Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | Too much bum no sun

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

Soup lollies are a thing, Jess gets dissed at sensory class and we suspect Ducko will be an overprotective parent after the weekend Pams had!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new loose change menu has dropped at Macca's. OMG. T's and C's apply. Jess and Ducko. This is the Jess and Ducko podcast. Jess and Ducko here. Team, welcome to the podcast. Fresh week.

Fresh week. Now, we beta tested our games last week. I think we've got a good schedule of games lined up, which will get underway this week. I just love the fact we did that. Yeah, it was nice. I just think it showed real get up and go from us. Did it? Not just slapdash and putting a board together thinking, ah, we'll just see.

No, no. We really put it through its... We're professionals. We are professionals. Yeah, it's fun. What's that saying? We put it through its... Paces.

Paces. Thank you. Yeah. Really good. We did our beta testing on it and we found one that we didn't like that didn't work and we found some that did, which is always good. Absolutely. And it really feels complete now, our roster of games.

But don't forget, if you've got any ideas or feedback, always open to it. Always open. We have a new game, which, well, not a game, it's a segment tomorrow, Babs's Blog, where she comes on and tells us one bit of content a week. It can be personal, it can be topical, anything she wants, what's going on in her world. I think we will do that on a Monday moving forward. Okay, the Babs's Blog. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, maybe. Because also we've got Year of the Song tomorrow. Yep. Which is a Shy Guy led one. Yeah, that's right. You know what I mean? Plus the dregs.

So maybe we do it. But tomorrow, let's just test it out. The question is, where are we landing on dregs? Are we still happy? What are you thinking? What are you thinking? I thought today was okay. Today was better.

But the issue is, as soon as it falls down on one day, it feels like it should go in the bin. So it's one of those things you go, I don't know. I feel like it's a statement as well. You can't just do it sometimes and not do it. It's either there all the time or it's not there. Because it's the dregs of the content we haven't used. Yep, yep.

And it would be actually a great little meter to have a look back at the year and how Shy Guy develops, you know, just as a real metric for him. He's storytelling. We know all his off-air stuff. Great. But he's on air. It'll be nice to see the progression, the story of Shy Guy. You know, started as this timid, grouchy boy that camera would flick to

and he'd be there scowling, sending emails. It'll be nice to give him a platform with which to start getting a bit more expressive. Exactly, case in point. We never would have seen that early days. I'm getting advice from you that you didn't vibe dregs. You don't vibing dregs. I'm getting, I'm picking that up. I was picking it up today.

Do you know what I think my issue is? Yeah. When he says a story and we go, nah, not interested, and he keeps going. He's like, no, no, I've got info on this. He said, do you want to know who's going to the jungle? I said, no. Why do I know who's going into the jungle, Daco? Because he kept going.

That's my one bit of feedback. He's like, no, we have to say this. I feel like this should be done. We don't have to do anything. That's my qualm. Yeah, I see like, no, we have to say this. I feel like this should be done. We don't have to do anything. That's my qualm. Yeah, I see what you're saying. If we say no. You've got to be more ruthless with the shovel.

I am. You said not interested. That's my issue. Yeah, okay. But you're enjoying it regardless. I still think it's got legs. I agree. It hasn't set the world alight.

No. But I'm not ready to give up on it. I love that. That's a great support. Because our boss hates it. You're now more in the camp of not liking it. I think it's because I so vehemently don't care who's going in the jungle. And now I know.

That one aside, though, we learnt about the... Oh, I did enjoy... The make-up, the Mr... Mr Skin. Mr Skin I enjoyed. Who is also a porn website. Yes. Yeah, you know what?

I think if we just look at today's, don't care about the jungle. You told me about it anyway. Liked Mr. Skin. And then the words from Hinge Profile didn't tickle me. You're right. Because it's one of those things where we go, that's why we didn't do it on the show. Yes.

Hundo. And then I think I feel bad for the rice cookers. That's why we chose to not have it on the book. Now when I look back on it too, I kind of go, yeah. It's all about how we're going to do it tomorrow. Yeah. How are we going to do it better? How are we going to do it better?

How are we going to level up? But that's on you also, Shy Guy, to go, I'm not even going to bother with this one. Did you find the hinge words interesting? Surely not. I didn't find any of it interesting. Hang on, hang on. Why are we doing it if the guy doesn't even think it's interesting, Sean?

I think what I'll do, we'll tweak it. I'll give you the headlines, three headlines. Yes. And you tell me which one you want to dive into, and then I'll deliver you that. Oh! Way better. Way better. Way better.

Headline number one. Headline number one. Like, the jungle. Headline two. Yeah, porn star. Yeah, way better. Because let's reenact. Do that.

Do that for today. Okay. Let's go. Woo, Shy Guy Drags. We're not sure about this segment. Yeah, here we go. What have you got for us today? Number one.

Who went in the jungle last night Story one Okay What was that Oh The Mr Skin slash porn company No no How would you tease me on that

I don't know What do you mean you do know If you have the article I don't have the article right now You've already delivered the content Yeah so it's done Okay make one up Move on

Okay I reckon we just get this three hours ago. I don't think he cares. How am I meant to care if he doesn't even care? He wouldn't be fighting the boss on this to keep it going if he didn't care. That's true. He's fighting for this. It's like your default mode is lackluster.

Yeah, it is. And you so vehemently stay on that track. I'm on your side with this segment. Yeah. Oh, what? Really? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Well, then we don't have to do it anymore. What do you mean by that? No, like we like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he doesn't. Yeah, yeah. So we keep doing it. I like that idea, then.

That was confusing. He's saying like we're on the same page. Yeah, we're on the same team. What I want is that idea. Your idea. You give us three and then Jess and I discuss. We pick one. You give us the details of the one.

Now, can I just give you one note? Yeah. You got it. Put the bait out for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? A headline. A Daily Mail headline.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then what if it's such a good headline, but then the story's shit? That's how it works, baby. That's how it works. Don't dupe us, because at the end of of that, you've got to deliver this thing. You get that playing in the big leagues sometimes, don't you? But saying Mr. Skin porn scandal... I don't know! I reckon I might have

skipped that and gone with the hinge one and then potentially missed out on the best story of the three. Okay. But... Yeah. Okay, that's what we're doing tomorrow. I like... Yes. This is why we should have beta-tested everything. We should have. Yeah, we should have. Do we beta-test Babs' blog? Yes. Yeah, that's the lesson. Okay. So maybe we don beta tested everything. We should have. Yeah, we should have. Do we beta test Babs' blog? Yes.

Yeah, that's the lesson. Okay. That's the lesson. So maybe we don't do it live tomorrow then. No, I think you're right. I think what we've learned here is we beta test. Do it in the podcast tomorrow? Yep.

All right, we're beta testing your blog tomorrow. I still want an opener though. Absolutely. We've got to beta test every element. It can just be you going, it's time for my blog. Yep. And we can give feedback on that. Yeah, yeah.

And then tweak it for the following week. Did you have a content that you were going to bring? I haven't really looked yet, but I can think of something. You know, it can be personal as well. Do you want it to be like Gen Z specific? It doesn't always have to be. Whatever you want. Or just any article.

I think Babs specific. I think Babs specific. I eat your opinion. Okay. Let's remember some Radio 101's Babs. Sure. Anyone can go on the internet and read an article. That's true. What I'm looking for is Babs' perspective. That's what I can't's, Babs. Sure. Anyone can go on the internet and read an article. What I'm looking for is Babs' perspective.

That's what I can't get on the internet. I can only get on the Jess and Ducko program. Yep. So don't you be coming in here with just dot points, because that's what essentially Dregs is. Right. Babs' blog is about Babs' take on the world. Love ya.

Whether it be personal, topical, local. Yeah. Whatever you got going for us. All right. We'll beta test that in the podcast tomorrow. Shago Drake's back better than ever. This podcast will be fantastic if you listen to it right now. Absolutely.

A lot of laughs. A lot of lollicopters. That sucks. I had to punch myself in the face just for saying that, didn't I? We all want to. I'd love to go up. From the queen of pasta. Dip me in hoisin. And I'd be a happy lady. To the king of casual chaos. How is it to say you're out to take my butt plug out? Because that is what's happened. Shy guy.

Have you ever heard an insect scream? Kill a fly and you never hear it go out. Jen. Then I babs. My sister used to lick the butcher glass. Big jokes and big vibes in 2025. This is Jess and Ducko. Lights, camera, action.

Good morning. Ah. Great. Welcome to Sticks. Happy Monday. Glad that we used my butt plug gear there. Well, it's one of the great questions. How hard is it to just remove your butt plug before an MRI? It's a tough time. It is a tough time. Well done.

Good work, everyone. Really well done. Really well done. Good morning. Good morning. Happy to be here. So good to everyone. Really well done. Really well done. Good morning. Good morning. Happy to be here. So good to be here. So good.

It's a new week, team. We're all in it. How are we feeling? Feeling really good. I had a very quiet, low-key weekend, Ducko. I was fighting off something. Yeah, you were. You seem better today.

I seem a bit better. I had the sore throat, a bit of a congestion thing happening. So I just cancelled all the plans and sat at my house watching movies. And you took care of my dog. And I did take care of the dog, which we'll get into a bit later. But my God, I tried to force my one-year-old to sit with me on the couch because

I just wasn't in the mood to parent. I'm like, we're just watching TV. And I watched all the seasons of Fisk, you know that Australian comedy with Kitty Flanagan? Really funny, I really like it. Yeah. And Lucia kind of sat there with me and then threw an absolute tantrum for another 24 hours. Because she wanted to watch Frasier or something.

Well, maybe. I'm going with, oh, this is what they say about screens and little kids. Fries their brain. Is that what they say? That's what they say. So if you watch too much of it. Yes, that's why they say to mitigate screen time because it genuinely changes the neural pathway. Does she do a lot of screen time?

No. Because usually she's not particularly interested. Maybe she was picking up what I was putting down and mummy's not in the mood to parent. It's raining. Mummy's a bit unwell. Yeah, yeah. So she sat nicely, which I thought was miraculous.

Yeah. And then I paid for it for about 24 hours yesterday. She was just all over it. She was tantruming, wailing, so unhappy, unsettled. Nothing we could do would calm her down. And I went, I think I fried her, Brian. Yeah, I think the TV cooked her. I think the TV cooked her.

Or it was just such a bad show. No, I was going to DM Kitty Flanagan and say, I love your show, my one-year-old. Bluey wouldn't have done that. Not a fan. Bluey wouldn't have done that. Kitty Flanagan would, though. Kitty Flanagan, maybe. How was your weekend?

It was good. Fewer tantrums, I hope, at the Australian Open. Well, have you met tennis players? I was good. I was at the Aus Open yesterday. I was doing the Today Show yesterday morning. I was actually on Centre Court yesterday. I saw your DM.

Yeah, I got to go undercover, like under the thing, and see how the players act. You're in the bloody locker room. You know inside the Oz Open, they have a pamper station where they can go in at any time and get a mani-pedi, massage, facial, haircut. Why does Djokovic need a pedicure before he plays centre court? Apparently it's more popular with the male players

than the female players. And they have their own podiatrists in there. They've all got their own chefs in there. You can ask for anything you want whenever you want. They've got their own recovery centre. I couldn't believe, this was all below the stadium. I could not believe the amount of stuff they have. That's awesome.

It was wild. I mean, tennis is a rich sport, isn't it? Yes, it is. The sponsors, I guess, are going, let's make this. Tennis Australia has cash. Yeah. There was cash in that building. I was shocked.

Do you reckon the five-day test, the cricket boys get that? The boys get that pamper station? I don't think they get that. They get tea. There was literally two women in there, Gidget and Brittany, who sat in there and all they did all day was facials, manis, pedis, haircuts. I'd love to get a haircut from Gidget. It was great.

Oh, Gidget was lovely. She gave me some things under my eyes to remove. She's like, oh, you're looking a bit puffy. I love it. You're a bit tired. And I was like, well, Gidget, I've just flown in. Gidget was lovely. She gave me some things under my eyes to remove. She's like, oh, you're looking a bit puffy. I love it. You're a bit tired. And I was like, well, Gidget, I've just flown in.

Gidget, she didn't hit you with the guachua, did she? I don't know, it was like those soft things that go under your eyes. Yeah, lovely. And just stay on there.

And stay on there. Got pampered up. Saw a podiatrist as well. And a lymphatic drainage for the duck man. Obviously. Happy Sunday. You earned your dollar,

haven't you? Did that, and the tournament started for the day, then I flew back home. I love the idea. It's like we're crossing live to Ducko quick. Whoever's about to take the court. Yeah, come down to the

locker room. I'm just getting a pedicure and a massage. This is fantastic. Wow. How did the other half leave? It was pretty glamorous. It was very, very glamorous. How glamorous was your weekend? Shy guy. It was alright. It was good. Yeah. Great. You had a baby shower. I did't know what more you want from me.

You had a baby shower. I did have a baby shower. Yep. Not mine. He graffitied on a child's bib. I did graffitied on a child's bib. You drew on it. It was one of the games.

Oh, that's fun. We did that. It was good. And then Saturday. You drew a penis? You did, didn't you? Of course. Oh, it's a baby boy coming into the world, so why not?

And then yesterday, just did chores around the house, went grocery shopping. Yeah, yeah. Talk to you. Got recognised at Woolworths. Good morning, Melanie. I know you're listening. Okay, hold on. Stop everything.

All right. Stop everything. We've been on air for about three minutes, and now we're just getting into it. Okay, how was that interaction? Set the scene. Did I get you full rock hard? It was a bit weird. She goes, are you Shaga?

Were you in the cereal aisle? Tell me you're in the cereal aisle. I was at the checkout, because I had a trolley this time It was a bit weird. She goes, are you a shy guy? Were you in the cereal aisle? Tell me you're in the cereal aisle. No, I was at the checkout because I had a trolley this time, not a walk through the thing. Yeah, they were like, oh, what cereal are you going to do? Wait, was she the checkout chick or was she a customer? No, checkout. Oh, working at Woolies.

Working, yeah. Are you a shy guy? Did you toss your hair and go, yes, I am. No, I said maybe. Did you go, no, did you go? I hit her with a maybe. He went, I'm the shy No, I said maybe. Did you go, no, did you go? I hit her with a maybe. He went, I'm the shy guy. I said maybe.

Yeah. And she's like, oh, I just want to know what cereal you're doing this week. And I was like, well, I can't tell you that. That's so good. She's looking for insider trading. She really was. That'll get you arrested, baby. She wants to win the fridge back.

How do I get through for alpha bucks? There's a whole thing. She works at Woolworth. She'd got a discount on crunchy nut. Like, why does she need The inside lane with Chaga Oh yeah Nah it was not fair That is so funny

The one thing she asked you Straight away What cereal is it this week It's all she cared about Good on you That's what we call Cut through in the bees Did you walk out a bit

Do you walk out a bit taller Was the slim reaver just cruising It was cool I feel like his posture Has been better today It was cool It's why we do what we do You know

You're just looking In your periphery Like anyone else That's me guys It's why we do what we do, you know? Yeah. You're just looking in your periphery like anyone else. That's me, guys. It's going to be Coco Pops. I'll give you a clue. Snap.

Crackle. Pop. I'll write that down. I know, that's rice bubbles. We will do rice bubbles eventually. Did you get recognised, Babs, on your weekend? Oh, no. Oh, what the hell? Okay.

That's when we'll know we've made it, once Babs is getting recognised. Okay, we'll work on that. When we start Babs' blog, which I think kicks off tomorrow. Yeah? Yeah, which I think kicks off tomorrow. At some stage, that's when you'll get recognised. Does it kick off tomorrow? I thought she was having as much time off as the school kids.

I'll pick it up in Feb, maybe. See how I feel. Hey, let's get to it. Big show, big show. 10k alpha bucks, 6.30 and 8 o'clock. Plus, call of fame this it. Big show, big show. $10,000, $6.30 and 8 o'clock plus Call of Fame this week. We're at a co-fond. That's right. Call of Fame of the day. We're going to draw it every morning at 9am

to someone who's gotten involved. Yes. $250 to spend on back-to-school supplies. Speaking of the kids going back to school. Yes. Let us help you out at Office Works. $250 just for picking up the phone at some point. Getting involved. And contributing.

Go for it. We're drawing at nine this morning. But up next, though, we've got to talk rats. We like rats on this program. We do love rats. We learnt the collective noun, a mischief. A mischief of rats. A mischief of rats.

If that isn't a show animal for this mischievous show, I don't know what is. The mischief of rats, they have been invading a police evidence room. Oh, no. There's a lot of bad things in there, Ducco. I think they're getting high. I think they're addicted. We'll unpack it up to Rose.

Oh, Sean, that's your favourite song because you got recognised. Let's do a shot. It's like, if you stick so angry in the morning. Dedicate to the person who recognised you and say the name. All right, good morning, Melanie. Here's After Day by Roseanne Brunimar. Jess and Ducco. Jess and Ducco Jess and Ducko.

Are we going to the States for this story? Here we are. Oh, rats. That's the weirdest. That sounds like a rat ultrasound. I had 20 seconds to get something. What is that? It's rad.

Someone's done a scan recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It absolutely looks like that. It sounds like an ultrasound. That boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And you hear the heartbeat? Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. We had our 26-week scan last week, which is how I remember it.

But that's rat ultrasound territory. That is rat ultrasound. Shago, what part of the internet are you on? YouTube. Rat sound effect. You are so close with rats. Why don't you show them? I know.

You should have them on file. Yeah. Anyway, there's rats in Houston. Houston's found itself a problem. That's what this article said. I didn't even write it. You shouldn't take credit for that. Houston's found itself a problem. That's what this article said. I didn't even write it. You shouldn't take credit for that. Houston, we have a problem?

Yeah. It is drug-eating rats. There is drug-eating rats. Maybe I don't want to go to America anymore. Sorry, Dennis. So last Friday, there was a handful of city officials in Houston. This is top issues, right? The mayor, John Whitmere, was there with the head of police and the district attorney.

They did a press conference in which they announced new efforts to clear out this evidence room because they've got so many drugs in there that only, and I quote, the rats are enjoying. So, to give you an example. What do they do? Once you seize the ship off the coastline of your city and you've intercepted a massive drug haul and it goes to the police station, what happens to those drugs? Listen to this. So they've still got cocaine from the 90s where people have already been sent to prison for that drug and then been released from their sentence and they've still got it in the storeroom. For that specific haul?

Don't they destroy it somehow? I'm not saying like you have a party, but you don't just keep it in the storeroom. For that specific haul, don't they destroy it somehow? I'm not saying like you have a party, but you don't just keep it in a room. It's called Saturday. Not Saturday, it's drug destroying day. The police department has to hire out a whole Kennard story to be like, nah, we got another shipment.

Put it here for three decades. So this, because it's been sitting there for so long, they've also got 182,000 kilos of marijuana. That's a lot of kilos also got 182,000 kilos of marijuana. That's a lot of kilos. That's a lot of kilos of marijuana. And apparently the rats are the only ones enjoying it. That's surely not going to stay fresh.

No, no. But the rats are loving it. That's going to turn. Supposedly the rats have all been getting... They're so infested with rats who are having these cocaine rats and marijuana rats. And they're just cruising around their storeroom. Oh my God. And they're breeding. You know what I mean? Oh no, and they're just cruising around their storeroom. Oh, my God. And they're breeding.

You know what I mean? Oh, no, we can't be bringing a child into the world when we're high on the marriage of water. They're getting loose and breeding, and they're making more, and the kids are then getting... Oh, they're born addicted. They're getting addicted rat drug kids. And it sounds like they've got an endless food supply, though.

Why would you ever leave the drug evidence room when there's that much available? Yeah, they've got everything in there. So now they've had to have a full meeting. They've got to clear out the entire room. You know when Babs worked reception, she would send out the weekly email being like, guys, I'm going to clean out the fridge. Make sure you take anything

out that you don't want end up in the bin. Who's having to send that email? Guys, going into the evidence room. I'm going to have to get a bin. Gary's like, I'll do it. I'll clean this out. I into the evidence room. I'm going to have to get a bin. Gary's like, I'll do it. I'll clean this out. I put my hand up. I'm going to reverse my carrying because it's easier.

Jess and Ducco. No, I don't think so. It's a no. I don't like it. I don't like it. Uh-oh. Shy Guy's Drinks. At the risk of getting the niche sting put on me.

Oh. We might have to bone this segment, Daco. Bone it Fridays. That's some shy guy inception here. We don't want to. We don't want to, but at the end of the day, we do have a boss. At the same time, do the three of us have 51% of the vote of what we get, and he has 50?

Do you know what I mean? Like, we combined for 51. Maybe, I don't know. We'll have to discuss. That's fair. So this segment has flown around this time earlier. We've gone a bit later. It's basically we do so much content on this show and have so many different stories.

A lot of them that Shy Guy sends don't make the board. They don't make the show. I know. Because Daco and Mike go, yeah, we like stories two and six. Yeah. Out of the 15 he sends. Yeah. No one ever gets to hear them.

We had drug rats before. Obviously, that's getting up. There was a question about that. I could have made a drug rats theme, like the rug rats. Quick, go. Do you know the drug rats theme? There's no words. There's no words. Anyway, this isn't about me, Jess.

It's about Shy Guy. Over to you, big guy. Thanks. So what he's going to do is... With that lead in, this segment's going to be fine. He's going to run through three or four of the stories he thinks should have got up. Yeah. And if we like them, we'll let him expand. If not, we shovel him.

All right. Do you care to know what celebrities are in the jungle? No. I mean, I don't. I saw Husey. Husey's in there. That's the only one I know of, too. Sam Thaiday's in there.

Geraldine Hickey, she's a comedian. Hey, Sam Thaiday, is he the one with the nice wallpaper? He does have nice wallpaper. Is Sammy Thaiday going in? I didn't realise he was going in. Yeah, there's in there. Geraldine Hickey, she's a comedian. Hey, Sam Thaiday, is he the one with the nice wallpaper I like? He does have nice wallpaper. Is Sammy Thaiday going in? I didn't realise he was going in. Yeah, there's no chef. Okay. No, because they only get scraps to eat.

There's usually a chef that can whip it into something. Do the chefs usually cook for the whole camp? They usually put in a chef to help them cook. Sam Thaiday was cooking up chicken feet yesterday. Sam Thaiday can't cook. I know that. No one in the house knew that. Well, in the jungle knew that. Yeah cook. Sorry. Sam Friday was cooking up chicken feet yesterday. Sam Friday can't cook. I know that. Yeah. What?

No one in the house knew that. Well, in the jungle knew that. Yeah, yeah, right. A couple other people. Okay. You see why we didn't pick that one. Yeah. I mean, it's just, yeah.

I mean, Google it if you want to know. You know what? Watch the show. Watch the show. 7.30 to 9 on 10. Yeah. So there's a couple in Melbourne who started a skincare company. It's called Mr. Skin.

Is it for men? I think it's for men. They didn't know that there is a porn website out of America also called Mr. Skin. Oh, I don't hate this story. Oh, dear. So they've made their website. They've made their website.

They've made $20,000 worth of products. They need to change their name. Surely when you start a business, the first thing you do is Google. Yeah, you look that up. You've got to look that up. They said the one mistake we made was not Googling it. After filing, all of the things are getting $20,000. How could you not Google a name?

I know. Can they call it Senor Skin? Yes. Well, they still would need to get all of the packaging written. Papa Skin. Yeah, boy's skin doesn't sound right. Can they pivot to lady's skincare? Just add another S.

Mrs. Skin. Mr. Skin. I don't know. So are they continuing with the name, Mr. Skin? Yeah, they're in a legal battle. That's a tough one. It's going to cost them. They're very spent.

Porn's going to win that. Nine times out of ten. Development, they're going to spend more on legal people. I think they've got the public vote. I think they do. You could have the best skincare in the world. I don't think you're beating. Possibly a mistake for those guys.

Yeah, okay. All right, good one, good one. Next one. And the last one I had was the eight most used words in hinge profiles. Ooh, I'm interested in that. Yep. Yeah. I'm trying to guess.

Oh, you want to go? Oh, you have a crack. Like health or wellness or gym or fit? Oh, yeah, yeah. Gym is in there? Gym is in there. Because you're in profile, in your body. Would you have like down to earth or is that like a...

Oh, yeah, yeah. It says to avoid those kinds of sentences. Ah, okay. Because people do say that. Okay. Fishing. Fishing is not one of them. Food is one.

Music's one. Gym is one. Coffee is one. Wine is one. Beach is one. Chocolate and travel. I was going to Coffee is one. Wine is one. Beach is one. Chocolate and travel. I was going to say walks on the beach. Yeah, chocolate, yeah.

They weren't as juicy as I thought they'd be. I don't know what I was expecting. Yeah. Yeah, and then the most common phrases is my, a key to my heart is tacos. A key to my heart is tacos? That is one of the most common phrases? Yeah, of joined words.

Yeah. Wow. I think it's someone just trying to be funny. Yeah. A lot of people trying to be funny. Is it a key to my heart? Oh, it might be romantic, but no, of joined words. Yeah. Wow. I think it's someone just trying to be funny. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people trying to be funny. It's most used. It's a key to my heart. I might be romantic, but no, it's tacos.

It's tacos. Yep. Yeah, yeah. And then the most things people want to do. Angus makes good tacos. Does he? Yeah, really good. At Lucia's, probably there was good tacos.

Yeah, there was good tacos. He didn't make those ones. I attended his event. He made them in my eyes. Sure. This year I want to. Rude. Oh, God. Oh, God. attended his event, he made them in my eyes. This year I want to put the dots.

Oh god! We all know Angus put in most work, didn't we? The party planners did. I got your back, Angus. It's alright. Fish tacos? Duck and work an overtime on that side of the desk. Thank god that grab still worked. Were you out of all of them? Hey Jase, text in 04888

181069 the boss. Is that segment staying or was that the final edition? Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. We have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass.

We'll come back to you. If there is time, that's how this game operates today for $10,000. Our first caller of the week. It's always special. We have Maddie. Good morning, Maddie. Morning. Mads, good morning to you.

How was your weekend? Yeah, good. Thank you. All right, good. She's feeling recharged and fired up. Does it sound rested? Yeah. It was my son's first birthday, so not quite rested.

Oh, that's a big weekend. Well, happy birthday to your little boy. Yeah. Thank you. So I appreciate you want to replenish the bank account with $10,000 this morning. Did he have a Mexican fiesta as well? Was it, yeah, your boy's first fiesta? Was there margaritas there and tacos?

Is that what he had? I wish, no. What theme did you have? First trip around the sun because his name's Sonny. Oh, that's a good one. That's a great theme. Was he like a little astronaut or something? No, he was like in like a, like had suns and stuff because his name's Sunny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Fantastic. Well, Maddie, this is a great, I don't know about omen, but it's a great sign because your letter is the most successful letter we've ever had in Alphabucks history. You're going to work with the letter K. K is good. Oh, okay.

Okay. Yeah, that's won the most times, Maddie. It has. It has. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, that's one of the most times, Maddie. You're not lying there. It has. Oh, okay. All right. You sound really chuffed about that. Come on, you're all right.

Do it for Sunny. Do it for Sunny. Yeah, yeah. Do it for Sunny. Oh, no, just kick it in. You got this, girl. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter K, we need you to name a fruit.

Kiwi. A drink. Pass. A US state. Pass. A band. Kiss. A kid's toy.

Pass. A part. Something sweet. A body part. Knee. Something you can learn. Oh, no. No, no. We didn't do it for Sunny.

We didn't do it for Sunny. No, we didn't. No, we didn't do it for Sunny. We got ourselves three. Bugger. Yep, bugger to say the least. A drink could have been kombucha or Kraken rum. I do love a good Kraken.

I can't imagine that was on tap on your first birthday. Maybe Sonny's 18th. Yeah, absolutely. A US state could have been Kansas. A kid's toy could have been a kite or a kaleidoscope. Something sweet could have been a Kit Kat. And something you can learn could have been a kite or a kaleidoscope. Something sweet could have been a KitKat and something you can learn could have been keyboard or knitting

or karate. Karate. Come to my dojo. Just tried that once. I got my yellow tip and you know it. I don't think people are bragging about that. You don't go empty-handed. I'm all suspended

in Dota. That's all yours, Maddie. Oh, stop go anywhere. I'm all suspended in DOTA. That's all yours, Maddie. Oh, stop, Sunny. That's for you, Mads. That's actually really... You really don't deserve that after that performance. I know, right? But you get it. You get it.

It's all yours. Oh, enjoy the pampering, Maddie. Enjoy. Thank you very much. Thanks for coming on. We do play again at 8. It's one of the most confusing, high-controversy stories going around right now. TikTok, it was banned in the US.

So anyone, and even people I saw, Aussies, who used to live in the US or maybe started their TikTok on holidays in the US, theirs got banned too, even if they lived here. Oh, it was almost like pinged as an American account. Exactly. Oh. So it stopped working for Americans over the weekend as the US Supreme Court upheld a legislated ban of the Chinese-owned social media app due to national security concerns.

They didn't like it because it was from China. That's right. That's right. And it's so funny because if you have spent more than 10 seconds on TikTok, it does feel like, why would the government care about you doing a silly little dance or sharing your roast potato recipe? But apparently the long arm of the Chinese government was making people nervous. Security breach.

Then Trump came in. Basically, Trump's coming in today, I believe, the inauguration. And he said, I'm going to give them a 90-day business extension to try and sell it off from a Chinese company so it can be partly owned by America. It might be back on. We don't know. So we're going to a man who hopefully knows much more than us from EFTM.com. So I'm going to name him Trev Along.

Good morning, Trev. Wait, can you send me a DM with that roast potato recipe? Oh, Trev, babe. It's Meredith Dairy Goat Cheese and you use the oil. I'll send it to you. She's been nonstop about this, Trev. This is unbelievable. Yeah, it's really good.

It did go down. Follow me on TikTok, Trev. Follow me on TikTok. At Trevor Long, hit me up. So it did go dark. And you're right, Australians who created their account in America and Australians who are currently traveling in America, even though they created their account here, it went dark properly.

And this is smart by TikTok because they were adhering to the law. They didn't want themselves or the companies that host their traffic, their servers, their apps to be liable for them being available. So they went dark and they put a message up on the app, very smart, saying that they were hoping to work with Donald Trump. Now, literally an hour and a half, two hours ago, Donald Trump has posted on his Truth Social and TikTok policy has posted on Elon Musk's X. It's a world of social media apps out here, folks, that they have found an agreement whereby Trump has said he will sign an executive order when he comes into office tomorrow. He will waive any liability for any company that helped the app stay open over this weekend. And so they have started restoring services. So we will start seeing silly dances and recipes and things from American content creators.

We will have them come back from shedding tears for losing their audiences. Look, this was always going to land in Trump's hands. But the big but here is Trump still saying in his messaging that it's a 90-day extension to the implementation of the ban, and there must be some change. So he's looking for a joint venture. He's looking for a US company to become a joint venture shareholder in TikTok. He's looking at that as being the solution to this problem. That's his solution, that has some American ownership, and he can then claim that it has some American ownership and he can then claim a big win for American business and a huge win for 170 million Americans, which by the way, is more people that voted in the last election in America. So pretty big for Trump.

I was about to say, Trev, can you shine some light? We're talking about a new, very controversial president coming in again. Why is the TikTok story the biggest story, Inauguration Weekend? But is it because of those numbers you just shared? 170 million people are on the platform. It's just pure timing. And I'll tell you right now, I think it's a real bad misstep by politicians in America thinking that scheduling this ban for Inauguration, because this is not a surprise weekend. It's always every four years, the 20th of January around this time. So they knew that the ban was going to come into place around inauguration. They obviously hoped it

would be a different party and that they would be claiming a victory. But what they didn't realise was that 170 million people would be up in arms. We're talking about Stephen Colbert and people like that talking about it being silly. And so you've got mainstream people, you've got everyday people, and Trump has an easy win here. Now, Trump doesn't need to be re-elected, so he can do whatever he wants. But it does work pretty well in their favour and against the Democratic administration. It looks like he's already ticking boxes before he's in. I'm getting things done.

Particularly with the youth. Yes, exactly. But Will, so ByteDance, the company that owns TikTok, Chinese, they said they wouldn't sell. Do you know, are they planning then to sell? Are they going to sell their arm and make it any Americanized? Well, here's the crazy thing. ByteDance is not actually owned by the Chinese. It's actually owned by 20% of it is owned by employees, 20% by the original founders who are probably Chinese. And then the other 60% is by like international investors. So essentially all Trump's got to do is get the U.S. companies to be that 60%. And it stays the same way it is.

If they go back into the Senate and they start arguing the case again, they'll just look like idiots again because the senators there looked ridiculous questioning the CEO and acting like they didn't know what they were talking about. They looked so silly. There is no national security concern. That's ridiculous. There's no proof of that as well. So I think it's all going to get washed under the carpet and TikTok, American TikTok will be back.

Disappointingly, really, because it's been a great place for the last 14 hours. I've quite enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's this other app, Trev, this Red Nose, the other social media app, which got this moment in the sun where all the hashtag TikTok refugees fled because they were so desperate to share their dances and their potato recipes on something.

And, yes, maybe start earning money again because we know it's a lucrative source of income. And now they're like, oh no, we've lost them all again. They've gone back to TikTok. The problem with Red Note was it was utterly Chinese. The written language in it was Chinese. Didn't make any sense. Very hard to use. So it was a good kind of messaging for people to have a place to go.

But just remember, I don't know, 10, 15 years ago when Facebook had a big data breach and we all said we were going to leave Facebook. No one did. No one actually left. That's right. It's all posturing and nothing doesn't really happen. How quickly we forget.

Yes. Well, Friday was the end of the world. Monday, we're restored again. It's fine. Okay. Trev, thanks for that, mate. Very clear. EFTM.com, you're the man.

Appreciate you coming on. Check your DMs, Trev. I'll get you that recipe. I'm there. Thank you. Jess and Ducko. Hot off the press, very clear. EFTM.com, you're the man. Appreciate you coming on. Check your DMs, Trev. I'll get you that recipe. I'm there. Thank you. Hot off the press, Ducko. You've heard of dry July. You've heard of endometriosis awareness month.

You've heard of Movember. Some big causes have, you know, days, weeks, even months dedicated to them. Yep. But I think they all pale in comparison because it is National Soup Month. Is it? Yep. And a company has launched its first ever soup you can suck on. What?

They've invented lozenges. Because you can slurp it. You can slurp it, but now you can suck it. Now you can suck it. They've invented lozenges, like cough drops, that taste like soup. So you can really have it on the go. I don't know about that. Not one of the easiest on-the-go meals.

No, it's hard to eat in the car. It's not like a burrito or a burger. I'm not taking my pumpkin soup when I'm on my way to work. I'm a big fan of the little sippers you can buy from Soul Origin. I don't like drinking soup. Even though it's perfectly drinkable, I feel like it's not a meal if I drink it. I appreciate that. The Soul Origin, I love what they do.

But when you get the little sipper, it comes in like a little latte cup with the lid on that has the little slit like you would have for your coffee. I'd get a chunky beef. Nothing's coming through that little slit. You need a huge slit to get a beef. You need to take the lid off. You need to make chunks through there. You need to get the whole cup being your slit.

Do they give that to you takeaway in your chunky beef? Yeah, your chunky beef. And you can go drink it when you... I've never understood that. I love a Chinese chicken and corn. Love Chinese chicken and corn. And even that is hard because you get one corn kernel. You can't get that through the little slit.

I like soup. I just don't think soup is a main meal. Oh. You know, some soups are. There's stuff with lots of things in them. Sure. Where it's like, you know, it's like a pumpkin soup. But even those, it's nice to have a bit of garlic bread or a crouton or something.

You need some bread. You've got to dip something in there. Totally get that. But I could have six bowls of soup for dinner. 100%. I love a soup. Yeah. My mum, very good at soup.

Yeah. You make me, what's the one you make me want to have soup? I made you make the chicken. The chicken, I guess you could call it chicken noodle, but it's a hearty chicken and veg is what it really is. Yeah. With our secret ingredient, our favorite charcoal chicken. But these guys, I mean, first and foremost, really embracing National Soup Month.

Good on them. Good on them. Capitalize. There are charities that only take a day, but the soup people, now we want the month. We want to take it all. The company is called Progresso. They're obviously very progressive. Yeah. The company is called Progresso. They're obviously very progressive. And they're very famous for their cans of traditional chicken noodle.

And they went, why stop at traditional cans of soup? Why not enter lozenge territory? Kind of almost like a candy. So you suck it and it just tastes like soup nonstop. It tastes like broth, chicken, vegetables, soft egg noodles. And you'll love this, a hint of parsley. I wonder if you'd actually enjoy the taste. Look how awful they look.

They look disgusting. It looks like a lozenger. And like, how many would you need to fill up? Would you need like 15 or 20 if you're trying to have that as a meal? Are they advertising this as like a meal replacement? Or is it like when you're feeling a bit under the weather like I was last week, sore throat. Have one of these lozenges. Might be nice to suck on some soup. What's it doing though? How have they

preserved it to be suckable? Oh, that's great. I'd love to see the ingredients. Are there any actual foodstuffs in the ingredients? I doubt it. Or is it just essence of? I think it's got to be. And you know when you're like, I'm picturing you have it in your car like gum. Oh, in your console? Correct. Like Nana used to have her boiled lollies?

Yes, or her Werther's. But gum, at least it makes your breath better. This one, you're going to be having it. It's not doing anything for you. Oh, you'll have chicken noodle breath. Yeah, it's not going to be great. No. But there you go.

Next time you're feeling under the weather, instead of reaching for your strepsils or your Difflam lozenges, perhaps you'd like to reach for a Progresso soup drop. I would like to buy some and taste it. Okay, Shy Guy, get the company credit card, please. We'd love some soup drops. Yeah. And they've only done chicken noodle at this point.

I think a French onion soup drop might be nice. Onion drop, though? Could you imagine your breath? You're already coming here with BO, now you're going to come here with onion breath? We won't be allowed in the same room. It says they'll be here in eight weeks. Wow. Well, you best put your order in just in time for winter.

Put an order in. Jess and Ducco. Right now, this is going viral back into last week, but the Blue Mountains Leisure Centres, part of the Blue Mountains Council. The BMLC. Of course, the BMLC. And all basically, you know, any public pools,

any fitness centres, aquatic centres, whatever, in the Blue Mountains region have banned the G-string bikini. Okay. Apparently they've got signs up on the pool entrance and stuff of what's acceptable and what's not. Yes. And so it's like, you know, the bikini's acceptable, but the G-string showing buttocks not. So have they had to draw a description of some female buttocks? I think so. At a full brief.

I'm going to call them a tog because I'm a Queenslander. Swimmer. It's really hard for me to say that. I think they've drawn the actual swimmer, so it's like how much it runs. How much butt cheek. This is dangerous territory. It's a tough, it's a tricky territory. Because I'll be honest with you, I've tried to buy swimmers recently. Yes. I cannot

find any. Yeah, that are that. That don't have some sort of cheeky cut. Yeah. Yeah, right. The full G with both cheeks just bam there. Which is swollen up. That's a choice. Yeah. But I honestly can't find one that gives my butt full coverage.

Really? They are skimpy these days. It's just not the fashion anymore, is it? Truly. Someone told bikini designers that ladies would like to tan their butt cheeks because it is really hot. So it'll be interesting to see how they police level of butt cheeks. I mean, 13, 10, 60, if you want to weigh in on it all. I don't know if you can police it, particularly at beaches, but I will say this. Oh yeah, beaches, how do you do that? That's public property. The Gold Coast, that was that

thing last year, they tried to kick up a stink do that? That's public property. The Gold Coast, that was that thing last year. They tried to kick up a stink about it. It's bad there, and they were trying to ban it, but other females came out and said, no, you can't do that. How can you? You can't police what we're wearing. Now we're getting into- It's tricky territory.

Yeah. But these are privately owned organizations. Aquatic, through their council. So the Blue Mountains Council has gone, yep, we approve of this. We're banning it at any aquatic center. They must have been inundated with complaints. Yeah, I'd say so. I'd say it's an older council, an older, more slow area.

Can you imagine that 15-year-old lifeguard tapping a lady on the shoulder, being like, sorry lady, too much butt. It's a 15-year-old teenage boy, like, excuse me, ma'am, we're showing too much cheek. And he has his little diorama out with his laser pointer. This is how much cheek you can. If I look. Hang on. I've just got a wedgie, son.

Oh, okay. I mean, this has been big in Europe for years. Big in Europe. We're always slaying. But I will say this. In a continent that likes topless bathing, a little bit of butt cheeks, nothing. I went to, obviously, Wet and Wild and other water parks a few times over the holiday period for the Today Show and stuff.

And the people at work there told me. Don't act like it was for the Today Show. I don't just frequent water parks a few times over the holiday period for the Today Show and stuff. And the people at work there told me- Don't act like it was for the Today Show. I don't just frequent water parks. Love a wave pool. It sounds weird if I say I went to those and I don't have a child. It doesn't. But I got told from the management there that the highest rate of complaints they get at the water parks are about the G-Stream bikinis.

Really? So families and mums and dads are going up to the staff and going, you need to do something about this. And the staff's like, there is nothing we can do. There's nothing we can do. You're allowed to wear whatever you want in this country. Yes. I find it really, just from a logistics point of view,

going to a water slide park with your bike. Talk about chafe. Yeah, would that hurt on the slide? Would you get plastic slide, Bert? Or does it make you more slidey? Ooh. You know, does it make you more slidey down the slide? Are you telling me the swimmers are too grippy?

Yeah. They're getting more. Because think about it, the swimmers will get sucked up there anyway. You're absolutely right. You're going to get a wedgie as it is. I swear, now we're getting into other conversations, but, you know, going to the kiosk to get some hot chips or walking down to the supermarket that's 250 metres away.

And all of a sudden you're in the supermarket in a G-string. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear I saw a lady the other day. God love her. She had the most excellent buttocks I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. But I couldn't see any material. Like it was that.

Oh, was that gone in? It was that thin. I'm like, oh, this lady's left the house. Left the house. She's naked. But then I saw it around her hips. I went, I wish I had the confidence. I wish I had the confidence.

So you don't reckon you'll ever try one? I just don't. I don't feel good in that. Fair. Okay. I'm a big believer. There's no such thing as a beach bikini body. Everybody can wear a bikini and go to the pool or the beach, whatever.

I just don't feel comfortable. Yeah. I told you I've gotten rid of G-strings on my underwear drawer for every day. Yeah, you don't like a G. Yes, yes, yes. They're not comfortable. Yeah. But I've got mates who say I can't wear anything else because they're not comfortable for me.

So then you're in your 30s. Yep. Babs are in their early 20s. Because I know Morgan, my wife, she's the same age as you, won't wear them. She won't wear them. Just doesn't care. Just doesn't feel comfy. Doesn't feel.

It's your bum. You can get it out. Over to you, Babs. Babs, do you or your friends wear them? We know where you stand on getting your pudgy out, but where do you stand on getting your cheeks out? Majority of my friends wear them, yes. And I feel weird if I don't. Oh, okay.

It was like an expectation now for me. Do you feel like a prude wearing more coverage? I do. I feel like I'm wearing too many, like too much clothing. I'm not wearing something like that. And do you feel comfortable in them? Like, do you like wearing them? Not really, no. But I feel like, like Jess said, it's really hard to buy bikinis now that wearing something like that. And do you feel comfortable in them? Do you like wearing them? Not really, no.

But I feel like, like Jess said, it's really hard to buy bikinis now that aren't like that. Yes. That's interesting. Isn't it interesting? I appreciate the council's trying to maybe be community friendly in quotation marks, but how do you ban it? How do you police it? How do you put that on someone else as an employee now to say

you can't come in for your family. Mums, wear them. Everyone wears them. How do you say you can't come in for your family. Mums, wear them. Everyone wears them. Everyone wears them. How do you say you can't come in? You've got to go buy full brief underwear. Yeah. It's not a safety thing, let's be real.

It's a prude thing. Similar to people like Shaga at beaches stopping people. Yeah, it's going to. You can't do that. Point at the sign here. That's right. He'll have a sash on being like buttocks police. It's a whole thing.

It's like no hat, no play. But there's like, what's an equivalent we can do for the... Yeah, cheek, bum. Too much cheek, no swim. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. We'll workshop it. But we will.

No bum, no sun. Too much bum, no sun. Too much bum, no... Anyway. We'll workshop it. We'll come back to you. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko.

I got dissed hard at Baby Sens sensory the other day, Ducko. So hard that I don't think I can return. I'm rocked to my core. Right. And I was transported to another time where, I don't know, anxiety and friendship was at an all-time high. Like high school? High school, I reckon.

Now, sensory class for babies. Can you just run me through what they do in that quickly? So you go, maybe a group 12 to 15, parent and child, and it's an hour of singing songs. Oh, yes. And playing. In inverted commas. Some instruments. And just touch things.

They can touch things and crawl around. I think it's meant to be a bit of a bonding session, so other babies can be around people their own age. But it's a real stimulation thing, and it's meant to have all these benefits for their development. I see. So I do about four of these classes with Lucia a week. Like, obviously very lucky with my work-life schedule. We can do things like this.

You're just there singing, loving it, and she's hating every second of it. Truly. The number of times she's sort of been crying quietly and I'm just there clacking the clack. She's just trying to say, come on. Mommy's just taping. Yeah and I'm just there clacking the clack. Mommy's escaping. Yeah, I'm there. Coming. Because the teacher always says, you know, your child might be looking into the circle,

so not seeing you, but the baby across the circle is looking at you. So always make sure you're big and expressive. So I'm putting on a performance for all the kids. Yeah. Like all the other mums are. But something happened the other day and I was just, as I said, transported and I went, I can't go back. I'm traumatised.

The teacher said, I'm not going to call them friends because I don't even know any of these women's names. I know their kids' names. It's like at the dog park. You only know the dog's name. You don't know the parent's name. So I always say hello to this one little girl. She's about a similar age to Lucia and they always look really cute.

This mum loves putting her daughter in colourful things. So I kind of connected with her with that. A couple of Gorman girls. A couple of Gorman girls. And the two little girls seem to get along relatively well for one year old. They'll remember each other forever. 100%. They're going to be besties for life.

But always sort of park myself next to her and whatever. But something happened for the first time the other day. The teacher said, all right, we're going to do some partner stuff, but we'll end up moving around, but we're going to start with a partner. So turn to the person next to you. Now I naturally turned to, let's call her Sienna, the little girl, to Sienna and her mum, thinking this is my bud. Yeah, we're a team here.

Sienna's mum had turned her back to me to look at the other woman on the other side of her. Oh, no. Do you remember at school where your teacher would go, all right, pick your own grooves. And then you're the last one. Or partner up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I swear I had friends. But in those moments, don't you just feel, I'm going to be abandoned. It depends what it was for with you. Anything sporty. They're like, Jess is like, why am I last? What's going on? Maybe that's where I was. Now question, did everyone turn to the left? No!

Okay. Because you know what was embarrassing? Yeah. So, okay, I'm on Sienna's mum's right. She's turned away from me, but the woman on her left turned away from her, because those two are mates on the other side. So what did Sienna's mum have to do?

Turn back around to me. I saw that. I saw what you did. She's like, oh, I guess we can go with you and Lucia. I was so rattled. I went, I can't return to this class. I feel so, my one little friend. Because you felt like you were friends and then she's obviously had no connection with you.

Clearly. It's all been one way straight. I was just so embarrassed. Maybe Sienna's been speaking to her mum and she's like, oh, like Lucia and that woman are so embarrassing. I'm so sick of them singing. She's getting way too into it. Head, shoulders, knees and toes is getting a bit too hectic. Like they're getting way too into it.

If we ever have to do partner work, do not make me go and partner with her. You would have taken that so personally. You would have sat there almost stewing in silence for the rest of the class. Truly. I nearly put Lucia down and asked the educator to look after her so I could text Angus because I was so, I went, I've got to get this out. What are you going to do? Oh, no, you didn't get picked.

You're driving home. She'll be coming around the mountain. The whole time we're singing coming around the mountain and it's like step out and step in together and then do-do-do-do-do. I'm just staring daggers at this woman being like, you don't even like me. I don't want to come back here.

Does she know what you do as a job? No, no, we don't talk. As in about ourselves, we talk about what the girls are wearing, what they've eaten that day, how many teeth does Sienna have, how many teeth does Lucia have. But nothing about you. No, I don't know. She doesn't know who I am, but, how many teeth does Sienna have, how many teeth does Lucia have. But nothing about you. No. I don't know.

She doesn't know who I am, but if you're listening, Sienna's mum. How? You really hurt my feelings. Jess and Ducko. Rice cooker Keisha DM'd us recently, Ducko, and said, oh, I've got a question I'd like you to put out to the rice cookers I'd like to ask you guys. And I love it. It's a great thought starter.

Maybe great for a dinner party conversation. Would you rather be filmed being rescued on Bondi Beach, on that show Bondi Rescue, where it follows the lifesavers having to pull mainly tourists, it seems, out of the surf, or would you rather be filmed getting pulled over on RBT? I'm just waiting for a mate. Where the cops breathalyze you and do the drug tests. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they're always so loose on that show. Always so loose. We had some great contributions. Andy said RBT. I hardly ever get pulled over, but every time I do, I always say, is this for the show? Is this for shows as me? I'm trying to be on RBT, and they always tell me, nah, jog on.

Someone said rescued from Bondi looking like a beached whale. Sophia said that. You'd love that, Sophia. Would you like that? I like this perspective. Joe has said, oh, definitely Bondi rescue. Can you imagine those muscles being wrapped around you as they're pulling you in from the surf? There's a few of those comments getting around, isn't there?

A few thirsty comments. A few thirsty comments. Here's the thing for me, though, because I feel like when we do play this game, if you get done on RBT, you have to have been drinking. Like, if you get rescued, you have to be drowning. Yeah. So that's the stakes that are at play. Okay.

It's not just you got pulled over. And you're not drunk. Like someone has said, Kirstie has said, on RBT, when I do, I'd rather be filmed on RBT because when I do get pulled over for a breathalyser, my perfume and hand sanitiser usually affects the reading. It could be a funny, awkward moment for TV. Nah, you actually have to go there. You've got to be over.

There's got to be something on the line here. There's got to be some jeopardy. As bad as, obviously, drunk driving is horrible. You should never do it, whatever. But I feel like it is more embarrassing being rescued as an Australian in Australia from Bondi Rescue. If you can't, you will never live that down. RVT, embarrassing. Yeah, you may lose your license for a while, but, you know, everything comes back.

This is what I wanted to get to because a friend of mine commented on the post. And I messaged Roxy and I said, what did you mean by that comment? Now, Roxy was very kind. She's happy to put her voice and name to this. I've asked her permission. She goes, I'm going to have to explain myself. Now, she was in a scenario similar to what you're describing there, Ducko. Now, she references a cafe called Blue Door for anyone unfamiliar. Blue Door is a very busy, very popular beachside cafe, particularly for the active morning person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone usually parks at Blue Door. Hot girl walks. This is what Roxy said in relation to the question, would you rather be filmed on RBT or getting rescued on Bondi Rescue? I was swimming in front of Blue Door and I got caught in a rip and it was like prime time, prime coffee time, 6am, so many people there. And in my head, I was like, I will not be putting my hand up right in

front of all of these people who are going to get their phones out and film me being saved. I would rather drown. So I went out, I ended up like at the back where the surfers are. And when I came back in, I was so breathless. My cousin was like, what the heck happened to you? And I just had to try and play it off. I was like, oh, you know, just got caught in a rip. But honestly, I thought I was going to die. She thought she was going to die. But the risk of getting filmed.

It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. She went, I genuinely saw the light. I'm not putting my hand up. I'm not putting my hand up. That's what that means to me. Like if I had to come on air on the Monday, let's say I was having a weekend,

and it was either one or the other, and I had to do like a press conference-esque thing, I would be less embarrassed saying, I got done for drink driving and I've lost my license. I apologize. We're moving on, provided nothing bad happened. Then I would be saying, I got rescued from the lifeguards. You and Roxy should go for a swim.

Jess and Daco. If you missed the show at the back end of last week, was it Friday? Yeah, it was Friday. It was this time on Friday. We were discussing Jess's hidden talent, this new skill that she's been learning for a while now. It was my goal for 2024 and I didn't achieve it. So at the start of this year I had a friend come over to really give me a one-on-one lesson. What was the quote again? My friend came over

to help me juggle. I don't have a party trick and I thought juggling would be a good one. Particularly with all these small people in my life now. Children. I would like to be able to juggle. Now, I put it to you on Friday. I said, enough talking about the juggling. Because last year you talked about it. Last year you were practicing.

You were trying. I tried. I watched a couple of YouTube tutorials. You've been posting some things. But I didn't put my back into it. When it was 2025, I went, come on. You have the time, Jess. I have now put the challenge to you out there. Yeah, which I was not looking for.

This Friday at, what time did we decide? 7.50. I think we said, yeah. This Friday at this time, you will come on and do a live juggle. And for us and for the audience, Babs is going to film it. And we're going to go live on Instagram. We'll go live Instagram. We'll go live Instagram.

We'll have the leftover video. Now that all the Americans are off TikTok, this is how we're getting. This is how we're doing it. There's a gap. It's more for you to get over your fear, this is how we're getting it. This is how we're doing it. There's a gap. It's more for you to get over your fear of not showing people you're juggling because you're very selective with who you juggle in front of. I got stage fright when I had friends come over who had children. Yeah.

She saw the juggling balls and went, juggle for us. And I panicked. You did. Now, I've been on planningaround.com and the Juggling Society. They're not real. Yeah, the Juggle Society. Of course I have. Because I've been looking at the criteria for what we can judge you on with your juggling.

What do you mean? Not dropping it? Surely it's just not dropping it. Well, okay. It says... Don't be asking for flair or like... Well... No!

It says not focusing on the balls but focusing on the crowd, skilled in keeping several objects in motion in the air at the same time while enjoying it. My juggling coach, Tyron, said I was allowed to look at the balls. Okay, but I want to see you enjoy it. I don't want to see you, like, tongue out being like, I've got to try to do it. You need to be enjoying the juggle. Now, Shaka, how many times do you think the balls need to pass in the air? Like, how many juggles?

I think we need to get at least ten. Ten. Oh, my record so far is nine. That's perfect. I record so far is nine. That's perfect. That's perfect. If you can get over nine on the show live, you're the juggle queen.

We're doing like a full rotation of one thing. That's one. Two. Yeah. But you've got multiple balls in the air

so we might have to count one ball coming back and up. Yeah, there's three balls in my hands and one in motion at all times. Yeah.

So ten of that. Yeah. That's tough. That is tough. I mean, this Friday, it'll be a where were you moment. Is there a punishment? Oh, that's a good one. That's great from you, Shy Guy.

How about the stakes are just the glory? No, no, I think we do need some form of punishment. If you don't get over 10. No, no, no. Me getting over my stage fright is enough of jeopardy. I just, everything I've seen online, you've got to keep the integrity of the juggling society alive.

They take their skills very seriously. It's a craft. Sorry, they take their craft very seriously. I can't even believe you're able to access clowningaround.com. I've got some people in the industry, I know. I want to chat to a clown on the show or someone who can juggle. And I want to see what they say about it.

I want to see what they deem a successful juggler. Do you want to get my coach on? No, I don't want anyone who's biased towards you. I've got to stop smacking the desk. Sorry, the computer keeps on juggling. Oh, yeah, no, Tyrone is very much a support. We need to get a juggler. Your challenge this week is to find a clown or a juggler.

If you are someone who can juggle or a clown. Hey, what about that balloon artist we met? Didn't he juggle? He went to clown school. He went to clown school. We did meet a balloon artist and went to clown school. We'll get the principal of clown school on, and Babs and I already have a juggler in mind.

Great. He'll be on the show later in the week. And I think... Yeah, we need you to be good at this, all right? Oh! I've told you, I've got the alarm set every day. You're practicing? I skipped it on Saturday because I was a bit under the weather and I thought my conjecture

was getting better. You can't be juggling while sick. That's like drink driving. That is loose. I've already skipped a day. I'm behind. I've got to do a double session today. Okay, the challenge is set. We will chat to a clown of some description.

We're going to keep you updated on the juggles, but this time Friday. I need those people. Anyone who DM'd me saying, I did circus skills as part of my PE curriculum. If you went to circus school as well, just get involved. You can hit us up on Instagram or text the text sign over at 8881069. I did acrobatics for a term with my ex-boyfriend. It's like your karate. It's like your phase.

I did. I'm mainly doing this so this doesn't become a craze for you, so you stick with something. Okay? Oh, thanks. That's actually really important. You went for one run and that was the end of that. That's the end of that.

Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabucks on hit. Let's make it rain cash. 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. You cannot use the same answer twice. And if you aren't sure of the question, just say pass and we come back if there is time. They're the rules, but everyone knows because it's everyone's favourite cash contest.

Today, for $10,000, we go to Belinda. Good morning, Belinda. Morning, Jeff. Morning, Ducker. How are we, team? Good. We are fantastic. We're fired up and we are ready to give you $10,000.

I'll do my best. Good girl. What do you want to spend the money on? I'd love to improve a bit of landscaping over the pool. It would be great. Oh, nice. Okay. I can't make the pool schmick.

Yes. Absolutely. A couple of recliners. Not bad. Hello. Who needs a holiday when your backyard is as good as Tahiti? Yes. Amen. That's what we love.

Belle, I like this letter for you then. A bit of landscaping, maybe a few plants around your pool. Your letter is P. P. So you did that. Perfect. Oh, Belle. Everyone sit up a bit straighter. We've got a player. She's primed. We have got a player. Perfect. Oh, Belle. Everyone sit up a bit straighter.

We've got a player. She's primed. We have got a player. Yep, here we go. Are you ready, Belle? I'm ready. Okay, your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter P, we need you to name a Disney character.

Pinocchio. A salad ingredient. Potato. A band. Pass. A type of coffee. A board game. An insect. A toy.

A snack. A cooking spice. A tool. Potato chips. A cooking spice. Paprika. A tool. A band. Elite, though. Good get. Praying Mantis, one of the great gets, I think.

You know why? She's thinking of Shy Guy. The human Praying Mantis. The Slim Reaper. You got yourself seven there, Belle. Seven of the best, not bad. Very good. A great effort. A really good effort.

A band could have been Babs' Gang Panic at the Disco. A type of coffee could have been the Piccolo. And a tool could have been pliers or the humble pipe wrench. That's tough. Only I use tools. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pliers, that's tough. Belle, you were very good. Very good. And a good energy. That's tough Only I use tools Yeah, yeah, yeah Pies is tough That's tough, yeah That's tough, Gary

Val, you were very good You're very good And a good energy You don't go away empty-handed But look after you With $100 to spend at Endota From our mates there at Endota That's all yours

Amazing, thanks so much Thank you for getting involved, Val You have a great day Enjoy your day, guys Take care Bye Jess and Ducko David Guetta

Alpha Bill Ava Max It's Forever Young. It's Hit Breakfast. Jess and Ducko. Ain't that the truth, man? Amen. Never grow up.

Just live in the now. Peter Panit. Peter Panit. Boy, he never grew up. That's right. What kind of message is that? Never grow up. It feels immature, doesn't it?

It does feel a bit. You've got to grow up at some stage. You've got to pay a bill at some point in your life. You've got to get, you know. I mean, mummy and daddy can always look after you, of course. So true. You can't leech off them for so long. Let's stand on our own two feet at some point. You've got to pay a bill at some point in your life. You're going to get, you know. I mean, mummy and daddy can always look after you, of course. So true. You can't leech off them for so long. Let's stand on our own two feet at some point.

Yeah. How will we know all the world has to offer if we're living in the shadow of someone else? My wife saw, you know, a certain amount of money deducted from our account the other day and she said, what's that? I said, that's the electricity bill. She said, oh. My husband just messaged me. He goes, we haven't done our tax for 2024.

Neither has she. She got a call from the... From the ATO or something? Yes. They like... You know what my issue is? I would have done it. I can send an email.

But my husband went, let's do a family trust. Oh, you're doing a family trust thing. So now wait for him. I've always wondered about the family trust. I'm going to get in trouble because you haven't done it. If my dad's listening, he is going to be ropeable. Can I join your family trust? I don't see why not.

We're basically related. It makes it good, doesn't it? I think it makes it good. Because Morgan hasn't done it either. And then she doesn't have an account. She doesn't have to be ropeable. Can I join your family trust? I don't see why not. We're basically related. It makes it good, doesn't it? I think it makes it good. Because Morgan hasn't done it either. And then she doesn't have an account. She doesn't have to do it herself. They gave her two weeks notice. What have we just said about standing on our own two feet, Morgan?

She is growing a child. We're going to have to grow up at some point. I know. We're going to have to do it. Yeah, join our trust. I'll send an email. I'm sure it'll be fine. Have you kept your receipts?

I don't see you keeping receipts. Are you serious? I keep so many receipts. How much charity have you done this last financial year? I'm a walking charity. I've got all these screenshots of my GoFundMes. I'm like, does this count? I don't know.

I'll send it off in the email. I always start the new year by going, I'm keeping my receipts, even though it's halfway through the financial year already. I'm keeping them now. I downloaded an app. I don't even know how to get into an app now. I've lost all my receipts already. I just don't even. I just guess them now. I downloaded an app. I don't even know how to get into an app now. I've lost all my receipts already. I just don't even, I just guess them now.

My accountant's like, all right, what do you got? I'm like, well. I think I went dry cleaning once. I downloaded this app to keep track of everything. And now I can't remember what the app is called to find it in my apps. I'm like scrolling through. I've got 5,000 apps. I went, which one was that tax

one? I think it's about expenses. Expense-a-roonie? Expense-a-roonie? Uber? I don't know. I might be thinking of Deliveroo. That went under. No wonder I can't afford it. No wonder it doesn't exist.

You guys got me taxed. Now we've got your chow mint. Your tax isn't chow ming, but you keep doing it every year. See, that's, you know. I need food to fuel me for this job. Is that not a tax deduction? I feel like it is. For me, everything's a tax deduction, isn't it? Every time you bring up beef and black bean.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's on your back. Which is what my back tattoo stands for. It's content. That's a tax deduction. Absolutely it is. Why not? You want to know about me ghost Oh, yeah, yeah. It's on your back. Which is what my back tattoo stands for. It's content. That's a tax deduction. Absolutely it is. Why not? You want to know about me ghost?

I do, yes, yes, yes. Tell people about Officeworks first. $250 to spend at Officeworks. Big attack. Hey, we're going to give you $250 to hook you up to get your kids back to school ready. That's right. And you know what?

I don't care if you don't buy it for the kids. If you want to go get yourself a new printer, so be it. Hey, man, if you're a big fan of Stabilo and you need to replenish your highlighter collection, by all means, I don't have to go to the kid. Yeah. So we're talking ghosts. Yeah. Do you have one?

Do you have a ghost? A lady came over to my house the other day. She was letting me borrow a handbag. And I said, well, come on in. And she had her, I think the kid was six. Shy Guy's piped in with his ghost again. This lady brought me a handbag to borrow. I said, do you want to come in for a cup of tea?

She said, yeah, sure. She had a baby with her. I think she said the baby was about six months old. And I said, if you want to put the baby down, by all means, my house is your house. You don't even borrow a handbag, so by all means. So she takes the baby out of the carrier and lays her on the mat. Yeah. And as soon as the baby touched the ground, burst into tears. The baby did? The baby did, not the lady. Not me. She had been fine.

Okay. But as soon as she touched the ground, burst into tears. She was on ground fine. Okay. But as soon as she touched the ground, she burst into tears. She's on ground tears. Okay. And the first thing this lady said was, oh, have you got ghosts? Who says that? How's that the first thing to come to her? I said, I don't think so.

My home is old. I think it was built in 1939. You'd be like, maybe I do. This is a sign. Is Murtry in retrograde? I could. I said, why do you ask? She goes, well, the baby's psychic. Well, not psychic. Spiritual.

How do you know this person? Actually, let me borrow a handbag. And how do you know her? Was she someone on Instagram? Who is she before I just start canning her? The baby is spiritual. She said, because we've got ghosts. She said this about her house. And the baby's been picking them up. So now she's determined the baby can pick up ghosts in other people's house.

Right. And this is how she communicates that, by crying. Okay. So as soon as she... A perfectly normal thing babies tend to do is cry. This baby is very happy, she said. Okay. Unless she's picking up on something supernatural.

Okay. So now I think I have to get a poltergeist in because there's a ghost. Bless you. Sorry, thank you. See? Unbeliever. That's a sneeze. Oh, my God.

It's a ghost. The ghosts are getting me. She said the baby's picking up on something. You might have a ghost. And then went to tell me about the ghost in her house. You just let these people into your house, didn't you? I do. She was letting me borrow a really nice handbag.

I still want to dig down on how you met her. But anyway, let's... She slid in. Does your husband go, why was she in our living room? Did she take things on the way out as well? For charging you, for letting you know that intel about the ghost?

I might just take this. I might just take that one as well. I'll give you a handbag for free. I am owed something. No, no, no. She was very pleasant about it, but she went, you might want to look into that.

So she thinks she has a kid who can- Connect with the other side. Okay. And obviously six-month-old can't communicate with words, so that was how she was expressing on picking up on something in this old home. I sometimes think kids that are of the age that they can speak, that are like, I saw granddad on the end of the bed last night and granddad's died or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I sometimes think that because they don't have that thing in their brain, that sense of play is still there. The barrier's broken down. But I think babies that cry a lot and can't do anything. I mean, it's a baby that's crying. It might have pooed itself. It might be bloated. No, she smelled the poop.

She said the baby was picking up on a ghost and now I think we have a ghost. It stands to reason. She put it on your floor. Who knows what she got in her nappy. Anyway, we've got a ghost and this baby. Have you said something about a ghost at your house before? No. Never been haunted? No, I don't think so.

So do you want to do 13, 10, 60? Have you got a ghost? Have you got a ghost or and like. On the kid. Yeah. Kid ghost whisperer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I On the kid. Yeah, yeah. Kid ghost whisperer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see dead people. Yeah, does your kid see dead people? Yep, yep.

Can your kid see Bruce Willis? Kid ghost. Slash, do you have a ghost? I want good calls from this, though. None of this BS. Yeah, no, this is not the segment for BS. No, no, this is, we're not here to muck around. This is some highbrow, highfalutin.

This is highbrow radio. Anyway. Have you got a ghost? Have you got a ghost? Have you got a ghost? And how do they tell you? Do they cry? Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko.

Do you have a ghost in your house? That's right, I need these guys to come in. Yeah, the ghost bus. Because a six month old baby came over, and immediately started crying. Wait,

no, when she got put on the floor. When she got put on the floor. Yeah. And the baby's mother, looked at me and said, oh, do you have a ghost? Because the baby can pick up on the spay. If you've been asked any other person on the planet, they would have gone, I'm sorry, what were you?

You would have gone, maybe I do. Like, such a weird thing to ask. So when this happened, I wrote it down to talk to my friend Ducko about it. I literally wrote, well, I didn't think I did, but now I probably should get someone in. Look, word for word. Yeah, that is so you. I'm going to start using that as an excuse now when anything goes wrong. Like, you go to someone's house and you block their toilet.

Oh, you have a ghost, do you? I think you've got a ghost in the place. Yeah, you've got a ghost in the place. Just start saying, oh, you're not a believer? Well, okay. That's on you. That's your call. It did put me on the back foot.

Yeah. Like I, it was my fault that the child was unhappy. It's actually quite a good alpha move. It's pretty good. She power moved you. She power moved you, yeah. And now comes up thinking about the ghost in our house who's upsetting the children. How quickly?

Maybe that's why our one-year-old is going through the tantrum phase. Maybe. Not because I'm frying her brain with all the screens. Well, because she's one. Because she's one. Did Angus come home and did you tell him straight away? Of course. I called him at work.

I said, you've got to come home. He's like, I'm busy. We've got a ghost funny. I'm up a forklift. What's up? Scissor lift, whatever you stand on. Anyway, you have a ghost. Sarah, good morning to you.

Good morning. Hi, guys. Sarah, are you taking this seriously? Because I'm getting some pushback from the duck man. I have this story about my brother when he was younger. And my parents and my brother go swear by it. So I didn't experience, but my brother did. And he swears by it.

Okay. So, yeah. When my brother was three, so my great-grandmother died when my brother was three, so my great grandmother died when my brother was about two. And so when my brother was three, he doesn't really remember my great grandmother. And he said between the ages of three and five, he'd get this recurring dream of this lady at the end of his bed, holding up like a hand and like the fingers counting to five. He didn't understand it.

And he would tell my mum and dad about it. And then one day he'd see a family photo and he's like, oh, mum, dad, that's the lady. And it was my great grandmother. And my mum and dad are like, that's your great grandmother. She's been visiting you in your sleep. See, that's the part I can believe a bit more because she was in the family. She had a reason to stick around.

The kids all went to have drinks. What's the difference between this is the person who used to live in the house, maybe, when it was first built, sending messages through babies. And then my dad's like, maybe it's because when, you know, we were two, she would try and teach him how to count to five. So she would sit him on her lap and she'd be one, two, three, four. She was trying to teach him to count. And they swear by this.

Yes. I'm on board. And every time it gives me chills. I'm on board. Every time it gives me chills. I'm on board. Duggan, are you convinced? Like, it's insanely, and it's like, yeah. I'm picking it up. The traditional counting to five.

I'm picking up what you're putting down. You're all in, mate. It doesn't take a lot to get you in. Sarah. Boogie. Thank you, Sarah. We go to Roz all in, mate. It doesn't take a lot to get you in. Sarah. Spooky. Thank you, Sarah. We go to Roz. Hello, Roz.

Hi, how are you? Roz, good. Do you have a ghost? When my grandson was two years old. Another two-year-old grandson. It seems that age. They say they visit before the age of five. Oh.

I never ever spoke about my father who was a painter and this little grandson was always giggling up in his bedroom and laughing and talking and I'd say, who are you talking to? The man in the tree. This was always the man in the tree. So one day I said, what does this man look like? And he said, he dressed in white, that would be the white overalls, with a paintbrush and

a ladder and he's going up the ladder. And did your father climb trees? No, he was a painter, but he was a massive gum tree out the front. And we named him after his other brother. Didn't you say your grandson saw a man in a tree? Yeah. Yeah, so is that a connection for your father being up in a tree? Well, the painting was, the painter was, the paintbrush.

And the overalls. And everything, yeah. Keep up to date. And making him laugh and that, that'd be him. Yeah. That is interesting. I love that. The painter.

What a way to, like, keep in touch with the family. We've got to back on. But did you understand what I was asking? Yeah. Okay, I just want to be clear. I love that. What a way to keep in touch with the family. We go to Beck. But did you understand what I was asking? Yeah. Okay, cool. I just want to be clear. I was listening. We go to Beck on 131060.

Hello, Beck. Morning, guys. So we no longer live in that house anymore, but when I was pregnant with my first daughter, we had the mirror in our hallway fall down and shatter both my husband and I heard the mirror fall and it shatter and we went to go and you know clean up all of the glass it was on the ground but perfectly intact and then when she was born she was about eight months old and I have a recording of her having a half hour conversation with an empty corner in

the house. She would look back at me, have a little yabber at me and then straight back to that exact spot. Really? And talk to the corner and it wasn't like at her eye level. She was like looking up like she would if she was talking to an adult in the corner that was empty. What's the connection with the mirror? I have no idea, but it was the only two sort of really supernatural sort of things we had in that house. Did you move? The mirror's a separate story. Two stories, same house. Should I move?

Is that what you're saying, Bec? Should I move? I think you should move. Look, if it's good stuff, I mean, my daughter didn't scream at this ghost, so maybe it was a friendly one. It wasn't a shattered mirror. It was a fixed mirror. So, you know, maybe it's a good spirit.

Maybe. I had a mirror drop in my house once. That's because I can't build anything or hang anything. I'm going to bring this handbag lady over with her baby to your house. No, I don't want her anywhere near my house. Jess and Ducko. Something happened over the weekend. I saw a side of the duck man. over with her baby to your house. No, I don't want her anywhere near my house. Something happened over the weekend. I saw a side of the duck man.

I don't know if I've ever seen before. And I wonder if it's a glimpse into your future. Yeah, so we were away. Morgan was at a hen's on Saturday night, and I had to go away to do the weather in Melbourne. So we didn't, it was just a one-nighter and we didn't reach bad planning, couldn't get anyone. We didn't realise that this was happening, but I was flying out at like 4pm.

So really, Pam only needed, and Morgan was coming home the next day at like 11am. Yeah. So really, Pam only needed someone to... It's like an 18 hour. It's not long enough to get, you know, a full babysitter. She just needed someone to give her dinner and then someone to give her breakfast. Yes, yes. And obviously leave the front door open so she could do wee-wees.

Yeah, yeah. Let her out to the toilet. Yeah. Now, you kindly said you'd do this for us. Sure. And I was, you know, I was excited. But that morning, like, Morgan's gone to Sydney. It's me and Pam.

I'm taking her for a run. It was miserable weather where we were. And then all of a sudden, you know, she had her UTI lady problems a couple of weeks ago. That's right. The inversion. The inverted vulva. Now we're on a run. She started doing her thing again where she keeps trying to wee.

Yeah. And like howling in pain. And nothing's coming out. And I'm like, oh no, she's got another one. Like there's something wrong again down there. And I'm about to fly out this afternoon. It's like the antibiotics didn't take. Yeah.

And it fled back up. She had one week of antibiotics, and I think she needed more. And so then I called the vet, and the vet's like, look, we can't do a lot unless you get a urine sample of her. Yep. So my morning on Saturday was spent, 90% of the time was spent trying to get Pam's wee. Like, I'm there, like, trying to make her a wee, then nothing's come out. Meal prepping for when you'd be away.

Yep. For her. Yep. And collecting wee samples. And absolutely panicking. Yep. Like, oh, I can't go away. There's not a chance I'm leaving her on her own if she's coming out. Meal prepping for when you be away for her and collecting wee samples. And absolutely panicking. Like, oh, I can't go away. There's not a chance I'm leaving her on her own if she's got this. How am I meant to report from the Australian Open,

possibly getting an exclusive with Novak? You know he's not talking to some of the Channel 9 journos now because they've pissed him off. Maybe it'll be the day. I don't know if I can leave. I don't know if I can do it. I was going to have to cancel my flight. I'm going to have to tell everyone.

I'm calling Morgan while she's at the hands. I'm like panicking, calling the vet, calling my mum. I'm going to need you to come back. Yeah, yeah. What do we do? What can we do? Can you come back early? Can I not go?

Like, I was one step away from going, Shargo, you've just got to come over. Oh, you've got to come over to collect the wee sample. I know you're on the Central Coast, but you're just coming over. Anyway, I finally, one of the great proud dad moments, got in at the perfect time, swooped under and got the wee sample. Excellent. Perfect.

A healthy sample. Good job. Gave it to the vet. Well, not healthy. No, well, swooped under and got the wee sample. Excellent. Perfect. A healthy sample. Good job. Gave it to the vet. Well, not healthy. No, well, the vet then told me that her urinary tract has still inflammation involved and basically she needs two weeks of the antibiotics. There's something weird as well when it's a male vet and he's looking down her backside and he's like, oh, she does have an inverted vulva.

And it is inflamed. But he's like, it's all very clean though. She's looking good. I'm like, thank you. Thank you. Where's the infection? Yeah. So I was still in there somewhere.

So we've got the two weeks of antibiotics, which is cost an arm and a leg. And then I had to leave you, Jess, a bunch of notifications about what to do while Pam was away. We don't have the time for me to read them verbatim. But Shiger, I'll just give you a visual. Have a little look. Yeah, I did send a lot. Where's our text message?

How many people have I texted since I texted you? Oh, bloody hell. Hopefully not many. Yeah, so many. Okay, there you are. Look at all these instructions. Oh, and photos. Photos.

Oh, yeah. We've got multiple timings. It was a bit. There was a bit. And he's even tried to abbreviate. Like, he didn't spell Y-O-U for you. He's just done the letter U. And there's still.

And you've gapped it out. You've done dot points. And there is still that much. I know. I was so worried. I was just nervous. And then I left and I was in the Uber. I was like, have I forgotten her water bottle?

I didn't check it. Then I messaged you to check the water bottle and stuff. Like, you've never done anything with a dog before. It is funny because there was a part of me that went, don't be offended. He's just a proud, protective dad. It was because she had issues that day. And then I got in the car and I called Morgan. She's at the hands of the call for like the 14th time.

And I was like, do you think Pam will be all right? She's like, yes, Pam will be fine. I was like, oh, I don't know. She will be. Your dog is the furthest descendant from Wolf. You know what I mean? At the end of the day, these are animals. And I'm sure they can.

One of my friends came over the other day around dinner time and saw how much we feed Gianni. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, you know wolves back in the day might only feed once a week because they would only find a carcass. Yes. That often. Yep.

And now we're feeding these. Scavenge for it. Yes. Now we're feeding these creatures these humongous helpings twice a day. Yeah. I mean, you stay out of it. You leave us alone. But when you look at Pam. Yeah. With all her issues. I know. This is twice a day. I mean, you stay out of it. You leave us alone. But when you look at Pam with all her issues,

this is what's required. I know. She was on that many meds. You had to hide the meds in her food, then check she eats them. That's something you've never asked me to do before. Sit there and watch her eat. I went, I mean, I love you, bro, but this is so boring. It's because she has about 25 medication pills right now in her chicken.

You've got so many interesting drawers. I was rifling through your stuff. Did you go through our drawers? I was reading your mail. Did you see that one? And then I realised one was addressed to Morgan. I went, oh, no, that feels like a violation. You still read it though.

That's the violation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I wanted to read his mail. You didn't go through my new drawer again, did you? I've done that. I was reading your mail this time. But yeah, I had to make sure she'd eaten the pills and then she didn't eat the pills.

You didn't have any sliced cheese. I didn't want to waste your parmesan on her. So I went, oh, banana. Look up if banana's safe for dogs. And it is. The interesting scary thing is Jess Brolin. Then she growled at my daughter. Yes, Jess Brolin.

She was like, oh, dear. I literally was like, sit. You know what I'm doing? I'm doing this in favour of your parents. You do not growl at my daughter. I know. I was like, it was such an eye-opening experience for the future. I'm like, I need to chill.

Pam needs to chill. She's picking up on something. Yeah. Jess and Ducco. Happy Monday, everybody. Happy Monday, indeed, because every day this week we have a co-fod. Co-fod. Call of Fame of the day.

You don't have to wait till Friday to walk away with a great prize. You say we do this every day at this time? Every day at this time. For someone who got involved in the show, we've got $250 to spend with our mates at Officeworks, your back-to-school specialist, but of course, for any of your stationary needs. Anything you want.

Maybe you want to do $250 worth of printing. Yep. You can print some photos. Go look in there. Get a laminator if you need it. Hello. Phone case. To someone who got involved in the show about an hour ago,

we talked about ghosts because a six-month-old poltergeist has said you've got a ghost. Wait, are poltergeists the ones who talk to ghosts or are they the ones that are ghosts? I don't know, but this was just a person you invited to your house who you were borrowing a handbag off and then her daughter cried when she put it on the floor and said, you must have ghosts.

Apparently the daughter can speak to the supernatural. First thing she thought of, which is a great move and I'm now going to say that. It's a hell of a valve. Do you have ghosts here? This is ghosts, isn't it?

The boss calls you in to fire you. Hang on a minute. I think there's a ghost. Is there a ghost in here? You don't really want to fire me. Is there a ghost in your brain? We had some excellent calls, but Beck told us about her daughter who's been having conversations with something in

the corner of the room, babbling away, and then looking at mum, babbling, looking back. Yeah. Freaky. Freaky. I'd have to move, which I'm contemplating now. Yeah, you already are. That's going to be a rude shock to my husband when he comes home. Hey, I've sold the house.

Apparently there's a ghost here. However, we've been there for three years, and we've had no issues, so maybe it's a friendly ghost. Yeah. Or you just sleep through it if there was a ghost. I would. It'd be your husband getting tortured anyway. It's a lot to wake me up. So much. But thank you, Bec. You have won $250 suspended office works. More chances tomorrow. And we're debuting

a new game tomorrow? No, that's Year of the Song tomorrow. We'll do it on Wednesday. Okay. Doing it Wednesday. Unless you want to. Sorry. What's the theme for tomorrow? Is it tennis related? Songs with alarms in them.

Oh, sound the alarm. That's right. The human eyes will be in there. An Anne-Marie alarm. Wave leg. Yep. How's that one go? 2002.

No, that's 2002. I can't remember how Alarm goes, mate. I back-announced that in the songs. What's Anne Marie done recently? Babs it, no? Are we playing a new one? I don't know. No, that's Ella Henderson.

Oh, my apologies. Oh, how dare you, mate. You're not confused. How dare I? You're just confused two songs. Are you mixing up Ella and Anne? I would never mess up Anne Marie and Ella Henderson. No, no, it was there.

Which one? Take the M away. Take the space away. There she is at the top. Oh, there it is. There's Alarm. No, no, it was there. Which one? Take the M away. Take the space away. There she is at the top. Oh, there it is. There's Alarm. Okay, this is the song that I was thinking. Oh.

One of the great songs. I was thinking songs that had alarms. But I got confused with... You did. Now play Tell Me Alarm by Nicki. Oh, Nicki Minaj. Okay, let me just go and find it out for you. So you're thinking of Alarm songs. Yeah, songs with alarms in them, let me just go and find it out for you. So you're thinking of alarm songs?

Yeah, songs with alarms in them. What, that has like a siren? Yeah. Oh, I didn't think we were allowed to play sirens on the radio. We've only got mashups. Oh, Nicki deserves her own spot. I would have thought she'd have one. Oh, well, there you go.

Can't play it seven minutes, and it's a mashup with Kesha and One Direction and a few things. It's a Konski mix. You might hear that at midday. You might. You could. Hey, we are out of here, though. Back tomorrow.

More chances at Alpha Bucks. More chances at that co-fod. We are playing Year of the Song. Babs has got a new segment tomorrow. Oh, my God. Finally. It's early. Finally.

Yeah, Babs' blog. You don't want to miss it. You don't want to miss it. Are you excited, Babs? Are you ready to go? Yeah. That sounded pre-recorded. Did you press that button?

It sounded fake. It sounded really fake. Go to, yeah. That did sound fake. Wow. I know you've got a wall of sound effects that we've gotten from Babs. No, I've got her saying like. Jess, me and you are on the same cycle.

That's right. And like. Look at my little pudgy hair. That felt like a button was pressed. Anyway. It's all happening tomorrow, team. bucks, she calls in sick tomorrow. You going to take that bet? No, I'm not taking that because she probably will.

We're out of here. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye. Bye. Talk to you. Good morning, Melanie. No, you're listening. Jess and Darko.

That was the Jess and Darko podcast. The new loose change menu has dropped at Macca's. OMG. T's and C's apply.