Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - Holy shite and hell

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

Jess' DMs have fired up after a post, we play Shy Guy Dips and finally after years of guesswork we work out if Jess truly is Italian! Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/jess-and-rohanSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Try the big Brecky Range with honey saracha today. Only at Maccas. Here we go. Welcome to the Jess and Rowan podcast. Hello everyone. Welcome to the podcast. Hope you enjoy it. Bye.

We're getting more people message about our way to race tonight, Rowan. So I'm going to tell everyone, I think we might have enough for people to spell out Jess and Rowan and Shiger and Babs on their chest. If you want to come get nude and do that, I would love you to see you. Yeah, I'll bring markers. Bring some. Bring something. Bring something. Bring some. paint pen. That might be nice.

Oh, yeah, like a graffiti. Yeah, the chair's got a couple of paint pens in her art kit. Really? That's brave of you. Giving her art pens. Yeah, yeah, but they're marketed for children. Yeah, but what about on your walls that aren't your walls? They're not my walls, you're right. Yeah, but in the eyes of the grandparents, she can do no wrong. Well, then let her poo on the carpet, like with the potty. What are we talking about? Hippocrat. Liar! I was happy to let her pull on the it. It's Angus. He doesn't want to do that to his parents. I want to start the toilet

training. I'm sick of the nappies. It's disgusting. And so bad for the environment. Ew. You know, I tried the reusable ones. You know, the cloth ones. Ugh. You know what you meant? Yeah, we'll let's not get into it.

I don't want to get into it. Hi, Babs. Hey. Excited for the way to race? Are you feeling good? Your number one, sis. Oh my God. You haven't even tried Biskof.

What's that got to do with the price of fish? That was part of... Hey, man, I'm not going to bring in my own fucking Biskoff. If you want me to try Bisk off, where's the Biscoff? Oh, it's here. Do you want to get it? Yeah, go get it now. We'll do it now.

It's on the industrial. Even, is it? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, I thought you were joking. No, this is the podcast. Just get them both. There's crunchy and they're smooth.

Quickly. Oh, no, is it like peanut butter? No. I wouldn't know. I don't know. Can you eat Biscop? Yeah. It's just biscuits.

Yeah. In a spread. I don't like spreads, bro. Well, this is part of the deal. I don't like running. So what are we doing? Well, we're walking. I get you.

I get you. I don't like walking either. All right? I don't want you to go to the gym today. Not too bad. I really want you to dedicate. I want you to dedicate all your energy to the weight race. The most important thing to me at the moment is routine.

Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Can't argue with that. If I don't go to the gym today, I will not go tomorrow. But you're not going to go tomorrow because it's start of a long weekend. Are you going to go tomorrow? No, tomorrow is meant to be my rest day. So if I don't go today, I'd have the rest day and then I would have missed my leg session.

And then I've got another, it's just going to ruin the whole week. It throws a whole week out. You know, should I go? Even though you're going on a long weekend. And, oh, no, I cannot believe the follow through here. Yeah. I thought you guys will forget. No.

See? It looks like peanut butter. It's not peanut butter. It's not peanut butter. So just do like, just too. Oh, no, Babs tainted it. She put her poo fingers in there. Look it out.

Look at it. Oh, it does look like you touch the babies. Just just eat around. Wait, and what am I meant to do with it? Just eat it with a spoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro, definitely. It's not mayonnaise. No, no, no, no.

That's a large spoon. You can have a third of that spoon. Yeah, you can just have a little bit. But I need you to try both. Because they're both different, but they're both. Can I have that much? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an absolutely foul color, isn't it?

I thought you'd do less than that. Okay, that's fine. That's good. Shire guy said third. I thought if I muck around, he's going to. Well, go on, quick, just a little bit of Biskof. Oh, yum, yummy. I don't like it.

What the fuck? Are you kidding me? What's that flavor? Is that cinnamon? Bisk off. I don't like it. What's the difference? Well, well, one's, crunchy.

What did you have? Smooth. You just have the smooth. Okay, smooth is good. Marmal. I don't like caramel. That's the problem. The original caramelized biscuit spread.

Yeah, okay. You don't like caramel, do you? I like caramel. What are people putting it on toast? You put it on anything. Pancakes? Pancakes, yeah. You could put it on like, uh, pancakes is a good one.

You could put it on like fruit toast. There is almost a biscoff on everything. Like, Froyo. Are you happy for me to dip the same spoon? Who's going to take this next? Because I don't want to be, no, I'm not going to eat it. No, I'm not going to eat it. Well, leave it here and we'll maybe.

No, just put it in the kitchen. No, we don't know about it. It's fine. Yeah, just leave it in the kitchen. What's the difference? Oh, this chunky one. Well, you don't like... Wow.

Just try it. Big spin. Come on. Nom, nummys. Oh, the texture's fun. You like that? I don't like the flavour. But it's better, though.

That's better. Okay. Good one. So you're a crunchy gal. Cool. So is my debt paid now? Now we will show up. And now I'll show up.

And now we'll show up. You still want that? What do you want? What are you going on PlayStation? All the after parties afterwards. It's kind of pays. It's not like steak dinner. I'll buy your steak.

Oh, they're doing canapace? What type of catapes? What type of catapes? I don't know. Signal box is fancy, man. It's nice. All right. Well, I'm cool for that. Anyway, so the faster we finish the way to race, the faster we get to the after party.

Yep. Well done, you, Jess. Well done, by the way. I know. He sprung that on you and you really. I cannot believe you had it ready to go. That was real talk from maybe like, oh, sure, I'll eat it. It was actually organised while ago.

Yeah. I got it ages. I went deliberately in to get some. Did you conquer it? Take it out of petty cash? No, but it's not your own money. Yeah, but I have got that receipt. Don't you worry about that.

Oh, good, good. Don't be buying that out of your own money. Well, proud of you, and I'm glad you kind of like one of them. But if you don't like the... I didn't like the flavour, but the texture of the crunchy is very good. Who's putting that on pancakes? Yeah, man. Everyone.

You put lemon and sugar on pancakes. Yeah, that's yum. That's yummy. Well, that's a crepe. You put lemon and sugar on a crepe. You're absolutely right, but I don't think I fuck with a pancake. I think I only only get crepes. Oh, you roll the crepes.

Because my mum, that's what I grew up with crepes. Yeah, my mum would just do crapes as well. But I like a freak pancake. Loaded up. They're a bit thick. And they're just loaded up. Like, um, did you ever have a pancake parlor growing up? See, I fucked with pancake parlor. I said, no.

What are they doing? I like with the pancake parlor. Get your ice cream and sprinkles off my pancakes. Yum. Pancakes on the rocks? Oh, yum. All right, cool. That's that place in Sydney.

Yeah. Yeah. They're in Brisbane too, which is quite strange. I think they do a decent savory pancakes. Yeah, they do. They do. Yeah. All right.

Well, have a, have a good try. I listen to the podcast. Absolutely. Welcome. Jess and Rowan. Jess and Rowan in 2026. Something new for breakfast. You know Jess.

Angus does bedtime. I do do do doggies. You'll get to know Rowan. Me fingers are fingering. It's going to be good. It's going to be fine. It's going to be all right. Anything could happen.

Most of it probably will. That's squawking fatty. And Rowan. You like what I did that. This is Jess and Rowan. This is going to be good. Yes, good morning, everybody. Welcome to Wednesday.

Hello, Jess. How are you? You haven't covered it in my hair today? It's fluffy. Use the booth. It be boofed. And then I was mentioning for being my hat and I didn't. I'm furiously trying to think of something to do on the fly

because I haven't prepared anything to be like, April Fool's, but I'm just so not a pranker. I'm just not a prankster. I forgot. Literally till then, I just forgot. Yeah, it's April 1. It is April, sir. We do have some fun April Fool's gags you could do at your office.

I see you listening to stuff to 630, but I forgot about our prank. We're not pranksters. No, we don't do the prank. Oh, your mic stop working. Shine guy and Babs are both rocked up today. Like, that could have been an easy one. You just don't turn up for a very early shift, but they're here. Yeah.

Good morning. We should have done that, Babs. We should just knock him today. I was thinking about it. Really? It would have been funny. Really? It would have been funny.

Yeah, and it's always the way, isn't it? Is it funny? I'm all laughing on the show, guys. I've done all my laughing yesterday. if you're listening, get the podcast, you've missed it. Yes. I did all my laughing yesterday. I'm glad you got it out of your system because we're a serious upstanding program. Totally.

Well, it might be a few little giggles in there. Who knows? I hope so. Big day yesterday. Big day yesterday, Rowan. You know I wanted to chuff off relatively quickly because on the agenda were dragons, dragons, dinosaurs and unicorns. How fun.

My two-year-old has a number of books about dragons. Dragons. Love dragons. And one of our friends went to the Hunter Valley. Gardens recently and mega creatures is on where it's, you know, animatronic dragons, dinosaurs and unicorns. And I showed her Lauren's Instagram story. I said, Lecce, do you want to go here?

Wow. She was like, yes, yes, please. We roll in. There's a dragon right at the entryway. She screamed and cried. Okay. A little too realistic. So we had to run.

I had to run her to the unicorns. Yep, that's pretty. The unicorns were pretty. It was in like a magical enchanted land. There was a big frog. She was a big van of. Then I got a. an ice cream into her and I thought, let's try the dragons again.

Yeah. Found her bravery. Wow. So then. With a soft serve. With a soft serve. It was a chocolate fudge brownie gelato. Let's go.

And then I didn't tell Angus and shock horror. She was up until 10.30 last night. We were mucking around. Angus is like, what happened today? I went up to her nose. Weird. Why she's so hopped up? Does that much to the child.

Usually when I give her an ice cream, I try and take giant bites out of it. Just to dwindle how much she. he's actually consuming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just didn't feel like an ice cream yesterday. She had the whole thing. And then realized the little two-year-old has had a whole, and it was a generous scoop.

Hey man, it got her. Whatever. Brave for the Dragons. It was spectacular. I'd highly recommend. How good. If you can take your kid out of school early, because I know it's going to be pandemonium come school holidays.

So we were there on a quiet Tuesday. Oh, lovely. Had the dragons to ourselves. No one's ruining my videos or photos. They move? Yeah. Oh, wow. You know what the scary thing is, though.

Make the noises? There's speakers around. And so it's just this low-lying, every, yeah, it's actually quite, it's fantastic. But she might be just a trifle young. So, Mum, I had to carry us. I got a great arm workout carrying her arms. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great.

It really calls to mine about a year ago, bro, she had an obsession with lorikeets, you know, just at the park. Yeah, they're quite a bit. And I went, you know, Carumban up in Queensland, they've got the lorikeet breakfast. You can go feed the lorikeets. Yeah, can. I built a whole trip, took her on my own to Carumban,

Bird landed on her head within about 15 seconds. She screamed, cried. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I hate it. I had to leave.

I went, please don't tell me the dragons are going to be the Laurariquee situation all over again. They'd pick her up with the claws. Hello. I should have tried the ice cream hack back then. All right. It's fine. But we had a great day.

How was your day? I started watching Homeland again. What are you up to now? I'm almost to the end of season three. Fantastic. And I think I now remember why I stopped watching it the first place. It gets kind of boring. Oh, but there's a few more seasons, isn't there?

Yeah, it's picking up, though. So clearly if it got renewed and Claire Daines, we love. We love Claire Dane. I think it is now picked back up and I'm back on. Excellent. You've got to push through the slum. Yeah, I think that's why I stop this. This is boring.

Sometimes I'm out and about, yeah, doing things like seeing animatronic dragons, and I think of you. Thank you. I wonder what he's doing right now. More often than not, you're on the couch. More often than not. Did you go to gym yesterday? Great session.

Great session. And I'm stiff and sort. Yeah, just chest yesterday, man. Yeah, you're going to do leg. weeks today before our waiter race tonight. That'll be fun. Oh, Rowan, I'm glad you've remembered. Yeah, waiter race. Tonight, five o'clock, if you would like to come cheer us on,

we're going against 14 restaurant hospitality teams. It's a lot of people. That's a lot of people who have experienced. I've never picked up a tray. I thought we're going to get a try and do some practices. I didn't read that. We've got over the rules a bit later, but I didn't, is there a way to get fully disqualified? There is.

Oh. No, no, no, no. You're not going to try. No, no. Is that we get fully to score. No. Hey, we're fools. Gotcha.

We said we do it. It's just me running all four stations. And you win. Imagine that. Actually, to be honest, that's probably where we'll be let down. No offense team. But like the baton exchange. Yeah, that's where we're going to.

Actually passing the tray is probably where spillage will occur. Well, I just do it all myself. Because I'm last. Hey, man, you've got it carried over the line. I'm fine to do that. If we get it to you with zero spills and then you spill, that's actually a bit of pressure. But it's also a team job. So, well,

We've done our job if we didn't spill it. Exactly. But it's a team. So if we win as a team or we lose as the team, right? Whether it's down to the individual or not. Yes, but once we are chatting within the team, they'll be blame past. Well, we'll see. Okay.

Well, that's, we'll do more of a little update before 9 o'clock. But yeah, if you would like the details, 04-8-1-0609. We'd love to see as many cook as there as possible. Please. And next, if you look at a land a guy, is a dating coach on how you can do that 90 days. We're going to give you the tips. 90 days.

90 days to land a man. Okay. Show me boobs. All right, we'll show you the tips next. This is Jess and Rowan. The dating expert has revealed the secret to becoming a real-life 90-day fiancé by skipping the girlfriend stage. I hear things like that, and that really worries me.

The dating coach, is it a man or a woman? I think I need some context, some perspective at what the motivation is. What I'm reading, it's Sam, her name is. Her? Sammy Wonder. Sammy Wonder. Great name. Sounds like a stage name.

It's a fantastic name. It's already a red flag. International Dating Coach. Giving gals the guidelines for scoring a marriage proposal in 90 days flat. How would you feel about getting engaged in 90 days? I'll be honest with you, Rowan. This is one of the other ones that... After Angus proposed.

And we called a few people and we enjoyed some champagne. I did turn to him and say, what took you so long? Because we'd been together 18 months. And when you know, you know. And he got, you know what he said to me? He goes, you wanted an emerald. So I had to send people to Columbia to go find you emeralds. It took time.

And I went, too shay, my friend. Is that what it was, the emeralds? Yeah, the emeralds, because he was going to propose in Italy, which had been maybe six months earlier. But he said, you wanted freaking emeralds. I said, well, you've got me there, champion. So, yeah, I actually would love that. When you know, you know. 90 days, really?

And he was my guy. People do gym challenges. for the same time. Like, you're going to spend your life as supposed to do like a life assets contract under law. You know. Other people are trying to get abs. When you know, you know. I'm not saying the wedding has to be two minutes after that.

I don't know. It's nice to be a fiancé. When I hear, when I hear women say, when you know, you know, I just think, oh, God, you don't, like, men are idiots. Like, men are idiots. We're not actually that hard to please. They can have a beautiful life. They can just be.

you know, having great time with a kid's amazing husband, go out one day and then hook up with some random they've never met before and ruin it all. Ruin it all, absolutely. And don't you know things about ruining stuff? Rowan the Ruiner. Okay, that was panels. I didn't dip my wicked other places I shouldn't have. You say the word ruin and I'm part of me.

I'm like, he knows things about ruining. Well, there you go. What's taking you so long? Well, that's where we've gone now, Rowland. Yeah, four years. I'm not getting married. Why not? I think this is what shits me about men.

I don't care for. Oh, what do we need a ring for? We are committed to each other. You know why? Because pretty. Listen, I'll tell you what Lucy said, right? She doesn't really care for the wedding either. She's lying.

Well, that's okay. She said to me... She just is trying to protect her heart. I was like, what would you like the most out of her wedding? And she goes, I actually would love the ring. And I was like, okay, that's good to know. Yep, good to know. Girls love jewelry.

And she's like, I would love the honeymoon. And I would love the honeymoon. I was like, right, so you want jewelry and a holiday? We can do that every year. Yeah, but see, this is what? No, no. Hey, we can do a bottle of a year. Shut, right.

Shut your dirty mouth, because this is what all boys do. No. Why do we need Valentine's Day? I can say, I love you and buy you flowers and take you out for dinner any day of the week. Do you do it ever? No. So give us one day of the year. Rowan, where's the jewelry and where's the holiday?

Jewelry. Tell me where it is. Honor is. And the holiday in three. What are you talking about? Yeah, every year. Okay, you got me here for 2026. Next year I'm going to ask you the same thing.

Where's the jewelry? Where's the holiday? You know what? That is fair enough. Thank you. You're going to be together forever? I'm going to ask you for the next 75 years. Where's the jewelry?

Where's the holiday? I actually really like that. That's quite good of you. So why don't you just do it once? Give her a ring. Go on a honeymoon. Don't give me this. It's a party.

It's a party. for all my mates. I don't need to be spending how much on the base level? I think the average. 50 grand? 60 grand. But that's exactly, well,

when you add my celebrancy fee, 65. 95. But that's what I'm saying. It's just a party. Everyone puts all this pressure on a wedding. It's a celebration of you guys with your favorite people. You will never have an event like that.

Even your 40th, you will not have an event like that. It is something so unique. You know what I would care more for? I care more for than a wedding is like the engagement. Like an engagement party. Yeah. And then, oh, surprise.

I'd be mad for one of those. As a surprise, we got married. Just signed our paperwork two days ago. Yeah. I love that. Here's the video. Yes. Now, let's get drunk.

Responsibly. We found the middle ground here, babe. Hey, man, you know a celebrate. You know a guy with a wedding venue. You know DJs. You know photographers. I know a lot of DJs. Man, you know everyone in this.

space anyway. You could actually organise it within the week. You definitely could. Well, I've got to do your paperwork a month out. Oh, right. So we could organise this for May 1. That's so... You just need to get the ring.

Yeah, and we've read down the holiday's coming. The holiday, so you've done the pre-Honeymoon. Actually, got two rings and they're on her ears. So, like, just right here. This is Jess and Rowan. Listen. Meaka. New study shows how you can get birds, namely seagull.

Mine. To stop eating your takeaway food. One of the great pastimes as an Australian getting some takeaway, fishing shippies. Yep. Heading down to the rive. Heading down to the coast. It's good.

Sitting with your loved ones, even just on your own, enjoying a chippered potato. But then those pesky rats of the sky. Mine, mine. One in your food. Well, I love this. Researchers out of the University of Exeter have thought, you know what, we don't have to live like this.

Let's put our hard-earned brains, money, effort into solving this crisis. They recommend sticking googly eyes to your packaging. And where are we getting them? Spotlight. Where are we getting them? Without missing a beat. I would argue, Rowan.

You do no arts and crafts, don't your show go. After this research has now gotten out, I think the on the takeaway joint. I think we need them available where you might have a napkin or disposable cutlery. I think there also needs to be a little bucket of sticky Googly eyes. Some fish and chip shops should do that for just a viral trend. Absolutely. Just for their own business.

The idea builds on existing research into animal behaviour. I'm not mad about putting money and energy into that. Direct icon is often seen as a sign of threat for birds. We know it with magpies. If you're in a magpie swooping area, you stare it down. it allegedly won't come at your face. It only tries and attacks you when it thinks you're not looking. Similar with gulls, if you're staring at them, they won't come at you.

Having said that, you know, when you see a pack of them, I can't help but look. They still approach. They'll come out, yeah. So I'm not sure what the googly eyes on my fish and chips is going to do, but according to the researchers, it makes them feel threatened, keeps them away. It's interesting. Not loving the sample size. They only did a study of 30 seagulls.

That's not enough. I don't think it's enough either. They were presented with a takeaway box. I'm going to assume, let's say, a noodle. Takeaway box with and without eyes. A noodle box? I don't know. Wouldn't it be one of those square boxes that you get you like your fish and your chips in?

Well, it's saying box. When I get fish and chips, it comes wrapped in paper. What box? Are you getting at fish and chips? You can get the fish. It's like a takeaway box, I think. I guess. Not if you're just getting chippy.

So you're getting the good ones, so you get the nice, the nice parchment paper. So I've gone, yeah, exactly. I've gone takeaway box. I'm thinking, shine. Chinese takeaway container. But listen to this. 30 gulls presented with the takeaway box with or without eyes,

two boxes. Half the birds never approach the one with eyes. Half. That's still... It just looks ridiculous. What are we doing, guys? That looks like a styrofoam box for chips and gravy. Guys, there is shit going on in the world.

Fuel is up. There is war. And we're talking about how to stop the sea guys eating your chips. University of Exeter. That's what they've made a problem. Priority, Rowan. Balance. And I actually don't love that.

It's not that 30 out of 30 seagulls were deterred. Only half the seagulls were deterred. Can you show me that photo? It's not even conclusive. I thought that... This is Jess and Rowan. There is some drama going down. In Jess's DMs, we'll uncover that next.

Rowan. Nudes? People are idiots. Oh, okay. It's just idiot stuff. Well, good to know. No disrespect to all the idiots who were in my DMs in the past 24 hours. Some people.

Hey, some people are idiots. I think they need to be called out. Some people are idiots. We're going to talk about that next. Now, obviously, it's April Fool's today. Speaking of idiots. What pranks are going to do, idiots? I've got a bunch of them here that you could do in the office.

Oh, okay. I love this. Corporate pranks. Corporate pranks. Take all the paper out of the printer. Oh, wow to print. No paper, idiot. Take all the cyan out.

That's more printer-related gas. See, we did that. Only Babs would be a friend. expected. Why is it my blue printing? I know. And blue is a big part of our brand in the green and the green in the blue. Oh, wow. Shy guy of praying stuff from way back. Who do you think you are, dude?

You know what? I don't mind putting a very, very taut layer of cling wrap over the toilet seat. And then splash it with it. Yeah, but between the bowl and the seed so you don't see it, but then you sit down, we, we, we everywhere. I mean, you're the one sitting in it. Yeah. No, no, no. I would do it and then wait for Babs to go in and then she pisses every.

I'm not doing it to myself, you idiot. You might forget. Some sort of weird. April kink. That's cool. I didn't think about that. I didn't consider that. First off, we're not doing any.

Oh my God, we're engaged. Oh, my God. We're pregnant. Oh, my God. We're selling the house. Boring. Boring. That's like loser pranks.

Just so everyone knows, their loser pranks. They're loser pranks. You heard it here first. Give me some, he'll give you some non-loose. of pranks. The cat and the mouse, you've ever heard that one? No. Where you get someone else's mouse next to the local where they go to their working.

And you put a little piece of paper over the sensor and it won't work. But it's so little that no one knows. And no one thinks to check the little under sensor. That's funny because I would have no idea the mechanics of a computer mouse, Rowan. That's a really good one. So bugging IT? Yeah. Hilarious.

Hilarious. One here that I don't know I've ever heard of and I don't think anyone. ever do. The soupy shower. Soupy. Like French onion. Screw your shower head and pop in a bullion cube, whatever that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a stock cube. And when the next

person your family takes a shower, it'll smell like chicken as the water streams down. I thought you said these were office related ones. That one's not good. Color changing milk? Color changing milk. Get some food coloring. And just a couple of drops in there and make

their cereal. Unfortunately, our bottles of milk that we go to the clear bottles. Like Babs will be able to see this milk is pink. No, no. She'll go, that's so whimsy. No, no, unless we dye her soy or nut milks because they come in the can cartons. We could do the nut milks, make them pink for something. I must say, I like the stock cube in the shower.

I think that's hilarious. Use the other door. That's a great one. No, again, explain it to me. You just get the sign and you go, use the other door. For example, you know, there's like three doors at our reception. You just go, use the other door. Put those signs on every door.

Yeah, and they just don't. know what to do. Hilaries. Like it's broken. You should put pull if it says push. Great. That's a great one. Very good one.

And you know what you should do if you've got particular, I was about to start sounding like Andrew Bogot for a second. I was going to say, you should put out of order on the office lift. Back jamer. Put a more. Forced people to take the stairs. Really? It's not broken.

Some of them got hungry jacks first. This one here is funny. Roll with it. Pull the old switch roo on the toilet paper roll. Replacing it with a large roll of white. duck tape. Guys, what are we doing? I don't know how blackout drunk you think I am at work.

I reckon I'd notice that. They'll be in for quite a surprise. Oh, can you imagine wiping your bum bum with that? Wouldn't be pleasant. Could be fun, all the hair and stuff. Sorry, that's fair. I've had laser. I haven't.

I really haven't. Frozen desktop. Here's another one. Right down back sack and crack for Rowland. If I can get it for free, I'll do it. Frozen desktop. You do this one? Explain it to me.

This sounds like something out of the office. For this April Fool's prank, take a screenshot of your prank-ease computer screen, then make it their wallpaper and you hide their icons. Yep. So they go, why is it in longing? Between that and the mouse gag. Berles, oh, we're really mucking with their computers. Mouse isn't moving, and then the icons don't clip.

All my icons are gone. Oh, why! You see this old thing. I don't think you can do it anymore, but you used to hold in old control, and then use, like, one of the arrows, and it would rotate the screen. Yeah, you would know what to do. Man, if you did that to me, I reckon I'd go five years before I addressed that. You just get used to it?

Yeah, just a crook neck. Oh, this is probably my favourite. This is a classic one. For non-losers on April Fool's Day. We could probably do this in the office. To our boss? He'll be like, well, he'd swear the whole way through. Bring an appliance into work for the day.

Like, or you could just tell your family, you could do it at home. But place a sign on the appliance that reads voice activated. Hilarious. Oh, fantastic. and just see who yells at it. Fantastic. Turn on! You could do that around light switches.

Yep. We've changed all the light switches to clapers. Claps. To voice activation. All that stuff. That's fun. I actually didn't hate a lot of those. They're not bad.

Not a huge pranker, as we said. The soup one's good. The soup one's fantastic. Hit Angus with it. I want to do that to my mum. Can you imagine? She'd come out wafting like a chicken stock. Oh, you stink, mum.

This is Jess and Rowan. Drama. Okay. In my DMs. Now, I do not mind being the centre of drama when it is intentional. Sure. But I don't like when this avalanche happens and I was unaware to have caused it. Okay.

And then people start coming for me. Oh, right. Yeah, okay. I had that fabulous girls weekend just gone with me, mate Finchie. Yeah. Shout out Finchie. Shout out Finchie. Fivety six hours in Melbourne.

That's a lot of content to share on social media, Rowland. It's too long. Carly. But Carly, that's... It's too long for me and Carly, but that's okay. Carly went for the real. She was taking snippets of footage for the whole time. I chose for the carousel post.

Now, static images. Smart. Do better. But I read a thing recently that it's all about retention on Instagram these days and a way to keep eyeballs on your posts to use the text on post feature. Carly actually wasn't aware you could do this within the Instagram app. Yeah, you can.

So you will pick your up to 20 folks. Then in each individual one, you can add almost a caption onto the actual picture. I actually got out. Yes, you can do that. And it's fun. I actually quite like it as opposed to trying to read the caption and then link, oh, picture number six. She said she was at that restaurant. I'll go to number six.

It's on the picture. Smart. So why I did a post, Rowan, 20 photos to sum up our amazing trip. Post number 12. Okay. Out of 20, Rowan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was me eating my first cinnamon scroll.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know why, but I just thought, you know what? It's a real thing in Melbourne, isn't it? It is a real thing because there's so many great bakeries and patissaries. Oh, yeah, yeah. I actually did ask my brother because he's a cinnamon scroll aficionado from Wayback. I said, where's the best scroll in the CBD? He wanted me to drive 20 minutes.

I said, no, no, in the CBD, bro, he goes, well, if you want the best, you got to travel. I said, you know what, bro, I'll go find my own. So I googled, broadsheet bat up one that was in walking distance. It was a lot. exceptional, Rowan. It deserved a spot on the carousel. Oh yeah, I saw you chow on that down, yep. I wrote on the post, Baby's first cinnamon scroll, and it might have ruined me for all cinnamon scrolls moving forward. One thousand out of ten, truly magnificent, a gastronomic

feat of epic proportions. Okay, yep, great. We land back home. I think I kind of picked what the problem might be. Maybe. Finchie's mum has messaged her. My parents. have message me. Angus has message me, and I'm getting DMs. What are you talking about baby's first cinnamon scroll? It's you.

You're pregnant. People think post 12 out of 20, me saying babies first. That's enough. Idiots. And Finchie tried to say to me, yeah, but that's what people say, don't they? When they aren't pregnant, they'll be like, what, babies first? something or rather. Are we the idiots?

Apparently that's a thing. So I posted it again. Had no idea. I posted it again on story saying, can I just clear some things up, team? Of the 20 posts, 18 of them have me with a glass of wine or cocktail in hand. Did you think I would have buried a baby announcement in amongst that,

firstly, wrong? And secondly, have we met? Do you think I would do a pregnancy announcement? That's subtle. I was assuming everyone knew this reference, Rowan. Oh, hang on. The what I asked, yeah, yeah. Nobody puts baby in a corner.

But that's different. Nobody puts baby in a corner. But baby is a woman. Baby is that grown woman. So I'm baby. I'm the grown woman. Was that guy referring to someone else though? That's Swayzey talking about baby.

Yeah. In dirty dancing. So me saying baby was like, I'm baby. But he's talking about someone else as baby. Yeah, but not a baby. her name is baby, the grown woman. Right, so her name is baby and your name is Jess, but I'm a grown woman.

So what are we doing here? So what are we doing here? But I'm a grown woman. I just thought that was the connection that a lot of people missed. I'll be honest, when I read it, I went. You did not assume. Let me finish.

It's Jess's first. I read that and went, it's her first scroll. Thank you, baby. I'm sure she's had, I'm sure she's always had a scroll before. That's your first cinnamon scroll, babe. I've had a Danish, but I've never had a cinnamon scroll. Nobody puts baby in a corner Like I am baby

Anyway I had a lot of messages Swayze's talking about someone else though Yeah but a grown woman Someone message me saying I started looking on your page Because I assumed I missed the pregnancy announce And there was no further information I didn't realise that people say baby's first blah

When it's in your belly Some people do I appreciate Never seen it before Are you even an extra layer of confusion Wait now who's baby I'm baby This is Justin Rowan Alfa Buc.

Jess and Rowan's 10K alpha bucks on hit. Yes, and playing this morning for $10,000 is Lee. Hello to you, Lee. Good morning. Good morning, Lee. What's motivating you today? What do you want 10 grand for? School holidays, entertain the kids.

I'd love to take them to the Gold Coast and take them to the theme park. Fabulous. Have you been up there before? Oh, I haven't been since I was four. Wow. Okay, well, you might remember that main strip of show. shops where all the action is Cavill Avenue. What a spot.

What a spot. Cavill C-A-V-I-L. Letter C for Cavill Ave. Okay. Oh my God, I'm nervous all of a sudden. Now get it under control. Come on. Okay. You got it.

Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter C, we need you to name. A girl's name. Cheryl. An instrument. Clarinet. A Marvel actor.

Chris Hemsworth. A fashion brand. Chanel. A colour. Crimson. A bird. Cockatoo. A body part.

Gin. A piece of furniture. Chair. An NRL player. Uh. Cleary. A board game. Pluto.

Wow. What does this mean? So Lee. We said a precedent a while ago. You can't just say a certain. Yeah, you've got to do her. No. You got to have said Nathan.

If you've done, yeah, if you've done, like, maybe like Cam, like Cam Munster, Cam Murray. Like Cam Smith. Like Cam Smith, he would have had the $10,000, unfortunately. But the only other one I could think of was Cherry Evans. No, it's all right. But hey, listen, good thing about this, our nine is. When you get nine, you immediately. We play again.

We play again, Lee. Have you left any fuel in the tank? Yes, always. Good. Good. Just having a quick scan. We're on. Lee, the letter you are going to play with now is H.

H for holidays, school holidays, all right? Okay, okay. So we're going again. Redemption. You've done nine, you can get 10. You've got it in you, Lee. Clearly you've got it in you. You've got it, mate.

Are you okay? You can you talk to Lee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so let me just go through the tips I have for you, Lee. You know what you did the best that no one does properly? You did it all fast and you got the 10 questions out, right? And we circled back where we needed to. You know, so you did it all perfect, quick, lovely.

I really think you have a good shot at this. Don't let the redemption bed scare you. Nah, you've got this, Lee. It's here to help you. For the family. H is your letter and your time. For the family. For the family.

What is a better motive? than the joy of one's children, Rowan. Oh my God. Lee, you're ready. Ready to go, Leigh? I'm ready. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter H, we need you to name.

Something you'd find in the pantry. Pass. A fabric. Pass. A chocolate brand. Kirchys. A school subject. Home home, home economics.

An instrument. Horn. A dip. Horse radish. A horror movie. Hellboy. A book. Harry Potter.

A periodic element. Helium. A band. Ugh. Oh, no. Damn, then redemption got him again. Redemption got him again. All right, but that was pretty good.

Valiant, a valiant effort. So no apology needed from you, but listen. No. Oh, you know, we can do the no apologies after the redemption, I guess. If you get a redact, no need for a positive. True, true, true. I could have had honey for a pantry, could have had hemp for fabric. Hellboy, is that horror?

I don't know if I would call that horror. I've not seen. I guess we could look into the Hollywood. Oh, okay. Yeah, fair. He does look a bit weird, but it is. It's a horror. It's a horror.

Yeah, wow, okay, nice one. Fantastic. Nice one. Well, give you a tick there. So what's that seven? Seven. Nice. And you could have had, um, hall the notes.

Hanson. Lee. Hanson. You know, Hanson. Valiant effort, my dear. Amazing effort from you, but I think you're staying local for the school holidays girlfriend.

I'm sorry. Damn, okay. All right, Lee. Hold your head up high, though. You're one of the best players we've had on this year. Have a chocky bunny for us, okay? That's her she's chocky bunny, perhaps.

I will. Thank you, Lee. All right, thank you, lay. Back again at 8 o'clock. Redemption if you get nine. Every time. Would we? No, you only get one redemption.

You're not doing two. One. You get one redemption. Even if you get nine on the second redemption. We'll just put that on the record. We gave you another go. We gave you another go. How much more do you want from us?

We can't make the whole show alpha bucks. Next, we want to know, speak a phone. In public, what's the etiquette? Do you like it or not? We'll talk about that next. This is Jess and Rowan. I obviously spoke the other day about my disdain for that man and his guitar running guitar scales up and down the cafe.

Just like learning. Just they're letting his long macchiato get cold while he practiced his guitar scale. I'm just trying to learn how to... As Roro's there trying to console a heartbroken friend. Yep, Carson. I should stop naming you. I don't know why you keep doing it. Are you trying to put it out that Carson single?

He's a good-looking rooster. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. With mates like Rowan and a face like that, he'll be fine. I don't ruin it for people. I say the wrong thing. Like, I'll come over... You are the ruiner from way back.

You know he doesn't shower and stuff, right? Like, let's just say that. A bit of ice breaker, but I don't think it ever works. Trying to do gear, guys. Anyway, yesterday on Limo, you might know Anthony, Limo, Lehman. He was... Cardone M.1. Is his name Anthony? I used to work with Limo way back when.

No one knows him as Anthony. I didn't know his name was Anthony. He does everything. Yeah, he's a great comedian. He's been in radio forever. TV, actor, whatever. Like, if it's funny and he can get paid, he'll do it. Absolutely.

But yeah, Lima. He had this to say yesterday on his Instagram. I was just at a local cafe, and there's one dude there, and I'd describe his general demeanour and look as pretty happy with himself. And he was chatting to a mate on the phone, and I know he was chatting to a mate on the phone, I know they were talking about their weekend. Because he was talking on speakerphone the whole time. Is that, is that okay these days? Because that annoyed their shit out of me. Yeah.

04-8-1-609. Is this okay? I don't think it is. but I have been known to be on the speakerphone. But I wouldn't sit in public around other people on the speakerphone with the speakerphone loud. Yeah. But my mother's phone only, she only just got a brand new phone. She used to have to be on speakerphone because she couldn't hear from the top one.

Oh, okay. So it was an actual fault of the technology. But my mother wouldn't sit in front of people on speaker phone because she knows it would inconvenience people. What if you were in motion? Oh, that's okay. Is that okay? Yeah, I think motion's okay. I also, and I like Limo, I don't want to get him offside.

I am a speakerphoneer. I don't like holding the phone to my ear. I don't know what about that action. I don't like it. So I often opt for speakerphone, particularly at the shops. Will you turn it down, though? You won't have a full blast speakerphone. I've never touched the volume.

So whatever it's on, it's on. But I think I'd be more conscientious than this bloke at Limo's cafe. it's like even on trains, you know, people, it's... Oh, that's the worst. You're all stuck in the same space. Let's have some common courtesy. But I remember having this conversation years ago. Yeah.

And someone made the point. If you're going to be on the phone in a cafe or a train, for instance. Yep. Someone said, I'd rather you be on speaker, so I'm getting both sides of the convo. It's more annoying hearing one side of the convo, which I always respected. I always liked. I normally go to quiet carriages. I like to hide in the quiet carriages.

And not be on the phone at all, not be on anything in your own little bubble. Well, I've had my AirPods in, that's fine. Sure. But when people are talking in the quiet current. I saw a great video. Throwing out the window. I think literally yesterday, maybe it was Lima. It was it.

It was a woman on speakerphone, just like standing on the street. She's holding it up. Exactly, I think, how you're describing your mum would, holding it up to her ear. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, the screen is facing the sky, basically. Yes, yes, yes. And this young punk is filming himself. He's like, unacceptable.

He walks past her, behind her, stealth as anything, hangs up on the phone call and keeps walking. Brilliant. So be wary, fellow speaker phoners, someone might just come and hang up on your phone call. This is Jess and Rowan. Get involved with the show. $500, thanks to Health Labs. Being our cooker of the week, I tell you what, Health Labs is my favorite little snack at the moment. Like a Woolies.

Isn't it funny? I'm going straight there for the cookie dough balls. We posted. On the Jess and Rowan Instagram, great year, always. Always. What our current obsessions were. And when I'd asked you originally for that piece of content, you said the fun day, natural sweet. Still into them.

That went live and you went, ooh, can I change it to the health labs? I've already gone live with a row next time. I do love it. You wanted it on the record. Yeah, I love it. I also love there. They do these protein wafers, salted caramel protein wafers. What, like 10 grams of protein and I just, I would bathe in it.

Wayfar, almost like it. Scratchy, but up, it would bathe in her. Like an Arnett's gaiety sort of vibe. Yes. Look at you. Well, Mon has got her name in the mix. Oh, go, Mon. Because she just texted us,

0488-18-1069. We were discussing Limo, beloved Australian comedian radio host. Yep. Having a goal at a bloke at his local cafe who had a whole conversation with his mate on speaker. He went, are we doing this now? Fair.

Mon raises a great point. I'd take speaker phone. over video call any day of the week. What's with people these days, always FaceTiming people as they're in motion. I've had a number of people run into me holding their phone in front of their face because they were doing a video call. Idiots. Completely missed Mon.

Are you okay, Mon? Sorry, Mon, that happened to you, Mon. But that contribution could win you. Five hundred dollars. Some of Rowan's cookie dough balls. Which is probably like 250. This is Jess and Rowan. Australia's favourite radio game.

Oh my God! You dip, you dip me down. Oh my God, I'm at hand. Shy Guy Dips. I would like to send my most formal apologies for not telling everyone about this sooner. I had forgotten about our favourite game. Shy Guy Dips.

No disrespect to you, Rowan. But you're the newest family member. I forgot about it. No one else forgot. Everyone knows Wednesdays are the day we dip. I was just so excited about the redemption round and the Alpha Bucks. That's all I've been thinking about since.

Look, man, it's a big show. So after Ray, happens. Happens. After Ray, Shy Guy has my DNA results. We got a nine in alpha, but there's a lot going on to distract you, darling. It's okay. My heart rate is sky high.

And Shy Guy has a new packet of lollies. If you can decipher the clues he is about to give you, we will post you an unopened pack of said lolly. What have you got for the first clue? Lots of colour. Okay. Lots of colour. Lots of colour.

I guess it's the first clue. Yep, you get another one for being first caller. First call is always a bit of the same row. Yeah, it is. 13, 1060, you get a supplementary clue. Yep. I think these will be in high demand, shy guy. I think you've picked a popular.

Good. I love this. Do you? I've seen it. I've seen what he's got and I love them. 131060, we will give you another clue and then we'll rack them up until we give away this bag of lollies. This is Jess and Rowan. Australia's favorite radio game.

Oh my God! We're not dip, you dip, you dip, you die. Oh my God, I'm at home. Shy guy dips. Yeah, we're dipping. We're dipping, baby. Well, we're not dipping. I don't know how much credit we can take.

We're not dipping. The long thin man, be dipping. We facilitate the dipping. He'd be long and thin and he'd be dipping. John has called through. Good morning, John. Hey, John. Let's go.

Let's go. Oh, let's go. John, you are keen for a bag of lollies. You don't even care what they are. No, let's go. Let's guess the Rainbow Skittles. Hang on, wait, wait, John, wait. Just wait.

I want to give you the best chance because I love your energy, my friend. Okay, okay. He said they were colourful. That was the first clue. But you, my darling, get an extra clue. You might want to pivot. Pivot from Rainbow Skittles. Shy God, what are you got for John?

The packet's gold. It's gold, John. Let's go Eminem peanuts. That would be a yellow packet. I like what you're doing. I love your energy, John. They are not. Sorry, John.

John's had a lot of work for the cookers, though. It's not Rainbow Skittles or Peanut M&M. Good vibe from you, though, John? Great from you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. I say goodbye, but okay, goodbye, yes.

But goodbye. Babs call John back every week. He needs to play. Rowan, you would never have had the privilege of having a peanut M&M, would you? No, never had one. Been an anaphylactic. I'm okay with. Bro, they're so good.

John wants to do the first guess every week. I agree. I think John should be allowed to play. That energy. John, what is it? Should be. No. John runs a kickstart.

That's, we can. Maybe John doesn't get the supplementary clue. He has to come in hot, but he gets to play everywhere. All right, we'll take it to the board. Robbie, good morning. Good morning. Oh, I know. Second great vibe.

We've heard they're colourful. We've heard gold packet. You get another clue. Robbie, I'm going to stick with the colour there. I'm going to tell you all of the flavours that these are, okay? In this packet, you'll find strawberry, orange, apple, raspberry, lemon and pineapple flavors. Lemon and pineapple. Yeah, two different ones.

Two yellows. Wicked. No, well, one's clear. Oops, actually blue. Oh, got it with a beauty. Robbie, what is it? Holy shite and hell. You just threw a curveball at me.

He's good with that. Bonbons. Bonbons. She's not bonbons, Robbie. Not bonbons, Robbie. Sorry, darling. What bonbons are you? Where are you buying your bonbons place?

What pineapple bonbons is Robbie getting a head song? I love, what clear bonbons. Good morning to you, Brooke. Good morning. Brooky Chook, phenomenal energy. John has really started something. Brooke, we have heard they're colourful. They're a gold packet, a multitude of flavours,

including pineapple and lemon. But you get another clue to put it all together, girlfriend. Yeah, Brooke, these are like the tiny tetties of the Lolly World. Wow, good clue. Oh, he's on one today. Very good clue. Brooke, what is your guess? Brooke.

I feel like I know what they are. Are they gummy bears? Okay. Oh, you're getting warm. Brooke, you are flirting with it, but that is not what it says on the packet. No. So if you can say within the next two seconds. Are they there, paribo, like the gold bears?

Oh, my God. Yes, they are. The gold bet. We were sitting here going, no one's going to say gold bears. No one knows they're gold bears. They are my partner's favorite lolly. Oh, God, she's good. Brooke, what's your partner's name?

Andrew. Andrew's getting a pack of these, courtesy of Brooke, courtesy of Shy Guy. Well done, Brooke. Congratulations. Get gold bears. Who knew? Is gummy bear like an umbrella term? I think gummy bears are trademarked by another company.

Oh, Harrowave had to go with the gold bear. Playing again next week, guys. This is Jess and Rowan. Jess and Rowan's 10K alpha bucks on here. And we are hunting $10,000 before we get to Easter. It'd be nice, wouldn't it, Jess? It's nice. Someone just getting a lovely little $10,000.

I don't know if nice. Is a powerful enough adjective? It would be magnificent. Kira, do you have the right one for us? I hope so. I really want a new laundry and make the long weekend extra special. Absolutely. Now, when you say new laundry, Kira,

are we talking like a gut and refurb or just need some new appliances? Oh, we're going the whole shebang. How much of laundry costs you to do? Like, 10, 50s? Well, me or a normal person? $213,000 for just probably. You should have seen the handles of picked for the cabinetry. Hang on, sorry, Keara, we're just going to go off top of a second.

Don't worry about it. No, you're going to finish it now. You have to finish it now. They're ornate and bronze. What are they? Horses? What are they? It's gorgeous.

Nah, it's kind of like flowery. All right, sorry. I don't go to the dress. This is an excellent omen for you. Your letter is W for washing machine. W. Oh. Okay. I'm assuming you want to upgrade your washing machine if you're doing a laundry, Redo.

What do you reckon about that? Yeah? Yeah? Cool. All right. Yep. Sounds good. Let's go.

Your time will start after the first question, Kira. Starting with the letter W. I need you to name. A cooking utensil. What? A fabric. Wovean fabric. A sport.

Something in the shed. A fashion brand. Witchery. An accessory. Watch. A female actress. Whitney Houston. A biscuit.

Winston. What's a Winston? I've never had a Winston. I don't know. Is that a person or is a biscuit? What is it? Be honest. I've heard of a Kingston.

Not a Winston. There you go. That laugh would suggest. I think you met Kingston. No such thing. No, no. Dang, Kira. Couldn't give you a walk.

That is an appliance, I would say. I think anything you're... I think if you're putting it on a stove or plugging it in. It's a stove. It's like a pan. You don't have to get the electric ones. Would you call a pan? Are you tensile, though? I don't know.

We wouldn't call it an appliance. You guess you wouldn't call it an appliance. You know what? You know what? I was only thinking of the electric ones? I'll give you walk. That's very kind of you, Rowan. So that makes it four all up I have here.

Sport. W could have had... Water polo. Water skiing. Yep. Something in the shed could have wrench, wire cutters. fabric. I don't know if we can go woven fabric,

but we could go wool. Whip cord? I've never heard of. What the hell is whip cord? I'm into that. Whitney Houston, yeah, yeah, yeah. The bodyguard, baby. That's a hell of a movie.

She's acting. Biscuit and no. No, Winston is not done. No Winston. Hey, not bad, though. Three is not great, actually, is it? Apology. Jess needs an apology.

Never mind. I'm waiting, Kira. Kira's gone. Kira's gone. Sorry, Kira. off. All right. Well, we'll have another chance tomorrow.

After 7am, that exciting 9 in redemption. Yeah. That's okay. Whatever. We're going to get to Jess's answering results. Oh, Jesus. After mine next.

This is Jess and Rowan. You've been putting off doing the spit in the tube for the Ancestry.com. I know two years. The spit test for Ancestry.com that tells you about your lineage and heritage. Two years. Yeah. I had that sitting on a dresser. December.

Last year, around Christmas, time off, I thought I'm finally going to spit in that tube. The email, we have your DNA. It's been sitting in the inbox for about eight weeks, and I'm too scared to open it in case my whole world turns topsy, turvy, Rowan. What if it comes back? And I am not Italian Maltese. And Shy Guy has the email because he's the one I've entrusted to look at it, and he grinned, and I don't know what that means.

I spent a long time, really. I knew it. I spent a long time on your ancestry yesterday. Just at home just cooking around. You know, I had Nyoky Sorrentina for dinner because I said, this might be the last time I have an Italian dish. Maybe it was. But first, we'll do your...

Mine is easy. I've done this. I did this like recently. It's crazy. You said you did it around December as well, hey? The surgeries. I'll have to have a look at the times, but I remember I had dinner with my buddy Dylan and then we had a few beers and we're like, oh, I wonder where we're from.

Because his girlfriend is like, she's a bitza. She's from everywhere. Like, lived here, lived there. lived in Africa, then in Broken Hill. Like, she was everywhere. And her family. Yeah, so we were talking about, which is probably Tasmanian, which turns out is true. I'm 28% northern Wales, northwest England.

Wales. Yeah. Wales. I know so little about Wales and now I know a Welshman. I guess that's I. 28%. Is that your biggest percentage? Yeah, that's the biggest.

Wow. And then 22% south-eastern England, northwestern Europe. That still sounds like Welsh to me. Yeah. Southern Wales, 2%. Central Scotland, Northern Ireland, 9%. Munster Island, 8%. I've never heard of Munster Island.

East Midlands, 15%. Because it breaks it into like, I'm mostly Celtic and Gaelic, I think it says. And then the next one is, yeah, is England. So it kind of breaks it up into big sections. See that there? Isn't it funny? Because if you had rattled all those off, I would have said, yeah, that's all the same. But this is how finite it gets.

Yeah, 28% of me is from Northern Wales and Northwest England. So like, yeah, the top of Wales. And it's exactly what you said in is it because you traced your line is just from your own understanding as convict. convict territory. I have to refine where the bit is where it says, these people kind of did this and you are probably from these people, right? Ah, yes. But it is, it's like, I'm Tasmanians.

Like, so I'm definitely from convicts. It's not even a guess. Your ancestors, you know, stole the loaf of bread and made it onto one of the ships. Definitely. Like Manchester, like, Wrexham, where is this? Lancaster. Yeah. How did that make you feel?

Kind of Birmingham, like all those kind of areas. Getting those results. Did that make you feel? an urge to connect more with those cultures. Could not care. Whatever. But you haven't built your whole identity around your ethnicity. No, yours is much different.

Yours is much different. Does it make you want to go to Wales? No, not really. I watched Gavin and Stacey. It didn't really matter. It's not so much of big deal. Is that the one with Corden? You're all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That show looks funny. That's funny as. But now we all hate Corden. Oh, we all hate Corden. But, but... You might be related. Oh, my God.

Wait, is he well? Maybe. Is that the point you're getting it? No. He wrote it. As it's set in Wales. Yeah. Gotcha.

What's her name? Didn't know what the connection was to Wales. Gwen. You're all right? Yeah. God, I love that show. Is that the chicken boonah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a great. No, no. Or my own Indian. Yeah, that's such a great show. Anyway, I'm mostly Welsh, which I'm okay with. And it hasn't changed your perception of who you are and your position in this life. A little Belgium. What I do in Belgium?

That chocolate? I do love chocolate. How many things can one? Will we know? How many things can one person be? Why do you say that? Is it a fat joke? No.

Look at that. Look at me, all the different regions. All in the same kind of area, though. Shy guy. I'll tell you what, you don't have that many regions. Well. Am I one thing? Well, I'm not, I'm not telling you.

I'm doing, no, we're going to go to a song and I'm going to come back with yours now. This is Jess and Rowan. We're just finding out where we're from, our ancestry.com links. I don't particularly care where I'm from. I know I'm a proud, inbred Tasmanian. You're a bitter. I'm a bit of a convict, really. But mostly, I'm all well.

But Jess has tied her whole identity up to the idea that she's Italian. Is she? We don't know. Babs came in before and said, you should be worried. And I was like, excuse me, Babs? I'm actually feeling a bit funny. I don't think you understand, bro, on the gravity of this. It is what it is.

I didn't change, how's this? I didn't change my name when we got married. I married Angus Harper. Harper is a lovely surname. It actually would have saved me a lot of time. Because reading and spelling out farcioni three times a day adds up. I didn't take Harper because I connect so greatly with the Italianness of who I am. My father's Italian, my mom's Maltese.

I lean so far into my European. What are we worried about then? What are we worried about? I'm worried that I've spat in a tube and it's gone, you know nothing about your heritage. Actually, you are South American. And then I have to learn a whole new culture. Let's find out. So, because my dad did once say he had a, like, a great-grandfather's brother who moved to Brazil.

So what if, you know what I'm saying? You do look a little bit Brazilian. See, not mad about that. But I'm just saying, I can't learn a whole new thing. All right, well, shy guy. So we've got the results in that envelope. Do you want me to tell you the dot points or do you want to open it and read it out? Oh, wait, I thought I was reading it.

Oh, do you want to read it out? Let me give it to me. I want to read about. But I know it's April Fool's wrong. I'm not going to lie. Oh, you know, I would have loved to be like. Shy guy would have lied, bro. put different things in the envelope.

That's why I think I need you to have it. I don't think you can handle it. I'm not going to lie. Much. No, I won't lie. No, don't lie. So you had...

I know how much you care. I'm not going to lie. You had regions from all over. Shy guy said... Not that. Oh, here we go to this side. We're just looking at a blank paper for a bit. No, it's double-sided.

You don't let me know if it's double-sided shy-goy. Well, Babb printed it. That's not my fault. So there's the headline of the percentages. Percentages. Throw it! Hang on. Before you read,

I'm going to say what's on the page here. So there's the percentages of your heritage. Rowan! And some dot points about these places and the times and how the Ancestry.com website thinks you made it from here to there to here. Yep. To Australia. Okay. No, no, you've been joking.

I'm Russian. Am I Russian? I'm always in a hurry. No, no. Start with the little one. Yeah. The little one. Yeah, yeah.

I want to get, yeah, yeah. It's pretty crazy. So you know how I had so many? Yeah. You've got three. Oh. You have three regions. The first one.

You had like 15. Your first region at 1%? French. French. French Canadian. French Canada. French Canada. Quebec.

So French Canadian. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what that means. But, yep. French. 1%. Where has that come from? Who knows?

Who knows, mate? A bit of a weird one if you asked me. I do like Brie. I guess that's French. No, I like Poutine. Is that that that? That's that. The chips with the gravy.

That's French Canadian. That's Quebec, but that's French-Nanians for sure. One percent, that's weird. Oh, hang on. So, three other regions. 49% of you. That's a big chunk. You want you to tell you now?

Yes, please. Italian! No! Hold on a minute. 49. Yeah. Which leaves 50. Yep.

Which leaves one more little region. Oh, it's got to be my mum. Wow. Wow. Doesn't it? 49? I am more of something else. Yes.

Yes. The French Canadian has taken from the Italian. What is it from? Maltese. It's Maltese. Maltese. Come on, mate. It was always going to be.

No, I didn't know, man. So you went... Only three regions. Shai guy, can you please describe the regions? Yeah, I got here. Oh, you got here. So you went from Italy to Malta. To Canada.

French Canada. And then Australia. What do you mean by that as in the ancestors? According to the records, according to Ancestry.com. That's where they went according to the immigration records and things like that. Interesting. Yeah, so... The French Canadian has...

really. There is a timeline here. Like there's the southeast in Sicily and central eastern Italy. About how they kind of got there. You should read this. Actually, Sicily is not what I thought. I thought we were from central. Abruzzo.

Most Sicilians are peasants who serve feudal landholders. So you were servants, okay? And then your servants, children live at home until they were married. Marriage is typically arranged with parents, consented parents. And then 1950 to 1975, the Sicilian fishermen began to immigrate to Australia as early as the 1840. Maybe I need to start eating fish to honour the ancestors. And you hate seafood. It's very interesting.

I genuinely, genuinely feel a weight off my shoulders. Thank you for taking that seriously. I can't believe you thought you would be anything different. I know, my God. You know, people get in your head. And I just thought, if it was going to happen to anyone, would have happened to me, built my whole identity around something.

How good would it would have been if she was Russian. Would have been great. Bro, like, you know what I'm saying? I highly recommend. I cannot wait to. I'll pay more. for the extra subscriptions you were talking about. When I was digging around yesterday,

every other thing I clicked on was like, this would be $4, it'll be $8, $2. Maybe I've got French Canadian cousins, Rowan. Like we could connect with. Show trip to Montreal! This is Jess and Rowan. Thinking about the show tomorrow, Rowan. We're doing free fuel Thursday.

That's right. From 6am, everyone who gets on air gets a hundred bucks worth of free fuel thanks to our mates. The legends at Reflection Holiday Pants. We are so grateful. We're also grateful for the number of people who have text the show today, Rowan, asking for the details of our waiter race. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

To kick off Newcastle Food Month today, April 1, a month long of festivities. April 4's not happening? No. It's on and it kicks off with the waiter race. We, Jess Rowan, Shargey and Babs are the only non-hospitality team that have been allowed to enter. There are 15 teams. 14 of those teams have experience running trade. of drink.

If I break my ankle again, I get to clamble on the company. That's fantastic. We'll get you one of those mobility scooters again. Yes. We have designated which obstacle and leg we are each doing. We've talked about our outfits. We have branded matching aprons.

Yes. And other than that, we have no clue how it's going to go. Five o'clock, it kicks off. Yeah. We've got the Knights cheerleaders. So we've got more support crew. Yeah. You know, professionally dressed and I think the other teams will have.

Sucked in, guys. But if you're not. You would like to be involved. Yep. And come support us. Text 04W81069. We would love to see you and I can give you the information. But rest up, everyone.

Big carbohydrate packed lunch. Oh, yep, yep. Because come 5 o'clock, should you be going to the gym? Yep. Aren't your muscles going to be fatigued? Yep. Well, it's on my schedule. Okay.

So it's important for me. You know it's a warm up. But you're going to do exercise tonight at the weight array. I'm going to do 250 meters. Yeah. And you carried on about it. So I'll stop part of me for thinking it might be a bit much for you. Hey, hey, let's not, let's not have a leaf.

We've got to work together. The fat jokes would stop it twice today. We've got to work together, babe. Well. What leg are you two? And I'm three. You're passing to me. Oh, yeah.

Babs Rowan. And then I'm passing to you. You're going to be like in a rush, I think. I know, but you get points penalized. Yeah, yeah, five second penalty. Well, we'll find out how that all goes tomorrow. Absolutely. We'll recap it from six.

We've got the free fuel. Yep. And it's a short week. So are we doing the three. Diary tomorrow. Diary tomorrow. I'm a little bangers tomorrow as well. Why not?

Oh, bangers is well tomorrow? Nice. Friday banger. Does it say Friday back? I'll figure out a thing. We'll figure it out. We'll say that. But that's fine.

We'll gloss over that. All right, cool. We'll see you tomorrow from six. Bye-bye. That was the Jess and Rowan podcast. Maca's Bistro at Bonaise, Angus range is here. Chef's Kiss.