Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - FULL SHOW | You should shave your legs

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

Jess got nude on a wine tour, Ducko eats ice cream wrong and we ask what went wrong on the first day!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Macca's new McSmart Meal is here. Get a cheeseburger, small fries and soft drink, plus your choice of a side for just $6.95. T's and C's apply. Jess and Duggo! This is the Jess and Duggo Podcast. Yes, welcome to the podcast everybody. What's up? What's up, what's up, what's up? Great show today. Oh, sensational show. Strong show. A lot of different elements to the show.

Yep. I think all the ingredients in the JD HQ were used. We had Babs' blog. That's right. We had Neapolitan ice cream. That's right. What did Shy Guy, I don't know if Shy Guy lifted today. You had a low production value today on the show.

Excuse you. Well, what did you contribute? Because you lost the game. Yeah, you had to bow out early. Wordy Oaky came last. That's right. Second week in a row. But if you look at the board. I know.

I was making a career. If you look at the board. I know. I was about to get carried away. If you look at the board. The thing is, mate, none of us care, but we all care. If you look at the board. True. There's nothing on there. I'm wasting my time. I'm not smelling.

Trolling the Mumbai Times yet again and the Tokyo. Tokyo minutes. The Tokyo Daily or whatever. You know what you did do, though? It should be the Tokyo Times. You contacted Peters a lot in the show to try and get a Neapolitan expert. Hang on. You know what I heard him mumble under his breath, though?

He goes, I'll just email Drumstick. Why email him? Because he's got to contact a Drumstick. I've got to contact a Drumstick. You'll hear it. There's a lot of Neapolitan ice cream chat on the show today. But is Drumstick an offshoot of Peters? Yeah, but Drumstick is Peters' brand.

But you only have access to Drumstick. Surely the Drumstick person can lead you in the right direction. Yeah. But there might be a civil war in that. Could be. Like the Drumstick person can lead you in the right direction. But there might be civil war in that. The drumstick people don't mingle with the Neapolitan people. I certainly wouldn't. It could be like getting through a triple M here and going, hey, are you friends with the hit guys?

Oh, my God. You know what they're saying when they answer that question? They wouldn't put you through to us. We'd put you through to them because we're nice like that. We're nice. And Babs is in charge of that and she's the nicest of all of us. And then Babs will come through and tell us some weird lie that's kind of not trying to bitch but also trying to miss.

Yeah, stumble over her own tongue. We know when you're lying and holding back. Are you up there with all aspects of when you're lying? Like, do you stumble a bit? I don't know. Can you imagine playing Babs in poker? I don't even know how to play poker, but I know I would crush her. Because she's so obvious.

In her sweetness, she's incapable of villainry. I don't want to win. I'll just throw out the best cards. Whatever. It's fine. What was that? Babry. I don't want to win. I'll just throw out the best cards. Whatever. It's fine. What was that? Babs. I don't want to win.

You're still in poker. Sorry. See, I don't understand the game. I don't understand either. It was being poker. Full house. Full house. Yeah.

Babs has a royal flash. Have you guys ever gone to a casino and played games? Roulette. Played roulette? Have you played blackjack? Like 21? I don't understand. I played blackjack. It's nerve wracking. Ised roulette? Have you played blackjack? Like 21? No, because I don't understand. I played blackjack.

It's nerve-wracking. Is blackjack poker? No, different. Blackjack, you've got to get to 21. You go, hit me. And they go, hit me. And if you go over, you're out. If you go under, then you show your card, you're going to beat the dealer.

You're versing the dealer. Why is it called blackjack? Is it something you want the jack? No, you want 21. I don't know why blackjack. Jack isn't worth 21. No. What's a jack card worth?

Jack is worth 10. They're worth 10, but the ace is 11. Why is it called blackjack? I don't know why blackjack. Jack isn't worth 21. No. What's a jack card worth? They're worth 10, but the ace is 11. Why is it called blackjack? I don't know. Yeah, I know I like roulette because there's no... It's easy. It's red or it's black. I'm going to put it all on like number five, whatever it is. Blackjack feels like you're having to play the player a lot. Because you're looking for an

ace and a blackjack. Oh, that makes 21. What happens if I have a redjack? It's still a jack. It still counts. It's the same thing. Well, that's rude. It's just the roots of it. I guess redjack. It happens if I have a red Jack? It's still a Jack. It still counts. It's the same thing. Well, that's rude. That's just the roots of it. I guess red Jack.

Isn't it? It is red Jack. French settlers brought it to the United States. Your paper. Sorry. I'm looking very French with my wispy pew beard. Do you know what I learned about Napoleon recently? He was a short man too.

Wrong. He's tall. Propaganda. Really? Isn't that wild? So I've not looked up the guy who told us, but he said it with such conviction. Yeah. Because you know Napoleon tried to take over the world. Yes, yes, yes.

He was really leading the French crusade of like, I'm going to basically dominate everywhere. He sort of bit off more than he could chew. Apparently from the people who were anti-Napoleon, they cast this rumor out that he was a tiny man with small man syndrome. Okay. That's why he's going around the world trying to dominate and dictate. So it'd be like me doing real well and they're like, let's tell everyone he's really fucking tall.

He's a tall man. Everyone's like, I want to follow that guy. Maybe that's where it stems from, using small as an insult. That's not. It's just the way you are. In the Ridley Scott Napoleon film, that was an absolute cluster piece of shit that came out last year. Don't watch it.

Ridley Scott has fallen off a wagon in my opinion. Napoleon was small and they all made comments about his height and stuff. Well, there you go. But he also had sharks in the Coliseum in his Gladiator 2 movie, so I wouldn't trust him too much. So this is the thing. He was average height, but on record

he's described as 5'2", which was equivalent in today's measurements of 5'6". So obviously everyone... 5'6", I'm 5'8". What do equivalent in today's measurements of 5'6". Oh. So obviously everyone would- 5'6", I'm 5'8". What do you mean today's measurements? That's a great question.

You know, like inflation? Yeah, that's- What's the average height for a- Can you do average height for a man today? Yes, very good. Because I'm 5'8", and people often see me and say, you're not actually that short. Napoleon liked to surround himself with the unusually tall soldiers

of the elite guard, who would have made him look even shorter in comparison. But he was actually average height for the time. Also, maybe it's because he just appeared shorter. It's like, I've got tall friends. Yes. It's hard. It'd be like if I was hanging out with Shy Girl all the time. All your lady friends who are small are like, you're one of us.

You're like, piss off. It's just because all your boys are really tall. Yeah, they are tall. A lot of six foot friends. There you go. Isn't that interesting? Answer to average height of a male these days. And in Australia.

5'8 worldwide. That's me. Worldwide. Genuinely, I'm right on the nose. You know? Yep. I am. That's the craziest thing about me.

It means I'm 5'8 too and I'm not. You are. Have you ever had yourself measured? I've got the measuring. I've got centimeters. I've got the measuring thing in Lucia's room. I'll measure myself today. See what you actually are. Yeah, it only goes up to 180 but I think I'm okay. Oh, you'll be's room. I'll measure myself today. See what you actually are.

It only goes up to 180, but I think I'm okay. You'll be all right. I'm like 173 or something. Or 172. I'll measure myself today. But then I don't know what... Well, can you do 173 centimetres in feet? Here we go.

A perfectly normal height for a man of his time, Napoleon. Yeah, it was propaganda that he was tiny. Five six. Ah, fuck. I can't be 5'6". Hold on. You're 5'6", because I think I'm 5'6". You're 5'6", 7'5".

And we are a whisker apart. A whisker apart. I want to get properly measured by someone who's not biased. Babs, measure me. It's a formula. What do you mean not biased? Shut up. I want to get Subway footlongs, and I want to see how many I make.

Babs, today go out and buy as many footlongs as you can. You won't need many, don't worry. Morgan always says that to me. Shock horror in my Tinder bio that you'll hear on the show tomorrow. Sure. I've got a height thing in there. And Morgan's like, you always make yourself out to be so small. You're that small.

I hate when we meet rice cookers and they go, you're not as small as she makes you out to be. Stop ruining my fun. He's a tiny boy. It's like people say, you make out Jess to sound so fat with all the food she loves. She's not that fat. I'm like, she's not that fat. Is that what you said?

Yeah, that. I'll take it. I'll take it. No, they don't say that. They just go, Jess isn't big. I told you I busted through my shorts the other day. It was not a proud moment for me. I wonder what Shy Guy and Babs are going to get soon

when the rice cookers start seeing them in public. Yeah. Or IBS Babs. I suppose they can't prove that in public. I get cereal shit. Like, oh, what's yours going to be this week? That was one lady once. Not twice.

And you know what? I felt like I had to wear a hoodie and coals the other day when I bought this week's. You've got to go incognito because that's burying the lead. You can't buy one at a time. He's going to send a street team out to get cereal for him. Yeah, we are doing that. And make sure they don't go in branded clothes.

You can't buy one at a time. It's too obvious. Who's walking out of Woolies with two boxes of Crunchy Nut? Clearly something is awry. Clearly it's Shy Guy. You know what? Mr. Guy. We should start saying that on Wednesdays.

If you spot Mr. Guy in Woolies or Coles buying two boxes of cereal. You know what it is. And you know what it is. You call the next day, you win the Fridge Magnets straight away. Well, yeah. And you ruin the game. But still, it'd be funny. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Jeez. Shy Guy spots. You've got to have decoy boxes. Where's Wally with Shy Guy? Like, you've got to buy Special K, Wheat Bix, Nutri-Grain, and Sultana brand. But really, it's the new Kit Kat cereal hiding amongst it, like the baby penguin trying to stay warm.

Yes, you are. Why aren't you doing that job yourself? That reeks of a Babs job. I haven't outsourced it yet. I did offer. You've so good at delegating emails. That should be a job you guys do together on a Thursday. Go get a match, huh?

You could go to the Quickie Mart down there. They've got cereal down there. They've got all sorts of wax shit, I think. Do they? Well, they'd have like weird like... And they need our help since they... What happened there? It was a burn.

It was a fire. No, someone broke into it. No, someone broke into it. They're all repaired now. We should support them. Oh, gracious. Well, go support. Go support local.

Yeah, go do that. I don't think that's a local. Stop giving it all your cash. Yeah, I was going to say, you know, it's a franchise. And ask for a pineapple grape vape. Sure, do you want it? Nah. Nah.

I once had to buy a vape for my mate when I was seeing him. He was like, can you give me a vape? I felt like I was doing a drug deal. Like walking in and being like, do you guys have any vapes? Are they legal now? Yeah, they are. You can't get them over the counter. And they just pull it over the counter.

Is that a thing that you had to get a prescription? Did that ever actually get enacted? I don't think so. You can still get them from those places. I drove past a super vape store the other day. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it's like in the middle of nowhere. People are really traveling to this.

But they sell like vapes, all sorts of different vapes. Different paraphernalia. You can get herb vapes from them. Oh, my God. I'd love a little puff on a coriander vape. Well, yes. You put coriander. Or banana, as we learned.

Yes. Banana's a herb. Yeah, so true. Yep. They're the herbs you're putting in. Jess is like, why am I not getting high from coriander? Yeah. Disgusting coriander.

I don't even know why we're coriander, babe. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Good morning, indeed. Welcome to it, guys. Welcome to Thursday. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning. It is a pleasure to be here. Always a pleasure to be here. You look different. Yes. And not good different like Eldie. What do you mean? I don't like it.

You don't like it? I can't imagine your wife likes it. I thought you would like it. No. I thought me work homie would like it. I'm not a huge facial hair guy. Girl. Girl.

It's 2025. I can call myself whatever I want. How many callers, particularly men, call and go, hey, fellas. Hey, boys. G'day, lads. Hey, lads. Talk me through your thinking. So, okay, this is a team.

I've got a moustache on my upper lip right now. And it's a dirty Timothee Chalamet moustache. It's a moustache that is dripping down past your lips. Yeah, it is. A bit handlebary. It's a bit. It's like a baby handlebar. Yeah, it is. A bit handlebary. It's a bit. But nothing on the middle. It's like a baby handlebar.

Yeah, yeah. But nothing on the middle. Because that's where nothing grows there. Nothing grows there. Did you have a scar there or something? I don't think so. I just think naturally. I have weird parts of my face where it doesn't grow.

Sure. Anyway, I was shaving yesterday and you know we've got this whole fridge magnet debacle in my house where my wife threw out our only custom fridge magnet. So then I got about 150, put them on the fridge last night. Love that. And showed that to her. She didn't care. So then I said, okay, put them on the fridge last night. Love that. Showed that to her. She didn't care. So then I said, okay, I'm keeping them a star stone.

What I'm hearing is we're trying to get attention. You know what I mean? We're trying to get Morgan. Yeah. Pay attention to us. Look at me. And the fridge magnet didn't do it. She was worried she had a hernia or something like that from being pregnant.

She was more worried about her pregnancy stuff. I was like, come on. Get over yourself, Morgan. Get over yourself. Look at this. Jeez. Daddy's grown a mo. like, get over yourself, Morgan. Get over yourself. Look at this. Jeez. Daddy's grown a mo. Look at my little boy, Mo.

She didn't care. My baby handlebar. I was like, I'm going to bring you into the team, so you're the team thing. And mixed reactions from the team. No, I don't love it. You don't like it?

However, if you've done it as... It's fine? Yeah. Don't overthink it, Doug. Okay, Babs. Moustache, what do you think? I mean, it's your face. You liked him with his chalmonnay.

You think he's hot? I've got the chalmonnay now. Okay, yeah. There you go. The issue, Babs, with it's your face. I love that. You do you, Boo. Thanks, man.

But we have to look at that face. He doesn't actually have to see his own face. And that is my other issue. We've only been in the room about 40 minutes. You keep licking it. I'm tasting the hem of it. It's a little bit nacho libre. It is a bit.

It's a bit Mexican, isn't it? It's a bit like. I don't. Nacho libre. Can you taste last night's dinner? Like the essence of Thai green curry. Oh, absolutely. Caught in the head.

Oh, you know I can. I had tacos last night. You've already, already people think your name is Taco because they miss your daco. Now they're going to go, wait, is he Taco or Nacho? Look, I don't know how long it'll stay. It's Jess and Nacho Libre. I'm getting a fresh cut today after the show. I'm seeing my hairdresser, Brandon.

I wanted to show Brandon my moustache as well. Hey, Brandon. For people's opinion about hair, I know you trust Brandon to bubble up. Yeah, Brandon's my guy. I'm going to put a photo on the Jess and Ducko Instagram. Okay. Should we do a poll? Yeah, let's do a poll.

I can't wait to get slammed. I can't wait. Mate, for how much- Change isn't always bad. Change is as good as a holiday. Change is as good as a holiday. Yeah. For how much the rice cookers came for me yesterday with allegedly putting my daughter's shirt

on backwards, that kept going. Bow gate. I can't comprehend what they're going to do about your mowgate. Morgan said it makes me look older because it's thicker hair. You do have a, you know, a youthful baby face. So now with the dirty mow. They've got a bit of a presence. Yeah.

Like if you saw me in an alley, would you say hi or run? No, I'd run. You know what I'd pull? I've got a personal alarm. I'd pull my personal alarm. So no. What did that do? It emits a really loud high-pitching screech. Yeah.

And you can't stop it once it starts. Oh, you can't. Oh, you can? No, you can't stop it. No, you cannot. Yeah, right. Because my daughter plays with it. And I'm like, oh, she's going to pull that thing out.

They are loud. And probably deafen herself. For our mock-up day, we set off maybe 50 of those around the school. Oh, damn. To pull the pins. They're like grenades. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull the pins and throw them.

The idea is it's that loud, it'll discombobulate your attacker. That's how loud they are. Other people can hear it and go, what's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Like that three steps I take from my front door to the car.

Mate, you got a yellow belt. You should be fine. It's yellow tip. Oh, so true. You should get a belt. See if you got a yellow belt. You should be fine. It's yellow tip. Oh, so true. You should get a belt. See, if you had me with you. All I can do is basically the dance of the move. I can't actually strike.

I can't get up to that. Oh, we know. We know. It's basically Tai Chi. I learned Tai Chi. Also, how's your juggling going? We've given up on that after we tried to do... Hey, hey, hey.

With no intention of my own, I give my daughter the balls to play with, to throw. I've lost one of them. Oh, she's lost the balls. So I was trying to practice yesterday with two balls. You can't do that. It's not juggling, is it? I mean. That's just throwing two balls in the air simultaneously.

Exactly. I text Angus being, I'm going to need you to come home. I need to find me ball. He went, I'll be home at six. No, no, come home. Sorry. Please, where's me balls? I've looked everywhere.

That's when you call me and I come with my massage. You go, oh, hello, I found your balls. I lift your couch. I look under the couch for the balls. go, hello, I found your box. I lift your couch. I look under the couch for the box. Oh, I can be Pablo with this. Pablo the pool man. Taco, Nacho, Pablo. You got a lot of names.

You do. Anyway, Jess and Duggo on Instagram. Yeah. Have your say. We'll do a poll about it. Yeah. Still a big show, though. 10K Alphax happening, 6.30 and 8.

Jeez, I feel new. I feel fresh. We've got Wordy Oki coming up. Oh, absolutely. Call of Fame, Billie Eilish tickets in accommodation. Yep. Yeah. Are you filming me?

I'm just going to film you here. Yeah. So it feels good. Don't twitch your upper lip. It looks weird. Plenty of show coming up. Up next, I'm mourning a loss in my household. Oh, no.

Of the rest of your facial hair? No, because I look good. Jess and Ducko. Jess and Ducko. A few bad dreams in this room today. Seeing my face. Not me, though. That's not a dream, though.

That's our reality. Ah, bad realities. Because you've left a porn stash. Yeah. It is a bit porny, isn't it? Yep. Did you ever get into Orange is the New Black? Did you ever get into porn?

I was going to say, well, I've been a teenager. I've lived. Okay. Don't act like you left it in your teenage years, bro. No, no. I have. Have you seen Orange is the New Black? I couldn't even tell you how to get onto a porn site now. Okay. Don't act like you left it in your teenage years, bro. I have. Have you seen Orange is the New Black? I couldn't even tell you how to get onto a peon site now, okay?

That's what we go to Shy Guy for. No, there's that one guy and they call him Pawnstache. You know? The one who pees in Red's gravy? That's what you look like. Deep reference. I realise that. Sorry, Jess.

That's just far too niche. I was probably watching it the other day. Hey, morning of loss in my house. It's a tough one and I think you can relate to me on this. When something happens in your routine of your daily life, that breaks it up. So obviously we have Woolies and we have Coles that I go to for big shops

and Aldi. Go to them for the big shops when you need it. Will you switch up? Yeah, I always mix it up. How do you get your rewards points? They're Wool it. Will you switch up? Yeah, I always mix it up. Wow. How do you get your rewards points? They're Woolies. I don't have any rewards. I go to Coles because I don't like the layout. I'm not a Coles layout person. I'm just locked into Woolies. I always have been. Maybe it's how I was raised. Aldi, they have

great deals on meats and things like that. Oh my God, I found these things in Aldi the other day. They're like potato gratin stacks in the freezer. Oh my God. You just buy four boxes of those and that's lunch, eh? I did. Ali do have cool things like that, though. I always make them for Lucia's lunch and I end up eating it. I'm like,

sorry, sis. She's starving? Why? She's so hungry. I don't know. Not my fault. So I appreciate the flip-flop. Yeah, a bit of that. But we have like a local smaller grocer. I'm not going to say her name. But a local smaller grocer, I'm sure you can presume, that is just like in case of emergency, go there and they're a super one.

So they're good. They've got plenty of things. They've got their produce. They've got their normal stuff. But it's obviously, it's an independent grocer. It can be a bit more expensive. Okay, yeah. You only go there in case of emergency.

I'm talking like it's 5.30. You have an organized dinner. You go, I know what lives there. Let's go there and get that. They have lost. It's a big space. It what lives there, let's go there and get that. Sure, sure. They have lost, it's a big space, it was two, right? They've lost their rental rights to one of the sides of their building. So they've had to condense.

They've had to condense basically two sides of this like store into one and the one side they've lost was the deli. Oh, no. The bread, the produce. Oh, no. Like the gourmet side. And I had a chat to the owner because I'm sort of like mate to her now. She's a rice cooker.

And she was nearly in tears to me being like, this is, oh, it's hard. You know, like we don't want to do it, but we're losing our lead. Don't tell me you're friends with the chick and you still won't shop there all the time. This is what's annoying. I'll still go there because it's convenient. Yes. But it sucks now. Yes.

It's not the same. They've lost, that's a big chunk of it. I went there yesterday for the first time and I went, oh, no. They basically had to amputate the deli. Correct. And they've had to halve it. They're doing the best job they can. Don't get me wrong.

I know that. But I went home to Morgan. I just said, it's not, this has really rattled me. When something like this in your normal routine happens, it just throws you. Was this the man? Was the man like, oh, we're going to take that one back or the rent increase on that half?

Like, who do we blame? Yeah, I think the man took it back. I think they want it back for their own space. Oh, no. And so now it's going to be something else. I don't know. Unless they turn it into something really cool and I like it in a couple of months, that'll be different.

But for now. Like ready-made dinners for you so you don't even have to shop for the actual produce. That would be fantastic. That would be okay. But for now, like if the meats is quartered, you know what I mean? Yeah. If there's no, like, fresh breads, the produce is gone. So it's like you can't go there and actually do a full shop if you need to.

It feels like it's lost the soul. Yes. You know what I mean? And it's more condensed. It's more busy. The queue's bigger. And you're losing the surface area of the foot traffic and your corridors. Oh, it's just, I'm in there yesterday.

I'm still going to go because it's around the corner and I keep making the same mistakes. And she's a rice cooker. We'll always support our rice cooker. She's played Alpha Bucks. I'm pretty sure she won 10K Alpha Bucks a couple of years ago. there, yes. I'm still going to go because it's around the corner and I keep making the same mistakes. And she's a rice cooker. We'll always support our rice cooker. She's played Alpha Box. I'm pretty sure she won 10K Alpha Box a couple of years ago. Oh, damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you should take her a fridge magnet.

I know you've got 150. That's a great idea. That might be nice. That is actually a fantastic idea and go, I'm sorry for your loss. Here's a fridge magnet. To steal a ducko quo. It might be like putting a bandaid over a bullet hole. Bullet wound.

That's a bullet wound. But. Hey, that's a good one. I think that might be a nice little.aid over a bullet hole. But. Bullet wound. That's a bullet wound. But. Hey, that's a good one. I think that might be a nice little. That's a good one from you. Make good. He's a fridge magnet. He's a fridge magnet.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry for your loss with all your produce. And you know what? The gaping hole where the deli counter used to be. There's his Jess and Ducco space. There's just a fridge magnet over it. It's like, what the? Why is that fridge magnet so big?

Did he close the deli? Actually take the fridge magnet off. Jess and Ducco. Have you heard about a bit of a shitty situation in our first date? I'm not talking about Babs. She did share that she had an at-home incident yesterday. Babs, tell everyone what happened yesterday. No, but careful, that might be in the blog.

Oh, is it in the blog? No, it's not. Okay, you go for it. Oh, okay. I blocked the toilet. At home? Yeah. Yeah. And how did go for it. Oh, okay. I blocked the toilet. At home? Yeah. Yeah.

And how did you solve that problem? Hot water. Boiled water does solve all, doesn't it? Yeah. It was a scary time for about an hour. How did you know to do that? Oh, she's done it before. I Googled it.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like... What do I do when I've blocked the... Did you use too much toilet paper or were your feces too tense? No, I would say it's the toilet paper. I would say that's... We did it the other day as well. How much did you use too much toilet paper or were your feces too tense? No, I would say it's the toilet paper. I would say. We did it the other day as well.

How much did you use? How much do you use? It's the plumbing, isn't it? I think it's the plumbing. Yeah, of course. How much toilet paper do you use? Are you laying a bed down before you go, then you're wiping? Oh, because you've got housemates, you don't want them to hear you do plops.

Yeah, you have to be discreet. Yeah, yeah, but she's a lady. No, so what you've got to do, Babs, is flush halfway. So clench, flush, give your toilet a time. It's so hard to do that because then you've got to stand up because you don't want to get sprayed on the boot. That's a little clean in between. No, it's not a bidet.

God, I'd pay money. I would get a bidet, though. I love bidets. You were talking about maybe doing renos, you know, down the line. That's number one on yours, bidets. Honey, why don't we just spend lots of money on bidets and nothing else? Well, we're going to have clean butts, aren't we? You can't say we're not.

I've got to stop using the toilet flush. So give me another device. Anyway. You need one of those fancy Japanese toilets where you can talk to it. Oh, yeah. You know? And it heats the seat, puts me at an angle. Yes, yes.

And then it's a soft rise. I'd never leave the bathroom. Why would you? What's the point? Massaging. Plays music. Cleaning. Oh, it does everything.

Put a stove in there. You never have to leave. Well, you could get some E. coli bacteria, though, which is what brings you to my story. Oh, no, it's all in the air, isn't it? It's in the air. Great segue. Well, thank you. It's happening on our first day of New South Wales, on the Central Coast. What are they having to deal with?

It seems to be better now, but I'll play you the news report that was going for our poor residents. More than 50,000 residents in the Terragulla electorate were issued a boil water alert at 6pm last night after the presence of E. coli bacteria was detected in the local catchment, affecting nine suburbs across the central coast, all told to boil water before drinking.

Follow the instructions, it's not a big deal to boil water. I've been doing it all my life. He's been doing it all his life. That's my grandma who does that. She used to have boiled water in the fridge. Like, she'd boil the water in a jug and put it in the fridge, and you can taste the difference. And that's the drinking water.

That's the drinking water. Don't be going straight from tap to mouth. It's always boiled at grandma's place. Wow. Maybe this guy was onto something from way back. How? I never understand. And maybe we need to get our friends on who are plumbers.

Aren't all pipes connected? Like, how are only nine suburbs affected? I don't know. If E. coli, like, someone's taking a dump in the water. If it's in the water, it's in the water, right? Because E. coli can give you urinary tract infections, illness such as pneumonia. Oh, it's very bad.

It's bad for newborn babies as well. Absolutely it is. It is my thing, right? They say it's all clear now. This is what the council have said. We've redone testing both by ourselves and by an independent laboratory with new south wales health and they've all come up clear so the good news is that uh the water is safe to drink the boil water alert is off and uh there's there's no need for alarm imagine you get that text

boil your water you'd be be like, what? Why? My issue with it is the things that you need to look out for, the symptoms are stomach aches, nausea, and vomiting. Very, very broad, nonspecific symptoms. Absolutely. So the minute you started to have a drink of water, even after they tell you that it is fine, you'd be like, I think I've got a headache.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Do I feel sick? Absolutely. Do I have E. coli headache. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Do I feel sick? Absolutely. Do I have E. coli? And then you'd spiral. Exactly. It's all in your, like, not like that it's all in your head,

but it's like when you eat something and then you're told, oh, that's something you don't like. You go, I feel nauseous. Exactly. It was fine going in, but now my head's involved. So when is the time, if you're one of those residents, like when is the time where you safely go back to your tap water and don't think about drinking poo? Yes, and just because they've done that test, it's sort of like,

but what was the cure in between? Exactly. Did it just have to pass through? Did you just get rid of Babs' poo that she'd done in the water plant? How many boiling kettles did we push down the pipes? Exactly, yes. Do you reckon that's what they were doing? Do you know what I mean?

That's what the local council did? Why don't we? Everyone bring a kettle. Was it treatment or was it just time? Did it just have to flush through? I didn't trust them in the first place. I'm not going to trust them in the second. And also, how do they get our numbers?

You know when they say the mass alert goes out? How does everyone have our numbers? It's probably not hard. You can Google people's numbers and stuff. 50,000 numbers is a lot of numbers. It's a mass Google. I think it's based on the phone towers. Yeah, I'm sure.

I don't know the answer to that. It's going to be a really simple one. It's getting too technical. We're talking pipes. We're talking numbers now. We're talking bidets. We're talking bidets. My point is.

That's the only clear part of this story, how good are bidets? If it happened to me, I would feel sick for weeks, okay? You don't have to call your grandma being like, oh, what's your technique? We boil the kettle and put the whole kettle in the fridge? What did you do, Grandma? Sugar Mama?

Is that Meryl? Sugar Mama. Oh, valet Sugar Mama. You'll never know her secrets. I won't. Hey, shall we play Alpha Bucks? You can boil lots of water with 10K. Absolutely.

13, 10, 60. Get through to Babs. Maybe, you know, give her some toilet tips. Yep, yep. If you've recently clogged a toilet, today might be your day. It's you and Babs' day. Give us a call. We'll be next.

Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alpha Bucks on hit. Yes, you have 30 seconds to answer 10 questions, all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer. Can't use the same answer twice. And if you're untrue the question, just say pass. We come back, of course, if there is time.

We're playing for 10K. And, jeez, we have a VIP calling through. Oh, my God. My goodness. I can't believe it's taken us this long. Yeah, it's taken a while. To get him on for a chance to win $10,000. We're called the Rice Cookers because a while ago,

someone called Reece called in and told us. Well, you can't cook rice without a rice cooker, can you? And it tickled us a lot. Oh, it tickled us pink. It tickled us pink. I always go, what does that mean? I don't know. Let's not get into it now.

Took a pink in the face. Yes. We owe Reece a lot. We owe him a lot. The least we can do. Yeah. Let's give him $10,000. Hi, Rhys.

Hello. How are you? Good, Rhys. Have you never played Alpha Box before? Never played Alpha Box. How good. He's only called in for that. Now, how are you going walking down the street?

You're so famous as the guy who coined the rice cooker term. I mean, radio's good, you know, and the face isn't out there. Oh, yeah. A bit of anonymity. It'd just be a nightmare, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The and the face isn't out there. Oh, yeah, a bit of anonymity. It'd just be a nightmare, you know what I mean? Yeah, the publicity, the PR. It'd be too much. He wants to live his...

It'd be through the roof. Yeah. What do you do with yourself, Rhys? I'm a painter and decorator. Painter and decorator. I thought Rhys was a plumber. Pretty close. Close.

Were you ever a plumber? You just need a P. Never a plumber. Oh, okay. Sorry, that was... He's a painter and decorator. Painter and decorator. Oh, that's... Rhys. I just, like, he's Sorry, that was... He's a painter and decorator. Painter and decorator. Oh, that's...

Good on you, Rhys. I just, like, he's just stayed true to his roots to himself. Yeah. Even though he's out there... Just a humble boy. Humble boy. Humble boy coining a term for a radio show for the people. Humble boy.

What do you want to spend $10,000 on? Trying to buy a house at the moment, so... Oh, jeez, that's tough. Do you have a partner, Rhys? Yeah, I do have a partner. Yeah, yeah. Okay, very good. You want to do it together, or is tough. Do you have a partner, Reece? Yeah, I do have a partner. Yeah, yeah, okay, very good. You want to do it together or is this just for you?

No, going together, but apparently everything in Newcastle costs $2 million these days. Yeah, yeah. Everything costs $2 million. All right, let's give you a little extra to put towards the kitty. $10 grand will really dint that $2 million. Yeah, but I paid a decorator. I reckon Reece, that's all right.

It might give me a nice debate when I get one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Come on, baby. Reese, oh, come on. The letter is N. It's a good letter. N for nice house, which is coming your way.

Yep. All right? Beautiful. Beautiful. Here we go. Come on, Reesey. The whole state is behind you. Everyone.

Your time will start after the first question. Here we go. Starting with the letter N. We need you to name an ice cream flavour. Neapolitan. A female actress. Nicole Kidman. A country.

Pass. A cocktail. Negroni. A technology brand. Nokia. A TV series. Pass. A musician. Pass.

Pass. Needle. Ned. Pass. Nicaragua. Oh! Came back strong. God, you were doing well. Came back really strong.

You passed on three. You got yourself seven. Oh, that's rough. A TV series coming back. Would you have had any ideas if we came back round to it? I've got nothing. New Girl or NCIS. That is a tough one, though.

A musician, there's a few. Nelly, Nelly Furtado, Nicki Minaj. And then a fruit could have been one of the great seasonals, nectarine. I bloody love a nectarine. Yeah, not a fruit man. Not a fruit man. Are you a veggie boy? Yeah, veggie boy.

Huge Brock guy. Huge Brock guy. You don't go away empty-handed, though. And rice, obviously. You get $100 to spend online at TVSM where beauty begins. Maybe that can be for the partner. Maybe it can be for yourself. It's not quite $10,000, but, mate, we appreciate you coming on nonetheless.

No worries. Thank you very much, guys. Have a good day. We love you. Rhys, do you have a fridge magnet? Oh, yeah. I don't have a fridge magnet. Oh, shy guy.

Get Rhys a fridge magnet. I'll take one of the 200 I put on my fridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll give one to Rhys. I love that. Yeah, Rhys, you deserve one. Make sure you give it a kiss. You said it with some positive love.

I've got a moustache now, Rhys. I'll give it a kiss with my mo and you might get some little food pits on there. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I love that. Oh, good to chat, Rhys. I wish we gave him the 10 grand. I know.

We'll give you a free drink. You can give it to me if you want anyway. It's actually not a big lot. All right, we'll chat soon, Rhys. Thank you. See you later. Thanks, Rhys. See you, mate.

Place again late for $10,000. I had to go to the dry cleaner yesterday and pick up some things that I'd dumped there a few weeks ago. Of course. And one of them was this dress. And I got it into the car, got it home, and I said to my husband, I think I've got to get rid of this thing. And he went, I know you're not buying anything new.

Don't try and make excuses for like, oh, if I get rid of something, can I buy something new? I said, no, it's not got anything to do with that. This dress betrayed me. And I had to get nude on a wine tour. He's like, what are you talking about? I went, I haven't even told you this, have I? I mean, I don't think I've told the duck man either.

No, I haven't heard this. So this dress betrayed me in a tricky moment. On a wine tour a little while ago with some girlfriends, and we're probably three or four wineries deep at this point. So you know things, to quote Lola Young, have started to get a little bit messy. Oh yeah. Because you go to these places. It starts off civilized.

You have wine and it's very, oh, I can taste this. Because wine, of all the alcohol, wine does feel the most civilized. It feels the most fancy. And a tour as well when you're tasting them and you're getting the citrusy notes. And then all of a sudden it's like, they all taste the same. We love when the people try and tell us, hold it to the nose, get a whiff of the bouquet, swirl it around, check out the viscosity. All these words, and you go, yes. Just pour more of my glass. Yes, yes. Oh, God, some people are so stingy.

But by three or four, you start getting a little bit. Yeah. A bit chatty, a bit fuzzy. Exactly. And I remember sitting there with my girlfriends and doing something quite physical. It might have been a bend or a lean or something, and the full zip has busted. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Something quite physical. A bend or a lean. Whoa.

Hold on. Hold on. I'm doing a bend right now. Ah, that physicality. You know me. A bend is a big deal. Ah, that physicality. You know me. A bend is a big deal. A bend or a lean. I meant like I've.

A gentle lean. I get quite. No, see, it wasn't gentle. Okay. I think it was a dramatic lean. So you're leaning over big. Yeah. Heart rate's high.

The zip is completely busted open. I see. But I don't mean it's come down from the top. The middle of the zip has busted open. I see. But I don't mean it's come down from the top. The middle of the zip has busted open. And when that happens, you can't just yank it back down and get it to restart. Yes, it's, yeah, the middle's open. The middle's open. You're stuffed.

So one of my girlfriends goes, oh, I can handle this. Let's go to the bathroom together so I can really get my knee in your back and hoik it up and do things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't do that in the middle of a cellar door. Absolutely not. People are having a civilized afternoon. So she and I go into the bathroom.

She's like, I can't get it. We're in there for 10, 15 minutes. One of the other girls comes. Then another one of the girls comes. Now we've got six of us in the bathroom. In one cubicle. Everyone's trying to yank the dress. To one of my friends, Anna goes, you're going to have to take it off.

I can't work it while it's on you. So there I am, titties going to have to take it off. I can't work it while it's on you. So there I am, titties out, just the dress is off. Were you wearing a bra? No. Do you know how I feel about bras? I don't like them. It's like your deodorant policy. Yeah.

I enjoy a crop top. You wear undies. I know that much. I do wear undies. Not G-strings. You don't like them. I hate G-strings. You hate G-strings.

So there I am in a full brief, but just, and heels. I kept my shoes on because I'm classy like that. Obviously. Spanx and heels. All my friends. One time. Like on the ground, on the bathroom bench, and I'm just there covering up the ladies going, this is a low moment for me.

Great for the friendship. Awesome for the friendship. But a low moment. And it eventually works it. Do you, as girls, do you feel nervous getting boobs out in front of each other? Or are they, boobs don't matter? Boobs don't matter. Okay, right.

Particularly now, I think, having breastfed. Oh, yeah. I'm like, look at these. These are vessels for milking. These, and these are miraculous, you know? These are. Oh, sorry, yes. These are miraculous.

These are miraculous. But also, I've known these girls for 20 years. Yeah, it doesn't matter. The issue is we're now in a public winery's bathroom. Did any randoms come in? Luckily, no one came in. Oh, that would have been the real test, though. But just standing there going, wow, what a moment for the sisterhood

while they're all trying to help. And did they get the dress order? Anna fixed it. I don't know what she did. She worked some magic, was able to get it up and down, got it back on. But now I've given it to the dry cleaner thinking, oh, forgetting it out of sight, out of mind. But I'm going, I can't put this thing back in my wardrobe, in my rotation.

Or you only wear it when you're on a date night with Angus. Oh, that's nice. When I'm doing my vicious leans. To really, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're viciously leaning over getting more chicken on your plate or something. I know you have, you've got those Velcro pants you like to rip off. Oh yeah, I've got those. And I've got the dress I can bust over.

All my clothes are Velcro. Just, you never know when you need to. This is how we like to rip off. Oh, yeah. I've got those. And I've got the dress I can bust over. All my clothes are Velcro. You never know when you need to. This is how we keep the romance alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, deep into marriage. Do you know how long it takes me to put the Velcro back on? Jess and Ducko. Hey, it's Babs.

And this is my blog. Men's Operation Superstar Bratz. Slay. Here she is. Here she is. Ready to slay. Ready to slay. Ready to slay. Good morning slay. Ready to slay.

Good morning, Babs. Good morning. Babs comes in once a week, gives us a blog. She can talk about anything she wants in her life or going on in the world, and we just, you know, we sit there, we vibe it out. Sure. Yeah, let's do it. Okay.

Okay. Today's story is going to be about... Please, no, I'm just joking. What do we got? What's going on? Okay, let's set the scene. The other day, I looked out at my yard and went, oh my God, my lawn is so bad, but I don't want to do it.

But no one had done it. So I said, okay, let's do it. Because you're in a share house. You're in a share house. Let's paint the picture. No one does the lawn in a share house. No, no one does the lawn. Including the landlord.

It is the responsibility of the tenants. Yeah. And we have been pulled up on it before to say that it needs to be done. Oh, really? Yes. Jeez, it must be an Amazon. Well, it's pretty bad. It's full of bindis and it's just gross.

Like, we don't have a massive backyard, but it's just full of weeds and it's disgusting. But I've done it. Where do you do your grounding and your earthing? Yeah, where do you do that? I just don't. Oh, jeez, that explains it. Yeah. Yeah.

But I've done it a couple of times. With what? Do you have a lawnmower? Yes, we have a little electric that explains it. Yeah. Yeah, but I've done it a couple of times. With what? Do you have a lawnmower? Yes, we have a little electric lawnmower. Yeah. But I kind of was thinking, oh, surely someone else will do it. Yeah. No one else did it.

Not since you bullied your housemate. They're not going to contribute to the overall house. Still getting, still copying it, that one. Yeah, yeah. We know. Anyway, good morning, Lacey's mom. So you put on your big girl pants and went, right, I'm going to tackle this. Yeah, so I put my headphones on.

I was like, okay, I'm going to fully commit to this. It was bad. It was really bad and I was really scared because I don't know how to go along. With that electric too, you probably wouldn't have done a dint in it if it's that long. Well, no. So I put my headphones on and I was listening to... Yeah. Is it...

Yep. Because I was like, I better do this. I should have did this. What a great pump up. For the girls. Yep. It was bad. I bottomed out the lawnmower about three times because it was that thick.

And I couldn't even go in straight lines because it was too thick. It was like pulling you sideways. And I couldn't maneuver the lawnmower. Like a trolley with a bung wheel. It was like, where's the way it wants to go? I kept running into the vents and yeah, like there was all these like holes in the yard. So it just kept like bottoming out and like stopped working and stuff. And you're there going, I hate my housemates.

What am I doing? Why am I doing this again? It was so hot too. And I was like, I'm 23 years old. Like I'm not, I'm not made for this. What am I doing? Oh my God. I'm not made for this. What am I doing? Oh my god! I'm just a little girl. I want to go inside and read my book and go to bed.

But I'm mowing the lawn. Anyway, I started getting bitten by things. And I'm like, okay, it's fine. There was like a whole wasp nest I think I drove over and then they were chasing me. I don't think wasps park on the ground for sure. I don't know, they just appeared. I was just getting so itchy while I was doing it.

And I was like, okay, it's fine. Like, you know, this is probably normal. I don't really mow the lawn. And then I did the front. Were you wearing a dress? Like, please tell me you were wearing long socks. No, I was wearing long socks, some dad shoes, like my little new balances with like shorts and a hat because it was hot.

And, yeah, I just kept getting bitten by stuff. I was like, this has to be normal, right? And like, I don't know. Just lawn behavior. She's in so much pain. She's like, I guess this is all part of the process. Ah, push through. And then my housemates got home and they didn't say a single thing about it.

I was like, hello, let's look at the lawn, please. I'm just moaning. When no one appreciates a good lawn mow. It made me really sad. But the worst thing is that then, for three days after, I've had these welts on my legs. Yeah, you have had red legs. And I've been so itchy. Yeah.

And no one feels sorry for me. So are they fleas or what are we thinking? I don't know. So I texted my dad. You would know if they were wasps, that's for sure. Yeah, it was just itchy. And it was like itchier than a mozzie bite. It can't be a mozzie

I texted my dad and said What's going on? And he said Okay Well Well first of all he said Okay Might be fleas

Don't forget the coffee beans Because I forgot Forgot them at work the other day I love his priorities Good good But then he said Actually send me a photo Because I think he was worried

So I sent him a photo And all he said was Oh Yeah your legs could go for a little shave. So yeah. So no thanks from the housemate. Dad tells you to shave your legs. Hairy shaming from dad. Yeah. So I don't know what bit me, but my legs are still itchy. Yeah, they are still.

Are you one of those people who gets like bitten by things easily, like mosquitoes? Yes, but I'm like, these can't be mosquitoes. I don't know what they are, but I'm just like, yeah, so itchy. Didn't grass have fleas? I thought like animals had fleas. I'm like, these can't be mosquitoes. I don't know what they are, but I'm just like, yeah, so itchy. Didn't grass have fleas? I thought like animals had fleas. I don't think grass had fleas. Shona's looking something up, what it could be, I presume, over there. No, type writing down Baptist blog.

See, he doesn't care either. Here I was thinking you were going to find out for us in the chat. I don't know what they could be. Grass could be. Yeah, it could be. I mean, it could be little, yeah, I don't know, bugs. I don't know. I'm not mowing the lawn again.

Yeah, well, so have you spoken to your housemates and said, guys, I've done this twice now? Well, no, I don't. We need a chore chart in Babs' house. Yeah, we need a chore chart. Like when you have children and you're trying to teach them responsibility. Well, I just thought me saying, ow, I'm itchy, I'm bitten, that was crap, that they would.

What did they say to that? They just went, oh, no. Oh, sweetie. Yeah. Okay. Babs, we're out of toilet paper. Could you go to the shops, please? Jess and Ducco.

Best way to devour Neapolitan ice cream. Neapolitan ice cream is one of the great pastimes. Something that stood the test of time. I know it's called Neapolitan, which would suggest it hails from the Naples region of Italy. But I can't think of something more quintessentially Aussie. Like, I don't think the Italians. Why should we call it Neapolitan? I don't think. I don't even know what it's got to do with Naples region of Italy, but I can't think of something more quintessentially Aussie. Like, I don't think the Italians... What should we call it? Neapolitan?

I don't think... I don't even know what it's got to do with... Like, I get it, three colours. There's three colours on the Italian flag, but they're certainly not brown, white, pink. So... Yeah, I don't know why it's called that. They're the origins of Neapolitan. Yeah.

I personally, as I said, as quintessential Australian, I don't want to annoy anyone. I don't want any purist ice cream people coming for me. Neapolitan ice cream sucks. The only way to eat Neapolitan ice cream, in my opinion, is to just eat the chocolate. What is the point of vanilla and strawberry? I'm the best person to share with because I don't eat the chocolate. I only eat the vanilla and strawberry. You're such eat the chocolate. I only eat the vanilla and strawberry.

You're such a health nut. I only eat the vanilla and strawberry. I don't think they're that much healthier. I'll even get my spoon and I'll put it in the middle of the vanilla and strawberry so I get both in one hit. Okay. You're the kind of freak I wanted to find. Here I am.

There's one in this room. Yeah. So the good people at Delicious.com, they were just doing an article. I don't think they intended it to be taken the wrong way like I've taken it. They were talking about Kit Kat. Nestle has joined forces with Neapolitan ice cream, and they've got a new limited edition Kit Kat Neapolitan. Have a look at that thing, Ducko.

Oh, like an actual chocolate block. So it's the Kit Kat that you know and love, the snappable fingers. Yeah, yeah. One is white, one is pink, one is white, one is pink. There's no actual chocolate flavor. Yeah, how's this? The base of it is chocolate. I see.

It's just the outside. One finger has a top of vanilla. The next finger has a top of strawberry. I see. The next one, top of vanilla. So it's almost like a top deck situation. Yeah, that's weak. All of it has a base of chalk, but one has vanilla, one has strawberry, alternating.

Right. And I had an issue with that. I went, no, no, no. The joy of Neapolitan is that you get to pick. You get to choose. I'm in the chocolate lane, the vanilla lane, or the strawberry lane. Well, you know, my 29-a-week pregnant wife, literally like two days ago, was eating Neapolitan out of the ice cream about 2 p.m.

You had to go to Woolworths at night time, didn't you, to get her? And then she had one. She was like, this isn't even good. And then two days ago at 2 p.m., she's there eating it out of the tub, sitting at the kitchen bench on like a 30-degree day. I was like, oh, we've reached that stage, haven't we? The chocolate in Neapolitan sucks, but it's the best part of the Neapolitan. Yeah, I don't like chocolate ice cream that much anyway.

Okay. But I love pink and white. Okay. I like the flavours. So I will only take the pink and white. I. I like the flavours. So I will only take the pink and white. I don't touch the chocolate and I will get both. I'll go mid-colour. The fact that you said you're now trying to blend colours is what I wanted to get to.

In this article, the great journalist at Delicious.com has said, it's weird that they've done a base of chalk and then alternating you get a splash of vanilla or a splash of strawberry. The only person this is good for is that one weird uncle who would always spoon across the Neapolitan tub and serve you an unholy striped scoop of all three flavors smeared together instead of just a pure vertically oriented single flavor scoop of each as the ice cream gods intended. I go vertical, but vertical down the middle lanes. There you go. So I don't go horizontal across all three.

I go vertical in the middle of the white and the pink. It's like you're driving across the lane, across the lines. Yes, exactly like that. I'm in the middle of the line, so I get a little bit of both. Pick a lane, I would yell out to you on the freeway. Do you not have them all meshed into one? I suppose you only need the chop. How do you even chug?

I don't like Neapolitan. I would just pick the one colour. You're working with animals. But you know what he would pick? You would pick vanilla. Of course I would. Babs, please tell me you like pink and white. I love all the flavours.

I love Neapolitan ice cream. How do you eat it then? Do you go across? No, you don't blend them. You go straight down. What? It wrecks it if you blend it. But then you get like a flavour orgy.

You're the weird uncle. No. Delicious.com is talking about. Also, someone here, I think it's Babs, has put into our box the origins of Neapolitan ice cream. Yes, thank you. A traditional form of ice cream originating in South Italy and made from multiple blocks of ice cream put together. The most popular flavours were, I don't know what the hell you're saying.

Spumoni. Spumoni. And cherry, chocolate and pistachio. Oh, that feels very Italian, doesn't it? Whereas we've just gone and gone vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate. But okay, I can't believe we have the weird uncle in the room. You are smushing your flavors. I want to say, I'm still vertical.

I'm not a horizontal guy. That is, to me, that's psycho behavior. But you are blending. I'm a flavor smusher. In your mouth. You know when I eat Thai food or curries, I will put my masman in there with my yellow curry and my... Oh, my. I like...

It's just a flavour orgasm. You know, it's a build of everything. 13, 10, 60. Yeah. Weird uncles unite. Are you smushing the flavours of me? How do you have it? How do you have it?

How do you have your Neapolitan? And maybe how you have it is by not having it. Maybe you think Neapolitan sucks. I'll take you to... I will not take you. How do you have it? Give us a call. Billy, I'll shake itolitan sucks. I'll take you to. I will not take you. How do you have it? Give us a call. Billy, I'll shake it up for grabs.

We'll do it now. Jess and Ducco. Jess and Ducco. Nestle has announced, available now, Kit Kat Neapolitan with a base of the hand of fingers, I guess you'd say, when it comes to Kit Kat. Chocolate sticks. The chocolate sticks. All the base is chocolate and they'll alternate a top-deck situation.

One is vanilla, one is strawberry. One is vanilla, one is strawberry. So you can snap off a vanilla finger, and then you can snap off a strawberry finger, but you'll always have a chocolatey base. And Delicious.com journalists are calling that akin to the weird uncle who would scoop across the tub to smush chocolate, vanilla and strawberry when they serve it to you. And I thought that was criminal.

And I've come in. Only to find out the man I thought I knew, who I see every morning, sometimes more in the day than my own husband. Yeah, probably. Is that weird uncle? Well, okay, yes, but I don't go horizontal. I still go vertical. Yeah, but you're smushing lanes.

Yeah, yeah. I only have the pink and the white. I only have the strawberry and the vanilla. And I go in the middle of those so I can get both those flavours. My wife, who is pregnant right now and eating tubs of that at about 2 p.m. most afternoons, she just has the chocolate. She doesn't like any things, but I love putting together all the flavours. It's so weird.

Stephanie has just texted us, Ducko. Yeah. 0-4-8-8-8-1-0-6-9. How's this? She goes, I think I'm weirder than the weird uncle. I'll not only scoop across flavours, but I'll let it melt slightly, mix it all together and DIY soft serve. Oh.

No. It does taste good when it's melted down a bit, that ice cream. I don't know what it is. Oh, no. Mel's texting and saying, I'm the same as Ducko, pink and white only. Something else. Call me the weird auntie, but the only way to scoop Neapolitan ice cream is across all three flavours,

so you get a swirl. Exactly. Love you, Beck. No swirl. You get that swirl. That's what you need. Oh, it's Jenna. Good morning.

Good morning. Jenna, are you passionate about Neapolitan ice cream? Oh, I was when I was little, but we always stayed in our lane. Sorry. Oh, okay. You and your siblings? So, like, one of you liked one flavour, one liked the other? No, no, no.

So, we'd always have, we'd get mum to scoop each, and then we'd decide which one we wanted to pick and eat once we were in the bar. Oh, there's one bowl of chocolate, one bowl of strawberry, one bowl of vanilla. Oh, I like that. Mum's keeping the lane separate. But you don't get, like, the beauty of Neapolitan is it all comes in the one.

Wrong. I don't have to pick. It shouldn't have been invented in the first place. When I had it the other day, I'll tell you what, my guts were crook for three days. Three days. And they only come in the big tub. They do. The big old school square tub that you then can repurpose the container.

Chloe, good morning. Good morning. What's the right way to Neapolitan? So you tip it upside down on a plate. You cover it with sprinkles. You put a little happy birthday on there and you eat it as a cake. It's an ice cream cake. It's an ice cream cake.

You know what? That would be delicious. Chuck a few candles in. Chloe, do you have to let it melt slightly so it does slip out as a cube? How do you get it out? You let it melt slightly, but then you put it back in the freezer. Upside down. On the plate.

Okay. So that you can then cut it. Okay. It was the top tier birthday cake in the 90s, let me tell you. That is fantastic. You bought that out at a kid's party. I love that. That's a genius hack. That is. It's probably cheaper than an ice cream cake you. That is bad. People head out at a kid's party. I love that. That's a genius hack.

That is. It's probably cheaper than an ice cream cake you can get as well. Probably. We go to Jack. Jack's going to be with me. No, but what if you get a slice? Sorry, what if you get a slice of just strawberry? Gross.

Yeah, that's true. You need to go horizontal, I guess. Yeah, maybe. Jack, I know you're riding with me here, mate. How do you eat Neapolitan ice cream? So, look, it is pink and white. The brown, if the chocolate, if you're desperate.

What? Agreed. Pink and white, but you've got to have them separate. You can't be doing the middle scoop in between. They go uneven. You've got to keep it even. Jack, do you put strawberry and vanilla in the same bowl

but separate sides of the bowl? Put them in the same bowl, that's okay, but you've got to do the individual scoops. You can't be going down the middle. So, Jack, when you're actually eating it from spoon to Jack's mouth, are you putting a little bit of vanilla and a little bit of strawberry on the same spoon so they can have a party in your mouth? Or no, it's one scoop of straw, one scoop of vanilla?

Yeah, one scoop of straw. One at a time. Yep, yep, yep. And then at the end when it's like the melted sort of stuff, yeah, that's fine. They can comb it. You can finish at the end. I just figured that the beauty of having the three flavors in one is you

don't have to pick. You can have all three when you want them. Shouldn't even be a thing. They should have walls in between. Cue Dua Lipa. These walls. Where's Trump when you need him? be a thing. They should have walls in between. Cue Dua Lipa. These walls. Where's Trump when you need him? Build a wall.

Build a Neapolitan wall. Between the chocolate and the strawberry. Let's go to Micaiah. Good morning, mate. Morning. How are you doing? I always enjoy your contributions. We're doing fantastic because I love you.

You've actually got some skin in the game, Micaiah. Yeah, yeah. So my grandparents are originally from Naples, Italy. Okay, here we go. We're talking to the founder of Neapolitan ice cream. Non non Neapolitan. What have you got for us? All right, so what my grandfather would do is he would slice it

with a knife down and separate each one. So it's all separate. Yes! Never eat together. We had his brother, Peter, he was the only one in the family that would scoop it and mix all the color. He's a good guy. He's a weird uncle. No one

liked Peter. Peter's gone to prison. The weird deal. I just, I mean they're all there for the taking in one night. You heard it from the Italian horse's mouth. Yeah. I just can't believe it. I thought everyone, I thought this was the beauty of Neapolitan. Nah, man.

It's like if you don't know what you want, you just pick all three. This is great. I think that's the authority right there, Ducco. No more swirling in your house. How dare you all. Jess and Ducco. No more swirling in your house. How dare you all. Jess and Ducco. These words are my own. Word up.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Word-yokey. Quizmaster Babs back in studio. She's going to give us a word, any word, and the aim for Shy Guy, Ducco and myself is to sing a song with that word in it. Ducko, always the bridesmaid, never the bridemaid. I've come second in this game every week.

Every single week. And you're the one who wanted to do, let's do the tally across the year. I know, and I can't win one, but I keep coming second. Do we keep tallies for second? I feel like we should. We can, if you want. I haven't lost one. Let's just say that much.

It's hard as well because I'm so competitive. You are so competitive. You're literally rolling your shoulders and doing shadow boxing I want to win so bad but it's been really hard Have you been practising? No

You've got to practise I kind of like the organicness of not practising and rolling in the room Yeah, well that's leading you to be second every time, babe I'm just trying to make good radio Okay Okay Alright, so Babs gives us a word

We sing a song Remember Shy Guy, Gusto Gusto and more than just three words I'll sing what I know Okay. All right, so Babs gives us a word. We sing a song. Remember, Shia got gusto. Gusto and more than just three words. I'll sing what I know. That might not be enough, but Babs is in charge. I'll make the call. She'll make the call. All right, first word is open.

Open. Eyes wide open. Open your eyes. Open. Open your heart. Open. Open your heart to me. Baby, learn to turn a heart and you hold the key. Open your heart to me.

I know what that is. Darling. Good one. Yes. One point to Jess. Thank you. What was that? Open your heart.

Is that a song? Yeah, it is a song. I just don't know what it's called. Hang on. That's not part of the rules. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on a minute. The tacos are is a song. I just don't know what it's called. Hang on. That's not part of the rules. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on a minute. The tacos are teaming up.

Open your heart. Is that the song name? Wait, wait. When have we ever said you need to get the song name? We all need to know what the song is. I think I've been pulled up on that before. No, that's not a thing. We need to know what the song is.

Hang on. Hang on. Sorry. Who's running the show? Yeah, Babs. Your call. You want to award that? I think it counts.

I know the song. I just don't know the name. Stay strong, Babs. You know the song. You just don't know the song. Stay strong. No, I just don't. Yeah, Babs, your call. You want to award that? I think it counts. I know the song, I just don't know the name. Stay strong, Babs. You know the song, you just don't know the song. Stay strong. No, I just don't. Okay, all right. Okay, just because you came second.

We're singing random things now, are we? All right. I can do that. Don't make me Google it. All right, second word is mercy. Please have mercy on me. I'm not here to... It's a Shawn Mendes song.

Yeah, I know what that one is too. That's an actual song though. Yeah, it is. Keep going. You're not going to believe it. Open Your Heart by Madonna. Come up in a few games. We're going to get the Madonna fans really offside.

Okay. All right. All right. So point to Jess. Yep. Point to Shia, guys. Ducko, you need to get on the board. Get off the floor, Duckman. Alright, so point to Jess. Yep, point to Shia, guys. Ducko, you need to get on the board. Get off the floor, duck man.

This is what I do. Channel the power. When time gets grim, be the Grim Reaper. In that moustache. Here I come. Here I come. Alright, third word is video.

Video killed the radio star. Nice. Video killed the radio... Sorry. Alright, we're all tied now. Here we go. Point to Ducko. Thank you, Babs. Alright. That, we're all tied now. Here we go. Thank you, Babs. Alright. That's a song. Great scoring. Don't make me

send you the YouTube. I'll send you the YouTube. Alright, next word is rich. Rich baby daddy. I could be broke ass chick, but I'm filthy rich.

Make a ring. Make a ring. But I'm filthy rich. All right. Point to Jess. Make it rain. Make it rain. I couldn't remember the actual lyrics. All right. Point for Jess. Jess is on two.

Ducko, Shy Guy, both on one. We should have done haul and oats, rich girl. That was a missed opportunity. We. Yep, all of us. Next word is back. Back. Street. My Next word is back. Back. Street.

My neck. My back. My uh. And my uh. That's the radio edit. Thank you so much. That was good. Point to Daco.

I don't know what I can say anymore. Not when it's inferring. All right, Shaga. You're on one point. Thank you. So where are we at? Is this? So it's tied between Jess and Daco.

So is this last round though? How many rounds we had? We've... So it's tied between Jess and Ducko. So is this last round, though? How many rounds have we had? We've got two more. Okay. So if Shaga doesn't get this one, he's out. Okay. All right. Next word is white.

It don't matter if you're black or white. Nice point to Jess. Goodbye, Shaga. I think it was the film White Chicks. It had nothing to do with anything. It could be anything. Okay. Okay. So if I get this, we get a tiebreaker. Yes. If Jess gets it, she Guy. I didn't think it was the film White Chicks. It had nothing to do with anything. I couldn't think of anything. Okay. Okay.

So if I get this, we get a tiebreaker. Yes. If Jess gets this, she wins. Yes. If Shy Guy gets this, Jess wins. I'm out. Shy Guy's out now. He's done.

It's just between you two. I said it again. Not today. You have one chance to redeem yourself. If you get this, you're tied. All right. Last word. Music.

Music. Music. Make our music is better when we're together listening to music. Yes, Rupert. Beautiful. A tie. Come on, man. I need this.

You know what? It sounded like you were flirting with a Madonna song at the start there. I really struggled with tones sometimes. Music makes the people. That's what I thought you were saying. This is a tiebreaker. Hold on. Should I play a drone or something and make it really intense?

Sure. Forever silver coming your way, Ducker. Trust me. Trust me. All right. You ready? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Stone. Stone. Called Steve Austin. Stone. Stone. Sticks and stones can break my bones. My bunny ears. Stone. Stone? I'm under Austin. Stone. Stone Cold. I'm going to Stone. Stone. Sticks and stones can break my bones. My bunny ears. Stone.

Stone. I'm under control. Stone. Heart of Stone. Heart of Stone. Stone. Stone Heart. I'm a Stone Cold Lover.

You can't just do your own theme song, Dal. I don't know Stone. I don't have a Stone. No, I don't know Stone either. This is not good. What was it? Come up with one. You could have done Stone Cold by Demi Lovato.

Oh, that's what I was thinking. If Stone Cold was in my head. Bloodstone by Guy Sebastian. I would have said that. No, no, no. That's a bloodstone, though. We just want stone. Yeah.

I think it might be one word. Just another one. Quick. This is double overtime. Okay, okay, okay. Up. Up. I'm up, up and away.

I'll be up and away. Yes! So, Daco wins. This means be up and away. Yes! Daco wins! It means so much to me and my family. Oh, goodness me. It's going to be a good day, everybody. Well done. Jess and Daco.

This time yesterday, I brought you a shocking, shocking story which led to all of us not liking my wife. I am still rattled and I appreciate you sending us the draft divorce papers in our group chat. I did, yeah. I appreciate how serious you're taking the heinous crime. Delete that Google history. For someone who just told me they smushed their Neapolitan,

at least the strawberry and the vanilla, I thought that was bad. But there's way worse crimes happening in your house. Our iconic fridge magnets, the big fridge magnets that an old promotions person we had reordered and stuffed up. They should have been like four by four, but he ordered 40 by 40. So these are things that are massive.

They're custom. They've become a big part of our show. People, the rice cookers want them. We give them away to certain people. There's only a certain amount of them. I had one on the fridge. There's not enough magnet material in the world to make more. The magnetic companies are going out of business just by making our magnets.

That's right. They're draining their sources. The cost per magnet has crippled businesses. It's ridiculous. I had one on our fridge, and then all of a sudden. Proudly. Proudly. And then it was gone.

I played you audio yesterday of my wife removing it, and she said she thinks it ruins the aesthetic of the fridge. Threw it out without me knowing. I believe she used the word ugly. She said it was ugly. She's essentially called me and you ugly. Yeah. She said it inflates me knowing. I believe she used the word ugly. She said it was ugly. She's essentially called me and you ugly. She said it inflates my ego. I don't know about that.

So what we did yesterday is she's mucked with the wrong team. Amen. We got about 200 fridge magnets. That's right. And I went home. Don't forget, they are finite. Yeah, they're finite. But we got all of them.

We got all of them. And then I've taken them back because I can't keep them on the fridge. Did you return? Yeah, obviously, yeah. Except for one. I kept one at home on the fridge. Good. Careful, though.

I know. I want to have a chat to her. Have you glued it? I should glue it. If she throws that out again, that is divorce town. Anyway, I came home and I put them all on the fridge. And she'd just done a 12-hour day and she's pregnant. And I was like, I can't wait to film her reaction.

She goes straight in, sees the fridge and sits on the couch. And this is how it went. You're woken up the wrong people. You took like eight weeks to notice that I'd taken it down. Shut up, Morgan. You're ruining the aesthetics of what I'm doing. How long can I keep them up there for? Probably till I get back from work tomorrow.

Well, you know what stays while I do that? Look at my face. Yeah, what about it? The moustache stays until I... Because you made me take those down. Okay. Damn, that didn't go well either. So nonchalant.

It's really hard to get a rise out of it. It is. I think she's worked you out. Don't give him an inch. Yeah, yeah. Let the jack-in-the-box wind himself up. Let it go. He'll tire himself out.

You're like a puppy. Just let him tire himself out. I get the zoomies. I run around the house. Ah! Ah! And I just crash. Me and Pam crash.

Then she does her best work. That's when she throws out fridge magnets. Circling back to one little tidbit. Took you two months to notice. What's with that? What's with that? Was that when you hosted Christmas? Okay, fair.

So what happened is. Who's the real criminal in this story, Shy Guy? I think the tide has turned. I had it up there. Okay. I had it up there, okay? I had it up there, and then she took it down. It took me a couple weeks to notice. Then I did notice it was gone from the fridge, but I went, Morgan's trying to make the fridge look pretty.

She's taking it down probably over Christmas. She would never throw it out. It must be in a drawer somewhere. Exactly. The miscellaneous drawer. I went, that's fair. I'll let it all out. But then when we were nesting on the weekend and she was throwing things out, I go, hey, hey, where's the fridge magnet? I just want to put it back up. You know, Christmas is all said and done.

She goes, oh, no, I threw that out weeks ago. Wow. So it was eight weeks, but I just thought it was in the drawer. I still have issues that, you know, she wasn't proud to display it with the in-laws, her parents. Yeah, I know. That's still an issue. It's tough.

But I also have issue with you not addressing it at the time. I know. Enough time went past that she went, I've gotten away with this. He doesn't care. I know. She did it after we had ended, too, for the year. Yeah, she did. She could have bought my hair.

You know what happens? When we ended for the year, I forgot what we do. You turned off. I turned off. You and today weatherman. Yeah, I was like, that's not my today show team up there. So were you using the porn stash as punishment to her? I've grown a moustache now for the team.

I've shaved all my beard off and I've now got a moustache. It's like a wispy little French. I don't know if you can call it a moustache. It's insulting to moustache people. Come on, man. It's Nacho Libre-esque. Yeah, it looks good. We've got a poll up you can see on Instagram.

Morgan, I'm keeping it because this is like a vendetta to spite her. Yeah, it's like people go on, you know, Gandhi went on a hunger strike to get, you know, to get better conditions. Gandhi and the duck man's mo. It is the same thing. The same principle. So I'm growing this. But the problem is you guys all hate it and she hates it.

It's awful and we have to look at your face. So wrap it up. Jess and Ducko in the morning. Jess and Ducko's 10K Alphabucks on hit. Oh, yeah. 30 seconds to answer. 10 questions all starting with the same letter. Have to take your first answer.

You can't use the same answer twice. And if you're unsure of the question, just say pass. We'll come back to you, of course, as always, if there is time. Today's player for $10,000. It's the one and only. It's Brittany. Hello, Brittany. Hello.

Good morning. How are you? Good morning, Brittany. We are fantastic. We have the chance to really change your Thursday. Oh, yeah. I mean, you might have woken up on the wrong side of the bed, but then you win $10,000 and you go,

you know what? Today's going to be a good day. It's going to be a good day. Let's do it. Let's do it. What do you want to spend the money on? I'd just go shopping, really. Yeah. Being real. Anything brick? Clothes? What are we talking?

There is a new coffee machine that I've got my eye on. They're expensive too, good coffee machines. Well, how's this for a positive omen, Brittany? What's she got? Your letter C. For cappuccino. Okay. For coffee machine.

Coffee machine. Love it. Let's do it. All right, Brittany, are you ready? I am ready. All right, your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter C, we need you to name a vegetable. Carrot.

An ocean animal. Crab. A star sign. Capricorn. A beer brand. Carlton Dry. A Disney character. Path.

A country. Canada. Canada. Pass. A country. Canada. Canada. An Arnott's biscuit. Crown. A spice. Cinnamon. A TV show.

Oh! Um. Oh! Didn't we switch from Nice Brittany into game mode Brittany? I was a little scared of her. Before it even hit the timer. Carrot. Wow.

She must have had a carrot in her hand. That was top of mind. The honest biscuit, I had a question mark over there. Is it crown one? I think a crown is one. I thought it was. There's caramel version and then there's a normal. Yeah, great.

So you got yourself seven. A Disney character could have been Cinderella. A TV show could have been CSI, any one of them. Or could have been Criminal Minds, I suppose. Apart from that, then there was only one you missed out on, which I'm sure looking on the sheet you would have got colour. So you were very close. Brittany, you were an elite player.

You were a good gamer. Can we do it again? You know what? Let's do it again. Read the T's and C's. What do you were an elite player. You were a good gamer. Can we do it again? You know what? Let's do it again. Read the T's and C's. What do you mean right now? Let's do it again. Brittany, can you name a vegetable?

Carrot. It goes for it. All right, I'll play it for a while. Oh, everyone else is going, wait a minute. Hang on. Can you go again? We can't go again. You get $100 to spend online at TVSN where beauty begins.

That is all yours. Thank you. Thank you, Brittany. Thanks for joining the show. You too. Bye. Jeez, we're getting close. I want it to go off now.

The rice cookers, they're either practicing or they're really taking it on board. We've had people say, look, I've got the notes in front of me. I'm ready. Unfortunately, that person didn't have R in front of her. But still, we're trying things. You need every letter with every word. You do. It's tough.

Jess and Ducco. 13, 10, 60. What went wrong on the first day? What went wrong on the first day? We know a lot of kids, if not the rest. If you didn't go back on randomly last Friday or Tuesday of this week, they've decided the 6th of Feb. All right.

It's the day. You've had enough holidays. It's been, what, 12 weeks? It's been ridiculous. Poor parents out enough holidays. It's been, what, 12 weeks? Oh, it's been ridiculous. Poor parents out there going insane. Poor parents, indeed. But this can be first day of school went wrong.

It could be your first day of the first job you had. It could be your current job. Anything you want. Yeah. What springs to mind to me? First day of a new relationship, maybe? Whatever. I guess.

How do you judge the first day? I don't know. That's a great, great point. But I guess you could. What went wrong? I've got two stories of mine. I have one school and one work that you're involved in. My school one, first of all, I'll always remember this,

and I think it haunts my mum and my younger sister. Grade three I was in, my sister was going into grade one. I'd obviously been at this primary school. It was the same primary school we were all going to. I'd been there for a couple of years, three years. And your older sister would have still been at school? Yep, she was in grade six. Okay, so you're all there now.

But it's Laura's day. She's starting. My, so you're all there now. We're all there. But it's Laura's day. She's starting. Exactly. My younger sister Laura's going. Mum's with Laura. She's going in. I'm in the new classroom.

For whatever reason, I have no idea, I've just got up, yelled, cracked it, started crying and run out of the room and ran away. And they've had to get my- Like off-school property? I think I was still in the school. I was hiding somewhere in the school. But you legged it? Yeah, I legged it. And I had to get mum out of my younger sister's first day of school mass,

or whatever it was, to bring her in, to come and find me, to calm me down. Oh, my God. And I love the idea. What? I think his mum is here. Let's go find the mum. Let's just go grab her. Can you do it?

We're casting your mind back. What was going through your head? I have no idea. I think young Ducker must have had social anxiety. Wow, you grew out of that, didn't you? It didn't last long. It really didn't last long. I don't think I liked my teacher that I got in that. I don't think I liked her. Well, I just didn't like it. Wow, you grew out of that, didn't you? It didn't last long. It really didn't last long. I don't think I liked my teacher that I got in that.

I don't think I liked her. Okay, fair enough. And I think I was off it from that vibe. Yep. But there was that. And then I really remember the first day of this job that we did the show together, Jess. Yes, 2020. I'd moved to a new place.

I was solo. You go, hey, do you want me to pick you up to take you to work in the morning? We get up really early. Did you not have your car? I did, but you just said I'll pick you up. God, I'm nice. We're going together. It'll soften the blow. I was like, actually, yeah, that would be nice if you could do that. We go at the same time.

I don't have to walk through and live by myself and all that sort of stuff. Scary at early in the morning. It is scary. It's dark. I'm waiting at 4.30 in the morning outside where I stay at the time. The hotel I think I was in. You didn't come. 4.40, you didn't come, and I was 4.45, and I'd text you, and I'm like, I'm looking for stitch-up cameras because it's radio. I'm like, are they getting me?

First day on the job, baptism by fire. But then also my radio personality is going, hey, we're going to be late. We've got to do some planning. What's going on? And you're on the buttons. You're like, I need to familiarize myself with the buttons. Yes, and I call you, and you're like, yeah, bro, I'm at the front. You're at the wrong hotel.

There's two at the same hotel. Was I at the wrong hotel or were you at the wrong hotel? I was where I was staying. There was two of the same brand, though. Yeah, because you know me, I hate confrontation. So I didn't want to call you and I don't pick up the phone. So I'm like, I don't want to be like, hurry up. So I'll just wait.

He'll come out. He knows I'm not going to ring the doorbell. Because I also knew I didn't call you and I was like, she'll come. So we waited just wait. He'll come out. And because I was so. He knows I'm not going to ring the doorbell. Because I also knew I didn't call you. And I was like, she'll come. So we waited. She said she'll come. We waited about 20 minutes. And we were so late to that first date.

We were both late to your first date. Oh, good times. Memories. Memories. Yeah. What an introduction. What an introduction. To both school, at least year three, and your first day on the job.

Something always goes wrong. Oh, that's fantastic. Lauren, I love this. Very quick on the phone, Loz. I'm sure not just for the Billie Eilish ticket. What went wrong on your first day? I'm currently on my way to go and collect my ex-husband from the side of the road because his tire has just blown and he was on our way to our house

to take our youngest to his birthday of kindergarten. Oh, that's a doozy. Oh, this is a domino of errors. So do you have the kid with you now, your youngest? No, I left them with my mum to finish getting ready because otherwise they're going to be late because he's about 20 minutes from where I live. Oh, no.

So are both parents not going to be there for the first day? No, he doesn't start until a bit after nine, so I should make it back in time. Okay. Keep us updated. Keep us updated across the morning. Oh, that's hard enough. Now we're dealing with exes as well.

Exes and a pop tie. I don't care, Gary. Just get there. You said this is your thing. I need a long holiday and a stiff drink. And it's only 8.21 in the morning. And it's day one back of school. Perfect, Lauren.

13, 10, 60. What went wrong on the first day? That's right. Is it school? Is it work? Is it your friend? Is it your ex? Give us a call.

We'll do it next. Jess and Daco. Jess and Daco. 13, 10, 60. What went wrong on the first day? What went wrong? We know school's back for a lot of kids, so we just want to make them feel really positive

by sharing the things that have gone wrong for you. Yeah, the horror stories. Whether it was a kid's first day at school or maybe your first day at work. We go to Chrissy. Good morning. Hey, how you going? Good, thank you.

We're talking about your first day at work. Yeah, a couple of years ago, I started work at a preschool in town and everyone had gone inside. I was rushing around trying to do stuff and trying to figure out who was who and where. And I walked outside, walked straight into a shelf, and it hit me on the top of my head on the corner and it ripped my head open.

And then I had blood pouring out of me everywhere. Oh, no. So then I had to FaceTime my area manager with this massive pack of paper towel on my head and blood running down my face going, I think I need to go to the hospital. I should probably leave. I need to get out of here.

I'm just proving to you so I can FaceTime you to show you I'm not lying. Yes, yes. It literally was. Like, help me. And then to make matters worse, my daughter is an ER nurse at a local hospital and she came in and she's like, only you would do this. Shut up, daughter. Just treat my wound.

Treat mum's going to get back to work. Oh, brilliant, Chrissie. That's horrible. That's the universe to me going, you're not meant to be here. You shouldn't do this job. I wouldn't be able to go back. It's tough to go back after that. Exactly.

Kel, good morning to you. Good morning. First day of work, something went wrong? Yeah, so my very first day of work after our lunch break, I'm coming back up the elevator. It was a big seven-storey building in Newcastle, and the elevator broke down. Oh, my God.

We had a wonky elevator this morning. We thought, oh, it's not going to be a good day. That's scary. But nobody was looking for me because they just thought I didn't like the job and didn't come back from my lunch break. Oh, no. So I had to ring the elevator people and they said, where are you? And I'm like, oh, I don't know.

I know where the building was, but I didn't check the address. So they had to ring my mum. And my mum had to look up where I was working and ring them and tell them to come and look for me. Oh, that is such – and no one's looking for you because – But also, Kel, what are they going to do? What do you mean, come look for you? What can they do when they're in the corridor?

I suppose if she's been there for a couple of months or years, it's like, Kel's taking a long lunch break. Let's see if she's okay. She's got to be in the lift for a couple of weeks or months. But that's just like, well, Kel, another one's gone, guys. They're already clearing her desk. Oh, that's horrible. That's funny.

Michael on 131060 60 first day of work what happened uh so i was starting work as a disabilities support worker and the night before i went to the bathroom before i went to bed and instead of pulling the door handle i grabbed the side of the door and pulled it shut but i didn't pull my hand out of the way quick enough and the big wooden door jammed my thumb, breaking it into places, which meant I had to call my partner and say, can you bash the door open because it was that jammed, which then meant I ended up at the hospital

because I got one of those blood things under my nail, and they had to release the pressure. Except they used a hot iron. It was like some medieval instrument. Yeah, they pushed through my thumb, which meant then I started crying in front of an old woman who was sitting opposite me with a broken arm. Were you able to go to work the next day, Michael? Yeah, did you make it?

No, well, I had to message the manager and say, look, I've broken my thumb. And they're like, what the hell's wrong with you? You've got a broken thumb. Come to work. Yeah, broken thumb isn't really like the most serious of injuries that you can get, even though it's annoying and it hurts. It would be very painful, yes. You're not getting out of your first day, Michael.

That's funny. Oh, wow. We go to Jess on 131060. First day of preschool, Jess. Yes, mine was yesterday for my daughter, so she was transitioning from daycare to preschool. Very adamant that she needed to grow up. She needed to what, sorry?

Grow up. Grow up. So she wanted to move on and progress to preschool in her mind. So we've gone and we've done the drive-by last week, had a look at the preschool, you know, got it all ready. Yesterday we walked through with the teacher. We put the lunch boxes away in the fridge and do all of the first day stuff. I walk off and then get in the car, get a phone call,

and they say, we actually don't have a girl by your name enrolled here. So I had dropped her at the wrong priest. Oh, no. Jess, this is so, you had to walk back in and get the kid and then you were late to the real one? Yep. How did she go growing up going to the real one then? Well, the first day went down great.

All ended well. Oh, that's funny. I mean, I don't do admin either, Jess, but that. Yeah, wrong name. You got the right name. Yeah, here we go. Goodbye, honey. Goodbye.

See you, honey. Lastly, here we got Laura. Laura, what went wrong on the first day of work? Hey, so it was my first day as a nurse in an emergency department, and it was my first actual day on the floor. So I'd already done my orientation. It was a 12-hour shift. We were about three hours in.

I started getting cramps. I wasn't feeling the best. I'm like, okay, I'm not feeling well. I'm going to go out the back to the staff room which was a good you know probably 300 meters away well went grab my drink bottle and I vomited into my mouth and I'm like nope I can make it to the bathroom I can make it nope I couldn't I vomited all the way from the desk through the department onto my body shift colleague, then all the way out to the toilet, all the way through the locker room,

into the bathroom, all through the bathroom. Then I had a shower, got into some cedar scrubs, but then I had to drive the hour and a half home from the Central Coast and up the freeway. This is some exorcist stuff. Massive vomits, huge yaks from you. Yeah. Who cleans that up then?

Because you're so sick. Did some of your nursing colleagues then have to clean that up? Well, the one who was already covered in her vomit probably. Like, ah, I guess I'm already here. I don't know. I was too ashamed. I just wanted to get home and get into bed and get better. But I turned up two days later and continued to work there

for another couple of years. Okay. Wow. Good on you for going back. If you're going to do it anywhere, any department of sex, bed and get better. But I turned up two days later and continued to work there for another couple of years. If you're going to do it anywhere, any department has seen that or... Surely they gave you a good nickname though, like Vom Vom or... No, they didn't. They were very lovely about it. Spewy Spewy Lolo. No, they were very lovely about it.

They wanted to make sure I was okay. If you came here and you worked with us, you'd be known as Spewywy, Spewy. Law would be your name forever. Jess and Ducko. Jess is starting a new club, which I'm not, I don't know about yet. Listen, listen, we were inundated, Duckman. There's people out there who want to join my club.

So earlier this week, I told you about being in a situation, a very awkward situation at a nail salon where I have no spine to even ask a question. How long will I be kept waiting, which is a very common thing. I know you're allowed to ask. There are people ahead of you. There's no deli counter situation. You've just got to hope they remember you were next.

Grandparents were waiting, but then this Karen started arguing about the price. She didn't want to pay. I thought, I need to get home to the baby to relieve the grandparents, but I don't want to look like I'm following the Karen. And it just made me feel like such a chicken, such a wuss. And I got some messages of support, people going, Jess, you're not a chicken, but if you're a chicken, so am I.

Because they, too, hate confrontation and have been put in awkward situations. So I thought Jess and Ducko, we could start a club for chickens and it's called Chicken Club. I'm a wuss, I'm a chicken. Confrontation makes me sick and I'm a pansy, I'm a wimp. Awkward conflict makes me limp. So if this applies to you We ask you to send through a message

To join our chicken club today People want to be a part of chicken club. There's a lot of chickens in the Jess and Ducko community. Look at that. Also, my singing in that was very good. You were stunning. You really tapped into your inner chook. Thank you. Are you a chicken? You're not a chicken. You were stunning. You really tapped into your inner chook. Thank you.

Are you a chicken? You're not a chicken. You know what's funny? Because I've seen you stand up for yourself. That was a polite way of saying you seem to get confrontational, wasn't it? I've seen you, you eyes. I can have a fiery side to me for sure, but only about things I'm super confident about.

Okay, so maybe you do have a side of chicken. I do, for sure. I won't ask certain things. I know you love chicken. Yeah, like I do love chicken. But like at a restaurant, if something comes down wrong, I won't go out and be like, where's my food? I do do a bit of that stuff. Okay, so we've all got sides of chicken. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so... It's just different degrees of chicken. There's different

degrees of chicken, but everyone's welcome in Chicken Club. So, a few people DM'd me some text. 0488881069. You've got some there, Ducko. But for me, Lisa came through really fast. She personally DM'd me. She goes, Jess, I've got a hack.

When you find yourself in a situation like the one in the nail salon, she goes, I set an alarm on my phone, but the alarm that goes off, the sound sounds like a ringtone. Oh, that's good. So I set it for 10 seconds. The alarm goes off and I go, oh, I'm just going to take this call. And then you can leave. And then I can run away. What's that?

Grandma's died. Bye-bye. Sorry. I went, Lisa, you're in chicken club because clearly you have this ploy in place. She's in. She's in. Caitlin got in touch. What did Caitlin say?

She said, I was charged $600 instead of $60 on a takeaway order, and I apologized to them. No, that's too much. Please tell me she didn't pay the full fee. She's in chicken club. She's in the club. But I just want to million got in touch on the text line 048881069. Getting a massage, I do this, okay?

Getting a massage, and they ask, how's the pressure? And all I ever say is, good, thanks, even though it's not enough. I do that every time. And every time I walk in, I go, I'm going to say, he needs to turn up the volume. He needs to go harder on me. You're in Chicken Club and so is Amelia. Yeah, I see.

Never once. I've had a massage in Bali. She was breaking my spine, Ducko. And I was groaning and making audible like, ugh. Yeah, yeah. They start getting the slap hands out. And flinching. Like I was, you know, trying to flick my leg out like a flinch.

She did not stop. But I couldn't say, could we loosen up, please? Could you lighten up? I don't know what that is. What's built in us to not do that? I guess they're the expert in the field. But it's my pain. This one from Maddie.

I was buying a new MacBook and wanted the one that was $2,999, but didn't want to say the cheap one, so I said the one with less memory, and the man said, oh, you mean the one that's $3,999? And I just said, yep, and paid the extra grand. Wow, you're in chicken club. She's a massive chicken. Now, this one really spoke to me, Ducko. It's from Kata, or Kata, sorry if I'm pronouncing that incorrectly.

Kebab shop didn't let me ask for hummus before they wrapped my kebab. Oh, no. Ate it dry. You can't. You cannot eat the kebab dry. Kata, you're in chicken club. Oh, you're in the chicken club. Oh, you're in the chicken club. And this one from Mary.

Yeah. I ordered my wedding dress online. Wrong one came. I wore it. What? She wore the wrong. She didn't want to complain. She doesn't even need to face-to-face conference.

I wrote back to Mary. That one was on the Jess and Ducker Instagram. She hasn't responded. I went, what do you mean? Why did you do that? It must have been with a week to go or something that she's just gone, well, I won't complain. You'd hope so.

You could easily say, well, you need to put that express. You guys have stuffed up. But no, she's a big chicken. She's in the club. She's in the club. I think this one takes a cake, though. Okay, tell me. Another Maddie, actually.

I presume this is on the Instagram. My neighbour has been calling me Katie instead of Maddie for five years. Writes it on Christmas cards and everything everything and it's just gone too far. I can never correct her. If you're getting Christmas cards from your neighbours, you obviously have a great relationship, but it's under false pretense. What do you do? It's like, remember how my neighbours were parking over the driveway

and I said once that they could and then I tried to retract it and she's like, are we allowed to do this? And I said, yeah. And then I just complained about it to Morgan the entire time. You're in chicken club, mate. You're in chicken club, babe. I'm in chicken club, too. It's a co-fod. Not co-fod.

Call the fame of the day. Doesn't co-fod just sound like a fish? It does for me for some reason. I get a fish vibes. I don't think I've watched enough Wicked Turner to understand the realm of fish. Oh, yeah, right. Maybe it's because co-pod sounds like cod. I don't know.

Oh, I see what you're saying. I'm a simple guy. I see what you're saying. Anyway, not important. It's not a fish. It's a double pass to Billie Eilish plus a night's accommodation. Thanks to Park World, Darling Harbour, Sydney, your getaway to the vibrant heart of Australia's most iconic city.

You get involved in the show. Hell yeah. You win the tickets and a place to rest your head. We had some wonderful contributions today. Shout out to everyone who was very passionate about how you should eat Neapolitan ice cream. A lot of people were wrong about it, but they were passionate for sure. You found your people.

I did. Let's put it that way. I did. But about an hour ago, we asked what went wrong on the first day because the 6th of February, if you can believe it, is the day most of the kids, like 99% of the kids, if you didn't go back weirdly last Friday. December and January, write-offs.

Write-offs. We're starting the year in February. Yep. They go back today. So we wanted to make them feel positive by sharing all the things that have gone wrong across the years on first days of school, work, whatever. Yep.

And Jess got in touch and told us this. I was yesterday for my daughter, so she was transitioning from daycare to preschool. Very adamant that she needed to move on and progress to preschool in her mind. So we've gone and we've done the drive-by last week, had a look at the preschool, you know, got it all ready. Yesterday we walked through with the teacher. We put the lunchboxes away in the fridge and do all of the first day stuff. I walk off and then get in the car, get a phone call,

and they say, we actually don't have a girl by your name enrolled here. So I had dropped her at the wrong preschool. Oh, no. Jess. There was actually a thing I wanted to touch on there. Jess, hello. Yes. Did you drive by the wrong preschool to begin with when you were doing your reconnaissance mission?

Yes. I was all wrong. The whole thing was wrong. Also, a caveat to that, I also, when I originally filled out this application form or enrolment form, I put the wrong birthday for her down. Oh, okay. Well, Scott. Actual preschool has a whole picture of me right now.

It's the fine details with Jess. That's right. Admin is not her strong suit. She's got many other skills. Well, we hope so. But that's hooked you up to go see. Billie Eilish. Oh, I think we've done it. Well, we hope so. But that's hooked you up to go see. Duh. Billie Eilish.

Oh, thank you so much. You're so welcome. Jess, who are you going to take? My eldest daughter, who I just dropped to school. The right school, mind you. Okay. Good. I'm glad.

I'm glad. Oh, well, you enjoy that. Good luck with the rest of the school year. Yeah, good luck with that. It's officially started. So many more mistakes for you to make. It's so early on. Oh, you have no idea.

Thanks, Jess. We do have it again tomorrow. What's our last one? Are we doing what we said we'd do? Are we? I want to do it. Yeah, we can do it. Like Billy or Babs.

Billy or Babs. Because we also have some fuel to give away. Oh, yeah, true. So there's a lot on the show to enjoy and to get amongst. Absolutely. Yeah, stick with us. We'll plan something good for tomorrow. Absolutely.

No dumb thought. Oh, no dumb thought Friday. Shy guys. My concern is what if the thought is so dumb? So dumb. It deserves the ticket. Let's workshop. We'll workshop.

There's petrol tomorrow. There's Billie Eilish tickets. There's 10 carat upper bucks. There's a diary. There's no dumb thoughts. Yep. We're tasking ourselves with writing our own Tinder bios if we were genuinely single. That's right.

And then we're going to read each other's Tinder bios on air because there's nothing lamer than someone's Tinder bio. I have, I've done research. Oh, yeah. I took this very seriously. I looked up a bunch of Tinder bios, see what people did, what was trending. I put it in my head. It's so funny.

I wrote it in my notes on my phone and I labelled it Tinder bio. My husband was across from me doing some work and I went, E, if you go onto my phone and you see Tinder bios for work. And he went, yeah. How much, though, you will be the same as me, how much did you want to actually set up a fake Tinder account, use it as your bio and see how many hits you get? I haven't done that before.

Just to tickle yourself, Pete? In community radio, my friends and I wanted to experiment. We did one page of, like, sexy pouting pics and another one of, like, fun adventure pics. I wonder what one. What kind of girl do people more go for? You shock horror. We really need to download Tinder for that.

I wonder what one. Yeah, yeah. What an experiment. But I put myself in a real headspace. I was like, right, so I'm widowed. Oh, for good tinder. I'm going back on the market. Oh, see, I just did mine as if I was, like, single.

Oh, like Morgan never existed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I understood. Oh, it's interesting where we've come. Life took a different turn. Okay. Okay. How'd you do yours, Shai?

And Shai, this is genuine your Tinder profile. You are single right now, so. Yeah. No, not. She doesn't copy and paste. No. I don't know. It's weird.

Do you have any of the dating apps? No, don't do it. Not interested. Have you had them? No. Oh, okay. Life is his Tinder app. Life. I can't imagine. It's weird. Do you have any of the dating apps? No, don't do it. Not interested. Have you had them? No. Oh, okay. Life is his Tinder app. Life.

I kind of like being out and about. Walking around. Babs, have you ever had a dating app? Have you ever used one? No. That seemed like a lie. That does seem like a lie. But you were Jethro Mayne.

You did use one, didn't you? I've told you. Mutual friends. Okay, sure. Mutual friends. Mutual friends is what we call it. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we're doing that tomorrow. We'll do that tomorrow. It's going to be a big show. If you miss any of the show, grab. Mutual friends. Finge is what we call it. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we're doing that tomorrow. We'll do that tomorrow.

It's going to be a big show. You miss any of the show, grab it on the podcast. You can wherever you get your podcasts or on the listener app. Yes. But until then, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye. Bye. Oh, I was when I was little, but we always stayed in our lane.

Sorry. Jess and Ducko. That was the Jess and Ducko podcast. Macca's McOz range and new Vegemite McShaker fries are for a limited time. So, Macca's run.