Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: Jealousy and Insecurity. Break Ups. Control Rowdy Kids. Using Influential Words.

Episode Date: September 9, 2021

Jealousy and Insecurity. Break ups. Controlling your kids. Using the right words for influence. Choosing between kids and self-improvement.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

This is the Jocko underground podcast. Echo Charlie. Yes, sir. And me, Jocco Willink. So I got a question kind of indirectly. And it was about feeling jealous. Which can be a big problem for some people. And it can be a, let's face it, there's all kinds of different jealousy that's floating around.

You can be jealous of a, of, you know, a girl, jealous, you know, of your girl. If you're a man, you can be jealous. jealous of your woman. If you're a woman, you can be jealous of a man, I mean, of your man or whatever, whatever relationship you're in, I guess we're going to cover all the bases. You can be jealous of your significant other. Is that right? Are you jealous of them? Yeah. What is it technically called? I think you're jealous. I don't know. Yeah. You're jealous of the other person. Not your, not your spouse or girlfriend, boyfriend, it's the other person that they're interacting with usually, right? That's the scenario. So you get filled with jealousy, I guess, is what I

happens you can also be jealous of people's position in life you can get jealous of people's success you can get jealous of material objects so there's all kinds of stuff you can get jealous of or that can make you feel this jealousy and I can say that I've never been a very jealous person in fact I would say I'm not jealous I don't get jealous and I I have, so why do I feel that way? How do I feel that way? I think that, I think that jealousy is a manifestation of being insecure. And your ego is threatened.

And you have low self-esteem. And so you're nervous, right? You're nervous. You see a little bit of paranoia and whatnot. And I feel like I'm pretty confident with whatever and and not only that. I'm okay with like there's some people that are better than me. You know, as much as it's nice to say, well, you know, I'm a confident person so I don't really get jealous.

That's cool. But I'm also, I feel like, hey, there's people that are better than me at whatever. You name it. There's people that are better than me. There's people that have more money than me. There's people that are more athletic than me. people that are in better positions to me like there's all these things and I think more than just saying oh well but I'm so confident it's like no I'm humble enough to say hey you know what

there's people that are better than me on a bunch of different things and that's okay now to get to the point of hey how do you not be jealous here's where I think I think you're going to like this mentality or approach as far as and because it reminds me of one of your stories that you told me a long time ago which you told us on the I told everyone on the podcast which was I think it was you read the book mind games is that your book and it said if you get mad you have low selfist you usually comes from and so you were like oh dang I shouldn't get mad anymore and that was the mental trick that you played on yourself to get you to a point where you viewed being angry as sort of a weakness that you didn't want to partake in anymore

I think you can use the same mind trick on jealousy, which is, hey, if I'm getting jealous, that's me being insecure. And here's the thing. And this is why I think it's even more effective. Because I want you to think about this. I want people to think about this. It's not you necessarily you echo.

But if you get jealous, that means you're insecure and here's the clencher. Everybody knows it. That's the thing. Everybody knows it. When you're jealous

and you start freaking out what are you doing talking to him? Everybody knows, oh, you see that person as a threat. You're threatened by this other person. That's why you're getting jealous because somewhere you think you're weaker, poorer, dumber, inferior

to this other human. So don't, And then guess what you look like? Guess what your significant other now thinks? Now they think, oh, why would he be jealous of this guy? This guy must have something that Jocko doesn't have. Instead, don't do that. Don't allow yourself to get in that trap.

When you're jealous, it means you're insecure, and everybody can see it. So don't act that way. Even if you have to just gut through it. Even if you just have to gut through it, That is 10 times better than saying, oh, I don't want you to go talk to that guy right now. Yeah, cool. I'll be over here.

Yeah. What? Wait a second. Why aren't you jealous? Oh, I'll tell you why. Because I'm not threatened. You want to go with that guy over there? Cool.

Yeah, go ahead. That's cool. I'll be over here. That's fine. That's what I'm saying. So if you want to, if you want, so you can apply this to anything, right? You can apply this to anything. You're at work.

And someone's trying to butter. up to the boss and you're like wait a second I why you talk to the boss for I everybody can see it it's a big yeah you can talk about all you want of course yeah oh you're you want to go above me in the chain of command you want to check in with the with the CEO cool yeah go ahead of course go talk to him go find out what's going on yeah I have no problem with that because I'm secure in my position the minute I'm like oh I don't want you talking to him everybody can see that now oh you you don't want to be found out as the weak leader you don't want anyone talking to the

CEO and ratting you out why because I'm paranoid why am I paranoid why am I I'm insecure. And here's the key part. Everybody can see it. Everybody can see it. Stupid. What a jackass driving that nice car. Okay.

Everybody can see it. You think that you're actually fooling someone and thinking you don't like nice cars. Everyone can see that you're jealous of the nice car. Everyone can see it. Yeah. So restrain yourself because it's a bad look. And it doesn't help you and it puts you in an inferior position in life.

It is a bad look, huh? Yeah, like, you know, guys will be like, or people, whatever, they'll be like, what's he compensating for? You know, like, if they have a nice car or a nice whatever, what's he compensating for? Yeah, it's real obvious, yeah? But I guess, okay, so the jealousy, and you kind of brought up a good kind of point there, where if it's like, if it's with your, let's say, okay, just typical relationship, People say your girlfriend.

I don't know. And she's talking to, like, another guy. Yeah, is that jealousy technically? Or is it just simply insecurity? Well, it can be both. If I'm insecure, I go, hey, what did you? Hey, Jessica, why are you talking to him right now? Yeah.

You're not only insecure. You're also jealous. Yeah. It's both. Yeah, so insecure. They're like, they're intertwined. Yeah. I'm actually not that mad at certain or,

insecurity in certain points of a relationship. To me, the relationship part of it gets a little bit more, like, hard to just switch it on and off for some reason. I don't understand what you mean. Okay. So, like, if someone's jealous and I don't know, this just could be my bias, which probably is, I don't know. But if let's say someone's doing better than you in X, Y, Z.

I don't know, some activity in life, maybe in the career or something, it's easy to like, okay, if you feel, if you're feeling some kind of jealousy or whatever, it's easy to switch that off with that kind of stuff, I think. It's like, it's really easy, I think, for whatever reason. But if you're in a relationship, especially a newer relationship, and you actually really like the person? Yeah, yeah. So what you're talking about is the thing that I have to often talk about when it comes to leading teams and leading people compared to leading to your family. It's compared to leading your family. When you're dealing with your family, when you're dealing with the loved one.

You got emotions and the emotions are what you have to try even harder to keep in check because you might be a little bit upset with your employee if they do something that they shouldn't have done, but you might be totally irate with your kid if they do something they shouldn't have done. So we got to keep our emotions in check. And it's even more so when it comes to this idea of someone, your potential partner going with talking to someone else or doing, you know, you got to be even more controlled over your emotions. And here's the thing. your girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other, they think less of you when you get jealous. Yes.

That's what's happening. Yeah, that's true. And if you can do the opposite, it's going to be better for you. That is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jocco underground.com and subscribe.

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