Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: Kids Starting Jiu Jitsu | Hazing | Eliminating Distractions.

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

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This is the Jocko Underground podcast number 124, sitting here with Echo Charles. And I went to the ADCC North American Trials the other day, which is the submission grappling slash jujitsu Olympics, which takes place in a few months. And you have to do trials to get to that. And while I was there, I got a bunch of questions. I talked to a bunch of people. and one of the main questions I got was kids getting kids into jiu jitsu keeping kids in jiu jitsu like all those kind of questions and the thing is this is not just about jiu jitsu this is about everything it's about everything that we do not just with kids but with people that we work with with employees with everyone so I wanted to

address it a little bit getting people to do things Right, but around the Around the framework of how do you get kids to do jiu-jitsu So number one, you know, I'm getting asked how old should kids be when they start? How do I get them to like it? What if they don't want to do it? So there's a bunch of questions there The first question is how old and In my experience, I taught kids jiu-jitsu at Victory MMA for about probably six years Something along those lines and here's what I'm

I notice most of the time as far as going to classes goes generally speaking girls are a little bit more mature than boys are so generally speaking by five girls are ready generally speaking five boys are barely ready so it's not like a huge big difference I had one kid one boy the entire time I taught kids that was four years old that was like engaged one out of many, many, many boys. I had more girls than that that were engaged. So here's the thing. Yes, if you're going to take your kids to age you two class,

maybe they can try it at four. Most likely it's not going to be worth your money. At five, they might be able to go to class, get something out of it, move forward with the process. And then by six and seven, they should be pretty good to go. Here's where I don't want you freak out. If your kid is five and they hate Jiu-Jitzen,

they don't want to go or they don't pay attention, they roll around on the floor, they don't listen, they're causing disruptions, you're not going to lose their freaking capability of becoming awesome because they didn't train until they were six. And as a matter of fact,

it doesn't matter if they don't really train until they're seven. And as a matter of fact, it doesn't really matter if they train, don't train until they're eight. As a matter of fact, It doesn't believe it matter if they don't start training until they're 11. If you take a competition between a kid that was forced to train since he was five and doesn't like it. And another kid that starts training at 11 and he loves it.

And now both those kids are 16, who's going to win? I think the 11, the guy who likes it. The guy who likes it. So let's focus on that. Let's focus on that. Here's another thing. Here's another answer to that question. How old should your kid be when they start your jit-to?

The answer is zero. they should be zero. You should be wrestling with them and rolling around and mounting them and teaching them how to do hippescapes and not teaching them how to do hippescapes but making them. Guess how you can get someone to do a hip escape?

Tickle their belly. They start moving. Oh, I'm going to keep doing this until you move away. Okay, cool. We're just doing a hip escape. There's all kinds of little things that Gracie the Gracies have like the Gracie games. I think you can look it up on YouTube,

but it's just a bunch of little games. Oh, stay on the mount, right? Ride the horse, right? And let them out. Now you move around. and you they try and keep their balance stay on the back okay it's the same thing what about norm walk can you teach a little kid yes you can absolutely teach a little kid an arm lock you can absolutely teach a little kid an arm lock and a rear naked choke

be careful to rear naked choke because if they do it to their friends could be bad right so you got to be you do you want to hold off on that one but a little kid you can teach him all kinds of stuff all kinds of movement drills all kinds of positional things that are going to be very very helpful keeping across the side keeping the back how to pass the guard. Can you can a can a three-year-old little toddler pass your guard? Oh yes they can. Can you teach them how to pass guard? Can you get them play with each other past? Yes, you can. So you don't teach them. Like I said, I should have made this a little more clear. Can you teach him on arm lock? Yes. What you should concentrate on is positional. So you're not teaching the kid that could break some other

kid's arm or choke another kid. But go through those gracey games. Make it fun. Make it fun. Make it fun. Now, look, you may have a kid that likes things to be serious. You ever seen a kid like that? Yes. Yep. There's kids out there that they want to be serious. They want to, they feel like they want to be Michael Jordan.

And so they have an attitude like they're Michael Jordan. And they're five. I've seen five and six and seven year old kids that are like that. If you got a kid like that, cool. You got to find the right school for the kid. If you take your kid to a school where they're trying to train Michael George. and your kids a clown it's not gonna be fun for him he needs it more than no he's just gonna hate it if you take your kid that is a Michael Jordan to a school that's more like we're having fun they're not gonna

like it as much so you got to kind of find the right school for them and by the way it might not be the school that you like you might be like I want my kid to be a world champ they're going to this academy where it's freaking hardcore and they end up not liking jiu jitzu because you didn't take them to there's other school you know the other side of town where they're about having fun and again you got to figure out what your kid likes figure out what your kid likes because there's and there's also going to be that psychological reactance that we've talked about which is we don't like being forced to do things human beings don't like being forced to do things and even the best food tastes bad

it gets forced down your throat. So don't force the jiu-jitsu down people's throat. So there you go. That's what we're doing. Competition, because I was up in a competition. Hickson talked about this. Hoyler talked about this. A Leo, their dad, the founder of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu,

would tell his kids when they were competing, I'll give you $5 if you win and $10 if you lose. Win-win situation. So you're gonna be sad, but you're gonna be okay with it. I was thinking about why would you do that? Well, it's because otherwise, they don't want to compete or they may not want to compete or they may be so freaked out about losing that oh my gosh if I lose my dad's not going to like me anymore but if your dad says look it's hard to explain to okay listen when you say to your kid like I just I'm happy if you just try just try your best they don't really believe that sometimes yeah you know they're like dad come on we're here to win yeah but if you say listen I want you to do this and if you win yeah I'll be excited and I'll give you five dollars but if you lose I'll give you ten dollars

it's like a it's like a a positive actual quantifiable vision that you're giving them that competition win or lose is good and winning is great losing even better so it removes that pressure now look someone who might be like well don't you want them to have pressure yes they're going to get pressure the pressure is there and as they get older it's going to get more and more but that's just a good attitude so those are some ideas to think about for competition those are some ideas to think about for how to get him started now you might run into the situation where um they don't like it don't like it don't want to do it i don't like it first of all what other schools could you check out

that's why go to a few schools before you go into one and pick that school go to a couple different schools go to maybe if maybe you can even go to two or three look and see you're San Diego you go to the 19 different schools. I know not all the worlds like that. In Austin, you could go to 27 different schools. But hopefully you've got a couple options. You can go try it out.

If your kid is like, I freaking don't like this. I don't like it. I don't like the people. I don't like this. I don't like Jiu Jitsu. My reaction to that is like, hey, I get it. No problem. Jitu's not for everyone. So since you don't like it, just going to go twice a week just to make sure you know how to defend yourself.

What do you mean? I don't like Jiu-Itsu. I know you don't like. like it. I don't like it. It's okay that you don't like it. It's not that big of a deal. But in order to defend yourself in case you get into a fight, in case someone picks on you, in case somebody tries to kidnap you, we're just going to give you enough training twice a week so that you can handle yourself because I'm always going to be there. And it's just like kind of like brushing your teeth or kind of like getting a haircut or kind of like standing in line at the groceries.

Like you don't want to stand in line at the groceries, but you have to stand in line at the groceries. You got to. It's just the way it works. So that's what did you do too is like, hey, twice a week. No big deal. If you don't want to do it more than that, I get it. So it's just twice a week because you're not into it. If you like it, we can do it seven days a week. If you don't like it, I get it. You only have to do it twice a week. To me, that's a good way to overcome whatever years or whatever, a six-month period where they're like, well, I don't like it. And you go, okay, it's no big deal. You don't have to do it. You only got to do it twice a week. Keep them in the game. They're learning something.

much. It's learning so much. There's an escalation that if they hate it. Right? Like, he hate you. Let him take a break. Oh, that's okay. You know what?

It's soccer season. You're going to do soccer right now. We'll pick it up when you're done. Look, it's only two days a week, but, and you can stop right now for soccer season. But after that, you got to defend yourself. So, hey, no big deal. You hate it? Cool.

No big deal. I hate jihitsu. Cool. Take a break. It's soccer season. It's basketball season, whatever. You want to play baseball this summer? Hey, great.

We'll take a little break from jih Tzu. After this, though, twice a week, that's kind of what, you know, that's just the minimum, you know? Like if you want to be a person, you got to do it twice a week. But no big deal during soccer season. You know what? Every year during soccer season, no jihitsu. No big deal because you like soccer too. So during, oh, yeah, no problem.

You see what I'm saying? We're allowing them to influence us. which allows us to have influence on them. If they say, I hate Jiu-Jitsu and you say, shut up, you're doing it anyways, you're probably going to get them into a situation where they hate Jiu-Jitsu forever, which can be a problem.

If you let them go, they're probably going to come back to it because J-J-Soo is awesome. So, by the way, same thing with anything, same thing with the people that you work with, same thing with your spouse. If you allow them to influence you, you'll have more influence over them. If you make things fun,

they're going to be more apt to do it. So there's no reason to force things. Make things fun. Don't force it. And here's a tough one. Let your kid be who they are, not who you want them to be. And the more that you try and get them to be who you want them to be, there's a decent chance. They'll become more and more the antithesis of what you want them to be.

So you got to be careful of that. You know what, too. and we just got done talking with Dave Burke about this. Good deal, Dave. Yeah. It's, he's like, because I asked him how, you know, what jiu jih Tzu was in his family. He's like, it's just what we're doing.

If you as a parent, like, Jiu-Jitsu is just part of what you're doing, and you're not, they're seeing it, they're seeing that you're doing it. Look, if you're not doing jiu-jitsu yourself, you got to start doing it if you want your kids to do it, 100%. That hopes a lot.

Yeah. So you got to do it. But if you talk about it and you make it your life and you can you can let them see the truth without trying to force the truth down their throat it's going to be much easier and much more likely that they accept that idea so don't force your kid to be something that you want them to be let them be who they are you will have you'll have way more influence by doing that you'll have way, I know it sounds crazy, but you'll have way more influence by doing that and by just

living a good life where they see that this is part of the life. This is part of what's good. This is part of what, this is part of what's good. It's what we're doing. You know, you get people that go, well, when did you start hunting? Oh, my parents hunted. Or, hey, why do you eat healthy? Well, you know, my parents were always eating healthy. Yeah. Oh, you're good at piano. Both my parents were musicians. You also get like, dude, you, you, you've, you've, you've, you smoke like yeah both my parents smoked you drink all the time yeah both my parents drank all the time oh you're you go to church yeah my parents were went to church like whatever the thing is that you're as long as it's not you also as long it's not imposed on you because you also yeah

i haven't been to church in 28 years why my through my parents used to make me go and I hated it and like oh so think about that think about those things and you'll have a better time getting your Your team on board, your employees on board, and your kids on board with the program. Yeah, that's, you're right. And you even had to correct me one day about that. It's just like you want to, like, I even, and I knew this stuff too, but when you're in the situation, and you, well, in my case, I built up expectations in my head, you know, for a bunch of reasons. And yeah, so my son, he was five, you know, he jumped in.

I was like, oh yeah, he's going to freak him. He's going to love this. You know, the best day of his life right here. And he immediately did, just didn't like it immediately. Like warm up's not even freaking halfway done. And he's like, no, running off the mats, like all this stuff. And I was like, you know, then I talked to you the next thing. And you were like, hey, bro, he's five years old.

Calm down. And I'm like, oh, brother. So I think a lot of times too where I didn't, I wasn't like talking to you about bringing him and nothing like that. So my mind just was allowed to wander in that way and build up these exhortations. But right when you just saying that, just like basically just put out the flames that were going on in my mind. And I was like, bro, he's five. Yeah, that's literally what you said. No one said that to me.

But here's it. So, Jiu-Jitsu in my family for my kids is just the normal jam. Whether they go to class or I do it at home or what it's just. That's just what we're doing. They know I go train. Sometimes they go to the day they don't see. Sometimes they go in the evening. They do see.

Sometimes they come. Sometimes they don't. It's just normal. There's no like jujitsu time, you know, is like a very specific thing. It's not like that at all. Which kind of, not kind of, but it is what you just said, which is normalizing stuff, making just things normal. Good or bad. And they're paying attention, right?

You mentioned the smoking thing. Now, if you grew up, unless like you see some lung cancer come in and just devastated, and then, oh my gosh, I never want to be like that. But if smoking goes on in your household, that becomes normal. So trying smoking for the first time is not a big deal, you know? But if like you're not around anyone who smokes and you see like your friends start smoking, you're like, bro, what the heck? I didn't even know people smoke.

Like what the hell? Same thing with healthy eating. Same thing with jihits. Same thing with freaking how you talk to your family members, your wife, husband or whatever. Like you yell all the time, that's normal. It's normal. Yeah, yeah. And now growing up, they're just going to yell, you know?

Or if you talk like super nice and then they encounter people yelling at each other, they're like, bro, what the hell? Like, bro, this is weird, you know? So the more stuff you normalize, the more normal it's going to be for them. So that's why, I believe, I agree with you, if you do jiu-jitsu and just something we're just sort of doing, no matter if they freaking love it one day or not, it's just normal. So it's not a big deal, you know?

So if they don't like it's like, whatever. It's like just like you said standing in line freaking this in fact when you think about a lot of normal stuff that you do you kind of don't like doing it But it's so normal that you're just like whatever you don't think about it, you know? And so I think that's yeah that's the way to regard the whole thing and yes it does depend on the teacher too. Yes, I just thought of a huge component of this that I have never thought of before I've thought of it in the reverse way and I'll tell you what I mean So when you took your son to jiu-jitsu for the first time and if let me rephrase this if someone's listening right now and they're gonna take their kid to jih-jit-to for the first time Prep them. So what do I mean by that? They should know what the mount is. They should know what how to do a somersault. They should know how to stand up and base you should teach them at that when they're five years old Yeah before you take them to class teach them what guard passing is get them from did you do any of this with your boy?

100% and in fact and he still didn't like it well here's here's here's why. I And I know why he didn't like it when I'm thinking back on him. So, okay, so I actually have a video of him three years old. And I'm like rolling with him. And he like new jiu-jitsu. He was doing guard passes, arm bars. And I was like, don't give up. He's like, I don't give up.

I don't give up. I was like, I don't give up. And we're like, talking trash and three years old. So I'm like, bro, this kid, he's gifted. We got that world champ, bro. He's gifted. But I made it so fun and so just normal growing up that when he went in class, he was like at victory, prime time.

Everyone like big kids little kids are running around and all the like the pro-MMA guys are there So it was like an overwhelming environment and the end I went and I was watching So it was like big mistake it was it and I was serious too that day it wasn't play like to I was acting different So it was the whole deal where it's like hey wait a second I'm used to jujitsu at home when we're playing and freaking fun talking trash or whatever now dad's not even doing it with me Yeah, and I got to go with these strangers who I don't know and it's like some kids so I got I'm Yeah, so you did prep him, but you didn't prep him for the environment that he was going into. Correct.

So prep your kid for the environment that they're going into. So yes, they need to know the basic moves, but you're taking a step further. And what I said prep, which is, hey, here's, let's, you're going to warm up for so they know they can anticipate what's happening. Yeah. People are afraid of what they don't understand. Yes. Kids are especially afraid of what they don't understand. I wrote a book called Mikey and the Dragons.

It's true. Once they see and once they understand, they're not going to be afraid anymore. So prep them, prep them to be ready for that and they're going to enjoy it more. And again, you just pointed out, it's not just prep them for the moves, it's not just, but prep them for what they're going to experience. Hey, here's what it's going to be like. Here's what you're going to feel. Here's, you know, the different kids.

You're going to roll with different kids, big kids, small kids. You're going to be better than some kids. It's going to be some new. Look, you got to prep them. Let them know what's going on. That way they're ready for it. Here's why I said I've only thought about the inverse of that. Because when my son would say to me like, you're going to be like, you're going to be, you

like you know dad I want to play baseball I'd be like okay no prep like most dads will go okay go buy him a buy him a mitt let's get out there and play catch for a couple hours every day for you know let's I'll throw the wiffle ball you can get on the bat right get him ready no I sent my kid into all other sports with no reference so when he went in he'd be like I don't really like this yeah so guess what he liked jiu jitsu because that's what he was Yeah surfing that's what he was doing. It's like oh yeah of course I want to be on the surf team because I'm good at surfing because I've grown up surfing Yeah, I was prepped I prepped him for again be careful. I'm not you what I should I actually by the way this is not good I should have prepped him so he liked baseball and football and all these other sports because that would have been a more well-rounded

You know um proud that's so true like so the and even I'm thinking when I grew up because I grew up in the sports I joined I was just like oh yeah frick yeah even when I started jiu-jitsu I had like years of watching those tapes and like rolling I'd actually remember in college I would roll with like I don't know jujitsu I watched some tapes the hoist gracey tapes or whatever and I'm rolling with my football friends and stuff we're in the gymnastics room rolling and stuff and I saw I knew rear naked joke I knew guillitaine new kimura I didn't know what a guard pass was I didn't know that kind of stuff but so I was already prepped

and I already liked it yeah same thing with football my brother played a whole year of football My dad watches football. We play football in the like organ, like semi-organized food, you know, in the, in the yard and all this other stuff. And then, of course, track is just running. So, yeah, I had a very good amount of prep. That's a good thing to think about for no matter what you're doing, prep. Do the prep work, man. Do the prep work.

Make the prep. Kind of fun too. Oh, yeah. For the kids, make the prep. For once your kids are like teenagers and now you're getting in something new, like driving a car. Yeah. Let him, dude, take them to the. go carts if you can let them get what it feels like I took one of my kids

cold turkey driving it was a disaster but it was my oldest you know I was like oh my gosh by the other ones I got them prepped yeah you know what I mean and so if you go cold turkey it's gonna be a problem I can understand yeah don't go cold turkey with anything so whatever you can do to prep your in it and it's the same thing with you know any team that you have how are you gonna prep them for this stuff that's what practice is right yeah but if you're taking someone cold into something, warm them up, do the prep work. Yeah.

And it does help too, especially with the kids, but as adults as well. I think one, there's really true, actually, where when you first start something and you're like good at it, right when you start, you know, when you think like, oh, wait, I'm kind of good at this. Like, and I just started way more into it. Versus like, it's just like you suck and it's just one big mystery and you're like, brother, there's freaking, there's no payoff. There's literally no payoff in this thing, you know, that kind of situation.

It's true. tip about jujitsu about if i'm saying if they don't like it or if they're not really into it tell them go and let them bring a friend because that'll break down those barriers as well where it's like yeah if i'm coming with someone you know and that that worked a lot with my daughter where she was like yeah i know jiu jitza i want to go i want to go freaking do dance class she's like super girly or whatever but she's like strong so i'm like no no no don't waste your gift you know whatever but um but the moment that she had a friend who's like oh yeah i want to go she was like oh yeah i want to go too now now she wants to go great great tip great tip yep check when my kids

were kids like I'd bring every freaking kid in the neighborhood was coming to jih Tzu that's oh wow they still all joke about it like well you change jiu jits like every every kid in like the whole clan of kids and family friends they all train jiu jitsu at some point yeah which is pretty rad yeah all right let's get to some Q&A first question hi I'm 23 years old I really want to change my life and achieve something significant in my life. But the biggest problem that I have is easily, I easily get distracted. I don't have a lot of discipline. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jocco underground.com and

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