Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - Slits

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

Is open food at Coles fair game? Rohan wants in on Jess' book club and we ask how'd you catch the thief?Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/jess-and-rohanSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Calling all K-pop demon hunter fans The Huntrix and Sartja Boys meals are now at Maccas. Here we go! Welcome to the Jess and Rowan podcast. Yes, thank you for listening to the podcast. God love you. Appreciate you.

I don't know how we feel about this Rowan. What is that? On today's program, you'll hear Rowan kind of throw his name in the hat to become an honorary dwarf. Yeah, yeah. Well, a duv. What is the dwarf again?

Thirsty girl who drinks wine and finishes books. drinks wine and reads books. No, no, finishes books. Not just reads. Finishes books. You can't just read 30% of it. Dwar. I thought it was, and reads books.

Oh, no, you're right. That's where the Arab is coming from. No, it's fb. I don't like that. The R makes it. You girls aren't reading books though. We are reading books, but we had to make it very specific finished books because some were not finishing.

Anyway, you'll hear today. Rowan's kind of throwing his hat in the ring. You've got some professional development, which may involve a little bit of down time, just a little bit. Little bit. You thought, oh, could I have a dabble, dip my toe in a book club setting? Could I? Could I?

Read our next book and then come to the next meetup contributions. Yeah. I put in our chat, the dwarfs book. So ladies, can I get a temperature check? Six of them have seen it. Only two have replied. The one we were looking for. The agenda overlord in Carly Finch.

She's seen her not replied. They probably think it's some radio gag. But I said it was, you know, this could be great content for our show. It's a little on-air arc. But no, I've made it very clear. Yes, this is for the show, but he is serious. I mean it. Yeah.

Okay. Well, we'll see how it goes. Interesting. They hang it. T.C. Tyler has made a great point. She's moving up north. There technically is a vacancy. Totally.

Why hasn't Carly responded? I'm nervous about it. She's busy. But she read it. She had time to what, read it, but not even double tap. That's okay. Not a little emoji. I'm okay with that. That's all right.

It's okay. I think you're allowed to read things and get back to them later. We're adults. I do appreciate. She is maybe considering it. I don't love that it's not an immediate yes from me. She might have read it and gone, oh my God, lol. Talk about that later.

Fair. You know, not just like, oh yeah, that makes sense. I love this interpretation. I've gone, she's read it and thought, how do I leave him yet? I never think. What a glass half full kind of guy. People have stuff to do. They might read it.

I do it all the time. I just go, no, I'll get back to it. I'm having a back and forth with a gentleman on the text line and he's really upset that I'm not replying immediately. I've had to say, hey, bro, there's a bit more going on. We're doing a show, Chief. Just replying. All right.

So not a lot of people think like you, Rowan. I guess I'm not one of them either. Find out of the podcast how that all went. Enjoyed. Find out. Welcome. Something new for breakfast. You'll get to know Rowan.

Flit off and spit at him. Does it going to be good? It's going to be fine. It's going to be all right. A little bit out of mind Anything could happen Most of it probably will They're at the funeral

Handy die We're tired of not to rip ass He did it Hey guys what are we talking about Who cares You want to see me jungle This is just right This is gonna be good

Yes Yes Good morning Welcome to Tuesday I work up this morning Wednesday Hang on a second We're on until Friday

You're telling me I've got an extra day this week Two weeks Back to back of short week Has ruined us now For the normal working week Yeah, I feel like I'm hard done by now. You joined this program, Jan 23, Rowan.

I want you to know for years we have been advocating for the four-day work week. Unfortunately, we have been rejected at every turn. We got two in a row. It was great. We got two in a row, but that was, I don't know, government mandated. I was here. So we can continue to fly that flag, but I feel so rejected from these years of petitioning. That, unfortunately, I don't know if I've got any fuel left in the tank to keep fighting the good fight.

I feel like such an idiot saying, but it feels even harder that we've got two weeks coming up. But I have to get through this one day. Of professional development. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Oh, I'm not off. I've got a lot of work to do. You have got so much to do.

It's not a break by any stretch of the imagination. I'm going through, I'll be doing lots of body kind of stretches, like rehabbing muscles. Oh, absolutely. Doing lots of recovery sessions. You're avoiding that deep vein thrombosis. Totally. Totally. I know you will be mind-body spirit.

Because now that you've been seeing your naturopath for a good little while... Said to say hello? He's enjoying the show. You know, there are just some people who give you a compliment. It just hits a little harder. And that's no disrespect to all the compliments we do get from the average Joe and Josephine. You know, yesterday I went in there and I... So we've obviously got those...

How often are you seeing him? Once a month. Oh, sure. Once a month. I went last week to get some testing. I thought it might be more regular. Okay. Yeah, once a month.

And I took him one of our new Jess and Rowan magnets, right? But you know that... Hot off the presses, guys. We got magnets. And yes, if you do recall them, the magnets of yesteryear, gigantic. Half a fridge side. These are enormous. I'll take it to pay to see what he thinks.

So I took him one. You went, oh, put it right here, thanks. And put it on his, like, magnet wall. But it's like... In the office? In his, like, office. Yeah. Not the built, like, in his little room that you see him in the console room.

But it's exactly in line where people sit. Like, I don't have to put it. there, mate. Right on eye level. So you're looking at him, but behind his shoulder is Jess and Rowan. Just having a giggle. Yeah, and he goes, look, I was like all your clients, because he goes, well, you're a client? And I was like, yeah, and three guesses

which one's coming to you? And he was like, you don't know that. I was like, yeah, that's true, okay. How's the support? Good on your, Peter. That's the most marketing we have out there. He better not take it down now. He's really leaned into it. He's actually a busy man. And what do you think, Rowan? Is he going to get new

eyeballs on us? You know, it's one thing to market to people who already know us. But the whole point of advertising to get new eyeballs, or should I say ear holes on the program, Peter Mullen might have an untapped market of cookers. Yeah, maybe. They don't even know it. They're like, wow, that magnet's obnoxiously large.

Peter Mullen's trying to talk about their fat blood, and all they can think about is, want to tune in. Oh, look like they're having lots of fun. Yeah, they do look like they're having lots of fun. And they're gorgeous. Great photo. It's fantastic. Might be the best marketing image I've ever taken.

Fair. Me too. And I haven't had a haircut since. Yeah. Getting a haircut Friday. You are catfishing people though, because in that gorgeous picture, you're rocking the full mo. Oh, that's gone.

You have since shaved it. It's back fixed now. Remember I said there was a problem with it? There was like a slit through it. I sliced it. It's fixed now. You're a slit face. I don't think I could say slit-faced.

Can I get a temperature check on slit face? It's not a known swear. He cut his face. Into a slit? Yeah, that's right. Oh, I just kind of like... Old Slits McGee over here. Oh, Slitty.

How are you? Slitty, no. New for 2026. Jess and Slittie. Yes, and Slitty. Welcome to the program. Oh, hey, guys, I'm Slitty. Sorry.

Hey, Babs, how are you? The artist, Pop. Sorry, I'm sitting. I don't know. I was just trying to give you a nickname. Would you like slits? Because he doesn't want to be slits. Whoa.

I'll pass on being called slits. Thanks so much. Oh, I got your gift. Remember? I got your gift yesterday. Oh, yeah. Did you bring it in? Yeah.

What you buy slits? It says it's skate from space station. It's a card game. Oh, because she's so into the NASA stuff. Yeah, because you love... Yeah, that's okay. Lucy was like, oh my God, let's get this for Babs. I said, yeah, it's good.

Ages one plus, so she'll be sweet. So you can come in... What one-year-old's playing a car? I don't, mate, this looks... Is it like a memory game? What sort of game is it? And out of this world, mini escape room game. Solve the puzzles to escape the space station in this intergalactic adventure.

Like, oh, you and the girls can and have fun with it at your little house. I was going to say, Babs, you've made new friends. You're starting a book club. That might be a nice little icebreaker. Yeah, pull out my moon cards. No, it's an escape room. The moon cards are something different. Look, you're like escape rooms?

We've got a card game. Maybe we can play in the podcast today. Maybe. I don't hate that. Don't hate that. I don't hate that. I don't hate that. Good idea.

All right. Anyway, that's here for you. It's a hell of a show, Rowan. Babs is, speaking of, speak of this. Thanks, yes. Sorry, yeah, Slitty here reporting for Judy. Babs's blog. You can do that Alphabet's kids as well after 8 o'clock.

Heaps happening. There is a trend going on involving men's parents. I don't quite follow this one. Yeah, it's an interesting. It's one of the ladies trying to help out other ladies, heterosexual ladies. Oh, yeah. Judging a man. Whilst he's still fully clothed.

about what might be going underneath the sheets. Oh, yeah, yeah, I got the fire. This is Jess and Rowan. This article is really tickling me where I want to be tickled. And famously, not ticklish, Rowan. Famously. The New York Post has put together a bit of a lesson, courtesy of a sexpert, a male sexpert.

I think that's an important note. I don't trust. Giving us all an education on the art of meat whistle measurement. Let's go. Meat whistle measurement. Let's go, do meat whistle measurement. The ABCs of Spot and D. This male sex expert with nearly two decades of experience and expertise.

22 million views across his social platforms, all right? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. He is trying to teach his heterosexual female followers how to judge a man's trouser snakes size. Okay. Just by looking at him on the street, fully clothed with pants on. I've never trusted the sex men, the male sex experts. Perverts, man.

And it is interesting, he is talking to his female followers. You know, a male sexist, I would assume, his main customer base would be other heterosexual men. I thought the women know a bit more. Totally, whereas he's trying to talk to ladies and it is going off, Rowan. Okay. He is saying the print, catching print, refers to a trademark phrase, the bulge that a Johnson will typically make along the inseam of a pant. So a trouser pant, a suit pant, even jeans or slacks. So like a nice work pant perhaps.

Wow. If you can look at a certain angle, catch the bulge and then sort of measure it against the inseam, you can work out how well endowed. that gentleman is people are going nuts. This is one creator named Kiki. She was very impressed with the art of the meat whistle measurement. Be careful before joining the catching print community. It will change your life. Everywhere I go, all day, every day.

I'm scanning. I'm like, is that an A? Is that a B? Is that a C? Is that a D? It changes everything. And part of me is like, maybe, is this a problem? Is this problematic?

But the other part of me is like, no, this is equality. This is a quality. She says, you know why, Rowan? She goes on to say, this is like bra cups. Oh, exactly as you noted me just before. It's very easy, again, for gentlemen who are interested in boobies to maybe determine how much is going on under her work shirt. Well, now we can give it back and work out what's going on underneath his trousers. It's much more impressive.

If you like walking down the street and you see some massive dude and then you just happen to see something moving around, The bulge, the shadow. It's like, that looks like it would hurt. And you can classify A, B or D. That's obviously the size. So D is obviously the big one. The D is the, yeah. A is roughly four to six inches.

Fellas in the B brigade, six to eight. And what you really want to be is a D-lister, according to the sexpert. That's a very, oh, you want to be a VIP, very impressive penis. And that's D? That's the D. Get a lot of letters now. Now I'm getting real confused. When the Johnson goes past the berries, that's a D.

Whoa. It either looks very flat or it has a banana angle. You may see a bold just beyond the testicleers. He claims he's got an approximately 90% accuracy rate, which now says to me he's judging people on the street and then has to tap you on the shoulder going, excuse me, sir, could I just get a confirmation of how long you are because I put you in the D category?

I'd swing at him, I think. I think I put my hands on him. Justifiably so. Yeah, and then show him. And then tell him you're a deed. Yeah. This is Jess and Rowan. Hunter Biden.

Joe Biden's son. Yeah. Has put out a challenge to Trump's sons for a cage match. We're going to fight. He wants to fight. A bit of audio here if you'd like to hear it. Of him talking about it. Because I didn't really understand.

And now I've heard them. Here we go. Hunter Biden here. I just got a call from. Andrew Callahan. I think he's trying to organize a cage match, me versus Eric and Don Jr. I told him I do it 100% in if he can pull it off. And if you can't, I'm still coming. You can get tickets online right now. Andrew Callahan, a left-wing social media commentator called the son of old Democratic President Joe Biden and said,

hey, do you want to fight one of the sons of the new president? And his words were 100% I'm in? I mean, so to what end, Rowan? Because I know there's a lot going on in America and we don't have time and we're not the show for it. No, no, no. To what end is Hunter Biden going to fight the Trump boys? Not Baron, I noted, the seven-foot young one. Baron said no thanks. Barron said no thanks.

But I also saw here Donald Jr. and Eric to a fight. So is it just going to be Biden in the middle of the ring with the two other Trumps? Is he doing the dubley? I guess so. That's not fair. He should have a partner too. We should do a tag team situation. How did Biden's a little bit loose?

All his gun charges and criminal stuff? Yeah. My God. The children of the presidents, besides Barack's girls, they've really caused some headlines in recent years, haven't they? Yeah. Maybe I had Dana White guy from the UFC. The UFC?

He's trying to do a cage fight on the White House lawn with just like actual UFC fighters. That's an actual thing. If anyone would allow that to happen in the White House, it would be Trump. To be fair, Malania, just terracotted the whole rose garden. So I don't even know if there's Lord left.

Melania. Melania is Trump's wife. Who's Ivanka? Avanka is Trump's... Avonka is Trump's daughter, the gorgeous blonde. Wait, way, way. Avana. There was Avana. Trump is the ex-wife.

So the daughter's Ivana. Ivanka's the ex. And Melania. Malania is the current wife. That there's a lot of questions around, is there a body double? Because people are looking at Malani. You've either had a botched face job or that is not Malania. Trump and you've got to stand in because she's so embarrassed.

Have I missed anyone, Shagher? Any other Trump connections? Give me some more Trump connections. Well, this journalist guy is a big YouTuber. Oh, right. And pardon me, did he actually have Hunter Biden's number? Apparently. He must have.

He must have. He must have. Sure. So maybe they've crossed paths before. Hunter Biden should be keeping his nose clean. After all, the drivers around himself and Joe allegedly, you know, signing some paperwork to get him out of there. Pardon.

Yeah, pardoned. You know who I haven't heard from it? Joe. Joe's still... Is he still doing? What happened to Joe? Whoa, I didn't say that. No, I just said, is he still kicking?

What's Joe doing now? God, it wasn't good thing. Because now that's a cage fart eye. Watch, Trump v. Biden. Well, Trump would destroy. I don't want to see these jacked up 40-year-old mid-heads fighting. I don't know one needs that. With old gun charges and tax charges, no one needs that.

We don't know I need that. But if you get Hunter, not Hunter, Joe, Joe. Hobbling in there with his walker. Zimafray to knock you out. He, for sure. Well, that's, he should be allowed to use a Zimafram. You know who could take her, take him, Kamala.

Get Kamala in there. She would wipe the floor. She'd come out in some sort of like, full UFC kit. And all of a sudden, you'd find out she was a black belt, jihih Tidoo from 10. She would be. She'd take the presidency that way. And then they'd lock her up for beating him.

Wow, well, you're right. You're right. Yeah, okay. What a mess. So Hunter has now put her on the record. Om Paine, if you are Trump boys. Can you imagine being the actual president of the United States? Hey, do your sons want to fight the old son?

Guys, there's a war on. There is a war on. But again, if someone's going to win, any sort of dad, you know, there's just that sort of red-reg dad to be like, yeah, do it. What's with these billionaires and fighting? Remember when Elon was going to fight Zuck? Elon was going to fight Zuck. Maybe they could do that.

That could be the main card and then Hunter could do the tag team. Start training for that. And then it came out that Zuck actually is like really good at Moutai. Apparently he's really good now. He has a real good fighter. He has squillions and billions. I guess you get pretty good at fighting. Nerds do get good at fighting. Because they're like take their revenge. Yeah. Or he'd send like robots in for him. Maybe they could do like a WWF kind of tag team thing. Ooh, okay. Get Logan Paul involved. What's with all these like white rich men fighting each other?

With two, there are bigger fish to fry gentlemen. They're bigger than they're fired. They're they're fired. Now they've got to fight. This is Jess and Rowan. This video a couple of weeks ago. And then it popped up again. I was like, I've got to share it with the guys. There's this dude called Paulie Roberts. He's in the Gold Coast. Funny dude. Good old Aussie dude, you know? The video is basically him have a nibble of some lollies at Coles with the packets

already been opened. He didn't open it. What do you mean? The packets already opened. Let me let me play for you. Look at this. Some f***er's going to open up the lollies. Fair game.

Play on from here. But you know what I'm? Fair game. The packet, he's walked past the lollies. He's down aisle six. Yep. And the dinosaurs, Alan's all natural dinosaurs. It's already open.

So some cheeky bugger has. Opened already. Yeah, someone else has already opened the packet. He's gone on saying, guys, I'm not opening the packet. He put it up a video yesterday and he goes, guys, I've been waiting for this one. Turns the camera, it's a pack of him. He's like, I'm having one of those. Fair game.

No, he's just opening them wrong end. I don't think he is. I don't think he is. How can we prove he isn't? Well, we can't. We can't. And the packet's already open. He's just done it, then hit record.

No way. The cheap bugger. You've seen the open lollies that's just sitting there sometimes? Never in my life. I grow grocery shopping multiple times a week because we're not meal planners. It's very annoying and a bad habit with spending more than we need to. Me too. I have never once seen a packet of lollies or chocolate or bickies open.

You've never seen. You surely see it. I've seen it. I don't eat from it. I've seen yoghets put back on an aisle. I judge those people. Oh, but they are they opened? No, they're not open, but you know what I'm saying?

Lazy buggers who are actually, I don't want this and they leave it on an eye. But that's naughty. Let's just say he is opening them and then you go after him. I'm not. It's fair game. I'm not sticking my hand. Are you doing it the, I think there are other people in the aisle? It's not convenient or not.

Yeah, I think it's fair game. I think someone else is open. They're just going to get thrown out. It's not the fish bowl of Mentos we've got on the reception desk here. It is, though. It's not just help yourself. Well, those individually wrapped. They are individually right.

How do you feel about me who, you know, might be picking my bum on the one who's rifled through the killer pythons? Then you come in. It is a risk. You want my sloppy seconds. It is a risk. But see, with the tip-tab. Now, next you're going to tell me, you're walking past the hot chooks going, well, the bags open or take a drumstick. That bag's open, Rowan.

No, but that, no, no, opening, ripping open the packet. They're sealed. They're sealed. Oh, there's gaps. Either side, there's just that sticky. There's just that sticky in the middle, but there's ventilation. Well, but the same principle could be applied to any fruit. grapes.

Grapes. All we see those old ladies just taking a bunch of graves and then they don't buy the grapes. You can check your grapes. That's a fun one. I'm going to get this and then you eat them through the supermarket and put them back. That's stealing. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. My daughter always wants to have either a piece of fruit, maybe the yogurt pouches. Yeah. And she wants to consume it while we're moving. They have the free fruit. There's free fruit. No disrespect to the free fruit. It's all decent and that. They're for kids. Yeah, but they, those bits of fruit.

Is there. There's the stuff we're going to donate next week. Exactly. She wants nectarines. I got the nectarines. I never knew that thing. I have to buy her a nectarine. And then I have this mad anxiety.

So I carry around an extra nectarine. Pay for that at the self-serve and then leave it. So I have to say to the woman, we don't actually want this. I just want it to pay for the one she consumed. How about this? You mentioned the fish bowl of Mentos that individually wrapped at the reception. It's so bad for the environment. Oh, it's bad.

And also I have heaps of them. So then sometimes I'm walking around and I go, I see one on the ground and I go, that was definitely me. 16. You're like the ginger red crumbs. Yeah, totally. What about those party size like twirls and that packet's open? The ones that are like... Did I'm saying?

You might have got me here because those little snack cherry rites have a stranglehold on me. Yeah, so let's just say the cherry right packet. No, too much of a good issue. No, no, you could do it. Let's say the cherry right packet's already open, bro. The couple's already been taken. It's open there. You know what I would do?

Let's go throw it out. It's fair game. I would go to the ATM. get $3 cash out, leave it on the floor as kind of like reparations. Can't do that, mate. It's impossible to do it at the ATM. You can't do that. All right, well, I'd get a 10 out, then go to the shops, buy something else, get the change,

leave the three bucks because I couldn't. Just scab the cherry rod. It's wrapped, mate. It's fine. It's fair game. Babs. And now, from now on, if you give me a wrapped cherry rub, I'm like, where'd you get this from?

Did you steal this? Because I can't be having your... The sucker makes me an accomplice. You can get me arrested. This is Jess and Rowan. We've got a hell of a cooker of the way. week prize, Rowan. Oh my God, we do.

$500 worth of fuel. That's right. Courtesy of Jess Rowan and Guido. Cheers, Guido. We are going to send you to the bowser with 500. Even with that excise, that elbow put in place, it's still expensive, yeah? So you get involved in the show this week. That's what you could win come Friday.

Now, we have had an unprompted text. They are our favourite kinds of texts. Absolutely. You can always contribute off the back of a conversation we're having. But, hey, if the mood strikes, by all means, pick up the phone. Throw it down. We got a message about half an hour ago from M. Hi, Em.

Apropos of nothing. I don't know where she's found this inspiration. Maybe because I've mentioned before I'm a celebrant. Was it an accident? Do you mean to Texas? I think she did. Okay, right. She used our names.

You have mentioned that you still are kind of moonlighting in the wedding space. Oh, yeah, yeah. Even yesterday you shared your thoughts on marriage from a non-married man. It was more about the weddings, but you had some thoughts. Yeah, yeah. Em has text us. Good morning, Justin Rowan. Morning. Over the past couple of weeks, you've given me some ideas for my own wedding.

Oh, cool. See, I like this. This is the type of stuff I like. I've been engaged for a few years now, kind of been dragging my feet, but I think it's time to get things moving. Right. Do you guys want to assist with my wedding? Interesting. Em.

Interesting. Now, I've gone back to Em and say, what do you mean assist girlfriend? Like, I'm not a wedding planner. No, I definitely not wedding planner. I've got my little niche in the wedding sphere. and I think you're the same, even though we've got strong opinions about stuff. Yes, I definitely have a niche. I don't know if she's quite got our vibe, though.

She said, look, I'm still in the works of deciding everything. Not looking to do anything too extravagant. I want to keep it mild and low-key. I think I've got a tap out there, M. I don't do nothing mild or low-keep. Nothing. And you're going to have to take out a second mortgage to afford my celebration. I'm joking.

Obviously, for cookers, there's a cooker discount. Yeah, well, 10 bucks. Half a mug. No, no, I do that thing, I was like... Instead of giving a discount, I do add-ons, you know, you can have that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good one. And for M, who clearly sounds lovely, she can get all the add-ons. You look her in the eyes.

I'll look her in the eyes. This is Jess and Rowan's 10K alpha bucks on hit. Damn right, it is. $10,000 if you get 10 questions right, all with the same letter. Get it right in 30 seconds. You win $10,000. Hello to you, Amy. Hello, good morning.

Amy's getting married. Is that right? Get married. Yeah. So is the... Next year in March. I was going to say, so the date's booked in. It's not dependent on the 10 grand.

No, the date's booked in. Fantastic. What do you want to spend 10 grand on? How are we supercharging your wedding? Well, probably the honeymoon. Nice, nice, nice. Okay, well, maybe you'd like to consider Peru. Portugal or Port Douglas.

What about Perth? Perth. Lovely option. Do you like Perth? I do like Perth. My cousin lives over there. I don't mind Perth. People talk shit about Perth.

It's just so far away. You'll need the 10 grand, Amy. You will. That's the letter you're going to work with P, babe. Okay. You got it, Dal. I'm so nervous. Don't be silly.

Get it together, sis. You've got this. Channel the love. You've got this. Channel the love for your partner and the longing to. go to Perth. Ready? Perth longing.

All right, your time. We'll start after the first question. Starting with letter P, we need you to name. A zoo animal. Panda. An NRL player. Pass. A sport.

Ping pong. A soft drink. Pepsi. An animated character. Pepper pig. A shape. Pentagon. A noun.

Naming word. Pink. A film franchise. Uh, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Tennis, um, oh, what's it called? Paramount. A vegetable. Penn.

Nice. Wrong and after the bother. Wrong after the bumm-off. Film franchise, Paramount. That's like the whole production company. God, you've done the umbrella. You've done, that's a lot more work than we need it. Too much, doll.

Boris of the Caribbean, Planet of the Apes. What else? NRL player, Pat Harrigan could have had. Oh, poor Harrigan. Are we saying ping pong? That's a question mark for me. That seems like a nickname of a sport.

Obviously, obviously table tennis. I think it's table tennis. At the Olympics, they wouldn't go up next in ping pong. Yeah. I think we have to take the Olympic rules. Sorry, Amy. You're right but wrong. One of those kind of vibes.

So five. Not bad. Thanks, Sam. That's not going to get you to purple. It is tough. Funmer. You know, the stakes are high though, so I've got to make it a little challenging. That's true. That's true.

Thank you for playing, Amy. Thank you. Thanks, Amy. Happy wedding for March. Good luck with the wedding, and we are back with Alfa Bucks kids at 8 o'clock. Yeah, make sure you've registered hit.com. We're going to meet the little sister of a prior competitor. So a little bit of family sibling rivalry at 8 o'clock.

Amen. And next, good old Bab's coming in doing Babs blog after Bruno. This is Jess and Role. Hey, it's Babs And this is my blog Commence Operation Superstar Brat Wimsicle Our favourite time of the week

Lovely old Babs Goes away on the weekend She lives her whimsical lovely life And comes back with something to talk about On the radio show And that's why we love her guys Don't want to We don't turn her mic on

But we do love it What the hell? Did you turn that off shy guy? How could I have done that? Oh, you would know You're on the desk Hi, guys. Give us a check one, two, one, two?

Yep, I'm here. I can hear you. Testing. Actually, are you on? Okay, now you're wigger me out. Stop it. Sweet babes. Sweet whimsical babes.

I'm here. 131060, I want to ask you now, what did you backflip on? Have you changed your mind about something? Okay, 131060 or 048-8-1069. Don't forget, we've got that $500 worth of free fuel. That is our cooker of the week prize. So let's get round Babs. What are you back with Don?

I've been on the record on this show as shit-cannning someone. Oh. Someone. Disliking someone quite heavily. Gold Sabby Cab. Oh! Who? Sabrina Carpenter.

Ah. Yes. Yeah. So I just, I don't really understand her music. I kind of was like, oh, it's, I'd, yeah, I'd take, I'd never like it. And it's funny because you are a pop princess. Yes, I do love a pot. You've got a very eclectic music taste.

Yeah. But you're a big swifty, you know, all these things. Sabrina, though, never tickled you. Stereotypically, I should like Sabrina, but I just have never gotten amongst it. I don't get the hype. I've always kind of been a bit judgmental about her hair because it is... Her perfect flawless hair, which is clearly fake, but everyone's like, wow, it's so beautiful. And I'm like, it's fake.

You don't know what it's like to have to bleach your hair as a blonde person, okay? It's hard, it gets fried. That's not real. I did it for a bit. It's tough. Yeah, it is. I remember your blonde era. I was hot as.

It was gorgeous. So it's frustrating. But not jealous, just annoyed at the love she was getting. Yeah, well, no, but obviously because a hair is fake. So is mine. What do you say behind my back, sis? Jesus. You don't want to know, mate.

Do you want to know? I know it's bad. But I watched her Coachella performance on the weekend, twice in Entiree, actually. Wow. Because of my housemates, not by choice. And I've kind of decided that she's actually not that. She's not that bad. It pains me to say.

It's actually pains me. It's like my body is rejecting me saying that... It was an unbelievable performance. It was pretty good. Yes. It wasn't just pretty good. It was phenomenal. The effort she put in.

Oh, yeah. How she curated it. She's a superstar. Yeah. Well, she's doing pretty well. I haven't seen it. Look, I mean, the photo. It was pretty good.

It was based on Sabrina Wood. So it was like old Hollywood. Right, right. There was dirty dancing references. Cool. It was actually really cool. She put in a lot of effort. I'll give her that.

Okay, good. The songs we play, we love effort on this show. Yeah, big fans of effort. It was good. I went for a walk yesterday and I said, okay, I've been pretty judgmental about it. I've watched that. I'm going to go for my walk. I'm going to listen to one of her albums from start to finish and then, yeah, see how I go.

It's like immersion therapy. Yes, I'm like, it's like, you know? I'm locked in because I don't really like the songs that we play. on. Whoa. Sorry. I'm sorry. I know.

There's a whole team of people who do our music. I know, because I just find them like, they're just so boring. Is there like... Not a taste fan. No, I'm not a taste fan. I was like, is there some like, you know, depressing, like, better songs? You know, like, does she get a bit deep, you know? Does she get a bit deep?

Does she get deep? Well, yes, she does. True. I listened to her album yesterday from start to finish and I actually could caught myself like, you know, feeling. Feeling. And I was like, oh, this is gross. But, you know, and I also was laughing at some of the songs because I was like,

this is actually really relatable. And I had to catch myself and go, what are you doing? I think I'm a, so what's the Sabrina Carpenter fandom called? We've got little monsters. The Carpies. Carpies? Yuck. Carpies, though.

She's a carpy. Carpies. And I must say, Babs, I am so proud of you for coming on the record because you're right. You have been very vocal. I've been very vocal in your disdain. Yeah. Don't judge a diva by the blonde hair. But that it's that argument of how do you soft launch to,

people that you don't. You've changed your mind. You've changed your mind because people actually know that I dislike her that much that when songs come on at home, my housemates go, oh, quick, we've got to turn this off. This is the beauty of being human. Wouldn't you say wrong? The beauty of the human experience, you're allowed to change your mind. Well, I'm never wrong, and neither are you.

Absolutely. Other mortals are allowed to change their minds. You're allowed to do a U-turn and you're allowed to grow. Yep. And I'm very proud of you. It's just so gross. I don't want to like it, but it's just, you've got to lean in. What you have to do is, what you have to do is,

if you're leaning back while you tell them like, yeah, I like spring to carbon now, people go bullshit, who cares? If you're like, yeah, I'm into it now. And that's it. Yeah. Be confident. And thank you, shy guy's given us the tidbit. Her fans, which now you can count yourself as one of babs, loud and proud, carpenter bee.

A carpet, you are a carpenter bee. You're a carpenter bee. But that's a great question, 13, 1060. Yeah. What have your back flipped on? How long were you maybe an opponent? and now you become on board or even vice versa, you were a fan

and then you flipped. You know what I used to think was the stupidest thing on the planet? I have heavily back flipped and everyone knows better on the show. I used to think naturopaths were a made-up job. And now I'll talk to Peter before my doctor. Absolutely. Right? Like I used to think naturopaths were wee-woo and made no sense.

Her feet are going to make me have some crushed up sage and battle. Yes, so he'll get out his wand and he'll wave it Put a spell on me. Now you don't make a move without consulting mullin. I'll talk to him first before the doctor. That's a perfect one. 13, 10, 60. What have you done a backflip on?

Take calls next. This is Jess and Rowan. Hey, it's Babs. And this is my book. Commence, Operation Superstar, Brat. Winzicle. She has hated on one particular blonde superstar. Okay, Sabby Cat's not been around that long.

But Sabrina Carpenter, our musical guru, who Babs has gone on the record as saying, I don't get the hype and her hair's fake. My God, I get it. However, after the Coachella performance that you would have seen on socials or maybe you've watched in its entirety, like Babs has done twice now.

Yep. She's on the bandwagon. She considers herself a carpenter bee. See, she had to do that at Coachella because now she's got new fans out of it. See, unlike Beba, who's got the goodwill of what, 16 years in the public eye. He just went up there and did karaoke.

Did what he wanted to do. Seeing a lot of fingerpieces. as though Rowan, some people are upset. I'm not the only one. Show, Guy, is there... People are divided. People are divided. Is there any truth...

Sorry to take it off. Is there any truth in the he couldn't perform his old songs because he had them bought out by a different company? No, I was reading into this yesterday after the show. He can still perform them. That's what I thought.

I thought you could still perform them. See, that's an interesting loophole if like Scooter Braun or one of those shady figures owns baby, baby, baby. Well, he sold them all, remember, for $200 million. He sold his whole back catalog. It doesn't preclude. him from being able to perform them live.

So, okay, no excuse. I see what you're trying to do, babe. But if you perform them live, they would have got the money. That's right. There we go. We've got 10 million, Rowan. Yeah. Can you...

Hey, mate, it's all about how much money you can make. Where I'm talking about Sabrina. Because you're right, that amazing performance with all the bells and whistles and the Razzle-Dazzle. New fan. Worthy of the Coachella stage has got Babs on board. She's now had to do a backflip. Someone has text us.

Who's this, Brit? Hey, Brit. She goes, yeah, I've done a backflip. Crocs. I absolutely refused to give into the hype Put my kids in them My two-year-old became obsessed He started wearing other kids' crocs at daycare

So I sort of went Alright, I've done a backflip now My five-year-old then wanted a pair Hey to admit, they look pretty cute in them Oh, they're soft too She hasn't given in for herself yet It's a slippery slow It's a matter of time

Absolutely Hello, Shantel, what have you backflip on? Heavy Metal True. Shantown. Now, were you an opponent and now you're a fan or the other way around? Not fully a fan, but I used to be very much, nope, I hate it. I won't listen to it.

But my partner started putting it on. I don't tell him that I don't hate it anymore. But I definitely don't hate it, but if I tell him, then I don't get to listen to my music. Oh, okay. So if he knows you're fully on board now with, you know, the Lamb of God, etc. Yeah. Well, I'm going to the concert with him this weekend for a heavy metal, and he doesn't know that I'm actually going to enjoy it.

Oh my God. And you feel free to tell him, babe. No, but also it's smart from you because Chantel's going, you know what, for you, honey, I guess I'll do it. We're secretly, she's enjoying it. So she gets the brownie points and the enjoyment. It's a double whammy. This is a smart lady.

Who are you saying? Who is it? Headwreck. It's a small. Headwreck. Why the fans? Headwred. All the same.

Lamb of God, headwreck. This is Jess and Rowan. Received an interesting DM a little while ago, Rowan, and I've been sitting on it. I've left her. my requests and I try and get back to everyone. So I'm feeling a little guilty. How often do you leave them in requests?

I replied straight back to one yesterday. She said, quick question. Why do you call massage therapists masseuses sometimes? And I went, oh, I didn't know those different. Sorry. Well, now I, is that? I didn't know. She didn't reply to me.

Was this off the back of me talking about the massage? Yeah, we were talking about, yeah. And I think I used those two words interchangeably. And then I did as well. Is there a different qualification? Must be. Hang on. So you replied?

You said I didn't know there was a difference. I said, why do people use different terms? But she was a massage therapist. And I went. Well, if anyone's going to educate us, it's her. I said, maybe because I didn't know the difference. Didn't get a reply. Didn't get a reply.

Okay. Well, if I'm replying, a use-up, this isn't a nice little way to have a back-and-forth, but I have left this woman in my request. And yes, she's the only one sitting there. Weeks old, Rowan. She responded to our last book club catch-up. Book club catch-up. That's a tongue.

Twister. Book Club catch up, book club group is called Thirsty Girls Who Drink Wine and Finish Books, which we added on the and finish books because there was a little dicey section of our history where people weren't finishing the book because either they'd run out of time or they weren't enjoying it but then still coming to the catch up. And Carly, our agenda overlord, said, I'm not having that. That's fair. If you don't finish the book, you don't get to come.

It's fair. To the dinner, to the dinner party out at the restaurant wherever it might be. I'm sure you said it, but how often do you catch up? Probably on average once every four to six weeks. It's a monthly thing. Depending on length of book and, you know, busyness of schedule. Yeah. Really Carly's schedule, because if Carly's not there, nothing gets done.

So Carly needs to be there. Makes sense. Makes sense. Carly's going to Europe for six weeks and we're not having a catch-up until she gets back. It's all about Carly. She needs to run the agenda. The book will never get to. She's not there. Zoom.

From a beach in Santerrain. She actually could be pretty fun. Sure, she'll be drinking. Just have to work out the time different. But our last catch-up, Rowan, my goodness, I'm not sure if everyone hated the book, but of the seven ladies, only four of us rocked up. That's probably one of our worst attendance rates. But Carly, again, she likes to put a little social media post.

We have the book, nice flat lay in amongst the meal. Yeah, course. The meal we had was grilled. It was a very low-chip- yum. But usually, you know, it's a three-course feed. Someone's cooked to put their heart and soul. Or we go to a fancy establishment. Lovely.

This was one of the more low-keyed. key. But off the back of this post that I re-shared, you know, there's my H-CF or HFC chicken tenders. Disham. Delicious. Summer burger, you know, the Simon says or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the heart, the lover book, someone DM'd me, Jess. I will do anything.

What initiation process would you like me to undergo to join your book club? A thousand bucks. Give me some money. And I have left her. I have now. In my request, wrong, because I've never been approached with such enthusiasm. This chick takes a close off and does a lap around the block. What? What that?

She can be in the book club. Okay, this is, you've gone straight to fraternity rules. I'm sorry, I have again. Yeah, I have again. Pay your Jews. It's very. Get naked. To me, I sort of was starting to craft like, well, are you going to commit to finishing the book?

What sort of genre are you into? What sort of questions would you bring to the catch-up? We also do a segment on recommendations. Unbook related. No, unbook related. What do you mean? Just a nice way to round out. What do you recommending?

Bananas over apples? Oh, people have recommended apps. People have recommended new brands of skincare. So I, really? Yeah. Okay. So maybe there was an element I was going to say, how well would you fit in to the current seven ladies?

But my issue is, if I don't like her answers, I have to go, well, no, your application has been denied. That's fair. She wants to join a club and you don't want her in it. It's like a job application. Yeah, she has to apply. But am I, but I'm not the agenda overlord. I'd also feel bad about taking

this application on board and not running it past the six other members. Well, this is what happens. You have to get a second. You have to get an eye. All in favour. Ah, all in favour. So she would come to you. Yes, she would come to you. You would read her answers. You would approve it. Oh, all in favour. You'd take it to the chairman, Carly Finch.

Carly Finch. All opposed. No. She's in. All right. I'll work on this. Yep. Because again, this DM's been sitting in my inbox. And you know that, just that bug bear? It's a little chip on my shoulder. We can work on the questions.

I've got a lady sitting there waiting for a reply. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See how bad she wants it. Yep. And you know what? I just realised this is a little fail-safe for me. If I don't like her responses, palm are off to Babs. What do you mean?

She's starting a book club and I'm pretty sure they're looking for a fourth. I looked over Babs then. She went, I don't want a random. Let's go over some questions next. And I do have something I would like to add to your book club chat. Oh, okay. Let's go back with it. This is Jess and Rowan.

So obviously we're just talking about your thirsty girls who drink wine and finish books, my book club brings me a lot of joy. The T-G-W-D-W-A-R-Bs. That's them. The T-G-W-D-W-A-Bs. Yeah, that's them. The T-G-W-D-W-W-Bs, the Arbs. Two-G-G-Rbs.

And read, yeah, yep, and read books. There you go. The Wabs. The Wabs. The Wabs. Drink wine and read books. Dwabs. Dwabs. Up the dwarves.

Up the dwarves. I have to go to Bali. Have to. on professional development. I have to go, mate. What are we talking about? I didn't want to go. I'm so sad you're missing out a wonderful event that I'm hosting on Sunday.

I know, we fly on the Sunday. Yeah, it makes me sad you're going to miss that. But I guess, you know, when professional development calls, Roman will answer. Well, I originally was meant to go to professional development in, like, the end of January. And obviously, I had to start work. So I had to push the professional development back. To April.

And then we had to move the flights. And then Lucy was, oh, let me just do it. I'll say, yeah, this is okay. And she said, oh, bang, got him. And then it was on the Sunday. And I went to the first one. It was lovely. This one would be even better.

The one next year, even better than this one. Even better. So I'm keen for that. But I was thinking, I hate the idea of book club. And I don't really read. But I got a lot of time. I went just on some break times in Bali on my professional development. Yeah, but you'll need to have some downtime.

Last time. Well, last time I was there, I was just on my phone. phone the whole time. That's not good for the brain? No, not good for the brain. I mean, there's only so much Sudoku I'll be able to do. I got you that magnetic travel Sudoku for our 50 show celebration. You've been playing it.

Yeah, been playing it. We meant to save it for the plane and your travels. I just was so into it. I just was so into the Sudoku ASA. Can't play that on the couch. I've played on a banana lounge. I was wondering, the T, the DWB, the dwarves. I was wondering if maybe I could do a little, a little, a little cameo as a

Dwarb. I said, you know what? Honorary Dwar? Just an honorary Dwar. I might stay. I might leave for just a one-off book. I thought, I reckon I can knock this over. Then I thought to myself, no, these types of books are not for me. I like, but I went, maybe.

It's very eclectic, Rowland. Maybe they might be. Very eclective. That's the beauty of book club. The number of times I've been forced to read something, I never would have picked up and loved it. That's what I was thinking. Counter to that, though, the number of times I've been forced to read something and

hated it. Because where are you at right now in your books? So the last pick, which I have finished, much to my dismay, was the first in this series that absolutely took the world by storm by an author called Sarah a J. Maas. It's a fantasy, erotica situation. Babs is a big fan, the bloke who used to sit in your chair, massive fan. I sort of bristled against it because it's not my genre. But if one of the girls in the dwarves picks it, you read it.

Bro, it sucks so hard to hate it. Really? So I'm worried if that's your introduction to our book club, you're not going to like it. Do you think, look, when are you catching up next? For this book? Yeah. In two weeks' time.

You're away. I'll be away. You'll be away. Why don't I? Why don't you find out the book? The next book? Yeah? And I'll read it on professional development.

What I think I'll do is I'm a very fast reader. I'm going to pre-read it. and then decide if you should read it. Well, I think you've got to launch hard. I'm not going to give you a mediocre one. I would also like you, Matt, would you have me for one time? Oh, now you have a bigger question. I've made this big song and dance about this woman DMing.

I'm saying get nude and all this. I'm like, you don't want to see that stuff. I'm about to let Rowan Waltz in. Shai go, what am I doing? It negates everything we talked about. Not really, because you know me for a long time. Didn't know this lady. And you do have good chat.

Got great chat. However, there are bigger issues around chat. It's about commitment. to book and showing up and having good analysis. I would show up. I'll show up. I'll write notes. You need to read the book regardless of whether you think you'll like it or not.

Yeah, I, that's part of the book club. You might not like it. That's what I think I need to do that. I didn't enjoy a minute of this book, but I finished it because I want to be able to contribute. You don't need to pre-read. Whatever the book is, I'll read it. I might have to be this one. But I won't be here for your catch-up.

Fair. So it has to be the next one. It has to be the next one. I would read the fairy porn though. Don't worry about that. It's not good. Don't bother. Okay, well, I won't. Are you reading the next chapter in the fairy porn, though?

Are you in the series, or are you doing a whole new book? No, no, no, no. Well, unless the person whose picket is next picks the second instalment, which, God forbid, I hope they don't. So whose pick is it yours? No, I think it's Kearnies. I don't know. Kearney, if I met her? No, I'm going to message her.

Okay. And I'll see what her choice is. Don't pander to me, though. Whatever you girls pick, this girl will read. All right. Well, if you want to be a dwarf, you have to read it. Read it. Yeah, don't pre-read.

Oh, but it might put you off reading it from a hole. Well, I need something to read. There's a lot of pressure on this story. Because I said to Lucy last night. I was like, I might get a Kindle. Take it down to the birch. It's so much better for your mind and your vocabulary, sir. Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.

It's already pretty good, but imagine all the things you could pick up from you. There's only so many self-help non-fiction books that I can read while sitting at the beach club. And Rowan, the joy of the book club, no one's watching or consuming anything the same anymore. We don't have appointment, television like we did in yesterday. Book Club forces us all to have a wonderful conversation about something we're all engaged with, whether we like it or not. So will you have me? Find out the book that's coming up and I'll be a guest cameo duab. I want one tick of approval from the agenda overlord.

Carly. She gets final yay or nay. She gets final yay or nay. We'll circle back. This is Jess and Rowan. School holiday toys, games, hobbies and collectibles. Search Casey's Toys AlfaBuff. Jess and Rowan's Alfa bucks kids.

Absolutely. Alfa Bucks kids, you can win $1,000. Your child will win it. Not you. It's not for mum or dad. That's right. Mum or dad didn't do the work rolling. You could say, you could say it's like, you win $500 and you pocket the other $5 million.

I'm not recommending that. But I don't know how you parent. You said it a few times for someone who alleges to not be recommending that. I don't know how you parent. I'm not going to tell you to parent your kids. But if you want to skim some off the top, it's your prerogative. Or you sit your kid down and go with a thousand. We could do something nice as a family.

Oh, that's worse. That's even more manipulative. That is even more manipulative. Let's meet Evie today, Roe. Hey, Eve. I'm excited. Evie, hello? Hi.

We've got a little bit of sibling rivalry happening, Rowett. Evie, firstly, how old are you? Nine. And who played Alba Bucke's kids last week? My sister Zabby. Okay, now Zabi got six. So that means Zabi took home $60. Evie, do you think you're going to get 10 out of 10 today and get the $1,000?

Yeah. Yeah, okay, good. Great, good to hear, good to hear. What do you want to spend the money on? A shocking screen. Don't we all? Don't we all? Have you got your eye on something in particular?

Mecca. Mecca? Oh my God, they're getting younger and younger. Wow. Evey, that's your prerogative? The letter you're going to work with today, my darling, is W, W for winner. All right? All righty, let's lock in, Evie.

Here we go. Your time will start after the first question, starting with the letter W. We need you to name somewhere where you can buy food. A day of the week. When is that? A drink. A type of weather. Windy.

A school subject. Pass. A season. Winter. A boy's name. Wendy. A fruit. A colour.

A colour. A Australian animal. Wombat. Oh. Wombat just after the buzzer, I think. Oh, yeah. Okay. What are we got here?

So, school subject could have had writing. What did you say? for a boy's name. I didn't hear it properly. I don't know. Okay, me either. I think I heard Wendy, but also names Rowan are Nah, I'm. We'll pay that. Anyway, Wendy for a boy. I got very confident with a pay.

We'll pay, Wendy. Okay, paying Wendy. Uh, one two. Fruit could have watermelon, uh, Australian animal, the wombat. Yeah, I think just out of time I heard Evey. A little. A whileaby, yeah. A drink, you could add water, a wine. So one, two. If Evey had said wine, I would have given her an extra 10 Just in my own pocket, yeah.

So she could buy her own wine. Classic. No. So she could go buy something in Mecca. She's seen this is a lot up there. No. What's that? One, two, three, five.

Oh, six. Okay. Stop it. You got the same score as Zabby. Well, well, well. $60 coming your way. Thank you. You're very welcome.

And hit.com.com. We are getting more kids on to play Alpha Bucks kids. So if you want a kid to play for $1,000. This is Jess and Rowan. How'd you catch the thief? How'd you get them? In whatever circumstance you found yourself, dealing with a bit of thievery, and you thought, I'm not going to call triple zero,

I'm going to take matters into my own hands. Perhaps a little vigilante justice saw this video doing the rounds on the gram the other day. Okay. We don't have a name of the woman, the vigilante, so to speak. But let's call her Susan. Okay, Susan. Susan, sick of a colleague pinching her lunch. Okay.

She's sick of it. So the caption goes in a daring display of workplace retaliation. Right. A viral video has captured a woman's extreme method for identifying a persistent lunch thief. Okay. I am going to play you the audio that Susan has shared to social media. And then I'm going to explain what you are hearing. The vision is Susan, this woman, calmly eating something else.

Yep. with the camera set up stealthily, and one of her colleagues absolutely losing it in the background, dry reaching, coughing, almost having some sort of reaction because Susan laced a decoy lunch with grim reaper peppers. The ghost peppers. She goes, I'm sick of this.

For weeks I've been dealing with someone, one of my colleagues pinching my lunchbox out of the fridge, I'm done. Laced it with some of the spiciest chilies known to man. That's how we catch. I reckon that's okay. It's just a chili. Because I also reckon if they're like,

oh, she did that on purpose. No, it's my lunch. I actually quite like it hot. That's exactly it. She's actually pretty much got no... Recourse there. Exactly, because you're right. Susan might like a little bit of spice.

I've seen people do... So my problem, you can't handle my level of spice. Katrina, your thief? Thief. I've seen people do, like, what's the like, the poo? Oh. What's the... Oh my God, the word's gone.

It's just gone. Faces? No, like you made people poo themselves. What's the... Oh, laxity. Lachity. Just went into my mind. See, people lackities in foods.

You know, the ones are... Oh, so they completely... See, now that one a little bit harder to justify... I guess you could say, I was clogged. Yeah, I wanted to lace my rice pudding with laxative to get myself moving. Peppers is much easier. Exactly. Nearly a million views, thousands of comments, people going,

Deserved. Yeah, it's deserved. There's just a level of etiquette at the word. work fridge. Don't be pinching me fried rice. I had that leftovers. I was looking forward to to it. Well, now you're going to be punished. I've never done it. I would, I would take lollies from an open packet cold, but I would no way would I take someone else's lunch. No way. I shouldn't have to put a post-it note with my name on a Tupperware. You know that's not your Tupperware. Because you can't even justify it. Like if you're like, oh, I'll have this. The person goes,

you've had my lunch. What are you meant to say? Is there anything? Oh, I was going to make a sibling reference. You're an only child. Well, I wouldn't know it obviously. You wouldn't have never, You, Davey, shy guy, you and your sister, do you ever have this thing? You'd get home thinking that I'd be from school or work, you'd be like, I know there's one piece of lasagna left. I'm so excited to have those leftovers. And then you get there, and your siblings freaking eating it?

Yeah. Yeah. Or there's the, you know, who got the last piece of chocolate or whatever. Exactly. Exactly. There's nothing more irritated. I can see that. But thievery in the workplace, 13, 1060, or 04-8-18-106.

9. How'd you catch the thief? How'd you catch the thief? Got that fuel up for grabs. Did you spike some food? Did you spike from ghost peppers to laxatives? Laxatives. How did I forget laxatives?

You know, the boo one? This is Jess and Rowan. We're talking now, how'd you catch the thief? There's a great video going around social media of a woman very calmly eating her lunch in the workplace. And behind her is this. Oh, I thought you're going to play the coughing and the retching again for me. Well, I didn't know you want me to play it again. But please do.

Yeah. Behind her is this. That is a colleague, dry reaching coughing, having a real severe reaction because that colleague pinched this lady's lunch. Fair enough, deserve. She was sick of it. She wanted to catch the culprit.

I imagine many all-staff emails had been sent. Yep. Hey, guys, I know my leftovers look delicious, but they are my leftovers. And kept eating them? Bug her off. Yeah. The culprit, the criminal,

kept doing it, so she laced her lunch with ghost peppers. Very, very, very spicy. So we want to know have you had to take action in a similar way against a thief. Yeah. Abby got in touch, similarly in the workplace, Rowan. She said, I once had a colleague that continuously stole my bottles of Coca-Cola. Oh, that's an easy one to steal. So I practice putting Mentos in the Coke bottle and being able to shut the bottle

before it had that chemical reaction. We've all seen the videos. If you put enough Mentos in a bottle of Coke, it explodes. One day she opened it and it exploded in her face. It was the most satisfying day of my life. Well done, Abby. That's one way to catch the thief. What about you?

Peter, do you have an experience with a thief and some food? Yeah, good morning, Justin Rowan. My son used to get a snack chocolate for school. And every day it went missing. So we decided to lace it with white pepper. The chocolate? Yeah. So when you say it like a kick?

Cat Peter, or did you have to open it with like an exacto knife and then super glue it back shut? Yeah, how that work? Yeah, just a mini snack. We just opened it up and we made it look like it hadn't been opened and, yeah. The person never did it again. No, they didn't. Wasn't another kid? How old was this kid?

Yeah, another kid at primary school. Yeah, I was going to say one way to find out the teacher's been going through the lunches. No, no, I was another kid. He was actually, because he liked his chocolate buff. And every day he'd come home and he'd say, someone. and we stole it again, so that's when we decided to do something about it. Yeah, Peter's working hard to get his boy a couple of chocolate bars and they're getting pinched. Peter said, I know what to do about this.

I know white pepper. I'm doing the work site. Ellie, good morning. Good morning. How are you? Yeah, good, thank you, Dale. What happened with your friend across the road? Yeah, so when I was about 10, my friend and I, we used to always play in my front yard,

and she said, oh, I need to go to the loo, didn't really think much of it and went into my house and came out, holding her stomach saying, oh, I feel sick. and then later that day I couldn't find my iPad anywhere and I just had a feeling that it was there and I said to my mom and she goes oh look it probably isn't Ellie like that's a big accusation and so we went around to their house I just pretended that I wanted to go play

and yeah it was sitting on their dining table and they were actually trying to sell it off and then they tried to make it that I had sold it to them and like tried to tell my mom that I had traded her toys for it when I never did. Oh my God. That's crazy. What are you meant?

So you've got a back, mom and dad go over there, go and listen, give that back right now. Yeah, well, they didn't. We actually had to call the police in the end for them to come and get it. And obviously, this is, iPads are only just coming out, so it was pretty fancy and expensive

and it was my birthday present. I only had it for a couple months. This is crazy. She fully had the made-up store. I've got to go to the bathroom. Quick, we can sell this before they're Try to put it up on the black market. However, people sell iPads, I don't know.

Marketplace. You just sell it a marketplace, though. No, no, there's a whole black underground market for stolen iPads. Cops have better shit to be doing, you know? Oh, my God. No, no, that is fantastic. I like that it was taken seriously. Kim, good morning to you.

Good morning. How are you? Yeah, good, babe. How did you catch a thief? What were they doing? So we suspected one of our neighbours always pinching our newspaper or catalogues and that. And we decided that we were trying to payback. And let her pinch one of them, but we had filled with the dogs too.

Yeah, there you go. Take that, lady. Sorry, and they weren't stealing your catalogs. I mean, were they not getting the same? I'm saying her newspaper subscription. You paid for that. One of these type of Karen's, as we're going to call her. Wow.

It was like that, but I tell you what, we could hear her from our place gagging when she'd opened it. So what did you do? Get the paper in the wee hours of the book? morning roll up like a sausage roll the poopie? That's great. Spread it on there like it's Nutella. There was multiple bits of poo all through it. It was a thin newspaper this day, but it turned very thick with all of it.

And she didn't do it again, did she? No. This is a lesson we're hearing. These things work. Yeah, roast, peppers, poo, all the stuff. This is Jess and Rowan. There's something I've wanted to share with you for a little one. I was reflecting on our renovation journey.

A lot of people asking me about it, you know, on and off the air. Some people are saying, why aren't you sharing more on socials? And I'm like, because I never go to sight. I am. Well, I create more problems than I solve. Oh, what's this? How do you do this? This is I thought this would be different.

Where's the micro cement? Is that coming? Why get me samples, Angus, then to find out it's too expensive and I can't have it. I agree with you there. So I realised upon reflecting, it's all been, Me, me, me, what have I enjoyed? What problems and expensive have I brought to the table? These stools are nice.

$6,000. Let's get them. Can you, 6,800 each and I only actually have room for three. So don't be so dramatic. Well, you said four. I did say four, but now the width of them and the size of the island bench, we've had to do some maths. Oh, right, my apologies.

I'll have an update on those momentarily shy guys. You saved yourself $1,600. But what I wanted to reflect on today is, what my husband, the basic, the project manager of this whole operation, has enjoyed. And instead of me telling you, Rowan, Angus is on me on the line. Would you like to hear from the big dog himself? Wow. Yes, I would love to hear from Angus.

I was like, who's this random person called it? G'day, sir. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Yes. Posse bronze. Who's that?

Hey, Gus. Well, you have that nickname. We're still trying to bet in who Rowan is. You're not confused people. Just call him Rowan, please. Sorry. That's okay. Hello, Angus.

Angus, you've obviously heard me talking about our fantastic journey that we've been on with the house. But as I said, it's been all me, me and all the things I want and the mosaic at the front door. Can you believe it? Crazy kooky paints and these stools that took up a lot of attention. But there is something you shared that happened recently that Angus has bannered my favorite part of the Renault so far. Okay. I want to hear it. And I wanted you.

you, in your own words, to tell Rowan what it was. Okay. I know what you're talking about because it actually really tickled me pink when this happened. So we've obviously got some hardwood flooring going down. Obviously. Obviously. We're not allowed to have carpet in the house. Jess doesn't like carpet for some reason.

I grew up with carpet and now I'm anti-carpet. Lucy's the same. She thinks things grow inside the carpet. It's very strange. They do. Have you seen that shag carpeting? You can't get all that up with a vacuum cleaner. You hit it with the washing vacuum thing.

I'm not steady mopping. That's Angus's job anyway, and I don't want to put that on. Oh, sorry. Yeah, okay. My bad, my bad. My bad. So, yes, hardwood flooring. Yeah.

Hardwood flooring gets delivered the other week. And I said to the company, a local company here, Hapwoods, that were delivering it. I said, please, like, we don't need it just yet. It's just going to be in the way. And they said, no, no, no, we need to deliver it. And at least two weeks prior to the floor going down. And I said, what, like, why? What do you mean?

It's just going to be in the way. And they said, no, no, no. it needs to acclimatize to the environment in which it's going to be laid. Because it breathes, it breathes in and out. Yes, that makes sense. It basically has to adapt. It's well as and contracts depending on the air and the moisture and the temperature within that specific room. So currently we have these floorboards sitting exactly where they're going to sit in boxes

and they're currently acclimatizing like they're sitting in a sauna. Yeah, it's like they're a living and breathing organism, Angus. It's so funny to think we've almost got like an extra pet that he's sitting there just getting used to. So that's your favourite thing, the breathing wood? Yeah, climatisation. The garage with my little tool area was it to start with. And the thing that got me the best was when I took some pamphlets home to Jess about the garage door. And she said, I'm going to stop you right there.

I don't care about the garage door. And I've never heard, I don't care, come out of Jess's mouth about this renovation. That's true. Don't care. So that was it to start with. Gusy's domain. Hey, Rowan, you're hearing anything about Jess's Renno? Oh, it's all pretty good.

They have wood that breathes. So that's basically, they have a live floor. Yes, that's the thing. Are they on lava? No, no, no, just hard wood. As soon as that sort of cement went down, they went, cool, get the floorboard. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So have you got the micro cement and then the wood on the top?

No, it just breeze properly. The micro cement is not happening on the day. No, Gassie said we've already had to re-mortgage three times. Oh, putting your foot down, Angus. Oh, yeah. What else have you said no to? You know, me, I'm very tough. Yeah, well, maybe.

What else have you said no to that we haven't told, which hasn't told us about? Come on. Some. Just give you some. You're saying yes to everything. I told Angus yesterday, I told Angus yesterday that I'd spent 45 minutes on the phone with a woman in Sydney. Bad. Who specialises in mosaics.

And he was like, for where? I said the entry way. And he went, oh, I agree with an entry mosaic. Ah, you're on board? Oh, it'll be fantastic. But then she drops, okay, we need the sizing. She hasn't actually, we actually haven't talked about cost yet. We haven't talked about money.

This sounds right. And also, she doesn't lay it. So she's just going to send the mosaic. Yeah, I think she just breaks up the tiles and then went, but your tiler will have to do it. I said, Jess, I can smash a couple of tiles with a hammers. Mate, I hope yeah, we'll do it. We'll just do it. Say, my husband's a jack of all trades.

He can work out how to lay a mosaic, I'm sure. Was loaded until you go home as well. This is Jess and Rowan. Great show today. It was wonderful. For the last. Were you going to say a different word then? No, I just wanted to really stretch.

it out. Last show of my 34s, guys. Oh, the birthday tomorrow. April 15 is the day the Titanic sank for anyone who's interested in this day in history. April 14, it hits the iceberg, but it takes a while and it tips into the 15th for it to sink. You know, I didn't know that. Fun little tree. I thought the Titanic was a made-up story for years and years and years. I only found out about a couple years ago. I thought it was just the Hollywood movie. Yeah. Yeah, now, based on the true story. Rose and Jack, I mean, there's a question mark if that storyline actually happened.

Oh, that didn't happen? There might have been lovers on board. Who's to say? I don't know. I don't know what's real anymore. Oh, my God, it was AI. It's the new AI. It's the new AI.

But yes. All right, back to know. 35 tomorrow. 35, feel alive. Wow, the wisdom. We're wearing your halter today. You got your lip gloss on. He's flicked over to the side.

Hair is flicked over to the side. I've been boofing. I've been boofing. No. Why aren't you on the booth? Uh, don't. Hang on, Babs is boofing. You're the only one.

Wait, wait, Babs, are you boofing? I'm boofing. Oh, bro, get boofing. You've got to be boof and probably doesn't know. I'll bring you some boof. It's a hair elixir. Yeah, sure. I'm good.

I'm going to need the boof. We all need to be boof. Can you imagine what his hair will do if he starts boofen? Oh my God. Little Afro, little juphro or something. Yeah, I've got postpartum hair loss. I don't know why you need it either actually. Are you thinking?

No, no, I don't need it for. Well, Lucy has it there and I just used it sometimes. I feel good, but I'm boofing. For my fro's my little pro. I love that. We could be four out of four. For my birthday, shall I go? Will you booth?

Sure. Oh my God, he's going to come in, boost. But anyway, it was a wonderful program. We've got more chances at the $500 worth of fuel tomorrow. We're also dipping. Yeah. Birthday lollies. I don't even like lollies.

Can you dip, dip tomorrow because I like dip? No, that's not what we do. Can we dip? No, it's lollies. Desperate for him to describe Baba Ganes. Desperate. We can just do that if you want. Maybe another time.

She's giving it away. There's other dips. Well, you said you were just going to a desperate for bubble cano. It's like, like, Mughey, this sounds ridiculously like Babba Gnosh. Anyway, that's our show tomorrow. We'll see everyone then. Bye-bye. That was the Jess and Ron podcast.

Maca's Bestro at Bernays Angus Range is here. Chef's Kiss.