Joe and Jada - Tiffany Haddish tells HILARIOUS Fat Joe stories, talks new Peacock show & her 2 songs w/ Jadakiss?!
Episode Date: November 13, 2025Fat Joe and Jadakiss are joined by actress and comedian Tiffany Haddish, who stars in 'Tiffany Haddish Goes Off' which premieres TODAY on Peacock. Tiffany has Joe and Jada dying telling stories about ...Floyd Mayweather and Keith Sweat at one of Joe's parties, talks about what it meant to be the first Black female comedian to host ‘Saturday Night Live,’ and makes Joe jealous when she tells him that she's got TWO Jadakiss features tucked away. 5:15 - Tiffany's problems with modern dating 13:45 - First black female comedian to host Saturday Night Live 22:30 - Tiffany offends Joe with a story from on-set 34:00 - Going to jail in Beverly Hills 41:00 - Another Fat Joe jail character: Raggedy Anne 44:00 - Tiffany's 2 songs with Jada + stories from Fat Joe's party 48:45 - 'Tiffany Haddish Goes Off' 52:30 - Africa is a beautiful place 1:01:15 - Upcoming standup shows [Timestamps may vary due to advertisements.] Joe and Jada now on Patreon All lines provided by Hard Rock BetSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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what up y'all it's your boy kev on stage i want to tell you about my new podcast called not my best moment
where i talk to artists athletes entertainers creators friends people i admire who had massive success
about their massive failures what did they mess up on what is their heartbreak and what did they learn
from it i got judged horribly the judges were like you're trash i don't know how you got on the show
check out not my best moment with me kept on stage on the i heart radio app apple pop
podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast.
Nah, he showed up.
You show up.
And I danced all night, and I think he sweat almost got me pregnant.
Remember that night?
Through the clothes?
Oh, my God.
He sweat wanting to take these down.
He chased me, he chased me out the club.
He's like, let him in.
Tess again.
Chessing in.
I was like, oh, my, my, I think.
Joe Crack, the motherfucking biggest in the game.
You know who it is, your boy Jada?
This is the Joe and Jada show.
Every show legendary, every show iconic,
and we stick to our word.
Today's guest is from the trenches.
When you think of the culture,
you think of comedy,
when you think of acting,
somebody they try to,
break, but they can't break.
When you think of somebody that
anything she puts
a hand on her foot
and she does it to
the max. Well, her feet ain't done today.
But yeah, get it.
Let's get it. Ladies and gentlemen,
my niggins. Give it up for our guest,
Tiffany Allen.
Hey.
She's ready.
Joe, you be snitching, man.
You say her feet ain't done
today. My feet are done every day.
But today they've done God's way, natural.
No paint.
That's how the shrimpers like it, butt-naked toes.
What up, shrimpers.
She ready.
That wasn't for y'all.
That was for a certain demographic out there.
You know what I'm saying?
Yo, sis, man, we're so proud of you.
We're honored to have you here.
You've been killing the game for a long time.
You know, you started out, you know, forced the homes
and had the roughest time of your life,
and now you're able to be successful.
And just like Jada said,
we see they always try to throw mud at us,
you know what I mean?
Fake cancel us,
but we rise to the occasion
because I think cancel is fake.
Do you think cancel is fake?
I think the only thing that can cancel me is God
and myself.
Facts.
Yeah, I could decide to allow
whatever the world is saying to stop
me from doing my purpose, or I could just do my
purpose, and I'm doing my purpose.
Yeah, when they try to cancel me, I'll say
fuck them. Yeah, no, I don't want to fuck them.
Fuck them all the time. You know they try to
cancel me every couple of months. They try to cancel me
that. What that mean you're doing something right?
Fuck them. I don't see
them. Where they are? When you see people
in person, they show you nothing but love.
I'm not going to look at no fucking
social media, no Twitter, and think
that that's the real deal.
Yeah. Sometimes I look at those
comments and I'd be like, dang, I wish I didn't know
how to read again. Because when I didn't
know how to read, then nothing bothering you. Like, you had to say that shit to my face.
Like, if you want to talk shit, you have to say it to my
face. And I'm still like that.
I miss the 1900s.
When you'd be like, say that shit again, I slapped
the shit out you. That's it. And they won't say
it again. They won't even say it. You know, back
in the days, men had to have, well, men,
boys, they had to have courage.
They seen a pretty girl. You got to walk up to her and talk to her.
Now is the D. Yeah, he just tweets.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They don't even know how to be like, yo, what's up?
Mama, what's good?
Yeah, they are socially awkward.
Sox.
Yeah.
Introverts and shit.
Look, they don't...
The son over there on his phone.
He's trying to slide in some DMs right now.
And then when he meet the girl, he'm like,
he's looking at the ground and smiling at the ground.
Look at me in the eyes, nigger.
Right here, nigg, talk to me.
How about I went on a date and a dude text me?
We're sitting at the same table.
Why are you texting me and you're sitting right across from me?
He's more comfortable texting than talk.
Yeah, and I had to look at him and say, I can't read, nigga.
Use words out your mouth.
Act like I'm illiterate.
Teach me.
I want to be with a man that could teach me.
Are you a leader?
No, no, he definitely not a leader.
He wasn't ready.
His credit score was bad anyways.
Awkward.
Not this bad credit.
What?
A woman like you, you make a lot of money, Chip.
and would you need a guy to level you up
or have more money than you or
he just got to have a good credit score
and an EIN number.
So credit score got to be 700 or higher
because I feel like your credit scores
is your grown-up report card, right?
That's your grown-up report card.
That's going to show me how responsible you are.
Do you pay your bills on time?
If you make an agreement with the entity,
do you fulfill your side of that agreement?
Are you frivolous with your money?
You're not looking at them like,
this guy's hot, I'm going to take them down.
Oh, no, I'm honestly.
If I'm going to take you down, I'm going to just take you down, and then I'll disappear, okay?
Or if I feel like you got potential, if I feel like you got potential, if I want to invest
some time in you, now I need to see if you work the investment.
So what's your credit score, right?
Because how you spend your money is how you're probably going to spend my heart.
And my heart is very fragile, and I'm not going to let you just fuck it off, right?
You don't want no cheap guys.
I'm not said, cheap guy.
I'm cheap.
I'm cheap.
I'm like.
So you're cheap.
Yeah, you got a lot of money
Like I don't spend a lot of money
No, no, you got a lot of money
If you cheap, you got a lot of money.
I spend my money on land
I invest in the land, right?
That's where I spend my money.
See that shit, Zeta.
I buy buildings.
We plan on top with Gucci, Louis, and diamonds.
They buying land.
Yeah, I invested in a diamond mine.
I feel like why am I going to spend all this money?
I can get diamond.
I can invest in the money and they can send me my shit.
Why am I going to buy that?
Sarah Leone.
Yeah, if you need some diamonds.
I got you, my nigga.
I got you.
I also invested in a lithium mine.
You need some batteries, my dick, I got you.
Like, I'm like, I'm the type of person like, why just buy it already made?
I can invest in the raw resource and then get that, you know, get it at a more affordable price.
In L.A. Compton.
Yeah.
Now you buy mines and shit like that.
Yeah, I'm like this.
If a bank won't give you a loan to buy a house or start a business, why would I loan you my body?
is that technical
it is it because when a man get inside you he think you is
he want to claim you like he like you his land
can you afford this i think if every man right this might be
old fat joe but i think if every man
three fat joes ago you remember when i was fat fat joe right
looked like the king finished snagler now you were snaggily
fuck or a lot but i think if every man thought about the
Girl, they're having sex with.
Just saying, yo, by mistake, God's doing,
she's going to be pregnant and have my baby,
I think they would fuck less randomly.
I think if men lactated when they get women pregnant,
they would fuck less.
If men lactated?
Yeah, if every time you got a woman pregnant,
your nipples started to leak,
you would think twice before you cheat on your life.
Men ain't equipped.
That's where.
Well, no, you equip.
Hold up.
You equip because men are.
No, no, no, no.
Everyone's nipples leaking.
Listen to me.
Man ain't ready to be in no fucking labor rules.
Y'all would think twice.
Like, if I become president, I'm going to get some scientists to put something in the weed and a beer.
And every time you get somebody pregnant, damn, you breastfeeding, nigger.
Yeah.
Damn.
This is getting...
You're going to get...
Yeah, yeah.
You don't like that, huh?
You don't like that, though.
That shit out of you.
Yeah, now you got babies hanging off for your nipples.
Yeah, yeah.
What that feel like?
Yeah.
Take the baby on the road with your player.
Yeah.
You the daddy.
You're the daddy.
You're going to say you the daddy.
You carried your kids on the carry thing.
With the strap thing?
Yeah, this shit.
Yeah.
You know, listen, I feel, and I'll get this wrong.
What happened to old school, man.
Yo, but this could be.
Listen, this could be, this could be, this could be, this could be, this could be, this could be, this could be out of control.
Because people make their own decisions, but me personally.
When I see a guy and the girl got seven kids, you know, the strollers with the two more with that.
I said, man, he's making a work too hard, bro.
Like, he just boshioned in every time, you know.
I think if men have breastfeed the babies, I feel bad.
Well, that's coming seven would be way better.
Three little, like, y'all.
Two in the strollers.
This shit ain't fucking, one in the belly.
This ain't the born men's beat.
I'm telling you, and they do it because they be like, all right, we're married.
we're going to go seven babies
and I'm like, yo, that shit a little bit too much
on that girl right there
And she ploy stevedy
I don't know if she ever get the voice
I don't know who's like, yo
He's finished
I want the eighth
Yonder
Somebody do want the eighth
Somebody want to somebody want the age
Somebody want it
Somebody always want
They want the age
Somebody want it
So is somebody for somebody
Another man's trash
You ain't fucking
Somebody moaned.
Let me tell you.
I tell the story
with some men.
Okay, I'm like, damn,
there ain't no excuse for me
not to have no hands.
This is on me.
That's on me.
Buglewool.
Boogoofs.
When you see it's like,
you scared, snack come out your nose.
We call these dudes stuck in the face
when they're stuck in the face.
There's nothing you could do.
You're so fucking ugly.
You're stuck in your face.
Yeah.
We call them niggis stuck in the face.
And those are the ones that treat you like a goddess.
And I don't understand because I,
well, some of them,
act arrogant.
Like, we know some stuck in the facers
that come around girls
that act like they're the flyest dudes
in the world.
But that means
they got some money.
You're all fucking stuck in the face,
man.
Stuck in the face.
I swear to God,
I went to a party
in Miami the other day
and I think I was just sitting there
because our people watch
and I think I was just looking
at stuck in the facers
the whole night.
I was like, oh, he's stuck in the face.
You went to an ugly people party?
I think so.
I believe so.
And they were very friendly
people, but they're stuck in the face.
Stuck in the faces.
Friendly, she just told you.
No, no, they friends.
Nah, some of them, we know stuck in the facers that, like, are really arrogant.
Stuck up, stuck me.
I just think when men get money, right?
I think that's the biggest difference.
Their ego, once they get money, they even get tough, or it could be the ugliest dude
in America think he handsome and fly.
Like, I don't know.
Oh, you got to go.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Who's fault?
Ooh, it was you, Keita.
This is like where somebody
throw a fight and they don't claim it, right?
Yeah.
That's what's going on.
A fight.
Well, it was a old,
it was a ring from the 9th century.
You don't sit at your jaws on the plane
that you're looking around like, who fought it?
But, you fought it.
Joe.
That ring was from the 1900,
so whoever did it got great hair around their nuts, for sure.
It was great liars, too.
Because we immediately.
We immediately nook it though.
Yeah, yeah.
We immediately looked at them.
What you said?
I said that ringtone was from the 1900s.
That was an original telephone ringtone.
So whoever's phone that was, they got gray hair around.
They're nuts, guarantee.
Man, I'm over there was a lady's fault.
She probably got nuts.
Gray hair.
She probably got nuts.
Gray hair was in this shit.
You know what I'm saying?
Yo, listen.
First black female community.
Yo, you're going on that shit.
She turned it up.
the first black female comedian
and the old Saturday Night Live
and she won the Emmy for the episode.
I thought the Tracy...
You know what Saturday Night Live
did for us? No.
You know what that is? Tell us
what that's like. I didn't treat you
over there. They treated me like a worker
over there. I put in the work
and it was a lot of... It was hard.
I lost 10 pounds in like
one week. I was stressed. I was really
stressed out. I was...
Because I was living my dream.
That was my dream to, like, work for SML, right?
Like, I wanted to be on that show so bad.
And I really wanted to do a good job.
And it was like, the little girl in me was so excited.
I could barely eat, right?
Like, I'm just, like, you know how, like,
if you go into some amusement park you always wanted to go to,
the day before it's, like, hard to sleep?
So the whole week was like that for me.
And I was just so excited.
I made sure I talked to every single writer,
put my thumbprint on every sketch.
Like, I wrote my monologue out so many times,
and then I went to the comedy club
and worked it out.
Like, and then they, then, like, on the day, it was like an eight-minute monologue.
They cut it down at six minutes.
I'm like, no, you can't cut out the Japanese.
I need to show people I can speak Japanese.
And they're like, no, no, we know, a middle America won't understand this.
And they won't understand.
And I was just, like, going back and forth with them and, you know, fighting for what,
what was, like, best for me and my brand and got what I could out.
And it was like, it was, it felt like I was in a hurricane, you know, like, and when it was all
done. I can feel the feelings right now. I'm like reliving it in this moment. When it was all done,
I was just like, wow. I'm sitting in my hotel room. I'm looking in the mirror. I'm like,
there you go, little tea. You dreamed about doing this. You did it. Do you want to do it again?
And then I was like, hell, motherfucker. No, I won't go to sleep. And I slept for like a day.
And then I watched it. And I was like so, so proud. I was very proud of myself that I didn't, like, that I did it. I didn't quit on me.
I stuck to my guns, and I was a team player, and, like, yeah, I was just very, very honored.
And then when I got nominated for an Emmy for it, I was, like, incomplete shock because I didn't think, I never even thought that far.
I just wanted to represent, you know, and just, and make the little girl in me, like, happy.
Oh, that.
Yeah, that's crazy because, in the similar thing was, you know, we're on top of the world.
Remy goes to jail.
I go to jail and lose all my money
and then we throw on all the way up
and then we're performing at the BET Awards
and I remember that one second before we went out
we held each other's hands
and we was like, oh shit.
He came out there, I'm all the way up.
You know, motherfuckers over there looking at you
like they were, you wasn't supposed to see
Maine right now?
Oh, you're getting all this Balmain, motherfucker.
You getting all that shit, right?
But those moments are the moments
where you can't sleep.
And also, Puerto Rican parade.
Every year in the Puerto Rican parade,
I couldn't sleep the night before.
I'd be up thinking about the parade.
And they don't even let you go to like four in the afternoon.
So you really up, up.
You're actually drained before the shit just.
Say you were down to float.
Yeah, you're done.
Mad tired.
And the shit, you got to do the same shit over and over for like 70 blocks.
And usually the sun, 100 degrees.
That's shit crazy.
But yeah, I know the feeling.
What gets you like that?
the first time summer jam or something like,
what get you, you can't sleep.
Nothing.
You smoke that weed.
You sleep through a top.
No, he'd get excited.
I get like that before.
Every performance.
Really?
Hell weird.
Always think I'm going to mess up or forget something
or fall through a slip.
The only time I get nervous is like a big New York show
because from here,
you've got a hundred people all of a sudden.
You know, we together every day, two, three deep.
How does a hundred people show up every time?
I just want to know, like, if we're alone right now,
if I got to get busy in front of this fucking building right now,
me against a hundred, I got to throw,
nobody know where to be found.
Why, when we do Madison Square gone, 150 waiting for you out there?
Like, yo, yo, yo, yo.
And then it's like, that's where the pressure comes when I do something like Madison Square
gone.
That gives me a headache.
You see all the type of people from second grade.
It's like a class reunion.
I love that.
I did the Staples Center.
What you're doing in your whole town?
Yeah, I did the Staples Center in L.A.
And it was like my whole high school, junior high,
and every elementary school I ever went to filled up that whole dang theater.
And it was like the most amazing feeling in the world.
And then I was like, come backstage.
That was the dumbest thing I could have said.
That was the dumbest thing I could have said.
So let everybody come backstage and every last person that ever went to school.
Yeah, but it was like my bullies came backstage too.
And that I loved because then I was like, yeah, I told you I was going to make it.
Look at you in my backstage.
Like the people that I used to tell me you ain't going to make it.
You're just going to be somebody baby, mama.
You ain't shit.
You're going to be on welfare.
You're going to be this.
Like, for a long time I thought maybe they were right.
But I never gave up on me, though.
never quit on me
and like that's crazy
because I watch a lot of
Cardi B's interviews
from from day one to now
and she always talks about people saying
you're just going to be a stripper
you ain't never going to be that really
like people really
they really fucks with your mentality
even makes you stronger
or it just bullies you
yeah they would be like you're too pretty to do comedy
ain't nobody going to laugh at your jokes
ain't nobody going to be laughing at what you got to say
like you should just get a rich baby daddy
And, like, you're just too pretty for that shit.
Like, pretty girls don't do that.
And I'm like, but pretty girls don't do it then.
All the more reason for me to do it,
it sounds like it's a whole lane just for me, they good?
That's right.
Sound like it's something just for me then.
I'll go ahead and open the motherfucking lane up then
if pretty girls don't do it.
But beautiful women do do it.
And when people say, oh, girls aren't funny.
Okay, so you're saying your mama ain't shit.
Because the first person that made you laugh was your mama.
Is your mama ugly?
Your mama must be ugly then.
If she made you laugh.
Your mama is stuck in the face.
Your mama stuck in the face, niggins.
Like, because that's the first person to make you laugh.
And if your mama stuck in the face, then you stuck in the face.
Because you look just like her.
So, like, watch what you said.
I see one time this dude sued this girl.
Like, she's looking like the most beautiful.
The baby came out.
Yes.
He sued her.
He just like, yo, this ain't what I...
This ain't...
Not the baby.
Yo.
You, listen, yo, yo, Jada.
It's like
They're doing so much fucking surgery.
You're thinking you with the baddest chick in the world
A stuck in the face came out.
They live being like, yo, I didn't buy into this.
Yeah, that's not what I signed up for.
I ain't signed up.
Sometimes I be thinking like some women, not just women,
some women.
Look, when the baby could grow out of the stuff.
Sometimes they can.
Listen, kids, if you look at it and you fantasizing over a woman,
you don't know,
She did everything in the fucking world
and you come out, you have a baby.
She was stuck.
You want to boss yonder.
You're going to try to have a baby with her thinking you're going to have the
Filipino and all that motherfucking come out.
Like, yo, what's up, dog?
What's how, dog?
What's going on?
God forgive me for that.
That's just, we be in fun.
Now, that's FACC.
That's it.
It's facts, right?
Sometimes they could grow out of it.
Yeah.
No, hell no.
No.
They're going to have the surgery out of it.
Some of them got a surgery out of it.
You know what I never understood, Brian?
How could you think stuck in the face?
You can't.
Surgery.
Well, surgery.
It's people that in regular faces that made they so stuck.
Or you're going to have to massage their face and constantly say positive things to them.
I love to the proof of you.
You are beautiful.
You are kind.
You are sweet.
You glow when you step into a room.
Your people are attracted to you.
your light.
Your light is better than your actual genetics.
That's not old school shit.
My grandmother would do.
The only thing that can help a stuck in the facer is a lot of charisma.
Yeah.
Funny guy, a lot of charisma.
You know, somebody that, you know, the girls love their personality.
That takes away from the stuck in the face.
Yeah, he got to be funny.
I'm being honest.
Yeah, dude got to be funny.
He got to smell good.
He needs to have good hygiene.
If his fingernails this.
clean.
We might get it.
Because some guys stink, right?
Yeah, they smell.
How the fuck you don't know when you stink, man?
They know they stink.
They think that some girl like it.
They stink for so long.
They don't know.
It smells regularly.
It smells regularly.
It can't smell it.
Yeah, they do.
Piece of shit.
Y'all, let me tell you something.
I was in the fucking bodega in 23rd Street and the fucking windows was like foggy.
And this shit stunk so much.
I didn't listen
I had to get out of there
but I was getting something
and I said yo I had to tell
to do rich with me
I said yo my man
this shit
you stink my man
and you
somebody need to tell you
that your shit
out of control
and you don't just think
you're tearing the pain
off this motherfucker
like
like
you know how you can't
you know how you can't
fire people
for a certain reason
that got to be off limits
Like, you can't discriminate, you can't this.
If a motherfucker, you're in my business smelling like shit.
You got the fucking go.
If you're tearing the pain off, you can get fired.
How about them people?
No, I'm talking about the walls that look like they smell good.
You ain't seen them in the while to give you a hug.
And then they smell, be stuck on your shoulder.
I went to a wedding one time.
I went to a wedding.
One of my men's wife said, what's up?
I never forgot it.
I was just like, damn.
And it's real bad.
I might have been a $20,000 dress, diamonds and all that.
And it hit me.
And I said, I said, dad, this ain't brides, right?
Like, I really, like, you ain't never seen me stinking your fucking life.
Well, when you was in Georgia shooting that movie that one day.
You full of shit.
That one day, you were a little saucy.
You ain't never smelled me stink.
You was a little salty that day.
I was like, I'm the poster child for fat niggins.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
smell like dirty crayons today y'all
he was a little saucy that day
it was hot sticky out here
I promise you
where your brother at he could
I promise you that nigga
maybe you were smelling him
you were smelling beef
you was not
smelling right
beefed
I was smelling like carnage side of tacos
sitting in the sun
with a little minuto juice on it
it was sweet stuff
you're full of shit
I was like, oh, his nuts probably smell like salty plums and dirty crayons.
Oh, shit.
Yo.
I'm one of the cleanest men you ever meet in your fucking life.
No, everybody loved.
Not on that day.
Everybody was a little salty that day.
Everybody loved groovy, and you can never be groovy loo to style.
It's my man.
Groove.
You know, Groove stink is what you said?
No. I took him with me on tour.
I had to show over the water.
I don't want to say where because I want to go back.
But it's just one of them.
shows where I should have never did
this song. Put your
hands up.
It was crazy. That's shit.
Electronic. I get through all of that.
That smell cut through the air. It's horrific.
I get through. I'm backstage. You keep
chilling. Now, this is when
they still got the disposable
yellow cameras. Sure.
I'm talking to somebody.
Brews over there laughing. I wonder what he's
laughing for.
When I turn around
It's one of them with no shirt on
He took a selfie with me
Look
Ah
Dog
I was the maddest
You know, some of the ballplayers
It was all over my shoulder
It was all over me
And it's like you gotta burn the shirt
Because I wanted to burn my body
Tip I won't say who
But I seen you with a guy one time
And I seen you, you was handling him
Like a dude dude
Yeah, yeah
You was like, yo stay there
And this guy was actually flat.
Nah, she had like, I can't say.
But I was watching you, you was moving like a dude.
Like, you was like, yo, over there, you know, you move when I move, this, this, this.
I was looking, I said, damn, Tiffany really on top of the world right now.
She can't handle in the motherfucker like that.
Like, you know, she had them like, you know.
Sit, Oboo.
On the side.
I did not say that.
No pics.
No pics with you nowhere near.
You know, she had that boy like over there.
Yeah, Chip.
Yo, Tip, I see that.
see it with my old eyes.
Well, which one of those was it?
There's a couple of those.
No, it was the NBA player.
A lot of NBA player.
Yeah, it was an NBA player.
Tray's getting, now we're getting warm.
I'm just saying, no, I'm not, we're not doing that.
We ain't, you did.
I'm just saying, I see you're shutting them.
I ain't hit one of those.
You're a liar.
I have been trying to hit.
Tip, you've been lying a lot.
No, I have not.
I am not.
You ain't, you for the shit.
First of all, what you ain't.
What you ain't for is, no lie, okay.
Hey, I'm not going to lie on my stuff.
I have yet to hit an NBA player.
I am working on it tentatively.
That's why.
Now, now, now, now maybe you're sonning him.
Maybe you might.
I was there.
I was performing live.
You were sonning him.
You had him over there.
He's stuck it like this.
He's a fly guy, too.
You had him like, I wasn't there with him.
Move now.
I wasn't, just, first of all, first of all, I wasn't there with him.
I was there with that white boy that was reaching over your food.
And that's why I was checking.
and maybe the other dude was on the other side of him,
but I was checking the white boy that was reaching up your food,
and I said, don't be reaching on for my fucker's food like that.
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What do you get when you mix 1950s Hollywood,
a Cuban musician with a dream,
and one of the most iconic sitcoms of all time?
You get Desi Arnaz, a trailblazer, a businessman, a husband, and maybe most importantly, the first Latino to break primetime wide open.
I'm Wilmer Valderama, and yes, I grew up watching him, probably just like you and millions of others.
But for me, I saw myself in his story.
From plening canary cages to this night here in New York, it's a long ways.
On the podcast starring Desi Arnaz and Wilmer Valderrama, I'll take you in a journey to Desi's life.
The moments it has overlap with mine, how he redefined American television,
and what that meant for all of us watching from the sidelines,
waiting for a face like hours on screen.
This is the story of how one man's spotlight
lit the path for so many others
and how we carry his legacy today.
Listen to starring Desi Arnaz
and Wilmer Valderrama.
That's part of the MyCultura podcast network available
on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcast.
To beat the champ, you got to knock him out.
The Dodgers stand tall.
And went back to back.
I'm Richard Parks the 3rd.
My show Dodger Blue Dream captures all the drama, tension, and ecstasy of the best world series win of all time in our new episode, Game 7.
No way!
Out now.
Listen to Dodger Blue Dream on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On the podcast Health Stuff, we are tackling all the health questions that keep you up at night.
Yes.
I'm Dr. Priyanka Wuriem.
Wally, a double board certified physician.
And I'm Hurricane Dibolu, a comedian and someone who once Googled,
do I have scurvy at 3 a.m.
On health stuff, we're talking about health in a different way.
It's not only about what we can do to improve our health,
but also what our health says about us and the way we're living.
Like our episode where we look at diabetes.
In the United States, I mean, 50% of Americans are pre-diabetic.
How preventable is type 2?
Extremely.
or our in-depth analysis of how incredible mangoes are.
Oh, it's hard to explain to the rest of the world.
Like, your mangoes are fine because mangoes are incredible,
but, like, you don't even know.
You don't know.
You don't know.
It's going to be a fun ride.
So tune in.
Listen to health stuff on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
What up, y'all?
It's your boy, Kevin on stage.
I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment,
where I talk to artists, athletes, entertainers, creators, friends,
people I admire who had massive success about their massive failures.
What did they mess up on?
What is their heartbreak?
And what did they learn from it?
I got judged horribly.
The judges were like, you're trash.
I don't know how you got on the show.
Boo, somebody had tomatoes.
I'm kidding.
But if they had tomatoes, they would have thrown the tomatoes.
Let's be honest.
We've all had those moments we'd rabbit.
forget. We bumped our head. We made a mistake. The deal fell through. We're embarrassed. We
failed. But this podcast is about that and how we made it through. So when they sat me down,
they were kind of like, we got into the small talk. And they were just like, so what do you got?
What? What ideas? And I was like, oh, no. What? Check out not my best moment with me, Kevin
on stage on the Iheart radio app, Apple podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast.
Yo, I was at your stand-up
and you talked about you went to jail in Beverly Hills.
Yes.
How was that like?
That was so nice.
I've been to many jails.
I've been to many jails.
I'm going to tell you that's the nicest jail I ever been to.
And I've been to like 10 or 15.
And I'm going to tell you, that was the nicest one.
They got a call button in there.
It's very clean.
The police are very, like, respectful.
I guess because they're getting paid more than the average police.
officer. It was great. They served like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and actual tang. Like,
it was great. You know, I went to, I went to UK, right? So I was banned from the UK for no reason,
for many, rare reason, because I went to jail. But they, so they wouldn't let me back in. And the
promoters would be like, yo, I got you. I got the juice. This, this. I'd be like, yo, bro,
I can't get in. So they booked me for one of them stadiums over there. And they like,
yo, boom. So I fly over there.
Then he go, Fat Joe, what's up?
This is something's a little off.
Could you step back here with me?
I said, sure, no problem.
And I just came off the plan.
I'm in the airport.
They were like, could you put your hands in there?
They searched me nicely.
It was like, they opened up a thing.
And it was like, you weren't a turkey sandwich?
I took a turkey sandwich, a juice, apple juice.
It is.
Then it took me to this room.
They opened the door.
I went aside.
They closed the door.
There was no handle.
And they're like, hello.
You're in the nicest jail ever created.
It was the, I'm stuck here.
They had a poster, Bob Marley, a couch in jail in the U.K.
I'm saying they was the most pleasant here you go to jail shit.
But did they have a call button in there?
They had no fucking call.
Because mine had a call button in it, and it actually worked.
I pushed the button.
Like, I've been to jail before, and, like, if you want the police attention,
you got to scream out.
Officer, officer, somebody dead in here.
I'm bleeding to death.
Like, and then they'll show up, like, 30, 45.
minutes later. But in Beverly Hills, you push that car button. They come right through
the intercom immediately. Yes, Ms. Haddish, do you need something? Like, yeah, my cycle started
in here. Y'all toilet paper. I don't know what y'all got in here. This toilet paper made out
of rice paper or something. It disintegrates immediately. Do y'all have any, like, sanitary
luckins? And when I tell you the best maxy pad, the thing was huge. It went from the biggest
pad I ever seen in my life. It went from the top of my belly button to my bra strap, nigga.
And I was wearing a thong, so it looked like a pillow and a rope.
And now I'm a spokesperson.
I'm a spokesperson for Beverly Hills jail pads.
I really like that jail.
I really think every police station, like, I don't know.
They can learn from there.
They could learn from them.
And it's just I felt like a human, right?
And maybe I made a mistake.
But if I ever decided to make any mistakes ever again,
I only want to do it in Beverly Hills.
You want to be there.
In Beverly Hills, because they, you know, the biggest disconnect between, let's say, civilians and offices is how they talk to you and how they treat you.
You know, she said, the best thing she said is I felt human.
I made a mistake.
Maybe I made a mistake.
Maybe they're throwing this shit out Monday at the court.
But one thing they don't do is the cops always say, I never, I have, I have a real tough problem with police.
like I have a
now more than ever
I have a real tough time
because I am
superily rich
compared to these guys right now
and when they pull me over
and they want to talk to me
I'm just telling you
when they want to talk to me
like they could talk
like they God
are they the king of earth
and I'm sitting there
the last guy who stopped me
I said yo my man
do what the fuck you want to do
you even giving me the ticket
or I'm on my
way and dead ass i like to be respect with you you not talking to me i'm in front with my family
you talk to me like i'm less of a man and all i'm not me i'm not going for that so give me the
ticket do what you got to do if not you're poor i'm rich i don't give a fuck you ever heard of
what you talking god look yeah i'm not saying rodney king i know rodney king but what i'm trying to
tell you is i very respectful your license and registration here you go this is that here you go don't be having
meetings, whether you want to give me a ticket for no reason anyway.
And you're about 24 years old.
Like, yo, bro, come on, you don't have pictures of us in your war growing up.
Get the fuck out of you.
I don't know.
I had a problem in jail with them niggas.
They were not talking to me like that.
You know what happened at that party other day?
I see my man Tafia in Miami.
He was in jail with me.
If I'm capping any of the Mongolians, every shit I'm talking about,
that guy would tell you.
He is not saying that.
I did not have the, I'm sitting over there, right?
Motherfuckers working and they want to eat.
I don't have a problem.
I got 12 dozen the chicken every, every fucking day.
I got whatever the fuck I want.
I'm living like my shit like a fucking warm-off.
He's getting his protein.
I'm not lying to you.
My shit, they give you chicken a piece of chicken every Thursday.
If I'm lying to you, I had a dozen of fucking chicken legs every day.
Legs?
I love chicken legs.
What's up?
You know, the correctional chicken, but I hate it, like you.
No, you know what I mean, that them.
It ain't pigeon.
The point is, the ladies.
He's quell, y'all, y'all, it's queer.
All right.
The point is, one day I seen them.
It's expensive.
They supposed to feed you, say, nine in the morning.
It was damn near like one o'clock and all the work.
And these guys, they ain't got nothing.
So they're waiting on that, whatever they're cooking for them, so they made chicken wings.
This correction officer dude,
He was black, too, by the way.
He came with the boots, the rubber boots up to here and shit,
and this guy would be talking that shit.
He'd come up in there, he'd go, hold up.
These niggas have been waiting for like 12 hours to eat these chicken wings that they made.
Hold up.
Flip that over.
Flip that over.
Yeah, that one.
There before the prisoners eat, he was in there like making a selection.
I went up in there and grabbed chicken wings in his face.
I'm like, get the fuck out of here with that shit.
I must I knew he got it to the words
I walked away with the I'm not dumb niggins
all these niggas you see getting smacked
on the back of their head and all that
that's not Joe crack
and to tell you the truth I had 12 dodging chicken
like I didn't even need the wings
I did it just to let them know
I don't give a fuck about
what you thinking gomer about
I'm not going for that shit
I don't know about the prison
I haven't been to prison I only been to be up
I've been to like two or three hours
listen they was a lady
I never been I never been
Say something. By the way, that guy, the next day, he used to fuck with people the most.
That next day, he came back and said, sorry. He did his history. He said, yo, I'm sorry.
I did not know what time. I said, oh, I'm not trying to flip, but you did them.
I had a girl in the jail. She was a fucking, you could, her name was Raggedy Ann. She had red hair.
She walked around like this.
What was she doing? She walked around.
Did she work this?
Yes, she was the correction officer.
Did she work?
What happens with these stuff?
Selling raggedy ass.
What are we doing?
She's raggedy in, bro.
And she walk up in there, this white lady with the red hair,
she walked up in there tripping on, diggers, every big.
This my fucking jail.
And I'm this, this, this.
Me and her, we didn't even have to talk.
So in the jail, I work in the kitchen.
They got the kitchen for the cops.
In the same thing.
Of course, Fat Joe used to walk up in there,
pull out the snick of ice cream balls from the shit.
walk out with the ice cream.
Every day.
I ain't give a fuck.
Like nothing.
I'm not sneaking one day the bitch catch you.
She grabbed that shit on this.
She couldn't wait for something with that, Joe.
She could, this my motherfucking jail.
This, this, this, this.
A movie I'm like, you know, I'm wrong.
You know, she caught me stealing this shit.
I'm just walking away.
She's talking the shit.
We in the building, so we're on our way to go up.
She starts seeing the speech.
It's a hundred niggas.
I'm like, I made sure I was 99.
You heard two time fell in like, I'm in the back.
of the lie.
Hey,
you motherfucker
think they rich
and famous
here.
I said,
well,
miss,
you might be,
you got to be
talking about me.
But I step out
in the line,
you got to be
talking about me.
She's like,
well,
maybe I'm talking
about you.
I said,
miss,
look,
let me tell you
the bad news.
I've been in here
three months.
I only got four.
My mansion's on
the water down the block.
You only got
one month to run it up
if you want to fuck with me
every day and try to play with me.
I'm out of here
in two fucking three weeks.
She said, well, what if you leave in a pine box?
100 niggas shut the fuck up so fast.
They were like, I got back in the line.
I said, oh, let me not play with this, bitch.
Sure enough, eight months after I'm in jail, I can't sleep one night.
I'm looking at the local news in Miami.
Federal Correction Officer kills her husband, throws him off the boat in the middle of this bitch killed her husband.
killed her husband
and they had the cameras
on the houses
showing her
dumping the bar
I said yo this bitch
she's in Jay
that they've been in there
with the book
nigger the feds
call me one day
it was like
this is the federal
this I said who
the federal yeah
we heard you
had an incident
I said my name
get the fuck out of
here I hang up the phone
so fast
and I dropped
but she killed
the husband
she's coming for you
Raggedy Ann
was the truth
my nigga
Raggedy Ann
Tiffany you got this new show
let's let's
Because she's trying to show, she obviously ain't trying to sell.
Yo, yo, yo, Jess, she obviously ain't trying to sell no nail polish.
She ain't trying to sell no foot polish that she got a show, man.
Let's hear it, but.
Yo, Tiff, I'm not going to forgive you for that shit.
You said I stunk like balls like this.
I'm not.
I didn't say you stung like balls.
I said your balls smelled like dirty crayons, probably.
I'm not sure.
Dirty crayons is a sick.
You, dirty crayons.
It smelled like everybody tested.
Before we get it to our show, though, you know, I always got a song with all our guests.
Guess what?
He got two with me.
You got two with me.
Yo, you did it?
He got two with me, yeah.
We did it.
And it's liar.
We got two of them when they bought fire.
Yeah.
Slappers.
Sloppers?
Bangers.
Sprayed up.
Bangers.
He fucked with you because I asked him for a burst.
I got to wait three years.
This guy.
He's lying.
Yeah, you are a lie.
No, no.
Oh, he can't, his shit is fire, though.
Like, his bars is like, he never missed.
Undeniable.
He never missed.
And I was like, so when I heard it, the first time I cried, I was so happy.
And then I was like, well, I don't have his phone number so I could, like, show you my gratitude.
I had to, like, call this person to call that.
I kind of.
It made me feel some type of way.
Until Brinkley got involved, I thought it was a scam.
Like, I'm like, is this really for Tiffany hat?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
He's one in them.
I ain't.
And we're going to drop that soon, too.
few parties
but then it's a real thing
so it's going down
Yeah and it's going down
Her Larry is
The album's just the real deal man
You know whenever I invited
To my birthday party
She's in town
She come in
Whatever I ask her for
She always solid
She's one of the few people
In the industry
That you could always count on
If she can make it happen
And I tell you right off the top
I'm gonna be there
If I could be there
And if I can't I can't
I show up
You showed up
And I danced all night
And I think he sweat
almost got me pregnant.
Remember that night?
Through the clothes?
Oh, my God.
It's not forever.
Oh, my God.
He's sweat wanting to take the girl.
He chased me, he chased me out the club.
He's like, wait a minute.
Tiss again!
Chess again!
I was like, I was like, I was dancing with SWV and shit.
Like, this is crazy.
I guess all week.
You know, she's funny.
She's just joking.
She was joking with me.
And Mary Jamie and Mary was drinking and dancing and party.
Then I can't party with you.
It was like, oh.
it was crazy. Floyd Mayweather walked in
that night, Money Mayweather.
Right?
Birthday party, he had a
see-through bag with bricks
of gold in the bag.
The motherfucker might have walked in for 20,
30 minutes, walked around everybody
with the fucking gold bars and the shit
and just left. Floyd Mayweather
boy. He'd be flexed.
Oh, he'd be flexed.
And he said he was going to make a donation
to my charity when I went and bought the
groceries for the people and I'm still
waiting, Floyd. You showed all that
money on IG like I got you Tiff I got you held up bricks and bricks of money and you still didn't
make the donation I try to ask bet a couple of those but I always pay you know they suck of me
I come up to this they charity pure sucker you ever heard of a pure sucker right now you're like I go
I'm telling you the truth I'm not I walk in the charity event it's like they throw the
motherfucking light on me like boom you're sucking oh Lord what's you
Suck it on.
Rewind the tape.
Tiddies, clits, booties, what you sucking on?
I won't eat.
I go to the charity.
You wear your lips is shaped, too.
I go to the charity.
Joe come through, show you support.
Let me breastfeed you right quick.
Let me feed you.
I'm sorry.
The truth is, I go to the charity event and I wear a little suit.
I think I'm supporting.
Somebody tell me, two-time fella, say, yo, we're doing the charity, whatever.
I come through in the suit.
You got fat Joe in the building.
I really ain't come for you to throw the light on me and go, boom.
Mr. Fat Joe, what do you think?
You got $36,000 right now, $46,000 right now.
Do you got $56,000 this and this?
I'm like, what the fuck got so?
Fact Joe, this shit happens to me.
I might not be going no more.
I don't want to go no more.
I don't want to go to your challenge.
I don't want to invite you to my charity of me.
I don't want you to see.
Because mine is super fun and you could just give me to $30,000 before you
Your relationship with a good friend of mine, who I love, Jason Lee.
Tell me about that's a special.
Yeah.
If he was into girls, like, he would be my man for sure.
He'd be your baby daddy?
He'd be my baby daddy.
I'd let him shoot up the club.
God damn.
Yeah, I would let him shoot up the club for sure.
We went to Columbia together and I was just like, yo, I wish I could move like that.
I can't move like that though.
No, no, no.
I wish I could.
No, you can't.
Yeah.
Let's hear about it.
Well, shout out Jason, please.
So speaking to Columbia, I took, me and my girls, we traveled.
I didn't take them to Columbia, but I took four of my girls to Africa.
And he shot it, and it's a show called Tiffany Haddish Goes Off.
And these are my friends since we was, like, in junior high and high school.
And we've been friends all these years, you know, just 10, because I'm so young.
And we traveled all the way to Africa, and we went to Cape Town, Zimbabwe, Zanzibar,
And we got into some stuff.
And I'm going to tell you, initially, the network wanted it to be a reality show.
But I don't do ratchetness.
Like, I might come off like I do the ratchet shit, but I don't do all that.
The way we, like, if we have a-
You're into baddies.
You're in the baddies.
Well, I'm a baddie, but I'm not about to, like.
You're not going to fight a bitch on camera eyes.
No, I'm going to fight your ass when the cameras is off.
We're going to Mollywap in the room.
But we know each other so long.
Yeah, but we've known each other so long, we just can have a conversation.
conversation, right?
Like, we never argue or nothing like that.
We just have a conversation.
So you see black women moving how black women actually move, how they move when they don't
have to do all this fighting and stuff when they can use their words and their intellect.
You want some rich black woman shit.
Oh, you know, let me taste them.
Let me taste them.
Because all this shit out of control right now.
Let me take some.
I move like a regular human being.
I don't move like I'm the richest.
I don't move like it's got it popping.
Like that, I move like how I always want to live my life.
And that is like a normal human being.
I don't need people surrounding me and be like, oh my God, Tiffany.
Like if you see me and you recognize me, I love him.
You be like, hey, what up, Tiff?
And I'd be like, what up?
Because I'm a regular person.
I don't need to be.
I was Africa experience.
Did you meet one of them seven foot?
Yes, I'm that.
The motherfuckers.
That hugged you.
First of all, we didn't go to Nigeria.
We didn't go to Nigeria.
We went to Kentucky.
We went to Victoria Falls.
We went to Zanzibar.
We went to Ahari.
And, yeah, I met some very tall-handsome beautiful men.
I don't know about Cock Diesel, but...
No, not Cock Diesel.
That's what you was going to say.
I'm trying to lay off that.
I'm trying to know if they had big cock.
Yo, let me tell you some.
What's going on, Joe? What's going on?
Yo, let me tell you something.
Joe, I'm scrolling to...
Joe, I'm not an international.
I don't hold international.
You don't hold international.
I don't hold international.
I see the girl on this.
I did hold an audition.
So you used some of them in the show with you?
Yeah, so me and my girls.
I was in the show, and then there was some guys
that popped up. Some of them
were actors, like famous actors in
South Africa. So this dude, like,
named Primo, he's real popular over there.
He's in a lot of movies in Africa.
But most Americans probably never
seen him before. So he came to
the comedy show and stuff and was like
hollering at me, we went out to the party, went to
a couple of parties or whatever. I think
he thought I was like, fin of be with the business, but
like, he don't have a credit score.
They don't have credit scores. How am I going to rank
down? Rent this. I can't just give up the
Like, I got to see how many goats?
How many cows do you got?
Like, I need to figure out which, what's the, you know, the thing.
They got diamonds.
Yeah, because that's rich.
Like, you got diamonds and are you.
Diamonds ain't nothing over.
That's nothing.
That's nothing.
It's like, they got food, though.
Like, look, I got 10 cows.
I got 37 goats.
That's a rich man.
He can feed me.
He got, I got land.
I'm growing this.
To me, that's sexy.
And that's why I'm on Farmersonly.
What up, Ted?
Like, I'm into dudes that got land.
that can feed me, that can provide
if Armageddon come, if everything will down,
there got to be a place we can go.
And he needs to know how to use guns
and how to grow food.
That don't have nothing to do with the show, though.
The show is, like, super fire, though.
She went out to Africa.
That's beautiful.
Yeah.
And you picked some pretty cool spots.
Tanzania, the furthest I ever been in my life.
That plane take a break.
Mm-hmm.
You take the plane, the plane land in the middle of nowhere to get more gas.
Yeah.
They actually let you walk.
out of the plane.
Yep.
Like, you know,
in the middle of nowhere,
then you go back on,
that shit was far.
But it was one of the most beautiful places.
That's how I knew I was,
that was one of the places
I knew I was famous
because I flew further
than I ever flew in my life.
And when I landed,
it might have been like
five, six in the morning.
So we got in these trucks
and we're going to the hotel.
And we almost ran the dude over.
He was going to work.
He backed up and he started the cursing.
He was like, oh shit,
Ventjo!
I was like,
Oh, my God, this shit is far as hell.
We was walking through a village.
We just walking through a village.
They got chickens running around, kids playing.
I'm thinking nobody's going to recognize me.
Just walking.
I ain't got no makeup.
I'm just keeping it regularly.
Just getting my exercise.
And they're like, Tiffany hot dish.
Tiffany hot dish.
And they're like trying to take pictures and stuff.
They're like, wait, wait, wait.
So they got the old cameras right, gearing it up.
Like, it was so, like, it.
I love the continent.
I love that continent.
I would like to explore every single corner of it.
And I feel like as a person with some wealth here in America,
if I can drop my money over there and build a bridge,
like I really think that that's the main purpose.
My main purpose was to build a bridge between African Americans and Africa.
And so they can see what it really is.
Because what they're showing us at 2 o'clock in the morning on TV is not what it is.
What they're showing us in this movie, that movie,
It's not what it is.
And for me, like, I travel to all kind of places where, you know, most people are like,
why would you go to here?
What you're doing over there?
Like, didn't you see this is going on?
This is going on?
What I want to see with my own eyes.
And when you go see for yourself what it is, you realize what the media is showing you,
what there's going on your algorithm is not the truth always.
So I'm always about the truth.
I've been everywhere in Africa.
Yeah.
Has you been to Eritrea?
I've never been to Eritrea.
Have you been to Jibouti?
Have you been to Djibouti?
Yeah.
I've been here, Djibouti.
Hey, remember when you're like,
where a place it's called Djibouti.
Now, that shit called,
it's shaking the booty and Djibouti.
There's a part of Africa.
Jada, maybe you ain't know this.
It's called Equatorial Guinea where they only speak Spanish.
Yeah.
So every year, New Year's,
I had the super lick.
Every year they would hire me to go over there
with a bunch of salsa bands
for Fadjo kicking hip-hop.
The whole place in Africa,
you talk Spanish.
Angola talk Portuguese.
So Angola, everybody go from Angola to Brazil.
So Brazil is Portuguese and African.
So they talk Portuguese, but they're really African.
Right?
That was the stop on the way over here.
But I've been to so many different parts of Afghanistan, Garbon.
I've been everywhere in Rwanda, everywhere.
Have you bought any land there?
No, I haven't.
I was thinking about some blood diamonds, but the shit,
I didn't know the right plug.
I was trying to get the blood diamonds.
I could connect you.
And all the diamonds ain't blood diamonds.
All the diamonds ain't blood diamonds.
Some of it is actually like feeding the village and taking care of people.
Oh.
When it's our people.
So it's like, you know.
Let me tell you something.
Africa, one of the most beautiful places in the world, it's crazy how,
well, now they got their own shit popping with all the Afro beats and all that.
They men had that.
Yeah, but when I was going over there,
It's just getting here.
But when I would go over there, man,
they would show so much love to Americans
because that's pretty much the only black people
they've seen Michael Jordan, Beyonce, this, this, this.
They're looking at everybody, Tiffany Hadders.
They're looking at everybody.
Look, she's doing movies.
How many girls want to be actresses in Africa
or be comedians?
And they're like, yo, she's doing it.
They're just starting a comedy scene out there.
They're like, they didn't have comedy for so long
and they're just getting it started.
like in the last like seven, eight years.
I'm sure they're like opening clubs.
Michael Blackson is the king.
Michael Blacks is the king of comedy over there, huh?
Well, there's a few that's like killing it.
That's not necessarily that you never heard of.
That's like got more followers than Michael Blackson.
You got to remember there's more people on that continent than there is over here.
Yes.
And you got to invest in the continent, bro.
If they put money in your pocket like that, you got to invest in.
I'm trying to buy that Harlem River Drive.
bridge the bridge from the Harlem to the Bronx
that's the shit I want to
you know what I'm saying I'm trying to do
Harlem the Bronx you know what I'm saying
you talk about body go where you want it
not where you tolerate it you got the
go where you wanted not where you tolerate
go where you celebrate it now where you
yeah Stephanie Mills taught me
that one time she told me that she said Joe
I go where I'm celebrated not where I'm tolerated
I don't even need it's a lot of tolerated
motherfuckers huh
right it's a lot of tolerated motherfuckers
that when you see motherfuckers come around
really like them and they still just keep coming around?
Mm-hmm.
I got guys like that's the feds.
They defeds?
I believe that.
Somebody told me that.
There's a guy.
There's a guy that always shows up.
How's this?
How's that?
Who's this, this, this?
And we'd be like, what the fuck is this dude doing here?
The fed.
No matter what.
Wait, he's the fed.
Somebody told me that.
Somebody said, this nigga, the fed.
I don't know.
When people ask so many questions, I ask them to leave.
Yeah, he don't have no questions
Because if you can't just be in the environment
Like especially if you're not on my payroll
You need to go
There's one guy that's showing up
You're doing it, yes
One guy that's showing up
Since the beginning of time
And he's just tolerated
Why?
So when we pull up, he's just tolerated
And so when he pull up
So I remember one night
What does he bring to the table
Why are you tolerating him?
I'm in Prime World 12
What does he bring it to the table?
Listen, I'm in Prime Ward 12
5 in the morning
They left us the whole restaurant
with my wife, Mary Jay, drinking.
I'm there security.
No security.
We're leaving at 5 in the morning.
This nigga outside the fucking Prime 112.
So I tell Mary, I said, Mary, don't worry, don't worry.
I know this, this, that.
We opened the door.
She said, I know this thing that she called him by the name and went in the car.
I said, yo, so this guy just stalks everybody.
He shows up.
You know him.
He just stalks every celebrity.
Well, when this is he brink to the table, though?
Absolutely nothing.
He got to go.
I've been trying to get rid of this guy for 30 years.
But he keeps showing up and he throws this face.
Are you really trying to get rid of?
Yes, one billion percent.
I would ask him, what are you bringing to the table?
Why are you showing up?
I'm going to even give him a hint.
I'm sure they're watching this.
Whenever I perform at Club 11, Miami, there's 150 dudes out there.
And they come and they sit in my section and I'm in the corner like this
where I can't even enjoy it.
and they just pop up
and a lot of those guys
are tolerated.
That's the place
that was average
got Stoach that time.
Yes.
I went there this weekend
it was 150 guys
in my own shit
everybody coming.
I don't know, man.
I don't know what that is.
It ain't,
it's the promoter.
It's these guys.
Pistol Pee come with,
he's my brother,
he's celebrated,
but he comes with 20 dudes.
I don't know.
But then you got to say.
And this guy
come with 20 dudes.
I don't know.
This guy comes to 20 dudes out of
this.
You can only bring two,
bro.
Like, don't be coming with all these unnecessary people.
I need spaces for my bitches.
That's what I say.
How about if I give you money in the strip club, right?
Because I personally don't throw money in the strip.
I know.
I'll be able to take the money from you.
But if I give you $500, $500, $500, $500 for you y'all could throw the money.
Don't think I don't see you only throw a hundred and you put the $400 in your pot.
It's levels of bumness going on in this world.
It really is.
Now, see, what I do is I throw the money
and then I'll start picking it up off the floor
because then I put it in work.
I work for my money.
As Morris Chestnut.
Well, I did a play with Morris Chestnut
and the whole cast went to the strip club
and Morris and, like, the other male actors
gave all the girls that was in the play,
money to throw to the other girls.
And we threw it out.
And then, you know, everybody else was chill.
But I was like, oh, well, I got to clean up this area
before somebody slips and falls.
And I picked the money up
and then I put it in my base.
Like, what the fuck is doing?
I said, I earned this money.
I cleaned it up.
Fact.
Got any stand-ups coming up soon?
I'm going to Alabama and,
I'm going to Alabama and Mississippi this weekend.
And then next year,
well, February, start February next year,
I'm hitting all these small comedy clubs
and places you would never think I would go.
Right.
Just because I know they need it.
They need the,
comedy relief, so.
You know, I was saying
in L.A. with Jeff Ross.
I love Jeff.
And it was like the week
before the roasting of Tom Brady
and I watched them practice.
Y'all guys actually go to the
comedy club.
Everybody is famous.
You go in L.A. to comedy club
on a regular night.
Any comedian you ever thought
you wanted to meet in your life
is sitting in there
and they practice in their joke.
Imagine you freestyle in the spot
and all the rappers are in there.
And so I went in there
and it was so funny
and then when I seen it on Netflix
I was like yo this shit I was dead
this guy was practicing
the show is called what
because the show is called Tiffany Haddish
goes off you can see it November 13th
on Peacock you got to check it out
because it's real it's fun
and you'll enjoy it
I can promise you that
I mean have you been having trouble watching
the NBA games like you don't know where the shit is at
now yeah something
it's on NBC
no it's not it's one day
on NBC, then it's on ESVN, then it's on
Tuesday, then it's on this shit, crazy.
Yeah, they're killing me.
To find a fucking gay TV.
It's like, yo, like,
I'm looking at YouTube.
Big mistake guys.
Like, we cannot go to a designated spot.
Every day, that shit changed.
One day I'm thinking it's on prom.
The next day is on Peacock.
The next day is on ESPN.
The days, you know, y'all bargain out with this shit.
I'm pretty sure it's on Peacock
because they gave me a jacket that said,
is back at the peacock.
They gave me a letterman coat, and it was like, you know,
20-25, the NBA's back.
Fucked the jacket.
Remind me never to wear this shit again.
Give it to me.
I'll wear it for you.
I fucked some bloods before.
You fucked some bloods before.
They'll appreciate it.
Bloods and cribs.
Yeah, this pussy has no color line.
Dangerous.
Dangerous.
Dangerous.
Ah, a thunder cat.
You know, somebody,
being of my sister was talk about this,
like how when you're in your 20s, you're a Puma.
in your 30s is Cougar
In your 40s you were Thundercat
And in your 50s you were
Sabretoothed tiger
And if you're in your 60s you were toothless
Sabretoothed tiger
And that's what the boys are like
I think the women don't stop
The women never stop
Yes we do
Like guys they get you know
They get tired or they you know
They need that buy out
If they ain't got the right system
They fucked up
But the women don't stop
Yes we do
They're 70 years old
With boyfriends in the fucking AAR
RP the fucking seat.
Well, you know, the STD rate in the old folks home is at an all-time high.
That's the best place to get a disease.
How is that happening?
Because they're like, ain't nobody getting pregnant in here.
70 years old.
And they all from the free love era from the 60s when people used to just have sex
and all you got is chlamydia or gonorrhea or something to clap, you know.
Now you get gonoherper syphilates, you know.
But they're like, look, I'm old.
Well, I'm about to leave anyways.
Let it itch, let it leak.
I don't care.
Make me come.
Listen, let me tell you something.
It's out of control they even fathom
that they're 70-year-olds
still looking for love.
Your grandma fucking.
Your grandma fucking.
That's how you got here.
Granny throwing that ass back.
Hips messed up for a reason.
Every mom.
She ain't lying, though.
My mom's at 15 kids.
60, 70s still that all this mom-boyfriend and all right.
What the fuck are you doing?
Your shit is like a fossil.
Why my home are, your shit in the hell.
Let me tell you said, my husband.
You're trying to get cracked in the house?
Yeah.
Let me tell you this story.
My home girl told me.
She broke up.
Like, so my home girl had to break up with her husband because she came home.
This is during COVID.
She came home and he was sleeping with a housekeeper.
The housekeeper was 63 years old.
He was in the bed with the house.
Dominican?
No.
Why Dominican?
No.
63-old Dominican ladies look right, dog.
Yeah, and this is 63-year-old Mexican.
They'd be walking up and down Broadway.
They legs is.
right, sweeping and mopping.
I just want to know what makes a man.
They're going to eat avocados.
What makes a man at a house want to sleep with the house?
Like, these guys are fucking sick in the head, right?
Like, you robin most of them.
Let me tell you something.
You know, sick in the feet, sicking the horny in the dick.
He's horny in the dick.
That's what it is.
You know?
On the Schwarzenegger, she was like, I would have brought a baby.
The nanny's 25.
I would have rather him sleep with the nanny.
This is like, what does that mean about me?
What does that say about me?
I said, bitch, you're not busted open enough.
That's what that say.
That old lady knows how to.
She wrote a rooter that, motherfucker.
She got experience.
You wrote a rooted down.
If anything, you should have stopped and watched
and been like, let teach me your ways, Rosalinda.
Now, these motherfuckers, teach me your ways.
Rosalinda.
Well, Evelyn, that's my girl in New York.
Here we go.
Oh, shit, don't tell him that day.
No, no, no, no.
I don't play that shit.
I'm a gentleman, man.
He got to be fucking.
Gentleman's a close, too.
I seek the kingdom at all times.
I've been hanging out with this dude.
He's so polite.
But I can tell you.
My housekeepers look like though mama off the train, too.
Like, my wife's going to pick him.
But they don't matter because his, that housekeeper looked like a space.
My housekeepers look like, where's the beef?
Like, yeah.
Like they got the hump on their back?
Ain't no system.
going on around here, they pick them wise
over here. They are, where's the
peace? And those be the ones
that's what? Those are the
ones that train. Those are the goblers, the goblers.
The goonies. You make that sound.
Now, Tiffany, what's wrong?
The dick monster. I'm scared to watch this show.
What happened? Oh, you
watching the show, huh?
Yeah. Don't this the housekeepers?
Yeah. Okay.
Came all away from the back.
For everybody.
He's watching that shit in the control booth.
Y'all, you just...
Nah, don't they in trap.
Tiff, we love you.
Thanks for coming.
This ain't that?
That ain't this.
It's crack.
Kitts and Tiff.
Stop out of here.
I don't have a housekeeper.
I'm looking for one.
Preferably male.
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stand tall and went back to back titles i'm richard parks the third my show dodger blue dream captures all the drama
tension and ecstasy of the best world series win of all time in our new episode game seven
no way out now listen to dodger blue dream on the i heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you
get your podcasts what do you get when you mix 1950s hollywood a cuban musician with a dream
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You get Desi Arness
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I'll take you in a journey
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how he redefined American television
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watching from the sidelines
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Listen to starring Desi Arnaz
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On an all new episode
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Jennifer Lawrence
From her hilariously awkward run-ins with A-Lister's
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And a jaw-dropping reveal you won't see coming
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What up y'all? It's your boy, Kevin
On stage, I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment, where I talk to artists, athletes, entertainers, creators, friends, people I admire who have had massive success about their massive failures.
What did they mess up on?
What is their heartbreak?
And what did they learn from it?
I got judged horribly.
The judges were like, you're trash.
I don't know how you got on the show.
Check out Not My Best Moment with me, Kepp on stage, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast.
