Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - I'll put a frown on my face

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

We figure out the ways to increase you lifespan, Rohan tells us how much he spent on a meat tray and Jess tells us about her trip to Melbourne involving an ambulance and Mel Robbins!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/jess-and-rohanSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Try the big Brecky range with honey saracha today. Only at Maccas. Here we go. Welcome to the Jess and Rowan podcast. Hello everybody. Welcome to the podcast. Might have been our best Monday ever. Yeah, you reckon?

That was a great Monday and it started off with a mud button. I guess you didn't spread your cheeks. Oh, no, no. Rowan flashed me in the car park. I kind of only really gave you half cheek. It did. It felt a little lackluster among us. The first moon you gave me, which was many moons ago.

Full pan. Your pants were down by your knees. I got both cheeks. What did you say? I had to hold him in my nutsack. One hand is there. Otherwise, it would be hanging. Yeah, see, that I don't like that.

That would ruin it. But just a couple of cheeks of a morning. Fabulous. It always helps. So you started me off well. I bet. Babs, though, you were in the car in front of me. Did you catch his ass?

No, I didn't. That's why I'm confused. I can show you if you want. No, I'm good. He was kind of in the cavity for the lift. I looked for it because I always hope I'll get it. She always looks. But he usually beats me to work by too long.

He's not loitering just a flash. No, I wasn't looking. If I'm there, though, it's convenient. I'm desperate to return, serve. Desperate. Mate, I reckon you'll have to like. I'm going to have to come in half an hour early and wait for you. You'll have to, like, I think with the moon, I think you'll have to.

Yeah, what's your technique? It'll be like, around the corner type moon. I'll be honest with you. I got, I've not moon someone in so long. I might panic and just take all my clothes off. Go to front news. Just do a run. I actually would love that.

Just to streak past his guy. Fucking hilarious. It would be so funny if you ran past completely nude and I wasn't ready for it. You were hiding behind, oh mate, it's fucking Everest. And then you drop past full sprint. Don't even look me in the eyes. You know who's Everest that is? Dave Dolan, our news guru.

So I pop out of his tray. Wait, no, he doesn't have a tray. Just behind it. Just behind the car. I wouldn't get that far. You're right. You're right. As I park and turn the car off, you just hit around a hyena.

So what I'm thinking, let's actually talk the logistics through. Well, we can't because then it won't be a surprise for me. You don't know what it's going to happen. That's true. This could happen in six years' time. That could happen in April Fool's Day. Could? That's Wednesday though.

That's a lot. Jokes. Didn't wear any clothes to work. No, what I'm thinking is I'll have to take my clothes off around the corner, leave them there. Yeah. Run to my position nude. Then wait for you. Streak past you.

Run back to the clothes. Because what a walk of shame to then just walk back past you to get redressed. That's a great point. station ready. You could be wearing clothes. Yep. Then have a spare change of clothes. Just come to work in a gown.

I could come to work in a gown. Horny. Very horny. I didn't bring my gowns. I actually don't know with a gown. You got gowns? I got a dressing gown. Is that what you're inferring?

Yeah. You know what I'd like you to do? Oil me up. So if he tries to catch me, slips right off. Come here, get it. Got to get it. Amazing. Anyway, I really enjoy.

I think that really set me. up for having a great show. I don't know what the fuck I would. What the... Would you think it was Jess? I'd be like, that's... Would you think there's a mess addict? But you know, exactly.

And you know what? That's how I would cover the nip. Because if it's nipple, then it's a bit too HR-y. Is it? Because we've all seen you... I'm not dovering on your bag. You're fine. Rowan doesn't, hasn't?

I'll be fine. You have, your pervert. Pervert. Classic babbs. Shy guy averted his eyes that time. You... You're doing a handstand. We looked over it.

Tits out. I did not. There was a lot going on that day. Yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you? What? Big in the queer community. Massing. The biggest.

I like penises. Wow! That's on, baby. We're back. We're back. And you're telling me you didn't see his ass. You were on something today. Jesus, buy us.

I drink first. All right, I'd have fun. I prefer sausage to taco. I prefer those all these. Bye. Enjoy the show. Jess and Rowan. In 2026, something new for breakfast.

You know Jess. Angus does bedtime, I do do do doggie. You'll get to know Rowan. My fingers are fingering. This is going to be good, it's going to be fine, it's going to be all right. Anything could happen. Most of it probably will. That's squawking fatty.

And Rowan. Ah, you like what I did. This is Jess and Rowan. This is going to be good. Welcome to the Working Week, everyone. I don't remember saying my fingers. fingers be fingering. Like, is that...

You've AIed that. That's an 11 Labs AI. Listen, Shagai's furiously working on getting me a quote from one of the great movies. Don't distract him, all right? I do remember doing this with my hand, but I don't remember in what context I said anything like that. I think I complimented you on some slick panelling. I think I complimented you on your ability to fire off a sound effect. Yes, and I would have said my fingers be fingering.

I think that's what it had to do with it. My apologies. I don't recall. What you had done, but I remember it being impressive. Just jazzy hands. Just some jazzy hands. That coach from Bring It On would be very impressed with you. Jazz hands.

Oh yeah, I remember jazz hands. You remember jazz hands. How are you freshly rejuvenated from your weekend away? Rowan, it was one of those trips away where I've come back and now I need a trip away because it was jam-packed. It was not relaxing. We said this would happen. I said, too much stuff.

Too much stuff. Morning, right? Morning. Yeah, you get back to work. You know, Rowan, I told you, the girlfriend I went down to Melbourne with for about 56 hours. She's my agenda friend. There were things to tick off. And I'm proud to say, we ticked them all off.

But when you've made an agenda. But mum is exhausted now. Don't you've got to put in a break, break times in the agenda? Was there any kind of... Unfortunately, Jay Farch, who, you know, started showboating a little bit, I grew up in Melbourne. So there was a time we were meant to be going back to the hotel for freshener uppers. There were face masks on the agenda. We were going to have a little pamper before our big Saturday night.

But I went, there's a floating bar on the Yarra. We're not far. Been there. Would you like to go? So I threw off our agenda. Carly knows better than that. She let me showbo. And then an ambulance was called, which will get into a little bit later on.

So this weekend had it all. But everyone shut up about mine. Oh, what's that? I don't care for that. The ambulance. That gives me the heap of jibis. A little bit triggering so far. How was yours?

Because if anyone channeled sweet babs and filled their weekend with whimsy, it was ro-rored. I went to the little tin shed. I'm like a little tit. That's on a Thursday. I went to a sunflower farm. It was awesome. Oh, that's so beautiful. They said, you want to borrow some little clippers?

And I went, yeah. Can you, can you, take them home? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six for $15. I went, that feels like a bit of a bargain. That's fabulous. And did you cut them low?

Do you have all stalk? Lucy started cutting them and I got the vibe. I was like, oh, you know, got to have a long one. You got to have a six foot up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a beautiful, wholesome weekend. Then I went to the pub after that. The day before, I went to the basketball,

went to see the Maitland Mustangs. Go stangs. Were you hanging out with Carly? This feels like an agenda kind of weekend. Remember Friday you were like, got anything on this weekend? Like, we're going to mind your life? I said, nothing.

Don't doing anything. I know. I said, lucky I've got a big one. You have come out of the gate. I've got heaps. Fabul. Went to the basketball, just some real inner child stuff.

I love that. You know? And I also love how equal your weekend was, even though I'm sure you enjoyed the sunflower field. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rowan got a little something. Yeah, Lucy got a little something. Yeah, totally.

That's called gender equality. Sharing the days. Sharing the days. Then I went to the pub. Oh, and we'll talk about my meat tray later. mate got some thoughts paramedics and meat trays it's had it all this weekend welcome to the show I don't know if we have time but we'll try and get it in before 9 a.m shy guys who he's dogs out by the way he's got thongs on they're always out always out

those claws I appreciate dogs is a socially acceptable term for toes yeah but the phalanges that this young man is working with they're like snakes they're earthworms they're So long his toes. You think they're called snakes, you should. Babs. Good morning. Good morning. Looking radiant as ever today, may I say.

Thanks so much. I actually did my hair this morning. It's really exciting day. It's fabulous. I've done a new technique with my sock curls. What do you think? They're quite voluptuous. Good, I don't know.

Good volume. A lot of volume. I'm really channeling my inner ethnic. When I went to the basketball, I was out at where Babs grew up. That's right. And she went ill, why you there? And I went to basketball, man. She went, Slay, I think.

I went to school literally opposite that place. There you go. Oh, I said, Lucy, it's a bad as a bit of school over there. You would have been recognised a couple of times. I didn't get a seat. This place is sold out. Oh, it was sold out too. They like us out there.

They like us out there. Yeah, you do. And there's also another team here called the Falcons. Because I was out there, everyone was like, oh, you think the right one. And I said, listen. Listen. Listen, you've gone on the record now, saying, go stangs. I'm here for the two Tasmanians on the team, all right?

I did my read. Danny did his research. Daddy's in its research. I don't even know if they say stangs, but I've started saying it. I'll come in with a shirt soon. Don't you worry about that. Oh, I love that. Merch.

And then next game, you'll be the S painted on your chest. We need a T-A-M-G-S. Shy guy. We'll be the Tangs. That's an, oh, he just has all tang. Totally. I'll be F-Tangs. Love it.

Anyway, that's a great weekend. Fabulous. There's a lot to cover. Big show to come. Yep. Big show to come. And next we're talking about different names. names. Men are given their snakes.

What a perfect segue, Rowan. This is Jess and Rowan. 26 million men have given their penis nickname. 26 million men? Yeah, apparently 80%. Out of a population of a... Billions. I don't know. There's a lot of people over there.

Probably not billions. I was going to say, what's our population? Like 28 million? They're 69 million. They're not 69 million, you cheeky bugger. No, no, no. As of March 29, 2026, according to... going to world omita.com.

So 26 out of 69, Rowan, that actually feels low. I thought this was something all gents did. Well, 80% of British men admit. Admit, some of them aren't admitting. Ah, that's the key, isn't it? If you're self-reporting, we might not get all the facts. Yeah. Many nicknames were just rooted, love that, in positions of authority,

with men calling their penises the general, the captain, the soldier. I like lieutenant. Yeah, that would be one. It feels like something you salute. Totally. You know, if he salutes me, I'll salute back. Will you? How?

Never mind. We're on the radio. The Prince, the Duke. The champ. The champ. A couple of big ones came up there. Also, large and small was another source of inspirations. Like little man, pinky winky.

Little buddy. And my little friend. No one would be calling it that. You don't want that. Who's calling it pinky. That feels very British. You did say it came out of it. Why?

You come over here and say. Salute my little pinky winky. No one's saying that. Are you sending a D.P. And going, here's me little pinky winky. Do you want to see my little buddy? And then all of a sudden, poor, Jenny thinks it's his dog. Oh, yeah, no.

It's his pinky winky winky. Pinky winky sounds like you have, I don't know, taken inspiration from the telitubbies, which is not good. That's tinky winky winky. Most men are calling it their John Thomas. The John Thomas is a very common. slang over there. The JT.

While Mopey Dick came second. Yeah. Did you say Mopee Dick? Mopee Dick. Mopee. Mopee. So not Moby. Mopee.

Kind of vibe. But that's when he's unhappy, I guess. Mope. Some of them are getting points for clever play on the, like measuring girth, for example, circumference. That's what they call it. Sir. Oh, I get it.

You know what I'm saying? That took me a second. That's a bit too clever for me. I need to go back to Pinky Winky. I don't know why this one's got featured. Widgey. McWidge face. Oh, that's like Boettie McChane.

Not everything. Yeah. A couple of years ago. Yeah, Traney McTrain fans. A couple of dudes called it Rod Zilla and Big Ben. Big Ben's the iconic landmarks. I knew a, um, I knew a, Rocket Rod.

Did you? Yep. He was called, he's named. Pretty sure the guy used to sit in your chair. Wasn't he Rocket Rod? He called, he called, called his own Rocket Rod. And then there was Billy Bad Boy. Am I get my...

Billy Bad Boy? I might be getting my ex is confused. That's crazy. The question has now presented itself, my friend. What do I call mine? You took the... Salap? Macaiby Peever.

I don't know. They're all dead, though. Do you want to have a... Well, it doesn't work? Great, no. It does work. Does work, thank you. Shagai, do you have a name?

No, I don't. Well, what do the girls call it? There's no name been bestowed upon. Yeah. Is it like a nickname where you try and give yourself a nickname and that's lame? It has to be... The bigger needs to be given to you, not your name. What are they, like the Great Reckoning?

What are they calling it? Apocalypse now. Nostradamus. I don't know that reference. Nostradamus was a philosopher who, um, would speculate on the end of the world. I still don't think I like it. I call it Armageddon because they just run away. Bruce Willis.

Oh my God, Bruce Willis. Because also bald. I feel like a bald guy, Vin Diesel, the Rock, definitely. Statham. He said hi, do you want to meet Statham? I'd be like, yes, I do. Babs, you heard any funny penis names?

Not really. Can't say I have. Can't say or won't say? Can't say. Can't make her. Can't make her. Well, there you go. As you said, this story came out of Britain.

I'd almost like to take it more local, 04-8-8-1069, to the gents or the partners of gents. What's yours called? What's yours for? $500 to spend at Health Lab this week. That can win you. The cooker of the week. Our first contribution for the week.

Just the text, no photos. I don't want to hear anything you hear like The Terminator. Big Ben, Rocket. The Terminator's not bad. Someone types in, they just call it the shy guy. This is Jess and Rowan. We've had a couple of texts. Oh, about naming your, um...

Yes. Good friend of the show, Tone. He knew what I was trying to put down before about some previous co-host. We've had this conversation in the past. Captain Rod and Billy Bad Boy. Thank you, Tone. Excellent memory. Kane has said mine is called two stroke.

Jordan says my missus calls mine Big Russ. Big Russ. Or Russell, the love muscle. Yeah, I've heard that one before. I've not heard. That's fantastic, Jordan. And Matt has said mine is called silver. Silver.

Because he always comes second. Nice one. So Jesse doesn't. To be perfectly honest. From names of your Johnson. No, that's called being good partner. Yeah, but what I was saying was, he's probably lying. Oh, sorry, I understood.

He's a man. I understood. Well, Matt, I'm going to take you at face value. Yeah, me too, man. I appreciate that. Me too. From naming your Johnson to mayonnaise. Okay.

Two excellent topics to start our week, this fresh week. Wow. I love mayonnaise. It's my condiment of choice. Me too, bro. All right. Aoli usurped mayonnaise, but really, It's just fancy mayo.

It's fancy mayo. In my book. Oh, you put truffle in your mayo. You called it aoli. Truffle in your mayo. Truffle Aoli is bloody beautiful. But I think it's all the same as a base of mayo. Basically.

You've jazzed it up. Chapotley Mayo? Oh, my God. Hellman's, one of the great connoisseurs of mayonnaise. Has finally answered a question allegedly posed 25 years ago by Patrick Starr, the Starfish from SpongeBob. Now, I don't remember this episode. But apparently Patrick asked his little mate Spongebob

Dricken mayonnaise could ever be used as an instrument. Not familiar with the origin of that episode. I never watched really any Sponsob. No, a Spongebob fan. Okay. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Anyway, Helmonds got in touch with Dr. Rachel Durkin. She's the head of global music technologies at Northumbria University.

She's a switched on clever lady. And they thought, we want to know. No. Could mayonnaise be considered an instrument? Before we get to the answer, Rowan, shy guy assures me he has found something to capture the essence of mayonnaise, in fact, being used as music, hit it. Well, I'm telling you, because is mayonnaise an instrument. Oh, yeah, yeah.

All the noise in his song is made by mayonnaise. Ah! I love that's a little lyric. Thank you. Hey, oh, did you know that you could play your mayo? You could player your mayo. I like that. You can get a squeegeing of the bottle.

Yeah, the click. The squirting of the mayonnaise. Well, now it raises an interesting question because Rowan, yes, mayonnaise can be considered an instrument. But now these people, who is that? Do you want to give credit to that band? No, it's human nature. It's human nature.

they're obviously using the bottle. Any bottle could be used to make noise. I've got me Yeti, you got your Yeti. Like... The kick drum kind of. And apparently the simple act of playing an object like mayonnaise as an instrument ultimately makes it an instrument.

Yeah, definitely. But this has no information if actually the product of mayonnaise, the slop, the half liquid, half solid, was what is used to make noise because if you were to show, smear out some mayo. I don't know if that's making a sound, is it?

Slap it like it's a snare drum, maybe. But is that what's making the sound or is it you hitting what's ever underneath the mayo? Well, you kind of, you do kind of hit the drums. But the drum itself is what then is emanating sound. If you had a vat of mayo. Because you slap the mayonnaise and it emitted the slap sound. If I had a giant cauldron of mayo and I filled it and I was slapping just the product.

It would make it like a percussive kind of like... It would... I feel like it would be wetter than that. That's probably what it sounds like. According to Durkan and Hellman's, yes, whether it is struck, squeezed, scraped or poured, it ceases to be just a condiment and mayonnaise. As of today, the 30th of March,

we can count it as a ketchup. He's probably looking at that going, well, that means we're a instrument as well. It's much wetter, though. It's much wetter. Perry Perry. Some creamy chip dip over the weekend. That's unbelievable.

Was that good stuff? Oh, my God. There you go. So next time you're playing Alpha Bucks, if M comes up and you want to say an instrument, you can say mayonnaise. You can't really piss me off if that's with a win $10,000, I'm honestly. This is Jess and Rowan. Good morning.

Alpha Bucks at 7 o'clock. We're looking for a 10, guys. We're looking to give you $10,000. It's here. The money's here. You can have it, but you just got to win. And remember, if the letter is M, an instrument comes up, Hellmans have deemed mayonnaise to be an instrument.

But why are they the, like, the authoritative power here? What do you mean? Because they are the mayonnaise people. Yeah, but that sounds like, everything's positive for them. Everything. They'll just be like, oh, yeah, you can be like, could you use mayonnaise as like fuel for your car? And they'd be like, yes, we'll figure it out.

You know, I used to use mayonnaise. Just to sell more mayonnaise. It's funny, we were just talking off air with babes about hair care. I used to use mayo as conditioner. because I went through a real anti-chemical kind of hippie-dippy face. It was pretty silky, man. Smelly?

Yes, my brother had, this was when I was sharing a bathroom with my brother, he had a real issue. There were egg yolks, avocado and mayo in the shower. He was not impressed. Yeah, boogie boy. It's furious. Bicab soda as shampoo, that actually is a thing.

That is a thing? That is a thing. Cleans the scalp really well. We'd be doing boofing. We're now. We're three out of four of us are boofin. Shy guy. Get on the bandwagon, babe.

Just for context, there is a shampoo called boof. It's not like a technique. Yeah, yeah, no. We're all using boof. We're all using boof. Speaking of boofen, a new dating app has found that half of young American women believe that too many compliments early on. It feels like a red flag. Too many compliments on.

What do you mean? Too many compliments. What, just chucking an insult every now and then? Oh, a neg. Like you're a pickup artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One Reddit user shared this. she had only been talking to a guy for one day.

And in that time, he'd compliment her eyes, called a pretty, commented on her wit, and it said it made her self-conscious. What do you say to that? Oh, give me a break. What do you say to that? I say that's dumb. Yeah, okay. What would you rather?

And I, oh, no, see, now people are going to conform. It comes off in disingenuous. Oh, see, that's upsetting. I appreciate love bombing is a real thing. That's a real thing. But eyes, pretty and wit, what else? What else do you want? Every message that's say, first message, love your eyes.

Oh, thanks. Bah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You've got great legs. Oh, thanks. Bah, blah, blah. And then third message. See, my, I really enjoyed wit was a part of that. It's not all physical, Rowan.

That's true. Yeah, if he's coming at you and only talking about physicality, sure, get to know me. I'm a 3D person. Well, he went eyes, caught a pretty then commented her wit. I think he'd realized that he hadn't mentioned personality yet. But also, Rowan, if we're on an app for one day, I don't know if I've shown my wit yet. That's true.

So yes, you've seen pictures of me. You know what I'm saying? If you haven't shown you wit, maybe it is disingenuous because he's making it up. Ah, if you think you are a delet, I am not witty. You're lying. You just saying stuff to get him a pants. Well, someone else said here, we've messaged for 10 minutes and I have no idea, you have no idea if I'm a good mom or if I'm a good friend or if I'm just a complete asshole.

You don't know anything else about me. If I want a date slash someone where I can. Someone I can trust means that they're not assume, oh, this person's type terribly. They're buttering me up so they can. Oh. Well, this is also reading the room, isn't it? If he feels slippery, well, that is your instinct going, this person is disingenuine. But I actually, for 2026, Rowan, I have adopted, and this is not a new concept, I will stop people on the street.

Oh, babe, love your pants. That's good. Oh, my God, girl, those glasses are amazing. Maybe sometimes as a driver, we don't even stop. I'm just walking past. She might be queuing for a coffee and I go, babe, great shoes. It's good the girls can do that. You do that to one of the, like, just a random straight bloke.

God, they get so weird about it. Really? That's fair. I have only done it to late. I pointed at a woman through a glass window while we're in Melbourne. I pointed at her pants, gave her the, what's that called? Good pants. The okay.

The okay. Nailed it. The nailed it. The nailed it. Like, is that disingenuine? That's me just trying to be a little positive. It's nice. Spread a little joy.

Spread a little happiness. Apparently most unwanted compliment is comparing them to someone's ex, obviously. You remind me in my ex, except not as pretty. Imagine that. That's like a killer pickup artist thing, isn't it? I do appreciate the pickup line of you look like my next ex-girlfriend. Love your clothes. It looks better on me floor.

This is Jess and Rowan. Heroes, man. They walk amongst us. And I want our show, Rowan, to be a place where we can celebrate. The everyday hero. Yeah, definitely. Yep. Particularly in teacher form. We salute you.

We know you work your ass off. Most of the time. I think some teachers take the piss. How dare you? We are celebrating teachers at least for the next three to four minutes. Cool, cool, cool. There is a teacher at a primary school in North Michigan. All right?

She is being hailed a hero. All right. There is vision circling social media. an eight-year-old named Embali, all right? She's been training, practicing for months for the primary school talent show. Her mom takes to Facebook to say, Embly, since Christmas, has been really excited to perform an interpretive dance to Alicia Keys, girl on fire.

Amazing. All right? Love is already. So the whole school is there. The parents are there. It's the primary school talent show, all right? Embelie is doing swishies, swirlies. She's wearing what looks like a caftan.

She's obviously taking it from her mum's wardrobe. Good honour. Unfortunately, Rowan, the audio cuts out. The tech falters. You see panic, wash over Embelly's face. No, my moment. The show must go on. Yes.

A teacher by the name of Kirsten Frank steps up. Start singing a cappella from the crowd so Embly can keep dancing. Wow. She's walking on fire So there's the teacher coming in to just keep singing from the crowd And the mom in her post was like tears So that you can keep on dancing dear Because she's a lonely girl

And it's a lonely birthday And then everyone joins you Most joyful Wow And the mom in her post was like tears Streaming down my face I've goosebumps I've got to see that's That teacher deserves to celebrate it

She's a hero, absolutely. The talent show was not just a moment, but a movement. A movement for a community to come together for us all to rally around 8-year-old Emberley in her time of need, led by that teacher, Kirsten Frang. When you were telling me about that, I was imagining this teacher was just in the wings already and then popped out on stage to keep singing. She was watching the show. Did you hear that?

It starts with Alicia. Two seconds it took for Kirsten to be like, I've got to move. I've got to make it. I've got to help. We applaud you teachers, particularly Miss Frank this morning out of North Michigan. Shout out of Miss Frank. How are you.

This is Jess and Rowan. Jess and Rowan's 10K alpha bucks on hit. We're looking for a winner. Absolutely looking for a winner. Today, Christy, maybe the $10,000. Hello, Christy. Good morning. Christy, what is motivating you for a Monday?

Why do you want our 10 grand? To get my barley holiday out of my countdown app and into my book. Amen. Amen. I love that. All right. Are we booking today to leave tomorrow? Or when would you like to chuff off?

Because Rowan's going to be there in April. Maybe you guys could sink up. No, I believe it's August 14th. Oh, okay. You've got that in mind. Fair enough. Yeah, no, that's very fair. The end of April for me, yeah.

I appreciate. Chris, he's like, I've got responsibilities. I can't just chuff off. Laura. Yeah, I get it. Well, Christy. Hey, we could turn my arm. Yeah, wow.

I mean, let's see how good of a mood you're eating in about 30 seconds time. I love that. Christy, you got a solid letter for you, babe. Correct me if I'm wrong, Rowan. Lombok? Is Lombok a place in Indonesia? Yeah, yeah, of course it is. Your letter's L.

Christy, L'L for Lombok. Legion. Legion. Legion. All right, that's what you're going to work with today. Beautiful. Thank you. You're welcome.

Your time will start after the first question. Here we go. Starting with letter. L. We need you to name. A kitchen utensil. Ladle. A fabric. Linen. A technology brand. LG. A vegetable.

Leak. A noun. Long. A clothing brand. Pass. A boy's name. Liam. A zodiac sign. Libra. A book. Learning to drive.

A school subject. Literacy. A clothing brand. Long Yard. What was the clothing brand? Sorry, it's Lonsdale. Oh, no. I was like, no, I think that's right, babe.

Hey, check it. Check it, though. I had a couple of questions, but you're going to, no, we can't trust Prisita check it. Oh, that's right, guys. Long Yards, shy guy. Long Yards are clothing, we'll award that. Wow. Wow, I had a big X.

Okay. Your book was learning to drive. Like, I'm sure that exists. Wait, so where are we at? So, for noun, you said long. Long is definitely an adjective. Because it's a describing word. Yeah.

Long. So how many? Isn't that nine? Nine. If Learning to drive is, is a book in print. I know they'd be like driving for dummies or. Learning to drive. There is a book called Learning to Drive in brackets teach yourself.

Learning to drive? Yeah. It's learning to drive. Learning to have a baby. Yeah. Are they in that sort of realm of, yeah. Yeah. The redemption?

Oh my God, Rowan! You know what I'm saying? We'll do it with time for redemption. When you get nine, you get to play again immediately. New Sheet. Oh, my God. This is unreal. Bali is within your grasp.

You clearly have the skills. New sheet, my babe. You're going to work with the letter A. Alpha bucks. Yep. Are you ready? I'm ready. Rowan, are you ready?

Am I ready? Who knows? That's the problem. Yes. You're doing the most work here. Are you good on your side of the desk? I'm good. Yeah, I'm good on the sheet.

Yes, here we go. New game. Oh, we wanted a redemption. Christy's got it. I'm fired up. On a Monday. Come on. Come on.

What do you think you are, Christy? Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter A, Christy. We need you to name. A fruit. Apple. A noun? Pass.

A car part. Axel. A female singer. Adele. A tool. Pass. An animal. Ape.

A cereal. Pass. A school subject. Art architecture. A cleaning brand? Ajax. A reality TV show. Are you paying?

Um, pass. Oh, look, you're pretty good at the game. You should just let me cry after losing the first one. No, no. You had it in you. You absolutely did. That was unreal. I'm going to go back to school and learn my noun.

I know. You know what the bad thing is? The noun is probably the easiest one. You can say anything. Anything. It's a thing. It's a thing. Airplane, apron.

Apple. Apple air condition, like literally. Anything. Anything. Anything but long. Anything but long. Literally. Unfortunately, if you had said they're lice, you know.

Light. Yeah, you would have got the 10th. Oh, well. Oh, well. That's how I still go to Bali anyway. You still got to Bali. You're just not paying for a day. No, you got to pay for your own bin tanks.

Christy, you can hold your head up. Hi, you are in an elite pool of niner's. Leith. A league pool of losers. Absolutely good on your, Christmas. Congratulations. You're the best of the losers, thanks Christy. That was awesome.

She was great. She was great. Oh, well, happens. How good's redemption round? Boom, bomb, bomb. And how good's Mel Robbins? We're going to talk about that next? Well, something happened before Mel Robbins.

Rowan nearly didn't make it. Really? An ambulance was called. Really? This is Jess and Rowan. Alpha marks back at 8 o'clock. We just had a redemption. round alpha bucks.

Christy. It means when you get nine, we give you another go. It is your redemption round to get the $10,000. She was good. She was unreal. She was very good. Missed out on the noun on the first go round. Yep.

Only got six the next round. And it's funny because then she had noun again. Because we've got just redemption sheets sitting there. Yeah. So we don't know that there might be some parallels, but it's a whole new letter. It's a whole set. Do we go through with everyone now about what each of the month? Because I still don't.

I'm very happy to do that, right? I do that now and then you can tell us about Mel Robbins. I'm very happy to do that. So noun, talk to me about a noun. A noun is a thing, team. Noun is a thing. And I appreciate under the pump, sometimes your brain will not pull that information. Noun is actually probably the easiest.

This is my advice, Rowan. Look around you in the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look for an inanimate object. Look in your handbag. Feel your pockets. Look at your body. Because a noun for L could have been leg.

Noun for like C could be camera. Absolutely. Look around you. A noun for P could be phone. What have you called us on? Your phone. Oh, yeah. Look around you.

Water bottle. W. Noun is a thing. It's actually probably the largest category. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if anyone is correctly identified noun in this game. Noun is the easiest because noun is just the thing. Correct.

Okay. A verb is a doing thing. Your hack is I-N-G. A word ending in I-N-G. doing, going, kicking, playing, singing, laughing, chuckling, dancing, water skiing. A verb starting with W. Water skiing. Walking.

Walking. Okay, right, okay. I-N-G. Give me one. Give me a letter. Okay, a verb starting with G, Rowan. Oh, yeah. Oh, dear.

G, growing. Perfect. Got it. Okay, G, growing. Gardening. Gardening. That was my next piece of advice for something like that. Transplant yourself into an activity.

Okay. Noun is just whatever. Correct. Verb is an activity. A doing word. Doing word. I-N-G. Doing is a verb.

Doing's a verb. Do-do. I-N-J. Now, adverb. Adverb. This one is tricky. I appreciate that. Adverb describes a verb.

But don't worry about that. Words ending in L-Y, you're pretty safe. Mindfully. magically, wildly. L-Y is your trick for an adverb. It's still stumped me, I reckon. That's fair, that one. That's...

Because if I'm just trying to get a head around the verbs, they're going to describe what I don't really even know. I know. Quickly. Oh, yeah. You could run, verb, quickly, adverb. Greatly? You could dance swiftly.

Okay, yeah. You could perform magically. Beautifully. Beautifully. Beautifully. Adverbs end in L.Y. team. Adverbly.

Maybe you think adverbly. That's nice. Verbing. Verbing, I-N-G. Noun. Adverbly. Adverbly. Noun is a thing.

I don't know how else to help you. And then adjective. A little noun thing. Describing a noun, a describing word. An adjective is. Wait, wait. There's a fourth. The adjective is, there is a fourth because they're all, they're kind of partner.

Nouns and adjectives. Verbs and adverbs. Adjective describing word. Think about. your loved one and put an adjective, a describing word to them. Beautiful, funny, wild, horny. Got one. Crazy.

Good. Crazy. Kind, generous. Insane. Insane. I'm really picking up a theme here. I said, think about your partner. This is not looking great.

Hungry. Hungry. Is that one? Yes. Think about me. Think about Rowan. Think about shy guy. Think about people in your life.

How you would describe, think about your boss. Massive. Shy guy. Massive is an adjective. What's whimsical? Whimsical is an adjective. Because it describes a noun. Babs is a noun.

Babs is a bit of a noun. Yes. What's a messy adjective? But the bun noun. Noun. You see the adjective describes the noun. Noun, I get it. Team.

We've just had a text from Brittany. Thank you, you beautiful people. But is this helping? 048-18-1069. Is this actually helping? Because I'm a bit closer, but I still don't think. Are there other categories you would like a little breakdown of? Maybe we do a little series on the Jess and Rowan Instagram page.

We could pin them there. Team, we don't want, it's not our money. Adverb describes a verb. Adjective describes a noun. You got it. Okay. See, I'm getting there. I forgot there was four.

Noun is a thing. Adjective describes things. Verb is a doing word, an action word, and an adverb is tricky. Just pick a word that. ends in L-Y. Shagai, do we have, what do we have? My year three teacher must be so proud of me. That has stuck in my brain.

At 8 o'clock, we have none of those things. Oh, no, like, adjective. Adjective, which is what? A describing word. So, Rowan, if I was to ask you for an adjective starting with P, pretty? Perfect. Perfect, also an adjective.

Oh, wow. It's not that hard. What are we talking about? It's not a hard, guys. This is Jess and Rowan. Rowan, I went down on the weekend. What? Multiple meanings here.

So I went down to Melbourne. Oh, sorry. A verb or an adjective? That is, down is an adjective. Very good. But going down. It's a verb. I went down to Melbourne for the weekend.

Love this. Rowan. We're trying to help everyone, okay? Learning's every chance we can. Sorry, sorry. Went down to Melbourne on the weekend. This is a trip that's been in the calendar for, poor, nearly nine months. One of my besties, Carly and I, we're big fans of Mel Robbins.

The guru. You will know her from the book and the movement, the let them theory. She has the third most listened to podcast in the world. She's incredible. I love her. So we planned a very boogie, fun weekend, crammed a lot in. I told you late last week, Carly is an agenda kind of gal. And she was going to get as much out of this 56 hours,

had in Melbourne as possible, and I was along for the ride. Nice one. Yep. Breakfast, lunches, dinners, drinks, rooftop bars, Yarra River bars. Shopping. Three-story mechas. There was a lot on the agenda. Three-story mecca.

Three-story mecca, bro. How? How do you, how? I did get a couple of lip-glasses. I was going to say, that one's new, isn't it? Yes. I thought I was going to start being a lip gloss at work girl. Okay.

Don't get distracted and fall in love with me. It already happened. But it is Saturday evening. Mel Robbins is on at 7.30. Carly's agenda put us at a rooftop bar in the vicinity at 5.30. Plenty. Plenty. Plenty. Plenty. Plenty. Plenty. Plenty of a little beverage. Two hours is good.

Little mezzet. Yeah, yeah. We don't want to be full. Just a little nibble plate. Little nibble plate. So she found a great menu. Yeah. Accompanying this rooftop.

A cup of cocktails or like a bottle of wine. So we, because it's been a big day. I ordered an espresso martini. I thought I want energy for Mel. Yeah, yeah, good one. We sit down, we order drinks, Rowan. Before the drinks have even arrived, my friend. This is how fast this timeline I'm about to share with you happens.

Okay, yeah, yeah. I start having some severe abdominal pain. Very low, the only thing I could think period pain, but not due. So I was a little confused. Before the drink? Before the order. Before it's arrived. Okay, right, right, right.

Waiter has walked away. And I say to Carly, dude, Jesus Christ, I'm having some real severe pain here. She was like, whoa, what's going on? Has this just come on? I said, yeah, almost instantaneously, this pain has taken over my lower abdomen. Maybe 20 seconds of complaining about that. My hands gripped the table and I say, Carly, I'm feeling really lightheaded.

Wow. I then black out. I passed out at the table row. Too many plans. And I have come to almost like I was coming out of the deepest sleep of my life. I remember my chin on my chest slumped and hearing voices and music and this bizarreness. As my eyes have opened, two strangers crouched at my feet. I look up, this giant bloke standing over me on the phone.

to someone and Carly not in sight. Carly was actually behind me. She ran away. She went I'm not having nothing to do with this. Carly was actually behind me because when I had said I'm feeling lightheaded, I apparently lost all the color in my face. My pupils started doing weird dilation things. She thought I was going to collapse so she's gotten up.

Lucky she was holding me because I probably would have slumped and smacked my head on the table. Wow. So the man standing over me was the venue manager who's run over because Carly actually yelled for help. She thought I was seizing. Apparently, I started convulsing a little bit. Oh, really? Yep.

The woman at the table who's run over, one of the strangers at my feet, she started saying, I saw her face slump. She's had a stroke. Oh, what? That word entered my, obviously. And I started panicking. Stroke's not good. So they call an ambulance.

And I said, obviously, Carly call my mum. So I had come to enough that I would now, Rowan. My parents, they knew I was in Melbourne, but I was not planning on seeing them. Because as I mentioned, the full agenda of fun times. It's a dangerous game. So if Carly has had to call my mum, they live 40 minutes from the CBD. I am taken, I'm escorted to a private area waiting for paramedics to come. because they all think, you know, what's happened.

Oh my God, Jess is on. In the preceding time, I have been asked the same question by the venue manager, by one of the strangers who just started accompanying us and just was trying to assist. Paramedics arrive, they asked me twice, then my mum arrives. And all of them. Have you taken anything? And Carly had to be the one to go, look, you don't know her.

She's straight-edge, but no, she does not take. Of course. Have you, no judgment, all the paramedics, no judgment. I was like, no guys, you don't know. Yeah, they do need to know. But I was like, it was just the venue manager. Have you taken anything? Like, we need to give the paramedics all the information.

No, guys. Incident report at work. The wildest thing I do is have a second glass of rosé. Like, I'm just, that's not my schick. Yep, yep. But yeah, so two paramedics arrive. They do an ECG, the heart thing. Yeah, the heart thing.

Pin prick with the blood. Yep. They do the blood pressure. And then mum rolls in. And she wants me to go to ED. And I said, ma, no, no. I got Mel Robbins. We're going to see Mel Robbins.

In 35 minutes, I still want to go. Like, I feel fine. You arguing with mum? Well, my mum was like, let's go to ED. And I said, no, I'm not going to get in and out in 15 minutes, am I? No, who? Hospitals in the opposite direction to the conventions. They'll do tests.

Paramedics said, we can FaceTime an ED doctor. Oh, wow, will that satisfy you? So got the all clear from an emergency doctor. Got an appointment. are now booked in with my GP. We'll do some investigations going, but made it to Mel Robbins, baby. And got a lot out of it and learnings.

So, Mom, why did you go to ED and you're like, look, Mom, it's just let them. Let them. Just let them think. Mum, we've had, we've had this trip book for nine months. Let them. I am not missing out on Mel Robbins. I want to go, ma'am. Let me go.

And there was a part of me, she had a little warm-up act and I was trying to wave him down, being like, I want kudos. Yeah. I was going to say, how do we get Mel Robbins to know that you Fainted and then turned up. I tagged her in my Instagram post that I did about there having been an incident and paramedics were called. I fainted.

Mel, I still made it. I still made it, Mel. Where there's a will, there's a way. Yeah, and just let them. This is Jess and Rowan. Experts on aging have revealed the five major habits that are going to improve your longevity. Talk to me, baby. Would you like me to reel them out for you?

I would, because I'd also like a quick little reset. I think the average Australian man, life expectancy 82, average Australian woman, shy guy's going to fact check me, 86. I want to push to 99, baby. Of course. So teach me. First thing, you've got to move your body regularly. That's a given.

Look at me standing up. That's great. You know when you feel just like I have been sitting on my ass for a very long while? Just stand up for a bit. I can't do the standing radio thing. It doesn't work for me. I've never liked it. No, that's fair.

But you also leave here and you do your walks and you do your gym and you and you and your partner do your little, you know. Dance. Connect walk. Pants dance. Life expected. for men, 81.1. And, geez, I was not far off. 80.5.

Yeah. The daily body movement is associated with both longevity and healthy aging. That's really important. That's number one. Number one. Number two, engage in social activities, guys. Get out there. Go and do some stuff.

That's nice. Join your local, hmm, rotary club. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad did that. I'm like, good on you, dad. If there is a sports team in your area, say, hey, can I help out of the canteen?

Like just ingratiate yourself in society. The Bowles Club is my old man's haven. Oh, love that. Like, and he's gone and joined a new club now. He's got all these new friends. Is he retired? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see, that's, isn't that funny?

When our parents start retiring, you go, but what are you going to fill your days with connection? These are the ways we do it. And I, like, it's a bit scary joining new communities. Like, I went out to the Maitland Mustangs and all these people were so lovely, so happy to see me. Yes. And I was like, I'm an hour, stang. You've got to put yourself out there. And that's the thing.

It can be scary to take. that first step. Plus Babs is from there. It's kind of interesting being out there where she used to go hook up with boys around the corner. Oh, Mike's on, sorry. I didn't. You should have been wearing a T-shirt with Babs's face. People would have just, like a moth to a flame.

Oh, my God. How do you know, Barbara? They'll go, oh my God, the big dog. She still doing the messy bun? I go, yeah, still doing it. Do what you can to reduce controllable stress is number three. I have quite high cortisol, apparently. Rowan.

But I need to go lower. May I quote from you, my favorite guru. Let them. Let them. What can you control? If you cannot control it, let them. Let them.

Between work, money, medical issues and family problems, life is stressful. We'll just let them. Let them. There was a great PowerPoint presentation that Mel put up, all the things out of our control. Just getting millions of dollars does PowerPoint presentation. That's what I was thinking. Let them.

Politics, injustice. Let them. Colleagues. Just Babs? Let them, Babs. So true. Just let them. But then you've got to let me, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Let who? Of course. Yeah, yeah. Well, after you let them, you got to let me. Let you. And then let off. Live my best.

Let you let me let them. Perfect, shy guy. You didn't even go. I don't even go. Why don't you all let off? All right. Four, challenge your brain. Just like we did them with the let them theory.

Yeah, absolutely. Got to challenge your brain. Shy guy's favorite. Sudoku. Yo, I've just started doing Sudoku every night. No, no. Bull crap. No.

On every. Everything I love, on everything I love. No. I've just started doing it. I haven't got past easy yet. Of all the things in your wheelhouse, that is not what I was expecting. I'm telling you, Sudoku.com. Easy by easy brain.

I'm telling you. Why am I not spoken about this yet? Every night. See? I'm on a streak. It's so hard. It's getting me. Sudoku.

Sudoku. Sudoku. Sudoku. Yeah, Sudoku. Challenge your brain. I'm trying longevity. I love that. That's why I got that vocation.

Why are you laughing and you like that, Babs? Sorry, he's trying to improve his life and live beyond 82. I'm trying to improve his longevity. Sorry, he wants to go to his grandkids. Okay, sorry, sorry. Continue. You can't all be reading erotic fantasy novels to challenge our brains, Babs. Some of us need to find other things.

I tried that too, didn't like it. All right. Number five, make time for the things you enjoy. Yes. If it's Sudoku? Cool. Cool. If it's erotic and novels, cool.

If it's chatting to random chicks on the street, shy guy, cool, bro. If it's waiting 45 minutes for a great sandwich, cool, it brings me joy. Cool, cool. And I stand up while I'm doing it, which circles back to number one, physical activity. What's your big longevity tip, you reckon?

Elevate. Elevate. Take moments in your life to elevate for me. Just put on a bit of lip gloss. Okay, yeah. Not settling for the hum drummedness of life, Rowan. The new lip gloss is kind of giving you a bit of an energy this morning. I can see it.

I'm elevated. The way you walked from your car to the elevator this morning, because we waited, by the way, everyone, we waited. And I felt good about that. I mooned you, I even put my bum out. Well, talk to me about elevation. But just take moments. Look yourself in the mirror and go, who am I doing this for?

For me, Rowan, for me. You know, I'm sick. You're laughing, Babs. I'm going to take you seriously. Sorry, I'll put a frown on my face. Better. How are we improving lives in the Babs and book of wisdom? This will be good.

Well, I'm eating. burritos and watching Charles LeClair. That's traps. This is Jess and Rowan. I think I saw Alex Warren is touring a little bit later. I think I'd like to see him live. Phenomenal vocal. The street team giving out some Alex Warren tickets?

Shut, your dirty mouth. Where are they going to be today? Who knows? I'm going to go find him. You know. Yeah, I'm going to go find him. Get myself some tickets. Yeah.

And, you know, last time I saw the streeties out and about, giving away bubbles. So fun. So they can do Alex Warren. And bubbles. You don't you go out there and going to get some tickets and get some bubbles. And they're good bubbles too. Whatever that detergent is, real bubbly.

Some is crap. Yeah. Sometimes you can really score with the street team. I get a lot of movie tickets to that kind of stuff. Oh my God. I always go over the promo desk and go, all right, what are the movies? You stole a packet of Tim Thames the other day. Not only did I see, shy guys.

Sorry. I thought we're on a health kick. We just talked about longevity. Glit free. Excuse me. It's fine. It's good for you. It's healthy food.

I took the tiny tetties. And I also took the mint slice. Gluten free. Gluten free. How's a gluten-free mince slice? Because that biscuit is doing so much of the heavy lifting in a mince-dice. I don't want to, I hate it because it's not sponsored. But listen, delicious.

Really? Really good. I guess they said it to us for a reason. It doesn't even taste gluten-free, guys. Are the tiny teddy is also gluten-free? They're yum-yam. Do you do the thing with tiny teddys where you bite off the arms and the legs? And then the head?

Psychotic. I just ate them. Oh, no. I like to dismember them. I believe that from you. That's normal. Do you do that? 04-8-8-106-9.

Do you dismember your tiny-tetties? I stick my hand in the packet and get out like five of them at once. Five teddy's in my mouth. That is the psychotic behaviour. Five and one. You're on the head. Five in a bag. Shy guy, that means he's mixing.

Oh, no, no, no, no. The bigger packs have lots in them. Like a pack of chips, like TV snacks or something. They've all got different faces. You can't be mixing a happy and a grumpy and the kooky. Babs, go to the cupboard. Yeah, go get them right now. What?

The tiny teddy's at near Joseph's office. Five. in one mouthful. Do the shark. No. No. Oh my God. It takes me like 30 minutes to get through

a mini bag of tiny tetties. How? Because of the dismemberment. So do you go hand, legs? Arms, legs, head and then end on belly. Yeah, that's what I do. That feels wrong.

We should end on the head. I pour him in my mouth like I'm Frankenstein or someone, like King Kong. I didn't eat people. Yesterday. Twisting. Not the same, but yes. You've just climbed up a building.

Blucking planes out of the sky. Handful of time. She's remembering them. See you. That is running, but we're out of time. We've got Alphabucks next. This is Jess and Rowan. Alphabet bucks.

Jess and Rowan's 10K Alfa bucks on hit. Coming off a hot redemption round where she got nine first and then the redemption down was six. Christy, an admirable effort for the start of the week, Rowan. She was fast too. That's the way to. You've got to be fast getting through these answers. Otherwise you don't hear the team.

You're not going to win. Absolutely. Let's meet Leah this morning. Hi, Leah. Hi, babe. Good morning. Can you hear me? You're a little distant, my darling.

Are you on... I think of... I think of the kids can hear, but I can take you off. Look, we don't want to miss a trick, babe, so can you take us off speaker, pretty please? No problem. Because if we miss something and I waste your time, I'm sorry, that could be the difference between nine and ten. Oh, you see how much better now?

Nice. Nice. Nice. Sorry, kitties. What do you want our 10 grand for, babe? What are we spending the money? money on? I'll probably should go on a holiday, put it towards a holiday.

Yeah. Yeah, go see the family in England. Okay, well, while you're in England, it's a hop-skip and a jump to Italy. That's true. Italy. Maybe Ireland. Cool. Yep.

These are countries that start with the letter I, Leah, and that's what you're going to work with today. Okay, beautiful. All right, you're happy with that? Yes, so. You have to be. I'm not trying to be. I got it. Okay.

Your time is going to start after the first question. You ready? Mm-hmm. Here we go. Starting with the letter I, we need you to name. An animal. Pass. Something sweet.

Pass. An adjective. Itchy. A nursery rhyme. Incy, wintzy spider. A body part. Pass. A horror movie.

Pass. A cold beverage. Ice. A colour. Indigo. A periodic element. Iodine. A cold.

Carbrandt? Puff. An animal. An iguana. Something sweet. Hey. I have four with a couple of questions marks. I don't know if I can give you ice.

No, you can't. It's not a beverage. Just solid. Sorry. And did you notice I waited for a little bit more? I know. Ice tea. Yeah.

We were waiting. No, that's a banned substance. You could have had iced coffee, ice tea. Of course. Yeah. Car brand and could have a zuzu. something sweet that icing ice cream.

Beautiful. Adjective, was that correct? She nailed it. Well, duh. Magic. The show was a verb after I said it. Well, no, oh, hang on it.

Did you say itchy or itchy? Yeah. You said itchy. Itchy. Nice. Shy guy is itchy. That's a describing word. Should have seen where he was?

Saturday night. All right. Good one. So that's five all up, my dear. Five. I did instigate a rule last week that if you got five, you owed us an apology.

So if you want. I like Leah. so I won't put that guilt on it. Good one. I think 5's okay. We'll research this off here. We'll figure it out. Yeah, yeah.

We haven't quite landed if that's a waste of our time or not. Sorry, no worry. Thanks, Liam. Okay, bye-bye. You apologize to her. Sorry, Leia. Well, I just feel like... It's so nice.

You keep apologised. It's not... You did nothing wrong. Well, I kind of... I don't know if you realise, but I tend to just not think while I'm talking through it. And I tend to throw a few jabs at them personally. Yeah, yeah.

Deservably so. Sorry, yeah. It's been a gear. It's been a gear. Oh my God, speaking of gear, how did he actually say ice, you drink it? Well, not the way it works. Not that I would know. No.

That wasn't a question. We didn't pay it. Not acceptable. You got an attitude today. Something's going on with your vibe. Like I said. Got ants in his pants. Not the only thing.

No, move on. That's a throat over a shutter. Okay, next. Oh, I was at the pub yesterday. Surprise, surprise. How's that health kick going that you're allegedly on? I'm playing my girlfriend, man. She's suck for it.

I want to talk to you about a very important thing at the pub, and maybe we're spending too much money of them. Or maybe it's just me. Oh, okay. Do it next. This is Jess and Rowan. I went to the pub yesterday with my sweet angel partner Lucy. I love that little date weekend.

It was very whimsical. We went to a lovely sunflower farm. I know. Where you could pick some. Yeah, pick, pick six. $15 for six. I've just seen your Instagram story. If you'd like to see Rowan with about a six foot sunflower.

Yeah. They didn't even trim that one. God, they're tall guys, aren't they? Didn't even trim that one. Yeah. So good. Went there. It was lovely. And then we went past the pub on the way home. It was called the Bull and Bush. Well, you have worked up quite the thirst. Yeah.

Being so whimsical taking photos. Being so whimsical in amongst the sunflowers. The boys there would do a couple of older blokes there were doing the meat tray raffle for their golf club. And they were just... Oh, I've never heard of raising money for a golf club. Golf is kind of one of the ritsier sports. What do they need charity for? I think the boys are just there, and if they're listening and they're mad at me, leave me alone.

I think they quite literally get a bunch of meat, sit there. It's an excuse to drink beers and get away from the wives. That's the vibe I got from these blokes. Do you reckon one of them's a butcher? So they're like, boys, we can make up that we're doing a thing. Len, just bring a couple of snags, put him in some glad rap. They referred to the butcher as him. So third person, they know him.

There's a connection. Yeah, it's connection. And I said, let's do it. I said, how much what do he got here, lads? They said, ah, we're doing the meat tray. And they were a couple of, they were grandads. And they were just shooting it. Just shooting the shit.

And I go, all right, well, how many can I get here? And he said, well, each of these, it's like three for $2. And they all kept going up. But each of the stacks had like 10 tickets or 12. Oh. 12 tickets. And each ticket had like five numbers on it. So one ticket was like a dollar, you know.

It's pretty good. And I said, right, how much that stack? And he went, that stack's $10. And I said, I'll have one, two, three. Three. Stacks. Your boy spent $30 on meat prey. And he went, he went, oh, yeah, you can buy three.

And I went, and I stopped the way. I said, well, I don't have to give you the money. And he went, no, no, you should take it. But the way they were talking to him was like, why is this guy spending so much money in our Raffle tickets? On our golf club. And I didn't think 30 was a lot. I said, how many meat trades you got here?

So we got 15. And I said, give me, well, give me 30 bucks of them because I'll at least get two or three. 15 meat trays available. What was it? One chop and a snag per tray. Were they decent trays? Some of the trays were like six scotch fields. Some of them were like rock and big pork roasts.

Okay. I was like, I'm buying 30. I might get two meat trays. Might get three meat trays. Because how much meat are you then getting to justify your initial investment? Is that your logic? I looked at the stacks there. It looks like there's 10 stacks people can buy.

If I buy three of them, 30% of the tickets I own for 30 bucks, I'm like, I take it over to Lucy. She goes, how much? money did you spend on that meat tray raffle? I went 30 bucks and she went, what? We could have bought the equivalent of those goods at the butcher. She said we're going to the groceries after. Why would you spend

$30 on meat tray? You don't win these. To be fair, I don't ever win them. Are you not a lucky boy? So I think that's why I went up. I was like, going to have to go up in money. Yeah, yeah, stack the deck. And they started reeling out the numbers. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not me. My chances are dwindling. And I was like, I

I hate it. I'm like banging the desk. Lucy's like, you need to manifest a win? And I'm like, I'm going to manifest leaving in a minute, right? Think about that. All the whimsy from the sunflower farm, completely out the window. Anyway, finally they called my name. I was like, thank God I have 180 numbers.

So you'd think I'd at least get one. Hang on. Are you sure you didn't win? Because actually scanning all those numbers to make sure, bingo it's me, you probably missed four. You raise a great point. But you've got too much in front of you. No, you raise a great point.

But I had from 069-0-2-1, to 0, 6, 9, 200. So I had anything in there, I'm winning. Fair, fair, fair. Two of the trays were like 20 numbers away from mine, which is like two tickets. Oh, because you had the stacks, yeah. I was angry. Fair, but you got one.

I got one. And how much do you think the value of the one you ended up with was? I got 12 eggs, some bacon and like nine sausages. I reckon maybe. I got a meat tray. What's an egg doing it? I don't know. When I picked up from a cool room, the bloc of the bottle, I was like,

I reckon you got the best one, mate. And I was like, I'm not buying any VB. There's one with Scotch Fillets. I got a 12 finger bag. I've got eggs in my muddy meat. And bacon, the cheapest of all the colors. He said, mate, it does a great sausage. I said, you're a good sausage and I walked off.

Smacked him on the bum and you went about it. Like, what do you think is $30 too much? Because Lucy was not impressed. $30? $30. Nine good sausages. 12 eggs. Eggs are like 12 or 13 bucks as well.

But I'd also just draw into consideration. If you had said it was dementia Australia raising money, $30, I salute you. Have you just paid for these boys to go to King Island on a golf trip? I don't actually understand where your money has gone. My $30 has gone to the pub. I think it's gone to the boys drinking. This is Jess and Rowan. We've got serious business this week, babe.

Speaking of good sausage, shy guy. April 1. April 1. Yes, it's April Fool's Day, but it also is the launch officially, Newcastle Food Month. And the event to kick off the festivities is the waiter race. This is something that happens in Paris, in London, in the streets of Rome, where teams of waiters are given a tray of drinks and in a relay-style situation have to complete a course. We, Jess, Rowan, Shy Guy and Babs are the only non-hospital.

team who has been invited to enter. Wednesday evening, we've got aprons. We've got a can-do attitude. Don't we row it? Had one. I thought it was 100 metres. Shy guy now has the details, which I said, you better bring Rowan across this. Babbs also, I don't know if you're aware.

He's going to be furious. What I've signed us up for in actuality, Mr. Guy. Is a one kilometre long relay race. Yeah, but I'm divided by four. It's not you're all doing one, I'm doing one. It's 250 metres each. 250 metres each. Okay, sorry, continue.

So there are teams of four, which is us. That's good, yeah. There are three obstacles. First obstacle, popping a champagne cork and pouring yourself a glass. Okay, I can get around that one, that's okay. So because I think this is important. That's all right. That's okay.

There's multiple obstacles. I think we're going to have to correct me if I'm wrong, Shagai denote who's going to do which one. So, Roman, are you already vibrant than that one? That's okay. Let me hear the other ones. I might be better at the other ones. Okay.

Next obstacle is to grab a beer and put it into a stubby holder before putting it onto your tray and carrying on with the 250 metres. That's going to be hard because the stubby holder will make the stubby less stable because it's soft on the bottom. You know what I'm saying? It's going to make it soft. So, Shiger, and again, correct me if I'm wrong. Do we start with an empty tray and then we have to pick up.

pick up that champagne flute. And then we have to pick up the beer. I believe so. And then the third obstacle. A third obstacle is to mix a cocktail. Oh. And then put that onto your tray. Shocker not.

That's your last. Which you'll then give to your final relay partner. Oh. And they will take it to the finish line. So, contestant one, nothing on the tray gets a champagne. Yep. Contestant number two inherits the champagne, adds the beer. Add the beer, then add things.

Yes. Contestate number three adds the cocktail. Contestant number four has to run all three. Just does the running. Oh, I also have a supplementary rule. I've just been text. Shy guy. Oh, the, yes, I think I know the rule.

Walking only. So I've just used the word run it across the line. Yes. And it's least spillage by the end of the relay. So you don't necessarily have to come first. You just have to spill the least. Ah, we don't need to be the quickest team. We need to have the least.

amount of spillage. That's interesting. Maybe we could be the slowest, but the most precise. Yes, we could come last by about half hour, but not have spilled a drop. Maybe not half hour. We've got... We've got an after-a-minute to get to. We've been invited, guys.

Oh, that's right. So we need to note who does what. Okay. Well, I can't even walk straight, let alone with, like, things in my hands. So should you go first then? Probably, yeah. And pop the champagne. That's the safe.

That's the safest one. Okay. Rowan, which one are you connecting with? Beer stubby mixologist or finishing us off? I'm always great for finishing it off. But listen, let me do... I'll do the beer one. You'll do the beer one.

So you're number two. We're locking this in. Shy guy. I see you mixing a cocktail. I reckon shy guy's three. And I don't want to mix the cocktail. I don't think I'll be very good at that. I think it might be better over the line.

I'm a fast walker. And you've got long legs. All right. I will be three. I'll mix the cocktail. Shy guy, you're taking us over the finish line. Which means you've got the most on the tray, babe.

That's okay. It's okay. All right. He's a clutch play. He's going to finish it off for us. Bab's first. Rowan second. I'm third.

All right, team, it is 6pm on Wednesday. We would love some support. If you'd like the information, 04-8-8-1069. I'll send it to you. Because these three are doing this under coercion and I really would love some.

Didn't know there was obstacles. Didn't know there was a, it was a K. But I do love an afternoe. And I do love an afterbody. This is Jess and Rowan. Hi. Myle Minogue on Jess and Rowan. Good morning.

Two for hit breakfast in 2026. The Australian icon playing the AFL grand final this year. I love that. The season's just started and we've already locked in the grand finals. Smart moves. Performance. And I am seeing headlines everywhere. They have been trying for years to get Kylie.

She's such an icon. She'd be great at the AFL grand final. She would be good. So watch it on seven. Enjoy that. The Killers is one thing. Meatloaf is another. Yeah.

Katie Perry. Kylie. Another again. Kylie. She's going to redefine what it means to perform at a grand final. Oh, the NRL must be quaking in their boots. Who are they going to get? The AFEL got Kylie.

Guy Sebastian. Oh, you reckon put two Aussies head to head? It'll be just Malboy or something. It's always just now. It's always just Malboy. It's always just Malboy. I'm happy to do it. Glow.

What a song. What a song. What a song. What a song. I love Shepherd. I love Shepherd. Remember when Macklemore did it once? They were like, do not play your song about same-sex marriage.

And he was like, okay, I won't. Literally his first song. Did they put that condition on him? I don't recall that. Well, I don't know if they put the condition on him, but I think everyone was like, we don't want you coming in and singing that song. Oh. It was like the NFL for.

not doing the disc track for Kendrick when he did that. He was like, don't do that. And everyone in the team knew that he was going to do it. But he told the NFL that he wasn't. Yeah. I've been in the crowd just sung it anyway. Yeah.

Crazy. Well, Kylie. Welcome to the big leagues, babe. I mean, the G. 100,000 strong. Oh, my God. I wonder if Kylie's ever played a stadium before. Sure.

She could sell one out. She might have only been arenas up until this point. Collieman Oak is pretty big. She's absolutely big, but as ever, She played the G. Like, the G is big. Oh, the G, yeah. You know what I'm saying.

Maybe she probably played like one of those big, big ones in London. Yeah, like your Wembley or something. You know, like the O2 is pretty big? Yes. Oh, oh, two, yeah. That's a pretty big one. But isn't that called the O2 Arena? Not the O2 Stadium.

I don't know what the difference between an arena and a stadium is, to be honest. I mean, arenas can be really big or they can be really small. That's right. Because you've got A-Core Stadium. Yeah. But Kudos Bank Arena. There's got to be some sort of differentiation there. Oh, that's a good point.

Oh, well, Kylie's on. A stadium is typically open and arena is typically enclosed. Oh, what about a retractable roof? Go from arena to stadium. Well, marbles a stadium. That roof shuts. What say you, shy guy? Thanks a lot, shy guy.

I said typically. You've ruined the show. I said typically. Rowan, I'd also like to circle back. Are we got time? Not really. Yeah, do it. Why not?

We were talking about tiny tennies before. You being the absolute animal eaten five at one go, shy guy and I are being methodical psychopaths dismembering. Can you give me a couple? And we said, We like to do arm, arm, leg, leg, head, end on body. Someone has said, guys, you've got to eat the head first so the tiny teddy doesn't watch you eating his limbs.

Nummy. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it. Can you get into these? You got to riff them open like their bag of pods. I only own. How good's a pod? Bro, that pod's a good one.

What pot are you doing? Mars pod or? Twix, always. Twix. Delicious. Delicious. Twix pod is the correct choice. Oh, look at this.

little guy. He's got like one hand on his hip. He's doing like, I'm a little teapot. Oh, he's short and stout. Tiny. Tiny tetties are so fun. Oh, delicious. Oh, this guy's yawning. What are we doing? I'm going to eat your head. What are we doing? We've got to go. Oh, sorry, we still hot. All right. Bye, guys. See tomorrow. That was the Jess and Rowan podcast. Maca's bestro at Bonaise, Angus Range, is here. Mw. Chef's Kiss.