Joel Osteen Podcast - Take Control Of Your Happiness | Joel Osteen

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

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Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast, and thanks for supporting the ministry. We believe you're going to have an awesome 2024, healthy, productive, and favor-filled. God bless you today and enjoy the message. Well, God bless you. It's always a joy to come into your homes, and if you're ever in our area, please stop by and see us. These are the finest people in all of Houston, Texas, right here at Lakewood Church. I promise you, we will make you feel right at home.

But thanks for tuning in. Thank you again for coming out. I'd like to start with something funny. I heard about this Southern Baptist man named Bill. He loved to sneak off to the horse races and bet. One day after losing almost all of his money, he noticed a priest stepped down on the tracks and bless a horse. Sure enough, the horse won first place.

The next race, the priest blessed another horse. Once again, that horse won. So Bill went to the ATM machine, took out all of his money. This time, the priest not only touched the horse's forehead, but his eyes, his ears, and all of his hooves. Feeling confident, Bill bet all of his money. But right in the middle of the race, the horse fell over and died. Bill couldn't believe it. Went to the priest and said, what in the world happened? The priest said, that's the problem with you, Protestants. You don't know the difference between a blessing and the last rites. Hold up your Bible. Say it like you mean it. This is

my Bible, I am what it says I am, I have what it says I have, I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess, my mind is alert, my heart is receptive, I will never be the same. In Jesus name, God bless you. I want to talk to you today about taking control of your happiness. Some people are sacrificing their own happiness to try to keep everyone around them happy. They've got to stop by a friend's house to say hello. If not, they may get upset. They've got to work late every night. If not, the boss may be unhappy. They've got to loan this friend money. They're in trouble again. If they don't meet all these demands, rescue this person, keep this person fixed, solve this person's problem, then they'll fall out of somebody's good

grace. Somebody won't understand. But God did not call you to keep everyone happy. It's good to be loving, kind, generous, but you are not responsible for other people's happiness. You are responsible to keep yourself happy. Well, Joel, if I don't loan them the money, if I don't bail them out again for the 12th time, they may get upset with me. Maybe it's time for them to be unhappy instead of you to be unhappy. If they get upset, they're not friends. They're manipulators. Your time is too valuable to go through life letting people control you, make you feel guilty if you don't come running every time they call. The easy thing is to just give in and bail them out, don't make any waves, but as long as you rescue them, and you're there to keep them fixed and to keep them cheered up,

You're not really helping them. You're becoming a crutch. You're enabling their dysfunction. The only way they're really going to get free is for you to not meet all their needs and not come running every time they have a quote, emergency. You've got to put your foot down and say, I love you, but I'm not going to let you control me.

I love you, but I'm not going to jump every time you call. I love you, but I am not going to feel guilty if I don't meet. of your demands. If somebody is controlling you, it's not their fault, it's your fault. You have to set some boundaries. Quit allowing them to call you all hours of the day and night and dump their problems on you. That's why we have voicemail. Quit catering to them every time they throw a fit. Ignore it. Quit loaning them the money every time they make poor choices. Don't take on that false sense of responsibility. You are not the savior of the world. We already have a savior. You're not supposed to keep everyone happy, everyone fixed. If you take on that job, the one person who

will not be happy is you. I know this man, and for years, he had a problem paying his rent. My heart went out to him, and I helped him again and again. Every other month, practically, he would explain how something had come up and he couldn't make his payment. after about the fifth emergency, I started to wise up. He told how his client hadn't paid him. The money should show up any time. A relative got sick. He had to travel out of town on and on.

After this long, sad story, he looked at me and said, now, Joel, what are we going to do? I didn't say it, but I thought to myself, we're not going to do anything because this is not my problem. This is your problem. and I'm not going to feel guilty because you keep making poor choices. I believe I would still be helping him today, five years later, if I had not put my foot down. A lot of times we do things out of guilt.

Well, I should help him, I feel like, and if I don't, I'm going to feel bad about it. But if that person is not taking responsibility, you're not really helping them, you're hurting them. They're not having to deal with the real issues. And some people are always having a crisis. They're always in need. And it's good to help them once, twice, a dozen times, certainly be kind, show mercy. But five years later,

they're still having those regular emergencies counting on you to come running. If you keep giving in, it's just like they have you as a puppet. They know if they pull this string, you'll feel guilty. Pull this string, you'll come bail them out. pull this string, then you'll stay late and do the project for them. My message today is cut the strings.

No more puppets, no more letting them make you feel guilty, no more come running. Well, Joel, if I do that, they may not be my friend anymore. There's your answer. God may have just closed that door for you. The truth is, if they get upset because you don't meet every demand, they give you the cold shoulder because you don't call on cue, they're not really a friend, they're a controller. The sooner you break free, the better off you're going to be.

It's like a little child, a toddler. If every time they throw a fit, you come running, you give them what they want, they'll continue to do that. They know what they have to do to get their way. But if you let them throw that fit a dozen times, even though they're hollering and screaming, you ignore it, go about your day, enjoy your life, Before long, they'll realize throwing a fit doesn't do any good, and they'll have to change.

It's the same principle in adults. As long as somebody can pressure you into doing what they want, they will continue to do it. But when you don't respond to their fits, you don't let their guilt cause you to give in. You don't come running every time they have a need. That will force them to look inside and deal with the real issues. I have some friends, this couple. The first several years of their marriage was very miserable. The young lady went through some unfair situations as a child.

She was extremely unhappy, extremely negative. If she didn't get her way, she would throw fits, go four or five days, having a pity party, pouting. Her husband is as good as can be. He did everything he could to try to keep her happy. It was constantly encouraging her, trying to fix her problems, telling her everything was going to be okay. For three years, he catered to her night and day, basically giving up his happiness to try to keep

her happy. One day it dawned on him. She's not going to change. He realized even though he had good intentions, he wasn't helping her. He had become a crutch. And he told her, I love you, but I cannot make you happy. I've tried everything I can and I'm done trying. As harsh as that sounds, she said that was the best thing that ever happened to her. That forced her to look inside and deal with those issues. You may be in relationship with somebody like that. Don't take on that false sense of responsibility. God did not call you to be unhappy in order to keep somebody else happy. And yes, there may be seasons where we make sacrifices. And we have to put up with some things to help a friend get well or to help a loved one overcome.

But you cannot let a season turn into a lifetime where you are sacrificing your happiness, not pursuing your dreams, putting your life on hold to try to keep somebody else happy. Life is too short to go through it, letting people control you who will not make. good decisions for themselves. There's a fine line here, but you are not responsible for your spouse's happiness, your children's happiness, your friend's happiness. You can't make people do what's right. No matter how hard you pray, how hard you try, you can't make a family member serve God,

can't make a friend stay out of trouble. When we love people, it's very easy to take on that responsibility and spend all our time and energy thinking we've got to get them fixed. The problem is some people don't want to be fixed. You've got to turn those people over to the Lord. Quit being frustrated because they won't do what's right. That's what it means to become codependent. Somebody has a problem.

They won't make good choices, and you make the mistake of letting their problem become your problem. If you're putting off your happiness until they change, you may be unhappy for a long time. why don't you let that person off of your potter's will. You are not the potter, God is the potter. God knows how to get people to change.

Your job is to love them, pray for them, help them when you can, but don't take responsibility for their poor choices. I talked to a lady a couple of weeks ago in the lobby. Her 24-year-old son has gotten way off track. And for the last three years, she's been emotionally drained.

and physically worn out. She looks 10 years older than normal. You can see the weight of the world that she's been carrying. She's constantly rescuing her son, bailing him out, loaning him the money. She's giving up her happiness until her son gets straightened out. And of course, we all love our children.

We do anything in the world for them. But sometimes the best thing is to not rescue them. Don't keep enabling. that dysfunction in the story of the prodigal son. The young man took his inheritance, went out, wasted all the money, partying, wild living, making poor choices. He ended up in the hog pen, no money so desperate that he was eating hog food to survive. What's interesting is the father didn't go rescue him. Father didn't go bail him out, didn't send him his staff to get him all fixed up, he just left him there.

The father went about his business, living life, pursuing his goals. Eventually, Luke 1517 says, the young man came to himself. He came to his senses and realized, hey, I'm making poor choices. I've got to get back on the right track. He went home and got his life straightened out. And I'm all for helping people, saving them whenever we can from heartache and pain. but some people, you can help them a hundred times, and when they leave, every time, they'll go right back to the mess they were in. The only way they're really going to get free is to come to a place

where nobody's bailing them out, nobody's paying their bills, nobody's acting as a crutch. Then, like the prodigal son, at some point, they're going to come to themselves. They're going to realize, hey, I've got to take responsibility for my life. I've got to rise up and become who God's created me to be. But some of you today, you're doing too much for other people and not enough for yourself. You're so good-hearted, so kind, you're sacrificing your happiness to keep everyone around you happy. But your first priority is to keep yourself happy. You need to evaluate your relationships. If you're doing all the giving and very little receiving, something is out of balance. if you have to keep that person cheered up 24 hours a day, something is wrong.

You should be able to tell your friend, no, I'm not going to be able to go and them not try to make you feel guilty. If they do, they try to give you the cold show, they get upset. They're not a friend. They're a controller. Don't go the next 20 years trying to meet all their demands. The best thing you could do is cut the puppet strings. They're not really interested in you. They're interested in what you can do for them.

You don't have time to play games, get distracted, entangled, trying to keep everybody around you happy. You have a destiny to fulfill, be bold, and take control of your own life. When I was growing up, my grandfather would buy a new car every two years, and he would give one of us grandkids his old car. He was very generous. When I was a junior in high school, my grandfather gave me his four-year-old Buick Lacebra, had a lime green body and a white top.

I loved my grandfather, but it was the ugliest car on the road. One of my friends that I played basketball with, he had a car as well, and we decided to carpool. I'd go pick him up a week and take him to school, and he would drive me the next week. He lived about 15 minutes in the opposite direction from the school. So I'd have to go that way and come all the way back by my house. I didn't mind doing that. He drove a week, I drove a week, this happened two or three times. Then his car was in the shop.

Then his brother needed to borrow the car. He couldn't drive. Then something else came up. It got to where I was driving all the time. And I really didn't mind it, but it didn't seem like he was grateful. He acted like I owed it to him to go. pick him up. One day I got my nerve up. I asked him if he was ever going to drive again, and he explained how he was trying to keep the mileage down on his car, and basically that I needed to keep

picking him up. He acted like he was doing me a favor to ride in my car. And even though my car was ugly, he didn't deserve on being in it. I did what I'm asking you to do. It's very polite, had a big smile on my face, but I told him, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to come out there and pick you up anymore. You would have thought I'd told him his life was coming to an end. He tried to put me on the biggest guilt trip, told me how selfish I was being. He would hardly speak to me again. I thought that is fine with me. If he's only going to be my friend, if I meet all of his demands, and cater to his every need, good riddance. I don't need friends like that, go find somebody else to control, but you're not going to control me.

I don't mind being good to people, but I do mind being used. If you allow it, people will run your life. They'll tell you what to do and where to go and how to dress, how to spend your money. It's good to get free from addictions, free from debt, free from depression, but one of the greatest freedoms is to get free from people. Quit letting people pressure you into becoming something that you're not. Quit living on eggshells, thinking you're going to fall out of their favor. If you don't perform perfectly, call them on cue, come running every time they ask, then, Joel, they may get upset with me. My message today is let them be upset. If you spend your life trying to please everyone, letting people control you,

you may make them happy, but you will miss your destiny. I would rather please God and have a few people upset with me, then to please people and have God upset with me. You got to especially, you need to especially be careful of high-maintenance people. That's what my friend was. High-maintenance people, you can never do enough for them. No matter how much you do, they expect more. You got to be available 24-7, run their errands, compliment them, keep them cheered up. If not, they get their feelings hurt.

They try to make you feel guilty. Don't go year after year playing up to people like that. High maintenance people are impossible to keep happy. If you do that, all it's going to do is end up frustrating you. Friend of mine is a pilot. He told how there are four main principles in flying an airplane. There is lift, thrust, weight, and drag. you have to take into account

all four of these to make sure the plane will fly. Most people fall into one of these four categories. There will be people who lift you, brighten your day, make you feel better about yourself. When you leave, you've got a spring

in your step. They're lifters. There are people who will thrust you. They motivate you. They inspire you. They challenge you to move forward and accomplish your dreams. they are thrusters. Then there are people who are a weight. They pull you down.

When you leave, you feel heavier, discouraged, negative, worse than you were before. Number four, there are people who are a drag. They've always got a sad story, had a flat tire, dishwasher broke, goldfish died, mother-in-law just moved in permanently. They're always in the pits, and they expect you to cheer them up, to solve their problems, to carry their heavy load.

In life, we all encounter people from these four different groups. Here's the key. Make sure you're spending the majority of your time with lifters and thrusters. If you're only hanging out with weights, with drags, they will keep you from becoming all God's created you to be. Some people have a perpetual problem. Always got a sad story. And if you allow it, they will use you as a trash can to dump all their garbage. You spend an hour with them, feel like you just ran a marathon. They're energy suckers.

You leave drained and worn out. You cannot continue to put that in day after day and expect to reach your highest potential. You will not lift off. You will not be thrust into the amazing, future God has in store if you are weighted down, letting people dump their problems on you, make you discourage, taking all your energy, thinking that you have to spend your time keeping them fixed, keeping them encouraged. No, it's hard enough to keep yourself encouraged. Don't take responsibility for their happiness. And yes, I realize there are times that we need

to sow a seed, be a listening ear, help love somebody back into wholeness. but that should be for a season, not an ongoing drama, to where every day somebody calls you and tells how bad their husband's treating her and how the neighbor didn't do her right. They're in the pits. Now they're expecting you to work your magic. It's like guiding light, Jersey Shore, real housewives of Beverly Hills all put into one.

Listen, you've got enough drama in your own life without listening to everybody else's drama. You cannot put that. negativity in and expect to soar like God wants you to. And some of you, if you don't make an adjustment in this area and not spend so much time with the weights and the drags, it'll keep you from God's best. Well, Joel, what if they get their feelings hurt? What if you miss your destiny? What if they get upset with me? What if you don't accomplish your God-given dreams? Pay attention to who you're spending time with. Are they?

lifters, thrusters, do they motivate you, inspire you, challenge you, leave you better than you were before? Or is it just the opposite? They drag you down. Many years ago, I used to get my haircut by this young lady. She was as nice as can be, had a great heart, but she was very negative. Every time I went in, month after month, year after year, she would tell me all of her problems, how the owners weren't treating her right. They were making her work long hours. She had a sister that was causing her problems. She was never sure she could pay her rent each month.

Her father wasn't well. When I left, I always felt so heavy, so discouraged. And I did my best to encourage her. I would pray with her. I spoke faith into her. I gave her money. I sent her customers. But it was never enough.

One day I realized what I'm saying, telling you, I cannot go where God is taking me with her in my life. I love her. I pray for her, but I cannot fulfill my destiny with that weight and drag being put on

me every month. And I made a change. And it wasn't easy because I never liked to hurt somebody's feelings. But I knew my assignment was too important. My destiny was too great to allow someone to continually pull me down. You

too may have to make a change in where you do business, in where you work out, in whose phone calls you take. Don't let that negativity go into you day after day. You need to be around other thrusters, other lifters, people that motivate, people that inspire. That's why so many people are drawn to our ministry. There are enough weights, enough drags. I'm going to push you forward if you get around me. I'm going to do my best to encourage you to challenge you and inspire you, hopefully leave you better than you were before. Now, I know some of you work around people who are a wait or you go to school with people who are a drag. You don't have a choice. You have to be there. Here's the key. Before you go to work, before you go to school, you got to get prayed up,

praised up, encouraged. You've got to set your mind that it's going to be a great day. You cannot go into that negative environment in neutral. You've got to get already filled up, already encouraged. Don't let your guard down, stressed out

caused the traffic, worried about your deadline, listen to the news. No, if you're not on the offensive, the weights and drags will pull you down. On the way to work. Maybe it's a 20-minute drive. Why don't you put on some praise music. Get your spirit person built up. Have a

grateful attitude. Start thanking God for what he's done. Or put on a good teaching CD. Something that inspires you, motivates you. Then start talking to yourself the right way. This is going to be a great day. I have the favor of God. I am strong in the

Lord. I can do all things through Christ. Something good is going to happen to me today. That's how you stay strong and not let the weights and drags pull you down, you've got to build up that resistance. Well, what happens if you live with a weight? Perhaps you're even married to a weight, married to a drag. Don't look at your spouse now. That wouldn't be good. You've got to do the same thing. Take extra doses of praise,

encouragement, inspiration, stay filled up. And while God is in the process of changing that person, don't let them steal your joy. Some people don't want to be happy. They like living in the pits. You've got to have the attitude. If you don't want to be happy, that's fine, but you're not going to keep me from being happy. If you want to live in the pits, that's your choice,

but I'm not getting in the pits with you. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Don't let those issues sour your own life. Pray for them, be respectful, but don't become codependent where you let their problem, become your problem, and you miss your destiny. Friends, it's time to break free. Is there something keeping you from being happy? Are you allowing somebody to control you? Make you feel guilty

because you don't meet all their demands? Why don't you cut the puppet strings? Set some boundaries. Don't miss your destiny trying to keep everyone happy, everybody fixed. God did not call you to be unhappy to keep somebody else happy. Make sure you have plenty of thrusters and lifters in your life. If you'll learn this principle of taking control of your own happiness, I believe and declare this is going to be a new day. Bondages that have held you back for years are being broken right now. You're going to step into a new sense of freedom, a new sense of joy, a greater happiness.

You will overcome every obstacle, defeat every issue. defeat every enemy and become everything God's created you to be. In Jesus' name, if you receive it, can you say amen? We never like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make you, my Lord and Savior.

Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, We believe you got born again. Get in a good Bible-based church. Keep God first place. He's going to take your places that you've never dreamed of. It's January. Time to renew my faith. It's January.

It's time to start a new season. It's January. There is no better time than now to set the course of our year ahead. The beginning of the year is a great time to start a fresh and anew. to let go of negative things of the past and to get ready for the new things God has in store. Every January, we create a new devotional calendar that will help you throughout the year. When you start the day off in faith, grateful for what God's done, making positive declarations over your future,

you're setting the tone for a blessed day and a victorious year. This devotional will help you get your mind going in the right direction so you can go out each day in faith, knowing that you're going the first year, knowing that God is in control, that his plans for you are for good. I'd love to send you a copy. As our way of saying thank you for your gift of any amount this first month of the year, we would like to send you a copy of our brand new 24, 365-day devotional calendar. Do you want to set a faith course for your life in 2024?

Do you want to see your life take off in new directions of influence, favor, and provision in the year ahead? Using this devotional calendar is as easy as one, two, three. One, wake up with an expectancy in your heart. Two, reflect on the daily scripture verse and devotional from Joel. Three, capture God's promises to you on journaling lines for writing and reflection. Be sure to request your copy of the 2024 devotional calendar available this month by simply visiting us at Joel Osteen.com or calling 888-567 Joel. Oh.