Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: Getting Over Tragedy | Get Out Of Your Slump and Crush It.

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

>Join Jocko Underground< Staying strong and grieving to get over tragedy.In a slump after a big failure.Finding a new mission to crush life.Facing your traumatic past from family members.Why are pull-ups even important?Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

This is the Jocko Underground Podcast number 173 sitting here with Echo Charles. We have received questions from you, the troopers, and we are going to provide, attempt to provide, in some cases answers, in some cases guidance, in some cases assessments to help you move forward. So here we go. First question. Dear Jocco, my daughter died of SIDS a year ago. I found her in the crib, and despite doing CPR with paramedics, we couldn't save her. She was only three months old. Since then, my wife and I have felt emotionally dead.

I'm in the Utah Army National Guard, and my A&G family showed incredible support, something I'll never forget. Last month, I received a hardship discharge. I wasn't ready to leave, but my readiness NCO assured me I can return when the time is right. In the meantime, my wife and I have grown distant. I lost my job, and now she says she doesn't want a romantic relationship anymore. I feel adrift. I want to return to the guard. I'm only 30 and still have more to give, but I'm torn, not wanting to leave my family behind.

Therapy alone isn't enough anymore. I need action, but I'm stuck. Any wisdom would mean a lot. Thank you. Well, it's obviously it's a horrible story. I'm sorry to hear it. It's heartbreaking beyond anything that I could imagine. Terrible.

And that being said, when it comes to loss, I have suffered losses, not a child clearly, but I've lost friends and brothers and teammates. and then as I've talked about before you know this grief that you're feeling it it will come in waves and in the beginning the waves of grief and emotion will be overwhelming and we're not used to that because we're adults and we're not used to not being able to control our emotions at all so it's very very shocking when they take control of us but over time they will dissipate they will And I've looked like I said I've never lost a child, but I have been with the families of my friends, the parents of my brothers that I've lost in combat and I've seen this happen.

The pain will dissipate over time. And there's nothing absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the pain will become less frequent and less powerful. now if it lasts for longer if you know if it if it is impacting your life for longer than six months then the general thought is then you need some professional help and you may have already sought some counseling or someone to talk through this stuff but the first thing i would say to you is like it's totally normal that you feel adrift it's totally normal that your your wife and you feel like you know distant from each other of course you just went through a horrible

emotional situation and you say your wife and you feel emotionally dead like these things are all normal these things are normal this is what loss does and it does sound like you and it sounds like you and I'm assuming your wife too have been getting some kind of therapy because you said you need more than therapy which means at least you have some therapy and I would you know keep working through that but there's also like a pragmatic scenario that's happening right now and that is well if you lost your job you don't need compounding problems in this case losing your job leads to financial shortfalls which leads to financial problems so if you're if you're if the National Guard has offered your job back and you like

doing that job and you know the people and the people have taken care of you before I think it makes sense to go back to the National Guard go back on duty this is of course providing there's not like a deployment on the horizon that you'd have to go and this is provided that they got some kind of a job that's relatively going to keep you at home for a while and give you somewhat normal hours. Right. I understand it's the military. You know, you probably have to go in early. You probably have to say some nights.

Like, that's the way it works. But as long as you're not going on a multi-month deployment anytime in the near future and a National Guard should be able to set you up with a job or a billet that that's that will provide you with that. And I think that will help ease any financial strain that might be on the way. It might get you focused on something else, which there's. nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with it you lost your child that's awful but your child would not want you to focus and dwell on that so for you to go back to work and continue to go through counseling and continue to let these heavy waves of emotion somewhat subside over time i think that is a good move and then what you can do is you can position

yourself where you can help your wife because it sounds like your wife is obviously having a horrific time with this and she needs help and she needs your support and the best thing that you can do in my opinion is provide her the stability the financial stability the work stability the job stability so that she can work through this she lost her child you lost your child but it sounds like she needs more grace right now and more healing than you do and that's the way it works out in this particular situation and we try and support our spouse try and help them as hard as that might sound you give her as much support as you can give her the space that she need give her the time that she needs like I said I have seen this grief cycle before and things will get better

there will be some amount of relief that eventually starts to shine through and eventually As time passes, you will find happiness in the future. That's what will happen. We remember, but we don't dwell. Right? We remember, but we don't dwell. You cannot dwell in the past. You simply cannot dwell in the past.

There's nothing you can do about what has happened in the past. You can't dwell there. You can't stay there. You can't change it. You cannot change the past. And so if you focus on something that cannot be changed, you will go crazy trying to change it, trying to think through it,

trying to reimagine it in a different way. It's not going to change. It is what it is. And it's horrible and it's awful, but you can't dwell there. You have to remember, but not dwell. You have to let those waves dissipate. You have to let relief shine through a little bit.

You have to open the door a little bit. and eventually you have to let happiness back into your heart. You have to. You have to let it back in there. You can keep it out if you want. You can. We as human beings have the emotional power to focus on what we want to focus on. And we can force ourselves.

We can force the happiness to stay away. But that is not healthy. And that is not what normal people do. Normal people, they feel the grief, They feel the pain. They feel the suffering. Everyone feels that. Your wife is feeling that.

You're feeling that. But as time goes on, you have to release it. You have to. And you can. And you will find happiness in the future. And that's what I got. Stay strong, brother. It's harsh.

Next question. Jock Echo. I've listened since the beginning. Read most of Jocko's books. I have a stable job, a great wife, and two kids. I have trained since age 12. I'm 47 now, a purple belt in Jiu-Jitsu. And I love Jocco Fuel.

I'm grateful for my life and give back to veteran causes. That said, I ran a business for nine years that failed. I'm just now in 2025 finishing off the loan 13 years later. It set me back from buying a home and saving for retirement, and while I stay active and keep things together outwardly, I feel worn down inside. It's made me withdraw a bit from my family life. I often just want to be alone to think, read, or train jiu-jitsu.

I don't dwell on the past, and I'm not bitter, but I appreciate your perspective on how to fully move forward and regain my enthusiasm for being alive. Brother. Let's assess. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jocco underground.com and subscribe.

And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control. And we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko podcast, which will remain as is free for all, as long as we can keep it that way. But we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors. And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections,

better communications with us. And to do that, we are building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this Legion of Troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. It's jocco underground.com. It costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. just email assistance at jocco underground.com and we'll get you taken care of until then we will see you

mobilized underground