Jocko Podcast - 90: Tough As They Come. Travis Mills. Soldier. Warrior. Hero.

Episode Date: August 30, 2017

0:00:00 - Opening. 0:08:38 - Travis Mills 0:29:22 - First Deployment. 0:36:57 - R&R... And Romance. 0:41:31 - Re-Deploy. 1:05:22 - Home for Leave. 1:26:33 - Re-Deployment. 1:39:49 - Wounded by an IED. 2:03:25 - Recovery.  Pain.  Family Support. 2:22:28 - Moving to Maine. 2:24:12 - Starting the Travis Mills Foundation. 2:27:34 - Final Thoughts. 2:32:46 - Support, JockoStore stuff, Origin Brand Apparel, with Jocko White Tea and Psychological Warfare (on iTunes). Extreme Ownership (book), The Discipline Equals Freedom Field Manual. Extreme Ownership Muster 004 in San Diego. 2:53:54 - Closing Gratitude.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

This is Jocko podcast number 90 with Echo Charles and me Jocco Willink. Good evening, Echo. Good evening. As my wife Tori mentioned, this past week has been in one of the most challenging of my life. I want to say thanks to my friends and family for your support. You really have no idea how much a few words of encouragement can mean when you are at a time and place like this. Thanks again. My platoon is in a very active area of operations in southern Afghanistan.

Our mission is to close with and destroy the enemy. There is no outside the wire here because there is no wire. My boys are simply always on alert. We haven't had a shower since we've been in Afghanistan. We've run nonstop missions and have been very successful at accomplishing these without experiencing any injuries to our own. I'm just trying to paint a picture of life here and not trying to make you feel sorry for us.

Trust me, I belong here with these guys and we are a family. Rather, I want to paint a picture because I'd like to tell you about Travis Mills. I know you don't know him, but it would mean a lot to me to be able to spread his story. My platoon's string of missions without injury

came to an abrupt and violent end last week when we hit a dismounted IED during combat operations. I had three paratroopers injured from the blast. One was minor, one was severe, and one was simply beyond words. The most severe injury was sustained by my weapon squad leader, Travis Big Mills. I'd like to take the opportunity to tell you about him. Even under the conditions that I've described, he is the best of us. He was the biggest guy in the platoon and has the biggest heart to go with it. He was eager to please and always cheered us up.

He led from the front and was injured because of it. He preferred that he take the injury over any man in his squad. He was the most fearless person I have ever seen in combat. When we weren't in combat, he was great to have a round. He woke up every morning and sang a bunch of different songs to us. Usually Keisha or Brittany Spears were the songs of some other girl band. We had this ritual. Anytime we finished a patrol where we had a firefight,

once we returned to the strong point, he'd run to the front of the formation and sing songs about the 82nd Airborne. He would do dance gestures and all. He even did it for the brigade commander when he came to visit. It was a big hit. I laughed at how, or he laughed at how serious I am and how I don't like to be touched. So he made it his personal mission to make me laugh. Usually this involved an overly aggressive and a little too intimate man hug

followed by a middle school style dance where he'd grind on me. He kept me sane. I laughed at his antics constantly. In combat, there is no one we would rather have been with. He risked his life to save others constantly, and I can recall two times specifically where he literally saved me. Needless to say, I took his injury hard, including the personal guilt that a leader feels when he is responsible for his men.

So I wanted to tell you these things. Everyone is asking how I'm doing. Yes, I am hurting, but you know I'm going to be okay. More importantly, Travis is going to be okay. The truth is, I've seen things here so terrible that I'll never be able to put them into words, Travis's injury being at the top of the list. But I've also seen things here so wonderful that I'll never be able to put them into words either.

I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. Do you put into words the spirit like the one I've just described in Big Mills? The reality of it is that I have the honor of leading people like Travis. There are many more in my platoon just like him. So while I've seen some things I'd like to never talk about again, I've seen just as many that I'll spend the rest of my life trying to explain to anyone who will listen. I've seen a tremendous love and care between brothers that have only only, you know, I'm Only each other to rely on and have only one care to bring each other home.

It's a selfless, deep, everlasting bond that I consider myself lucky and absolutely privileged to be a part of. Thank you so much again for your support, but know that I am fine. I am exactly where I need to be right now. My family here is taking care of each other, and we will persevere as one. Now that is a letter that was written to friends and family at home from Lieutenant Zach Lewis. Commander of First Platoon, Bravo Troop, 4-73rd Cavalry Squadron, 4th Brigade Combat Team of the 82nd Airborne Division, the All-Americans. And I think that letter describes Staff Sergeant Travis Mills as only a fellow platoon member could, explaining his unbelievably positive attitude, his courage under fire, and his unwavering leadership.

And tonight, I am honored beyond words to have the man that Lieutenant Louis spoke of Travis Mills here with us to talk through his experiences on the battlefield and off Travis welcome to the show good evening thank you for having me yeah now I'm gonna say this upfront I was a little nervous about having you on because this show has a reputation of being very serious and very solemn and I know that you have an issue with both of those terms in a broad perspective so for those you that haven't heard anything from Travis before there's not a lot of serious stuff that Travis does so serious comedian and hilarious guy with an uncons Incredible attitude.

Welcome to the show, man. Thanks for coming on. Thank you so much. I'll do my best to be serious. I think my L.T. described it very well in that letter he wrote to his family. I made sure that I kept the spirits up and I would hug him and everything like that, but under fire, it was a whole different person.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I thought he did a great job of capturing, you know, what everyone's feeling over there. And I didn't go in Afghanistan, but what's just similar to what we'd feel in Iraq. And you know, I talk about this a lot about the fact that This is why guys miss combat You know you miss combat even though it's when you're over there and you're in this crappy situation And you're like I can't wait to get home but then when you get home you have that little thing in the back of your mind that says

That misses that comrottery which only comes from that place So he did a good job of describing that So I think to understand where a man ends up we kind of got a understand where a man comes from. So going back to the beginning, the young Travis Mills, the young Travis Mills and, you know, how you grew up and all that. Talk a little bit about that. Yeah, I'm from Michigan.

When I go around and I speak throughout the nation, I always say, is anybody from Ohio? Before I tell them from Michigan, and I yell, oh, H, and then they yell, I owe, I get real passionate and then I yell, sucks. You know, and I get some booze. But I'm from a small town in Michigan, right around the thumb area. I grew up playing football, basketball, and baseball. I have an older sister, younger brother. My parents are phenomenal people and, you know, just good wholesome values.

And then I went to college to play football after high school was over and decided that probably wasn't the right time for me to go to college and take it serious. So I went to the... So hold on. So you were playing three sports? in high school. And I got a quote from your book in here, by the way. I'm going to read it.

I was the fun kid who lived at the end of your block. I was big for my age, and for a lot of boyhood years, I had a big gap between my two front teeth. Yeah. Now, is that a negative thing? No, not at all. Okay, because some of us at the table here

still have a gap between our front teeth. I'm just saying. Oh, I'm on the sides now, right? Yeah, I do. But I... I like to wear my hair shaved in a buzz cup, particularly in the summers when it got hot. With that Opie Taylor kind of look,

I fit into small town America. And you did karate, by the way. You're looking at the 1993 karate state champion in Michigan. I was six, but... Isn't that a competitive age bracket for karate championships? I was spinning back kids right over wrestling mats, breaking ribs. Actually, you had a contest here.

I'm going to read about it. It wasn't all easy. In one of my first karate matches, I got kicked hard in the sternum and couldn't breathe. I gasped, panic, and tried to suck air. When my normal breathing didn't return immediately, I raised my hand and forfeited the match. I'm kind of disappointed. My dad rushed over. Travis, what are you doing?

You forfeit a match. You never forfeited a match, no matter how hard you're hurting. You never quit, ever. Yeah, my dad was disappointed. pointed me too. So I never did again. And then I just, I don't know, I just went hard to rest of that after that.

I just, I don't know, my dad taught me good values. My mom took karate with me. So don't mess with your mom either. No, no. Well, yeah. She's five foot two, like 125 pounds. How did she produce your big ass? I don't know.

I don't know. How's your dad? 5-11. No kidding. Yeah, yeah. But I was 6'3 when I was at my walker. around weight. And the first match I ever had, I had a girl, and she beat me because I wouldn't hit her. Yeah. And then I was clear to, like, hit girls. And I thought that, okay, so the next girl I

went, went to town on, you know, just put a whoop and now I know you don't hit girls either way. Yeah, yeah. That's a lose-lose situation. But then your mom, your mom told you no, go hit her. Yeah, that's what it says in the book. Like, she was like, hey, listen, you got to go beat her up. Well, okay, so it was competition. And she was in my, you know, they didn't have the separate gender brackets so everybody was the same and the first girl I faced I wasn't hit and I lost about and then the next girl after that my mom was like you can you can hit him I was like oh okay so I just like you're going down you know and I went after it oh that's jacked up man I mean I was six so I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah puberty and everything didn't hit yet that was seven for me the uh football team

Vince LaVille. Did I say that right? Ah, Levy. Okay, well, you know, I'm not so much of a French speaker over on my end of whatever that language is. If I didn't know his name, I would have said the same thing. Here's how he described you. The first time I met Travis, he was in middle school at track meet. I'd heard about him, so I went over to watch him.

He won the shot put, which meant he was strong. Then he ran over to the 100-yard hurdles and won those, which meant he was fast. You don't see that combination a lot. I knew that this kid was going to be a special athlete. In high school, he became a... superstar three sport athlete baseball basketball and football he was the leader on each team and made first team all conference in all three sports with football he was definitely a big cog in our team's wheel we were the smallest school in our conference and we got beat up for a lot of years but

his junior year Travis and his friends got into weightlifting and power lifting and went to all the football camps that year we won the conference championship and made the playoffs for the first time ever Travis's work ethic motivated everybody Everybody got stronger because Travis was their leader Jack and Steele Well it's what champions do First time we ever made the playoffs How did you how did you what like got you

What made you start lifting? Coach Levy A when I was in seventh Sixth grade he said that after school If I wasn't playing a sport I had to go lift weights And he was the vice principal of the high school So having friends in high places is nice Because when you get in trouble you don't really get in trouble

You know, the story in there about me getting in trouble in class freshman year. What'd you do? I broke. It was childish. No mind. But just tell us what you did. It's in the book. You're not going to hide from it now.

My buddy fart in class got kicked in the hallway. So then my other buddy did. So I wanted to go out there. So I finally let one rip so I can go out in the hallway. And he took us into the office. But he's just like, guys, knock it off. You can't do this anymore. Too much protein powder?

Oh, that's all. Yeah. So my buddy, Eric, he got. his parents are very competitive like mine were and we were both the team captains and stars of the show if you will so i went home and said hey can i get some cell tech or nitro tech and it was before like they had la raleigh regulations on it and uh my parents like no you can't do that i'm like well eric's parents let him get it maybe wasn't true right eric went home and said the same thing to his parents so we both got to get on those and i mean you know protein powder yeah that's going to disrupt science class yeah yeah we bit a wee bit but no i mean it's it was fun you know Everybody, I worked at a grocery store after the football games. The old men would come in, drink coffee and hang out with me.

Yeah. And my boss just, like, the owner of the store just accepted it. Like, the wives would shop. They just let you get away with it. Yeah, I was at the water cooler, but it was a coffee pot. And we just hang out. They tell me why I did wrong, why I did right. Very varsity blues style.

Right, right. Big time. Yeah. Yeah, I saw some video footage of you at those games. It was like madness at those games. Well, the one run I had looked pretty good on film. Yeah, it looked pretty good to me. It was one time I did anything special.

So you get done with your senior year of football, and did you maintain the high level of discipline in your grades after that point? No. Actually, I broke up with a girlfriend that I had a 4.0. So my grades went right down. Yeah. No more study partner? No, no more like she would do all.

Yeah, being the same class and right left-handed for the scratch work, and handed it to me. So I could write it. Nothing like that. and so that that meant did you get looked at did you get looked at for college ball i did i did a couple offers for baseball and football um d2 couple d ones smaller d ones and for some reason my guidance counselor he just i think he just knew mr simpson great guy he kind of figured i wasn't going to like college and be disciplined enough so he's like what about this community college they're really good

um you can go there and play football and i and i decided to go there and i just i mean I was cut out for football. I wasn't cut out for the study in there at that time of my life. Right. And so you went there for what, one year? A semester. One semester. And then my girlfriend was like, you should move home.

So I did. Yeah. And then I met her boyfriend Colin. You know, so then I joined the Army. You look back in my life, how'd this happen? Yeah. Colin. Yeah.

You've run into Colin lately? I haven't talked. I haven't. Yeah. We all look him up. I mean, he worked at a pup-up golf course when I found everything out. So I got my buddy up and went over there and the manager of the place, like, sent him home.

Why did she tell you to come home? She'll like a be buyer, I guess. I don't know. And then I was like, hey, what's this about? And then she finally broke down and told me. So I was like, oh, hey, did you know the Army was taking people and giving bonuses? See you.

Yeah, because you were in debt. You ran up like that. You know, I was about $10 grand in debt for community college. But that was for the whole year because the baseball coach asked me to play there too. Dang. Yeah. But then you're in debt.

You're in debt. Colin was on the scene now. That kind of threw a loop. So you end up joining the Army? I joined the Army. I went to all the recruiters, and the Army had the best thing going. Which was cash.

$24,000. You know what that money's that today? No idea. Yeah, me neither. Yeah. Did Budweiser get any of that money? You know, no. I'm actually, I'm not a beer fan.

Not a boozer. Oh, whoa. Oh, whoa. Oh, whoa. Oh, no, no, that's not go that far. I'm a whiskey fan. Oh, okay. But no, I mean, I just, I saw a way to pay my bills back.

I saw a way to travel and do some more fun stuff. I went in there to be an electrician and they showed me airborne video. I was like, I want that. Oh, yeah. The old, what's that called bait and switch? Yeah. What I really want to do is I want to get a good thing, you know, where I can carry on in the civilian life and have a good trade,

that craft that I can bring back to the civilian world. They're like, watch this video. You're like, yes. Yes, that's me. That's all. So I showed you an, is it like airborne recruiting? video? Well, to be honest, video, it was a Ranger Regiment recruiting video and I signed up for all that. But then all the rumors were like, if you don't make it, you're going to Korea. And I'm like,

I don't want to go to Korea. And then 22 of my friends went to Fort Bragg because you got to pick a duty station because they were filling up the new brigades. And they're like, oh, you guys, we need you to fill in here and you can pick where you go. So all of us from basic training went. Because what year is this? 2006. Oh, yeah. So that's totally different from me because I joined the Navy in 1990. Oh yeah, that's before I was even a cry state champion Yeah, we're talking old school So there's no war going on And even though in my mind

I always thought like the seals were just like fighting wars Worldwide at all times Which was not true But I thought that But yeah, it wasn't like everyone that was joining The military It's not like when you guys joined Your generation people joined

You knew you were going to war Oh absolutely 100%. You know I The biggest regret I actually do have And not to kiss up to what you've done, but it's not try to go to the Rangers or go special forces or to the C. I didn't even try it. I wish I would have.

Well, you would have. Did you start thinking about that further in your career? Absolutely. I was going to come back and I was either going to go recruiter and get my last year and a half of college. Because I went to college when I could. I took college up on reenlistments. And I was going to try to go recruiter to go ahead and get my degree and then go to the special operations world.

Because if you don't do it that way, if you become an officer lady, you got to go back through the queue. and everything. Oh, okay. But it was either going to be, go right to special operations and try that out or go become an officer and then go.

But yeah, just, you know, I don't know. I have no excuse to step first. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. And I don't really, like, anybody, like I was, if you compare you as an athlete in high school

and me as an athlete in high school, it's not even comparable. You were like 10 times the athlete I was. For some reason, I was stupid enough to think, like, I can make it through that training. And you weren't smart enough to go like, I can make that through that trade because you would have.

And the saddest thing is with the whole, the Ranger contract I had and all these guys were going. And I got to talk to my buddies that going to Fort Bragg. I ran to a bunch of them. They're like, oh, yeah, we made it. I was like, oh, my gosh. I could have, I was, you know, this is ridiculous. It's an interesting, it's an interesting, it's actually humility.

It's you being like, hey, man, you know, I don't know, I played, you know, football and and ran track. Or was that, is that right? Well, basketball. Oh, football, baseball, and basketball. I'm a great athlete, but I might not make it through. That's actually a form of humility, you know. I think it is.

I was just, yeah, I don't know what my head was at. I just, you know, looking back now, I'm embarrassed about it a little bit, and I wish I were to went and tried it out. I mean, I live a really good life. I have a wonderful wife and everything, not to jump ahead, two beautiful children, so life, life's good. Yeah. As bad as the situation, you know, I found myself in in April of 2012, 2012,

but looking back, I wish I would have tried something. Yeah, yeah. I mean, but the 82nd Airborne is, which is, where you ended up is a freaking awesome unit. Oh, yeah. I mean you drink the Kool-Aid and it's everybody's like all about standards. How do you like and this is something I, because a lot of people that listen to the podcast, um, they join the military, believe it or not. And like we just met a guy the other day who's going September 18th going to the Marine Corps. But I always want to tell them like when you show up to boot camp, it's going to be a shock to your system. Right.

I mean, it is going to be, you're going to lack of sleep. It's not going to be stuff that you're used to. It, it. It sounds like you got a little, you know, shocked your system when you showed up there of just normal military stuff. And I guess my point in saying that is, when you show up to boot camp, boot camp is not going to be fun for you. It's going to be a transition.

I mean, you can mentally prepare all day, you know, and then you get yelled at and you're like, why is this guy always yelled at me? I didn't do anything wrong. Leave me alone. It made me eat coleslaw. I don't even like coleslaw. I mean, the first thing, like, I come out and they're like,

oh, well, I gets coleslaw for lunch. I'm like, shit. So they put it on my plate. And then after I eat the, cold saw i eat first i'm like oh he wants me eat this for some reason so i'm gonna just do this and then the next time at dinner i'm like okay finally no cold salt he's like mills you big bastard you ate first i remember you you get two schools school you're coldslaw damn it roger jolz aren't you know so yeah yeah that's uh that's boot camp right yeah that's

i always tell when i talk people that are going on like just play the game yeah understand it's going to end and make the army what you can make it like make it work for you understand the job you're getting yourself into and things like that because people ask Would you still join if you know what happened? I said, yeah, absolutely I would. I enjoyed every second. I was going to be a 20-year guy. I figured, and I re-enlisted.

And just, you know. Yeah, it's cool. This is a cool thing that you wrote kind of as you're wrapping up boot camp. You're thinking about September 11th. You know, like I said, that for you was one of the, you clearly knew that going in in 2006. And here's what you said. I remember feeling a ragged mix of emotions, anger, confusion, dismay, and wondering why anybody would want. to do this to us.

I was American. I understood we'd been attacked and that our country was now at war and that when there's a war, somebody needs to have the courage and intestinal wherewithal to do the actual defending, fighting, and unavoidable killing

that accompany military actions. That would turn out to be me. And that's another thing that people need to think about if you're joining the military. And I've gone through this with a bunch of people that, you know, this happened to me a long time ago. This parent, you know, said, can you come talk to my son? And he really wants to be a seal.

And I was like, yeah, sure, no problem. And so I meet this kid, strapping young kid, looks super happy and positive. And he does water polo and he's a great athlete. And he's like, yeah, I really want to join the SEAL teams. You know, what advice do you have for me? I'm like, are you ready to kill people and are you ready to die? And it was like, the whole room got, well, just them too, but they're looking at me like, I'm crazy. But my point was, like, that's what the military is.

military is. You kill people and you risk your life. That's what the military is. I mean, yeah, absolutely. They have the combat and non-combat MOSs, you know, just in every every service. So with the SEAL teams, with the infantry, that's what your job is. And you're willing to risk your life for others. I mean, it's just when I signed up, I was like, yeah, I'm ready to do this, but you never really understand everything. And then when you go through basic training, they show you all these videos. And a lot of it, they showed a lot of Band of Brother stuff, which is what got me interested in going into the military and um i just took it as like this is what i this is what i'm born to do this is awesome yeah but but i get what you're saying and people ask me can you talk

myself out of doing this and i'm like no that's like that no you can't you can't talk a young man out of doing this stuff you ever find people that want to tell you like well i was going to join but then i i did this and i'm like i don't i don't care like don't you know and everybody i talk to not everybody but i talk to they got to give me their worst story possible i'm like oh i got a brother's friend that lost two legs, you know, in a bear trap. I'm like, okay, so I know what you're going through. Yeah. I don't, okay. That works for me, I guess. Dude, watch out for them bear traps. I know. Yeah, my brother's friend. It was crazy. I met him one time, but I get what you're, I know exactly what you're doing. I'm like, okay. Dude, this cracked me up. You're at airborne school.

Most, you're doing your first jumps. Do you five jumps at airborne school? Most, back to the book, Most were without incident, except my third jump, which was supposed to be a daytime combat jump with full gear. On the way down, I dropped my rucksack too slowly. You're supposed to release it when you come to the tree line, but when I released the pack, it stayed just ahead of me and I landed on top of the metal frame. Ouch, I yelled in pain. The jump master was already on the ground and yelled back at me, did you bring something, private mills? I said, no. He glared at me and added, then shut up.

I shut up. Airborne school is really funny And so this is what happened to me at airborne school I was a for if I'm not like I'm a person that falls fast through the air When parachuting I don't know why I'm just one of those people You don't float no I don't float And and the other thing was I didn't like doing a PLF

Which is the proper way to land Which is you keep your feet and knees together And then you like act like you have one big leg And that's the way you're supposed to prevent getting injured Breaking your ankle or knee or whatever And so when I was parachuting at airborne school I wasn't really doing a PLF. I was just kind of athletically landing on my feet, right?

So anyways, they got these loudspeakers down on the, on the field. And as all these new guys, all of us are just new, and the guys on the megaphone, he goes, and he's talking to me because my feet are apart. And I'm just going to do an athletic lane. He goes, feet knees together, airborne. Feet needs together, airborne. Feet needs together, airborne. Feet needs together airborne.

You all right, airborne? So, yeah, I thought that was funny. Is that correct? Did it hurt? No, I didn't get hurt. That's impressive. I didn't get hurt. Because you got, you know, I was, I was actually a jump master

towards the end of my, you know, military time that I was in. And, you know, got the balls of feet, calf, you know, I had it all down. Yeah, you were dialed. Oh, I know. Those instructors. How long is the Jumpmaster School to be an instructor at for Benning? Well, I had been, so it's completely different. So, well, I mean, it's not that much different, I guess.

But for me, it was like a three-week course and I was able to, like, check people's equipment. But they didn't make you memorize the term. And, oh, they did. Did they? You got to memorize the pre-jump brief and everything and stuff like that. But no, like this is a nylon stitch with 5,000 grain test and steel that's stronger than America. It's like, that's no way it's stronger than America. No way.

But no, they don't do that to you. Yeah, that's a good times. You're getting ready for your first deployment. So you show up at 80 second, everyone. You're there. You're getting ready for your first deployment. You know you're going to Afghanistan. And you're leaving just after Christmas and here or going to the book.

My dad didn't talk to me about leaving. Over the next few days, we hung out and did whatever we normally did. But most he said during that time was be sure to keep your head down. Then the day before I left, dad told me a story about when he went into the army. He'd taken washable paint and written a note to his parents in their shower stall where they were sure to be able to see it. It said one short sentence of reassurance. All will be fine.

Early the morning that I left, I took a washable marker and went into my parents' bathroom. Right above the faucets where they were sure to see it, I wrote the same short message. All will be fine. I was miles away from the house when my dad called. He told me he saw the note. I didn't say much, and he didn't say much. He told me he loved me Then his voice became hoarse

And his words of support For me Came out broken and choked First time going on deployment And it was a little rough too Because a guy from my hometown A Marine He was a buddy of mine

His dad's my baseball coach His brother was in my grade The day after Christmas on the 26th He got shot by a sniper in Iraq And ended up right through his heart And he didn't make it home So his brother brother's actually his girlfriend was his uh that this chris's uh little sister and she was at my

house and i found out from from friends that would have happened before the family found out from people that were deployed with the unit so i mean that was that was rough on my parents you know to have me you know in a couple weeks going overseas and then i'm at home and they after christmas you know a guy gets shot that i know yeah there's um that's one i think that's one the hardest things for uh when when military families see someone wounded or killed, they know that that could be their loved one. And that's why that's, I mean, days before you're leaving, man. Yeah.

That's harsh. And we're good, we're close friends with the family. Like I said, his dad coached me from, I think, 10 years old, up to 14. And, yeah, 14 or 15, but, you know, knew the family really well. So it was a little rough and things like that. for a bit on my parents but you know people now when they see me they say hey do you go and speak to a lot of military things i'm like you know i don't really do that that much if they want me to come in i will but i'm not sure of it guys going overseas want to see me on stage saying hey guys

you're going to be a-okay you know i mean it's probably not the route i mean i talked a lot of companies but when it comes down that i'm like hey guys you'll be good over there it's like some movie that six uh i don't know what it is but they're like the infantry made me the man i am today starship jupers yeah i've never seen it but i get told that line he's got like two fake legs. He's good. He's real good with movie quotes, especially bad movies. I'm so glad I forgot you were here. No, it's great every now and then chime in. So your first deployment, what do you, are you an E3 or an E4? When I went over there, I think I was an E3. That's, I might been an E2 actually. My first one. Dang. Okay. I was only in the military like six months before I

deployed. That's, that's crazy. Oh, it was a good time. I worked for a colonel. Yeah. And you're you doing basically PSD for the colonel, right? Yeah. Yeah. So like try being like a young private. You go to a unit that's not infantry. You don't get treated like crap. You work for a lieutenant colonel. Right. Who's a direct descendant of Colonel Custer. He's a, it was his great uncle. The guy's just as wild. Scotty D. And he always walked around saying, what's better than a pair of faces, guys? Two pair. And he showed like the double aes on his arm. And phenomenal guy, really. And we just go around with him. So we ever got yelled at. My team leader was was a cook, Sergeant Rush. if we ever got yelled at he'd just go to the colonel be like hey so they're bothering us and the

current be like don't you touch my guys and I'm like this is so nice being protected by literally a colonel so that was a relatively cush and you were living on a if you were with a colonel I'm assuming you were living in like pretty good fobs slurno oh yeah and they have like hard buildings and they had tents we were in the very first hard building oh we all went in on a satellite internet and had a shower every day yeah hot meals it was wonderful how often are you rolling out into town every day okay but we'd go out out do government work and come back okay you know and then i was in the gym i'd go at eight o'clock i don't like be in the gym with people like i was like i don't want no one on my machines and i super

set it a lot um so i'd go from eight to 11 at night just crush it and then midnight child which is like the greatest thing ever yeah no crowd oh you just you're like i'll take omelets and hot wings you know oh you get the combo breakfast and dinner scenario going down i know you're a much cooler guy than me but when you got the midnight chow of fob sal i'm telling you it's like yeah i want the hot wings i'll take you pancakes and and popcorn. And don't want you to throw some mashed potatoes

and gravy on that. And you guys, it sounds like on that first of, well, you didn't, you didn't even shoot, you didn't even shoot your gun,

first of the point. Didn't have to. I was on patrols every day. I had a suicide bomber run off on us and like detonate on the front of our truck. It's just like, you're an idiot.

You know, I mean like, and like, you know, his nuts sacks hanging off the light and his, you know, but he's just, the truck's not hurt at the ball. It's like,

genius, bro. Genius. Job well done. A for effort? Yeah. Like an F for judgment. Yeah, yeah. But still, I mean, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's like a

reality check at a minimum, right? Well, I mean, yeah. So it was, it was our, our, uh, one of our, our, uh, our front trucks. And then also we had a guy run up on the colonel opening a hospital and detonate himself. Um, I was in the truck at that time, like in the gun. But we just found out if we go out there and we just make sure that everybody, knows we're really aware every time we take a turn you know our guns are rotating we're not sleeping we're up and out um we didn't really get messed with and um and that and that helped i mean i was

you know i was in a place where there was bombs and things like that but i was very protected you know the o d would roll out before the colonel went anywhere oh that's right yeah how many gun trucks would you take on a convoy just four just four of us would him in the three truck or two truck he was in the two i was this gunner the first like six months nice and then i was uh i was uh i moved to like be a TC. But it, it, it,

the threat level was like medium? I mean, because you could take it, yeah, you'd take it a bigger convoy with more aggressive facilities if,

I was in the, it was all Humvees before like any other way. And I had a two four nine like is my, my main weapon. I had a saw. Yeah.

They're like, yeah. Oh, okay. The front truck, yep, 50KL. Uh, back truck, we're going to give you a mark and you're just going to get a saw.

Yeah. I was like, oh, awesome. Thank you. So I had, I had a saw. That's what I put it up there like it was a big old gun. Yeah, that's awesome.

Good times. Yeah. Why didn't they give you a real gun up there? Apparently, my biceps were big enough. That was a real gun show. You know, and I get that. I had 22s at the time. I got some supplements sent to me.

The SF guys found away for me to get some of their supplements. It's wonderful. Now, do you went to for, is this the deployment you went for home for R or R on? It is. And you had your first meeting? First meeting. With one of your platoon mates sisters. You know, I love to antagonize people and I got

a MySpace frame request and I thought, man, this must be a dating page. It was a, you know, cowgirl hat, brown blouse shirt or whatever jean skirt. I was like, that's a dating site, you know. There's an ad. Wait a second. That last name is the same as my medic. Let's do some investigation. He was home on R&R. And I was looking

through. I was like, that's his little sister. She's 18. so it's legal. And I was just like, except, you know. And we started chit-chat and I just did to make him mad, you know. But we ended up enjoying each other's company the first time we ever met.

I was like, I deserve a vacation. I've been here 11 and a half months. You know, I'm coming home for 18 days. You want to go on vacation? She's like, yeah, sure. So we decided we're going to go to Cosmo, Mexico. How'd you talk to her dad into that? She was 18, so she did what she wanted, I guess.

I don't know. He didn't kill me. So had him be right. And so you're right. go to Mexico, that's your first date. It's like, hey, I'm just going to take you to Mexico. Yeah, yeah. You guys, I say I don't know that $24,000 when I know exactly where we went. Went to Mexico, then back to Michigan for a week. Had a great time. She went back to Texas. I had to go back overseas. I got held up in Atlanta. So I called her up. I was like, hey, I'm in Atlanta for the night you want to come. And she said, yeah. So she came out. Next morning, say,

her goodbyes, crock it out to your streaming from her face. And she's like, I love you. And I'm like, I'm no idiot. So I love you too. You know, as fast as I could. I love you. I didn't even pause, you know. And she's like, in between ourselves. I want to marry you. And I'm like, yeah, I get that. But, you know, in my head I said that. Because I was like, I want to marry you too. Real Casanova here.

I jump on that airplane, get back overseas, give her a call. Right, 24 hours later in Afghanistan, I'm like, hey, what's going on, babe. She's like, guess what? I'm like, I don't know what. Weddings planned. Oh. Zales.com bought her a ring and called her dad and whatnot. He's like, yeah, I guess that's cool.

I'm like, well, okay, thanks. And then we got married. How did her brother feel about it? Was her brother in your platoon with you? Oh, he was my medic, yeah. He actually rode in the same truck as me. And my colonel would pick on him on the radio. Hey, Buck, what are you doing with your sister?

And it's like, I'm like, break, break, break, you can let that go. Because you mean I'm standing up in the truck, you know, and Josh can just hammer me from the back seat. And I'm like, no, no, no, don't do this. Don't do this, sir. But, nah, he knew how this good guy. He's like, he told his mom a day. He's like, look, I know how it looks.

He's actually a good guy and really nice. So we'll see how it works out. And then I ended up marrying her. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's awesome, man. That's a great story. You tell it in here that it's pretty unbelievable, you know, that you pulled all that off.

Well, and the colonel was actually setting me up to go to the prep school in Virginia for West Point. He's like, you should be playing football. My lieutenant at the time, Lieutenant Phillips now he's a major, or maybe he's a colonel now. But he was training me. He was a football coach. and he holds a record in Chicago. Yeah, most consecutive losses at the school that he was coaching at in high school.

Yeah, they were that bad. Great guy, though. And he was, like, helping me coach and train up and lift weights and do whatever. But then I met Kelsey. I was like, I think I'm just going to do this, you know? So we got married when I got back. How long after you went home for Christmas

did you come back? I came back in April on the 13th night, 14th morning. And then you won't find it in my book, but we got married at the courthouse on the 17th. There you go. Yeah. And then we got to. married again and big wedding in June like the most military but you wanted that money well I needed to

I spent all my money you know I was like I don't know I'm gonna get a house I'm like I'm like look we need I need to I need that BAH for three months to pay for this damn wedding you know so did you guys have your wedding in Texas in McKinney about 112 that day and then uh you see settled down and now you now you know you're staying in the army you've pretty pretty much saying I'm staying the army at this point well I mean I really enjoyed it I got moved around to another unit and when I got back because I had to go to like a line unit couldn't be a PSD guy the whole life. I mean, I was up for it. I was like, this is awesome. But yeah, we got an apartment in North Carolina right outside Fort Bragg there, bought a dog. Life was good and I figured military's

doing well and then just kind of hung out for 15 months or 18 months before I deployed. That's what I was going to say. So it's 18 months, but between deployments for you? It was that. It was usually a year and three months. So like I went for 15 months. So they gave me 18 months off. I went for a year and then they gave me 15 months off. Then I had to go again for my third but I'm jumping ahead here. So you you get back over on deployment. And this is like within days and you'll tighten me up on that. But one of your one of your friends, Tyler Juden is saying that right? Mm-hmm. Nope. He's out on a mounted patrol. IED hits the first vehicle. Then they get a small arms ambush and I'm going to the book here. Our

guys needed to get the disabled vehicle out of the way and while they worked toward this objective Tyler sprinted up to a high site on a nearby hill and fired through some five to seven magazines of ammo protecting his soldiers below when the disabled truck was finally cleared Tyler sprintered back to the truck but the enemy had specifically targeted him an RPG flew in and he was hit they rushed him back to the hospital at the fob but it was too late Tyler died on the operating table He rose up inside of me. I wanted to find whatever Taliban savages did this to Tyler and shoot them in the face.

Tyler was always cautious. He took his job extremely seriously and never made mistakes. There was no reason for him to die. He described to me once how he believed his job as a sniper ultimately saved innocent lives. He was putting into practice what he knew to be true. He was helping the world not hindering it, and he'd been trained to be one of the rough men who stands ready in the night. prepared to do his duty, prepared to visit violence on those who would do us harm. Tyler's death hit far too close to home, and we'd only just arrived.

So that's not a fun way to kick off deployment. No, and I'm not sure if you're experiencing your unit, but it seems like the guys that get hit are the ones that you don't expect will ever get hit. So Tyler was a year older than me. I respected him. I mean, it was crazy because, you know, a guy's year older, it's like, oh, whatever, but he had such a professionalism about him and I looked up to him

and I tried to learn what I could from him and he only had like a, he probably had an extra year and a half in the army than I did, but either way. And highly ranked sniper and he went up and just, he didn't have to take bad shots so he was just popping everybody

and they did targeting him. He actually, I'm pretty sure it was Camp Chapman that he, had been not sure if you ever been to the SF base there. But anyway, that's where he ended up not making it. There's only two weeks into the appointment. And, um, You know, when that guy like that gets hit, one, you're obviously frustrated and angry.

You don't know why it happened. But two, it's like, well, geez, if he can get, you know, hit or taken out, you know, kind of takes you down in confidence a pegger two as well because he's the guy you wouldn't expect. Not that you expect anybody to get hit, I guess. But, you know, like a super soldier style guy. Yeah. And I'm sure, like, everybody, if you held him in that regard, everybody held him in that regard. And so everybody's feeling that same.

Oh, yeah. Kind of straight up nervousness, right? Yeah, and there was, he would walk by, like, on our ACUs, like, have a string. You're supposed to tuck the string in, some standard stuff. Mine would I would be hanging out. He'd walk by and yank on it, and they make me do push-ups and yell at me. And I wanted to punch him in the face, but I couldn't, you know,

and I understood why he was doing it. So it's just a fun story, I guess, like, tell people, because, I mean, if I could have decked him, I probably would. I've only been in one fist fight ever. I knocked myself out playing volleyball. That was it, that was the one. Yeah. It's sad but true.

It's in the book. Yeah. I don't know what that. Will you might as well tell it? Well, yeah, we were just playing volleyball and everybody got Mads going over the net. We made OE254 like cables for the antennas. We used those in 550 cord. And I was like, quick go over the net.

I was six foot three and the net was only six foot tall. So I was like just hammering at home. I had a vertical, you know, like LeBron. So he was ridiculous. A whole belly button above the net. And I kept going over and they kept. yelling so I pulled my hand back real fast for I did it and I caught myself right in the eye socket knocked out you actually knocked yourself out yeah yeah but but later on when I had this happen

I didn't get knocked out yeah so it's like can you imagine with a fist of fury could have done Floyd wouldn't have stood a chance against me I don't know if I'm impressed if that's like super impressive or super not impressive right you either have yeah fists of iron or a glass jaw we're not sure which I hit a bomb yeah yeah yeah it got knocked out so my answers have been Fists of Iron. Yeah, the questions have been answered. Probably being jail right now if I ever went fist to cuffs with anybody. So, uh, you, it sounds like you guys ended up doing overwatches of a road in, um, what, up by

Zabzik Pass. Okay. Yeah. And. Great time. How long were you on that for? Oh, we went out there and they were like, yeah, just go ahead and pack for, you know, a couple weeks.

And then we were out there, I think 50, some, 50 days or so. And we're just living on top of a mountain. Just monitoring the road? Yeah, just because they had to, they were bringing up convoys of jingle trucks with military gear on it to build another fob. And we had people on both sides. And I actually, I was so afraid to tell my wife,

I went down one day to get some food or something or get a resupply. And I'm the way back up. They made a stop. They want to register mortars. And I was like, what the, I just want to get back up there. I got out and I slammed my door.

And like the brilliant guy I am, I went ahead and used a fist of fear and I hammered a hummer. and I ripped the scab open on my hand. I told my story to my wife. It was so much blood. It was gushing. It was ridiculous. But as my wedding ring fingers,

I took my wet ring off, put on the front of the Hummer, and I got the medic. I was like, get out of your dog, you know, willis or whatever. I fixed this up for me. And he had to put tape on it. I got back in, left my wedding ring right on the front of that Hummer

and drove back up mountains. So like, for 30-some days, every time I got a chance to go down the mountain, I had a metal detector out, like, please find this tungsten ring. Please, I don't want to tell my wife. I never heard of it. Mm-hmm.

I always like to give people that didn't serve a little impression or of what it's like and I thought this one wrapped it up pretty good going to the book here going so long without taking a shower came with a share of complications guys got trench foot from their feet being wet and sweaty and not taking care of them properly I got strange rashes and intimate areas and it wasn't uncommon for a guy to mutter about his balls sticking to his leg when he hiked every dude got chafed up pretty badly in his bodily crevices. And a common complaint was that a guy had swass slang for sweaty ass. My armpits hurt. I sweated so much that the salt got trapped in my skin and my back broke out in a raised bubbly rash. This happened to other guys too. The only solution is to get your ID card out and have another dude scrape your back hard until the salt crystals pop out. It's a brutal procedure and it feels like getting cut with a razor blade but it's all part of the fun yeah day to day yeah they get something i mean sounds like i was complaining in that one huh no yeah watching someone like scrape salt crystals like size of table salt come out of there

i'm not sure if you ever experience anything like that no but uh yeah it's pretty bad and you get so and then i don't know i took four real showers that year yeah like real ones i mean you'd go get a water bottle and poke holes in the top and spray yourself down but then you had to get dirty all over again it's this whole long process you're talking to there like how it takes like nine days or something for you get comfortable with your nastiness yeah yeah and then you don't even want to break the cycle and get clean again it's gonna take you nine days to get used to it again no the best part's like the winter because you don't smell as bad in the winter like when the winter you don't take showers like oh it doesn't matter I'll brush my teeth keeping pearly white make my teeth look whiter you know

But yeah, I actually decided halfway into that deployment. I was like, told my wife, just send me eight pair of Ranger Panties. So I wore a whole pair of Ranger Panties for a month. And I just took them off. I was like, no, we're not going to wash these. Just don't want. Accept it and move on. $12.

Well spent. So, matter of fact, where a Zobzak passed, my pants got so torn. They were like chaps. Like my butt cheeks were hanging out stuff. And one of these Sergeant Majors came in. You know, and they're all out of shape. Like, where you ate up like a bag of dicks. Change your pants.

I'm like, Sergeant Major, if I change their pants, I'm going to get another pair. It looks just like this. Like, I'm not on the fob. Yeah. As you come in, they're like, you got to get a new uniform and all that. I'm like, bring me one.

I'm like, yeah, okay, let me do that. You got it, bud. I know you're going to get back in that truck and roll your ass out of here, so. Back to the chicken wings and pancakes. Yeah. Oh, I know. A lot of MREs.

That's good times. Yeah, you know, I got to just, straight up I mean in in the seal teams we just don't have to eat that many MREs it's just the way it is you either you make them you can make those things delicious yeah you can that burrito mm get at me mix a little bit in there yeah I actually my first deployment to Iraq we ate MREs for a little while and I was legitimately sick of them and it was it wasn't that long but I was already sick of them it won no 50 I can promise you that.

Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah. Yeah. You were just going to say something about the SEAL teams, weren't you? No, I would never. Are you kidding me? I don't have Fis of Fury to fend myself. We're getting shipped in steaks and crap like that.

I mean, later on that appointment, we had like stakes on, like, one day a week. They'd bring out, like, these frozen steaks. We'd cook them over, like, an open pit of fire with a stick throwing. Yeah. No flavor. It is legit. Like, we'd go out to some rant. My first point, we'd go out to, because we were living, we were on biop in Baghdad.

Big Chow Hall, everything good. And we'd go out to do an op somewhere. There'd be some SF group in the middle of nowhere. And you'd see how they're living. It wasn't always an SF group. Someone was just an army, you know, some army platoon or company out there in the middle of nowhere. And you're like, dang, these boys are roughing it. Nasty.

And we're here like, they brought gatorade. They brought a case in the game. Give me two. Give me two. I'm going to hide one in my pillow case. You'd feel bad. They'd be like, oh, man, you're in the SEAL teams. We're like, dude, I'm ashamed to, like, even be hanging out with you right now.

you guys smell so bad but I don't know why they brought me out here so you guys go sit over there we're just going to sit here leave us alone we get guys like do you know what we've gone three days without a shower this is crap man right yeah we did that it's totally the same life but you know with and during the

I mean and during the suck it's still like it's funny like my friends from high school right I have two really good friends I can talk with whatever but if I run to another person from high school or whatever we'll catch up on everything and that's like oh great talking to you you know and then you find your way out of the conversation but you friend of military buddies you haven't seen in years and you just go right back into it you know just because you understand where you've been and what you're going through yeah

um speaking of going through stuff here we go back to the book the talban screeched to a stop and started shooting at the a n p bullets cracked all around us we got word from higher command to engage i yelled to my men fire we shot our rifles and schwartz let loose with several Burst of machine gun ratat tat ratat tat ratat tat ratat tat This is my first large-scale firefight of any kind It hit me with a wham that this wasn't merely a training exercise anymore This was the real deal my adrenaline rose and with it a surge of energy But I also felt calm as if all my training had kicked in at once and I just did what I was trained to do

I honestly wasn't afraid I took aim and fired at the bad guys. They fired at me and it didn't phase me to think that that I might kill somebody when I wanted when they wanted to kill me first I saw several Taliban members get hit and fall more fell and more the last few who were left turned around and took off took off up the wadi we got word to get not to give chase because wadis are great choke points for potential enemy ambushes when the shooting died down completely we approached close enough to see the bodies of the enemy soldiers I just helped kill it was a surreal feeling but I reminded

myself that this is what a soldiers are built to do. We received reports later that three of my men, the three of the men killed were top Taliban leaders in the region. So there's your first gunfight. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. So the ANP, the ANP commander was a former Taliban guy. And he switched oversides and ran the NAPE. He's like, yeah, they're having a big meeting.

I got a call. They're going to come down the SWATI. We'll go check it out. And then all of a sudden, just like, just dropping, you know, Mark 19 and 50 cal and 240 on them and just hey you know going nuts and then uh then you know they come back and they they're really good about taking their bodies away with them you know they're pretty good about it but they were like 18 or 20 people deep in the in the wadi come in we just led into them and uh yeah that was my first like real taste of like I shoot my gun at people what were you

a team leader at this point uh no I was so I was actually a squad leader oh that's right I was I was a position up so I was still an E5 but I was in a squad leader position so I always tried to do as of what a weapon squad no no that we were actually uh we were mounted okay so I had my own truck but I had two trucks that were under me so I had two two two uh two trucks that were two teams got I had uh two team leaders that were underneath me and then we had a truck so my senior like team leader had one of him he was a TC of his truck and then I was a TC of the the junior team leader that I had yeah it was a good time again I said that I'll speak in somewhere the other day and I said something along those lines and like somebody said like i think it's kind of weird that

you say it's a good time and fun and i'm like well it's a drilling rush like you're not going to get it's a good time and fun i mean they shot at me first i mean he started it's started yeah defend yourself but uh yeah and then i mean yeah it just it doesn't it didn't phase me it didn't hit me hard i wasn't worried about it um just kept moving on Matter of fact, that region died right down, like completely after that. Well, if you kill all those bad guys, it certainly has an impact. Like, that was our first night out there, too. Like, moved out to the middle of nowhere in a snowstorm.

And that was like, maybe not first night, our second night out there. We just shot everybody. And then for the next like two months, it was quiet. And they were like, they backfilled us with some other platoon. They're like, hey, we're going to bring in this platoon here. You guys are going to go up north where there's a lot of fighting in Bollumar Gob. All right, cool. Let's do it.

So that's the next big movement that you made was to that spot. And that place had. a bad rep like as far as being a lot of fighting there? The bomb was real heavy, real heavy. It was the Balmogab River and when we got there, the Italians were there before us and I guess they were just like, hey, Taliban, don't mess with us. Here's some money and we're good. And we're the eight seconds. So we're like, no, not going to happen. And the infantry platoon that we replaced. And I mean, for the record, I am infantry. I was in a cab unit, but they always have a trial troop. It's an infantry platoon they bring in

and then we had these coin platoons. It was like two infantry and two cab squads to make the platoons up. But, yeah, we replaced these, the infantry guys. They had two guys killed, unfortunately, fell into a river. There was actually a ceasefire with the Taliban to find the bodies and bring the bodies back. And we got up there, and there was like a line in the sand. They said, look, you cross this line, you're going to get shot at.

And we were like, all right, cool. So we started taking ground. And everywhere there's a fighting position on top of a mountain, they would booby trap it when they were done so a guy one of the Fos Sergeant Fox good guy he picked up a matchbox he's like yep I got a matchbox it looks like and then just

they only found his torso everything else was gone just his body armor but instead of staying in one spot at this one we took one more spot and they're like yeah well some Marsat guys went up here was this the uh was these the strong points

like Corvette and Impala is that we're talking about now yeah yeah yeah These are in your book. You talk about those being, and Impala was the even worse one, even further in enemy territory. Yeah, and they were like, yeah, we had, like, a Marsa guy got shot in the head when he was up there. It was just like an eight-man team that went in. They're like, you guys can't really go there, so we decided one night we're going to go there. We got all ready for it.

Was Impala physically, what is it like a little former, like house or something? Absolutely, it was a house. And we decided we were going to take it. it one night because there was the last house on the edge of town and then there was 1,200 meters between the next like village and the Taliban would go in there and shoot at us and you know be able to sneak down away far enough and uh we had um a javelin team come up on one side we went up in the middle of the side and we had other people on this side and we just we just took it in the middle of the night and then they said we're going to go up there for like you know three days do reconsors

come back and they're like hey you know what we're going to stay there so the work didn't stop we had to fill sandbags put up barbed wire and then we went up the side of a mountain and dug in an O-P, but it was like we had 21 guys there. A Taliban never knew. We only had 21-man platoon. So we had like 13 down at the cop, and then we sent the rest of them up on top of the hill. And we dug in so deep, that was 8-foot deep pits.

And there was a living room, a 240 pit, a 50-Cal pit, like a little dining kitchen area, and then like three sleeping pits, like three, like that two coffee. would fit in. Like it was huge. Did you put overhead cover on them somehow? Uh, no, we just dug them deep enough where you didn't. Didn't need it. Yeah. I mean, we put, I guess we put our, um, um, ponchos over it, you know, things like that. But not protection from mortars. No, no. And if you stood up when they were digging it, and they started digging it when you stood up and you, were digging, they start shooting at us. And then we just rain hell. And, um, we dug in. And after about a month of that, we just were killing so many. They just gave it up. They're like,

all right, we're done. Um, and that's where we, I mean, we, I mean, we're, um, and that's where we, I mean, we came out. We were black on water, and then, like, the brass came out. And they're like, why don't you guys shaving? Where's your haircuts? We're like, we didn't have water. Are you kidding right now, bro? And then the same Sergeant Mary yelling for my pants.

They wanted to go up to CROP. So my platoon sergeant was like, hey, Sergeant Mills, I need you, can you take one of your teams and just go? So we took four men out. And I walked them right over what I thought the road was clear, you know, but it was all filled with water when we took the place. Walked more huge IEDs. They just, the batteries had died in them because they waited, you know, we waited too long. But when they dried up, they're like, oh, there's a mortar. Oh, look at that.

That's a AT mine, a triple stack, you know. But anyways, so I took them up on top of the O.P. And it was funny because as they're yelling us for not being shaven or cleaned up, I go a quarter of the way up. It's like 100 yards probably, like almost straight up. And I go up a quarter way with them. And I say, all right, I'll be right back. So I run to the top.

And I'd say, hey, LT, you know, the sergeant major is coming up in the colonel. So just be ready. You know, so we're, like, trying to put our uniforms on and everything instead of, like, just our T-shirts. And I run back down and he's bare crawling. He sits down and he's like, I can't do it. I'm like, go eat your midnight child, leave us alone. How about that?

Are you kidding? Dang. That was good, huh? Did he make it to the O.P.? He made it up to the top. He did eventually. And I'm like, but I came back down. I kind of put a little bit of fear in him.

I said, Sergeant Major, this is not the spot that you want to stop right there, that town that's Taliban held. Anybody in that town shoots at us. And if they see that we're not moving quick, they're going to take pop shots. So you're going to, yeah, I mean, mostly true. Yeah. He was like sitting down. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, you need to move, Sergeant Major,

need to go. I mean, and no offense to the brass. It wasn't even my Sergeant Major, I don't think that was there at the time. It was like a different unit or whatever, but, but yeah, I mean, it was a wild, wild west. We were just shooting firefights every day, but we were the northern limit. You know, there was no buddy farther pushed than us. Yeah, I want one part you're talking about how you ended up shooting 11 javelins in,

in a day, I think. Yeah, that's getting after it. on pretty much anyone's standards. Yeah, I think he shot 29 that whole deployment. It was cool. Damn. So, conventional army can be fun. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, the conventional army we were with in Ramadi were freaking getting after it every single day. They were awesome. Awesome. Like, you were getting in a firefight every day there, huh? For a bit there we were, and then it died right down. They were just tired because...

You know, once they shot once, we just, we let loose. We had enough ammo to last us for years probably. And we let them know. We'd let them know. Yeah. America's real cool when it comes to ammo. Yeah. In those situations.

It's like, oh, you guys need more? Yeah, we'll be right there. All right. You are, yeah, same thing happened. You were like, you were like, did you find, you found triple stacked IDs in your position? Yeah, so the dumbest thing ever. We went in and we cleared it. And then we had Marines EOD, like Marsock EOD clear stuff.

Like there was like unexploded RPG round on the side of one of the walls. And then there was other booby traps. Well, it turns out where we were rolling all of our like big barrels for the generator and stuff like that was like, it was all booby trapped. Right. We're exactly where we stepped. And this guy, Sergeant Barton, he's a great guy. There's this metal out of the ground. He's like, huh, what's that?

He starts beating on it with a shovel. And I'm going, I'm getting ready to go on my R&R and R. Oh, my God. Ting. I'm like, what are you doing, dude? God. Something in the ground here just looking at it. He starts digging around.

He's like, oh, that's not. Oh, shit. And then it turns out we were rolling these 50-gallon drums, taking all this supplies right over top, right in the breezeway. Good God. It's where I would. So it was so hot there. And, I mean, I get Iraq's hot too, but it was so hot.

Like me and my buddy, who was one of my team leaders, would go out there and we'd spare ourselves with waterball, being our PT shorts, spray yourself with the water bottle, lay on our cots and just see how long it took to dry, usually about 10 to 15 minutes to get completely dry. And our cops were right on top of these bones. I had no idea. Because, I mean, EOD came through and they didn't find anything.

So was it, do you figure it was like a commandette that had the battery died or something? It was, yeah, well, it was pressure plates. Oh, my God. So, like, these big drums were having the circuit connect, but the batteries in them died. You know, luckily we didn't take the property to, you know, after like that, I think after the Marshot guys got hit, they went in there and booby-trapped at all. knowing that we were trying to take it. But somehow the batteries didn't work,

which helped out for us. Because we jumped over a rock wall that they had where there was like a hole in the wall already from probably a hellfire or something from time before. So right where we, you know, obviously be an easy place for us to jump over. That's where we all jumped over

and there was stuff stacked there too. Yeah. It's where you talk about it in here. And I heard this from the Vietnam Seals. They would set up ambushes on VC and they would, you know, go, okay, we're going to shoot from here. And when we shoot from here,

they're going to take cover over here behind this lock. So they'd put a big Claymore underneath that log. And you're talking about how the Taliban is doing the same thing over there. You know, basically, oh, as soon as we start shooting at them, they're going to run to these covered positions.

So we'll just put booby traps or minds in any of these covered positions. Yeah, we actually had to change up our SOPs or standing operating procedures on my third deployment. And instead of diving for cover, you had to take a knee. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was reading.

And I was just, that's what it reminded me of. They reminded me if that's what my predecessors and the SEAL teams in Vietnam's would do to the enemy. And now the enemy was doing it to us or to you guys. It's really scary. This is an interesting spot. You're heading home for leave from there.

I left in May and caught a series of connecting flights home to America. I gave Kelsey a huge kiss at the airport in Dallas. When I got back to the house, gave our dog buddy a big hug. It felt great to be back, but it also felt surreal. And this is a strange part of this. time I didn't quite know what to do with myself I could take a hot shower anytime I wanted I could sit on the couch and play video games I could drink a beer and eat a cheeseburger

outside on the back porch nobody was shooting at me nobody stunk nobody was sleeping on triple stacked IEDs Kelsey was finishing up the semester with college and work so I bought a truck and we drove up to Michigan to see my parents we had a few bright and happy days with them then it was soon time to go just like that I hugged my parents, gave Kelsey a big kiss, and flew out to Detroit to head back overseas. It felt oddly good to be back to Afghanistan. The feeling is difficult to explain. In America, when I'd hung around with some friends in Dallas and got reacquainted with some of my buddies from high school back in Michigan,

I'd seen first hand how most of the people my age lived. If a dude was 22 or 23 like me, he was usually finishing up college or hanging out trying to find an internship or an entry level. job he might be living in his parents basement trying to scrape together enough money to move out Or maybe he was partying hard on weekends or maybe still in a frat He was almost always short on money almost always wondering what to do with his future Not there was anything wrong with any of that a guy's got to do what a guy's got to do but by contrast At my age in the military I led people in combat I controlled firefights I handled hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of equipment and

I made decisions that affected whether people would live or die. It felt real. On a personal level, I made decent money. I was married. I had a good credit score. I was thinking of buying a house soon. It felt good to be trusted with this much responsibility. I was proud of my drive and sense of accomplishment.

I was already a man. I think statements like that are like what get kids, or if I say kids, but like when I meet kids, Like I've just met at this event we were just at and this you know he's like hey I'm 19. I just joined the Marine Corps. I'm leaving September 18th and That statements like that is what I think makes people join the military gets a lot of people to join the military like 22 years old. Oh yeah, you're getting paid you got a steady job your job is more meaningful than any job they could have I mean never mind maybe they're working at fast food right like I did you know never mind that they're working at Wendy's even if they have a kick ass job somewhere. I mean never mind that they're working at Wendy's even if they have a kick ass job somewhere It doesn't matter. Your job's more meaningful because you're a soldier fighting for freedom. Yeah, and they would, you know, you go back home and you see what they're doing. You're like, wow, my lot's changed.

And I'm like, I've been in Afghanistan. I got married. I have an apartment. I have two cars or whatever. And it's at that young of an age. I mean, and my friends back home, they were still really nice and, you know, I still get along with them and everything. I just felt like what I was doing was a different purpose and I was trusted with more things. I mean, when you're in college and everybody's like, oh, you're a kid in college.

but when you're in the army and you're like oh you're in your army you're on your second appointment you know what do you do well i'm in charge of seven other uh lives is included as well as my own and i tell them where to move what to do how to shoot and how to how to do things and they're like oh okay yeah i'll get some kid in the gym in my gym will be like oh yeah well you you know well i'm only 23 and i'll like oh yeah when i was in 23 i was in my third seal platoon killing people actually we weren't we were drinking beers because there was nothing going on But anyways. Killing Budwiser.

Killing Budweiser like a beast. So then how did you feel about that two weeks leave during the middle of deployment? Well, I mean, it's a constant worry. Like, how are my guys doing? We had a satellite phone. We didn't have internet or things like that. So I couldn't just be like hit them up real quick on a Facebook. Because the Army makes you do that.

Well, yeah. Yeah. They allow it. And then they say you need, you know, this stuff. But they're pretty, aren't they, don't they push it pretty hard? No. I mean, I always thought they pushed it hard. Well, that's.

And I don't just, I don't discriminate. I don't know how to say this politically correct. There's, there's the army that's at Boggram Air Force space that wears PT belts that, you know, goes against her Dunkin Donuts. And that complains because a lot tastes too hot. And then there's the people like us where it's like, there's 22 of us or 21 of us sitting out in middle of nowhere, taking no showers. No one's going to come say, hey, you need to do this.

We had one kid come out. Now I ran into him again in Lansing, Michigan, actually at an event. He, you know, out of the military, and I didn't realize it was him. But he came out. He chose to be a financial guy. And listed in the financial world. And that's fine. Hey, you want to do finance?

You want work in the S4 shop? Great. Comes out. They're giving a survey. Some dumb survey that they're just, whatever, big army wants. You know, the good idea of fairies or whatever. But he's on the rooftop. He's like, oh, man, I hope we get a gun fight.

This is going to be great. And look over and say, excuse me? And he's like, well, no, I just, you know, because I'm on the fob all the time. I just, I want to see a gun. You know, I hope we're getting in a firefight. I said, what don't you get? If they shoot at us, my guys could get hit for what you're hoping happens here. I said, I got an idea.

Get off my roof. And he's like, well, I said, no, seriously, I'm going to throw you off this roof if you don't get off it. And he looked at Critter, one of my guys and Critter goes, oh, no, Sergeant Mills is real. He'll throw you off this roof. And I said, if we get shot at, don't get in my guy's way. Stay the fuck off the roof and get down. And he was just like, but I don't get it.

I'm like, it's not a game. This isn't, I mean, when we get in a firefight, you know, we, we, get, you know, people run up in their PT shorts and their flip flops and they got their Kevlar on and their body armor. But, I mean, that's real life. Bullets are flying. And the way he was just so nonchalant, I hope we get a firefight. That'd be really cool. It's like, my guys could get shot. Like, what part of cool don't you get? So, I mean, you know, the army does push some things, but other times we're just left alone. Yeah, I just remember guys going from, from guys that were in combat all the time, not Fobbits, but, and they, it seemed like the

command, their commands wanted them to go home for those two weeks. And hey, man, you need to take this break on your 14 month. Oh, the leaves mandatory. Yeah, I think you meant like calling home. Calling home stuff's not mandatory. Oh, no, I meant going home. Yeah, you have to go home. You have to go.

Okay, that's what I thought. And a lot of guys, some guys don't want to, but you have to. You know, the calling home thing, I think, is, I don't know how often you called home, but I try to call them like once a week. Once or twice a week. Because if you start doing more than that, I think it's worse on both of you. Well, you're running out of things to say. Oh, that's good point.

You know, I mean, no offense to anybody's love life out there, but in my wife and I get along great, you know, but when I would call home, hey, what are you doing? Well, just another day in Afghanistan. I don't want to be like, well, I was out and I got shot at. And then I ended up killing two people. And then this guy got hurt, but it's okay. He's going to be fine. He's back in the States. You know, so you can't say that kind of stuff.

Like, oh, well, you know, I went on patrol today. Got to help a kid tie his shoe, you know, and like that gets old. And then what did you do? Well, I went to school today. And, I mean, there's no real story there. So you got to let it build for a week or two. I definitely recommend that. I mean that the nicest way possible.

No, totally. And I think if you're calling home every day, then you're like, you're missing and you're connecting. And it's just like, no, like you said, let it build, have something to talk about real.

Well, because then it gets annoying. Like, well, what are you thinking about? And then you get, you know, I see it happened.

I, you know, I even say it happened to me and Kelsey. You know, like, what are you thinking about? Well, no,

what are you thinking? What do you want to talk about? I don't know. Oh, you got nothing to talk to me about? It's like, no, I don't. And it's not a bad thing. It's not that I love you any less.

It's that literally I can't tell you what happened here because it's not going to make you feel better about the situation. And you know another thing is, you know, you got all this stuff going on. And then your wife's like, you won't believe this. And you're like, what? And she's like, we lost that library book that we got out. And now they called and they want us to pay for it. And you're like, just got the check.

Just get them the check. We're going to be good. Well, are they overcharging? Do your research. Can you find it online? You know, cheaper? Yeah, some of the big, the big drama at home. You know, the wide eye, like, oh, no.

It's like, that's not, okay. Well, I watched the guy bleed out today. I had to put my finger in a bullet hole. So I get what you're saying. The same thing. I was like, whoa, my God, can you believe this? But you go ahead. Tell me about what happened with you today.

Tell me about the spoil about mayonnaise. You had on your sandwich. Oh, that's no joke, that's awful. You get home from that deployment. Going back to the book, my parents flew down from Michigan, Josh and Deanna. This is your, Josh is your brother-in-law. Deanna's his wife, we're there,

and some of the guys from my unit came over. I manned the barbecue, the smell of charcoal, fired hamburgers drifted over the neighborhood and I felt like the luckiest man alive. Kelsey and I had a dog, two cars, and now a house. We were young family. living the American dream. So you had the gold-fine house

and now you actually bought one, right? Power of attorney. I called my wife and she's like, guess what I did today? I was like, what? She goes, I bought a house. I'm like, how did you do that? She's like, well, you bought it. Signed that piece of paper, par of attorney.

So, speaking of jokes, I tell every time I talk, there we go. But no, we bought a house and then my brother-in-law, they had a young child. They still do Reagan, but at the time she was like seven, eight months old, I guess. And I was like, you drink in a night, Josh? Because I have responsibility.

You know, like, oh, I'm all holier than now or something. than now or something like I can't drink and then by the end of the night he passed out in a fire ant hill drunk as could be smoked a pack of sick he doesn't even smoke cigarettes smoke a pack of cigarettes trying to wake him up he's in a fire ant hill in my backyard like oh that hurts so bad and then I was like responsibilities huh famous last words yeah back to the book fortunately after I got home I didn't struggle with any past memories of combat although I do I know any number of soldiers who do I told a few stories to Kelsey about our units time and Robat and BMG about going without a shower for so long and about some firefights we got into it in Palin Corvette but she didn't like to talk about those things much and I understood that I found I could shut off the memories pretty easily my logic was straightforward I was a combat soldier that's what I did I told my mind to go to certain places and I refused to allow it to go to other places I found that I could connect with my family best that way although I know other guys

guys handled things differently with equal success. And the reason I threw that in there is just because, you know, I get a lot of guys that ask me about how to handle the, the whatever memories they're bringing home. And I thought that was, you know, pretty good methodology, man. Like, okay, I'm not going to think about that right now. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like I had to bury it. You're just so desensitized when you're over there. Like, I appreciate the book talks about it.

But we went on patrol and the one of the A&A guys, or A&P, was wearing a bright green, you know, like a construction vest. And we were all getting ready to load up in the trucks, and someone made the joke, I think it was me or maybe critter. But either way, we were like, well, that guy's going to get shot today because he stood out. He ended up being the only guy that was shot that day, and he ended up dying, you know, eventually from his wounds. But she's like, oh, well, he got, yep, that guy died.

But you just, you don't say it, like, hoping to get shot, but you're just like, well, that's part of what happens. But she didn't like hearing my stories of the combat and things like that. So I was just like, well, I guess I won't talk about him. She's like, you just get so excited about telling those stories and you laugh about it and it's real serious I'm like well I made it like you know yeah but you still snap in action I was driving to my house with my buddy and we went past the firing range and they opened up the 240s and like I hit the brakes contact right contact right

and I pull over and me and him are both reaching for our our M-4s we're supposed to be next to us we're like oh oh I'm in a minivan like it was a Chevy Impala for me it was a minivan man yeah it's beautiful I have a minivan. I love it. Oh, speaking of minivans, you found out you're going to be a daddy at this point, too, when you came home from your second deployment. Oh, no, that'd be awful. If I came home from second deployment, I found it going to be a dad.

It took us a little while. Oh, well. Four months after I got back, we found out we were going to, yeah. Right on. Yeah, that gets confused. I wasn't trying to imply anything. No, I know. Yeah, but we, yeah, so I didn't plan on it right away, you know, having children,

but found out we were going to have children or have a daughter. And worked out great, you know. I was very excited, did the whole nesting thing. My wife had a sweet Mazda 3 hatchback. What's the whole nesting thing? You know, like set the baby room up, get everything ready. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kept telling my wife, because I bought her a brand new car in 2010.

It was brand new off the line, Mazda 3 hatchback. She loves it. Loved it. And I was like, that baby seat's not going to fit in that car. And she's like, yeah, it's going to be fine. I'm like, no, it's not. Finally, I got so mad one day. Like, after arguing with her about it, I went out there and I pop the car seat in.

And I said, go ahead and jump in your driver seat, honey. Go ahead, jump in there and she couldn't fit. She's like, oh, just get rid of it, then. She was so mad. I loved every second of it. You know, because then I won. I won that game. You were right.

That feels good. I got you off topic. Sorry, yeah, we were going to have a kid. No, yeah, I'm straight on topic. We're way tight on topic over here. I know you're, yeah. Well, you're a professional. I didn't doubt that.

September 27th, 2011, our daughter was born. Wow. I made some weird noises in the back. of my throat there our kid was with goo all over her and she was wrinkly and scrunched up and all I could think of that she was the most beautiful thing in the world it's okay to cry the nurse said I didn't know how to cry so I just kept making weird noises in my throat was like the nurse is like it's okay it's okay to cry mr. Mills and I'm like I don't know how to cry and I went woo that was weird and this like he's like

this guy's taking this kid home I mean I almost fought the pediatrician that day oh man they were talking about Belgium beer some damn thing and like I hear the two doctors talking my kids in there crying and the nurse comes out

and they're like hey who's supposed to be looking at my kid and they're like oh doctor this you have a baby in there goes I don't have one in there and she goes you must have a guy goes huh I must forgot huh I chuckles it back talking

and I told the nurse said get that kid back in that room and I turn around that guy and I'm already up like you know 18 20 hours because we went into labor induced or whatever and eyes of bloodshot And I'm just like still jack from lifting weights. And I'm like, you know, you're not going to look at my kid. Find me a better pediatrician.

And the guy's like, and I had to go get Kelsey something. And they came in. She was, they were very nice when they came in. I was like, I don't know why. You know, I'm towering over this guy. Like, I will beat you if you touch my kid. You're not doing their job, bro. Then we put her in the car, so you take her home and we get home.

And my mother-in-law is with us. And we're looking at. And Kelsey goes to get out of the car. She goes, why is she not buckled? And I said, damn, I thought you did. She goes, Travis, I thought you did it. So strike, you know, strike one for my kid. Good dad award, number one.

Yeah. Coming out of the gates. Coming out of the gates strong. Epic fail, 45 minute drive, no car seat. Or no buckled car seat. I'm a good driver. Yeah, that's good. Luckily.

And meanwhile, this time you're still a soldier. You go to jump master school. And you failed jump master school the first time. I did. And the sad part, it wasn't like the JMPI. Where you got to jump master. What part did you fail? The written exam.

Dang. Yeah, that reading, it's fundamental. No, you know what? That academic part of Jumpmaster School, I've heard that's the most brutal part. It was rough. It was rough. And I failed that.

And everybody was like, oh, you must be a dumbass. I'm like, I am. But I went back the next, you know, the next cycle and I ended up passing. You know, I thought it was cool in here. You talked about, you know, one kid you threw out the plane.

Yeah. Yeah, I get another kid you kicked out of the plane. They were fine. Yeah, and that's the thing. They came and thank you later because they're just like scared, right? I'm not sure if they made it on it. I don't know. Well, in the book that you made up here, you claimed that.

Most fabricated book, no. Yeah, so I give my brief and they always made the youngest or the least senior guy give the brief. So like you tell them the brief if, you know, I say green light, go and you don't go, give you the order two more times. If you don't jump, I will unhook you, attach you, give you off, or don't touch your equipment, you know, say go to the real paratroopers or whatever. That's what a no jumper. Is that what it's called? Did they have a name for it? Yeah, jump refusal.

Jump refusal, that's right. So, yeah. But then as I'd say my brief, you know, this is all three pages you got to memorize. I'd stop my brief right there and say, but I guarantee you today, if you're on my door,

you are going. So I told the guy, you know, green light, go! And then like, the first guy I went, the second guy went, third guy, went, fourth guy or whatever. They'll go. And then finally I get to like 13 or 14.

I'm supposed to exit all, you know, 30 paratroopers, or 32, whatever. and this guy's like froze and I'm like I know you think you're not gonna go but you better jump out of this plane and he's like you know and I said I told you you were going

and then back of his shirt back of his pants I just threw him out and the person behind him's like I'm like get going and then another jump the same thing happened I said I told you you were going

he stood there frozen the door like in one foot back I just grabbed the top oh sorry he backed up grab the top of the plane I just kicked right in the back of his parachute out of the door he went I was like we'd hear those

rumors but I never saw it happen yeah I mean if they don't jump they're gonna lose money and then they're gonna waste a good pass and then the plane either can go back around make another pass and like prolong everybody's night and make it harder because I have a person I got to do paperwork on now which I don't like to do or you you can barely write what I understand so far no right hand so he used to be right handed so what you expect but that's cool take take folks at me with nine and lines like um but but yeah I mean so it was just fear got the best of them and I just was like no we're going today and you're you're you're You know, I said some other choice words in their ear, but they went.

But what I liked about that from like a broader perspective than just airborne school is like so often, man, people just need to like go. Because like you said, once you go and you get that first thing under your belt, then they go and they jump. It's no problem. You know, but so often people are, they just hesitate. They're just scared of the unknown, you know? And what you got to do is just go. Just jump. Well, my fifth jump in airborne school, back when I was, you know, PV2 Mills, I jumped out and it was nighttime combat.

I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. But I was like, well, I'm not going to be the big system. on this airplane, you know. So I dove out like Superman, and I got my left leg cut up in the risers. I was coming down like a flamingo, and my shoot started a collapse on me.

And I was shaking my, I was falling fast, and everybody had pulled my reserve. You pulled your reserve at Airway School? Yeah. No kidding. They were mad about that. Oh, yeah. But I was dropping fast.

I guess you survived, which is a good thing. Yeah, yeah. But my leg was tangled up so bad. It's in the first jump in the vision, I'm like, oh, I don't know if I want to do this anymore. And then the guy in front of me went, and I was like, well, okay. He did it

Yeah, that's not good to have to pull your reserve At airborne school But I mean, it wasn't because of malfunctioning It was because of my own stupidity I dove out like a superman My left leg got caught up in there And I couldn't shake it out And then I was like watching the silhouettes above me

They're like, pull your reserve bills I'm like, okay You pick up E6 So now you're Now you're a staff sergeant Take over a weapon squad Which is a senior spot but I went to work that day.

I got finished ALALC or whatever, which is an E6 course. I went to my first sergeant. I said, I have offers in, you know, second and First Brigade, 5-08. I'm going to take those. I don't have a squad leader spot, you know, when I get back from this four-day vacation

or four-day break. I came back in the game of the senior spot. Here you go. Oh, yes. And Kelsey, she didn't really want you to go overseas again, did she? I mean, yes and no. She understood it, but I mean, obviously, no wife wants their loved one to go overseas or their husband to go overseas. But we just bought a house.

The baby was just born. Quite frankly, we could use, we could use the tax-free money. 100%. We could use the money that you get from being over there. And also we have the soldiers come to my house and have barbecues, and she sees how they look up to me and how I'm in charge of them. And it's this whole camaraderie and brotherhood thing. I had orders to Fort Hood. I had my sergeant major cancel him.

I was like, I don't know why you're kicking me out. I goes, I'm not kicking you out. I said, Sergeant Major, I have orders of Fort Hood. And he's like, do you not want to go? I said, no, I need to deploy these guys. So he's just like, I'll take care of it. Yeah. The way you put it in the book is the reason I went overseas

was because of the soldier next to me. The guys in my squad. Our job was to protect America and keep the Taliban at bay. I'd trained my men. I taught them all I knew. It was my job to take care of them. I couldn't imagine them deploying without me. I mean, I was quite frankly upset when I got those orders.

But they were building a new brigade, and they wanted combat NCOs with over two years of combat experience to go. help you know lead these guys and I was like a noble I get it but not not for me right now you're leaving um and Josh is going away at the same time your brother and all your wife's brother going away same time here we go back the book she was in tears a beautiful mess Josh was leaving on that same deployment too but a day later than I was so he came to see me off and support his sister I hugged him and he hugged me back

Chloe was five months old and sleeping soundly in her car seat She never woke up when I kissed her cheek I unstrapped my daughter picked her up and cradled her tightly one last time in my arms She inhaled deeply smiled and carried on sleeping then I waved goodbye Walking away from my loved ones I had to ask myself if this third deployment felt different from the first two I had a child to think about now a family I knew there would be tense days and fire fights ahead but I'm Honestly, I wasn't afraid of dying.

I wouldn't be reckless and make myself an easy target, and I didn't want to die. But I knew that if I got hit, then I got hit. If it happened, then it was meant to be. As a soldier, it's not like I talk about my emotions every day. I don't write poetry. I don't watch romantic comedies as a rule. I'm trained to kill people. That's what I do.

You've got to be tough in the 80s second. You've got to be as hard as life. You don't want to show weakness ever, particularly with any of your guys around. When you're overseas and out in the middle of nowhere and you have 12 to 20 guys with you, you can't take a seat and say you're done. As a leader, I couldn't throw my helmet down and complain that things weren't fair. You have to make the best of it. You have to keep going. You've got to be as tough as they come.

but even so as I walked away from my wife and child and brother-in-law the wind struck my eye and I wiped away the wetness with the back of my sleeve harder going away on this deployment? A little bit, yeah, it didn't feel right. I actually had a conversation my brother-in-law in his garage with him and I was like, you know, Josh, it's always a guy you don't expect to get hit

that gets hit and we start naming out the people from our deployments because we were the same brigade always, just different units. And I said, I just don't feel good. about it, you know? I mean, not that I couldn't go where I wasn't going to go, but, but yeah, it was harder, you know, my wife and everything. I was supposed to leave the next day. I went to work and they're like, hey, look, we need you to take this truck of guys over. Can you leave tonight instead of tomorrow night? And I was like, well, yeah, but I got to leave work right now. And I got to go and my kid. And they're like, yeah, yeah, you can go. So I went. But it does,

you know, I wouldn't say each deployment's harder. The second one wasn't hard for me to go. I mean, I had to say goodbye, but part of my job. The third one was, is more, man, I hope I get, you know, to come back home. But you got to push those thoughts, you know, out of your head. You can't, I always tell you, we can't dwell on it. You can't think about it. You can't, you know, worry about what's going to happen. You got to just push through and whatever happens does happen.

But, you know, as long as you're not reckless and careless, you know, you can't affect what your outcome is going to be anyway, so you might as well just keep pushing forward. Yeah. You, and now you end up on this deployment, the fob or the strong point that you're in, so small, it doesn't even have a name. Just like out in the middle of nowhere. This is a strong point. And you got there.

What was the environment like there? I mean, the units that leave always give real great advice. And their commander told our commander, you're not going to really change a lot stuff here with how the rules and engagements now. Because the rules and engagements over different presidencies or different leadership changed. And they said, you know, when we go out,

We take shaving cream. We line where we walked. You know, we come back. That's all you're going to do. And, of course, when we get there, we're hard charging. We're like, we're going to go here, here, here, and here. And the SOPs changed. The bowel space all changed.

We lived in, like, my first point, I was on a big fob. Second appointment, I was in a row of little strong points and fobs. And then this one, we were just like, hey, here you go. We're going to helicopter you in. You're dropped off. This is you. Three-sixty around is all bad. And that's just how it was.

we'd go out the first day went out we got a huge firefight um and that's what my guys really understood like i was in a lot of schools like i went to college i went to jump match school went to the advanced leadership course the alc course for e6 so when i got back and i got to uh the weapons squad leader spot some of the guys didn't know who i was from anybody got it my first sergeant knew me that's why i got the spot but um the other guys were like why the hell is it this guy jokes around he doesn't he's not mean he doesn't smoke anybody he's you know really I was polite I guess and whatever you know normal everyday guy I didn't have this trip on my shoulder after I first firefight like two of the guys that came from a different infantry unit were like

look I didn't get why you were the squad leader I didn't get how you got E6 um and why you were in charge but now I do because you know when she hits the fan I was I was a guy needed to be there I guess yeah I mean this firefight going to go into the book here uh sergeant butler yelled I'm hit, I'm hit. One of his team leaders, Sergeant Marty Miller, ran over to him and swept his hands along Butler's body to look for blood. Miller ran back to our lieutenant to report where he couldn't find any. And you just, you sprinted out into this riverbed during this firefight's going on.

And here you are. I'm still wearing my body armor, but I was essentially weaponless. If I'd kept my rifle, it would have only slowed me down. I ran over to where Sergeant Butler lay. He was probably 50 meters. total away. It's my leg, he shouted. I can't put any weight on it. Shut up, I yelled. Get on my back now. Let's go. Without waiting for him to answer, I grabbed his right hand with my left, squatted down and threw him over my shoulders in a fireman's carry. He was probably 185 pounds.

I hefted him up and ran back to safety. So there you go. Just, uh, I understand after you perform like that in a firefighter, your boy's like, oh yeah, we get it. Well, we, uh, yeah. So we were, on one side of the Wadi, the drive riverbed, and my CEO was like, we're going to cross this riverbed. I'm like, all right. I mean, that's really open, but let's do it. So first, second, and headquarters, whatever, went across.

Right. And just, I always have to point this stuff out because we have a lot of guys that are in the military that listen to us. And so you're just doing a classic cover move. One element's going to stay back on the high group, or on one side of the river to cover as the other elements pushing across.

Yeah, and this was our first day in country, so we're just trying to learn the battle space. Dang. because we were thinking about setting up another O-P or strong point on the Wadi because there was a lot of traffic. And they start to move over over there, and they get about 50 meters away, 75 meters, whatever, and then all hell breaks loose, shots from everywhere. And third squad and fourth squad, weapons squad, which is me,

are over on the river bed. And we start laying in. Everybody ducks down, takes cover, and I'm still standing, and I'm yelling, and one of my guns is shooting to the far left where he should be shooting to the far right. He's the right element. So I walk over and I kicked the team leader, you know. Actually, I think I might have smacked his head real hard. And I said, you need to fix it.

Just to fix it now. And I told him where to shoot. I went back over and directed some more traffic. And then some of the other two team leaders from the third squad were just firing all their rounds. After we already gained the fire superiority. So I yelled at them and said, you two know better. You've been here before. Control your rounds.

Control your fire. And just make sure it's suppressing. And then Butler went down and we're like, oh, Butler just got hit. And he ended up tearing his MCL, ACL and Meniscus. or whatever. I mean, this is pretty bad damage. And my first start was like, third squad, go and get them. And I said, oh, first start, no, but I got it. So I took my weapon off. And my M4, you know, and I was like, here, hold this for me.

I tossed them, I M4 because it gets in the way. You know, I ran down. Then the A and A and A were on the riverbank, right, kind of right behind where they're at. I said, you guys do not shoot. I said, don't you can shoot, you know, don't you shoot me in the back. Sorry about that. I ain't got to edit that. Or maybe you don't. But I was like, don't you guys shoot me. So I ran out and got him. Took him back. And I set them down. So I ran out 50. came back and I took him about about 50 to 80 behind the building set him down I sat down and

get a drink of water at first like my first time goes sergeant mills need you back here I'm like oh okay I ran back I was like oh crap where's my gun and Marty had that somewhere he's like oh here you go and I was the last one on the objective uh we had to hike back two miles with Butler on a stretcher but I was the last one with the FO on the objective uh popping smoke for the kai was to come over and cover our movement damn the two guys I yelled at the ones that told me They'd follow me at Hellenback. Like, we get it now, Sergeant Mills. We'll follow you at Hellenback.

They were just kept shooting. I'm like, you guys are teammates. You've been here. What are you doing? Yeah, that's awesome, man. This reality check. It's another example. I mean, again, just you're talking about how you were in a leadership position.

You're just backed off a little bit. You're paying attention to what's going on. Instead of you being on your gun and shooting, you're backed off. You're watching. And that's what you need to do in a leadership position. You've got to back off a little bit. You've got to observe what's happening. You've got to make sense of what's happening.

And then you've got to make sure. sure that people are doing the right things. Yeah, I mean, if I shot my gun, I mean, that's great. I got a chance to shoot my M4 and do it had to do, but if I wasn't controlling my two heavy weapons squad, you know, like I had the 240, that was the king of the battlefield, if you will, with the heaviest firepower that I was in charge of, if they weren't doing the job the right way, then we were all in trouble.

Yeah, as I always say, God bless the machine gunners. Yeah. And it sounds like that deployment was, I mean, the firefights that you talk about in here were a lot. You're getting a lot of firefights. Every other day, if not every day. So this one here, you went out and did this raid, and then you get word after you do this raid

that there's no aircraft to come and pick you up from the raid and go ahead and walk back. Yeah. That's good times. Yeah, we went out. I told my guys, like, look, it's going to be hellacious, bring extra. We had each of us 2,000 rounds of 762. Dang.

And then we also had, I always carried 2,000 rounds of 7662, or I guess depending on the mission. It would change between 1,000 to 2,000. And then I'd carry 20 grenades, 10 on my armor and 10 in my bag. And then another 20, 40 Mike, because I had 203. Jesus. And then 420-5-5-6 rounds, like not in my magazines. And I always had 12.

Bro, that's like freaking 200 pounds. Yeah, but without ammunition, you're kind of screwed. That's true, good point. So I always had 12 magazines on my person, and then I'd have, you know, 13th one in the chamber, so I had 13 full magazines on me, not because 13 is like some special number, just because, like, my mag pouches were. Yeah, my mag pouch was, you know, too deep, so I could have six, three on each side. Yeah, and we went out there and we ended up getting like seven different firefighters

and way back home. We had four detainees, and I got, I got, I got, I, I got, um, I got put next to the gun the one time. And you know how it's called pig tail and rat tail. They call it. When you put your 7662 link in, you have one side come out, and then you switch back it in, then the other side would come out.

So when you hook to a gun, it pulls out of your bag, and then if you have another bag next year, you clip it together. Well, we shot through all my rounds, one of the things. We shot through all the 762 rounds. I was like, oh, this is so much lighter. And I got to another spot, and one of my guys, Brandon, Fessie. He was one of the guys who got hurt with me later on,

but he was almost knocked. Like passed now. I was so heavy. I said, oh, I take my bag. He goes, no, I got it. I was like, give me your bag. Don't argue with me. And I was like, you need to make it back to the fob. And then our, our PA that came out with us, awesome guy, Ranger, regiment guy. And he's turning to be a doctor. He was dehydrating really bad on the walk back. Go to hallucinations and stuff. So we decided, me and two other guys, three other guys, we'd go ahead and just like trot ahead and walk faster and everybody else. And made it back to the fob first to get a, get a, um, MRAP to come get them. But, yeah, and we actually, one of the guys we detained, we detained all these guys. They had 600 pounds homemade explosives, batteries, RPGs.

The thing was a drone filed their RPG team back on a motorcycle to this compound, AK-47s, but we didn't get pictures with all their stuff. So we turned them over to the local national government, and they said, well, you didn't get pictures. These guys are, these guys are free, so they'll let them go. Turns out the guy that we had detained one of them, because we hide it. them fingerprints were all over my bomb and there's 13 bombs in a row and they were all over the bombs that the one that I hit so the guy that we captured has wanted to put the bomb in alpha

troop caught him and they took care of them so sorry did I bring it down the tone my bad no going to April 10th 2012 you get some intel in the afternoon that there's a id out in the village and you guys are going to go check it out. And here we're going to the book. We hiked only about 400 yards to the village. In addition to my weapons team, there were other squads along on patrol, a total of 28 soldiers. My lieutenant, Zachary Lewis, went to the left with the first and second squads heading to meet with the village elders while the rest of our men went with me around the

village to the outside to offer support in case of an attack. Along with my gun team, I had, my platoon, Sergeant Anamedic, Sergeant Daniel Bateson, with my group all looked calm it was just another day in Afghanistan another normal patrol we approached an abandoned a and a security post two portable buildings and stopped near the buildings to establish a security perimeter i called for fessie to bring the mine sweeper check this area was the only order i gave fessie walked up a path used by villagers and scanned all the area around He went up and back and all was clear. No beeps. There was no reason to question anything. Fessi finished his mind-sweeping duties and went up and went to set up on the far flank. I called riot up to me and asked him where he thought we should put the gun.

I knew where it should go, but I wanted to let him decide making sure he knew his stuff. He motioned to exactly where I thought we should put it, a good spot. And I said, all right, go. get neff and bring him up here that was it riot left to go get neffed and as he did i set my backpack down the backpack touching the dirt was all it took such a simple act of war my world erupted i saw a flash of flame and heard heard a huge kaboom hot jagged piece pieces of explosives ripped through me I cartwheeled backward end over end hit the ground and slammed my face hard against the compacted earth Instantly I felt my left eye starting to swell shut I smelled burning flesh my own

I tasted dirt and I was wet with sweat and moisture just like I'd walked out of a hot shower Dirt fell everywhere through the air it rained down and clung to my eyes nose and mouth I don't remember rolling over by I must have because I glanced to the side and saw that my right arm was completely gone. I caught a glimpse of my left arm covered in blood and tattered. My arm trembled as if it had a will of its own. I looked down and saw my right leg was also gone. The stump looked like a piece of raw meat.

The bottom of my left leg was still attached, but held on only by a few strands of skin. I saw all this in a flash in an instant. I felt confusion, but no panic. My first thought of what was of my guys. I flopped my remaining arm toward the microphone, clipped to my carrier plate, and somehow managed to push the button. I hit a bomb, I said. I need help.

Bateson, my medic rushed up to me along with Staff Sergeant Keith, Hambright, our platoon sergeant. Only about 30 seconds had passed since the blast. Immediately they applied tourniquets to hold whatever blood was still inside me. I'm not gonna make it. I said, leave me and go to save my guys. Shut up, Sergeant Mills, said Bateson. Let me do my job. I ignored Bateson and yelled my men's name like roll call. Fessie, Riot, Neff, to see if they were okay. Two were hit. Fessie and Riot and other medics were already caring for them. They were bleeding, but nothing was missing. They yelled back that they were gonna be okay. I calmed down. More soldiers. ran toward me sergeant Alex voice another medic wondered aloud where to best get IV access There were no pulses to check except for my carotid order artery He quickly ripped open my vest shaved a spot on my chest and put an IV straight into my sternum

It hurt going in and I must have howled because he yelled at me that I was gonna be fine I yelled back doc shut up I know he and I both calm down someone stuck a fentanyl pop in my mouth it's a potent pain killer that releases as the pop dissolves I down the first one spit out the stick and asked for another you won't need it someone said I was still thinking that I was going to die I didn't want to show fear I didn't want to freak out you never want to show fear around your men let me let my family know I dealt with it without crying I said Tell him yourself, someone grunted.

He was being encouraging, letting me know I wasn't dead yet. I tried to see around me. I raised my head wanting to get a visual of fessy and riot. Someone shoved my head back down. But I still commanded a voice. My one eye was swollen completely shut. The other eye was blurry from dirt. I tried to raise my head again.

Again, I was pushed flat. My eyes were watering now the dirt turning to mud. Time passed and I didn't know what was happening. I mumbled something but there was no reply, only the steady whoop-whoop of a Black Hawk helicopter touching down nearby. Six men surrounded me, hefted me up, and carried me over. All told, it might have been ten minutes since the blast until the helicopter arrived. Fessie and Riot were first inside the helicopter. Everything was foggy and noisy and I couldn't make out my surroundings clearly.

My two guys were on seats and I saw blood and bandages jumbled in their direction. Fessie had shrapnel on his face. Riot had shrapnel's face, legs, and hands. Their images faded away. I focused on the noise of the rotors. We were in the air and the flight medic who were taking care of me. Riot yelled in pain. I tried to look around.

Someone needed to attend a riot. Where are the medics? One of the medics was talking to the pilots up front. front, Riot was yelling again. I looked in Fessie's direction and told him to calm down. Fessie nodded. Riot stopped yelling, and I winked at him to let him know he was going to be okay. It was all I could think to do.

The flight medic was back in view. I could barely see him through the goop in my eyes. He wore a green flight suit and had a big Darth Vader helmet. I tried to speak. He gave me a quizzical look. I yelled as loud as I could. Take your helmet off. He took his helmet off.

Give my guy's water and tell them they're going to be okay, I barked. Don't worry, I'll take care of them for you, he said. He was busy with some task on me that I couldn't see. A moment went by and I added, I'm sorry. For what? The medic asked. For making you take your helmet off. He gave me a wry grin.

I realized he'd been doing his job all along, doing it well. Both the medic's head. I just couldn't see all that was happening around me. My mind went in and out. I was coherent but fuzzy in spots. In 15 minutes, the helicopter landed in Kandahar. Hospital staff rushed me straight to the operating table. We're going to put you under now.

Came a voice from above me. I'm fine, I said. Leave me alone. The mask came over my face and I tried to push it away. I remember asking one question. am I ever going to see my baby girl again? A little intense. Yeah.

Yeah. I might have been some more choice words I didn't put in the book. I said to the flight medic. I had yelled three times. And then the last time I threw the F word in there, take your effing helmet off. And he did. In my head, I was just thinking, saving private Ryan,

don't go out yelling for your mom, like the medic when he got shot in the movie. And I just, you know, I was a guy that I had a snap around crack next to my head and I rolled in, and I was so embarrassed that I rolled away from it that I stood on top of the mountain and shot off a magazine in the hat before I got back down.

And so just the whole don't show fear, I figured I can't change what happened right now. If I raise my pulse, I'm going to bleed faster. And, you know, thanks to my platoon sergeant, Sergeant Hambright, and Doc Bates and then Doc Voice, I was able to

maintain most of my blood. They must have slapped those things on, you quick, turnicates. Oh, within 20, seconds or 30 seconds, I think. And was the aircraft airborne somewhere and got redirected to you? How did you guys get a helicopter there so fast? I don't know.

We usually only went out when there was helicopters on station because the threat was so real. Not that we need to talk about this and you guys edited it out, but at nighttime, the Taliban had free reign to do what they wanted. We were told because of politics or whatever. somebody said we couldn't go out nighttime. So we had the best nighttime capabilities, but we couldn't go out. So on the raid camera, 30 feet in the air,

we would watch them on the screen and watch them put bombs in that nighttime. And we couldn't shoot them, couldn't shoot mortars at them, and couldn't get them. So it kind of sucked because you'd watch them put the bombs in, then the next day you're supposed to go out

and try to find them. And that's why in 2012... So you say, they wouldn't let you shoot them? They wouldn't let us go out and get them. They're like, no, I can't go out nighttime. And we're like, but we can see them. I mean, I don't know if you guys talk about it. It doesn't bother me.

It's a reality. You don't get political, so you don't have to on this with me, but just watching them put bombs and knowing I had to go out and try to find them. And then the guy that I found, or we walked back through, you know, seven different firefights and 10 clicks when they went out to do the surveillance on the site, I got blown up at. I blown up at it. There was 13 in a row right there.

And for some reason in myiswere, Brandon went up and down not once but twice, and nothing alarmed him. So there was six Daisy Chain together called Squad Killer. So you had to be the front guy to hit the first one, and then everybody behind them would get just taken out. So in a way, it was probably better that I got hit that day than have somebody walked past and hit it, and then everybody behind would be taken out too.

Yeah, so just the politics of war, I guess, kind of suck because I would watch them put bombs in. They couldn't shoot them. The Kiowa was to come out station. The guy shooting at us, a hundred yards away would drop their weapons and walk away, and all of a sudden they were no longer combatant until the kaiwas were out of fuel. And we were going to run, you know, 1,000 meters this way,

Because if we did, then the guys just leave their AKs and take off. So, you know, the red tape. But when I got blown up, I did radio my LT until, hey, I got hit. I don't know how bad it is. And I told my men, get away from me, and he kept fighting me off and tell me to do my job. Then the doctors worked on me for 14 hours, I was told, nine doctors and seven nurses. And two nurses for nine hours pump air and out of my lungs keep me alive. Like took turns pumping air.

I was so low on blood, they did over 30 transfusions. Damn. And they didn't have enough in stocks. They were like on the big speaker in Canaanahar saying, A positive blood and universal, we need it now. And they were right from, I had a lot of tests I had to do for like, you know, possible HIV or things like that because it was just like. They were just taking and put it right in.

Yep. Cool. All right. Thanks for your blood. We're going to put it right in them. They knocked me out medically, you know, maybe unconscious. And they kept me like that for four days. So.

I just realized, you know, I always say God bless the machine gunners, but how about a little God bless the doctors? and nurses for sure. Oh, absolutely. And the medics. I mean, yeah, and the medics. Every time I go and I speak, my one side is about perspective and I tell them, you know, about the guys that have not made it back home. And I'm thankful to still be around and living and I'm going to keep living, you know, for them so that, you know, their sacrifice wasn't in vain because what happened me is nowhere near. What happened my buddy Francis Jean Phillips and forth are Frankie, great friend of mine, he died, you know, left behind a wife and a four-year-old at the time. So I'm thankful for the medical

advancements in Vietnam a lot of guys didn't come back like me and I get sometimes people like well we just didn't see people like you during the Vietnam where it's just it's so sad this happened and I say well they were dead they didn't come back you know so so yeah I mean then the doctors knew I tie things in and my calf muscles are on the end of my left leg now I guess for padding or something um just nuts you know but um that was on the 10th and then I still had my left hand when they they got done working on me my wrist was blown out pretty bad by my finger, my index, my middle, my thumb. And then two days later,

in Bogram, they cut it off. My brother-in-law flew in from his outpost to Kandahar with me and escorted me. Because did you guys have to fill blue books out before you deployed? We call it the blue book. It's like if I die, bury me with this. It's not a blue book, but we do do that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't, it was, yeah, like

a little blue pamph. They called the blue book in the army, but it's like, if I die, you know, I want my wedding ring, I want a picture of my wife and I and my kid or, you know, I want this music to play. Basically playing your funeral. It's kind of morbid, but I guess it's all right. But he was a guy I was supposed to escort my body back home. So he came to where I was at, and then they shipped me to Boggham on April 12th.

And I was 12th, they took a look at my hand. Like, it's not going to make it. It's just necrotizing. And, you know, limb length is a huge thing, so they cut it off. And then, so they didn't tell him they were doing it. So I rolled into surgery, and I came back, and then my hand was gone. But I didn't know because I was still, you know, sedated. And then two days later,

they went for the very first time on April 14th and I woke up in the room my brother-in-law he was one to tell me but what I don't know if I put it in the book I don't think I did April 14th actually my birthday yeah so my 25th birthday I found out as a quadruple amputee and it's funny because at my first deployment when I didn't know about amputations and things and Josh was just a friend of mine not my brother-in-law I was like look I'm very athletic I play a lot of sports if I if I lose a leg or something just let me bleed out like I mean I was that naive at 19 years old like if I lose a hand just I don't I don't need to live you know because I didn't know any different where now I have I wake up no arms and legs and I'm like oh okay well at least I made it I guess

yeah um meanwhile back on the home front going to the book Kelsey received a call at 1153 am her time while standing in her parents kitchen in Dallas Texas she was making a tuna fish sandwich and and then it's the commander on the phone and she describes you know he he tells her straightforward you know The severe injury, and this is what she wrote in her journal. I could not wrap my head around the pain my husband must be feeling. I was all alone in the house, and my actions upset my daughter to the point where she was screaming. I could do nothing to soothe her. I couldn't pick her up. I couldn't look at her.

My body felt like he was being torn in, too. I wanted so badly to be able to talk to Travis and let him know I love him and that I thank God that he was still alive. Then it continues on. called my dad in Michigan but when she tried to tell him what happened little would come out my dad knew something was wrong and kept repeating is he alive is he alive is he alive and then your dad said this until you go through something like that yourself it's hard to describe the feeling there's no eating anymore you don't leave the house there's a lot of pacing around you just wait whenever the phone rang we jumped you look at the phone and you

don't know if you want to answer it or not So it wasn't obviously, it wasn't just you that got hit, too. You know, your family back home gets hit with the shock of all this. And also in your squad, Theriot. Yeah, Theriot. Which is the coolest name ever. The Riot. Because it spells The Riot.

And I mentioned him earlier. But yeah, he got wounded. He was pretty bad. I mean, he was able to get up and walk a couple days after. He was sore for quite a bit. and then Fessie got hit as well. He did, and luckily he had his sunglasses on because his face was just blasted,

but he still has his vision. He's doing great. I just got engaged, so, I mean, yeah, it's just a bad day. You know, my dad, when he says you don't eat and do that stuff, he actually was in the hospital with me, and he got diverticulitis real bad. And he almost died. He was so dehydrated.

They had to go in and, like, give him surgery. And, like, he had to, like, for six months, he'd probably be mad if I told everybody, but he had a claust me bad because he got so dehydrated. because you cared, you know, it was just so worrisome for him. Dang. You know, and then when I woke up, I was kind of a dick. I didn't want to, like, my brother-in-law, I was like, you got to call, you know, Kelsey,

you got to call your mom and dad, and I'm like, I'm not talking to anybody. You know, you're angry or set. You're questioning, does God hate me? Am I bad person? What did I do wrong in life to get this? I mean, I pay my taxes. You know, I have a family. Why would this happen to me?

And then a little bit goes to, like, Forrest Gump, where it's like Lieutenant Dan, like, no, what the hell? You know, why did I live through this? um you know is just some kind of sick punishment that for something i did wrong and uh i mean you come to a realization like hey you know what sometimes bad things happen to good people it is what it is you can't change it you might as well keep pushing forward and it's nothing i did wrong in life it's just what was slated so you know that's what happened yeah i thought it was interesting um uh that one of the guys on the medevac bird like rode rhoda uh facebook to kelsey and was explaining you know what it was like and and yeah I mean here here's what he wrote my name is

first sergeant wait the other medic the other flight medic with staff sergeant hawker smith you belong to a family of warriors other wounded soldiers in the aircraft were injured and screaming but your husband was more worried about more worried about then than himself he described and then he describes like how you were doing the thing and tell him to take his helmet off and and you know here going back to the book his face was dirty and there was dust in his eyes but he never shed a tear I replay in my mind a moment when he looked at other wounded soldier at another wounded soldier and winked to reassure him that it would be okay my crew is still on duty in his unit's area now we go back to kandahar on Monday but we won't go back the same way I'm an e8 but this

E6 is the example for myself and others to emulate. I actually, I had to get my, I was strapped down, so I had to get my arm out. Because when I was yelling at him, I was like, hey, take your helmet off. I said, take your helmet off. And I finally, I got my arm off. Dude, how the hell were you conscious, man? That's freaking crazy. Good genes, I guess.

You know, but I pull my arm out and I said, take your, you know, helmet out, F word helmet off. And I put my hand over my head to motion, like, you know, as my arm's drooping down or whatever but I just like take your helmet off and then he didn't I was like give my guy's water turn me fine and then later I did apologize for yelling at him I was like hey sorry he yelled and swear you know but you know at that time I guess it maybe it was easier for me to like think about everything else going on except for myself yeah you know and I just I just figured it is what it is whatever's going to happen's going to happen

and it doesn't do me any justice to scream out or yell or be afraid I mean hey I can't change what's going on right now so just do what the best I can to you know it helps situation. Yeah. And Josh shows up. Like you know, you just talked about this and Josh just saying, hey, I'm going to tell it to you straight. Because you asked, you said to Josh, hey, am I paralyzed?

And I'm going to the book here. No, man, Josh said, you're not paralyzed. You don't need to lie to me. I whispered. I can take it. I'm going to tell you straight. Josh knew I'd want to know the truth. You're not paralyzed.

But both your arms and legs are gone. the date was April 14th, 2012, still the same day as when I'd heard the news. I was a quadruple amputee. It was my 25th birthday. You talk about the pain, and I think this is something that people don't get, myself included. The pain was so bad. Part of the pain was the thought of what I'd become. I could hardly picture the new me, yet the pain was more than emotional.

it was a physical pain. It coursed through my body. I felt like I was on fire. I tried to focus on my breathing and take stock of why my pain was so bad. Even with all the medications flowing through me, it still felt like I was in a red-hot vice. I could hardly take it.

I knew Josh would never lie to me, but my arms and legs still felt like they were attached. My hands felt like they were burning, like someone that was clamping them inside of an industrial furnace, but my hands weren't there. The flames were eating away my ligaments. My nerves my skin my legs my phantom legs were clamped in that same fire

Bolts of agony surge from limbs that weren't the register that weren't there and registered to a brain that still was The pain came and went came and went came and went Josh started in his seat leaned or started in his seat and leaned closer Travis you need me to get the nurse nurse? I didn't say anything I was itchy and sweating bad He pressed a buzzer then then went out and got a cool cloth and laid it on my forehead. The nurse came in and upped my morphine. Just before I went under again,

everything that I'd always drilled into myself rushed through my mind. Never show fear. Never let your guys see you in pain. Don't cry out. Even when I'd been lying on the ground right after the blast, I'd felt pain then, but I hadn't showed it. When that IV was shoved through my chest, that was painful, but I wasn't going to complain then.

You don't let people down. You just don't. But this time the pain was so bad, it was still so bad, even with more pain killers in me now. So bad, so bad, so bad. This time, I wanted to do the unthinkable. Two words rose and began to vocalize within my throat. Josh, I said, yeah, what do you need, buddy? I swallowed and whispered two words.

I quit. Yeah, not good. I don't know. I mean, this is a lot of pain, I guess. I don't know why. You know, you sit there in your question, like, am I going to be a burden on my family? Right.

Why, how, you know, my wife, should she stay with me? I mean, what do I have left to offer? My daughter, am I going to be a monster when I get to see her finally? And then it's like, why did I live through this? Why, you know, why did I make it? Not that I'm, I guess, angry I lived, at the time, you know, when that was happening.

I wasn't so much angry. It's just more of a question. Like, why? What's the purpose? Why not? Just let me go out. My wife gets, you know, 400,000 from the government, and then she can go remarry and have somebody that's able-bodied and live a happy life. But, you know, a lot of questions are, you know,

when you're sitting in the hotel room, or I mean, a hospital bed, you know, in a hospital room, and you just got to stare at the ceiling the whole time. You just never know what to think. In the military, it's easy. Everything is laid out for you. This is our mission today. This is our plans.

What we're going to do is how we're going to get it done. there it's just all unknown and that pain like from missing limbs it sounds freaking horrible oh yeah I mean it was like a spike getting drove through my heel uh fingernails getting like just ripped off and then seared and it was just it was bad what causes that uh well I mean a lot of it is phantom limb pain so your nerves try to find where your hands and your feet are and if they can't find it they try to redirect and keep trying to find it so it's just one excruciating you know zap to another and then they uh and you're probably gonna talk they had like experimental um things they tried on me because it was so bad and after the second one they tried um i was like oh i feel a little better

and then the the doctor like was all excited and i was like oh now the pain's back and i went you know got all yelling out and pain and stuff and he just he actually cried he felt so bad because it was to the point where they got to find some cure or i'm going to be so um just an Agony. Yeah, agony or I'll be so used to the medication that the doses are going to get to the point where I'm just going to OD on them, you know, because I'm going to be so accustomed. I can't think of the word right now. It's killing me.

Tolerance is a high. Yeah, my tolerance would be so high that I'm just going to end up OD in. Damn. Of course, I was kind of, you know, you wonder where you get your sense of humor. You're telling your dad what happened, and you're like, I stopped. stepped on the mind, went flying through the air. I did a 180. It was crazy.

Well, Travis, my dad said, the important question is, did you look good doing it? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think I did. Yeah. Oh, man. And meanwhile, Kelsey,

she, you know, you've been voicing some of these concerns, like about, hey, can I even be a good dad now? Can I, am I going to be a burden? You're kind of telling Josh some of those things. and she told, or he told Kelsey, and here we go.

Back to the book, my brother told me that Travis is nervous to see me because he doesn't know how I will react or if I will continue to love him as my husband. These worries seem so trivial to me because I will love him through sickness and health until death do us part. I did not use those words lightly when we got married. I will be by his side every day for the rest of our lives, whether he likes it or not. I know his natural reaction will be to push me away because of embarrassment or feelings of letting me down. But I just wish I could constantly reassure him that my love for him is unwavering Yeah, when I saw her I told her she should go I said you know hey you should take what we have The house is yours the cars are yours sell mine you know whatever and do what you need to do

And I'll financially fund whatever I can you know and she was like that's not how this works You know that handicapped parking you know what she said so it's like you uh you uh there's like a level of luck involved when you get married I don't care who you are. Oh, yeah. Like, you could easily marry, like, Satan. You know, and I know, I know plenty of guys that have made some really bad. I can't even call them bad decisions because it's just like, okay, I understand if you have this great courting thing and all that and you're whatever, that you can make a good decision

and that's great. But like, a lot of guys in the military, you're young and you're like, you know what, we're getting married. And there's just like a flip of the coin. And you got a saint. I mean, I literally did flip it. I'm like 17 days in person. You know what?

That would be great. We just went to Mexico and then it's how we were going to get married, and then we just got married. Yeah. Let's do that. That would be a great story for everybody, whether it works or not, you know? Yeah, man. You scored, for sure.

And she got lucky to have me, too. Well, I didn't really pick that up. But, okay, we'll go with it. Yeah, we'll keep moving on. Hey, how was it when you saw Chloe for the first time? So you need to get back to Walter Reed. I did, April 17th. I got back, and the first time I got to see Kelsey,

he wasn't that hallmark moment. You know, it's like, oh my gosh, I love you so much. It was actually, I was getting rushed in one of my right leg ripped open. And I'm like, Mrs. Mills, you're in charge of his medical history. Now you have to sign this piece of paper. He has to get two inches of his right leg. We need your consent, you know, consent. And she's like, what?

And she almost passes out. And they're like, Mrs. Mills. I'm like, Kelsey, just signed the paper. And I'm yelling, just sign the paper. It's okay. And she signs it. And that's the first time I had to see her. Just real quick.

Yep, go ahead and hack them up. And they went and took my leg two inches off on the right and reseal. that next day is when I tell her like, you know, this isn't probably anything that you signed up for you. You can go and, you know, it's no big deal. I'm not worried about it. She's like, nope, not how this works. We get through us together. And then they, you know, they induce me into this coma later on because the pain was so bad.

And I was getting my tolerance level built up for the pain meds. And she sat with my bed like 20 hours a day. And knowing I wasn't going to wake up for five days. Like we're going to put them out for five days. So yeah. So this was crazy. Reading about in the book, you, you're in such horrible, horrible pain. like undescriable pain

is this basically an experimental thing procedure that they did on you yeah I'm the second in the nation to ever have the ketamine coma and 30th in the world and a lot of case studies on me the ketamine coma is 600 milligrams of ketamine

per hour around the clock well it's based on like weight and things so I'm sure like everybody's different measurements but they when they did it you go in and then It just circulates through it. It's supposed to reset your brain to think where your nerves end

and where they end. And, you know, you come out and it's just, you hallucinate like crazy. Anything on TV is what was real life to me. Yeah, no, I'll hit some highlights from your hallucinate. Because when you get done out of the coma, you're in a coma for five days, which is just black, nothing, right?

There's no, nothing, nothing there. Then you go into hallucinations. You got chasing kids that stole things from Walmart. You got Genghis Khan that you're out with gang. Angus Khan. Your SWAT team is coming to get you. You got you and your cousins are riding skateboards in a TV reality show. You got yourself playing hockey in the NHL. I was particularly concerned about a 50-year-old go-go dancer that crawled on a leash down the hallway of Walter Reed. That one made me a little bit nervous.

It was a service dog, apparently. Kramer from Seinfeld stops by. So you go through these massive hallucinations. That's freaking weird. Yeah, I mean, it got to the point where, I'd get on my tangents and they said for the first like seven days you know it's gonna be bad then after that it'll start to fade out and at 10 days you should be able to tell when you're having one or not

but I remember my father-in-law come in one morning and the caps game was on before I was watching it I was like I scored nine goals with a little vetchkin I had a triple hat trick he's like oh that's that's great and then I thought that way I got blown up and I woke up the very first day I thought that this guy from my hometown made a derogatory comment towards my mom

my wife and my daughter and my buddies and I jumped in the car and chased him and went off the road and I smacked a tree and I killed my two best friends. And like, I made my mom and my wife. And you full on believed those 100%. I told my brother-in-all the story, just as intends as I told my wife. And he listens and he was just going with it.

Instead of trying to argue with me, they're like, we're just going to go with this. And I called enough my buddy's a message. And I'm like, I'm so, I hope you're not dead. And then I finally came out of hallucination, and I realized what happened. And my brother-in-law walked back in. I was like, hey, man, thanks, you dick.

He goes, well, I didn't want to tell you any different. And I was like, yeah, no, I understand. You know, that's like don't text when you're drunk or whatever. Don't call people and leave messages when you're on seven-day hallucin the total trips. And I only left two messages, but they were to my best friend, so it was cool. And both of them was, I'm sorry I killed you. They were like, hey, man, I'm dead. I think I killed you.

And then I got to the point where I could tell what was going on. Yeah. So I started to have another one. And then I was like, oh, I had hallucination. And then finally I got to the point where I was playing with people. Like, Josh was in my room. And I was like, Josh, he goes, what? I see dead people.

he said what you're serious i'm like no i'm just kidding i was like okay and then i started looking at the ceiling i was like oh they're all around me he's like where where i'm like oh my gosh jrash ir where and i like jabbed him and it's like oh you son of them so i started messing people once i got the hang of it oh that's awesome and that kind of like did it though right like yeah yeah so i did about five more months of pain pills um and then finally like in october i was home for thanksgiving in north carolina at my house at fort brag and i was just like you know what kelsey came out i was like i don't want them anymore He's just like, you can't quit these.

And I said, no, really, I'm done. So it was like five days of pain and then now no medication, nothing, I'm good to go. So the academy come in, my documentary, you know, it says, I wouldn't do it again, but that was five months after the fact. So I was still like doing pain pills and stuff. Or four months after the fact, I guess because it was in September. But looking back, like, that was the best thing for me to get me past the, you know, the pain part and then on to my recovery. And you had the second person that ever had that done? I guess in the nation.

That's crazy. I think. Yeah. I thought this is a great talking about your kind of transition mentally going back to the book. Back in normal days, I love the challenge. The quest to succeed in the Army had always been a challenge for me. My situation now as a quadruple amputee held out the same sort of dare to succeed. Sure, if I could have changed things, I wouldn't have been in the situation, but I couldn't change things.

Being a quadruple amputee was my new reality. I could quit for good. I could shut myself off from the world. I could will myself to die, or I could fight forward and keep on living. Legit. Well, I mean, it came down to a choice at the end of the day. I was still here.

My wife's going to say with my side, my daughter, who I think is going to think I'm a monster, still laughs and snuggles up with me. And, you know, I mean, when she first saw me, I thought she was going to be really afraid, but then short arm, short legs, fuzzy chest. I look like a teddy bear. She's like, oh, another toy, you know.

This one can talk. Yeah. Cool. Interactive. I've never been stern with my mom. I did break my mom's nose one time, a whole different story. Karate?

No, my dad and me were slapboxing in the kitchen, which meant I was 17, my dad was trying to mess with me, but if I slapped back, you'd be like, you do, you can take me? And I'm like, no, bro, I thought we were just playing. But he slapped at me, my mom was behind me, and I carved the back of my head. The scariest day of my life, you don't make her mad.

But anyway, so I was only stern one time. My mom, I woke up, you know, and I was supposed to get all the rest I could, and I said, where's Chloe at? She's like, oh, there I came to visit, but you were sleeping. I was like, don't ever let me sleep through that again. That's the whole reason that I'm able to still keep functioning.

It's because of my daughter and, you know, being there in my life. But, you know, the mental part was the worst. At 4 o'clock to 6 o'clock at night, I couldn't have the lights on in my apartment. Something to do. I thought it was like the operating table. I start sweating real bad. I just, I mean, now I'm fine, but the first, like, I know, five, six months, I was just like, no lights at this time.

It's quiet hour and things like that. And, man, I started watching, like, I watched so, you know, video view as you were training as you were now re-learning everything. And I never really understood when people said, oh, you got to re-you know, got to relearn to walk and you got to relearn. And I didn't really make sense of it, but it's really clear to see when you watch your progression what that looked like, like how you were clearly re-learning how to walk. Like, I never understood that.

But when you watch the videos and the progression that you made, you can see that that's what it looks like. When you first stood up, I'm like, oh, yeah, it looks like he's learning how to walk. And sure enough, you got better. better and it's pretty amazing. And two things you're going to find out when I was going to my recovery. The first thing I learned how to walk with my daughter, which is kind of cool. They got me little short legs and I was stumbling around and she was stumbling around. We're holding hands. And the next thing, you found out my love for Philly Cheese Stakes because I do less workouts

and stuff like that. The gym, you know, as you go, but I went from 250 to 140 and I was real skinny and then all of a sudden I start getting fatter and fatter and fatter because of Lyrica and the medication and I was just like, oh, I love Philly Cheese Stakes. So I'm trying to work on that now. But my progression is I got better, I got fatter too. It's embarrassing. And you got a visit from a guy named Todd Nicely. And that must have helped out a lot. My competitive edge did.

He walked in on his fake legs and two fake arms. And the first thing out of his mouth was, hey, man, welcome to the club. I was like, I'm going to be in your club. He said, kind of late now, don't you think? And I looked at myself, and I was, you got me there. And as he walked over, I said, you want a ginger ale? And he heard me wrong. And he went over to the counter or the sink.

and underneath the sink was a 12-pack of ginger rail. I got hooked on it like crack at the hospital. I got off it now. But either way, he bends down on one knee, bends down on his other knee, reaches his own with his fake hand, gets it out, pops the top of his other arm,

and walks over in hands it. He goes, here you go. I'm like, oh, no, I was asking if you wanted one, but before I got the full sentence out, I said, how'd you do that? He's like, hey, man, I'm Todd, and I'm the second ever, welcome to the club,

you're the fourth, quadrupley to make it back home, you're going to be fine. I live in Missouri with my wife. I drive, I have a boat, I have a boat. I do whatever I want. I walk.

It just takes time. And he's like, I'll even work out with you tomorrow. You know, this is like, I'm still thinking I'm in hallucination mode. This is like maybe eight, nine days after my ketamine coma. And he's like, I'll work out with you tomorrow. So the doctors come in and I'm like, hey, I got to work out today. They're like, you can't work out. You know?

And I was like, no, no, seriously. I'm going to work out with Todd nicely. He said I can work out at 1 o'clock. And they're like, well, you're not ready. And I had to let him know. I don't know what you don't get, buddy. I'm working out today. And he said, I'll think about it.

So I called him every half hour, four hour straight to the fine side I could. And I went and met Todd, and Todd did a workout, and I laid up my stomach with a pelvic pat under my stomach or whatever, so they stretched my pelvis muscle back out. And a heating pad on back, and I fell asleep 20 minutes. Best workout I've ever done. But I started my recovery that day. And as far as the physical, it was easy. I like the physical challenge.

The mental was the hardest part for me. I mean, bar none, it was the worst. you know, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a while there because I didn't like what I saw, you know, seeing my arms gone, the scars, just an overall mess that I was and thinking that was going to be a burden and all that. So it just, that's just how it went. So the more capable you got, the more comfortable you got in your new skin? Yeah, well, I found out that they let you go for one hour and then physical therapy and then one hour of occupational therapy, and then let me do another one and another one turned into four hours of each. So,

So eight hours, I was putting eight hours a day at the gym in my recovery. Well, at the gym and occupational therapy. Learn how to use my hands, how to wash myself again, how to dress myself again. Learn how to drive. Learned how to do all that stuff. But it took 19 months at Walter Reed. 13 months and paperwork was after that to get out. But government.

And you eventually went and met your guys when they came home, though. That's freaking awesome. I did. I said some goals. When I was in the hospital on my birthday, I called my wife and my mom and dad, and I was basically really short. Hey, guys, it was up and fine, love you by. That's all I wanted to say.

I didn't want to talk and have a conversation and go over what happened to me. I kept it very short. But I told my brother-in-law, I said, I have to call my guys in my unit. You need to find the number to my strong point and let me talk to them. So there's a picture going around where I had a baseball cap. I was out on patrol, and I had sleeves rolled up and helmet off, sunglasses. I mean, everything out of standard. They have standards or whatever.

And I got a hold of my Sergeant Major. I said, Sergeant Major, I'm so sorry. I understand if you got to take my rank. I should have been out of uniform. I do apologize. And now the pitcher's going public. He's like, you're crazy, dude. Just get better.

You're fine. And then I got to hold of my guys. And I told them, guys, I'm fine. I'll be okay. And I'll be there when you get back from Afghanistan. I'll be there at the ramp to give you guys a hug on my tall legs. And it took me a while. I got my tall legs that morning.

When they got back, I had to work out three hours. And then the tall legs don't be. Ben, but like not the ones I'm wearing now, but they make me at least six foot tall. Well, you can't take those legs home unless you can stand up when you fall down. So the whole day the therapist walks up and says, trust ball, they knock you down. You're like, what the hell? Like, that's not a trust fall. You're supposed to catch me. I'm supposed to close my eyes and trust you're going to catch me. They're like, that's the catch. You got to get yourself back up. Therapists are great. No, I had two of the best therapists that you could ask for. No, I'm

Kerry and Joe. They got me back to where I was at. But I did meet my guys. And the first, one of the first people I got to hug was Doc Bateson, you know, and say, hey, man, Thanks for all you did. And then you end up doing a 5K run? So, well, I mean, that was like another goal. Yeah, so Todd Nicolnsia came in when he met me. He had four firefighters also for telling the towers, 5K they do in New York City.

And they also, they partner with Gary Snees and they build houses and things like that for guys that have been through traumatic injuries. And they were like, hey, we're going to have a 5K in September. And we'll push you. I'm like, I'll walk it. And they're like, well, yeah, but we'll push you. It's no big deal. And I was like, no, you don't understand.

Like, I'm just going to walk it. And they're like, well, you don't have legs yet. But if you do walk it, that's cool. So I went out to New York City after my daughter's birthday the day after and walked the 5K. I came out of the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel thinking, okay, I'm going to sit down now. Like, I'm tired of my back hurts. I got a mile, you know, 1.2 miles or something to go. My right leg, I completely rubbed raw.

I was bleeding inside my socket. And I was like, it's good. I've met a goal. I've walked over to, you know, two miles now. And I came out of the tunnel. There's 343 firefighters with banners around their neck for 9-11. I thought, geez, okay. Those guys and gals could go up down those flight stairs and I ultimately die

You know trying to save lives I can finish this so I did I was sore it was bad But I didn't did finish it and then Eventually you're like you said you're driving now you went out and did like mountain biking and skiing and all this other kind of Just getting after it basically for better for lack of a better term And then you and then you retire you retire from the from the army and and what's your next move? Your next move is you figure out you're going to get a house

and you're going to move to... I had to move to Maine. My wife is from Maine originally. The heat doesn't do well with amputees because your blood circulates faster. It comes back warmer. When you release heat from your body, it's head, hands, and feet.

So I'm missing, you know, four or the five. And then my legs are capped off. So if I wear pants or if I wear shorts, it's the same. There's no air hitting the third of my body. And, yeah, so we decided we're going to move to Maine. We did start a nonprofit. to help with care packages at first,

and then we grew it to the retreat center that we have here in Maine. Really through my work at Walter Reed, when I was at Walter Reed, I was such an upbeat person. I was the same person as before the blast. I was still going in and have Kesha Fridays because it made people annoyed,

but other people loved it. What Fridays? Kesha Fridays. I'd go put my, take my phone, I'd turn on Kesha on Pandora, and we'd just rock out. And the reason... I unfortunately saw videos of you, like, dancing,

which cannot be. unseen apparently burn into your retina you're welcome but uh you know they started to ask me if i'd meet people upstairs and it started out hey you know Travis we have a guy upstairs i can't tell you his name or his room number but if you could talk to him really help he's not in 41 he's not in 43 but if you can find him you know and i'm not a marine so you know obviously i'm smart enough to find that it was number 42 i don't eat crayons but anyway so i uh would go up and talk to him then that turned into like hey we have PFC Johnson. He's missing two legs. His mom, his mother-in-law, and his two kids are here. Can you go see him?

I told him you'd be up around this time. And that's how the book got started. My documentary got started. And then the foundation was just because all the nonprofits at Walter Reed doing great things, Kelsey and I wanted to give back. Some way, share, perform. And this is how we've decided that we can get back the best. Yeah. So I'm, tell us more about the foundation then.

So the Travis Mills Foundation was started really just for care packages overseas. And then I went out to Colorado and learned how to go downhill mountain biking and doing things. And then I realized that Walter Reed does a great job of taking the service member out there. The only thing that the government doesn't lack, but because of the funds have to go to the soldiers, they don't get to bring all the families. Like, my wife got to go because I needed assistance and things. But a lot of the guys that could take care of themselves couldn't bring their loved ones. And that's fine.

That's okay. But we thought we could do something in that space. My whole reason for getting better was my wife and my daughter easily. So we started bringing families out. We did it for one week of a year, and we brought families out and show them how to do things adaptively, kayaking and canoe and things. Then we did another one, and it went so well, we thought, well, we should buy a property. So we bought a property. It's supposed to be a $500,000 project.

Now it's a $3 million project. We did our first year of programs this year. We did seven weeks, 56 families, and we bring them up. We host eight families per week, up to 40 people, and we show them how to do things. We have a place on the water for kayaking and canoeing and tubing and both. and we just do horseback riding and archery and just all these activities we have ropes course and we just say you know what i understand what you're going through i understand it can get tough here's a network of people that are just like you whether you live in chicago and the inner

city or you live in the plains of montana reach out understand that these families are going through the same thing feel comfortable when you come here that you can fall out of a kayak and nobody's going to freak out they're going to understand what you're going through and it's just as much of a place for the loved ones, you know, the wives that can talk to other wives or our spouses and the kids can run around and see that, you know what, my dad has one leg missing and one arm, but this dad has two legs missing and that's pretty cool because they know what we're going through. And after our first year of operations and running, it was such a great success. We're going to do strategic partnerships with other nonprofits that share our mission,

and they'll donate what it costs for a week and they'll run their own retreats up here as well. So we're talking with goals on our family as well as. as PTSD and TBI because right now I focus on limb loss or paralyization. But this hopefully will run 40 or 45 weeks out of the year. It's all donation-based. And the cool thing is, like, as the president and the six other board members I do have, we don't take a dime. We never will. We're auditing ourselves right now so we can get on the CFC, the combined federal campaign. And it's all about giving back. So it's been really rewarding and fulfilling. And I'm glad to be out there helping these families cope with their situation and tell them that there's other people out there

like you, keep going, never live life on the sidelines, and most importantly, never give up and never quit. If people want to help this organization, what's the best way for them to do that? Visit the website, Travis Mills.org. It has all the information on the foundation. There's ways to donate online. There's ways to do volunteer options. We had people fly in just to volunteer for the week and help us out. And there's also, you know, ways to do corporate sponsorships. We had Wayfair come in, donate all the furniture. New Balance came in, donated to us and things like that. So we're growing. We believe in our mission. We know we can do this and there's other things we want to get accomplished out here. We need to build a multi-purpose center. We have a pool going in and things

like that. But it's all about giving back and the mindset of the service member that we're trying to host and the family. The book, tough as they come. That's what we read today. It's a great book. I read small chunks of it. Yeah, you can pick that up anywhere. where they sell books. And what about the documentary? So the documentary, it's called Travis, The Soldier Story. It was done in 2014. And it was actually unveiled the GI Film Festival.

And we took first place in 55 short films. I got to meet Marcus and Melanie LaTrell that night. It was really, really great to meet them. And now Netflix has signed us on for a two-year run. So we got on Netflix in May. So if anyone wants to watch that, it's on Netflix. It's called Travis Soldier Story. And it just tells the whole story.

It just has iPhone footage of everything. thing that Kelsey and I went through. Yes. And the two medics say, cool. The two medics say my life are actually are reenacting me getting blown up. And the two guys got hurt are in the documentary as well. Yeah.

And my brother and also, all the people that were there are in the documentary. No, between the book and watching the documentary and you get to see the faces and everything, it's really, uh, it's really cool. It's a real powerful.

And, um, what about social media? How's your social media presence? Mr. Popular? It's not yours by any means. Uh, we're about 60,000 and some strong on,

our Facebook page. I do little videos. My daughter learned how to tie her shoes the other day. We taught her in the morning and we taught her like we taught her like seven and by nine o'clock. She's tying it by herself, giving an intro to tying your shoes online. But it's just SSG Travis Mills is my page. If you want to check it out, share my story that really helps us out. And it's Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

You're on all three. SSG Travis Mills. That's where you can find it. Yeah. You know, you put the last thing in the, book like the last line in the book you say to live in freedom to go forward to love your family to make something of your life to never ever give up to never quit that success and obviously um in my opinion if if never giving up and never quitting is the definition of success then i

think you're the most successful person i've ever met my life brother for real well i appreciate that just we realize the people that depend on you, the people that went into all this, and the lives that are lost. I mean, you've had a lot of buddies, I'm sure, that didn't make it back home. My situation is not life-ending. My situation is just, I got a couple more steps in the morning, put my legs on, put my arm on, take my daughter, tomorrow's actually my daughter's orientation at school. I get to take her. My wife and I just had a baby. And I named my little boy after my two medics. His name's Dax, D-A-X, after Daniel and Alexander, for the medics that saved my life. So thankful to still be here. Through all the smoke and the dirt and the

dust, it's all settled now and I'm living life to the fullest and doing the best I can to make sure that people understand life goes on and to never ever give up and never quit. Anything else? Any closing thoughts? I mean, I just obviously want to thank everybody went into this. I mean, from my unit on the ground, I know I was a heavy guy, you know, walk around, weight was 400 pounds. So to get, you know, with all my gear on and all that, to get me out of there was great. This medical staff, doctors, nurses, physical therapists occupational therapist everybody obviously my family went into it i want to say thanks for being there on my side my beautiful wife and my wonderful children um for you know really accepting what happened and moving forward in life and just uh you know let everybody know you can't always

affect your your situation you find yourself in but you always can't affect your situation and that's that's where i find the most uh i guess the most realization in my situation i can't always affect if i drop something on my hand you know i can't pick it up right away or i have to do something weird and get mad about it because getting mad doesn't, I'm getting mad doesn't do anything, so I always try to keep my attitude positive and keep pushing forward. But thanks for having me also.

I want to thank you for having me on here. Both you gentlemen, I didn't look at you very much. I'm sorry, I know we talked about this earlier, but you said not to you said not to. Yeah, yeah, try not to. I'll say it's at your discretion for sure. I've got to redo this then so I can look at you more. You're all good, but perfect.

Perfect. Yeah, man, thanks for coming on. Of course, thank you for your service. to this great nation, not only as a soldier and a leader on the battlefield, but for your continued service that you're doing today, for veterans, and also for the gift that I think you give everybody

that hears about you or comes in contact with you in any way, and that is just a living example of grit and of determination and of will and I just think you're the absolute model of what it means and what

people can accomplish if we do as you say and that is to go forward never give up and never ever quit thanks for coming on brother thanks for having me

and after a little administrative break Travis has left the building pretty damn awesome yeah to have him on man yeah um

yeah any any and every excuse that a person might have as a human being just got destroyed yeah yeah and it he really kind of illustrated how hard

it got the time when he was like when he said oh I quit in the hospital and it's kind of like it makes just kind of when you're around him now and you see just how he is it kind of really brings to light how

good he is now yeah you know and and he couldn't at that moment in time and when people get into that darkness they don't see they can't they can't see the future they can't see that things are going to get better they can't

see you know for him at that point in time there's no way it was going to get good yeah you know so yeah that's very true very true yeah another interesting thing is that when you see again where he's like concerned about his man and even when he said i quit he was concerned about like his wife yeah and like that was the significant element just a totally selfless person Awesome. Well, speaking of being awesome. Yeah. Echo Charles.

You're awesome. Thanks, bro. We can talk about some awesome American-made stuff. That's a good idea. I like where you're going with this. Origin. Origin. But yeah, origin.

That's the brand. So what is origin? We're in league with origin. I like the expression in league with, by the way. I might have told you that before. Yeah, it's a good way of putting it. Yeah. So this is straight up the best American made apparel in the world.

You don't have to say the best American made apparel. You can say it's the best apparel in the world and it's American made. Yeah. Is that subjective? I guess it's kind of subjective. But if you say it's the best American made, well, I guess it all technically might be. I don't know. Either way.

It's dope. Yeah. And it's all made in America. But here's the thing about made in America. I guess I don't know. I could be wrong about this part. But technically you could be like, yeah, they sewed these, I don't know, pants or whatever, you know, in America. Like, hey, where'd you get the material? Oh, well, you know, we got it from somewhere else, not in America. Which I guess is cool. Technically, it was made. It was crafted. But not here. So you figure what, like let's say you cotton pants, right? You get the material from America. But how do you make the material? The actual cotton. Where does cotton come from? You grow it.

I used to have a cotton like trees, like a bunch of them. By the way, I'm quiet nonetheless. So where do they get? Where does origin get that cotton? America. What about the seeds to plant the cotton? They're from America for sure. So straight up from the ground, from the earth, from the seeds to the pants that you get in the event of you getting pants, by the way.

There's other stuff. There's geese. And that one's a good one, the geese, if you're into jiu-jitsu. Nonetheless, the pants that I got, the joggers, he was asking me, how do you like those? And, you know, the new joggers, they're kind of like, they have a different shape than the old school sweatpants. So I was like, okay, you know, and I looked into those. I was telling Pete this story where I ordered some. Ironically from overseas, I ordered them from overseas.

They looked pretty good. So I ordered them. Didn't come in, by the way. This was about a year and a half ago. Still didn't come in, by the way. But I looked into it. I was like, whatever, but it's probably not for me. So poetic, you know, it's a sign.

One of those deals. Either way, I get Pete's one. So I'm like, all right, cool. I'm going to try these. I put them on. surprisingly legitimate. As far as the look goes, cool. It's me.

Pete even said that I'm like, I look good in them, which is a lot because I just kind of met Pete in person over the past week. Anyway, good stuff. Just saying it's good stuff. And again,

all made in America, all of it. Some geese on there, some cool rash guards. The George Washington rash guard, that I feel like we're ready for that when I come back. So Pete should, yeah. Should have that one.

Yeah. Nonetheless, origin, main.com. And when I say Maine, it's the state main. So origin, ma-I-n-e.com. That's a good one. The best one, really, when it comes down to it. Also, Jocko has some supplements. Krill oil, which we need.

And joint warfare. So really, this is like a full-on, like, joint, because krill oil, omega-3 is four-year joints as well. Yeah. And then joint warfare is like, because there's a bunch of things. Regardless what you think, yeah, cruel oil joints, boom, good. There's more to it than that. Just like what, like glucosamine.

All like basically all the stuff that you have been taking for years. Yes. You said, you know what? Let me come over my own Jocko formula. Yeah, we have it now. Boom, have it now. Two products, right? Supercurl joint warfare.

Yep. That's the one. That's the kit. That's the new kit. Mm-hmm. As far as kits go. Also. Those are also on origin, main.com, by the way.

Yeah. Yeah, origin, main.com. Also, on it. So, you know, we've been, we're on a trip right now in the event of people not knowing that we're on a trip to Maine. I didn't bring the kettlebells. I thought that that might have been too much. Plus, you know, to check on, they give you 50 pounds, right? In your luggage, my kettlebells, one kettle, got a belt more than 50 pounds.

Nonetheless. 88 pounds. Yeah, in your case, minus 62. I think. Okay. The werewolf times two, 224. Boom,

math on point. There was a guy at the camp that we went to that brought the kettlebells, the 70, whatever one, the gorilla one from on it, the cool one. I didn't work out with them, though.

I was going to, I wanted to. I intended to. Anyway, those gorilla and werewolf kettlebells that I'm talking about, these are the cool kettle bells. They're from on it. Those are all kettlebells.

are good really but if you want that level up of coolness yeah get those on it dot com slash jaco get it jump ropes on there a bunch of cool fitness stuff if you're lagging in your workout which i do sometimes i lagging my workout not in lag like physically but um interest wise you know you get kind of bored not you you don't get bored no you just like well it doesn't matter right it doesn't even register board or not yeah execution is happening it's not what it's about yeah well some of us we get kind of bored. And it's not that we're getting bored, so we're not going to do it.

We're looking for something like, oh, yeah, let me try this new thing, some new hotness in regards to workouts. Can you not say new hotness anymore on this podcast, please? I heard Will Smith say it in one of the, one of them, I thought it was cool. That doesn't like certify it for the podcast usage.

I know, bro. I figured I'd try it out, though. Just no. It's been tried. It failed. No. Rejected, huh? Yeah.

All right. If you want some new cool stuff to do in regards to a work out, hey man, look, Audit has all these ones, they have battle ropes and maces and cool stuff, and they have cool videos on there by the way. Don't get addicted to the website. Spend appropriate amounts of time on the website. Not too much.

Remember how you're talking about, like, you know, when you watch a video on YouTube and then another one pops up? Yeah. No, six of them pop up. Yeah, all formulated for you, by the way. All specially picked. Watch out for that. Weird YouTube munchkins that are like saying, I know what tackle likes. Yeah, that's actually. He wants to see another street fight.

That's what you watch. Psycho. Anyway, just watch out for that on the website, on the Onit website, because the videos are real interesting. But they're about workouts, though, a lot of them. So it's kind of a catch-22. Watching a video about working out does not replace working out, though. No, no, not at all.

You got to get after it for sure. But a lot of options on there. Anyway, onet.com slash jaco. That's the one right there. Also, you know what, though, in this camp? So some guys came to the camp. they brought this 200 pound bag bag of he said it was a sandbag but it's like gravel essentially and the challenge is to pick it up over your shoulder 200 pounds so even that really i mean

that's not that easy 200 pounds the way when they're explaining it to me it was mike gerard brian victor they were explained to me they were explained to me while they're explaining it to me, I'm thinking, okay, I know what 150 pound dumbbell feels like when you lift it up. And I'm thinking, could I get that? And that has a handle and balance, by the way. So I'm like, shoot, could do I, man, I don't know if I could do that? Could I could I do that? And then they're like, oh, yeah, you know, like, I've done it. And I'm okay, so it can be done. Like, it's obviously not like this thing. You need years of practice or whatever. So I was like, but man, I don't know. And then sure enough. So it's, yeah,

I went and did it. It was like, it was hard. I failed the first one. I brought you bring it up. You kind of bring it onto your lap. 200 pounds, man. That's not like, it's like, you know how you say when you, when you pick up a person and they're just dead weight? Similar to that.

Anyway, boom, fail the first time. They're cheering me on. Thanks for that, by the way. Guys, that helped me. And then the second time I did it, it was good. One of the high points. Anyway, that was just a side note. Also.

Just a, so a bunch of people. don't have to ask me yeah I did not participate in the challenge I have an injured rib that was that yeah you weren't real happy about that you're still not happy I see it on your face man yeah well I yeah the ribs almost healed uh thanks Andy that was Andy Andy Andy Andy did that to my ribs in a way and this is I think you paid a bigger price than me but you messed up my rib in in identical way a few months ago oh you were gonna get a submission on me and then you hurt yourself no I was trying I was escaping the submission well yeah essentially the same situation but instead this time you got the rib injury yeah

instead of the guy you're trying to tap out so yeah so in a way good for you you know and I hope you we've all learned something from this whole thing today anyway also when you buy this book and you will and should tough as they come tough as they come Travis Mills Get it through our website That's a good way to support I have a little section We have a little section

Books from the podcast Click on there It'll be by episode This is a good way to support Click through there Bring you to Amazon Even if you're gonna do any other shopping Boom even

Just as good a way To support that way Just click through Get the book, that's a good way Small action, big reaction Small click click One two it's like two more clicks

super small action somebody asked me they said hey does it really help the podcast to like do the amazon click through and i said absolutely it really does and they said well like how much and i said well it's basically the way echo describes it it's basically the way echo describes it small action big reaction so yep you're actually very right on that one yes yep i you know i just had a feeling from the beginning

that that was that's a good way to put it and it is really also subscribe to the podcast it's a good way to support Stitcher iTunes Google play all these ones that provide podcasts this seems like something that everyone probably has done already but you know if you haven't subscribed to that that's a good one if you're in the mood leave a review

that's a good one some good reviews on there already thank you guys for doing that very colorful would you say colorful is that a good Is that a good word? Creative reviews. Yeah, it's good. They're fun to read from time to time. Also, YouTube, if you like the video or want to watch the video version of this podcast,

see what Travis looks like, see what Jocko looks like, see what I look like if you're into that. Yeah, subscribe to the YouTube, get a little alert when we upload a video. Yeah, but beyond just watching what we look like, there's other things that come from the YouTube. Channel, yeah. That are not on the podcast. Oh, right, yeah, if you subscribe, yes.

Right, whether it's little augmented videos that you make with your creative spin on them. Flair. Yeah, there's just straight excerpts. Right. And then there's a deleted scenes. Yeah, deleted scenes. I think I'm put some more on there. There's a few.

You know what, when you kind of go through and I, and I want, you know when I edit it, right? So really the edit, the audio editing process, pretty simple. You cut off the beginning, you cut off the end, you faded in, you fade it out. faded out done that's it easy yeah but the parts of that I cut off there's some some nuggets some interesting stuff and you know when you're in the in the moment I'm talking to it's just regular we're just talking and whatever maybe we're laughing maybe not but when you kind of go back and listen to it it's kind of funny anyway I'll put some of those on there too so yeah if you subscribe to the YouTube channel you can watch those those are cool the excerpts are just kind

of like you know shareable smaller you know nuggets of of Jocko wisdom, which is cool. I mean, you know, if you don't want to listen to the whole podcast, just for the thing. In fact, there's a couple of people where they were like, yeah, I listened to those, the guy at the camp, he was like, yeah, I listened to those excerpts like almost every day.

Yeah. Because they're like, yeah, there's a lot of them there now too. By the way, also, Jocko has a store. It's called Jocco store. Jocco store.com. There's some shirts on there. If you want to support. So I'm not saying buy a shirt.

I'm not saying buy a hat Got hats on there now Snap back Snap back my bad I thought there were flex fit You know what Echo thought it was flex fit trucker hats Don't exist

Yeah they don't have those In the world doesn't need them Yeah It almost doesn't make sense Yeah Well maybe I don't know I for real thought they were flex fit But you know what I looked into it

And I realized that The reason that I thought they're flex fit Is because some new hats I'm coming out with Oh Maybe in a few weeks they're like they're a different style of hat and their flex fit they look dope too by the way I'll show them to you one day cool um so yeah I'm not saying hey I'm not saying hey I'm not saying

hey buy a shirt buy a rash guard or whatever I'm saying go in the store jaco store look on there check out the items and if you like something get something some hoodies on there some women stuff some patches which are cool I've seen a few of those on people's backpacks actually they look kind of dope. I'm gonna probably put one on my backpack. And you know, thanks for letting us all know. Sometimes you just think out loud and whatever.

I'm curious about that. We'll all be looking forward to saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll show it to you when it's done. Anyway, jocco store.com, that's a good way. Also, psychological warfare. Who are we just talking to that? Oh, Pete.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where, okay, basically psychological warfare, what is that? It is, an album. with tracks, jaco tracks, where in your campaign against weakness, meaning, if you have goals, like, okay, so I listen to Jordan Peterson, and he kind of, he has this thing, I'm not going to go like too much into it, but he has this thing where it's like, okay, why I don't, why don't people get what they want?

Because, and one of the reasons is because they just don't know what that is. And we kind of don't. Even if you say, I want to get better, better than what? Jiu-Jitsu. Because you can do one push up a day and you're technically better. Technically. So it's like, what do you mean better? Better how?

Whatever, whatever. So anyway, back to this psychological. If you want to, I don't know, lose weight, you want to wake up earlier and be more disciplined in these specific ways and all this stuff. You want to clean up your diet. To clean up your diet, you got to avoid junk food, all this stuff. Junk food, you get distracted by short-term payoffs, right, with junk food. Because the whole idea of junk food is short-term payoff over long-term payoff. good diet long-term payoff bad diet short-term pay-off anyway if you get tempted by weakness you listen to

the psychological warfare album or just a track or whatever so look you're waking up early in the morning 4 30 every day that's what I'm doing from now on that one day when you're kind of tired and the alarm goes off and you're tempted or compelled to press the snooze or just stay in bed I'll wake up later. I'll wake up at noon. Just saying some people wake up at noon sometimes. Play this track called Get Up and Get After It. I guarantee you won't wake up at noon.

You'll wake up at the assigned time. Assigned by yourself, by the way. 100% success rate on that. If you fail, if you listen to this and you fail at your little thing. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what to say. But that's a good one. Psychological Warfare, Jocco Willink.

Look for it. Look into it. Also, you get some Jocko White Tea. You can get that on Amazon. It'll make you be able to do amazing feats of strengths. Sure. With no effort, barely at all. Yeah, like the rock bag.

Yeah, the yellow jocco white tea, boom. You nailed it. Easy money, one hand. Books, like Echo said, Tough as They Come by Travis Mills. You can get that. You can also get a book called Extreme Ownership that I wrote with my brother Laif Babin.

It's about combat leadership. Way of the Warrior Kid. If you want your kid or a kid that you know to be stronger, smarter, healthier, and therefore, because they're stronger, smarter, and healthier, they're also more confident. If you want to do that for a kid, get them a book called Way of the Warrior Kid. Then you can also get the discipline equals freedom field manual. It got a little bump the other day.

I don't know. I think like in social media, I put something out and it got a little bump and all of a sudden the delivery dates of people that just ordered it got pushed back So I don't know I don't know specifically like what that means, but I tell you this It means you should order it now if you want to get it when it comes out order it if you want that first edition copy Which is pretty much what you want if you need leadership in your world which you probably do because that's the way things Get done is through leadership and you need help in that department

You can contact our leadership consulting company Eschalon Front. It's me. It's Leif Babin, J.P. Danel, Dave Burke. You can email us at info at echelonfront.com. If you want us to come speak or work with your company, that's what you do. And finally, and this is the muster. We are close to selling it out right now. The one that's in San Diego, September 14th and 15th. Leadership Tactics. techniques and procedures for business and life. Get better at everything. Get registered. Do it now before it sells out. It might even be sold out by the time this podcast comes out. But check it out. See if you can find it.

See if you can get there. Extremeownership.com. And until the muster, if you do need to communicate with us, we're actually cruising on the interwebs. Twitter, Instagram, and also the Facebook Echo is at Echo Charles

and I am at Jocko Willink and to all the military members out there that are holding the line thank you and to those veterans that stood the watch especially those that were wounded

thank you for giving us our freedom and to police, law enforcement, firefighters, EMTs, and other first responders, thank you for your service. And thank you for keeping us protected from man and from nature here at home. And to everyone else out there facing struggles and facing hard times, remember. Remember the challenges that Travis,

Mills faced and still faces and he faces those incredible challenges every minute of every day and he does that with tenacity and positivity and proves without question that if you never quit and you never give up and you keep moving forward then nothing can stop you from getting after it. So until next time, this is Echo and Jocko. Out.