Joel Osteen Podcast - Keeping Yourself Happy | Joel Osteen

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

You weren't created to please everyone around you. When you prioritize your health and well-being, you'll be better equipped to fulfill your purpose. Your best days are still ahead, and together we can make a difference in this world with the message of God's hope and love. To give visitJoelOsteen.com/GiveHope.Three minutes. Every day. Before your feet hit the floor, set your mind on things above with Joel’s new devotional, 3-Minute Mornings. Our May offer contains 365 days of favor and freedom. Put God first place, and you’ll see breakthroughs you couldn’t make happen. Request your copy today, https://bit.ly/4di5pMO. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of the Joel Osteen Podcast ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast, and thanks for supporting the ministry. We believe you're going to have an awesome 2024, healthy, productive, and favor-filled. God bless you today and enjoy the message. And God bless you, the joy to come into your homes. We want you to know that we love you, and we're believing that 2006 is going to be your best year so far. That's what I've been telling them here in this auditorium, and we speak the same thing over you. for you every single day. We may not

know you, but we feel like you're a part of our extended family. If you're ever in our area, I hope you'll stop by and see us. We'd love to have you be a part of one of our services. Love to meet you in person. I say it often, but these are the finest people in all of Houston. So come on out whenever you can, but God bless you. Thanks

for tuning in. I like to get started with something funny each week, and I heard about these three sisters that all lived together. They were ages 96, 94, and 92. One day The 96-year-old draws a bath, and she puts one foot in, and she pauses, and she hollers downstairs, I can't remember if I was getting in or getting out.

The 94-year-old says, I don't know, I'll come up there to see. She gets halfway up the stairs, and she pauses and says, I can't remember if I was going up or coming down. The 92-year-old shook her head and said, man, I hope I never get that forgetful, and she knocked on wood for good luck. Then she said, hang on, I'll come help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door. Bible. Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess my mind is alert,

my heart is receptive. I will never be the same. In Jesus name, God bless you. We've been talking about being the individual that God's made us to be and not living just to try to please everybody. It's very easy to take on a false sense of responsibility to where we think it's our job to keep everybody happy, to fix this person, to rescue this person, to solve this other person's problem. And of course, it's good to want to help. It's good to reach out to others. But too often we get out of balance. We're doing everything for everybody else, but we're not taking any time to keep ourselves healthy. And I found when I try to keep everybody around me happy, when I try to meet all their needs, I'm the one that ends up suffering. And God does not want you to sacrifice your happiness in order to keep somebody else happy. And I know that may sound a little selfish, but there's a balance here. Your first priority is to take care of yourself.

And some people, no matter what you do for them, no matter how nice you are, no matter how much time and energy, you give them, they're still not going to be happy. They've got issues on the inside they need to resolve. And you should not take responsibility for someone else's poor choices. When you do that, before long, they'll be controlling you and manipulating you. And some of you right now, you're not happy because you're allowing someone else to keep you unhappy. A spouse, a child, a friend, a neighbor. They won't do right. They're always dumping their problems. on you. They expect you to come bail them out and keep them cheered up. And so now you're kind of frustrated because you're spending all your time and energy on them. And it seems like every time

you get them fixed up, they're back a week later with that same problem. And do you know if you continue to help them, you're not only hurting yourself, but you're doing them a disservice. You become a crutch to them. Because as long as they know, they can come run into you and make you feel kind of guilty and talk you into solving all their problems, then they'll never deal with the real issues on the inside. Then they won't change. And I found a lot of times people like that, they don't really want to be helped.

They don't really want to change. They like the attention that it brings in. And sometimes the best thing you can do for somebody like that is to not help them. Think about a little child. If every time they throw a fit, you come running and give them exactly what they want, they're going to continue to do that. They know what they have to do in order to get their way, and they'll use that to control you.

But if you let them throw that fit five or six times, and even though they're hollering and screaming, you don't give in, you just ignore it. Well, it won't be long until they realize throwing a fit doesn't do any good, and then they'll have to change. Really, it's the same principle in adults. As long as you allow somebody to pressure you

into giving in and doing what they want, they're going to continue to do it. But friends, life is too short to go through it being controlled and manipulated by people that won't make good choices on their own. Please understand, you are not responsible for everybody else's happiness.

You are responsible for your own happiness. And if somebody is controlling you today, the fact is, it's not their fault, it's your fault. Many times they don't even realize it. You've got to learn to set some boundaries. Quit allowing them to call you all hours of the day and night and dump their problems on you. Quit catering to them and giving in every time they throw a fit. Quit loaning them money every time they make poor choices.

What I'm saying is you have to let them take responsibility for their actions. I don't mean to sound harsh or non-caring, but you know as well as I do, sometimes we can be so good-hearted and so generous that we allow people to control us. We have to realize at some point we're not helping that person anymore. And not only that, now they're hurting us. And I see too many people going around, upset, frustrated, discouraged, and it's all because somebody in their life won't do right. And they've made the mistake of taking on this false sense of responsibility.

And how they go around carrying this heavy load, trying to fix this person, trying to keep this person happy. No, you can be free from all that if you'll just give those people to God. Quit trying to be the keeper of the universe. That's not your job. You can't make everybody do what's right. You can't make your children serve God. You can't force your relatives to make good decisions.

Why don't you take the pressure off yourself and let God deal with them? Well, Joel, if I don't loan them the money, they may get upset. If I don't call them every morning, they'll get mad at me. Or if I don't give in when they throw a fit, they may not take. talk to me for two weeks. Well, do you want to live the next 20 years like that, or do you want to help that person get free? Because you're not doing them a favor by allowing them to control you.

You're taking the easy way out. And I realize at first it may be a little difficult, but if you'll put your foot down and make these necessary changes, then in the long run, both your life and that other person's life are going to be much, much better. I know this couple, and for the first few years of their marriage, it was miserable. and this lady had come from a very negative background. She had gone through a lot of unfair things growing up. And now she was just a very negative, very unhappy person.

And if she didn't get her way, she'd go around throwing fits. She'd go through the house pouting for two or three days. She was always having some kind of crisis where she needed attention. And this husband, he was just as good as gold. And like probably most of us, he would do anything he could to try to keep her happy. He was always encouraging her, trying to try to keep her happy. He was always encouraging her, trying to fix her problems, letting her know she is going to be okay. For three years, he catered to her night and day, and he basically gave up his happiness

in order to try to keep her happy. But one day, it dawned on him that she was never going to change. He finally got fed up. He realized, although he had good intentions, he was not helping her anymore. He was hurting her. He had become a crutch. He was very bold. He was, very bold. He went to her and he said, listen, I love you, but I realize there's nothing I can do to keep you happy. I've done everything I can, and I'm just letting you know that I'm finished trying. And as harsh as that can sound, she said later that was the best thing that ever happened to her. That made her look inside and deal with the real issues. That forced her to take responsibility for her own actions. That was the wake-up call she needed. That was over 20 years ago. Today,

their marriage is stronger than ever. But see, up to that point, she was miserable, and she was making it her business to make everybody around her miserable. You may be in relationship with somebody kind of like that today, but you should not allow them to steal your joy. Do not make the mistake of going through life unhappy.

If they're making poor choices, if they're choosing to live down and depressed and in the pits, be kind, be courteous, but don't get in the pits with them. Your attitude should be. If you don't want to be happy, that's fine. But you're not going to keep me from being happy. And I know there's a very fine line here.

There's a fine line here, but really, you are not responsible for your spouse's happiness. You're not responsible for all your children's happiness. All of us are responsible to keep ourselves happy. I know some of you today, you're on the flip side of what I'm talking about. You're the ones doing the controlling. Ushers, you better lock the doors. You've got to quit relying on that other person to carry you. Quit making your spouse cheer you up every day and keep you encouraged.

That's not fair to that other person. Take responsibility. Quit being a baby. Quit throwing a fit when you don't get your way. Quit going around manipulating that person for three days until he does what you want. Take responsibility and learn to keep yourself happy. And I'm not talking today about being selfish or selfish. self-centered, we should be givers. But there's a big difference between giving and allowing

somebody to control us and make us feel guilty until we do what they want. One thing I've realized, God has not called me to be unhappy in order to keep somebody else happy. And if that's happening, it's not the other person's fault. It means that I've taken on this false sense of responsibility, and now I'm allowing them to control me. And if you're in relationship with some where you're always doing the giving, you're always encouraging, you're always rescuing, well, that's a good sign that something's out of balance. You become a crutch. And unless you make these changes that I'm talking about, then most likely 20 years from now, it's going to be the exact same way. You've got to take a stand. You don't have to be mean or rude about it. You can do

it in love, but you need to go to that person and say, I love you, but I'm not going to allow you to keep dumping your problems on me and making my life miserable. I'm not going to let you keep draining all my time and energy. You've got to take responsibility and learn to keep yourself happy. Well, Joel, if I do that, they may get their feelings hurt. They may get upset. Well, that's between them and God. When you stand before God, he's not going to ask you, hey, do you keep everybody around you happy? He's going to ask you, did you fulfill the call that I placed on your own life? I read about this couple. They had a grown son. He was a young son. He was going to keep. He was. 31 years old, but he was still living at home. And this young man was very lazy and undisciplined.

He wouldn't go out and get a job. He'd just like to sit around the house and watch television. And the funny thing was, he didn't think that he had a problem. He didn't see anything wrong with that. As far as he was concerned, life was just great. And these parents were constantly catering to him. And of course, they loved their son like we all do. And they didn't want to be too hard on him. They tried to get him to go out and get a job, but he wouldn't take any initiative. He didn't have any motivation. And they allowed this to go on year after year. But one day, they were so distraught by it, they went to see a professional counselor.

And they explained the situation to this doctor and told how the son was very lazy. And they said, doctor, on top of all of this, our son doesn't even think that he has a problem. And the doctor said something that really shocked him. He said, well, I agree with your son. He doesn't have a problem. You have the problem because you've delivered him out of all of his problems. He went on to say, if you want your son to get better, you need to give him back his problem. In other words, he was saying, you've got to quit making it so easy on him.

Quit delivering him out of all of his trouble. See, it's not always the best thing to rescue somebody and make their life easy. It's not always the best thing to solve their problems for them. Sometimes you've got to have tough love. Sometimes you've got to say, I love you, but if you're going to live in my household, you're going to have to get up and go get a job. You're going to have to start taking some responsibility. The Bible says, if you don't work, you won't eat.

You need to say to somebody like that, if you don't go get a job, you're about to find out what it means to go on a long, long fast. But when somebody's lazy, when they're irresponsible, when they're going around pouting all through the day, we do them a disservice to make their life easy and just to deliver them from all of their problems. I heard somebody say there are two important qualities that all of our children need to have. They need to be grateful and they need to be eager. If they're not grateful, they're going to take everything for granted.

They're going to expect everybody to give them what they need on a silver platter in life. Then they need to be eager, eager to learn, eager to serve, eager to achieve. And sometimes as parents, this is difficult. I know I like to make it easy on my children. We have a little help around the house, and the easy thing is to let the help do it. Let the help clean. No, I know that's not the best. Our children are 10 and 7, and every morning they set their own alarm.

They make their own bed. They get their own clothes on. They get dressed by themselves. They come down. They have their chores to do. And sure, we could have somebody else do it, but I know if we make it too easy, they're going to develop the wrong habits, the wrong mind, and it's going to hurt them later on in life.

Really, we all need to be grateful and we need to be eager. But see, I have that tendency to want to help everybody. I want to solve all their problems. Let me do it for you. But I had to realize that's not always the best. I remember one time, several years ago, I ran into this homeless man. He was a young man about my age, and I had this $20 bill that I was just about to give him. But I felt a little check down in here.

And so we began to talk. He told me his story, how he'd gone from city to city, had a pretty rough life. He'd tried to hold down a job, but it just didn't work out. I really felt compassion for him. I really wanted to help him. And so I invited him to church. I said, hey, I'm a pastor of a church here in town.

Where are you on Sunday mornings, and I'll have somebody come by and pick you up? He said, oh, no, I can't come to church. I don't have time to come to church. Here he was homeless. I thought, man, what are you going to be doing? You don't have to mow your lawn. and you have to clean your house.

The more I talk to him, the more I realize he didn't want to be helped. He didn't want to change. He didn't want to live in victory. He wanted to take the easy way out. He just wanted my money. And I'm not saying he didn't have a hard life. But when somebody doesn't want to change, when somebody doesn't want to be helped, we do them a disservice by delivering them out of all their problems.

And I could have easily given him that money, but I didn't want to do anything to prolong his misery. And yes, we should help the needy, but there comes a point where if you continue to help somebody, you're actually hurting them more than you're helping them. And I think a lot of times we're being controlled and manipulated more than we realize. Well, Joel, I've got to work 60 hours a week, or my boss will look down on me. He won't invite me to important meetings. He'll lead me out. He'll recognize what's happening.

That's a controlling spirit. You're doing things because you're being manipulated. The thing to do is to set some boundaries. Just go to your boss and say, here's what I'm able to do. I cannot work late every single night. I've got a family. I've got commitments. But when I'm here, I'll give you 110%.

You need to confront it. Don't go 10 years being manipulated and doing things out of guilt. Start paying attention why you respond a certain way and why you do certain things. Some of you are doing way too many things out of guilt. You're working late because you feel guilty. You're helping somebody because you feel guilty. You're overcommitted, worn out, run down because you're guilty. You're afraid you're going to hurt somebody's feelings.

This is all rooted in that taking on a false sense of responsibility trying to keep everybody happy. That you should not feel guilty because you can't meet the demands that everybody put on you. You've got to recognize what's happening. And then learn to change how you respond. If every time you disagree with your spouse, you get the cold shoulder and life is miserable for the next four hours. That's a form of manipulation.

The next time that happens, you need to address it. And don't respond the same way. Well, Joel, she's ignoring me. I'll show her. I'll go to the ball game. I'll go play golf. No, if you'll change how you respond and not give in, not play those games,

it'll force that other person to change how they respond. Or if a person that invites you to an event and you check your schedule and you're not able to, you're way too busy, but you feel that pressure and you know they're going to get upset, you know you're going to fall out of their good grace, you've got to recognize that's a controlling spirit.

That's not normal. You need to be able to say, I would love to go, I'm sorry, I'm just not going to be able to. And if they can't understand that, that's their problem. But don't go through life being controlled and being manipulated. And be aware of high-maintenance people. These people are almost impossible to keep happy. You've got to call them so many times a week,

you got to make sure you're stroking them enough. Make sure you're at their beck and call. If not, they're going to get upset. They'll be disappointed in you. They'll make sure that you feel guilty about it. I've found that high maintenance people are almost always controllers. They're not interested in you. They're interested in what you can do for them. They're interested in how you can make their life better. And if you fall into that trap of trying to keep them happy, you're going to be totally worn out. You're going to go around all for I remember one time many years ago, I knew this couple, and I really liked them. They were fine people. In fact, I went out of my way to help them. They moved to another state. I gave them some money, and I tried to stay in touch, and if they ever needed anything, I was always available. But it seemed like I was never doing enough. They were never happy. Here I had gone out of my way to help them. I was being kind and generous, but they never saw any of that. They just found some reason to find fault. They found some way to make me feel a little bit guilty like I

wasn't doing enough. But one day it dawned on me. They are just high maintenance people and I am not responsible to keep them happy. I can't make them like me. I can't make them be grateful. I need to just run my race and not allow them to steal my joy. And that's a very freeing way to live. You need to examine how you spend your time and why you do what you do. Is it out of guilt? Is it because somebody's manipulating or controlling you? If so, make these changes. I found if you don't take control of your life, somebody else will control it for you.

You've got to learn to set these boundaries. You need to be secure enough in yourself to tell people no. If a friend invites you to dinner, you're not able to go, and yet they get all upset, you know what? They're not really your friend. They're a manipulator. They're using you for what they want.

because a true friend understands. A true friend doesn't get upset when you can't meet every one of their demands. I know I get invitations to speak at other places. I would love to. I'm very honored, but with my obligations here and with my family, at this time I'm not able to. I've received several invitations from very good friends of mine,

people that I've loved and respected for many, many years. And it was very hard for me to tell them no, because I don't like to disappoint people, but I've learned what I'm telling them. you today that I got to take care of myself. That's my first priority. But the first time I declined these invitations was kind of nervous

and kind of wondering what they were going to think. Oh man, they may think that I've got the big head. I think I'm too important. But every time those people wrote back, they said, Joel, it's no big deal. It's no problem. Whenever you can come, the invitation is always open. And see, that's a true

friend. Somebody that's not just out for themselves. Somebody's not going to pressure you and make you feel guilty unless you do exactly what they want. It's really freeing to understand that you don't have to keep everybody happy. And I really believe that if you live your life just trying to please people, you will not be able to fulfill your God-given destiny. I know when I went away to college, after that first year, I knew deep down on the inside that I was supposed to come back to Lakewood and start a television outreach. I felt it so strongly down in here.

but I was very concerned about what my parents were going to think. After all, my brothers and sisters had all graduated from college. Here my brother Paul, he had spent 12, 13 years studying to be a surgeon. Of course, he failed at three times. I'm just kidding. It was twice. You know, I came back home and I didn't know what my parents were going to think and I was talking to my father about it one day. And he would very open. He said, Joel, that'd be great. Just do what you feel good about doing. Daddy was fine with it, but now my mother was a different story. Mother needed prayer. She couldn't stand the thought of one of her children not graduating from college. And as I said, I don't like to disappoint people,

and I really struggled with that. But I finally had to make the decision to just do what I felt good about. I had to follow my own heart. And of course, Mama eventually she came around, told her the the day, Mother, I didn't graduate from college, but I'm doing pretty good today. But sometimes, you're not going to be able to keep everybody happy. And, of course, we should honor our parents, respect them, listen to their advice, but in the end, you've got to just follow your own heart. And the scripture says there in Solomon 1, verse 6, and the second part, they have made me a keeper of vineyards, but my own vineyard, I have not kept.

In other words, he was saying, I was real good at keeping everybody else happy. I kept my parents happy, kept my family happy. I took care of all of my relatives, my friends, but in doing so, I neglected to take care of myself. And so many times, that's what we do today, we live to please everybody else, but we never take time to really please ourselves. We end up allowing somebody else to run and control our lives. Remember, my father told about when he first started pastoring this,

This lady came up to him after the service, and she was one of the longtime members of that church. And here my father was the new pastor, a very young man. And she told my father to go visit someone in the hospital. She didn't ask him. She told him. She ordered him to do it. Well, that kind of aggravated my father. He was already working himself to death night and day, and he was not able to go that week.

Well, the next Sunday rolled around, and this lady came up to him, and she was so mad. She wagged her finger in Daddy's face, and she said, didn't I tell you to go visit my friend in the hospital? Well, Daddy was fed up with it by then. He put his finger in her face, and he said, yes, you told me, but I didn't go, and I'm not planning on going. Well, she nearly hit the ceiling. She was furious. She said, John Osteen, I'm going to have you voted right out of this church. Daddy smiled and said, the sooner you could do it, the better off I'm going to be.

But my father wasn't trying to be rude, but he made a decision to just put his foot down and not let other people run his life. You got to learn to do the same thing. You know as well as I do. People they may not mean to, but if you allow them, they'll draw all the time and energy right out of you. You give them an inch, they'll take a mile. And most of the time, people like that, they're not interested in you. They're not concerned about your well-being. All they care about is what you can do for them.

And some of you have lived year after year being controlled and manipulated by other people. And you would see your life go to a new level if you would start confronting these people and start making the necessary changes. And I'm not saying it's going to be easy. If someone has controlled you for a long time, they're not going to like the fact that you're putting your foot down and you're not going to allow it anymore. And always do it in love, be respectful, but stand firm and make a decision that you're going to be free. And if you're one of the ways, you're one of the ones today that are doing the controlling. You too need to change. You're not going to be blessed that way. Quit manipulating people in order to get you away. Quit pressuring people into doing what

you want. Take the high road. Walk in love and you'll see your relationships and your life go to a new level. And I believe for some of you, this can be a turning point because you just live to please everybody. You're constantly trying to fix everything. And when you can't, you feel guilty about it. Now, you've got to get rid of that false sense of responsibility. Yes, reach out to others. Yes, be kind and compassionate, but make sure that you're keeping yourself happy. That's your first priority. Take care of your own vineyard.

Friends, if you will run your race and not let people control you and manipulate you, you'll not only have more time and energy, but I believe you'll be happier and you'll fulfill the best plan that God's got laid out for you. Amen. Do you receive it today? We never like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins.

Come into my heart. I make you, my Lord and Savior. Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again. Get in a good Bible-based church. Keep God first place. He's going to take you places that you've never dreamed of. Three minutes. Can such a small amount of time make a big difference to your day? To turn worry into confidence, frustration to hope.

Defeat to victory. Maybe you just need a boost of faith. When we put God first place and get our thinking in line with His, even a small seat of time can make a huge difference. We have a new resource called Three Minute Mornings. Start your day the Blessed Way. My challenge is when you wake up, before you leave the house, Take three minutes to speak blessings over your life and to declare God's favor. Get your mind going in the right direction. When you do that, you're setting yourself up

for a blessed victorious day. As our way of saying thank you for your gift of any size to the ministry this month, Joel and Victoria would like to send you this just released, life-giving, new daily devotional. Before your feet hit the ground or go out the door, have your heart experience a bit of heaven. Set your mind on the things above with our new three-minute mornings devotional.

With this new 365-day devotional three-minute mornings, you'll experience God showering down his favor like never before. You'll focus on the better that is coming and fully realize the freedom of not worrying about tomorrow. Victoria and I pray for you and your family every day. Thank you so much for your prayer and support. You're making a difference all over the world. Remember, you can watch the services online every Sunday morning, download our daily podcast,

listen on Sirius XM. But until we meet again, may the Lord bless you and keep you. Be sure to request your copy of three-minute mornings today. Visit Joelosteen.com or call 888-567 Joel.