Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - I registered for Ashley Madison

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

Rohan reveals something he's never shared before, Producer Shy Guy dips and Jess regrets encouraging her 2 year old to do something...Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/jess-and-rohanSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Try the big Brecky Range with Honey Saracha today. Only at Maccas. Here we go. Welcome to the Jess and Ron podcast. Hello everybody. Welcome to the podcast. Weird day. Why?

What's going on? Oh no. How would you describe the day? Fun. I always come straight off the back with my feelings. Let me ask you, how would you? Really good day today. Fantastic.

I had lots of fun. Got some stuff off my chest. Yesterday you were in a mood. Was I? Well, when you smash the glass? You said, I'm in a mood. Shagard, I was talking in the kitchen, and I was like, what's the overs and unders? Four mugs for the year.

You reckon less than four, over four. To smash. Four are way more. So you're overs. Overs. I reckon you got a one a month in you. I said one every two nuns. Oh, okay.

Yeah, could be. What do you reckon, Babs? Oh, your microphone, hang on. Oh, you want to turn it on? Thank you so much. Hey, hey, hey. He only did it six times, not turning on, Babbs. Keep him a break.

That was fun of the gag in the show. How many mugs is he smashing by December, 2020? Maybe three? Yeah, yeah, I'm going over under four. You reckon now that you've smashed one, you'll be more conscientious. Yeah, I think that was a really random mug smash. I see, I think you'll get even more callous, more just get out of my weight. Maybe I'll just break them cause.

I reckon you could do three in one go. You start swinging elbows. There goes the whole shelf. Triple smash. Yeah, I saw you triple dip recently. Who used to say you can't triple smash? I could triple smash. I could triple kiss.

Have you ever had a threesome? Few. Never nights. It's weird. I know. What's the third person doing? I can't. What do you do?

I can tell you from experience. Standing there watching. That's not threesome. That's the cuck. Yeah. Zip back up. No, it wasn't cuck, you idiot. You got me back on board, babe.

Yes. Great use of the word of the day. We learned cockholdry. Just recently. That was your word. You taught us cockoldry. That was my word on the vocabulary. vocabulary app.

Yeah, what's my word today? Talk to me. Educate me. Kladistine. Klandestine? Klandestine. Yeah. Clandestine.

Clandestine. Dines. Dines. Secretly or in a concealed manner. Yes. That's like shy guy after nine. Everything is clandestine. Sure.

You're all secretive and vigilantie-esque. Mine's polyrhythm. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the music term. Is that polyrhythm? Kind of. The simultaneous use of. The simultaneous use of.

of two or more rhythms. Yeah. Kind of keeps changing. Often seen in the percussion section. Yep. There you go. I love it, Polly. Rhythm.

Yeah. And amorous, whatever. I was going to say. It's all fluid. Exactly. It's 2026. We don't judge. Totally.

Would you judge that? No, I'm saying we don't. We don't judge. No, we don't judge. No. I don't have a judgment. What are you judging? I'm not judging anything.

She didn't say she doesn't have anything. She's going to be red, actually. No, I'm just watching the room. So Babs and I, watching the room. Are you the cuck? Put your clothes back on. This is weird.

So Babbs and I have a dress hire appointment tomorrow for an event we've got coming up. Babbs, I was showing the boys the options that you have selected as potentials. And Rowan and shy guy have opinions. The same opinion, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They both voted their favourite. Oh, okay. So I wonder how you'll feel about it.

One for Jess was better suited for you. Yes, actually. They took one out of my pile, put it to you. Really? The yellow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Funny, is it the yellow with the mesh? Yeah. Well, they were two yellow with the mesh. We're talking about the same. Actually, the one that we picked was like a mesh, sorry, yellow two piece. Well, it's one, but it's got the big cut out. Oh, well, what are we doing? You like a cut out, though.

You like a bit of flesh. Shoulder got you going this week. I can't imagine what myths we'll do. What will an oblique do to you, son? Oh, pass out of the side of it. By the way, I did notice how you fully covered up. Fuck, I bite that for you. Fully covered up.

What country am I? in. So this one, they liked for you. Oh, okay. Okay, we'll just talk amongst ourselves. Yeah. Because what I really like to do is always post, if Babs you're comfortable, I like to do it. Put it out to the people. What's your vote?

So maybe we could do that. The people could vote. Babs should wear that. Yeah. Last time. Yeah, it's going to be fun. And now the boys are now worried how they're going to elevate. Might have to go shopping. Boys day out? Well, I was just thinking maybe like a

crisp white tea. Not a tea. This place is nicer than a tea, Rowan. But a crisp white tea is good. Yeah. You can get like $200 white teas. Yeah. It's got nothing to do with the price tag. It's the fact it's a tea and doesn't have a collar. Oh, it doesn't have to be collar. A world I like. That's how I roll, bro.

If you want to sit at the other side of the table, feel free. Oh, no, we don't sit next to each other. It's nice to mingle. Oh, good one. Yeah. Yeah. No, we never do. Isn't your husband coming? Can't he sit with me? You keep bringing that up. He's not going to come. Why? Because he also works. What do you think this is just because?

He works in hospice. Just because you're a director of a business just means you can chuff off. No way. He's the hardest working person there. I'll tell that to the other ones. Oh, I have. Don't worry. I send them anonymous texts from burnophones.

Work harder so my husband doesn't have to. I mean, so your other business partner doesn't have to. Nice. They all work really hard. They do, keeping this whole economy afloat. Totally. Anyway, you wear what you want. Thank you.

I should bring plus ones. Oh, you got a date. He's going to say, who you want to bring? My friend. Oh, a romantic friend or just a friend? No, just a friend. We have final approval. Yeah, technically all the seats are accounted for.

We used to work here. Oh, Tobin. Yeah. What again? So it doesn't anymore. Doesn't anymore left us. Oh, that's a no then. Oh.

Sorry, Tobin. We never met. He's getting quicker on the buttons. Every day. Every day he's getting quicker on the button. I told you, when my dexterity rocks back in. Right, here we go. I'll be firing.

Tobin is a delight. Great lunch company. Also. Not a colleague. Yeah, but there'll be fewer colleagues there. The question is, is he a listener? Then he can come. Probably not.

No, he is. Why doesn't he just enter? And I'll highlight his name. Well, Tobin can enter if he sends me a nice three-paragraph DM on why he should come. Okay. I'll tell him. But who's his dickhead? Wait, what?

What do you think about that? I don't think. Oh, okay. Interesting. So, Strangler has a no. Is that just because you don't have anyone to bring? No, no, no, we've never bought people. To them in other occasions.

Why this one? I don't know. Because it's going to be. That's because Babbs knows how nice this is going to be. You can bring a date if you want. He doesn't want to. Oh, so you've got a couple gone on. I don't have any.

There's no one. You know, what his issue is, can't pick between the four he's got on the go. He's like, I can't pick one of you. And I can't bring all four of you because then they'll find out about each other. So I best bring none. And that means Babs can't bring anyone either. Very smart. Who's your plus one?

Me? I guess it's you. Yeah, that's what I thought. But it's your lunch too, you know? Yeah. I reckon there's a way we can get. Tobin there? Yeah, I'll highlight his name.

No, I was going to say Angus, but I think... Does he want to work it? No. He can work it if he wants. Angus or Tobin? Who's talking about? Angus is the way. Angus, one of the great wine pourers.

He's got that down pat, the way to bring the tray to the tape. Bang. Like a playboy bunny. Bang. Oh, it's just like flopping it out. Boom. Boosh. Doesn't spill a drop.

Hits it on the boo. You know, as part of Newcastle Food Month, there will be an event to the waiter race, where they're going to have real lays. Well, I was like, you should enter, bro. He would be so good. Like the Revella team could do it. All those chicks would be flying and hangers, bring it home. Ginger's so fit and fast. She's unbelievable.

Taylor's good too. Taylor's good, too. Taylor's up a body strength. Amazing. I just realized. I was like, Ginger's great. Oh, shit. What about Taylor?

Well, they're both very fit chicks. Exactly. Ginger is a Pilates instructor. So great balance. Great balance for them, Ginge. And Angus has been doing it for 12 years. Angus just good at everything. He's good at everything.

Find a thing the guy can't do. Taylor could come and cheer. They need a fourth though. Oh, Taylor would be good. Okay. So you could do, this is getting very niche now, but those two girls, Angus, and one of the others. Emma, she's fun. She could do it.

Who's Emma? Emily? Shit. Emily. Ah. Yeah. That's a fair mistake. M.

We all call her M. That's fair. You didn't know if it was Emma or Emily, if we are thinking of the same person. She's lovely. Dilesie. Sorry, anyway, I'm going to nominate this crew. They're nominated, put them in. Should we just go in?

None of us. I've never had weight experience, but I just would like to have a go. We'll probably look to ChiG account. How many drinks were you delivering to the table? Open drinks. Drive-through window, a few? Should we enter ourselves? I dropped a full tray of like stubbies on a table once.

That was funny. So maybe you'd be the end. We'll get it to you. And then if you fall the final hurdle, at least we've gotten that. I would throw the tray so hard at Angus if he was last. It'd be just a, fun game. We both lose.

Discus, if I don't win, no one wins. Straight to the back, the C-7. Hope that hurt, bro. Don't. The cage could probably handle it. He's titanium. Let me just test out the cage real quick. Shaga, how would you go running an open vessel?

I don't imagine you'd be great. How would you go with running? Not great. Do you know what I really would like to do? Yeah. You know what I'm going to say? Yeah, because I just was like, What am I going to say that trend where it's like I've never seen my co-workers running and then you make her do a sprint.

I also go to a field. Come on, you've been to your gym era. I have my, I had an ankle surgery. So now you're just hurting me. So you can't run? No, I don't run anymore. So you don't do any cardio. We could swim.

I do the assault bikes. Oh, fuck those. Why would you do that? It's so bad. No, no. So I want to see that. Dodge ankle. No, thanks.

String bean. And you and me. Yeah. A sock up. I reckon Babs might have us all. You quick? I might be the quickest one. I get going.

You would be the quick. You'd be faster than me, for sure. Since I get going, man, she'd get going. Yeah, I've got to get going. Like a dodo. Yeah, I've got to like rev myself up. And then I've got to get a couple of seconds. We are definitely doing this.

Have you still got that scooter you had to get around on when you broke your ankle? Oh, my God, remember that. With the knee up? Oh, that was silly. Oh, crazy. I understand it was necessary. I didn't last long with that scooter. I hated it.

Ah, no, I have to give that back. It was a rental. Oh, okay. Anyway, stay by, Jess and Rowan on Instagram. Enjoy the show, guys. Enjoy the show. Yes and Rowan. In 2026, something new for breakfast. You know, Jess. I've got two balls. You'll get to know Rowan.

What am I a piece of meat? It's covered in ink. It's going to be good. It's going to be fine. It's going to be all right. Anything could happen. Most of it probably will. That's squawking fatty. And Rowan. You like what I did then. This is Jess and Rowan.

This is going to be good. Morning, everybody. How are we doing on Wednesday, hump day. Wouldn't be dead for quids, Rowan. Sorry. I'm just worked up. We were talking about how, uh... We were talking about women's fashion,

and Rowan nearly dropped the desk. He slapped at that heart. I looked at the clock. I went, oh, two seconds is we talk. Okay. I'll tell you what. Get that rage out. But hey, it's a rant day coming up.

Rowan is going to take over. I'm fired up. I'm fired up, guys. I'm stiff and sore and fight up. Do you want to pivot? Because I can see the headline for your rant later. in the show, do we need to piff it to women's fashion? No.

Now you want to stick with your original rant? Let me have a real good thing about women's fashion because I reckon I could get a rant about it. I'd actually love to hear a white man's take of women's fashion. You don't cultured swine knows nothing. Oh, I know some stuff. I'm about to say it. Hey man, you have the privilege of the big stick.

You back yourself in. Will I, will I back you up? Do it right now. Will I watch you up? Let's go. Oh my God, no. No, but I've got thoughts on women's fashion too. As you know, I'm doing a no spend.

Still can have thoughts. Still looking good. Appreciate you. You can still have. I thought you'd like this fit. When I lay out my clothes the night before, I always think, what's wrong I'm going to comment on? I thought you'd like this one.

I'll wake up and go, that, that. Because you're not laying, you're not laying out your clothes the night before. I do. I do on a Thursday and a Friday, but that is when my partner Lucy is back in town. So she's not in town. Oh, so you can put the light sign, take your time. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter. I love that conscientiousness.

A sleeping partner trumps all. You work yourself out. Oh, she wouldn't. She bangs around when I'm asleep. Bang. I don't care for that wrong. How are you with an alarm on a weekend? My girlfriend, Lucy, I could have, I've never been more angry.

She set an alarm on a weekend. Did you have somewhere to be? It's like it was, it was just on already. Oh, is she doing the Monday to Sunday alarm? Maybe, maybe a Sunday Monday. But it went. But the alarm, it's like she had five alarms set. And they were all at different times.

So every 90 seconds was an alarm. I almost threw the thing out the window. So she's not snoozing. She had multiple set. Because the snooze is like a nine minutes in between. Well, she would have had nine going. So she had that many set. I almost threw her fine out.

Where did she need to be? Nowhere. I think it was just in the schedule. Oh man. I tell you what. I have this debate with people so much. Because you know, all right, sometimes you forget to set an alarm. You have a sleep in.

Our job, that does impact us a lot. People always go, why don't you do the preset? Monday to Friday, you know your alarm's going to go off at the same time. No, because I don't trust technology. I want to trust myself. You don't need it on the weekend unless you need to be up for church. No, you don't. You're not going to church, mate.

Even the farmer's market, it's on until two. You can have a snooze? Lucy. Funny. That's mad disrespect. I agree. I think you need to put the light on a couple of times. Maybe I do.

What's the point of you being conscientious? If she's not returning the conscientiousness. Take that lady. Whoa. Daddy needs to find his socks. Yeah. Lights going on. Didn't even find him today.

He's gone slides. I can't talk. Sometimes I'm like, I forgot to lay out my earrings. Can't come to work without earrings. Oh, really? Yeah. Not a nude ear? No, I don't like a nude ear.

So I'm rifling around the jewelry box at 410. Angus is like, piece of. That would be annoying. That would be really. Because it's clink, clink, clink, cling, cling. Yeah, yeah. Right near his head. Big show today, guys.

Alpha bucks, we are getting some big momentum. We may have a winner today. We've had some good momentum. A couple of sevens. Had a nine on a, on asterisk. It was actually an eight. That's okay, though. So we didn't have to do the redemption round, but it was fun.

It was so fun. And Shane, our mate, was the only one who picked it up. So the rest of you aren't holding us accountable, that's for sure. So she would have won. She probably would have won. Oh, my God, we didn't talk about those rules off the air if they win, and we find out no. Uh-oh. Have you had that before?

Oh, morning, shy guy. Have you had that before? Morning. And I think there is some sort of caveat once we've awarded it. See ya. Gone. We just look silly. Yeah.

Yeah, we've got it. We've got it. Imagine that calling Jess in Wager and going, babe, soz, we're not transferring. I just, I don't think we can. Speaking of Shy Guy, Shagai dips just after 7 o'clock. He dip him, baby, with a lolly I've never seen before in my life. Neither have I, but Shy Guy very excited about it. was kind of fended.

We couldn't back it up. Babs has walked in, jumping for joy. She is happy. So that is after 7.30. Big bag of lolly's coming your way. But next, I have a porn hub update. Thank God. I did some more digging, guys.

I did more digging on the hub. Give you my thoughts and review next. This is Jess and Rowan. If you're struggling to find your loved one and you're trying to get a bit more company, we might actually have the app for you, and it's not the app you think. I know.

You've tried Tintz and, the Bumble hinge, plenty of fish. There's one you haven't tried yet, I guarantee it. Ashley Madison tried that as well. Don't try that one. They'll release your data and your wife will find out. Oh my God. Remember when that went crazy because they all...

They had a leak. They had a leak. I remember, like, when I was young, being like Ashley Madison, so to find cheaters. Any cheaters in Longceston? So I, I like... Small community. Yeah, right, like in Littleland, Tasmania. So I registered for Ashley Madison as like a 16-year-old, 17-year-old.

I remember being really young. Might be 80. I'm pretty sure I was like 16. Thinking I'm going to bust my neighbour or my uncle or something. And I just, like, couldn't get in and I gave up. But then the leak came out and you could search me and it said I was on it. Hang on. So you went far enough in the profile process.

That is a great story. So you got far enough in making the membership. It must have been okay. But then couldn't work out how to look for partners on the app. I think I registered and probably verified and then just didn't get to it. Lost interest. Yeah. And it was like,

this is not cool. Oh, my God. And then I remember the leak came out and there was a website where you could check if your partner was registered. And I put my email and I was like, oh my God. That's so good. Anyway. Your girlfriend Lucy's being like, Rowan, you got some explaining to do.

Hilarious. Trust me, sweetheart. I was 16. Yeah, babe. They've come home and she's got a big list. Sorry. Speaking of hook it up, we have been deep, deep in the porn hub. Who's we?

Well, you and... You especially, and I. You have had this story. You're pretty interested, too, though. I'm interested to hear it. Don't care, though. I don't care. I've never...

I get my kings other ways. I don't need the hub. I got that cowboy erotica. I've told you about it. Oh, yeah, some breathing work. down the beach. Nice. So I, when the, when the band came, because the ban came, it was a ban for porn sites in Australia.

Started on Monday. For under 18s. Yes. So, well, as it should be. You've got to verify. You have to verify now. So I went on and was like, I'll just go on it. It was fine.

Realized that I didn't go in deep enough. And it was, it actually was just like podcast. Yeah. Deep enough. Ting, ding. So I get to pay the big bucks. I know, I know. That's weird.

And then I tried to log in yesterday. I thought, let me just, let me just try. and like give it another go because I'm here doing nothing. What a guy for the show? Just constantly researching. People think, what do you do after nine? We're always doing work for the show. What's Angela White up to these days? It's like Facebook for porn, right?

So I go on there. Thanks, show guy. See, he cares. He gets it. He fed you that line. And then I went, oh, there's nothing on here. Log in. And it gives you the normal login like you would log into anything.

Like you can log in with Google, Apple. So I hit Google and it was like, this is not enough. and they've just blocked it now in Australia. So what happened on Monday when you tested it live? You were like, hang on, it's not asked me to verify. We thought, has Rowan slipped through the cracks? Has it now? Was there a phase situation?

I don't think I slipped through the cracks. I went in and it said, are you 18 or over under? And then it threw me to the page of just all the like, because now there's like lots of porn stars doing podcasts. It defaults to basically the podcast. Oh, so not the R18 plus content. You can have some content that. you don't need to verify.

But then I just, like, type in porn on Google and there was heaps. I was like, oh, it's not that big of a deal. But then yesterday. On the work laptop, obviously. Totally. I'm shy guys. It's fine. And then I was like, well, what else is around, right?

So I went on X, which is Twitter. Yes. I went on and I was like, type in and I was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. For sexy tweets? People put up porn on, on X all the time. Not just written word. No, no, no, no. Just like, just 10 seconds of just, how are you?

It's a lot of... Are you joking? I didn't know. That was on me. Only fans people use it to promote their only fans. Instagram won't let them. So you get a little snippet on the X with the idea come to my only fans? Ah, yes, the production value.

All that stuff's good. Yeah. So I go on Reddit, Reddit's all still happening on Reddit. I was like, well, clearly it's not happening everywhere. I went on X and it said adult content show and I was like, show. And then it said, verify with a selfie. Scan you. Ah, the ID thing you were talking about?

I did. And I just, I was like, I'm not. I'm doing that. Just get me hooked somewhere else, you know. Wow. So that's really happening. I mean, I know it was like clearly happened into the news, but I didn't believe it not for me.

No, because you were able to, well, get the podcast at least. People were getting around it though. If I want boobs, I can get the podcast and the boobs. You heard of the VPN? What's a VPN? Virtual private network, Shiger. It basically hides your IP address on your computer. And why would I want that?

And it puts your computer in a different location. Yeah. Oh, so if I'm doing dodgy stuff. So an easy way to do it, if you want to watch things that are on American Netflix, but not Australia. It's what I used to do. You VPN. They're pretty easy.

I can buy one. Do I write in, I want a VPN? No, it's not the black market. You can just download it like it's not illegal. Do I have to get a paper bag full of cash and make someone in an alleyway? They're actually most on sale. They're on sale now because everyone knows the porn. They're about 75% off at the moment.

They're about $3 a month. Do I use shy guy 10 to get a discount on a VPN? If Nort want to respond to me, I'm open to it. This is Jess and Rowan. Hard. Being single in the model. an era. Standards appear to be either through the roof or through the floor.

Yeah. So when you meet someone, either on the apps or in the real world, no one can actually break through this surface level BS. Yeah. Because we've all made up stuff in our minds. It's really, really hard. And when you get older, it's like, it feels like it gets harder because it's like, oh, is there going to be someone out there?

And then you have to meet someone else. And then the baggage that we have to either accept or embrace. Someone else gave them, yes. Exactly. Correct. We all need to be in therapy. We all do anyway. We all do anyway.

But my God, absolutely. Well, if you are one of these single friends of ours, you're on the apps, you're on the Tinders, the hinges, the bumbles, the plenty of fishers. Maybe you're old school and doing the websites, the RSVPs. Oh, my God. What's that fancy one for celebrity? Raya. Maybe smuggled yourself on Raya. Yeah, you've absolutely smuggled yourself on Raya.

I guarantee. I think Ben Affleck was on. that for a hot second, maybe you met bad Affleck. Wow. I guarantee you there's an app you have not tried to meet your soulmate. Words with friends. It's a great way to connect. It's a great way to connect with like-minded people.

Because at the end of the day, that's what we're looking for, right? Yeah, people who do words and stuff. Words with friends, if you are not familiar, it's basically Scrabble online. So you can play with your contact list. You can be playing every day with your mum. And basically have and turns Scrabble board style. Can you, with words with friends, turn your camera on? Great question.

Shagga, I'll need you to deep time. Because I know. There's a chat function. There's a chat function. And there is a profile. So we can see who we're playing with because there is sort of the automated randomizer you can play with a stranger. I remember I did some like online poker playing once on my phone for a while.

With randos. Yeah. And you could have their cameras on. And so sometimes you'd like do the sharkers and they go. And they go, oh my God, they are watching me. Whoops. So do you, when you played poker, do you all have to be on at the same time to play? Yeah, it's all the same game, I guess.

Okay. So at least with words with friends, you could be doing it with someone in a different time zone because you wake up. They've played their turn. Then you have a turn. Yep, fair. You don't need to be sitting there in real time. So this woman has gone viral. Her name's Courtney DeCosta, 35.

What a name. Great name, DeCosta, 35. She's in the thick of it, Rowan. She's sick of the app. She's not finding any real connectionioni. Yeah. And on words with friends, they bat up. Hey, this is a person you might like to play with.

They're online now. Want to have a go? She goes, oh, yeah, whatever. I haven't got anything. Looked at the profile and went, oh, he's a looker. So they've got face on the profile. They got the face on the profile. Oh, okay.

All right, good to know. Yeah. So she goes, yes, I'll accept this guys. Let's call him Hank. Yeah, I'll accept Hank's little offer to play. They start doing words back and forth. And then as shy guy says, the chat functions open. Hey, hey, how you going?

Great word. Really impressive. Oh, triple words call for you, Courtney. Congratulations. Oh my God. You used another vow there. After a couple of months, Courtney says the chat turned less about the words and congratulating each other on great scores to a bit more flirty personal banter.

Really? They got married last week. Congratulations, guys. Love can be found. Oh, my God. Even a guy applauded. Were they in the same city? Were they in the same city?

They weren't far away from each other because, yes, an in-person dinner. was extended. Hello, Courtney said, why don't you come over to my house? Oh, but that exchange phone numbers and stuff. She didn't just go, hey, I'm horny, come over. Oh, my God. There was phone numbers. What a word.

Who won the game? Oh. That's what I want to know. It all comes down to competition. I don't have that information, but at the wedding, subtle nod to words with friends, which is obviously where their love story started, put the logo on the wedding cake. Now, as someone who is a slave to spawncon,

if I could get a little marketing budget from wordsy friends, I would have done that. That's too much for even you, mate. This is Jess and Rowan. Where do we stand Rowan on clapping back to negative feedback, bad reviews? Are you for it? Are you against it? You have to say something.

You've got to say something. And that's the stance being taken by one humble restaurant. Yes, it happens to be an Italian restaurant down in Sydney, okay? We are in the era of the Google review, the keyboard warrior the troll, okay? Everyone can have their two cents about anything. Really important, yeah. Whether you've been or not, okay? My husband is in the hospo game.

He gets notifications when one of his venues is reviewed. He got a review pop up the other day. He went awesome, one star, clicked into it to read the feedback. You know what it said? Yeah, I remember him saying. Never been here. Never been. But that person has been able to write a one-star review, bring the total down.

Didn't he get the other day a one-star review for a venue that hasn't been open for two years? Yes, he did, Rowan. And he was like, what are we going to do with this? The Cambridge got shut down two, if not a bit more years ago. And someone reviewed it one-star. He's like, what are we going to do about this, guys? What are we doing? And the issue for business owners, if I may get on the high horse, you can't delete those.

No, you're not allowed. All you can do, because I understand you can't just move the needle the way. You want. Fair. All you have in your power is maybe a right of reply. Yeah. Some people would say, ah, you've just got to wear it, move on.

Other people like Condamura, the owner of Baritalia. Jesus, what a name. He has said, I'm not taking this line down. My restaurant's been here 75 years long before any of the apps where you could review me. Oh, come on, Con. I'm not letting it go anymore. Now, I've just looked up Baritalia's reviews.

There are more four and five stars than anything. If you leave Con a zero one or two, he's right and back to you. I might go in there, drop a one and see what he does to me. As long as you actually go. Don't just do it. You're going to go pee in the corner. I was like, what else could that have meant? I was going to go piss in the corner of this restaurant.

Don't do that. The cops will get involved. But Con has stoken to the daily mail and he goes, people just dine in and whether they like it or not, they go online, say whatever they want. It's crazy. They just want their minute of fame, so I'm going to shut them down wherever I can. A little while ago.

someone was complaining about the queue for the Uber Eats drivers, you know, milling around out the front, it's causing issues. That is annoying, yeah. Treating them like second-class citizens. And Con has written back, being like, firstly, thank you for breaking your I never write reviews streak. You know how a lot of complainers will write, I never do this.

Oh, I would never write a review. Well, con's called them out on that. He goes, this isn't about second-class citizen. It's about not having 14 delivery bags blocking a cafe that's been operating since before delivery apps were born. My business, my rules. I agree with that. Sometimes Uber eats drivers get a little bit too big to their britches

and push around and go, where's this? Where's this? Get out of the way, mate, I'm waiting. So, Con's trying to work a little work flow out here. I give Conn that, that's all right. This person also complained about the heat. Maybe they were outdoor dining. Conroe back saying, it's summer.

Welcome to Australia. That's fair. I give him that one. It's going to be hot. She also had an issue with charging for the takeaway container. He goes, I'm sorry. we don't believe in pretending packaging grows on olive trees, we're going to charge you what it costs.

Because if we absorb that cost across, we actually keep the prices down for everyone. He's picking apart all these reviews. I love it. I don't mind so bad. They're pretty good. Someone had a go about, there's an ATM. They're a cash-only thing.

He goes, we're a family-run institution, not a tech startup or a bank branch. Our ATM might not win awards for innovation, but it does let our customers access cash to pay for our real food made by real people. in a place with actual souls. So it's cash only, so it's cash only, but they have an ATM in there. Absolutely.

It's a scam. It's a scam. It's all for tax purposes. They've called con out. They've gone on a minute. Just do a second. We'll just do only cash and we'll only claim half of this. Keep all the money.

And if you need to get the cash out, it's there. How convenient. Why don't you use our ATM with the fees. He's going to go to me anyway. I think con. Are you having a go on? I know his name's con.

All those. I don't even have a go. This is Jess and Rowan. My husband and I have each other's back. A good one. And I think this is a great indictment of a good relationship. Fantastic. You message each other as soon as one of you realizes there's a birthday in our friendship

or family circles. Make sure you wish that person a happy birthday. Yeah, yeah. So I'll message him. Hey, it's my dad's birthday. And he'll message me. Hey, it's my brother's birthday. I just message him.

Hey, it's one of our besties, Kate's birthdays. Make sure we message. Good one. But what I wanted to ask you, can we get a definitive line? in the sand because I think we've moved. Yep. But I want to just have my finger on the pulse. Are we still doing the Instagram story of a picture of me and the friend

and doing the whole happy birthday timid babe, tag and Kate put the little happy birthday crown in the gifts, put that on her head? This is great chat. Are we still doing this? Because this was all the rage last year and I haven't seen too much of it in 2020. I think we're still doing it. In 2026. I think we're still doing it.

But we're only doing one story, Jess. Don't be putting up the 10. No, but Kate's one of me girls. I've got years of friendship photos. Oh, yeah. And then everyone else has to go tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Or they just swipe out completely. Would you swipe out completely?

Yeah. Swiping out of my story. If I saw you had at least like heaps up there and the first one was, happy birthday to my babe. And then next one, my son. You changed my life in the following ways. I go next. I go, love you, Kate, but I don't, I.

Well, now we've got a bigger issue here. Even if it's a non-birth day, if it's more than three, I'm not. Okay, no, no, I would watch them. Varied content, different stuff. Not curious, but I've got the gist of what this whole story package is. But hang on, you, you don't know that all 10. Oh, for Kate. Well, I made the assumption.

I made the assumption. Well, then that's on you. Are you? Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Now we've got a bigger issue, Shagga. You don't mind.

You've got the issue. I'm looking at you now. You're me pal. Who? Who's here? I thought I had guaranteed eyeballs from me pal. I don't know all the time. Not if it's going to be a love story to Kate Cola.

Love you, Kate. I watch all your stuff. I'd be lucky to put up one a day. Within it. Actually, you flagged this the other day when I did my bean dish. You went, oh, I just scrolled to the end to see what it look like. It was three minutes. You're not.

I don't need to know how to cook it. But also, we've been talking about it for so long. We've been talking about for so long. I wanted to see what it looked like. And my friend Tommy Casher said it looked like prison food. And I was really interesting to say what it's like. So you're reading the comments more than watching my content. No, he'd already said.

It was like the first comment there. It's like you pinned it. So at prison food. I didn't pin it. Why would I pin the prison food comment? It was like you pinned it. It's like you pinned it. No, not so.

It's been a very enlightened break. I don't watch a lot of people's stories. One happy birthday story. Yeah, we're doing one. As the happy birthday recipient is Kate Rees sharing all of them, because I don't see that very much these days either. Stop, stop, stop. I think you can do as many.

This isn't brown-nors. I think now you can actually do as many stories you like. If it's your birthday, you're only sharing one. Don't share all 10. What do you mean? It comes from 25, 30 friends. It's so indulgent. gross. What's worse, shy guy?

That's why I don't watch more than one. No. Because the rest of the carousel stories is going to be the same thing from people. What? What's worse? Posting 10 for someone or that person resharing all 10. You know what's worse? The 10 posts and 10 reshers, you've got 20 you have to go through.

What do you mean, Rowan? Your birthday is a fortnight away. I need one story from you. Are you going to reshare it though? Yes, yes. But when Shy Guy does it, because we all know he's going to do a love dedication. I won't be doing it. It's all right.

Will you, just work with me here, will you reshare his? Yeah, yeah, definitely, because it's, it's a bit of muscle ego. Your mum does one. Are you sharing that? Oh, it depends on. What's the point of tagging you if you're not going to then share it? No, but don't share ten, mate. Don't share ten.

We've known each other ten years. Maybe a pick for every year. We've been to four splendour in the grasses together. You mean who? You and I, like, I've got things to share. No, but what about, like, what about, like, let's just go back to Kay for a second. Okay. What about you do one, you have your best photos, the one photo that you love so much.

We've got so many, mine, wedding, her wedding, no, no, no. Previous birthdays. We've already been there. Your most recent photo where you both love, you had a great time. Nice post. Yeah, we had a beach day where she played with her kid very nice. That's a beautiful one post like that. And then, you know what you could do?

Send her an even better personal message to her eye message. No, but I want a showboat. I want everyone to know how good friends we are. That's the problem, right? This is Jess and Rowan. Jess and Rowan's 10K alpha bucks on hit. Hell yes, $10,000 will we hopefully be going to you. Lauren, you ready to play, Bette?

Laura. Lauren, what are you going to spend our 10 grand on? I'd like to take the kids on a trip overseas. Nice. Where you're thinking? I love the husband. Isn't that to go? Kind of felt like an afterthought a little bit.

If you don't want to take you, babe, it's fine. He can come to you. He can come to you. Nice. Well, while you're in Japan, maybe not for the children, but you and hubby might like to dabble in some rice wine. I believe. I believe they make that over there. And that starts with, ah. Is that a Japanese thing? Rice wine? Have I made that up? It's just because they like rice and they also do wine?

I swear rice wine is a thing. It's a traditional alcoholic beverage produce. In Japan? Yeah, yeah. Rock on. Lauren, your letters are. Let's go. From rice wine. Your time starts after the first question.

Starting with the letter R, we need you to name. A school subject. Religion. A sport. A puff. A cereal. Life bubbles. A bird.

Rainbow lorikeet. Something in the bathroom. Razor. A Australian city. A shape. Rectangle. An adjective. Running.

A celebrity. Rihanna. An ice cream flavour. Rainbow. A sport. Rugby. Oh, I think that was after the buzzer. Is that eight?

Pretty bloody good. Pretty good one. Eight. Oh, hang on. She said a verb on adjective. I'm sorry, Lauren. You said it with such confidence. I mean, I was like, yeah.

Ticked it. Adjective is a describing word. Yeah. Yeah, pressure gets you. Absolutely. That sound effect. We love seven. Seven's great.

Seven is impressive. Not ten or nine, but do a redemption round. But hey, seven is like much better than a lot of people do. Mm-hmm. Came home strong too. Sorry, couldn't get you the money. Lauren. Oh, good.

Thanks, both. Thank you, Lauren. Off to Japan for some rice wine with your own money. My dear. That's right. Would we love to have fueled Lauren and the family? Oh, wouldn't have that been good. With some rice wine?

It's actually called sake. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's what I thought Saki was made out of. Nice. This is Jess and Rowan. Big South Korea news. The police lose seized crypto by posting the password online. Oh.

Idiots. That's not what you should do. South Korea's National Tax Service seized crypto assets during a recent enforcement against about 124 high-value tax evaders. So they were using the crypto to evade the tax, right? Okay. You've lost it. me a little bit with the financial side of things, but what I need to understand is they got

it off the baddies and it's sitting there. Yeah. They use the crypto. It's just like buying, it's just like buying gold, I guess, but it's digital. It's all digital. That's right. Isn't it like on USB or hard drive? Like that becomes... That's called the vault. You can get a little vault. You get a little vault. Oh, locker. What do you call it? Um, wallet. Wallet. So they had that. They got that off in the baddies. Yes. It was about 8.1 billion one worth of Crypto. And how much is that in Australian? Well, 5.6 million US.

Okay. Like 8 million. Yeah, 8 in a bit. That's a lot of millions. Yeah. However, the officials later issued a press release to showcase these efforts in getting them. But the release included the photos of the ledger hardware wallets.

Oh, that had the passwords. Taken into custody with the handwritten notes that displayed the wallet seed phrases. So when you have a wallet, they normally give you about eight really random words. Yes. And you have to write them, those words in order. So if you don't, like, if you try to get into like, say, shy guys. Wallet.

Wallet ledger, you'd have no idea. No. It could be any word. It could be any, like, has to be in the right order too. Yes. So it's so hard. Unlike, you know, when forget password and you can answer your security questions. It's not.

Yeah. It's way too hard. It's not a thing with crypto, is it? It's like, you get that and that's it. But you also, like, it's, you also have to remember the seed. Password yourself. Absolutely. So how, you know, unless you like really memorize it, you got to keep it somewhere.

These idiots took a photo of the... Put it on the press release. But maybe they were so dumb. They didn't realize that that was the password as well. But also people writing press releases aren't the cops themselves. Isn't it just like the PR or marketing team for the police? But there's some much smarter people. Like, how about the Hamish and anything?

They had the Bitcoin that was lost for so long. Twelve years. And they got that guy to figure it out because Jezza, their web guy, he lost the seed phrase. That's now a thing now. People, that's now a thing now, great English, Jess. Where people are making a fortune breaking into your wallet. If you forget your password. Because they'll take like a percentage.

Well, the one that helped Tamish and Andy, 50%. And he got 50? And he got 50 because he goes, you have no other option. That's true. I have a unique set of skills. If you want my help, it's going to cost you 50 of the wallet I get into. And that those stories of people buying Bitcoin so early on for like $100 a Bitcoin, like $20 a Bitcoin. and then losing the wallet.

Yes, there was a bloke. I think he was either Irish or Scottish. His hard drive got caught up in the rubbish. And he petitioned to the council to let him go through the tip. I think it's been like a 10-year running journey for him. And the council keeps saying, no, no, no, it is so dangerous. You cannot go through the tip. And he's, I think it's like 900 million sitting on his little wallet.

One of the boys I used to work with was a bit of an early adopter of all these things. But he bought Bitcoin so early that he sold it made like 30 grand. And from buying it for 10 cents, he's thinking, what a payday. Yeah, but like when he told me about it, it would have been worth $60 million. Yes, yes. But it fluctuates so much as well. There's only worth that exactly. There's no way I would have, say that was me, there's no way I would have kept that if it got to a million.

I would have sold it straight away. Absolutely. There's no way you'd hold onto it because it kept doing this up and da, up and up and up. Similar to NFT, don't get me started. I do not understand. Oh, the monkeys. The monkey. Didn't Bieber have an NFT for a while?

They've all got a monkey. Or did everyone have an NFT? What are they called? They're all worthless now. See, that's the thing. At its heyday, if you had gotten out at the right time, hello, I made my fortune on an NFT, whereas now it's useless. That technology might still come back.

And you know, the monkeys, they might. In 20 years, it could be this old, cool tech thing that people have the rights to that they might be able to sell. I've got a few floppy discs lying around. Do you reckon they'll come back? Old tech? You want that? That could come back.

I'll give you 10 cents a floppy. My floppy's worth more than 10 cents. How much you still own your floppy for? Maybe I'll hold on to them. Wouldn't you like to know? You're floppy. Let go of it. This is Jess and Rowan.

I have been at loggerheads this morning, but I reckon I'll get him back on side with this great story celebrating one of his great loves. To be fair, Jess has been. pick it on him a little bit, guys. Hey, hey, hey, you've been in the room and you need to be impartial. He'd pick it on me too. I'm just defending myself.

Was he, though? Was he, though? Was he picking on you or you just? Oh, how the tables have turned. Babs, I'm going to need you to sit in here permanently from now on because I'm outnumbered by the sausages in the room and they're turning against me. Oh, I heard to come to another one. I heard.

Silencing the women. Anyway, this started by me saying, shy guy, I think he'll be really excited for this story. I'm excited to share it with you. Let's hear it. One of your great loves, Formula One. We know the Melbourne Grand Prix was just obviously in Australia last weekend. Who won?

George Russell, Mercedes. George. Ah, Mess it is. He's gorgeous. I like George. But the reason I want to talk about F1 is this story crossed my desk. And I verified it because I thought, seen on Instagram. Is it AI?

Is it real? It's a fake news. This is real, man. Okay, cool. How the Formula One is. Pit Stop has saved thousands of babies. That's a pit stop from cars, guys. You've been watching that as Guido?

That sounds good. Rock on. You will get your chance. In 2001. Okay, mate, that's enough. In 2001, Professor Martin Elliott and Dr. Alan Goldman, they were from a hospital in England, right? They were facing a problem.

Struggling to transition babies who needed emergency care in emergency situations, struggling to transition them from the operating room to the intensive care unit, all right? There was a lot of faults happening and unfortunately children were being, you know, in harm's way. One day, two doctors, passionate F1 fans, they were watching the race and they paid particular attention to the pit stop. And they went, oh God, look how efficient that team is. Could we be applying some of those efficiency principles in our operating rooms? Definitely could. So those two doctors call the full.

Ferrari F1 team over in Italy. They're in England and they go, look, strange request for you, but could you send some people over to help us? Could you watch us while we're trying to transfer babies and give us some tips? I love this. That really, this is like really, we're saving babies here. Isn't this amazing? So the Ferrari team send some crew.

They watch the doctors at work. They watch them in real life practices and go, this is very inefficient, guys. I understand we're not talking about cars. but there are principles we can apply. Process was uncoordinated, lacked clear leadership, and this is coming from F1 people, was too noisy. So they've implemented some streamlined things, taught the doctors how to allocate roles to each person

around the operating table, created rehearsed, structured routines for them, implemented use of deep briefs and checklists. Anyone, they implement the new protocols, reducing hospital handover errors by 67%. That's a fat percent. And that's like a decade ago.

I can only imagine those stats have increased as we've refined and refined. All the F1 pit stop, it's also systems driven. Absolutely. It has to be the same every time and it has to be spot on. It has to be spot on because, yes, they're trying to win a race. A 10 to the second is a big deal. Yes, same could be applied to an emergency care situation for an infant. So the Ferrari F1 team, they are crediting, shy guys, tear enough, that's beautiful.

That's not. He's just so somber. He's in pain still, guys. Just a little yawn. Isn't that amazing? I just thought that was. I didn't like the story. I bought him.

See, he still hates you. I don't hate you. What has she done to you today, bro? Whoa. Don't stop. I can't believe that didn't get you so excited. I was celebrating something that came out of F1 that's absolutely changed medicine. The Ferrari guys went to the hospital.

That's cool. Excuse me. We're saving a baby. Shire, Babs, Ro, and even you can hear something's going on. Babs, can you put your input in here, mate? Oh, I still don't care.

Oh my God. This is Jess and Rowan, Australia's favourite radio game. Oh my God! You dip you dip me down. Oh my God, oh my God, I'm at home. Shy guy dips. Oh, he'd be dipping well and he'd be dipping good.

He'd be dipping something today that I have never seen before. He's very excited about it, though. Maybe that's what's put him in a mood today. So is Babs. Well, is he in a mood? mood or are you saying some things that you shouldn't be saying to him? Can you pick a side? Because you're flipping and flopping all over the joint.

You back me out one second. Now you're back over there. Well, I just have to agree with it. Get off the fence. Some of the things you have been saying to show, I don't know if I agree with. How dare you? I've said nothing. But this is his time to shine.

Yep. He's got a packet of his favourite. Favorite lolly? It's up there. Well, there's a free clue for you. And on 131060, if you can decipher it, tell us what this bag of lollies is. you'll get your own bag shipped to you in the post.

Sick you. Give it all the good juju. That's right. We leave you a note that either increases or decreases the value. It's how you want to see it. I haven't seen the notes, though. You've been writing anything personal? You just go, you just do a signature like a Michael's...

If you're willing to turn Babs on for once in your life, she can back me up. She's on. You've seen the notes, Babs. She's on. I've seen them. They're lovely. Thank you. She was never off.

Maybe she just didn't know how to use the end of it. Don't gas line. Yeah, Rowan. Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't raise voice to me. Sound crazy. Okay. I got you, Babs. Shy Guy.

Yep. Free clue that it's your favourite, but what's your official first clue? The bag is purple. The bag is purple. Bro, there's not many purple bags out there. I don't know any purple bags, apart from that one, I guess.

131060, first caller gets a supplementary clue. Definitely. And shy guy, we dipping more next. Purple bag. Purple bag, Dippin. And now you guys can mend your relationship off the air. Will we? This is Jess and Rowan.

Australia's favorite radio game. Oh my God. You dip you dip me down. Oh my God, I'm ahead. Shy Guy dips. And Dips and he does. He dips it well. Purple bag.

First clue for Shy Guy Dips is it is a purple bag. And Jazz, you are very quick on the phone. Good morning. Good morning. Do you think you know what it is just from purple bag? I think so. All right, well, you get a supplementary clue. Let's put it all together.

Shy guy, help Jazz out. All right, Jazz. There's five different colors right in. No, that's what he said. Jazz has to work it out now. I'm not playing. Okay, I think I might be wrong now, damn it. All right, pivot.

Don't just go, I was going to say. Well, okay, Red Rippers. I was going to say red rippers. They have a purple bag. Too-day? Aren't they red? I thought it was a red bag, but jazz? No.

Unfortunately. And I appreciate you using the politically correct because they had a rebrand the red ripper. They did, didn't they? Not a red ripper. Jess, good morning to you. Good morning. Purple bag, five colours.

Another clue. Hang on, you get another one, babe. Sorry, oh, okay. They're long and thin. Oh, that's why you like. Oh, no, I don't know that. What do you think? I was just going to say the wildberry skittles.

Skittles are short and stout, aren't they? Yeah, they are short. Well, we can knock it off the list. Kiana, good morning. Sorry, did I pronounce that correctly? Kiana. Kiana. Kiana, good morning.

They're not Red Rippers. They're not Skittles. You get another clue. Let's put it all together. We've gone to Germany for these. No. German lolly. Oh, gosh.

We've imported them. I originally thought that was that boat. They've only got three colors. So I'm going to say clinkers. Sorry, clinkers. Clinkers. Or clink? I can't really hear you.

I can't. Oh, yeah. No, that's wrong anyway. I think that's a chocolate. Oh, that is a chocolate. Well, I wouldn't call that a lolly. Should I go? Maybe we dip chocolate next year.

We could do it next year. Hello, Karina. Hi. What do you reckon it is? Purple bag, long and thin. Five colours. You get a German. Get another clue.

Another clue. There is a green man on the packet and he looks to be skiing. Well, he's using the lolly as he skis, isn't he? Carina, what do you think it is? One more time? Fizzes. I can't understand any of my phone lines today, Rowan. No, no, fizzes.

Me either. You know what? At the exact same time, Karina said that, someone tells. Fizzes. Not fizzes. Oh my God. Someone has texted. They've got it right?

Yes, but this game, I think his phone only. Olivia, if you're listening, you've got it right, but you need to call. This is a tough one, shy guy. I really think you need to lean into that German clue. Particularly around where you may have purchased them shy guy. Let's go to Kristen. Good morning, Kristen. Hey, how you going?

Yeah, good, babe. Long and thin, purple bag. German. What else you're doing? Is it a joystick? Doesn't even need it. Ah, yes. Tears.

Congratulations. I've never had one. Neither. Kristen, are you an Aldi shopper? No, I just Googled it with all the clues. Okay. This is Jess and Rowan. If you'd like to take 60 seconds out of your day today,

could score you a free feed with matching, well, accompanying beverageinos. Yes. A beautiful afternoon by the water. Fantastic live music and the company of Jess, Rowan, Shy Guy and Babs. Well, can't ask anything more. You come to our long lunch. Accompanying drinks for the long lunch, so every course gets a special new drink?

Well, that almost sounds like that's planned. And, you know, to match the seafood linguine, there will be a white wine that perfectly. I just meant, we'll top up your glass. Oh, okay, right. I was going, I must have been paying anywhere near enough attention in our meetings. Getting more drinks. Now, this thing is fancy, but it's also so much fun. These things kick off because it's my first one.

I don't really know how they roll. Babe, we love a long lunch. Oh, we love lunch anyway. Tinter. Good people of Tintas. Babe, that's where I had my baby shower. A hundred, a hundred cookers came to celebrate the imminent arrival of sweet Lucia. I was going to say, no, you didn't.

I was at it. I had three baby showers. I was going to say, you did not. You came to the one at the park. Yeah. That was fun. Yeah. I was like, you did have three.

That was catered for by the Mayfield West Boys chicken. Yeah, got on your boys. Had another one at Tinta. And then my mum wanted to throw one. Oh, down in and home late. Down and homelette. But Tint, they are giving us exclusive access of the whole restaurant. Again, these guys are so generous.

And they put on a hell of a feast. So if you would like to join us for lunch. Come down and get tinted. It is coming up in a couple of weeks' time on a Friday. Yep. You and your bestie, you and your partner, you and your boss, if you need the day off and you think the only way I'm going to get there is if I bring the boss. You and your husband? You're bringing him?

Wow, I mean, I'll see if he can come. Clearly schedule. What about your girlfriend? She has work. Fair enough. The average person might. If you can swindle the afternoon off, hit.com. You know what?

Let's make it easy. We'll put a link on the story as well. Put a link on the story. You and your friend? No, you just have to put your name, but there will be a field. Who do you want to bring? This is my plus one kind of vibe. Yes, and I believe there is a question.

This is an genius question from our friend Danny in promotions who puts all this stuff together behind the scenes. She said, what do you want to toast to? Interesting. So we're already getting some entries, people wanting to toast to, you know, health, wealth and prosperity. Me? But also some interesting things people want to cheers to. So just have a think about that one.

Because we go through these entries. I'd cheers to you. and probably your lovely dress you'll be wearing. Hopefully it's blue. Bavs and I have got... Bro, that's what I'm trying on. Babs and I go on to the higher place tomorrow. We're going to try on some gowns.

You do it like a darker blue one at the top. No, it's a lighter blue. Didn't you wear a lighter blue one the other day? Oh, to the races. No, to the long lunch at Peregrine, the nice joint. Did you? No, it was lavender. I was a lavender.

You're getting your lavendar and your light blue. Hey, I'm Alavide. You couldn't be a pilot. Thank you for paying so much attention. I like that. from Bill Arba. I watch all your stories. Clearly.

He's back in the good books. Alba Bucks were to play? This is Jess and Rowan. Jess and Rowan's 10K Alfa Bucks on here. We are hunting 10 questions correct for $10,000. Denise, how you doing, you're feeling good, feeling like the money is in your reach?

Oh my God, I have expense on a holiday already. Very good. Where are we going? Oh, Ireland. My husband's never left Australia, Yeah, so it's good to bring him there and bring my baby over to meet my family as well. Oh, absolutely. How old is your little one?

She's eight months. Okay, so no one on that side has met her. Oh, well, no, on this side, I still have, like, my mom and my sister, my two sisters and brother at home, and I have my brother here in Brisbane. Okay, okay. We've got to get over there. One of the great exits. What part of all in you from? Top, bottom.

Corp. Cork. Come here to me now, like cork. Very good. Stop the lights like, oh my God, I used to live with some guys from Cork, and they were the best. We love this. And his name was Keanu Hanlon. And he was the best.

You don't know him, do you? I don't, no. Imagine that. It's my neighbour back when I was going. He said, come here to me now, like. God, I loved you. Sorry, moving on. Can you do the rest of the show in the Irish accent?

Don't try me. Oh, Denise. All right, this is great motivation. The letter you are going to be. working with today is B. B for back home to Ireland. All right? Nice.

Your time will start after the first question. Are you ready, Denise? I am. Starting with the letter B or we need you to name. A school subject. Uh, pass. An animated character. Oh, pass.

A fashion brand? Um, pass. A periodic element. A ball sport. A reptile. Something square. A box. A sitcom.

Oh, gracious. Oh, thank God you got more than one, Denise. Oh, my goodness. I thought we're on for a newty for a second. Oh, it's stuck of blank. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard work. School subject could have biology,

animated character, Bart Simpson, Buzz Lightyear, fashion brand, you know, Burberry, Balenciaga. Periodic element. Did you say boron? One of the great ones, boron. Never heard that in my life. But Jess got like that.

I was like you thinking bourbon for some reason. Bourbon? No. Different question. Checks out. Basil got that. Bile constrictor for a reptile, bullfrog, got box and sitcom.

Do we get to that one? Brooklyn, no. Well, I ran out of time. But Brooklyn 9-9. One of the greats. Sorry, Denise. You'll have to hopefully another few more months for the child and you're on your own dime. Unfortunately.

I think so have all the O'Hanlins for me in Cork. Thank you, Denise. I love the name, Denise. My favourite joke is about the name Denise. Can I share it with you quickly? We had Denise. Get Denise back because I want her to hear it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so a woman is pregnant and the husband says, I'm sorry, honey, in my family, it is tradition that the brother, so my brother, the uncle of the children, gets to name them. And she goes, oh, your brother's a bit of a doofus. but I guess if it's tradition, I respect that. So she has twins, one boy and one girl. And Denise left. The uncle.

This is Jess and Rowan. So the brother comes in to name the twins, yeah? Jess got halfway through a joke and then the caller hung up on it because she didn't think it was funny. It was about, I didn't get to the punchline yet, Denise. It's about your name. So the brother comes in, the uncle, new uncle of this baby boy and baby girls just been born. Mum's very nervous because this guy's a bit of a do-fus, but he's in charge with naming the children. And he looks at the little baby girl and he goes,

I shall call you Denise. And the mother thinks, oh, okay, it's all right. You know, he hasn't picked a crazy name until the little boy, he goes, and you shall be de nephew. Don't lean away from the mic like you're not laughing. I'm leading down into the mic, but away from the, that's not go. You smiled.

Don't act like it. I'm smiling. It's like, it's like we came back. Denise and denephew. Oh, my God. See, now Denise will never know. That was, she's probably texting all their friends. The nephew will, though.

Anyway, do you need to do anything before it knows? What was that noise? That's just guttural from the back of the throat there. Oh, guttural far churning. I've had a week, Rowan. And it's only Wednesday. I feel like we're having a day at the moment. You know why?

Because of the, I put my hand up, the energy I've brought into the room because of what's happen this week. Argumentative. Just... Watch yourself. Just yesterday, I may have had the worst parenting moment of my career so far. Not all, one, it's fine. Two and a bit.

Yeah. But like, I look at myself in the mirror each night and go, I think you did it all right today, Jess. Well done. Pay yourself on the back. I hope most moms can do that because it's hard out there. But yesterday did not have one of those days because of something I encouraged my two-and-a-bit-year-old to do. that did not end very well. Okay.

So after the show yesterday, we have a meeting of a Tuesday, takes me out of the game a little bit longer. Unfortunately, the grandparents couldn't look after the baby yesterday, so my husband had to stay on deck a little longer, which meant he had to take her to music class, which is what GJ usually does, and then obviously just kill time till I got home. Right.

So I've gotten home. No one's in the house, just the dog. I went, oh, music should have finished by now. Where are they? Call my husband, and he says, hey, we're down getting a milkshake. I was going to say it's better to milkshake. It's a milkshake.

Do you want to come bring the dog and the little girl's scooter? We can tag team and you guys could stay maybe around the little skate bowl if you want to stay out of the house a bit more. He knows I like to be out of the house. I said, that's a great idea, Gussie. Good idea, Gassie. Get the dog, get the scooter, get her helmet, pack a hat, pack, sunscreen, all the jazz and leg it down to the skateball. All right? Everyone's high on life.

We've had milkshakes. We've done music. Yeah. Yeah. Angus leaves. I've got the little girl, strap the dog around my way so we can follow her around the skate bowl. Yep. She's doing good work on the scooter, Rowan.

Yeah. So naturally, start filming. All right. And I wanting to, you know, send it to the grandparents, send it to my parents. Yeah. I want to see some cool tricks. So I start saying, faster. Faster.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. To my two and a bit year old, who I'd like to add. maybe had three-week career on the scooter. Like only just sort of picked it up. Get moving. Too slow. Faster. Faster.

She was getting into the bad habit of not stopping and just crashing into the side of the skateball. But it was fine because by that point she'd slowed down. But on the next time I'm filming faster. Come on. And I swear I said the line, put you back into it. she has crashed into the side of the skate bowl, smacked her chin on the ledge, which is basically mad out of, I don't know, compacted gravel.

Totally. And gone ass over tit, smacking into the ground. Lucky she was wearing a helmet, but the chin, the knuckles, the knees, World War III. Tony Hawk had a crash. Tony Hawk had a crash. And I just caught myself being like, Why was I, one, encouraging her to go fast.

She's two. How's the vid? Good. Pretty sick. It's so gut-wrenching and sacked. Can I see it? Because you can hear me yelling. No.

Faster, faster. And then, no. Oh, and the whale. I, like, throw the phone. You had to drag the dog over. She got into her. She's not that big. What do you mean?

What are you meant? Oh, crying. My bad. W-A-I-L. I just felt so bad. And I, like, she immediately, when she gets, It's hurt. I want daddy.

Because I think she knows, well, you put me into this mess up. I want daddy. So I called Angus. He had just arrived at work and he got back in the car and came back to help the little girl in her bleeding chin. To be fair, I've never heard her say I want daddy. It's always when, it's always I want mum. When I'm not there. She's on the fence, man.

She is on the fence. She's swaps of the fence. But I just felt so bad. Faster, faster. You've still got the vid, man. Well, they're cut. it before she crashed, sent it to the grandparents, being like, look how fast she was on the scooter.

She still have the original. We can revert that back so I can see it. We won't be reverting it. Oh, no, we won't. All right. It's really bad. She's okay. She's okay. We won't be using the scooter for a little while, though. Don't tell her to go faster. Slow down. Slow down!

This is Jess and Rowan. Rowan's Rans. Everybody sucks. So it seems as if I've been complaining about too many things on this show in a month that now we have a special opener and a, and a, what we call on radio, a benchmark in the show. A benchmark in the show. Does that mean every Wednesday? I'll have something to get a plan on, or is it just when it's going to come or comes? I reckon every week, because I could have three things today.

By the way, before I get into my actual rant, only posted three photos on Instagram for your friend Kate Cola. I did three stories, but you'll note it was about 12 photos because I did the collage. And I think that's okay. Tick, that's good. This bed makes me very anxious, though. This sort of heavy metal rock is giving me. Everybody sucks. Let me just tell you right now what I'm not happy about at the moment.

It could be more of a me thing, but I reckon people out there will agree with me. 04-8-8-1069 if you do. Now, how long are you allowed to stop in the middle of the road and wait for a car park with holding up traffic? How long do you reckon you're allowed to sit there for? Let's just say it's a really good spot. It's in front of the pool.

Maybe you're about to go to the beach and there's a spot out there. You can only wait if someone is getting into the vehicle. You can't just stop and go, oh, wait for this person to rock up. What about, let's just say, some older bloke going to his car? Yes. He's got a wettie on, right? Sure. He's getting changed.

Opens up the back, takes it off. Is a car allowed to stop there and just wait? And just wait. He's packing up. I'll park exactly where he is. Um, uh-uh, no champ. Keep it moving. You didn't get here on time. You missed that car park. I cannot stand when people sit in the middle of the car park waiting for a spot. Same at Christmas when people are trying to go into the shopping centres. You missed it just because they're walking to their car does not mean you've seen them and that's your car.

If you're there longer than 10 seconds, I'm getting on the horn. Or, I mean, if you can go around, go around. But if you're holding up everyone, people can't get into the car park. If you're holding up, move it on. Move it on, champ. However, I don't really have an issue with it unless it's a pram situation. Do not rush me getting the kid in the car. This is what I'm talking about.

That the one. But how long does it take to get a wetsuit off? This is coming from someone who is. Well, it's their park. It's at their discretion. What about someone getting in the car? Maybe got to do a couple of things, figure out where they're going, getting on the maps? All right.

You are the person waiting for them. park. Yep. All right. I get in my car and I'm texting. I'll say to that person, move it on. In the car who's texting? Yes.

Well, that's, you're a lovely person. But hey, what about if you've got to do some admin, but you know where you go and put it in the maps, you've got stuff to do? It might take you a minute a half. You're saying this person can sit there holding up 10 other cars just while this person's figuring out where they've got to go. Yes.

Keep it moving. Find a car park down there a bit more, mate. Maybe a car will come down there. I think the key takeaway is everyone keep it moving. People returning and people waiting. It's like car park karma. But come on, man. Have you never been stressed and just agitated in a car park?

The first one you see you go, oh, I just need to get this car in there. If I let this one go, maybe it will be another 10 minutes before. Maybe. That's a car park. Don't you think, shy guy? I think if the reverse lights are on or the headlights on or whatever, then you can stop. Oh, reverse lights, yes. Headlights, no, but.

Well, it doesn't what way they're facing. Your facts. Facts, right. I think if reverse lights on it, if they've poked nose in, you can stop. So what? I can sit in my car and eat a whole barn me and you just got to keep moving. Yeah, that's your space. That's your area.

We live in a society. You can do it. That's yours. You parked there. You can do it. Just because you're sitting here doesn't mean you're going. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I think.

But now we're just holding up everyone. No, you're not holding up. They're not waiting for the spot that they think you're about to leave. They're holding everyone up. But they're a finite resource. We'll go find another finite resource. Take someone else's. The point.

Oh, I can't step. I cannot stand lines. Jaden has text. One to three minutes, unless they are not moved. One to three minutes. Jaden, that's nonsense, dude. Jaden is a patient person. Jaden would be cop on the horn from Roe.

I feel like the impetus is more on the person returning. Get out of there. Nah. Let's keep it moving, people. It's not your property. Look at you disagreeing with Jess again, shy guy. Oh, shock horror, shy guy. Rowan, it's not your property because your car is part.

You got there first. But you got there first. You can do whatever you need to do. You know what's gotten to your head? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? You're going to get out of there and then go, oh, let me just get out of this park to go find another park to find out where I'm doing. Or be on your phone while you're driving and hit another car.

What's gotten to your head is having an allocated park here at work. Now you think every car park is Rowans. No, no, no. Let's keep it moving. I earned that. And by the way, I'm talking about the person stopping and waiting. Keep it moving. Keep it moving.

The drivers, I'm saying. Of the parked vehicles. No. Get in and get out. You know how some car parks have like, you can be here for two hours? What are you saying? I only need to go in the shop for 15 minutes,

but the car park's mine for two hours. Yeah, if you need it. Get out of there. Nah, not true. Okay, that rand was clearly too long. That open, it could be longer. This is Jess and Rowan. The double pass to see Mel Robbins

at her sold-out show in Sydney, plus a night's accommodation plus two Bloody Mary's courtesy of Jay Farch. Yeah, and Ridge's Darling Square in the heart of Sydney your home away from home. That's our cooker of the week for anyone who gets involved in the show. We're getting a few texts coming through off of our debut. Rowan Rantz.

About being in a car park situation. You are the one looking for a park, blocking, holding up other traffic. Yeah, I don't like people holding... Waiting for the freed up spot. I don't like people holding up traffic. It's more a smaller car park. Not so much like car parks because there's lots of levels, but more like the smaller cabas.

If you can go around. I'll park there. Keep it moving. So how do we feel about stalking people back to their car? Where do you land on that? Weird because you're kind of holding up traffic and then you're pressuring the person to get a move on when really you just got there later than they did. So it's up to you, not the person going back to their car park. See, I don't love the stalking, but I also don't love people who get back to their car and think they own that land now and just sit in their car.

Keep it. I think the same principle applies. keep it moving. Well, you're a nice person. That's why you get a move. Because you're thinking of the other person. But I'm also, I've perfected the art of eating a fur on the move. You know what I'm saying?

I can do that because I want to free up the park for you. I mean, I think I've just, look, I've got to get all my phone stuff sorted before. Like everyone does, for I start driving. I lost too many points for holding the phone. Don't do that? Absolutely. You know, you need a better car so you can talk to it, make it do the things you need to do with your fingers.

Sorry, miss $80,000 BMW with the rim scratch. By the way, can we talk to the GM? I was worried about the ribs. 08-8-106-9, getting a couple of texts come through. Someone said, what, Rowan, does this just mean you can park there all day and night because you think you own the spot?

Love you. No, because it's a two-hour car park, so you can't make it all day. Julia, Rowan is 100% right. Keep it moving people. And Chantel was one of the great comebacks. She goes, says the guy, who's in disability toilets.

Didn't she say that? Didn't someone say that yesterday as well? They did. A different person. So you've lost a lot of credit. credibility for people. Not holding anyone up, though. Yet.

Aren't you? Aren't you, though? Yet. We'll see. So 04-8-8-106-9, any chance you get. This is Jess and Rowan. The Ginger Ninge. Ed Sheareran.

There he is. New for breakfast in 2026. This is Jess and Rowan. Good morning. I don't know about that song in our playlist, shy guy. Every day I hate you just a little more. Ed has so many songs about love and hope. Take it out.

And we're playing the one about hating you a little bit more. It's a nice change for Ed, actually. He's got a couple disc tracks, doesn't he? Because he gave the last disc to Justin Bieber for Love Yourself. Yeah, and he's done a disc track to Ellie Golding. She allegedly cheated on him. Oh, yeah. There's a couple of disc tracks in Ed's repertoire, I guess.

It's a disillusion of a toxic relationship where resentment builds daily despite being initially in love. Yeah, see, it's kind of. so hopeful. Mm. All right. And I want us to be a hopeful place. I bet you do.

Me too. Okay. Well, you're going to be like, nah. Well, it's Ed Shearant. We love it. Oh, we do. Don't get me wrong. Oh, bring on Ed.

Oh, are you oversaturated? There's so many Olivia Deans. Have you OD on OD? I'm completely OD. Oh, see, I still love OD. Hit me with a bit of that Sand Fender collab. That's a good song. The other ones can go now.

You know what I'm saying? The other ones can go now. We'll listen to them again. again in six months. All right. We'll send an email. Please do. Tomorrow's Rowan Rants.

Olivia Dean is everywhere. Oh, I don't like her. I've already ranted on my Instagram once. Oh, why'd she win the 100th of 100? Oh, that's right. Everyone thinks I'm mad at it. I'm not mad at it. You're just mad at the system.

Just could all be Australian music, but heaven forbid. Hey, man, we can't poke holes. Oh, wow. It's a different lane. It is a different lane, but let's be careful. Let's be careful. They're folding out of theirs. Anyway, not as popular as I used to be.

Anyway, all right. See you tomorrow, everyone. Bye-bye. That was the Jess and Rowan podcast. Maca's Bestro, Bernays, Angus Range is here. Chef's Kiss.