Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: Issues With Training Jiu Jitsu with Women Partners.

Episode Date: October 19, 2026

>Join Jocko Underground Full Episodes<00:29 — Training Jiu-Jitsu With Women: My wife is uncomfortable with me rolling with women?08:55 — Being a Warrior With a Disability?16:06 — Regretting Wasted Years: How do I stop regretting lost time and know I'm doing enough?23:57 — Dealing With a Disruptive Teenager.36:47 — Military Service in the Age of Drones.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

This is the Janko Underground Podcast number 233, sitting here with Echo Charles. We have a variety of questions from the frontline troops. Those of you that are out there in the mix currently getting after it. Sometimes you run into some obstacles. Some terrain features. You've got to maneuver around. And we are here to answer your questions. Give you some solutions.

Give you some recommendations. Or at a minimum, give you some courses of action you can follow to navigate this terrain of life. Let's get into it. First question. I'm 35, married with kids, and a Jiu-Jitsu Blue Belt. Recently, my wife started bringing our daughter to the kids class and realized men and women trained together. She's uncomfortable with me rolling with women,

because positions like mount and closed guards seem too intimate. She trusts me completely, but admits she feels insecure about me training closely with athletic women. I explained there's nothing sexual about it, and she understands, but it still bothers her. I rarely train with women anyway, so avoid it wouldn't be difficult should I simply stop training with women out of respect for my wife or handle this differently yep stop training with women next

question this is just it's just a total no-brainer right yeah your relationship with your wife is paramount obviously you have kids this is your wife right you get nothing from training with women right you're not getting any training benefit you do it anyways. There's no reason to do it if your wife's concerned about it. And so you don't need to put yourself in a position with zero upside. So, and it's not that big of a deal. Like to, you, no one in jiu jit-to class has to train with anyone else in a jiu-tze class. I know this might seem uncomfortable at times because you feel weird and awkward, but

you as a human being, whoever you are, do not have to train with any other human being in a Jitsu class. That's the way it is. If you're for some reason feeling any kind of like weird pressure out of social awkwardness or whatever, this is just wrong. When someone says, hey, do you want to train? You go, no, no, no thanks. That's it.

No, no, thanks. Appreciate it. No, I'm going to sit this one out. No, I'm already training with Echo over here. No, I'm not training with any smaller people today. No, I'm not training with any bigger people today. No, I'm not training with anyone younger than me today. No, I'm not training with anyone older than me.

You just say whatever you want. No, I don't train with girls. I don't want to, I'm a little too crazy. I don't want to hurt anybody. No, it's fine. No, no, that's kind of one of my rules. And there you go. You don't have to give away like,

you have to start bringing your personal life into a woman. My wife, no need to say anything that shit. No need to say that's between you and your wife. That's your business. Not anyone else's business. So, yep, you stop training with women. Say, hey, babe, sorry. You're right.

Cool. I won't train with women anymore. And we're done. We move on. We have an awesome marriage. We take care of our kids. We never get in any weird situations. No one's ever accusing us of doing anything.

You just carry on. That's what we're doing. So good. Yep. Yeah. I kind of, because at first when I first started jujitsu, there was that question too.

And not at first, because at first first, there was no girls anywhere. But when victory opened up and stuff, she's like, oh yeah, girls trained with it. And my wife was kind of confused, you know?

Because like, wait, why are you training with a girl? Like you were you trained with jocco and then a girl it doesn't make sense you know jocco's like big he's Like big as you you know why would you and I was like oh yeah that's true I don't see it because I'm just I'm training I'll train with anybody freaking little 13 year old freaking kid wants to train yeah I'll train I'm take it easy you know kind of a thing um but it's like okay it doesn't matter that it's that from your personal perspective it's not like that it doesn't matter like And then even a bigger picture, I thought of it as like, yeah, no, Jiu Jitsu is supposed to help me in my family, not create issues that I got to explain and

freaking justify and all this, which doesn't even like it doesn't even need a justification. In a way, that's her opinion. And it's correct. That's how you're, that's how everything's kind of set up. So you're saying, so you got to prioritize the kind of thing. And I'm not saying, I'm not telling this guy this. I'm saying this is what I was kind of thinking of for myself. And then, but I do understand the question of should I handle it differently because there is a certain almost intangible.

It's an illusion, but it's like this intangible like element of being in jujitsu that it's almost like your loyalty to the sport that like, hey, are you a trait? Like let's say there's 10 of us in this class. You got two girls in there or something like this. And it's like, hey, they're there to train too. You know, and now you're, you know, you're partnered up with her and now you're saying, no, you can't get the training on this rounds. Like, I owe it to this jujitsu class to be a good training partner. We know, like, we feel that, you know. Yeah.

But there's more important things. Definitely. Yeah. Maybe as a blue belt, he might think that there's some unknown etiquette that he shouldn't, that he needs to consider. Yeah. Yeah. But there isn't. Yeah.

And by the way, like, if there was some crazy situation where, you know, it was like, hey, can you help? me show this position to her you're not going to be like oh no I can no you go oh cool it's not like you know you you're not like rolling you if you happen to do around and like oh you know you just like hey man I'm pretty much not rolling with girls anymore and you just do whatever you can and if it happens once a month or once a year you're like okay well no big deal I rolled with the girl you know what it's you know whatever yeah so I wouldn't I wouldn't swat it too much but yeah just prioritize your wife prioritize your kids prioritize your marriage and um do you have to worry about chaining with girls Yep.

And at the same time, that's not to say that training with girls, you shouldn't be training with girls all the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There is value. I don't train with girls as much anymore only because there's not as many girls in my element of people that I train with. Because there used to be, we used to have penny around.

You know, but I train with Paige. You know, I'll train with Paige. You know, I'll train with Paige. Like, page is freaking awesome to train with. Obviously, trained with Branagh, train with Freya. Like, I'm trained with my daughters. who else I trained with Rafa the other day like she's a you know one of the best in the world training and that's like totally cool but again that's so it is totally normal to train with girls

but it's okay if you can't if your wife's got a problem no factor just call it yep I will yeah being in Jiu Jitsu I miss this for the first part of it but seeing it from someone else's perspective jiu jiu jitsu and you say this jiu jiu jitsu is probably the most intimate sport there is not even close yeah there's nothing even close. Yeah. No, there's nothing even close.

That's true. I guess maybe some like weird like cheerleading situations where guys are like picking girls up by their butt. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, but even that's like, yeah,

yeah, but even that is like not. I mean, there's full intimacy in a physical perspective in jujitsu for sure. So yeah. If a, if your wife's like, no,

then cool, no. Yeah. Because I, yeah, because if you look at it from, another perspective you're like I see exactly what she's talking about 100% the word is mount that's the name of the position so like bad and like if you think of

not to get too graphic here but if you think of sexual positions like just in life like real sexual there's very like almost word for word inch to inch overlap okay to some position there is bro I didn't need like I said because yeah Of course not because you're looking at it from a non-sexual jiu-jitsu situation. You look at it from the wife's situation. Bro, let's face it. See what I'm saying? And I know this, and this is when it was dawned on me.

This was back in 2006-ish, I think something like this. She's watching a show called Sex and the City. Yes, one of your favorite shows. And she was like, oh, yeah, on the show. She was like, oh, I'm dating this guy. He's a martial artist, whatever. She's like, oh, what is it? Karate or whatever.

He's like, oh, it's called Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Now, isn't that the gayest sport in the world? or something like. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jocco underground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control.

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