Joe and Jada - Angie Martinez IRL - Snow Tha Product: Build a Life That Actually Feels Like Yours

Episode Date: October 2, 2026

Latin grammy nominee, Snow Tha Product joins Angie Martinez to talk about her journey making it in the music industry as an independent artist alongside her family, growing up as a first generation Mexican-American, and finding light in the face of depression. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or https://promo.boostmobile.com/webuilt...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Hi, this is Kylie Breakman. Angel Geratana. Jeremy Colhain. Patrick McDonald. And we're the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists Podcast. The Improvised Character Comedy Podcast where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft.

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Start listening to Scam Goddess on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Welcome to The Beastia, where the peloteros, artist, and creators, tell them that what really was to get up and to get us there. Or me pung to think, I was, I'm a little. The most people. The major, no, joledia, they'd say, to all. tell me the decina the front,

Marri, when he was going with the cornets of the music. With Donna the coon of the voices

that are going to get to beck and they're to start in the characters. Listen on IHeard Radio

Apple Pock or where see that podcasts. On recent episodes of the Questlove show

I chatted with Jojo about her music and Wallow 267 about his story, everything in between

Don't invite me to karaoke. I'm going to make it weird. Someone's going to to try to sing leave get out or too little

too late you and I'm going to be like, okay, cool. Check out my conversation with JoJo, Wilo, 26, 7, and more on the Questlove show. Listen to the Questlove show on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Peace. Hi, guys, I'm Hoda Kotby, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like my longtime friend Seth Myers.

I would often go back to my office and be like, you're not as funny as they are. And the most haunting thing about that is you can't outwork talent. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Maybe I did live another life, you know, and it's like maybe that's related to something else. Because I'll tell my girls sometimes, like, I'll see things that, like, in my dreams and stuff. And I'm like, I don't even think that's related to me. Like, I don't know what the fuck that is. I don't know.

I'm going to sound crazy. If you make me talk long enough, I'm not going to sound crazy. They're going to fucking lock me up. No. I don't think you sound crazy at all. Hey, guys, thanks for watching. This episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile.

Our guest today went from a mixtape that hit the Billboard top rap albums chart to walking away from Atlantic Records to building her own, her own everything from scratch. She has millions of followers that she's grown when I find this fascinating, that she's grown with no manager, no label, still, no manager, no label, no team, publicist. I mean, like my wife and my son are here. You know, yeah, like I just recently got with a media company that's doing some of the publicity stuff, helping me out with different things.

But no, none of that. However, you know, I'm not opposed to maybe someday finding the right manager. Yeah. I just haven't. But I say all that to say that you really embody the spirit of an independent artist who's found their way and created an amazing following and has had a full career kind of on your own. Thank you.

She's also been one of the most outspoken voices in hip hop on immigration, LGBTQ, identity, mental health. She is a wife. She is a mother. She is Snow the product in real life today. Thank you. Hi, Snow. Hi.

I feel like we're Instagram friends. I know. I feel like I want to buy with you in real life. and so I'm glad you're here today. I'm very glad to be here. But I've been following you. We've never met, but I've been following you. We follow each other.

Isn't that funny how you could have... Yeah. Like, I feel like I kind of know you, but... Yeah, and it's been like years where it's like, you know, we kind of like think about, like we're like, okay, should we... Let's meet up and I think it's nice to see you and it does feel like I know you. You know what I'm saying? But let's get to know each other.

What I'm hoping for today is that people who know you and follow you will get to know you and like maybe a little bit of a different level. And then people who don't know you could come to the part of the part of the person. party. Yeah. Yeah, God willing, you know, yeah. Take me to the beginning. Like, how do you even like begin this career? I, when I was a little kid, my dad would make me sing Mariachi, when I was like really little kid. My dad sang my dad to my dad to my grandpa, like, oh, you know, in our family, it was always musical. It was always like, there's a get together, everyone's singing, like they're, you know. Both your parents are from Mexico? Yeah. Yeah. And so that's what it was.

I ran away from it for a long time. I kind of almost ran away from everything. My dad was a very, like overbearing dude. So it was like everything he like pushed me to do. I was like rebelled at some point. I was like, I don't want to do that. Is he first generation here? Yeah. He's in Mexico.

Both my parents are in Mexico. Oh, they're still in Mexico. Yeah. Well, they came here. Like kind of how we say that like got citizenship and then left. So I was just like, what was all this for? You know? Which is weird because it's like now I'm spoken about immigrants.

And I'm like, most of the immigrants I know left. So I'm like, what am I even doing? Like half the time I'm arguing with myself. Like what am I like, you know, but I guess. Anyway, we'll talk about that. But yeah. Yeah, that ran away from it. At some point, start freestyling, start rapping, you know, hip hop.

You know, you're listening to music. What are you listening to? I think I could do it. Ms. Lauren Hill, big pun, you know, bigie, Pock, obviously, Andre 3000, Brad, Shauna, like, you know, Little Cam, like, Missy. You know, it's just all the stuff that, I don't know, this good music. And I think I haven't left that vibe When I put on music, I put on the same stuff I listen to my entire life

You know, so I don't know You still to now listen to it. To this day. Yeah, I know. I haven't left that era of music. I, other than like Drake, I think, or like Bryson Tiller, like I listen to like more R&B stuff. Yeah.

So, okay, so you're younger, you're listening to that and you try it. Try it. And you're like nice right away. No, terrible. Yeah, no. Like I think a couple of my bars, I kind of like I kind of got the gist

and I've been listening to like the best, you know? So I'm just like, okay, This is how you form a bar and this is how you do patterns. I was really obsessed with like percussion and drums. So it's like I would just be like, okay, this is how you want to. And I don't know. That was it. Like that's just what I did.

And I felt good. And I got to escape my life as it was while I was making it. And I think it just became an escape. And that's all. What were you escaping? I don't know. I was just, you know, I was first generation. American-born granddaughter on two sides.

You know, my mom's one of nine. My dad's one of nine. Huge family, just fully Mexican. Like, everyone's just born in Mexico, raised in Mexico. That's it. I'm the first granddaughter that pops out. And I'm like, now born in the U.S. And like, being raised here and like, I'm hearing everyone telling me everything I'm

doing is wrong. And you're just like, I don't know where to go. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, it's not like we have very much money or anything. So my dad's working two jobs. my mom's working like everyone it starts to feel really alone so I would literally just like make music you know or like write or like first it started off as like kind of like writing words poetry and then it just became rap and then it became go to this showcase go to this showcase

and you just kind of start I don't know and then I never stopped I remember my mom said this one time when I was in high school she was like you quit everything you do she's like you do things and then you quit and then you whatever she's like the next thing you do just don't stop just go just do something. And it was rap. And I just never did. Wow. And that was it. You know, I don't know. I don't even know if sometimes I question myself. I'm like, is this what I really wanted to do? And I'm like, I don't know. I just kept going, you know, and then it eventually included my brother and my cousin and my family and my friends. And then it just became something that we all gathered around to create together. Like a community. You built a community. Yeah. So now I'm like, and now we all live

together and we have a ranch and everybody lives on the property. And this is just all we know. This became really my life. How many people on this property? I mean, it's my aunt and her kid. It's my cousin, my brother, my wife, my son, all my animals. And here and there, whoever crashes, you know? Like, I have multiple places where you can crash if you want. Like, some people stay for a while, two weeks. Some people don't.

Like, just kind of whatever. That is a whole vibe, though. Yeah. And there's music always happening? There's music. There's pool. There's a carnisala. There's just, you know, I have goats.

I have chickens. I have dogs. And just... Trying to live in community, I think. You know, it's so interesting, we always hear the story of, like, the immigrant who has to deal as a child feeling out of place because they're here and language and all that. But don't really often too much hear the story of the first generation where your whole family and everybody else around you has lived a different experience. Yeah. And you're this little girl growing up here with this American hip-hop music as your influence.

and English was your second language? Second language. It was just a second language. But you were probably one of the few in your family that were fluent, right? Yeah. I mean, well, when I was little, my little brain didn't understand that I was going to speak English. Like, I thought I was just going to grow up to be like my mom. Like, I was just going to speak Spanish.

So my household was completely Spanish. And it wasn't until, I think, like, you know, as I start going to school and, like, kindergarten, first grade, that I start speaking English as a second language, but I have an accent. And now, you know, people at school. kids are making fun of how you say things. But then at home you can't speak English because then people think you think you're better than them. So it's like you're just kind of like battling these two identities and constantly doing that.

But yeah, you're right. That's a lot. It is a lot. You know. When you think about that, right? Yeah. Because then you're not even young. You're too young to even process that.

Yeah. You're just happy. You know what I'm trying to figure it out? I was a happy hyper kid. Like I was just running around doing a lot. and then yeah life and society starts to kind of like

limit you and control you can't do this and you can't do that and you can't do this here and if you do that there you can do it over here but not over there and you just start kind of like and obviously being neurodiversion

and like having ADHD it's like it starts to feel like everything you're doing is wrong and so you feel alone and it takes a while to and I think that's where you start seeking that community that that vibe

is like okay they don't like rap so where are the people who like rap so I could go hang out with them and you know where are the people who want to make this type of music or do these type of things? And I think that's ultimately why a lot of times in Latino communities or black and brown communities, we seek community and family outside of our own family. And it ends up sometimes, you know, being the streets or gangs or whatever.

But it's because we're just looking for like-minded people to, like, hang out with and have fun. That likes the same shit we like. That's all, you know? And don't look at us like we're crazy. Yeah. So when you were young, were you struggling with ADHD and all that? Or was that older that you kind of identified that? I think pretty young you could tell something was going on because I was just a lot.

I was a lot. Even nowadays when I watch some of my baby videos, I'm like, oh, okay. Like I get my mom now sometimes. You know, I was kind of annoying. Like I was just so much. And but pretty early on, my mom, I think, in like elementary school, she started like kind of being like you have something. So, and she was very, the good thing that I could give my mom props for is she always seek help for whatever we needed. I did go to therapy young.

I did, you know, get diagnosed with ADHD. I did, you know, they did try medicine. So I think that was good. It was good that my mom always kind of like seek. Okay. What age is that? Like middle school. Yeah.

Oh, that's pretty young. Yeah. And I feel like there's so many people almost being misdiagnosed now. I feel like everybody says ADHD so lightly. Yeah. Like if your kids just has a lot of energy or what I just feel like people throw that around all the time versus clinically. Yeah. What that means or what that.

experiences or yeah i don't know what's that mean for your life yeah i don't know i think you know and i'm gonna like because i've kind of lived with it and known that i have it and i've i tried medicine and i didn't like it you know like i'm not someone who like i don't think people should immediately go to like taking that if you don't absolutely need it sometimes i will say that ADHD when you're when you're going unmedicated for a long time it could turn into like you know depression and i did suffer from a lot of that like anxiety depression and stuff like that. But every time that I would kind of like try a medicine,

it would have a reaction somewhere else, and now you've got to take something else for that. So it's like, the ADHD is giving me anxiety. Now the anxiety, you got to take something else for that. Now you got to sleep, you know? So it's like, it gets to a point where I was just like, man, I just drank coffee and prayed and kept a pushing. I was like, that was it, you know?

Here and there, I'll be like, all right, I think I need to talk to my therapist and psychiatrists and get a little medicine or something to just, level me out, but other than that, I'm like, yeah, you're okay. You're managing. We're, we're going, we're, we're going, we're, we're going, do you think it informs or helps you as a creative? I think it helps. Yeah, that's what I mean. I think it helps a lot. I think ADHD and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, just whatever, it helps you a lot creatively, but it does help to have a team around you of people

who are not neurodivergent that could kind of, like, bring it down, land it. You feel me? Because I, I, you feel me? Because I, and that's what I was saying about, like, I do wish I had, sometimes I do wish I had, like, a really good manager that can help me with some of this. Because, like, I have a lot of ideas and I spark a lot of things and I want to go here and there. And then sometimes I'm like, oh, shit, I'm 20 projects deep and I don't know which one to finish, you know? Yeah. And so, but my wife is very neurotypical. She's like, okay, here's the things you have this week.

Break down these terminologies for me. No typical? She's more like. Neutypical and neurodivergent. Yeah. Break down what those mean for some of me. For me? Well, for me.

With ADHD, right? With ADHD, like I just have these, my brain tends to be very great and creative and have all these great ideas and I love it. And a lot of times what has ended up becoming what made my life work out was those ideas. There was these sporadic random like, what if I do this? And then I did it. And then next thing you know, you know, I'm, you know, got a Latin Grammy nomination or I went viral again and we have a great song. And, you know, streaming well and whatever. And sometimes when I'm not in that type of vibe, I'm just a blob. I'm just like, you know? Imagine somebody who's like lives of a very strict life with a strict family and is in a box for whatever reason. But they had their ADHD or neurodivergent, how that could go left without, I don't know, just the way to get it out. I think a lot of times that's what happens. It's like when your inner child, right, like I was saying, it's like I was a little kid, I was happy, I was hyper, I'm moving around, I'm doing all these things or whatever.

And it's like, then society tries to like push you into this box and then, you know, what you can do, what you can't do. You're a woman. You need to do this. You need to, you know, and it's like sometimes that's not it. You want you're a multifaceted, you know, person. And, and I think that does eventually turn into something problematic for a lot of people. They're forced to, you know, you go to college and now you have to have a nine to five and you work for the man. and you know, you just want to make enough money or put enough money in your retirement, your 401k to one day retire and finally be able to take that one big trip that you always wanted, you know, and that's life, you know, and it, I think that sucks. And I think if more people were free to do what they wanted and have those side hustles,

have those hobbies, have those outlets, those creative outlets, more people would be happy and they would stop messing with other people's lives, you know? Sometimes people are miserable, so they want to just go around and, you know, can I cuss? Yes, please. Okay, sorry. Shit on other people's life or, you know, and it's just like, that's not what life was supposed to be. You were supposed to just live free.

Free. You know? Yeah. And I think honestly, maybe everybody is a little bit neurodivergent and everybody is allowed to just feel whatever they feel. Probably more than that's been diagnosed for sure. Yeah. And I think that's why sometimes when I talk about this stuff,

I say it because I see sometimes people parenting their kids and they're not giving them that freedom to do whatever they want. want to do. And I'm like, damn, like, that kid right now, like, you know, is being seen as a bad kid. And it's like, they really just need, they need another outlet because. They need to be stimulated in different ways. Yeah. Creative, you know, go go do some things. Go get dirty. Get muddy. Like, whatever. My kid, I would let him get dirty and he would be in a diaper just running around. Like, whatever. We're all, you know, take a shower. I think that's it. I think that's, yeah.

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bonus on a $10 deposit. Okay, so now you're a kid. You find this creative thing and you're rapping. And your family is like, yeah. I mean, you would, yeah, we love it or what do you do? What is this? No, like, well, already before, like I said, I seeked out people who were more like me. Because you very quickly as a young kid, especially in first generation, you, you, you start seeing the colorism, the racism, the things within your own family, the not accepting of, you know, and you just start being like, that's wrong.

Like, I don't like that, you know, or like going to school, learning certain things. and then going home and unlearning those things to learn what, you know, my dad, one thing that my dad did do for me was he taught me to be very proud, like, indigenous and Mexican. And, you know, so sometimes when I'm going to school and they're teaching me about the missions and, you know, what they educated the indigenous people. And then my dad's like, they didn't educate them. They freaking locked them up. And then they, you know, took a lot of things from us, you know. So it's like, I'm learning all these things, you know, and I'm learning about dinosaurs and how the world started and, you know, the big bang. And then my dad's like, no, it was Jesus. And I'm like, oh, shoot,

Like what? So it's like I'm just in this constant push and pull. And so I don't know. I think rap and music and frustration and talking about all this became something. So yes, once I was going to rap, I knew my family wasn't going to like it. And so that made me even more pulled away from everything. Just go in my room and I would spend hours and hours and hours by myself. What were you rapping about?

What were you writing about? Getting out of poverty. I mean, at the time I was a bad kid. I mean, I hope my son covers his ears. But I was doing bad, you know what I'm saying? I was like, I was rebellie, right? So I'm, you know, committing little crimes and going to juvenile hall and doing dumb things that I shouldn't have been doing and just trying to find, I don't know, I was mad, I was angry. I was trying to figure out what life was about.

So I'm rapping about everything. You're rebellious rapping too, right? Yeah. Fuck these people. Fuck them. Fuck everybody. Fuck everybody. I'm fucking poxing.

Like, I'll rob you. Like, I don't fucking care. Like, you know, so that's basically, yeah. So when did you, I don't know, at some point, when did you think this could be a career? Well, I tried to go to college for like two weeks. Two weeks. And then I got a parking ticket. Were you studying communication?

No, psychology. I wanted to be a social worker because I got a lot of help. Like I said, my mom did get me that. I went to the teen center and then low-income housing. Like, I was like, I want to do that for someone. like, you know, especially after I decided, when I went to Juvenile Hall and did all this bad stuff or whatever, like, they had therapists in there. And then they were just like, is this what you want for the rest of your life? Like, you want to be locked up. Like, you're, you say you're this rebellious person, but you want to be in here being told what to do every day, you know, whatever. And then they talk with you. 17, 16. Yeah, it was like, they were like, you really, they're like, you do this again next year. You're going to prison. Like, you're going to jail. Yeah. And I was just like, then they were like, you know, your brother. Think about your brother and that, right? There. kind of hurt me a lot because my brother, I've always been very close with it. So I was like, man, you know what?

I got to do better. And then I just, I remember even reading the Bible and stuff and just being like, all right, like I promise God, I'm not going to do nothing bad. Just, you know, I knew that karma was coming. So I was just like, yo, God, please, just forgive me for this. And I just will never do any of this ever again. I'll focus on whatever I got to focus. You're 17 having this conversation with God.

Yes, with God. Like, like, real, like, really just, I'm reading Proverbs. I'm like, really just like, I don't ever want this feeling again, you know? I felt like, I felt like shit. To be honest, like I just didn't. And then I'm looking at all my friends. And at that point, my friends are 18, 19, 20. They're going to jail.

They're getting into meth now or different stuff. You know, first I was, it was just like, we're smoking weed. We're doing this. We're doing that. Now people are starting to do bigger things. And I'm just like, ah, that's not really what I want. So then I just focus on the music. Start going to showcases.

People start really being like, oh, you're good. Like, you're not just kind of good. You're good. And I was like, nice. It felt good to get those compliments. You know, it felt good to be told I'm good at something. so it gives you like a purpose right yeah yeah yeah yeah the music you love your favorite radio stations everywhere you go the podcasts everyone's talking about all in one place

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Like, yeah, like Diablo, this is for me You know And not it was the moment but

I had to practice three years to get to a firm The job The pressure The time You know

I didn't I didn't Roppa or nothing In December I put some sapato

used that they were given them were in a cutoff runoffing. Ronald Acuio,

right people about God, God, I'm got that's what I'm when I'm

when I'm my wife my I'm what you're what you did you did you do you

do this I'm going to go to the league, well, I don't have the opportunity but thanks and

you're this, and no, Marie, how I'm so many, because all people

people want to understand what it costs. This is real. This is without filter. Sin'E

No Clue. Escuch a best in my culture podcast network. In IHeard Radio app, Apple Podcast or where

I see podcasts. You broke me. You do not deserve happiness. I'm Andrea Gunning. On this season of betrayal, we meet Carl

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For nine months, someone infiltrated every aspect of Carl's life threatening to ruin him. Cyberstalking, swatting, extortion, impersonation. And then the text threats escalated. Someone's not going to make it out of this alive. It's playing out in real life, not just on the phone. Every piece of evidence pointed to one man. But every piece of evidence was a lie.

He was not going to stop unless we stopped him. Listen to Betrayal Season 6 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Dear honies, this is goodbye. In February of 2024, celebrated illustrator and children's book author Patramathers and her husband Michael nailed letters to dozens of friends and family members to let them know that they had died by suicide. By the time you get this letter, both Petra and I will be dead. Next stop, Wonderland. Patra and Michael were by all accounts, healthy, happy, and in love.

Why did they do it? And what did it do to the people they left behind? I would have given a million reasons to not leave this world had I known. I keep coming back to I truly hope that Petra was a thousand percent on board with the plan. Do you think of him as having killed her? Yes, I do. I hold Michael responsible from my mother. stuff. I'm Leon Nafeck. And I'm Alice Gregory. Together we set out to interview everyone who got

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Listen to Big Lives on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get podcasts. And then I just, low-key, like, I just keep going. And then I find the internet. So then that's when, you know, MySpace and YouTube and that Piff and, you know, the two dope boys and blogs. And then eventually I get on World Star. That'll do it for you. And then you start get pop. Yeah, World Star Post back then.

Like, yeah, they're going to drag you to hell, but they're going to get those views up and you're going to get something going. So like that feeling, that negative, just trying to run away from it. So I always put it into rap and put it into music and put it into being creative or whatever. And then sometimes I would just run away physically. I would just, you know, go to Mexico or dip. Because I always grew up, you know, between Northern California or Southern California or, you know, then I moved to Texas and then going to to Mexico, it's like, I've always kind of, like, had that feeling of just, like, running away. And eventually, you really don't run away anymore.

You're just kind of sitting in it. I think that's kind of where I'm at right now. It's like, I don't think physically running away from anything is going to do anything. The world's becoming smaller. The more, you know, the more internet and the more I can travel, I can buy a ticket anywhere right now. The world just became a lot smaller. So now you're just like, okay, so what the hell am I? So I think that's where I'm at right now is, like, trying to figure out what it's always been.

It was fun. It's been fun to make music. It's been fun to tour and then go. Just keep going. And eventually you just kind of sit there and be like, damn. In the quiet? That scares people, boy. I'm surprised therapy hasn't pointed that out for you.

It does, but it's almost like, how do I say this? I've been able to, I can say it to you. I could tell you right now what I know it is. And I'm, it doesn't solve it. You know what I'm like, I know what it is. I know what I'm kind of like, I can pinpoint these things at this point. And I can put it into words and it's just like, so maybe, so maybe it's not that. I don't know.

Maybe it's something else, but I just don't see it. I don't know. But I think that's what life is, right? It's like, it's that constant wanting. I mean, as humanity, we've always like, wanted to improve something, wanted to make something better, wanted to discover something, wanted to find something. Like, I think that's what pushes us forward as, like, humanity. Yeah.

I don't know. If you don't have hope or if you don't have somewhere to go, then you just kind of sit there and just wait. It's kind of like when old people, like, retire. and then they just sit there they don't have a purpose anymore and they just kind of like it's sick and die like that's sad that is depressing

that's depressing that you just depress me like so you don't know so then we keep going you know it's like that's why people like garden or do things or build things or you know it's like I think about it I think about like do I want to stop rapping and then I'm just like damn

what the hell am I going to do just sit there no you can't just sit there right you do not do anything else besides rap besides your career what do come on there's got to be more I just started golfing. I talked about this all the time, but golf has become my thing. Okay.

I grew up in New York. You would never, I would never in my mind think that I would find that. But something about being out there in that grass and doing something that you're focused. I don't know. For me, it's become a thing that takes me out of work, keeps me working on something, trying to learn, trying to figure this little game, this fucking crazy little game out. Yeah. I just feel like it's important to have things outside of what we do for a career that keep us kind of still. Yeah.

And I do. I mean, I got like that the ranch. It's just I got into, I got into like tried to get into gardening, but that's more frustrating than anything I've ever done in my life. That stresses you out. I'm mad. I'm depressed. I'm angry.

It's not cool at all. You can't retire from music and just go to gardening. Right? Well, I want to right now that you can't eat lettuce. I'm like, I should really, I think this is wind. The state of the world that we can't even eat lettuce is crazy. Lettis, they got the Pillsbury doughboy. They got the fruits and the vegetables.

They got the worms with the cows. You're just like, bro, farming. Yeah, I guess I should just become a farmer. Yeah, it's really scary. I don't even know what to eat, what to take. Then they tell you to take all these pills that are like supposed to give you longevity or the peptides and everything's this. And there's always like something. And I still, because every day something changes, I don't even know what work.

I saw something on Instagram the day because like my glam people was like, you got to get on the peptides. I'm like, but do I? Because what is the... Yeah, what's going to happen later. I don't know what happens later. And then I saw something on Instagram, it was like, you didn't want to take the COVID vaccine,

but you're getting peptides from the Taco Lady. Right. And it's true that. Where are you getting the peptides from? What is in that peptide? Is that what work for you? Does it work for you and not for me? I don't really know.

I don't even know what to eat anymore. Like, what do we do? Yeah, so far every, like, evolutionary thing that has happened with, like, with consumerism and, like, capitalism has not worked out very well. You know, it's like they got the microwave, because that's going to make you heat up the food faster. They got the plastic because you don't want to be using glass and aluminum,

but then the plastic's actually bad and then the microwave's bad. And then, you know, it's just everything we think we solve a problem, we end up creating another one. So it does become like, yo, like, what were they doing in the past? Like, let's just do it that way. Because it seemed like the old ladies in Mexico will be living until 150 years old, you know? And so it's like, let's just do that, you know? And what do they do?

Yeah, the heat I was like, let's do that. They eat fresh food from outside. Yeah. Right? They probably garden, which you don't love doing. Yeah. I don't want to kill my chickens, right? So like, I just get the eggs from the chickens. I can't see myself wanting a fresh chicken that bad. But, but, you know, but I mean, do you eat meat? Do you eat chickens? I do, but, like, I just eat other people's chicken. I don't want to eat my own chickens. I don't want to kill my own chickens. I want somebody else to do it. I don't want a relationship with your chicken. I can't even take an egg from the chicken and eat it right there. It's got to live in the fridge for a bit. I got to forget that it came from there. And then, yeah That's so funny Yeah

Like the limes from my trees I definitely use those Like do you eat Because when people make the pork Like the they roast the full pork I can't I can't I can't I don't eat a lot of pork

But when I do it I can't watch somebody Kill a pig and put it on the thing Yeah it's a little gruesome I can't do it And a fish I don't want to see the head Or the eyeball

Well I mean I'll eat a big fried I'll go to Mama Juana And eat the big fish That they have there You know With the eyeball looking at you?

Not, look, I would just be a little bit, like, I don't make eye contact with it, but we don't make eye contact. No, I'm like, just looking away. I hit the hookah. That's fine. You know? Hit the hookah. Forget about it. Have a drink.

I don't know, man, you know. All that shit can stress you out. It really could. The world is literally designed to stress us to fuck out right now. Yeah. And that's what I mean. It's like, you have all these thoughts and you're just like, okay, well, this is connected to this and that's connected to that.

And if I make money with this company, that company's with this. And then you eventually just sit there and you're like, Damn, I don't know what to do. Like, you kind of freeze up, you know, so you do. I think it's a lot right now. There's so much information. We know everything. You know what I'm saying?

It's like right now all the information is out there. You know about at least 200 different people's problems right now. And back in the day, you just knew the local community, you know, who's cheating on who. It was just like right there. Now you're just like getting information from everywhere. From everywhere. And seeing people fuck up and then worried that that can happen to you or. And then they're canceled.

And then you're like, okay, that's cancelable. And then they're not canceled no more. And you're like, oh, okay, what the hell happened there? But then they're canceled over some shit that you're like, really, I don't know, public perception right now is wild. Wild. Do you feel, do you play into that? Or because I feel like your audience is so, I don't know, I feel like you operate in a different channel than the rest of the music business. I try to.

I'm saying, you have your own kind of channel. Yeah. Is it as scary in your own channel or is it a little safer there? It's safer for me with my direct core fan base. Yeah. We're good. There's always going to be the core fan base and then there's like the outer layer and then there's like the outer layer. And it gets a little tricky there.

I think, you know, getting people to go from that outer layer to like my core takes a while. But when they're there, I feel safe with them. So and that's where I welcome people into, you know, life with my wife. and my child and the ranch and, you know, what I do, but also between caring ridiculously too much and not giving a fuck, I kind of just, you know, depending on the day. You know, some days I'm like, it is what it is. And some days I'm like, damn, I don't even want to go out there

because I don't want to know what they think. But my people are safe. You know what I'm saying? I have channels, literal, where it's directly with them. I have, you know, conversations and chats where it's directly with my main people. And as long as I can live there on my slow days and I can go out there when I have the energy, then that's cool. What do you, I don't know, yeah, what is the thing you want still?

Like, what do you think you need to still, like, do you still chase those kind of things that people think maybe you should have or is deemed, you know? Here and there, I think sometimes it comes from ego, though, you know? I think sometimes here and there when I'm like, I want this thing. I think that's just more for me to feel. What is the thing? I don't know. Like the accolades.

Yeah, like whenever you think about the accolades or whenever you think about like, like, you know, okay, I want that. Heavy rotation, radio songs. Yeah, you know, and then, but then it's like when you know, when you peek behind the current and you see how it all happens, you're like, it doesn't feel as good as when I first started out and I was bright-eyed and I'm thinking like, like, one day I'm going to get this thing. But then when they're like, oh, yeah, well, you know, you can get that thing.

You just got to talk to this person and pay this and do this and do that. And, you know, and whatever and give up this. to this person because that person is actually connected to this, it starts to just not feel so... Authentic? Yeah. Like as empowering as I would have thought to get it. It just feels like, okay, we're in the right race.

You know? I think that's why sometimes I love making music live on live stream and then it goes. Like, for example, Sabado. Sabado felt good because I was on live stream. I'm making a song. I'm having fun. My fans are watching it. The shit goes crazy.

And now we're like, yo, we saw this. Like, we shot the video on my house. I think when you've felt that level of authenticity and, like, joy and something that really was authentic, everything else kind of falls short. You know what I mean? I do. So it's like, I chase that now. I want that again. I want not another side of it because obviously, like, that was a moment.

But it's like, I want little moments. And even if they don't, they're not this, I feel like all those little moments, that's a heartbeat. That's a, you know what I'm saying? You're not always going to be on 120 fucking BPM. You've got to be on chill sometimes. You got to breathe. You have a heart attack. Yeah, you're a heart attack.

You're on pre-workout. You got a... Not pre-workout. You're pre-workouting right now. That's mad funny. Yeah. Wow, what a good balance. You figured it out.

Is it always, like, I don't know. You talk about the ego, not... Sometimes the ego boy, woo. Yeah. That'll get you. That'll get you. And I've done... I've changed things for ego,

and then I've sat there with myself and had to be like, bitch, you know, that was your ego. Like, why did you be do that? You know? So, I don't know. I think it's all of it. I think it's all of it. I think a real whole human experience is going to be some moments are ego, some moments

are pride, some moments are, you know, vulnerability. Sometimes you're slow, sometimes you're fast, whatever. You know, your home. It takes a second for me to slow down at home. I think my girl knows. Like, I'll take a rest and then I'll just get up and she'll be like, what? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, just physically, like,

I'm like, I got to go. Like, I don't know what it is, you know? So I think it's training and practicing to be at peace sometimes and relax. I have a meditation spot. I try to like calm down and see the butterflies and the hummingbirds. And I don't know. It's all of it. You know what I'm saying?

And I want all of it. That's the crazy thing. You want the full human experience. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want all of it. I want the peace and I want the crazy. I want the chaos. I want the anxiety.

I want all of it. If the depression brings me certain topics to talk about, then I'll take that too. You know? Yeah. Does that still, have you managed that? Because I know you've had bouts with that. No, I have that all the time. It's all the time?

It's like. You just live with it? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I think it's like sometimes, sometimes it just feels like, I don't know. Sometimes it feels like maybe I did live another life, you know? And it's like maybe that's related to something else because I'll tell my girl,

sometimes like I'll I'll like go through something or like I'll see things that like in my dreams and stuff and I'm like I don't even think that's related to me like I don't know what the fuck that is but I don't know I'm gonna sound crazy if you make me talk long enough I don't sound crazy they're gonna fucking lock me up

no I don't think you sound crazy at all I don't know I actually get all of that you know it's like spiritually if we're talking spiritually and we're talking you know life and you get deep enough you're woke enough it all.

You also realize, too, how much we don't fucking know about anything. Anything. We think we got shit. As soon as you'd be like, I got this figured out, I got my depression

or my ADHD or my insecurities, whatever your thing, whatever your shit is. You think you figured it out. And then the more work you do, you realize, okay, but the universe,

okay, but the, all the other things happen. I think that humility, like that comes from knowing we don't know what the fuck we're talking about. And I think, and that's why I think I like live with my depression is because I'm like, when just when you think that you figured out that you're happy now, you're like, oh, I beat it.

And the next time you get that wave, you're like, fuck, I did it. So it becomes almost more depressing. You know, it's kind of like when you get disappointed by someone. It's like, if you just know that that person is disappointing, you just fucking, you just live with it. You're just like, all right, well, that person. Have you got to that point with it where it could like a wave could happen and you could just be like, this is just what it is. You breathe through it. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that's what I mean. It's like, you know, it's chemical, I think. Sometimes, you know, it's like I could be in the happiest place. And if, like, my body chooses to just have this, like, feeling, I have it. And I breathe through it and I chill and I, you know. Yeah. And then it goes away.

I had a car accident, five, six years ago. It was real bad. I had PTSD. And the therapist told me something about that tissue because I kept saying, because I couldn't drive after. Like, I get in the car, my hands would start shaking. And I knew in my brain, oh, you're having trauma. Oh, you know what it is. Like, you could say the words.

Oh, I need to just come. I'm down. I need to know I'm safe. I need to know I'm staying in the moment. All the things that they teach you to say and the shit was just not working. And months were passing and I couldn't drive to the corner and the shit. And the therapist said to me was like, why do you want to control this process? Yeah. Stop trying to control the process. You are shaking because you had a bad experience. It's just what it is. Like you're trying to control it makes it worse. Me trying to get over PTSD. Then the stress is that I wasn't over it fast enough. So that was making it worse than dragging it long.

So the same thing like you're talking about depression. It's like if you're trying to fistfight it, it's like you make it almost worse. And like, damn, I thought I beat it. I didn't beat it. Now I'm making myself worse because you're making sense what I'm saying. It's like when people are trying to fight and then people are trying to stop them. So then it just makes this whole bigger thing. It's like people are pulling this person and that person and they're pushing and next thing.

It's like, yeah, it becomes this whole scene instead of just. I think it's about giving yourself enough grace to kind of like just float. through it, like being in like a flow state with being able to like manage whatever the things are that we're trying to get to the other side of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm grateful for the fact that nowadays, you know, thanks to the internet, like people do have more access to like conversations.

Somebody can be watching this and be like, okay, dope. Like I get that. Or I watch other people, you know, or whatever. It's like having those conversations about mental health or grief or, you know, process or whatever is valuable to us. And I love that. because then we kind of just get to vibe. I love that too.

It's like... This haircut is so cute on you, by the way. Thank you. I chopped off my hair off. I know. You walked in, I was like, oh, this is a different person. I'm dead. Yeah.

I, again, I'm going through some things, I guess. My girl took me to the doctor and they're like, how often do you think about not being alive anymore? I'm like, nope, I know this fucking question. You're tripping. Like, I feel like people think I'm going crazy, but actually I think I'm becoming more true to my... to what I want to be.

Wait, what do you take me, what's happening? Why did they ask you that? Oh, oh, sorry. Yeah, because, because we were just like, am I doing okay?

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, am I emotionally all right? Am I, what am I feeling? And I'm like, again, I think it's like a process. I think it's a wave. And I think right now

where I'm at in my life is like, I just, I want to feel, whatever makes me feel as true to myself and as honest and as good. I think I've been like walking around my ranch now, you know, like, in a sports bra, in the sun,

you know, my hair's short. If I want to get in the pool, I do, I got a tattoo. I want to make music. I want to cook out. I want to, I just want to, like, fully, I don't know. Like, something's pushing me to, yeah. Like, for so long, I think I've cared. As much as I've been the I don't give a fuck person,

I think the more I said I don't give a fuck and the more I acted like I didn't give a fuck, I did. And I think right now, I just fully want to experience not. You know what I'm saying? I want to cut my hair so long and so many people told me no. And then so one day I went in my back. bathroom and I just cut it. Yourself?

Yeah. When did this happen? A few days ago. No way. What just happened? Yeah. How long was it? Like, it was long, right?

Down here. I mean, I do wigs and stuff. So it doesn't matter. I could do whatever, but yeah. You know? So you're just going there with a scissor. And does your wife say, was something going on? I walked out with a towel wrapped around my hand and I just kept smiling.

And she was like, what? What did you do? I was like, nothing? And then I just, yeah. And then my friend. And then I was like, I'm going to cut more. And then my friend was like, do not cut it. I'm coming over. And then they came and then they like fixed it for me because

they were like, you didn't fuck it up. They're like, you actually did a pretty good job. I was like, I know. I was like, I think we, it was cool. What were you trying to do? Like, shed weight. Were you trying to like? Shed weight, energy. Just like, I don't know. I want to like, you know, like I told you. It's like, I have a place in Mexico. I have a place in another place in Mexico. I have a place here. Like, I want to travel. I want to move. I want to just like, I don't know. Just enjoy everything that life has to fucking offer because it feels so negative this record is on

mylie is having a moment new name explosive shows so iHeart radio is sending you to experience it all life at the Hollywood lights hotel tickets and a thousand dollars cash

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of Highlight, we're talking of what there's like, this is for me, you know, and it's not the moment, but I was

to practice three years in a year to get to a firm. The work, the pressure, the times you that you've got

a lot of in December. I was put some zapato some of some of usah that I'm a lot of

people, and artists and figures of culture rompent all. God me made it, and I think

that's what was the that was the of thinking in me and I think no one of my idea. What they've got to do? What did you have to do? The bestia.

Well, I don't have a grand league. Well, I don't have the opportunity, but thanks, you're and you're saying. This, and... No, Marie, how I was so long as long as you? Because,

yes, all people want that level, but not all understand what it costs. This is real. This is without filter. Without excuses. Listen the bestia

in My Culture Podcast Network. In I. Heart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or where I hear you broke me. You do not deserve happiness. I'm Andrea Gunning.

On this season of betrayal, we meet Carl Bryant. Carl thought he was living a normal drama-free life until the messages started. You will have hell to pay. For nine months, someone infiltrated every aspect of Carl's life, threatening to ruin him. Cyberstalking, swatting, extortion, impersonation. And then the text threats escalated. Someone's not going to make it out of this alive. It's playing out in real life, not just on the phone.

Every piece of evidence pointed to one man. But every piece of evidence was a lie. He was not going to stop unless we stopped him. Listen to Betrayal Season 6 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Dear honeies, this is goodbye. In February of 2024, celebrated illustrator and children's book author Patra Mather's and her husband Michael nailed letters to dozens of friends and family members to let them know that

they had died by suicide. By the time you get this letter, both Petra and I will be dead. Next stop, Wonderland. Patra and Michael were by all accounts healthy, happy, and in love. Why did they do it? And what did it do to the people they left behind? I would have given a million reasons to not leave this world had I known. I keep coming back to I truly hope that Petra was 1,000% on board with the plan.

Do you think of him as having killed her? Yes, I do. I hold Michael responsible from my mother's staff. I'm Leon Nafak. And I'm Alice Gregory. Together we set out to interview everyone who got one of Petra and Michael's letters, as one married couple trying to understand another. Listen to Death of an Artist on the Iheart radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On big lives, we take a single cultural icon. People like Jane Fonda, George Michael, Richard Pryor. And we pull apart the story behind the image. And we do this by digging through the BBC's vast archive. We're talking iconic moments in broadcast history. I'm not just a boxer. I'm educating. I can talk all week on millions of subjects.

And forgotten interviews that change how we see these giants of our culture. Well, if changing the system from the ground up is revolutionary, then I'm revolutionary. We're here for the messy, the brilliant, the human version of our heroes. I mean, when I go on stage, I like to dress the slutty as possible because it makes me dance better for some reason. I'm Emmanuel Jochi. I'm Kai Wright. And this is Big Lives. Listen to Big Lives on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get podcasts. You're going to be mad, but she's making me want to cut my hair. Hey, let's do it. You're making me so bad want to cut it. Yeah, like, I feel like it's like... I'm there, too. I'm in a little transition period of my life right now, too. So, like, cutting my hair might feel amazing.

I might regret it because... You don't know. But who cares, right? You go back. Or you put extensions or a wig on. Yeah. It feels like you... Like, okay, I think that's what it was.

Sorry, my brain was all over the place. When I was saying, like, you're running away or you're going somewhere. where you're trying to do, you know, it's like, I think sometimes that, that, because I would be the type of person who, like, I'll be here right now and I'll tell my girl, like, let's buy a plane ticket right now, we're leaving. And then we just go, right? But I think sometimes that is that wanting to have power over your own life. Sometimes it doesn't feel like you do, you know, especially being an artist, especially being in the public eye, especially people commenting or saying whatever. It's like, or at a major label or with a manager or with an agent or with whatever. People just

are like, well, you know, you got to get this check or you got to pull up, you got to do this. And it never feels like you have control over your own life. And so I think that's kind of what cutting the hair for me was. It's like, yo, I want to do this shit and I want to do it. Like, that's it. And I'm going to do it right now in the bathroom. Because I want to. Because I need to.

You know, and it's like sometimes it's just a reminder to yourself that you are, you know, an autonomous body. And like, it doesn't matter. Yes, I'm snow the product. And I rap. And, you know, I'm the girl talking about immigration and whatever. But it becomes a thing that people then expect so many different things from you. And you're like, yo, I do this because it's from the heart.

And I do it and I talk and I say and I whatever I do is from the heart. And the moment that now it's expected, it almost feels like, yo, chill. Like, you know, I think everybody needs to do their part. And I think sometimes people. But you don't want to be like the poster child for something. That's not. That's why, yeah, like, because I, you know, I had some people around me being like, you know, Sabado's doing really well.

Like, let's put all this, all this money to like, you make it go even bigger. And I'm like, I don't think I want that song to become. I'm not the Sabbath, girl. I'm not the Donald Trump song girl. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, let it do and live and be what it is and organically. And then I'll make another song. And, you know, and it's like, and then I'll make another and another.

And that's where I'm happy. I'm not happy. And let's force this hit record to, you know, I don't want to do any of that. And maybe I'm self-abotage. I also think about that. Somebody in your team or your circumference probably feels like that. Some people probably do you. Because they want something for you that maybe you don't even care about so much for yourself.

Yeah, or they want that percentage or they want, you know, whatever. And it's like, I think, I don't know, like I told you, I want to be a full person. Yeah. And I also want to be seen as a full person, you know? So it's like, so I do enjoy the vlog is the same way that I enjoy the music. Maybe the vlogs aren't as popular, but I like it. Yeah. And when I started my podcast, I did that during COVID because I didn't want to do those, you know, when they were doing those live shows, those live performances.

Oh, yes. You know, with the camera, and then they're just rapping, and it just looks corny as hell. I was like, I don't want to do that. So I'd rather give my fan something else. So I was like, I'm going to do these streams, and I'm going to put a mic, and I'm going to talk. And I enjoyed those so much, you know, and I love them. And then not so much for a while. So then I was like, and now I'm going to stream.

And, you know, and I don't know. I just want to enjoy that inner child. I want to let that kid do everything that they want to do, you know. That's so good. I'm sorry that it doesn't align with capitalism sometimes. You know? Yes, I do. That's beautiful.

And you've been really open to about your family. Like you share your son and your fans know your son, your wife, your brother, my cousin. Your brother, your cousin, your home. Yeah. Is that because you just, that's you just being free or that's you wanting to share for other people's experience or what it is for you, right? It's who you are. I love it. I love my brother and my cousin and my family. I love how long they've been there for me. I love that we went from touring in a Honda Civic to a caravan to a 12 passenger to a 15 passenger to renting buses to back to a van because I thought everybody was flipping out on the bus to them buying a bus, you know, to the bus breaking down. Like I love all of it and I want people to see it. you seem to have figured out love too.

Yeah. How long have you married now? Two years. That's it? Well, you're in some change. Well, we dated for a long-ass time. Long time. Yeah, and then we, you know, and yeah, we thank God

didn't get into a relationship until I was ready to do it. And she was ready. And, yeah, I think this relationship is the most, understanding and more allowed me to be free. And I think maybe that's also something that's helping me right now, you know, is that I finally have, like, acceptance and a high person to tell me, you know, like, do that, you know, if you want to. Even with the whole Erica, it's like, I, I pranked her that I got a face tattoo right here because she doesn't want me to. And then I pranked her, and then it was so funny to see, like, we filmed it.

And it was so funny to see her be like, no. And she's like, well. And I was like, really? I'm like, that's the reaction. Like, if I would have known that, I would have just really got it for real. Like, you really do accept me. And so I'm like, that wasn't even a good prank because she's just going to, you know, she's happy for me, whatever I want to do.

And I'm like, that's, that's nice. It's teaching me too, like, you know. Did you have to, did you stumble on that or did you have to learn that that was important in a relationship? It's like somebody that, like, accepts you for all your quirky little fullness. You know what I'm saying? I had to grow to accept that kind of acceptance. I think maybe I have gotten partners in the past that, I don't know, maybe we're like

karmic. Like maybe it was like, I've gone through relationships that have had that in age relationship I've shifted over until I was on the plane where I can see I die with the partner that I'm with now. You have to be ready for that. I had to be ready for that. I feel like, and that's life. And you don't know that till you know that.

I had so many people advise me that. And I was like, yeah, whatever, no, I want to be this person. And it was just wrong, you know? It's like it just was terrible. Like it was. You were married before too, yeah. Yeah, I've been married. I, you know, I've been in a long-term relationship.

I was in a half a decade relationship. And then that went to shit. And then I realized why. Like, you know, it's like, yeah, that's life. And that sucks sometimes maybe it's like that not until you get older and you realize it, you wish you would have known it earlier, you know? So I think that's why, I don't know, maybe I'm supposed to inspire more people to get it. Maybe, you know, we do need a lot of change right now because where the world's kind of going, I feel really not great about it.

Between AI, between, you know, data centers and politics and everything that's happening, it feels dark. It is dark. And it feels like we can't stop it. You think that? I feel like the good guys are losing. Really? Why? I think maybe that's why I want to live as best as I can right now

because I'm like, I don't know that we can stop it. Sorry to depress you. This is the second time in our conversation that you've depred. I'm sorry, I'm depressing you. No, no, no. No, but it's a real thing. No, it is freeing. It's kind of freeing.

Because you have to say it out loud. You have to say it. Otherwise, you're living like, why do I feel so much shit inside? And if you don't say it out loud, Well, the world is fucking crazy right now. That could be more problematic. Yes. Does it feel dark?

Yes. Does it feel like maybe at some point, maybe it's kind of fucking, but right now, you can book that flight to Mexico City and you can enjoy it. Right now, you can sit next to that beach or water or whatever. Right now you can enjoy your family. Like you were telling me, like, I'm going to miss Drew being 16 because your son's older, right? Right now, it's like, it's like if I didn't hear that advice and really take it in, I might just think, oh, yeah, my kid's 16, whatever. But it's like, no, like, right now I can just try to get that feeling in a bottle, you know, and like enjoy it as much as I can. That's what it feels like with humanity and earth and people.

It's like, right now we can hug the people we love. And we don't got to worry about it one day they're not going to be here. We got to do it. We got to do it now. I mean, any of like the wellness regimens, it's always like the moment, living in the moment or just like right now. Right now, even battling PTSD. It's like, can't be fearful of what could happen because it might not even happen. It's like, now you're just living in that feeling.

You're living in that feeling. Yeah. So it's like being present. And it sounds crazy sometimes. Like when you start being like, all right, like sometimes because with anxiety, like you start having like a panic attack or whatever. And sometimes you just start to remember like just feel the table or, you know, like you drink the water, feel like you drink down, tapping.

You're breathing. But it's like when you start talking like that to someone who's not ready to receive that, type of information. They're like, that person's fucking weird. Weirdo. And you're not. You're literally just fucking actually enjoying what the, you know, moment is. You know, when we first start, like, my first microphone was $400.

Like, my dream microphone is the microphone I have now, you know? And it's like, and sometimes I just take it for granted. I should stare at, as much as I wanted that, my mind. I should just stare at it. Or like these microphones, you know, these podcast stuff. It's like when we first went and bought podcast stuff, we like, Whoa, we're like sitting in front of it. And sometimes you just take it for granted.

And it's like, no, man, like, let's enjoy every single bit. It's so funny to say that. Because when we first launched the pod and I first walked in, I was like, it's like a whole set. Like, I came to. It's real. Yeah, like, it was our set. It was like such a big deal.

This is a real set. You know, because I come from radio. We're in a box, little thing. You know, you're flipping all you're on the air. Everything was very. And so when we launched this, I remember feeling that. And I haven't really thought about that much recently. I should remind myself.

It's amazing. What the fuck? And speaking about shift, I mean, yeah, you did radio. And then with, like, the internet and with podcasting and with everything, like, how was that, like, evolution for you? Well, it's like you said. It's like, you just in it trying to ride the wave, trying to like, the wave for yourself. Not the way for outside. Yeah.

I'm aware. You can't stay in a game in the business for that long without being aware of what, like, the industry is doing or what people are responding to. I like to be aware of what everything is. Yeah. then find my a natural space for myself. Not try to like fit into some shit that everybody else is doing because that's not a happy place or comfortable place to be in.

So for me, it's always been that. It's always like, well, what am I, what am I into right now? Oh, I'm going to write a book. I'm going to try this. Podcasting, that's just more of what I already did, which is really just people in conversation. I'm in a radio conversation, pot is conversation. It's really about connection and hearing people, helping people will tell their stories.

Yeah. It's really the same thing. And you made music. I did music for a little while. I did. What was that shit like? Same thing. It's like, you know, having a creative spirit, wanting to try new shit, being a fan.

And then like, oh, how do we do that? And how do we make it better? But for me, it was really hard. And so. Oh, you didn't like the music part? I did, but it was really hard. It wasn't like the natural. Like, this is.

natural to me. This is like I can do this in my sleep. Right. And so it's, I don't know. At some point, I made a choice when I had my son that I wanted to do what was not easy. None of it is easy. You know, you got to get up every day and fucking do glam and do this and make the calls and do all shit. But like what just feels natural in your spirit. You know what I'm saying? It's the same type of thing. I looked up to your career forever. Really? Yes. Like, I remember you made music and then you went through the radio stuff and you had you I feel like that was inspiring to me. I feel like that's what made I don't know like it made sense. I've said it.

I think I know one of my clippers if somebody could find an interview or somewhere where I've said it where I've just been like that I wanted to do radio because of that. You know, it's like I wanted to go somewhere. And then when I did the podcast, it felt good and I felt comfortable and talking. And then now for me, honestly, live streaming is fun just because it's like I think that's a trauma response, we'll talk about that later. But yes, the evolution, like, and did you get more free time with your family because you were doing radio, like you get to clock in and...

Oh, yeah, when I had to do music and I was traveling and for sure, my son was born right after my album came out. And so I had to figure out, okay, what do I want my life to look like? And that was just, it was just easier for me. It wasn't the artistry, the music shit wasn't a natural thing. And it's funny because I used to downplay it a lot because I'm like, oh, it's like looking at a high school yearbook. You'd be like, oh, my God, that was me. Oh, my God.

But now I realize I stopped doing that so much because I realized that that moment was something for other people. And every time I kind of like bash it, I feel like I was ruining the moment for anybody else who connected with it. You know what I'm saying? And now I can look at it with like love. Like, damn, that was dope. Damn, I did this. And we got a Grammy nomination. Ladies and I got a Grammy nomination.

We had a top, I had a top 10 song. Like, you know, I had things that. But some people probably would love to have that experience. You know what I'm saying? So I stopped looking at it as like a weird blip and just as like a dope blip. Like you know what I mean? That was fun. It's dope.

It's inspiring. Like I said, I think that that whole thing, I've seen rappers talk about how they didn't have the child that they wanted. You know, they chose their career or whatever. And it's like sometimes you see those parallels and you go, damn. Like, you know, it's like I, you know, some of us artists have had. You know, we had the kid and we raised them and we chose that. And yeah, did it not turn into this? Yes, but that's our life.

You know what I'm saying? You wouldn't change anything about that. No. I find it really funny that you have the history and the experience and your family and having that experience as this child and this Mexican family and then having a child who's, by the way, this term is so universally known. I didn't know like a Yono Sabo baby is a real universal term that people. people know. And I'm that baby too, by the way. And I'm third generation. My grandfather's

I have Cuban, Dominican, and Puerto Rican background, right? But my mother was born here. My father was born here. So I'm third generation. So my Spanish is shit. And then the crazy thing is my last name is Martinez. I'm a public figure. There's something about being Latina that people, there's expectations that come with that in some way. And so when I was a kid, I used to be so embarrassed by that. Like, oh my God, they expect me to speak Spanish. And my Spanish is, I could do it. But it's going to be more embarrassing for me to speak publicly than it would be for me to just say, I don't speak it because it's so bad.

But then I was thinking, like, wow, that really unites us as Latinas because I think, you know, like this country or just like mainstream people, the term Latina, right? They try to put it in a thing. Like, we are, we are Latinas. But we're not the same. Our experiences are so different. A girl who grew up with a Mexican family in L.A., a Dominican girl from Washington Heights, a Cuban girl from Miami. We're all Latina.

We do have similar threads. But our experience is so different. But the one thing that we all experience is that second, third generation of, like, where your son or me, who would, like, disconnected from the language. That's, like, a real thing. that every single one of us. I'm currently going through it with my son about it. And, you know, and I mean, I don't know.

I struggle with it because obviously sometimes people make fun of me. And they're like, yeah, you're very proud of being Mexican, but your son doesn't speak. You know, and I'm just like, man. Yeah, I'm at the Puerto Rican Day parade for my whole career. Yeah. So I understand him completely. Yeah, I'm like, I just got a bad grade in Spanish. And I'm like, baby, come on.

But, I mean, at the same time, I know, like, as his mom, you know. Like, I don't know, man. I hope to. teach him enough Spanish that he can, you know, get move around. But I, a lot of times I was gone. Yeah, no. It's just, I think it's a added bonus if you can obviously communicate with more people, you know, and it's never too late to try. And I don't think accents, I don't think when, you know, when Hispanic people speak English and they have an accent, I don't think that should be looked down on. And I don't think if Spanish people, if English speaking people speak Spanish with an accent,

I don't think it should be looked down on because people don't never look down on, you know, the Italian or the European accents, whenever people speak English with certain different, or Spanish, with other accents, people don't look down on them. So I don't know. I think if you're trying,

just try. You're flying. You're good. Okay, I'm going to try publicly. Try it. Like, why not?

I think, you know, I think if you weren't trying, you know, then they're getting to you, but don't let them get to you. Yeah, that's true.

You know? And then it's like, with my son, same thing. It's like, I want to teach him more. But I also want, I'm okay with,

like, living those experiences with him. I try to take him to Mexico. Like, he's Mexican, Puerto Rican, and Dominican. So I took him to DR. I took him to Mexico, you know, I have to take him to PR. Like, I have to, like, I'm like, where do you feel your roots? You know, what are you, what are your ancestors telling you?

Because at the same time, me being full Mexican is not his experience. His dad is Puerto Rican, Dominican from Miami. So, you know what I'm saying? Like, he's growing up with a completely different experience than I am. So I'd be telling him this all the time. I'm like, I'm meeting you. Like, you're developing and you're telling me kind of what, you know, and I kind of have to deal with and accordingly.

That's good parenting, though. I'm trying my damnedest. I'm like, sometimes I'll be forgetting, sometimes I'll be getting frustrated, but at the same time, you know, it's like I've left him with, like, whenever I go on tour, like my mom will come into town and I tell my mom, I'm like, mom,

speak Spanish to him, you're his grandma, like you speak Spanish, you know, or his grandma on his other side. Nobody speaks Spanish to him. I'm like, oh, you did what speaks Spanish to me? She's like, yeah, but he speaks English. I'm like, somebody helped me. Yeah, but the idea I love.

that you said you're getting to know who he is. Yeah. I think mothers sometimes we have an idea of what we think our children should be. And I don't know. That's a tough kind of thing trying to form somebody, create somebody, make somebody. But you're not there kind of, you're being introduced to letting your child kind of tell you who they are, which is interesting. It's a push and pool. You know, I obviously can't also just let him drift and just do whatever.

because I know that even he's actually verbally said it. Like sometimes it's okay to give me, you know, direction or structure or whatever. And I'm like, cool, I'm there for that, you know. I'm here to give him the tools that he's going to need to become the man he wants to become. But I also wasn't raised in this time. I was telling him the other day, like I'm like, you know, you're raised on full screens now. And, you know, like people like the internet where it is. And I don't know what future we're leaving for our kids.

Like, that's sad to look at your child and be like, yo, what are we leaving? them, you know? So it's like the best I could do is try to provide that and safety. And then also remember, I'm the mom. I'm not the dad. So I have to, you know, be the nurturing and be that and, you know, have a good relationship with his dad. And it's so much. It's so much to be a mom and to be a grown up and to be a person and to be queer and to be, you know, Latina and to be Mexican and to be all these things. You're so many things. So many buzzwords now. Like literally, it's so crazy how many buzzwords I am. Oh my God.

And then I'm not even trying to be a buzzword. I'm just talking and people are like, oh, these are all those words and, you know, neurodivergent and queer and LGBT. I'm like, that's not my fucking fault. Like, I was these things before people started talking about them on TikTok. Like, they got, they did though, because now people at least, you know. It's like, yeah, it's not so, I don't know. Yeah, and I still have to educate people and deal with that, you know.

Why aren't you just straight? And I'm like, I don't fucking know. Has somebody really asked you, why aren't you? straight. Dude, so much. Literally, people are like some guys, literally, right here in the bathroom, I just have to respond to some fucking guy. Because he was like, that I cut my hair because I need a man. I was like,

girl, shut up. And he has his daughter in his picture. I'm like, one day your daughter's going to come home crying because somebody bullied her. And you better remember that this is what you do on the internet. I'm parenting him. Yeah. On the internet. Yeah.

This record is on. Miley is having a moment. New name. Close a shot. So IHard Radio is sending you to experience it all. Life at the Hollywood Polites, Hotel, Tickets, and a thousand dollars cash. Listen to IHard new music for 10 minutes a day on the IHart Radio app. And click enter.

Every day you listen is another chance to win. Stream Miley's new album Bass Persuades today. Yeah. This is the bestia. Here we don't we're talking to High Light. We're talking about what there's behind. Yeah, like, yeah, like, this is for me, you know? And not the moment,

but I had to practice three years a second to get a firm. The job, the pressure, the times that you didn't even

I didn't know I was in December. I put a one of the suit, some of the suitosos that were

they were they're a lot of people, they're all people, they're all right, I think that

was what that's what was the thing that's when I'm when I'm my I'm what you're

what you're what they're what they're doing this bestia. Because I'm going to go a great league. Well,

I don't have a opportunity but I'm going to a question. This is

this. And I'm like you're so much too because because everyone

everyone everyone doesn't understand what this is real this

is without no my culture podcast network in

I Heart Radio app Apple podcast or whatever whatever

you can you don't deserve happiness I'm Andrea

Gunning on this season of betrayal, we meet Carl Bryant. Carl thought he was living a normal, drama-free life, until the messages started. You will have hell to pay. For nine months, someone infiltrated every aspect of Carl's life, threatening to ruin him. Cyberstalking, swatting, extortion, impersonation. And then the text threats escalated. Someone's not going to make it out of this alive. This department.

It's playing out in real life, not just on the phone. Every piece of evidence pointed to one man. But every piece of evidence was a lie. He was not going to stop unless we stopped him. Listen to Betrayal Season 6 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Big Lives, we take a single cultural icon. People like Jane. Fonda, George Michael, Richard Pryor.

And we pull apart the story behind the image. And we do this by digging through the BBC's vast archive. We're talking iconic moments in broadcast history. I'm not just a boxer. I'm educating. I can talk all week on millions of subjects. And forgotten interviews that change how we see these giants of our culture. Well, if changing the system from the ground up is revolutionary, then I'm revolutionary.

We're here for the messy, the brilliant, the human, version of our heroes. When I go on stage, I like to dress the sluggies possible because it makes me dance better for some reason. I'm Emmanuel Jochi. I'm Kai Wright. And this is Big Lives. Listen to Big Lives on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get podcasts.

Dear honies, this is goodbye. In February of 2024, celebrated illustrator and children's book author Patramathers and her husband Michael mailed letters to dozens of friends and family members to let them know that they had died. by suicide. By the time you get to Shletter both Petra and I will be dead. Next stop, Wonderland. Patra and Michael were by all accounts healthy, happy, and in love. Why did they do it? And what did it do to the people they left behind? I would have given a million reasons to not leave this world had I known. I keep coming back to I truly hope that Petra was a thousand percent on board with the

plan. Do you think of him as having killed her? Yes, I do. I hold Michael responsible from my mother's staff. I'm Leon Nafak. And I'm Alice Gregory. Together we set out to interview everyone who got one of Patriot and Michael's letters as one married couple trying to understand another. Listen to death of an artist on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, you're a good mom. I'm trying. You're trying to have another baby too, yeah? Yeah, hopefully God willing. How was that process? know first round not great we failed but um i also have a that's why i was telling you that i didn't think i was ever going to have a kid so i have this condition i take medicine for since i was like 15 and so i think i just also just wrong timing too energy like a what's it called wasn't on my

medicine i was leaving on tour all that stuff you're trying to carry it um my egg oh yeah oh yeah but i was like worst case scenario if i got to get pregnant i mean brad did it i could do it you know I'll go out there and wrap in a jersey too and do my thing. She could take care of me. Yeah. Why not? So you're going to figure it out.

We can figure it out. Yeah. We always do. Is that a joke? Who did we just talk to that had a really difficult challenge? Oh, Michelle Buto. Michelle Buto, you know her? She has a show on Netflix, the survival of the thickest.

Oh, shoot. Yeah, it's really good. You should check that out. Yeah, yeah. She was just on. But she was talking about her IVF journey. It was, who it was a real one. I took a toll on her.

She eventually wound up going surrogate. And she directed one of the episodes on the show about that. But it could be an emotional. Yeah, very process. Very much so. And I, you know, in my typical way, I was doing too much during a very short amount of time. I took my son to Mexico. I was showing you in Mexico.

I was working. I was getting ready for a tour. I was, you know, going to the stuff. and getting the shots and doing on stuff. And it just, life will slow you down and teach you, you know, a hard lesson. And so I think ultimately I think that was something. And that's how I ended up buying the apartment in Mexico City

was because that's where the doctor was and everything. So we started looking for apartments and everything. And then I was just like, you know what? Now maybe I just come over here and I calm down and I just live chill. And we try again maybe in a more relaxed way instead of so ADHD. Like, I usually do everything, you know. Sometimes you got to. focus. And I think life will teach you to relax a little bit or my wife. Yeah. She'll be like,

calm down. I'm like, you know. She's a good partner for you, huh? Very, very good partner for me. I think, yeah. What do you think the key is to finding a good partner? Like I said, I mean, prior to getting this relationship, we dated, we dated other people, whatever. I was in therapy. I was living through what I needed to live through and kind of adjusting and normalizing my nervous system. I think I was in a very truculent, you know, relationship for a while that maybe made me live in a different type of frequency, you know, and sometimes you can't go from that to something else.

And I had been a serial date. Like since my first relationship, I had never really been alone. I had always kind of, you know, date a little bit and then just in the next relationship. And so this was the first time that I actually took like a couple years to just date. Yeah. How's that? And be alone.

Oh, and be alone. Be alone, date, then be alone again, then date, then, you know, whatever. It was a lot. I found out a lot about myself. It's, yeah, it's, you kind of, you really do have to sit with that alone and be like, what have I been searching for? Maybe sometimes you search for it outside of you and really you're supposed to just become that person.

and then you eventually get to a place where, you know, you're ready to just, you're coming to it from a partnership and from understanding, not so much for seeking something or... Somebody to save you. Yeah. Yeah. Or fix you. Yeah.

Yeah. You just want to be. And I think that's why I get the, I kind of get the freedom to just kind of be whatever it is that I am right now. You know? I did open the vault. I have a lot of recorded songs that I started throughout the years. And I'm just kind of like a lot of it is kind of closing chapters. I want to wrap some of those up and just put them out.

Even if those aren't necessarily, you know, the huge, you know, whatever. But it's like I wrote it. I came up with it. Those were feelings. Those were real things. And it's like that's what I did on this last project was some of those songs were songs that I started in the second version of me now. You know, so it's like I have a song called Faith. And the first verse is coming from where I was six years ago,

which was me very frustrated, very going through things. And I'm kind of had this, you know, angry vibe. And on the second version, I'm just kind of more, you know, accepting. And like it's more a little bit more faith-based, like more God, you know, and just being like, yo, this is who I am, you know. And I think I had a couple songs on the project where it's not often you get to see an artist finish a song on this side and be like this is the loop this is the cycle we're closing and I think that's art you know what I'm saying it's like that's crazy yeah it's like a time warp and

you just come out and you're like you're featuring yourself that's so dope you know yeah that's a span of what like six months you said or years six years six years holy shit yeah oh yeah it's a big big shift yeah you know yeah and I like that I think I think like I said it's like some of me isn't going to be that song that I made those little things. It's going to be the whole thing. It's going to be the whole journey or the whole song that took six years. It's going to be all that. I think all of that is hopefully inspiring.

And I'm sure there will be some artists that pop off. And one day they'd be like, yo, like, you know, snow was dope. And I'm like, lit. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. I think it's cool. I think along the way, you know, I paid my bills and I lived a good life. Yeah.

You still living and you're still. Yeah, we're chilling. Story's still developing. Story developing. Shout out to miss it. I have to look at my cars as we've been going. I'm sorry.

Yeah. No, you're so great. I love that when I don't have to look at my cars. Those are my favorite. Something in my eye. No, you're just,

you're like, you're so good at this. Okay. Oh, I love this. I don't know, there's a card here about brown pride, black love.

That's the title of the card. And I know you referenced that Pac line a lot about LA wouldn't be without Mexican. Then you put that on your, where did I see you post that? The park line about. Yeah. I mean,

I think every Mexican is happy as hell about that line. I think we've always loved the, generally. It's not like tatted on you secretly somewhere. No, but it, yeah, but it definitely. But it could be.

Yeah. But I'm not, you know, I'm not, I'm not super. I think if I was to say I'm from L.A. L.A. people will like come for me.

I know from Bay Area. Yeah. But I, but I, you know, I love L. At this point, I've lived in L.

for a while. I live in the valley. It's West Coast, though. I feel like that line meant more about, it meant more about just West Coast or the states versus I don't think it was about L.A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah, absolutely.

And like I said, I'm not joking. I think for a long time Mexicans weren't mentioned. You feel me? Like, we weren't really like, you know, growing up. I remember it was completely different. I think I'm so happy and proud to see you know, people celebrated. And even though right now it's really sad that it's like when we're finally the most celebrated is when we're also the most targeted.

And it just, I mean, it usually works out like that. You know, it's like it's you always have that type of vibe. But I'm happy to see so much representation. And that's all I ever wanted, you know. It's like ever since the beginning of my career when I was talking about immigration and our people and Latinos and Mexican and, and immigrants and, you know, when my family went through, I think, you know, I'm happy that you can always see that that was consistent. You know, it didn't become a moment. It was always what it was, you know, because I cared and I care. But, yeah, that's what it is.

It's interesting what you said at the beginning of this about how your parents became citizens and then went back to men and then left. And you're all here fighting. Right. Sometimes literally, I'm like, because sometimes people will be cussing me out. Like, I've had so many death threats. I've had stalkers coming to my house. I've had so much like negative come from it. And sometimes I'll be like, bro, you're arguing for some fucking, like. But what are they mad about that?

You're fighting for Mexicans to have. Even some Mexican men will be like, shut the fuck up. Blah. Like, there's a lot of, there's a lot of red-pilled Latino men. There's a lot of, you know. What is that about? I don't know. I don't know.

I think colorism. and racism has run deep in our communities for so long. And some of them have really just ate that up. I think Red Pill content really did damage to a lot of young men at some point that were looking for that acceptance, that we're looking for. You know, they got in the gyms and they got in the gym bros and they got in the man and Alpha and, you know, you need to in the podcasts and everything. I don't know. You've seen it kind of like all happened. And they're susceptible because they're looking for, we're all looking for.

we're all looking for something in some sort of community and unfortunately some of them have found it in some very toxic places. And so, you know. Yeah, it makes me sad. It's sad. Yeah, it's embarrassing too when they talk about how many Latinos put Trump in office. And it sucks, yeah, because sometimes you get the black community accusing all Latinos or whatever and I'll be like, hey, hey, it was a Latino man. Talk to them. Like, it was not honest.

But you know what I'm saying? That's funny. Like, we'll talk to them. They're the macho guys, right? They were talking all that shit. They're talking to me, you know, trying to threaten me and stuff. I'm like, so go, you know, defend your point.

But no, honestly, in all honestly, I think it is a sad thing. I think these young men, you know, they are looking for something and they, and then the pick me women too, because there is some pick me women that listen to them, and they're all in the gym too. I don't know. Not the gym.

Don't flame the gym. I'm there. No, yeah, don't work out. It'll get you red pill. No, don't do it. I'm joking. I'm joking. No, there's, I think just a little bit more love and acceptance and explaining to them maybe like they're five and being like, this is why this is not good.

Because sometimes if you actually sit there and have the conversation, you get them to the other side. Well, they'll, they'll agree with certain topics and you'll be like, you know, like the Cardi B thing. You know? So you're just like. But, but yeah, I will. I'll have the, that's all you know I actually give a fuck because whether there's a camera or not, I'll have the conversations and I'm trying to bring people one by one.

Sometimes it's heartbreaking, sometimes it's a waste of time. Yeah. Sometimes I don't got time for it. But if I do, I try. Man, I tried recently. I was at the bar at Houston. Me and my girlfriend, we started talking to this dude. He was like a contractor or whatever.

I don't know what. It was something about the conversation with him. I was interesting because he was talking about home repair. We were just talking about house shit. We're sitting at the bar talking. Niceest guy. The two of us, we started talking. And then for some reason it came up.

I'm in Miami, too. You know, they'll be out there with the Red Pills, Miami. And so he mentioned something about our New York mayor in a tone that made me understand, oh, we're on different sides of the fence here. And I don't know for that day, I had the time. Sometimes you just do. And we just went down a road that ended bad. It didn't end well.

didn't see. Everything he said I disagreed with, everything I said, he dismissed. And then after like an hour of it, I thought, what, what are we doing here? Like, why, why am I doing this? And then I thought, does that mean you never try to point out things to people? No, you can't never try, but it is exhausting. That day was exhausting. And he ruined the perfectly good cosmopolitan that I was having with my old girl. So anyway, I don't know. I just say that to say, It's tricky out here. Yeah, it is. It's tricky navigating the polarizing difference.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's why sometimes, like I said, it's like from the sad, from the depression, from the dark, from the whatever, you end up finding the light, you end up going for the, you know, enjoy your life, be more, whatever.

It does not mean you don't address what's happening. It just means, you know, you're not supposed to just ignore it, but you have to kind of like balance that, that out because otherwise you'll just go dark, you know? And yeah, I have those conversations and they're draining and sometimes you have to remember, wait. How much what a conversation for an hour with me cost? Like, what the I should invoice you for this, you know?

But it's like, it just is you try, you care, you give a fuck, you know, you care. And that's all we can do. And also, I've been trying to understand. Yeah. Like, how do you get like this? Yes. How could you be? How?

Because you seem like such a nice human being. How could you have this so wrong? It's just challenging times. It's really, and I'm a person of connection. I like to connect with different people. You see the world different than me? I'm interested. I want to know.

But this is like a level I've never experienced level of seeing the world differently. And so normally my instinct is to want to understand why. How could you ignore these things? I understand you're worried about finances or whatever, but look what's happening to all of these people. and how they're affected by this. And it's just not connecting. People don't want to check out of,

people don't want to zoom out big enough to check out that it's the whole thing is the problem. Right? So it's like, I think sometimes that's where I've gotten closer with them to be able to argue from there. Because you know how they always agree with the, both sides are the same. You know, it's the whole, you know, two birds, two,

all politicians. Yeah, two wings, one bird. And it's like, okay, you know, yeah, zoom out. Okay, now zoom out even more than that. Zoom out to capitalism and zoom out to how it's been put in front of you so that now we're both fighting over this amount of money when they got this amount of money.

Like, you know, but I haven't gotten there yet. And I think when I do, I think hopefully we all can, you know, change the world. But I think it is a problem, the whole thing, the whole system, it's rigged like that. It's supposed to be like that. We're supposed to be in the rat race. And that's why sometimes when it comes to music, too,

it's like, I love creating. I love the music. I love that part of it. I don't love where I'm in a rat race still. I'm still chasing exactly what I would be chasing. If I was just part of, you know, if I was at a 9 to 5, it would be the exact same thing. So I went from one thing to another. There's got to be a different way.

We got to shake shit up. We've got to make a different. Fucking L.A. life. Right. Sorry. New York's just as bad. Right. Our studio in New York does this all the time.

Gotta wait, pass it. It gives me a second to look at my cards. Oh, that guy pissed me off. so bad that day. He fucking ruined my, we had two leachy, I mean, call in Lichie Martini. I love a Leachia Martini.

Me too. We gotta go get a leachy martini. I would love that. Where are you? Tell me where? Babe, where did we go and get that had the best leachy martini? That one spot

that they have one in Malibu is it? Nobu. Nobu got a leachy martini. Nobu is the best. Nobu? It's a good. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good.

It's like the best. Yeah. It's like my favorite restaurant. Let's go. The radio station on the 57th. I can walk two blocks and I'm at Novo. So I eat there like, three. Oh, okay.

So you're like, I know it is. I'm telling you. I'm experienced. I love that. I love Aligi Martini. They're showing. All right. We just got to do our bowl with some IRL questions and I think we're good.

Can I get put in it? Just go. Yeah, go. I'm sorry. You know what it is? I'm just used to our guy just gets in there. Right. I know you be respectful.

I appreciate it, but just fucking do it. It's okay. Do you think I hate a little more water? Yeah, please. Sorry. Oh my God. You're so good at this. I forget that you have your pod

and you fucking used to talk. I know. I got to be one day. I got, oh my God, if I ever have you on my bar, that would be crazy. I would love to. What do you mean?

I would do it. That would be insane. What would we talk about? Anything. I mean, on mine, I'm not prepared. So we... Well, you see I'm prepared,

but I didn't use none of the shit that they prepared me for this. We just talk. Like, we just shoot the shit and it could literally be about anything. Like, just you can ask me. I can ask you. It just is.

I love that. I always try to tell people that for this. I forgot to have that conversation with you before. I'm always like, if I'm asking you something and you're not into it and you want to go somewhere else, just take me and I'll go with you and we'll do like whatever.

Hell yeah. But we kind of did that today naturally, just organically. But usually I will say that to people beforehand because I hate a Q&A. I don't want to fucking do a Q&A. I want to get to know you. I want to know what's on your spirit,

what's on your heart? What season are you in? What do you really care about right now? Yeah. It's my first chopped off hair interview. It's so cute Thank you Thank you

I love it Even though you got a cover You have a cover But it's cute It's frame in your face The little curls Thank you Yeah

My attorney chopped off her hair And I think she might have inspired it She did a bob She looked at fire I was like girl Go ahead Don't be surprised If on Thursday

I have some be talking I don't know I don't know Cizor to it I've always I've always I'm not going to do it. Don't do it off of

a leachy martini though. No, I won't. I have to do it sober. I have to do it sober. But I have always and I don't think I will ever. This is one thing I always wanted to do I don't think I'll ever do it

because I have a big head. I have a really big head. I'm dead. No, dead ass. Like if I see a cute hat, like if I try to put your hat on, it's probably mad tight. I'm dead.

You're great. So, but I've always wanted to shave my head just to see it, just to have the experience. Period. But I fear in 30 seconds I will regret I don't feel like this didn't work out well

I know it wouldn't so maybe I won't ever do that but super short I might do one time just because fuck it go right do it so I could go like this like you don't want to do That's my favorite part

Right Yeah just being like Fuck it I watched my hair today Hella quick Dude come on That was the best You dried it how fast

Yeah There's no days you miss it yet No I've been vibe me I mean I've been getting a lot of comments It's like, or people just being like, like I said, it's like they think I'm mental or they think I just like I lost it. Somebody right now when we were out there waiting. Somebody was like, your energy just seems so off right now.

And I'm just like, my energy is great. Somebody you know? No, just like, you know, people that like, it's because, you know how like Instagram will have like certain conversations not even go to the request. They just kind of come through. So you'd be like seeing them and you're like, who is this? Like, do I know them? Oh, this is somebody on social media. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. cut your hair? No, people, I actually don't even get that many texts. I don't know. I thought you've been somebody in person. No, like somebody walks off. I was like, that's flying. They're like, you look like a crackhead. I'm like, what?

No, that would have been great. How dare you? The music you love. Your favorite radio stations. Everywhere you go. The podcasts, everyone's talking about, all in one place. And it's free. High heart radio. Whatever you want to hear. Listen anytime. Anywhere. Music, radio, podcasts, unlimited audio. It's on the free IHard Radio app. Let's go!

One app, no subscription. Always free. Grab the free app. Iheart radio. Everywhere you go. Always free. Yeah. This is the bestia.

Here we're not we're talking to High Light. We're talking about what there's behind. Yeah, like, yeah, like, this is for me, you know? And not it was the moment, but I'm going to practice three years to get a firm. The job,

the pressure, the time you know I didn't even I didn't know in December. I put a lot of some of the those appato

that were given a lottoe and artists and figures of culture romped in all God, me made it and I think

that's what was what you think of my time in me and I think another in my idea. What they took

to do you what you're what they're doing what the bestia? The world no I've got a grand

league. Well, I don't have the opportunity but So, um, No, Marie, how much I'm gonna turn to?

Because, yes, everyone everyone don't everyone understand what cost. This is real. This is

without filter. Sin' No excuse a bestia in my culture podcast network. In IHeard Radio app,

Apple Podcast or where I'm you broke me. You do not deserve happiness. I'm Andrea Gunning.

On this season of betrayal, we meet Carl Bryant. Carl thought he was living a normal drama-free life until the messages started. You will have hell to pay. For nine months, someone infiltrated every aspect of Carl's life threatening to ruin him.

Cyberstalking, swatting, extortion, impersonation. And then the text threats escalated. Someone's not going to make it out of this alive. Dance department. It's playing out in real life. life, not just on the phone. Every piece of evidence pointed to one man. But every piece of evidence was a lie.

He was not going to stop unless we stopped him. Listen to Betrayal Season 6 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Dear honies, this is goodbye. In February of 2024, celebrated illustrator and children's book author Patramathers and her husband Michael, mailed letters to dozens of friends and family members to let them know that they had died by suicide. By the time you get this letter, both Petra and I will be dead. Next stop, Wonderland. Petra and Michael were by all accounts healthy, happy, and in love.

Why did they do it? And what did it do to the people they left behind? I would have given a million reasons to not leave this world had I known. I keep coming back to I truly hope that. Patriot was 1,000% on board with the plan. Do you think of him as having killed her? Yes, I do. I hold Michael responsible for my mother's staff.

I'm Leon Nafak. And I'm Alice Gregory. Together we set out to interview everyone who got one of Patriot and Michael's letters, as one married couple trying to understand another. Listen to death of an artist on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Big Lives, we take a single cultural. icon. People like Jane Fonda, George Michael, Richard Pryor. And we pull apart the story behind

the image. And we do this by digging through the BBC's vast archive. We're talking iconic moments in broadcast history. I'm not just a boxer. I'm educated. I can talk all week on millions of subjects. And forgotten interviews that change how we see these giants of our culture. Well, if changing the system from the ground up is revolutionary, then I'm revolutionary. We're here for the messy, the brilliant, the human version of our heroes. I mean, when I go on stage, I like to dress as slutty as possible because it makes me dance better for some reason. I'm Emmanuel Jochi.

I'm Kai Wright. And this is Big Lives. Listen to Big Lives on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get podcasts. All right, we have some in real life questions. Oh, these are going to be fun. Oh, you want to go serious. You want to be focused serious. Yeah.

Very serious. She's the educator, so she had a very, like, a drama question. All right. Let me just, let me sort my IRLs. See, I do be having shit. I just, it's too much shit. Who could even look at this in the middle of an interview?

That's dope, though. I admire that. Don't. I like it. Because it's really stupid. Because on my part, the thing is that mine's like, live and we drink. So, like, it unravels. In the beginning, sometimes I'd be, I'd be feeling unprepared.

Once I take a couple shots, I'm like, so, let's talk about this. You know? You're like drink champs. Yeah, kind of like that, yeah. That's pretty good. I know, I told them, I was like, I got to, I got to go on drink chaps before I fucking stop drinking one day. I know.

But yeah. You should. That would be great. Yeah. We think we're shutting it up. We could have drinks today. Hey. Period.

Nice time. Hey. All right. Hey, guys. You ever sign up for a phone plan thinking, wow, what a great price. And then a few months later, it's like, surprise, your bill is higher. We hate that. With Boost Mobile, you pay $25.

a month forever. That's unlimited talk, text, and data starting at just $25 a month. There's no price hikes. There's no contract. And this is forever. Plus, Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network. They invested billions building 5G towers across the country. So what you need to do is visit boostmobile.com or head to your local booth store today and get unlimited talk, text, and data for $25 a month forever. 5G speeds not available in all areas. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experienced lower speeds, customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the boost unlimited plan. So we have a segment. This is our voice note segment. So somebody sent in a voice note, which is usually a question or a comment from a fan or a, I don't know, a friend.

Hey, Snow, this is Yaya, a Salvadorian American college grad. Yesterday, during the FIFA World Cup, my household was divided. Some of us were team Spain and some of us were team Argentina. The reason why I went for Spain was for their contributions towards Palestine and their better sportsmanship. Meanwhile, Argentina has not given them any aid and has had poor sportsmanship.

But some in my household said that because they're Latinos, we should stick together. What are your two cents? I was loaded. That was right. I'm like, what? She came for you. She's a professor? That was a professor

question. Where should we land? Speak for all Latinos, no? Right. I don't know, but I think a lot of Argentinans don't necessarily consider themselves Latino. I've seen videos like that where they're like, we're European, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. I feel like the sportsmanship was not there. I didn't watch it.

I didn't necessarily. I'm probably the wrong person to ask because I didn't watch it. I didn't really, once Mexico was out, I was like, okay, well, let's see. Mine, my, you know, I went to games. I went to actual World Cup games and enjoyed it, took my son to one, you know, was there when we lost when we got taken out. So I was just sitting there in awe. But, um, I don't know.

I don't. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, girl. I mean, yeah, free palestine, you know, I agree. So. But you don't want to tell everybody what soccer's a year for? on that game I just literally didn't like yeah no yeah I mean am I happy Argentina lost hey maybe yeah I was I saw the sportsmanship I've seen some of the behavior I noticed some of the Argentina players didn't shake laudezschean bomb's hand I thought that was rude um

and that's all I could say about that yeah it was Mexico's out you were out too yeah because also it was a vibe you know it's not like I'm that much of a I don't watch all those soccer games and stuff. So for me, it was more like, okay, the vibe was that. I kept going to Mexico. And then once that kind of passed, I was just like, well, I have things to do. That would be like if the Knicks didn't win, I would have been out of basketball. But I stayed all the way because we want.

Right. All right, in real life. Now we have a bowl. You pick a question. What is a habit you're proud of and what is a habit you're trying to break? Ooh, I don't know why this will be good for you. Right. Well, I'm trying to not bite my nails, which is terrible.

I pick up my nails. It's terrible. my girl is always mad about it. I'm trying to stop that. And then a habit that I like. Is it that you like? What is it? You're proud of, a habit that you're proud of.

Okay, then I'm proud of. Yeah. Like, what's a habit? I don't know. Are you disciplined about anything? Are you like somebody who... I don't know. Let me think about wine.

What is mine? Something I'm trying to break. Something that I'm having... I'm proud that. that I can keep. I go forward. I always think there's an answer. Like, I'll pull myself out of some,

whether I'm confused, disappointed, don't know what's next. I'm proud of myself because I do have a habit or I have a ritual that I do. It's like, well, you just haven't figured it out yet. Like, I tell myself that in real time, and that pushes me past pretty much everything. Because I don't let myself sit in something,

a no or disappointment, or a whatever is going on. I don't sit in that. I figure it out. So for me, I think that is a habit that I've got. I've trained myself to be that way. And I'm proud of that. And what is something that I, what is the other question?

The one you don't like. A habit that I don't like. Oh. It's that I make excuses to not go to the gym. I don't like that. I really know I need to do it more. And I really want to become, I want my health to be something I'm really consistent at,

and I just, for some reason, I make excuses and find my way out of it. And I hate that for me. I hate that for me. Yeah, I feel like similar thing I'm proud of is that even though I will, unfortunately, always see what can go wrong because my brain will just be like, okay, but this, and I think it's probably like a, like a protective, you know, it's like, it's like, I got to see where the exits are, I got to see what isn't going to work so I can find where it is. So it's like, even though it can be seen as a negative thing, I feel like I will always

end it with what the positive thing is. You know what I'm saying? And that's why I said, it's like, I live with the depression or I live with the anxiety. I live with these things because I know that there's always going to be that other side of it. So, you know, yeah. So like a moth. You got to go keep looking for the light. Like you, you, you, you, you, you, got to know where the dark is, though, because otherwise you're going to walk straight towards it. So sometimes, you know, you walk in a room and you're like, okay, this is where I'm going, this is where I'm not going. Sometimes it's the, um, assessing. Yeah, it's assessing or it's the, what is it called when you do it by elimination? Uh, you know, yeah, this is the three things I'm

not doing. So I'm going this way. Yeah. That's it, I guess. Analyzing too, right? Yeah. Overanalyzer probably sometimes. Absolutely. that's the problem. That's the problem here. But it does suck, and I think that's probably one of the things that in industry terms or like with certain things

has seemed bad is that sometimes things people will say something and I'll be like, yeah, but that won't work because of these three things, which makes me seem negative. But I'm just trying to like, I'm playing devil's advocate, but we can find the thing that will

or what can or maybe shift it. But sometimes it's like, I don't know, maybe I'm a little traumatized to where it's like, I get scared of like making too many mistakes. So I always kind of try to prevent it. Cut it off with the path?

Yeah. Yeah. And the same way as you. That way. It could be exhausting. Yeah. And we could trick ourselves out of doing something because we see all the scary parts. Yeah.

We're going to have that Ligi martini for sure. Yeah. I'm so excited. Okay. And we got to do it fast because I might stop drinking soon. Oh, all right. Let's do it. Or at least for like a month.

A-sap. You tell me what your schedule is like. You out of here. We can do it while I'm here. I'm here. All right. We're here. We'll do it while I'm here.

Okay. Let's do some in real lives before you go. In real life, what is the last piece of great advice someone has given you? I was talking to my therapist about parenting because that's something that's difficult for me because my mom's parenting style was very, was not necessarily what I want to do, but I don't want to overcorrect. And we were talking about something and something my son did reminded me of my mom. I was like, I'm scared. I'm raising some, you know what I'm saying? It's like I'm scared.

I'm kind of like just bouncing kind of the energy and then I'm just going to make a, I don't know. And she was like, I think when she was like, remember, don't make any of this about you, even though that seems so normal, I don't know why that shit stuck with me so hard. And I was just like, it's not about me. It's not about my feelings. It's not about my insecurity about his feelings or whatever. It's about his. And I think it's made me, like I told you, it's like I overthink and I do overdo and I over and I over and I. and I think it's like learning to just shut up and stop and pause.

And I think it's not only helping me right now in trying to figure out what I'm going to do with parenting, but also maybe in what I'm going to do with like my life. And I say the rest of my life makes it really sound like I'm going to retire and I'm going to go away. But I'm like, no, like this next chapter, whatever this is, whatever this is. Because, you know, I don't want this to be my, I don't want this to be a phase. I'm going through something. It's like, no, I want this to be a new plane. I want this to be a new level.

I want to go somewhere better and bigger and, you know. And I think for all of that I need right now to do and live as honestly as I can, but also observe and let the people around me kind of like, um, died the way. Yeah, that's really good. She probably, and I think a lot of moms do this, it's like, we try to over control the result. So like we love our kids so much.

We don't want them to make a mistake. We want them to have the best life possible. We want to do everything right. But it's like, shit, we're still human beings. And also, we can't really fully direct their whole life. And so, I don't know, it's challenging. So I kind of get why you needed to hear that. Yeah.

So it's not really advice. It's just like a reminder. Yeah. And then the advice that I got given, in case that's not advice, the advice that I got given a long time ago, from my friend Dove was to take the emotion out of my, out of my voice when I'm talking to men in business or when I'm talking to people in this music industry.

Because I used to get really frustrated and be like, no, but I, but I, and she was just like, take it down, speak as monotone as you can. Wow. And just get what you want to get out without all these feelings. And I was like, and I think that helped me a lot. Really? Yeah, especially in negotiating things. What's a real life pet pee?

or trigger for you. So many. Oh, my God. All the things? A lot. Why do men breathe? No, I'm just joking. It's so annoying.

Right. It's like, stop. No, stop talking. No. I'm joking, by the way, before I get all this eight mail from me. We love men. Yeah, we love, yeah, the greed.

Pet peeves. We love you guys here at Rets. Yeah, you guys are amazing. You guys are awesome. Yeah. I think it's so basic. Like, like,

you know, it's like, I hate, I hate, I hate when people lie about really little things. Like, I think it's pointless and annoying. I hate when people,

oh, dude, lately I've really, I just really hate when, like, the small talk is just so fucking dumb. Like, and I hate that it makes me seem rude.

Because I'm just like, but, like, I don't know, or when people steal jokes from, like, memes and stuff, and then they,

They say it as if it's new, and then the whole room is just sitting there like, oh, my God, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I'm like, dude, that's been copied since my space. Like, that's a terrible, I don't know. So I hate that I end up seeming rude for just being like. Real? Like, please have a better conversation. I literally, anything. What do you pray for most in real life?

Um, my son, me, my health, my family, my girl, just that, I don't. that I don't lose anyone at all. You know, I just want to, I don't know, I want to, I want to be around, and I want to, I want everyone I love to be. Do you have fear about that? Yeah. Yeah. Is that trauma or is that, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I lost an aunt and a grandma and a couple more family members, on another on and uncle and stuff, but, but that losing my aunt and my grandma, at the same time, like really, really close together was really a lot when I was a kid because we were close in age. And the way that it happened was life-changing. For me and for my entire family, I don't think we've ever recovered because my aunt. She was young. She was 16. And she got shot in the kitchen off our house and my grandma's.

And then right away, you know, my grandma got sick. And then she passed away. And it just was something that, like, I don't think we ever recovered from because it was just so. there. It was so dramatic. And it was just like, it just made me fear that so much my whole life, you know. Were you there? Did you see it? No.

No, but we had just celebrated a big family, you know, Kinseniana for her and everything. So it was just like, I don't know, it just getting everything ripped from that and then just never, ever being the same was something that maybe that's why I kind of like, I'm always like trying to have my family

clothes and I'm like, you know, I bought a ranch. And it's like, I want everybody that I love near me and I just want to, it just is very much. 10. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a. Yeah, it'll shake you up. Yeah, it'll shake you up.

Yeah. And shape you also in a lot of ways, right? Yeah. Yeah. What do you most proud of about yourself? I think that in the weird roundabout way, even when I didn't mean to, because I stuck to family and I stuck to, you know, what what I felt was authentic.

I really do think I've built a really amazing life for myself, you know, and I think I've helped my family, my media family, have a great life too. And I think to this day, maybe I'm still accepting parts of it. But when I really zoom out and when I really look around and when people sometimes remind me, they go, dude, do you realize? I do. I just, but low self-esteem sometimes will get. it to you and it'll make you not see it or be like I need but not really I think I

I think I love I love it all you've done good yeah and then my final bowl but it's in the bowl somewhere but I'll just tell it to you my favorite question in the bowl if God were to text you right now what would it say oh my God he wouldn't say oh my God hopefully not see you soon oh my God no um no um I think um um Damn, you didn't mean cry. That's a good question, right? No, you didn't mean you cry? No, I'm sorry.

Is it a good cry or is that I cry? I think it's a good cry. Okay. Well, then that's good. I think you'd say you did all right. That makes you cry? Yeah. I think I said, I'm still accepting, I think I'm still accepting that I am doing, okay.

You know, I think maybe there's some people I need to hear from. A little more. That you need to hear from, that you're doing okay? That's all. Oh. Family, parents? Isn't it crazy no matter how successful we are and how grown we are, how much dope stuff, you have a dope wife and a dope kid?

It's like you still have those, like, you still need certain things from our parents or you still need some of that, whatever childhood trauma to be, I don't know, corrected in some type of way. Yeah. And it does it. Yeah. I think you hope it. You hope it happens.

But also, I guess that's why we go to therapy. Even if it doesn't, you need to be okay. You know? But I think, like I said, it's like, it passes. You cry. I mean, I'm a cancer. Like, cry for everything. It's like, you know, it's like it happens.

Yeah, but I feel like there's a sensitive spot right now. You cry. And then you just, you have a little bit more bandwidth to deal with it. You know. Push, fall. right? Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes I'd be getting a headache right before I'm about to cry, and then I cry, and then it goes away. So I think I just, like, need to sometimes cry it out. Yes. And then you just move out, you know, and then you just, like, I just freed up, like, 10 gigabytes of RAM right now for the rest of the day. Because I cried it out. I'm glad we can do that. Yeah.

Thank you. Therapy. What was the answer, though? The God said, what was God's text to you? Um, I did okay. Yeah. So there you are. You did okay.

You did okay. Stowe the product in real life. She did okay. Thank you. I'm sorry I cried. I'm never say sorry. You cried. Hey, guys, thanks for watching.

Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angel Martinez, IRO podcast. Hi, this is Kylie Breakman. Angel Geratana. Jeremy Colhane. Patrick McDonald. And we're the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists

on Artists Podcast. The Improvised Character Comedy Podcasts where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants. And we do a little Halloween sometimes. Does the Pope dress up? He winks on Halloween. It's right up next to the microphone.

I hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other. You never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcasts. The True Crime Comedy Podcasts all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed them.

What? I can talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. The Beast is that moment when someone

to say the this was what we costed. With what we were the time were there are bambu four chapita

Marika Ronald Acuja my friend and the people and the people that I'm doing that I enjoy

I'm gonna I'm gonna anywhere where you to go to and I'm never never you

never you never never you're never never you're no now me listen to listen me

a bitchard radio Apple Pock or where you're On recent episodes of the Questlove show, I chatted with Jojo about her music and Wallow 267 about his story, everything in between. Don't invite me to karaoke. I'm going to make it weird. Someone's going to try to sing, leave it out or too little too late, or baby it's you.

Oh, no. And I'm going to be like, okay, cool. Check out my conversation with Jojo, Wolo 267, and more on the Questlove show. Listen to the Questlove show on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Peace. Hi, guys, I'm Hoda Kotby, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like my longtime friend, Seth Myers.

I would often go back to my office and be like, you're not as funny as they are. And the most haunting thing about that is you can't outwork talent. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an I-Heart podcast, guaranteed human.