Joe and Jada - Angie Martinez IRL - AJ Johnson: You Can't Fix a Relationship Until You Know Who You Are

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

Actress, TV host, and life coach AJ Johnson joins Angie Martinez to talk about the famous Easter Party therapy session where she helped Tisha Campbell move to the next stage of her life, making an adjustment from going from an HBCU to Hollywood, and how she's able to help her clients on her show ‘Life Therapy.’ Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or https://promo.boostmobile.com/webuilt...#VolumeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. Get Bell, purefiber internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks

Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture, with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicists for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stillard, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

There's one thing that you are wanting for yourself, yes. There's one thing that you're dreaming of that before this moment, before this now, you may not have truly believed it could be possible. But right now, connected, sisters,

I'm aligning with you in the belief that it's just waiting for you. What is it? Hey guys, thanks for watching. This episode is brought to you by Blues Mobile. Today's guest has been a part of some of the most iconic films

from Spikely School Days to House Party, which was a classic, John Singleton's baby boy. And then somewhere along the way, the woman known for reading a scene became known for reading people, building a life coach platform, the AJ zone that has quietly shaped some of the biggest names in the industry. Gabrielle Union credits her with saying that she helped her let go of her mean girl energy. And then right here on this very podcast, Tisha Campbell shared how working with AJ really changed her life. And then, you know, after that conversation, I was like, we need AJ on the podcast. So I am thrilled today that AJ Johnson is here in real life.

Yay! I'm so excited and so happy. Me too. I'm so happy. Capricorn sister. Yes. Crazy. Did you hear or happen to see our episode or clips of our episode with Tisha Campbell?

Of course. Oh, you did. First of all, I watch. You watch the whole thing. She was like, oh, hey, bitch. You know you got to see it. And so, you know, with our little banter. It's just, it's really interesting because we don't.

talk about our conversations. So when I see her talking about them, I really get a chance to hear and vibe what she was doing and taking from it. Yeah. So it's been 10 years since we had that official conversation, right? Well, you know, we're sisters. So I've been just kind of watching her,

and I know that she listened because first, you know, she threw me out the house. She didn't add that part on the show. Oh, she didn't tell us that. No, she didn't tell you that part. That's why I'm here today. You know, she threw me out the house for talking so much truth and, you know,

but I think that really proved our love. and the depth of it, that, you know, I just believe that love should sustain anything, especially in that regard, your relationship between women, sisters. Wait, I feel like we should play a little clip of this. And I posted it because I wanted people, yeah, because I wanted people to have the context of what was happening. And the part that you didn't get to hear was that I was uncomfortable at that party because I knew so much energy that was going to be there

and I knew that so many people had masks on. And I'm just not good with that. What does that mean? And how do you feel, like, how do you see it and know it when some, when people have the, like, what did you feel in that room? You're in a room. It's Tisha. It's why, like, actors and celebrities.

You know, first of all, we're in Hollywood. So let's talk about that. Everybody's making a live and pretending to be something. Yeah. To do something. So let's start there, right? But then some of the people that I knew, I knew there would probably be people there that I didn't know.

And so, you know, I just watched look and listen. And my spirit picks up on. different issues people may be having, but they're smiling through it. I may get a vibe about a relationship that somebody's bragging about, that's not really anything to brag about. Of course, I knew Tisha's relationship

was not great, but she was pushing through with the smile. Anything, you know, gay people who are trying not to live that lifestyle. You see people. Yeah, I can see it. I can see it. I can feel it.

I can hear it. And so I just was like, I really don't want to be at this party. I'm living in a space where I'm trying to really walk in my truth. And now here I have to go and put on a mask to be at this gosh dang party. And, you know, trying to make myself comfortable. I sat down next to somebody I didn't know. And it happened to be Easter.

And again, trying to make myself comfortable. I said, so quick question, since we're celebrating Resurrection Day, what in your life should stay dead and what do you feel like should resurrect? Oh, my gosh. And she looked and she was like, oh, shit, AJ's in here being deep. And she jumped up and started screaming and everybody was like, what, what, what? And so she said, AJ just asked me. And then people were like, well, I'm next.

I'm next. And it just turned into this session, group session, if you will. And Tisha heard us hooping and hollering and tears and screaming. And, I mean, it turned into a group session. And then Tisha was like, I want to be next. And I was like, oh, God, please no. And I was like, not now. You know, we'll do it privately.

She was like, no, no, no, I want to do it now. And I said, okay. And I said, you know, you're wearing a mask professionally in your family, in your relationship. And it's hard to watch because I know your soul and I know you're, I'm getting teary. I talk about it. I know your truth. And you're not living it. And it hurt me to say it.

And she was like, bitch, why are you crying? Are you crying in the moment too? Yeah, just like now. Right. I felt it just like now. And she was like, why are you crying? And I said, because I love you, and I want you to be happy, and you're not. Well, what did you see that?

Like, what is that experience of seeing that in somebody? You could just tell or, I mean, we'll... Well, you know, as friends and as sisters, in just any conversation, I'm sure you go through with your friends. You know what makes them happy. You know what brings them joy. You know what makes them sad. You know what's uncomfortable conversations. I mean, Tisha and I've known each other for 30 years.

Yeah. So I know the conversations with her family, her kids, her spouse at the time, her friends. I know what makes her uncomfortable and to watch her have to smile and posture, you know, shoulders back, head up. Jokes and yeah, you know, covering it with jokes and pushing through and not wanting to have the conversations.

I try to walk in a level of truth where the conversations are real and true because I know that's the only way we grow and we go. And so when people are not that way with me, there's no alignment. Yeah, I get that. And that's what happened. Our alignment started misaligning.

And so when I finally said that, I'm teary-eyed. And I actually thought in that moment, I said, this is the end of our friendship. Oh, wow. This is it. Because no one's telling her this truth. And she looked at me and she was like, you're right. Oof! And I was like...

This is in front of everybody at the party. Yeah. And keep in mind, everybody was doing that. So she, as the host, was no different. Everybody was coming clean, if you will. And she said, you're right. Talk about Easter, like, resurrection. Listen, girl, I was like, he has risen.

For real, right? And I think she started her divorce process the next week. Wow. Oh, yeah. It didn't take long. And I was there, you know, I was there through the process. And we had a couple more times, you know, friends that she felt like were supportive. I was like, no, they not.

And she was like, yes, they are. I was like, no, they not. And so that started us. in another level of our friendship. At that point, though, had you already been deep in your life coach phase and, I don't know, just journey? Oh, yeah.

You had already been deep in that and done a lot of work and helped people and can see things. Yeah, yeah. I had, I call it answering the calling because it's nothing that I choose. You know, in conversations, it's just, you know, that Spelma College comes out, that science nerd comes out,

and I just start asking questions about life and primarily just trying to get to know people. You know, I've grown up here in Hollywood. So for me, it's been really hard coming from like the HBCU environment to Hollywood. And, you know, I'm also a member of Delta Signaleda sorority. So there's a sisterhood involved in all of this, right? And I just wasn't finding it here. And so I started having certain conversations just trying to get to know people.

And they were like, whoa. Okay, hold on. And they were saying, where's my tissue? And I was like, I'm just like, I'm just, trying to ask. And then one of my close girlfriend, Spellman's sister, Tracy Blackwell, she's an executive at Amazon, and she said, you know, you know you're a mirror, right? Like, sometimes people don't want to look in the mirror, and it's so hard to be your friend. Because to be your friend, you got to always tell the truth. And I was like, but isn't that what love is?

Love is truth. So would you prefer to not live that? She was like, see, here you go again. So I just being, me, to be honest, it just started happening. And it's so funny. Yeah, you know, people started saying, hey, I need to talk to you. Hey, I need to talk to you. And it just developed itself, really. Wow. It's funny you say that because I think I think I have some of that gift that you have in terms of being able to see people. Yeah. You know, I can see people. And so sometimes that's my conversation is rooted in what I see and then trying to understand if I'm right and then trying to get the person to, you know, so I do that. But in my real life, I also can do that.

And so I can see people around me. Do you walk in it? Well, I sometimes do. But I think I have, because there's a thing about like overstepping or taking people places they're not ready. Or also there's like a burden in it in a weird way. It's like a like how you said people are like, oh, it's too much. Yeah. Sometimes people don't want to hear what you see.

And also I try to be humble in like I see that. and it's true for what I see, but I may not know all the nuances of why that's happening. And so let me not try to overstep. And let me just... But if somebody asks, or if somebody leaves an open lane

of curiosity, I will be honest. But I don't think I've put myself in a position. I don't think... I think my walk is way different than yours in terms of like... I don't know. In my personal life, I don't use it. But I do have the gift that...

I have it, but I don't all the way use it Does it always feel appropriate for me? Well, does that make sense? It makes sense. And I'm going to tell you where mind shifted, because I tried that for a long time. I'm not going to use it in my personal life. I'm only going to use it with clients.

I'm not going to do speaking engagements. I'm not going to do, you know, I was trying to pick and choose. And God was like, yeah, no, this is your assignment, part of it. And so I need you to surrender to it. And there's going to be some life shifts. is going to be some friendship shifts, but people need your truth. And so that he was like, you know, what are you going to do?

And even on social media, you know, my social media team for a long time years ago was saying, you know, you talked to us about the spiritual downloads, but you don't share it. How come you don't share it? I was like, well, it's not for everybody. And they were like, you know, you'd be surprised how many people want to hear from you,

especially, you know, what your spiritual walk is like. And I was like, you know what? I'll do it every now and then. And I mean, whoosh, it just like a voluminous. Wow. So I just, and I'm still growing. You know, I'm still learning where to use it, we're not. And I think it's who we are, Ang.

It's who we are, and people know that's who we are. And even this space for you. You know, we're not surprised you're in this space doing this. So you are. So I think that's really what it is. It's a matter of how much do I accept the assignment and the divine alignment to walk in this level of truth. Yeah. It's not easy. No, it can't be. That's why I say that to you. I don't necessarily feel that

my path is the same or my or my assignment. Yeah. I feel like we have different assignments. For sure. Yeah. Similar maybe type of diff, but it's different assignments. And so or is that me not wanting to fully own? Well, you know what? I feel like this connection is is divine even beyond the the conversation. Because there's not. a lot of us to connect. And so, I mean, I don't know who's in your life, but I know for me, one of the reasons I was excited to talk to you was because I don't get a chance to do this. I'm usually on the healing side as opposed to letting it out and being healed.

Yeah. So I don't know that I'm the healer here. I think I just. Oh, now you're running from it. No, I'm not. Because I don't sit in the seat as a healer. I sit in the seat to see you and to understand you and to help share your story for wherever it needs to land out there.

So how do you feel when I say even that is healing? To give me a space to share my story. Yes, that's okay. And if it is, that's great. That's what I hope. That's what my hope is for it. But I don't sit here with the intention to heal. I sit here with the intention to see it and to share truth.

I try to do the same thing. Really? Do the same thing. We'll talk more about this. I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited. You know, a lot of times I'm just saying, hey, sometimes you may need an ear. Sometimes you may need a different perspective.

Okay. I'm not aware that it's healing. So tell me about this. So tell me about what you do exactly. Because people even hear the word, is it life coach? Is that the technical? Yeah. Is that what is your title?

Like if you had a business card, what would it say? It would say, life shifter. I know that feels a little too, you know, psychic, I think. A little woo-woo-for people. Yeah. But I think it's a life shifter. Primarily because I'm constantly shifting my life. So I know the steps, I know the pains, I know the mountains, the valleys.

So whether it's relationship, whether it's professional, whether it's travel, whether it's career, whatever it is, I try to help people be open to the shifts that the universe is asking of them, that the divine is asking of them. And nine times out of ten, when we have these walls we come up against or when we have these speed bumps, roadblocks, it's because we're resistant to the shift. And so I try to live the example and talk about what happens if you release the resistance. Whoa, do you hear that? See? We talk about that a lot. Brittany says you're my producer here. Yeah. Well, we talk about the lot, like are we, are things aligned? And you can feel the difference. When you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, or you're in the place you're supposed to be, things feel different. Do you know how many people don't use the word align? Alignment? Nobody's living a life

to even walk in that word. So even that, when I say shifting into what's really aligned in your spirit, in your body, in your mind, again, the AJ zone is mind, body, and spirit. So all of those things are connected. A lot of people don't realize. They're all connected. So, you know, my body health is connected to my mind health, it's connected to my spirit health. I believe that all of it's foundation in my spirit health, right? I want a candy bar just like anybody else does. But my spirit goes, okay, but are you going to run the three miles to get it off tomorrow because you know you want to wear that new bikini and you know you want to be cute on the beach

and you know, you know, and is it worth it? No, it's not. Okay, good. So go, you know, have some carrot juice and keep on moving. And you're going to feel good about yourself tomorrow in the bikini. So it's spirit led. Most of it is spirit led, which is where the alignment comes from. And I think a lot of people try to move without the alignments.

So their relationship is a mess. There are families are a mess. Their friendships are a mess. Their relationships with coworkers are a mess. And it's because they're trying to move without paying attention, setting the boundaries with alignment and living it. What is the first, somebody who's out of whack completely, not in alignment on anything. What is the first matter of business to get aligned? For me, again, I start in spirit.

And the first thing I say is, you know, what's your spirit life like? What do you do on a daily basis that is spirit-led? And most of the time, for someone like that, they'll come back with a religious, you know, I go to church or I do it. And I said, no, no, no, I'm not talking about religion. I'm talking about spirit. You know, do you believe in affirmations? Do you listen to people who are inspirational and motivational, you know, above and beyond where you are for yourself? What's your spirit life like?

And nine times out of ten, they don't have one. And if they have one, it's not daily. And the first thing I say is, the reason why you're out of whack is because there's nothing bigger than you guiding you on a daily basis. Something has to be bigger than you, guiding you, so that you know the roadmap to follow. And that way when things fall off on a Tuesday or a Wednesday, you can say, oh, I understand this because my Monday affirmation told me this was going to happen.

or, you know, my Tuesday inspiration told me this is going to happen, and so now I know how to navigate it. Get Bell, Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. This is Prose Society. the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed.

I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real. messages inside compelling characters, and that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus. or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world

as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right?

But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal?

A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. and decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration.

Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to our town on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What is it for you? What is the thing that, what is your alignment? How do you stay aligned? Like, what is your spiritual? Oh, my goodness, I go through. Every morning, I don't start the day.

One of my affirmations actually starts by saying, before you speak to the world, speak to your soul. And so I don't go on social media. I don't check emails before I tune in with my devotions. My devotions, I got about three books I travel with. And the main one, I've used it on TV shows, and it's called His Princess by Sherry Rose Shepard. And it's really letters from your divine.

And so it will say, like, today this is what your lesson is. And so I've taken it. A girlfriend of mine from school gave it to me when I was going through a bad breakup years ago, but using it since 2006 every day. And she's the one who said, see if this guides you. And now I'm helping her. She's like, I got you the book, but I never thought it was going to be like this, right? She was like, I don't even use it like that.

But I asked myself four questions. One is, what is the virtue that I'm being asked to practice by being given this reading. I believe that our soul should be virtuous. Virtue means to reach for a higher character, a higher standard of living. So more patience, more kindness, more fortitude, more tenacity. And so I always say, okay, what is this reading? What virtue is this reading telling me to practice? That's question number one. Question number two is, what actions required of me to demonstrate me practicing that virtue today. So it's not enough to say, oh, my virtue's patience. I'm going to be more patient. Nope, that's the concept. What's the action? More patience means what?

Not flipping a bird. Does somebody cut me off on the freeway? Helping the old lady out of the grocery store as opposed to running past her so I can get out the door faster. Instead of screaming at the bank teller, hey, can we open another line? Which is typically what I've been doing. You know, I stand patiently and wait. So there's different ways to practice. Yeah. You know, and, and, and, and, and, And what I learned by the end of that day, oh, question number three is what do I have to release to be better in my life that day? And question number four is, what's my action that demonstrates the release? I ask those four questions of myself every day. Every day.

To start my day. What was today's? Today was lead the lost. What was it? Lead the lost, which I get constantly. That was my devotion. I figured out that for today, because I get the reading all the time, today my virtue was surrender.

Because in order to lead the lost, I realized that in the reading it even says, surrender to understanding that you're a leader and that there's people who are wandering around, it literally says wandering around this dry and thirsty land, waiting for you to fulfill their thirst, spiritually. So as we talked before, so I have to surrender to that. So that was my virtuous surrender.

So then it becomes what's the action I have to demonstrate in order for me to practice the surrender. And so the surrender was, it's okay that I don't know everything. I'm getting shook up. Talk about it again. It's okay that I don't know anything, that I don't know everything. And that opens me up to learn and to explore. and to be a spirit of adventure. Because what I'm going to get, I'm going to help somebody else with, right?

So that was my action in the virtue. What do I have to release? Hoof. In the surrender, I have to release feeling like where I've been is where I'm supposed to go. So this is getting into a whole other thing. For example, I'm living in a, right now, my, season is a season of readjustment and a season of refinement. That's the season I'm living in. What that means is, okay, what that means is, again, this rings true for me. I like it. I like it. So in,

in the action of what do I have to release, I have to release thinking that as an actress, there's only certain things I'm supposed to do. You know, there can be different things. Like, for example, I love that I get scripts where I'm the baby mama because everybody knows me of that. But I still want to do action films. I still want to do spy films. I still want to do, you know, horror films. I want to do things where I can use my physicality and my body and in more action. I've never done that. So instead of talking myself out of that, I'm going to release the resistance. That's a thing for us, releasing the resistance. I'm going to release the resistance to thinking I have to do a certain kind of thing. That's what I'm releasing. And then what do I do to demonstrate

the release, confess it. Like, I just confess to you. Talk about it. Share it some kind of way. So that I can hear myself and receive that release. Wow. Every day. Wow.

And that's just before 9 o'clock. I ain't even got out of bed yet. No coffee, no energy drink, no gym. My gosh. That's before I even start my day. Could you imagine, like, was this always your, like, when you were young and thinking about what your life would be? Was this even, did you always know that your work would be in this kind of space?

Absolutely not. No. I didn't know my work was going to be in this kind of space 10 years ago. Oh, wow. I just, you know, I was traveling. I was, you know, on different sets

as an actress. I've always loved to be an actress. That was your, like, what was your... No, I didn't even want to be an actress when I was younger. I wanted to be, I wanted to contribute in the gifts that I was given. So I've always been athletic.

I've always been a dancer. I've always loved learning about different people. That's been my spirit. Now, how it manifested professionally, I had no idea. And so when I started dancing and acting on stage, I was like, okay, this is cool. And then I thought, well, let me just go to LA and see what happened. And then that took off. And then I started thinking, there's a part of me that's sleep that I want to wake up. And that's dealing with more people, not just the Hollywood celebrity on set thing. Like, I want to really talk to people. And that even came out of, as I'm traveling, people in the TSA lines would be like, you know,

hey, I read that article. And I read where you said, you know, don't eat bacon. And I would say, okay, well, did you stop? No, but I read it. So it's like, why are you eating bacon? Now I'm talking to this girl that works for TSA in Atlanta for 20 minutes. But that's just part of my spirit. You know, I'm a connector.

And so I started to think, what can I do to connect with more people? And God sent me the coaching. Wow. So, again, surrender to. What is happening that aligns with who I am, who I want to be, not judging it, not trying to make a plan for it, but just being open. Being open to what it could be. What happens if you just decide to be open? How do you decide who receives this gift?

Like, how do you decide who to work with or who to open up to or try to help? I love you. So I do a startup consultation. Because, you know, because. Right. You could get worn out and not be useful. Well, I do a startup consultation professionally. And to see if our vibe is great,

to see if the person's receptive to where I'm coming from, some people are not necessarily open enough to hear it from me. And that's okay. I was actually afraid Tisha wouldn't be open enough to hear it from me. I was shopped when she was like, you're right. And I was like, what? So I like to make sure that my technique and my technique and my tone and my energy is right for someone.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes it's not. Even personally, you know, when people come to me, my friends come to me for me, come to me for advice or family, a lot of times I'll have to ask permission. And I'll say, so where I'm about to go, you know, tell me if it's too much

or tell me if this is not where you want to go because this is where I'm being led to go. No, no, no, I want to hear everything. Okay, great. And then sometimes they'll get mad. Well, I don't believe. I was like, okay, hold on, because you,

told me, you know, and here's the other thing. I try to be consistent so that when people come to me, I say, don't forget, you ask me. You know who you're talking to. Yeah. So it's not going to be sugar-coded. It's not going to be fluff. It's going to be the honest truth with love, but it's going to be honest. And if you don't want that, then you should probably call somebody else.

And so that's where we start. And some people, I have to go slower with. Some people say, I knew what, I knew it. I just need to hear from you. So I'm open, I'm open again, to see. seeing how people receive what I have to give them. That's so interesting. Have you ever pissed somebody?

I know you said people could get mad, but like, have you ever used that or tried to help somebody and it backfired or you felt maybe you got it wrong? Because I always worry about that. That's the thing I worry about where I like, if I want to offer somebody some advice, I'm like careful because, you know, people's lives are tricky. Like, you know, you can think, you know what's going on with your friends. friend that you don't really all the way know what's going on inside the house. And then you offer an advice, this is just in regular, you know, you try to give an advice and it actually doesn't work well.

So I'm always careful for me. So I wonder when it's actually what you've been known to do. Do you ever fearful of like advice that doesn't work for someone? You know what I mean? Well, I'm not, I'm not fearful. I try to stay away from that word. I'm hesitant sometimes. I'm unsure. Yeah. I'm never fearful. Good. Never? Nothing? No. Unsure. Unsteady. Hesitant, like I said, timid.

But because, remember how I start my day now. So I feel like my day is being governed. You have full confidence in that. Yeah. So wherever I'm being sent, I know it's part of my unfolding of that day. I understand. Which is another reason why I started in spirit so that I understand what's happening. And with some people, you know, I'll say, I'm not sure if you're really ready for what I'm going to say. So let's just back up.

And most people go, no, no, no, I want to hear. I want to hear what you're going to say. And then I'll start asking questions. If somebody's in a bad relationship, I don't just jump in and say, I don't think this relationship is good for you. The first thing I say is, you know, one day you told me that you wanted to be honored. Do you feel like this relationship is honoring you? Tears. I'll ask questions like that.

Yeah, I'll just ask questions. I'll say, you know, you told me a few weeks ago that your relationship with your mother was, you know, tumultuous and painful for you. So is it still? It is. Well, then why do you talk to her every day? Why are you volunteering to go in that painful place every day?

Why don't you try to do Monday, Wednesday, Friday? Maybe just Sunday morning catch-ups. But you're worthy, and then I'll say, well, wait, do you believe you're worthy of less pain in that relationship? Tears. So, you know, you use tears as a sign of like openness. Because even like when you were getting emotional, I know for me, like sometimes if I'm getting to some type of truth that maybe I haven't said out loud or sometimes if I'm discovering

something in real time, that will bring a tear to me. Yeah. So I use it as a gauge of like something real or honest. Absolutely. And sometimes I'll say to people, so what made you just cry? What was that? because I don't want to assume, you know, so I'll say to people that that just chokes you up or that brought tears. Tell me why.

What about that made you cry? Yeah. Because that's the open space. So, like, even in that, that was a real situation. And one of my girlfriends, this wasn't even a client when one of my girlfriends, when I said, what made you cry? She said, I just realized I don't feel worthy. And that makes me sad. And I said, okay, well, let's start there.

because we have to start with you understanding and walking in your worthiness, and then we can fix the relationship with your mother or the painful. You really are a therapist. Am I? Yes. But this is how I friend.

This is how I friend. Which is why a lot of friends are like, oh, that's too much. Take that to your clients. This is just how I friend and how I care and how I'm a sister. You know? I make comments on Instagram and everyone's like,

here she goes. with a whole therapy session and a comment. And I'm like, it's just, you know. This is therapy. Have you done therapy before? Have you had? Myself? Yes.

Absolutely. Oh, so you know, it's like, well, good therapist. Yes. They're not all equal. A good therapist should be a mirror. Well, well, I guess I want to ask, what's the difference between a life coach or a life shifter and a therapist? Is there a difference?

I don't know. I would ask you the same. I think you would know that answer better than me because you're more in the space, but I would think it's just paperwork. I don't know. Well, you know what, honestly. Or schooling, or I don't know what it is. I think the difference is, and I mean, I don't really study therapists that much,

but for me, I know what other people who have a therapist that also work with me, they say, first of all, most therapists are textbook, as they should be, because the license depends on it. For me, I'm more spiritually foundationed. I use a lot of self-life. A lot of therapists don't. Yeah. I feel like in most cases, my life has been geared to help people.

So I've gone through losing my mother young, using my father, family dynamics that don't work for my life and career, relationships that, you know, don't last more than two weeks, you know, all kind of stuff. Yeah. And so using that to try to guide and shift, I feel like it's more personal than therapy. Ooh, yeah. What made you just ooh? Because it's just like...

Yeah, I know. What made you just do that? No, that's good. I love that. It's because you see things so clearly and you see people so clearly, but even in what you just said, I realize that doesn't exempt you.

It doesn't. From a bad relationship or getting things wrong or... It's... Or experiencing trauma or it's like... It's the foundation. You could do all the devotions. You could do all the things and life can still be hard in many ways. And I feel like that's the foundation of my professional side.

Personal too. But even when I'm starting a new client, the first thing I say is, you know, my technique is to share with you. So, you know, I don't feel like we've gone through anything drastically different, at least emotionally, spiritually. The way those things may manifest in our lives could be different. Yeah. But trauma is trauma. and how we navigate the trauma, how long it takes as unique as we are, right? And just to have an accountability partner, to have a, to have a partnership in navigating the trauma, I feel like, can help people.

And so I say, listen, you know, I went through a relationship worse than that. And really, a lot of people laugh. Like, recently, no. Well, what's recent? Like, I don't know, healed version of you since you're doing all this work and, um, I think. I feel like, honestly. In alignment, like you, you. I feel like I am in constant healing because I, you know, I like partnership.

I don't find it. You don't? No. Intimidating? I wondered in like relationships how this way of life affects. It always comes up. Because the boys don't always. Or the girls, whatever it is.

No boys. The boys are the girls. I don't know. Okay, okay. Okay. I just, I have a very complex, diverse life. And I just can't find the person that really can help me with all that and that partners. So often I have more than one partner.

I urge you, sis. Yeah. And so, you know, once again, I'm open to what my life, you know, my life, you know, one may be a traveler. One may be my hiking partner. One may be going to the movies. You know, right now my hiking partner, I want to see a particular movie is three hours long. I want to see a particular movie a second time. They're like, we just saw it.

And I was like, I know, but now I want to go as an actress and pick it apart. I don't want to go. Okay, it's not going to stop me from going. Yeah. So now I've got somebody else who wants to see it twice. And I'll just be like, you know, well, I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm going with somebody else. So, you know, that works for my life right now. Get Bell, Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.com for details. and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. If your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed.

From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is, and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to be, book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great.

And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in. opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I, you know, the other thing is nothing but younger hits on me. And you laugh like you're not surprised. I'm not surprised. Nothing but younger. The baby boys. Yeah, you know, 40 and under. Uh-huh. And I used to resist that a lot.

Now I don't. Oh, good. And I'm having a blast. You are? I am. I am. I am. My energy, my interest, my spirit connects a lot stronger with younger men.

Yeah. And I'm not going to resist it. Yeah. So be it. Yeah. You know. And of course, I don't really care what other people think because it's my life. It's my happy.

It's my joy. When you have this type of calling and you're dating somebody or especially a younger man, Yeah. Do you, is there a line in terms of that or are you also a mirror to this, to them? Well, I'll tell you, in order for me to date, no matter what it, no matter what the age is, there's got to be a mutual spirituality. Got it. That we feed each other.

So I think that probably in the last three to five years, most of the men I've been intimately involved with, there's a spirit, there's a spirit that we mirror each other. And we challenge each other. And that's really the foundation. It can be foreign to him. Like you can date with somebody who... Oh, come on now. I mean, you know, if we can't have that first conversation

and consistent conversation, then there's not much else. I mean, we can have fun and we can hike. But again, you know, a hike is an hour... It's an hour's worth of time. So what are we talking about? And so, you know, for me, that's the first... That's the first attraction for me is what's happening in our spirit and our spirit connection.

That's the first. Now, you know, if you're chocolate, six, five with some shoulders, then that helps too. But that for sure helps. I like that you're specific about it. You know what you like. Pretty smile, you know, clean soul in the eyes. Yeah.

I just, I just picture. That's so funny. That helps, you know, that helps. But there's got to be a spiritual connection. It's so funny. It's funny because we've heard, you know, we mentioned the Tisha thing, but also gab. We had Gab on the show also, who also credited. you for helping her kind of see that there was a mean girl in there somewhere.

Yeah. Was it the same kind of experience where you just saw something and she was open to you being honest with her? Yeah, you know, Gab and I had been working together for a minute and we had been talking about no friendships in Hollywood. And of course, I admitted I didn't have many. And at the time, there was a lot of more, there was a lot less roles in Hollywood. So there was a lot more competition between us.

So I was saying to her, you know, it's very hard to make friends when you're competing constantly, you know, whether you're in the room auditioning or not. There's always a competition. And I said, it's hard to make friends that way. And then we just happened to go to an event together. And I saw her, you know, dissing somebody. And I was like, no, wait a minute. And I literally, at the time, I said to her, now, is this the same woman that wants to be friends that's now talking about this girl? That's where it started.

And she was like, you know, I was, wasn't I? And I said, yeah, and I was like, but, you know, what does it profit you? And she just looked at me and was like, and that was a turn in our coaching, you know, for the better. And so once again, it's just, it's questions, you know. But, I mean, I've worked with Nicole Arie Parker. I've worked with Melinda Williams. I've worked with Emily Blunt, Anne Hathaway. I mean, you know, I've been blessed to connect.

I say work with, but to connect with some really, really dynamic, amazing people, not just women, but people. not just women, but people. And I'm honored that I've been chosen divinely and that they've chosen to trust me and to at least take a look at themselves from the perspective that I look within myself, all in an effort to elevate. Yeah.

I'm sure you learn things from them. It's probably reciprocal in some ways, right? Where in those relationships that you form with these women, I'm sure it has to be because even the women you're mentioning, they're all extraordinary. women. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying.

It's like, you know, I say to people, you know, how do you coach someone who's so dynamic and so amazing and so well-known globally for things? But sometimes that can be a block when you're so known for something and you want to do something else. That can be a block. But for the most part, what I've learned, not so much from them, but I've learned in working with them as we've coached is if you believe from your soul that the world is open to you, that's where the shift starts.

I remember even with Anne Hathaway, you know, she wanted to be married. She wanted to have kids. And, you know, at that time she was, you know, just a budding artist. And I said, but if that's what you want, how do you know that that life is not going to fuel you into even a better actress. And so she was like, and so that's the thing. It's like, you know, how do we open ourselves up? How do we open ourselves up to be what we're dreaming of beyond what we've become?

There it is again. You hear that one? See, it just kind of comes out. You know, this is not planning. It just kind of comes out, right? But I mean, isn't that great? That's pretty great. I mean, if you think about it, like, you know, there's got to be something else you want to do

beyond where you are. Oh, for sure. Every day. Right, see? Too much sometimes. So if I say to you, what happens if you open yourself up to just really believe from your soul that what you're dreaming can really be? What's the one thing you would say it was? You're asking me the question?

Ask it to me again. Okay. There's one thing that you are wanting for yourself. Yes. There's one thing that you're dreaming of that before this moment, before this now, you may not have truly believed it could be possible. But right now, connected sisters, I'm aligned with you in the belief that it's just waiting for you. What is it? That's a weird question for me because I think I'm currently in the process of actually trying to step into that space.

So I have some scripts I've written. I've always wanted to direct something and I always thought that was such a far fetch for me because it's not really my space. But you believed it wasn't really your space. I believed that, yes. But ultimately, like, I'm a storyteller. You know what I say? Exactly. It's not that crazy.

It's really not that crazy. It's just, you know, it's technical stuff I didn't know. And I had to learn. And there's things, there was some work I had to put in, which I have quietly been doing for a few years. See, there's that quietly. Well, it's quietly because it's learning. And I don't necessarily want to learn out loud. And it's not that I don't want to.

I just didn't feel the need to. You know, I was learning. That quiet is a Capricorn thing. Is it? Oh, yeah. You know, I wasn't hiding it. It was just something I was working on for me. Like, I was taking classes and doing shadowing people and doing things just because I had a genuine interest in a thing that I wanted to do.

So I don't know. In the past year or two, I have gotten the legs to finish like some of the scripts I've been working on, put them in front of people, make a sizzle like to show people like what it would look like. So we're getting close. I'm getting closer, like super close now. And so it's that. That's probably the thing. Closer to being in a position to be able to do that. Because it's not just me.

It's not just me. I don't think I'm blocking my way. It's just putting the things in place to make other people help me to do it. I'm sure you know there's plenty of things that you would. It's like it sometimes it requires other people to get on board. So I have to do everything that I have to do to be able to. make it very clear for those type of people. It's not that I don't believe it.

Right. I do. Is there anything in that same question that you don't have to rely on anyone else but yourself to do? Right now that I'm not doing it? I mean? Like, only you? Yeah.

Yes. And even if you don't share it? No, no, I think it's just time. Okay. It's my big challenge. It's not believe. It's time. It's not belief for me.

Yeah. It's time. It's like organizing things in my life to be able to prioritize that, which could require me letting go of some things that don't serve me anymore. See, here we go. You know what I mean? That's the balance of life for everybody, right? Like, you have to figure that part out, like opening the gates to just that.

The openness. Yeah, for sure. There's a project I'm working on. And I'm kind of in the same boat as you. and it's completely new and different for me. And I'm just going to say it's crime-related. Crazy, right? Crazy not crazy.

No, not crazy. But I am, if I wasn't in this life, I would probably be a forensic scientist. This is crazy. Is that one of your projects? No, it's not. Do I just get hired? No, I have a girlfriend that when you said to me

it's in the crime space, she came to my head. She's a friend of mine who used to be a forensic scientist. But her name came to me when you said the first line. She had a party one time in her house. And I thought, when you said it, I said to her name, I said, oh, AJ would have loved that part. This was going on my head. AJ would have loved that party that she all through. She threw a party where she listened to this party.

She showed us scenes of real. Of real crime scenes. So she has 10 to 15 girlfriends in the house. We're eating popcorn. I love this already. We're eating popcorn. We're having cocktails. And she shows this the scene.

Like one guy was like a hoarder and he passed in his stuff. And at first it's horrible. Right. But through her eyes, she said, so we went in and this is what it was. And this man at all, and this was his cat. He loved his cat. She just painted such a different story. And it was the most interesting.

I was like, you're crazy. But this party was actually. Kind of amazing. I kind of dig it. It was like kind of amazing in a weird way. I couldn't do it all the time because I'm not built for that. Like imagery is like important to me. Like I can't put too many images that I don't want to keep in me.

But yeah, it was wild. So I don't know why. I feel like you should know her. I'm going to connect. Yeah, I would love it. I mean, you know, again, I don't know why. In this season of redirection and refinement, as I said, you know, being open to the new and different. I've gone through some heavy betrayal.

I've gone through some heavy disappointment. And because of my devotions and my spirit work, I know it's not punishment. I know it's growing and stretching me. And so now I'm in a space where I'm paying really close attention to what it's aligning for with me. And so I feel like, which you'll know, you'll know more when it happens.

You'll be like, I remember when you said, that. But that's kind of where it's coming from. It's like the level of betrayal, and everybody goes through it, which is also helping me in my work, but to a point where I never thought I would experience it, to a point where I feel like I could use it creatively. And so, again, God takes me and elevates me to a new understanding of being betrayed. And sometimes betrayal leads to crime. Right? So you took your own betrayal. And you're making some kind of beauty out of it. Hell yeah, man.

You know, it's like, that's what it's supposed to be. Like, use your life to create. All right, it motivates life. I have cards here. Uh-oh. Okay. We had a card that I was trying to find. It was about being a life coach.

Oh, where is the? Oh, here we go. I just got nervous. Why? I don't know. It's not like a test. You can't fail. It's not like a test.

Okay, I still love it. You're so down for everything. I love that about you. I love that. I love that about you. What would you like as a child, by the way? You were? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Were you, like, holding court in my kindergarten? Were you like... Probably. I mean, you know, I just remember... I just loved... And that's what I'm saying. I've always been without fear.

I don't say fearless. I just have always been more interested in where's this taking me as opposed to I think I'm going to hold myself back and not go. So, you know, from insects to animals to... jump over the creek to can you do a cartwheel? Like I was always willing to try. And sometimes I failed and had to practice so I got it. But I'm still that way. Still.

Can't you see her, the six-year-old AJ? I could see her. Amazing. Okay. So these are some of, this is for our IRL audience who may need a little help. Okay. You see where we're going with this? Okay.

Yeah. So we were looking at some of the things that, some of the hardest points, not just hard, but the most monumental points. people's lives that they may struggle with. Transition or heartbreak or, you know, new things at our hearts. And so we looked at some of the biggest changes in people's lives, divorce is one of them. You've got people through that. Yeah. So then I'd ask, the question I'd ask around that is, how does somebody heal after that? Like, what is the fastest route to healing after that? I've dealt with a few divorces. And what I'll say for our time's sake right now is so often people get anchored to the circumstance

as opposed to anchoring to who they are and what this union was supposed to help them shine in. And I believe that. I believe your union is supposed to help you shine. And if it's not, then why are you choosing it? That's kind of where I start. What happened in this union then either stopped your shine or, you know, what would happen? And a lot of people say, I never shined. Wow.

I just felt like, you know, this was going to be a good life choice and or I wanted to move or he was making. I mean, there's a lot of different reasons why people get married. The pressure of being coupled. Yeah. You know, I'm getting older. Yeah. So I thought, you know, this is what's going on in my life right now. And so when I hear those kind of answers, it's like, okay, now what we have to do is discover where your shine is.

Because you didn't know to demand it in the relationship. So now we've got to go back and I say soul excavation. I use a term a lot. We got to go back soul and a soul excavate go deeper into your soul to find out why did you choose a life path where you didn't shine? And then let's fix that and see the new people it attracts. And then nine times out of ten weeks into it, people go, I can tell now why that marriage was never going to work. I'm like, well, see? Hindsight.

Yeah. So I always take it back into them. It's not really ever about the relationship. It's who are you in this relationship? Who did you bring to this union? Who did you want to become in this union? And where did you think you were starting to become that person and you didn't even have a launch pad? It's always about the insight.

And then some people are in that relationship for so long. they don't even know who they are outside of that relationship. I have seen that and some friends too. I have a client that stayed in a relationship she admitted for 30 years. And she just said, you know, it was easier to tolerate what I knew.

And you know, a lot of people are more comfortable in what they know, even if it's not what they want. Sometimes they're more comfortable staying in what they know than taking the challenge and the leap into the unknown. And then the work becomes, but what if There's the thing, the what if.

What if the unknown holds your blessing? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Proz Society. the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture

obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. So I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real. messages inside compelling characters, and that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're alone that you're. you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of

yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life.

Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a society of a social. social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull-h-h-

They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to our town on the I-Heart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're preventing your blessing because you're staying in what's comfortable. What's comfortable is not your place. It's not where you're going to thrive. It's not where you're going to shine. So what about if we step into the unknown and see if that's where the blessing is?

And it doesn't take long because somebody like that, there's so much unknown that can be small. You know, it can be go for a walk in the park. It can be, you know, go take a dance class by yourself. It could be, go sit at the bar by yourself and start conversation. It could be small things that help people discover who they are, that they blocked for so long. Oh, that's good.

Do a lot of people come to you in that moment, in that time? You know, honestly, some people come to me for other reasons, and then we uncover it's the real issue. Got it. Some people come to me, oh, I want to lose 10 pounds. And I'm going, okay, well, how did you gain the weight? My marriage. Well, he and she and I was like, okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute,

so before we lose the weight, let's talk about the relationship problem, because that's where the weight's coming from. And I'll say sometimes, ooh, sometimes the weight gain is not just from food. It can be bad trauma. It can be bad situations that you're carrying. Ooh! Right? Yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, sometimes it's like, you know, we get to the other issue, but they'll come to me for something completely different. Yeah. And then you get and then we uncover. You uncover. Yeah. Let's talk about a good life change. Like, people actually coming to Union.

Yeah. I guess the question you kind of already answered is like, when does that work? But it's one thing to say, what's on the other side of this, how it be better for you? But what about somebody who's actually maybe found it, maybe scared of it, maybe they don't know how to be in the type of union? You know what I mean? Yeah. How do you navigate that?

I kind of feel like I'm at right now. What do you mean? I'm in that position where I found someone who checks a lot of the boxes. And so now what I have to learn is how do I navigate so many boxes that get checked? It's not perfect, but I've gotten, you know, I'm so used to settle in for two boxes checked or three boxes checked. Now I got eight out of ten boxes checked. Ooh, that's some different shit, right? Like, what do I do now? That there's so much that's right, right? So even that, and so I confessed, I was like, you know, I don't know how to navigate this. And so we're learning together what that looks like. So using my real life experience, I'll say to them, it's a process, first of all. And you have to go back to, relationship school. You have to go back to self-school. I call that a lot. There's things you're going to learn about yourself that you don't know yet. And this union may have been brought to your life to be your school because you may not do it for somebody you don't love. But because you're now in

love with this person, you want to build a future with this person. There's places you're going to go. You may never go with someone else. And so let's see what that looks like. You just made me have a thought. I had this conversation with a girlfriend the other day. And she was saying she's been with this person for a long time. And as she's feeling, to the point she's going to have to either get married or let it go. And loves the person, not sure, in love. Some people are in just a relationship that doesn't rock any boat. They're just kind of there.

They're just kind of there. There's no fireworks, but there's no problems. And then they just coasts there. My advice was you should go to a therapist and you should start your suggestions with, I need clarity. Yeah. And then have them ask you all the questions. so that you know what the answer is

because there is an answer. I always believe there is an answer. There is an answer. There's always an answer. There's an answer. And I mean, something you said, I'm going to say, I think we all deserve fireworks.

They're going to be different. I mean, you know, some people, Fourth of July and just say you're at the parties and stuff, you know, some people like the designs. Some people like the ones that are allowed. Some people like this, you know. But I think we all deserve the,

ooh, feeling of fireworks. Yeah. But you have to know. know what brings you the fireworks, right? Yeah. Before you even get into the relationship with the firework. Yeah, because you might throw somebody away because they don't give you fireworks,

but you actually might be the person who is like extra flammable clothing on. Flame resistant clothing on. Yeah, you might be the problem. It's like, you know, investigate self because a lot of times we find ourselves really settling for a lot. And we don't realize that we really are worthy. We're worthy of what we want. We're worthy of having a life filled with joy and happiness and peace.

But we just are not necessarily willing to do the work on ourselves first. And then within the relationship, whatever that relationship is, we're just not willing to do the work to actually find that joy, peace, and happiness. But I feel like the first step is you've got to believe that you're worthy. You have to. And so many of us don't. Why? Why?

Yeah. It could be, you know, upbringing. It could be relationships that people witness coming up. You know, a lot of people are argumentative and problematic because that's the mother-father relationship that they were raised in. You know, a lot of domestic violence happens that way. When you're raised around or within a domestic violent family, you don't know anything different.

And so love becomes that black eye or that grab. I know it, you know, thank God it sounds foreign to us, but it's true. And so it can come from a lot of different places. And even that, it's like, you know, whatever the agreement has been, I don't care how long it's been in your life, I just believe that if you believe, that work keeps coming up for us, if you believe strongly that you can shift, then the shift is possible. But you've got to be willing to do that work to let go of what's old and create the new agreement to shift. And so that's called work, right? That's self-work. It's looking within self to say, hey, you know what?

I believe I can have more. I want more. It's going to take a lot of me releasing the old, the old agreements, letting go of them and trying to walk and be part of new agreements. But I believe I'm worthy. I believe I can have it, and I'm not going to stop until I get it.

That's what it takes. That's what it takes. You believe you are, right? Oh, for sure. You should believe you're the guy with the eight boxes. That might be a... Oh, I believe it. I believe it.

I believe it. I'm just learning. That's pretty good. Oh, I know, right? I was impressed when you said there was eight boxes checks. Listen, so am I. So am I. I don't know.

You might have to get rid of the hiking guy. I'm just, you know, and they're falling off. You might have to clean. They're falling off. You might have to clean house a little bit. And I got to tell you, can I tell you something about him? Yes. He doesn't ask about the other ones.

He doesn't talk about the other ones. Anybody knows about the other ones. You're honest. But he doesn't bring it up because he's busy working on the boxes that he wants to check. And I think that's amazing. Sometimes I want to volunteer and go, so you know the movie guy, I dropped him. And then inside it's like, why are you telling him? He's not asking.

But I think he kind of knows already. He kind of knows that I'm getting more and more into him because he just checks all these boxes. That's amazing. Yeah. I love that for you. I love it for me too. I'm going to be 108 my entire work now, but I mean, you know. No, stop.

Don't say that. Don't say that. Is that something you want? What's the something? Like, do you want to be coupled, married? I don't know. I don't know. That matters to women.

That matters to some women a lot. And some women are like, I'm okay either way. I want the partnership. I am attracted to the connection. I don't necessarily need the traditional title. for it. Got it. I mean, again,

eight boxes, you know, he's a great traveler, athletic, spiritual, um, nutritionally guided. The other boxes,

um, you know, loves and appreciate family, funny, emotional. I mean, there's a lot of things that the boxes,

I know. I don't even know my boxes, I just realized. We got, we got to do your boxes. Is that crazy? Yeah, it is crazy. You got to know your boxes.

Because if you don't know your boxes, how you get them, Does everybody know their boxes? You got to know your boxes. No? Yes? Do you know your boxes, Britt? Of course.

Most of them. You got to know your boxes. Everybody knows their boxes? Yeah. My sense of humor is a box. I have a kind of a dry sense of humor. So, you know, that's a box. You've got to get my sense of humor.

I'm emotional. Yeah, you got to be able. Why don't I have a box? That's crazy. How do you navigate my emotional, my emotional thing? That's good. It's like, you know, I can pick up a car, but I can also start crying and termins after that. So it's like, you know, how do you.

Are you okay with that? Yeah, yeah. How do you navigate that? You know, I'm not going to always be, you know, that just always that one lane. Like, okay, we met sitting at a bar. See, that's why I tell somebody to sit at a bar by yourself. We met sitting at a bar. And we just kind of started, you know, it was a banter.

He said, so I had on like some workout clothes. And he said, so are those biceps hanging out like for somebody or can I have the seat? Because they're kind of in the way. And we started. See, I'm already laughing again. And I started laughing. And we just kind of started talking. And then as we talked, I think I had like three Vakotanics, and he was like, so how many, I thought you were going to the gym.

How many, do you go to the gym on Vacotonic or what do you do? And so he just kind of had a sense of humor that I liked. And so, you know, it became a thing of me saying, so tell me what has God done to blow your mind today? And I've asked that question before, and guys are like, oh, oh, you know, I got to think of that. Oh, boy. And he was like, oh, my gosh, how much time do you have? He's like, first of all, starting this morning. And he went through this list.

And I was like, I love you. I was like, you know, Capricorans. I was like, I think I'm in love. What clothes is my dress going to be? What's shoe? What's our location? I was, I was straight into that. Who's coming to the wedding?

It was a destination. Yeah, I was like, it's going to be in the wedding party. I was already in that space. So there's questions I asked. That's one of them. Another question is, you know, do you feel like friendship? No, I'll say, you know, who are your top three friends? And I asked that to see if any of them are women.

And what would that tell you? Well, that he believes in friendship with women. And then I can go into, so are you guys dating or are you just really friends? So he goes more into that. And he said, you know, he said, my friendships with women, I haven't dated them. And I said, why not? And he said, well, it started off thinking it was going to be that. But then I saw that there was more purpose in us being friends.

And he said, and to me, you know, I feel like as a man, there has to be a spiritual discipline that understands just because she's beautiful and she's smart doesn't mean that, you know, we have to lay down. It could mean that God's sending her to my life for another reason. And I was like, okay. So, of course, you know, these were some of the questions. This is at the bar. You're having these deep. First date. First date. Yeah. And he was asking me questions like that. And so we didn't even exchange numbers. We had just kind of met having that kind of conversation. And then he said, so we should stay in touch, don't you think? And I said, me your number. I didn't give him mine. I said, give me your number. And, you know, maybe I'll call

you. And he said, okay, that's cool? And you called? That night. I was like, hey, he was like, oh, he was like, who is this? Then he started playing. I said, AJ. He was like, AJ, who? So, of course, he started laughing. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. This is cute. Right? This is cute. Okay, so, you know, I felt it's cute. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsesives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community.

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But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull. They're not just opposing what.

It's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So yeah, so there's questions that lead you to the boxes, but you've got to know your boxes. Yeah. To be able to ask the question.

And you also, I would imagine for you a box is like they have to be okay. because your line of that's just not work it's just how you live your life it's like you know they have to be able to flow with that like right

he couldn't be intimidated by it or he's like that oh he's the same that's the other thing that's one of the boxes he likes to ask the questions he he's just like me

he's specific about what kind of woman is he talking to and I love that because I'm like yeah because what kind of man am I talking to and so it's a

It's not a battle. It's a connection in us learning each other and learning how it works. This is like your man, AJ. Yes. Are you kidding? Do I have a man? I think you have a man. I think your little rotation has to stop today. Well, you know, let's see. Let's see. Yeah, let's see. We go on walks and talk about the end of the day. I mean, it's really, really nice. Even that. I love this for you. That's a box for me. You gotta want to walk.

Walk on the beach. When we go to someplace a new country or a new city, let's throw our bags down, let's go walk, explore. That's a box for me. I'm a walker. I want to get around, I want to get out. And I never even said anything. And our second date, we went out to dinner and he was like, you want to go, you want to walk?

And I was like, who told you? And he was like, told me what? And I was like, do you know I like to walk? He was like, no, but I like to walk. He's like, let's walk. And he grabbed my hand and we started walking. Oh my God. Right?

You love him. You love him. We'll see. We'll see. My little walking, buddy. That's so cute. I mean, there's so many life things. It would take us a whole like seven episodes to go through all these. Well, we'll just have to come back and do part too. But again, I like this box thing, especially since you haven't done it. I've never in my life done it. Well, see, we have to start. That's a thing. Check in the box. What are your boxes and make sure you get them checked? I don't think I've had boxes. I think I know, I may... What's two? Two boxes?

Yeah, two that. that you can't, they need to be checked. That have to be checked. Yes. For you? Yeah. You're asking me two boxes. That have to be checked for you to say this could be cool.

He has to have a relationship with God. How do you find that out? Conversation. Right. It's not just conversation because people say that. Right. I just kind of want to see it. He asked, could he pray with me?

That's good. I don't know what I was doing. I was talking to him about something. And I said, you know what, I really have to make some decisions. And he said, you know what? Can we pray about it? And I was like, is it bad, God, that I'm kind of turned on right now, that he wants to pray? I was like, okay.

What did God say? What did he download you? God said, pray first. We'll get to that, Missy, Missy Hot Pants. We'll get to that. Get the prayer done. Because this is a box that's been checked in a long time. So God was like, see, here we go.

Get the prayer box checked. I didn't know that was a box. You know, this is, I'm jumping. Oh, go back to you. I didn't drop it. Okay, back to me. Sorry. What was it out of box?

Oh, so he has that relationship. Got a real one. And I can, and I'm good at reading people and sensing. So I would have to know that. He also has to be curious about life and wanted, like you say, travel. I loved to golf. It would be a plus. A box, a golf box would be like that might.

That trumps a couple boxes. It might trump something else. Right. If he was like a golfer, I really liked it and we could do that. I met a woman yesterday who also said she golfed and she said, oh my God, I found in a couple of years ago when I golfed with my husband, she goes, we could have, we could be having an argument. And then after he'd be like, do you want to go, like, play around?

And she's like, yes, I do. And they find that thing. And I thought, oh, that's so cute. Like, I think, you know, I would, that's a nice little box to be able to check. But that's not a who you are box. That's a thing. It kind of is, though. Maybe.

Because it's a lifestyle box. It's a lifestyle box. Listen, there's a mind that plays golf. Just like there's a mind that plays chess. Yeah. Right? There's a mind that plays golf. There's an intellect that plays golf.

golf is a whole lifestyle. Yeah. Right? And I think the big box is, do you know who you are? That's a big, huge box. You got to break that one down. It's a huge box. You got to break it down. But you have to have at least made an attempt. What? To know who you are. But what does that mean? That means you know the things where you know your weaknesses. You know where you need to work. You have, you know, mistakes you made. Yes, you're self-aware. That's the box. Self-aware. It's self-aware. So self-aware. So self-aware. And these are the questions you ask to see where he is within that self-awareness. Yeah. What's he working on? What? And I mean, I asked those kind of questions. You do. Yeah, like I'll say, like, what did you learn about yourself this week that you don't like? The wrong person, boy, this could turn the wrong person off. And it's right? But you get rid of that quick, right? Yeah, get out of here. Exactly. That's so good. And he laughs. And he laughs. And he laughs. And I'll say, you know what I have something I want to ask you and he'll start laughing. He'll go. okay, let me get ready. Let me get ready. AJ Johnson's going to ask me.

Let me get ready. And he just laughed. I had Savannah James and April McDaniel. You know, they have the podcast. I had them on the show. And we had this conversation about friendships and girlfriends. And this person called in and asked them, if you saw your man cheating, if you saw your friend's man out with another woman, do you tell your friend? And, you know, April was like, of course I would.

I'm going up to the table. I'm doing. Savannah was like, you know, I might just. I don't know. I might, you know, I might say a little, I'll tell her. You know, I'll tell her later. And then it brought up a conversation that I've had with different friends. It's like sometimes you mind your business because you don't know what's happening. Also, your friend has chosen that person. Your friend knows them a lot of the times and they have made that choice to be with that person. So do I now go and serve myself and become a third party? And you know, and so for somebody like you, I wonder, because you see truth in people, if sometimes you hold back or sometimes, you know, you don't feel comfortable or safe to, do you understand what I'm asking you? Yeah, having that kind of thing where you see people.

Yeah, I see you. Yeah, you know what? So maybe I'm not going to say nothing. Or maybe I will. I make sure, no matter who it is, whoever's out with the person, I make sure they see me.

I'll go over, I'm kind of like April. I'll go over, say hi, you know, introduce myself to whoever the person is, and say, you know, it's good to see you. And then I'm done. And at some point, I'm going to say, so what are we doing with this? Like, is this friendship? Is this, like, what's happening here?

Because I don't have to say anything, but don't make me say something. You know what I mean? You handle that. So now you know I know, whatever it is. But you don't go to the friend. No. No. Because of what you're saying, no.

Because, again, I don't want to start something that may already be in existence. Interesting. I mean, if I know more details, if she's come to me and she said, I think my dude is cheating, I can't figure it out. He's coming in late. He's this and the other. And then I see that. I still go to him and say,

so, you know, your girl has said things to me that makes me think she kind of feels something's not right. So I think you need to talk with her. I still would go to him. Really? And make it a them thing. And I'll say, if you want me there, I can help. Women get fired up about this conversation.

I don't know why. There's such a strong feeling about how as a friend you should handle that. So interesting to me. But even aside from the man cheating scenario, Just the idea of like giving people advice. Like you see something and somebody from afar even. You walk in a room, you're like, man, because I imagine you see. I see a lot.

Right. I see a lot. That's what I'm saying. Yes. I see a lot. Do you sometimes have to figure out, should I say something? Should I not? I only say something if I'm asked and if I feel like it's going to help.

If I know it's going to help. I don't say anything if I'm not sure where it could go. Like I said, if somebody's having a hard time in their relationship and they're feeling like something's off and they can't put their hand on it and then I see the off, then I still go to the person first and say this has to be handled because he or she is feeling it. And they're right. And, you know, you need to do something about that before I do. So I usually say, who's going to tell her or who's going to tell them near you? Oof. So.

They hate you. Maybe. But, you know, I mean, I'm big on no cheating. Oh, that's a whole other episode. Is that a box? Is that a box? Oh, yeah. What is that box?

That box is no cheating. Like, tell me, I mean, listen, I'm telling you, I've got other guys I'm seeing. You can tell me, and, you know, and I'm telling you when the guys disappear. So there's no reason to cheat. There's no reason to cheat. To me, a cheater is a coward. It's, you know, if you can't tell me, that, you know, I'm no longer the one.

If you can't tell me that you have interest in other people, we can't, what are we doing? Life to me is too short. Like, I want to be with someone and I want to spend time with someone that wants to have fun in the truth. And if the truth is, I'm not it and I'm not the only one, I want to know that.

So one, I can be, I can choose. Do I want to stay where I am with you or do I want to go and have some more fun with someone else? You at least are in truth. At least we're in truth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's another reason why I don't need the title. I don't need the girlfriend. I don't need the fiance. I don't need to be married. But if we are living our alignments and our agreements and we're committed to that, then again, if my life is committed to the God that I serve, then my partner's going to reap the benefit of my commitment,

my spiritual commitment. If the guy is living a spiritual commitment that he wants to impress and make sure that he's getting God's validation, I'm going to reap the benefits of that. So that's what I need. That's what I want. I don't need it titled.

Yeah. So good. Yeah? Yeah, so good. Yeah, I don't need the title. I don't need it. I mean, I'm not going to say no to it if it comes. It seems so easy.

I don't know why it's so hard for people. Like, it's pretty easy, actually. Like, for the guys out there who don't, just say it. Just be honest, right? Just be truthful. Yeah, but each easier way to, it's an easier way to live life. But I have to tell you also, you know, I've been living this way for a long time. So even for men that approach me, they kind of now know.

I don't meet very many strangers. I mean, sometimes if I'm out of the country, maybe, but I try to make sure that they get to know who I am so that they understand from the gate, this is kind of where I live. And so, you know, there's no reason. Like, I don't believe in cheating. There's no reason for that.

If you and I hit it off, then awesome. You know, maybe it's friends. Maybe it's not. You know, I don't jump into sex fast because I want to know who you are and how you are. And, you know, and I'm the prize anyway. So, you know, you've got to earn that. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So, but a lot of women, you know, there's a lot of different things they're going through. They jump into sexually fast and now they try to backtrack to see who this guy is. And it's like, okay, you already passed that, boo. You know what I mean? So, you know, it's a lot of different ways people handle it. I'm not saying it's, I'm not judging it. I'm just saying it's hard to back off of that.

Yeah. You're now in a sexual relationship. Yeah. So it's hard to back off of that to find out what his favorite color is. Right? We've passed that, boo. Yeah, we're kind of past that. I don't think he cares neither to you at this point.

You're so funny. I have to say, we can't go. I'm about to go to IRL questions and we have a, like, a voice note for you. Okay. But we have to acknowledge the 25th anniversary of baby boy. Yes. 25 years is crazy. Even we were shocked.

We were shocked. I went to dinner with Vane to celebrate and he was like, are you short 24 years? And I was like, yeah. You guys are still friends? Oh, the best. The best. That dynamic was so classic. Why do you think that that resonated with people, your role in that movie so much?

My role or the he and I, both? Well, I'll say this. The Ving and I, the Melvin and Juanita, I believe at that time, we had not really seen Black love for real. And, you know, John talked to us about, you know, what was our intention in that relationship. And Ving and I both said We wanted to make sure that we displayed A level of black love that hadn't been seen before The freaky parts, the emotional parts

The, you know, what happens when you really, really decide You're feeling somebody Because, of course, we knew where the story goes. I've got to at some point say, You have to leave the house, Jody, because, you know, you need to and I need you to. So it's got to be a relationship that pushes me to even say that. So it's got to be heavy and deep for me.

So I also think for Ving and I to decide that there's a chemistry that happens in that kind of love. And I think we already had chemistry, but we also decided what chemistry got shown on camera. The close-ups, the kissing, the eye-to-eye, the nose-to-nose. We made those kind of visual decisions that demonstrated the chemistry. And it worked, right?

From my character, I knew, and this is interesting, even for my acting, I knew a house party. I also knew with Baby Boy, that I was taking on a responsibility for black women and that, you know, whether it was the house party, girl from high school, from around the way that was popular, that had never necessarily been labeled the popular one, now was her chance, the brown skin girl,

but maybe never been labeled pretty before. I knew that in the writing of the script, I knew that I was taken on the responsibility to give other brown-skinned girls permission to be that girl. And so I knew that. I knew that. In Baby Boy, I knew that as a single woman raising a male child, that there was certain permission that women around the world would get from me in this role

to say you don't have to know it all. But as long as you lead with love, you're not going to know everything, but make sure that every decision leads with love. And that's what I tried to do. And also, you gave yourself permission to take care of yourself, which a lot of times we always see the mom. in the movie's like everything for her child. Yeah.

And, you know, she sacrifices her love or her relationship for her baby boy. Facts. And you were like, you got to get out the house. I love you, but you got to get out the house. Because me and my man are running around here naked. I learned early that there was responsibility in the roles that I choose. I learned early. I mean, House Party was the first one and it continued to go.

So I was blessed to work with Outer. Jeffrey Woodard, Cicely Tyson, John Amos, early in my career, the great. And differently, but the same message they all shared, which was, don't go for being just in every film. Make sure that you understand that there's a message God's given you to distribute in your work. And so I still live by that. If there's not a message that I feel like it's mine or mine to give, then it's not my project. So. So in that one, we talked about baby boy. That's what you felt. Yeah. Oh, for And to this day, I meet women around the world. London, Australia, Africa.

And they'll say, you know, you gave me permission. You know, you gave me permission to walk away. Or you gave me, you know, or I'm in that situation right now and you're teaching me. Yeah. What is it? Mama got to have a life too. Yeah. Yeah.

Mama got to have a life too. When I said that line, I didn't even understand it as much as I do now. Yeah. Crazy. It's real. It is real. That was so good. And people are telling me now.

People are saying, you know, now I understand more why I'm in a night. Why you were in that garden. I was a kid then. Now 25 years later, I'm a grown-ass woman and I get it. I love that. Why you were in that garden? Yeah. I love it.

I love it. That's amazing. You must be really proud of, I don't know, just your, what you leave in terms of films and roles. I'm extremely proud. I am. And it helps me navigate what's next. You know, I'm really proud. And I learn every day.

25 years later, the fact that people are still talking about it, watching it, quoting it, loving it. That's a blessing. When we do films, we don't know that's what's going to happen. Yeah, for sure. And the fact that I've been a part of several projects like that is just a blessing. What is next? In acting? Yeah, I mean, do you know? I've got a project I'm waiting to hear on. But, you know, I feel like in the projects I've done, they are for sure following that, that lead of what's the message. I did. fighting to be me for for BET about a year ago playing the mom of a trans and so that was new for me and accepting the trans world but I thought that was something that needed to be done I played I did two Christmas movies and you know I was the voice of reason

surprise but I love that you know I love that my life is starting to show up in my art which I think is great that's a compliment all I'm going to say in terms of what's next is I'm putting it out there that I want to do more travel. I want to do some foreign films. Like I said, I want to do the action.

But even in terms of just being the voice of reason, I don't mind that. I don't mind that. Somebody else can be the nurse. I want to be the girlfriend that speaks up. I want to be the wife that challenges the husband or that challenges the kids or I'm looking. It's like what you do in real life. Kind of, kind of, right? Same spirit, same spirit,

different circumstance, right? For sure. Yeah. Some place to pour that spirit into it. Yeah. Hey, guys, you ever sign up for a phone plan thinking, wow, what a great price? And then a few months later, it's like,

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and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan

horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart. pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his

motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself. because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is, and not the lies you're

sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planning

houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull-h. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube.

They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to our town on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We have a voice note.

We have a segment's called voice note segment. Somebody sends you a message or a question. Okay. I don't know who it is. I didn't hear this one. So I'm going to share right now. So you don't even know what it is either? I don't know either.

Okay. Hey, Jay, what's up? My name's Eddie. So I just got promoted and now I'm managing people who used to be my co-workers. And one of the people that I was really close with, you know, we used to be talking shit about other people that work, the other bosses. And now I'm in this position of being their boss. So I don't know. Is it weird? I'm not sure how it's going to affect my relationship with my friend right now. So yeah. I don't know. What you got? He's looking for help and guidance. Did he say his name? Eddie, yeah. I love that. So what you got? I'm going to have to start something with that.

What you got? Oh, Eddie, first of all, get your question out. Yeah, for sure, for sure. But what I did hear and what I did get to give him is, you know, again, walking in truth, you got to tell this friend that your professional position has changed. And it doesn't necessarily have to change the friendship. But the circumstance and how the friendship lives at work has to be different. Sometimes in that case, people can feel like you're leaving them because you're elevating.

And in some cases, you are. But in a lot of cases, you have to just basically speak up and say, listen, you know, I have to learn too what our friendship is going to look like in this different professional standpoint, but your friendship's a value to me and let's see how we can do this together. And how many people talk like that, right? We've got to talk more about I'm including you in this work and I don't even know what I'm doing. So I need your help in navigating this new elevation. Yeah.

And he may disappoint you. That's what I said. And better for you to know now. And so that you can go on about your career and not let him slow you down or weigh you down. One of my affirmations is I trust what goes. I trust what stays. You know, some things fade because something brighter's on the way. And so when you operate in that space, it makes it easier to come with truth and say, so who are you?

Are you a friend that's going to help me get through this and we're going to elevate together in the workplace? Maybe it's, we can only, maybe our friendship shifts because we can no longer really be friends at work or maybe it dissolves. But clearly, you got promoted, so you're elevated. But ultimately it's truth, like you said, right? Like, just get to the truth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know why so many people are afraid of the truth and run from the truth because that's love. The truth is love. That's so good, A.J. Okay, we got a bowl. This is our R.R.O. Bowl. Okay. Do we have a sponsor on our bowl? Do I say I could do it later.

Great. I love this. You know what's so great about this? I do this at parties. You do? I want to go to one of your parties. I haven't done one in a long time, but I use them and you will. I want to see one of the icebreaker.

I want to have one of these experiences. It may be different. than this. Tell me what this is. They're just questions to start a conversation. They're just real life questions. Yeah, they're like,

yeah, how you operate your real life. You see. They're all different. You can pick one until you like one. You don't have to pick. What are three things people should care less about? Oh, that's a good one for you. That is a good one.

I like this. Okay. What are three things people should care less about? You're going to be good in the bowl. Well, you might have to do two or three of these. Yeah, yeah. One thing I think people should less about is what other people think of them.

We're all on different journeys, and most people are expressing their thoughts, one, as a reflection of how they feel about something. I learned this from Don McGor-Roo as Four Agreements. Have you ever read the book? Four agreements, yes. You know, and he talks about, you know, don't think things personal, whether it's a compliment or not a compliment. It's just a reflection of how they feel about something. So it's not really about you. So that's the first thing. Number two, what you should care less about. boundaries that other people set that they want to place on you that don't necessarily follow your life. Like some people feel like, you know, I date too young. Okay, well, then that's, you know, I'm having a blast. So, there's that.

You laugh whenever I say that. And then the third thing that people should care less about. Oh, let's see, three things people should care less about. How you. Take your time. how you present yourself in the world. It may not fit my life, but if it fits your life,

I'm going to be happy and celebrate you. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to be connected in it. But I feel like, you know, I shouldn't care so much about how you present yourself. Does that make sense? Yeah, for sure. That's good. Look, did I do good?

I'm ready. Can I do another one? Yeah, do a couple. How happy are you on a scale of one to ten? Yeah. I just want you to answer that. No, you know what we said here. Okay.

Why do you say that? Because I want to see what I'm giving off. You want me to answer what I think you were giving? Yeah. How happy do you think I am on a scale of one to ten? Nine. Really? Yeah.

I was going to say eight. Okay. I love that. I think, oh, today. I don't know how you are every day or how you were this morning. Yeah, no. Because my goal is to understand that even the valleys are not punishing. there to help stretch me.

And they're to help grow. Whatever I'm going through, that valley has a lesson in it, or lessons, plural, to help stretch me, to prepare me for my next elevation. Yeah. And so, instead of being depressed

about the valley, I run to it, grab the lessons, and try to get out. Yeah. So for me, when a valley comes, I'm excited because I know what it's about. Something's coming. Something's coming.

Better than we're on that. Yeah. So, I mean, and honestly, even in the time when I told you, I was, like I'm dealing with some betrayal and some disappointment. As painful as it's been, and it has been painful, I understand why I'm being taken through it. Oh, this is happening now in real time. Real time.

Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. Real time. But you see, I've already, you called me a nine. Am I happy? Yeah, it seems. I don't, you know. Well, yeah, because, I mean, I'm not faking it.

I understand. I mean, I cry, but I mean, not as long as I did in January. Not as hard as I did in February, you know. I talk about it, but I now understand, and I've been able to see how I'm healing and where I'm going through it. Yeah. You follow that? I do. So my happy doesn't get detoured.

It actually expands. That's funny. We used to ask that all the time on the pod and we kind of haven't. But that was always like, you know how we say it to be, hey, how you doing? Oh, I'm good. Okay. But that doesn't really answer a question. But when you ask somebody, how happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

We used to do that on set. You would ask everybody on the set, somebody'd say five, six, eight, seven. But sometimes somebody would say four and then everybody'd pay attention. Yeah. We wouldn't do that before. You know, so I just think it's a nice way to really check in. Yeah. How happy are you today?

It's really supposed to be not in general. Today, how are you today? I honestly don't think I drop under a five. Ever? Really? No. I mean, you know, if there's some trauma happening or a death or something, I can drop then. But I just, you know, again, I just, I focus so much of my life on learning that I'm being expanded.

I'm being refined. And that's why I say, you know, this period of my life, I know for sure I'm in a season of refinement and I'm trusting it. So it's not painless. You know, it's not painless. No. But I also, it makes it easier because I know what it is. Yeah. Do you know?

I do. Yeah, I do. Okay, here we go. Ready? I love this game. You're so good at the bowl. Nothing about this surprise is me. Oh, this is awesome.

I say this all the time. I'm no longer available for chaos. I'm no longer available for confusion. I'm no longer available for pessimism. I'm no longer available for betrayal. I'm no longer available for, um, uh,

for lies. I'm no longer available for anything that represents a misalignment. I'm only available for peace, for joy, for happiness, and for anything that aligns to my highest good. You know what I just had a thought about? I have a friend who's, she's really good. She's always the person. She listens a lot to people, people always call her when they're going through something. And I used to say to her, be careful because people will dump on you. Yeah. And make sure that you're not just of use to all of your friends to dump on, you know, because it's very easy when somebody's, that's your role, right? And then all of a sudden you're like a trash can, right? And so you could, you could be the nicest, sweetest person, but like that attracts sometimes people,

who need to dump shit in your trash can. I agree. And I just wonder for you how you navigate that because... Listen. I can be complicated if all your friends look to you to fix them or to... I started with letting them know there's a difference between friendship time and coach time. So say we're out at dinner as friends and they ask me something that's a coach question. I'll say, so I'm closed.

but tomorrow tomorrow at 8 a.m. Let's schedule an appointment and let's talk this through. Well, right now, I'm going to order another vocatonic and we're going to have friendship time. And I mean, after doing that for years, they get to understand.

And sometimes they'll go, okay, I don't know if this is a friend question or, and I say, well, I'll ask me and I'll tell you. And they'll ask me and I'll say, well, it's kind of both. What's a friend question and what's a word question? A friend question is something where we, where there's a sharing between us. So a friend question is, okay, so, you know,

remember when we were talking about such and such and you were saying that we should do, I'm wondering if I should wear the white dress or that, okay, that's a friendship question. Yeah. A client question is, okay, so, you know, when we were talking about the guy and I'm going to wear the white dress,

I'm not sure if this is a coffee date, I'm not sure if this should be, okay, that's a client question. Because that has nothing to do with me as your friend. Got it. You see what I mean? I do. Now I'm advising you in a potential relationship.

Yeah. I'm not mad at it, but this is supposed to be a friendship dinner. Yeah. So I started drawing the line. I started making boundaries early on. I was going to say, it requires if you're that type of personality, that it requires to have, like real boundaries, right. You know, I try to make it funny to say, you know, okay, so that's a client, and we're supposed to be in friendship mode.

So can we do this tomorrow? What are we doing here? Yeah. In the real lives. Oh, here they go. Do you want to do one more in the bowl? Yes, can I? Yeah, you're so cute.

She likes the bold. A prayer or affirmation you say often. Wow. Oh, I know you got good ones. I do. I'm trying to figure out which one I'm going to say. A prayer affirmation you say often. Well, one of them is I'm only attracting what aligns with my highest good.

That's when I say all the time. Another one is I'm only accepted. divine right things, divine right people, and divine right timing. Because divine right is a deep divine, right? The divine right. You could say right people, right places,

but divine right, that's God saying, yes, no, maybe. So that's one of mine. And one more I'm going to say I love is I prosper and everything I do. I prosper and everything I am. I prosper and everything I say.

Everything's working out for me? Yes, everything's working out for my good. Yeah, I prospered everything I do. Good one, agent. Of course, they're all good. And I got to say this, this may be surprised. What? I love doing things by myself.

Well, maybe I'm not going to be about myself much longer. No, because you have a boyfriend now. Well, you're saying that, don't have a boyfriend? I don't know. You do. But that's such a title. Are you dating anyone else besides him right now? I know you said you're a rotation, but really, are you?

No. Not really. You've kind of got them off. I don't even like, you're barely like... I'm hanging on. I've got one or two hanging still. By a thread. They're grabbing on the grass, trying to stand the mountain.

Right? Try to hold on. You try to fall. You grab anything in the air. But I love to hike by myself. I love to shop by myself. I love to go to the movies by myself. I actually like to travel sometimes by myself.

So I, you know, I don't mind my own company. I like me. Good for you. We should all aspire to that. Okay, our last little round here. And then my final question, my favorite question in the bowl will do for you. I didn't realize how strong I was until. Wow.

Mm-hmm. I didn't realize how strong I was until there's so much that's coming up for me, until I made the decision to put some attention and some effort into my healthy living side of my life or my career. because Hollywood didn't know anything about that and why would I ever do that? Why would I just keep reading scripts and keep waiting for a role and why would I ever? But it's such a part of who I am

that the more people started asking me for my help and the more people responded to my soul and my spirit, the more I gained confidence in stepping out and finding ways to to share it. That's good. What is something that you've had to forgive yourself for?

Oh, wow, these are good. You can put them in your bowl at your parties. Yeah, for sure. I've had to, say it again. Something that you've had to forgive yourself. You had to forgive yourself for, yeah. I've had to forgive myself for not having a lot of friends.

I'm a big people person. I have a lot of acquaintances. I know a lot of people. But I understand that my divine assignment, especially working with people in this space, it doesn't come with a lot of time and energy for frivolous. At the end of my day, I'm trying to refuel. I'm trying to refill.

I'm trying to heal from what I've poured. You know, and a lot of the cases I get now, I mean, it's not just life and career and relationship. Some of it is, you know, like I told you, it's wrongful death. Some of it is kidnapping. Some of it is death of a child surviving this stuff. So I can't hang up the phone at 7 o'clock and then be like, you know, meet me for happy hour. And so that cuts down a lot of friendships and a lot of friend time. And that was hard for me.

And so as I walk deeper into this place in my life, I've had to forgive myself for wanting those kind of friendships and realizing that it just doesn't come with the territory. And I'm okay with it now. You are? Yeah. I still think. I still see girlfriends out at dinner.

I'm like, oh, they look like they're having fun. You know, while I'm by myself at the bar, you know. But I understand my, you know, I understand what's required of me. Your choices. Yeah, it's a calling. And there's certain new things that just don't fit. And I'm okay with that. Are you proud of your?

yourself? I am proud of myself. In that space, I'm also proud of myself. I'm getting choked up. I'm proud that I've taken stances that are not necessarily popular. I'm proud that I've walked past that were necessarily what everybody else is doing. I'm proud that I hear God. And even if it's not the most popular thing to do, I still follow the divine. And I'm proud of that. I'll ask you what you ask. What are the tears for? It's not easy.

And so the tears are me realizing it's not easy to do this. But I'm so honored that God's chosen me for the work. And so I know I'm pleasing him, and that's what this is, that I'm not following the popular road that's traveled. I'm following the divine road that's been assigned to me. Wow. That leads me perfectly into my last question, my favorite question in the bowl. If God would have texted you right now, what would it say? Oh, if God were to text me right now and I would.

I need my tissue here. I knew you're going to make me cry. I didn't make you cry. You did. You did. I did it. Okay, ask me again. If God would have texted me right now, what would it say?

I love the way you hear me. The pain is not in vain. I'm proud of you. And believe it or not, as great as you've been doing and as amazing as you are, there's so much more. You can't even imagine with your human little self how much I have for you. So don't give up. Keep going. Woo! That's AJ Johnson in real life.

This is AJ Akuya Johnson in real life. Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comments, and check out all of the other episodes we have on H. Martinez, IRO podcast. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important, to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island to serve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture, with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes, Davenport. and Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business

and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicists for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stillard, and a lot of other big shots

that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude

is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Tutero. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, the longest yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Tatoro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing, my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.

And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness, Delivering Happiness. And many, many more. Open your free high-heart radio. Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Tuttle. And listen now. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.