Jess & Ducko - Hit Breakfast - THROWBACK | Noone has touched me the way you touch me...

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

In this best of show: Jess is worried she's turning into her mother, we ask what foods are you afraid of and the awkward moment during Dukcos massage!Subscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/nick-jess-and-duckoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jess and Ducko. I want it on the record. My mother, Lisa, legend of a chick. Mummy. She's great. However, there was an incident last night, Ducko, where I said, oh God, I'm becoming my mother. There's nothing more horrifying than realising you're becoming your parents. She's particularly in the bad qualities. Now she's a big listener of the show. Good morning, mum. Mummy. I mean no offence by this, but even she knows this is not one of her good qualities. Clearly, by osmosis, maybe it's in my DNA. I've picked it up too. Can't help it.

So yesterday, Ducco, I'll be honest with you, when I came home, my husband and I tag team. He stays obviously home of a morning to look after our three-month-old daughter. I came into the home. I was in a funk. I was in a bit of a mood. I brought bad energy into the house. Bad juju. Yeah, I brought bad juju and I felt bad for the rest of the home. I was in a funk. I was in a bit of a mood. I brought bad energy into the house. Bad juju. Yeah, I brought bad juju and I felt bad for the rest of the day.

Right. Because he's obviously just had a big morning himself with the screaming baby. And you've just been on radio giving it your all to the people. Yeah, and I'm bringing this dark cloud into our home. We left and the rest of the day I went, I'm going to make it up to him. Maybe a bit of an early Valentine's. I'm going to do a good dinner. I want to make a special dinner.

Three elements to this dinner, Ducko. Look at me go. I did the marry me chicken. You know, that social trend that's going. It's literally chicken in a pan with parmesan and cream and sun-dried tomato. And you just simmer it for ages. I did a cauliflower cheese, which I've never done before. Did you?

Cauliflower cheese is very underrated. I couldn't agree more. Love a potato bake. I think it is superior. But cauliflower cheese, which I've never done before. Did you? Cauliflower cheese is very underrated. I couldn't agree more. Love a potato bake. I think it is superior. But cauliflower cheese. It's a real grandma recipe, but it slaps. It slaps. Yeah, yeah.

It does. It's good. I used Gruyere cheese. I know what that is. It's not fancy cheese, man. Okay. And I did some asparagus because you need some green, obviously. Of course.

So he's walked in the home. I've been over the stove for about two and a half hours. It shouldn't take that long, but I'm not a fast cook, all right, particularly with multiple elements. And you've got a kid at home, too. Thank you. And, you know, there's just a few things where it takes longer than it's meant to. So I had a few things on the stove, and he's rolled in from a big day of work,

and he goes, geez, it smells nice in here. I said, I've been slaving away, babe. I'm sorry for that energy. Hi there, sir. Hi there, honey. I was in my little, I don't know why I'm wearing a maid costume, but I was, you know, with the bum out. No.

Put Lucia in her bed. No, but he's come in. He said, oh, that smells amazing. So I've been slaving away. I'm sweaty. It's hot. You know, it's a warm afternoon. Plate it all up.

Serve him his dinner, and then proceeded to stand over him. And he's eaten it. He's taken two or three bites. So you didn't eat it at the same time? Well, I served myself, but I was just there watching him. Took a bite, took two or three more bites, and he wasn't saying anything. And I was like, can I get some feedback, please?

Can I have a compliment, Pete, please? He goes, I'm chewing it. It's delicious. Sit down. You're acting like your mother. And I went. When he does that. My mum does do that.

My mum is a brilliant cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she needs praise. Totally. If she's going to slave over a meal, and she was making three, four dinners a night sometimes because my family's very fussy, so I wouldn't want one of the others. So she would stand over us waiting for feedback.

You'd take one or two bites. If you hadn't said anything, she'd like to go, you don't like it, do you? And I realized I did that to Angus last night. What was meant to be this act of love and an apology of love. I've slaved away over hours for this. Over hours. I spent good. I had to go to the shops with the baby strapped to my chairs.

Do you know how hard it is? Do you even like it? I got the good cheese. I've absolutely made a mess of the kitchen. We don't have a dishwasher. I've used every pan and pot. A little bit of feedback would be nice. He went, sit down.

Eat your food. It's beautiful. Let me swallow it. But you're ruining it. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's what my mum does to us. And I've always made fun of her for it. And you swore you'd never do that.

I've only been a mum for three months, Ducca, and I'm already becoming that sort of mum that needs the praise. You can see how when your kids get older and you add them into the mix, tasting it, not giving you good feedback. Oh, my God. Can you imagine the first time I serve Lucia when she starts solids or whatever? It's all going to end up in her hair, on the floor. I'm going to lose my mind.

I slaved over that puree, Lucia. I worked so hard to give you this good puree. That's right. A little bit of feedback would be nice. Angus will be going, she's not talking yet. Lay off her. She can't speak. What food are you afraid of?

That's right. Perhaps the eating of it, the handling of it, God forbid, the cooking of it. Yes. Because hashtag chicken anxiety is trending online, Ducko. Chicken anxiety. Over 70 million impressions of that hashtag, chicken anxiety. It obviously starts with one person talking about how they are so scared to cook chicken because how do you know if it's done?

You don't want to overcook it because then it's dry and yucky. But if you undercook it, obviously you run the risk of salmonella and all those nasties. It is a fine line, isn't it? It is. You remember a couple of years ago that thing went viral. It might have been a guy on a reality TV show saying, I like my chicken medium rare. And it's like, no, bro, it's not red meat. You can't do that.

You can't do it. And when I saw this, I went, oh, my God, there's a name for it. I do not cook chicken at my house. I am too scared of this. I have mad chicken anxiety. Love to eat it. Give me a charcoal chook any day of the week. The bachelor's handbag.

It's a staple in our house. But cooking chicken, even a thin thigh or tenderloin. Thighs are tough because it's a weird cut of meat, so it looks a bit pink even when it's done. Exactly. You know, you never kind of know. But the number of times I have tried, and then what I'm doing constantly pulling it in and out of the pan

or the oven and cutting into it. So then it's got to go in. I think it's another 10. It's another 10. And then by the end, you're left with basically shredded chicken. Yeah, you are. Because I just need to confirm every morsel is really, really well cooked. I cook chicken weekly, I think.

I don't have the chicken anxiety. No, you've pushed through it. But I've never had the sickness. I've never been sick from it. Yeah. I don't even know if I've ever fully had food poisoning. So I feel like that is... You're not gun shy.

Yeah. Exactly. Does anything give you anxiety in the kitchen? One food did, and I've gotten over it, but it did until last year. Kiwi fruits. Because they're furry. The fur. The fur, I just couldn't, and I could not even get past it to taste it.

Yes. And eventually I tasted it and I was like, these things are delicious. Did you have to get your wife to basically peel it for you? Yeah, get it out. You'd eat it. I'd eat it. But the fur. You know, some people eat the fur.

Some people eat it like an apple. People go straight in. Even peaches to a degree. I know some people are really funny with the furry peach. They want a furry peach. They'll peel it, but I don't mind the furry peach. You don't. Having said that, another one that gives me anxiety, the string of a banana.

You do. I already don't like bananas. I don't like the smell and I don't like the taste. I think it's a flavor bully. You put it in a smoothie, that's all you can bloody taste. Some people really hate bananas, but I love them. I live and breathe them. I had a banana in the studio this morning.

It wasn't particularly pungent, but I could see the stringy bits. I'm like, what is that fabric on your banana? There's nothing worse than when you get an unripe banana. Like when you pop it into an unripe banana, it's like you're going to vomit straight away. So 13, 10, 60, we want to hear what food are you scared of, whether it's cooking it like chicken for a lot of people on the internet.

Maybe it's eating it. Maybe it's the texture. Should I go anything give you food anxiety? Something that was like alive that could still be, like a little squid or something. Yes. Yep. Have you seen those TikToks where it's still alive,

or the crab's still moving, and the wrapper? Yeah. Ellie's got in touch on social media, on Jess and Ducker, and said, feta cheese. The look, the feel. Yuck. You know what? I like feta cheese, but I get it.

I could see that. Oh, my God. Particularly anything, particularly cheese, that comes in its own juice. It's kind of weird. What about blue cheese? The moldy cheese. I love blue cheese.

I love blue cheese as well, but it smells like feet. I often question who was the first person to discover blue cheese and went, I'm going to eat that. What about an oyster? Who was the first person to go like, you know what? This brain snot looking thing, I'm going to shove this in. I was out at a dinner at a restaurant opening last night and a mate of ours had his young son there. You know him. And he dared him five

bucks to down his first oyster. And obviously he was about to throw it up because what the hell is it? It's so lucid and snotty. And he's yelling at him five bucks, five bucks, five bucks. Swallow it. The kid swallowed it and got his five bucks. Good on him. 13, 10, 60. What food are you afraid of? Afraid of cooking, looking at, touching, eating. Give us a call. Jess and, 60. What food are you afraid of? Afraid of cooking, looking at, touching, eating? Give us a call. Jess and Draco. The food that you're afraid of, whether it's eating it, handling it, cooking it, or God forbid, eating it.

Did I say that? Anyway. Yeah, I think you did. Hey, Grace got in touch. No, Lyra. And she said, capsicum. You know what? Capsicum is a weird vegetable.

I was thinking about that. Also, all through Tyler and Water just then, I was reading Grace's comment. She hasn't explained why? No, it just freaks her out. And you know, I kind of see it when they have the black parts on them. What the hell? Black parts on a capsicum? Sometimes when they've been there for a little bit. Oh, mouldy. I mean, anything mouldy's a bit freaky. I should have voiced that one.

Maybe that's why I'm... Because trending online is hashtag chicken anxiety. I thought it was only me and then producer Babs said, no, it's her too. 70 million people have got in touch over this hashtag chicken anxiety. Cooking chicken freaks a lot of people out. Obviously the risk of salmonella. But you overcook it.

It's dry and not very nice. So we thought we'd ask you, what food are you afraid of? Fiona, good morning. Hello, how are you going? So good. What food are you afraid of? Okay, I'm not so much afraid of eating it. After it's cooked, obviously peeling the prawns, that's fine.

It's that black. The poo shooter. The poo shooter. Yes. You are right. I know it's meant to be like, won't hurt you or anything, but if you bite into it, sometimes you can taste the sand. Oh my God., my God.

Oh, my God. Now I'm going to taste it. I have to make sure it's got to be cleaned out and then I've got to wash it before I eat it. Oh, wow. So you'll do that whole process and then still run it under the sink, under the tap? There's nothing weird in ripping it off the back till you pull out the whole black line of the poo shooter and you get rid of it.

It's really odd, isn't it? And the head has to be completely cleaned off. Oh, yeah. Fiona, do you think, like, the same way I think about, you know, the prickly pear or whatever, who was the first person who went, yeah, I'm going to bite into this and just see, you know? It's weird. Yeah, the prickly pear.

Anything that's got hair on it. Yeah. I just don't understand how you can eat into it. I'll have to peel it. Yeah, 100%. Got to get rid of the hair. Got to get rid of it. Stacey on 1310 Zigzy.

Stacey, what food are you afraid of? Good morning, pool peers. How are we going? Bloody great, Stacey. Wait, wait. What did you just say, Stacey? Are we the gang, the pool peers gang? Yes.

Yes, Stacey! Stacey, can I just confirm, have you been listening from 6am this morning? I sure have. Stacey, you have just made my day. Jesus. Put the hat on. Put the hat on, Ducco. Firstly.

We're getting pool peers off the ground. That is not catching on. Ducco's having a subsect of community that can identify as pool peers. Yeah, we're the pool peers. That's what our listeners are. We've donned our merch. We're going to have merch for you, Stacey. But in the meantime, what food are you afraid of,

you big pool peer? Well, it's not eating it. It's the old favourite, barbecue chalk. Yeah. But it's the, you know, when you've got to pull a chalk apart and it's hearing the bones and the gristle. And, you know, when you rip a leg off and it like goes like no thank you it makes me heave happy to eat it but someone else do that stuff

inside the stuffing inside the chook i don't like that and it's so funny stuffing exactly that's food too it's been put in for extra flavor but when it plops out it's like what's the chicken just where did this come from hey thanks thanks paul p? Hey, thanks. Thanks, Paul Pia Stace. That was great. Thank you, Paul Pia. Jess, it's not catching on. 13, 10, 60. What are you afraid of, Del?

I'm just going to try not to gag while I say it because it makes me hate. So that membrane that attaches the egg yolk to the clear stuff. I can't feel. I will vomit. If it's mentioned, I'll vomit. I feel like gagging right now. I had it in my mouth and had to pull it out accidentally, and it's gross.

It is hard, and it's, I don't know what that is. It shouldn't be in your mouth. It's like gelatinous, isn't it, Jess? Yeah. That membrane. You really think about it on your tongue, Jess. Oh, my God, I? Yeah. That membrane. You really think about it on your tongue, Jess. When I make eggs or anything, I will take a spoon and take it out and I end up vomiting every time pretty much.

Beautiful. You need to stop cooking with eggs, Jess. I love them though. I just don't like the membrane. It's torture. Oh. Yeah. It's like an abusive relationship.

Jess is just like, I need to get out of this. Picture licking that membrane, Jess. Thank you, Jess. That's a great one. And Liz, wrap this up for us, Liz. What food are you afraid of? I'm petrified of avocados. I have to cut them with my eyes closed.

And I have to wash my hands before I can even see it because it makes me want to leave. Oh, I've had watery mouth ever since I've been waiting to talk to you. Terrible. Avocados. I've not heard of anyone being afraid of an avocado. Oh, it's just the minging texture. Liz. So minging.

You need a relatively sharp knife to pierce through the flesh of an avocado, the skin, I should say. How are you doing that with your eyes closed and not taking off a finger? Because you just hope to put God that you hit the seed. Hope that you evenly cut around so you don't just get it on a weird angle and it doesn't split. And I have four sons that love to chase me with a good old avo. They do avo chase. They do avo chase with mum.

Liz, my goodness. They do avo chase. They do avo chase with mum. Yeah. Liz! My goodness. Does Liz want to go to a day on the green, maybe? Possibly. It depends on Liz. What's the same colour of avocado? Are you a pool peer, Liz, as well? Oh, I've got four sons, mate.

Oh, yes! Liz is ticking all our boxes. You're going to a day on the green, babe. Every single box. Oh, thanks, guys. We're going to a day on the green. This is ticking all our boxes. You're going to a day on the green, babe. Every single box. Oh, thanks, guys. We're going to give you $500 cash as well. You're going to stay at Lane Retreat. It's beautiful there.

Enjoy that. Oh, brilliant. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. Now think of avocados again. Oh, well. Jess and Daco. Daco, I'm hoping this puts you in a good mood.

Because I was obviously doing my week roundup in sport. Yeah, as you do. Reading the international papers. What is going on in every corner of the globe? And in the New York Post, I was stopped in my tracks. One of the greatest names in sport ever. There was a bit of an expose on Tommy Cutlet. Tommy Cutlet.

And he is a quarterback for the New York Giants. And I have never heard a better name. Tommy Cutlet. Upon more investigation, it's a nickname. His New York Giants, and I have never heard a better name. Tommy Cutlet. Upon more investigation, it's a nickname. His name is Tommy DeVito, but one time in an interview, he's only young, and he talked about DeVito, Italian, still living at home, and saying, why would I ever leave?

I get my laundry done, I get my dinner cooked. My mum's always got cutlets on the table. Tommy Cutlet, baby. And thus the commentator started calling him Tommy Cutlet. Yes. But it made me think of, like, commentator started calling him Tommy Cutlet. Yes. But it made me think of like great names in sport that aren't nicknames. Surely there's some great ones out there. Real names. So I've done a bit of a deep dive for you and I want to present to you some of the greatest

names in sport. Hit me. Stubby Clap. It's a real baseballer. No way. Stubby Clap. Stubby Clap. This is my favourite and I'm coming in early with him.

He's a 10-pin bowler, Ducko. Great. See if you can work out why I like him. His name's Mike Limongelo. Mike Limongelo. Limongelo. Yeah. We've got a soccer player here named Fabian Assman.

How do you spell Assman? Mate, that's exactly how you'd expect. A-double-S-M-A-N. No way. Assman, perhaps? The Assman. The Assman. Oh, Assy. There's a lot of players in college ball, either football or basketball.

The next couple play college. Your Highness Morgan. No way. Your Highness Morgan. Your Highness Morgan. This one's fantastic. Chief is his first name. Kicking Stallion Sims is his surname.

Kicking Stallion Sims. One word? How do you even? That's basketball. How do you fit that on the back of a jersey? Kicking Stallion Sims. One word? How do you even? That's basketball. How do you fit that on the back of a jersey? Kicking Stallion Sims. Yeah. Kicking Stallion Stims.

Sims. Now, how's this? Football for the University of Oklahoma. Yeah. General is his first name. Brilliant. So you've got to be thinking, all right, you know, General Alan Duckett for you. General Fartioni.

Nah, this family's surname is Booty. General Booty. We've got General Booty. And what does he do? He plays football for the University of Oklahoma. I'll give you $10 if you can tell me what position. General Booty. He's a striker.

He's a tight end. Oh, he plays, sorry, like American football. American football. I think he's in soccer for some reason. Sorry, sorry, American football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got a basketball player in France. Your countryman.

France. Steve, ho you fat. How do you spell that? Literally H-O-Y-O-F-A-T. Ho you fat. Ho you fat. Ho you fat. Ho you fat.

This is unfortunate. Isn't it? Basketball for the Washington Bullets. We've got Chubby Cox. Stop it. Mate, why are you calling your kid Chubby? And that's not a nickname. And it's C-O-X like. We've got Chubby Cox. Stop it. Why are you calling your kid Chubby? And that's not a nickname. And it's C-O-X, like Cox?

Correct. Chubby Cox. Imagine if these were all grown up in Australia. The field day we'd have on their nicknames. Exactly. You mentioned Misty Hyman earlier. Yep, Misty Hyman's great. The swimmer.

She's an American swimmer? Correct. The only other female I have on my list is, of course, the Alpine skier, Fanny Schmeller. She went viral not too long ago. Fanny Schmier, Fanny Schmeller. She went viral not too long ago. Fanny Schmeller. Fanny Schmeller. I forgot about her. You forgot.

How could you forget about Fanny Schmeller? Fanny Schmeller. And finally, I'd like to end on the dicks, if you don't mind. Of course you would. In NASCAR racing, we have Dick Trickle. In pro football, we have Dick Butkus. And in baseball, for the Red Sox, we have Dick Pohl. And I just think that is a wonderful.

Dick Pohl. Dick Pohl. It's really two things right now a wonderful... Dick Pohl. Dick Pohl. It's really two things right there. Butkus and Trickle. And Fanny. And Fanny. Fanny Schmeller. Fanny Schmeller.

But there you go. Just some great names in sport. Some good names. And, you know, just a ding. And imagine the commentators having to do those names. Just having a field day. But just think, like, if they didn't get into sport and were in the public eye, we might never have known about these sort of names.

So true. I mean, Will Barrow, who plays lacrosse, fantastic name. Wouldn't know him anyway because he's lacrosse. Jess and Ducco. Yes, I'm a big remedial sports massage person. Oh, that, well, you've just absolutely brought it all back down to earth. That's not the fun one. No.

That's the active one. That's the, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, fix me. That's where you've got a kink in your neck, and I'm only going to work the neck with my elbow. It's like getting a service for your car. If you're exercising a bit, you need to get service. My oil was running low. I needed it. I stupidly booked a remedial one time not knowing what it was.

I just found a massage parlor, remedial, great. And all she did was say my posture was really bad. So work just that vertebra. You know that big knobbly bit just at the top of your spine, base of your neck? Yeah. That's all she did. Just work it up, loosen it up.

With her thumbs, with her elbows. I think she got up on the bed at one point. I went, this is horrible. My legs want to be rubbed. I want to leave. Remedial sucks, but I appreciate athletes. Maybe you need it. I went to a bloke called Brad yesterday.

I'd never been to Brad before. How did you find Brad? Recommendation? Oh, my God. No one has had their elbow in my butt as deep as Brad. Brad was. He was unbelievable. To the point where.

How did you find Brad? Because that's an intimate relationship. It was just near my house, and I just, I just goo. I wanted to get one tomorrow afternoon. And it worked out, because sometimes they can be very hit and miss. Totally. And I've had a few remedial massages my time, but I'm still awkward at two components. The first component is when they go, all right, just get into your undies and then put the

towel over you. I'll, I'll leave and I'll come back. Yep. So I always do that. And then I overthink what, what position to put the towel in. Like, where do I put it? How hard am I back? Do you cover your whole back?

Do I go long ways? Do I go sideways? Putting a towel long ways to cover the most flesh is one of the hardest maneuvers, isn't it? It's so tough. How do you flick it out? It's so tough. Anyway, so I ended up going like sideways and then you wait and it feels

like an age before they come back in because they're letting you obviously get changed. But I'm lying on the bed. Decompress. And in this like couple of minutes, like I'm just like changing position. Like maybe this will be comfy. No, this Decompress. And in this couple of minutes, I'm just changing position. I'm like, no, maybe this will be comfy. No, this will be comfy. And then they do.

Are your arms up over your head like Superman's wife? Underneath. They have a little arm holster underneath. Oh! You know the donut where you look through? I don't know if I've ever had an arm holster. It's that remedial. Okay.

So then they do the thing that really gets me awkward and I never know what to do is when they go like, before they come in, they go, and they do the knock. Obviously, they're coming in, but then I never know if that's like a, hey, are you naked? Do you want me to come in? Yep. Or if that's like a, I'm coming in anyway. And so I always go like, I just, I just let out a sound.

I'm like, yo. Yo. I know. Cause it's their business. So to say come in feels weird in their place. I'm ready, Brad. I usually go for a ready. Yeah, yeah.

I feel weird. Like a child waiting for their bum to be wiped. Ready. Anyway, then he comes in. He comes in and I never know. I then get awkward because I'm a chatty person. I'm like, will he want to chat? Will he not want to chat?

You're right, because this isn't one of the Zen massages. This is active. This is work. This is work. Yeah, yeah. So maybe it's chat city. Well, some remedial masseuses love a chat, and that's fine because I'll chat through, but then when they're getting really deep in some tough spots, it's hard to chat. Brad was not a chatter, which is fantastic because he had his elbow, as I said, so deep

in parts. I didn't know it could go there. I have let out. You didn't have to string a sentence together. I have let out, right. So he's playing a sentence together. I have let out, right? So he's playing some nice music in the background. Oh, okay. He's going in the spots.

It's feeling so good. I had this moment where it was hands down the best remedial massage I've ever had in my life. You forgot where you were. I forgot where I was. My eyes were closed and I went like this. I went, ah. Just release a knot or something. Oh, mate.

And I rolled over. I said, whoa, why'd you light a cigarette as well? I went from six to midnight. I rolled over. I said to him, I was like, how long have you been doing this? He goes, 25 years. I was like, Brad, I've had a lot of masseuses in my time. No one has touched me the way you are touching me.

As he's rubbing my shoulder. Did Brad take that as a compliment? Oh, yeah, Brad loved it. He's like, leave me a review, please, on Google. Jess and Ducko in the morning.