Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - Rohan you've got shingles...

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

We talk awkward pauses, Jess parents are flying in and theres drama at the airport and the producers wrap up the week that was in the Producers Diary!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/jess-and-rohanSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Al Macco is back at Mac is. Try the new range today. Here we go. Welcome to the Jess and Rowan podcast. Yo, we is here for the podcast. Welcome back, everybody. Listen to my voice. Ha!

No, it's still a bit croaky. But it's better. Better than yesterday. I've got some control over it. Someone did text us. About my voice. Did they leave a name? Nah.

Oh, Jeff. Tell old mate to go get the frog out of his throat. My name Jeff. All right, mate. I will. You don't think I'll try it. Do you find old mate insulting or is it okay? About the throat?

Well, just using old mate. Oh, uh... Because my, um, your predecessor, you used to have a... You brought him up all day today. I have. He's really on the mind. Just call him. He'll love to dog to you.

I know. Actually, there is something I need to discuss with him. Payment. Did you say payment? Payment for carrying his career. Sorry. Not true. Not true.

He's doing very well. He's doing very well. Good friend of the show, Pete said, Rowan has really grown on me. I love him, but you keep Ducko's name out your dirty mouth. Me? Yeah, you. Well, it says Jess and Rowan now, so.

I know. I brought Ducko up a lot, but he used to have a real issue. I love Champion. I love Champ and Champi and my favorite Championi. Champ Tongue. My brother and my dad, we love Championi. He used to be a very staunch advocate for Champ. Champion is an insult.

Firstly, how do you feel about Champ? It's just tone. Don't love it. Oh, Tones. Is old mate the same? Tone. Tone. Oh, no, not even.

Old mate's fine. I thought old mate's okay. Old mate, your mate, kind of funny. Your mate's funny. That's your mate. Your mate's so easy. Also old mate. I love old mate.

Yeah, no, it's fine. That's so fun. I don't love old lady because I feel like people, we need to get a definition. Is old lady your partner, female partner, or is old lady your mum? I feel like people use it interchangeably and it confuses me. Someone older than you. Have you ever heard old lady? Oh, my old lady.

Yeah, it's he misses. Ah, okay. I swear someone referred to it like their mom. It's like a bike. It's a bike. To be fair, I reckon he said my old lady needs me home for dinner. I assumed mum. The old girls, he misses.

Old girls, misses. The old girl. See what I thought old girl mom again. I don't, and obviously that doesn't, I actually think if you are said old girl or the old lady, I don't think you like it because it's like, well, I'm not old. Yeah. But it's not about being old. What do you refer to Lucy, Lucy, your partner as?

partner I find so stale and boring. And you're like young and... Sweet checks. Oh, Angus calls me plums. My plums. And Mo will be like, how's Angus's plums? He's referring to me. How's plums?

How's plums? Oh, I got home yesterday and Lucy was like, I heard you in the podcast. I said, oh, what about... When I'm nude and you tackle me? You try to turn it. I don't remember tackling being a part of it. I remember enjoyment with eyes.

No, no. Because they're tackling. Oh, yeah, you must have really missed that. I definitely said it. I definitely missed tackling. It was like, if I see her getting changed, I stop and go, let's go. Oh, yeah. It's a boom, straight to the, and then it's right on the bed.

My apologies, I missed the then extension of what let's go in terms. Just so you all know, she laughs and starts, like, it doesn't turn into the hot sexy time. It turns into it, like she hits me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little tickle fight. Yeah, it's a little tickle-fied. Are you tickle-ish? No.

Come over here, far now. Babs, tickle his feet. I'm good. You'd have stinky feet. I'm going to go. Oh, my fit are gross. Are they? Don't show me.

Don't go get pedicuous? No. Babs and I are going, are we? We can. I'd actually really like to see, I thought of you yesterday. Oh, I wouldn't want, I wouldn't want that, I wouldn't want that for anyone. I would like to go see Wuthering Heights and I thought of you. I was like, Babs is my only friend who'd want to say that.

I wouldn't see that. Wow, we're doing pedicures and Wuthering Heights. No, one or the other. That was like the best day ever. Like, I thought of you. Pass. Pass, hard pass. Do you want to just come?

No, we can go to Fortress and you can get to Fortress and you can get to up the road. You're going. So, wait, are you fortressing while we're pedicuring and then we're coming together for Wuthering hearts? No, no, no, no. No, no, no. But Rowan, you said you wanted to come to Wuthering. Yeah, but I prefer to sink beers and play Fortnite. So, with the boys. Is that, um, can you do that can you do that here? Do you have to go to Sydney? No, it's been Sydney. Okay, well, Babs and I don't have to go to Sydney for our fun. So you do your fun in your own time. Actually, do need to get a pedicure next week, probably. Yeah? Do you need to go Sydney? No. Why do you need

to get a pedicure? Oh, because like, someone's sucking your toes. No, I just really like when my toes are nice. And then when you're in the show, you're in the show, you're in the shower and you look down, you're like, oh, they look so nice. I know, I love that. Yeah. All right, well, we'll do that ourselves. You guys organise that. What'd you say?

Fortnight. Fortress. Come on, mate. Fortress. I love that for you. That's cute. Okay. Enjoy the show.

Bye. Bye. Welcome. Welcome to Jess and Rowan. In 2026, something new for breakfast. Do you know Jess? I'm all about Wii Wu methods to help yourself. You'll get to know Rowan.

Hot, tawny happy. Yay! It's going to be fun. It's going to be all right. A little bit out of mind. Anything could happen. Most of it probably will. I guess I need to enter the mind of a man.

Please enter me. This is Jess and Rowers. This is going to be good. Wow, well, well, well, I've done it, guys. Full week on air. Isn't this good? Sound the alarm. It's a party.

You look different. I feel different. I'm a working class man now. He's a working class man now. Blue collar, baby. Yeah. Show me your fingernails. You got dirt, grime under them from a hard week of labour.

They are scuffed. Making everyone laugh. Your stumpy little fingers. Okay, shy guy. You would not be a good penis. Excuse me, excuse me, red. Oh, penis. Shy guy.

Yeah. As the regulator, can you please do some regulating? Oh, I was meant to buy him red and yellow cards. Oh. That's right. I've got still the packet of Sour Patch Kids. That's yellow. And then the peaches and cream for two weeks ago

That's our red You've still got some of them Great I thought you were going to pull out one little red Sour Patch kid And one little yellow Sour Patch Kids Oh we can do that too Yeah no no no he's the regulator for your yelling

Not for me being a bitch No no no no no no The conversation was he's a regulator And we both get found Oh wait sorry That's not obvious though I had a very pertinent question to ask the team Babbs shy guy

Did you guys see the full moon This morning? Did you? I didn't look at the moon No I didn't Oh was that just a gift for me, Rowan. You may have just seen it.

I rolled into the car park this morning, shy guy. Okay. To Rowan mooning me. I was like, who's coming up the road? I was like, it has to be one of the four, one of the three. And I was like, I know that blue BMW anyway. And then, instead of I dropped my dachs, I just, completely. I thought a person was killed over.

I went, oh my God, someone's in distress. And I was like, that's an ass. I had my full ass out. Just like down. It's hard. And then I look over. He was fully bent over. It's like his nose was.

touching his knees. He was at that squeam. Much respect. A lot of respect for the moon. A lot of respect for the moon. I nearly crashed the BMW. I was giggling so hard. Lucky it.

Lucky it auto drives. I mean, let's be honest. Lucky. It would have braked before it. One hit you or hit a pole. Oh my God. Rowan, you really started me day off. She was laughing hard.

Shy guy, I think you would have giggled. Babs, how would you have handled a full moon so early on a Friday? I don't actually know. Oh. Well, you might, you might, I've got a great idea. I've got a great idea. Because Babbs usually does beat me. I just had a shocking night's sleep with the little ones and I came in a bit earlier than you.

I thought. So I could have been Babs. A bit of an interesting pause there. I thought you're saying Babs usually does moon me. I've asked and I've asked. Show me a bum. You're not allowed to ask that. That's illegal.

That's why I give it off any emails or written correspondence. Great idea. Yeah. Yeah, in a dark corner. where no one can hear your voice. Anyway, if you have set a dangerous precedent. The Friday moon. Yesterday, Shargey, we had a all-staff meeting.

Sorry, not all-staff. Rowan and I were pulled into a meeting with some people around the state, which we actually need to drill down on something in particular. Oh, I know. Yes, we should. Yeah, we should. But one of the questions I was asked was, Jess, just a quick one, when are you going to show Rowan your boobs?

Oh, that's right. I thought about that question. I said to see them before. Your predecessor, Young Ducko, did get a flash on his second last show. You're welcome. An inadvertent handstand. Yeah. Unplanned.

Fling them out. No bra. So that was a concern from the GM up north. But anyway, it was a hell of a... They're just so obsessed with your boobs. Oh, and then we have to also... They also drill down on something else, they said. We will.

Before 630. And the way they said it. There was a hell of a pause which completely derailed the meeting. Oh, my goodness. But it's a Friday. Rowan. We're here. You've been pumped full of vitamins and minerals.

I got my IV yesterday, guys. I'm a new man. You're sounding a lot better. My voice is obviously still a little bit dark and groggy. Which I don't mind. But I'm not straining to talk like I was the last couple days. It feels good, man. It feels good.

It's so wonderful to be here at the end of a big week, particularly on Wednesday when you were looking dicey. I know. To see out the week. Trying to get a day off, guys. But lucky because today. I'm trying. Alpha bucks, seven and eight.

$10,000 for you guys. If you get them right. 30 seconds, one letter, 10 questions, $10,000. If you would like to see us have a crack, Jess and Rowan, we both had a go at Alpha Bucks yesterday. One person, one, one person got five. Have a guess who did what? I'll let you think about it for a bit. Yeah, probably only need one guess. We're also giving away our cruise.

Oh my God, today's the day, it's given away. Today's the day, it's given away. And then, of course, at the end of the show, our cooker of the week, if you get involved on the text, on the DMs, or yes, on 13, 1060, two nights, day and the hundred. to Valley plus a gamut of other goodies just in time for Valentine's Day. And by the way, Friday bangers will get you a sweet song. Oh my God. We pick a song. We battle it off.

Is that all we're doing? How can we fit anything else? I don't know. I can't fit anything else in. Well, up next we are going to. We're so busy. We're so busy. We do have something I want to talk about.

Men. Picking up hobbies. Just a jagged date. Oh, pathetic. I'm not good at defending men, guys. I need you to defend the men. This is Jess and Rowan. I need you to get your criminal defense barrister wig on

because you are up at the podium defending all men. Oh, I'm not good at this. Particularly young men. Especially not young men. In this country. Okay. What is it? In a survey of 2000 millennials and Gen Zia's fantastic sample size.

It's probably at the time. 16% admitted to picking up a hobby purely to jag a date, purely to see. impressive or interesting. They're trying to be less pathetic. To the opposite sex. So there are a bunch of hobbies that they went, I think chicks are into calligraphy. I'll pretend to be into it. Or I'll go learn how to do it.

So I can just say on the apps, I've started calligraphy and hopefully she'll come over and sleep with me. I hate this with all my being. What say you as a young man yourself? Why don't? Hey, if you're a young man listening, why don't you do this? Why don't you open your eyes and just talk to a woman? It's nice. 22% say they have engaged in a form of performative dating.

So it's not about authenticity anymore, apparently. That is every man ever. That is every man ever. Well, to be fair, 22%. That's not 88%. But I would argue are the 88% lying. Yeah. 22 are honestly going, yeah, I'll pick up a hobby just so she thinks are more interesting.

Or worse, I've noticed that's what she's in. too. So I'll pretend I'm into it as well. Yeah, I love Batball. Ladies, run. Run. Guys who have perfect vision but still wearing glasses. Now, faking bad vision isn't a hobby. That's just now, that's catfishing. I hate this. Sporting only vintage clothing and acting like you're a big op shopper and thrifter because you've realized that's what she's into. You've seen she's made a couple of TikToks at her local salvos. Yeah, I'm into that as well, sweetheart. I get it. How's this? Sixty-two percent of people picked up fitness or some sort of regular gym activity, thinking it would make them more attractive, except 54% of women who are interview, were like,

eh. We don't care. Oh, we don't really care about fitness. So they're not even getting the right hobbies to seem attractive. That is the most accurate statement for young men. They are just doing it wrong. Just doing it wrong. Babs, as a young woman, heterosexual, what is the hobby a young man?

could actually pick up that you would then go, okay, you've got my attention. Maybe reading or an instrument. Okay. Robbing banks, like anything like that. More money. Cashed up? Cashed up.

Is that a hobby? I think in your 20s, listen, I think in your 20s, you should just look, girls should just go for blokes with heaps of cash and then your 30s find someone you love. Seriously. Get the cash. So that's advice to the women.

Yes. What's your advice to the men? Do better. Don't do that. Should take half your stuff. That's the point. You're 30. Dude, that's the game plan.

Did you ever do this wrong? Because it says the performative male trend is just to be appealing to the female gays. When you were a young single man, did you do this sort of stuff? Pretend to be someone other than Rowan Edwards to get the girls to look at you? No, no, because I was on the radio, so I thought Rowan Edwards was enough. Clearly not. Clearly not. When I was in my 20s, I had a hell of a time.

Not in a good way. But then your 30s, you found someone to love. Totally. Well, she found me. Oh, she found you. On hinge. And it was like, oh, he's on the radio. He's funny.

She messaged me on Valentine's Day, by the way. Oh, there you go. And you had no hobbies. No. It's easy to remember her anniversary. Valentine's Day. Well, that's when she messaged me. We caught up a couple weeks later.

That's an anniversary worth remembering. But, okay, that's good advice for the young ones. Just be true to you. Don't wear glasses if you don't need them. Oh, I hate that. Don't pretend to be into Joan Didion if you're not actually into Joan. Who the hell is Joan Didian? She's an author.

I wouldn't know that. Apparently, some dudes are admitting to being clutching copies of Joan Didian books in the hope that women will notice them. I have no. hope for this. No Joan Didion. A fourth wing. Am I right, Babs? That's the book you need. Oh, that's the dragon port. That's the dragon point.

This is Jess and Rowan. We need to drill down on something that happened yesterday. Rowan and I were pulled into a meeting, guys. And it was to schmooze, basically. Boss Jay said, Hey, Rowan in particular, I want everyone around the state. The higher-ups,

sales managers, general managers, digital managers. Billionaires. Billionaires. Yes. I want them to see your face, have a quick little chitty chat. And how many people do you reckon popped up on that screen? Upwards of 20. I was going to say 25.

25, including us in the little boardroom. And we went round the grounds. Tracy, our lovely big, big boss. She sort of went, everyone, go around, introduce yourself where you're from. And if you have any questions for Jess or Rowan, by all means. Shoot them out. Shoot them out. As I've already told you, someone asked Jess, when are you going to show Rowan your titties?

which is a throwback to late last year where I accidentally flashed, Ducco. Who? He shall not be named. You know, a few people ask, Rowan, how you're settling in? What's your background? What's your story?

How did you end up here? Yep, winning. Winning. But then, Rowan. Oh, you want to talk about that. Great idea. I would like to talk about that because Tracy said,

Bianca. Bianca, do you want to unmute yourself and say hi? Go for it. Yeah, yeah, yep. Bianca said. Hey, guys, how you going? Been really enjoying the show. I've got a quick question.

Good, good on your bike. Yep, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no worries. Rowan's putting the charm on, you know. A lot of ladies on the call, Babs. I took my shirt off. Absolutely.

They all dropped off. Bianca goes, Rowan, yep. I just wanted to know when you're going to start work out. No, what did she say? She's, I just want to, I just want to know. I've got all morning. I've been a babes.

I've done a babbs. She said to me, when are you going to work out? When are you going to start working out? what your girlfriend does for work. And I went, um, and Jess went, sorry,

stop, stop everything. Everyone's, just went, stop everything. The perfect time. And I went, I don't know,

to clear your throat. I thought you were going to stop there. And I was going to say to you like, I'm going on the natural path today. Like, I'm trying, babe. You know,

like you shouldn't have taken your shirt off in the meeting. Yeah, what the hell? Because if you missed it yesterday, we talked about, do you not know what your partner does for work? Yes, and Rowan revealed

doesn't really know. What Lucy, his girlfriend does. Doesn't really know. And Bianca heard that. So she wanted to know, when are you going to start working out? What your partner does for a living. But that pause felt so targeted. This feels personal, Bianca, by the way.

It was delicious. Excuse me. So what I thought we could do this morning is just get a list together. Statements, phrases, questions that you should not pause in the middle of. What did I start? Sure. Bianca has started. Well, she started.

When are you going to start working out? By the way, she ended it too. Our friendship. Okay. I'll just, I'll start with the jazz bed. Cheers. How are you? Great to see you.

Good to see you, Roe, oh my God, I was going to ask you. Oh, hey, has your husband, Angus, is he still sleeping with? That back brace. I know, his back was a bit sore. Like, is he still doing the, his back's been sore. but I also want to know if he was really still working out in the bedroom with his back stuff. Shouldn't have paused. Shouldn't have paused.

Now, I don't want to butcher mine again because I've already butchered it once, so I wrote it down. Right. Yeah, you're ready to go. Rowan, you've got shingles. No, what? On your roof. What? You brought this to us, and that's bad.

Shingles. Aren't they American? Shingles of roof tiles. You've got shingles. Pause. You've got shingles. But shingles is also an awful nerve disease. No, I think you've done your bit wrong, mate.

You've done your bit wrong. No. You've got shingles. Yes. It's a terrible nerve disease. Do you not, okay, we've got two issues. Hang on, we've got two issues. Did you guys, do you guys know what shingles are?

No. Stop. Okay, do you not know what she's like a nerve disease? Yeah, yeah. But it's all. Also, why are you pointing out someone shingles on their roof? Why are you pointing it out? Out of all.

You've got shingles. On your roof. You don't know what I point out. I made up this game. Have I played it wrong? I would have gone to the ads by now, but I really want to hear what the other two have. Psychar, you've chosen to think it's worth it. I don't.

I think you could have done that. Anything's better than that. I don't have expected that from me all that. No, but see, my, no, you guys played the game wrong. And I didn't want to. Stop down. Rowan, you actually played wrong, but I was going to let you go. The beauty of...

I played wrong. The beauty of Bianca's statement was it could have been the end. When are you going to start working out? Could have been the end. Yours that you just gave to me wasn't going to be the end because you finished on with. Clearly there was more to come. You played wrong. No.

Yeah. It has to finish as though it could have been the final word of the statement. You said with. There was clearly more than. This is so funny. Let me try. Wait, do you want the jazz bed? You play by my rules.

Just want the jazz bed. Okay, let's see. Let's see. Don't end on a whiz. Listen, listen, however shy guy goes would know who's right. No, you guys are dumb. My game was good. We're all doing our best here. Hang on.

It's not good enough. Go shy guy. Hey, Rowan. Yeah, man. Yeah. How big is, um, your own? You can't. This is Jess and.

Rowan. Jess and Rowan's 10K Alfa Bucks on hit. Absolutely. $10,000 at 7 and at 8 o'clock every morning with our alpha bucks, Jess. It's Friday, Rowan, which means only two opportunities to round out the week. We've yet to give away the $10,000, but we've not met Christine yet. No, we have not. Christine, good morning.

Hello. Good morning, guys. How are you? Look, we've only had 10 shows. We've hit double digies today. Christine, Are you going to make this a 10th show to remember by winning $10,000? I hope so.

Nah, the time for hoping is over. I'll ask you again. Are you going to make... Yes, you're going to go 10 toes down, nose down, face at it. Yes. Ready. Christine, what are you going to spend the 10G on? Well, we just found out we're having our first baby.

Congratulations. Thank you. What a great omen. How wonderful. Christine, when are you due? July. July. How exciting. Perhaps you would like to think, you don't know what you're having, do you?

Yes, we're not having a boy. Oh, wonderful. What a wonderful, wonderful thing. Perhaps you'd like to consider the name Walter. Perhaps you'd like to consider the name William. Because those letters start with W and that is what you're working with. Okay, cool. Let's do it. Your time will start after the first question. You're ready?

Yes. Starting with the letter, W. We need you to name a drink. Water. An adjective. Um, witty. An occupation. Um, waiter.

A pantry item. Wafers. A mammal. Um, water buffalo. Something in the bedroom. Uh. Um, um, no. A TV show.

Oh. Oh. God, you were out of the gates, strong. I'm ticking all over the shop. Oh, sorry, guys. Yeah, you were out of the gates. You don't need to apologise to us, but you were doing really well. We just, I think we ran out at sign.

Thank you. Oh, man. Can I get an adjective? Did you say witty or woody? Yeah, I'm not good with them. No, no, babe, that's it. I was going to say, that's right. That's it.

It's a describing word. Mammal. Water buffalo. I'm pretty sure a mammal is just gives birth to live young. So that's a water buffalo baby. They ain't doing eggs. Well, how's this, Christine? You had five out of five.

Oh, my God. Oh, no, you didn't get something in the bedroom. So you had five out six. But, hey, really good, really good job. Really good job. Christine, congratulations again. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Thank you.

Thank you for joining the show. Absolutely. Thank you, Christine. And if you do end up naming your kid, Walter or William, can you send us a DM? I will. I appreciate you. You don't have to. I think I heard that tone was a, yeah, I will.

Yeah, yeah. It's like I might. I might actually do it. Yeah, I might actually do it. We have a hell of a cooker of the week prize this week, Rowan. Oh, yeah, we do, don't we? Two nights in the Hunter Valley plus a gamut of extras at Cypress Lange. Get involved with the show.

04-8-W8-1069 the text line as well. When a text, it's easy. I've got a hell of a question for you next. Jess and Rowan. This is Jess and Rowan. Last night, hot off the presses. Rowan. Yeah.

And on 131060, if you'd like to get involved, I apologize if there's no children in your life, but this is about Gitties. Luchea is two years old. Hot and cold with eating all her dinner. So more nights than not, we are then having wheat bicks at about 8.30 just to get something in her belly. I don't want her waking up at two going, I'm hungry. I get it. So we try and get something into her.

Yep. So last night, around 830, Angus and Luchet are sharing wheat bicks. I'm making myself a cup of tea. I don't like wheat bicks. Okay. Oh, fair enough. We're talking about what's on for tomorrow, what's the next job on the list for the renovation maybe. Who's going to clean the house before mum and dad get here?

Yep. She is there, but she's not really in the conversation. Let's be real. And out of nowhere, she goes, Daddy, how to doors work? That's a weapon. The kids' language skills are admirable. How did doors work? Daddy.

You open him, you shut up. We talk about it. Clear as day, Rowan. Daddy, how to doors work? What did he say? without missing a beat. Well, Lucci, it's with a hinge and inertia. Annercia.

Anuria. What a word. An inertia, I think, is like, force, yeah? I wouldn't expect you to know. Anercia. Hang on. Babs, you know what inertia is? Don't Google it. Do you know what inertia is?

I know it's a science term. Yeah, it is. It's something about an object in motion, or is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Motion. Motion. So without missing a bee, Oh, well, sweetheart, with a hinge system and inertia.

Amazing. You had inertia. Wow, what a great word. That's amazing. This is how you improve a two-year-old's language skills. So what I wanted to do, 04-8-8-1-069, or 13-1060, what's the out-of-the-box question your kid has asked? How old were they when they asked?

Two years old, how did doors work? I thought that was miraculous. I had a nine-year-old and say to me once, you've had beers at lunch. I said, no, I have it as I was coaching them. Sorry, are you Jack Black in the movie? School of Rock. She said to me, I am hung over.

How is it? It means you're an alcoholic. It means you're drunk. No. He's not drunk yesterday. This is Jess and Rowan. Right now, I want to know what is the most out of the box question or statement. Yep.

You've received from the youth from a kid having our pretty usual 8.30 p.m. Week bicks with our two-year-old, Angus and I are discussing, you know, what needs to be done for the Reno, what's on for the weekend. And Lucia interrupts Daddy how to doors work. And because my husband is so switched on and doesn't miss a beat, even being incredibly sleep deprived and busy, he hits back with, well, babe. It's due to her hinge system and inertia.

Bingo. She had no follow-up questions. That was enough to satisfy her curiosity. When did you reckon you get the babies question? Where do you come from? Great one. Not sure. Not sure.

Three, four. You'll be the first to know. Don't worry. Thank you. Thank you. Megan has got in touch. 04-8-8-106-9. I was having a conversation with my three-year-old

about needing to wear pants when we leave the house. Yep. That's just stock standard, babe. Three-year-old hits back with, Who made that rule? And that is a great question. Oh, my God. One of my old boss's tots,

one of the great legends. One of his middle child, weapon of a kid. He started to lie. He realized how to... It's a sign of intelligence. He's lying. Yeah.

And he said, and then he must have heard someone one time do this, but he said, and then Todd's like, what have I said to you, River, about lying? Don't lie. Tell the truth. And he goes, stops and looks, points him and goes, can joke though. For comedic effect, Dad, you've got to give me a part. He's clearly heard Totts like lying. Yeah, yeah.

I'm joking. I'm joking. They're sponges, man. Kids gone, can joke though. Oh, that's, with the finger up as well. Dodgers, I love. What I'm supposed to say that?

He can't, he's like, you can joke. He's, river's got me. Yeah, can joke. Steve, good morning to you. Yeah, we are. Yeah, pretty good. What out of the box question or statement did a six-year-old hit you with? Mine's very similar.

I, um, because I smuck around, telling jokes and playing around and stuff like that. And he just looked at me like, point blank and just said, Dad, jokes are just lies, people tell other lies. Like, just lies people tell other people to get them to laugh. Yeah, he's right. Steve. And I just get it. So now every time I'm making a joke, I'm just lying.

It's one and the same. Oh, my God. I saw my story. Steve, you've taught the kid too well, is what I'm hearing. That's the problem here, Steve and taught. Reading from the same parenting book. Trudy, good morning. Oh, my God.

All right, you get Trudy. I'll read a text from me again. Oh, no. Oh, Trudy's there now. Hi, Trudy. Hi, Jess. How you going? I'm welcome.

Hi, Trudy. Hang on. Trudy and I go way back. We're having a moment. Now you can have Trudy's attention. Hi, Trudy. Yeah, well, look, hi, guys. I want to just let you know that when my son was three, and Jess, you can relate to this. You don't get to go to the toilet on your own once there around that age. You've seen that video where she bust in with the felt pastor. Yeah. Absolutely. And so I'm sitting there and my son says, mum, mommy, why you haven't got a penis? This is Jess and Rowan.

Jess and Rowan on Instagram, but there are two VIPs on route Rowan. Really? For one reason and one reason only, not to visit me, not to visit their first and only grandchild. No. My mum and dad are flying in to help sweet Ro Row out. After his first full week on the show, the first full week of employment in about three and a half years.

It's a big bucket of soup. And after a week on air, your voice has really struggled yesterday in particular. Horrific. It was bad. Today, not bad, but my mom thought, I'm flying myself up. Yeah, got to do it. Mum and dad are coming because my mum is the queen of soups. She's the queen of lasagna.

She's also the queen of soups. And she thought Rowan could do with a big bucket of soup. Soup cream. My dad has texted me. Hey, honey, we've got an appointment. at 7.30 this morning. They must be in it now with New South Wales customs offices because we have to bring in a few extra food goods. And we need sign off to get into the state.

Are you kidding? What are they bringing you? Then I message my mum. I said, Ma. It's all right. What's going on? Remember we had the issue yesterday, Side Guy, I shared with you. My mom does doubts local supermarkets. She knows her local butchers and grocers and fruit and veg slingers. She doesn't trust what I have here. Yeah, but she hasn't

gone to Columbia to get these ingredients, has she? No, but for the hawk, which is going to flavour Rowan's soup, it's a non-negotiable. This is what my mum had to say before she went into this appointment. So I've packed the

bacon hawks. I've got two, and I want to put one in each of our carry-ons. And I've packed the mini-multi food processor because I need those veggies chopped just fine. And now I'm thinking, does Jessica have a decent size pot for this ministroni? So I'm thinking I'm going to have to change and go to check-in so I can bring the soup pot.

My dad has sent me a photo of the pot she wants to bring. I'll put it on the Jessin Rowan. It's just a suitcase with a pot in it. It's a giant pot. That would be her biggie. That's like a gallon. but it doesn't fit in her carry-on, so they're going to have to pay for checking. Guys, I appreciate it.

But it's so insulting. I've got a pot. I also have a food processor, but she doesn't like my stuff. She has to bring her stuff. Why does she like? Is it our food process all the same? Not according to Lisa Farchioni. Not according to any good ethnic mother, I reckon.

So yes, she's got two bacon hocks that she got from, because her issue is shy guy, you're not going to have Botocchi available? You don't know that. She did say that. Particular. She wanted Bertocchi in particular. So she's packing them in. She's going to have to declare, even though I'm not international,

she's going to declare she's carrying pork in her lucky. Wasn't I just getting vegetable soup? I've been a minestrone. To be fair, yes, you're forgiven for thinking it is vegetables, but she likes to flavour the broth. It's got a depth of flavour that'll knock you out of your socks. I bet it will. And her secret ingredient is the hawk, which she simmers.

Back to everyone, man. She'll never get a buttocky now. This is Jess and Rowan. Alfa Bucks. Jess and Rowan's 10K alpha bucks on hit. Yes, and it's Friday winning with $10,000 for Alpha Bucks. Last time we do it this week. We'll be back again next week to keep doing it. But let's give it away today, Jess.

It's our 10th birthday. And by that, I mean, we've done 10 shows as the Jess and Rowan duo. Charlie, good morning to you. Good morning. Thank you for joining us on this momentous show. 10. We've hit double digits, babe. Thanks for having me. You're so excited.

Pleasure to. pleasure, treasure. We would love to give you $10,000 on our 10th birthday. Oh, that makes sense. Doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Charlie, it'll be our first for 2026. What are you then going to go spend the money on? My fiancé and I've been engaged for over two years, so we'd probably put it towards the wedding. Okay, I love it. I'm a celebrant.

Just so you know. Well, that's 10 grand right there, so, I mean, find one else. A bit less? She'd be some leftover for flowers. Just a bit less. But Charlie, maybe you're religious. I don't know what you practice or preach. Maybe you'd rather a priest marry you and your partner. Because priest starts with P.

And that is what you'll be working with. Cool. Oh, you know what I should have said? Photography. That's what your 10 grand will go to. Photography starts with P. And then you'll have to put another two grand on top of that. But, you know.

Right. You do you? They're expensive. Charlie, you ready? Ready. Your time will start after the first question. Starting with the letter P. We need you to name.

A type of coffee. Piccolo. An animated character. Pinocchio. A sport. An NRL player. Path. A male celebrity.

Paul Walker. A horror film. Path. A fashion brand. A pantry item? Oh, damn. That is three, my dear. It's tough.

Tough. I do a lot better when I'm listening. Yeah, why, it's different when you're on the phone. Don't we all. It's okay. You could have sport. You could have polo, paintball. Could have paint arse.

Patrick Carrigan for an NRL player. Horror film, Psycho, Poltergeist. Fashion brand, Prada. Pantry items. We get to be it. I think it buzzed, but yeah. Yeah. Pasta.

Could have pasta. Charlie, I'm sorry. You'll be paying my fee out of you. your own back pocket. Should you wish? Jess Farciani.com. She's worth it. She's worth it.

I am. Have you seen me in action? Remember I had to help you get your license. Oh my God, you did. I had to do the videos of me doing a ceremony. Were you a group? You were a best man.

And I remember I was holding the babies. That's right. And you're in my naming ceremony. No, you were pregnant. Yeah. You were pregnant. I was pregnant doing the thing. I was holding like a fake doll.

That's right. You were doing the naming ceremony video. The naming ceremony video. Were you a godfather? Were you the dad? And you failed and I was like, I'm not coming back to do it again. Wait, what did you have to, like a mock thing? A mock video.

So part of civil marriage celebrant. It's a lot. Of course I did. She wanted proof I could do a naming ceremony. Yeah, it's a lot. So Rowan played the dad. Rowan played the dad of the baby. I was doing the naming ceremony.

You have to have people around to like witness and you have to practice with real people. And you have to film it. And you have to film it. And it was meant to be 15 minutes. Mine was 14 and she failed me. And Rowan refused to come back and do it again. So I had to get. get new friends.

It's not like you going under. No, sorry, sorry. I was living in Sydney at the time and I was like... He actually came up for it. I bought your lunch. We forget that, don't we? This is Jess and Rowan. It's Rowan's first full 10 days in full-time employment in three years.

I reckon that's worth celebrating. And shy guy very kindly sent his little tentacles into the ether. Found his octopus tentacles, which you know I find horrific. But when they pay off in donut, our favorite G-free, gluten-free donuts. You all know them. They're so good. You mentioned this week that when you purchase your G-free's out in the wild, you're off and than not.

There's a cheeky little extra one in there for you, Rowan. Always get another one, always. Well, the wonderful gem. I think you ordered a dozen. She chucked in a 13-4-year. Yeah, you've got to do it. Which I would have been happy if she only gave us 10, because it's 10 shows. But thank you.

It's been a hell of a week. It's been a hell of a week. And I also, you might notice my voice is better today. I reckon you've got a glow about you. I would describe you today, bright-eyed and bushy tail. Yes, a bit, well. And I've seen your tail this morning because you mooned me when I rolled in. I did too.

I was skipping out of my car and I went, oh, I know that blue BMW anywhere. Pants down. And I was just like staring to see what she were doing. And Jess was staring. Like, geez, the naturopath works so fast. He's dropped 15 kilos. His pants can't stay up. He's just mooning everyone.

Yeah, good a pet. How are you? Anyway, he put me on a modified diet yesterday. I was like, what? Where did G-free donuts fit into Peter, the naturopath's modified diet? They are definitely in foods to avoid. I was like, what am I, a Labrador? What else is in foods to avoid, wrong?

Oh my God, by the way, that list, he gave me a list of foods to avoid. So specifically, pineapple juice. She had two liters of yesterday. So, so, so. You're joking. You're joking. I showed shock. I cried, Lerra.

Because of the acidity? I don't know. He said it's like, you may as well just drink. What a donut? and pineapple juice having got it. No, he was like, you may as well just drink sugar on. I went, okay, Peter. Did you explain the lubrication of your throat?

I did. I said, Peter, it's for my throat. It helps. You know, I had to talk. It's my job, mate. It's one thing for Peter to take away your pineapple juice. Did he replace it for you? In lieu of pineapple.

Well, there's beneficial foods. There's beneficial foods and stuff. But look, foods to avoid. And then there's... That is a long page and that is a small font. Look at that. Look at the fluids. Coffee.

Don't have decaf. Don't even have decaf. Don't have coffee. Well, he just said, Reduce the cafe. All that kinds of. But that says here, cordial. Sorry,

sorry. Is my, is my eyes deceiving me? Does that say tea? No tea. Everything I know about vocal hygiene is wrong. Well, this is not vocal hygiene. This is the pure.

Oh, you're right. Sorry, this isn't a speech pathologist. No, no, no. Yeah, orange juice, pummel juice, commercial juices. So all juices. So water. No, no, sorry. You can have water is what I'm saying.

And vodka was vodka on there. He said no alcohol, so maybe not. Oh, no alcohol. like a hundred-year diet rule. You're going to be a marcher guy now? That's not that either, no. Oh my God. So no pineapple juice.

We did that. Definitely no donuts. Good on your, Peter. I've got a cake coming in later. Peter, Peter. It's right there. Do you want to do it now? I said, are you listening to the show, Peter? Yeah. And he went, oh, listen to Triple J.

I said, well, I'm out of here, sucker. And he said, no, I changed. Triple J listeners always want to tell you their triple J listeners. Oh, what do you do? Oh, I'm on radio. Which one? Oh, I'm sorry, I don't listen to commercial. I had a hard day yesterday.

So obviously did that. I faced the truth of like how to get healthier. And then, and then after that. You had to pour out all your pineapple juice. After that. Oh, my God. Someone else would have to drink that. And then I got an IV yesterday.

Yes, you did. We sent the wonderful nurse Lisa to your house. What a queen. Thank you, So Bella. And then so she came over to stick me and had three goes out of it. My bloody veins wouldn't like, wouldn't take. They'd just roll off my hand and go, no, no, no. And so she had to use a small a needle.

You told me that previous nurses who'd been fondling your veins said you've got rock star veins. Yeah, that's what I thought. No, apparently they're shy and timid. So she had to use, poor thing, you had to use a smaller, thinner needle to get into my vein. To coax them out. So it took a longer, so she was just sitting there. I said, oh, no, mate, this is great.

This is the job. She was like, I'm happy because it's school pickup right now. So if you, the longer you take, the less I got to do. So you're at your house. Yeah. For a little while, what did you put on? Heated rivalry? Did you make her sit through an episode of your favorite show?

I wanted to watch. I actually wouldn't watch the peanut. And I was like, there's no way, I'm going to get away with this. There's no way. On the big screen as well. Yeah, on the big one. Yeah, on the big screen. On the family telly.

She's like, I'm going to leave the bag and the needle. I'm going to go. Thanks so much. She was like, I didn't have to stay if it or whatever. I was like, no, you can. But I realised I think that was a cry for help. I think she wanted to go. I think so.

Get out of your den. Anyway, thank you, Lisa. From Sabella. But I must say, between the advice from the naturopath, I understand it's been 12 hours. Yeah. And Lisa coming and giving you a little dose of what vitsy and whatever. Oh my God, everything. Oh, one of the things she puts in the bag was called Slim Jim.

And I said, what does that mean? She said, helps him with Havillis and burn fat. And I was like, another fat joke. Thanks a lot. I can't explain it. I can't get out of here. She was lovely. It's not a joke now.

And I did walk in here skipping glowing. So maybe she's right. Maybe it did really work. This is Jess and Rowan. Ruffing up the week now with The Diary. Well, what are we going to be with Jess and Rowan? Rowan has been losing his voice. And apparently my job description includes going downstairs to buy the talent pineapple juice.

And didn't that cause quite a stir. You can't send Babs. I need her to man the phones. To woman the phones. To woman the phones. You're saying all women are help. Well, the phrase is man the phones. Let's go.

No, I think I was doing a good thing there. Why is the phrase man the phone? You could them the phone. A woman could do a way better job. Can you just, no? Just wait. Babs go now. Are you joking?

What are we doing on it? Why do you go and do it? I can go do it. I can go do it. I'm pressing the buttons, mate. My name's on the show. I don't think she's talking to me. Oh yeah.

She's arguing. She's arguing. She's arguing. Not yet. Hello, excuse me, a little bit of professionalism, please. You were all for this idea before we went on air. Yeah, in the ad break. Wow, bully, bully the guy whose voice doesn't work.

Bully the guy who's trying to send the help to the quickie march. Why don't you call them the help? Wait, why aren't I the help? Yeah, that's so rude, Jess. Stay out there and sit on the phone. I have a pen. I have pineapple. We know Jess has been hitting it hard at the gym before her show.

She's so strong she even snapped her pen the other day, but what workouts is she focusing on in particular? The answer might surprise you. All I want to do is bum. I just want to train bum. I want to train the glutes. Oh, right. So what are you doing the presses and stuff?

I'm doing the presses. I'm doing the squats. I'm goblading. I'm sumoing. Wow. I'm doing all the things. I follow all the hot chicks with good bums on Instagram. Same.

And I copy what they do. No, I don't. What do they do? They do the goblets and the sumos and the curtsies. Kurtz? Oh, wow, that's not a bad idea. Because that works the end. the sides.

You've got to work the sides as well, show I go. You got a full round for the bum. You need a nice peach. Not doing any abs? What do you do? Like, why don't you? Just only butt stuff.

What? Well, sometimes I do a... Sorry, is that a fair question. Sometimes I do a shoulder. I don't care for abs. Whereas I feel good doing the bum stuff. I bet you do. That's fair.

Your description. With Valentine's Day right around the corner, Rowan's got a PSA on what not to buy your man. By the way, ladies, men, oh my God, I'd be real passionate about this. Men only like the normal bonzies. That's what he loves like, and he went. The normal, do not buy, like, seamless bambooies must be nice for women.

Do not buy them for men. That's exactly what I got him, seamless bamboo. Because that's what I love. I only have one hair in my underwear. Women think, oh, it feels nice around me. Must be nice for them. No. You want your boys to breathe?

It's their worst because there's no seams. There's no structure. There's no structure for the other world to sit. Your boys need a house. Your boys near the house. Say, let me write this in the manual. Just remember it, bro. Like, just remember it.

I'm not. I'm going to go buy more bamboos. Speaking of buying stuff, Jess is doing her second no-spend year, where she doesn't buy herself any clothing for the whole year. That doesn't stop her accepting shoes from new rice cookers, though. Do you know, last year, when I was doing the no-spend, I had a gorgeous rice cooker message me. Yeah.

When I was saying, I need new runners, but I don't want to break the no-spend. She goes, Jess, I'll buy you runners. She never did. I loved the thought. I said I'm six and a half. She never sent the runners. You have no shame. I love it.

She never sent the runners. People show they love a different ways. If you want to send me runners, Jenny, I would have accepted them. Send it, babe. She bailed on me. So anyway, that's where I'm that. She was writing checks. She couldn't cash.

She had absolutely it. We're two weeks into this new show and Rowan's already called Jess's husband, Angus, to clarify something. He told Jess while she was making dinner last night. I was making myself some lentils last night. is going, can you put something on? You nude? Yes, nude in the lentils.

And I know we're on... Can you put something on? Thank you. Fourth story apart. It's fine. Do you know how it's something? Hey, just quickly. Hi, baby.

Hi. Just quickly. See the tone. Did Jess make dinner last night nude? And you go, can you put something on? Well, making dinner is a bit of a stretch. She was just walking around. When I was prepping the lentils.

Can you confirm? The tone was, can you put something on? Don't deny it. Yeah, it's about that. Stay next week, rice cookers. Goodbye. This is Jess and Rowan.

Australia's most requested burger. The Elmaco is back at Maccas with chunky Elmacko salsa, smooth sour cream, and 100% Aussie beet or chicken. I think I want to get one to you. Hell yeah. After 1030, it's available for a limited time.

Okay, go get that, guys. Enjoy yourself. Have a little Elmacko vibe. and Rowan's cooker of the week. We're cooking with a cooker. Amen, it's not just calls anymore, even though we are so grateful

for your contributions on 131060. We'd love to hear your voices. Yeah. Maybe you're not in a position to call. You can always DM us, Jess and Rowan on the socials or text. Yeah, I do love the text hack too. If you're in your car, you can go, Siri,

text Jess and Rowan. We've got a save-bound number and that is easy as pie, Rowland. Yeah, yeah, pull up. That's great. 04-8-8-18-1069. They count. and they are in with a chance to win this week's incredible cooker of the week prize. Rowan, do we have time to go through it all?

Oh, two nights day at the Oak Cypress Lakes Hill Resort, Tick. Breakfast and dinner at the Cypress Lake's Bistra, Tick. Two rounds of golf, a couple of spa credits to use at the Alyssa Wellness Retreat. It's a great, great prize. It's unbelievable. Look, Valentine's Day next week. Oh, yeah, book online now for their Valentine's Day dinner and let the rolling views of the Hunter set the scene for a romantic evening.

We've got to give this prize away to the cooker of the week. I would like to do a very honourable mention. Yes. Jade texts through literally minutes ago. Okay. We just had a conversation about unfortunate pauses, statements or questions you could be in the middle of where you should not clear your throat.

Woman asked you a colleague yesterday, when are you going to start working out? What your girlfriend does for work? So rude. Jade text. us. Hey, Jess, are you expecting Rowan to actually understand that game?

It's not bad. It's not bad. You'll also hear, shy guy didn't get it right either. The boys are dumb. Excuse me? Shouldn't have paused it so long there. A text has won our cooker of the week

this week. A text. Earlier this week we were talking about our controversial bean dish. It's a bean dish I learnt, a recipe I learned, from an ex-lover, the Italian stallion when I lived in London. We asked, is it okay to keep stuff from your ex? Shaden texted and said, I still wear a necklace. My ex bought me that has his initial on it.

I just say now that the initial is for my dog. It's a really nice necklace. I love that. Shaden, congratulations. You've won the cooker of the week prize. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much, guys. You are so welcome.

I've just decided then off the cuff that does he, does your partner know? Like I think we give you... He actually does. Oh, okay. You can't have this prize unless he knows. He does. He's going to say he knows now.

And my other dog actually has the same initial as me. So I thought about getting another charm. Too hard. You get wrapped up in the lie, Shay. They get wrapped up in a lie. It's layered and now the lie's getting expensive. Well, you and your current partner can enjoy that beautiful stay at Oaks, Cypress Lakes. Congratulations.

That is amazing. Thanks so much, guys. You're very welcome. Cooker again, cooker of the week next week. Another prize. Save our number. 04-8-8-1069. But of course, yeah, all the pipes and the phone.

We're back to finish. We're back on Monday. Oh, guys, full week for me. I don't know if, do we have a bit of time? Hey, Babs, can you be? bring in the cake. You got donuts. What do you mean?

There's a cake? See, I organise the cake and shag I organise the donut. So it's a treat-filled morning. Diet start tomorrow. We can't light the candles like because there's too many senses in the studio. Ten shows together, Rowan. Ten days of you, full employment. We've hit double digits.

It's worth celebrating. Do you want to catch this? Catch it. No. We're not doing it. Catch it. All right, Steve Ayoki. Put your hands up.

Ten. Smash. Nine. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Thank you. Thank you very much. Well done.

Face cake, face cake. What's done for the weekend? Eating the cake. I'm not going to talk all week. Yeah, vocal rest is important. Thank you to everyone who has been with us so far. Ten magnificent shows. Our podcast lives on the listener app.

Hey, it's cream, guys. My parents are inbound. My mom's going to look after, well, their flights at three, but they're on their way to the airport. They're Italian Maltese. My mom will make you a big bucket of soup. Oh, big bucket of soup. We'll deliver at some point this weekend.

A bucket of soup. I'm seeing an Abba tribute show. I am packed to the round. I'm not doing anything. I'm sitting on the couch. Not talking to anyone. Good. So that I'm good back to talk to my best friends.

You three. Monday. We will be back. Have a wonderful weekend. Bye-bye. That was the Jess and Rowan podcast. The Al Macco is back at Maccas. Try the new race today.