Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: What If Someone Breaks Your Trust? | How to Look Like a Hard Target

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Losing trust and gaining it back.Being productive at work making you too valuable?Is Tik Tok pulling one over on you?Things you can do to be a "hard target" and keep yourself safe.Deal with obnoxious people at work.How to start a consulting business.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

This is the Jocko Underground Podcast, number 71, sitting here with EC, Echo Charles. Trust. So trust, obviously, is the foundation of relationships and not just personal relationships with business relationships, people that you interact with, your family, the whole nine yards. So what happens when trust gets broken? What do you do? And really, that can happen from two directions. One is you broke the trust. The other is someone else broke the trust.

So I think first and foremost, it's very important to understand the impact of broken trust because what we're going to talk about is that it is very, very, very difficult to rebuild and get. I mean, this is like if someone break, let's you have a friend that breaks your trust. it could take First of all, there's a chance that it could never recover. I mean, depending on what it is, there's a chance you could never recover. If it is a recoverable item

that was broken, like they did something a little bit less negatively impacting your life, it could still take years. So what I'm saying is nothing's more important in a relationship between two human beings than making sure that you

Don't break trust. Don't lie. This is the lesson that you teach your kid, right? Your kid does something stupid. Hey, you punish them for doing something stupid. Your kid does something stupid and lies about it. It's next level, right? That's when it's going to get kind of wild.

They're going to make sure they don't forget that. So keep that in mind in any time you're interacting with people that trust and integrity is the most important than you got. if you break it and look if you make a mistake and break it that's totally it's not totally different because you can make a mistake and break someone's trust and now they're like you know but you you already on the are on the path to rebuild because you explain hey you take ownership to some mistake but if you break someone else's trust first of all you got to recognize that it's a problem and you've got to you've got to recognize that there's a decent chance that no one should ever trust you again

which is which is by the way a class of humans there's a class of human beings trust is not a thing for them they don't care like they're they're gonna they're gonna they don't care about it like everything I just said they're kind of shrugging their shoulders like what he's talking about like hey I got to get mine and hey you know what I mean you know you got to take care of yourself and you got to take care of number one and you know if they don't want to trust me that's fine I still got my you know what I mean that there's a whole class of human beings that are like that. So stay away from them for sure. But if you're not like that and you accidentally or you purposely broke someone trust and now you're trying to rebuild it, I'm just going to say right out of

the gate, don't expect some kind of forgiveness. Don't expect you. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Don't expect that things are handled now because they're actually not. Don't expect them to trust you. Don't expect you. You don't trust me anymore? No, I don't actually trust you anymore. And they may They may or may not say that to you. But you have a lot of work to do. And the way that you're going to do it is by performing and being trustworthy for a long, long, long time. And hopefully over time, you can rebuild. You may never get back to like 100% trust.

You may never clear that blemish off your record. You know, you're like a felon. It's just on there and that's the way it is. It's going to show up on your police report. So you got to expect that. That's what you got to expect. Now, on the other side, how to rebuild if someone else broke it, right? And again, first of all, you got to recognize it's a problem.

Second of all, you got to recognize it. You probably shouldn't ever trust them again, right? Like they made, they made, now listen, like I said, if they made a mistake, we're in kind of a different category. than someone that consciously decides, oh, I'm going to, I think I can get away with this or I'm going to make this move because it's better for me. Someone breaks your trust. Look, I'm not saying you can't work with them anymore. And I mean, I had to work with people that I didn't really trust 100%.

But you're like, okay, now what do I do? Watch them, right? Don't give them impactful things that you don't have trust in them on. And then, I mean, I think you just start small and you start giving a little bit of trust back And hopefully you can grow that over time. If they're repentant in their behavior, if they are trying to rebuild that trust, if they're taking ownership of their mistakes, then I think you can move it in the right direction. But like I said, you got to use caution with this type of person because they might be a snake, right?

Like just a rat, just a snake. And so like a dog with kids. Like you really like your dog, but you still still. shouldn't leave your dog in a room like alone with a toddler you know because that's not just not a good thing to do because a dog is still a dog and a rat is still a rat and a snake is still a snake so you give them that opportunity and they're probably going to break your trust so that's what I'm saying I think the the point here is trust is like a such a valuable thing and you better treat it that way.

There you go. Oh, you're taking notes over there. What's up? It's kind of like teeth enamel, right? Once you lose it, it's gone. One of those kind of things.

Super hard, you know? I don't know. I just thought of that. But no, you said a mistake, like if someone makes a mistake. Right.

Like what would be an example of like a mistake? And wait, wait, let me be sure that I understand. We're saying you make a mistake, then it's like easier to be like, oh, okay, it was just a mistake

and maybe like gain, have trust. Right, right, right. Like, what would be in just a mistake would be like, oh, you know, you had our equipment in your car, you left the car open, the stuff got stolen. Oh, right. And so, yeah, you're trusting me to oversee. Yeah. Yeah. That's like a different kind of trust, right? Yeah. So, you know, some people, they'll say it was a lapse of judgment. Okay. And they'll kind of almost try to

categorize that as just a mistake, you know, like, I don't know, like, what's the deal? Like, I don't know, if you get with someone's girlfriend or something like that, you know, like, oh, I had a lapse of judgment kind of a thing where it's like that's not like an innocent mistake like the one you're saying no that's totally that's like violating trust right like that kind of whatever um but they say lapse of judgment do you give that any cred it's a step yeah you know but it also could be an excuse i might sound like an excuse and it might be an excuse when I hear it yeah like what what would be in an innocent not innocent but like a legitimate just lapse of judgment that wouldn't have the weight of an actual betrayal.

See what I'm saying? Like a lapse of judgment that's like legit. A lapse of judgment. Oh, I know. Like maybe if someone like had like a meeting or something like let's say mean you had a meeting with somebody. I don't know. That was going to, we're going to do something cool or big.

And I went out drinking the night before because I was maybe fired up and I drank too much. And then I came to the meeting like super hungover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That could be a lapse. I think an example similar to that, but maybe a little bit more like legit is there's a big business opportunity and a guy like reaches out to you and me and I don't see the email

and you go and meet with the guy and I'm like, dude, you didn't even tell me about this big business opportunity. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'd be like, oh man, I saw your email. I thought you just didn't care about it. You know what I mean? So then it's like, okay, we were just a little.

not aligned on what was important, what's not. You made a judgment call. I don't agree with your judgment. Okay. You know, there's like combat scenarios where people do things and it's sort of a bad judgment. You know, we actually have a saying for it.

It's a good initiative, bad judgment. Yeah. Like, hey, I thought I would just be smart for me to just storm, you know, get across the street and take that other house down. Yeah. It's like, bro, no one knew you were going there. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? So the things like that happened, And that's bad judgment. And that would impact trust. Because obviously you're doing stuff that you shouldn't be doing. Now, is it on me? Yeah, it's on me. Because if I'm the leader and I didn't explain to you, hey, don't clear any of the

buildings that aren't part of the target said. You go do it anyways. So we got some issues. I'm thinking of this scenario. It doesn't have to do with storming buildings, by the way. So I was in Concord. A few weeks ago, whatever. And Terry, big sexy, was there, happened to be there, him and the reet.

So, but they were leaving like two days after we arrived there. So we only essentially one day to like catch up or whatever. So I was like, oh, let's go up to my younger brother's house, right? And so I'm on the phone with my younger brother, yeah, Yata. And Terry. So basically something came up where it's like, oh, man, the time is running out, you know. We got kids now. They're going to bed.

So it's like, we don't really have time to go. up to Yata's house because he lives in Kalaia, which is like a good 20 minutes like drive one way. But Terry literally is, he's staying walking distance from me and there's a bar that's walking distance from us. Like it's in the same kind of area. So I was like, ah, we only got basically like an hour left for me to, I don't know, to hang for whatever. Oh yeah, because the bar is going to close.

So me thinking, I thought this literally for like 10 seconds where I'm like, oh, I'll call Because the plan was like, oh, yeah, all three of us are going to hang out for Terry's last day. So maybe go up to Yata's house or something like this, but time got away from us. It would have been just the circumstances turned out where going up to Yata's house is like unrealistic. We're not going to do that. So we're like, oh, we'll just go to this bar real quick. We'll hang out, you know, have a few laughs, whatever. I look, we only have an hour left.

So, I mean, Terry can just shoot up there. If I tell my younger brother, oh, we're going to this bar, he's going to say no, because by the time he even gets there, put on his clothes, that's at least five minutes. By the time he gets there, he's going to be like, freaking, there's just a few minutes left, you know, so he's not going to come all the way down to this side. So anyway, I thought that for like 10 seconds, didn't tell him. So I was like, oh, let's just go. You know, Yatta's caught up for the night, you know.

He's with his kids and all this stuff. They have school the next day, all this stuff, right? So me and Terry go, we have a few laughs or whatever. Come to find out, like Yato would have wanted to go. It wasn't a big deal or nothing like that, but I found that out. Oh, I would have wanted to go. Oh, I should have told me, you know, kind of a thing. So think about that, right?

where me, that's kind of a lapse of judgment. Yeah. That's almost the same story that I just said, you know, you, we got an email. I didn't respond. You met with the guy. And you were like, dude, I didn't even think, you know, that would be a big deal. Yeah, that's why it reminded me of it. So, but it could be in a different dimension, whatever, different scenario where Yata,

my younger brother could have been like, ah, he excluded me on purpose, which he didn't think, obviously. And it could also be him just like taking advantage of this situation to make you feel a little bit guilty. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's all kinds of mind games going on in the world. Yeah, yeah. That could be one of them. Yata, what are you at?

You obviously wouldn't do that. But it was like so, you know, the plan was to hang us all three. Okay, so what's your point in this? Anyway, my point is that's like a legitimate lapse of judgment. Yeah. Versus if that scenario was slightly different, if I did say, hey, I don't want, let's not hang with him. Let's go secretly hang. Yeah.

Do another hang, you know? Well, that's why intent is so important. And even, you know, when I said like, oh, you going. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jocco underground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control.

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