Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground Best Questions Answered: Losing Faith In Humanity

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

How to salvage your relationship if possible.How to light a fire under your kid's ass to get motivated. Should you choose passion or money for a career motive?Losing faith in humanity. Is the military worth joining now days?Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

In this episode on the Underground, we cover a few of the most common questions I come across, saving relationships, motivating and disciplining your kids, the eternal struggle between money and passion in your career, questioning faith in humanity, and the modern considerations of joining the military. These tips will help you out in life. Hello, I really appreciate some advice on how to help co-dependent spouse who has recognize the problem of her own volition and is willing to change but doesn't know where to begin it is destroying the relationship but we we both feel like it's not insurmountable and worth trying to salvage overt suggestions are ineffective and I'm looking for subtle hints and paths to steer her down

without ordering her to do X Y Z where can I start yeah so what what this scenario looks like to me is you need you need to get some professional help for the codependent spouse now how do you get a codependent spouse professional help without ordering them hey you need to go get you need to go get professional help what you need to do is say hey listen I think we need help together and explain the fact that there's people that actually know how to handle these things and how to help a couple get through these scenarios and then you roll in there and you start start going to some kind of therapy and obviously the therapy will be we'll start to help her and overcome this thing. The whole idea of the brain mechanics, which I've talked about before,

there's people that know how to handle these things, just like a mechanic of a vehicle, knows how to handle that knocking in the engine. There's psychologists that know how to handle codependent people and how to get them back on track and out of that cycle. So I would say you do that. You say, listen, we need some help. I know that I want this to work. I think the best thing we could do is go get someone that knows how to handle this stuff

and help us through it professionally, us through this professionally. And you start it out. And you know what? You will get some help. You will get some help out of it too. It's not just for the spouse. So nothing wrong with that, man.

Nothing wrong with that. That feels like such a big part of it where it's like, oh yeah, she's on the road to recover. she recognizes this or whatever, but like any relationship with the two-age street kind of thing and we ignore, pretend to or can ignore our own role. So I learned about this term called extreme ownership. Smart outfit, I dig it.

Where if you can really like kind of get in touch with that, like what can I do or what did I do? Doesn't matter. You can evaluate the situation. Yeah, because you're kind of at a minimum you're enabling it, right? That's exactly right. So if you look at it as 10 factors that are creating this problem and literally she, quote unquote, she did nine of them. Look for that one that you did and just hammer that.

Don't worry that much about this other nine stuff about her or whatever. Just focus and change that one. And a lot of time that one is going to like Domino's really solve the problem. Can. Yeah. Yeah. And what's interesting about this is part of codependence, is like everything is my fault.

So she's going, or we're assuming it's her, I think it is. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's part of the problem. It's like, oh, it's my fault.

So definitely there's, there's ownership that needs to be taken on both sides. And that's why you go get professional help. That's what it is. You'll uncover both the corrective measures that both parties can take in this scenario. A lot of times, too,

as a guy, it's hard to be like, I don't know, I'm totally stereotyping right now, but sometimes we'll say as a guy, it's like, oh, I don't need some person telling me how to act with my wife or whatever. I just wanted to shape up almost kind of thing. Yeah, well, part of the answer that I gave was sort of to, was to trick the guy into going, because look, he's going to help. So if you're there, I just revealed my strategy is to say, yeah, you know, best thing for you to do is go and take her to you know we need help you do you need help there you go yeah so go

get it's like a trojan horse yes take her to get help I wasn't gonna tell him that surprise you got help too all right next question I'm currently on episode 245 from episode one of your podcast I have a nine-year-old son and usac quarter midget racing what is that this is like um kind of go-kart type little cars with a roll cage on him. Oh, damn. So he's, you know, racing those cars. Pretty cool. Dang.

He has a great deal of talent, and we've won some races. We have run some races. You like that? We've won some of the pay attention to do. You got a we in there. It's a team effort. The team effort. Where he struggles is the emotional strength department.

Look, at nine years old, if you're not emotionally strong, you get a grow. Okay. Sorry, I'm going hot. No, no, that's good. I had too much discipline go at this point. No, you did the right thing. I constantly have to try to try and light a fire under his ass to get him focused on the upcoming race. These races are over quick and you must be ready to go as soon as they start.

He runs a mile a day. He runs a mile daily and now I have to have him doing push-ups, sit-ups, and lunges. He's eating very clean and getting good rest. What else can I do to make him more of a predator rather than a prey? Rather than pray. So, first of all, make sure that he wants to. to do this stuff, right? And make sure that he

enjoys doing it and enjoys doing it a lot. Speaking of BJ Penn and Joe Rogan listened to that podcast. They asked, they asked, or Joe Rogan asked BJ Penn how he got his black belt

in three years, which is one third of the time it would take for a normal person that was really getting after it. It takes 10 years to get your black belt, man. That's just kind of a everyone will say that you ask anybody how long it takes you get your black belt and jihad jihad they're gonna say 10 years bj pan got it in three years but he

didn't just get it he was the world champion he won the world championships in Brazil first american by the way so and and joe rogan says oh you know was it disciplined were you your level of commitment was your athleticism and b j pen gave a brilliant answer he said because it was fun because he loved doing it and so if you're committed to this kind of thing, well, it's because you enjoy doing it. So what does your son get from winning? Why is it important to win?

And I kind of jokingly said, we, because let's just make sure this isn't, you're not living out your fantasies through your son. Let's make sure of that. And I know you probably don't want to hear that, but I have to say it anyways. Why is it important for him to win? How do these skills,

going to help him in his life what are they going to do for his future and you should be explaining those things to him you know who pushed Tony Hawk to be a great skateboarder Tony Hawk his dad would say hey his dad would say hey we got to get out of here be like let me just do this trick a couple more times yeah you know push Michael Jordan to be Michael Jordan Michael Jordan Michael Jordan so you're gonna have some intrinsic motivation that champions are gonna have that you as a parent If you think you can get them to that level of intrinsic motivation, it's going to be difficult. Because if the best thing to do, and you've heard me say this about jujuice before, is make it fun.

If you don't make it fun, they're not going to like it. And if it's not, if they don't like it, then they're not going to do it. This isn't, this is not just coming from me. This is, this is the book outliers, right? And Malcolm, what's his name? McDowell? No. Malcolm Gladwell, his book, Outliers, they, the, what makes the kids good at hockey,

what makes the kids good at soccer, what makes the kids good at computer programming. And he's talking about like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates and stellar hockey players is that it was fun for them. Hockey players, why was it fun for them? Because they were a little bit older. The guys that were older that got put into the league, the guys that were born January first, a little bit bigger, a little bit stronger, a little bit more mature, then when they played they kind of dominated because they were a little bit bigger so they had fun so when

they had fun they practiced more when they practiced more they got even better and it's a compounding effect so make sure that you're putting that your kid is having fun because the more fun he has the more he's going to practice the more he's going to be into it if you're making him not like it because you're like oh you could have done better yeah all of a sudden he's not having fun he's not practicing he's not training he's not thinking about it so don't do that make it fun for him. Okay, so that's part one. Part two is if you want to get people to get stronger and tougher, put them in tough situations. Not overwhelming situations. Even in the SEAL teams, we couldn't take like a platoon and just crush them out of the gate. We had to go, oh, okay, run this type

of training mission. Okay, you did good. Then we ramp up the pressure a little bit. Oh, oh, what do we do? Okay, we got it figured out. Okay, cool. Confidence grows. They get a little bit better at it. Boom. again oh no okay okay and so and even uh when we had Huberman on the podcast which should be coming out this week he gave us the number the numbers 80% of the time when 20% of the time learn slash lose right that's the goal so put this individual put your son so that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko underground podcast so if you want to continue to listen go to jocco underground.com and subscribe.

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