Joel Osteen Podcast - Freedom From Control | Joel Osteen

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

When you try to control those around you or let others control you, you limit your freedom and potential. If you'll set healthy boundaries in your life, God will help you live a life of victory! Your best days are still ahead, and together we can make a difference in this world with the message of God's hope and love. To give visitJoelOsteen.com/GiveHope.Three minutes. Every day. Before your feet hit the floor, set your mind on things above with Joel’s new devotional, 3-Minute Mornings. Our May offer contains 365 days of favor and freedom. Put God first place, and you’ll see breakthroughs you couldn’t make happen. Request your copy today, https://bit.ly/4di5pMO.  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of the Joel Osteen Podcast ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast, and thanks for supporting the ministry. We believe you're going to have an awesome 2024, healthy, productive, and favor-filled. God bless you today and enjoy the message. God bless you. It's always a joy to come into your homes. We love you. If you're ever in our area, I hope that you'll stop by and be a part of one of our services.

I promise you this. We'll make you feel right at home. You'll love our new facility. you can come celebrate what God has done for us right here at Lakewood and just love to have you be a part of it. But thanks for tuning in today. I like to get started each week with something kind of funny. And I heard about this couple. They were driving down the road and they saw this sign that said, Nacadoches 40 miles ahead. And they began to argue about how to correctly pronounce the name Nacadochus. And the husband got so upset. He finally said to his wife, when we get there,

I'm going to stop and prove to you that I'm right. And they sat, silently the next 30 minutes as they drove. And when they finally arrived, he pulled into the first fast food restaurant. He and his wife barged up there to the counter. And he said to the young lady, my wife and I have been arguing for the last 30 minutes. Can you tell us very slowly and very clearly how to pronounce the name of this place? The young lady's eyes got real big and she leaned over the counter and said, Burger King.

All right, hold up your Bible. Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the Word of God. I boldly confess my mind is alert.

My heart is receptive. I will never be the same. In Jesus' name. God bless you. We've been talking about not letting people control us and learning how to set boundaries. boundaries. Boundaries are like fences. We put up fences around our property

to show people how far that they can come. It doesn't mean that we're being unfriendly. Doesn't mean that we're being rude. It's simply a way of saying, this is the line that you cannot come beyond. And in the same way, if you don't have boundaries in your own life, and especially in your relationships,

then you're just asking for trouble. Because this world is full of controllers and manipulators. And I don't mean to sound like everybody's bad because they're not. Many times they don't realize they're doing it. They've been raised by people that have done it. And this is all that they know.

But God wants us to live our lives free. And we're never going to really enjoy life as long as we're being a people-pleaser or as long as we're trying to control everybody. And this is what so many people are doing today. They're trying to run the universe, trying to make their grown children do what they want, manipulating people at the office in order to get their way.

Or they'll throw a fit at home, hoping that their spouse will feel guilty and eventually give in. But friends, that's a miserable way to live. It's a heavy burden trying to run everybody's life around you. And being free means you are free not to control everybody. It means you don't have to have your way all the time. You can adapt. You can adjust. For instance, if every time Victoria and I go out to eat, we have to go where I want, or I'll very

subtly let her know that I'm not happy. I'll make her feel just guilty enough so that next time I'll get my way. That's being a controller. I'm manipulating her in order to get what I want. Don't play those games. Be bigger than that and give people the room to be who God has made them to be. And maybe you're on the flip side of that. Your spouse or the person you're in relationship with is always doing what he wants. And I'm not saying to just be a doormat and let them run over you. Now, you've got to stand up to a controller. You need to confront that. Say, hey, listen, let's take turns. Don't be so selfish. But you have to recognize when somebody always has to have their way, they're always trying to give you their opinion, making you do

what they want, that's a controller. And I've seen parents that have grown children, but they're still telling those children how to spend their money, how to raise their kids, what car to buy, what neighborhood to live in. Now listen, parents, those children have grown up. Now you've got to let them go and stop trying to run their lives. There's nothing that will ruin your relationship with your grown children any quicker than always telling them what to do. And too much advice, although you may mean well, is eventually just going to drive them away. You have to give your grown children the freedom to make their own choices and even the freedom to make their own mistakes.

Sometimes that's the only way they're ever going to learn. And I'm not saying to never give them advice, but if when you do, you can tell they're not receiving it. Things are heating up. It's turning into a debate. Well, you need to be big enough to just back off and let it go. Because if you're constantly giving people advice,

constantly telling them what to do, in the end, it's going to build up resentment. I remember the first house, Victoria and I were about to buy, my father didn't agree with it. He didn't think it was right for us, but he didn't tell us right at the first. In fact, he had a friend of ours call me, a man that deals in real estate, and we discussed the pros and cons, and we ended up not buying that house. But I didn't find out till later that my father was not for it. See, daddy was trying not to run my life. He was looking for that fine line of when to and when not to be

involved. And of course, it's good to give your children counsel. It's good to share your opinions and advice with them, but you too are going to have to find the balance to not go overboard and make them feel like you're pressuring them and trying to control them. After all, the scripture says, a man shall leave his father and mother and become one with his wife. Too often, parents, our children have left the house, but we haven't let them go. We're way too involved in their affairs. And I know it's because you love your children. It's because you want the best for them. And that's why this can be so blinding.

And I really believe some of you don't have good relationships with your grown children today. And it's because of this. You're too involved. You're always telling them what to do. I talked to a young lady a while back and she told how she doesn't like to go over to her mother's house anymore because her mother is always telling her how to eat,

what to eat and what not. not to eat. Growing up, she had struggled with her weight, and her mother had been very involved in her diet. And this mother meant well, she had good intentions. But mother, when your little girl grows up, she probably doesn't want you telling her what to do all the time. It was fine for a time, but we have to recognize at one point that goes from right control to wrong control. And sure, we are to train and guide our children while they're under our care. But if we don't learn to let them go, give them a little space, give them the freedom to make their own choices, then it's going to build resentment, it can stifle their growth, and it's certainly going to strain

our relationship. And some of you would see your relationships go to a new level if you'd just take a step back and quit telling those people how to run their lives all the time. And if you feel like your parents are doing this to you, they're too controlling, giving you too many opinions, too much advice, I would just challenge you to take the initiative and go to them and address it. Don't let it ruin your relationship for the next 20 years. Set a boundary. You can do it in love. Just say, Mom, Dad, I love you. I appreciate your advice, but you've got to do me a favor and quit trying to run my life all the time. Because when I don't do what you want, I feel bad. And I respect you, but you've got to give me the freedom to make my own choices.

See, just be open and honest. That's what it means to set a boundary. One principle that I've learned to live by is never give your opinion unless somebody ask. And even then, realize most of the time they don't really want your advice. They just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And people today are way too opinionated.

You hear them all the time. Well, if I were you, I wouldn't do that. If I were you, I wouldn't buy that car. If I were you, I wouldn't be dating that, man. No, you don't really know what you. you would do because you're not in their shoes. And it's good to give advice, but don't be overly opinionated. Like that cartoon I saw, was this big gorilla, had his fist up in the air and a real mean face, and the caption said, if I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

The scripture says in 1st Thessalonians 4 verse 11, make it your ambition to live a quiet life and to mind your own business. For some of you, that was worth the drive out today. Mind your own business. Not your grown children's business. Not your neighbor's business. Not your co-worker's business. Mind your own business. And never give your opinion unless you're asked.

And parents, we need to make sure that we allow our children to follow their God-given dreams. I see so many parents that are living out their own dreams through their children. You know, pressuring them to go to this college, get into this career, work for this company. No, that's never healthy. Proverbs 22.6 says,

train up a child in the way that he should go in keeping with his individual gift. Notice that's saying your child has a specific gift. There's something he's inclined toward. And our job as parents is to help our children discover their gift and then encourage them in that area. And here's the key. Their God-given gift may not be what you prefer.

I know my father always wanted me to preach. I knew that from the time that I was a little boy, but I never had the desire. And my parents never pressured me. I believe if they would have, it would have driven me away. And if you'll let your children follow the God-given dreams and desires in their own heart, they will end up exactly where they're supposed to be. But if my father had just pressured me and pressured me,

and finally I just gave in because I didn't want to disappoint my dad, I don't believe I'd be standing here today. I would have been out of God's timing. I would have been living to just please people. I think that I would have missed out on God's best. And in part, it would have been my fault for being a people pleaser. But it also, in part, would have been my father's fault

for trying to control me and manipulate me. And that's why parents, it's so important that we be extremely careful in this area because when we're too controlling and too opinionated, we can keep our children from fulfilling their God-given destiny. And Victoria and I, of course, we would love to have our children follow in our footsteps and carry on the ministry in some way. But I know that I can't call them, only God can. So I stay open. I found a lot of times what we want for our children is so much less than what God wants. And in the natural, I hope Jonathan and Alexandra minister like me. But I realize they can minister through movies. They can minister through music and song.

they can minister by treating people that are sick. We've got to stay open. Don't be a controller. Just trust your children into God's hands. He's got an individual plan for each one of them. And I would encourage you as well, parents, don't be overly concerned if your children, your young person, you're a teenager,

they're not as spiritual as you think they should be right now. Well, my children, they don't know enough scriptures, and they don't pay attention in church all the time, and I've always got to ride them, Joel. well, it's good to encourage your children, but keep that in balance. And always remember how you were when you were their age. You probably weren't that much different. I know when I was growing up, I sat on the front row of our church beside my little sister, April,

and the whole service, we played tick-tac-toe. And look at me today. God's made me the pastor. There is hope for your children. Who knows what God can do for them. Growing up, I loved to play practical jokes. always doing something to somebody in church, you know, teasing my sister Lisa

or making a funny face at my sister April. But the problem was my mother had eyes in the back of her head. And we'd all be there on the very front row of the church, four or five of us kids, and my mother would have her hands up in the air and her eyes closed. And I would make sure that she wasn't watching.

And at just the right time I'd reach over and do something to Lisa. And sure enough, my mother, without missing a beat, she would bring this hand down, she would grab my arm right here and pinch the fire out of me. And then just so calmly she'd put that arm back up in the air. She'd still have that smile on her face. I used to think, how in the world does she do that?

How did she see me even? Finally, thank God one day I got out from under that control and today I'm free. But don't let people control you and don't be a controller. One thing we have to realize is the more we try to to make somebody do something. The more we try to control them, most of the time, the more they don't want to do it. When I was in my early 20s, I was playing baseball four or five nights a week. We'd have a tournament almost every weekend. And of course, I was single. I didn't have a lot of family obligations. But my friend was married, and he had a newborn child. And his wife just

couldn't stand him playing that much. I mean, he was always gone. She talked to me about it, and I agreed with her. It was too much. But the funny thing was, she tried and tried to get him to change. She nagged him, she threatened him, she sat around the house and sulk, she tried everything. And it seemed like the more she did that, the more determined he was to keep playing. And I found that's human nature. When we nag and complain, when we try to control and force somebody to do something, many times it just builds resentment and we end up with the exact opposite results. I believe a better approach would be to go to them and just say, honey, I know you enjoy playing ball, and I want you to be happy, but I'd love for you to spend

more time at the home. And then just turn it over to God and say, God, I know I can't change him, only you can. I'm not going to live my life frustrated. I'm not going to go around having a pity party treating him bad. God, I'm just giving him to you. That's all you can do. You cannot force people to change. What I'm saying today is control usually only makes things worse. I've seen ladies that are trying to get their husbands to come to church. They're constantly nagging the man, harping on them. They make sure they got the Bible open on the breakfast table every morning. Got all these subtle hints happening trying to get him to come. But really, I believe a better thing to do is to just love the man. Leave him up to God. Quit preaching to him every minute.

Quit quoting every scripture to him and just be fun to be around. Make him want what you have. See, you cannot pressure people into changing. Control drives people away. Many times you'll get just the opposite results. Sometimes we try to control people out of selfish reasons. I know this couple, and the man really loves to play golf, but this lady for nearly 10 years tried to get him to change. She would throw fits and have pity parties and pressure him,

but he never would. And at some point, you have to realize maybe God put the desire in him. Maybe that's what he does to relax and keep his life in balance. And if you want to spend more time with him, instead of trying to control him and make him change, why don't you adapt? Why don't you adjust? That's what this lady did. She took up playing golf.

She told me, Joel, I nagged and complained him for 10 years. And one day it dawned on me that he was not going to change, so I changed. I decided I couldn't beat him, so I was going to join him. Now I play golf and we play all the time together. If that doesn't work for you, then find you some friends or find some way to enjoy that free time. But it's a miserable way to live, trying to control everybody. Well, I've got to control my children and make sure they come to my house for Christmas this year. If I don't start now, they may go to their in-laws.

I'm going to let them know I'm expecting them. I'm preparing a big meal. Now, learn to take the pressure off of people. If your child is married, most likely they have two obligations on every holiday. And I'm all for getting together and for family, but really, what does it matter in the big scope of things if they can't come to your house on one particular day? Thank God that they're alive and they're healthy and they can come to see you 364 other days. We make a big deal out of things that are not a big deal. And don't use that guilt trip.

Well, you know what I did for you growing up. I bought you your first car. I sent you to college. I babysit your children every time you ask. no, let them be free. And recognize if they can't come, it's not because they love you any less, it's just logistics.

And do you know if you pressure them and make them feel guilty and they end up coming, please understand that is not strengthening that relationship. You're driving a wedge between it. It would be better for them to come every other year and do it because they're happy and because they want to than to come every year because you have forced them and manipulated them.

I know in our family, we used to buy everybody Christmas gifts during the Christmas season. We didn't want anybody's feelings to get hurt. Got to a point where we're buying for about 25 different people. Brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Man, I love my family, but I don't love them that much. At least I'm honest with you. But, you know, we found that everybody in the family was feeling the exact same way. It was taking all of our time and energy.

And one day we said, hey, let's just draw names and buy a gift for one child. And if for some reason we can't all get together for the holidays, no big deal. Let's take the pressure off. And I'm asking you today to set some people free. Quit trying to control your husband and make him do what you want. Quit trying to control your family and make them be at every holiday. Quit trying to control your friends. Quit putting your demands on everybody.

Quit making them do things out of obligation. you. I want you to go out of here today freer than you've ever been before. And I know this can be a sensitive area, but be careful about somebody that always has a word for you. Do you know people can even use the scriptures to try to control you? They can use

spiritual things to try to pressure you into doing what they want. Well, I've got a word for you. You're supposed to do this and that. And I know that can be good, but number one, you need to make sure that you really know that person. Don't just let anybody. God give you instruction. The scripture says to know those that labor among you. You need to ask yourself, who is this person?

What is his background? Where does he go to church? What kind of fruit does he have in his life? Do a little research. I see too many people being led astray all because somebody over-spiritualizes something. I don't know. Maybe they mean well, but that can very easily get into being a

controlling, manipulating spirit. You say, Joel, they're so nice and kind of. and they know all the scriptures. Yeah, but the Bible talks about being aware of wolves in sheep's clothing. And if somebody's going to lead you away, they're not going to come in looking like a wolf. They're going to look like the nicest,

kindest person in the world. And usually people like that, the word they have for you is, God told me you're supposed to help me. You're supposed to give me your paycheck this month. Man, I saw your face in a dream. God told me you're going to pay my rent. No, you need to tell them,

if God wants me to pay your rent, he can tell me we're on speaking terms. I had a lady tell me not too long ago, and she was very, very sincere, but she said, Joel, this man came to me, and he said, God told him that I was supposed to leave my marriage and go off in a relationship with him.

What do you think? And I said, well, just put it this way. If you look up the word flaky in the dictionary, you'll see his picture right next to him. That's as far off as you can get. Because, number one, God will never ask you to do something that's outside of his word. And if somebody's speaking into your life most of the time, it should confirm what you already know. There should be a peace and a rest about it.

I'm not saying it won't challenge you. Maybe it'll even convict you, but down in here, you'll feel a peace about it. My father told one time a man came to him and said, Pastor Osteen, a man gave me a word that I'm supposed to go to Africa. What do you think? Daddy said, I don't know. But if you do go, be sure you take him with you so you'll know when to come back. The point is, you can hear from God for yourself. You don't need somebody always telling you what to do and what not to do. Get out from under all those controlling influences. If somebody's speaking into your life, you know, again, that can be good, but it should confirm.

You should feel a peace about it. If it's something off the wall, you need to just smile and let it go in one ear and out the other ear. Recognize a controller and recognize if you're being controlled. A lot of times people that try to control you are people that feel like you owe them something. Maybe they helped you get a position at their company. And now in their mind, you owe them. They expect you to do everything they want. Go to lunch every time they invite you, run errands for you.

No, that's being controlled. Or maybe somebody helped you out of a difficult place in life. And now their attitude is you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. You better give me what I want. you better give me some attention. Or even with a spouse, hey, I bought you that new car. I've got you in my will.

You better live up to my expectations. Oh, don't fall into that trap. You are where you are by the grace of God. And yes, people may have helped you, but God doesn't want you to live your life trying to pay somebody back. That's being controlled. He wants you to be free.

And of course, be good to people, be grateful, but don't live your life just doing everything out of guilt and obligation. well, I'm going to take you out of my will if you don't go to this college, if you don't go into this career. I say this respectfully, but you don't need that money. You follow what God is put in your heart and you'll have everything that you need. Or you better live with me. I rescued you out of that pit.

You better give me what I want. Think about where you would be. Now, that's a controlling spirit. God does not want you to live like that. And some of you right now, you're in a relationship that's not going anywhere. you know in your heart of hearts it's not right, but that other person is so controlling. He wants you to keep living with him, but you know he's never going to marry you. All he's concerned about is what you can do for him.

That's a controller. That's a user. You've got to get free from that. God has so much better in store for you. Well, you say, Joel, if I leave, you know, I may not make it on my own. I may not ever meet anybody else. No, if you'll take that step of faith, God will honor that decision. not only make a way for you, but he'll bring somebody into your life that really loves you.

Somebody that will treat you the way that you should be treated with honor and respect. And not somebody that's just going to use you for what they want. And I know it's difficult, but you've got to stand up to a controller. If not, you'll go year after year in that same mess. Unfortunately, it will not get better. It will continue to get worse. and what a shame to come to the end of your life. They have to think, man, I never did what I wanted.

I just lived to please people. I did everything out of guilt and obligation. I was always being controlled. No, make the necessary changes. Recognize what's happening. And if you're the controller in one of those relationships, let me challenge you, you're not going to be blessed doing that. You're not only hurting that other person, but you're hurting yourself.

Because when you push them down, you're pushing me. God down. God made that other person. You need to quit using them. Quit being so selfish in having to have your way all the time. Quit dominating every decision. Instead of just living for yourself, why don't you start living to please that other person? Why don't you get up every morning and think about what you can do for them and how you can make their life better? Friends, it's never too late to change. And you may have gone year after year developing bad habits, but thank God you can develop some good habits. Today can be a new beginning. Today can be a turning point. Why don't you do yourself a favor and set some people free? When you do that, you will experience a new sense of freedom.

The Apostle Paul said there, 1st Corinthians 919, although I am free in every way from anyone's control, I have made myself to be a servant to all. He was saying, because I'm free, I can be a blessing wherever I go. That's what will happen to each one of us. When we're really free, we can serve others. When we're really free, we can be a blessing. And when we're really free, we can live our lives happy. So I challenge you again, quit trying to run the universe. Quit trying to control everybody and everything. Take the pressure off yourself and take the pressure off those other people. And if somebody's trying to control you, you need to stand up to it. Do it in love, but learn to set some boundaries.

If you'll do your part and not be a controller and not allow others to control you, I know this, you're going to rise higher, you're going to be happier, you're going to experience that abundant life that God has in store. Do you receive it today? I know that you do.

We never like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart, I make you, my Lord and Savior. Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again.

Get in a good Bible-based church. Keep God first place. He's going to take your places that you've never dreamed of. Three minutes. Can such a small amount of time make a big difference to your day? To turn worry into confidence, frustration to hope. Defeat to victory. Maybe you just need a boost of faith.

If we put God first place and get our thinking in line with His, even a small seat of time can make a huge difference. We have a new resource called Three-Minute Mornings. Start your day the Blessed Way. My challenge is when you wake up, before you leave the house, take three minutes to speak blessings over your life and to declare God's favor, get your mind going in the right direction. When you do that, you're setting yourself up for a blessed victorious day. is our way of saying thank you for your gift of any size to the ministry this month.

Joel and Victoria would like to send you this just-released, life-giving new daily devotional. Before your feet hit the ground or go out the door, have your heart experience a bit of heaven. Set your mind on the things above with our new three-minute mornings devotional. With this new 365-day devotional, three-minute mornings, you'll experience God showering down his favor like never before. You'll focus on the better that is coming and fully realize the freedom of not worrying about tomorrow.

Victoria and I pray for you and your family every day. Thank you so much for your prayer and support. You're making a difference all over the world. Remember, you can watch the services online every Sunday morning. Download our daily podcast, listen on Sirius XM. But until we meet again, may the Lord bless you and keep you. Be sure to request your copy of three-minute mornings today. Visit joelosteen.com or call 888-567 Joel.