Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: Should Coaches Be Able To Date Students? | In a Funk? Here's What To Do

Episode Date: October 14, 2024

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This is the Jocko Underground podcast, number 141, sitting here with Echo Charles, who is about to ask me some questions from everyone. Yeah. Well, everyone, that's a member of the Jocko Underground. If you remember and you can send questions, we will answer them. Yeah. So let's get into it, man. What we got?

Yeah, first course. All right. Hey, Jocco ECHO, thanks for providing insight and value to my life. It goes a long way. My question for you both is, how can I restore trust in someone? one for whom I have shown little to no respect for their time for context for context. I just purchased my first firearm with my brother's help and made plans with him to go shooting on that same evening. Long story short, even though he recommended I go earlier than I planned to be on time to our arranged meeting,

I finished a different task first thinking that surely it would not take long from my background check to clear and to get everything I need from the gunshot. he waited for me at a predetermined spot for over an hour before he finally left so what this whole thing took longer than he thought basically nothing went as i hoped once i got there and he didn't pick up when i called him i went to see him later that night and he said he wished i would value his time and that he saw it coming from a mile away which tells me it's certainly not the first time i've done this with him i take full responsibility for this and no, I'm the one in the wrong. I want to fix it, but I'm unsure how I can rebuild that trust. Thanks in advance. Yeah.

I mean, out of the gate, obviously, own it, apologize for it. I hope you already did that. Explain that you know it was wrong. Explain that you know you wasted his time. Explain that you know it is disrespectful. Not on a small level, but in a big level. Taking an hour away from some human being's life, you know it's a habit.

Explain that you know it's a habit that you have. Explain that you will change it. Repay him, which means you tell him that you are standing by to support him. Meaning you'll mow, you're going to give him that hour of time back at least. Probably three X.

Even three hours of your time. Mow the lawn for him. Dude, I'm coming to mow your lawn. Takes an hour. Cool. I got it. repair the fence by the driveway that got hit you'll be over there you're going to go to home depot yourself you can come over there you're with your own tools you're not going to go

freaking jack up his tools right because we don't want you people touching our tools uh you're you're going to go replace whatever you know you're going to you're going to go there and repay him that time give it back to him because you stole it from him a thief time thief Now you've got to repay. Then the other thing that's really offensive about this and what probably bothers him as much as the wasted time is that you didn't freaking listen to what he said. He knew it was going to take longer.

He told you he was going to take it longer. He knows how purchasing a firearm works. He's been through the background check nine times for his other nine firearms. And you just thought of yourself, I already know better. Like if Echo tells me, hey, dude, oh, you're going to edit a video and it's this video, it's going to be a 20 second video and you're going to edit it with these various assets, it's going to take you two hours. And I go, no, it won't.

Like, that is just not listening. That is your ego. So your ego flared up in this whole scenario too. And like I said, that ego activity is at least as big a part of the problem as being late. It's a manifestation of the two. it's probably the bigger problem. So do some, you got to, you got to put your ego in check. You got to listen to what he has to say.

You got to put trust in him. You got to treat him with respect. You got to allow him to influence you. And you got to care about his time and his life. And in order to do those things, you want to rebuild that relationship? We got to give those things, listen, trust, influence, respect, and care. And if you rebuild these things over time, you can get them back. He owes you nothing right now, by the way.

He doesn't owe you trust. He doesn't when you say, when you move your mouth and words come out, like, blah, that, no one has to listen to you. Words don't mean anything. Not when you've, not, not when you've disappointed on multiple occasions in the past.

So just change your way of being. By the way, your brother is close enough to you to actually tell you this. Most people that you've done this too, they don't even tell you. They're just like, oh, I don't want to hang out with the freaking Fred anymore. Because he shows up late and I'm just, don't I'm done. Yeah.

So that's what we're doing, man. Pay him back the time. Mow that lawn. Fix that fence. Replace the water heater. Don't touch his tools. Bring your own. And you'll be all good, man.

It'll take about probably three to six months because he's your brother. He's a little bit more forgiving. Because how long would it take for your brother to forgive you? Echo Charles for this behavior. I don't think he would care. Okay. Well, no, if I was a repeat offense.

kind of scenario and he's pit and he's legitimately pissed and bro that I'll tell you right now that little tactic right there let me get paying back his time by doing him like some kind of big favor if it's just out of the blue being done for you is a that's a legit black belt move right there never would have thought of that but that was a good that's a good one um there's some nuance to that one as well because let's say if it was just your other friend some people they're like probably don't want you mowing my lawn you got to think of something a little bit more creative or whatever but yeah that seems I don't know if somebody wants to come over a mow my lot I don't care

come and get it yeah yeah come and get it you know what I'm saying you want pull some weeds yeah let's go I don't care if you're you know what I mean you can be like all day I don't care I dig it good with it yeah that's the move but how long would he take to forgive me um one lawn mow easy no okay forgiven yeah and then it's what if if there's a habitual scenario yeah and then put it this way if put it this if if I always did that then I did it again and then I said oh mo your line again you know kind of like that's our new routine and then he'd be like bro no no not obviously no but

if it was like if i showed anything any reliable um evidence that hey i'm kind of turning over a legitimate new leaf um yeah he'd forgive uh immediately for sure i'm gonna say three months if this is a developed pattern yeah it's gonna take three months you know because if this was a non if it was a non relative six months it takes a while to regain trust is a hard thing Especially make somebody wait an hour rampest. Yeah, that may, and that makes sense too because, oh, yeah, actually, you might be right because, you know, some people, they have a reputation for something that you really don't like when they do this to you, essentially, you know? And, you know, in their mind, they're like, I'm not doing anything to anyone. Maybe how I am if they think about it at all, you know.

But once you build that reputation, it's always on your mind. You're kind of preceding, it like precedes you, that reputation, you know? So like, let's say, I don't know, somebody's like super selfish, right? Like, let's say they're just a selfish person. Otherwise a great person to you and you have a good relationship, but they're a selfish person. And they've already established that as a relationship or as a reputation. Now everything they do is selfish in your mind. So for them to be like, hey, I was being selfish.

Like, let me do this for you. I promise I won't be selfish anymore. You're right. I'm not going to be like immediately, okay. You know, I'm going to be like, we'll see about that, you know, maybe three months. You might be right. Maybe more. I don't know.

But it depends on the relationship for sure. track good tactic though I like that I might use that payback time yeah because it's almost like it's like a little fun thing too you know because like if like you know you have a brother and he's like hey I'll mow your lawn

for me that's my badman give you your time back and mow your lawn you'd be like it's kind of like you're my little servant for a second you might even get out there and be like hey you miss a spot yeah you know you can have some fun with it yeah exactly right man so that might be a good technique just don't overuse it I would think

like I said if that's a new routine I don't know check next question Dear Jocco, I wanted to know your thoughts on athletes slash students, that's the jujitsu scenario, dating their coaches. I'm a 28 year old, I'm a 28 year old female who has been training at an adult martial arts gym for a few years. I noticed that one of my male coaches, who is almost 10 years older than me, began to express romantic interest toward me. You said this is jiu jih Tzu.

How do you know this is jih Tijuana? Oh, I just, yeah, I'm just assuming. I'm just assuming. I'm just saying, I don't think it's jih Tzu. because I think we would have heard jiu-tzu, but we heard martial arts gym. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, you're actually, actually you're right. This could be kind of any scenario with it. I think it's just a martial arts academy of some kind. I think it was jiu-jitsu given our connection with jih Tijuana. It would have said jiu-jitsu. Yeah, you're right.

Right? You were correct. So I don't think it's a jih Tzu school. Okay. These things happen across the board, but I just wanted to clarify that. Yeah. I would have mentioned the dynamics are similar across the board anyway.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Same dynamics. Similar dynamics. Okay. So, athlete students, we'll say. Okay. So this teacher began to express romantic interest towards me.

He's 10 years older. At first, his actions were more subtle, such as in, quote, unquote, innocent flirting and quote unquote, subtle touching. But when he became more direct in expressing his interest. Oh, sorry. But then he became more direct in expressing his interest. He is a fantastic coach and great in his field, but I politely declined because the idea of everything felt a bit uncomfortable.

While we were both adults, I can't help shake the feeling that dating your coach is a bad idea. I wonder whether it could lead to you. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jacounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms.

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Thank you.