Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: It's Not Working Because You're Over-correcting. Don't Let "The Path" Ruin Your Relationships. Dealing w/ Overbearing Co-workers.

Episode Date: June 18, 2021

Avoiding over-correction. How to.Don't let THE PATH ruin your relationships.Getting your wife into Jiu Jitsu.How to power through cognitively demanding tasks with little sleep.Complications and taking too much ownership.Is 13 years old too young for the power of Jiu JitsuSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

This is the Janko underground podcast. I'm sitting here with Echo Charles once again. Seemed to be sitting with you on a fairly regular basis, which can be a little bit annoying, but it's all good. Challenging. Yeah, sure. I understand. So I was, look, every day for me, I'm thinking through things.

And one thing I was thinking about the other day, I got into some situations, started handling some things. And I realized how much I relied and how much I see good leaders rely. on being balanced, on not getting themselves into extreme situations or into attitudes where they're handling things in an extreme manner. Now, this is obviously nothing new. In fact, it's so nothing new that when I was on Tim Ferriss's podcast, the first time, which I had never been interviewed before, and he asked me what makes me?

He's a good leader and I said number one humility. I said number two someone that is balanced So again the past like week I've been in some scenarios either with clients and seeing how they're handling things or myself and having to get through some situations and It's I realize that I'm not getting tripped up like like a good thing I'm being complimentary to myself same thing I'm being complimenting some of other leaders that I work with, they don't get tripped up. They don't get sucked into problems. And that is because they are balanced. So it's fresh in my mind because I would say it's not something that I haven't been reminding people about enough. That's what I'm feeling. I haven't been reminding people enough about, listen, being balanced is usually the best way to handle things. right? It's usually the best way to handle things. For some reason, human beings have a tendency to not do that. For some reason, human beings have a tendency to pick a direction and go 1,000% in that direction. In fact, I had a name for this. When I was in the SEAL teams and I was putting guys through some training and I would give them an adjustment. I'd be like, hey, you need to do a little bit more of this. Guess what they would do? Nine million percent in that direction. And I would call it, or, I would call it,

I'd say, hey, you need to be a little less aggressive or a little more aggressive. And then they would do another iteration and they would go so hard the opposite way. And I'd say, hey, you guys just did. This is the term. I'd say, classic team guy overcorrection. Meaning you say, hey, be, you know, you got to be a little more aggressive. They go out there and just get nuts. Or you say, hey, you need to check yourself.

Then they don't move. You would see this all the time. So why am I talking? talking about this when you get in when you get confronted and that's a strong word but when you get confronted with a new idea or an opposing idea we as human beings have a tendency to have an extreme reaction to this new idea an extreme reaction to this opposing idea and it's not good it's not good it's not good it's not good to get emotional it's not good to take the extreme opposite stance

We're doing this all time, by the way, in America right now. You know, you have an opinion, I have opinion. I maybe don't agree with all of your opinion. So I take the hardest possible stance against your opinion. And I fully dig in on my opinion. It causes problems. So when somebody does present you with a new idea or an opposing idea, instead of taking, check yourself.

And a good way to check yourself is be humble. Another way is like, okay, what does it? that I like about Echo Charles's ideas. He's presenting an idea. I've not really heard it before, or it's very different from what I want to do. Instead of thinking, how can I immediately smash his idea

over the head with a baseball bat, I think what part of his, what part of Echo's ideas are good? What part of his, you know, it's kind of different than mine. Okay, what part of it can I agree with? Where can I accept some of his ideas? When I go on the attack to you, if I say, well, actually, your idea is not going to work because of this, you are going to

my attack is going to cause your defenses to go up it's going to cause you to get more aggressive and hostile with your idea and it's going to separate us from being able to come to some kind of a conclusion to be come to some kind of a resolution

I shouldn't say conclusion for you and I be able to agree on something and it stems from the fact that I am not thinking in a balanced way So what are the good attributes for a leader or a human being to have? Be humble. Yes, absolutely.

And being humble will allow you hopefully to find some balance in your interactions with other people and find balance inside your own brain housing group. So my wife used to like help her friends, family. You know how like, okay, you know some people they're so into helping other people or taking care of things for other people like, oh, if you're going to, I don't know, you're going to go on a trip or something, she'll jump in with all the hotel recommendations. She'll even be like, hey, I'll call. Yeah, yeah. This is how she used to be.

Right. And she'll be like, I'll even call the hotel. I know a guy there or something. And then she'll, like, go out of her way to do a bunch of stuff. So what would start happening is it became, she basically, basically, takes all on her own takes on a task for someone else, a bunch of tasks. And then those tasks slowly, slowly becomes stressful. And then she's like in this stressful mode, starts getting mad.

And then on top of it later on, the person like, not only did they not ask for the help, it's like they come off as less appreciative than by her standard, you know? She runs that risk. And she's got a grudge. I'm guessing. This guy, don't mean to throw anything on Sarah Charles. But like I'm thinking that maybe with that whole scenario that you're, you know, you just talked about.

Like when you do something to help somebody and it turns out to be a much bigger task, if I'm like, hey, Echo, can you come and I remember we used to train with this guy's at Black Belt, Greg. No, Craig, Craig, freaking old school black belt from Fabio Santos. And he was an arborist. Do you know what that is? Something having to do with trees. Yeah, he used to do tree stuff.

And one day he, I go, hey, bro, like I got this tree in my yard. Can you come help me get it out? And he's like, how big is it? You know, I like held up my hands. know, like maybe like three inches around or whatever. Maybe four or five inches around, right? And he goes, yeah, yeah, cool. You know, let me know when to come by.

So I sent him a text or whatever we did back then, called him. Sure. He comes by. And like the tree was way bigger and way more. And whatever kind of like root system it had, as soon as he saw it, I saw a look in his face. And he was, you know, he was going to do a bro deal, right? Yeah, yeah.

And he did a bro deal for me. But I could see that it hurt. You know? And both of us were out there with pickaxes at the end, you know, freaking digging the root system out. It was a serious day's labor. He thought he was going to come over with the chainsaw, you know, cut it down, whatever. Pop, you know, rip some roots out. Be gone in 20 minutes.

He's there for four hours. I, like, he was Sarah Charles at that point. And he didn't, I mean, he's a freaking awesome guy. So there was no, no factor. But that can build. So, so. So how does this tie in to balance? Okay, so talk about the overcorrection, essentially.

So what you do is, or what, so what would happen with her is it, that was, it wasn't an incident. It was how she was. That's how she is. And there's, I know a lot of people like that where they like, sometimes they insert themselves too much into your thing, you know? And they mean well, but it's just as part of their personality, but there's so many side of it. That expression is stings, doesn't it? A little bit. Means well.

Oh, that one's thing. But doing that to that degree anyway, well, like, there is some drawbacks for the other person and yourself for everybody. So you shouldn't do that to like that much of a degree, right? Nonetheless, should we do that from time and time? Like, pretty often, too. So it got to the point where, like, I see it happening the whole time. I'm like, it's a lose situation where you're going to help.

You're going to be stressful for doing it, for taking on the responsibility. Then they're not going to be appreciative in your mind because not, Do they not know they didn't ask for it and then you're gonna be mad at them no Something you did you know so every once in a while I got to kind of break it to her a little bit you know But every time I would she'd be like fine I just won't help anybody yeah that's I'm like what that's your classic team guy over correction Yeah, no although that's like a conscious sort of emotional reaction Emotionally yeah the classic team guy over correction is might be a little bit of that but it's also Oh I'm too far right go hard left yeah or too far left go

hard right. That's what we need to watch out for. And you know, this is one of those things where, you know, you were talking to me about, you're like, you get to see me in a lot of different situations where I'm interacting with people. And you get to see me sometimes where people are kind of bringing in it or coming at me or whatever. And, you know, just through echelon front, you see me doing interviews. You see me get interviews. You, you, you, you, um, you go through tons and tons of video of me doing whatever. And, and, you know, you were talking to me like, it's seeing me get flustered or seeing me get trapped or seeing me get, you know, got, seeing me get got.

And you were saying like, hey, you know, I don't really see a lot of you getting emotional. I don't see a lot of you getting got. I don't see a lot of you getting caught and flustered when something's happening. And part of that reason is because of this idea that we're talking about of being balanced. So when someone says something. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jacounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this.

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