Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: This Man At the Gym Sexually Assaulted my Female Friend. What to do?

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

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This is the Jocko Underground Podcast number one of 46 sitting here with Echo Charles. We've got some questions from the hinterland. The interlind, yeah. And we're going to answer these questions. We're going to learn a little bit about life, situations and scenarios. Let's go. Yep. Okay.

Jiu-Jitsu academies. We're all looking, looking at them, looking within. Part of them even. So this has something to do with that. Okay. I recently encountered something very disturbing at the Jiu-Soo Academy. I train at something I never would have predicted. I had an open invitation by a mutual friend to train at a different gym.

His friend is a newly promoted Brown Belt instructor and is now teaching a beginner's class. I really want to support him as he fills this new role. The gym is out of the way and takes serious commitment to make it happen when I can. After many attempts, I was finally able to train with my friend and his class. I found an awesome group of people really enjoyed his style of teaching. I was starting to think through how I could regularly train there and the worst person I could think of just strolled in. I have another female friend who was sexually assaulted in high school.

She opened up to me a few years ago and I think just needed someone to listen. When she told me the situation had happened a long time ago beyond any real means to hold the person accountable. It was one of those situations where she was scared and ashamed and didn't know what to do. I listened and did my best to help her work. the trauma. It was hard to listen to. How badly I wanted to track down the guy and make him pay. Fast forward to today and I'm watching this offender, lazily walk around, making jokes with the other

guys, even talking over my instructor friend at one point. To put it lightly, I was sick to my stomach. I was horrified that a guy like that would be learning a skill like Jiu-Jitsu. I did my best to be attentive to the instructor friend. When it came time for open roles, I avoided him. He even had that let me get the new guy attitude, but I declined and played it off like I was sitting out the round because I was spent. Quite simply, I fear how I might have acted if we actually sparred. I'm really disappointed that this person is a regular at my friend's gym. I would like to go there, but I don't trust I could keep my cool. I would never embarrass my female friend by making it a situation, as I know that wouldn't help anything, nor would I want to put my instructor friend in a bad spot.

I was hoping you might offer some thoughts on this situation. I've ever been in a situation where you had to navigate around a bad person on the mats? How would you handle this? If I don't go back, what should I tell my instructor friend? Any advice is much appreciated. Well, that's obviously that's very terrible to hear. Just awful to hear that. And it's awful to hear that encroaching into the jiu-jitsu world.

Yep, that's terrible. And then it also, in order to kind of, recommend a way forward. Honestly, I think I would need more context around the situation. Like, how long ago did this happen? Right? Is it decades ago?

Or is it five years ago? Or is it three years ago? Or is it 20 years ago? Like, is there any report at all that came from it from your female friend? I'm just, again, I'm just trying to gauge, like, is this a situation where we pursue some kind of legal activities?

And then also what exactly happened, right? Because was it like the guy was making verbal comments that were unwanted verbal comments and, you know, like verbally sexually harassing, which is a thing? Or was it inappropriate touching? Or was it grabbing? Or was it like force or coercion to engage in some kind of sexual activity? or was it like drug rape scenario or was it rape? So all those are totally wrong, obviously. But there's escalations in there that kind of modulate the response.

For instance, rapists should die, right? But, you know, verbal, somebody that made a verbal comment, they don't necessarily need to die, right? They need to maybe get some physical reeducation about some scenario. How old was the perpetrator at the time? He said it happened in high school. Is that 13 years old? Because you're in high school.

You're 13 years old. Or you can be 19 years old in high school. There's a big difference between what a 13 year old does. You take those two variables that I just put together, 13 year old doing something that's obviously inappropriate, but not physical. That's a lot different than. somebody that's 23 years old or 25 years old that's doing something that is physical. So those are kind of some of the things I'm thinking about that I would want to have more clarity on.

And also, what are all these relationships actually like? So, and I guess we're only talking about two relationships here. How good of a friend is the instructor? Because is this a jiu-jitsu buddy? or is this like a friend, a real friend? How close of a friend is the female victim? Right? Is she, well, for one thing, like, how much do you trust her?

Do we, do you know that she's telling you the truth? And that there's no like embellishment to the story. There's just got no reason for that. And we take her word at complete truth. Or is it someone that we don't know really well and it's acquaintance? And maybe we don't have 100% trust in her. Again, there's there's a huge amount of variation there. So there's lots of questions.

And the reason I would want more detail is because this is a severe situation, right? It's a sensitive situation. And then depending on how some of those variables play out, like, are we reporting this guy? Right? Are we reporting this guy? Were there any witnesses back in the day? is there any evidence from back in the day? Like those are legit questions.

And then would she feel comfortable going forward and taking legal action against this guy? Calling the police. Something like that. Filing a report. So that that's like a whole, there's a whole range of options there. Now it was implied, I think, a little bit where she was saying that back then, when she when it happened a long time ago, that there was no real means to hold the person accountable,

the perpetrator accountable, right? So I would have to pull the thread on that a little bit. Here's another thing. If you're really good friends with the instructor, you can roll in there and be like, hey, this guy that's coming into your school, he's a dirtbag, you shouldn't let him train here. And your good infractors,

and your good friend goes, oh, Roger that. I'm kicking him out tonight. Boom, done. And that's if you feel comfortable, straight up telling the instructor, hey, this is what's going on. I got a friend. This guy sexually assaulted my friend. This guy raped my friend.

This guy's a dirt bag. It happened a long time ago. He needs to be punished. There's no legal thing, but you shouldn't be teaching him jihitsu. Okay, so that's the thing you can do. here's here's another thing people that are like this people that are predators they they continue with these bad this bad behavior so here's another again like do you hire a private investigator and find out what this guy's got going on in his life yeah if you're going hard in the paint

do you do that tell me what's going on with this guy's life make sure that he because if let's face it if this guy's a total a predator a sexual predator and you know it well let's gather some evidence current day and maybe we can get him locked up that like see what i'm saying and look i'm not going level nine vigilante but if you hire a private investigator to pay attention to what this person's doing you see what i'm saying so there's just so much there's such a wide range of things to do yeah you could send an anonymous letter to the school to the instructor saying that this guy here's a picture of him this guy you're you You know, you get his Facebook profile or whatever,

this Instagram thing. This guy's a sexual predator. He's in your school. You should not let him train there. Boom. And then you find out where else he's training. You see what I'm saying? So there's all kinds of things that you could do.

I usually feel like someone that's like this is that's a predator of some kind. They burn bridges and they continue to burn bridges. and they leave a path of like destruction behind them. So they kind of, they entrap themselves eventually. So there's just kind of endless courses of actions that you can take. By the way, you can also just not go to the school anymore and carry on. Like, depending on where all these other things lie out or fall out. And also depending on how much investment you want to take,

how much investment of your life are you going to take in, in getting this person what you consider justice. Again, depending on how well you know the girl. So there's just a lot of variables here that I have a hard time saying, oh, here's a course of action that you should execute. I can just tell you some courses of action that are possibilities depending on the specific So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on. the Jocko Underground podcast so if you want to continue to listen go to jocco

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