Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: Break The Cycle - Getting Over The Trauma of An Abusive Parent.

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

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This is the Jocko Underground podcast number 222 sitting here with ECHO Charles. We have some questions from the front lines. Yep. From the engagements in the field. Yep. And we're going to provide some answers, possibly, some recommendations, and at a minimum, some courses of action that you can follow to get through what Echo Charles calls the maze of life. It's true. Also, people have been asking, so just a friendly reminder.

If you want to ask your questions, all you're going to do is email questions at jaco undergrow.com. There you go. So sometimes people, they, you know, they need some directions as far as where to ask these questions. Actually, now that you put that out, we haven't put that out in a long time. Yeah. And we still get a lot of questions.

So I didn't suspect there was people that did not know or were not in the no, as they say. Yep. But now they're all in the know. No worries. Email the questions to. Questions at jocco underground. com.

There you go. All right. Let's get to the first question. First question. My father was severely abusive throughout my childhood, physically and verbally, though he did, though he hid it from others. As an adult, I built a happy life, raised my son differently and eventually set healthy boundaries. In his final years, he tried to make amends. And before dying of brain cancer last week, admitted he feared judgment for how he treated me.

Now with his funeral approaching and everyone praising him, old nightmares have returned. How can I prepare for the funeral process these conflicting emotions and move forward without losing the peace I've built? Yeah, so, you know, sorry to hear about your dad. That's, that's, sorry that you had to grow up like that. That's terrible. I'm also very impressed that you were able to come out of that, that terror situation and build yourself a happy life and break that cycle of abuse and raise your son right? that's outstanding so outstanding job and the main thing you don't want to do is let anything interfere with what it is that you have built and you know I think what has

happened in the past is in the past and you have successfully moved forward and processed it in a healthy way and you know I don't know if you got professional help I'm not a psychologist you know so if you haven't done that that and you did all this progress without that good um if you feel like you're kind of slipping or something maybe you could go talk to somebody um i definitely recommend you know getting professional help if you think you need it it's you know it's sad that your dad is afraid now um and that he knows he's going to be judged also kind of in a way for me in my opinion that's a positive thing right at least he understands that he was wrong at least he admitted that he's

There's some people that they would never admit that at a million years. Sometimes sometimes people won't admit that they were wrong about, you know, what time the restaurant closed. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, the restaurant's closed. No, it'll be open. When it's not open, it's like, well, they closed early. You know what I mean?

You know, some people won't even admit to that. So the fact that your dad is admitting this level of wrongdoing is pretty positive. The funerals, you know, funerals are emotional. It's going to be emotional. I'm sure it's going to be difficult for you to hear people praising him without knowing these terrible things that he did to you. I'm not sure what good it would go to detail what happened, you know, to you. I don't know if you're going to give the eulogy or if you're going to speak.

I think your dad would understand if you mentioned, and I think people would understand if you, you know, if you mentioned the fact that like every human being, he had sororough falls and he made mistakes and he did things that he shouldn't have done and in the end he knew he was wrong and you know he hoped for forgiveness and you're really the primary person that that is in the is in the driver's seat for forgiveness right you're the guy and and there's a reason that forgiveness in my opinion is so important for us as human beings and you can see it throughout you know really throughout recorded history it's seen in in ancient you know eastern traditions like buddhism it's seen in you know confucius talked about it and in the greco-roman philosophy stoicism

obviously a huge part of christianity you know forgiveness is a thing and that's because it allows you to move on it allows you to not be caught in the past not that you forget again we Remember, we don't dwell. We don't dwell in the past. That's the goal, I should say. The goal is not to dwell in the past. Then think about all the bad things. The goal is remember, you know, you're raising your kid differently.

You remember that it was bad what you went through. So you've taken a different path. But, you know, you're the one that is sitting in the seat of forgiveness here, potentially. And again, forgiveness is not condoning someone in their behavior. It's not excusing someone in their behavior. It's not forgetting someone in their behavior. It's not even really reconciliation. Like you can forgive someone and still not talk to them.

You know, I think the definition along the lines of accepting reality that this is what happened and then releasing the burden of resentment and pain and moving forward. I think that's when I think about forgiveness in a case like this, that's what I think. of not not excusing, not condoning, but hey, this is the reality. A human being acting like a human being. Human beings are flawed. Their, you know, their, their, their egos take over, their animal instincts take over, their emotions take over, and they can't control, they don't control themselves.

They can, but they don't. And this is what human beings do. So it's not approved. It's not condoned. But do you want to dwell in that past forever? Do you want to continually let that, you know, drive your behavior? You know, we remember we had Harley Flanagan on the podcast? Yeah.

And, you know, his dad was a terrible person, abusive, alcoholic, drug addict. I'm pretty sure he died in a dumpster fire. He was in a dumpster trying to stay warm at night, lit a fire in there and, like, died in there. Or OD'd in there something along those lines But I mean just terrible and you know Harley was on the podcast He was kind of telling that story he's getting pretty emotional and he said you know I forgive you dad And I think that that that attitude is helpful Knowing that people are flawed

Knowing that your dad didn't know how to be a dad and he like I said he had whatever anger and ego and jealousy and insecurity and emotions like all humans do and he failed to control it and you you suffered the consequences but the thing is you thankfully you were able to break that cycle you're a a better person and this is even more evident if you can just forgive him and move on if you can just forgive him and move on so I guess the question is how can I prepare for the funeral process these conflicting emotions and move forward without losing the peace. I think at the funeral, you stay high level, you stay detached, um,

you know, these other people that are praising him because he, you know, acted differently in front of them. Best of luck to them. They can carry on there with their lives. Be, be polite, be professional.

Do your part in the funeral, right? And then I think what you do is you, Get back to living your awesome happy life that you've built with your family Which is amazing and you Have done a great job So that's where I'm at man Sorry you had to go through this, but damn it is impressive to hear how you've how you've turned out and And the way you've built your life

Don't don't get dragged into the in the past man. Don't don't do it Don't get dragged down those uh There's always opportunities to go backwards. There's always there's always opportunities to go backwards to fall down. It's easy to fall down. It's easy to go down. That all those human emotions that you have. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast.

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