Joel Osteen Podcast - Improving Your Relationships | Joel Osteen

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

You can improve your relationships by changing your habits. If you’ll make minor adjustments in the way you treat others, your relationships will flourish. Your best days are still ahead, and together we can make a difference in this world with the message of God's hope and love. To give visitJoelOsteen.com/GiveHope.Experience the joy of beginning each day in peace, purpose, and faith. Our June offer will help you strengthen your morning routine. Request3-Minute Mornings and watch what happens when you give God the start of your day, https://bit.ly/3Yza9Ie! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of the Joel Osteen Podcast ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks for listening to our podcast and thanks for supporting the ministry. If you enjoy today's message, why don't you be a blessing and share it with a friend. We appreciate you and pray for God's very best in your life. Well, God bless you. It's a joy to come into your homes each week.

We love you and we know God has great things in store for each one of you. We pray for you every single day. I tell these people all the time, this is going to be your best year so far. If you're ever in our area, stop by and see us. we give you a personal invitation. But thanks for tuning in. I like to get started each week with something kind of funny.

I heard about these two famous baseball pitchers. They were discussing whether or not there would be baseball up in heaven. They made an agreement that whoever died first would come back and tell the other if indeed there was baseball in heaven. A few months later, one of the pitchers died. Just like he promised, he came back and said to his friend, I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is there is baseball up in heaven.

heaven. The bad news is you're scheduled to pitch next Thursday. All right, put up your Bible. Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess. My mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same. I am about to receive the incorruptible, indestructible, ever-living seed of the Word of God. I'll never be the same, never, never, never, never, I'll never be the same in Jesus' name. God bless you. I want to talk to you today about how to improve your relationships.

Our relationships have a lot to do with our happiness. You can have all the money in the world. You can have your health. You can have great opportunities in front of you. but if you don't have good relationships, you're not going to enjoy your life very much. And I know people that are successful in business, they've done great in their careers, but their personal life is miserable. They can't get along with other people.

And one of the keys to having good relationships is to show respect. Be considerate. Treat other people the way you want to be treated. Now, I've found most of the time, it's not the big things that keep people. back in relationships. It's just the small things. And if we will be willing to make minor adjustments, very often we'll see major improvements. And some of you, if you just start giving more compliments, that relationship would go to a new level. Others, if you would lower your voice tones and say things in a kinder way, you would see your relationships improve. Some of you, if you could

just become better listeners and give that person your full, undivided attention, you'd be amazed at how much better that relationship could be. You need to study the people God's brought into your life. Study your spouse. Study your friends. Study your boss. See what they like and don't like. Watch what frustrates them. Watch what makes them happy. What do they need? What do they respond to? Some people, when they're stressed out, they need encouragement. Other people need space. They need you to back off and give them a little room. Some people need compliments. They need constant affirmation. Other people just need a little time. If you'll take five minutes and say, how you doing? Is everything okay? But God made us all different.

There's not one size that fits all. And if you're going to have good relationships, you have to study the people that you're in relationship with and find out what they need. I learned this firsthand from Victoria, I've never seen anyone more perceptive. She constantly studies me. She knows down to the smallest detail what I like and don't like and when to ask something, when to give me some space. It takes an unselfish person to do this. But she realizes in the long run, she's not only making my life easier, she's making her life easier. Because the better she treats me, the happier I am, the more I want to do for her. I start studying for my weekend. messages on Wednesdays. Most of the time, from Wednesday to Saturday, Victoria won't bring up a heavy

subject. If there's a problem we need to discuss, unless it's an emergency, unless it needs immediate attention, she won't bring it up till Monday. She waits till I'm fresh, till my mind is clear. You know what that is? That's respect. That's being considerate. A lot of the tension in our homes, a lot of the pressure in our relationships we bring on ourselves. It could be avoided if we'd be a little more sensitive. There's a scripture here in 1 Peter chapter 3 in verse 7. It says to live considerately. That means you have to consider the other person.

You need to study them and make the necessary adjustments so you can have healthy relationships. For instance, if your spouse comes home from a long day of work, he's sat in traffic for an hour and dealt with all kinds of problems, but when he walks in the door, that's not the time to tell him the dishwasher broke and the dog is loose and your mother-in-law's coming for

two months. No, be sensitive and wait for the right time. If you see how your boss tends to be more stressed out on Monday mornings, it's not the time to ask for a favor. If you'll wait to the afternoons or until another day,

you'll not only have more success, but there'll be less tension in that relationship. Time is everything. You can say the right thing, but if you say it at the wrong time, it's still wrong. Husbands, once a month, around that certain time, you have to give your wife a little more room. I heard somebody say, PMS means pretty mean sister. That's not the time to discuss important issues. That's not the time to try to solve problems. That's the time to smile and say, yes, honey, whatever you say.

Just simple things can make a big difference. Something I've learned is when I'm not feeling up to par, when I'm kind of stressed or something's bothering me, I tell the people that I'm in close relationship with. The other day, I told Victoria, my shoulder is really bothering me. Not complaining, not as an excuse to be sour, but it helps people to understand. Many times a simple explanation can keep a lot of tension

and out of our relationships. A few years back, I would write my sermons on Thursdays, and I'd work out of my home, and I'd come downstairs to have lunch, and every once in a while, Victoria would see me in there and join me. And, of course, I loved having her in there, but when I'm writing my messages, I don't like to think about anything else. I like to stay in that frame of mind.

And I never said anything to her, but with my actions, I was kind of unfriendly, not talkative, and she never said anything about it. But one day I realized that wasn't fair to her. And I finally said, Victoria, I'd love to talk to you, but I'm right in the middle of this message. I don't want to get my mind on anything else. Just a simple 10-second explanation she totally understood.

But I thought about how all those years I kept that to myself and just sat there unfriendly, not talkative. All that does is bring tension into a relationship. One person's thinking, what's his problem? Why is he so unfriendly? The other one's thinking, well, I wish they'd give me some room. I got so much on my mind. Much of this could be avoided if we just learn to be open and honest with each other.

And it's interesting, I never ask Victoria to not do that anymore. But from that day forward on Thursdays when I'm writing my messages, she doesn't come in there to eat lunch. Why? She's respectful. She's considerate. She's constantly studying me to see what can make my life easier. And that's the attitude we need to have.

What can I do today to get along better with the people in my life? Not how can my boss change? Not how can my spouse treat me better? No, turn it around. What can you do? Study that person. If you will help them come up higher, that's a seed God will use to bring you up higher.

I'm asking us today to pay close attention to the people you're in relationship with. Find out what they need. The mistake I see us make very often is we try to give people what we need instead of what they need. For instance, you may not need a lot of encouragement, but perhaps you're in relationship with somebody that does. You can't have the attitude. Well, I don't need it, so they shouldn't need it either. No, God made us different. Remember one time I was talking to this couple that was struggling in their marriage.

And the man said, Joel, I just don't understand it. I buy my wife anything she wants. He told how they'd put in a pool a couple of years ago and he'd bought her a new car. But this wife, although she appreciated that, that's not what she needed. She needed his affection. She needed his friendship. She needed his time. The problem was the man was giving her what he needed, what made him feel good.

You've got to learn to give people what they need, not what you need. Well, you say, how do I know? Listen to what people are saying. read between the lines. If you hear your wife say, man, you've been working a lot, wish we could go out to dinner, that's her way of saying,

I need some attention, I need some time, I'm feeling lonely. Don't say, oh, yeah, been busy. Maybe it'll stop one day. Be more sensitive. Be sensitive. You know, plan a special outing, hire a babysitter, take her out to dinner.

Just a simple thing. Or maybe you hear your husband one day, say, man, no matter what I do for you, I can't seem to please. you. That man is crying out for your approval. He's crying out for your affirmation. The way you meet that need is not saying, okay, let's go to dinner. No, he needs to hear you saying, I'm proud of you. I think you're a great husband. I appreciate what you do for this family. If you'll learn to give people what they need and not what you need, it'll help your relationships improve. I know when I've

been working real hard and I come home kind of stressed and uptight, I don't need Victoria to say, well, on in, Joel, sit down, we'll talk about it. No, that may meet her need, but I'm wired differently than she is. I know when I'm stressed, I need to go outside and exercise. I need to go outside and play ball with my children. That's going to meet my need. In the same way, when Victoria's a little uptight and tense, I don't tell her, why don't you go outside and play with the children? I value my life more than that. Why don't you go exercise? Works for me every time. You know, I'll I've learned after more than 20 years of marriage what she likes and what she doesn't like. And I know when she's kind of uptight, the best thing I can do is just sit down and talk to her about it.

I just need to hear her out. She needs to know that I understand. And I've learned I don't have to solve the problem. That's not what she's looking for. She just wants to get it out in the open. Once she does that, she feels much better. There are other times I know she just needs to spend some time by herself. I'll tell her, go get your nails done, go see some friends, or go up to the mall.

Man, an hour at the mall, she comes back a totally different person. She's refreshed, rejuvenated. What am I saying? If I'm going to have happy relationships, I've got to study the people God's brought into my life and give them what they need, not what I need. Another way to improve a relationship is be a good listener. When people talk to you, give them your undivided attention. Look them in the eyes and have an interest in what they're saying.

These days we're so busy and so many distractions, so much multitasking going on. If we're not careful, we'll find we're really only halfway listening. When somebody's trying to talk to you and you got the computer on or the TV or you're preoccupied with something else, that's sending the wrong message. Learn to stop what you're doing, pause a few minutes and give them your undivided attention. As I mentioned earlier, I work out of my home. And probably two or three times a day, my children come in to say, hello or to tell me something. And I used to be so caught up in my work and so determined to stay on

schedule, I would do just what I'm asking you not to do. I would acknowledge them, but I just keep on working away. Every once in a while I say, uh-huh, yes, just halfway listening. But one day I realized that's sending them the wrong message. With my words I'm saying, I hear you, I'm listening, but with my actions I'm communicating. I'm busy. You're bothering me. Now I've learned to just take a a two-minute break, look them in the eyes and give them every ounce of energy that I can. I want to communicate to them, not just through my words, but through my actions, you're important to me. I've always got time for you. You're extremely valuable. Our children are a lot more perceptive than we may think. They know when we're halfway listening. They know when we're

hurrying them along. Don't send that kind of message to the people around you. There's a difference between hearing and listening. We can hear a lot of things, but when we're really listening, we're fully engaged, wanting to hear. I believe part of being respectful, part of being considerate, is to learn to be a good listener. This means when people are talking to you, don't interrupt them. Let them finish their thoughts. You may already know what they're going to say. You may have already heard the story, but you know what? That's okay. Be considerate and let them finish anyone. way. Maybe somebody ask you a question and, you know

the answer of the first five seconds. There's that tendency to jump in there and cut them off. Here, let me tell you what to do. No, just be respectful and let them finish. It's not only part of being considerate, but it makes them feel good. I've had people explain things to me. Maybe ask

me to pray about a situation. And they go on and on and I know exactly what they're talking about. I've realized it's important that I hear what they want me to hear. When you take time to listen, it just shows that you care. It shows that you're concerned. Do you know how many people have told me a joke that I've heard 470 times?

I could easily say, well, I've heard that one before. No, I give them the joy of telling it again. And I laugh like it was the first time I ever heard it, just like you do with mine. I'm sowing a seed. Some people have gotten into a bad habit of finishing people's sentences for them. if they pause for a half second, waiting for a word, they jump right in there and take over. How many times have I been guilty of finishing a story that Victoria starts? She's telling someone else, but because I think I can do it better,

or because she leaves out one little detail, I jump in and take over. But now I've learned, even though I can do it better, I need to let her do it. Be patient and show respect by allowing people to finish their thoughts. I'm trying to improve your relationships. I think I keep making mine worse. My personality type is if I miss an hour meeting, I like somebody to give me a 30 second overview. I don't like to know all the details.

I don't want to know all the hows and whys. I just want the bottom line. Well, Victoria is exactly opposite. So when she tells me something, she gives me all the details, all the hidden meanings, what the people were wearing, what they had for lunch, what kind of mood they were in, what their cousin's uncle said.

We're just different. And it's easy for me to want to be selfish and to think, I don't want to hear that. She needs to change. But I've realized that's important to her. And so when she's explaining something to me, I make myself relax and be at ease, knowing that me taking time to hear the details is adding value to our relationships. Now, I may only want a 30-second overview. you. And for some people in my life, that may be okay. But if I'm going to give Victoria what she

needs, I've got to adapt and be willing to change. When people are talking to you, don't make them feel in a rushed, hurried like they're bothering you, you know, fidgeting, tapping your fingers, back in a way. That's communicating disapproval. By your body language, you're saying, I don't have time for you. You're bothering me. A while back, Victoria was telling me this story, and she started started talking faster and faster. And finally, she said, you don't want to hear this. I can tell you're just hurrying me along. I hadn't said one word.

It was my body language. I had to do what I'm asking you to do. Turn off the TV, look people in the eyes, and give them your undivided attention. It's a part of respect. Another important key, when you come home from work, you've been away for a while and you see your loved ones, what you do right at the very first is the most important.

Don't just run through the house and go to the back and think, oh, I'm tired, I don't want to talk, I've had a long day. No, the first two minutes that you see them has more impact than spending hours with them later on. If you can get in a habit of when you haven't seen the people you care about for three or four hours, I've just taken the first couple of minutes and giving them your undivided attention, see how they're doing, let them know that you're interested in them. what you're saying by your actions is I missed you. You're important to me.

You're valuable in my life. How many times do we come home and we're not even aware of the people around us? Just in passing, hey, I'm back. I've got to get off my feet. Take a couple of minutes. Go kiss your spouse. Go hug your children. Make them a priority right when you first get home.

This means when you pull up into the driveway, you need to finish that last cell phone call. don't go in the house talking on the phone still doing business how many times have i sat in my garage to finish a call because i know the importance of going in and right at the start giving my family my undivided attention well you say joel i'll do it an hour later i'll do it after i take care of some other stuff no the studies say the first two minutes has the most impact and before you come home you need to mentally switch gears recognize you're moving into a different environment. Clear your mind. Take some deep breaths and let the tension out.

You have to close one door, so to speak, the stress, the pressure, the frustration, and open another door. Too often, we make a mistake of bringing the pressures of the day in with us. When we're stressed and we're uptight, we may not say anything, but before long the whole house is filled with tension.

You may have had a hard day. People may not have treated you right. but you have to get in a habit of leaving that outside. I heard about this man that had a tree right by his back door. There was a large plant in this pot. And every day when he came home from work, he reached over and rubbed the tree. And a friend saw him and said,

what in the world are you doing? He said, this is my trouble tree. Before I go inside, I put all my problems, all my worries, all my stress, all my frustration on this tree. And really, we all need a trouble tree. even if it's an imaginary, leave that outside. Have another friend takes him an hour to get home every day. Traffic's real bad and he's got a stressful job on top of that.

He used to come home so uptight and so pressured. But he told how he started pulling into a park right before he got home and he would take five minutes to just get in peace, to relax and quiet his mind. What was he doing? Shifting gears. He knew the importance of not bringing that inside. We need to keep a peaceful atmosphere in our homes.

When we're upset, stressed, worried, it affects everyone around us. Some of you, if you just make a minor adjustment like this, you would see major improvements in your relationships. Instead of going home all stressed and thinking, I don't want to talk, no, leave that outside. Take the first two minutes to invest in the people you love. The fact that you made them a priority, the fact that you came home in a pleasant mood,

it's not only setting the tone for the rest of your time together, but you're speaking volumes into their lives. And this not only works at home. It can work anywhere where you have people that you care about. At the office, if you have a good friend and you've been away for four or five hours, when you come back, just 30 seconds, sick your head in their office, hey, how's everything going?

You just made a huge deposit into their life. By your actions, you're saying, I really respect you. If we're going to improve our relationships, we have to watch the way we say things, our voice tones, our body language. I read where 60% of communication is nonverbal. That means our facial expressions, the tone we use, our body language, that's actually communicating more than even our words. You need to learn to keep a pleasant demeanor,

learn to smile, and be careful the way you say things. How many times have we come home? we're kind of tired and we just blurt out something very matter of fact. We don't mean to be rude, but our whole body language, our whole demeanor, the tone we used, it's basically saying, hey, don't bother me. I've had a hard day. Let me do my own thing. There's much more to communication than our words. We may be saying the right thing, but how we say it is equally important. Be sensitive and learn to have a pleasant tone of voice, especially when you're tired, especially when you're tired, especially when we're saying, but how we say it is equally important. We're important. We're

and you're stressed. Before you answer, you need to take a deep breath and make sure you say it in a kind, respectful way. Well, you say, Joel, my personality is just a little bit stronger than yours. I just believe in telling it like it is. I'm just very straightforward. No, don't use your personality as an excuse to be rude. You can be truthful, but you can also be tactful. The scripture says, to speak the truth in love. You can say a hard thing, but if you'll say it in love with a smile on your face, people will swallow it a whole lot easier. I heard some different definitions of being tactful. Being tactful is the ability to make your point without making an enemy. Being tactful is when you tell someone to go jump in the lake and they look forward to the journey.

Being tactful is changing the subject without changing your mind. And being tactful is telling someone that he's open-minded when really he just has a hole in his head. There's a difference between being frank and being rude. Don't be matter of fact. Don't be blunt. You have to season your words with salt. And before you ever correct anyone, you need to ask yourself, do I really need to say this? Is it going to benefit them? Is it going to further them down the road? Or is it just going to make me feel good? I found a lot of times we say things just to prove our point. You may know someone's wrong, you may know you're right, but understand, that doesn't mean you need to correct them. You have to ask yourself, is it really necessary?

My friend Johnny here, I've known him my whole life, and he works with us, and after the services, we go up and greet the visitors. I can't tell you how many times people have told him what a great worship leader he is. They don't realize it's not Johnny, it's Steve. They think he's the one up here leading to singing. and they kind of look alike. But believe me, Johnny can't sing. I've heard him. But they'll go on and on telling Johnny, boy, the music was so good.

We really enjoyed you up there. We've learned time and time again just to smile and say, God bless you, and move on. It's not worth correcting them. It's not a big deal. After all, it's not harming them. And if anything, it's helping Johnny believe that he can sing. But so often we think we've got to correct everybody,

we've got to straighten them out, they're wrong, let me fix them. But there are a lot of things in life that don't really matter. To keep good relationships, you've got to be willing to let some things go. Don't ever correct anyone unless it's going to benefit them

and not just make you feel good. A couple of years ago, our son Jonathan made a very poor grade on one of his tests, and it's because he hadn't read his book. And I'd been telling him again and again how important it was to keep up with his reading. And so when I saw him, I had my two-minute

speech prepared and I was going to tell him I told you to do this and I told you you you weren't going to make good grace. Jonathan though, when I saw him, he had both hands up, had a big smile on his face. It's hard to be mean to people that are smiling at you. He said, Daddy, you don't need to say anything. I already know. I promise I'm going to do better next time. But my pride wanted to give my speech anyway. It was going to be good. I'd have had it all prepared. But I had to just swallow that pride and say, okay, if you promise to do better, there are a lot of things that we don't need to make a big deal about. Just let it go.

Now I'm asking you today to look for ways that you can improve your relationships. Maybe you can lower your voice tones a little. Maybe you can become a better listener. Maybe you can say things more tactfully. Or like I did with Jonathan, just let some things go. Do your part to come up higher in this area. Why don't you study the people God put in your life? Learn to give them what they need.

not what you need. Remember, before you get home, switch gears. Don't bring the stress and the trouble of the day with you. Leave that on your trouble tree. And then take a couple of minutes right at the first and sew into the people that you really love. I believe if you'll make some of these simple changes, you'll see major improvements. Your relationships will get better and better. You'll have more peace, more joy, more harmony in your homes, and you'll live the life of victory that God has in store. Amen. Do you receive it today? I know you do. We never like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life.

Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make you my Lord and Savior. Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again. Get in a good Bible-based church. Keep God first place. He's going to take your places you've never dreamed of.

It's easy to let the day get away from us before the day even starts. The first few minutes of your morning are more powerful than you might think. Life moves really fast sometimes, and it can be easy to begin each day by zeroing in on your problems. But here's the truth. How you start the day can determine what kind of day it's going to be. I'd love to send you my devotional three-minute mornings, start your day the blessed way. Three minutes doesn't seem like a lot of time. But when you put God first place and get your mind going in the right direction,

is setting the tone for a blessed, productive day. It's filled with inspiration and encouragement to help you begin each day with a fresh attitude, grateful that you're alive. It's amazing what happens when you take three minutes and speak blessings over your life and declaring God's favor. Three-minute mornings is our gift to you. As our way of saying thank you for your gift of any amount this month, we would like to send you a copy of Joel's new devotional,

Three Minute Mornings, Start Your Day in Faith. This powerful book will open the pathways to experience God's presence and peace in your life. And there, you will find renewed energy, assurance, and wisdom to face your day. The Bible promises that God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. So as you pause for only three minutes and take in his wonderful promises in this book,

You'll be positioning yourself to receive all the amazing things that God has in store for you. Please request your copy today and watch anxiety turn to divine answers, weakness to strength, problems to renewed possibilities, frustrations to God's favor. Yes, only three minutes will transform your entire day. From the time I was a little boy, my parents taught me the value of starting the day off in faith. Three minute mornings will help you do just. that. Victoria and I pray for you every day for God's very best. We want to thank you for your prayer and support. You're impacting people all over the world. A special thank you to our

champion of hope partners for your monthly support. If you're not a partner, I hope you'll consider becoming one. Remember, you can watch the services online every Sunday morning, download our daily podcast, listen on SiriusXM, watch our YouTube channel and the Joel Osteen Network streaming on television 24 hours a day. Until we see you again, may the Lord bless you and keep you. Be sure to request your copy of three-minute mornings, start your day in faith. Visit joelosteen.com or call 888-567 Joel. For an additional donation this month, we are also offering the Faith and Freedom bundle. You'll receive an additional devotional filled with daily wisdom to guide you in living with favor. and freedom. Also available, our Morning Power and Peace Collection includes power, provision,

and peace, beautifully bound in timeless elegance. This dynamic New Testament, the Passion Translation, helps you walk in God's best. You can request these inspiring resources by calling 888-567, Joel, or logging on to joelosteen.com today. Call or click anytime, 24 hours a day. Be inspired. every morning. Request your copies today.