And all of a sudden you're like. Which makes sense. It's so hard to conjure it.

I understand saliva you're constantly just naturally secreting. It's something that we don't even realise is happening, right? But if you're swallowing it down, it's going to take a little bit to replenish. Yeah. You've got to replenish. Yeah, yeah. 8.5 times. I also just tried to have a go.

How did you go? Did you do it in 30 seconds? During Azizem. I got nowhere near 8.5. I got to 6 and I felt like I was going to swallow my epiglottis. Yeah, it feels like your throat closes up. It just feels like everything gets really tight. And I'm looking at the water bottle, the water bottle going, have a sip, have a sip.

I think I managed to do 10, but like the last three, I was really pushing myself. In 30 seconds? Yeah, like really pushing myself. I got through four or five pretty easy. And then the last bit was just like, oh. And you're not swallowing anything. No. You're just pretending to gulp, in essence. So what's the problems if we can't do it? Well, they're saying it's a way to diagnose dysphagia, which is, funnily enough, something we have talked about on this show before, which does mean difficulty swallowing, and it can lead to a very

variety of other health issues. But that one, that would just make eating and drinking in your everyday really challenging. But my God, how's this for the last sentence? And this is why I say don't freak out. Don't freak out. Okay. If you struggle with this test,

it could indicate that you have one of these conditions, ALS, dementia, Parkinson's, cancer. This feels like you've Googled,'ve got a headache and Dr. Google. Bang, here you go. Here's all the things you're obviously dying. Very extreme. I'm just going to tear that off. I don't want to see that again just because of my swallowing.

Who needs to swallow that much in 30 seconds anyway? We'll have a practice in the songs and the ads. We'll just all swallow together. Yeah. Is it something we can get better at? I don't know. Possibly. You can train yourself to swallow that much in 30 seconds anyway. We'll have a practice in the songs and the ads. We'll just all swallow together. Yeah. Is it something we can get better at? I don't know. Possibly.

You can train yourself to swallow. Did you try it, Shaga? Yeah, I got nine. Okay. I think the ninth one was on the money. It gets really hard.

15 seconds is... Wow. What about you, Babs? I didn't try it. Don't do it. Better not knowing. If you're driving along today, right now,

just have a go. Put the clock on. When we play Alpha Box, that's a 30-second timer. If you're driving along today, right now, just have a go. Put the clock on. When we play Alpha Box, that's a 30-second timer. If you don't get through today to play, you can play your own repetitive swallow test in the car. That'd be fun. Shall we play Alpha Box? It's not $10,000.

No. But it could be fun. It could be fun. $13,000, $10,000, $60,000. Let's go. Let's play Alpha Box. First time for the week. I'd love this to go for my last week.

I know. Everything we're doing this week is basically Ducko's last chance of doing it kidless. Yeah. So it means basically, you know, last chance forever. Probably. What's that song? It's the end of the world as you know it. That's on the push playlist.

We were testing it out. It came on and Morgan was like, this is grim. Who made this? I was like, a rice cooker. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on here. 10K Alpha Bucks. Yep, 30 seconds to answer 10 questions,

all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We'll come back if there's time. We're playing for $10,000. Our player today is Steve. Hello, Steve.

G'day. G'day. Oh, Steve, Steve, Steve. How are you feeling for a Monday, babe? Did you have a good weekend? Yeah, I'm feeling pumped. I had a great weekend. Nice.

Excellent. Ready to win $10,000. What do you want to spend the money on? My son's getting his licence, so he's keen to get a car, so I want to help him get that. Oh, that's nice of you. Alright, well, Steve, maybe you'd like to put the money towards a Kia Rio. Ooh. Because

Kia Rio... That's not what he had on the picture last night. That is what he had. No, it's not. He had some Holden Calais with some big spoiler. Yeah, he had it all souped up. Well, tell him if Dad wins Alpha Box with the letter K, it stands to reason you buy a Kia.

But, hey, once it's your money, you do whatever you want, okay? And, Steve, you know K is our most winning letter. Oh, that's good. Thank you. It's a good reputation for the letter K. You ready to rock? Rock and roll. Okay, your time will start after the first question.

Starting with the letter K, we need you to name a boy's name. Kyle. A vegetable. Kale. A sweet treat. Cotton candy. A female pop star. Katy Perry.

A kid's toy. A knight sword. A body part. A kid's toy. A knight sword. A body part. Your knee. A marsupial. A marsupial, I don't know. Kamala. A movie.

Yeah. We knew what had happened after number three. Steve even said it himself. He didn't even want to keep going. But you know what? Good on number three. Steve even said it himself. He didn't even want to keep going. But you know what? Good on you for just continuing to play, Steve. I don't like when people throw in the towel and Steve held his head up high all the way across the finish line.

You got yourself six. Where you went wrong, a sweet tree, cotton candy, could have been Krispy Kreme or a Kit Kat. Krispy Kreme. Kit Kat. Kit Kat. I know. Anyway, look.

I reckon Steve would have been a hell of a player. I think he would have been a good player too. I think, yeah. No one ever says kale. People don't think about kale for veg. I know, I know. I think Steve, looking at the other ones, I think he probably would have got them. I reckon.

Hey, look, Steve. It's not 10K and it's not a new car. It's not a Kia Rio. But you do get $100 to spend at the hair house. The whole professional haircut and salon services. That's for you, mate. I just shaved my head last night. Oh!

Maybe you can get a balm. Make it nice and shiny. Steve, thanks for joining the show, legend. Legend, thank you. Thanks, mate. Thank you, bye. We do play again, 8 o'clock, $10,000. She wants to go off.

Come on. Up next, though, Shy Guys. Shy Guys is stepping in. The Slim Limper. What, is he stepping in, Ducco? Oh, he can't step, can he? He can't step. Limpy, limpy guy boy.

He's up against it today. Speak, Shy Guy, speak. Why? Have you noticed how many times he's told us his calf raised more than his own body weight? I feel like I've heard that three times. We're doing Why Were You Limping? Why Were You Limping? Jess and Ducco. off air. We're doing Why Were You Limping? Why Were You Limping?

Jess and Daco. 13, 10, 60. Why Were You Limping? Why Were You Limping? Now, full disclosure, team, we were going to do something else here. Yeah, we had to pivot. But shy guys come in. Limping.

How much of your body weight did you calf raise? I don't know. Oh, you don't know now. You've told us 15 times. More than. It was 87 kilos, I think. What do you weigh? You're like 70.

70-something, yeah. Just look at him go. I thought you were saying you did like 140 kilos then. No. No, he just said more than my body weight. Oh, okay. More than my body weight. Okay, okay.

Don't diminish the worries and his limping ducko. The man is up against it. What's for you coming to? I've never seen you in this much pain. I'm sore today. So I did leg day at the gym. That's not uncommon for me on a Friday. But I did push myself extra hard. Oh, right, you little gym much pain. I'm sore today. So I did leg day at the gym. That's not uncommon for me on a Friday. But I did push myself extra hard.

Oh, right, you little gym junkie. Yeah, I go. That's not uncommon for me. Leg day, baby. No, Friday's his leg day. That's just the routine. While you're out there chilling and getting your copies, I'm out here working.

Yeah. Anyway. Did that. Have you ever seen the boys' calves? No, I don't think I have. They're non-existent. That's why I need leg day. I've got long pants on.

Remember that one time he wore pyjamas into work and we all freaked out about his knees? Like we've seen below the belt on Mr. Guy. Yeah, we never see you in shorts. Remember we were gifted some nice pyjamas and I wanted a photo shoot. So was that the motivation? I've got to work on my calves. Sure. No, it wasn't.

So you worked really hard in the gym. And then what did you do after that? You had a wedding. And then on Saturday I had a wedding. And you know what weddings are like. You're on your feet all day. You're not going to take the seating from the family. Please fill the seats up.

You're like, well, I'm not going to sit down at the ceremony. For the ceremony, that's right. And he's so tall. I'll just stand at the back. Thank you. Yep. Were you carving it up on the dance floor as well? There was some dancing, yeah.

I don't know for how long before, but there was some. And then, yeah, I woke up on Sunday morning and I well? There was some dancing, yeah. I don't know for how long, but there was some. And then, yeah, I woke up on Sunday morning and I could barely walk. That's called DOMS. He sent me a text yesterday. Delayed onset muscle soreness. I did send you a text while we were watching the F1. We were watching the F1 yesterday and he goes, bro, I've done some stuff at the gym. How come you only told Ducko about your calves and not me?

Because he didn't ask me if I was watching the F1. Yeah, we were bonding on the sport, talking about gym, okay? I thought he's just out of nowhere texted the duck man going, E, my calves, any advice? Still, I would have texted him that. So you need to get, I reckon you need to trigger them. You need to massage them, a bit of magnesium. I recommended he have a bounce this morning.

Jump on and have a bounce. Actually, can we see what you look like trying to bounce? Come on, mate. I can't. Come on. Come on, do it for the team. I can barely stand straight. It's my last week.

I can't sit down today. I'm on my feet all day today. I can barely stand straight. It's my last week. Just have to do it. I can't sit down today. I'm on my feet all day today. I've never seen you in this much pain. It's so sore. The slim limper. The slim limper. Is absolutely up against it today.

So we thought on 131060, why were you limping? Yeah, well, it doesn't just have to be gym. It can be gym stores. It can be anywhere. I'd rather hear no more gym stories. Or it can be where. Because, you know, often if you're sore from gym, you've got to limp somewhere.

It looks bad. Like where, where'd you have the limp? You know what I mean? Okay. Like let's say you had a big meeting and you walk in limping and it looks like, you know, you fall over, you hurt yourself. Yes. Yes.

I'm, I'm a little bit limpy today cause I hurt my back trying to put my shoes on this morning. So this is what happens when you overdo it. Shy guy, you gotta be careful. Putting on some shoes in the depths of the morning. Tweet it, yeah. And you say you were in the bathroom at the time. Yeah, I was in the bathroom.

I was actually, you know, what I was really trying to do is very specific, but hey, we're here. There was a bit of something left in the bathtub and I had a bath the other night, so I was trying to like lean over in the bath to clean it off. What, like the leftover of your salts or something? Yeah, it looked like it was black. I don't know what it was. It just wiped off.

And as I was leaning over to do that, I didn't even need to do it. As I was doing it. At 4.30 in the morning, you identified some gunk in your tub and you thought, I'm not going to leave that. I get so distracted. I'll be honest with you. That is the most impressive thing I've ever heard. When I see gunk or yuckies, I'm like, that's an Angus job.

I have to touch it. I don't know why. Oh, that's the motivation. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Here I am giving you mad kudos. I don't want to clean it. Once I work out what it is.

I'll crush a bug and then go, Angus can clean the rest of it up. I want that cockroach dead, but I don't want to pick it up. Okay, you had to touch it. Yeah, yeah. How was the feeling for you? Oh, not good, because then my back was in pain. I was like, ah, why did they do that? Everything, ah, not this week, please.

Why were you limping? Why were you limping? Maybe it was like Mr. Guy. Yeah. Your calf raised more than your body weight. Yeah. You gym junkie. Yeah.

Big gym junkie. Or like, Ducker, you've bent at the wrong angle. Saw some gunk. I've had a friend who limped down the aisle, Ducker. That's where were you limping? Our friend Mo. He did his, I'm going to say knee or ACL a week out from his wedding, had to

limp down the aisle on a cane. No, he didn't. And it happened to be, I'm pretty sure I'm getting this story correct, on a cane around the same time Posh and Bex were getting married. Bex was injured and he'd done the cane and people were like he's trying to be like a fashion statement. He's like, no, I genuinely have injured myself.

That's funny. I need one of those. Yeah. Yeah. We should get, oh, let's get you a cane. Where's adjusticare? Our friends at adjusticare. Damn it.

We need to get him a mobility scooter. 13, 10, 60. Where were you limping? Where were you limping? Why were you limping? You're limping. You're limping. Limp stories.

We'll get you on next. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. We are talking about limping. You're limping. Because one member of the team, one leg of the table that does make up Jess and Ducko. Oh, yeah, one of the four. It's me, Wonky.

The slim limper. It's the slim limper after, and I quote, calf raising more than my body weight on Friday. Shy guy. I'm just not telling things anymore. Come on, mate. You've got to be you. Hey, hey, we're in radio.

We've got to tell each other everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we do, and then I get made fun of. Hey, man, last week. We all do. Yeah, I know we all do. Next week, the duck man is going to be on paternity leave. I'm going to need a lot more of that gear when it's just you and me.

Babs. Anyway, limping. Yeah, limping. So, Shy Guy did too many calf raises, then went to a wedding, and he busted out the whip snipper on the D floor. So, he is sore. Yep, very sore. He's sore.

He won't move. He won't leave his desk today. I'm not sitting down. I can't wait to see you and Babs go get your toast that you do. I was going to ask Babs to make it for me. No, no, no. God forbid he walks down the corridor. My issue is, Darko, he's not taking any advice.

You have suggested, you know, doing some- Trigger have suggested doing some triggering. I suggested having a bounce. Let's get the lactic acid moving. He's not willing to accept help, so he's just going to be limping for the foreseeable future. That'll prolong the limp even longer. I think so. It's like hair of the dog. When you're hungover, you have more alcohol. For you, you need to do more activity. Yeah, you need to open an arm. But 131060, why were you limping? We have Zoe on the line. Good morning, Zoe.

Good morning. How are you? Oh, my God. Zoe's dope. Excellent, Zoe. You're doping in a limping friend. Yeah, I definitely am. Okay.

Long story short, me and my friend went to a festival the night before she was about to be proposed to. And it was on a bowling green, but they haven't sectioned off the bit where the bowls go into the gutter yeah yeah and it was dark and she was running and ran through the mosh pit and rolled her ankle we're all surrounded and couldn't like tell her why we were so upset oh because obviously she didn't know she was being proposed to, but what all the girls did. Oh, no. So, yeah, she ended up, we were all pretty upset.

I ended up doing the same thing a little while longer. The next day she ended up, she walked down the little aisle that he had set up the proposal to, and she had a moon boot on. Oh, no. That'll be in the photos forever.

She'll remember that. You remember the limp more than the proposal. And even, you know, the fiancé's probably going, can we meet me down here? She's like, no, I'm not in the mood like Mr Guy. I just want to sit. I can't walk. I can't walk. I want to put my feet up.

No, please come. Oh, thank you, Zoe. That's great. We got a text in as well. 0488881069. Shane said, had to carry Nan's coffin, but had been Jim, nearly dropped the old bird. Oh, my God.

You can't be limping with the coffin on your shoulder. They're hard to carry, even when you're not limping. Absolutely. And the handlebars are always so sharp. Yes. And you know, weight distribution of height. Being a pallbearer and limping. Oh, that's not what you want.

That's not what you want. Anyway, loosen up, shy guy. Exactly. Have a bounce. Have a magnesium bath. Yeah. You'll be right as want. Anyway, loosen up, shy guy. Exactly. Have a bounce. Have a magnesium bath. Yeah. You'll be right as rain tomorrow. I'll go have a bath.

Okay. Jess and Ducco. Now, we did this this time last week. That's right. We just thought it'd be a fun little social experiment to test the team and, I guess, the friendship threads within the team. So, we all presented scenarios, made-up scenarios that could genuinely happen to the Duckman to see which he would hate the most.

Who knows you the best in what you hate the most? Babs took out that round, coming up with a scenario of you being trapped on a golf course, trying to get a hole in one whilst only eating ice cream, which would set off your IBS. She nailed it. It was a bit on. So this week, ice cream, which would set off your IBS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She nailed it. It was a bit on. So this week, we thought, Jay Fudge in the hot seat. You're up. Who knows me the best?

I'm going to see how similar our three are, because I reckon- I think they might be the same. There's a low chance they're all the same. Yeah, I reckon we're all dining in the same area. Dining might be a key word there. Obviously, a lot of focus on food, maybe. Who wants to go first? Chaga, you want to go?

This feels like a roast. I got really excited, weirdly, to hear things that I hate. Mine involves all foods that you love. Oh. Oh. So you love pasta.

I do. You love cheese. I do. You love prosciutto. I do. Yeah. So you can have those things forever for free,

but it's the home brand stuff. Very good from Sean. And only the home brand stuff. Only the home brand. No frills. Yeah, that's a tough one. Sorry, Babs and Ducko, if that's also what you meant. No Woolies and Coles deli for you.

Ta-ta. He started strong. Okay. Even though Shy Guy gave me a test the other day with some home brand meat. And I picked the stuff from the fridge. Mine is a scenario. It'd be different. Talk to me.

You're at a sporting event for seven hours. Oh, God. The only food is seafood. The only drink is beer. And you left your phone at home. Oh! No! Am I there to support Angus or something?

No. Why am I even there? Angus is friend of a friend's doing something and you're just there getting roped along to it. Just got roped along. Yeah. Lucia's not even there as an excuse to get out. She's away for the weekend. That could...

Oh, she's away for the weekend. I was going to say, that could work. I've got to get to... I don't like that. I don't like that a lot. Yeah, seafood. I thought seafood would come into all of ours. Because then I'm hungry for the whole time. You've got to eat calamari. No, I will not be that a lot. Yeah, seafood. I thought seafood would come into all of ours. Because then I'm hungry for the whole time.

You've got to eat calamari. No, I will not be eating calamari. Babs. All right, are you ready? Yep. You're stuck in an elevator with three teenagers. Oh, God! They are constantly using incorrect grammar, as in saying use, for example, and snacking.

You have no snacks, though. All they can offer to you is Co Cole's Isle deli meat. Oh, my God. So you're saying, sorry, the elevator stops. It's just stuck in there. You don't know how long you're going to be in there. You have no snacks. With youth.

With teenagers, yeah. Oh, God, you've done very well. Some bad scenarios. You'd hate all three of those. Oh, truly. You really would. I feel like, shy guy, you said, I can get all that for free, but it would be deli.

So the option to pay for. You could still pay for it. Yeah. Whilst that would annoy me, I could pay. I could pay. So I'm out. Yeah, you two. Being stuck at a sporting event for seven hours.

It's hard to actually pick your worst worst, isn't it? Because they all would be bad. They all would be absolutely shocking. I think I'm more scared of the youth than I would be annoyed about the sport. I think Babs has done it again. The youth was a good one. I forgot she's scared of the youth. Bus stops.

If you had made it a bus stop, I don't know how I'm trapped at a bus stop. Without a doubt. Game over. But well done, guys. You know how I'm trapped at a bus stop. Without a doubt. Game over. But well done, guys. You really know me. Baby's imminent. Could get a call at any moment. This is your last kidless Monday.

Yeah. It's wild. Yeah. Morgan's had every pre-labor or early-labor sign, except for the water breakage and the contractions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything else though. So we're just like, but this could last a while.

Very true. Anyway, I luckily last week, there was a, like a fatherhood course, I suppose, that you can go and do. Anyone does it. The government puts it on. You pay for it. It's pretty funny. You know when you pay your $25, it's a two hour course.

It's like, well, I know how to be a dad now. And I'm out of here. That's fantastic. I've never heard of a – of course there's a resource like that. I've just never heard of one. Totally. And it's like, you know, the people – it's funny because when we went up the lift, there was also a breastfeeding course at the same time.

So you could see all the people who were there for the dad course and the people who were there for the breastfeeding course. Yes, yes. And I had one bloke come up, he goes, are you here for the breastfeeding? I was like, no, the dad course. He goes, oh, I want to do that one. Oh, he was going to the breastfeeding course. With? Yes, yes. And I had one bloke come over, he goes, are you here for the breastfeeding? I was like, no, the dad course. He goes, oh, I want to do that one. Oh, he was going to the breastfeeding course. I love the idea.

You get halfway through the breastfeeding course and go, I might be in the wrong class. I was here to learn how to be a dad. Sorry, is this Nuts and Bolts of Fatherhood? What are you guys up to over there? Nuts and Bolts of Fatherhood. That's a great title. Yeah. So I won't get too much into the course where we actually did.

But what's funny is seeing, nothing is funnier, in my opinion, than seeing a group of dudes in a room together who don't know each other, who are all learning something, who are like anxious about it, but no one's like willing to admit that. You know what I mean? It's funny because the mere act of being there together suggests you're all very like-minded in a way. You've put yourselves out there.

Very proud of you and this group of blokes. Like, that's awesome. Yeah, it was cool. To go, there is something I don't know. I am going to go learn it. We're going to do it together. We're going to do it together. The funny, we're all up and coming dads, but the funniest thing was,

like, I was really like, for some reason, I'm super nervous about, like, making a swaddle and changing it, like, in a diaper. Like, I don't know why. Morgan's like, you'll be fine with that. I was like, I know, but the technique. I've got bad dexterity. That's what I'm most nervous about. Angus was very proud the other day.

We've got our 18-month-old and he went, we're a no blowout household yet. Don't ruin my track record. It's funny to get what things you get proud about. I imagine you the same. I want to get it right and make sure I'm doing it correctly so we can get through. Tabs at the back or tabs at the front? Which way do they go? How do I imagine you the same. I want to get it right and make sure I'm doing it correctly so we can get through. Tabs at the back or tabs at the front?

Which way do they go? How do I lift up the legs? How tight? He pulled out, the instructor pulled out like a baby and the baby was a life like real baby in terms of weight and movement with the limbs and how flexible. So like, and we had to keep it up the whole class. So each of us could hold the baby the whole class and we named her. Just one to go around.

Yeah, just one. So we're all having to pass the baby around to each other and you know, how you hold the baby the whole class and we named her. Just one to go around. Yeah, just one. So we're all having to pass the baby around to each other and, you know, how you hold the baby and stuff. But what was really funny is at the start of the class, he did the, this is how you change a nappy. These are my tips for how you hold the baby and how you change the nappy. And this is how you swallow the baby. And the group of dads around,

it reminded me of the scene from Toy Story. Are you all the little aliens? Yeah, yeah. It's like, he's like, this is how you change a diaper. And we're like, ooh. It's like he's just shown us fire for the first time. We're all like, ooh. He pulls one wipe out.

Oh, you can hold the legs with one hand to use your other hand to wipe. Yes, that's exactly what I was like. What a hack. People like writing notes and stuff. The guy next to me is like, I'm so glad I came. Phones just coming out. Is it all right to film? I love you boys.

Jess and Ducco. It's called Biddy Biddy Bang Bang. Ducco and I are going to go head to head. Shy Guy's going to give us a subject. And we're going to bid how many items within that subject we can rattle off. Some weeks easy. Some weeks tough. Some weeks Anne Hathaway movies.

And we didn't get over four. Lest we forget. The Anne Hathaway movies. If we ever try and get Anne Hathaway on this show, one of her people's going to go back and hear that and will probably be denied the chat. So here's hoping it just fades away that time we did that. Yep.

Whereas the Adam Sandler one, amazing. Good times. First category today is sitcoms. This is my bread and butter. Yeah, this is really your bread and butter. Come on. We're going high. Eight'll have to go on high. Eight.

Ten. Eleven. Twelve. The issue is it's only 20 seconds. I know, it is only 20 seconds. But I feel like one per second territory. Do you really feel like you could do more than 12 sitcoms? Well, the bid is with me.

Yeah. So do you feel like you can do more than 12? Yeah, but I'm asking you, though. There's a lot, because I've gone straight to 90s sitcoms, but there's modern-day sitcoms. Every second thing on Netflix, Stan, all the other sitcoms. But do you watch them now? Do you have them?

Like, if I go 13, are you going 14? You'll have to find out, Ducco, because all I would need to do to win the point is if you fall at the last hurdle, say one you haven't said exactly. Okay, you did 12? I did 12. The bid is with me.

Okay, I'll say it. You go. Okay. Frasier, Everybody Loves Raymond, Seinfeld, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Young Sheldon, Schitt's Creek, Sitcom, Modern Family. Oh, my God, there's a million. I'm out of time.

I've got eight. Malcolm in the Middle. See, I was thinking, always once you said, I was thinking, jeez, where do you, there's heaps, but. Do you know what my issue was? I started stumbling on the com part. I went to say sex in the city. Is that a sitcom?

I'd say that's a drama. Yeah. But I. That's true. Took too much time. Still though, you did say the Big Bang Theory. That doesn't have com in it. And I, how dare you?

If it's got canned laughter, it's com. You like my reference of Young Sheldon? Young Sheldon. Well done. No, well done to you. The point to the duck man with Malcolm in the middle. Next topic. Yes, next topic.

Sorry, I was drawing a scoreboard. Types of cheese. Oh, gee, that's just built for Jess. 46. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm joking. 10. 11. 12. I want to see it for Jess. 46. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm joking. 10. 11.

12. I want to see it, Ducco. No. 12. Ducco, let's go. Oh, I don't even know. Gouda, cheddar, brie, goat's cheese. Yep.

The king. What, the king? The king. The king. Don't throw them off. Trio of cheeses. I don't know cheese, man. Mozzarella.

Parmesan. Parmesan. Goddamn it. I would have accepted La Snack. I wouldn't have got. You could not accept La Snack. No. Absolutely can.

It's my game. What didn't I say? Cheese queen? Parmesan. Parmesan, yeah. Or do you want another one? Camembert. Ah, Camembert.

I don't know cheeses, but I wouldn't have got that many. Damn it. Damn it. Okay. This is exciting. Here we go. One all. Tiebreaker, Babs.

Here we go. All right, last one for the win. Oh, remind me to tell you about the woman who gave you scissors, by the way. Oh, yeah, the left-handed scissors? Yeah. I've got so many. Sorry, just thought of it. Highlighter colours.

Oh, well, there's not just any colour. There's only so many, right, there's only so many. There's not just any colour. There's only so many, right? There's only so many. I feel like there's only so many. I could argue any colour could be found in a hot... Well, there's the most common. All right, all right.

The most common. Six, Ducco. Hmm. Is there more than six? I don't actually... I don't know if there is. I mean, maybe if you went to Officeworks or, you know, Smiggle or Typo, they might have some kooky ones, but...

The top selling Stabilo has eight. Okay. Do you want to go to eight? If you can name them all, you win. I mean, seven? I guess I'll say eight. Okay, all right. Good luck.

Yellow, pink, green, blue, orange. Red? Pink? Did I say that? Yeah, you said pink. Magenta. Purple? Orange.

That's more than enough. No, we doubled on orange. The only one you didn't do was teal. So I didn't. So that would have been enough. Shy Guy, he had to have said teal to win the point. No, but you did more than seven. No we doubled on orange. The only one you didn't do was teal. So I didn't. So that would have been enough. Shy Guy, he had to have said teal to win the point. No, but you did more than seven. No, she didn't.

She doubled up on orange. I said orange twice. Oh, my bad. But now he's given you teal. Oh, wow. Teal. Yeah, correct. Okay, well.

What? No. Oh, Shy Guy, come on. I thought you named him. You named him the win. You're a bit of a kid and go, that's not enough. You're like, yep, you've done it. Anyway, I met Ainsley.

She's the one who sent you the scissors. Oh, nice. How was she? Gorgeous. She was mad at me for not being happy about the Vegemite. Right now, Ducko, I need you to be honest with me. I know you always are. Always.

When I ask. This is an honesty hub. A question like this. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable? Okay. Not going to use the phrase overreaction. Okay.

I'm just going to use, am I being unreasonable? Okay, everyone hear this? I'm listening. I'm open to the feedback. Are you? I will be surprised though if you do think I'm being unreasonable. This feels justified. My angst, my anger, my annoyance.

One of my neighbours over the weekend, I go, house went up for auction. Yeah, I saw it when I was at your house a couple of weeks ago. People were looking at it. Yeah, yeah. Going through, yep. Very exciting for my neighbour, obviously. And, you know, Saturday was D-Day auction.

There'd been a bit of interest. So instead of having a private sale and not going through the whole kit and caboodle of an auction, he went, nah, we're going to do it. We're going to have it. Had you been to a live auction before? Never. They're crazy, aren't they? They're nerve wracking even if you're not bidding.

When we were lucky enough to buy our house three years ago, we, it was meant to go to auction, but we offered an amount that the buyers were happy to, we need to move on. So it's, it's about getting the right person, isn't it? You made them an offer. They're good on their feelings. Yeah. After some back and forth with the the freaking real estate agent who goes, if you come up to this, they'll sell.

And then you do, and they go, oh, sorry, the other interested party came up higher. Sorry? Why did we just do that much of it? It's not about that. It's about my neighbor's house. So, obviously, who's our new neighbor's going to be? We wanted to have a sticky bank. Suss them out.

Suss them out. So, we'd gone to the market in the morning, but Angus was like, let's get back. Let's get back. The auction's going to be? We wanted to have a sticky beat. Suss them out. Suss them out. So we'd gone to the market in the morning, but Angus was like, let's get back, let's get back. The auction's going to start, the auction's going to start. So we run home. When you know you're getting old, when you just love getting back with your morning coffee to see an auction.

I've never seen Angus move faster. Oh, he was full head in the pencil. My mum's in town and she has two speeds, either warp speed walk or meander. Yeah, right. For some reason, she knew we were on the clock, she's meandering. Oh, no.

Come on. I missed the auction. I need to suss out who our new neighbours are going to be. So by the time we get to the auction, there's quite the crowd. Now, what percentage of those were sticky beakers like us? Totally. And what percentage were actually interested parties? You know, it was probably an 80-20 ratio.

Did you spot the auctioneer out from a mile away? Absolutely. Slick. Oh, slick. Suit on. Pull auctioneer out from a mile away? Absolutely. Slick. Oh, slick. Suit on. Pulls up at Alexis. This is a great deal.

This is a good buy. This is a good buy. I know you've been accused of speaking fast, as have I. Yeah, yeah. Mate, put us next to an auctioneer. We're a snail's pace compared to these guys. Yeah. So the crowd is there, and obviously we're sussing out who's got the paddle, who are actually registered voters.

When, out of the corner of my eye, I see one of them with the paddle. I went, all right, that bloke's in the mix. And I went, I hope it's not that guy. I have street parking. We don't have a garage that I can fit my car in. Street parking. He's there leaning up against my car. Oh, we don't want that.

Am I being unreasonable? I said to Angus, I'm going to go, we don't want that. Am I being unreasonable? I said to Angus, I'm going to go. He doesn't own it. He's not there yet. Neither does he. This is just a, and to be fair, there's 50 cars on the street. It's all street parking where I live. Was he leaning up just putting the paddle up?

Yep. Two million. Well, before we'd started, this is before the auction had started, I went, that guy's got his ass on my bump. I'm picturing elbow lean. No, I'm a rear to curb parker. Yeah, so he had his butt on you. So his butt is just leaning up against my boot.

And I went, get off. And he's going, do not talk to a registered bidder moments before an auction. You could sweat. He might go, I don't want to live there. If you don't want to live there, you go, this is my car. Everyone get out of here. He can go nuts. They'll go, we don't want to live there. If you don't want to live there, you go, this is my car. This is my, everyone get out of here. He can go nuts. They'll go, we don't want this house.

Well, this, that sort of was my angle. I don't want him to be my neighbor. Someone who thinks you can just lean up against a random's car. But Angus was going, don't do that for our neighbor. He could be the highest bidder. And now you've absolutely changed the way the cards are going to be dealt. But I was getting really agitated. And every time he's putting the paddle, I went,

do I want to put someone out with this guy, someone out with this guy? Yeah, yeah. Did he get it? He didn't. He got out with someone else. But am I being unre- It's not a thing to lean up against a random person's car, right? I wouldn't have thought so.

Not in the street that you're trying to buy a house for, too. Also, leaning at an auction feels like a very casual position. Maybe it was a power play. If I look relaxed, I look like I got a bit of money. Yes. I'm happy to go the distance. Whereas if I ran Rob straight and putting out this, you know, needy energy. Yeah.

He was trying to do the body language of cool, calm and collected. But no, I would also be like, can you get off my car? It's not your street yet. Yeah, like he was in denim. You know, they've got the studs and the, you're going to scratch me paint work. I was getting really agitated. You hear that, shy guy? He was in denim.

He was in denim. He was in denim. Babs, did you hear? He was in denim. He was in denim. I'm going to trounce up and lean against your car in denim. Don't be leaning up against me, Carol. I would just hit the panic button.

What? And then the alarm goes off. I don't know how to activate. Bro, I just found my hazard lights. You're going to know how to activate. Bro, I just found my hazard lights. You reckon I know how? That's the whole thing we did. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on Hit. 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter.

Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back to you if there is time. Our caller today for $10,000 is Alex. Good morning, Alex. Good morning. How are you?

Alex, we couldn't be better. For a Monday, the opportunity to give you 10,000 buckaroos. What do you want to spend the money on? Well, I have my son's orthodontist bill that I'd like to pay off. Oh, man, they can be big, orthodontist bills. Yeah. What are we talking? Braces, retainers?

Yep, the whole two. Alex, it sounds like you're coming to us from underneath your doona. Are you muffled somehow? I'm sitting in my car. Okay. Are we on speaker or coming through Bluetooth? I don't want to miss an answer when we've got braces to pay for. Yeah, I know.

No, I'm on the phone. You're on the phone. She's connected. Okay. All right. See how we go. Alex, we're going to Vailtown for you today, and you're going to work with the letter I.

Right. No worries. I for ice cream. Ice cream. Okay. Yep. All right. Come on, Alex.

Let's do it. Do it for the braces. For the braces. All right. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter I, we need you to name. A medication. A flower.

A girl's name. An animated character. A body part. An Australian animal. A body part. Index finger. An Australian animal. The either. A country. A five-letter word.

Index. A breakfast item. Part. A TV show. Bugger. Damn. Good player, Damn. Bugger. Good player, though. Excellent player.

Got yourself seven. Everything you answered, you got. An animated character. That's a tougher one to go through. Thank you. Inspector Gadget. Technically Iron Man was an animation. Yeah, yeah, in the cartoon.

What else we got here? Breakfast item, iced coffee or instant oats. One of my favourites. Daily. A TV show is hard. I love Lucy in the night garden. There's a few. Anything with an I, really.

But look, you don't go away empty-handed, Alex. You do get $100 to spend at Hair House. That's all yours. Excellent. Thanks, guys. Thank you, Alex. You have a wonderful day and good luck to your child's... Braces.

Dental check. Good luck to your wallet, really. Yeah, true. Good luck to your wallet. Daylight robbers or pedontists, they're good at it. Dental check. Good luck to your wallet, really. Yeah, true. Good luck to your wallet. Daylight robbers or pedontists. They are. They're good at it. You had braces going on.

Oh, man. That's why I know. I had braces for like five years. That's right. Two different. I had an underbite. Then I had teeth growing with braces. What do you reckon's worse?

Getting them tightened or having to go through the elastics phase? Oh, elastics suck. Elastics suck. And then I had to get the headgear back. And then I had the headgear from your chin to your forehead. Shut up. And it comes out. And it pulls your to get the headgear back in there. You have the headgear from your chin to your forehead. Shut up. And it comes out and it pulls your front teeth forward. It's like Lisa Simpson style. Yeah, I had the full on.

Okay, I thought elastics was bad. You win. Yeah. Wow. Me and my sisters both had that. We both just had, yeah. My primary school friend, Sarah Calafiore, she had to get her jaw broken because it was that out of whack.

Oh, yeah. I've heard of that. So she had the full jaw realignment. Beautiful smile now. Great smile. Unbelievable smile. Worth it. Thanks, yeah. So she had the full jaw realignment. Beautiful smile now. Great smile. Unbelievable smile. Worth it. Thanks, Mum and Dad.

Jess and Ducco. 13, 10, 60. What's something you never saw yourself doing when you had kids? Sorry, until you had kids. God damn it. What's something you never saw yourself doing until you had kids? Until is the key word there. Until you had kids.

Yeah, correct. David Schwimmer, of course. Ross from Friends. Fun fact, if I'm remembering the doco correctly, first friend cast. Yes, and the show sort of built around him. Yes. He was the main guy.

He was the link for all the castmates. And it's so funny because now in 2025, I think most cancelable character. Well, he's the least likable. He's just whiny and annoying and whatever. So it's funny to think that Genesis was sort of Ross and Friends. It really was. And apparently the castmates all got along with him the most compared to everyone.

He was, like I said, the linchpin of the cast. Yes. But he basically came out and said, he did an interview recently, came out and said he didn't watch the show at all when it was done. He wanted to move on. He wanted to be done with it. He didn't want to watch it. I've got my million dollars per episode.

I don't want to watch this. It's in the rear view mirror now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, David. I'm growing as a person. I'm getting paid billions. I'm going to wait for the Robert Kardashian doco about the OJ Simpson trial. I will not do one thing else since.

I do hard-hitting things now. That's what I do. That's what I do. I'm leaving the sitcom world behind me. Right-o. That's funny. Right-o. He did say that.

However, it was when his 13-year-old daughter came out, and Cleo's her name, and he said she started to get really into the show. Just hearing the theme song would really, you know what I mean? I just have that reaction. I mean, I just had heard it so many times. And then at about, as I say, age nine, my kid discovered it and started watching it and I'd be making breakfast or whatever. And I'd hear my kids laughter. My whole relationship to that song and to the show changed again.

He basically said he never thought he was ever going to watch that show. Then when his kids started watching it, he sat down with them and bonded with them over watching the show. And they were kind of laughing at him and with him. And he went back and watched the show with them. I've got nothing to compare it to. So his journey is his journey. But God, that annoys me.

These artists who are like, no, no, the thing that built your career, that earned you so much money. No, no, it made me cringe hearing the song. Shut up, man. Like that built your whole thing and earned you so much money. It's like when a band who has one really big song doesn't want to play their really big song. And you're like, everyone's here for the really big song.

If I'm singing Dua Lipa and she doesn't play I-D-G-A-F because she goes, you know, that's in the rear view mirror, play the hits, man. Come on. But I love that it was his kid. Yeah, at 13, Cleo's her name, and she was watching it. Now, on 13, 10, 60, something you never saw yourself doing until you had kids, he never saw himself watching himself back on Friends. Wow.

And watching yourself back from that young would be hard. Absolutely. A different time. And it probably does feel very egotistical to say to your kids, hey, you want to see how daddy was able to afford this beautiful house? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come sit down and let's- It wasn't the OJ Simpson doco.

Even, I wonder if there was an element for David Schwimmer, because he said what, Cleo was nine at the time, but what, now she's well into her teens. Yeah. Being judged by your kids. Whatever we know, yes. You see that last name. With the lens, exactly, with the lens of the generation

watching shows like that now, that, you know, every second week I feel like there's an article, why we should cancel Friends, why we should cancel Seinfeld. So I wonder if there was a nervousness for him showing that kid where she's discovered her on her own and actually loves it. For me, Duckey, something I never saw myself doing. Because you can't be watching yourself back in a really successful sitcom. That just didn't happen.

That didn't happen. I have saved some conversations we've had about Lucia to play back for her in the future. We'll see what her judgment is like. But no, this just happened the other day and I wasn't going to bring it to the show at all. One, because you've got a kid around the corner and it's a little bit daunting and scary that I had to deal with this. But more so, it's grade A disgusting. Lucia had a bit of a tummy bug. So there was

a lot of pants action if you're picking up what I'm putting down. I've gone to pick her up and I try and scoop her from the bum instead of just hoiking her up from the armpits, try and scoop on the bum. That's how you always pick her up? Well, no, not always, but sometimes change it up. I've scooped on the bum. Oh, no. The pressure of me just squeezing the nappy. Yeah, yeah.

Things have shot out. So what I didn't see myself doing, Ducco, was using a cheese knife to scrape in between the floorboards where we've got cracks because the paper towel has not been able to collect all the stuff. Oh, yuck. So I've had to get on my hands and knees. And scrape out her poo from the floorboards. Scrape out the crap.

And she's just there smiling at you like, how dare you? Like, you're my slave. You know, if the aliens are watching, who is the superior being? Obviously not the woman on her hands and knees with an implement. Yeah. Trying to clean out. I can't ever picture you. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't ever picture you doing that either, which is even funnier. If Angus had been home, don't worry. That absolutely would have been his job. Yeah. Even though I was the one who squeezed it out. Yeah. So that's something I never saw myself doing.

Oh, absolutely. You didn't sign up for that. Or knowing all the words to Rattle and Bog by the Wiggles. You know, take your pick. Take your pick. Oh, brilliant. Okay. 13, 10, 60. Something you never saw yourself doing until you had kids. Until you had kids. We'll get you on after Shaboozy. It's good news. It's Jess

and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. 13, 10, 60. What's something you never saw yourself doing until you had kids? David Troy from Friends. Ross. He basically didn't like watching the show back. Never watched the show back. Just the theme song made him cringe.

Yeah. I get it. I mean, it would be embarrassing seeing yourself in that little time capsule from that period of your life. But then his kids started watching it at nine years old and he heard them laughing. And so to bond with him, he watched it. Then all of a sudden he watched the show completely back with his kids. He's like, I got a million dollars per episode for this?

Yeah, you did, David. Yeah, you did, David. Yeah, you did. And more power to you. More power. But now we're asking, what's something you never saw yourself doing until you had children? Maybe it's something like David, almost sentimental.

Or like me, very disgusting. Actually, yeah, you were cleaning out Lucia at a Poonami, and then it went into the floorboards, and you were cleaning out with a knife. What happened to that knife? I washed it. You didn't throw it out? I put it in the... I washed... You can wash things. I know, but still.

I'd be marking that knife and only giving it to my partner or I'd be throwing it out. Yeah, you put tape around the end of it so you know Next time you come over for a cheese board, which cheese knife was it? Why does this knife have an A on it? It's yours, honey. It's yours forever. That's for you and your cheddar.

I'll use this for me and my cheddar. Ellie on 131060. Good morning, Ellie. What's something you never saw yourself doing until you had kids? Hey, guys. How are you? Excellent, Ellie. Excellent.

That's great. So have you ever had a mate that spewed and then you dodge it? Yes. When you become a mum or a dad, you don't dodge. You quickly grab your hands and you catch that spew. Oh, yeah. Are you writing all these down, Daco? This is a dumb phone topic to do for me.

Did you find your reflexes got really good when you became a mum, Ellie? Absolutely. Catching spew. If it's a compromise between it getting on the carpet or the couch where you're going to have to clean that or you just catching, you'll catch. Catch. You'll just catch.

Megan on 131060, it's something you never saw yourself doing until you had kids. Hello. Becoming my son's under-six soccer coach. That's fantastic. What was your relationship to the great game prior to having your boy? Nothing, really. So you knew nothing about soccer?

Like when you were coaching them, did you know what you were talking about? Did you have to watch a few docos? Yeah, I had to do some research. Yeah, I've got two older kids, but they all, Wade's had a coach, but third child's come along and there's no coach, so I put my hand up to do it. Oh, good on you. Oh, that's amazing.

That is funny. To volunteer. And I'm sure you still have parents who are getting annoyed at your coaching style. It's like, I'm working out the rules as I'm going. Yeah, I'm trying, okay? Charlie, good morning. Good morning.

Babe, what's something you never saw yourself doing till you had kids? Picking their little noses with my pinky finger to get their boogers out. And is that because you're worried about them being able to breathe or just because seeing the boogers annoys you? A bit of both. Okay, sure.

It's like a satisfaction that comes along with it as well. Yes, yes. Yum. Yay. I don't know why I did this. I'm waiting for Morgan at any moment to say her waters have broken. I'm like, hold your legs, honey. Squeeze.

Chantel, wrap this up. I was going to say for us, more for Ducko. What is something you never saw yourself doing until you had children? Good morning, guys. How are you going? Excellent, Chantel. I never see myself driving a commuter, a van. People mover.

Oh, you've become the family mover. Yes, too many. What have you got, like a seven-seater or something? I've got a 12-seater. I actually get seats taken out, yeah. 12-seater. This is a dumb question. Is that because you're carting around the whole soccer club?

Or do you have that many children? Eight children. Eight children in the house. I know. Eight children, Chantel. How do you park? How do you park? How do you go to the grocery store?

How much are your groceries? Oh, too much. Too much. Wow. It is absolute chaos. Eight kids. Good on you. I mean, you could literally start a sporting team. Wow. It is absolute chaos. Hey, kids, good on you.

I mean, you could literally start a sporting team. Yes. That is a... Yeah. If Megan needs players... I do have seven girls, so... And the one boy! One boy. That's a tough carry for him.

It's not the first time I've shared with you. Trying to put my big girl pants on at 33 years old and make sure that little things don't become big things, particularly when I'm talking about my relationship with my dear mother. Mama Farch was in town over the weekend. We saw Andrea Bocelli late last week and she said, I'll make a weekend of it, you know, have some good quality time with her grandbaby. Last time they visited Ducko, I did share with you one of the tactics I'd put into place with my husband, a safe word.

Yeah. A code word. Now, that code word was onion rings. Yes, here's what you said last time. When you feel me start to lose my zen, chill headspace, I need you to work onion rings into a sentence. I was going to say, what's the word? Because it's going to be hard to get that into a sentence.

Absolutely. But the idea was it would jar me enough to snap me out of the silliness of my prepubescent self and the back chat. You know, we're all grown-ups here. Let's not escalate things like I would have when I was younger. And Angus, you know, was successfully able to do that back at the last visit. The issue this visit, not around very much, Ducko. Not something I anticipated.

Not something I realized until we're in the thick of things. Right. He just made himself busy this week. He allegedly had an event every night. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just the ladies. I saw him himself busy this weekend. He allegedly had an event every night. I went, so it's just the ladies. I saw her at the publishing footage. And Lucia is showing a lot of smarts, but she's not at the level of saying onion rings yet. Yeah, she can't get you out of it.

And picking up on vibe when mummy needs to be reined in because she's losing her cool. But it was amazing how the universe stepped in, Ducco. There you go. Saturday night, we'd settled the baby. As I just mentioned, I'd made a lovely broccoli pasta dinner. But prior to this, we thought we'd make a spaghetti and... I feel like that's a rogue dinner from you. Like, I like broccoli pasta, but I just thought with your mum there, you'd go for something, like show off your new roast chicken or... I made that last time. I've got to show I've got other tricks up my sleeve. Okay, I see, I see, I see. And she actually requested it.

So I went, well... I know you made a my sleeve. Okay, I see, I see, I see. And she actually requested it. So I went, well, no, no, you made a broccoli pasta. Oh, I'm like, a good one. Don't worry, one will be dropped off at your doorstep when the little baby comes along. I look forward to it. It does need to be eaten straight off the pot, though, so maybe I'll come in, quickly make it and leave for you. But obviously, when anything food or kitchen or pasta is brought up, she's the queen. Yeah. So I think the queen was maybe feeling a little bit threatened.

Oh. Maybe the kingdom was being challenged. She'd requested it, but I reckon I saw in her. The master and the apprentice. The master, the teacher, the student becomes the teacher. I don't know what was going on, but there was a couple of little. She's sensei. I think she was feeling that sensei was being challenged for who has the throne.

Yeah, I could see that. So there were a few little comments about how I chop garlic and a few little comments about my choice of pot. And then there was a comment, and I can feel my temperature rising, and it's not because we're in our small kitchen. I'm feeling the temperature rising. Did you get your, oh my God. Then there was a comment because I boiled the kettle.

Now, when I make spaghetti, which is five times a week, I boil the kettle. 100%. Thank you. Yeah, to get the water hotter quicker. That's not how the ethnics do it, apparently. They just sit there and wait for it. I don't know. We're not in the Stone Age.

But she made a comment about me having boiled the kettle to cut the cooking wait time. Oh, you're ruining the integrity of the cooking time. Yeah, allegedly. You know, you've got to suffer for your meal. You've got to suffer, and patience is a part of that. And I can feel myself. I can feel it brewing. It's coming up your back tat.

You're just feeling it get there. That week-long meditation course I did in India, all those lessons out the window 15 years ago, I can feel it. She goes, I'm going to look it up. What's better? She gets her phone up and I'm preparing for a snide comment back. But, you know, her eyesight's not what it used to be. She needs to turn the light on.

She's got the index finger. She's looking from a distance at an angle. You know, the phone case that all the mums have. She's got the glasses on the perch of her nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not bright enough in my house. She goes to turn the living room light on, not realising she's turning our back porch light on,

which Angus and I know we don't touch because it blows the power every time. Oh, short circuits are fused. As the venom is about to leave my tongue, she hits the light switch, whoosh, power goes out. A couple of farchione women in a blackout, that's not good. So the kettle goes, the white noise machine for the baby, I hear that turn off, all the lights go, the stove goes, my garlic is now compromised.

And do you know how to fix it? Angus literally taught me the other day. That's so lucky. Because, again, I didn't know where the power box was, but I was able to go, my, you've blown the power. So I've regained the upper hand. She knows she's stuffed up. And I get to prove that I am genuinely an adult.

Was she just mumbling around in the dark, screaming? Well, quietly, because she knew not to wake the baby. So true. But when I went outside to flip the power, I just thought, wow, universe. In lieu of Angus not being here to onion rings me, that was the universe's way. And if your mum never hit that switch. I would have come back with something and Broccoli Pasta Night

would have been my last. Oh, no, not the gal's Broccoli Pasta Night. We can go forth. Who would have thought a blackout would save you? A short circuit. Blackout saved me. There you go. And then over our nice meal, we were talking about how excited we are to see Ricky Martin

in November. So we're all back on track, baby. Jess and Zucko. Call the fin. Call the fin. Call the fin. winning MJ the Musical plus Sydney accommodation. Yeah, it's pretty exciting. This is a fantastic prize.

You can complete your visit with a perfect stay at the Novotel Sydney on Darling Harbour. Book today and don't forget, yeah, the biggest entertainment event of the year, MJ the Musical, now throwing audiences at the Sydney Lyric Theatre. Mm-hmm. Better beat it. Better beat it. Better man in the mirror. A man in the mirror.

But yes, you just need to get involved in the show. About an hour ago, Ducco. Yep. You wanted to know, what did you never see yourself doing? Until you have kids. Of course, they changed the game. Yep. Excellent contributions. Thank you have kids. Of course, they change the game. Excellent contributions.

Thank you to everyone. But Megan called up, told us this. Becoming my son's under-six soccer coach. That's fantastic. What was your relationship to the great game prior to having your boy? Nothing, really. Yeah, so you knew nothing about soccer? Like when you were coaching them, did you know what you were talking about?

Did you have to watch a few docos? Yeah, I had to do some research. Yeah, I've got two older kids, but they all always had a coach. But third child's come along and there's no coach, so I put my hand up to do it. Oh, good on you. Oh, that's amazing. That is funny.

To volunteer. And I'm sure you still have parents who are getting annoyed at your coaching style. Megan's like, I'm working out the rules as I'm going. Yeah, I'm trying, okay? We love that. When the phone rang, mum answered, I will be the coach. I'll do it. And now Megan's going to MJ the Musical.

Well, actually, you know, before, there's one thing Megan's going to do for us. Oh, oh, oh. Hi, Megan. Hello. We got you again. Yeah. We just want to make sure. Yeah do for us. Oh, oh, oh. Hi, Megan. Hello. We got you again. Yeah. We just want to make sure. Yeah, we've got to make sure.

You're the right person. Correct. You need to give us your best. A hee-hee. A hee-hee. Oh, she's in. Solid. Solid.

She's going along. She's the volunteer soccer coach and an excellent hee-hee-er. Hee-hee. Congratulations, Megan. Thanks for getting involved in the show. You enjoy that wonderful musical Thank you, I'm going to love it Does that mean Megan has to miss a game?

Oh jeez She's going to pop down for the weekend Can you afford to do that? Can you afford to do that? I'll have a backup The coach is committed, can you afford to do it? Yeah, no time to think about that Megan will get one of her older kids

You're the coach for the day. You represent me. Whatever you do. What do you do? I don't know what I'm doing, so just enjoy it. I'm going to go to Sydney. All right, great, Megan. Well, you enjoy that, okay?

Thank you so much. Thank you. We do have that on the show all week, and it's that easy. You get involved, but you do need to give us your best. As well. Look, that is your last Monday show, Ducko Kidless. It's basically last ever. Last ever.

Paternity leave kicks in next Monday. Unless. Unless it goes this week. Unless we get the call on the Apple Watch. Should we do a bet? Like we all do a bet, see when it comes, what happens this week. You guys can have a day. You guys each get a day this week. I went to our favourite chicken shop over the weekend and everyone asks me,

how's Duggo, how's Morgan, any news, any news. And Dimitri, he said, did you put a bet on? And I'm like, we should. We should do that. Because doesn't like sports bet, gamble responsibly,

do all these sort of whack things. You could bet on Taylor Swift's lipstick colour at the Super Bowl that time. You can bet on the day. Can we do a sports bet bet for when Morgan will actually go? Yeah, we can do our own sweet. Yeah, let's do that.

That's a bit of fun. Jess, you three are getting the rice cookers on. Maybe the rice cookers can get involved. You've already let them do your push playlist. Yep, that's nearly four hours now, so that's flying. Perfect. Morgan added some other songs that she likes as well. So if the song is playing that you chose when the baby girl arrives,

you get naming rights. What does the person get who that you chose when the baby girl arrives, you get naming rights. What does the person get who picks the time? $10,000. Out of his own pocket. That's generous. Let me go. That is generous. Once again, a jizz bit and a fridge magnet is all I'm offering is the price.

Mate, we've got the bottle openers now too. And the bottle, I use that just all the weekend. Do you? It opens bottles well. Nice cold bottle of Forex. It does what it says it would do. It was actually Asahi, one I couldn't name. Hello, you cultural little monkey you.

One I couldn't name in Bitty Bitty Bang Bang last week, which just killed me. I went home and I went, honey, I sucked today. I'm surprised you bought Asahi after that. That must have tasted so bitter. Yeah, it did. It was hard. I just cried every drink, every sip.

But yes, that's happening all week as well. And hopefully I'm here. It's going to be a weird week. I know. You're five minutes late today and I was out of my scalp, jumping out of my skin messaging Angus. I feel a bit out of it too. Like it feels very like just like a bit jolting.

Like the bags are all paving, it's ready, but then you're doing stuff, but you're not. Yes. I know. It's crazy. Very exciting times. Anyway, anything else you guys want to add? Oh, if you missed any of it, grab it on the podcast.

I should say as well, last Friday, because we do extra read on the podcast, last Friday's podcast opener, I'm going to say was probably the greatest ever. I can't even remember the conversation, but one thing certainly stands out. The end of it, yeah. You do absolutely need to go. It is not just our show. There is, oh my God, it gets loose. I guess, yeah, it end of it. You do absolutely need to go. It is not just our show. There is... Oh, my God, it gets loose.

I guess, yeah, it gets very loose. It's no holds barred, to say the least. I've never seen Babs laugh that hard. Ever. It's hard to crack her, and you did. Yeah, yeah, she was... Cracked. Cracked.

Slim limper? Oh, yeah, how are you going? How have you gone today? He's been out of the seat all morning. I've stood up all this show. Babs sent us a funny photo of him under the desk. Oh, I missed it. She sent him to the group.

You can see his little dog there. I think it's just you. He's got his dogs out. You need to, um, you're like a ballet dancer. I can't make these legs straight. You do look so, why are you popping on me? You're going to need to give him a rub down. You're so weird.

Come here, let me give you a little rub. He is up. I'm standing on it now. Touch his calf and see how much pain he gets in. Why? Yeah. Oh! Oh!

He's hating every second of that. Did that help at all? It will help. It will help. You've got to rub it out. Come on. I know a good guy. Don't say rub it.

Yeah. Brad will do it. Brad will give you one of the greatest rubs ever. I've heard what Brad does. Yeah, I'll tell Brad that you're coming by today. Can't have you on, you know, 20% capacity, Darko's last kidless week. Yeah, I need you firing this week, shy man.

We'll be right. Anyway. Stretch my leg. We're out of here. Enjoy your day. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye. Bye.

Jess and Darko. That was the Jess and Darko podcast. Hot Honey has dropped at Macca's for a limited time only. Embrace the drip.