Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | That ain't Loch Ness, that's me package

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

We discuss our dumb thoughts for the week, talk about some weird Aussie habits and ask you if you've been accused of being Un - Australian! Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Macca's delicious new Brekkie McGrath is even more reason for a pre-work Macca's run. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Welcome to the podcast team. Happy Friday. Happy Friday. End of the week vibes at an all-time high. So high. So high in here. I'm about to duck up to a windy place called Toowoomba up in Queensland. I sent you a meme the other day. Did you like that one? Yeah, I did see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woomba.

It's a map of Australia and all of Australia says not enough Woomba up in Queensland. I sent you a meme the other day. Did you like that one? Yeah, I did see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a map of Australia. Yeah. And all of Australia says, not enough Woomba. And then Toowoomba is marked out and it says, to Woomba. It's pretty good. Yep. Did have a lull. I read it a few times.

There's not too many Toowoomba specific memes. No. And when I saw one, I went, my boy is going to Toowoomba. I'm going to send it to him. I'm not a fan of Toowoomba either. Tell me about. It's up a mountain. There's no beach. I'm like, I went, my boy's going to Toowoomba. I'm going to send it to him. I'm not a fan of Toowoomba either. Tell me about. It's up a mountain. There's no beach.

I'm like, I'm not for me. So it's not coastal Toowoomba. No, no, no. It's mountain. It's in. It's Queensland. It's Queensland. It's in.

So it's about an hour and a half from Brisbane inland. A radio woman that I used to love. She's just not in radio anymore. Michelle Laurie from Toowoomba. She used to refer to it as the womb. The womb. And I don't care for that. That feels weird.

The womb. The womb. Heading back to the womb. Heading back to the womb. It feels like you're crawling back inside your mother. Exactly. Because it has not aged. It is a nice part of the world.

Beautiful. Flowers. What's the connection of flowers? What's the connection for the bride and groom to Jumbah? Nothing. There's a venue called Gabon Bar, which is one of the best wedding venues in the country. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Ooh, X-y. Yeah, I'd imagine so. For their wedding, they've got a violinist and they've got fireworks that go off when they cut the cake. The venue have fireworks. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The venue have sent me, as the emcee, a five-page document about what they expect for their MCs.

Holy shit. Because I guess the standard of wedding at Gabon Bar has to be at a certain degree. It looks spectacular. It's bougie. Yeah, it's really bougie. Holy shit. It's just a shit show for everyone to get to. It's like, great, I'll fly to Brisbane and drive to Toowoomba.

Accommodation on site? No, we're staying at like an Ibis equivalent down the road. How far from the venue? Nothing's far. Nothing's far, okay, but have they organised transport for everyone? I think so. Because how are we getting to and fro? The girls are staying there at a house

getting ready. It does look spectacular. Yeah, yeah, and then we go from our quest to there, get photos. Sure. Now how's this? We've got to come in our suits, get photos, desuit, because we'll be there two hours early, just chill around the venue while the girls then get photos, and then we've got to resuit, and then the guests come, we do the ceremony.

Oh, so it's all pre-look stuff, but with the whole bridal party. I've not heard of the bridal party being involved. It's not the whole bridal party. They're doing their own, we're doing our own, but they want to get the photos instead of doing it at a Quest hotel. Oh, gotcha. They want it at the nice, so instead of paying. Yeah, yeah. So we're doing it at a Quest hotel. They want it at the nice. So instead of paying. Yeah, yeah.

So we're doing it out there and doing that. And then I've got to wait till my MC stuff starts at six. Yes. My best man speech is at eight. When are you going to have your first drink? I don't know. Ten. I don't know.

And the wedding's over. I'll have a couple of light beers throughout the afternoon. You can hold your liquor. But I just need to be on. And also, you know, this, I can say this now, I don't want to hear it. Morgan's doing the surprise with me for the song. This is, I can't wait to speak about it next week.

You've written a bespoke song for your mates. Yep. I woke up the other day with, you've shared it with me. Yeah, yeah. I woke up the other day with that song in my head. Yeah, yeah. I was like, that's catchy as shit. People are going to be humming it the whole wedding.

Yep. It's what about, Shannon Noll's What About Me? And I've turned it into What About Emily? And it's about her and him and their relationship. And then Morgan comes in for the last chorus, and I'm like belting it out. And I was like, I have this big moment, and then Morgan stands up, and she's actually sitting next to the bride and groom. And it's one thing for your partner to do a double act.

It's another for Morgan to be doing this. Oh, man. I can't believe she's doing it, and she's committing. She must love these guys. And she's not in the bridal party. No, but she's very close with Blake, and she's been close with us for, like, them for a long time. Yes.

But she's committing. That's awesome. So we close with us for like them for a long time. Yes. But she's committing. That's awesome. So we're practicing the song tonight in front of my parents as like a little practice because I said you want to practice it in front of an audience that's not going to be high energy. So you just got to commit that. That'll teach you that doesn't matter. Just back yourself in. Yes. And then we do it in front of the 130 people. It's

going to be massive energy and it's going to feel like something else. Oh my God. That'd be cool. I've been putting her in the, like we did at the park the other day. Let's do the song right now. We're in a car. Let's do the song. I'm like all different situations. So you, the words will just get stuck in there and nothing throws you off.

Amazing. We're really committed. Oh, I can't wait. It's like you're doing X Factor auditions. It really is. You should see this song. Well, hopefully I can get video and audio to play for you guys next week. Yes.

Yes. Please. You got to, if these, if the can get video and audio to play for you guys next week. Yes, yes, please. If the wedding people have sent you a five-page document, send them five pages back. Right, this is what I'm doing and when. I'm going to need angles. I'm going to need a cinematographer. Yeah, I'm going to need everything.

It's going to be awesome. I can't wait. Good luck. So I'll report back with you how that goes. No, wait a minute. Break a leg. Chookers. Chookers.

All the performance things. Yeah, I know. Great juju. I can't wait to hear it. And you know what? So smart from you because you've gone, not behind the bride's back, but you've gone a little askew with your dress code. Yep.

That'll all be forgotten. Exactly. You will get away with murder. And my moustache. After this is executed. Oh, the moustache. But you'll get away with anything you want after this is executed. Thank you.

As long as Morgan doesn't fuck it. Oh, I tell you. Well, I'll be spending the weekend with my after this is executed. Thank you. As long as Morgan doesn't fuck it. Oh, damn. Well, I'll be spending the weekend with my parents who are visiting. Good luck. So thank you. I'll let you know how it goes having to use our safe word to keep things calm and fine. Yes. I'm praying for you.

Very different weekends. We're going to have a ducko. Okay. We're going to have a taco. From the queen of pasta. I put weirder stuff on my face. To the king of casual chaos. Buy, sell, sell, buy. Shy guy. How is that niche? Because no one got it.

Gen Z-er babs. No, I thought you were talking about drugs. Peak shows and peak vibes in 2025. This is Jess and Ducko. Lights, camera, action. Good morning. Oh, welcome to Friday, baby. Happy day.

It's like slipping into a warm bath with the team. The perfect temperature bath. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How often I go to put my toots in. I think it's fine. I lower my bits in. Scalding. Oh, yeah.

Gotta get out. Burns the cheeks. Burn the cheeks. You don't want that. But this day today, perfect temp. Perfect temp. It's great. Shy Guy's been in here for a while, which is odd.

Feels good to be nude. Yeah, it feels good to be nude with the team. We don't have jets, and yet it's bubbling. Shy Guy, calm down. Shy Guy, you're crazy. And he's touching me from all the way over there. I don't know how. Lampy boy.

Anyway. So you know how we had Valentine's Day last Friday, and I brought in little treaties for the team? I had in my head I'm going to buy Shy Guy Twix because he just brought it up in conversation. He loves Twix. But then I went to the shop and I saw the Killer Python, the snakes. Oh, that would have been so much funnier.

I thought I should have brought in the Killer Pythons, but I didn't know if he actually liked Killer Pythons. I don't think I've ever had a Killer Python. Wow. They were good when you were young, but not good now. I know. Just lollies in general now. What is it? Have they shrunk? Oh, maybe they've been. I know. Just lollies in general now. What is it?

Have they shrunk? Maybe they've been part of shrinkflation. Shrinkflation. Killer pythons. I reckon they would have. Did you see on shrinkflation, because we love covering this, there was a packet of Smith's chips. You're the RBA.

The face of the RBA. Huge RBA guy. There was a packet of Smith's chips, one of those little ones, like the snack packs you get. Yes. They weighed them. Like the lunch box. The lunch ones.

They were like 500 grams underweight, and it came with six chips inside. Shut up. What is that? I watch a lot of makeup tutorials and influencers. Yep, go right with me. Yes, trying to obviously get free stuff. So they review their own brands or really different brands. The number of products where it's like a squeezy tube and they squeeze from

the top all the way down. Yeah. They're squeezing, squeezing. And then finally something drops out. Oh, it's just air. Because half of it is air. It's not just our food industry. It's the cosmetics as well.

Everyone's trying to make a dollar somehow. Truly. You know? I told people we were not the show for hard-hitting journalism. No, we're not. But here we are. And yet here we are starting a Friday with shrinkflation, Chad. I know.

We are multi-talented. Very talented in this room. It's been a big week, too, and it's been a great week. But, hey, it's the last day to get your tickets to see the one and only... Nelly. Go, Fod. I am getting so hot. Do you reckon he'll open or close with this?

I reckon you've got to close. Yeah, you've got to close with Hot In Here. He'll open with grills. Obviously. They're the only two songs we know because we've referenced them every day. The bottom rose diamond and the top rose gold. Beautiful. Lyrical genius.

I wonder if he's got abs. I wonder what condition his body's in these days. Good question. We learnt he's 50 years old. And if his cameo, well, he wasn't a cameo. He was really starring in The Longest Yard. He was shirtless for a bit. Well, good question. We learnt he's 50 years old and if his cameo, well, he wasn't a cameo, he was really starring in The Longest Yard.

Yeah. He was shirtless for a bit. He looked good then, but that movie's about 15 years old, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. When I turn 50,

forget about PT. Everything's gone. Everything's gone. It'll be hanging low. Yeah. Don't worry about my heart health. It's fine. I'll be probably biohacking my age

somehow taking blood off the youth and, you know, trying to de-age myself. What happened to that dad who was doing that to his son? Is he still doing it? He's still doing it. He got sick for a bit and then he's still trying to do it. He's spending a million dollars a year on anti-aging his own body. You would be a biohacker. 100%. Yeah. I've got

If you could remove your taste buds, you're not as much of a slave to your taste buds as like, something like me, but if you could remove your taste buds, would you? So all you could put into your body is fuel. No, because I like going out for good dinners. A good dinner is nice. You wouldn't sacrifice a good dinner for the biohacking?

I'm very happy to eat. Morgan's been working nights all week, so I've been eating myself. I've had tuna and vegetables and rice, chicken and vegetables and rice, pork and vegetables and rice. How'd you make the pork? On the pork steaks. Pork steaks. And you know what?

Happy. I love it. Happy. I feel good. Wow. Yeah. My husband bought me a cookbook for Valentine's Day, that chef that I'm obsessed with. Yeah.

And I literally went through just the index and I went, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Every recipe and he went, all right, calm down. That's enough from you. I wouldn't trade my taste buds for the world. I know. Hey, we're very different, which is what makes it work. Amen. Big Friday show for the team.

We've got Alphabucks. Your chance at $10,000. 6, 30 and 8. What else have we got on today? No dumb thought. Friday. Oh, NDTF. Yeah, that's a dumb one.

How come N-D-T-F didn't get? Oh, yeah, sorry. Do it. N-D-T-F. And we've also got shy guys fiery. Now, that's not what it sounds like. That's actually sound effective as salmon. It sounds like Shy Guy's taken a whole salmon and he's doing this to it.

Shy Guy, no, ow, ow. Anyway, you can tell it's Friday. That was inaudible for me. It was. Jess was trying to... Anyway. Hey, no dumb thoughts Friday. It's kicking off next.

Should we do it? Yeah. I can't wait to hear how dumb Babs has been this week. All the dumb thoughts she's been thinking about. St. Mary over here. Dumb bum. Dumb bum is so dumb. How good is dumb bum?

I love a primary school insult. We'll do it next. We'll do it next. Jess and Ducko. Hit breakfast. It is Jess and Ducko. Welcome to Friday. We did it.

We made it. It's time for... There's no such thing as a dumb... Thought? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Judgment-free zone. Always. For any of those niggling thoughts you've had

and not felt like you've had a group of people with which to share, to dissect. Yep. 04888881069. Ducko? I've got a dumb thought for you guys. How dumb bum have you been? I've been a dumb bum.

I was thinking about it the other day because I asked Siri to put a timer on for me. And I said, hey, Siri, put a timer on. And she listens and does whatever. You're cooking your pork steaks or something. Obviously. Then I realised Siri's always there. She is always there to answer you. But what does Siri do in her spare time? Great question. What is she up to when she's not answering? She's just waiting. She is always there to answer you. But what does Siri do in her spare time?

Great question. What is she up to when she's not answering? She's just waiting in the wings. Because I might have one question a day, Max. There's a lot of hours in the day where Siri's just chilling. I do not use Siri. I've never asked Siri for a favour. I've never asked her a question.

So what's my Siri doing? Well, here's the other question. She must be bored out of her mind. She'd be so bored. Is Siri like Santa? There's only one Siri, and Siri's going around to everyone's phones around the world at the same time. Like Jesus.

Oh, my God. Like Jesus. Like Jesus. If Bruce Almighty's taught it. Babs, don't shake your freaking head at me. Babs, this is going to just. Or St. Mary over here. Don't bring Jesus into the conversation.

Don't do Jesus gear. You know, if Bruce Almighty has taught us anything. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should have said God. Bruce Almighty taught us anything. There's only one God. That's true. And to answer all those emails, it's one at a time.

It's going to take a while. Post-its? Similarly, Siri. Siri. So what's she up to in her spare time? What do you reckon? She's making TikToks. She's learning the latest dance.

She's talking in a TikTok voice. Yeah. All the AI helpers, your Alexas. The Google. The Hey Google. The Hey Googles. Maybe they all get together and go for coffee. And then they get a pager alert.

Oh, I see. Ducko's asking me to set a timer. I've got to go, guys. Surely Alexa gets less love than Siri, and she's jealous as Siri. Let alone Google Home. My mum's the only one rolling with Google Home. I went to her house the other day. She's like, check this out.

Hey Google, play Beyonce. I'm like, mum. Mum, this is a revolutionary. And it plays Rihanna's greatest hits. It's never right. From R&B superstar. That's some dumb thinking there, Duckey. Thank you so much.

Do you have one for us? I do. Have you ever wondered how much your friend's parents bitched about you behind your back? Oh, that's a good one. Because I, being a massive gossiper, and bitcher behind people's back. And we were so bitch about our kids' friends. 100%.

I can't wait to do that. I think that's what triggered me. I had some friends come over. Then they left. Angus came home and I went, oh, you're not going to believe. And you dissect. Like a nice person in private with my loved ones.

Like I'm putting it on the internet. You're not an animal. Or telling them. No. But now I think, God, when I was 14, going to Emily Hesline's house, when I left, did her parents, Louise and Wayne, absolutely rip shreds off me? 100%.

100%. I mean, I got banned from sitting next to certain friends at school, and you can imagine them telling their mum, and their mum's like, oh, that ducko. You were the bad influence, kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've told you, my mum banned Brianna Lubick from coming to our house because she helped herself to the milk in our fridge.

Oh, that's right. My mum is a, you ask before you... You don't need to step into that sacred turf. You don't help yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think they're people. If parenthood has taught me anything, parents are just teenagers in adult bodies. We're just working it out.

We're just working it all out, so bitching about... If anything, you'd bitch more as you get older. Totally, because you've got more life experience. Oh, I can't wait for that phase in life to bitch about my friends. I know. I almost want to call some of my friends and go, can I have your parents' numbers? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to know what they actually thought of me as a kid. Gee, so much time will be spent bitching about your kids' friends. Totally. What a great topic of conversation. Bible basher over here. Queen Jesus herself. Mrs. Magdalene. She's out there rolling the big stone.

So Jesus can get out. So Jesus can get out. God, you're strong. You can tell we went to the Catholic school. Yeah, yeah. Are you going to baptise your kid? It's a long story. I think so. I think we will.

Oh, okay. Careful. We've got to get St Mary on time. I want to. Morgan doesn't. The whole thing. St Mary? Yes. Have you been a dumb bum this week? Yes. What have you got? Do fish sleep? And do they sleep sidewards? And do they sleep what? Sidewards?

Oh, like as though they're resting on their do they sleep what? Sidewards. Oh, like as though they're resting on their bed. Did you say sidewards? Yeah. Like sideways? Yeah. Like they've... So when we're sleeping, we will tip on the side. Does a fish... Because that's how they die. Do fish actually

don't... I guess fish sleep. They have to sleep. Do they close their eyes? Yeah. Yeah, who sleeps standing up? Is that cows? Horses. I think that's a myth. Oh, is that a myth?

I think it's a myth. I wonder if fish do sleep and if they do sleep lying on their little pillow of waif. I know whales can turn half their brain off to rest and keep the other half on to keep an eye on their calf. That's what it says fish do. Wow. Fish aren't that smart, surely. Can I say fish do what?

Some fish put one half of their brain to sleep while the other half stays fully active. Right. And do they sleep on their side? Google that. How do fish sleep? Do they rest on a pillow? Do they rest on coral? I have been dying to have this conversation with you.

Have you seen this anglerfish that's gone viral? Oh, I have. The big ugly one. Huge. Well, you know, she's actually tiny. Oh. Yeah, yeah. it's wild. There's a zoom out video of the videographer filming the fish.

She would be five centimetres long. But that fish coming up to the surface of the light that usually lives at the bottom of the ocean has sent the whole world into a tizzy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So no one knows what's going on with fish. They are. Fish is just an untapped resource. Truly. Do you think when fish do sleep that they're dreaming about having hands?

That was my next question. Surely they're dreaming. Are they dreaming? Surely they're dreaming about having hands. Well, if they can turn half their brain on and keep half their brain on, there's obviously a lot of neurological activity happening. Absolutely. Do we have a sideways?

They don't. They sleep lower towards the bottom of the ocean floor or fish tank. Isn't it funny though because in the ocean so many predators. So many predators. You wouldn't be able to sleep. Literally sleeping with one eye open. Maybe it comes from the fish land. I know we're a bit fishist in this show but it would not be fun to be a fish.

That's a good dumb thought from you. Thank you. That is. You are a dumb bum. Good job. That was a good round guys. That was a good round, guys. That was a good round. Felt strong. Felt really strong. A lot to ponder.

Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. Oh, yeah. This should be juicy for the weekend. 30 seconds to answer. 10 questions all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice.

And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We'll come back to you, of course, if there is time. We know we're playing for $10,000. So today, we've got ourselves a player. Absolutely. We go to Karen. Good morning, Karen. Morning.

How are you guys? Karen, we couldn't be better. And we're so happy you've joined us today. Are you ready to win $10,000? Absolutely. Bring it on. That's the attitude, Karen. That's what we want.

What do you want to spend the money on? Well, you know, you guys, talking about Japan, let's go. Oh, I love that. Hello. Okay, go see those real eggplants. See what they actually are. Yeah, absolutely. The accurate size.

Okay. Excellent, Karen. We love that we've inspired your next trip. Now let's get you that cash in your bank account. The letter you're going to work with, it's solid, top of the alphabet for you. It's A. That is good. A for Alphabucks.

We don't get it a lot either. No, no. Karen, I believe in you. Ducko believes in you. And I'm going to go out on a limb and say Shy Guy also believes in you. Shy Guy, can I get that? I believe in you, Karen. Let's go, team. Let's go, team. We're on. It's all on you, Ducco believes in you, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say Shy Guy also believes in you. Shy Guy, can I get that? Let's go, team. Let's go, team.

We're on. It's all on you, Karen. Here we go. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter A, we need you to name a piece of jewellery. Pass. A horror movie. Pass.

A country. Africa. A car part. Pass. A country. Africa. A car part. Pass. An animal. Anorak. Something in your lounge room. Armchair.

A three-letter word. Arm. A sport. Pass. A shoe brand. Pass. A celebrity brand. Pass. A celebrity. A celebrity, Karen.

Oh, my God. She took a ball back and she went home. Oh, no. Well, I think we have a record amount of passes for the year. We got ourselves four in the end. A piece of jewellery. Tough way to start. Could have been an anklet.

A horror movie. Could have been Alien. There's a fair few. A car park. Could have been an anklet. A horror movie. Could have been Alien. There's a fair few. A car park. Could have been the air filter. That's also pretty tough. A sport though, archery. A shoe brand, Asics or Adelaide.

And a celebrity, there's a few. By them, I think we've given up. Adam Sandler, Amy Adams. I don't, I really like Karen. Yeah, yeah. I really like her. We love Karen. Africa's not a country.

Africa's a continent. I'm sorry, Karen. It's a continent. Ducco's being very nice to you there. I'm being very generous. I'm sorry. I just wanted to get one. We's not a country. Africa's a continent. I'm sorry, Karen. It's a continent. I'm just being very nice to you there. I'm being very generous. I'm sorry. I just wanted to get one. We've gone past past one.

No, no, no, absolutely. You could have said Australia. You could have said Australia. Or Afghanistan. I just don't, you know. Oh, my. I didn't even. No, that's fair.

That's fair. I just, oh. I'm sorry, Karen. We didn't want to rub salt in the wounds. No, exactly. No, no, no. We're moving on. $100 suspended at Anaconda.

Coming your way, Karen. All right, great. Thanks, guys., no, no. We're moving on. $100 suspended at Anaconda. Coming your way, Karen. All right, great. Thanks, guys. Thank you, Karen. You're a delight. We end up with three. Yeah. No, it's all good.

We love you, Karen. Hold your head up high, Karen. Bye. Bye. We do play again at 8 o'clock. Do you think she's mad at me? I just, you know, next time she plays. No, you had to do that.

Next time she plays, I don't want her to say Africa. We just pass and pass, and I was just excited to get something on the board. Were you excited? I was, you know, next time she plays. No, you had to do that. Next time she plays, I don't want her to say Africa. We just pass and pass and I was just excited to get something on the board. Were you excited? I wasn't excited to tick too. Oh, well. Yeah, oops.

Jess and Ducco. Right now, this is a bit of fun. I love seeing these things trend. It's Aussie habits that we think are normal, but people overseas think are very weird.

Have they come here and seen them or have we tried to do them overseas? They've come here and seen them or have we tried to do them overseas? They've come here and seen them and gone back home and tweeted about them or put them on X and put them on social media. Let me guess, wearing our uddies to the supermarket? Uddies didn't appear in this, but going barefoot in the supermarket did.

Yeah, we love a barefoot wander. I sometimes try to go barefoot, Ducker. You know I love to earth. I love to connect to the Diva Kingdom. You can't connect to the Diva Kingdom in Woolies, can you? No. But the grass, there's so many sharp things. It's dirty too.

There's so many little rocks and acorns. My feet, it's so uncomfortable. Yeah. I don't know how people do it. You build up a tolerance. Your feet build up a layer. Okay. A boot.

Get a bit thicker. Yeah, they do get a bit thicker. I used to be barefoot as a kid so much. Really? You grew up on the land. Yeah, the land. You had a creek and acreage and all that sort of gear. Yeah, catching yabbies.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't want to be getting your Dunlop volleys wet when you're catching yabbies. Get me yabby pump. Anyway, these are a bit of fun. Banging shoes together in case there are spiders in them. Oh, you've got to be doing that. People overseas don't do that because they never need to.

How funny is that? That's my biggest fear when I shake out my shoes, that a big old huntsman will fall out. Come out, yeah. But you've got to do it. Even after I bang it, I still put my hands in there just in case. It's like flick it out. Oh, but that's terrifying. That's risky.

I know, it's high risk. I don't think about it too much. Okay. The sun awareness. Slip, slop, slap is the slogan. They don't have that anywhere else. Yeah, because I think our hole is worse than other areas of the globe. Yeah, our sun is hotter.

I think we did some good work on repairing the hole over the ozone. COVID did that when no one was doing anything. That's right. Lemon, lime and bitters as a drink. Is that not a thing overseas? Apparently not. Apparently it's an Australian thing. That's my father's beverage of choice.

It's so not a thing. Could he not get one overseas? Yeah, apparently not. It's a weird thing to ask for in a bar in Europe or America. If you say, can I get a lemon lime bitters? They're like, what the hell is that? I only learned in well into my adulthood that bitters is actually alcoholic. Yeah.

Very mildly alcoholic. I mean, it's so minute and you only put a dash in. But, yes, actually alcoholic. What else have we got here? Sitting in the front seat of a taxi when there is space behind and then apparently saying to your taxi driver, busy night, mate. That doesn't happen anywhere else. It doesn't happen.

I love the idea that someone's come here for a holiday, maybe made some mates, gotten in a cab home. Their Aussie mate has sat in the front and they're like, you're not meant to sit in the front. What are you up to? Busy night, mate. I'm saying busy night, mate. That's protocol. It's funny, I feel rude if I don't sit in the front seat of the cab. Oh, really?

I feel rude if it's just me. If it's not just me, it's fine, but when I'm sitting in the front, otherwise you don't need to. I'm hip hip hooray after happy birthday. Yes, I have heard that. We're the only ones who do that. I mean, it's one of those things you just think everyone else does it. I went to a birthday party the other day of a rice cooker. I popped in and it was at a bar and the bartender.

Yeah, I don't want to make this a habit, but she just DM'd me and said, you want to come? I said, sure. DM Jess for all birthdays. No, no. It was lovely times. I put it in an appearance. I popped out of the cake. She really dangled. She's like, it's an Italian

theme. I'm like, well, I've got to go. The bartender thought, I'm going to take the hip hip. He started the hip hips, but only did two. It fell so bad. Hip hip, hooray. That's naked. You need the three. You have to have it. And it fell so bad. Hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray. Oh, that's naked.

But you need the three. You have to have it. And you've got to commit. What else? Pass the parcel at children's parties. Not a normal game they play overseas, especially in America. Is that an Australian invention? Yeah, apparently.

I love that game. And this is, I'm proud of Australia for this. When you're at the bar and the bartender points going, who's next? And you point to someone and say they've been waiting longer. I do it all the time at the deli. If they don't have the deli counter, you know that person was before you. Let's be honest. Apparently that is only an Australian thing.

Wow. You know why? Because a lot of other countries, you know, you've got to make yourself known. They push in, butt you out the way. And then there's this, which is fun. Move your tables yourself to accommodate your large group at cafes or restaurants. We shouldn't be doing that either. I know. I know.

I know. And one of my favourites, using the term rooting to describe sex. They don't do that anywhere else. I don't know why it sounds so hot. It's absolutely, it should really catch on globally. Jess and Ducko with you. Happy Friday. We did it. We did it.

We made it. Yes, we drew those Nelly tickets happening just before 9 o'clock this morning. But a relationship expert has weighed in, Ducko, weighed in definitively. How long we should be waiting before we take anything physical. You might be thinking that from day one. I just realised the lyrics to this song, I wanna sex you up. Yeah, why do you think I chose it for this? How do you sex someone up?

You wanna sex them down? That feels weird. Sex them to the east? Yeah, yeah, to the west. I wanna, yeah, sex you up works, I guess. Sex you up feels good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. St. Mary in here is shaking her head.

She's already shaking her head. You know she does that when she's nervous. That's right. This sort of chat really makes her happy. Yeah. Relationship expert weighing in because obviously in this day and age, I'm pretty sure I read a stat the other day, very sad. Australia is in a loneliness epidemic.

There are more and more people feeling less connected in this world and time of social media, of apps, of connection. Isn't that when we're more connected, we're less connected? Because we're not connecting in face. We're not connecting face to face. So this guy's weighed in. His name is Jacob Lucas. Now, I've called Babs in because I needed some extra Googling, some extra research.

God forbid me and Shy Guy do it. Yeah, no. We need an extra set of hands. I've asked Shy Guy to Google things in the past. Yeah, Shy Guy's a bad Googler. I trust Babs. Speaking on behalf ofai to Google things in the past. I wasn't allowed. Shai's a bad Googler. I trust Babs. Speaking on behalf of frutyslots.com. Now, what

the hell is frutyslots? I don't know. Because, should we even go any further with this story, depending on what frutyslots is? Fruity slots. Your trusted global source for online casinos and slots. Ah, so it's like slot machines. Why have they got a relationship expert on to talk about when we should take things physical?

I don't know. That doesn't make any sense. What a bizarre. Unless you met them at the pokies. Okay, that is random. Yeah. Doesn't help us here because he's sort of saying in this age. Did you think it would be like slots like access?

Yeah. That's what I thought. I wanted Babs to be the one to say it. Now it's casino. It's a little bit weird. It was slot machines. But what do you make of this? He's drawn a line in the sand.

He's like, sleeping with someone on the first date, as a general rule, it's a no-no. Yeah. He's saying it puts too much pressure. Or you just get what you wanted and then you might not progress. We're not learning about each other on a soul level, you know, and that can be hard to have a great physical connection if we don't have a great soul connection. But he also on the flip side says don't wait too long because if you're waiting too long, then potentially the anticipation,

the anxiety, the pressure you're putting on a great performance is too big. He has said in news we've never heard before, three. Three dates. Three dates is traditional, and it means you should have got to know each other over a series of maybe dinners, coffees, a couple of walks or some wall ball, to know if you have something deeper than just physical attraction. How tough is wall ball, by the way? I saw people playing that the other day, and I was like, I've never played it before, but it looks hard. I saw four people playing wall ball at once. And I'm like, I think they played it before, but it looks hard. I saw four people playing wall ball at once. Yeah.

And I'm like, I think they were calling out, do you have to go in order? It's like, it'd be like, Jess, Daco, Beth, Shaka, and you've got to go that whole thing. You've got to go in that order. It's like, you and me are a team versus these two, and it's one for one. I don't know how you're connecting and understanding if you have a soul connection when you're playing wall ball. You get it. To then go, that was our third date.

We will go home and get the hanky-panky happening. So I've played three dates of wall ball now. Are we going to have sex? Because the guy from 3slots.com has said this is the ideal time that we can take this to the next level. Maybe some pickleball will get you there quicker. I don't know. I am a big believer if the vibe is there.

A.K.A. Jess is a big believer of first dates. I am first date. I had a couple of friends, sadly, who did do that because they were like, this guy might be the one. And then, unfortunately, they were ghosted at the end. And to that I would say, even if you'd waited until the third date, a bloke who's going to do that is going to do that, regardless whether it's date one or date three or date ten.

So you may as well find out they're a jerk right at the top. Unless he was going to be a jerk and then he met you, got to know your personality and realised after date two and three that actually I want more than this. Oh, you sweet, silly angel. Jerks are jerks. You ain't changing a jerk. You ain't changing a jerk.

It's better to find their true colours out early. I guess I've just never been around a jerk before. No, exactly. You surround yourself with good people? Shaga, you and me ain't jerks, are we? We ain't jerks. What do you all, if you go on a date with someone, how long will you wait?

Not a first. You're mysterious in the boudoir and the relationship area. Three to five. Three to five. Be honest, have you ever had some hanky-panky and then never called? No. Oh, great.

Not a jerk. Not a jerk. Great guy. Babs on the other hand. Oh, yeah. Trail of broken hearts. Empty beds. At the risk of you not saying anything, how'd you and Jethro do it?

You got nothing. You got nothing. It's Hit Breakfast with Jess and Ducko. Happy Friday. Happy Friday. About 40 minutes time. Another crack at $10,000. With Alpha Bucks, of course, playing after eight.

Now, when you think being embarrassed by your parents, you'd think when you turn 30, 32, 35, that would stop. Yeah, it feels teenager-y. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels, don't drop me off in front of school, or walk an extra block. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to be seen with my daggy mum and dad. Well, my mum found a way to embarrass my 35-year-old sister,

and it is so funny. I've been waiting to share this with you for a while. Okay. So, because I got told I needed enough dust to settle before I could share this story. As intentions were still high? Yeah, like this, Abby's birthday's in December. So this happened, I've had this written down to talk to you guys about

since December. The dust has well and truly been Mr. Sheen'd away. It's gone. I'm hoping they're still listening. But anyway, so my sister was turning 35, right? Now, one of her kids has started school and there's new parents they're meeting. So they've got now three kids in the school. She knows the older parents.

This is the newest one. And my sister is very big into like she organized the school fate. She's very big into the school hierarchy. She's on the PTA. She does it all. Has them over for Christmas drinks, this and that. It was her first time having over the kids' parents. The new parents, their kids are there, the parents are there.

And it happened to fall on my sister's 35th birthday. But she organized that. She organized it. It was all part and parcel. My mum got wind of this and really wanted to celebrate for Abby for her birthday. And Abby, my other sister, was like, yes, mum, we're doing a family dinner. We won't do it at this day. I've got all these people coming around.

Just I'm busy, but we'll do it the next day. Sure. My birthday can be on Saturday, but this Friday is dedicated to the school and the friendships and her daughter, I guess, in essence, right? You know what my mum did? Oh, God. It's so good. She didn't rock on.

Oh, worse. It's so good. She didn't rock on. Oh, worse. What? So mum goes and gets a smash cake, like one of those cakes you smash when the lollies come out. Yeah, it's not for children. Because she knows there's going to be kids there as well. Gets happy 35th Abbey on it. Swear to God, rocks up to the house.

Rocks up to the house in the afternoon and comes in the door with a candle slit. Just lets herself in. Wait, is your dad with her? Yeah. Oh, God, she's dragged him along with her. You can tell Dad's like the same, a good idea. She asked not to do this. And there's all these new parents who've just met my sister.

Some of them might not even know it's her birthday. You know what I mean? They might. And they're all sitting around with their kids and then imagine seeing that person's mum or kid. Oh, know it's her birthday. You know what I mean? They might. And they're all sitting around with their kids. And then imagine seeing that person's mum or kid. Oh, my God. Happy birthday.

Because the idea is everyone will just start joining in. When you see the candles, you hear the singing. Come on, everybody. And everyone's like, and then all the kids get excited. And the kids come in. But half the freaking kids couldn't have the lollies because there's issues with allergies and diabetes. Oh, my God. But your mum's of that generation. That's all made up crap anyway.

Just eat the thing. So then it was like the kids are crying because half of them couldn't have it. The parents are like, who is this kook coming in the door? Did you not lock your door? Is this just your neighbourhood that we live in? Oh, man. What? And then I just found this out and my sister was like mortified.

Then mum does that all good thing where she sticks around and she's like so proud of Abby and she's filming it and stuff. Do you know if people joined in or was it just your mom and your dad, a two person chorus? Just singing. Cause as much as that song is meant to be joyful, it is so slow. So slow. And can be so mundane. So painful.

I just picture your mom standing there with a big cake. And then you can tell when it comes to the two, everyone's looking around like, who's birthday is it? What's your name again? Yeah. Yeah. Let alone the hip hips. I don't know if anyone's getting involved in the hip hips.

My sister was so embarrassed. But could you imagine being that? You're in that position. You're trying to meet the new parents. You're trying to put on a show. Here's my house. And then your mum comes with a birthday cake for you. And it's a lose-lose because Abby has every right to be sort of cranky with your mum, but your mum

very easily could have gone, here I am trying to do something nice for my first boy. I've done this for you. You ungrateful scoundrel. And then it's like, okay, now you've done the cake, mum, leave. Oh my gosh, she'll hang around. She'll hang around. When are you going to leave? Yeah, yeah, you're just stuck around.

Oh, I love it. You know what, though? I'm going to be that kind of parent. I know you are. I am 100% going to be that. Lucia, Lucia's going to be like 40, like, mum. It doesn't matter how old your kid is turning, they're still your baby. And Agnes will be behind like, ugh. Jess and Ducko.

Ducko, I think my affinity for reading romance novels and watching romance movies, rom-coms, is starting to affect my relationship. Because even though I'm married, an unbelievable gentleman, I'm comparing him and some of his behaviours to these fictional dudes who are, by all intents and purposes, a bit too perfect. Yeah, always way too perfect. The real man.

Chiselled, perfect, romantic, smart. They're doing all this stuff without the lady having to ask. They're reacting the right way. Because I love a happily ever after. I hate anything with a bit of tension or anxiety. So I definitely. That's why you watch so many cartoons. Exactly, because it keeps me light and fluffy.

So these books I'm reading and these characters I'm, you know, spending the evening with, maybe they're making the real life version they're causing problems for him. Do you read much smut? Like, you know, I read the fairy smut. You like a fantasy smut. I like just human smut. Okay, just straight up human smut. fantasy smut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like just human smut. Okay, just straight up human smut. Human smut. Right.

You know, Friend of Ours has a whole podcast dedicated to romance books and movies, so getting recommendations left, right, and center. But I realized, yeah, I hit the jackpot when it comes to a husband, but I'm still- He's letting you down. I still need more from him, so much so that I tried the other day to give him a little, a little talking to, just a little cheeky comment. And it landed like a ton of bricks. So I'd had a relatively tough day and I like to keep him abreast

of any challenges I'm facing throughout the day. Which he ate Vegemite. So he, yeah, which I wasn't happy about. There was just a few things that went wrong during my day. So I've texted him all day. I was out and about. A few things not going my way. He was home and I said the phrase, all I want to do is come home, put my comfort movie on.

I've told you about Julie and Julia with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. I thought it was going to be Fast and the Furious or Bee Movie. That's not comfort. That's hot under the collar. Fast and the Furious or B movie. That's not comfort. That's hot under the collar. Oh, right, of course. Fast and the Furious. All I want to do is come home, put my comfort movie on Julie and Julia and have a nice glass of wine. That's all I want to do.

Yeah. And I think I did specify white wine. Okay. Okay. I get home. Yeah. Julie and Julia has been taken off Netflix. Oh, no.

So I couldn't find it on any of the street. You were the one person keeping that afloat. I think I am. Yeah, yeah. So I couldn't find it on any of the, well, I usually find it. You were the one person keeping that afloat. I think I am. Yeah, yeah. So I'm having to scroll everywhere. And a part of me went, why hasn't he looked this up for me? Why doesn't he know? So he read my brain.

Why doesn't he know? Well, read my brain. I told him that's what I wanted to do. So true. How come I had to go hunt for it on Amazon and look for the $4.99? What a rip. But then I went, it's fine. That part I can do, I guess.

I go to the fridge to pour myself said crisp glass of wine. Hadn't put any wine in the fridge. I had said, I feel like a glass of white wine. He didn't go to the garage wine fridge and put one in the cold. He didn't go to your wine fridge and put it in your normal fridge. Yeah, he hadn't pre-chilled. So I said the phrase. Because I reckon when we first got together,

he would have been all on top of that. Probably. I would have walked in, there would have been a candle lit. Probably. Julie and Julia loaded, having been organised on Amazon, and the wine chilling. See, this is where I think your husband's had his downfall, and I've said this for a long time.

He started way too big. And you can't maintain that level. It's like winning a championship. You can't win every year, okay? Because eventually part of you just goes and gets drained and drained and drained. Even though I'm trying to tighten that old ball and chain, it's not working. So I said what I thought was a pretty good line. Although this will whip him into shape.

Didn't go well. I've opened the fridge, seen no wine. Closed it, looked him in the eye and went, you're Slippin' Harper. The last name? You're Slippin' Harps. You're Slippin' Harper. And I reckon I picked that up in one of my books. Yeah, yeah.

They call each other last names. They call each other their last names. I think one of the boys does it on Emily in Paris, calls her Cooper. I'm picking a few things from here and there in pop culture. Yeah, nice. Awesome. You're slipping, Harper, because I thought he'd get down on his knees and grovel for my forgiveness.

I'm so sorry. Run out to get the fanciest wine we had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did not like that, Ducco. What did he say? He did not like that. How'd that go down? He basically shed a tear.

He was like, how much I do for this family, slaving away. Yes and no. Yeah, yeah. And in that moment, I went, yeah, that was probably the wrong card to play. Yeah. In that moment. Yeah, yeah. He's been busy working away, doing all that.

He's been busy providing, doing all that. And I would say your partner does more than the average partner does for their partner. You know what I mean? And I think that's what I forgot. Well. I think that's what I forgot. Yeah. I think that's what I forgot. Did maybe you look inwards and go, you're slipping? Maybe.

But I don't think I ever. What's the opposite of slipping? I don't think I ever stuck. You never. I was always down here. You never gave. You never set the precedent. I never set the precedent.

I have said this countless times and I'll repeat myself again, but he set the bar too high. He set the bar so high. The problem with you is you expect that bar to be up there now. I got so used to this. Yeah. Oh, it's only going to get worse. As your Lucia gets older, as your marriage goes longer,

as your relationship goes through the test of time. But he got me so used to this level. And don't get me wrong, you know, he makes up for it in other ways, but the lack of the white wine being put in the fridge, I thought, wow. That's the end of that chapter. That's the end of that. He wasn't getting any that night. That's for sure.

You're slipping, Harper. Slipping, Harper. So, ladies, if you really want to whip your man into shape, that cuts deep, that phrase. Yeah, yeah. Use the last name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your breakfast with Jess and Ducko Alphabox. Your chance of $10,000, of course, is up course is up next, but something is going to get posted on our

social media. We had a lot of fun with something this week. Absolutely. You brought something to the team, Ducko. Your beautiful wife, Morgan, is a healthcare worker at the John Hunter Hospital, the largest regional hospital in New South Wales. Absolutely. And you came home and said there's a crisis. There is a shortage of something. It's a bean crisis., there's a crisis. There is a shortage of something. It's a bean crisis. It's a bean crisis. They have these wonderful coffee machines in their break rooms, but no beans.

They are turning them over so fast that more often than not, they're beanless. Yep. And having to refer to those jumbo Nescafes or the packets of Macona. And they're the industry that needs the bean more than anyone. That's the 24-7 thing. If anyone needs to be caffeinated to operate at max capacity, I would argue breakfast radio hosts and healthcare workers. We're above them.

And someone has lives in there. We're saving lives in different ways, obviously. We're all saving lives here. But I love that you brought this to us and we went, we cannot sit idly by. Evil reigns when good men do nothing. That's right. Good men and women.

And we will not be evil. We will be good. So how do we counteract evil? You put a prayer into the Lord. Oh, yeah. Into Lord's Coffee. Supply Coffee Roasters. They were fantastic.

They were. They were willing to embrace the chaos with us. Because I'm the king of casual chaos. We don't want to go to a roaster who is a chaos themselves. That's right. That's their motto. You can check them out on Instagram. They're great.

Lords.supply. They've got an amazing cafe locally. And they said, we will give you 100 free bags, like 100 kilos of coffee beans just to give to the hospital. So we sourced a wheelbarrow. Yep. We found some time. Yep.

We brought way too many people with us. About 35 people. But your wife kindly let us into the tea room. And she was nervous. She took us on an expedition of the hospital up to the private access areas. Went to the theatre's tea room. We had to get to the break room and it makes sense. Their break room is behind doors and stuff. It's not just

public access. It was cardiac surgery to our right and then tea room to the left off Wee Pot with our wheelbarrow. With our wheelbarrow. It was wonderful. You could tell it was a lot of deer in headlights because I don't think these amazing people who usually have their hands halfway in someone's chest cavity are used to seeing two idiots from the radio station rolling with a wheelbarrow. And God, we had some fun.

But when they realized what we were doing, some smiles broke out. I was throwing beans at people so hard that- You were getting your Oprah on. Oh, well, you had a bean. You had a bean. One chick fell off her chair. Nearly caused an injury. That's okay. You had a great quarterback throw there, but some of the catches... Nah, it was my wide receiver that let me down. You know why? Because they're not caffeinated. They hadn't had their cup of joe to get them through that shift. They're so tired.

But we're really lucky. Our mates from Newey Studio, Newcastle's largest content production and podcasting space, you can create, record, and bring your ideas to life. They certainly brought our idea to life. They're great. And they've captured this vision that is on the Jess and Ducko socials right now. Check it out. It's a great video.

It was really, really wonderful. And Morgan makes a cameo, which she never does in any of our things. It was probably the most nerve-wracking day of her life. Cradling a bag of beans. Yep. And everyone there, I think, were really just, they were really happy. And it was really just nice to give back in the tiniest way possible. Let's be real.

What they do. This is the smallest thing we could, but it was really nice to be amongst it. Check it out right now. It's on our socials. Any of our socials, go check it out. But I, when Morgan came home from work, she said that some lady came up to her at work and was like, there was some weird dude in here throwing beans at people. I don't know what they're for.

And Morgan's like, oh, that was my husband. Oh, she owned it? Oh, tell him thanks. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. You can't use the same answer twice.

And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We come back if there is time. This money would be fantastic for a Friday. So today's player, we have Amy. Hello, Amy. How are you going? Oh, we're fantastic, Amy. The question is, are you ready to take this $10,000 off our hands?

I am ready. Good answer. What's motivating you today? I've had family just go on a cruise, and so that's really driven me to go on another cruise. Oh, it's made you jealous. You want to get on the cruise. I do.

We love supporting people on their cruise dreams on this show. Amy, the letter you are going to work with is S. S for smart. S for sexy. That's a good letter. S for sassy. Three things I know you are. Okay.

Wow. You ready? You ready, Ames? I'm ready. Let's give it a go. Okay, your time. You can do this. We'll start after the first question. Starting with the letter S. We need you to name something you take to the beach. A technology brand. A country. A ball sport. Pass. A Marvel movie. Pass. A dog breed.

A cartoon character. Pass. A board game. Pass. A condiment. Pass. An ocean animal. No.

No. We started so strong with the first two. Isn't it funny? I thought we were on here. I thought we were on here. Oh, my God. We ended off with three. Oh, Amy. Amy.

Wow. Look, let's go through some of them. I know it's hard to do it. Let's do it. A country could have been Samoa or Singapore. A ball sport. Softball. A Marvel movie.

Spider-Man. A cartoon character. Scooby-Doo or Shrek. A board game, snakes and ladders, condiment, soy sauce, an ocean animal, could have been a shark or a sea turtle. Look, we didn't get the $10,000. We're not going on the cruise, but you do get $100 to spend at Anaconda, okay? That's pretty good. Beautiful.

Thank you, Amy. Thanks for joining the show today. Thank you. Thanks, Ames. Now we do play again. It's happening next week as well, 6.30 and 8. We want this money to go off. Did I throw Amy off calling her smart and sexy? Well, maybe.

She's like, well, you've got the sexy part right, but I ain't smart. I'm going to hit you with a solid three. And that's her prerogative. Kabang! Here's a three. Enjoy it. Up next, though, your last chances to get involved to win those Nelly tickets. That's right. I was accused of something this week, Ducker. You're un-Australian.

Accusations flying hot and heavy on the text line. Oh, yeah. Un-Australian, just because I don't like something. So we want to know, have you ever been accused of being un-Australian? We'll do it next. It's Jess and Ducco. Happy Friday. Jess and Ducco.

And on the phones, 131060, I want to know if you've ever been accused. Yes. Of being un-Australian. How dare you? You might have that little blue passport. You might have been born here. But someone has seen a behaviour or heard something you've said and gone, you are un-Australian. Un-Australian.

Because I was accused of that very thing on the text line, Ducko, by a rice cooker whose opinions mean more to me than my own flesh and blood. Yeah. When the rice cookers think less of me, ah, it's hard to recover from that sort of blow. When the rice cookers turn, it's a tough carry. It's ugly, isn't it?

Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. I was telling you earlier this week how my daughter has shown an affinity for our national spread, Vegemite, much to my dismay. She stole a little friend's sandwich and went to town on this thing, found out it was Vegemite. Couldn't bring myself to buy it at the shops because my husband and I both do not like

it. I couldn't believe it because I love Vegemite. You do, and you've often talked about it's the secret ingredient in a few things. The gravy. It's just salt. It's just salty. I just can't stand the smell. I told you I'd have never actually tried it, but the smell was enough to turn me off.

Yeah. You then proceeded to make some toast, and this happened on air. It tastes like something's off. What? Something's off. Oh, I just hit the back of my throat. You had like a centimetre of that toast. It's so strong. You don't need much. No, but I love it. I take it throat. You had like a centimetre of that toast. It's so strong.

You don't need much. No, but I love it. I take it on. You eat it by the tablespoon. I take it on. Would you like that, Bart? Have a proper bite. Come on.

It actually got quite heated. I'm still tasting it. You did then have a proper bite and then you spat it into your coffee mug. I did and I went all weird and curdled in the coffee. It was not a great combination. But someone text us. 0488881069, unprompted, which we often love. But this person did not leave their name, and they wrote,

I don't reckon Jess is Aussie. Yep. They called you out for it. She ain't Australian. Doesn't like Vegemite, not Australian. I'm going to have my citizenship revoked. I'm waiting for an email from Elbow saying, get out of here. Get out of that country.

You are un-Australian. So I thought I could start a support group. If Dutton was in charge, he'd kick you out. 100%. He would. He would. Don't let Dutton find out. But I thought, I can't be alone here.

Not so much the Vegemite, because I know you can be on either side of the fence with Vegemite. I'm not new to hating Vegemite camp. No. But have you ever been accused? Are you doing something or maybe someone in your life where you're going, that's just un-Australian? Yeah. 13, 10, 60, a couple that came through on socials, Ducker.

Yes. Karina has said, I hate swimming in the ocean. Oh. I love being at the beach. I love the smell of the ocean. Sand between my toes. But I have not been submerged in a body of natural water since I was 17 years old. Kick her out.

That's like Shaga. He doesn't like going for a swim. Nikitas. Nikitas is absolutely going to rattle you. Oh, here we go. My husband, un-Australian, he had a Southern Cross tattoo. Oh, yeah? Which is quintessential.

Oh yeah, I've got one everywhere. I assume back of the shin. Yeah, yeah. He got it covered up with Japanese art. Why Japanese art? That's a huge pivot. That's such a weird thing to do. Yeah. The un-Australian tattoo is one of those tats that probably hasn't aged the best. No. And he got it covered up.

Sorry, the Southern Cross tattoo. Yeah, yeah. But he got it covered up with some Japanese. That's weird. But he got it covered up with some that's weird. That's got to be worse than not liking veg, you might. Oh, well, that's up there. Sorry, Nikita. Once you've got the Southern Crosstown, you've just got to be proud of that thing. You've got to be proud. You got it in the first place. When my whale tail pops out and you can see a bit of my

Southern Crosstown, you know I'm Australian. When you are channeling your inner Kim from Kath and Kim, that's the most Australian you could ever be. Absolutely. So 13, 10, 60. We want to hear some more. Yeah. What's the most un-Australian thing you do or you've been accused of?

I don't think I can really partake in this conversation. I think I'm fairly Australian. You're true blue, brother. I really am. Yeah. You bleed. I love 4X. Green and gold.

I love the country. I love the beach. Speaking of tattoos, you've got the 4X tattoo. Come on. Come on. Come on. All on. Come on. All right, how un-Australian are you? Have you been accused of being un-Australian?

Yes. Give us a call. 13 10 60. We'll get you on next. Jess and Ducko. Right now, 13 10 60. Have you been accused of being un-Australian? I was accused this week after Ducko Force fed me Vegemite

and I compared it to fermented garbage. Yeah. I ain't wrong. Yeah. I am not wrong. Oh, I love it. But someone text us, 0488881069, only a few words, but God, they cut deep.

I don't think Jess is Australian. Yeah, it hurts. I have the passport. Yeah. What makes one Australian? What does? Vegemite. Apparently, according to this one person. Phones and Vegemite. Apparently, according to this one person.

Phones and Vegemite. And I went, I cannot be alone. I cannot be alone in these accusations. I got a lot of support being like, I hate Vegemite too. I hate Vegemite too. But there might be other things. Hayley has called through on 131060. Good morning, Hayley.

Good morning, guys. Have you been accused of being un-Australian? Yes. I cannot stand a meat pie. Oh, that's a big one, Hayley. I know, meant to be true blue Aussie eat a meat pie. I cannot stand them. Wow.

Do you like sausage rolls? Not a big fan of them either, no. Chico rolls? No, not really. Do you like any sort of miscellaneous meat wrapped in pastry? Give me a spring roll, I don't mind. You're not Australian, not really. Do you like any sort of miscellaneous meat wrapped in pastry? Give me a spring roll. I don't know. You're not Australian.

Oh, no. But yes, no, cannot stand a meat pie. My partner loves them. He's going to turn into a meat pie, I swear to you, that many a day. Wow. I'm a true blue Aussie. I'm a true blue Aussie. But no, can't stand a pie.

You're on Dutton's deported list. Evidently. That's as good as Mel texts through and she said, I've been called an Australian because I like a true blue Aussie, but no, can't stand a pie. You're on Dutton's deported list. Evidently. That's as good as Mel texts through, and she said, I've been called un-Australian because I'm like a meat pie, but deconstructed. So she's taken the lid off. She's eating the guts with a spoon and then finishing with the pastry. People get very picky on how you eat the pie.

They do. We go to Dominique on 131060. Dom, have you been accused of being un-Australian? Yeah, I have, and I'm probably going to get shot down by a lot of people. Okay. I'm not a fan of VB. I call it vomit beer. I mean, VB stands for vomit beer.

The golden eggs, I call them the brown eggs. They come in those little brown bottles. Now, I'm not a beer drinker either, Dom, but I ask the beer drinker in the room, Ducco, isn't VB a bit of a joke? It is, but if you love your lager, you can get a VB. Every now and then there's aco. Isn't VB a bit of a joke? It is, but... People don't actually like it. If you love your lager, you can get a VB. Oh, you get round VB. Every now and then there's a time and place for VB.

Okay. But, I mean, to not like it at all, do you like, say, a 4X, Dom? Oh, no, I'm actually probably more Australian. I do love a U and I love it in a schooner. Oh, she makes up for it. You're not quite getting deported. Dom Dutton has reinstated your citizenship. Yeah, you're welcome to stay.

Thank you for being involved today. And let's wrap up with Sarah. Good morning, Sarah. Morning. So it's not you, but it's hubby. It is. Yeah, what's going on? Well, when I first met him, I noticed his shoes.

There's only certain types of shoes he would wear, but he never wore double plug-ins. He never wore a thong? He never wore a thong. Ever? No, and I was like, what's with the no thongs? He's like, I don't like them. He's like, I hate them. What does he wear instead?

Oh, he wears slides. He says that the rubber hurts his toes. Okay, in between his little toes, to be fair. See, is it funny? I don't know if I've co-opted the slide, but the slide feels very ethnic to me. It does, yeah.

Don't you think? Shago loves the slide. He does, and it's the most Italian I ever think he sees, the slide. Well, yes, my husband's Maltese. Oh, that makes sense. What is he, a Borg, a Mikalov? What is he, Vela? No, he's a Woodman.

I don't know what anything you're saying means. I'll just write it off the three most common Maltese. No, he doesn't like it. He's a Woodman. I would not have guessed Woodman. Is that like saying in Australia, is he a Smith? Exactly. A Smith or a Jones or a Brown.

Okay. Okay, but he's a Woodman. He's a Woodman. Okay. Yes. There you go. He's Australian in every other way, but just doesn't like a double plugger. To be fair, pluggers aren't comfortable. They are. I used to ride with them. Have you tried to run in a thong? Always just doesn't like a double plugger. To be fair, pluggers aren't comfortable.

They are. I used to ride with them. Have you tried to run in a thong? Always hard, then you pop the plugger. That's game over. You've got to do that bread clip hack. Yeah, oh, it doesn't work. See, there's a lot of things that can make you slightly un-Australian,

and let's hope Dutton doesn't get in. It's It Breakfast with Jess and Ducko. It is Friday. We keep talking about it. The Nelly ticket's coming up inside about 20 minutes' time now. Absolutely. But it's one of the best times of the week. We get to look back at the week that was.

And having those Nelly Tickets all week, the Cothod, call the fame of the day, people lift. Oh, they lift. And when the people lift, we lift. I haven't asked Babs. A rising tide rises all ships. That's not the saying, but you understand the premise. The ships rise and sink with the tide,

isn't it? No, it's something about when the water goes up, everyone goes up. And when the water goes down, everyone goes down. A rising tide lifts all boats. We are all boats. And when one of us lifts, we all lift. See? You get it. Now, is this diary this week good? It's a great diary, like every other week.

Hang on, now they're all just blending into one. Does this one stand out? I want some It's a great diary, like, every other week. Oh. Oh, hang on. Now they're all just blending into one. Yeah, come on. Does this one stand out? I want some to be, like, a bit average, but we go, oh, it wasn't okay. It was a good diary. Oh, this might be bad. I don't know.

How was your coffee date yesterday? Did you guys have fun? Yeah. Matcha. We've never had matcha once. I don't even know what matcha is. I just feel like matcha fits Babs' wheelhouse. Yeah, but she doesn't.

No, not really. I like a cappuccino. Oh yeah, big cappa girl. Big full cream cappa. Yeah, give me that sprinkle. I don't want to

snuff it out while we do the dinner. No way. Have you ever farted in front of a shower guy? No.

We did discuss it the other day. You've let one out in this room before though and just no one's heard it. She's got, I was going to say

something really insulting. What are you going to say? She's got, I was going to say something really insulting. She's loose, so when she giggles sometimes it just flies out. Well, it's Babs' excuse for being so loose for a tweet. You'll have to ask her. Anyway, let's look back at the diary.

You know, it happens to the best of us. You laugh and a little bit. Ah, butter chicken, good call. Good call, good call. Nice. Here's the diary. Well, what a week it's been with Jess and Ducko. Ducko revealed some huge baby news,

but there was some concern over how someone on the team would take it. We got given the due date. Yes. The due date. Hang on a minute. The due date. I know it's in April. Is April 15th.

Yeah! The same date. I knew it. The same date as your birthday. I knew it. It's also the day the Titanic sank. Is that day too? And the day Abraham Lincoln was assassinated.

It's a huge day in history. As if that day wasn't hard enough for me already. That day has just become an absolute shit show. I knew it. And I was like, come again? Did you say? To be fair, I, firstly, am very proud of you for remembering in the moment that that was my birthday. Well, you've drilled it into me now for about five years.

Incredible news, isn't it? Oh, my God. I'm just thrilled. I thought it could go two ways. You'll be very happy. You'll my god, I'm just thrilled. I thought it could go two ways. You'll be very happy, like, that's my day. Well, I can't have a go at your onboard show, can I?

It's no secret that some emojis have some naughty meanings. So to educate the rice cookers, we put two mums, Tony and Sarah, to the test. The eggplant emoji. Sarah. Tony. Peanut. Tony's in. Tony's Sarah. Tony. Penis.

Tony's in. Tony's in. Tony's on the board. Very quick. Well done. I know Sarah knew it as well. Shy guy. I need a very quick. Okay, great.

The next one. The next one. The peach emoji. Tony. Tony. Sarah. Tardig. The bum.

Tony. She's all over it. The next one. The taco emoji. Tony. Fucked. Tony. Sarah. Sarah. You're all over it. The next one, the taco emoji. Tony. Tony. Sarah. Sarah, you're a bit late. Tony, what did you get?

Okay, it's the female part. Good girl. I'll take it. What about this one? It is the emoji of corn. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Yep.

Porn. Yes, Sarah. Porn. You love yes, Sarah. Two of the most emoji illiterate ladies in the whole rice cooker community. You guys are amazing. Speaking of the eggplant emoji, Jess dug into the origins of the popular vegetable. The emoji keyboard was originally designed by a guy named Willem van Lacker. Okay.

He designed the bulk of the emoji characters to appear on Apple devices that would only appear on Japanese iPhones. Japanese eggplants are typically longer, thinner, and a bit more corkscrew shape than the eggplants we're used to. Okay. So when he designed the fruit and veg portion of the emoji keyboard, he looked up Japanese eggplant. Oh, I see. I'm looking them up now. They look... Oh, that makes

sense. They look very Johnson-like, don't they? Do you know, no, that looks fairly... That looks bigger than mine. So when you look... Because you made some... Eggplant for you. A run of salmon escaped from a fisherman over in Norway. Ducko asked me to find a sound effect

to reflect this, and I'll be honest, this is all I could find. Right now, though, duck fisherman over in Norway. Ducko asked me to find a sound effect to reflect this, and I'll be honest, this is all I could find. Right now, though. Ducking over to Norway. Well, we have a... Great part of the world. I've never been. I would like to go. But we have an absolute salmon crisis. What am I hearing there, Ducko? That's salmon.

That's the salmon sound effect. Is that you smacking a salmon against a wall? No, this is the salmon breaching. Listen. Look at them all come out. What do you mean? Like they're jumping up out of the water? So that is a salmon fish on the game Minecraft for those playing.

Oh, Jesus. Play the sting. That is so unfair. Sorry, Jess. That's just far too niche. Minecraft, Salmon. It's all you can find. Minecraft.

He was like, I've got Salmon sound effects in. Go for Salmon sound effects. All right. Go for Salmon. Copy Salmon. Go for Salmon. All right. Imagine if I hadn't played it before.

I go, Salmon. Oh. It sounds like a Salmon. It sounds wet. Yeah, it sounds wet. Oh, you reckon? Yeah, yeah. It sounds a bit salmon. It sounds wet. Yeah, it sounds wet. Oh, you reckon? Yeah, yeah. It sounds a bit naughty.

It does. Jess shocked us earlier in the week when she said she had never had Vegemite before. So naturally, we made her some Vegemite toast and forced her to eat it. Now just put it in your mouth. I don't want to. Because this could be you. You could be a Vegemite gal now. Oh, no.

You didn't even take a bite. Come on. Just take a bite. Just eat it. Just take a bite. It's not going to kill you. It's Vegemite. Stay out of it.

It's Vegemite. No. She took the tiniest, like a centimetre. I can't get out of my own head. It tastes like something's off. Oh, I just hit the back of my throat. Have a proper bite. Come on.

Come on. Just give it a... Yeah, there you go. That's a bite. That's a bite. Let it all rain in. I don't like it. I don't Come on. Just give it a... Yeah, there you go. That's a bite. That's a bite. Let it all rain in. I don't like it. I don't like it.

I don't want... Oh, I spat it out. Oh, God. That's going to linger on the tongue. It's just salt. How has that become the national spread of this country? It's delicious. That is not good.

We love our Vegemite. We all enjoy our Vegemite. We all enjoy our Vegemite. Well, that's it for this week. And remember, you're never too old to enjoy a beer. Just ask our oldest rice cooker, Edith, who turned 104. How old are you? 104.

104! Happy, happy birthday, Edith. Crazy. That is an amazing milestone. How are you going to spend today for your birthday? What's your favourite thing to do for your birthday? A beer and a club. A beer and a club.

I love it. What's your beer of choice, Edith? Are you a great northern girl, a two is new? 4X probably. 4X? Two is new? 4X probably. 4X? Two-e's new. Two-e's new.

You've got class. I feel like a two-e. See you next week, Rice Cookers. Jess and Ducko. It is Hit Breakfast with Jess and Ducko. Happy Friday and for the final time this week. Yo, what up? This your Dirty Nelly, aye? Oh.

It's getting hot in here. Turn your radio up. Oh. Yo, what up? This your Dirty Nelly, alright? This your Dirty Nelly, alright? It's your Dirty Nelly. We had five double passes to give away across this week. Every single day had a lot of fun. Sending people to his concert. One last double pass to give away. This is it. Great contentions as always.

Everyone's contributed so well. Already the vibes on a Friday are elite. But when you dangle something like seeing the one and only Nelly. Hot now. Which we learned this week, 50 years old. He looks good too. Real name, Cornell. Cornell.

Cornell. He looks hot too now. He's still got it. He has kept himself tidy. Excellent live performer. We couldn't go past someone just for about an hour ago, Ducko. Someone who supported me personally in my endeavour to prove I am Australian after I was accused of not being one when I said Vegemite is fermented garbage.

You don't like it. I do not like it. I cannot abide by it. You've got a lot of hate. A lot of hate. Refused to buy it for my daughter who is showing a preference for it. She loves Vegemite. I don't care.

And she's left-handed. Yes, she's left-handed. I literally tried to counteract that by force-feeding her Kalamata olives. Loved it. I went, all right, she's ethnic. It's fine. Okay, she's got it all in there. It's fine.

Maybe she just likes food? I don't know. Could she just have been hungry? That's on me. Parenting moment. Yeah, we did ask, how un-Australian are you? Have you been caught for being un-Australian? That's right.

And Hayley gave us something shocking. I cannot stand a meat pie. Oh, that's a big one, Hayley. I know. Meant to be true. Blue Aussie eat a meat pie. I cannot stand them. Wow.

Do you like sausage rolls? I'm not a big fan of them either, no. Chico rolls? No, not really. Do you like any sort of miscellaneous meat wrapped in pastry? Give me a spring roll. I don't mind. You're not Australian.

Oh, no. But yes, no, cannot stand a meat pie. My partner loves them. He's going to turn into a meat pie, I swear. He eats that many a day. Wow. Might be weird taking a meat pie as your plus one to the Nelly concert. Hayley can do

whatever she wants. Go see Nelly! Go see Nelly! Woo! Yeah, how good. To all the rice cookers, quick admin question for you. Yeah, yeah.

When we get something like five double passes, are they ten seats in a row? Like, will all the rice cookers get to co-mingle? Yeah, I think they are. What a vibe that'd be. It wouldn't take them

long to work out. How'd you get your tickets? I won them. I won them too. What a vibe that'd be. It wouldn't take them long to work out. How'd you get your tickets? I won them. I won them too. I won them too. I won them with Jess and Darko. Me too. Oh, my God.

Get to experience Nelly and meet some new besties. Oh, that would be fun. That's really fun. Imagine if the rice cookers didn't get along, two of them got into a fight and they all got kicked out. Oh, no. That'd be worst case scenario, I guess. Classic cooker behavior, though.

Classic cooker, though. They cook too hard. If there's a few rumbos there, you never know what'll happen. But hey, that is us done. If Nelly doesn't play grills, I'd start swinging, though. They cook too hard. If there's a few rumbos there, you never know what'll happen. But, hey, that is us done. If Nellie doesn't play grills, I'd start swinging punches, too. I'd go nuts. If Kelly Rowland doesn't come out texting off XL, I'd be upset as well. I want to hear about the dilemma.

Yes. But that's us done for the week. If you missed any of it, grab the podcast on Listener or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back next week. We've got just a regular co-fod. That's right. I'm so used to calling it a co-fod now.

We've just got a regular cough. Cough. Call of fame. Yes. Still going to have a lot of fun. We both have huge weekends ahead. Huge weekends. At very different ends of the spectrum.

You are trying to survive your parents being here. Yep. And you are trying to survive being MC, best man, basically wedding coordinator for your besties. Wish us luck. Wish us luck. Wish us luck. Wish us all luck. Charga, wish us luck. You've got it.

What are you doing this weekend? I've got a Bucks party. Whoa! Hang on a minute. You cannot tell us this right before nine on a Friday. What's the outfit? How many gimp suits are we rolling around? No gimp suits.

I don't really know what the activities are. Is there a Facebook group or something? Have you seen any of the messages? There's a group chat. How many blokes are going? I think there's like seven. Are you one of the coordinators? No, I'm just a participant.

Oh, seven is intimate. Who's this person? A friend of yours? Friend. Yeah, but there's like our friend group and then some of his friends that are combining. How are you going to go to Bucks? I know you don't drink. So will you pretend to be drinking?

Will you just be like, I won't be drinking? I just feel like when we usually go out. Yeah, right. Just have half and cradle it. Yeah, cradle it. Act drunk. Yeah. Are you going to smoke bomb or are you going to stay until the break of dawn? I don't know. We're staying in Sydney. I just feel like when we usually go out. Yeah, right. Just have half and cradle it. Yeah, cradle it, act drunk. Yeah.

Are you going to smoke bomb or are you going to stay until the break of dawn? I don't know. We're staying in Sydney, so. Oh, is it a weekend thing? It's just a Saturday night thing. Yeah, well, two night box parties. Too hard. Are you having to bunk with someone or will you just. Not sure yet.

We have got. Shoof off home. We have got a three bedroom place. Oh, you'll be bunking, mate. Yeah, yeah. Seven boys in a three bedroom. Let's do the maths on that. Well, not everyone's staying.

I just don't know the numbers. So are you a groomsman? I can see shy guy going. No. numbers. I can see shy guy going. No. Okay. I can see shy guy going, I'll take the couch. I don't want to sleep in a bed. Honestly, yeah, sharing a bed with a grown man is a tough carry.

Especially if you're not that close with them. Well, I like to tap out early, so I'll probably just be back at the room and no one will still be out. So what's the plan? What's the plan? I don't know the plan. You don't know anything? The best man knows the plan.

How much was it? Surprise for all of you. It's a couple hundred, but it's been translated in a couple of different increments. Like for this, for this, for this, but I don't know what this and this and this is. Yeah, okay. There are always a let down box parties from what I'm hearing. A couple hundred. I mean, it's probably a lot more in the night.

It'll either be a long lunch somewhere and then a pub somewhere else where there's a little bar tab. I think Casino will end up at. There's got to be some gambling money. Well, you forced Babs to go at $8.40 this week for her blog, which was out of the depths of the morning into the sunlight. She drilled it. So we'll put Shy Guy down tentatively for an $8.40 recap.

I want to hear a Monday Bucks recap. Shy Guy's the python out in Sydney. Look out, ladies. Are you going to be looking for some? It's not the Loch Ness in Sydney Harbour. It's Shy Guy. It's just Daddy Guy. She hasn't swum down from Scotland.

It's just Shy Guy. Okay. Here it Guy. She hasn't swum down from Scotland. It's just Shy Guy. Okay. Here it comes. Maybe that's all the sightings. It's not Loch Ness. It's just one Scottish dude with a giant dong. It's Shy Guy's uncle. Uncle Guy.

Is that all? Are we done? That was my Scottish accent. That was fantastic. Thank you so much. It wasn't bad. Thank you so much. I'll give you a wrap on Monday.

Look at that Loch Ness. That ain't Loch Ness. That's me, Puckage. Anyway, we're done. I think we're out of here. You can tell. Hey, have the best weekend. Whatever you're doing, be safe.

Be cunt. God bless. So nice. Bye. Bye. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Macca's Fiery News Spicy Chicken McRath is even more reason for a Macca's run.