Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: My Best Man Insulted Me and My Wife. Should I Forgive Him?

Episode Date: November 17, 2025

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This is the Jocko Underground podcast, number 190 sitting here with Echo Charles. We have some questions from you with it. We will do our best to provide guidance, courses of actions, possibly in some cases, actual answers to. Actual answers. Let's get to it. First question. Kind of a scenario here, friendship scenario. All right.

Hello, Jock, Echo. Six months ago, I got married. And my best man and I have not spoken since after the wedding was finished. he started an argument with my new wife about how a bridesmaid's partner was invited. The bride's maid is his ex. However, we asked him beforehand. What's a bridesmaid's partner?

So a partner meaning like boyfriend, boyfriend, girlfriend, you know, so we got the bridesmaid. We used to be dating this dude who is the groom's best friend. Okay, cool. See what I'm saying? So basically this couple, one is the bridesmaid, one is the groom's best friend. Okay.

And then they broke up, boom, wedding goes down. See what I'm saying? And that's the scenario he's talking about. So after the wedding was finished, he started an argument with my new wife about how a bridesmaid's partner was invited. The bridesmaid is his... Did you hear my heavy sigh? I just did?

Yeah. I did a heavy sigh. Yeah, yeah. And that is part of my answer. Okay. But I'm just noted. Okay. However, we asked him beforehand if he was comfortable with this and he said he was.

His new partner was also invited. So his new girlfriend was also invited but couldn't make it. He apologized to my wife the next day through text. But then after the apology argued that it wasn't confirmed about the bridesmaidsmaid's partner attending. I didn't make contact with him after all this and waited for him to reach out. He didn't until a couple of weeks ago. This was all six months ago, by the way. So a couple weeks ago, the mutual friend's birthday and my birthday came up.

I agreed to go as my best man, who I haven't spoken to, wasn't going. Then he contacted this mutual friend that he wanted to go. And I said, I would not attend because it would be awkward. Long story short, the mutual friend told my best friend not to attend. Then a couple days later, he texted me. He said, sorry about everything and he just wanted to wish me a happy birthday. This was two days after my actual birthday. The text just seemed very hollow.

And had he reached out at any other point previously, I would have happily accepted it. I would happily have repaired the relationship, but to me, he just seemed selfish and I didn't respond. Am I in the wrong, or is this justified? I feel he doesn't value me as a friend due to all this happening, and I don't think I'm interested in reconciliation. Any input or words of wisdom?

Would be much appreciated. P.S., I've been training the Jujits for two years. There we go. Thanks to you. Okay. Input and words of wisdom. Keep training Jiu Jitsu. I would definitely focus more on Jiu Jitsu.

You've been at it for two years. You know, two years is a critical time. You've got to talk about that, right? Because at the two year mark, you know, you're starting to get good. Maybe you already got your blue belt, right? And but you're maybe you're thinking like, man, I think I kind of deserve my purple belt. You probably don't have for two years.

but you're feeling good you're catching pretty much all the blue belts you know what I'm saying but there's probably one or two purple belts you're getting a couple times probably one of you can kind of dominate but then there's the other ones that are more challenging for you

and you're kind of but you know what we're gonna tell you we're say don't don't focus on the belts just focus on the process keep training right so that's what I would do in this situation I understand what you mean you know what I'm saying

because listen two years is a it's a good amount of time and you're But there are a lot of people that quit after they get their blue belt. It's a big step. Yeah, that's true. But if you are still training, you got your blue belt, let's say you get your blue belt in a year. Is that reasonable?

One year is reasonable if you're competing and training hard. That's reasonable to, yeah, yeah, it's realistic, we'll say. So it's realistic. We're assuming that you got your blue belt in a year because you're training. And your training, we're assuming hard. But even if you're not, you're probably six months away. Even if you were, like, training three times a week, you're probably going to get your blue belt in a year. year and a half year and a half year and a half so you're there we hope you're a blue belt right now

and as a blue belt like I said it's pretty easy to get focused on other things distracted sometimes it can be drama like even in jiu jitza there can be drama but we don't do drama it's not part of our jam so there might be someone in your academy that's like doesn't you you think they're avoiding rolling with you or when they roll with you they spaz out and you can get caught up in that or you can be like oh that person doesn't want to roll cool I won't roll them it's no big deal so I'm not worried about it's true or there might be someone that's like a brouille that's like a ground belt that kind of beat you up sometimes and you think taking it personally and you're like I don't think I want to roll with them okay well you know don't roll them if that's concerning you a lot so are you saying that the most significant part of this question is that last judic support well I mean he's been trained you just for two years so I think this is this is the kind of thing that you know what you when you look at your world yeah because he didn't really talk about what he does for work so we're not going to apply to work right we can't he doesn't have any leadership. There's no leadership questions in here about interacting with his boss,

his peers, his subordinates. You know, there's no financial drama that's going on. So really, this is a question about jiu jitsu, the way I read it. The way you read it. The way I read it is to say, I see is a jihitsu question. So he's been training jih Tisdue for two years. And we're just giving some, he wanted a advice, words of wisdom. So my advice and words of wisdom are, of course, keep training, train with people that are a little bit better than you. I think this is something that I could have done better with my whole jihadica career. Yeah. Okay.

Is train with people that are better than you. That's what I always did. But also train with people that are equal to you and train with even with people that are worse than you as much as that kind of you, you feel like it's not as rewarding. Right. Right. Right. No, you're avoiding the iron sharpens iron philosophy with the other.

But you got to train. So you work on your defense with the good people. You work on your both offense and defense with someone that's equivalent with you. And you work on your offense with someone that's not as a lot of good as you and that's how you're developing all aspects of your game yep so that's what we're doing you know yeah he did mention reconciling a friendship that was half yeah according to him half attempted amen you know yeah so that sounds like it's a lot of drama wrapped up in this stuff we got parties and birthday parties and bridesmaids and stuff like this this is not my area of

expertise, you know, because if there's someone that is like inviting me to a party, if I want to go, I go, if I don't want to go, I don't go. If the person that's supposed to be there doesn't want to go because I'm there, they don't want me to go then by the than I won't go. I don't really care. What's going to happen at a birthday party? We're going to have a piece of cake. We're going to have a milk.

We'd have a milk cookie. I got milk cookies at home and milk, by the way. And I won't be bothering anybody. So it sounds like maybe, it sounds like the best man might be a lot of drama, right? And you're allowing yourself to be wrapped up in this kind of drama. Don't do it. In this situation,

I would just kind of ease away from the best man type guy. Like I don't make a big deal out of it. You know what I mean? When you make a big deal out of something, like if you calm up and say, I didn't appreciate the way you blah, blah, And now like spats going on. He's going to be talking behind your back and all that stuff.

His head you just go, oh, cool. Oh, you said happy birthday to me two days late? Hey, man, appreciate it. Good. That's it, man. Not, you know, you're two days. No, no, no, no. We're extinguishing.

We're letting, we're taking the oxygen away from this drama. We're not going to feed the drama. We're just going to let the drama like consume itself over there by its own. And we're going to be over here thinking about Jiu-Jitsu and you got married. So, bro, you got married. Like, why are you concerned about this? You got a wife. You got kids on the way.

Most likely it's six months. You got probably a few more months to your first kids coming, right? I mean, again, assumption. But we're active in the game, sir. So that's what I would do. Like, sounds like the guy's kind of naturally drifting away from you. And I would just let it naturally drift away. I wouldn't cause any more drama.

I wouldn't add any fuel to the fire. I would be polite and I would carry on and I would let it run its course. Because its course is headed that you two are are going to be a little bit more distant and that's fine because it sounds like he's got a lot of drama and emotion and stuff like that. And you don't want to be wrapped up in that, right?

Even thinking about the text seeming hollow, like, okay, it's a text, bro. You know, we can't get wrapped up around stuff like this. You're a married dude. with a wife. You got important things, jobs, jiu-jitsu. We're not thinking about this kind of stuff. Am I in the wrong or is this justified?

You're in the wrong for thinking about this kind of thing. And kind of, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I get it, dude. You're kind of, you know, the guy was your best man. So clearly he had some level of connection to you. You guys went through, you guys both were on the wrestling team or whatever together. And now you've grown up a little bit or, you know,

You know, but it's going to drift apart. That's just the way it is. No factor. I wouldn't worry about it. I wouldn't worry about it, man. He doesn't value me as a friend. Bro, if that's what's going on, cool. You know, hey man, no factor.

That's the way people are. It's the kind of the way of the world. Sometimes people just don't value. It's no big deal. Don't hold it against him. He's got his own thing going on. He's got his ego. He's got his personality.

He doesn't recognize how good of a friend you are. Of course not. That's the way people are. No big deal. I'm going to hold it against him. That's fine. That's what I got, man. Makes sense that you'd say that.

Overall, the only reason that I might feel a little bit different, a little bit more, how should I say, involved, not involved, but, you know, invested in the scene. Okay, cool. Hey, this is probably the good place for Echo Charles to chime in with relationship, male-on-male relationship connections. Go ahead. Well, I thought, because, well, now I will say, I don't know the whole,

like relationship, whatever. But we do know that this guy was the best man, so it's obviously something. It's not nothing. It's not like just some dude that, you know, whatever. And also in the spirit of extreme ownership, something I had learned a few years ago, by the way. If he did say sorry, he texts, he reached out and said,

sorry about everything. Be cool. Then we're good. Brough, forgiven. You're sorry. Call him up. Be like, bro, forgiven. What are we at?

What's been going on? Kind of a thing. He said, sorry. Take it for what it is, you know. The whole, and I'm saying if it's, which it is, I mean, all these feelings to me are justified. Look, is it a behavior justified? No, not necessarily. But he said, sorry for that.

You know, what I'm saying? Like, bro, if someone feels, like, the main thing that's going to make a person feel uncomfortable is going to be another person. That's like the number one thing on the list. Like, what else can make? I mean, what, maybe like a wild animal or something like this? But I'm just saying in everyday life, like, so for someone to feel uncomfortable that their X is there. or, you know, but that makes sense to have those feelings. Like I said, it doesn't justify behavior, but he said, sorry for that.

So I'm saying? So you've got to start letting stuff slide. Now, this is just my opinion. But I believe that it makes sense. Someone wishes you happy birthday, and it's two days late. And you're salty about it being two days late. I think that's your problem, ba. You know, it's not.

Bro, even if you expect anyone to say happy birthday to you. Exactly right. Like, right, it is not required. Happy birthday too. I mean, like I'll be on the echelon front group text group and like 14 people will say Happy Birthday Dave Burke, you know. Yeah. And at the end I'll be like, whatever.

Yeah. Ha ha. You know? Yeah. There was no way I would, there was no way I would inherently by myself text Dave Burke or you or anyone. Hey, Echo. Happy birthday, bro. Hope you have a great day.

Yeah. You do it as, see how you laughed right there? You do it as a. joke you'd be like happy birthday and then like an hour later be like I hope you die today or something like you see what I'm saying that's how non-factor it is I think and I agree with that not everyone does and I get it but I agree like after about maybe I don't know 10 11 years 10 years old really your 11th birthday is a non-factor for the rest of your life yeah well 16's good you get your driver's license 21 if you're a girl yeah sure but if you're not a girl sorry bro it's yeah it's a

cool day, but I'm saying it's a big deal. When you turn 16 and you get your drivers, that's a big deal. Yeah, I'm not talking about that. You don't celebrate it. I'm not talking about. You're going to like, you're correct. Yeah. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about somebody wishing you happy birthday, which is exactly what this is. When you turn 18 and you can finally join the military without your parents consent. Yeah, man, you can vote the whole deal, bro. Yeah. But if you're something because someone missed the day by two days or 48 hours or whatever, no, no, no, this text should have came 48 hours ago. Oh. And therefore, this text is null and void. And actually, it's an offense to my sensibilities.

That's a pretty good, like, what do they call that? Mental drill to go through is like, if I were to express my feelings to this individual about what they did, how would they sound? But the problem with that is sometimes people would think they would sound good, you know? Well, it was 48 hours. You know, that's 48 hours worth of my suffering. Right. That I didn't know that you wanted me to have a happy birthday today.

Exactly right. What kind of world is, you know, what Jocko says you can't get a workout back? How am I supposed to have a good day when it already got blessed, bro? You tried to bless me with a happy birthday, but it was already two days ago. That's gone. I can't ever get that day back. Exactly right. The happy birthday from you is not happening.

It's hollow. It's hollow, quote unquote. What kind of world do we live in where people are just wishing happy birthdays to me on days that eight? My birthday. Happy birthday. Exactly right. See what I'm saying? It's nothing means absolutely nothing.

Where is your birthday? Fucking doesn't matter. This year sometime. Yeah. No worry. Happy birthday. Don't worry. Happy birthday.

Yeah. Nonetheless. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. And I mean, it's a fun exercise. I get it. But it's actually true, I think. Anyway, like, if you're, like, for real saying, hey, it was hollow because it wasn't on my real birthday and all this stuff, unless he suspect that he did it on purpose, which,

I mean, I don't, there's no indication to that. I don't think. But that is a non-factor. And it's kind of like a bad move to start doing that, you know, like assigning, like, malice to, like, freaking some tardiness or whatever. So I think there's no factor. I think he says, he said, sorry, if that's your friend, obviously he was. best man scenario he said sorry and then you're saying no not good enough under what

circumstances why is that not good enough yeah I would just say this and again you know like if we we're talking about this kind of thing then you're not my best man and I don't want you to be my best man and I wouldn't be your best man if you were telling me this guy's stuff you know what I'm saying like there's this a lot you know I I would not talk to people for so that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jocco underground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms.

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