Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | That may have been my fault...

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

An old band member returns to the show, Spotify wrapped it out and Producer Shy Guy takes us off air!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new macho range is here at the cafe. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo podcast. Podcast, fuck yeah. Recall the power. We live in the day yet. Podcast, fuck yeah. Well, you're in for a real treat today.

Would you say treat? Yeah. Is treat the right word to describe today's show? Well, see, I thought the first couple of hours of the show were actually straight fire. I thought we'll spend some great stuff. With 12 shows to go, I'll be honest with you, Ducco, I didn't realize I was holding back. But I realized I've got to unleash your shackles. Yeah.

Because I want to leave a lasting taste in your mouth. Like a fire. You would tick on my tonsils, do you? I want to tick all your tonsils. Because once you abscond, as of December 19, I want to leave like a lasting imprint. Yes, I like that. You know, like an ex that's just fucked you up for all future relationships. It's like, oh, that's always going to be there.

Absolutely. But I want it on your face. So every time you see in the mirror, every time you look in the mirror, you can't help but think of me. I get it. So I've been unleashing. And then shy guy took us off air. Yeah, Shiger took us off air for 40 minutes. Yep.

You'll hear it in the show today. We're not lying. Slippery guy. He's slippery water boy. You won't hear much of it, but you'll hear the show will be a bit different. Yeah. So when he spilled water, I went through the... Tipped his...

Bro, I can't. I'm sorry. We can push on. The best thing is well. Okay. So we've had it from 8 o'clock. Water went a damn. and fucked us till 840.

Babbson is on the phone to the tech. Babs and I then working out what to do. Jess is obviously filming everything for content so we get a lot of DMs. Exactly. Jockers there going, oh God, I fucked it all up. I was talking to other engineers.

And no one can fix it. Then we come back in after 40 minutes of it all being fucked and then Jess's headphones weren't working and she gets new headphones and she's like, I cannot work in these conditions. Ducco, you're the one fucking leaving.

I'm the one staying and I have to deal with this shit. I can't. I'm sorry, I shouldn't let it affect. We should be professionals. And to be fair, the tech thing couldn't work beyond that. You were trying to go on air and then just looping yourself. And that was like, you remixed with Ray, remixed with double Ray and double ducko.

And then a ding set out of effect. Make sure you put a little bit of that in Shadry. I'll have to see because I don't know what was recorded and what wasn't. Oh, fair enough. So I'll have to have it. I'll try and put as much as I can for the right. We couldn't push beyond that. But in some really sad news.

I can't push beyond these either. the headphones that have been provided because the ones we did have are no longer made, I can't, I can't, I can't. I've been looking up some options for you. Babs, and be honest with me, I don't think I've made that many demands in this role. I don't think you could call me

a diva. Besides the 19 freezing studio temp, it's the one thing I kind of like put my foot down. I'm going, I'm fucking there are a wig out. I wonder if you'd get used to if you just push through. Hannah, I'm going to ask, oh, we're going to do it on air. At least a podcast.

I'm taking my mom. me. Fuck you. Why? Because I need them. You already knew that was coming. No, I'm not. That's S-E-A property.

Fuck you, that's mine. Give them to me now. This is scary. You didn't use this shit. I've been looking at yours. You're not sounding like a deeper at all. Mother. No, this is a very valid crash out.

No, yeah. Thank you. It's wiggin me out. They gave this as a gift. They're a bullshit gift. Wait, I missed it. What? That was sarcasm.

Oh. Oh. And you were like, And you were like, thank you, Susan. I thought you were like the music person who respected audio quality. No, no, I understand. Don't worry about it. I'll fucking deal with it on my own.

Did I'm not sit here? Babs has been looking up some stuff. When you're on the phone, she was like... With similar, like, shape and... We'll get you some. We'll find some. Give me yours. Mine already on the way out too.

Bullshit. I don't see any phrase of yours. Remember, I had to get something replaced in it and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going first. They're that good, aren't they? You lose my headphones. They're fucking good.

They're not yours at the workplace. They gave them to me. Do bullshit they gave it to you. What does that mean? You know, we all get given them on the way in? You don't get given them. It's yours to work with while you're here, not as a present. Why are you getting angry at me?

Because I want them so bad. I can't deal with this man. I can't believe how much it's wigged me out today. Anyway, someone continue. Do you have any recommendations for jazz? Yeah, we'll find you some headphones. You also may as well get some brand new ones that are they going to last because he's not even lasted like another couple of months.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm using where I'm going, but I... Because you're on TV. You don't even need headphones, do you? You don't use headphones on TV. Mark Beretta never used headphones. How long were you thinking about asking that question about the headphones? Genuinely.

So mine, I think I told you about these fraying issues. What would you reckon that? Two weeks ago. And I thought I could maybe fix them. And when I say myself, I thought my husband could have a go with different components of things. Another court. Is it the core? That's the problem.

That's what... Partly it started as the court and now the actual... Things come off. Now that has now caused the issue. You can try get the text to... So, yes, for about two weeks. I've been busy today. For two weeks, I've been looking at you going,

how do I say, not now? You can finish your tenure with them. Yeah, thank you. But don't take them. But I knew I was like, they're too good and they're not made anymore. Also, like, so maybe he won't want them. I'm the same as you.

I get weigued out from those ones. I hate them. And that's why I thought you would, you would care about my plight. Well, I also care about my future too. Delete this. if it's too obvious, but you just had an experience which proved how much budget you have to work with moving forward. You know I am up against it moving forward. Help the brother out.

Anyway, I'll leave that little nugget with you. Yeah, leave it with me. See how we go. I'll leave it with you. You've already broken my heart. You've dumped me just unceremoniously. The least you can do is help my ears, the least you could do. But let's, yeah, okay. Let's see what Babs can find and then we'll just see how it goes. I also have just looked at why you like these ones and it's because they're a semi-open ear headphone. I don't know what that means. They're not noise cancelling.

They're not fully like. Yes, the noise cancelling is the issue. They still allow for some spatial noise. They sit over your ears, not on your ears, not over your ears. Yes, all of this field is. We can find something. Trust. You know, where we can find some.

Let's see, we've got two minutes to the left. We got distracting back. We can get real new ones. Hey, yeah, that's what I'm doing. I genuinely don't want new ones. I want what I know. But mine are. You want to remember, mine are the same age as yours.

So they're, like, not long. To be honest, I think one are older. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to. But who knows. I don't even know who's had, who had yours before. Well, these are brand new. I got given them.

Were they brand new set? So that means I've got their two years newer than mine. Yeah, well. You might get warranty. You get a new pair too. My actual, my one broke, my one broke a Shawnee B. That's right. Your court's gone fast.

And I fucking lost it. And everyone was like, oh, just come down. Yeah, so you know, I totally relate. Yeah, yeah. You get it. Yeah, I got given this. Such a wig out. It is a wig out.

So between the crash out of the tech and this, today's not been a great day. No, it's not horrible that. I just want to test them out. I'm sorry. The issue is talk to yourself now. Yeah, it just sounds more like, yeah, dull. It sounds more dull. Dull is the right.

Do you need the volume on? Shall I want to, oh, fuck it. Can you fiddle on louder or like lower? Dun, duh, yeah. It's not the same. It's different. Yeah, it's certainly different. It's probably better for your hearing, to be completely fair.

Oh, but see, I feel like hearing is fine. When you hear yourself, though, which does feel like a wig out to people not in audio. Oh, man, it's completely different. Oh, yeah, I wonder if those ones are the massive one that almost look, like clothy around the side would be better, you know. Let's have a look. Let's see what we can get and we'll just go from there, you know? Otherwise, I know you were working on your wills recently. Have you worked into your will?

J.S. Farch gets my headphones. You're going to have these in my will. Thank you. I mean, what's going to happen? You're going to kill me on my last day. I wouldn't put that past you. Oh, Ducco's slipped off the building and fell. No, no, you know what I do?

Keep my hands clean. I just offer Babs $1,000. I reckon she'd do it for a... She'll see her eyes just light up. She will. You've got a hook. Would you kill me for a grand, Babs? Oh, I didn't hear the first part of the first $1,000 that I went, oh.

You have to kill me. How much to hit, man, duck. How much to kill me? 10. What's my price? 10 grand? Cash. Oh.

No tax. Oh, nah. Still need a little bit more. All right. 25. Oh, you're getting close. Oh. How much is a regular?

A regular hit. Oh, 50, 60K. I'd say. Done a couple in his time. You can go half price at the moment. Yeah, yeah. Black Friday, sad. Okay, how would you...

If you had to kill me, like what would be your strategy? Would you poison me or would you try and actually make it look like an accident? Oh, I don't know. What would he fall for that you could lure him in? Like, for me, you would put attempting, you know... Pasteur or pizza. And I would eat the poison. Whereas, you know, he's not eating a donut that just appears on the death.

I think I would just say, like, come over here, Docker and you... I was something to show you. And I would just push him off a cliff. Oh, push. Hi, Babbs. You are. You are very trusting. You are very trusting.

I'll be like, holy shit. Look at this meme. And then we're just next to a clip. And I'd be like, bye. I'm like, Babs, we're in the same Spotify music genre. No, but make sure, Babs, he's not wearing their headphones at the time. If they go over the cliff, you get no payment. As he's falling, I'm like, give me a headphones.

We're on a headphones. He's gone. He's gone. I couldn't hear that. I'm not wearing my head, back. Oh, you're missing out on some good gear. Are you doing, splatting.

He's what? Splatting. Splatting. Like, there you go. I thought he said slutting. I was like, damn. That too. He survived for the fall.

Slutting. I'll land on my feet. I'm like, fuck you, Babs. You'll never get their head by. Just walk off. Dust yourself off. Oh, anyway. But anyway, what a show.

Yeah, as you can tell. Tensions are. 11 tomorrow. 11 tomorrow. Yes, after we just discussed how you guys would kill me to take my headphones. But on your last show. Yeah, of course. I'm not going to kill you early.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, great. He's going to start paying the new guy early. Well, Sean even said the new guy was messaging him during the show. Yeah, yeah. It's almost been an illusion. Yeah, but he doesn't give anything away. No, you shouldn't have really said that on there. You know who, yeah.

You're already, you took the news off. Wait, wait, we're getting a new guy. Good, Babs, good. Yeah, yeah. No, Jace was going to tell me when he told them. Oh. Yeah. So just stopped talking.

Yeah, that was actually. That was bad, actually, I'm going to say that after you took the desk off here with water. Yeah. Just from bad to worse. Like I said, I just won't come in tomorrow. You should buy me a treat now. Yeah. Oh, well, it's Diary Day.

The Diary Day. Why don't he just do the diary and you just go home? I always offer to buy your dream. You always say no. Well, today I'm going to accept. It's like when me and Babs were going to got shots. And I was like, I'll buy them. She's like, what?

No, you don't have to? I was like, shut up, Babs. As she just puts her phone and wall it away. Thank you. Oh, sorry. Of course I was going to buy the shots. It's like when I took him out for a cookie. Who do you reckon paid for the cookies?

Well, but he also filmed your content. No, but that wasn't SpongCon content. That was me trying to be a nice person and promote a charity. You've been nice too. Thanks, man. Thank you so much. We're so generous. We're so generous to our children.

That's what it's like. Cookies and shots. Very different parenting styles. When you wake up, it's Jess and Tucko. Stop what you're doing and listen. You know I got the shit that you like. There's only one show to wake up for you. I'm not that easy to hang.

Jess. And the truth is, I've put my pets. I trust that a fart and I should got to. I ain't got to explain. You either spit or you swallow, but in life you need to make a decision. Got him going insane. Yeah, shy guy. Too proud and too stubborn.

Fast. I was actually going to wear a little heel. I'm not funny. I'm funny. I'm funny being an adult. Well, yeah, talk it. This is Jess and Taco. Yes, it is.

Welcome, welcome to it, but stop everything. Spotify Rapp Day. Babs' biggest day of the year. She has been so disappointed. Shy Guy rolling in early this week going Spotify Raps, Spotify Rapp, but only like, was it influencers or who did you say was getting it first? Europeans were getting it. And Babs was like, well, I'm going to book a flight.

I'm going to do that. Just so I can get in a different postcode. Well, today's your day. Australia. now gets access. It's a little tab on your Spotify account. It goes through your most... You'd be listening to us, but...

Obviously. Is our podcast on Spotify? It is, yeah, you can go on Spotify. It could be in someone's podcast, right? It's actually where I listen to our podcast if I listen to that. Do you? Oh, here I am over on the listener app. Will the listener app give me a wrapped?

I hope so. We did do a rap. It's last year, I think. But the listener app can do anything. Absolutely it can. But there you go. If we are your platform of choice, is Spotify's your platform of choice. Yep. Please send us some screenshot.

Babs, did you wake up this morning and just fly out of bed? I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm and I was like, no, not yet, don't look. The spidey sense was tingling. Were you happy? We're going to unpack it a bit later in the show. Were you happy, though?

Yes. I feel like it's not what I thought it was going to do. Isn't that? That's an interesting question, Docco. Were you happy? It's like, you kind of have to be. It's only coming out with what you've done the past 12 months.

It's not like you could have done anything else to influence it other than what you were doing. Yeah, that's true. Are you happy with yours? You're making your way through your stats. I'm halfway through because you guys are all doing it. I didn't know what was out. Yeah, my actually top artist and song surprised me.

But, I mean, Rufus is obviously just all throughout mine. But yeah, I mean, mine's pretty what I thought it would be, what it usually is. Mine isn't, but it's only getting, the descent is getting deeper. Into kids stuff. Into children's music. I can't wait for one particular stat. Yes. You are going.

I think it's going to tickle you pink, one particular. stat. I look, and it's not the fact that the Wiggles is my top honors, but I got a personalized message. I don't think anyone else would get it from Lucia Wiggle and Simon Wiggle saying, thanks so much for making us your top. Yeah. When you get the personalized messages, you go, I am keeping the Wiggles very well paid

with their two cent royalties or whatever they get. I had a few from podcasts. And they're basically NFL podcasts. And they're like, hey, you're in our top listeners. It's so funny. I don't go to Spotify for my pods. Yeah, you go to Apple Podcast. Oh, either on the listener app, of course, or the old school.

Is it Apple the purple? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that Apple? Yeah, I can't even realize. Yeah, because you sent me one the other day on that, and I never use that. Oh, there you go. Were you like, I'm not listening to this. Send me the Spotify.

I do listen to it on that. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I normally just do it on. It's telling, isn't it, when you get links from people? Yeah. I don't just do it on Spotify. It's like if someone sends you a song on Apple music and you're like, you pay. That's shy guy.

He's saying he can't do his Spotify rap because he's not on. We'll release theirs earlier this week, so it's the same thing. How'd you go, man? Yours been pop-y as all hell. I'll tell you, like, dead of a pop girl. Oh, what a tease. He's not going to tell us now, Do you know. Yours is, I woke up and I went, I don't know what shy guy is listening to.

You'll find out later. Oh, my God. Hey, hey, enough silliness. Oh, yeah, yeah, enough talking about. Yeah, yeah. It's another momentous day in our countdown. Yes, it is. Twelve to twelve days to go, doggie.

Twelve to twelve to twelve. Very good time. Twelve, uh. 12 shows, 12 days. 12 shows, 12 days. It's pretty. This is it. We're tickling 10.

I know. Which is then single digits. We are flirting with 10. Which is then proper cry town. I know. How many days do you reckon we'll cry like in that last week? It's five to go. Four to go.

I'm doing obviously a lot of catch-ups. It's Christmas. It's that time a year. And every catch-up someone brings up the breakup video. Yeah. That obviously did very. It did well. a lot of views on our social media.

If you didn't hear it live, you saw the video. And even if you did hear it live, people have gone back and watched the video. It's like torture porn, you know, how people go and look at these things that make them upset. Everyone wants to talk. Is this Shagga watching that video? Everyone wants to talk about the breakup video and everyone tells me when Ducco started. And then when you started and if Ducco didn't get me, then you got me and then Shack I brought me back because he wasn't emotional. But, yeah, so everyone's talking about it, which is reopening the wound.

I thought I'd healed. And now it was just a scar. People have been like, where are you going? What are you doing? What are you going? You're getting 20 questions. Yeah, yeah. I'm getting, you okay?

I'm like, yes. Wydley dump you. Were you not good? We did have one person reply, and I don't think he realizes, I check the DMs. And he wrote, I think thinking you would see it going, be honest, stucco, is it because of Jess? And I wrote back, rude, Brad, rude. Brad. I just go, and I replied on to that, yes.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, oh, goodness. Anyway, 12, bro. 12 to go. 12 to go. Hey, we're going to have fun for these 12. Absolutely, we are.

I mean, today alone is a fun show. We've got Alfa Bucks for 10K. We've got Lady Gaga. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got Proudo Pover. Yeah, that's fine. We've got Wedioki. We're bringing back an alumni.

We're bringing back a fallen member. We're bringing back a fallen member. And I am so excited. The old shy guy. I don't want to say to shame her, Ducko. Ah, you will. But... I don't back her in this.

She has made the most outrageous claim since Babs said she could fit her whole fist in her mouth. No claim has rattled me more than producer snooze. And I saw the photo of Babs doing that. She can do that. And to be fair, Babs then backed it up. Yeah, yeah. The skill matched the claim.

Yeah. Producer Snooze said something on her TikTok. Only play that If she succeeds That'll be after 7 o'clock She is going to join the show The OG listeners We'll remember snooze

Yeah yeah yeah She's a delight She's carved out some time For her old pals Our old pals, JT Yeah it's gonna be some good Yeah something We're gonna put it to the sword

And I reckon she's gonna Oh and we need the rice cookers help Yeah we do For that So stick around for that If you would like to shame Bats snoo Not Bats

I got my blondes mix up Oh no Babs God Babs and Shire I don't like that we're getting on the old. It's like getting on your ex-girlfriend. Actually, yeah, how do you feel about that show? I'm getting the old EP.

Fine. It's fine. She's killing it with the morning show. That's fine. She's doing well. She's gone on to bigger and better things. She's producing TV shows. I've thought about it.

Don't leave me as well. Maybe you can help me with my new gig. I'm the new barretta on, so on us. I think they're very good at sports reporting, man. Joking. Joking. Don't everyone is already thinking, Matt. 99% of the people.

I'm not. Is it not sunrise? Certainly not. Not TV. Hey, big show though, team. Up next, we're going to talk about,

well, Babs wants to talk about some stolen stuff from a French farm. That's right. We're going to go to France. I feel like I've been to Italy a lot this week. I think it's time.

We pay their visit to the French. They're getting in all we're not visiting them. I know. They're getting jealous. Why do you keep going to eat pasta? Come and eat some bloody frog legs. Jess and daco.

Jez and daco. Bonjour. Good to be in Jose. But we're here for difficult to reason. Oh, no. Don't tell me something going on with the Louvre. No, the Louvre's fine. They've updated.

Have you seen their chart? They've up their prices to charge people because they've had to get a new security system. As in like admission just for the random. Yeah, for the plosos. So the little person suffers because four blokes robbed the loop. That's not my fault. I don't even know if the others were caught. Yeah, what ended up happening there?

I don't know. That went underground, didn't it? Oh, Derek. And they're being tortured for information. I think this is worse than the Louve. It's been worse than 150 million. euros. Well, thieves have stolen $151,000 worth of snails from a snail farm in northern France. This is Babs walking. What are we listening to you? This is me and Shagga walking in mud.

It's a snail eating. It's a very sensitive microphone. This is the snail-snailing. I actually like that sound. It's a bit ASMR-y. And this is a snail eating. Or... What's it eating? Or this is Shaga after six people. Yeah. It's eating leaves.

Couldn't tell you the diet of a snail? Yeah. Well, leaves, yeah. That was more the domain of a caterpillar. I don't know. I don't know what snails eat, to be honest either. Snail expert men. You might have Google.

I mean, let's use one of our computers. We have got encyclopedias at our fingertips. They eat plants, fruits and vegetables. They also consume algae, fungi and decaying organic matter. Yeah, they love that. Have you eaten a snail? That don't taste very good. No, I've dined at the iron.

Myrtle Tower restaurant. Yes. And I'm pretty sure frog legs were on the menu. Yep. And I do like to immerse myself in culture, but I had to draw the line. Yeah, you don't. I was like, I'm not doing that. Snail, no way.

I had snail when I was over there. No way. No, yeah, I didn't like it. It tastes like this. It tastes like that sounds. Yeah, it does. Are they chewy? Yeah.

Do you remember a bit chewy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. It's kind of like an oyster. Yeah, a little bit. Oh, God. But yeah.

Anyway, we go to. to Leszot de Grants, Cousin, near Remus, which is the site that has been robbed of the entire stock of fresh and frozen snails. It's a real blow ahead of the holiday season. The entire stock, they have wiped out this one business. They broke into the farm on Monday night, cutting a border fence before breaking into the farm building. Obviously, security was low, as we know, all security in France seems to be quite low.

But you know what? They used the password, snail. Ah, got them. They tried Louvre. That didn't work. They went, no, no, we've got to apply the same method. Ah, snail. We've gained entry.

A complaint was in the fight with police later in the week. It took them three days to realise. To realize there's no snails left in the farm. Someone's over. He's like, we should check on the snails ahead of the holiday. Oh, God, they're gone. Do you have a value? So you said $150,000.

That's the dollar. That's the Australian dollar. So it's 90,000 euro. How many actual snails is that? Oh, it doesn't say. Like, how much does a snail set you back? I imagine, you know, like, prawns you can get frozen prawns in a bag, because it's frozen snails, you get in a bag, it's fresh snails.

I don't know. There'd have to be thousands in there. Yeah, like a couple bucks a snail. Yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to Google it. Yeah. How much is one snail worth? They usually cooked in garlic butter and wine before being extracted from their shell.

That's what makes them taste better. Ah, okay. So they take on the flavours of what they're cooked in. So we had an Aussie sea rise in oyster sales over Christmas. The French sea rise in snail sales. For the festive feast. For the festive feast. So mum up puts a lasagna on the table.

whereas the French mamas are putting snails. Snail, exactly. Lasagna, snails or oysters. So you get about 1.2 tons of snails for 150K. 1.2 ton, that is a lot of snail. This is not a spur of the moment. They would have to plan this thing out. Do you reckon they just got like a few bags

and just chucked them in there, put them over their shoulder? Do you know how to Ford Everest? Good boot space. Great car. Can you get 1.2 ton of snails in there? It makes you have the raptor. You just be chucking snails in that tray.

You know? Oh, but risky with the open, you know. They could fly right. Oh, we have a cover on the Raptor. Oh, very good. Forward, getting you where you need to go, always. Anyway. Whether it be you or your snail loot.

That's the rest of the tagline, isn't it? So the reason I just can't see French people driving forwards. I don't know why. It just doesn't fit. I can't see them driving Utes. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? They're all be driving like tiny little Persios.

Or Renault, I guess, French brand. Now, this French farm supplies restaurants including the Michelin-Stat Le Crosse in Rimas, as well as Delicantreterter Cere, to private. clients. I'm familiar with them. I believe that just was delicate to private clients. Did you read an English word? I made it French.

Why wouldn't you? You're part French. I can't help it. I just can't help when the accent comes on. You're bilingual. Sometimes your brain just slips into French. So anyway, photos have showed this farm. The shelves are pretty much empty.

There's no products left. A whole section of Finnish products was stolen from the store and a raw material stock from the laboratory as well. It was the end of year. They've got no more snails. They can't replenish. They're going to lose all their money for the holiday season. A very unmery Christmas.

It's horrible, isn't it? But once again, when you steal that many snails, surely snails go off. Like, do you have to eat them or sell them? True, because only some of them were frozen. And even then, have you got industrial freezers to keep them from? What have we talked about transporting frozen goods? It's difficult. Goodness, mate.

The Raptor can do a lot of things. It can't keep snails frozen. Speaking of truthfully, frozen goods. You know what someone asks? me that one of my mates asked me genuinely about transferring my embryos that we've got that of frozen. He's like, can't you just put them in an esky and take him up

with you? Oh, just put them in your carry-on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and just take it with you? I was like, I don't think it worked with that. You're obviously not in science, are you? I think we need to spare a thought for how far some accountants are having to go in the line of duty. Like, you think you put your body

on the line for our little radio show? You've got nothing. Nothing on the accounts? American accountants, okay? I'm not sure if Aussie accountants will have to do the same come our tax time, but that's obviously July, end of financial year. I think over in America, maybe they do it a little bit differently because this story is going around about the IRS, the internal revenue service. It's like our ATO.

Yeah, I'm familiar. You're familiar with the IRS. I think it's featured in enough movies and TV shows. The IRS has come out saying, because of Trump's new bill where he's done this whole reform about no tax on tips. We know that Americans have the big tip culture, particularly in service industries. You go at a bar or a restaurant.

They're base salaries, traditionally a bit low. They rely on tips. You leave 10 bucks, 15 bucks. Trump enacted. No tax on tips. You get to keep everything you've earned with tips. We only tax your salary. Because of that, the IRS now have to get involved

with things like Only fans, because that also has a tip option. In essence, you pay your subscription for only fans and the creator gets money. But if you really like what Shy Guy's putting out, you can tip him 15, 20 bucks.

You could even tip him a hundred bucks and ask for a specific request. So that technically... I'll see Shaggo walking through snails. That technically would count as a tip ducco. So if he doesn't declare it, the IRS

has to go and watch his contest. to make sure, well, what category does he fall under? Does he fall under the no tax on TIBS? Or is he just earning money and he should pay tax? So now they have to go through. So what kind of content? 4.6 million creators are on Ely fans. There's two seating guys in the corner.

Gary and Nigel like, oh, we'll do it. We'll do it. We can do it. We put our hand up for the assignments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do it for sure. So they have to rifle through because only fans also, it's not just shy guys. purenosed.

Yeah, yeah. You can do lifestyle stuff on Onlyfans. Oh, do you? You can do... I thought Only fans was all just... I don't think anyone's doing regular stuff. Yeah, what's lifestyle? What Only fans are you on?

Your lifestyle part. You're on the gardening only fans. But there is, there is genuinely because Only fans, it wasn't technically made as just sexy stuff. Yeah, they stopped it for a month and then realised they made no money and they stopped. Yeah, only fans is meant to be just that fans of specific things. So if I do have expertise in The Garden, Ducco, then maybe you'd like to subscribe to my gardening channel. Yeah, I would love to.

But just the way the world has gone, more people are doing sexy things. The top paid categories, adult-orientated formats, feet picks, sexy things. And gardening. So if I claim I don't need to pay tax, even whether I'm showing my boobies or just showing you how to hoe a garden, I'm going to be watched by the high island. Absolutely. My little ho. See, I clicked on Ho Garden and I was like,

this is not what I thought it was. I'm not getting a tip from Ducko. That's what a ho is. Everything's been a lot. I better leave us some money. Jess and Ducko Proud. Oh-oh.

Jess and Ducko's proud or POV. Ducko's going to give us a couple of topics. We get to decide definitively if it's something we should be proud about. Or POV about. Or something that is POV-0-4-8-18-1069. Get involved. Happened with my mates the other day, this one.

I thought this was a high-risk manoeuvre. Now, 18 to 24-year-old doco would have done this every time. But now, but more mature, I get too anxious about it. Okay. You're looking at it with different eyes. Yes. Not paying for parking when you park a spot you need to. Like, I never used to do it, and I've got that many tickets in my time.

There's nothing worse than coming back and having an $80 or $120 fine. Sometimes they're even more steep. When you could have paid $2. When you could have paid you, to be fair these days, it's like $6 half the time, or $7. It's ridiculous. But with the app now, it's not like you need to have coins. You don't even need to have your card. No.

I think it's Pov. I think the risk of not paying, even if it's $6 to $10, risking a $90 to $110 fine, I reckon that's the definition of Pov. Yeah, Pov, Shagai. If you get away with it, though. If you get away with it, it is a great group, pretty proud. Because me and my mates all went out to breakfast, there was three cars of us. Two of us pay for parking.

One didn't. And we're like, hope they get a fine, no fine. Was the car in sight? Yeah. Because if the car's in sight, it wasn't in sight, proud. But then you're just constantly looking. Looking at it. But then, and then that didn't get a fine.

We came back. The joke was on us. I paid my $80 breakfast and then my $7 for parking. Yeah. Yeah. And it's an alpha move and you can nail it. I think it's Pov. I get too stressed about it.

Yeah, I can't see you doing it. How do you enjoy your breakfast if you're just now constantly thinking? That's true. I might get a fine. That's true. And off the eight bucks is worth it. A few texts rolling in. They're all saying.

Pove. Pove. What about this one. I did this for bands, right? But this happened when we're at our Christmas party. I don't know if it was you with me, Jess, or it could have been Babs. Was it pre or post tequila shots?

Pre, I believe. Oh, okay, so it might have been me. Someone came up in a Chiefs jersey. And I said, oh, how many of the Chiefs? They just lost today. How long was that for player ramifications? And the guy goes, work? Work.

Work? Like, he didn't know anything about the sport. It's similar to the band. It's a band shirt. wearing a team's jersey and you do not follow that sport or even follow that team. I just, to me, it's disgusting. Oh, see, I want to say it's about fashion. He likes the red and yellow.

He liked the look of it. His face looked at me like I was like accusing him. Like you were an alien from another planet. But this is the issue with wearing anything branded like that. It's going to spark conversation. If you don't want to have those conversations, I think it's Pov. You shouldn't be wearing it. Thank you.

Agreed. I think it's positive. Yeah, okay, good. I'm glad we're on that. What at this one? That was so funny. It was so funny. Because then he's made, he was in no gear,

with like, oh, the Cowboys and actually could talk. He's like, don't listen. This guy doesn't know he's doing. This guy just stared at me. He did look good in red, though. Red was his colour. Okay, what about this one? Going to like a, let's say, it's a barbecue,

you're catching up and you need to bring a salad. You go to a salad place that does salads or whatever. You buy a salad. You plate it yourself and you roll in and say, I made this. salad. As long as you put it in your own dish, proud.

I'm proud of that too, or even a cake. I used to do that with boyfriends. Like if they would come over for lunch or dinner, I would get, because I wasn't confident in my cooking. And if my mum didn't have time. God, how far you've come. How far I've come. But yes, I remember putting things on nice dishes and then being very impressed.

I made this salad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm proud. I would say proud, I think. I think, Pov. Says the guy who's never cooked a salad to bring. into a barbecue in his life. We're split on the text line.

People coming in saying Pov and Pratt. It's right down the middle. It's right down the middle of that one, but still. And what about this one? I know where. I know where I think two of the members of the team will stand. Leaving dishes out to soak. Oh, my.

Pop! No, they've got to soak sometimes. Leaving dishes out is Pove, I think. It's put in the dishwasher, I leave it. Well, not all of us have dishwashers, but yeah. Pove. Pop. No, but, like, sometimes, like, I left two things out to soak last night.

What were they? No. You just need to try harder. We've cooked curry. Algo grease. Yeah. But we'd wake the baby, carls of the curry. What a sponge?

The rice cooker that we actually use for our rice and rice stuck to the bottom. I was like, well, I best let that soak. Does it work? Does it work? No, you know what works, shy guy? The soaking works. Do you know what works? Leaving it, that then Morgan gets frustrated and does it herself.

He does it in morning. That's the key of letting things soak. I think he's proud of that. A lot of text rolling in? No! Yes! Jess and Ducco. Right now, Ducco, you wouldn't think that a two-year-old would have too much in common with a grown man.

But we found a common link between my daughter and one of our mates the other day. Oh, not Angus. I thought it was like that there was a common between daughter and father. No, no. I mean, she is a carbon copy of her father. They've got a lot in common. But no, this is someone not related by blood. Okay.

Angus was sharing with one of his mates. I said he's mid-30s. He's a colleague. He was sharing something amusing that Lucia did in the shower. Now, Angus wasn't there, but I sent him a photo. And I think there might have even been a phone call at the time that had happened. Because we're in the apartment now, we've lost access to the bath. No more baths for the sweet angel.

Geez, Angus would be devastated. He is devastated. Where does he go now? He's trying to work out how to block off the shower cavity so it fills up with water and it just flood city. Oh, he loves it. He's struggling. Hey, you got a bath. Could I book him in?

You're like a day's bar. Can I book him in for an hour? Come sit in my bath. You got Radox? We should he bring his own Radox? No, I've got Radox. But it's expensive, so bring your own. Okay.

Can you guys leave though? Because I don't want him being disturbed by you guys and the baby. It'll be me and him in the bath. Oh, that's lovely. Okay. Oh, charge extra for that. But no, so we're showering ourselves and the small child at the same time. Yeah.

But she's an independent young lady. She wants to do her own thing. No worries. I'm looking. after myself, I look down and she's in the very precarious squat position, Ducko. I'm like, oh, she's just having a good time.

It's all right. She's tapping the floor, making bubbles with, you know, the things that are cascading off me. And then she stands up and goes, mommy, puppy. She's waffled spoofing. She's pooped in the shell. Just a little nugget. It wasn't one of her human-sized

logs, but I went, sick. This is... You had to waffle stop it. There's nothing else you can do. Oh, we turned off the shower and I picked, I got toilet paper. I'd be going down that drain. But then, what, with my foot? Yeah, just be kicking that thing down. It's great.

Either way it's gross. Either way it's gross. So what does this have to have in common with? So I opted to do that. And I think Angus must have been at work at the time. So I've told him there. And he's turned to his mate and gone, oh, how's this? Lucia just pooed in the shower.

He goes, ah, it's not so bad. I did it last week. Big night on the sauce. Kind of forgot where I was. I was. And he, he opted for the waffle stop. Yeah, well, I would. She said, he said to Angus, did Jess teach her at this very formative age?

To stop. The art of the waffles stop. And Angus was like, no, I hope not. Is Angus still friends with that guy? When is too old to admit that you poo in the shower? How do you feel about 36? Jess and Ducko. 30 seconds answer.

10 questions, all starting with the same letter. I have to take your first answer. Cannot use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, say pass. Of course, we come back if there's time. We are playing for $10,000, our player today. The one and only, it's Amanda. Hello, Amanda.

Hi. Amanda, good morning. What brings you to the show, Amanda? Well, hoping to be able to take my mum on the gun. She loves trains. He's a train fanatic. I can't stand them myself. Yes.

The Garn's a big one, isn't it? It is a big one. Yes, the big one to go on. So would you go with her and just cop the not standing trains? Probably, yeah, or I might send my sister. Oh, I love that. With $10,000. I've heard the Garn's great.

Merry, bloody Christmas. Yeah, because you sleep on and everything. What an experience. I can't imagine sleeping on a train and waking up and still be training. I have done that in India. Yeah. I bet you did. There you go.

45 people there you. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amanda, the letter you're going to work with. Today, my darling, is P. P for passport, not something you need to go on the gown. But that's what you're playing with today, okay? Okay, awesome. All righty.

Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter P, we need you to name. A party food. Party pie. A periodic element. Pass. Something in the bedroom. Pillow.

An Aussie athlete. Pete Sampres? A rom-com. Pass. A phone app. A type of tree. Palm. A country.

Panama. A band. A drink. Pepsi. A periodic element. Phosphorus. A rom-com. Back with phosphorus.

What a get. If phosphorus isn't top of mind, how did you pull that out of your left? I would think of potassium, yeah, whatever. Phosphorus, bang. Phosphorus. Look, you've had a good run. You're the best player we've had in a while. You've got seven.

You've got yourself seven. And you got through everything. So a rom-com, that's a tough one. Pretty woman. There is a few. A phone app. You could have just said phone because that is the app to call on the phone. Pinterest, PayPal, there's a few.

And then a band. Oh, there, come on. Powder finger. Oh, how could I miss that? The finger. Look, we don't get the money. I'm sorry, we're not going on the gar with grandma, with mum. But we are getting $100.

Hey, this is still just as good, though. You could give this the mom for Christmas. $100 to spend at Minks Adult Boutique. She'll love it, I'm sure. Hell yeah. Hell, yeah. Something for everyone. We're not going to the gun, but here's this voucher.

Well, no, we don't give vouchers. Sorry. Amanda will have to go pick something for her mom. Put that in her stocking. That's more thought. That's effortful. Oh, I love that. Amanda, Merry Christmas, babe.

Merry Christmas, yes. We do play again. 8 o'clock, $10,000. It's up for grabs. So we're bringing back a fallen member. A fallen member of the team. She's not worked with us for a number of years. In fact, she used to have Shy Guy's job.

So it'll be interesting to see their dynamic. Yeah, yeah. Producer Snooze. She's well loved, but she's made a ridiculous claim and we want to put her to the test. Good after Olivia Dean. It's Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko.

Right now, we do need your help. We're bringing back a fallen member. Of the team. And have you noticed, Stucco? Yeah. Our current executive producer, shy guy, has absconded. He's left the room. He's left the room because I think he feels dirty that we are welcoming back with open arms.

Always. She still holds a large chunk of our hearts. Yes. Producer Snoos back on the air at hit. Good morning, Snoozy. Good morning, guys. This is too early for me after two years. Not a lie. Fair enough.

Well, you were called Snoos for a reason. To be honest, we were watching shy guy trying to call you, and it didn't look like you were picking up. Doko goes, I reckon, she slept in. That'd be so good. That's a fair guess. Hi, Guy. Hi, Snoosie.

How are you? Oh, I'm great. How are you? I can't believe I'm back in, oh, you there and everywhere you guys are now. Absolutely. So Snoose was our executive producer for two whole years before she's great. before she's gone on to bigger and better things, of course. But the reason we wanted to welcome you back to the show, Snoos, I'll be honest, it's not a good reason.

We are looking to shame you for one of the most outrageous claims we've ever seen on this internet. Unless she pulls it off, in which case she is a hero. You know what? You're absolutely like, let me reword. We want you to prove the most outrageous claim you made on TikTok. Now, scrolling through the other day, your beautiful face pops up, and you made this outrageous. claim. Okay, I've realised I have this gift where if I hear someone yelling at their dog and I can't see

them, I can guess what breed the dog is without even seeing it, just based on the way that they're yelling and the name. Can guess the dog breed based on how they're, for example, if my dog pan, snooze nose pan well, but if I'm like, pan, bam, pam. Without seeing you or the dog, she could be three steps in front of you. 30 steps in front of you. That's a bull-arab cross-dobin. With anxiety and vaginitis.

You'd say mutt. Did you say snooze? Yeah. Yeah, mutt. Okay, fair enough. So obviously what ended up happening in this video, you, I guess, laid claim to having proven it. So, for example, this woman behind me approaching went,

Stella. And I went, French Bulldog. And what do you know? Ten for ten. Now, when you said 10 for 10, is this something you've obviously worked out over time and thought, oh, my God, that's the 10th time I've gotten a correct. I must tell the internet. No, you know what you do on the internet?

You lie about things. So I was a bit of reaction. So that was only my first guy. Don't tell us now because we're testing it. I was going to say 10 for 10, that's worthy of getting on the show. Absolutely. And trying to get rice cookers. It's like lying on your CV.

So I say you've worked for 10 years and you have experience? Yeah, sure. This is my first time interviewing anywhere ever. All right, so Snooze, if you're willing, obviously you know Ducco and my dogs too well. We are going to line up some rice cookers, maybe three. Yeah, I reckon three is good. And we're going to recreate game simulation. We're going to get them to yell for their dog like it's gotten loose at the park or something.

You're going to tell us the dog breed. How do you feel about that? I am the modern day season of Milan. She's the dog with you. I love it. She's confident. 13, 10, 60. You got a dog.

got a chance. Give us a call. Call in. We need three rice cookers on the line. Yes. We're going to get you to yell your dog name out to Snooze. We'll put your line with Snoos, and then Snooze is going to tell you what type of dog you have. And we will see if she can go one from one with Stella the French Bulldog to four from four.

This will be amazing. If you can do this, we might have unlocked something incredible. It should be incredible. Or it's just been nice to catch up. 13, 10, 60, Snoozy, stick around. We'll get you on do it next, okay? Okay. Jess and Ducco.

Jess and Ducco. Right now, though, we have a fallen alumni joining the show, the one and only. It's amazing. What a little snoo can do. Producer snooze. Producer snooze. It's been too long between drinks. Shy guy has absconded.

He's not happy that we're talking to our ex. She was captain. He's outside just yelling. He's yelling at the fish tank. Just punching a pillow. He's so upset. We are cavorting with an ex. front of him.

Yeah, yeah. She was our executive producer for a long little while. She's gone on to bigger and better things. Like making outrageous claims on TikTok, Ducko. Producer's news, what is the claim you appear to be able to do? Well, I think I'm part producer, part ghost, dog whisperer, sorry. Yep. Not ghost whisper.

It's a good start. Exhibit post show. Yeah, so I'm pretty confident that based on how people yell, their dog's name, if they're not in my eyesight, I can guess what breed it is. Okay, well, we're going to put it to the test. We have racked up some rice cookers who want to test this outrageous claim. Let's meet Jenny, first and foremost, if our tech will allow us to. Jenny is standing by.

Come on, Jenny. Come on. Oh, no, it's not letting me. Is it not letting you click on Jenny? I mean, that's me. Oh, no, come on. Could Snooze still hear, Jenny? She'd be able to hear Jenny.

All right, we might not be to have snooze at the same time, but Jen, do we have you? Yes, you do. Good morning, Jenny. All righty. Well, Snooze is standing by. We need you to. It's like your dog's gotten out of the gate or something. I want you to give it a lot of gusto.

I need you to yell out your dog's name, and that's it. And Snooze will tell us the dog breed. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay. Okay. Actually, before you do that, Jenny, let me try one other thing. Let me try one other thing.

We're going to try a fix, Jenny. You work up, you take a deep breath in. Here we go. Okay. Snooze, are you there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've got Jenny. Here we go.

Take it away, Jen. Braxie! Ooh. Can you go one more time for us, please, Jen? Sure. Braxie. There was like almost disappointment in Braxie's behaviour there when you say, Daco. Snooze, what's your guess?

Okay, Braxie wasn't it? Just confirming? Yep. Hmm, okay, I'm getting, I'm going to say a boxer. Oh, clue. Same sort of dog. English bull terrier. Jesus, that's within the realm.

I've got to give her a bit of a point for that. I think that's half a point. And Jenny was a bit of a point for that. Jenny said close. That was very good. Yeah, the fact that Jenny said in the realm, that deserves a point. Maybe she has, maybe she's got this skill. All right, let's go to Melissa now. Good morning, Mel. Hello. How are you? Yeah, we couldn't be better. Mel meet Snooze. Snooze meet Mel. Hi, snooze. Morning Mel. All righty, Mel. Your dog's just gotten out. Yell out its name.

Gulliver. Gulliver. Gulling, Gullie. Gulliver. Gulliver. That's an interesting... Gullo, Gullo. Snooze, what's your little doggy spider senses telling you? I mean, the name Gulliver was really through me. Gulliver. Okay, what about... Is it a golden retriever?

No. Not even close now. Well, yeah, it doesn't feel it's in the real. Not even close. What is it? Denise Mountain Dog. Oh. It's still a big boy.

I love a burn-neised snooze. I mean, long and shaggy, but that's all they really have in common. That is all they really have in common. All right, you're one from two if we pay the... Yeah, so one from two, which means snooze, if you get this, technically, I think, I think it works. You can claim. I think you can claim it. Krista, good morning.

Good morning. How are you? Mate, we couldn't be better. We are loving putting snooze to the test. Snooze. Are you ready? Can you recalibrate? You're ready to go again?

I'm ready, okay. All right, Krista, go. Jazzy, jazz. Come on. Jazzy. Ooh. Jazzy? It was a good length of time for the call there for you snooze.

How are you feeling for this one? I'm really feeling like I've met Krista and her pooch before. Oh. Oh. So what do you think it is? Okay. Jazzy, I think, is a staffie? Yes.

Oh! Shut up. Now, Snooze, I want to clarify for all the Rice School because you said you're feeling like you've met Krista and Jazzy before. You haven't. You meant your senses were telling you. No, I've spiritually met them. Oh.

Oh, in real life. No, spiritually. No, no, no. Spiritually. I'm trying to make sure people know. This wasn't ringed. No, no. I don't know Christopher for the bar or so.

Wow. That was incredible. Okay, that's actually... I'd say snoo's got one and a half out of three. I think one and a half out of three. Well, done. Snoozy. Yeah, she's a staffy. Staffy.

Like, let's be real. I don't have it in front of me. There are hundreds, if not. Yeah. Dozens of hundreds of dog breeds. Are there thousands? Hundreds if not, there's dozens of dog breeds. I don't think there's thousands of dog breeds.

But snooze, oh my God, we're going to blow up your TikTok's this because you genuinely can do this. That's crazy. I'm incredible. I think you're even surprised. There are 339 dog breeds that are recognized by some body of dogs. So there you go. Amazing.

While a little snoozy. Well done. Thank you to our dog mummers who got involved. But Snooze, you can hold your head up high, sis. Oh my God. I'm quitting my dog. Dog or job? Job? And I'm going to be a dog

with fry. We peaked. Yes and Ducko. Hi, it's Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga! Perfect dog. Just me and be and me and me and me. We have got a double

pass to see Mother Monster herself. She's bringing the mayhem ball. Hell yeah. To Sydney next week, Ducko. Next week. There are two empty seats. We want to fill them with A couple of monsters, names on it.

All you need to do is identify the Gaga song within one second. Nikita, very keen. Good morning. Good morning. Do you consider yourself a little monster? Most definitely not. I'm doing it for my sister. Okay, all right.

Well, this could be tough for you. Okay. I'm going to play you a snippet of a song. You need to guess the song. Here we go, Nikita. Good luck. What do you think it was? Um, I'm going to go with heavy metal lover

Oh, I've never even heard of that one I don't know if we've ever played heavy metal lover It is not heavy metal lover I'm sorry, Nikita for your sister Tell your sister to call Yeah Because, yeah, you're not going We go to Emma, good morning Emma

Hi Emma, it's not heavy metal lover Yeah, but here's the second again Oh God Oh, goodness. Also doing this for someone else. Oh, geez. Who's your motivation?

Are there any monsters doing it for themselves? Who do you want to do? My 17-year-old daughter would love to go. She would kill me if I don't get this. Is she at school? Why isn't she doing this? Yes, I'm on my way to work, and she's getting ready for school. Okay.

It's all on you, Emma. What was it? I actually have no idea, but I'm just going to say abricadabra. Ruma, not abracadabra. Don't tell your daughter you even try. No, wouldn't she be embarrassed by that? That's right. Renee on 131060.

Good morning to you. Are you a little monster? I am indeed. Okay, great. Well, here is your one second of the song. Okay. I am going to go with monster. It is not monster.

Even a true little monster is stumped on this one, Ducko. Let's go to Amy. Good morning, Amy. Good morning. We're going to play your one second of a guy. Gar-Gar song, just tell us the name of it. Is it Judas? I love Judas.

Judah, Judah, Judah. It is not Amy. Great song, though. Who needs to go to the Gaga concert when you've got you and I? You're me. You can just do it. You know, for everyone who doesn't win, we'll put on a show. Lisa.

Lisa, good morning to you. You've heard it a few times now. I'll give you the snippet again, okay? Lisa. Lisa, do we have you? Lisa Hold on No, we'll wait

We've got nowhere else to be Oh Lisa Lisa You're going to listen to the one second And tell us the name of the song, okay? Okay Here we go Wow, bad romance

Damn Geez, we're getting from now Here we go 13, 1060 if you think you know what this is If you must We've played this in the last 12 months on this very station. Have we?

It's a relatively new one. Sharon, good morning. Good morning. Sharon, we've knocked out a lot of Gar-Gar's biggies. Here's the one second again. I thought it was poker face. But you're pivoting, I'm presuming by that time. So what do you think it is now?

Well, I have no idea. You're poker fake. Oh, okay. I was really hoping you were pivoting? Yeah, the sentence I thought it was. 13, 10, 60. if you think, you know. Where are the true little monster?

I know. Maybe they've got some form of disease or infection and they're not calling in. Maybe. That could be right. Maybe it's affecting their dialing fingers. Could be. Or their ears. Yeah.

And they can't hear how, you know, easy this one should be. Kelly, hello. Hello, how are you? Good, babe. Do you need to hear the one second again? May as well. I think I know what it is. Kelly.

Put us out of our misery. What is it? Is it the Dead Dance? Oh, no. Kelly, I thought you were the one. I thought you were the one. Ducco literally just handed it to everyone. Yeah, yeah, I did.

I said it. Do people have their listening ears on? I'm not sure. Maybe they do. Maybe they do. Possibly. I don't know. Not COVID.

Yeah. Babs is just going through the calls out there. So we go to Chloe. Good morning, Chloe. Good morning. Chloe, do you need to hear it for the 12th time? No, I don't. What is it?

Is it disease? Yes. I don't remember playing this one. Yeah, yeah, this was like 2024. Hey, Chloe, you're obviously a little monster. Chloe? Yeah, she was that excited. Oh, sorry, it peaked out.

Chloe, who are you going to take with you? Either my daughter or my husband, I don't know yet. Oh, the daughter's definitely getting a go. Well, Chloe, congratulations. You're off to see Lady Gaga. Is she wooing? I think she's wooing. I think she's yelling.

Are you yelling, Chloe? Yeah. Yeah. Today is that day of the year that is the most annoying day for a lot of people, but also the most exciting day for a lot of people like Babs. Absolutely. Whether you want to engage in the conversation or not is a moot point. You're going to be a part of the conversations.

Spotify has released their wrapped, which basically is an assessment of your year's worth of listening. It gives you some interesting data, Interesting stats And people are always like Oh my God, did I do this? It even breaks down You're listening,

like the most listen to day you had And what you listen to That day, how many minutes Which mine says some day In January I don't remember what I was doing that day One was July, end of July

But we're overseas I think we're a road trip Oh, okay, there you go I think for all the parents out there I don't think you can accurately look at your Spotify wrapped as yours No It's definitely your children's

That's at least the camp I'm feeling in right now Westlife was not anywhere to be seen in my rap, not anywhere to be seen in my rap. Jeez. My top five categories, my top five artists, my top five songs. Just not there. They are all full of cheer.

So yeah, it gives you a top five artists, songs, categories. It also gives you a new thing this year. It's like what group or like nightclub or whatever you are? What club? It puts you in a club. It's club serotonin, which I don't hate. Babs and I were the same club. Yeah, it was like, what was it?

Calm State. Cloud State Society. That's it. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what that means either. It's a lot of it. We're open to interpretation. Hey, welcome to my club, man.

The person who's not in the club is young shy guy who doesn't opt for Spotify but gives his money to Apple Music. But you've got a version of this. They do their own birds and I just don't have a club, but I've got everything else. Is there an interesting tidbit you'd like to share? Yeah, so it has your listening age. So what age you are based off the music you listen to. We've all got our ages.

So my age was 29 years old of my listening age. What was yours, Bab? 36. Oh, I'm a young one. What was yours, shy guy? 18. I'm not making this up. I'm going to pass it to Babs so you know that she's looking at a piece, a screenshot.

What are you? 60? Oh. Read it out, Babbs. 86. How? All I listen to, this is your top song, yeah? All my tops were the Wiggles, the Quokkers, Bounce Patrol, M-M-M-M-A, and Disney soundtracks.

Yeah, right. 80 feels a bit old. 86. It goes, you were into music from the late 15. You said you listen to put like French stuff on, don't you? When I do dinner parties, I do French jazz. All right. Okay, just finish that sentence.

Right there, there you go. Next. When I host a dinner party with my crockery. Angus puts too many things with lyrics like Mumford and Sons. I'm like, no, it's distracting. It's got to be just ambiance. Okay, yep. No, it checks out.

86. My top song, Rufus is obviously all my top artist and stuff. My top song, though. How is... Because I did a wedding parody song for my brother in Laura and my sister and I put this song in there, so I listen to it that many times. But I don't understand the analytics or the AI they're using. How can your top artist be Rufus, but your top song be something else?

Well, in the top five songs, three were Rufus songs. And one was that, then Taylor Swift was also in there. Babs, what did you have? My top song was Back to Friends. By Somba. True, Fitz. How are we in the same party? You know, how we in the same disco club?

It's vibes, man. Yeah, we're a vibey. You know? Were you happy with your rap? Because you're the biggest rapy we know. No, not really. But what does that mean? How can you not be happy with it, Babs,

when you have listened to this stuff? Well, I pride myself on listening to a lot of music from a lot of different genres. And somehow Taylor Swift was my top artist. You do love Taylor, though. I do, but, like, that's just not a reflection. Oh, you don't want to be too basic. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not basic. Do you reckon she's weighted a bit more?

Yeah, I think. Well, like, anyone would look at that and be like, Taylor Swift did your top artist, like, boring. That's how I'm looking. at it, sorry. She's the most popular artist in the world. It makes sense. You also would have had Royal Otis in there, I'd imagine.

It actually was. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, yeah. Someone by Royal Otis. A lot of people are sending us because you educated me to this. You can listen to podcasts. Yes. We've already had a few people screenshot that we were their number one podcast.

Oh, I love that. You know, 20,000, 30,000 minutes of listening to Jess and Ducko in 2025. Usually Spotify asks its top artists or podcast artists to do a little message. We didn't get asked, Jess. We did, oh, I got a message from the Wiggles, though. Did Rufus get you a message? No, Rufus don't do that. It's too cool.

They're way too cool. I got your top song. Top song was role model with Sally. When the wine runs out. Great song. No wonder you've got the listening taste of an 18-year-old, 19-year-old. It's my number one song since April, boy, or not. Yeah.

There you go. You had some interesting data. Australia wide, didn't you? Yeah, yes. Top artists across the country were... Taylor Swift definitely was that to be. Taylor's number one. Drake number two.

Morgan Waller, number three. The weekend number four, Billy Elish, number five. Drake? What's Drake done recently? Yeah, I don't know. Well, there you go. Yeah. One of the most longest songs at the top of the charts was Alex Warren with Ordinary. He was number one from, I want to get this right. We played that song a lot. We did. He was number one from March all the way through to September when Huntricks then took over.

D.Coh, we may have played him a lot, but a lot of people then went and listened to him again on Spotify. Yeah, yeah, obviously. Wow. Yeah, Libby D. Minute I need was the second biggest song for September. And then October, Taylor Swift's fate of Ophelia was number one. Oh, geez, okay. I don't know if Alex Warren, Ordmerer was the like. It's Australia's favourite song for 2025, according to Spotify. Wow, there you go. And then don't forget Hunt Frix and Gold, which we still play, obviously. Of course.

I'll save you that. I won't play that right now. Anyway, this 86-year-old needs to take a nap or something, so I'm like... You have to host a dinner party? Go sit down. Are you doing fondue? I don't understand. How can it be Emma, Memma, but my French jazz has tipped me into 86?

What? Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko is 10K alpha. 30 seconds answer 10 questions all starting with the same letter have to take the first answer cannot use the same answer twice and if you're unsure of the question we've just had a blackout in our studio no we're not on air oh no no we could I think we've had a full blackout if Babbs can still hear out we might still be on air I can't press any buttons and I can't change the music bet we can't play i can't even see anything um no i don't even know if our mics are

working right now for on air um yeah i'm not 100% sure i can't nothing's working i can't play anything dude this has actually never happened the whole you can't hear anything the whole studio everything the office is black have we got too many christmas trade on here is it just our end or is it happening down um down the hall it's like we've had a complete blackout yeah it says yes we're on air someone's just message me on instagram we're on air

if you can still hear us actually yeah message us on instagram well message me directly right now because i can't play anything so we can't go into a song you're live someone said you're live no one swear okay yeah we're alive all right well so basically every screen we've got is gone black My desk has gone black with all my buttons on it.

The lights have turned off. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's weird. Very weird. Can you hear both me and Jess while we're alive? Or is it just, can you only hear my voice? Okay, yep. We can only hear you, Ducco.

You are live, not Jess. We can only hear, yeah, because I can hear myself, but I can't hear you talking. Okay, no one knows what's going on. And like, I would normally just go to a song. All right, we're going double all the mic here. We don't know. There's no one knowing what to do.

This is unprecedented. Oh, my God. Is this got something to do with you leaving? Is this the way, is this the way, is this the way you want to go out by taking us completely off? This feels so intimate. I feel like we. There we go. Here we go.

All right. Playing a song. Go, Bab. Oh, she's done it. All right, Rice and Ducko. All right, Rice Cookers. Shy Guy and Bab's here. Hey.

Now, what happened next? You won't really hear in the podcast because you kind of only had to have heard it if you're listening in your car or on the listener app. So what I thought I would do just to give you context as to what happened this morning is just play a bit of it. Babs, why don't you explain what happened while I get this?

Well, we were about to do Alphabox and then the whole studio had a blackout and started going crazy. Yeah. So that's what you just heard in the podcast, the Alphabet's failing. And we had to just kind of go to Ray. You hit Ray manually.

I did, yes. I feel like I kind of did a lot, actually. From your little remote controller you've got there. But how did this happen? What caused it? No, no, no. We'll get into how that happened. But what happened on air is what I want to explain for the Rice Cookers in the podcast.

Before we get to that in the break. So this is what it sounded a bit like on air. All right. So you'd think, okay, we'll turn that off. We'll fix it. And then suddenly this song started playing. Which is a bit of a vibe. A bit of vibe.

And then what happened next? Your number one hit music station. This is hit. This song came on from the Norties. Which was actually awesome. Me and Tobin from Promo were sitting outside, vibing while everyone was running around. So Konski Mashab started playing.

So you can imagine Bads is in the control room. I'm talking to people. Darko's in the other studio, pressing buttons. This is just playing. And Jeff is obviously. filming us running around. She's filming it. She's doing great work on the iPhone there.

And then we sort of come back thinking everything's okay. It's not. And then we just decided to kill it. So I just went into the studio and Ducco stop playing everything. We'll just make it go to backup tape. So after 30 seconds of nothing, backup tape plays. And this is what happened. Your number one hit music station.

This is hit. Another mashup. That's Bond. I don't think I heard that. I must have been under the desk. You were under the desk, I think. And then, you know, we're about 20, 30 minutes in at this point. And you think we're all good?

Hit 106.9. Yep, we're all good. We're back. Yeah. So about half an hour, we're 40 minutes of off air. 40 minutes. Yeah. And anyway, in the next break, you'll hear what went wrong and how that happened.

Jess and Duckow's 10K Alphabet on Hint. Testing 1-2. Are we back on the air? My God, that was the worst. It has ever been when something went wrong in the studio. I apologise for the songs playing over each other, for me talking over the thing. Wasn't my bad.

There's a member of the team who's to blame, but we will get to that. We will. We thank you for bearing with us, Ducco. We have been inundated with DMs, both on the Jess and Ducko page on our personal pages. So many people saying, even this chaos, I'm here with you guys.

We are standing true. We also had my... Multiple people say, guys, call it a date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this Daco doing it because he's leaving? It's the gremlins. A lot of accusations. Yeah, a lot of people say.

And fair, that's true. I would accuse me too. Leaving a steaming pile of turd for the next bloke by taking us off. It was a bad day to have no techs in the building. And our tech support in Sydney not being able to work it out. And our general manager just running around the halls, not nowhere to. And Babs and me. I don't know who she was on the phone to, but.

Had to go to the control room. She was on the ground on her knees. She's under desks. She's in rooms. We were hacking the mainframe. I've never seen that room before with the mainframe. It was cool to be in there. Hey, look, the good news is we're back.

I appreciate everyone's updates. I can hear you. I can't hear Jess. I can't hear you guys. You're playing songs over. But there's a lot of Tate McCray. There's a lot of Tate McCray. Hey, so we'll tell you what happened, but someone who's been holding through that whole thing

because they want to win their money. 20 minutes. He's Nerida. Good morning, Nerida. Good morning. Nerida, could you hear all that unfurling and just going, I'll hold. 40 minutes. 40 minutes of just cluster.

Yeah, pretty much I could hear, I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I can't, I can't hear you. And I'm going, can you hear me? Because I want to win $10,000 as Nerida. Yes, that's why you hear. Well, babe, your perseverance is hopefully going to pay off in 30 seconds time. What a way to launch into the game. The first question is, though, what do you want to spend 10 grand on? Well, my son just got engaged, which is pretty cool.

So we're going to need some money going that way. Okay. Well, that's very kind. And we also want to get another dog because our dog passed away. And can you give us some money for our desk, let's short circuit it? Because we might need a new one as well if you get the cash, okay? Well, Nerida, for your new puppy dog, you might want to look at a golden retriever. Maybe a German short-haired pointer.

Because your letter is G, babe. Nice. All right. Are you ready to rock? I am, yes. Okay, we're on. The longest run-up ever. 40 minutes, Meredith has been...

Has anyone held longer? I don't think so. Meritv is the longest... We'll give you a French magnate if you don't win. Oh, I love that. I love that. Your time will start after the first question, Nez. Let's do it.

Starting with the letter G, we need you to name a type of flower. Gardenia. A TV show. Oh my gosh, I've gone blank. Germany. Something in the bathroom. Goo. A cartoon character.

Goofy. A school subject. An adverb. A grateful. Yeah, I would have accepted it after the buzzer, which means you got your sense. Well, the longest wait led to that. I'm sorry. You were not, you're not ideal game circumstances.

That's tough conditions. TV show could have been Gilmore Girls, a school subject, geography, an adverb you got after the buzzer. Everything else you answered, you did get correct. You don't get the cash, Narita. I'm sorry, but you do get 100 bucks to spend at Mink's adult boutique. That is all yours. Wow, thank you. Thank you.

Thanks for holding, Narita. Merry Christmas. Thanks for bearing with us, Jail. Thank you. with the rest of the day. Yeah, we're going to need it. I don't know. I didn't realize it was 40 minutes of mucking around. I apologize.

We're going to tell you what happened, what went wrong, and who should be punished. Okay, that's coming up. But first let's play Taylor Swift. Oh, it's only fitting. This is just going to be one song, though, not four songs over each other. I hope so. DJ Duckie Fingers, you never know. It's Taylor Swift now. Jess and Ducko.

Welcome back. Jess and Ducko. That's it breakfast. Jess and Ducko, 849. We're back on air. We had 40 minutes, the longest time, certainly in the seven years I've been here, that we've had that much technical issues. And this studio was, so all the lights were off, everything was off, but it was still on,

but we couldn't control it. Which is one of the most concerning things to have happened in this room, Ducco, because when you don't have control of the tech behind it, you can't do anything else. You can't reverse the situation, but you can't move forward. So much so it was affecting. obviously got another studio here, where our wonderful workday announcers broadcast out of can be a bit of a backup. We couldn't access that.

That was the double up you were hearing of double Tate McCray, double Ray, even double Ducko at one point. It was good to hear, see everyone's messages. Have you tried turning it off and odd? What are you guys doing it? Is Ducko trying to quit? A lot of accusations that Ducko with 12 shows to go, well, we've basically eaten up your 12, with 11 shows to go was just leaving a steaming pile of turd.

I wouldn't put that past me, to be fair. I kind of wish I was responsible. No, it wasn't me. And, Ducco, it wasn't me. It wasn't you, it wasn't you, Babs? It wasn't me, obviously. Hang on a minute. Would someone like to self-confess before we throw the book at him?

I might have to put my hand up for this one. You might have to, or you will. Okay, what? Tell us right before we went to Althabucks. We're in the ads. And Shy Guy and Jess... Usually before the ads, shy guy quizzes us on the game. One, it's to check Babs' work, but two, we like to play ourselves.

Yeah, now I'm the one with all the buttons on my side, right? So if I spill anything on my side of desk, is danger. Which you have spilt maybe a driplet in your time, cleaned it up fast enough, no harm, no fear. We're all good. But on this side of the desk, genuinely I can describe it for you, Rice Cookers. We've got our two microphones. We've got one PowerPoint where we charge the laptop, if need be. But then there's a couple of holes in the desk where the weird wires, let's be real.

I don't know where they connect to. They all disappear under the desk. Under the desk, yeah. To the tech that keeps us on air. Shy guy, take it away. Um, I knocked over my water bottle and, uh... Shame!

Shame! Shame! And caused a short circuit in the studio. All I hear is, boom, the water bottle, the shot goes, oh God. And it just goes, oh God, they're like water everywhere out. Just because there was so much water. There was a lot of water came out. I'll be honestly, I'd go, I've spilled tea before.

Yeah, yeah. But maybe, oh, it was the equivalent of a quarter cup. Yeah. He has spilled most of that litre water bottle. A lot of it came out. And I got it was, I could tell he was stressing, because he was, It wasn't saying much. He was like, oh, and then everything cut out.

It went under the desk into it. What do you reckon was 30 seconds and then just, boom. And I love it how we're all like, it could have been the first. I thought it was the Christmas lights. I thought it was the Christmas slats. I thought it was like, I think it was the Christmas lights. It clicked for me. I was like, this is on me.

And then I went in, saw the water in the power point that it spilled on. I said, Chaga, there's water. It's got nothing to do with the elves. Is that? Jeez, I didn't think there was initially. I didn't think. To be fair, I did think the water had made it that. I used four Kleenex to mop it up.

Babs got under the desk to unplug it and Babs is like, my butt is wet. In her mini skirt. My bun is so, like, it's drenched. Not the outfit for tech issues. No, it's not. I was just crawling under the desk to miss it. Nothing, just from my perspective team, nothing made me feel more useless. I was like, I can't contribute to this at all.

I was filming you all running around if you'd like to see the chaos. Jess and Duck are on Instagram. So shy guy is to blame. An accident, accidents happen. But I believe there needs to be punishment. Firstly, before we get to punishment, because you're absolutely right, He deserves to be tart and feathered. Up until this point in our two-year relationship,

I've accused him of having a prop water bottle because I've never seen him take a sip. He had chronic headaches. We're going, you have a sip from your frickin' water bottle. I don't know if we can accuse him of that because I think he went to take a sip, put the bottle back down. That's why he doesn't drink. He was obviously too full for like eight o'clock.

He went and hit it with his knuckles instead of grabbing his hands. That's a great point. I'll go back to the bottle with the straw. Yeah, I think water with a bottle of the store for you. I think part of the punishment is he's not allowed to have liquids in here anymore. No, I believe so. The lava lamp's got to go. Oh, the lava lamp's gone.

Our Christmas lights are gone. And his water bottle's got to go. It's funny because there's people doing maintenance in the roof. And how quickly our blame went to them. It's the people in the roof. And then it was, it's the Christmas lights. And then it's the fish tank. Our GM was yelling at the fish tank.

We've overpowered with the fish filter. So we don't have to cover the punishment now. And I'd love to get the rice cookers. Because you know who's suffered the most, the rice cookers. You and I basically got a 40 minute break. I think they were thoroughly entertained for the 40 minutes. They were, but they were. The gift?

Their regular program when it was interrupted because of you. So, Ryan's Cookers, we love your take. All right. I won't come in tomorrow. 04. We don't get a day on.

Not about I don't come in tomorrow. You've earned a day in lieu. I, yeah. 04. 001-106 line or you can DM us. We've got about 200 followers just in that 40 minutes. How good. You're welcome.

Nothing like a bit of a blackout. Don't try and spin it yet. There's no silver lining yet. What should shy guys punishment be? We've only got 11. seven shows with our friend Ducko. You've stolen 40 minutes of that. I'll never get that time again with my pals.

No. Did you have fun in the control room? Me and Babs at the control room, talking to the tech, hacking the mainframe. We whipped into a good zone there, Babs. I was pretty proud of how we were. He made me the lookout. Hold the door open. I was like, Jess, you stay here and hold the door.

And after 20 minutes, I called out going, Ducko, Babs, you guys weren't even in there. You'd gone the other exit. Just come around and go ahead. How did you get there? Everyone took their roles. Everyone really did. So anyway, we'll get a punishment for Shagay. We'll do it tomorrow on air.

Maybe a new nickname, Ducko. Non-tech guy. Destructor. Water boy. Water boy. Waterford. Don't hate that. All right.

04-8-18-1069 or slide into our DMs. What should Shine Guy's punishment be for genuinely ruining the studio, disrupting the show, and breaking all the tech? Yeah. And I think tomorrow on the show we'll do 13, 10, 60. What'd you spill? Or what'd you break when you spilled it? Yeah, what'd your break? Have you done a shy guy?

Have you done a shy guy? Yes and ducco. Prepare your whistles to be wet. Oh, the desk to be wet. Come on, mate. You went everything. The desk was definitely wet. Yeah.

Again, if you've just joined us after 40 minutes, just like khaki pop. Yeah. Oh, shy guy spilled his drink bottle like a child and took the whole studio, not even off-air, Ducco. Jeremy, our tech just rolled in. Oh, there's some issues, were there? We needed you an hour ago, Jeremy. So unbothered. So unbothered.

But MVP to Babbs, honorary mention, Ducco, you guys were pulling out cords. I was going into a mainframe. I've never even noticed. She was on FaceTime to the tech, and I'm behind her, and he's telling her instructions, and she's trying to film it. And then I'm seeing the things I'm, like, turning her body. So she can film it, and she's filming it. So she's in the right direction.

Yeah, we're both trying to, like, maneuver. Oh, well, I captured every minute on the Jess and Duccoe, Instagram, which is where we're going to field punishment, ideas. Babs has already nominated waterboarding ducco. It's a good one. I'm going to have to maybe... I might get HR involved just to get the risk assessment done before we do that.

But that's currently leading the charge of punishment for shy guys. I suggested he walks around to sales and the rest of the office and says, I'm shy guy, dumb, dumb. Yes, I suggested he recreates maybe an iconic wet either scene or film clip. Maybe the flash dance. Is it flash dance where she does the sexy dance, pulls the bucket and the whole. Oh, the water rains down on her. Maybe rain on me. Ariana Grande, recreate that film clear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll come with a punishment for you tomorrow. And then on the show tomorrow we'll do, how'd you pull a shy guy? Have you pulled a shy guy? Yeah, yeah, that'll be fun. Like catastrophic work issues, maybe it was to do with spillage. Maybe you had a hijinks with water. Yeah.

Have you pulled a shy guy. Oh, geez. Tomorrow shows is planted. Slippery guy. 40 minutes. Oh, slippery man. Oh, the producer's diaries out the window. Let's just replay the 40 minutes.

pandemonium and Ducco playing random sound effects that kept repeating. I tested my ding sound effect just an inconspicuous little one and it just looped it so the whole time all the cookers were just hearing the ding non-stop.

Lucky you did the ding and not no. No, lucky I did imagine. Could you imagine if I was just like, let me just test it. Let me just test it. Yeah, yeah, that's the example. And this is playing the entire time.

It was just. the ding. But thank you to everyone saying, can't hear you. Imagine if I played. She said cock. That's what I thought. What if it was that one?

Well, then it was dangerous because the mics were still live. We couldn't turn them off. So everyone who entered the space, we had to warm them. It's prime time and the mics are live. So funny. Anyway, look, thanks for bearing with us.

Thanks for enjoying us on this journey. I still reckon there was a ducko element to it, shy guy, because he's leaving. He just wanted to burn the place. He went, screw the water bottle. Spill it. Spill it. I mind-controlled you. Spill the water bottle. Is that a real story? A little in joke there.

You're always like yes and. But also I love that our GM, blame the fish. Oh, he hates it. He hates the fish. The whole, ever since we've got them. Babs, he reckons that fish filter caused the whole studio to be blacked out. I mean, that is just a disrepute. Disrespect of the fish.

And the one snail. We always discriminate against the snake. Oh, that's right. I reckon he's going to turn on the fish something. time that he's going to eat the rest of the fish. Hey, we're out of here. If you missed any of it, even though there'll be 40 minutes of just nothingness on the podcast. How are you going to do the podcast today?

Check it out. You're not putting all that in. The first two hours of this show. No, but are you putting that in? No, no, but it'll be referenced in our podcast, top. Sure. We'll just miss the last bit. You'll hear our Spotify wrapped in at the end of the show.

You've been on the wiser. At least it shows how many good people are listening. I reckon I have 52 DMs in my inbox saying, you're on air. We can hear you. We have that many DMs from people who have never DMs. us before. There you go. Welcome to the show, team.

So if that's what actually brought you into the chat, well done, why have the rating stopped for the year? You know what I mean? Like, they stopped two weeks ago. Very disappointing. I should have done this two weeks ago. I don't know how the new guy is going to recreate any of this. I just don't know.

All this craziness. Oh, he was texting me. Oh. Anyone. All right, we're out here. We'll see you tomorrow morning. Bye-bye. Bye.

It's like we've had a complete blackout. That's bizarre. Yeah. It says yes, we're on air. Someone's just messaged me on Instagram, we're on air. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. The new Machete is here at McCaffee.