Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | There's a dog collar in my desk

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

Ducko's been getting comments on the mo - not all are positive, Jess has some crazy demands with her PT and we ask what are you constantly teaching your parents?Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Macca's delicious new Brekkie McRap is even more reason for a pre-work Macca's run. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo Podcast. Welcome to the podcast everyone. Hi. Hi. How we going? Good show today, strong Wednesday show. Strong Wednesday show. You made an observation about the contributions we get on a Wednesday.

Wednesdays and Thursdays seem to be our best days from the rice cookers calling in. Now, I don't know if that's just how they live their lives. Or maybe they take a while to fire up into the week. Because if I may speak freely, you and I are operating on full cylinders all the time. So I don't think we're changing. Except for Tuesdays. Don't you dare badmouth Tuesday. You know what I think we could do, actually?

Next Tuesday, we do a Why Do You Hate Tuesday phone-up. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah. And then we can, the next week. You two negative values. But then the next week, it can be, Why Do We Love Tuesday? You know, we do a Why Do You Hate Tuesday phone-up. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah. And then we can, the next week. You two negative values. But then the next week, it can be, Why Do We Love Tuesday? You know, we just keep going. We'll have a Tuesday segment.

I don't want to get in no vortex of hating on Tuesday. Call us and tell us why Tuesday's the worst day of the week. Oh, my. All right, let's do this. Okay. If we get four text messages now off this conversation. Are you also anti-Tuesday? Oh, yeah.

Then we can open it to the phones. Well, four text messages from our podcast chat. Yeah. Oh, we get heaps. Okay. If you're listening now. Or DM or whatever. Okay, 048881069 is the text number.

I don't want to do a whirlpool of hating on anything negative now. But it's a bit of fun, though, because Tuesday is just that tough day that we've all been through. So then it could turn into, we're getting through this Tuesdays together. You know what I mean? And then if we all know we're coming in for the hardest day of the week, I feel like we lift. I just don't hate Tuesdays.

Oh, it's horrible, darling. Oh, it's not. My mood goes up on a Monday, down on a Tuesday, then back up again the rest of the week. But it's because... But it's mine. Yeah, yeah. It's because you're going in thinking that. Bless. But it's because you're going in thinking that. Bless you.

It's because you're going in. See, Shia got haystacks Tuesdays too. He's allergic to Tuesdays. You're allergic to them. I've never seen you sneeze. I usually hold it in. Yeah. Oh, no, your eyeballs will pop out if you hold in a sneeze.

I just kind of sneeze on myself. Where do you stand on Tuesdays, sneeze boy? I actually like Tuesdays. Of course you would. Okay, well, we're split in the studio. We're split. I like Tuesdays because in high school,. Okay, well, we're split in the studio. We're split. Well, I like Tuesdays because in high school, that was the day that the school ended earlier.

It ended at 2 o'clock instead of 3. So you have a positive association with Tuesday. For six years. But why? Why would it do that? I don't know. It just did. Obviously, the principal had something on that day.

The periods were shorter on a Tuesday, and we got to go to 2 o'clock instead of 3. I think my primary school did something like that for one random day. Yeah, of the week. And I think, and it was only half an hour, because primary school, obviously, now you're impacting parents having to pick up kids.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, you just unlocked a memory. So Tuesdays were just cooler because I got home earlier. See, that never happened for us. Tuesdays were always a normal day. I think it was 3.30, usual bell, and on a Tuesday it was something like 3 or 3.15. We didn't have to go to school on a Wednesday when I was in year 11 and 12.

Well, that's a positive association. What are they doing in Maitland, you know? Well, we had to do longer days. So we would start at like 8 a.m. and finish at 4. Is that why you hated Tuesday? Because it felt like, oh, so long. And then, yeah, Wednesday we'd get off, but it was a study day. But didn't it have a Thursday vibe, your Tuesday,

if you knew the next day was a day off? Oh, well, sometimes you'd have to come in for exams and stuff, so it wasn't that exciting. I was 8.30 to 3.30, Monday to Friday. No days off. No changes about it. We weren't even allowed spares. No wonder you got no positive association. No, we weren't allowed free periods in my high school. You had to always do something. Really? Yeah, particularly in year 11 and 12. But you only had a certain number of subjects you needed to do, so wouldn't that mean there was at least an hour, if not two, across the week that was free?

No. Now pick up another elective. All my subjects were like I had seven or whatever it was, five subjects, seven subjects, and they all filled out. There you go. We couldn't do spares. It was all boys' school. Yep.

Maybe they were like, we can't give these boys free time. Don't let them do that. They'll play up. They'll run an absolute mark. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. We never got any form of spare on day two.

No wonder you don't have a... I'm happy if we like Tuesday, if we can end the show earlier on every Tuesday, I'm down for that. Well, you're 12 years of school tenure without getting any little freebie. Isn't it funny when you go to school and your bell rings at 8.30, you're in class by nine or whatever, and you're finishing at 3, 3.30, and you think it's the longest fucking day. 100%.

And it's so not. Like, it's so not. It is the most. You have no perspective at all. You have 45 minutes for more tea. But how can you? You're 14 and you think this is the be-all, end-all. The best.

I remember getting a C on a history test, Akko, and crying about it. I was a teacher's pet and my parents put a lot of focus on school and academia. So there was a pressure. But I remember thinking the world was ending. Yeah, yeah. I look back at that now and I go, you had no idea what was around the corner. What was your, you're HSC, yeah? In Victoria when I was growing up, it was called VCE, but they've all aligned now.

So what was your VCE score? What's the metrics? So it was out of 99.9. Okay, so still out. I got just over 90. It was like 90.85. Woohoo! Yeah.

Which, again, I was really unhappy with because my whole for 12 years, school, school, school. So you thought you were going to get out. And it's, well, it was the pressure I put on myself and I blame my parents. I look at that and I go, that's one thing in parenting I will not do. Try your best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is not the be all end all. I thought the world was ending.

What were your metrics? You had a QCS. You were at New South Wales. Sorry, not QCS. ATAR. ATAR. Sorry, that was mine. I chose not to get one because radio school didn't require one.

Oh, you knew from a young age. So I got to do one less subject. So did you still do exams? Yeah, I still did like the regular exams, but they didn't have to count towards a grade for an A-type. Yes, I heard that. So why bother doing the exam at all? They help you get a score for something, don't they? Well, we had to do them to get our final reports and our certificate.

Oh, like your completion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you try to do the test and get the results, but they just don't tell you what you are. Because you have to tick a box, like, I want to know, I don't want to know. And I didn't need to know, so I didn't tick the box. So you... Could we find out?

I wonder. Would it still be on a record somewhere? And what's your metric? Ours was QCS, which now they've all merged to the ones. Yes. But ours was out of one being the best, one you're, like, ducksing smart. Yep.

25 is bad. Like, I can't spell your name. Isn't it funny? And are you talking, like, 14.75? Or is it literally a whole number? It's just a number. So I got a 7. So there's 1 is the best, 25 is the worst, I got a 7. That's good.

I went to France for a month in my schooling years running for Australia. Which literally took you out of class. Yeah, my sister's got an 11, I think my other sister's got a 12. Sorry, we want to go closer to 1. So you're the smartest. So I got like 90. Oh, yeah. My brother.

Yeah. So I got like 90.85. And my brother got like 90.45. And to this day, I lauded over him. I'm like, haha, I'm so lucky. See, mine was lucky, though, because I did. I did subjects like drama and PE and film and TV and speech and drama. So I know I like ducks, speech and drama and drama and stuff. So I know I like ducks speech and drama and drama and stuff.

So I just brought my average right up. Whereas I had mates doing maths, A, B, C, chem, physics. Did they want to go on to be doctors? Yeah, but they were getting like an 11 because they were just swamped with work. Yes. I was living that good life, baby. And that's another one that I would say to my daughter going up, pick the subjects you're good at.

Yeah. Don't feel the need. I remember picking biology because I thought a science would look good. But I wanted back then to be in hotel management. That's got even nothing to do with it. With the science. But the pressure of got to do a maths, got to do a science. Ridiculous.

Our education system needs to be flipped on its head. Ridiculous. We're putting the wrong pressure. You did it the right way. Thank you. Yes. And look, it paid off. And here we are.

I know you're living your dream. And here we are. Putting that high school diploma to good use every day. I'm still waiting for the school to call me back and be like, old boy, successful old boy, and do a speech. Never happened. I'm coming up to my 20th. 20 years, yeah.

Yeah, me too. I feel 22. You finished 08, yeah? I finished 08, exactly. Were you 08 as well? I was 09, but I'm your age. I can keep that finger painting kindy. Yeah, and I'm your age. I kept that finger painting kindy. Yeah, and I started school early.

I started school when I was four. My mum put me into school at four. So you were like upper grade. Well, that's when she started me. I went, you should have left me on puzzles for one more year. Yeah, yeah, 100%. That's too young. Yeah, it feels very young.

Because actually, and even just later years, all my friends are turning 18 and I was having a 17th. Like it was just, I felt really out of whack. But I just do not have the same focus. And I say this now, my kid isn't even in school, but I reckon the pressure we put on the young people. Ridiculous. Look, if you want to be a doctor, if you want to be a neurosurgeon, yes, of course this stuff matters. But to many, it doesn't.

It really doesn't. And their kids are going out of their minds. You can work out what you want to do later in life as well. You need to do a year of work experience. A month here, a month there, a month here, a month there to get a taste. Go travel. Life experience. Exactly. Or just be in radio if it still exists by the time you finish. I get a DM every so often. Hey, my daughter wants to get into broadcast and get into radio. What was your journey? I went, one, my path doesn't exist anymore. No, yep.

And two, there are that many ways. So there's no. I just say don't. Oh, yeah. There's only so many time slots and they're dwindling. Yeah, they are dwindling. Good luck, everyone. Go buy a podcast mic and good luck to you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome to it, yeah. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Welcome to it, team. Welcome to Wednesday. And what a pleasure it is to be here. Always a pleasure. It's an honour. An honour.

It's a privilege. Privilege. But it is a pleasure at the bottom line. Oh, at the bottom line it is a pleasure. Halfway through the week, too, team. It can be all these things, but it's truly. It's truly a pleasure. A pleasure. It's a gift, it is a pleasure. Halfway through the week, too. It can be all these things, but it's truly. It's truly a pleasure. A pleasure.

It's a gift. It is. It's a gift. It's why they call it the present, darling. Oh, geez. Stay in it. You know what I mean? Stay in it.

How are we all going with our cyclone prep? Look, I was just sharing with you off air. I try and get the little baby out to see the sky, get, you know, some connecting with nature happening. Yep. Was at a playground yesterday and just boom, the deluge. So we had to play cafes. She didn't really know we were playing cafes because she's a baby.

But we were just bunkering down under one little shelter bed. I'm like, this is fun. I'll have a focaccia toast, please. She's running off into the rain. So we make the most of it. We make the most of it. How was your rainy afternoon? It was good.

It was good. You didn't play cafes with the dog? Didn't play cafes with the dog, no. Pam was depressed as all hell. Like, oh, this is rain. Couldn't go out yet. Managed to get her out for a bit. Hosted trivia last night.

Oh, that's right. Any fun questions you want to share with the team? It was an International Women's Day quiz. Okay. Is these the ones you were prepping us with? Yes, the ones I was hitting you with the other day. A lot of menstrual cycle questions. The ovulation cycle. Yeah, what happens after ov A lot of menstrual cycle. The ovulation cycle.

Menstrual cycle. Yeah, what happens after ovulation with the menstrual cycle. That was one of the first questions. You should have seen there was this group of like, must have been 20, I'm going to say 65 plus year olds. Okay. And when I asked that question, you should have seen the look on some of the guys' faces like, I do not know.

I don't know. Geez, trivia's changed. Yeah, yeah. It was a bit of that. The game where you had to get up and do, like, heads or tails, put your hands on your head or hands on your butt, and I flip a bat. It's rooftops or flats.

Yep. Some of the old guys were just, like, not wanting to stand up. And then when they did, they'd be really slow to put their hands on their heads. I came to trivia to sit down and have a schooner. These young bucks trying to make me stand up and do, essentially, exercise. Exactly.

With, like, 45 bottles of red wine on their table. Yeah, yeah. There was a bit of that. Welcome to trivia. Let's talk ovulation, boys. Luteal cycles. You educated me on that one. I didn't know what that was.

I don't write the questions, so I get educated every week. The problem is when you ask the questions, it doesn't stick in the brain as much. You know what I mean? Because you're on. You're performing. You've got so many questions. You're doing like 60 a night. I was about to say, but do people assume you write the questions? Some of them do, okay. You know what I mean? Because you're on. You're performing. You've got so many questions. You're doing like 60 a night. I was about to say, but do people assume you write the questions?

Some of them do, yeah. Yes. Some people love it and some people are like, what is that? Jeez, this bloke knows a lot about fallopian tubes. How did he come up with all of this? Where did this come from? Yeah, there's a bit of that. He must moonlight as a gyno.

I always wonder, like, imagine growing up being like, I'm going to be a gyno one day. I'm going to dedicate my life to the lady downstairs. That's what I want to do. Yes, to the penis flytrap. The yana. Yep, to the old. My lady cave. It does feel like an interesting. It feels like a weird choice.

A weird choice. If you're 15 and having to decide the subjects you'll do in HSC, which could dictate the uni course you get into, it feels like, wow, that's specific. It's like, yeah, the want in that. To have made that choice. I guess maybe you start with medicine. Yeah.

And then you decide. And you branch out. I will. Oh, well, you hone in. Yeah. Oh, you hone in. Yeah, yeah. What's weirder, that or like, I'm going to dedicate my life to the foot.

Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. Dedicating to one body part. Even ear, nose and going to dedicate my life to the foot? Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. Dedicating to one body part. Even ear, nose and throat, you know, interesting specialty. You've got a couple in there. A lot of pipes. A lot of pipes. A lot of mucus.

Oh, a lot of mucus. A lot of mucosis. Shaga, what would you dedicate your life to? Yeah, what medical field do you want to hone in on? You're a doctor tomorrow. I don't know. The brain, maybe? Brain's fascinating.

You've got a heart. High pressure, though. That's a hard one. Yeah, I won't be the anaesthetist. Just drug you up, put you to sleep. All righty.

See, I want to be kidneys because you've all got a backup. You know what I mean? If I stuff up one, now you've got a backup. That's true. Hey, good news is your

first one's failed, but you've got another one. They're like, what? Look, I've nicked it, but you've got another one. You're fine. What's kidneys amongst friends?

What's kidneys amongst friends? What's kidneys amongst friends? Babs, what would you specialize in? Maybe the heart. God, we've got the two hardest organs. Good on you guys. Really high pressure. You guys get paid well, but God. Or a leg.

Okay, yeah, leg feels good. Solid. Just the leg. This is our leg specials, Babs. Biggest bone in the body, the femur. There's some leg facts for you. You can tell we're not medical. Just the leg. This is our leg specials, Babs. Biggest bone in the body, the femur. Yeah. There's some leg facts for you. You can tell we're not medical.

People are just driving off the roads right now. I told you, if I had my time again. Yeah. And hey, who knows, in this industry, we could be done tomorrow. That's so true. I like dermatology. Skin. You like skin, yeah.

Skin, I want to help the kids with the pupils. You're fascinated by eczema and scabies. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come to me for a glowing, radiant complexion. I want to help the kids with their pupils. You're fascinated by eczema and scabies. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come to me for a glowing, radiant complexion. Morgan loves a bit of skin stuff as well. All the lotions and potions. I'm probably misunderstanding how difficult and the things you are dealing with, but I'd

love to be able to talk about cleansing routines. I'll get this sort of serum. Yeah, do that. I don't know if that's what dermatologists do, but that's what I like to think it would be. You need laser. What? You need Botox.

It'd be more skin cancer, I think. But I like to think, here, have a nice retinol serum. That'll sort you out. That's what we love. Jeez, we were all in the wrong profession. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a vet. I can see you being a vet. Can you?

I can't. Well, just in terms of your animal love, not so much in the milking of anal glands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, I catch Pam's wee all the time. You know I'm good at that. I just feel like it's all the other stuff. How would you go, you know, though, because you're very, I was going to say, proud of your boys, de-sexing dogs.

You know, that's a big part of the job. Oh, I'd be a no-nooter. Removing the manhood. No-nooty vet, you know. They're not getting neutered. Not on my watch. Yeah. Removing the manhood and ladyhood of dogs.

Oh, that'd be tough. I can't imagine you doing that. Yeah. No. Sucking out testicles with a big thing. Yeah, no, I can't imagine doing it either. I can't imagine being a vet, you know. It's just the playing with the animals.

Just the playing with the animals, you know. It's like how kids want to be firefighters when they grow up. Yeah, it's like you don't get how hard that is. Yeah, exactly. And dangerous. But hey, also being a radio presenter is tough times because we've got a big show. We do. We've got Alpha Bucks for $10,000.

I hope you are well-fueled. Oh, I'm fueled. We've got Shotgun Dips. Oh my God, everyone's favorite cereal game. You could win a jizz bit. And a packet of cereal. And a packet of cereal. And a packet of cereal. I've got a perineal massage update for you, Jessica.

An update? An update. Has Morgan, she wants it? No, but I've reached out to a bunch of men, including your husband, about tips for the massage, and you've got to pin the tip to your husband. He did not tell me. I could have really cheated this. He could have told me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if he would tell you or not. I'm glad he hasn't. He didn't. I'm glad he hasn't. That's fun. I look forward to the challenge. Some of the tips were bonkers.

Up next, though, there's been a revolutionary surgery happening in Canada. Oh, look at us staying medical. We are medical. Look at this. It's to do with the eye. But it involves your tooth. And it's making people see again. No one said dentistry or ophthalmology. Yeah.

Okay, who's doing this surgery? Tooth eye surgery, and it's helping people see again. We love that. Okay, Fred Hollows, educate me next. Jeff and Ducko. Jeff and Ducko. Anyway, we're heading to Canada. Yes.

Good to be here. Back. After those tariffs that Trump has imposed on Canada. Tough. Tough for them. You know, very tough. Trudeau doesn't know what to do with himself. Oh, he's off it.

He's off it. But we're here not for Trudeau. We're here for Brent Chapman. Who's Brent Chapman? Brent Chapman is someone who is blind, who is about to undergo very serious eye surgery. But this surgery, I need to tell you about. Stumbled upon this yesterday. I thought this can't be real.

I'm going to have a lot of unnecessary questions about Brent. Okay. Was he born blind? I don't know. Yeah. Just why? Why? Why ask that?

He's blind. Just live with it. Okay? I don't know Brent's history. You've made me care about Brent. I'm going to say he wasn't born blind if he's trying to get this surgery. Okay. Maybe fixable. Yeah.

So this surgery, how's this, is commonly known as tooth in eye surgery. Okay. Is that a euphemism? The tooth in eye surgery is exactly what they do. It's also known as, I might muck this up, osteo-odonto-acherotopriotheosis. Thank you. It's the man of pay rise. Thank you so much. I can't believe you even attempted that. How's this? It's been performed on an. Thank you. It's the man of pay rise. Thank you so much. I can't believe you even attempted that. How's this? It's been performed on an Australian lady and it's been successful, which is why Brent wants to do it. It's never been done in Canada.

Was she the first one in the world, the Australian? Yeah, I think she was the first one in the world and it's had tremendous success. What? It involves removing a patient's tooth, usually the canine tooth, and installing a plastic optical lens inside the tooth, then implanting the whole thing into their eye. What's the tooth got to do with anything? Okay, so the tooth is because it has a thing called dentine in it,

which is the hardest substance the body produces, making it the ideal casing to bridge the plastic lens and the patient's eye. It's like moulded over. So it becomes the bridge of sorts. It becomes like the lens in the eye because it's so tough, because it's of sorts. It becomes like the lens in the eye. And because it's so tough, because it's the tooth. It can withstand the conditions. You're telling me dentine is like tougher than bone or something?

I'm not saying you want to break a toe off to put that in your eye, but I'm learning a lot here. So it's specifically meant for people with severe corneal blindness in the front of their eyes, right? Here's how they do it. So they remove the patient's tooth. They shave it down to a rectangle. They drill a small hole to accommodate the lens through the middle of the tooth. Yes.

Remove scar tissue from the patient's eye and fill it with a small flap of soft tissue from inside their cheek. Jesus. It's just using material we're building ourselves. Because you know you hear about organ rejection? Yep. Maybe they're like, if we use your own stuff, it won't be rejected. It won't reject it. Ridiculous. Because you know you hear about organ rejection? Yep. Maybe they're like if we use your own stuff it won't be rejected. It won't reject it.

Oh my god. They then implant the tooth encased lens inside the cheek so that it can grow a new tissue around it, right? So the lens of it So I've got that going on in my mouth So it's growing, preparing while the lens is going through your eye. A few months later they go back there and move the tooth from the cheek and sew it back into the front of the eye underneath the cheek

tissue. This results in this like pink, pink-colored circular dot eye. But the lens is very black. The camera lens is very black. It works. Yeah, it works. It works. It's had 100% success. Pardon, again, I'm going to ask you a question you won't know.

Yeah. How's your brain involved in all of this? Because your vision, obviously, your brain has to be receiving the message. How's it all linking up? I'm not sure. How's it all linking up? I'm not sure. With a little tooth. With a little tooth. I don't give my teeth enough credit. It must be, like, re brain has to be receiving the message. How are they linking it up? How's it all linking up? I'm not sure. With a little tooth.

With a little tooth. I don't give my teeth enough credit. It must be like rewiring your hardware inside. Yeah, and your brain just goes along with it. So it's moulding over, and your brain just goes, okay, this is how we see now. This is the vision. This is how I'm getting the vision of the world.

It's so intrusive, and it's such an intense surgery. They can only do it on one eye. You can't do it on both. Oh, so this bloke... Blind in both. I understand, we're blind in both, but he gets vision in one eye. The Australian lady who's got it, don't have her name, she's been blind for 20 years, completely blind.

She's now snow skiing. Wild. And that's in Australia where, yeah, we've got some mountains, but in Canada, it's 95% snow. He'll be running amok. Oh, my God, this is amazing. It's incredible, right? He comes up with it, he goes, you know what? is amazing. It's incredible, right? Who comes up with that?

Who goes, you know what? If we have a tooth, we put a camera through the tooth, we chuck it in the cheek, we let it grow for a bit, and then we whack it in the eye. This is the kind of science I can get around. You know, sometimes we bring you the story of, oh, researchers have decided, oh, rats perform better on cocaine. Yeah, yeah. I don't need you.

Well, I mean, we all need to know how the rats are going on cocaine. I don't need you to spend time on it. When the army of rats we have, and we need them to work hard, and we need to apply them to cocaine. I need more people working out tooth eye surgery. Yeah. So we can restore vision around the world. Incredible.

That's incredible. Wild scenes, right? Give me the name of that surgery again. It is. Optio. No, no, I'm just going to go tooth and eye surgery. Jess and eye surgery. The team has been with me every step of the way on this moustache journey. Unwillingly.

It's becoming a part of me. Like even Babs said the other day, I can't remember you without one now. Wow. You posted some of the professional photos from your friend's wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blake and Em, where you were both MC and best man. That's what I grew up for initially. It is so aggressive.

It's so prevalent, isn't it? And you are doing the classic, the photographer must have said, all right, boys, stonewarming. Yeah, it was a serious one. Serious. Peaky blinder shot in like a nice whiskey room. Just, I zoomed in on your face. How good is it?

It's the best. I've done that so many times. I send it to people. Whoever wants it, I'll send it to you. It's so, look, I've got one right here. It started as a joke, right? There's this big old slug on your upper lip.

It's getting handlebar-y. Yes, it is. But a couple of things I've noticed people saying now to it. People are liking it. I'm actually getting a lot of compliments on it from both guys and girls. People are being like, it's Stockholm Syndrome. I like it. People are just like, oh, that's what his face looks like now. People are like, you know what? It actually really suits you. Everyone's liking it except my wife. it's Stockholm Syndrome. I like it. People are just like, oh, that's what his face looks like now. People are like, you know what?

It actually really suits you. Everyone's liking it except my wife. Morgan's hating it more and more day by day. The one whose opinion should matter the most. Or the least, you know. What if she says, I'm going to do the opposite? She's getting drowned out by randos. But the issues I'm having, and I noticed it when we watched some of our videos we get

in the studios here, and people have said it to me now, and I did it a lot last night at, say, Trivia and stuff. Yes. I'm licking it so much. Yes, you are. I'm just licking it to the point where it's starting to flare out where I'm licking it on the one, I'm only licking the one side. You are only licking the one side, and it's funny because just the way of the logistics in this studio, the way your mic is angled to me, I can actually

only see, is that your right? My right, your left, yes. I can only see your right. Yes. So I wasn't sure if I'm just, it's being obscured the other side. I have noticed. I'm not licking that left side. Is the right side the only side capturing any flavor?

Well, it's just, I get a few broke hairs and I can like lick the hair into the mouth. That can't feel nice. It's so addicting. I don't know why. I've got such an addicting personality. So it's just. I know you were worried about trimming the handlebars. Yes.

You know, down past the crease of your lip. Worried it'd be a bit French, a little bit, you know, skinny Frenchman. A bit nothing going on. But is that the issue? That the handlebar is coming down. The handlebar's now what's getting a bit woolly and getting a bit licky. Riding to the corners of the mouth. But even last night I was so sick.

No, the mustache isn't getting licky. You're getting licky. I'm getting a bit licky. Don't blame the mustache. I'm Auntie Licky. I'm getting a bit licky. Shout out to Auntie Licky. Great, great rice cooker.

Great reference from 2024. Haven't heard from Licky this year. Nah, hopefully we'll hear from her soon. She won her call of fame. Yeah, she won her pink tickets and she got right out of here, didn't she? No, so I was hosting last night and I did, I looked at a table and this person was looking at me. While I'm doing it, I'm licking it and it looked so aggressive.

Because you don't do it for minutes on end. No. It's only a couple of seconds. Yeah, but it looks like, if I'm looking at you, Ryan, I go, and do it. It's just a lot. See, look at this shot. I'll give you the lick test. Ready?

Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's bad. Yeah, yeah. It's not good. It's bad. It looks like something's wrong with you. It does. It really does.

In the most polite way. It really does. Wow, and it's the eye contact. It's the eye contact. And then I'll get lost in it. And were you sharing one of the questions about the menstrual cycle? Yeah, yeah. What are the three steps?

It was an International Wednesday quiz last night. Okay, for that to make sense. And he also doesn't write the questions. No, I don't. What are the three steps of the menstrual cycle? As I'm licking it. Don't look at Babs now. You're going to make everyone laugh.

Babs just hid behind her computer. Anyway, every time I lick it, let me know. So are we taking feedback on? Well, yes. Every time I lick it, can you know. So are we taking feedback on? Well, yes. Every time I lick it, can you guys tell me to stop? I need to just ingrain in my brain to not lick. Shy guy, I'm going to need you to pop to, ooh, maybe like a hair house, warehouse. I don't know who sells this sort of stuff.

Then maybe a pet shop. When my family dog used to be naughty, my mum had a spray bottle. Oh, you were one of those hairdressers. Pet bottle, dude. And she would spray. But I didn't know if that was a spray bottle. Oh, you were one of those hairdresser bottles. Pet bottle, dude. And she would spray. But I didn't know if that was a pet thing. Yeah, true. She had it because it was a hairdresser thing.

Yeah, yeah. And just spray them. And she would go, Ranger. So whatever he does, we'll just squirt him. Yeah, yeah. Squirt me. And to try. That's a good idea.

Get the bottle. Because how am I meant to help you across the desk? And it'd be quite fun, you guys squirting me every time. Because I don't even know I'm doing it. Because what I'd really like is to be able to, you know, give you a little like that on your tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm too far away.

Yeah. What if we threw something light at you? I like the squirt bottle. I like the squirt bottle. We're going to need a tarp for the desk. Well, there's a dog collar in my desk for some reason, like a zappy one. Oh, yeah, get the electric shock collar.

That's right. We use that for that truth. Shocking questions. Yeah, shocking questions. We got electrocuted. All right, this is what I'm hearing. Babs, go get the dog collar. I don't want to be zapped. Strap it to Ducko and you're in control.

Can I have the remote? No. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. You have 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass.

Of course, we come back to you if there's time. We're playing for $10,000. Today's player. We've got a good one, Jess. Oh, my God. We've been waiting for him. We have. We've got Tom.

Hello, Tommy. G'day, mate. How are you? Good, Tom. Finally, he's picked up the phone and called. Yeah, we've been waiting for him. We have. We've got Tom. Hello, Tommy. G'day, mate. How are you? Good, Tom. Finally, he's picked up the phone and called. We've got him. Yeah, we've been waiting for you, Tom. Tom, why have you kept us hanging for so long?

Oh, I don't know. Just suspense, I suppose. Yeah, well, you built it. Life gets in the way sometimes. You built it up. Yep. That's it. It's been wonderful to have you this morning, Tom.

What's motivated you to call today? You thought, you know what, 10 grand would come in handy. Yeah, just a few bills to pay and a few renos to finish off. Ah, renos. Renos. Yeah. All right.

Well, one thing stands between you and a nice new bathroom, perhaps. Yep. Maybe a new kitchen. You seem good with your hands, Tom. Are you doing the reno yourself? I am, yeah. I have a. Maybe a new kitchen. You seem good with your hands, Tom. Are you doing the rental yourself? I am, yeah. Bathroom and carport. I can spot another tradie when I

chat. Yep. What do you drive, Tom? I drive a Hilux. Oh, Hilux. Oh, he's a Toyota man. I'm a Ranger guy, Tom, so I'm that, you know, that Princess tradie kind of vibe, but you know, it's all good. Don't have a look for the dirt under his fingernails.

There won't be any, Tom. The letter you're going to work with is L. L for love. And we love you, Tom. Okay? Mutual. Mutual. There you go.

Good. See? It's nice. It's beautiful. Give and receive. You ready, Tom? Wow, I don't think that's ever run out before. No, I faded it down.

Oh, you faded it down. That was just me getting us ready. That was your Oscars wrap-up music. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Tom, are you ready to go? Ready as I'll ever be. Let's do it. Your time will start after the first question.

Starting with the letter L, we need you to name an occupation. No, pass. A kid's toy. Pass. A celebrity. Pass. A clothing brand. A legalise. A fabric. Pass. A dessert. Lemonade ice cream. Yep, an instrument.

Oh, no, we were waiting for him and he didn't disappoint. Maybe it was another Tom. So hard. Yeah, it was the other Tom. You got yourself two, mate. Two of the best. Two great ones. Are you paying lemonade ice cream? I'm going to give it to you.

Get them off the floor. I had no idea. You probably can get a lemonade ice cream. I guess you can have a lemonade icy pole. Yeah, that's true. Lemonade ice cream? You can't make it out of cream. Look, let's go through some.

Tom, an occupation could have been a lawyer, kids toy, Lego, celebrity, Leonardo DiCaprio. Fabric could have been leather. An instrument could have been the humble lute. Everything else, look, the other two you got correct. You don't go away empty-handed. It's not the Renaults, but you get $100 to spend at Hello Skin. That's all yours. Perfect.

Thanks, guys. Thank you, Tom. Thanks, Tom. Thanks for playing and having fun. That's all we can ask. We've ended the time around. It's a lot harder than you expect. It is.

It's harder when you're on the phone. Take it up with Babs. She writes it. We do play again at 8am for $10,000. Hopefully we go a touch better than that. Hopefully. Hopefully. You know.

But hey, if that's all you can deliver us. It is what it is. It is what it is. Up next though, big moment in the show. Oh my God. Oh my God. Shaga, hit me with one. Oh my God. Sorry, your mic wasn't on. Hit me with one. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Chaga, hit me with one. Oh, sorry, your mic wasn't on.

Hit me with one. Oh, my God. Babs is coming in. It's going to get fully seen. Oh, my God. Good playing. Jess and Daco. Hey, it's Babs, and this is my book.

Men's Operation Superstar Bratz. That's me every time. We think Superstar Bratz. Oh, yeah. We think Babs. We think Babs, and this is my book. Commence Operation Superstar Bratzley. That's me every time. We think Superstar Bratz. Oh, yeah. We think Babs. We think Babs. And she's carved out half an hour of the show right now. Good morning to you, Babs.

Good morning. And I didn't carve out half an hour. I said it would be nice, but I don't have to. Hey, back yourself in. Here we are. What have you got for us today? I'm going to talk about how my dad is having a midlife crisis. Oh, no.

Not Superstar Bratzley. No. Oh, no. Not superstar Bratz Slade. Yes. Oh, J-Mo, what's going on? How old is your dad? Well, he's just recently turned 52. Okay, so he is midlife. He's like literally smack bang in the middle, really. And he's all of a sudden.

Well, not to get grim, but I'm pretty sure the average Australian male only lives to about 79. 79? All right, Dad. It feels young. It's not a hundo. But anyway, continue. Anyway, so we're past midlife. Yeah, okay.

So he's really in the crisis territory. Yeah, he's really in the crisis territory. He's decided to pick up gaming. What? Yeah. Is that when you sent us a photo in our work group chat of that? It's like an F1 gaming setup. Yes.

Is that for your dad? It's a racing simulator. So all he wanted for his birthday was a racing simulator. I've never seen him play video games in my life. In was a young person in that photo. That wasn't your dad. That was my dad. God, he looked good. From the back. I thought that was your partner. He would like that. I thought that was like a little cousin. Yeah, me too. I need to see Damo again. That's Damo. If I'd noted his dad energy from that pic, we would have picked this up. Look at him. He's

smiling. You can see him grinning from behind. Yeah, it's making him so happy would have picked this up. Look at him. He's smiling. You can see him grinning from behind. Yeah, it's making him so happy. That's your dad. Look at him. Full head of hair. He's full of hair. So for those that don't know, he's got the full racing simulator. He's got the chair.

He's got the gear stick, the hair. He's got everything. Does the chair have accelerator and brake pedals? Yeah, so it's got pedals. It's got a gear stick on the side. It's all you can use, like the back of the steering wheel to change gears. He's also doing it. I haven't come up with it. He's also doing it underneath his Bono and U2 vinyl collection. In his games room.

He's got a games room. He doesn't have a full man cave, but he has a games room. He's got a corner. He's got a corner of the house. What is that room? It's the bar room. The bar room. So it's got like a full bar set up and he's got his foosball table and stuff.

Wow. Oh, man, he's living the life. So what's your issue? Your issue is that he's never gamed in his life. He's never gamed in his life. And I can't understand why all of a sudden he's like, I'm going to play games. No, no. What I'm hearing, Ducco.

Yeah. And I'd love to get to maybe a phone topic from you, Babs. What I'm hearing is daddy's spending my inheritance. That's not true. Those things are expensive. Look at that setup. It's a great setup. That'd be a couple of thousand dollars.

I contributed to that. I paid for some of it. Oh, it was a birthday. It was a great setup. That'd be a couple of thousand dollars. I mean, I contributed to that. I paid for some of it. Oh, presents and stuff. It was a birthday present. Does he have any other games? Do you know? No. So that's why I'm like, why?

Yeah, and it's so random. Like, he'll come home from work, just, you know, jump on for a couple of hot laps, then just resume your day. I just can't. What's your mum's take on this? Because has she got to a point where, good, give me a bloody minute, peace and quiet? Well, I think, yeah, I don't know. She's not peace. It's taken her husband away. The other day, I said, where's dad? She's like, good, give me a bloody minute. Peace and quiet. Well, I think, I don't know. It's taken her husband away.

The other day I said, where's dad? She's like, oh, probably just playing his racing simulator. And then she had a start. He's doing Monaco right now. He's driving for Ferrari. He's doing a lap in Bath. Hey, man. Piastri's hot right now.

He's going, I could have a lap around the sun. Why not? Is it F1 or is it V8? I think it's V8. Oh, yeah, mate. It's pretty cool. I had a go at it and it was pretty fun. I can see it, but my eyes were like burning after it

because I was looking at a screen and I just don't understand. It's a hell of a setup. For me, though, this is a healthier alternative than dropping a bottle of wine every night. I'm not saying he's doing that, but, you know, it goes two ways. Well, he might have a sneaky beer while he does a lap. Okay, one beer a day. We're not drinking and driving, are we, Damon?

Hang on. So, what did you want to do here on 131060? Did anyone else have a midlife crisis and decide they were going to pick up something really random? Did your parent maybe pick up a hobby left or centre? Or was it you yourself? You thought, I'm 50, I've never done

this, I'm going to sink my heart and soul into it. Yes. Or, did you pick up gaming? Did you pick up gaming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1310 never done this. I'm going to sink my heart and soul into it. Yes. Or did you pick up gaming? Did you pick up gaming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 13, 10, 60. You have a midlife crisis. Are you having one? Did your parents have one?

It's giving teenage boy. Yeah. But who's to say they're the only ones who can have a little simulator? Yeah. I mean, like, good on him. I think it's great. But I'm just so confused why all of a sudden he's just got his heart set on doing that. Would you rather you've come home with a Corvette, you know, like a full sports car, you know,

the movie version of Midlife Crisis? That would be kind of cool. It would be weird seeing your dad come home wanting to play video games when he's never done it. Yeah, just like, sorry guys, I'll be back in an hour. I'm going to do some laps. Does he play online yet against people overseas and stuff? I don't think so.

You kind of just like do time trials and stuff. Hilarious. What am I looking at there? Is that a little headset situation? Can he talk to people? No, he hasn't got a headset. No. It looks like the headset

on the side of the chair. It does look like a headset. Oh, it might be. What's that thing? Oh, it might be. It looks like a headset. He's got the full rig. He's got it.

He's got everything set up. He's making friends, man. Yeah, he's playing with people overseas right now. He's got friends everywhere. Sounds weird. Him and Couture are hanging out. It's a nice way to connect

with other gamers. Isn't it just? 131060, I love this, Babs. Did your parent go through a midlife crisis? Yes. What did it look like? Or did you pick up gaming in your later years? Yeah, and how did it go?

And how did it go for you? Give us a call. Would you like to connect with Damo? Yeah, what's his handle? We've got that Call of Fame price up for grabs as well, which is $500 to spend at Tradie Undies. We'll get you on there. We're in the middle of Babs' blog right

now on 131060. We're discussing midlife crisis. That's right. Her 50-plus-year-old dad has decided at this stage in his life, I need a new hobby. And that hobby has become gaming. Yeah.

Specifically, the racing car simulator. The V8s. He's got the full setup, which Babs very, very kindly said, ah, the family chipped in for. That's what he wanted for his birthday. The chair, the steering wheel, the gear stick. But I can't imagine gaming stops there. Once you get the bug.

Oh, yeah. And it's an expensive hobby. Yeah. But it's a new phase for him. He'll be online. He'll be versing people online in no time. Got that headset. Oh, he's loving it.

Babs' mum is going to hear him cursing down the hallway, you know. Someone in Taiwan, you know, does an illegal turn. Oh, yeah. Should see him cruise around Mount Panorama. He crushes it. He crushes it. So we want to know, have you experienced something like this? Yeah, all right.

Maybe you call it a midlife crisis. Or did someone in your life pick up a random hobby? Yep. You go, where'd this come from? Michelle's on the line on 131060. Good morning, Michelle. Good morning. How are you, Jess and Ducco?

Good. Couldn't be better. You've taken something up. Well, I have probably taken over one of my son's PlayStation because I'm hooked on Fortnite. Oh, no way. Okay, so Michelle, gaming wasn't in your repertoire and you thought I'll have a go at that and now hooked.

Well, years and years ago I did have a Nintendo 64, which I still have, but it doesn't get you. Yeah, yeah. Yes, that was the best. But I used to watch him play with his mates or I used to say to him, you know, give me a go, give me a go. And then, you know, I was absolutely hopeless. So I ended up sitting there having a few cracks at it.

And I'm a sniper. You're a sniper? She's a sniper. She's a sniper? She's a sniper. She's a sniper on Fortnite. And what a beautiful thing. I hope her son is, you

know, open to it because what a nice little bonding thing now. Fortnite's a tough game too and there's a lot of like youth references in that thing. Well, Michelle's probably

staying up with it. She's loving it. Yeah, she's loving it. She's doing the dances. Good on you. Rachel's called her on 131060. Your dad took something

up in a midlife crisis, Rach. Yes. Morning, Jess and Ducklife crisis, Rach. Yes. Morning, Jess and Ducko. Good morning. So my dad is turning 71 this year. He has never ridden a bike in his life and has decided to buy an electric bike so he can drive himself to bowl. Rachel, don't tell me he's got himself one of those fat boys that all the kids are cruising around on.

The funny thing is he plays balls to have a schooner of black at every end, so he doesn't think he can get caught for DUI. On the bike. Okay. On the bike. All right, we need to educate Rachel's dad. Also illegal, but still, those bikes are everywhere. All the kids have them.

They're riding like three people on the back, speed wobbles on the main road. My biggest fear, I'm going to be holding the baby, walking from my car into my front door, crossing the footpath. They zoom. They zoom and they don't look. They don't look. I think that'll be zoom and I think he'll be going pretty slow. Robby, don't have to watch out for Rachel. On his way to bowls.

Matt, good morning to you. Morning, how are you? Yeah, pretty good. We don't have to watch out for Rachel's dad. On his way to bowls. Matt, good morning to you. Morning. How are you? Yeah, pretty good. Matt, have you had what we're calling the equivalent of a midlife crisis? You picked up something random. Yeah, so I'm 33, so it's a bit early. But my mate said, come fishing with us just before Christmas,

and I've never liked fishing before in my life. We went once, and I've spent thousands to date on fishing gear and still haven't caught a fish. Oh, he got the bug, though. Oh, he got the bug. All the gear, no idea. Still hasn't caught a single fish. Oh, no.

Well, good luck, Matt. Keep fishing. It's a peaceful activity, though. Beautiful. And let's wrap up with another Michelle. Good morning, Mish. Hi there. How are you?

Yeah, so good, babe. What's the random hobby that you've taken up? Well, I turned 65 in January and I've taken up bodyboarding with the Newey and Lake Mac Granny Grommets. Granny Grommets. I did not know that was a thing. That's fantastic. Granny.

It is a thing. Is it just, can you describe the Granny Grommets? Is it all people who've taken it up later in life so you're all new to it? Yeah, it seems to be. The newie Granny Grommets meet at Nobby's at 8 o'clock each Friday. She's their spokesperson. No, well, I'm not actually. I've only been a couple of times.

Some of these ladies, they get up to 100 people at Nobby's sometimes on a Friday morning. Is everyone pulling the sharkers out and stuff like that, you know? Pretty much. Yes. It's really good fun. Yeah, I bet. The McQuarrie people sort of meet on a Monday morning at 9 o'clock at Caves. So it's just a lot of ladies having fun,

taking up something new, and it's good fun. Now, Michelle, I do want to know, coming to your 60s, doing some of that, are there a few injuries? We're a little bit slow getting up sometimes. Jess and Ducko. I reckon producer Shy Guy's having a glass of milk. Glass of milk and a little biscuit, aren't you?

My milk, my milk, my milk. Shy Guy Dips. I'm so excited. I want Shy Guys. You should be giddy up. It is dippy, dippy day. Shy Guy Dips. This is one of the great games.

Shy Guy's bad at describing things. Yes, he's got many skills, but describing things is not one of them. So we've tasked him. Can you rattle off his skills? We keep saying he's got many. I just. Well. Yeah.

We know the one. But that's a God-given. That's a God-given gift. He got gifted that. Yeah, yeah. From the gods. We've accredited that like a skill. Yeah, yeah.

That might be a long bow to draw. Yeah, yeah. He's very passive-aggressive. He's great at that. I know. He sends a good passive email. He sends a great. Oh, he's great at emailing.

He loves an email. He's not great at proofreading, though. I don't proofread. He doesn't at that. He sends a good passive email. He sends a great... Oh, he's great at emailing. He loves an email. He's not great at proofreading, though. I don't proofread. He doesn't mind tech. All his skills. Oh, he's helped me a lot with, like... Oh, I was going to make a real niche reference. Don't even worry about it.

The other day, he showed me how to find the Wi-Fi. He taught me how to get rid of the CapCut logo on my videos. He helped me find the printer here at work. He helped me pin the snipping tool on my taskbar yesterday. Guys, save this for the 8.10 phono, okay? He's good at keeping us on track. He's daddy. But one of the non-skills, one of the weaknesses is describing things.

So we tasked him with walking down aisle six at Woolies, picking out some cereal and giving clues to rice cookers so they have the chance to win said box of cereal. We've tacked on a Jess and Ducko fridge magnet, the size of your fridge door. And a jizz bit. And a JD jizz bit. Yeah.

We got a couple of DMs yesterday being like, guys, it's pronounced jibbits. I'm like, don't ruin our fun. We obviously know that. We're having fun. A Jess and Ducko jizz bit. And, of, it's pronounced gibbets. I'm like, don't ruin our fun. We obviously know that. We're having fun. It's a Jess and Duggo jizz bit. And, of course, the glory. The glory.

Of being an elite pool of people who can decipher Shy Guy's clues. So, Shy Guy, first clue, please. First clue is. Yes. Two words. Oh. Two words. Two words.

Remember, you call 13 10 60 right now, you'll get another clue. That's right. We just need first cab off the rank. Always. Last week it went off caller one. Oh, jeez. Could happen again. She's in even a more elite pool.

So it doesn't happen because it wasn't fun. We are running late, though. 131060. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. I reckon producer Shy Guy's having a glass of milk. Glass of milk and a little biscuit, aren't you? My milk, my milk, my milk.

Shy Guy. I'm so excited. I want Shy Guy's box. Speaking of games, this is our favourite. This is it. Shy Guy has a box of cereal here. He's going to give you a series of terrible clues. Yep.

He doesn't mean them to be terrible. That's just the way he describes things. He just is, you know. As we've established, he has skills in other areas. Like Clippy. Like Clippy. Snippy. Snippy. Whatever. Computers. He's already given

us one clue. Yeah. Which to be honest, divisive in the studio, whether it is accurate or not, but hence the terribleness of his clues. Yeah. Two words, says Shy Guy. And Nicholas was very quick on the phone. Hey, Nick. Morning, Jess.

Morning, Darlene. Ah, Darl. We've heard it's two words, but you get a supplementary clue being the first caller, Shy Guy. What have you got? Chocolate flavoured. Chocolate flavoured, Nicholas. So two words and chocolate flavoured.

Chocolate flavoured, two words. Cocoa is one of them. Okay. Yeah. Do you want to lock in pops as the other word? Exactly, yeah. Coco.

I mean, my material is from that. Yeah. Is it Coco Pops? Coco Pops! It is not, though. We needed that guess, so first cap off the ring.

Well done. 13, 10, 60. If you think you know or if you have any ideas, remember, you will get other clues. Shaga, what is another clue? Another clue.

They are littler than I thought they would be. Oh, they're little. Alex, good morning. Good morning. How are you going? Yeah, we're trying to give away a box of cereal. We've heard two words, chocolate flavour, and littler than Shaga imagined.

What's your guess? Cocoa Pops. Now, the previous caller just said Cocoa Pops. Oh, no. We'll give you three seconds to pivot. Have you got another guess? I don't know. Okay.

Thank you very much. It's good to chat, though. It's good to chat. This is how this game works. And I'm going to give Ali... Usually I'm like, there's no leeway, but we know there's funny buggers with this system, so maybe he didn't hear.

Jeanette's called through on 131060. Good morning, Jeanette. Hi. Don't say Coco Pops. It's not Coco Pops. You get another clue. You do, yep. They've got legs and arms.

Oh, big clue. Big clue. No, you're really throwing me now. What did you think it was, Jeanette? I thought the Kit Kat. Oh, the Kit Kat cereal. She's put it all together. Two words.

Legs and arms. I'd say Kit Kat have fingers. Do you want to lock in Kit Kat or you want to pivot? Yeah, no, you're just going to have to keep that because I can't think. She's got no legs and arms in her cereal repertoire. It is not kick out. 13, 10, 60. If you think you know, get another clue as well.

We go to Kirsty. Hello, Kirsty. How are you? Oh, we're so good, Kirsty. We've got a fridge magnet, a jizz bit and a box of cereal up for grabs. Another clue for Kirsty. It's an Arnott's. Oh.

It's an Arnott's cereal. Small, Arnott's, arms, legs, Kirsty. Tiny Teddies. Now, now, now, now, now. What kind of Tiny Teddy? Chocolate cereal Tiny Teddies. Yeah. You do know, Kirsty.

You do know. Have you ever had these, Kirsty? No, my kids eat them. Okay, can you confirm or deny that they're yummy? Because, my God, they look just like they've been cremated in an oven. They don't look too appetising. Two out of three do not like them. Oh, okay.

Well, she's buying it for one kid. Yeah, one kid enjoys it. Well, Kirsty, you're an elite pull. You've won the fridge magnet. You've won the Jess and Ducko jizz bit. You've won the box of cereal for your one child who enjoys it. Well, Kirstie, you're an elite pull. You've won the fridge magnet. You've won the Jess and Ducko jizz bit. You've won the box of cereal for your one child who enjoys it. But you need to say, hi, I'm Kirstie, and I'm so excited to win Shy Guy's box.

If you can get that for us, please, when you're ready. Three, two, one. Hi, I'm Kirstie, and I'm so excited to win Shy Guy's box. Hi, my name's Kirstie. Oh, my name. Yeah, that was on me. And I'm so excited. I won Shy Guy's box.

Throwing you off the track there. And take two, three, two, one. Hi, my name's Kirstie, and I'm so excited. I won Shy Guy's box. Yeah! Jess and Ducco. Yesterday, we learned on the show about, well, I learned, and so did Shy Guy and so did Babs.

You already knew, Jess, because you're in the study of this, the perineum massage. Well, I've been a recipient. You've been a recipient. Now, my wife, obviously, because you're in the study of this. The perineum massage. Well, I've been a recipient. You've been a recipient. Now, my wife, obviously, pregnant. Baby's due. We're 33 weeks now, so we've got like six weeks or something. And so Morgan went and asked our midwife, is perineal massaging a good thing to do?

Yeah, she'd heard about it. Heard about it. She'd read a bit about it. Is it worth it? Yeah. I don't want to get too into it right now, but no terry-ter down there when you give birth. It's meant to be a preventative thing. It is not foolproof.

No. And your midwife said as much. Look to each their own. If you want to do it, why not, you know? You got a perineum, your choice. Yeah, you got a perineum, you got a chance. I was a fan. I was like, oh, we should definitely try this.

You said you did it. And I thought, let's do some digging here. That's right. I asked my husband to be involved because the leaflet we got said, if you want to do it properly, someone's got to get right in there, and that can be hard for a pregnant lady. So it is a partnered activity. So I messaged five people, one including your husband,

and I asked for a one tip or one bit of advice on the perineal massage to perform onto your partner. I love the idea. You just sent out that text. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No foreplay. No foreplay. Just, hey, brother, I know you've had a kid.

Yeah, yeah. Perineal massage. Talk to me. Let's go. So are all these men fathers? Yes. Who have done the perineal massage? Correct, yes.

Okay. One is yours. You've now got to pin the comment to Angus. Which one do you think is Angus' advice? I'll read you all the five. Okay. First one. The key is Angus' advice? I'll read you all the five. Sure. Okay. First one.

The key is in the index finger pressure. Okay. Now, yeah, I thought more thumb was involved. Okay. But okay, talk to me. Index, yeah. Next one. Shut your eyes and hope, but you'll need to go harder than you thought you would. Oh, that's feel.

Yep. Okay. Yep. Pressure. Next one. go harder than you thought you would. Oh, that's feel. Yep. Okay. Yep. Next one. Take longer than you think. Also, press hard, but don't bring on early labor. We did talk about that. Remember, that was one of the risks.

Yeah. You can muck around downstairs. You can do that. I know Angus knows that. Next one. I think this guy's just trolling, but don't use tongue. It's not as nice as you think. Did you just lick that one?

That was a shy guy. Yeah, we'll get rid of that. And then the last one, nothing will prepare you for this, so trust your fingers and massage well. I don't think that's Angus. Okay. So I'm going to eliminate

one, four and five. I think it's either pressure or take longer, don't bring on early labour. I'm going to lock in number two, Ducko. Read it to me again. Shut your eyes and hope, but you'll need to go harder than you thought you would. Shut your eyes? No, because I think his eyes were open.

You think you couldn't see? I couldn't see. I had the belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to lock in contestant number three. Take longer than you think, but don't bring on early labour. You are incorrect. You had it with shut your eyes and hope, but you'll need to go harder.

That was Angus. That was Angus. He was shut your eyes and hope, but you'll need to go harder than you thought you would. He shut, he shut his eyes. But he did say you'll need to go harder than you thought you would. I thought that might throw you. Those two seem to be the most accurate out of all. I'm not going to use tongue for end and index finger.

They just seem a bit odd. Because, you know, Angus, he took it very seriously. He did. I didn't think he'd have a joke giving you advice. I think it was maybe the shut your eyes and hope was a bit of a joke for me. Sure, sure. But the harder than you thought you would was the key there. The harder than you thought you would.

Yes, and that's exactly, as we said, you're preparing an area for something it has never been through before. Obviously, your first trial. Yes. So, wow, there you go. Well, I mean. I feel like I may. Most of it was good advice from your mates.

Yeah, well, some of it. Take what you will. Jess and Ducko. Finish this sentence for us. Let's have a group therapy session. Get some stuff off our chests. God, I hate it when they dot, dot, dot. This could be someone in your life or mainly we're looking for the public.

Yep. The general public. You see strangers doing this on the street and you think, who raised you? Oh, it's the worst. Take us to France. Oh, it'd be a pleasure. Oh, good to be here. Vivi. Bonjour to you. Bonjour to France. Oh, it'd be a pleasure. Oh, good to be here. Vive.

Bonjour to you. Bonjour to you. Comment ça va? Ah, oui. We've exhausted my knowledge. That's it. Croissant. Croissant.

Le travail. Yes, cargo. Mi scusi. Who looked at a snail and went, yeah, I'm going to put you in some butter. Some crazy Frenchman. I'm going to fry you up and I'm going to try and eat you. I'm going to have you. I'm going to have you in some butter. Some crazy French milk. I'm going to fry you up and I'm going to try and eat you. I'm going to have you. I'm going to have you in my tum tum.

We're in France, Duggo. Now, we know the French. They really are running their own race over there. Oh, yeah. They were the first nation to genuinely make it illegal for employers to contact employees outside of work hours. Yeah, that's right. The right to disconnect. Sort of caught on around the globe.

But now they're doing something I'd love to see brought in here. Yep. A French man. His name's David, which really is upsetting me there. Sounds like a French name I'd give. I'm going to call him something much more French. I'm going to call him Jean-Pierre. Jean-Pierre.

Jean-Pierre has been fined, Ducko, around 330 Australian. It's about 150 euro. He's at a train station over there. Yeah. And he wanted to call his sister. But instead of having just the phone to his ear, he thought, no, I'm going to put my sister on loudspeaker. Oh.

Gets a tap on the shoulder as he's waiting for his train from a railway employee. Yeah. Tap on the shoulder, sir, that is not allowed. Here's a fine. I didn't know that was a thing. Originally, it was only about $200, but he refused to get off speaker. So they went, you know what?

For your insolence, we're upping the fine. So as I said, total about $330 for using his phone's loudspeaker in public. So, is that written on the final? Is it like noise pollution? What is it? Yes, according to the French Transport Code, it is forbidden, and this is me translating, obviously. Obviously, yeah, yeah.

My French, you know, a bit shaky, but I think I've got it. It is forbidden for any person to use, without authorization, so maybe you need a letter from the president. Yeah. Forbidden for any person to use sound devices or instruments to disturb the peace of others by noise in spaces or vehicles assigned to public transport. I love this. So in a public space, you are to keep to yourself noise,

all that jazz, to a minimum. Oh, that's the best. So it sounds like there's no busking. No. There's no loud talking even. If you're in that quiet carriage, you better be whispering. You shush. And Jean-Pierre was not.

That's great because I'm in 131060. I hate it when they... I was literally on a flight the other day and someone was FaceTiming their partner while sitting in the seat in front of me. Like during... Just sitting there before we took off. Yep. Sitting there.

FaceTiming. Are you noticing FaceTiming is becoming much more commonplace? FaceTiming in public is the worst. I have had to say to someone, you know me, chicken club, hate confrontation, middle of the supermarket aisle, FaceTiming their wife or whoever. It's always a bloke who doesn't know what he's doing in the shop. Sorry to be stereotypical. He's going, which one?

And he's trying to film the aisle to show her which Serena Tuna she wanted specifically. To be fair, you don't want to get that wrong. No, you don't want to get John West. Take a picture, send it, and stand off to the side quietly. Don't be FaceTiming in the shops. And also, like, if you're going to FaceTime with her, have headphones in. Come on. Like, don't have no headphones and be loud.

It's ridiculous. I hate it when they do that. You know what I also want to chuck under the bus? Tell me. These youths who go around playing music on speakers in groups, in public. Why are we doing that? I don't care that you're listening to Fetty Wap. Bro.

I don't care. How confident do you have to be? What are we all walking around like babs? How confident do you have to be that your music taste is superior to everyone else's? On your JBL boom? I swear I took the baby to the little kiddie pool the other day. Yep. Youths. Yes. Walking around, I swear to God. Oh to the little kiddie pool the other day. Yeah.

Youths. Yes. Walking around, I swear to God. Oh, God, I feel like a boomer. A boombox. You should have seen the speaker. You should have seen. He had like an amp.

He's rolling around an amp on a little dolly trolley thing. I'm going, not a thing, brother. Do you do that, Babs? Do your friends do that? No, and no one listens to Fetty Wap either. All right, mate. Come on. I hate it when they poo-poo my music tape. Yeah, come on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's another one. 131066. I hate it when they. Can I add one more? Yeah, of course. And again, I'm going to go with you. I hit them hard.

Why wear a helmet but not buckle it up? Just take it off. What's the point? Because it's still, a helmet unbuckled is cool. A helmet buckled for some reason is not cool. Just take it off. Because when you fall off that e-bike, because it's slippery and you've taken the corner too fast, the helmet's going to fly off and you're going to crack your skull open.

You are. So you may as well just take the freaking thing off. Buckle it up, you idiots. That was buckle it up. There was a B in that. Buckle it up. Buckle it up. What's the point of having it on but not done up?

Safety first and then when they're on the e-bikes and the threes. This isn't just about you, so it can be about anyone. I had it when people walk slowly on the footpath. Amen. In groups. In groups. Taking up three wide. We need lanes.

Like the Autobahn in Germany. Oh, the Autobahn. Where it's like the left lane, you floor it. Yeah. We need that for pedestrians. We really do. 131060, let's have a little therapy session, but also a couple of PSAs.

Stop doing this. Also, this would be a great way to text in 048881069. If you've got them and you don't want to come on the air, you can text it in. We'll read it out for you. That's right. We'll get it on next. I hate it when they...

Dot, dot, dot. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. I hate it when they... Dot, dot, dot. Yes. We would love to get you on the phones, 13 10 60, or of course you can always text 0488881069.

A Frenchman has been fined, something I think we'd like to see introduced in this country. Got a tap on the shoulder at his local train station for having his sister on loudspeaker. Yeah. And he was fined with disrupting the piece, refused to take her off loudspeaker, and the fine got doubled. Sucker!

I don't know, this is great. I had someone who was FaceTiming in the plane before we took off. Yep. I don't like that stuff in public. We don't like that disturbing the piece. A friend of mine has just texted me. Oh, yes. Okay.

Bye, love. Okay. Byler. She goes, I hate it when your mates only give you a 30-minute window across a whole weekend to play banana creams. Shut up, Byler. Byler, you don't have a kid yet. Shut up, Byler. We've also got some great texts in from the text line 0481069. I hate it when they are rude to hospitality slash retail workers.

Manners are free. I agree. Good one. I hate it when people get off the travelator and stop. Make sure you move. That's a fantastic one. 100%. Like, I'm all for, like, the kid playing on the travelator for a bit,

but you can see I've got a trolley and my own kid. Please get your kid out of my way. Hurry up. I hate it when the travelator doesn't work and you get on and automatically move yourself. Isn't it such a weird sensation? It's the worst. I hate it when they don't fix the travelators. Another good worst. I hate it when they don't fix the travel aids.

Another good one. I hate it when they don't give me a little wave when I let them in driving. Oh, it's another one. Manners are free. Manners are free. Let's go to Lauren on 131060. Good morning, Loz. Good morning.

Finish that sentence for us, Del. Hate it when you're in hospital and the person in the bed next to you has their phone on loudspeaker all the time and then whatever they're watching on Facebook up loud. This sounds like a very niche and very recent experience for you, Lauren. Yes, I was in hospital for a week and she was in there the whole time. Oh, that would have been horrific. Oh, it's so annoying.

And all you've got is that little curtain partition. That's not blocking out anything. Wow. Jordan's called through on 131060. Jordan, finish the sentence off for us. What do you hate? I hate it when they stop at the end of the escalator. Stop dead.

Stop dead. Totally dead. No movement. Nothing. Yep. Get their phone out, maybe. Decide what they're going to do. Where they're catching up with their mate.

Move out of your way. Yeah, just right there too. It's like we're living in a society, people. I hate it when they've gone to go pay for something and that's the moment they decide to respond to the text or that's when they need to transfer money over. Yes, the transfer of money. Come prepared.

Be prepared. Come on. You know you're going to buy something. Yes. Chantel, wrap us up here. Finish it off. You hate it when they? Cyclists don't use the cyclist lane that is there for them.

Oh, careful now, Chantel. Oh, I agree. Cyclists on roads and the cycle lane. Why don't they buy a red car? Here we go. Yeah, it's a tough one, Chantel, isn't it? But sometimes there's not a cyclist lane, Chantel. What do we do then?

I'm not referring to, lane, Chantel. What do we do then? I'm not referring to like a specific road. Like I drive this every day and they did an upgrade on this road specifically for the cyclists that are on it. And they still don't use it. They ride in the middle of the road and there's very sharp corners and it's very dangerous. Very dangerous. And it's like, dude, there's a lane there for you to use.

Use it. Use it. Yeah, I know what you mean. there for you to use. Use it. Use it. Yeah, I know what you mean. I know. You know my depth perception is so bad, Ducko, so I get so nervous. I have to wait for, like, the full two lanes to be cleared. I go so far around. Because if you clip them at all, game over.

Oh, my God, of course you're horrible. Game over. Game over. Good one, Chantel. Got another text here, Ducko. This is about you, I think. I hate it when they take up two car spaces with one car. Someone's seen Jess Park.

Told you yesterday. God, even in the office here, I went, poor Babs better not try and leave because I blocked her in, basically. 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Alpha Bucks. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're untrue to the question, just say pass.

We come back if there is time. We're playing for $10,000. Our player today at 8 o'clock is Leah. Hello, Leah. Hello, how are you? Leah, we couldn't be better. We have the opportunity to give you $10,000 right now. The question is, are you ready to take it off us?

Nervous, but I'll give it a try. Okay. That's all you can do. That's all we can ask for. That's right. What do you want to spend the money on? I want to renovate my son's room. That's nice.

Are we talking full structurally or just some design elements? Oh, just some design. Right. Not a walk-in wardrobe. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, she's pretty. We'll get rid of that racing car bed and we'll update him. Yeah.

Well, that's lovely motivation. What's your boy's name? Jason. Jason. Do it for Jase. If you'd said Matthew or Maverick, Mason, might have been a better omen because your letter's M, Leah. You got that, Leah?

Yeah, you're good? You're good? She's switching. She's locking into game mode. M. You're dialing in, aren't you, Leah? Here we go. M.

M. She's flicking through her Rolodex in her brain. Oh, yeah. Pull out all the M words. All the M words. Not my favourite. Not your favourite? Well, perhaps quickly.

I think she'd prefer J for Jason. M's pretty good, though. I think M's solid. Back yourself in, Leah. Are you ready to go? I'll give it a go. All right. Your time will start after the first question.

Starting with the letter M. We need you to name a fruit. Melon. A job. Puff. Something in the house. Puff. A periodic element.

Puff. A musical. Puff. A type of cheese. Puff. A type of cheese. Half. A month. Half. A type of chocolate.

We've given up. We've submitted. Leah, Leah Freak. Oh, no. I told you it was in my face. She got the twisties. Hey, you got melon from the get-go, which avoided the nudie run, and that's all we got. We got melon. Didn't specify Hey, you got melon from the get-go, which avoided the nudie run. And that's all we got.

We got melon. Didn't specify, but we got melon. I don't even know if I want to pay melon because it doesn't count. I do want to have a team discussion. Can we pay melon? Melon feels like an umbrella term. It's like saying fruit. It did feel a bit umbrella-y.

Like, do you go to the shops and buy a melon? No, I think you buy a watermelon or a rock melon. So what are we saying here? I don't know. Are you going to pay melon shy guy? If 10 grand was on the line, I don't know if we would have paid. Leah, this could mean you have to do a nudie run right here and now, but I don't want to.

Tell your son to go to his room. Are we paying melon? Like, does someone go to Woolies and buy a melon? I think that's a. Like you said, rock melon, watermelon. Yeah. It's a blanket term. Well, you can say apple because apple is the fruit.

Correct. But melon is a blanket. I think. Congratulations. You got zero correct answers. And run yourself a nudie run. Remove pants in five, four, three, two, one. Oh, we're on!

We're on the nudie rudie! Yeah, take it off! Run through your son's unrenovated bedroom. Suck it, son, this isn't getting renovated. Oh, that was... Thanks, guys. Hey, if you can't win, I prefer you to get zero. Couldn't agree more.

It's more fun It's better than nine Let's go through some learnings A fruit could have been mango A job could have been mechanic Something in the house Microwave A periodic element

Magnesium A musical, mamma mia A type of cheese Mozzarella A month could have been March or May But hey, we learnt And you still don't go away empty handed $100 to spend at Hello Skin is all yours

Thank you Thank you, Leah. Thanks for getting involved in the show. Put some clothes on, Leah. Naughty. Crazy cat. Naughty me. Also, March.

Come on, man. We're in March. By then, she'd throw it all in. Yeah, she had. She'd give it up. Maybe she wanted the nudie run. Oh, I see what she's doing. She went, I've come this far.

I don't think she had clothes on when she did that quiz. I'll take my pants off. Can you do a nudie run when you start naked? Put some clothes on. What do you just keep teaching your parents? Yeah, maybe it's just not sticking. And you've had to revisit the lesson over and over and over again. 131060, we've got those fantastic tradie undies to give away as the call of fame.

But you can always text in 0488881069. Sweet shy guy. Son of the year has had to address something with his dear mum. Mumma guy. Among other things that I've addressed. She's been listening to the podcast, big podcaster, and she accidentally a couple of weeks ago hit the two times speed button on the podcast.

And she's talking to me going, you guys talk really fast on the show. I was like, I don't think we do. We do talk fairly quickly, as it is. We do do that, Jess and I. Time is money. But to flag it with our producer, obviously her boy, going, jeez, really quick. Because her drive used to be the length of the podcast. But now she's like, I'm getting through it so quick now.

I don't know what's changed. You guys are doing worse. You're talking faster. Are you ramping things up? Shy Guy goes in for an investigation. And realized, hang on a minute. You hit two times speed. Now, this is us in two times speed.

So we're already pretty high energy. Now, imagine Jess and Ducko in two times speed. I just had an order of cheese deliveries. Sorry, that's the next plausible option with you. Yeah, cheese or pasta deliveries. She came in. I said, are you hungry? She went, not really. It was 1.30. It was a an order of cheese. Of course. Sorry. That's the, that's the next plausible option with you. Yeah. Cheese or pasta deliveries. She gave me, I said, are you hungry?

She went, not really. It was one 30. No, it's a bit after lunch. She was, she was fine. I went,

I've just got some new cheese. She's like, no, please. No, I'll just get them out. How did she even cop that? If that is for,

well, since we came back, as in the start of the year, that to me is quintessential. Tech is not your jam because that sounds electronic. It sounds robotic to me is quintessential tech is not your jam. Yeah. Because that sounds electronic. It sounds robotic to me. You can hear it. But to not even investigate, have I clicked something?

What have I done wrong? It's no, no, it's the guys. She thought that I was saving the podcast in a faster thing so people can get through it faster or have a time thing. She didn't know. Get more clicks. Yeah. She was like, oh, maybe people are just going to consume it faster

because they have other things to do, other podcasts to listen to. Maybe it's a strategy that they're doing. With us, Babs did say, I used to listen to uni lectures on two times speed to save time getting it all into my brain. Our argument is, how does your brain even absorb that information? It's so fast. You can also slow us down just for a bit of fun. This is us really slow.

I just had an order of cheese delivered. Of course. Sorry, that's the next. Sounds like we're drunk kids. Sounds like we've had a couple of Long Island iced teas to start the morning. And we're just going for it. And we thought it'd be fun to do it. We love our parents.

You know, we all do. But they get to that age, you need to start teaching them things or maybe repeatedly talking about things. And I know it's going to bite us in the ass having this conversation, Ducco, because you're about to be a dad. My daughter's 16 months. She's already better at the TV remote than me. Do you know what I mean?

She's fiddling with things, maybe unconsciously, just pressing buttons. But she sets up voice assistant on the remote, and I don't know how to turn it off. So the generational gap of tech, our time will come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember growing up, every week or so, my mum would tap me on the shoulder. How do I put songs on my iPod?

Ah, the iPod. And to begin with, you go, oh, sit down with me, mum. Come on, we'll do it. The tutor has become the teacher. You know, your time's over. Come sit in my lesson. Yeah. But then every week, Jessica, how do I put songs on my iPod?

Until I crack it, she goes to my younger brother. Christopher, don't let your sister hear. How do I put songs on the iPod? Just keep going. I have taught you 50 times. Yeah, and you just have to keep having the same lessons. Same over and over and over. Mum and dad couldn't work their speaker for the TV.

They had like a soundbar thing. Could not work it. I love that. They've been sold it at the shop. Yeah, yeah, we'll get it. No, because we bought one and they liked ours. And they went to the shop, but they bought one, but it was a different brand. So slightly off.

They were trying to get me to hear it. I'm like, oh, jeez. Oh, God. And they're interstate. You're having to do lessons over FaceTime. Yeah, every time I fly back, it'd be an hour with dad. We still couldn't get it, but, you know, we tried. They're listening to everything silent, just subtitles.

Ah, it's fine. Yes, I'll do. So 13, 10, 60, what do you keep teaching your parents? Does it always have to be tech? No, true, very true. Maybe you have to keep educating them what the meaning of emojis are. Stop sending that one. Stop sending the eggplant emoji mum, all right?

You can text in 0488881069. We'll get you on. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducco. Jess and Ducco. We're asking, what do you keep teaching your parents? Yeah, we had some feedback from Mama Guy. Shy Guy's mum. Madam Guy. I've had the pleasure of giving her

a hug in Spotlight. And I've never been more jealous of anything going on. There's no better moment in my life. Because you're such a closed book. And now Ducco's had a peek inside the family. I saw them. Had contact with Mama Guy. Physical contact.

And they were both giving the it's fine look to some of the things that they weren't going to buy. You got double trouble. I got double trouble. It's fine. Well, she had feedback for the show, which she obviously went straight to her son, the executive producer of this program, and went, jeez. The eep. The guys are speaking very quickly these days. What's going on there?

Upon investigation, Shy Guy realised she'd set us to two times speed on the listener app, listening to the podcast. I just had a order of cheese delivered. Sorry, that's the next plausible option with you. Yeah, cheese or pasta deliveries. She gave me and I said,

are you hungry? She went, not really. It was 1.30, you know, it's a bit after lunch. A couple of chick bumps. You've hit the button, Madam Guy. Oops. That's on you.

Yep. But we've all had this experience. Maybe it is with your parents, gosh, maybe grandparents, or just someone older in your life that can't quite seem to get the message. Yep. We've got a text saying, not my parents but our older contract workers can't understand why I can't just install the button back on their iPhone

rather than these new ones where you have to swipe up. These new ones. These last like decades. Gone are the days of the iPhone button. Just put it back to the way it was. I want that button. I can't. I want to click something.

We go to Dan on 131060. Dan, is it your parents you keep teaching something to? Oh, it is my parents. And they're interstate. So every time I go, you know, a couple of times a year on the holidays, I have to reteach them how to use all the bins. The bins? They're garbage bins?

The magical food waste bin. My mum puts all the food in plastic bags and then puts it in the food pacemaker. And then she can't handle soft plastic. So you go around and it's like, what's in the recycling bin? 15 bags. Oh, damn. And apparently all of the, you know, her own suburb and the local council's different to everywhere in Australia.

It's amazing. And you have the same debate every time you go home. Yeah. I know, but it's a different thing every time. Something is different in each bin every time. I don't get it. Oh, that's so good. Well, keep fighting for the planet, Dan.

Fight the good fight, Dan. Keep fighting the good fight. Laura, I'm 13, 10, 60. It's your dad you keep teaching something to. It is my dad. I'm constantly having to teach him the right kind of clothes to wear. The right kind of clothes? What sort of things is he doing for work and what's he wearing?

Yeah, so my dad is a GP and he's often working with children and kind of trying to keep up with the current trends and whatnot. Like, for example, he's gone into work a few times with, like, a Rick and Morty shirt, knowing that it's something kids love but it's not kind of the right vibe for a GP. He's like, it's got cartoons on it. I'm a cool GP.

Yeah, I'm a cool GP. Oh, that's so cute. Yeah, it's got cartoons on it. I'm a cool GP. Yeah, I'm a cool GP. Oh, that's so cute. Yeah, it is sweet. Recently, he's been going through a bit of like a kind of Buddhist yoga phase and he found these pants he thought the kids would love, covered in, you know, rainbows and plants and whatnot. And he's very excited, goes to work that day and sends me a photo. And unbeknownst to him, he's wearing pants covered in the devil's leather.

They're like, oh, my GP's cool. I'm going to book in a weekly appointment with this GP. I've come to my friends today looking for, I guess, encouragement. I know I'm in the wrong. I'm adult and mature enough to know that I've reached a new low. But also, I am immature enough to not know how to push past it. Come to the right place. Because I think my priorities are out of whack, Ducker.

I'm a lot of talk. I think this is going to be no surprise to anyone. I'm a lot of talk, but not a lot of action. So late last year, I booked in with a mate who is a PT. I said, I want to be strong. I work out. I've got no care for aesthetics. I've got no thing about I want to get pre-baby, nothing.

I don't care. I just want to be strong. I want to be healthy. I'm sexy and I know it. Yeah. If you feel good, you will look good because it will emanate from your personality and your health and all that jazz. These nuts.

But yesterday at the gym was the first time I've been back since I had something done to my body. Okay. And we get there and Con and my wonderful PT starts slow, a bit of mobility stuff and rolling. It's not too strenuous. You're stretching. Yeah. We call that stretching. doesn't, it's not too strenuous. You're stretching. Yeah. We call that stretching. No, but it's only my ankle.

You don't stretch your ankle. You do some mobility. You do some mobility. Yep, you're doing a warm-up. I told him my ankle kind of is niggly. He went, in what way? I went, I don't know. I just feel it.

So he made me do something with a band. You're lying again. Yeah. But then my issue was he wanted me to warm up on the treadmill, which I think is very standard. We've done it again. Yeah. But then my issue was he wanted me to warm up on the treadmill, which I think is very standard. We've done it before. Yeah. But I now have an extra two kilo on me head.

Oh, that's what I've got. Since getting to- I was wondering if I got something done to my body. I was like, can I ask what that was? I shouldn't know what that was. I tell you all the things I get done to my body. Medical, have you been- I got hair-

You got hair extensions. Sewn into my head last week. Yes, yes, yes. And I had it in a ponytail yesterday, pretty stock standard for the gym. But as I'm bouncing on this treadmill, I'll give you the hot tip. I wasn't going particularly fast. Every little jump, run, movement, tug, tug, tug, tug, on me real heavy ponytail.

And I went, kind of, I don't like this. Let's move to something else. You could feel like the extensions. Yes, because I'm bouncing. Was your hair up? It was in a pony. Yes. Right, okay. It was up.

Ladies who can train with their hair down, you look hot as hell. How do you do that? Wild. I don't understand. Yeah. I don't like this. Change it up. And now Kynan is very kind to me.

He went, all right, what do you want to do instead? I went, anything else. But the tugging is no good. Sit on the bike, maybe. Exactly what he put me on. No tugging on a bike. No worries. I can keep going.

Tugging in the gym. One of the great references. But then he makes me start doing bench press. What position are you in there? Lying down your back. Lying down. Big ponytail now squished onto a bench. Also not comfortable.

You lift it out the back and just hang it over the top of the bench? Well, the pony, it's sort of like right at the base of my head. Right. So all that extra pressure, the tugging has sort of presented itself back. I went, no, I don't want to do this either. He went, listen, what are you coming here for? God is patient with you. He's so patient.

I hope you're paying him a lot of money. I pay him his full rate. There's no mate's rates here. I pay him his full rate. There's no mates rates here. I pay him what he's worth. But all I do is whinge. He goes, stop trying to get out of it. I know what you're like because sometimes I say, what show are you watching? What's your opinion on this hot conversation?

And we stop down. He goes, I see what you're doing. Keep squatting. If I'm going to talk, you can keep doing the motion. But the hair now, I went, no, I don't want to do this. No, I can't do that. No, I don't want to do this. He goes, take a second, work out your hair.

What do you need to do? A plait? A braid? You need to take it down? A braid could be good. You could braid it up. I said, I don't know how to braid my own hair. Can you learn how to do it?

Piggy tails? Piggy tails? You could piggy it up? I could piggy it up, but I only had one scrunchie, so I couldn't do two piggies. I see. So it was a whole thing. But even as I'm whinging to him, the little angel on my shoulder is going,

shut up. This is a new low. You know what you're doing. It's like, I don't know if you've ever been guilty of this because you don't actually try and get out of work at the gym, but you go, I've got to tie my shoelace. Hang on. You just undo it quickly just to buy yourself 60.

How many times in your life have you done that? Many, because your shoelace wasn't undone. I was like, yes, it is. Is this? See? Yes, it is. Hang on, I've got a wedgie. Let me just quickly rearrange. Hang on, I've got something. I made him turn the lights off yesterday because they were too bright in my eyes. Oh my God. My goodness. I don't know how he tolerates you. He goes, what's the problem with the bench bros? I went, it's too heavy. The light's in my eyes. My hair's hurting. You sound like your mother. My mum actually trains hard now.

You should see her. She's looking good. I've watched her with her boot camp instructor. She got a PT, does she? Yeah, on FaceTime. Oh, honey, I'm off to see George again. She doesn't whinge at all. I bet she doesn't.

Now, is George good looking? I'm sure to some extent. George is good looking. He didn't really light my fire. He didn't get your high pony going. Maybe to my mum, yes. That's why she works hard. Jess and Ducko.

The Killers. Somebody told me, hit breakfast, Jess and Ducko with you, 8.54. When that song came on, I was just like, oh, my God. I just wanted to slay. I get it. I get it. You get it. I've had a bit of an emo playlist going on at the moment

when I'm driving around. You do. A little My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Killers popping up. What do you call Killers emo? I don't know, but you know like that screamy rock? Compared to Sabrina Carver and Ariana, the rest is emo. My Chemical, yes, I see it. Fall Out Boy, Killers though, I mean they're just, come on.

That's some good times. There's two genres in my head. Pop and everything else. Hey, team, look at the time. Just about us done here. That's right. What a wonderful program it has been. Shago, what do you rate it today? Four.

Out of? Five. Jesus. I thought it was out of ten. I was like, holy hell. Oh, there you go. 8.3. Good fractions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah, 8.3. Well, like four out of five might translate to eight out of ten. That's never good at fractions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah, 8.3. Well, like four out of five might translate to eight out of ten. That's never good at fractions. Yeah, yeah. Fractions. I'm sorry, I don't know math. Yeah.

I think that is the equivalent. Why do this job? If you missed any of it, you can grab it on Listen. Or wherever you get podcasts, make sure you do that. Don't listen to it in two times speed, though, like Shy Guy's mum was. That's right. Madam Guy has been accidentally listening to us in two times speed. We sound like chipmunks.

Chippies. Sent her son a text saying, hey, tell him to slow down. No, you slow us down. You've sped us up mechanically. Don't you dare speed us up. No, we're fast enough. We are very quick. Babs's blog is fantastic if you missed it today.

Talking about midlife crisis. That's right. We got a cheeky DM, Jess and Ducko, and said, my husband's going through a midlife crisis, has started buying all cleaning car supplies. He's getting into detailing. I mean, that is a random hobby to pick up. That's so strange. Such a weird hobby to pick up.

I understand golf and gaming, but cleaning cars. He's Ford Ranger. He's Hilux. Whatever he drives, he'll be pristine. Beautiful. With this new hobby. Yeah, as we said, tomorrow we're back Thursday. We've got Wordy Oaky. We've got Alphabox. We had a nudie run today. With this new hobby. Yeah, as we said, tomorrow we're back Thursday. We've got Werdie Oakey.

We've got Alpha Bucks. We had a nudie run today. Oh, my God. Controversy, though, because we didn't give her a point for melon, right? That's right. We thought if 10 grand was on the line and she said a fruit starting with M, melon, that felt umbrella term to us. It had to be watermelon or rock melon.

Yep. Which wouldn't have worked with the letter M. We got a text in on the text line. It said, as someone who shops for childcare regularly, I absolutely buy melons. Melon is the fruit. Watermelon, rock melon, honeydew, et cetera, is a variety of melon, in my opinion, from Anonymous. That's what we're saying.

So she's saying melon is the fruit, but the other ones are varietals. Like, if we pay apple, then we should pay melon because Granny Smith, Red Delicious, Pink Lady are the varietal. I don't know. I don't know about that. I don't know. I feel like no one goes to the shops and goes, I'm buying a melon. Yes.

You'd be like, I'm getting a rock melon. Yeah. It's a grey area. Maybe it was a harsh nudie run. Look, let's be real. If it was for $10, we probably would have given it, but because it was for $1, we wanted to make her do a nudie run. Mate, we had a laugh.

She had a laugh. I don't think she enjoyed it too much, but we had fun. We had a lot of fun. She got the minor prize. Yeah. Not that she deserved it, but she still walked away with something. $100 skincare. Not bad.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Well, she's going to be nude a lot. She better have some skincare. Yeah, we're out of here. Back tomorrow. Stay safe wherever you are as well with Alfred rolling in. That's right.

Cyclone Alfred. Hearing that some schools have already been closed, that sort of thing. Precautionary measures. A lot of Queenslanders sandbagging and everything like that today as well. And all the news as well. Of course, stay safe. We'll update you with the news always. Imagine being Alfred, though.

Really ruin the name for you. I know. It's already tough enough as it is being called Alfred. I think it's a dying name as it is. This is going to do nothing for the new generation of babies to be called Alfred. Yeah. Tough one. Yes. Anyway. Shall I go anything you generation of babies to be called Alfred. Yeah, tough one. Yes.

Anyway. Shaga, anything you need to add? No. Okay, Babs, anything you need to add? No. One day they're going to say something. One day they'll say, you know, I should do this. Even just a goodbye would have worked there.

No, it's so definitive and negative. Oh, okay. Babs is out there. Bye, Babs. Have a good one. I'd love to say farewell to the rice cookers. You know how every day I say bye and then you say bye and then we get out? Maybe we all need to say bye. So maybe it goes Babs, shy guy good one. I'd like to say farewell to the rice cookers. You know how every day I say bye, and then you say bye, and then we get out? Maybe we all need to say bye.

So maybe it goes Babs, shy guy, me, you. You want to do it in unison? You're asking. No, no, no. It goes to Babs first. I go, all right, we're out of here. I know we like her. Bye.

And then you go. Bye. And I go, bye. Bye-bye. Oh, that's good. I like it. Okay, let's practice. Okay.

Oh, you get to shoot on the listener app anyway. You get your show. Bye-bye. Everything's all good. Hey, we're out of here. Bye. Bye. Bye, let's practice. Get the shit on the listener app. Anyway, you get your shit up. Everything's all good. Hey, we're out of here. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye. Oh, my God. Goodness. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jess and Ducko.

That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Macca's Fiery New Spicy Chicken McClap is even more reason for a Macca's Run.