Jocko Podcast - Jocko Underground: You Care Too Much About Other People's Opinion About You

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

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This is the Jocko Underground podcast, number one, 39. Sitting here with Echo Charles, getting into some Q&A. Proceed, sir. Oh, right off. Yeah, yeah. Advice for the people. Yeah. That's what we're calling it.

It's also a reflection or an analysis of what's happening in life. What other people are going through, we can kind of apply to our world. You and me both. You and me both. All right, cool. Let's go. All right. first subject of inquiry, we'll say. Hi, Jocco, I'm on the path to becoming a Navy SEAL,

jujitsu, weightlifting, running, and swimming are all part of my routine. I just turn 18 and talk to a recruiter on my birthday. However, though I have strong discipline in these areas, I don't know how to stop caring about what other people think about me. I hold people's opinion too high sometimes. I understand that it's important to be humble and accept correction and wisdom for my good, for my good, but what about people who want to take you down a notch? What about people who insult you with insults that aren't even true? I want to stop fearing other people and to become a courageous man. How did you do it?

Jocko. P.S. Love your podcast. I'mauch. You and Echo Charles are awesome. God bless. So not to be kind of harsh on this, just out of the gate, but you just got to get over that stuff. Like, you got to get over it. You will get annihilated.

annihilated in training, even in boot camp, if you take things personally. In boot camp, they'll attack you. Go watch any, you know, full metal jacket, officer and a gentleman, anything where they portray any boot camp scenario, it's just personal attacks. That's what's happening. That's what we're going through. So if you're going to let this stuff bother you, you're going to fail. You're going to freak out.

So just you got to. You got to just move on. You got to get over this kind of thing. Maybe you have some weird insecurities in your mind that you don't think you're good enough or something like that. And what can you do to overcome those things is just keep working out, keep training, keep getting stronger and faster and study. So you become smarter and keep training jih Tjitsu so you know how to fight. And then you should become secure enough in yourself because this is a real sign of insecurity. Am I wrong?

I think you're right. Yeah, it's a real sign of insecurity where someone is so focused on what other people think that inside their own mind, they think that same thing. And they get mad, even when things that aren't true. Like, it's just, just not good. So how are you going to deal with these things in actual methodologies? Well, number one is ignore them. But ignoring can kind of backfire because if I'm, if I tease you, I know you like the word

tease. If I tease you about something. and you like ignore it kind of to the extreme, I know it got you. And I'm going to do it more, right? You can kind of change the subject, which might be a little bit less obvious than straight ignore.

You know, if I say, echo, you're bald and ugly and you go, eh, and then you say, hey, hit the record on that thing over there. You know, it's kind of like it didn't really impact you. It wasn't that big of a deal. If I say echo, you're bald and ugly and you're like, oh, 100%. Can you hit record?

You see what I'm saying? So you can also kind of, acknowledge it and sort of be unfazed by it. Agree with it. I think that's kind of the most magic one is when someone says, hey, you're bald and ugly. And Echo Charles says, honestly, that's a good assessment. I agree with you.

Like, these are, that's a, that's a really good one. You use that online one time. Sure. Someone laid into you in real scathing kind of way, too. In a not funny, in a not, in a not I'm having fun kind of way. They were really trying to get you. Sure. They said something, you know, why is this guy even on the podcast?

He brings nothing and nothing he says matters. Something like that. It's a waste of air time. Something like that. And you replied, honestly, that's a fair assessment. Took the wind out of his sales. Kind of, and in its own right, kind of let us know why you're here in the first place. You know what I mean?

It was a double edge. It was a double attack. I liked it. So agree, you know, nod, smile. Like, yeah, I am ugly and bald. and then finally, you know, laugh off in the way of the warrior kid. Nathan James is calling Mark plate face. He's got a round face, plate face, plate face.

And it's not until Mark goes, oh, that's pretty funny. My face is getting round. And then he realizes that those words don't have as much power as he. Nathan James realizes that the words didn't have as much power as he'd hoped. And so also you just got to recognize that you're not perfect. right you're not even though you're doing jiu-jitsu and even though you're disciplined in all these things you're still just a dude you know that we talked about this on the last underground podcast the fact that being an eagle scout can be really good it can also be really bad so if you are disciplined weightlifting

running doing jih Tzu and swimming and you want to be a navy seal and you think that makes you better than everyone else it's a problem doesn't make you better to anybody else just make means that you're doing certain things also this is kind of weird don't do you not have friends like that also make fun of that the other guys and make fun of you and everyone kind of teases each other and and that's what's happening like it's weird to me a little bit that there's no you know they make fun of my friends and me or my friends sometimes make fun of me or my friends make fun it's just this guy by himself So I'm just saying, you know, hang out with some other people that you can kind of have some banter with and it's fun.

By the way, I was talking about seal training in a seal platoon. No, it's it's on like Donkey Kong. I mean, it's 24-7. We're going. Anything, any mistake that you make or don't make any imperfection that you have or perceived imperfection that you have will be addressed aggressively, regularly. Um, you know, another thing to think about is people that are like coming at you, they have their own little issues. Here's like the full psychological thing is, you know, if Echo's making fun of me for being

whatever, if you make fun of me for not having money, it's because actually you don't really have that much money. Or you make fun of me for being bald. Well, it's actually because you're bald. You see what I'm saying? It's that whole thing. Or even, it's not even that you're bald, but you're bald and you see that I'm not. So you make fun of, you know, my car.

You, you find a way. because you're insecure. So there's that too. You could look at other people. Well, that's kind of what I think. If someone's, if someone's legitimately coming after me,

it's like, well, too, that guy's got problems. Yeah. You know, that person's got problems. So just remember that. The other people that are coming at you, they're making fun of you,

they're just trying to cover up for something themselves, trying to make themselves feel better. So don't worry about it. Another thing you can do is do an analysis of what they're saying. Like, it sounds the time. To me, like this guy in many respects is pretty squared away.

He does jiu-jitsu. He lifts weights. He runs. He swims. That means he's probably in pretty good physical shape, right? It sounds like he's got discipline. So he's not like a slob, right? So he's probably looking pretty squared away.

So what are they making fun of? You know what I mean? Like what are they picking on? And then, well, if they're picking on you because you don't have any friends, but you're sitting at the lunch table alone, bro, go, go say hi to some folks. If they're making fun of you because you're awkward when you talk, cool, then go get better at speaking to people. You see what I'm saying? Like, they could be right about some stuff.

You know, I've had people criticize me, you know, it's a pretty good point. That's a pretty good point. You know, when my friend Gris died and my friend Chris came to me and said, you know, he didn't just die for you. Meaning I was like acting like it was, you know, I was the most important friend that he He had. It was totally wrong. He said that to me. I was like, oh, dang, you're right. Totally. I realized it 100%. Yeah. And so sometimes you got to listen to what people are saying and go, oh, this is accurate. This is an accurate statement. So that's kind of where I'm at. What can you do to take some of that statements that are being made towards you? If they're true, analyze them, make some adjustments. And then also you just got to accept that this bantering and tearing down of people. people and of things is 100% a part of life. In fact, I'll go further than that. Tearing things down is easier than building things up. So that's the kind of, that's the

default human thing. The default human thing is to tear down rather than to build. So expect that what people are going to do is tear you down. Don't get arrogant. There is an easy way to get arrogant. too like, oh, they're just, they're just jealous of me, right? Don't do that. Just accept that people are going to come at you. They're going to come at you. They're going to try and tear you down. It's part of life.

It's easier to tear down than build up, and they're going to try and tear you down. That's what people are going to do in life. People at work, people at school, people in your seal platoon, everywhere. So just be ready for that. And then just rise above and carry on. That's what you got to do. That's what I got. Yeah, rise above and carry on.

I feel like that's like a good, good general approach. Oh, it's a real good general approach. I think that there's like a couple of things, though. Only because to say, I'm going to be honest, I kind of understand what this guy's saying when they care too much. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Like, you know, if someone's like, because, I mean,

they kind of play off each other when it's like I hold people's opinions too high sometimes. Right? Like almost like, almost like. It really bothers you if someone doesn't like you. Only be, and not necessarily because you've got to be liked by everyone, but just because and I'm only speaking from experience, I don't know, I can't read this guy's mind. You know, I'm not a mind reader. You know that about me.

But if there's any overlap here, it's more because I think I've gone around thinking like, hey, I don't have bad intentions towards people. Like, why would they have bad intentions towards me? And it didn't like compute, you know? And it bothered me. Maybe I did something and I didn't know. You know, and it always come down to, or one of the things it would always come down to is like, that maybe I don't take certain things as seriously as I should, you know?

Because you know how you can get mad at someone if you're like in a serious spot mentally. Something serious is going on and then someone's joking around. Like that can really like be bad. So I'd always be like, shit, was I like joking around too much? I don't know. Did I do something unlike that I didn't realize I did and this person just like doesn't like me now? And for whatever reason, I always felt like I was overly sensitive. to that like oh shit this person's mad at me did I do something wrong like that kind of thing

and I but it was like it didn't feel like I felt like I was too sensitive I didn't feel like it was appropriate so did you did you mature out of this or like what are you still there put it this way I'm still living with it getting by but um put it this way I think when you kind of self-reflect yeah I think and accept certain things like yeah people are like you can't read everyone's mind you don't know what's going on with people. So it's like you can't, you can't just take it like that. There's a lot more going on.

And from there, I just figure, man, I'm just going to do my best, you know. And there is clearly there's a spectrum because, you know, when you hear someone say, don't care about, don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Yeah. Well, then you can be crazy. You can do stuff that's unacceptable, right? Yeah. And yet if you're just afraid to do anything because you're too scared because of what people will think and now you don't make any moves

You don't want to stand out. You don't want to state your own mind and you're just kind of being a rope. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jacounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this.

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